Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 205 2/25/24

Episode Date: February 25, 2024

Man wants Musk’s Neuralink chip in his brain to make him stop cheating, Malia Obama is no longer Malia Obama, A Florida man has something gross in his nose, and it turns out apes have a sense of humor.

it's the sunday papers podcast with greg and mike they might not get their facts right but that's all right it's only the news read all about it read all about it it's sunday papers coming to you from Portland, Oregon and Nashville, Tennessee. A lot of news coming from the South this week. Hey, everybody, happy Sunday. You covering the South for us this week, Mike? News come out on Sunday. Oh, I didn't answer the YouTube.

I was a little out of it this week. I didn't answer the YouTube comments. Yes, I noticed that. With my code name or with my real name. Yeah, I went in and cleaned up your mess. Did you? Yeah, I answered them all. I've been kind of killing it in there.

I take no prisoners, so I like doing it. That's great. And I know that the people love to hear from you. Man of the people, exactly. Man of the people. That's not how I think of you. Man who avoids people. That's the thing about us is, you know,

there's a lot of there's a lot of uh youtubers and podcasters that are men of the people we are not you are am i well it depends no you're you're really good at fan engagement is that a man of the people i don't know no i just think we're not like uh you know johnny fucking lunch pal you know it's like you're that you're in west i'm not a joe plumber i'm not a joe yeah yeah yeah no not at all but we can play one we're both good at playing one i uh i was a man you know i kind of acted like a man of the people because you know we're getting i i would have been self-conscious even younger but now especially uh that we're around this age.

So I had wood delivered. Right. And this guy came in a pickup and he's like, you know, I'm in Tennessee. This guy's a man of the wood. And, uh, and so, you know, and I'm like, I'm bonding with this fucking, and we're both unloading his truck, you know, uh, with this like half quarter wood. And so you wearing gloves. Meanwhile, it wasn't a half quarter wood. No, I didn't wear gloves. Either did he, uh, it's a Rick of wood.

So first of all, thank God I studied up and I had never even heard of a Rick of wood. So, uh, anyway, uh, we're doing it and he's like, uh, we start to, I'm going to a concert tonight, but he's like, I'm so psyched. He's like, I'm going to go right from here to my buddy's house. So they're seeing Billy Strings is playing the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville tonight, and this city's going crazy over it. Now, you saw Billy Strings in New Orleans last month. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you were raving about it. Yeah, he played from 9 to 1 30 in the morning and it's on and pink floyd covers and all that stuff yeah it's great but um he's just you know really positive and i think he was he did theo von's podcast and he and that scored a lot of points i guess did you feel did it make you feel kind of like cool that you were relating to this guy who was kind of a real man, not like you? Yeah, well, you know, in the garage, I was like, don't go in there. I'm dressing deer. I'm dressing venison.

Is dressing the right verb? I don't know what verb I should use. They're trust. I'm going to trust them. And then I'm going to dry them. I'm drying venison in the garage. Don't go in there. Meanwhile, it's really like mantra candles and, uh, and Alan on daily meditations.

But no, I'm, this is the garage of a designer. It, the whole thing looks like there's, there's, there's, there's a vases. I, for listeners, I just held up a very crazy vase that you get maybe in a museum. Yeah. And it's furniture and all this incredibly delicate thing. The least delicate thing in there, although it's very delicate in a way, is like a slab of marble, which is almost masculine. Yeah. But no guy orders that unless he's told to.

Let's be real. no guy orders that unless he's told to let's be real yeah i'm in portland where every guy is either like the manliest man logger type guy or a complete pussy there's so much androgyny here that it's crazy like everybody at the hotel i met every single person you could play a game show called man or woman or i don't think they would identify as either i really think and i'm not saying this in a judgmental way i celebrate it i think absolutely look you're a young person and you want to explore gender a little bit and fucking you know roll around in the other waters a little bit that's great i think it's expressive i think it's creative great but it is crazy how how much of it is here yeah oh no no doubt at all

uh i'm looking what else you asked me i always forget to jot down the funny things that happen but i've had a good amount of ben hoffman time down here oh that's good yeah we're working on something so i had to meet me and this is, sounds completely douchey, but anyway, we had to work on stuff. So we went, we met at the Soho house and he got there a few minutes before me. And he's like, uh, in hotel lobby, uh, when you go in, take a left sitting here like a Jew who doesn't belong. Was there a lot of working class guys a lot of a lot of men of the earth there at the soho house you know what it is they know where to shop for the men of the earth clothes yes they do that's what they know kind of probably a little similar to some of the portland guys no there's like

there's like used clothing stores where you can buy, you know, red wing boots that are already worn down and Carhartt overalls that already have paint on them. They possess the souls of men who lived real lives. Yeah, right. Exactly. They have a little of that. Earlier when we said, all right, let's meet there. He's like, I got accepted into Soho house, but, and his wife, uh, got rejected. So I wasn't allowed to join.

And then he goes, I didn't really have an argument to quote, would you really join a place that won't accept me as a member? I mean, I did, but I didn't say it. Is that true? It's almost as if he paid them, like, don't let her in. That's crazy. No, no, they didn't apply together. I know, but that's weird that he can't join because she can't get in.

I think I changed his mind on that. In fact, he stopped at the desk on the way out. Cause I'm like, what do you mean? You'll bring her like all the time. And also once you're in, if you want to get her and what, like,

what are they going to do? Say, huh? So financially speaking, that's your household would pay double. Okay, sure. You know what I mean?

Right. Um, I, uh, I did the Adam, Adam Krola. He brought me on his 15th anniversary episode of his podcast and they were going through some stats from over 15 years how many hours he'd done how many weeks

he'd done and then they said the most frequent guest with 96 appearances was me no yes isn't that fucking crazy wow and uh i i don't know it's crazy because our politics could not be more opposite but it it literally and we used to get into politics a little bit and uh now we just don't now i think we just kind of avoid it because the chasm is so great and uh so we don't really mix it up as far as politics but i still think the guy is like one of the most prolific creative um really truly funny people and and just really a great broadcaster um yeah going on but uh but here's what's crazy about me if i can talk about me for a second sure as i had a half empty room on thursday night at my show i've been on i've been on his show 96 times i've been on stern over 50 times i've been on

rogan 23 times what the fuck what the fuck with what i mean why aren't i like a big star like everybody all the young comics think oh if i could just get a break, if I could just get on Corolla, if I could just get on Rogan just one time. And it's like, I don't know. Doesn't always take. I don't know. There's a lot of people like that. And then people have seen you and and you're you're I bet there's a lot of people our age who the same thing happens. Yeah, right.

Of course, you've stacked up those numbers, but those began when you were in your 20s. Yeah, I've spread them out. Spread them out thin. No, no, no. No one would ever. He'd never have. The proof is he hasn't had anybody with equal amount of shows even recently you know like yeah by definition they have to be spread out right 90 how many appearances 96

jeez yeah that's crazy amount i know and and i get paid ten thousand dollars every time i go on. So like, if you add it up, you're lying. I hope I get paid zero. Right. And if you add that up, it's crazy. Doesn't take long to add that up. Yeah, I know.

Um, also, can I tell you, here's a great story. This happened yesterday. I, uh, Thursday night I get here,

I sleep on a pillow that was like concrete and I wake up and my neck is like, I can't even straighten my neck. It hurts so much. Can't get any work done. So, uh, there's a massage place next door to the hotel. So I call the number from outside and the woman says, uh, I said, can I make an appointment? She goes, uh, yes, I have appointment four o'clock. And I said, uh, I's Irish? I said, okay, I'll take that. She goes, she goes, okay, therapist is blind,

but she see little bit. I said, absolutely. Yes. I mean, this is going to be a great story, which it turned out to be. So I go to the place and it's like an office building and I have to press an intercom

and then they buzz me in and I have to take the elevator up to the second floor and you come out of the elevator and it's just corporate there's no flowers there's no Buddha with a fucking distilled water and tea none of that shit

just hard floor. And then she just takes me into one of these rooms. And first of all, she's standing in the hallway, and she's just facing me. And I walk towards her, and I get closer, and I was like, Evelyn? She's like, yeah. And then she turns around, and she walks me down the hallway.

