Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 202 2/4/24

Episode Date: February 4, 2024

Episode 202. Is Taylor Swift an embedded agent? Are “Legging Legs” not as sexy as we thought? Will Deadheads lose their minds at The Sphere in Vegas? These questions and more on this week’s Sunday Papers. Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): fitzdogradio@gmail  Thanks to our sponsor: The Freeze Pipe dot com- use code: Sunday

Hey now, read all about it. Two guys in LA, Grammys weekend weekend bringing you all the news from around the world alabama florida new zealand yes where else oh i didn't plug in my uh headphones oh and los angeles where it's not really happening for Greg yet. There he goes. There now. Florida, Alabama. Vegas. We got Vegas. We got Vegas twice. We got Thailand.

We got Thailand. Weren't you going to go to Vegas for the Super Bowl? Oh, we went to Vegas three times. Am I going to go to Vegas for the Super Bowl? No, didn't jack want to go jack wants to go to vegas when it's the fucking uh when it's madness everything i mean you valentine's day hall man he's stuck there that town gets small yeah well well we're gonna get

to it later but yeah the dead announce shows in the sphere we're going to get to it later, but yeah, the debt announced shows in the sphere. We're going to cover that story. Yep, that's going to be good. We're going to cover the Super Bowls and this apparent lock that Kansas City has on the Super Bowl. Well, that's why I'm glad. We'll see who gets it. We're going to decide who gets who. We're going to bet on it. You are ahead.

I wonder if it'll affect the odds. You think there's enough conspiracy theorists out there? Oh, for sure. Well, it's not just, this is not a new thing. They've been talking about the, what's the phrase they use? The gig is in, the fix is in. They've been talking about the fix being in for Kansas City. Like going back to like the colors that they put for the Super Bowl are red already,

which is now a lock because you've got two red teams. But that was up months ago. It was a red logo. It was supposed to be, I think it was red and purple. It was supposed to be Baltimore who got there, though, I think. Oh, well, there's been a bunch of bad calls. I mean, look, I just love that anything, why are we getting into sports now?

But I just love that anything can be in the crux of a conspiracy theory these days. People. I mean, look, if you give me a premise, if you tell me that oak trees are dropping poisonous acorns on people. I can dig up shit. I will find anecdotal evidence and build a case, and there'll be enough wingnuts that are bored enough on the internet that they'll start finding shit too, and then it's a story. Well, they do profiles. There's a psychological profile, I think, on conspiracy theorists, and a lot of it is our issues.

I shouldn't have worried about it before I opened my mouth, but there are, and I'll get them for next week because I think it's a lot of problems with authority, a massive, obviously, distrust of authority, and

that's tied into a lot of it. They've been betrayed. These are people that have been betrayed in their lives. Oh. And a lot of times people whose lives have not gone well and they're looking for an excuse. They're looking for, you know, and race. It all ends up with the Jews. Whatever conspiracy there you start with, it ends up with fucking Zionism and the and the and the the the who's the Rothschilds. It all goes back to that.

Yeah, exactly. Meanwhile, the real conspiracy is like BlackRock. Like, that's not a conspiracy. These motherfuckers own the defense. There's like two companies that run all the defense. And if you think these fuckers don't get a hard-on when there's a war, when there's a war,

when there's any kind of military needed around the country, and so they're lobbying. They're the biggest lobbyists in Washington, and everything is pro-war. Every stance that they're trying to influence politicians on is attack, get involved. Anyway. Oh, please. It's like four times the size of like a infrastructure bill. A war is an economy Kickstarter.

Right. Historically, forever. It's incredible. Yeah. So anyway, what was I going to say? Go ahead. Well, let's talk about last night. I mean, our producer, Chris Denman. What a host. He's a first-rate producer, and now he's got this new hat on,

or I should say ill-fitting blazer on, where he comes out and he produces things. He's been doing it in St. Louis for a while. He produces comedy shows generally benefits definitely not benefiting me he didn't give me any fucking money last night i thought you know 20 bucks on parking so i so i can do 12 minutes in front of a half empty crowd so did you drive amber j home i did all, yeah. I'm glad that worked out. We had a crisp, but...

And I called her Amber and she corrected me. I guess I... It's Amber J. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But she represents Comedy Gives Back. And I'm kidding about the money because the money was actually earmarked

for Comedy Gives Back, which is a great organization that kind of was inspired by Brody Stevens' death and the idea that comedians are in a vulnerable place. They need mental health support, and sometimes they need help with their rent. So they raise money, and they disperse it. They give it to comics that are in need, and it's amazing. And they've raised a ton of money.

They do the golf outing. They do a lot of live events and burt kreischer donated a percentage of his tour which is a lot of fucking money his tour is no doubt yeah so uh shout out to burt yeah no they're great and by the way that yeah i thought i thought the J was optional on Amber, and so I stand corrected. But I'm glad she got home. She was there. She's part of the Comedy Gives Back. And Denman was a great host, and then so many of the comedians kept referring to him while on stage. Yeah, but did he need to be on stage? Here's the thing. Oh, boy. a thing oh boy me and ian edwards both had spots at other clubs and we and we reached out and we were like denman can i get on early and i said the show has to start on time eight o'clock show

well all of a sudden it's fucking 8 20 and uh sammy st louis comes strolling on stage with his paisley shirt and and starts riffing with the hosts, with, what's her name? Kim. Kim Whitley. And I'm standing backstage watching the clock go by, and all of a sudden, I had to fucking leave. I couldn't do the spot because I'm on the main room at the comedy store, and I should have been done 15 minutes ago.

So then I leave. I go to the store, I do my set, I kill. And then I text him, should I come back? He said, come back. So now, now the $20 parking is $40. And I come inside and close out the show. Yeah, you did a good job. I was like, oh no, this is going to to be this is going to be tough because there was a lot of energy in the room and then a couple of people did really and also it was fatigue was setting in and you were battling that you weren't worried about me were you i was worried to tell you about anyone that would have gone on after the last second to last guy yeah because it and everyone was growing it was like a good enough duration then in fact even

the one before him so now it's like kind of pushing it in terms of people's tolerance no i saw a lot of people leave right before he got on. I think they were just, it was late. It was getting late. Yeah. Show started late. But it was great. You did really well.

And your line about blacks versus whites was really funny. And the Alec Baldwin joke. Yeah. Right outside. Anyway, congrats to Dan Miniman. His star was right outside for the listeners. We got to hang out. Yeah, his star Right outside. Anyway, congrats to Dan. His star was right outside for the listeners. We got to hang out. Yeah, his star is outside, and it's a really bad neighborhood.

And I said, his star is out front, which is apropos, because after the show, someone's getting shot. Yes. So congrats to Midcoast Media and Denman. Nice job. Grammys are this weekend. I know you're going to an event, aren't you? Yeah.

Well, last night, I guess it was, on Saturday night, at the Troubadour, they're having a Paul Simon tribute from the Americana folks at the Grammys. Oh, nice. Yeah, they're all getting up there and singing some Paul Simon before the Grammys. Nice, nice. Yeah, they're all getting up there and singing some Paul Simon before the Grammys. Nice. What are you going to wear?

Probably my Art Garfunkel wig. Maybe you can get Denman's shirt. Yeah, I think that would go well. Oh, you know what? You played golf with Weinstein today. I did. Chris, we should say, not Harvey. Which, by the way, I found out last night.

