Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 206 3/3/24

Episode Date: March 3, 2024

A naked woman on Venice Beach takes on a character from GOT, a lactating mom makes a mess on Delta, a serial killer in Idaho can’t be killed and Satanic priests will be counseling Florida teens.

Sunday papers time. Read all about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sunday papers time. Three, two, one. Read all about it. Read all about it. We got news coming from the border no we don't listen just kill the story you're trying to wake me up you're trying to wake me up uh we go through our

stories before the show there was a story about both the presidential nominees being at the border but uh why get into it? I think we've done a really good job avoiding politics for a while now. Also, we thought, and again, we're going to be impartial here. One of them said some things and we thought, well, we should fact check. Are they real? Are they, most of them rapists and from an insane asylum? So we just wanted to fact check it before we did that. That's all.

The amazing thing is the playbook of fascism has always started with call all immigrants criminals. It started with Hitler, way before Hitler. I think it's centuries ago, actually. So anyway, we're not going to get into it. Let's get into, I got to apologize first of all. Top of the show. Last week I did a joke.

Thought it was a street joke. Richard Kind, the great Richard Kind, told me at a golf outing a joke that I said last week, which I won't repeat, but it was a great joke. And it was the great Dan Natterman's joke. The joke about sex education so dan was so great to jeff nichols my uh insane stepbrother and uh and dan's just a pure you know really great joke writer and i love his uh stand-up he's a real character he really is i mean he's very very unique that guy and uh and i'm you know I hope, I don't know if he's listening how he would take this,

but I always felt he should be way more successful than he is. Oh, I think he would agree. I think he does fine, but Jesus Christ, that guy's a real talent. Yeah. And I even saw a clip online of Louie talking about one of his- I sent it to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there. Yeah.

Yeah, Louie told the joke as well when he was on Your Mom's House, but he attributed it to Dan. And so are you now. And so am I. Anyway, go check out Dan Aderman. He has stuff on YouTube. He probably has a special. I should know this.

But absolutely on YouTube and support him any way you can. He's a really, really good stand-up. Yeah. I'm going down to San Diego tomorrow. My niece is down there and my sister and brother-in-law are coming to visit her. So we're bringing her a table for her kitchen and hanging out for the day. What does bringing a table for their kitchen mean? We have an extra kitchen table

because we've just got a new one so she's moving into a new apartment so I'm bringing her the table. Reuse, reuse. Reuse. We just did a kind of an overhaul of the house. We bought a lot of new furniture. Let me tell you something.

I know you've done this. Selling stuff on like whatever Facebook marketplace. It is number one. It's an invitation to be raped and murdered. Right. I don't meet them. I have a, yeah, I have a, I don't have a home where they come up to the porch. So I meet them down in the driveway here and under an apartment building. That's much easier. I had a guy recognize me when I was selling a pair of rollerblades.

Oh! And he goes, Greg Fitzsimmons? I guess those blue chew ads aren't paying that big, huh? Fucking dusty rollerblades? You know what? Let me pay double for them. I just feel badly about this. Oh, my God.

So I'm done with that. I give all my shit away now. I mean, we had a lot of expensive stuff, and we just finally just gave it away. They have this app where they just pick it up at your house. It's called, like, Pay Nothing. I forget what it's called. Oh, wait. Is it on Facebook?

I think so. All right. Dickie, I know we bring him up a lot, but anyway, Dickie, he and his wife are on that. And they, I forget what it's called, but it's in Facebook Marketplace. It's free stuff. And I mean, they got a really great barely or never used refrigerator, which they needed for their bagel business so that was being given away because like it was in the house that someone moved into or whatever

but another one was half-eaten pizza pie no way swear to god that's amazing yeah right in their neighborhood they said it was tasty well you know our friend matt is a uh he's he's an he's an alley um troll he goes up and down the alleys and he finds stuff and brings it home and his wife is ready to leave him because there's so much shit in the backyard yeah i mean she's like why am i living with a homeless person that is a homeless person's routine. That is their job. Right. And he would be a full-blown hoarder if he wasn't bi-coastal, I think. Right, right. And had more space. Yeah.

Bi-coastal hoarders, I should do something with that. Do you think there's a category? Bi-coastal hoarders? You think they're hoarding in two different places? Yeah. All hoarders, I assume, are one place because they can't find the front door anymore. It's through this labyrinth, almost like a hedge maze. And I wonder, are there well-to-do?

There are well-to-do hoarders for sure. Do they have a second residence? Is that one packed? It could be like a Jekyll and Hyde thing where maybe one of your places is like uh almost like an eating disorder where you purge and binge like one of them is just like asian like you know post-modern everything's clean lines no clutter and then the other one i i fucking love it when they go into a house that's cluttered on TikTok. Yeah.

And it's waist deep in shit and just newspapers and garbage. And it's fascinating. Yeah. And then, yeah. So in your other place, you're like, throw it out. Just throw it out. Put it by the front door. I'm going to bring it back to my other place.