But she's walking with, like, a wide, she's got a wide gait, like like like like duck footed you know her toes are sticking out to the side she's about four foot eleven and she's big and she's uh she's walking like a blind woman yeah she's walking like a waddle and i realized and i think why the fuck is she waddling and i realized because then her toes will touch if she was she's walking into a wall it's like her whiskers her it's a whisker yeah like a cat a cat knows what it can fit through because of its whiskers so she brings me into the room and she goes okay uh take a uh i'm gonna leave the room you take off your clothes and then i'll be back in a few minutes and i was just like

i i don't think you have to do that i think you're good i think you could stay in the room. You take off your clothes and then I'll be back in a few minutes. And I was just like, I don't think you have to do that. I think you're good. I think you can stay in the room. You can't see me. That's right. So she leaves and then she comes back and she's rubbing me. And it's literally the worst massage I've ever had in my life. She just keeps pouring oil all over me,

like, and just rubbing it around with the softest, no pressure, weird. And at one point, I'm not making this up, she had her elbow down on the table next to my shoulder and was applying pressure to the table. She's like, okay, roll on your back. You're like, I'm on my back. table she's like okay roll on your back you're like i'm on my back oh it was so fucking weird she's never read any of her bad reviews i mean how is she going to

improve i left her my neck hurt worse than before meanwhile you walk in to this pitch black room, lay down, and she's like, okay, just relax. And she hits the light switch and the lights go on really bright. She thinks they're off. And then she goes, oh, hold on. Let me go get my, what did she call it uh let me go get my tool so i don't wear my fingers out and she comes back with like remember those clubs you used to put on your steering wheel in the 80s it was like a big metal and she's fucking sticking it into my neck

and rubbing it around i was like hey how about some fingers, you know? And then at the end, I paid her, and I paid her cash, which she kind of went like, oh. And so she, because I didn't think about it. Like, she can't see. So she's holding the bills up to her eyes, like an inch from her eyes, and moving them back and forth. Don't worry, those are 50s, and you quickly leave. Oh, my God.

Here's a $20 tip. Zoom out the door. Here's a $20 tip or a coupon to a car wash. I'm not sure which. That is not a Monopoly man's face on the dollar. Mickey Mouse. That is really funny. Yeah, that was a fucking good one. and then what else larry let's get

to it the logo this week comes from matt a i don't know what a stands for but kind of a cool one i love i love it when they make you the woman i know look at me i mean i'm kind of put together huh you got a nice rack and a beautiful pearl necklace. They usually go together. I don't know what the haircut really means. I think I might have been, I'm recovering from chemo, I think, maybe. Yes. Yeah.

And I look like I'm Chinese. Yeah, there is something weird going on there. Yeah. Not that Chinese is weird, but it's weird for Greg. It's not weird at all it's actually the least weird race because i think there's more are there more chinese or more indian in the world i think chinese well here's one way to look at it they're both asian uh denman said indian there's more Indian than Chinese. Well, Chinese didn't help themselves with that one child rule. Oh, that's right. That's right. Or maybe they did help themselves, but not in the

race to overpopulate. No, a lot of, I think they're doing away with it or maybe they have already done away with it. They did do away with it because of the incel issues going on over there. did do away with it uh because of the incel issues going on over there so you also know that i don't know if it's still the leading guess on how humans will go extinct but it's the uh i don't know and i don't know god i should really be more qualified to talk about anything but uh it's like depopulation or the you know we're not producing enough children. And so we will go out with a whimper. Who, the United States? The world.

Oh, the world. Oh, I thought we had too many people. No. Ow. Wait, wait. Damon, put that back up. Chris, you can leave your stuff up, by the way. It said, Damon just wrote, Damon's sharp today. He's on shit yeah india

is projected to reach 1.4 billion people overtaking china for the first time since 1950 uh damn denman i don't know what especially i don't know what search engine you use something it was probably the one that goes right to q but if you could look up what I'm babbling about, which is the lack. Human race goes extinct because not enough reproduction. Wow. Let's get to some fucking people. Check it on Truth Social.

Exactly. Well, there's way too many abortions. Yeah. Elon does talk about it. But because he's just taking it from the biggest thinkers. Yeah. Like everything. Like everything he does.

I have a whole theory about the population and that rich people in this country control the laws and they are outlawing abortion. Meanwhile, there's a revolution brewing. Poor people are pissed. They can't get health insurance. They're seeing the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. And there's a revolution coming. Poor people are pissed. They can't get health insurance. They're seeing the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. And there's a revolution coming. And guess what?

The Republicans, they can get abortions. They have always been able to. They always will. So they're thinning their ranks as they force poor people to have more and more kids. And eventually those kids are going to grow up, revolt and kill, ironically, kill the people that were forced to make them get born in the first place. I mean, you're already singing in Los Angeles and other cities. Well, Portland, the one you're in probably. But it's it doesn't.

And Carlin talked about this. It doesn't take much for people to realize, oh, if we just all walked outside, we could do whatever we wanted. Yeah. We could stop rich people in their cars, take them out, punch them, kill them, whatever. And police, and at a certain saturation point,

police will run for the hills and definitely run back to protect their families. Yeah. Happened in Rome. I get hints of that when I see like, run for the hills and definitely run back to protect their families yeah happened in rome i get hints of that when i see like yeah here's 20 people who are just like yeah we're just going in and taking everything from this nordstrom's right like flash we have no fear of the police showing up or anything right right right all right now that's how ancient rome fell so here it is rate oh nordstrom's on on the aqueduct avenue the the big nordstrom's in rome

uh rate we need a rate of 2.1 offspring i i think is required for replacement fertility rate uh and everywhere besides africa is below that currently. Africa is interesting though, because I think Africa probably is leading in some of the mortality categories, like just getting to your thirties, I bet is a rough road in many places in Africa. Anyway. Yeah. 2.1. 2.1. Does that mean per person? Like if you're married, does that mean you have to come up with 4.2 between you? Or is it per couple? No, I think it's per couple.

I believe. That's a great question, though. Okay. We got some corrections from last week. JJ said, you kept calling a square on one of those gambling grids for the Super Bowl a box. I have never heard anybody calling it a box. It's always called a square. There have never heard anybody calling it a box. It's always called a square. There's nothing wrong with calling it a box.

It is a box. It's just that we always call them squares. He might be right. I've always called it a box. I've always called it a box also. And then maybe because I love the little thing I used to yell, which was to make games exciting. Back when we were growing up in

our twenties and thirties, the Superbowls were usually incredibly lopsided and boring. Unlike, you know, this recent decade anyway. So to make it exciting, I treated the grid like wall street. So I would, you know, see, I see i would go all right they're probably gonna score a touchdown on this one and then if they scored a field goal let me look up the squares or whatever and find who has three and six and then if especially i would hope it would be a woman and then i'd offer her money for her box you would offer a woman money for her box yes i'm like i will give you 10 bucks for your box which is the most anyone's ever paid for it. $10, you take it right now.

You're not winning now. Two scores have to happen for you to win. No, you've offered me that bet many times. And your box is, let's face it, cheap. Yeah. Your box is only going to be worth less in value over time. You normally give your box away for a gin and tonic. So I'm offering you $10.

Brian Malley said it's executor of a will, not executioner, unless you're actually in charge of killing your mom as opposed to distributing her assets. I know, but doesn't a well have to be like you have to execute it kind of like you execute a good play in football like I'm sure it's all related yeah ex executor executor yeah but um no I've been talking about it on stage and it's one of those bits that's like

I shouldn't have started doing it because now it's crushing and I could never put it on stage and it's one of those bits that's like i shouldn't have started doing it because now it's crushing and i could never put it on a special or do it near my mother or where she would hear it because it's really dark oh wow okay well yeah you're an executioner in the family yeah uh tour dates coming up huntington beach at the rec room on march 1st la jolla comedy store march 8th through 10th. Hollywood Improv St. Paddy's Day March 16th. You going to be there, Mike? I think I am. I love it.