I go, so where'd you go to college? He goes, I went to college with you at BU. He had you at one of his parties. I was drunk. I did a lot of drinking in college. I don't remember everybody everybody but it's funny because I've known him for so long I mean going back to when we all lived in New York in the 90s yeah and uh always thought so highly I'm such a fucking cool dude so funny and very accomplished

and uh but I never I don't think I ever knew that he went to BU. So he was my roommate here. He stayed here for like three or four nights and anyway, taught me music, music theory. Cause I'm the biggest, absolutely the biggest idiot when it comes to music. So anyway, uh, one thing you talked about related to Paul Simon is he's like, you've seen this, right? Obviously you've seen this. And it was like season one of Saturday Night Live, maybe even the third episode. I don't know. It's like you've seen this right obviously you've seen this and it was like season one of saturday night live maybe even the third episode i don't know it's like lauren's best

friend but no no but right i've seen paul simon on snl a ton and he's funny he was in sketches too yeah one in one maybe he was up on the prison wall i forget he was in a jail cell but anyway no it is george harrison and paul simon side by side with acoustic guitars they sing one paul simon song and then they sing here comes the sun and it's pretty extraordinary wow yeah yeah i mean remember he was in annie hall he was great nanny hall oh right right right he was in annie hall that's right um but uh, but Chris is a guy who developed, really like redesigned the look of MTV when he was the editor on MTV Sports with that kind of like fast. Yeah, he co-created the look of MTV Sports, which, you know, most of our listeners are probably too young to remember. But that, you know, every so often there's a game changer. That was a game changer.

Yeah. So often there's a game changer. That was a game changer. Yeah. In terms of the look and how cool, you know, and he won some Grammys for editing. Yeah. He was a coveted editor in New York. He said he jokes, but one of the high points of his career is he cut a lot of the Hall of Fame inductee tapes that would play before they got introduced. they got introduced and uh joel gallen who did those shows let chris stand next to uh kind of just uh secretly stand next to lou reed in the wings nice chris and chris saw lou reed cry when

the tape played for uh velvet underground wow that's pretty cool that is yeah no and the best thing about mtv sports is that you were on it. Little known fact about Mike Gibbons was a nationally ranked croquet player back in the 90s. The worst brag ever. So I don't know if they did it as a joke, but they covered croquet for MTV Sports and you're out there with all these octogenarians

in white outfits and bucket hats and you've got on a New York Yankees cap, and you're trouncing them in croquet. It was half a joke, but then what MTV Sports was interested in was how difficult the real croquet actually is. Yeah. And so then they're like, oh.

And then they found out at one time it was an Olympic sport. And this was in central park right yeah my home court was central park we had to share it with the goddamn lawn bowlers all croquet people hate lawn bowlers because you have to share the quarter inch bent grass basically the putting greens with them so it's like what pickleballers are to tennis. It's exactly that. Yeah. Although they would say we're the pickleballers.

We're both calling the other pickleballers. Denman just wrote, is this a bit? No, Mike Gibbons was a naturally ranked rookie. Dan Cortez introduced my segment where I was featured on MTV Sports. Right. Wow. Yeah. Don't forget, people, the koozies. We have just a few left.

We're almost sold out. We'd like to move them. We'd like to move them out of Mike's living room. Some just went out because I gave Greg some for the road, and he brought them back. So now there were a couple of strategies. I've also written people on Venmo, like, did you get it yet? And I've gotten positive responses.

And then one was 50% positive. The woman ordered two and her friend didn't get one. But we're getting them out there. Getting them out there. It's 10 bucks all in with shipping. Just go to the Fitz Dog website and you'll see a place where you can do it um and then uh let's get to the logo fargo season five has been adjusted uh what a great fucking logo yeah from uh nath nabilsi and uh it's just so cool.

Blondie's on there. Grapefruit Simmons is on there. Gibbons is on there. Denman is up in the top left corner. Look at him. Is he a communist? Or is he a police officer? And I'll be honest with you.

Originally, I guess whatever he was using as the template for this, the figurine was black. and Denman was black. And I just said to I said to Laith, I go, I appreciate this. This is so great, but we can't have blackface Chris Denman. So he was nice enough to change him to white. Are you kidding? Chris makes everyone delete the photos at all his parties when they photograph

him in blackface. Right. Right. Yeah. He won an NAACP Image Award this year. I don't think going in blackface is the way he wants to go. He won two. He's pointing out he won two. Oh, two. Alright.

The song this week, Maintenance Lane, shows us all He's pointing at one too. All right. Yeah. Nice. The song this week, Maintenance Lane, shows us all. You don't need a soundboard. You don't need a bass player. Just an acoustic guitar and an imagination and a very nice theme song. Thank you, Maintenance Lane. Oh, I put a little note in here. We can talk about entertainment.

But I just saw Dusty Slay's Hour, and it killed me. It's really good. Worth, go check it out. He tells a true story about a TED Talk he gave, which is on YouTube, and I don't want to spoil any of it. It's a true story, and also the way he tells it is so funny. So really worth checking out. All right. I've got to watch that special, and I may try to get him on my podcast.

We'll see about that. Please do. He seems like the nicest guy, too. And you guys have a lot in common in terms of struggles. You know, he's sober now and all that. He's got beautiful hair. Sure does. Were we on acid last week?

We get a lot of corrections. All right. Let's see how many apply to me. Stephen Blackwood said, on the Lockhorn strip, you read the caption incorrectly. It actually reads, Zoom, don't leave home with it.

You read it as without. The strip is funny either way, but makes more sense as written. Okay. That's me. That's you. Eric from Duluth, Minnesota. You brought up tiny tunes this week saying it was Disney characters,

but they were actually loony tunes. You had the right idea though. A lot of kid versions of bugs, bunny, Daffy duck, and porky pig. The show was right in my wheelhouse when I was a kid. Um,

fact, a whole generation of kids was introduced to the band. They might be giants through this show. That episode is considered to be an all-time favorite by a lot of us. What is us? What are you, one of those weirdos that goes in chat rooms about cartoons? I think he's talking about men of a certain age. Yeah.

Did I ever tell you about the time I opened for They Might Be Giants at Kent State University in Ohio? Really? Yep. I get there and I'm opening for them. It's a daytime show. And it's some kind of like spring fling where, and this is back in the early 90s where there was like, no, late 90s, where colleges could have kegs in the quad. So it was in the quad and like kids were annihilated.

I mean, the, the show started like the sun was about to go down and I'm up there and nobody's listening. People are just playing hacky sack and Frisbee and yelling. and so I'm bombing. And so some guy heckles me and i just go after i'm so angry i just annihilate this guy and then all of a sudden i get hit in the chest

with an apple and i literally just put the mic in the stand and i went ladies and gentlemen please welcome they might be giants i was six minutes into my set I was supposed to do a half an hour. And my rule is, I get hit with something, show's over, folks. Man. Luckily, it was just an apple. I know. Well, it would have been nicer if it was like a ripe peach. Yeah, I never got into They Might Be Giants. Oh, they're great.

They're great. Yeah, they're funny. Yeah. Holly said, I prefer the word suddenly to all of a sudden. I mostly hear the latter in our zeitgeist, and it irks my grammar Nazi feelings. Ah. Kelly from Portland, you had a correction this week about June Diane Raphael, but no one corrected you on how you're saying her name wrong. It isn't Raphael like the painter or turtle.