Declutter. Put it in the driveway yeah we clutter put it in the driveway i'll load it in the car we are the opposite of hoarders in our house we get rid of everything our we just we don't have a huge house because it's in venice and so we uh we keep it tight keep it tight all right so do you know about this uh i i never saw it, but it was a show that I think did pretty well. It was called like Swedish death cleaning. Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. Here we go. Swedish death cleaning. I'll read you a little paragraph. So they talk about Maria Kondo, blah, blah, blah. Uh, uh, so once you reach the end of middle age or sooner, if you feel like it, or later, if you're late to the exercise, you get rid of all the stuff you've accumulated that you don't need anymore so that no one else has to do it for you after you pass.

It's called, and then there's the gentle art of Swedish death Cleaning, How to Make Your Loved One's Lives Easier, and Your Own Life More Pleasant. There was a typo, sorry. Yeah, my mother-in-law obsessed about her sister. She had an older sister who just died last year at like 93, and she lived in the Bronx. Aunt Jo, crazy Aunt Jo in the Bronx. And my mother-in-law considered her a hoarder.

I did not at all. She had a basement that, you know, everybody had boxes in. We had boxes in it. Aaron's brother had boxes in it. And other than that, like there was a second bedroom that was filled with clothes,

but her bedroom and the third bedroom were clean. Everything was fine. And Aaron's mother, I swear to God, it's all she talked about. When Joe dies, I mean, it's going to take me months. There's so much garbage. And then she died. I'd like to hear her in a conversation with larry david oh my god i'm gonna get her on the phone i'm gonna call her so you can hear she literally does talk like that

and so uh so she died and we went over the house and me and aaron flew in for a week to help her do it end of the week place was fucking empty it was such an easy job. Are we really bothering poor Virginia? No, she needs a break because her longtime companion has been in the hospital. Oh, no. So I'll call to check on her, but then you guys can hear what she sounds like. Is it ringing? I can't hear it.

Oh, you can't hear the ringing? No. No. All right, she's not answering. She often loses her phone. All right. Random thought. I just thought about, like I go Swedish death cleaning.

So when you say the phrase Swedish death cleaning, like my reaction was, huh? Like, huh, what's that? But that can't be the case for every country. if i heard german death cleaning i'd be like oh yeah right like yeah i'm assuming there are incinerators involved or like yeah i what or giant pits? Yeah, Colombian death cleaning. Colombian death cleaning involves a police cover-up and a lot of people in town that won't talk to journalists. Colombian doesn't even need negative words for you to be like,

uh-oh, like Colombian bow tie. Even that, I'm like, whoa, whoa. Like, I just sensed that it was the most evil thing ever. Yeah, every race has their little thing. You've got the Irish goodbye, which means not saying goodbye to anybody, just like slipping out. You have Jewish lightning, which is when you burn a building down to get the insurance.

Okay. Accusing them of being criminals. You just accused the Irish of very discreetly leaving a party, and you accused Jewish people of absolutely committing fraud. Oh, God. Those are the kind of things that people actually used to say. I mean, like, with no irony. Oh, no, no, I know.

Oh, please, of course. Yeah. Also, what about a Cleveland death cleaning? I would assume that is a hand very far up someone's rectum. Yes. Right. Or it involves a lot of Clorox and sponges under a table. I guess it's on top of a table, right?

Now there's the Cleveland Steamer. We don't have to go in all this. I don't know which is which. There's a Cincinnati Slider. I can't remember what they all are. What is Ohio up to, you pigs? Jesus. So we had a nice round of golf this week. We went out with our friends. Incredible.

One of them belongs to a country club, and he's made a lot of money in TV. And so he hosted us to play at his course, which he's done before. And the thing is, he's such a good dude. I mean, doesn't have to be. Whenever you meet somebody who's like a billionaire, you're like, well, you don't have to be nice. You could be Larry David if you want to. And so we go out on his course and he, and it's lovely, manicured, everything looks like pristine and all the employees treat you amazing. And then you go like, this is paradise. And then and then you gotta meet the members so we're out

on like what the fourth or fifth hole yeah and the marshal comes the marshal's a guy that runs around in a golf cart and deals with people that complain so he comes up and he tells us that the group behind us complain that we're not raking the sand traps and it's like all right first of all how would you know it was us? There's, you know, we're teeing off at 10 in the morning. People have been playing for three hours on this course. Secondly, who the fuck doesn't rape a track? Rape a trap.

Who doesn't rake a trap? We got our shirts tucked in. We got slacks on. You know, we're on our best behavior. It's like it's unfathomable that somebody would not rake a trap we got our shirts tucked in we got slacks on you know we're on our best behavior it's like it's in in fathomable that somebody would not rake a trap but it's also insane that you belong to a club which means there's a finite amount of members and you're kind of in theory all part of a uh a kinship that's a club like literally a club your your members together and this guy is going to fucking damage a relationship.

It's a social group. And you're going to destroy a relationship over an unraked sand trap because there's no getting over that. When somebody complains about you to the marshal, you're a fucking douchebag. All right, to make this interesting for people who hate golf or don't care about golf,

it's wild to me what complete pussies golfers are like, and it's in every club and I've been trying to tease it out. All right. Is it because like they're, they're rich guys who are not used to you who are used to getting their way. You know what I mean? Or this, this probably is a big part of it.