I got to write some material. Boca Raton, Florida. Maybe this is population bit. I originally said the date was March 3rd. I made a mistake. It's actually April 3rd. Misner Park in Boca Raton. Tampa, Sidesplitters April 4th through 6th. And then Mamaroneck, New York at the Emmeline Theater on May 31st. Come on!

Yeah, we're going to get all our Westchester friends to come out. Oh, that's very cool. You got anyone left in Eastchester? No, no, no. God, no. And I'm just trying to think in Westchester even. Well, we got Val, no. God, no. And I'm just trying to think in Westchester even. Well, we got, uh, Val, Pete Scott's sister, Val, twin sister.

She, I already invited her. And, uh, I guess my, you know, my sister and her family, they'll all come out. Right. You got some, we got some BU folks right over the Connecticut border. Oh, right. We can invite Ted and George down. Oh, yeah. Very close to Mamaroneck.

Maybe get John Sorelli to come up from Jersey. Hey, how about that thing I sent you and Dan? I should have put Sorelli on there. That rabbi who looked exactly like Sorelli telling jokes. That was crazy. Our friend John Sorelli, which, by the way, I don't know his Instagram, but if you could find John, C-E-R-I-L-L-I. He has the most rich life, especially if you like sports.

This dude, like I just watched. You talked about him before. I mean, he shows up to opening day with a vintage jersey of that team that he paid I don't know how much for. And, I mean, he goes to every museum sports related he's gotten really into music over the year well he's always been really into music but like a incredible instagram if you see all the shit that this guy does wow he was first to it his instagram handle is just his last name cerilli it's that's how it's. C-E-R-I-L-L-I, as you said. Give him a shout.

Give him a follow. He's a great dude. Yeah. If you want to see him, look at him in his dumb, what is this, a New York Rangers hat. But there he is, MetLife Stadium. I was just going to say, I bet you he was at that MetLife game because they do this outdoor tournament now. So it was the Islanders against the Rangers,

and it went into overtime. It was a fucking great game, and the Rangers ended up winning it. And that's his team. Yep. Oh, okay. For the record, I was there for all five that were held out there. Wow. Yep. I mean, I was there for all five that were held out there. Wow. Yep.

I mean, I can't imagine. I watched the game, and you're looking at these people. It's fucking February in New York, and they're sitting, you know, in nosebleed seats watching a puck that's the size of your fist. It's like, what are you doing? Yeah. No, exactly. And the best part was there's this player for the Islanders.

He's a rookie. He's 20 years old, and he's 6'6", 235 pounds, and he walks on. He's not even a defenseman. He's a wing. And he comes on, and he's on he's not even a defenseman he's a wing and he comes on and he's he's tough kid before they drop this is his first nhl game in his life and he walks on and he's at the he's at the at the circle for the face off and before they drop the puck he drops his gloves and beats the shit out of one of the uh rangers here he is in seattle and he has a mariners jersey and hat on

like what yep what are you talking about yeah or no he's in new york with mariners i don't know what i don't know you have to figure out some of them he has an amazing baseball card and memorabilia collection yeah probably into that stuff babe ruth signed balls all that stuff no i i don't know what his his worth is i don't even want to say anything more about it because i don't want to put it robbing him i know yeah don't please don't take his jerseys he because he wears them for warmth also. Yeah. All right. Listen, speaking of warmth, oh my God, you want to feel the warmth of saving money. On an average, it takes about, support for Sunday Papers comes from Mint Mobile. On average, it takes about 30 days for a person to break their New Year's resolution. So if saving money was on your 2024 list, your odds aren't looking

that great. Luckily, I have a 100% guaranteed way for you to save money this year. Just switch to Mint Mobile right now. Mint Mobile has wireless plans starting at $15, I repeat, $15 a month. That's unlimited talk, text, and data for $15. You could be saving, I mean, I don't know. I think I spend, for four of us, like $200 a month. No, way more than that. How about after the AT&T debacle this week? What happened? Oh, it was like front page news.

They had outages. And there was rumors that it was maybe a terrorist hacking or something like that but it was no everyone because there's a lot of AT&T folk down here I learned and everyone was like rip shit well it's not going to happen with mint mobile because they are on the nation's largest 5g network uh it's premium it's high speed data-speed data. And it's great. Whether you're buying for yourself or a family, families start at just two lines. You can use your own phone with your same number, with all your existing contacts, and they'll give you the first three months of premium wireless service starting at just $15 a month.

So to get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to mintmobile.com slash papers. That's mintmobile.com slash papers. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash papers. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. And then we got our folks who you know I love talking about over at Game Time. Well, Sunday Papers is supported by Game Time.

Oh, okay. You got to say that. That's what I'm supposed to say? Yeah, you got to always say that. Sunday Papers is supported by Game Time. That's why i'm gonna talk about but i might talk about them anyway um you're never gonna have a frustrating ticket experience again which we've all had those you shouldn't have to worry when you buy your tickets fast easy

it has sports music shows everything i like the discover button right there because then i see kind of what's in town like for instance if i didn't run into my firewood guy, there is the listing. Billy Strings tonight, 730 Bridgestone. Right now they're at 149. They're going to drop. That's the whole idea. Game time. Last minute tickets, flash deals.

They have zone deals. They have views from all the seats in the venue for every event in your area. The lowest price guarantee. There's event cancellation protection, job loss protection. That's pretty insane because that theater holds 20,000, the arena holds 20,000 people and he's getting an average of 150 bucks a ticket. That's $3 million at the gate. He has a big band.

He spreads it around. I'll tell you that. Damn. Yeah. We got Predators down here. Let's see what other music. I'll press the music category. Colton Moore.

Hey, look at this guy, Enrique Iglesias. He's touring, man. I see him on the LA Game Time app, too. Green Day. That's going to be a big one. That's a summer tour. I see him on the LA Game Time app, too. Green Day. That's going to be a big one. That's a summer tour. Really? I know I'm supposed to be, but I just find them to be contrived.

I think it's the fact that they were called punk always bothered me. Right. That did bother a lot of people. And I get that, I guess. Oh, James McMurtry. I remember that guy. There's Kenny Wayne Shepard both of those are today

anyway it's a great app to do that like it's better than the other apps where it is frustrating one of my favorite things about I'm not even reading this one of my favorite things about it is that the price is all

in the price that you see, very unlike the other apps where it's like, oh man, that looks like a deal. Oh, sorry. That's half the price of what it'll actually be. So take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code P-A-P-E-R-S for $20 off. Download GameTime today.

Last minute tickets. Lowest price guaranteed. All right. We got some paper to crinkle. What do we got? Let me tell you. Let me work on that. I do.

I do. Here it comes right now. Here it comes comes it's coming out of a notebook uh my notebook i use i don't know if we've got i'm teaching now and uh turns out i just joined another union or the union joined me oh teachers at usc are going the way of nyu and many others and of all unions, the United Auto Workers Union has stepped in to negotiate for us. Wow. Nice. Extra! Extra!

We all love it! Extra! Front page. I'm a serial cheater. I want Musk's neutral. We're going to start again. I'm a serial cheater. I want Musk's Neuralink brain chip to stop me being unfaithful.

That's a quote from a guy. A self-confessed cheating addict has caused a stir online after he asked social media users whether Elon Musk's controversial Neuralink brain chip would stop him from being unfaithful. The implant, which so far has been tested on monkeys and was recently put into its first human test subject, has already had its fair share of controversy despite not yet being available for public use. According to Musk, Neuralink will initially be used to help patients with physical disabilities, but the ex-boss hopes one day the device can help people with mental health conditions such as depression and addiction. Well, of course they're going to have depression.

They're going to be feeling bad about all the murders they're committing for the government. That's what the chip's going to have depression. They're going to be feeling bad about all the murders they're committing for the government. That's what the chip's going to do. Yes. It can do anything. It just, you just get a joystick,

lots of options. I have a feeling that the tests on monkeys haven't been about, uh, being faithful yet. I doubt those results are going to come back. Like this guy thinks I don't think, or even just, uh, the no masturbation test. I don't think the monkeys are going to pass that.