It's pronounced Ray feel. You can hear it said at the beginning of either of her podcasts. God damn it. I hope she getting back to the Nazi grammar Nazi on the Ben show. We did a sketch called the grammar Nazi and we add one of our right. Oh, we had Doug, you know, Doug. So we had one of our right oh we had Doug you know Doug so we had uh one of our writers Doug dress up as a Nazi and we went out on Hollywood

Boulevard and uh he was it turns out a Kelsey Grammar Nazi and it was all Kelsey Grammar trivia in a German accent wait he lit wait Ben literally dressed as a nazi no we had doug doug perkins one of our great writers on the show oh my god dresses a nazi intense german accent reading kelsey grammar trivia that's fucking great did he get any uh any anybody upset no but he would just scream nine when they got it wrong uh john neaterer said uh greg you are the best me i love sunday papers got me through the pandemic uh a little weird that you two semi-literate dudes don't remember that the concord crashed into a hotel and i read the link read the link. This really happened. Yes, the fuel costs were an issue

and the sonic boom was a problem, but killing your customers was unrecoverable, though the accident was the result of debris from a flight that took off before it and not any inherent design issues or problems with the Concorde. It did fly again briefly after the accident, but it was actually never profitable

despite its $10,000 ticket price. Yeah, it killed 113 people. Wow. Yeah. I don't. Where was it? Where did it crash? It was an Air France flight, so maybe it was Paris or something.

Wow. Daniel Preston said, I got a correction for Denman. He informed you that that folks was hired as a head coach of the Atlanta Falcons. I'm not the head coach. I am, however, the head coach of a middle school football team. Just a slight difference between my job and NFL. I guess his name is Daniel Preston, and maybe he's got the same name. Sure. All right.

Good one. Okay. Homero himself said that Greg said football is 95% nothing happening, but a game averages 11 minutes of play time. So it is 81.67% nothing happening. I have to say, I think I'm undefeated so far. Go ahead. In what?

I don't think any of these corrections are about me. Well, then you're going to love this last one from Nevada Smith. He said F-14s in World War II. Really? Thousand pound bombs. The Brits had a 20,000 pound bomb called a Grand Slam. Yeah. I looked it up again. They were actually P-class fighter planes. They weren't F-14s. I don't know. I was on a roll. Yeah.

I was on a fucking roll, man. You're a broadcaster. Don't let these details get you hung up. Details. It's like, who cares? You can Google this shit on your own. What am I? What am I, anally retentive?

Yeah, no one says this is true stories here. Here's a true story. on your own. What am I? What am I? Anally retentive? Yeah. No one says this is true stories here. Here's a true story. I'll be coming to Portland, Oregon at the Helium Comedy Club February 22nd

to the 24th. Huntington Beach, the Rec Room on March 2nd. La Jolla Comedy Store March 8th through 10th. Hollywood Improv, Mike Gibbons and I

will be performing at the St. Paddy's show on March 16th. I gotta write some material, okay? Tampa Bay at Sidesplitters April 4th through 6th. Come down and celebrate my birthday with me,

which is April 5th. Bring a gift. You know, if you want to celebrate my birthday in Tampa, bring me a bag of those Trader Joe's sesame honey cashews. I fucking love those. And they're not always stocked on the shelves here. I saw them recently. I was going to grab

you a bag. I'm registered. That's my registration for my birthday. I love it. Mike, is there anything you want? Where are you next weekend? Super Bowl weekend? Aren't I i here join us then to watch it uh no you know why i i love the camaraderie i like to listen to the super bowl and i went to the playoff game i couldn't hear a word the announcers were saying because there was just there were chicks i'm sorry certain certain women know about football a A vast majority, all they cared about was Taylor Swift. That's all they talked about. Yeah, you went to the wrong game. Well, they're back in this game. Kansas City's back in this game. That's the problem. Yeah. So, all right. Well, I was there for the second game and we had them

turn the volume up because Chris's dad was there and he's like in his eighties. And anyway, it was really enjoyable, but I, we did not have Taylor Swift fans. Did you, but could you hear the game as you watched it? Absolutely.

All right. You really want to hear it that badly? Yes. I want to hear every, by the way, did you hear that Tom Brady is coming in? He's going to be the broadcaster next year. I want to hear every, by the way, did you hear that, um, Tom Brady is coming in? He's going to be the broadcaster next year. They're getting rid of, uh, who's the guy that looks like Pete Scott. Uh, I don't know. You're not talking about Tony Romo. Nope. Oh, I don't

know. I think it's the guy that does it with Tony Romo. Um, anything you want to like get people to buy? Well, wait, first of all, it's only 81.67% of action. So you only really need to hear the announcers for that. No, I like the replays. I like to know if it was a real penalty. I like to know some background on the players and who's injured and what's the update on the injury. I want all that stuff. Oh, Greg Olson is being replaced by Tom Brady.

All right, Tom Brady's not going to Michigan. One less conspiracy theory that's out there. Oh, right. I heard that. Yeah. All right, well, listen, man. Smoking cannabis doesn't have to hurt. Nope, not anymore.

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Yeah. You got some paper to crinkle? Oh, man, do I? I'm going to get a fresh one. You know why? I need it. Here we go. Sorry, my voice is starting to go.

I'll fix it. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! There's the fix. The fix was in. It was called a burp.

All right. Trump supporters accused Taylor Swift of plotting to rig the Super Bowl and the American election. That should maybe be in a different order, huh? Allies, including failed Republican presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy. I don't know that guy's name. Who cares? Anyway, claim the pop megastars boyfriend, Travis Kelsey's Kansas City Chiefs will win a fixed final. They reckon this is so the pair can give Trump's rival Joe Biden their backing during their celebrations in front of millions of TV viewers. Right-wing podcast host Mike Crispy claimed the NFL is totally rigged for the Kansas City Chiefs, adding, calling it now, Casey wins and goes to the Super Bowl.

Swift comes out at the halftime show and endorses Joe Biden with Kelsey at midfield. It goes on and on. But the right is all talking about this. It's so crazy because this is like the end of time cults that predict the world's going to end on May 15, 2001, and then it doesn't happen. And somehow everybody comes back to church the next day. Yeah.

By the way, the Trumpers can't win at all this Super Bowl. Either this fixes in and Casey wins, right? Or Casey wins on their own with no fix. And Taylor blesses and anoints Biden or something like that. Or the gay gay disgusting city that represents all that is wrong with liberal America wins. So they're out of it.

Vegas or Kansas City? San Francisco would win. Oh, gotcha. Right, right, right, right. And the right is having a hard time in sports lately. Michigan beats Alabama. Washington beats Texas. And all North Blue State College Championship.

I don't know the last time that happened. Yeah, right. Yeah. But this whole thing is a little like the Streisand effect. So you know the Streisand effect? No, what's that? So the definition is, it's an unintended consequence of attempts to hide, remove, or censor information

where the effort instead backfires by increasing awareness of that information. And it's based on Streisand. The Coastal Commission in California took pictures of the coast all up and down, California took pictures of the coast all up and down and they were going to sort of keep track of corrosion and and, you know, the encroaching seas. Anyway, it was an environmental thing that no one would have ever seen. Streisand catches wind of it and goes, you are not taking a picture of my home on the shore and putting it anywhere. And she sued to stop it. That's when everyone knew there was a photo of her house and millions of people went and viewed it. That's fantastic. By the way, her audio book is like 40 hours long, but people say it's riveting.

So now what they're doing, the reason I'm tying this in, I don't think it's riveting, trust me, but I'm tying this in is you guys are raising so much awareness that Taylor Swift, of course, would prefer Joe Biden over Trump. You're basically doing the endorsement for her. Right. Well, I think, you know, if we want to draw attention to certain things, you know, maybe we should send her to the middle East and she should date a Hamas fighter. What about that? You know, she's in a bunker when they,

they, does it, when they launch a grenade, she high fives, uh, the Hamas, his sister-in-law, you know,

yeah. She wear camouflage instead of, uh, the red Jersey. I like all this. By the way, there's... She can be ballsy. Maybe she'll do it.