The game is so infuriating that a lot of people and it's not excuse but a lot of people become dicks yes i think that's a big that's not all of it there are also dicks who become bigger dicks when they're you know hating everything in the moment but like my dad's club was like a guy was teeing off and the other guy goes i'm you know moving along jim like i can't get another letter and i go to my dad i along, Jim. I can't get another letter. And I go to my dad, I whisper. I'm like, what does he mean another letter? He's like, oh, if they see you playing slow,

he goes, even if there are two holes behind you, if they see, they report you. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? It's a bunch of Karens. It's incredible. I think it's also a lot of guys, and it is guys. There's a lot of these clubs that don't have female members that are retired, and they were real A-type.

They were CEOs, and now they got all this time and energy on their hands, and they start directing it towards changing rules at the club. Anyway, long story short, one of the guys in our group then, the guy who's the member, confronted the group and said, hey, we've raked the fucking traps. And he kind of played it big so that they laughed like it was a joke. But he was saying like, what are we, guys don't rake the fucking trap? So anyway, and then one of them comes over and he like is talking and he puts his hand on his shoulder like we're friends.

It's like he's a big waspy guy. It's kind of like you described. He probably he looked like a guy who was a president of a bank. And then he goes, uh, he goes, and then finally they kind of resolve it. And Greg's walking away and the guy goes, well, it was probably the homosexuals. And then our friend goes, yeah, I'll tell my son that. And then he just, just rides away in the car. And the guy looked like it was a gut punch it was like there's this mentality at these country clubs that we're all in on it that we're

all gonna make racist homophobic jokes and uh but it's cool because we're here at the club and it's gross although we did it yeah but we're funny no because we're dying laughing at how stupid it is and that people really do that. Yes. I don't know if that fully excuses our jokes at everyone's expense. Everybody. Including his gay son's son.

Son. Oh, my God. So, anyway, that was fun. We got to thank you guys. Oh, we got koozies left. Not a lot. Get the final koozies. We get a letter about them later.

Is the koozie letter down below or no? Yeah, that's down below. We'll read that. All right. But listen, write me, but do know in a couple of minutes or whatever, you'll hear that the post office, probably because they get a little clunky in the processing, the envelopes going through the system.

One of them took over a month or something like that. But anyway, I'm trying, anyone who writes me, I'm trying to mail them out. And they go out right away, but be patient. There's very few of you. I mean, literally I think one this week, but, you know, it might be coming, but I'll mail you another

one anyway. I don't care. Uh, the logo this week is from Craig Good, good debt, who is a big, uh, supporter of the show. We got ski masks on and, uh, uh, you skied this year, didn't you? Oh yeah. Yeah. I just went, wait, did, uh, wait, I have a funny story about the Penmar hat.

Do you have your Penmar hat? Not on me, no. All right, go ahead. Talk for a second. I'm going to get it. It's right in the other room. So I'm not skiing. This is such a white guy show.

We're talking about golf and skiing. Jesus. We also do Muay Thai, and we also do paddle tennis. That's not much less white guy. Just talking about how white guy our podcast is, talking about skiing and golf and tennis. Now I should just complain about me having a head cold. All right. So I'm going through. Oh yeah, we didn't address that. You've got a flu with a fever right now. Yeah.

Fever's down a little. So but we're muscling through, man. Yeah. Unlike most white people, we're not going to get hung up on it. We're not going to get for sympathy. So I'm in Nashville in the airport and I'm going through TSA and I'm wearing the Penmar hat. And I go through and the guy, uh,

I, cause the artificial hip, I have to go through that thing, whatever. And usually something goes off and they have to pack. Anyway, a TSA comes up to me and then the guy stares at the hat for a while. Meanwhile,

I don't even know what hat I'm wearing. And he's staring at me while he's like, what's up with the hat? So I'm like, Oh, and I take it off and the both of us now are looking at it i'm holding it like two feet a foot from our faces so here is the penmar hat and for those listening it's the penmar logo with a plane crash uh

literally the plane is nosedived into the ground you see see one wing, you see the tail up. And it's a great logo. And what that is is Harrison Ford famously crashed his plane on the 8th T of Penmar because the Santa Monica airport is right nearby. And he has a hangar full of little planes. And he was flying out of there and lost control. I think he might have crashed. Did he crash twice? He crashed twice, maybe even three times. So anyway,

Denman's not on, so he can't check for us. All right. But here's the hat. So anyway, so a guy goes, what's up with the hat? And I look at it and I'm like, I know, obviously I know what he's talking about. And he goes, what is that i'm like uh i don't know and he goes is that a plane crash and i go um i don't think so that that's all i could come up with as i'm holding this plane crash in my hand a foot from our faces. Oh, God. I could even, like, I was just going to say,

if I was doing, like, a single com or a movie, I would have had me say nothing until, like, we just nodded and I walked away. I would have made it so awkward. That's where it was heading. Yeah.