I don't care how many, I don't care if their whole brain is chips. It's a giant hard drive. Yeah. It's a hard drive. All right. And that hard drive is not going to go away. Wait, so you're saying masturbation is cheating? Because I am a philanderer well right i guess what i'm saying is the uh self-discipline right to curb your maybe sexual appetite or what you do

with it uh i blame women i blame women i gotta go muslim on this one put them in burkas cover them up and we won't have a problem that's okay yeah oh yeah and change my likes on tiktok it's so it's so awkward sometimes i'm not a perv but like you know i do i guess i linger on some of these like you know women in braless t-shirts doing jumping jacks i must maybe i look at those a little bit but then i'm laying in bed looking at my tiktok at night and my wife will gaze over and in between like you know fat chicks falling off rope swings they'll be like uh you know some really suzanne summers kind of shit happening she's like what the fuck is wrong with you what does suzanne

summer shit happening mean oh you never started the there's a clip of her dancing with no bra on with uh on three's company and it's one of the sexiest things i've ever seen i i think it you forget that i had you do jumping jacks a few weeks ago and i think the algorithm heard that yes also it hurt our listenership into your yeah you were huffing and puffing for a long time i stand by i stand by jumping jacks though anyway back to this thing test um i think it's cool guys will always be able to blame cheating on this damn chip honey it's not working yeah yeah it's not me yeah i just put myself in neutral to see what happened and the chip's

supposed to take over i didn't know i would be out four nights in a row honey craziest thing i'm driving home in the in the tesla and it took a right hand turn i didn't program it drove me right to a whorehouse yeah and then all of a sudden, I'm fucking everybody. Wouldn't stop. It was crazy. All right. Is this yours? Dickie sent this next story to us.

Dickie. And I then Googled it, and I found two kind of, I'll say, versions of the story. But it's a very popular story. Two, I shouldn't even read the headline i'll read the first sentence a man who received a heart transplant 12 years ago and later married the donor's widow died the same way that the donor did a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Whoa. Okay. Wow. Graham was the guy, the guy who received the heart. He was the director of the Heritage Golf Tournament in Sea Pines.

He was on the verge of congestive heart failure in 95 when he got a call that a heart was available in Charleston. The heart was from terry who shot himself grateful for his new heart graham began writing letters to the donor's family to thank them and in january of 97 he met the donor's widow cheryl who was then 28 he was 33 in Charleston. So the story goes on for a while. And do we want to get our jokes in before I go over to- Well, I'm just getting, I mean, I don't know. Will they donate the heart again?

I'm guessing nobody's getting a skull implant from either of these guys. That's a brain implant's probably not happening. It's like a heartbreaker. But it's the heart implant's probably not happening it's like a heartbreaker like but it's the heart who's breaking the people yeah the heart listen the heart the stupid heart wants what the stupid heart wants yeah i i love that you know maybe this is the next guy donate the heart again her dating app is called ticker she shows up at the house she shows up at the next guy's hospital room with a cooler. It's got the heart and a bottle of Chardonnay.

And just sign this prenup. You don't have to read the details. Yeah. I'm starting to accumulate a lot of money lately. Okay. Okay. So when I Googled this story, I found uh same exact type of story at cbs nbc fine the daily mail here word for word is the headline how tyrant wife drove two of her

five husbands to suicide after one was transplanted with the heart of the other and after spending all their cash on a lavish lifestyle whoa the guardian the suicides of cheryl graham's husbands seem an affair of the heart one shot himself in the head and his heart was donated to another man. Then 10 years later, Cheryl married the man with the new heart and he shot himself in the head. But I always thought of the guardian as kind of like a dry academic news source. Wasn't it?

No, this is the daily mail. Oh, you said the guardian. Oh, I don't think so. Yeah, I think you did.

Did I? Wow. I came up with that. I'm impressed. I came up with that on my own then on even when i was reading daily mail uh headlines around the world asked had history repeated itself through the single heart shared by the two men was there such a thing as cellular memory did the lonely heart carry a suicide gene but yesterday a less romantic reason for the tragic deaths emerged when it was revealed that police are still probing at least one of the suicides.

Cheryl Graham, they said, had been married five times and had driven all her husbands to despair. She's a tyrant, said prison officer John Johnson, one of her surviving spouses. And it goes on that she is a killer killer so to speak damn yeah it's like you know in the old days she could pull off another five weddings but now there's this thing called google might hold her up a little bit yeah well it's almost like she's like a kevorkian list like i listen i want to i'm not doing well i want to get on her list because I know it's almost a guaranteed death. All right. They're looking at her Facebook profile. It's like, why are half the pictures she's wearing a black veil? This seems that her thing. I hope that heart is still going. I mean, he shot himself in the head, like, and obviously that works out very well for the heart.

That's how he got it. But I wonder if there's, don't they say that there's trauma from something like that that can maybe get into the DNA of the other organ? I don't know. I've heard that in terms of lineage, like, you know,

Holocaust survivors. Oh, I don't know. I've heard that in terms of lineage. Like Holocaust survivors. Oh, I don't know. Yeah, they say that the children of Holocaust survivors have shown PTSD. Well, maybe because their fucking parents won't stop talking about it. I wouldn't. I'm not blaming them. Yeah. i wouldn't i'm not blaming them yeah i can't talk about like you know when i had a shitty apartment at one point in new york i think i would be talking a lot about my holocaust surviving yeah i mean i think there's a lot of guilt right famously famously there's a lot of guilt

by the survivor guilt yeah is this you missouri teacher is that me that's you pal a missouri teacher of the year started the suspicious fire that killed her four young kids jesus this is a dark episode happy sunday everybody i killed her four young kids just hours after she posted on social media about quote, each day like it's your last, cops say. Bernadine Birdie Prusner and her children all perished in the blaze at their home in Ferguson. St. Louis County police ruled it a murder-suicide. It is believed that Bernadine intentionally set a mattress on fire. A note was left stating Bernadine's intentions to take her life and the lives of her

children. A few hours before the fire broke out around 4.30 a.m. she posted about her children on Facebook. Wow. I don't know if she said live every day like your last. I think it was like I'm living and today's my last day. Yeah. Maybe that might've been what was, maybe she's Russian and the translation came out a little funny. Yeah. Um,

kids, it's time for bed. Did you treat today? Like it's your last, all of a sudden the kids are asking to go on sleepovers. Hey mom, I'm going to, I'm going to head out.

She starts treating them differently told him it was okay if they started smoking um she catches them saying their prayers before bed no you know what you can skip that tonight skip that tonight no need no need for that yeah by the way is it me or is this a pretty easy case to solve when you find the note like what was the crime scene like like captain i found a note put the note down look over here i think she fell asleep while smoking captain but this note says enough with the note this is a tragic accident. I don't think we have to investigate anymore, sir. How did the note survive the fire? Yeah, right?

Good point. Maybe she wrote it in blood, like on the floor or something. A pair of drug dealers, including one who was charged last year in the overdose death of his infant son. What? These are... I want everyone to listen to the... When he picks stories, what happens? I didn't... We actually didn't need that detail in at all. So let's just say a man was in jail.

I picked a story with a woman who has three surviving husbands. That's the nice story I picked. Yeah, feel good story. who has three surviving husbands. That's the nice story I picked. Yeah, feel good story. Anyway, allegedly tried to smuggle court documents soaked in liquid fentanyl into Rikers Island. I do like this story.