I mean, is this really going to swing the election? Because I think it's only going to counteract the fact that there's a plot where everyone convicted of a crime on January 6th is going to endorse Donald Trump publicly. So isn't it all a wash i think it is um before the corrections come in i think i said corrosion i meant erosion erosion right yeah it slipped away from me i'm a little thick-headed right now what's going on in thailand oh let me tell you about the attack of the primates, Greg. The Thai city, once a thriving hub for tourists, I guess it's right outside of Bangkok, who flocked to see the city's wild macaques has now been completely overrun. I think it's my cocks. Overrun by the 3,500 strong army that have taken control.

Jesus. Some locals have fled while others have been forced to barricade their homes in a desperate bid to protect themselves against the rampaging monkeys. Quote, we live in a cage, but the monkeys live outside. Well, if you're the ones in cages, let me tell you, there's one thing to start doing. Start slinging your poop at the monkeys. Yes. Flip it. Flip the game on them.

That's what I'm going to tell you to do. Furiously masturbate and then just whip that stuff at the kids' faces. Yeah. How do you like that, guy? How do you like that, spectators? At first, the locals attempted to keep the animals at bay by providing them with junk food, but that plan backfired and seemed to only make the monkeys more violent, just like kids in a school cafeteria when they get the sugar buzz going.

Right. It's a bunch of chimps that have ADHD. So then in 2020, authorities were able to use large fruits to lure several hundred monkeys into these cages so they could sterilize them. At first this was successful and they were managed to catch, I think 500 monkeys on a daily basis. But now the monkeys have caught on to their tactics. I bet they caught on. It's like, bruh,

Hank went in there to grab an orange. Um, have you seen Hank now? Those oranges are fucked. Hank's sad. Why is Hank so sad? He's just staring into space. Hank's not Hank, man.

And his girlfriend, Erica, is fucking really troubled. Yeah. Look, if you want to get monkeys to stop fucking, forget all the science, make them all get married. Except the gay ones no gay marriage no gay marriage in the don't need it don't need it and listen i know fellas you're like what's new when we're all in thailand we always say the biggest problem is macaque there it is yeah terrifying terrifying down there have you been in thailand i know i know some people have gone to thailand and it it really is like there's just sex workers everywhere yeah it's part of the it's way more

acceptable there's less shame and it's part i listen i know i sound like this i don't know what i'm talking about but from what i've heard some of it is more acceptable to families for instance it's a source of income and all that stuff. I don't know. I'm probably saying all politically incorrect things, but I was there. And I do know one thing is, uh, the massage parlors that are around, which I never went, I'd admit it. I never went or anything, but we visited a guy who lived there. I went with my folks and he goes, you have to look, I don't know if it's still the same. This was 1990. He goes, you have to look for a certain symbol. And I go, Oh, the symbol means like that's a

dirty massage. And he goes, no, the symbol means it's a legitimate massage. So that was the exception. Wait, you went with your folks. I met my dad and my stepmother. And I think I told you this. And their friend there, get this, was an American guy who was head of Planned Parenthood. Or one of, very high up. And he was head of Planned Parenthood and some other organizations in Bangkok. So then he goes, so he goes at dinner. He goes, all right, listen, I guess it's unavoidable. Uh, I'm going to take Mike down to see pot pond, whatever the red light district is

in Bangkok, which is like, you know, a hat on a hat. Cause the whole city seems a little bit like one. So he took me down a pot pond. So I go into this bar. God, I almost remember the name of it. It was like the kangaroo. There was an Australian theme to it. And anyway, he takes me and I walk into the bar first and some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Really? So are in bikinis with numbers on them. And they, I mean, I walk in, I look like a dollar bill with like Levi's on

and an American dollar bill. And they start coming over to me. And as soon as he walks in behind me, they zoom, zoom, zoom past me and sneer and want nothing to do with us. He was responsible for the new program that was getting them all medically checked every day. No shit. To stop the spread of AIDS especially, but disease. Whoa, damn. Yeah. That's pretty wild.

He took me into one place where you could be at the bar, pay, and while you're at the bar, get oral sex underneath the bar pay and while you're at the bar get oral sex underneath the bar oh by the way and i'm with the authority there so i had to just watch all you know like i didn't partake in any of this yeah yeah jesus it's a pretty nice bar so been there yeah it's a good idea they should have private clubs here um like speaking of whores legging legs is the latest body focused term being used on social media and some are calling the trend dangerous and harmful uh it's blocked this you can't search it on tiktok and it's a description of the perfect or ideal size and shape of legs for wearing leggings,

promoting what experts say can be an unhealthy body image. It appears to be a new spin on the internet-fueled thigh gap craze in which women and teens try to be so slender that their thighs don't touch each other. I think it was also when their feet are together. I think it also referred to there being a gap where the vagina was. Like your legs could touch,

but there was an opening below where your vag. Yes, no, no, it was a total thing. Yeah. So I don't know. I think, aren't leggings yoga pants? I always call them yoga pants. And I'm glad they're not calling them yoga pants because when they, when the pants are bigger than a size 10, those are not yoga pants. Those are buffet pants, couch, couch slacks. couch slacks. I like that.

So you can no longer search leggings, right? But I think it's a little cruel that it auto-corrects your search and it's like pegging legs. Talk about body images. I think legging legs is a very small problem compared to what you find when you type in pegging legs. What's pegging legs? You don't know about pegging? No.

You should look up pegging. Really? Yeah, maybe. Is this like Meatspin or whatever that old website was? Yeah, except Meatspin was a joke site. Pegging is the furthest thing from a joke. Am I going to get in trouble with the FBI

if I look up pegging? I would put private browsing on. Who knows? i if i look up pegging i would put private browsing on who knows i may not hear from you for a week once you find pegging denman says greg deserves an oscar for this for this performance i have no idea what pegging is all right all right there's the rest of my afternoon carved out for me. If you spend the afternoon on pegging, I can't wait until next week's podcast. Jesus. All right. Vegas casinos raking record gambling revenue, and it proves the house doesn't lose. There's an old Las Vegas saying those multi-million, billion-dollar resorts and casinos weren't built by winners.

So it's kind of surprising how fast Vegas has come back. But the casinos on the Strip generated $905 million in December 2023. In one month. $900 million. And the casinos in Clark County combined for more than $1.3 billion in revenue. Yeah. The entire state generated more than $1.4 billion in the final month of 2023. And then it says it's hard to imagine February won't set a new gambling record as the city is flooded with visitors to the chiefs 49ers game and now with the kansas city game fixed forget about it forget about it it's you know and you know what this this

is stuff that's on the books this doesn't include cash tips for lap dances mdma for the raves prostitution tipping nightclub bouncers to get in how about buying drinks for the guy who works with your wife that went to Spearmint Rhino and saw you coming out of the VIP room with snot on your fly just saying that might happen sometimes also there's the high stakes pegging room

there's all sorts of shady stuff going on in there I'm fucking dying right now I want to know what pegging room. There's all sorts of shady stuff going on in there. I'm fucking dying right now. I want to know what pegging is. You'll see. All right. Speaking of pegging, let's get to some entertainment. Oh, here we go.

Okay. Dead & Company, speaking of Vegas, confirms the the sphere residency and they announced the dates. And my first instinct is, is this postmodern industrial sphere, which is at a Blade Runner with revolutionary 3D images, the right move for 60 year olds on acid? I'm not so sure. move for 60 year olds on acid i'm not so sure some of these people lose their minds just at soldier field or madison square garden when they're on acid this sphere better have multiple teams of therapists for the pad fried brains that are going to go down during these shows yeah i mean the dead are pastoral they are meant to be seen at like someplace with grass, like a field of grass, maybe some porta potties,

not in some fucking corporate hellscape of digital overstimulation. By the way, and if you dance too close to the railing, don't you take a header? Isn't it really steep? Can't you fall? I'm sure. I wonder if someone has already. Dude, I have no interest in going to that place.