I just looked it up. It says, Harrison Ford had a helicopter crash landing in 1999, a runway overshoot in 2000, a golf course crash in 2015, a taxiway landing in 2017, and a runway crossing mistake in 2020. Despite these incidents, Ford remains an active flyer and has expressed remorse

for his mistakes. Oh my God. Well, I wonder back then if they could, at every one of these junctures, they need to test that guy for weed. Oh, he's a huge pothead. Huge. Well, I should say, at one point he was a huge pothead. Yes. Yes. It is funny, though, how many movies he's been a pilot in, you know? Yeah. Oh, that's true. F1.

He was in a bunch. Let's just go with it. It's a Fitz fact. It's a Fitz fact. Song this week from Markku Heinonen from Finland. And a beautiful song. It's a Fitz fact. Song this week from Markku Heinenen from Finland. And a beautiful song. It was kind of- Finish death cleaning.

Totally works for me. In fact, it even has the word finish in it. There it is. And the last note sounded a little John Denver-ish. It was very nice. Speaking of pilots for whom things do not go well. Right. Would you ever want to fly go well. Right, right.

Would you ever want to fly a plane? Oh, totally. Really? Yeah, but then I remember like how many times I go to my car, I'm like, oh, I forgot that, or I forgot that, or oh, yeah, my coffee's on the roof, and that's in a car. Right, right. I mean, they have that giant printed out checklist. I would never, I don't know if pilots ever know it so well that they don't take it out and read along, check, check, check.

They probably are, like, they know the checklist in their head. I would never, ever trust the checklist in my head. I'm guessing you don't fly solo for a long time. So you've got a co-pilot that's doing the checklist with you probably for a long time. Maybe. I flew up with a guy, a friend of, when the kids were in their little ridiculous Waldorf school, a dad, and he wasn't even that wealthy. Planes, believe it or not, the little, you know, the single prop planes are actually not that expensive.

I mean, what you would think. And anyway, he taught flying lessons also at Santa Monica airport and he had a plane and, uh, he, I'm like, I have to work till Friday. And anyway, they went up to some camp or whatever. And so I, long story short, I flew with him. It was the best. And I heard him. And yeah.

And as you're flying up and especially you're flying from la to san francisco over all the farmland over like they're the sierras on your right it's uh it's extraordinary and uh and you you hear him like every time he came within range of the next uh airfield they would check in with him you know and he'd check in you know it's like it's very very regulated obviously it it is pretty amazing the whole aerospace uh world like that there are there aren't tons of crashes yeah it is amazing at any point like when you see the traffic in the air when they're like this is how many planes are in. Like, I remember I had no idea until nine 11 when they were like,

and then how many planes they had a land that were just over American airspace. Right. It was thousands, like more than thousands. Even I think more than 10,000, like it was, someone probably knows or someone could Google it, but it's like, it's a whole highway system up there

and that everything basically goes right. And they also are short. 99.1. 99.1. It has to be over 99%. Yeah. Way, way over 99%. You never hear about planes crashing into each other.

Literally never. Even on runways, you see all the near misses. It's an accident. It's a it's a it's a mechanical failure it's never it's never them and i also know it's like people like god you guys people die just whatever a month ago a plane hit a plane i'm like i'm giving you that but that's like the point one percent or whatever it is it's like lightning it is going to happen of course whenever i get wi-fi on a plane i always text aaron i'm in the plane i love you so much remember that forever i i pretend that we're going down and i tell her how much i love her and you press send

and i press send. Jesus Christ. I told you about my dad's, right? They were going down to Florida from New York and airplane trouble. And the pilot was pretty honest and very professional. My dad said he was actually kind of comforting. He's like, okay, our landing gear is not opening. And so we're in talks with the tower. So there's going to be a delay.

I'll get back to you. And anyway, there were like four or five of those updates. And then it kind of got more and more serious. And then like, okay, we are going out over the ocean and dumping all our fuel and we are coming in and we are going to do a landing without any landing gear. The fire trucks, everything is already on the tarmac.

And they went over how they're all going to exit. What I imagine to be this scolding hot aircraft by time it screeches to a stop. So my dad told us that story after he, like the next weekend or whatever. And he's like, um, so I wrote you guys a note telling you how much I loved you and everything. You know, I was confident I'd come through it, but on the off chance, I just wrote you guys a note. And so being a fucking like kind of wise ass kid a little bit i'm like what makes you think you wouldn't have survived this fiery crash and the note would and he's like i put the note in my mouth what the fuck

holy shit this just got way trigger warning trigger warning was your dad an f1 fighter in world war ii or something i don't know what's hitting up your what's hitting up your ass half the time who are you yeah by the way when i die check my asshole there's something in there for you it's a watch that'll be in the will yeah oh. Oh, my. So what happened with the landing? I'm sure he's already checked. Landing was fine. Landing was fine. They did it with no wheels?

They did. They came, well, I think then maybe one wheel. I don't know what it was, but everything that I said happened. Fire trucks met it. They immediately sprayed it down. All the fuel was out, all that stuff. Wow. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, but I think there was something met it. They immediately sprayed it down. All the fuel was out, all that stuff. Wow. That's fucking crazy.