Adam Kamadate and Curtis Braswell were indicted on multiple drug charges this week in what Staten Island DA's office called a first of its kind case. Braswell allegedly delivered court paperwork infused with liquid fentanyl, cocaine, and PCP to Camigate, uh,

the inmate at the Staten Island, uh, hoping that it would reach him in jail. Uh, look, I think it's better than getting cocaine that's been stuffed up somebody's ass and then having to snort that. Hey, this, this Coke smell a little funny to you guys how about it's like uh sure you can use my lawyer he's the most expensive lawyer on the planet and

you'll eventually learn why yeah he has a lot of billable hours uh and produces a lot of paperwork and you get to keep all that paperwork yeah you're gonna want his paperwork it's great he doesn't use email that's the great thing about this guy everything is hard paper guys and the guys in the yard are selling tabs of affidavit dude i got some affidavit exactly uh and the kids it's it reminds me of like when we used to smell those mimeographs or whatever right in school like oh my god oh my god that's exactly what's going on imagine rolling a joint with that paper oh dude that's something this is going to be the new high-end Miami party drug, just like warrants and summaries. Yeah. A Long Island exterminator was arrested Thursday for allegedly filming a 19-year-old undressing

on a hidden camera he set up after getting chemicals on her clothing. Walter Rivas was hired by the teen to exterminate her apartment in Mineola that afternoon. She's 19 and she's got her own apartment. Somebody got kicked out. That's what's standing out. Okay. Revis was spraying the home with a solution to get rid of pests when some of the chemicals got onto the young woman.

Sounds like he's the pest. Upon a closer look, she found a cell phone inside the bucket that was on and actively recording through the hole. The victim immediately called police who came to her home and investigated the allegations officers then arrested Revis without incident no I think there was an incident they arrested him with that one incident if you if you arrest somebody with no incident that's false imprisonment well first the police showed up and you know, they're recording everything.

So then she called more police. Yeah. By the end, the house was on your harlot. The FBI is coming in. CIA. Everybody's. Everyone's recording this poor woman. She got tipped off when his phone rang and it was bill maher seeing if the video was ready yet

i don't know this guy sounds thorough he sprays the apartment then he sprays the inhabitant of the place and then he films his work for quality control right right sometimes the boss boss says how did it go well let me show you how it went. Yeah, and look. Look what I sprayed. Here you go. I sprayed a little of her. I remember. Do you remember this freshman year of college? This was the move.

You walk up to a girl in a bar. You lick your finger. You rub it on her sleeve. And then you go, let's get you out of those wet clothes. Do you remember that line? No. It was weird because even by then i had shame and couldn't do something so unbelievably stupid i loved bad pickup lines women fucking love them you you'd be shocked the dumber they are the better they work yeah all those i used

to know i mean because they were so you know you've fallen from heaven god says something all that stuff yeah yeah yeah um oh boy that one was particularly bad all right where are we going entertainment entertainment well before you get to this story the first one there uh i guess it was last night because uh all you all you people are listening on sunday but we're recording this on saturday afternoon and we are fans of shane gillis and he is hosting snl congratulations shane he's gonna kick ass uh there was a rumor that some of his monologue jokes got leaked and that they're pretty

out there he kind of goes for it according to this rumor God I hope they're not what people are just talking after seeing his set or something is he at the cellar like working it out either that or maybe that you know he had to submit

the jokes I'm sure he had to submit his monologue jokes to the producers and then somebody maybe leaked it from snl but you know look people know the history uh obviously uh but the the asian guy on the show i forget his name he's fucking great he's super talented um he he initially i think uh bowen yang i think he might have a red chris he blew it you could have put any any crazy asian sounding words in there and he would have read it all right go ahead um so anyway he eventually came out and said he doesn't have an issue and he sees both sides of it he sees the freedom of the the speech angle on Shane being able to say what he wants on a podcast, but he also sees that what he said was hurtful to some people.

Yeah. I saw a clip on Instagram today. I think Shane was on a podcast. I don't know which one, but anyway, he was being interviewed and he said that, uh, Louis CK called him and gave him advice. And he goes in the monologue, he's like, just do, you know, your jokes. Like he's like, no, no one, a lot of this audience, most have never heard of you. Yeah. And, and he goes, so you gotta like, let them know who you are and do like those jokes and he then said to louis yeah but didn't you come up with like a whole new bit you know when you hosted saturday night live and louis goes yeah but shane i am a way better stand-up than you and shane's like fair point louis ck fair point Fair point, Louis C.K. Fair point. That's hilarious. No, but Louis used to know.

Louis, maybe he did once or twice, but Louis used to bring it. Are you kidding me? He came up with crazy stuff. Yeah, yeah. It's a shame they won't have Louis back on because not only were his monologues good, he was really fucking funny. He did one of the sketches. There was a sketch where he was like it was an abe lincoln sketch do you remember that one yes i forget the premise of it he was at

a bar abe was drinking at a bar uh malia obama opted to release her first hollywood directorial debut under a stage name but Debuted. Debuted. But social media is still blasting the former first daughter for her nepo baby roots. The 25-year-old wrote and directed the short film The Heart. It debuted at the Sundance Film Festival. However, as spotted in a resurfaced clip produced by Sundance in which she describes the movie, Malia dropped her globally recognized last name and is credited on the project as Malia Ann. She studied filmmaking at Harvard and landed a job as a writer on Janine Neighbors and Donald Glover's Amazon Prime series Swarm.

Jesus Christ, I've written on a lot of shows and sometimes people have status imagine malia in a pitch meeting with all the other writers she just just whispers the idea to the secret service agent and he just walks over and types it directly into the script rips the computer the keyboard out of the writer's assistant's hands well you know this is going to be a very very very unpopular thing to say but having been on the hiring side of things i will say an intelligent woman like her coming out of harvard i'd say she didn't need as much of the neo thing as I think her critics are, are saying. Woman like her. What does that mean?

Woman like her. It's weird. You heard that part. What I'm saying is there has been a, a famously famously imbalanced, you know, workforce in Hollywood and not enough diversity. And so to remedy that, I mean, the pendulum really overcorrected. And I mean, I was on the part where it's like, Hey, these three

positions and these are phone calls because they cannot legally put it in writing where a giant company is telling me like these three positions must be because listen in a good way they have their eyes on diversity and they're and they're keeping score because other people are keeping score also and it's the right thing to do so i think she would have but also here's a more important question what could malia have done where she would not have gotten like she's a nepo baby no matter what right yeah i mean she went into social work and had a high you know and and i guess they're saying she might have skipped some she's gotten favor favoritism well yeah i mean usually if you want to be a writer you have to be an assistant first but it's going to be awkward to have your assistant who has an assistant.

Yeah. I mean, no, but some writers, uh, skip the assistant thing. I mean, I did,

but I mean, many do if they have a great packet and all that stuff. Yeah. All right. Well, I wish her luck. I mean, she's actually an amazing woman what is

chris saying about colin jost and bj novak uh colin jost why were they they're harvard people i don't know they're nepo babies well colin's a woman from harvard she's saying they were super young and got hired right out of college right away, I guess when you come out of Harvard, there's a fast track from Harvard, especially if you worked on a lampoon. There was a bit of a backlash against that because they were so annoying in Hollywood and everywhere. It was like you went from the lampoon to the Simpsons then to everywhere else. Yeah. So anyway, good luck to her. It was the Conan route.

Make America Florida. Let's get a crinkle. OK, Florida doctors pull 150 live parasites from a man's nose. Somehow I was able to keep reading this article. from a man's nose somehow i was able to keep reading this article when the on-call bad like that day uh dr david carlson examined the patient's nose he noticed something moving in the patient's nasal cavity after getting a camera to look inside the doctor found dozens of living pests just living in the man's sinuses feeding off of him size wise there's variations he said but the larger ones were as big as the end of my pinky i knew he was in big trouble there was erosion that was occurring near the skull base in very close proximity to his eye and his brain it had gotten so bad that the larvae had burrowed

into other tissues inside his head in total 150 of these creatures were pulled from the patient's head with different methods according to the doctor what end of his first of all how big of a nose are we talking about here yeah and the slightest itch on my nose and i'm not listen i you've never seen me in it ever complain about allergies complain about being bothered by pollen nothing but i do know if i get a tiny itch in my nose i rub it to the point where my nose almost calls falls off my face like oh yeah what was that because sometimes i'm like you feel something move inside it's probably the drying of something but i'm like whoa and i just i just rub it till i'm like i killed whatever that was no it feels amazing i i have it i have kind of a

recurring right below my left nostril an an itch that I constantly scratch, which at this age, those kinds of things are only going to get worse as you get older. And that's going to be my thing. And this is why I pick my nose almost constantly. There is very rarely snot in my nose that's not getting picked out while I'm at a red light. I thought you were saying restaurant. No, I go to the restroom for that. They all begin with RE. How does this guy not notice?