It just, it seems like, you know, it reminds me of, it's like when you go to a basketball game now, the amount of lights and music and sound and T-shirt guns and cheerleaders and dance. It's like, can i fucking take in the event here it's too much insane by the way even people have told me even the it might be called postcard from earth but darren aronofsky i mean oscar winning director he apparently this footage takes up the most gigabytes of storage it's so incredibly rich and high def and it's a nature it's nature footage that alone apparently is mind-blowing

in this thing and i'm not endorsing the sphere I actually have heard mixed things. You know, don't sit on the floor. You have to be far enough back. Whenever I saw, it looked really cool. Whenever I saw the footage of U2, one of my questions was, do you really need U2? Like everyone's looking at this giant show behind them as they're playing Octung Baby from beginning to end, you know? Yeah. as they're playing Octung Baby from beginning to end. Yeah.

And people didn't think they sounded, let's just say, in peak form. Yeah, no, I heard that too. You know where I'd rather go than Vegas? Florida. Tell me. I like to go to Florida. Is this a transition? Are you skipping Rucker?

Yeah, let's skip Rucker. Darius Rucker. let's just say this about darius rucker who was arrested in tennessee i've heard two things maybe it was mushrooms but it could also be weed because the tennessee hasn't made weed legal yet they have a weird type of weed that's legal well his ex-girlfriend kate Quigley, who's a comedian, she's shading him on social media. She goes, yes, I've heard. All I can say is karma. Mood when you hear your D-bag ex got arrested, she quipped. Sounds like the word's bitter. Bitterness, not karma.

A little weird. Now that he's in jail, he really will be a blowfish. That's my guess. Anyway, you and I both found when the story broke, we love reading comments. The comments were so clever and funny. And then I went back to try to find them and it was all like diluted and I couldn't find that original post. But always make sure you read the comments.

They're so funny. Let's make America, Florida. All right. Florida man demands trial. Get this. He says the cheesy combos snacks don't have enough cheese. Oh.

His argument is that they are deceptively marketed because they don't contain enough real cheese. More than half the public consider cheese healthy and nutritious because it's a high in protein and nutrients with key vitamins and minerals like calcium. nutrients with key vitamins and minerals like calcium. His attorney wrote in the Florida middle court, uh, lawsuit quote by replacing real cheese with palm oil and dairy product solids, a phrase I had never read before. The filling lacks the quality nutritional and savory attributes that

customer consumers expect from a label indicating a quote filling made with real cheese. I'm glad somebody's saying something, you know, and he's also suing Hot Pockets for not being hot. I mean, your honor, they're kept in a freezer. What the fuck? He's suing Fruit Loops for lacking fresh berries, Coke, for having literally zero cocaine in it. None. This is the premise of this court case, Your Honor.

Because this is Florida, there is an expectation that combos are a health food. That's what's really being said. Yeah, right. And also, Florida doesn't allow combos. By that, I mean transsexuals. Is that what that is? Yeah. All right, let's make Alabama, Florida.

All right. A suspect local media labeled a dog napper is now in custody after authorities say he stole a large Snoop Dogg bobblehead figurine from the lobby of a Fort Myers, Florida restaurant Monday night. According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, deputies responded to Cantina Laredo after being alerted to the theft Tuesday. Restaurant personnel told investigators someone had stolen the roughly three foot tall bobblehead of the famed rapper actor valued at twelve fifty one thousand two hundred fifty dollars from the restaurant lobby the previous night. And I am totally assuming Dog the Bounty Hunter was the first call. He has the here for the Florida scene.

Yeah. And that's good. That's good. The dog catcher. By the way, can Snoop Dogg take a fucking rest? Can he just relax? Does he need a bobblehead? How about a reality show?

How about a record label? How about clothing? He's got it. What's your overhead that you need to put out? First of all, if you're Snoop Dogg, the bobblehead should only just fall forward and hang like you're in a nod. It shouldn't bounce back. Yeah. Also, Snoop rarely looks foolish like a stupid bobblehead.

Yeah. Is there a cool version? Yeah. I mean, he's the opposite of a bobblehead. He's one of those guys that keeps his head perfect. That's the thing I've noticed about confident people who look cool. They don't move their head. It's a sign of insecurity to move your head. Yeah. Well, I know touching your face is a tell, you know, you don't like what you're saying or thinking. Looking down. Especially touching your nose.

Yeah. No, there's certain comedians that look everybody in the eye. They almost have like a little bit of a lean back and they go on stage like that and they're not funny, but the crowd goes like, this guy's confident. I'm into this. I mean, and they smile and they laugh at nothing. Yeah. to this i mean and they smile and they laugh at nothing yeah well we talked about it before the podcast but i compared dusty slay's um energy uh his unconscious physical energy to rodney

dangerfield who could not stop touching his tie and shrugging and constantly shrugging kind of like moving his clothing around. And if you watch Dusty, he constantly rocks. And his tie is his glasses, which he constantly adjusts, and his shirt, his glasses and his shirt. But sometimes those people are really exciting because you're like, there is a lot going on in there. Well, Andy Kindler. Andy Kindler takes his glasses up and down off his nose.

Yeah. All right, let's do some sports. We've already talked about it, but let's officially do it. Here we go. All right, so we had bets last week. You had the Ravens giving three and a half points, and you lost that. Badly.

And then I had the 49ers. I didn't know the fix, Greg. I didn't know the fix was in. I had the 49ers, but I had to give seven points, so I lost. Man, that Lions collapse. Oh, my God. 19 points.

And listen, it's easy to be a Monday morning quarterback, but I'm sure everyone here listening agrees. The table I was at, the whole table was like, you're not kicking a field goal? Everyone was like, what not kicking a field goal like what everyone was like what are you doing oh no fourth fourth and goal and you're down by three points or by they ended up losing the game by three points that fucking field goal would have saved them it's there were a lot i mean and also just the turn i mean it was just it was like and i know detroit shares this it was like, and I know Detroit shares this. It was like, I'm a Jets fan.

It was like watching the Jets who are up and you're just like, this won't hold. Yeah. No, I felt like that too. I mean, it's an inevitability and it's from a culture of losing. Yeah. And the other team has a culture of winning. Right. Exactly.

When they're behind, people are afraid of them in the fourth quarter no that's they they're winners they they are leaning that way momentum there's an inertia towards winning the exact opposite of a losing culture yes i mean when brady was at the patriots they just you were you were playing more than just brady more than just that team you were playing more than just Brady, more than just that team. You were playing history. You know, you were playing a dynasty. Yeah, it's like the Jordans and the Birds who were like, just get me the ball for this last shot. We're down by two, I'm going to drain a three.

And it's surprising to everyone if I don't, you know, which did happen a lot. And it's the exact opposite when you're a Jets or a Lions fan. And by the way, speaking of sports, my cousin Danny McCarthy is at Pebble Beach for the big tournament. And let me see how he finished today. So does this mean like the golf, I don't know about golf season. The golf season has started? Is that what this is? Yeah, I think it started a week or two ago, but Pebble Beach

is the first really big tournament of the year. PGA Leaderboard today. Pebble Beach. Let's see how he did today. Uh-oh. Sc scrolling pretty far down here. He's in 20th place, which is not bad.