Yeah, but I think there was something about it. Like, maybe they got two wheels. It was easier than they feared. All right, let's get- And then, of course, you're ecstatic, so you made out with the strange woman next to him and put the note in her mouth. See, you need an ending.

You need a tag on all this. We had a correction. Grant wrote in that while talking about the hockey game at MetLife Stadium, you made numerous errors. The players you mentioned fighting, Matt Rempe, R-E-M-P-E Rempe?

Plays for the Rangers, not the Islanders. He is 21, not 20. he is a center not a winger he also got both his height and weight wrong uh the game itself is not part of a tournament but counts as a regular season game MetLife Stadium is in New Jersey not New York fantastic okay well look I the funny thing is I hardly watch hockey. I never sit down and watch hockey anymore. And I actually sat down and watched that game beginning to end.

And I've since watched this. He continues to fight and he got a fucking goal in his second game. So he's not just a bruiser. He's a good player. What's his deal? I'm a Ranger fan in quotes. I'm ready to hop back on.

He's six foot seven and he just loves to fight. And so, yeah. Tour dates coming up. I'll be in La Jolla at the Comedy Store March 8th through 10th. Hollywood St. Patrick's Day show March 16th. I just talked to, got some big name comics coming on. Right now we can announce Annie Letterman and Laura Keitlinger. We got a maybe from Tim Dillon.

We got a maybe from Whitney Cummings. Out to a couple other people. Santino's out of town. But we always get a great lineup. So get your tickets now. Also coming to Boca Raton on April 3rd. Tampa side splitters April 4th through 6th. Mamaroneck, New York at the Emmeline Theater May 31st.

Get tickets at FitzDawg.com. Nice. Should we talk about prize picks? Yeah, let's do it. You know, they are America's number one fantasy sports app with over 3 million members. Easy way to play DFS. Just you against the numbers.

You pick more than or less than on two to six player stat projections. Just watch the winnings roll in. I mean, you can make 100 times your money with as little as four correct picks. You turn $10 into $1,000. Honestly, we've been doing ads for these guys for a while, and I keep expecting them to go out of business because how can they possibly be this generous?

But somehow it's all working out for them, and I'm happy for them. 100 times your money. You see this Demons goblins thing? It's their newest way to win money. Squares marked with red demons or green goblins get you different payouts. You can win up to 100 times your money with as little as four correct picks.

Well, I guess there's this other thing that's kind of fun is you play alongside uh celebrities like the rapper Meek Mill and of course comedian Andrew Schultz who knows a lot about sports yeah uh find community plays under the promos tab of the app and view entries from some of the biggest names and prizes that's kind of fun if you're a fan of somebody and you're playing with them. So like this week, I think I'm going to go, I think Stephen Curry has turned it on now, and I can pick

more than 29 points. I think that's safe, right? That's pretty safe. I think that's very safe. Yeah, you highlight the winnings from how fun and simple the experience is. Look, go to prizepix.com slash papers and use code papers for a first deposit match of up to $100. Go to prizepix.com slash papers.

Use code papers for a first deposit match up to $100. Pick more. Pick less. It's that easy. PrizePix. All more, pick less. It's that easy. Price picks. All right, front page. Extra! Extra! We all have bought it!

Extra! By the way, a writer, a commenter, I think on YouTube, which I'm all over, Greg. I'm all over. I'm a man of the people. I'm, I think on YouTube, which I'm all over, Greg. I'm all over. I'm a man of the people. I'm responding to people on YouTube. They said corrections, just like in newspapers, should be a section. Oh, that's good.

I think so, too. Okay. Oh, wait. What? Last night in my little fever state, I had another idea up top, another section. Forgot what it was. All right.

We should do like a real estate. See what you can get in one place versus what you can get in another place for the same amount of money. I'm wondering if people are liking this day in history where I quiz you, because I'm quizzing the listeners also. I'm wondering... Oh, they're loving it. Now I'm getting a bunch of email about it. People love it.

They play along. Oh, wow. So you don't share any of this stuff with me. I used to send you all the emails, but there's so fucking many, and the extra step of forwarding them is just a pain in the ass. So I just send you the ones that have to do with you, like in terms of Florida man,

cause you do Florida man. That's all I want. So I, uh, I'm going a way to visit. Oh yeah. If anyone has advice, uh,

on Amsterdam, I'm going, uh, next week to visit my daughter there. And, uh, and I might also go to Bruges. But any advice on Amsterdam?

I know there's a comedy club there. I also know one of the most popular bars has skateboarding in it. Oh, you got to talk to Dave Rath. He's the expert on Amsterdam. All over. He really is an expert on it. So anyway, any advice? I appreciate it.