Hey, you guys, you guys smell anything funny? Like a kind of a fungus-y larva type of an odor? Anybody smell that? Anyone smell my brains being digested no they don't really talk about how it started i mean is it a bacteria uh i guess they did sorry i read the article they did he i forgot what his first guess was. And then he goes, I'm also an avid fisherman. And so I do handle dead fish a lot. Oh,

wow. But the article didn't say, well, that's it. And I forgot what else he did. I don't know if he had a coal. I forgot what it was. I think he had a bad cold also at one point.

I don't know, but nothing explains this. Also the size of them sounds like it was almost whack he had a bad cold also at one point i don't know but nothing explains this also the size of them sounds like it was almost whack-a-mole like they were popping out of his nostrils and the doctor was trying to get them out like uh you know groundhogs out of holes all right all right uh all right what's this next one this one's this one's just as crazy it's crazy but not as creepy so keep keep listening, people. You don't have to fast forward. Maybe you should skim through this one a little bit.

Florida man chops off paraplegic friend's feet with a hatchet in an insurance scam. All right. I don't really need to read it for you, but the police show up and they pretended that it was a brush hog, which is a rotary mower. And they pretended that it was a brush hog, which is a rotary mower. And they pretended it was an accident and that the feet were cut off. But it didn't seem right. And the authorities were guessing that something was amiss.

The cut was too clean. And also he had tourniquets on his leg. And they're like, who did that? They like, you weren't alone. Right. Right. And, uh, the man, uh, known paraplegic in his sixties, like had those tourniquets. So the authorities discovered that a visitor from Florida had journeyed to the small Ozarks town with a hatchet executing like an executor an elaborate plan to commit insurance fraud

they summed it up it was a poorly executed plan the wounds were far from convincing the cuts were unnaturally clean lacking the gruesome mess one would expect and as far as the missing feet a relative eventually discovered them hidden in a bucket obscured by tires of course oh my god look at this pair of sneakers in the bucket huh yeah wait a minute nothing unusual here in the ozarks just some human feet in a bucket that's all also he could have played dumb. He's a paraplegic. He didn't feed him.

Oh my God. You're right. Where did they go? Yeah. Where are my feet? No, that's the thing is like, he wasn't using them anyway. It's like trimming a dying hedge. Like just pare it down.

Wouldn't his life be easier without these appendages that are useless? Also, I'm the claims guy from insurance. I'm like, okay, so what's your claim? Like, how have you been hurt by this? Right, right. What were you able to do yesterday that you can't do today? How did the Florida guy get the hatchet all the way to the Ozarks? Can you take that on TSA?

Do you need to bring a hatchet to the Ozarks? I think they have plenty of them. Yeah. I was using one today. Trying to be all manly. If you're a Florida man, though, you bring a hatchet. Oh, okay. Yeah, I think you're right.

That's part of the whole image. Now, I was trying to cut kindling off this and what i discovered off my back to my wood talk i think this wood might be wetter still more moist than what i think i paid for it anyway they probably knew i was a yankee ripped me off are we going international let's go international around the world. All right. This is your story. I like it. No, I think it was my story.

Yeah, it's your story. Go ahead. Munich. A new study suggests that apes possess a sense of humor just like humans. An international team had discovered that four species of great apes, orangutans, chimpanzees, is it bonobos, bonobos, and gorillas all engage in playful teasing with one another. I mean, this is like the old joke used to be like, this is published in the Journal of the Obvious. You know, like it's, we've seen them in zoos. They play jokes on each other. Right, right.

This behavior identified by cognitive biologists and primatologists mirrors human joking in its provocative, persistent nature, incorporating elements of surprise and play. The findings indicate that all four great ape species engage in this playful teasing leading the research team to propose that the foundational elements of humor may have evolved in the human lineage at least 13 million years ago too soon too soon the apes are like, two humans walk into a bar.

Two hobo sapiens walk into a bar. This was in Munich, Germany, by the way. To everyone there, the apes were funnier than anyone in Germany. So that threw off. There's no controlled experiment here. You have to factor that in. And the Germans are like, they're throwing poop. Wait, that's funny? i thought that was sexy did you see it's making the rounds on instagram

there was an interview uh it was first i've seen it talked about and then i actually saw robin williams interviewed about it he was in germany on one of their giant shows and they do have those giant shows where like tom cruise rides in on a motorcycle when he's promoting the international, you know, uh, screenings of, uh, of, of whatever it is, Top Gun and is dying laughing and then asks you know why do you think it is uh that they're that germany is not known and hasn't produced that many funny people and he goes well did you ever think you might have killed all the funny people and it did not go well and i think he was never invited back on that show which is a very popular stop for everybody to make that's hilarious i mean chimps i get it chimps are hilarious i mean you can stand a chimp cage all day and they do funny shit but orangutans

total hacks the throwing the poop bits like a hundred years old never laughed at a gorilla the gorilla the gorilla advanced i don't know i was gonna shit on a comedian say he was like a gorilla but i i don't why do why start being that guy at this point yeah i mean even the even the chimps aren't stooping to that level. They're not shitting on each other. Well, they literally are, but not figuratively doing that yet. No, of course they're funny. Are you kidding me?

I've seen them annoy each other on purpose, like sneak up and touch. Oh, did you see the one where the male is poking the female and she swats him and then he pokes her again and she swats him? My wife sent me that twice. And the male, though, wasn't it like a younger, it was smaller. So in a weird way, they were punching up also. Like the humor was in this thing could kill me, but I'm going to annoy it. I literally every single night, and this is the key to humor in a marriage is you have to do it constantly

every single night she lays in bed she opens her book she reads about four pages it makes her drowsy she turns off her light rolls over with her back to me and i proceed to give her credit cards you know what a credit card is when you run your finger up the ass crack and poke her in the armpits. I was unaware of that. She hates being poked in the armpits just until she's swatting at me. And it wakes her up. Like for all the work she's done to get you out of sleep, now she can't fall asleep. And she gets really angry. And I don't know why I can't stop doing it.

20 some odd years of rejected credit card swipes. It's really angry. And I don't know why I can't stop doing it. 20 some odd years of rejected credit card swipes. Your credit is no good there. I mean, haven't you learned? Yeah. Oh, no. I also like you're still swiping your credit card. The only person alive still doing that.

I know. I should be putting a chip in. That might be more fun. Yeah. it tap that ass we are going to science tech and health here we go all right this is you want to skim through this a little oh this is i'd say well i can do it if you want because uh alabama my voice is right down the road so you do it and i got two shows tonight and i gotta hang out with my friend brian van horn van vanny for the show uh i like van halen he did he ever have that logo did he ever use that logo no he always did the doors logo logo. Oh, weirdo. And my voice is sounding pretty strong today, actually, for me.

But Alabama's right down the road. And this, I did not realize how this abortion news, I thought they just put it up to a vote. And it's more interesting that. Supreme Court ruled Friday that frozen embryos are children, which pro-choice rights groups have warned could have dangerous implications for fertility treatments, such as in vitro fertilization. So the Alabama Supreme Court on Friday, they reversed a Mobile County Circuit court judge who seems to be rational, in my opinion. circuit court judge who seems to be rational in my opinion uh judge jill parish uh she decided to dismiss this lawsuit what was the lawsuit a couple sued an alabama fertility clinic for the wrongful death of their frozen embryos um the couple's frozen embryos were destroyed after a hospital patient who accessed the

freezer and held the embryos, dropped them on the floor. Uh, the ruling means that the couple can sue for wrongful death. So my take is this couple, I think was probably super pissed off all that stuff. And we're probably trying to get compensated for this hospital messing up their frozen embryos and to do that they probably got legal advice like let's go at them this angle that we can get them in the wrongful death so the wrongful death of a minor act is sweeping and unqualified it applies to all children born and unborn without limitation the ruling said it is not and this is what the supreme court said it is not the role of this court to craft

a new limitation anyway the supreme court's like no you don't throw that out that court had merit that that case had merit and then they are saying that uh yes indeed it uh it was the wrongful death of a minor the frozen embryos that is this is a slippery slope yes i mean what's next i can't toss out my spank tissues am i gonna get arrested for what's in my trash bin here at the holiday inn and fucking portland how about the hospital patient the next day like uh listen good news and bad news the uh your tumor is actually it's not grown anymore that's good but you are going to be on trial for killing eight children remember when you dropped that tray yesterday when you shouldn't have been in there yeah you're a murderer and by the way uh good luck in prison having killed eight children that doesn't go well

right right i kill millions every time i was alone in my office on a wednesday afternoon with a script deadline i was hitler imagine him trying to talk his way out of all the rapes in prison like yeah no no no, they were frozen. Shut up, you kid killer. You froze the children? First you froze them? What a creep. All right, let's get to this day in history.