That's not far down. No, it's not far down. He's five under, and the leader is 11 under. So he's six shots off the lead, and it's only two days into the tournament out of four. So let's see. Any idea what makes the cut oh he's way beyond yeah he's totally making the cut usually it's like you know there's 100 players

that start and then maybe half of that makes the cut or okay two-thirds uh but he just got married last month so everybody was a little worried he's going to be distracted but um he's going to be fine my mom was at the wedding. She said it was huge. There was like 350 people there or something. Oh, nice. And she said it was beautiful, and she had a great time, and the family treated her really nicely.

So that was nice. Oh, very cool. All right, which brings us to the Super Bowl, my friend. We need to figure out the wager amount and who's getting which team well listen like we did uh this week we adjusted our point spreads because i think it was seven and a half and four and a half it wound up at like they moved yeah uh especially from three and a half to four and a half but anyway so we'll play game time spread but right now it's 49ers giving the chiefs apparently they have not heard about the fix the 49ers are giving the chiefs one and a

half points right denman will you check on where that stands right now um and the under over is 47 and a half points which is a little high so So were you there when we were making all the bets, Gubbins and I, we came up with all these bets of will there be a Taylor Swift cutaway before the commercial break? So you had to gauge how likely is it they'll score or they'll just bump out on her and stuff. So we bet so many times, and I lost so many bets on the Taylor Swift cutaways.

And so there's a lot of, I bet there's a lot of prop bets like that. Like how many times will they show her and things? Yeah, right. That'll be cool. Alright, so listen. I don't want the Chiefs to win. I do. I'd like the Chiefs to win.

Why is that? I just love Mahone. I think Mahone is a guy that he's been in five of the last six. Did he win the AFC Championship five out of the last six years? I don't know. He's been in the Super Bowl now like three out of the last four years. These are all going to get corrections. I don't know.

Oh, of course. But he's on track. They hate when we talk about sports. He's so far away from Brady statistically, but I don't even think he's 30 yet, and he's already like, you know, he's tearing it up. He's tearing up the record book. So I like to see that.

I think he's a good guy and I I like to see him I do like Travis Kelsey and uh you know I like uh Bosa they got a great team all right whatever so Chris originally put it he was seeing it went down to one but now he's saying they're giving two away okay are people not hearing about the fix how's the the fix is moving the line in the opposite direction? Right. Well, let's see. All right, so how much do you want to play for? I don't know.

I mean, this game's a toss-up. Well, you, I've lost, I think, about $40 to you during the playoffs. Yeah. So why don't we play for $50? That way there'll be a winner okay all right i'm betting against i'm betting against the swifties whatever the hell they're called yeah not smart no it's you rarely win when you do that uh there was also uh a story about the FBI arrested a New Jersey man who wore a throwback Philadelphia Eagles beanie to the January 6th riot after online sedition hunters identified him with the help of facial recognition

and Facebook photos from a 2020 family trip to a pumpkin patch. Oh, that sounds wholesome for a jackass Eagles fan. So anyway, this guy's a financial advisor. He was arrested, charged with a bunch of crimes. Authorities alleged he yelled, move the gates over a bullhorn before the barricades on the east side of the Capitol were breached.

In front of the mob, he yelled, push, push, push, as it broke through another police line. We need something to break the door down. Here's what you don't need to break the door down, the Philadelphia Eagles offensive line. That's not going to break any doors down. Well, luckily, the Capitol Police collapsed just like the eagles so i mean they

just walked all over them yeah what what's funny is the eagles are known for what's called the push where they get behind jalen hurts the quarterback and on short the fourth and short they push him across the line of scrimmage it So he was literally calling for an Eagles play. What was January 6th? Imagine how angry he was this year, this Eagles fan, on January 6th, in the middle of their meltdown. Yeah, well, the thing about January 6th for Eagles fans is they're usually free. They got a lot of time on their hands.

They're mathematically eliminated at that point. Not this year they still had promise uh all right let's do this story in international let's go to international you got it the leader of a transnational iranian assassination network recruited a full patch hell's angel to organize the murder of two defectors now living in maryland at the direction of the islamic republic's feared ministry of intelligence and security accused narcotics trafficker Najee Ibrahim Sharif Zindashti, a.k.a. Big Guy.

I guess he's the Iranian actor. He's responsible for assassinations, kidnappings. This guy's a fucking badass. There should be a movie about this guy. So Zindasendashi agreed to pay $350,000 plus $20,000 to cover expenses

to Canadian outlaw biker Damien Patrick. Which, first of all, what hell's angels has $20,000 in expenses?

Who raised the price of Budweiser and Speed? Did he upgrade his room at Big Dick's Motel to a double? Nowhere in the story does it say how they caught them, right?

No. It doesn't say. Wow. But it's nice to see the Hells Angels getting along with the people they used to drag behind their Harleys after 9-11. Yeah, I just think it's nice to see the Hells Angels getting along with the people they used to drag behind their Harleys after 9-11. Yeah, I just think it's like these Middle Eastern, the Middle Eastern people and Hells Angels. I mean, there's such hope.

Middle Easterners mixing with Midwesterners. I love it. There is hope. There's a feel-good story yeah uh let's get to science feel-good story in science blinded this is i need this news go ahead as azariti pharmaceuticals has recalled some of its adhd and narcolepsy medication, Zenzetti, after incorrect pills were found in a package of the drug. The recall notice says that one of Zenzetti's 30 milligram tablets,

a lot of them, is being recalled after an incident in which they found tablets of carboxymin, meliate, and antihistamine in a bottle labeled as zenzetti uh so the downside there go ahead this comes amidst the national shortage of adhd drugs that has been ongoing uh creating further confusion and unpredictability for people with adhd who have struggled to find medications for their condition of course it's a for people with ADHD who have struggled to find medications for their condition. Of course it's a struggle. People with ADHD having to follow up on something? Unless it's a rabbit hole about how the Disney multiverse is a collection of universes which are similar to various different times and places in the world, though worlds loosely resembling our world's

medieval Europe. Other than that, very hard for them to pick up the phone and call their Walgreens and check on their prescription. I love that you read the effects that the two drugs have. Well, the active component compound in Zenzetti is dextroamphetamine sulfate, a stimulant used for the treatment of ADHD and narcolepsy. Carbanaxamine, Malate, the allergy drug found in the mislabeled bottles, is a sedative and has the opposite effect of a stimulant.

So narcoleptics were given a sedative. This is like giving a schizophrenic a hit of acid. You're going in the wrong direction. It would be better if it was a mislabeled bottle of placebos. At least it would be neutral. Right, right. Oh, man. Imagine someone like, you know, a lot of these people are taking them for big tests

and even like the LSATs and all that stuff. Right, right. You get in there and you are fighting sleep. Yeah. Damn. But you have a clear nose if there's an antihistamine in there maybe right that's nice man i can't shake the narcolepsy but jesus christ i'm fucking breathing deep today god i have never been more set to snort my adhd meds than right now. I mean, these are as clear as they've been in ever maybe. Yeah. A lot of letters to the editor this week.

Let's do it. Let's get to it. All right. So Martha Stewart, that belonged in corrections. I'm going to have to move that up for next week. All right. Jane Blue said that in case you didn't know about this, Mike inadvertently flashed a singular hand peace sign. And then she

gave us screen grabs by the millisecond of you throwing what could be a gang signal, but is actually just like a nice old, there you go, a little peace sign but wait thanks jade so you know what she's saying though what there's a thing now so i just threw a peace sign just now yeah that means anyone watching this in facetime balloons just went up the screen do you see her grab at 46 25 or screen screen grab? How come I'm not getting a... Because you're not FaceTime. Oh. But I saw one come up earlier. We had a heart come up earlier when we were talking.