Just send it to the – where are they sending it, Greg? Fitzdogradio at gmail.com. There you have it. But because I'm going away, we're doing a special Oscar show next week. And this circles back to what we were just talking about, new things for the podcast. So we were looking up evergreen stories. And when you look up evergreen stories, like I went on Apple News. Evergreen means they're not're not dated they can last forever you see i assume our listeners

are intelligent they don't always know that so yeah that they're a little broader they're not they're not day specific and they won't be old a week from now and all those stories are like the buzzfeed things like the three things doctors say you should stop eating right away. But they do set up good quizzes. And and so I wonder if we have a section like that, like a quick rapid fire, like three stories that are in that bullshit mode. And I don't know if we call it the BuzzFeed section now that BuzzFeed's collapsing and maybe going out of business. Anyway, we should give it some thought

because again, it's a quiz structure. So it would be like, what are three of the five things doctors are saying you have to cut out so you don't die of a heart attack? Yeah, but sometimes they actually are, you do want to know, like they're good at it. You know what I mean? Like here, listen, right now, very quickly,

I'm going to go to Apple news let me put today okay uh uh why do you do that while i read the front page i was fat for years now i'm thin i had no idea that would i had no idea what that would mean for sex so i would say what does that mean for sex and So I would say, what does that mean for sex? And then it was someone like, I'm newly single again, and I cannot perform this sex act that seemingly is now the new thing. They're like that. Okay. So anyway, they're like, they're baity.

They bait you in. Speaking of bait, a 17-year- old high school senior was sent home last week after being told her outfit a full sleeved white turtleneck over a knee-length black dress with lace trim could make teachers feel awkward because making podcasters feel awkward the teen's father christopher wilson revealed in a now viral facebook live that his daughter Karis was pulled out of class last Tuesday at Norcam Senior Secondary School in Cantaloupes, Canada, escorted to the principal's office, and she went home in tears.

I saw a video of a 17-year-old dressed inappropriately for school that also went viral, and I would say she was dressed way more provocatively. And this was a Catholic school. And the cool thing is, is America, they didn't send her home. They just sent her to the office. Of course, made her take the offensive clothes off.

And then, you know, her stepbrother was called in to bring her home. But, you know, he didn't even bring, they didn't even make her bring her home. The principal turned out to be the wrestling coach. They kind of rolled around and whatever, lessons were learned and she went back to class.

I just, I just feel like our country is a little more progressive according to this video that I saw. And there's a bunch of them. I can send you guys links. Well, yeah.

And if you want to see the outfit, the dad said, if you want to see the outfit she was wearing, he gave out her OnlyFans account, and you can go check it out on there. Look at it. You can chew on it. She'll mail it to you. I found a picture, Greg, and this is,

she likes turtlenecks. She's wearing a black turtleneck here. This is how she wears it, though. It's weird that the neck is so covered, but yet the midriff goes all the way up to the collarbone. All right. What I just held up was, I believe, a porn star. It's sad that you had that on your phone that quickly. No, no.

I made this before the podcast. Those are my black bars that I put over her private. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. In markup mode, I'm an amateur Photoshop person. She's fully exposed with the turtleneck

rolled up to her neck. Speaking of nudity, a naked woman went on a mini rampage in L.A. this week, uh, attacking folks at Venice beach, my hometown. But another lady was equally ready to throw down with medieval weapons.

No less this wild incident. I think everybody's seen this clip at this point. It was captured by witnesses. Uh, the woman, but naked went berserk on the boardwalk and squared up with a woman who had a spiked club. She struck the naked woman with the baton before throwing it at her. The nude woman picked it up

and started running at the woman as well as other people. But the funny thing is, she also kind of danced in the middle of it as well. And I got so much mail from people going like, hey, fucking Venice Beach, this is where you live, dude. And I'm like, yeah, exactly. What fun happened in your shitty squalid little town last week in the Midwest behind your gated community or behind your fucking shrubs? Nothing. I had a naked woman fighting a medieval woman on the beach with a crowd of people in the sunlight right near the sand. That's a good fucking day.

What do you have, medieval times in your town? Right. This is all right here. And you can hop in the ocean right after you watch it. Jump in the ocean. Yeah. Go play pickleball. If you're going to bring your crazy to the Venice Boardwalk, be prepared to be out-crazyed.

Yeah. It's just as simple as that. In fact, you might feel very normal by comparison. It might be life-affirming. That actually is what I love about Venice, is that it really does make you feel like you're not crazy by comparison. And by the way, this woman was hot. Did you see the video?

I did. There was a lot of blurring going on, but I did. But she's very attractive. I thought it was like a hagger reenactment. There was that with that club. Yeah, right. Speaking of tits, a mom is suing Delta Airlines. Okay, let's pause.

Let's pause. I was sick this week, and Greg loaded the stories. We talked about this last week. We have a high school senior and all the sex jokes about her who was sent home for dressed too sexy. The next story was called A Naked Woman, and this story is called Tits. Yeah.

The next story, don't worry. A little bit of a change. It's a serial killer. All right, look. And then Satan. And then Satan. Just to tease what's coming up. I don't write the news. I report it. I'm just a beat guy. I'm out on the streets. Okay. A mom is suing Delta Airlines after the airline allegedly did not allow her to pump breast milk during a four-hour flight.

Erica Gurdie claims Delta Airlines forced her to discard one of her carry-on bags, which was filled with her breast pump. As a nursing mother, depending on her stash of breast milk and being able to pump blah, blah, blah, She would be reunited with her newborn son. She claimed that she endured a grueling flight, which included the agony of breast engorgement and the emotional trauma of public spectacle after she was, quote, drenched in her own milk gushing from her breasts.