Yes, here we do it. It's very fun. We changed the format of this it is now a quiz where mike tells us the event and i tell him the year that it happened off the top of my head sometimes sometimes it's a birth sometimes it's stuff like that okay this was my well i don't want to give it away, but you know, this is my first job out of college was related to this. So on, on this day in what year did Philippine president Ferdinand E. Marcos under pressure from the United States? Ferdinand E. Marcos. Oh, okay.

I like Ferdinand E. Marcos. I thought you had a little nickname for him, like you guys were close. I would have called him Ferdy. Fled his country for Hawaii after a fraudulent electoral victory. Oh boy. And Corazon Aquino replaced him. What? On this

day in what year? I'm going to say 91. I told you it was my, Oh, that's interesting. You're right. I said it wasn't my first job that would have been out of high school.

It was 86, 86. You had a better guess based on my clue. Yeah. Okay. Well, what happened is she was president for a while and then it took a long time. And then the marcos's

were on trial in new york city and i got a job um for the the aquino government literally maintaining amelda's poor image in the united states okay what else is going on you're not going to know that one you're not going to know well would you know on this day in what year did french painter renoir pierre renoir when he was born give or take 70 years wait his name was renoir renoir. What year was Renoir born? I'm going to say 1821. 1841. That's not bad. That's not bad at all.

Dude, I gave you 70 years. Yeah. Okay. at all dude i give too early 64 oh okay uh that was the famous photo where he had like his arm going across where he stood over him and he was down on the on the canvas i believe so i believe i mean that's not the photo they have here i don't know how many times they fought but i think so i think that was it and i don't know if that's the one where

i know we drive people crazy when we talk about sports but there was one where i think it might have been sunny less than but one of them put an irritant on his gloves and oh no shit and ali couldn't see and was complaining about in the quarter wow and there used to be real shady shit like that that was you know harder to detect or was ignored back then yeah and they would do stuff like that um george harrison it's his birthday what year was he born uh 1942 very close 43 the youngest beetle yeah he was the youngest you we always talk about the traveling wilburys and how young everybody was he was only 39 years old i think when he was in the traveling wilburys it's it's ridiculous yeah even today literally this morning i saw a uh something come across my feed and where it was ringo being

interviewed he's like yeah so there i was like 30 and the beatles were behind me yeah and he was the he was the oldest one i think all right all right all right let me see if i can find one more i mean those were the lead ones i gotta tell you but uh you're not gonna know all right yeah why not the 16th amendment to the u.s constitution happened on this day which permitted a federal income tax sorry it went into effect on this day what year do you think that was 19 i'm already impressed 19 i'm thinking it's fdr so i'm gonna say 1941 no night they needed them they needed the do-re-mi before then especially so ironic like after we leave england because the taxes then we're like okay 1913 everyone's getting a federal tax yeah 1913 that's when it was 1913 here's one i think you're gonna do very well on this

it's tomorrow i'm cheating but it's the lead story from this day in history for February 26th. What year was Napoleon's escape from Elba? Oh, I'm going to say, uh, he escaped his exile I'm going to say 18 didn't he escape twice or no?

he went twice so I'll finish reading some details he didn't escape twice he was sent he escaped and then he got sent back he gathered support then he sent him to a further island. First, he was sent to Elba, escaped, came back, amassed an army,

got back in power, and then got sent to an island off of Africa. It was like the furthest most point from land in the world. Anthrax Island. Anthrax Island. No, that was Hannibal to clarice i'm gonna say 18 23 15 18 15 okay Okay, my man, where are we now? We are at...

Obituary? Let's do an obituary. Let's take it down. And that's all, folks. Look what I found. Here's the good news. Other than Navalny, I think we talked about him last week. Well, his body was returned to his mom.

And then one headline I saw was his tortured body. I don't know if that means physically. Who knows? But other than him, there wasn't many famous deaths. At least one that I found. But I did find that Tony Ganios dies and he was the guy meat from Porky's.

Oh, wow. Remember him? Yep, of course. 64. He was an actor who made his film debut in The Wanderers, which was amazing. And he played an audience favorite, Anthony Meat Tuperello in the 1980s Porky's sex comedy franchise.

And he died in New York after surgery. By the way, they call it a sex comedy franchise. Go back and watch Porky's. There is a fucking neo-nazi there is abortion there is a suicide it is a dark ass movie and there's uh cuttrell from sex in the city oh kim cuttrell yeah Being sexy as hell and feigning an orgasm or having an orgasm, I think. She's really having it, yeah. In the locker room, I guess.

Let's see here. He was hospitalized Saturday with a spinal cord infection and he had to operate on. He passed away Sunday of heart failure. Huh. In 1990s Die Hard 2, he played a killer who meets a memorably gruesome end when bruce willis stabs him in the eye with an icicle but he found his signature role in porky's uh it was a hit in 19 a surprise hit in 1981 get this the reason i put this paragraph in here it's about a group of high school boys

in florida looking to lose their virginity in 1950s era florida um it was savaged by critics and it would go on to be the fifth highest grossing movie of 1982 spawning spawning two sequels did you i'm trying to remember i don't even think I saw that in the theaters. I think I did. Yeah. I rewatch it because the, like the. The peephole scene was a huge stunt. And that's what got everybody to the theater.

I remember there was the 30th anniversary. And I was interviewing somebody from the movie. So they sent me like the box set of the Porky's remastered. And I was shocked how dark the movie was. I mean, a lot of those 80s moves, you know, late 70s, early 80s movies. You took like Saturday Night Fever. Like you kind of remember it as like a fun, upbeat movie. It's fucking dark.

Yeah, the movies back then, especially the 70s, they were not afraid to be very real. Yeah. I mean, you know, you had like Midnight Cowboy. Rated X won the Best Picture Oscar. Wow, yeah. You had Taxi Driver. I mean, the best movies in the world at that time,

at least American ones, were very dark. Yeah. Easy Rider. Kramer versus Kramer. Yeah. That was a bummer. It's still amazing. I watched, I think I told you, I sometimes do this.