Yeah, there was something that happened, right? What was that? I don't know. Were we FaceTiming? No. Maybe Chris Denman knows something. Maybe we're triggering it on Denman's side. Denman's gone.

He's at that fucking barbecue. Midcoast Media is throwing a barbecue, which we got invited to about two hours ago. He's like, oh, we just decided to throw a barbecue. You didn't just decide. There's like a fucking eight color banner. You just found a mansion this afternoon and you're suddenly having a barbecue we weren't invited to

he's at a meeting right now with customs trying to delay taylor swiss flight from japan back to the super bowl right they're not letting that happen yeah he goes to a lot of meetings doesn't he he meets at night because they have all the tiki torches that you know they kind of have to keep on the down low now so so they use them at night. So we have a new segment called Town Identities where we asked people, I said, I'm from Towery Town, which is the home of the Headless Horseman because Washington Irving wrote the book there.

Yeah. And people were nice enough to send us their town identities. Landon said, Dalton, Georgia is the carpet capital of the world. Now, does that mean women don't shave? That's what Dalton, Georgia knows. A lot of lesbians down in Dalton.

That is the case there. Yep. A lot of Subaru Legacy Outbacks. A lot of softball. A lot of carpet. Ibacks, a lot of softball, a lot of carpet. I wonder if there's another city in Georgia that's the drapes capital of the world, and they all match. They all match. Anthony Segretti, who's a friend of the show,

sends me a nice video with his lovely wife, Celine, every year. She said, we bought a home in Bloomfield, New Jersey, which has a school mascot, the Bangles, but a few towns over from us is Verona, New Jersey, which despite New York City being within a view of this town, the school mascot is the hillbilly. The gun and moonshine were originally on it and ended up being changed to a dog and a fishing pole. Oh, wow. I mean, Jersey is south of New York City.

Growing up in New York, I considered anything south of the city as hillbilly country. Gun and moonshine. Oh, I'd like to find that old mask, that old image. That's crazy. And then he wrote a joke. I wonder if they really lean into the name and have hillbilly themed events at the school like sister kissing and meth cook-offs. All right.

I mean, we could look up the derivation or the history of hillbilly. Is it going to be like hobo? Is hillbilly still okay to say? I don't know. I white trash is is out but i think hillbillies is grandfathered in all right um this one comes from joanne stone she's lived in your belinda for 30 years the slogan is land of gracious living this came from a building developer who's trying to lure people to the middle of nowhere in the early 70s and uh well it was the backdrop of one richard

millhouse nixon who was anything but gracious when it came to the watergate scandal well there you go wait what is i'm looking up your I mean, wouldn't it be the translation? I thought Yorba Linda was that town where people live. 16 Minutes did a piece on, there's places that are called. No, Yorba was a dude. Okay. Jose Yorba. There's a phrase for cities where people live long.

One was in Japan and apparently there's a, it's not Yorba Linda, it's there's another Linda. Yeah, the blue cities. Yeah, it was a blue city, but I went back and forth through there, and she said, no, that's the other one. Mike Zaccaro said the town of Lyme, Connecticut, is best known as being the home of Lyme disease. First discovered locally, there are local conspiracies that claim it was a lab leak

from nearby Plum Island, site of the Federal Animal Disease Research Center. Anthrax Island. Nice touch, Clarice. That's what he was referring to. Oh, really? They were going to put him on Plum Island I believe that is the reference in Silence of the Lambs no kidding wow

and he called it Anthrax Island because he wanted a room with a view oh and he'd be able to take walks and she was so proud of the package she was delivering to him and he tore it apart now were they all Chinese?

Who's that? The people that live on that island that leaked the disease? Anthrax Island? Yeah. No, I don't know. Because of plum? Plum sauce? No, because the Chinese leaked the coronavirus.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Allegedly. Let's stick to one conspiracy theory, a podcast. Okay. Tony Ritchie says, my hometown of Newcastle, PA, is the fireworks capital of America. Okay. So that's pretty cool. And that's where the logo is someone giving you a thumbs up, but they have to use their index finger because their thumb was blown off.

Right. thumbs up but they have to use their index finger because their thumb was blown off right um cory my town is uh woodland the wood the woodlands texas yes the is paramount the woodlands is an affluent master plan community 30 miles from houston everything here is carefully curated and rigorously maintained for that and many other insular reasons we've referred to it as the bubble so it's and by master planned like only the masters live there and the slaves were off campus that sounds like it yeah yeah um all right so um this is now let's get to regular mail. Ray Jepson said, you talked to Mike about astronauts dying on Mars and how it would happen.

Well, while I hope they survive, it is morbidly fascinating how one would die in space. Usually there are many ways one could die on Mars, starvation, dehydration, suffocation, radiation, freezing. It turns out, though, that even in the negative 80 degree temperatures, one's blood would boil because of the extremely low air pressure. And that person would die in seconds from that. I hope seconds. Your blood boiling? I think it's the first. I guess that's how you would explode.

I guess that's the first millisecond or seconds he's saying. Yeah. Okay. So you have a suit and you open the face mask, which totally exposes you. It's not like a tiny hole in your suit. It totally exposes you. Would you explode that's apparently yeah I

mean I think it is or would your organs just kind of blow up in your body and you would like jolt and you'd be dead well if it's low air pressure it would... You explode.

You explode. Right. Right. And then at the bottom of the ocean, as we know, you implode. But at negative 80 degrees Fahrenheit, wouldn't you freeze to death within, I got to think, a minute or two? I don't know. I got to think a minute or two. I don't know. I mean, I've skied when it was 22 below without windchill.

Really? Yeah, yeah. No problem. So this is four times colder than that. Huh? So this is four times colder than that. I don't know if that's how you would look at it yeah because i don't know if it's four times but it's it's 60 degrees colder um so yeah because zero it's fahrenheit zero isn't where we're starting so anyway i don't know all right let's get to the obituaries let's go down let's think more about

death here we go and that's all folks oh man i'm responsible for obituaries now and i googled obituary i didn't know off the top of my head who had died this week and ah sad news man came in today carl weathers who was um in the rocky franchise obviously um died at 76 years old weathers died peacefully in his home on thursday as manager matt luber confirmed cause of death was not revealed i mean you know this guy was one of the first villains i saw in a movie theater really if you don't count cartoons and stuff right apollo creed are you kidding me and they said he was an exceptional human being who lived an extraordinary life his family sent a statement he was a former nfl linebacker oh that's right yeah Yeah. He found lasting Hollywood success as an athlete from another sport, boxing. After taking on minor roles in a variety of projects in the mid-70s, he became an overnight sensation in 1976 for originating the fictional boxer Apollo Creed.

He appeared in the first Rocky film and reprised the role for the franchise's second, third, and fourth films. Weathers' character went on to inspire Michael B. Jordan's Creed film series. Can I tell you my run-in with Carl Weathers? Please do. Well, you know, my father was a low-level celebrity in New York City, but he was invited to play in a celebrity baseball game at Shea Stadium. And Carl Weathers was on his team and he showed up and he forgot to bring a baseball mitt. And my brother and I were sitting in the stands with our baseball mitts to catch foul balls. And Carl Weathers borrowed my brother's baseball mitt and used it for the game.

Wow. Yeah. Then he signed it at the end of the game. By all accounts, I've heard he's a really nice guy. He's a very sweet guy. And we should mention he was famous role and turn in the Predator, Action Jackson, and he was in the Mandalorian recently. Wow.