Jesus. She used the word gushing. That was in quotes. Yeah. Gushing from her breasts. Jesus Christ. I got to guess that was in quotes yeah gushing from her breath i'm jesus christ that i gotta guess that's in first class you gotta pay extra to sit next to that no i what i think happened is first class people paid to be put back in coach next to her are you kidding me you don't want to sit next to a woman with fucking milk gushing from her breast that's amazing uh it's

incredible i mean i think another woman actually picked up a spiked club and went after her at one point, but that's just, you know, another trend. On my dad's flights, the fire trucks wouldn't even have to meet the plane. We got this gusher on board. By the way, I have, I don't know how this happened, but my Instagram reels, which I watch a lot of, has somehow decided that I like watching women breastfeed. So there's this new kind of a workaround. What a silly algorithm.

So misguided. There's a workaround. Look at the stories you picked. They think I like girls being sent to the office um so it has these women with they they pop out these huge breasts and they take a baby and they put it up to the nipple to breastfeed and i was like oh i guess they could show this because it's like educational and it would be breastfeed shaming if they told them they couldn't put it on. But here's the little catch.

If you look close, they're not real babies. They're just dolls. They're adult men. They're little people. They're fucking dolls that they stick on their tits and they cradle their breasts

and they squeeze it. And once you watch one five times, suddenly they think you're really into it and they just make it part of your feed. No, wait a minute. But they are producing milk? In other words, this isn't an excuse just to show boobs?

No, they're not producing milk. They're not breastfeeding. They're just big-titted girls sticking fake babies on so they can put it on Instagram. I got to borrow your phone. And the crazy thing is this is what my wife does for a living. She deals with lactating women. Oh, this is what my wife does for a living.

She deals with a husband who's watching these videos all day. It's a full-time job. Yeah, for life. I would tell the great story about Aaron being engorged, but we don't have time. No. And we've heard, a lot of the loyal listeners have heard that one before. It's a great one. It's worth hearing again.

You had her relieved. I mean, it's just like this poor woman on the flight. She needed relief. She needed relief. In Idaho on Wednesday, delayed the execution of serial killer Thomas Eugene Creech. Jesus, he was destined to kill. He was one of the longest serving death row inmates in the U.S. after failed attempt at lethal injection. He was imprisoned in 74, convicted of five murders and several more he's suspected of.

He's serving life in prison when he beat a fellow inmate, David J.L. Henson, to death in 1981. So anyway, the medical team could not establish an IV line to administer the fatal drug. A team of medical members tried repeatedly to establish it in his arms and his legs, the crook of his arms, his hands, his ankles, his feet. At one point, a medical cart of supplies was moved in front of the media witness viewing window,

partially obscuring the view of the medical team's efforts. Where they took out a sledgehammer. They had to leave and get more supplies. And they halted the execution at 11 a.m. I mean, look, that's a bad motherfucker. He has killed in five states. He killed a guy in prison, and

you can't put him down. Just put him in isolation and let him run out the clock at this point. Meanwhile, all these prisons are botching injections and executions. I wonder where they could find somebody who has successfully killed someone. Like where?

They must be somewhere. Those people who like, I mean, how about this guy? You've killed at least five people. Any advice? Any tips? If only you could find somebody with no conscience. advice any tips if only you could find somebody with no conscience somebody who is maybe a little worked up about being incarcerated for 20 years has some rage to spew let me walk down the hall and think about it i bet i could find the solution i think you should be killed the way you killed

your victims wow if you get the If you get the death penalty. You know, if you stab them, you get stabbed. If you choke them, you get choked. That's why I kill people with kindness, Greg. Oh, that's nice. Believe it or not, that would be the worst death, actually. Think about it. Imagine literally killing someone with kindness.

I think Matt Knudsen could kill you with kindness. I think if I lived in like the friendliest town in Minnesota, I would be killed by kindness. Yes. Oh, he jumped off. I can't do the accent. Oh, Mike jumped off the building. Yeah. I don't know what accent that was.

We were all at the rec center. I was bringing him over the jello with the fruit in it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. You know what I tried to do last night? It cracked Olivia up, but just because of how inappropriate. This is how I know I'm on to something.

My daughter's initially offended by a, usually like a, I'm going to add satir satirical you know edgy thing i'm saying and uh otherwise known as just racist i'm not gonna say that but yes and then and then gets uh so initially offended then is laughing and then the phone gets picked up because she wants to record me. And that's when I stop. But last night, last night I was trying to clear my head or whatever. And I made this like wonton soup. So I was trying to cook it very authentically with the accent. And, uh, and then I added like cayenne or whatever. And I'm like, I go, I want, I go, I wonder what it would look like seeing an Asian person with a Southern accent. And I go, and I wonder if he didn't fully lose his Asian.

And so I was trying to do an Asian, a hybrid Asian accent with a Southern, like an American Southern accent. And it, I have to tell you, it was hysterical. And you're not going to do it right now. No, no. It took me so long to dial it in. That's why Olivia was, that's why Olivia was cracking up. Cause it was, it was 40 misses and then I got one sentence right. And I forgot what it was, but she heard it and gave it up. Like you did it. That was it.