It's like I'm done with whatever I'm doing or I finished a movie and there's not much time left in a flight i'm like i got 20 minutes 25 minutes and also i'll watch it while we're finding the gate and i did it once i remember telling you i did it once with blackhawk down holy crap i just went to the scene where they're like we gotta go in and just it begins with the helicopters yeah do that anybody even if you're at home right now watch that black hawk down scene anyway i did it with the last 20 minutes of kramer versus kramer good lord is even that i'm all of a sudden i'm tearing up that kid was amazing starting then yeah yeah hey how about ordinary people yeah i haven't really early days holy shit that was right in our sweet spot where we were starting

to take movies like more seriously and i remember that one landed hard and there's mary tyler moore in an unbelievably dramatic role yeah i mean it's the movie open well i'm not gonna tell you watch the movie if you want to i mean it's worth it uh should we talk about redford directed it should we talk about the fifth anniversary of brody stevens passing yeah you know and we we were really good friends with brody and uh i met him really early on because jeff nichols my stepbrother uh was trying to be a stand-up in new york and you were already you know you had made it compared to these guys these guys you know brody was out hawking and trying to give away tickets to the seller out front. And anyway, wound up doing, you know,

a documentary series on him, I'd say a few years before he died. And so I guess it's his 50th anniversary. And recently someone sent around this viral clip. Let me just say, like, you say, you and Zach produced this special, and it was about Brody, and it turned into a series. And you guys were there on the ground watching him go through his struggles and sort of helping him fight for his life

as you were also trying to get this project done. Well, yeah, what happened was it was going to be like gervais has his like flunky guy who carl pilkington and i love carl and basically it was like gervais thought that guy was the funniest guy like in the world so you know that was our pitch to hbo kind of was i would watch a show of the quirky guy that zach galifianakis thought was the funniest guy he had ever like which is also impossible to explain how and why brody's funny you know and so he had given brody roles in hangover one hangover two cut out of funny people as he famously would tell you but he was also in that road trip movie that zach did and um and so zach's trying to get him to his next level

and we sold the documentary as like here's a guy that the top guy in comedy right now is trying to show the rest of the world how funny he is and it's not really working out that's what we're going to follow yeah and then we did the pilot and it was picked up and then brody uh had a manic episode that's literally how you describe it and how the medical community described it and they learned and it's a very very popular misdiagnosis they learned he wasn't depressed he was bipolar and because he was diagnosed as depressed it only protect them from the low end of things and there was no kind of regulator protecting him from mania and a lot of people find out they're bipolar because they go into mania when they're just on depression drugs. Anyway, what happened was we got handed a way better

series to do because now we're not following this guy around, you know, like trying to make it on reality shows. It is now about mental health. It is about, you know, Brody coming out of a 17 days of the UCLA psych ward and trying to find equilibrium in order for him then, you know, to continue his career and everything. So it turned out great. It was super heavy. And, you know, I think it was a good, I think it was a good eye opening show about what, because especially as a comedian, people just, they don't understand what the psyche is.

And not all comedians have the same psyche but there is a certain slice of of our population that is afflicted with either depression or bipolar and um and i think it was i think it was meaningful that i think that show was really something yeah no i i it's why i think it's the thing i'm proudest of it's uh and again it was we were handed that serious storyline um so anyway recently a thing went viral where uh in theory i guess uh and it's been debunked maybe guys put together a new hour by george carlin and ai studied george Carlin in theory. Anyway, it was thought provoking, even if it turned out to be false. Because one idea was, could we bring back Brody, who sadly committed suicide five years ago? And is there a way we could do that?

Bring him back? What would he be saying now? And all that stuff. And I recall, and I think it is the very first line of enjoy it. The series that we did originally on HBO and then it moved to comedy central and got a second season. But I think his first line in the famous Brody cadence was, um, feeling good about life. And it occurs to me, no human being would ever say that. Like,

so already it was almost like he was a, that's what AI would say. Yeah. Right. Which is crazy. All right, let's cheer up. I think that was funny.

All right, here we go. Let's go to the funnies. All right. So Hager is with his boys. They got the swords are up. The shields are up. They're getting ready to fucking pillage, baby. And so Hager says to the boys,

I need a volunteer to lead the battle charge. Lucky, of all people, raises his hand, says, I'll do it. And one of the guys goes, you're a braver man than I. And then Lucky goes, not really. I have a huge crush on a nurse at the hospital. And there's a little thought cloud with this pretty nurse. And she's got a couple of hearts, heart emojis next to her smiling face. And I just think, does she know what's coming?

Does she? Those should not be hearts. Those should be like asterisks and uh you know it should be like it's oh the poor girl jesus lucky yeah i don't think it's love i don't think love is in there no no abduction is in the air um now we got the lockhorns and uh leroy is dressed like he's going to a Don Ho concert he's got the Hawaiian shirt he's got a derby

she's got almost a matching derby she's got an oar a boat oar in her hand and this guy is handing Leroy one and it says Canard Cruise Lines and Loretta goes how cheap were these tickets? all right a big thank you this week to Jane And Loretta goes, how cheap were these tickets? All right.

A big thank you this week to Jane, who sent in that series, this cartoon that I forgot the name of last week. So the name of this strip is Non-Sequitur. Non-Sequitur Comics. The first comic, I guess, was in 1992 in 1992 anyway i saw one that he sent and so what this one is is you see this highway in the middle of nowhere and it's going over like you know a i don't know what you'd call that but it's it's like a bridge but it's on land going between over this i don't know like bay anyway it says the evil Knievel. Did you just erase it there? The evil Knievel Memorial highway. And you see the highway lead

to a ramp and then a gap and then a, you know, a ramp that you'd land on, on the other side and it says bridge out either stop or really speed up so i like that that's amazing yeah i love that that should exist somebody should build that somewhere yeah you just have to sign some waivers and then you're off i never get tired of the draw bridge going up and the guy in like a Mustang Mach 3 like speeding up and going over the drawbridge. That's just the best. Yeah, that is strong stuff. I mean, it's really like the genesis

of the Fast and the Furious because I've never seen those movies, but I'm kind of looking forward to like binging them because I hear they're so ridiculous that they're hilarious. Wait, which ones? Fast and the furious oh i know oh have you ever seen one i think i might have no no definitely not a whole one but there was one and i mean have there been seven there have been more i think there's been at least seven i remember tuning into one and fans will know what I'm talking about. And these,

they dropped out of the cars dropped out of planes and maybe even a helicopter and dropped like with, with wheels spinning and then they peeled out and there's been 10 fast and nefarious movies, but, and then they raced down a mountainside like and it was

I'm like yeah clearly I don't even know how they followed it with 8, 9 and 10 if it was 7 because it was lunacy I think I don't know if somebody told me this and it's not true that they were in space in one of the more recent ones

i think 11 is going to be underwater right it has to be yeah let's get to blondie they're gonna fucking they're gonna race into a black hole in space i like that and then appear in a different time uh so blondie and dagwood are in bed he's got on uh what guess here we go could it happen donut pajamas she's got on a pink lacy top they've both got fucking macbooks opened up they're they're doing a little product placement for macbook here and so she says survey one do couples today talk less to each other he says i can't answer that. It's way too general. Then she says, two, do couples today

have fewer date nights? He goes again, no comment, too general. Third one, she says, do more spouses refuse to cook dinner

when their spouses won't answer surveys? He said, now that's specific. Can we talk? Yeah, you can talk. You can talk

without fucking laptops in bed when you're fucking laid down next to a woman who's probably drenched in rose oil, whose toenails are probably painted fuchsia, whose breasts are full and round and soft, and yet you want to sit on a fucking laptop and take surveys? Close her fucking computer and open her legs, Dagwood. Wake up! And of course the threat she

knows where to get him it's with food she's not even withholding sex right that wouldn't work yep yeah I don't know two generals still he's not even fat that's what's so weird about it I mean I would like to see a Blondie cartoon where Dagwood weighs like 360 pounds. That would make sense. That would. Yeah. It would even be more depressing that she's sticking around though. No,

then she'd leave him. I think that would be the, Oh, it's a short, it's a short run comic. I like, okay, fine.

All right. Listen, speaking of short run, if you want to save some money on your, uh, on your mobile phone, to mintmobile.com slash papers and uh you're gonna get yourself uh your your 15 a month uh you get your first three months whatever it is you know the deal and what's the game time thing? Billy Strings. Look at this. I think it was $179 when I checked on it.

$149. That's why we have game time. You track it and the prices go down. The game time app. That's it. Use code PAPERS. All right. We want to thank Chris Denman, everybody at Midcoast Media for supporting the show.

Thank you guys so much for listening. Don't forget, you can always write in at FitzDawgRadio at gmail.com. Send us your thoughts. Send us your songs. Send us your logos. We love that you guys are such a big part of the show. Absolutely. And I'll talk to you all on YouTube for the people that comment and somehow ingest our show that way. And I think it's time to take it. Take it. Yeah. for the people that comment and somehow ingest our show that way. And, uh, I think it's time to take it. Yeah. It's the Sunday papers podcast with Greg and Mike.

They might not get their facts right, but that's all right. It's only the news.