That's pretty cool. I mean, think about Rocky coming out in 1976 as a movie about the Bicentennial and this American guy who comes from nothing, the American story. The script was perfect for the times and the and the casting was amazing what about the his trainer the manager what was his name oh mickey yeah what was the actor's name burgess meredith oh yeah he great. I think he got nominated. Women weaken legs.

And then Adrian was played by, was it Scorsese's sister? No, no, no. The other director, Francis Coppola's sister. Yeah, exactly. Talia Shire. Right. Who went on to be in The Shining Nope

Different one No Yeah Talia Shire wasn't in The Shining I'm forgetting I'm forgetting Chris should be here I'll look up Talia Shire The Shining Was you shouldn't do this to me

I'm tired today Shining actress Here we go't do this to me. I'm tired today. Shining actress. Here we go. It's coming. Shelley Duvall. Oh, right. Was she related to Robert Duvall? I do not believe so. There's this guy who's got a great Instagram account where he gives you lineages that you

didn't know about. Oh, no. It's so amazing. Yeah, he focuses on a lot of musicians and then who their parents were and stuff. Right. And, of course, Jason Schwartzman is Talia Shire's son. Oh, nice.

This guy should do that for you, too. Yeah. Shelly Duvall, not related to Robert Duvall. That's what Denman just wrote. Apparently he's back from his meeting. All right. Her father's name is Robert, though. Okay.

Very confusing. Interesting, fun fact. Very confusing. Let's cheer up, Mike. Here we go. God bless Carl Weathers. I loved hating him when I was 10 years old. Yeah.

All right, here we go. Well, we're trying to cheer up. It's tough to cheer up in medieval Scandinavia, but these two women are inside a house during Hag of the Horrible, and one says to the other one, and they look like they're Laverne and Shirley of the 1300s, and one says to the other and they look you know like they're laverne and shirley of of the 1300s and one says the other one did you know you were living next to a fierce viking commander and she goes smiling i'm not surprised and then helga says to hager chop it now and then

in the background you see her say she rules the house and it's like do you want to live eight feet from a rapist is it is it fun to peer out the window and make little quips about the rapist that lives next door to you and were two women really living alone back no no they were not they had their own place? Yeah. They were a feminist? Yeah. Who is this, Rhoda and Mary Tyler Moore?

Yeah. And then we get another one where Lucky is with this beautiful kind of hippie chick. She goes, I'm devoting my life to making the world a happier place. And then he goes, can you start with me? But it's menacing. It's not a request. It's more like, yeah, can you start with me? Like now? Yeah, it's time. And that's lucky. That's the skinny guy. Yeah. There was no luck needed back then. Right. Let's face it. Just a club.

Yeah. Should call him Clubby. And now we got the Lockhorns. Loretta's walking away from Leroy. And he goes, I think the living room is haunted from all the dead parties we've had in here. And now there's another party in the next one. Leroy's talking to his friend. Loretta walks in with her mother.

Leroy goes, great, the comments section is here. They just left their place next door to Hager. I went to the comments underneath that, that comic. Cause I thought, all right, these guys are going to sell. They're going to be self referential on referential on this.

And sure enough, somebody wrote, we've been here the whole time. That's good. Yeah. All right. I decided to look up one more kathy to figure this out and here it is she's standing in front of a washer dryer and she's there with her dumb face which is

usually the ak face a c k k k k that's or a aC-K. And that's her signature ACK thing. She's not saying that, but that's the face she has. She has a laundry basket overflowing on the right. And on the left, she has a box full of donuts. And she has a donut in her hand that she's mid-donut. And she has jeans on. And she has a big thought, you know, dialogue bubble above her head. And it says, my jeans shrunk.

And I'm just like, this is the least funny, saddest strip. I don't even understand what the angle is. Again, I'm so like, and my thought then is, and it's not funny, but is I think this creator of this strip who was in advertising or marketing, and then she started writing this, I think based on herself, I just think this was a big way for her to say, I'm not interested to all men. Like, look, this is my, this is a representation of me. I'm like the most miserable human ever.

And I'm not funny. And I'm pathetic. And I'm a victim. I'm like, I play the victim regarding everything. Like in this one, I'm a victim to donuts. And I have an eating disorder and I hate women. And she's Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City with no self-esteem yeah so i'm done i gotta find a new comic strip if anyone wants to recommend one someone recommended that we

can't take kathy anymore somebody said we should get more into calvin and hobbes but again the the the point of these strips is that we're making fun of the except for the lockhorns which i just genuinely think is funny we're looking for that we're making fun of them, except for the Lockhorns, which I just genuinely think is funny. We're looking for ones we can make fun of. And I think Calvin and Hobbes is just already funny. Is it? Calvin and Hobbes? I've never read one.

Oh, they're great. Well, I don't know if they're funny. They're just great. It got my son into reading. He had so many Calvin and Hobbes books, and it turned him into a reader. Right. All right, well, I've done Charles Adams.

Excuse me. I've done Family Circle, Charles Adams. Family Circus. Family Circus. What did I say? Circle? Circle. It always is a circle.

And then I went from Charles Adams to, uh, Gary Larson, far side, and then sadly to Kathy. So we're going to have to switch it up here. Wait, is it called family circle with,

was it always framed in a circle? Those strips? I think they were. Oh, I never got that before. It is family circus though. Yeah. Oh,

but it's a circle. A circus. Three rings without punchlines. Speaking of no punchlines, here is Blondie and she's walking in and she's got kind of a Kelly Green sweater. Breasts are just, they're exploring the cashmere of that sweater black velvet skirt calves like bowling pins and dopey walks in with like a fuck the gayest blue overcoat and a red a red bow tie what are you orville redenbacher and she goes so how did your annual physical go

with dr austin's today, honey? And he goes, oh, it went okay, I guess, but he made me a little nervous. And she goes, about what? And he goes, well, during the exam, he just kept saying, oh my. Yeah. What? Yeah, oh my. Oh my, what a fucking fragile, weak, sad little man who's never done a squat or a pull-up for the city.

Meanwhile, his wife is built like Xena the warrior. She is gorgeous. She clearly spends hours at the gym, takes supplements, cares about her diet. And this guy, no effort. What makes him think he's entitled to this? Earn it, Dagwood Bumstead. Maybe she goes to Dr. Austin too. So when he's examining him, it's just like, oh my.

It doesn't add up. Oh my. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This person in front of me sees that that that exam that i gave to her and everything i saw and she goes yeah that's weird she gets them whenever i go to him he also says oh my a lot yeah oh my oh my oh my and then she, sort of hears, mumbled motorboat. She thinks she hears the word motorboat. Oh, my. I like the motorboat that.

Oh, doctor. All right. Well, listen, folks. So if you want a nice, smooth smoke, we recommend very much that you get yourself a, uh what do they call this thing a freeze the freeze pipe go to thefreezepipe.com use code sundays get 10 off your entire order it's a lot of fun smoke ices it down yeah also don't forget the koozies we have just a couple. We don't have a ton left. We got maybe 50 left, so get on them before they're gone. Also, St. Patrick's Day at the Improv. Come out and support Sunday Papers, March 16th.

Get your tickets at FitzDawg.com. We want to thank Midcoast Media, Chris Denman and Beth, and everybody else who comes together to bring the show to you. We appreciate you. Mike, anything you want to promote? I don't know. Yeah, I guess Dusty Slay, right? Dusty Slay.

I've already talked about him a lot. I would go watch that. I thought it was really funny. And other than that, I think everyone should take it-ish. Take it eesh! You'll get it done by the end of the night It's Sunday Papers Sunday Papers Sunday Papers Read on about it Thank you.