That's great. Yeah. By the way, speaking of uh talking about asian people i really liked uh shane's snl yeah i thought he did a great job and you know it's funny because i got the sense he wasn't happy with his monologue because he did like that shook his hand at somebody in the audience like that was only so so, so I thought it was great. I thought he, you know, I don't think he should have talked to his parents because I think that broke the fourth wall and it made people uncomfortable because he was then talking about his mother and masturbation.

Yeah. I think that was, I think that was a mistake. I think he should have just gone right into his material, but he did great in the sketches and closed strong. And if I was nitpicking, I think he should have gone out on the second to last joke, which I don't remember, but it was, oh,

I think it was the coffee. The coffee, I don't want to spoil it, but that employs a lot of people like some of his family members. This is what I'll say, though. Watching it the second time, because then I watched it with Olivia, I really thought it was much stronger.

I basically was nervous for him the first time. And when you were nervous for him, his nervous things he did kind of got under my skin. I was like, ugh. It really affected me more than I thought. Because I was like, I don't know if he's going to land this plane, so to speak. I mean, how do you not get nervous doing stand-up on Saturday Night Live live because first of all i don't think it's a great crowd you know they're kind of lit because it's tv and it's not a huge crowd which he mentioned how well lit it was in there yeah and uh and here's the thing about being nervous as a comedian it just goes to show you

bombing sucks so bad that no matter how good you get at standout, no matter how many shows you've done, no matter how good you're hitting percentages, which with a guy like Shane, uh, quantifiably probably kills 97% of the time, but that 3%, I had it last night. I did this stupid private show at Emerson college and the crowd, fuck, they'd been there all day and they were worn out and they were, it was terrible and I bombed and it fucking hurts. It's the worst.

And then I went to the comedy store to do another show and all our friends were there. Pete Scott was there with a friend and Matt Malloy was there with a couple of friends. I cannot stand having friends in the audience. It is so distracting. And, uh, and it's just, it's like your job. Like, would you go, like, would I go to my wife's job and watch her, you know, coach mothers on how to parent babies. Watch her watching you look at breastfeeding videos. Yeah, right? I'm recording them for later.

I'm going to upload them on the way home. Anyway, next one. Satanic. A legislation that would allow volunteer chaplains in Florida public schools nears passage. The Satanic Temple says it's looking forward to the opportunity. Quote, any opportunity that exists for ministers or chaplains in the public sector must not discriminate based on religious affiliation,

wrote the Satanic Temple's director of ministry, who goes by Penumu Grigori. Wait a minute, that was my confirmation name. Master Grigori. But First Amendment advocates and others already are questioning how local districts, if they choose to do so, will put the chaplain program into practice without running afoul of concerns over religious freedom. The measure, geared at helping address students' mental health needs, authorizes school districts to adopt a policy to provide support services and programs to students.

Okay, so I'm a student. I have a choice between being counseled by some closeted homosexual in a J.Crew sweater who thinks a man magically heals you if you repeat prayers written thousands of years ago. And if you fuck up, you will burn until your skin melts for eternity. Or, I

hang out with a dude with tats who drives a hearse with a star sprained on the hood, and he'll give me LSD and let me sit with a group of naked witches in the woods while we listen to Black Sabbath and Howl at the Moon. I'm going with that guy. Also, not as big a difference as the Christians would like to think. I mean, Satanists believe in the devil, so that means they believe in the Bible. Right.

And only a sick book like the Bible envisions Satan who gleefully tortures you for eternity. Yes. So you're both signing it. You both have fully signed on to the same text. I grew up Catholic and we spent as much time studying Satan as we did God. Not particularly Satan in particular, but the idea of sin, the idea of hell, the idea of purgatory. My church was kind of macabre. It was really dark. And I get it.

We had Satan worshipers in our town. Oh, no. I mean, whatever. We can't go into too much. But yeah, even my one year in Iona Grammar School, it's like you start out, you're born a filthy, disgusting, sin-packed infant. And then you're just going to burn in hell at every step of the way. Yes. That's what it was like for me last night at that Emerson show.

Yeah, exactly. That would be my hell. It's last night at that Emerson show. Yeah, exactly. That would be my hell. It's insane. Bombing like that. Putting that in young children's heads. Non-stop bombing like that would be my hell. That would be the worst thing you could put me through. Yeah. Ugh.

You know, as I just said that, I go, you know, there's probably a reason it's been around forever and of course it began like it's it was the first science like how do we explain why the sun comes up why we're here our purpose where we go when we die all that stuff right how did this all start but i you know and then of course it was a lot about control and uh but then i like think about my complaints about like you know which every generation has had about the next few generations. Like, oh, my God, what a shit show. And they don't know the real world. And they're a weaker generation, just like I'm far weaker than two generations ago and the one before me. Anyway, I had a thought, though, the other day, which was because I was watching.

Oh, I was. Oh, I watched a great movie on Netflix. Us and Them, Chinese movie. I won't go into it now. But the male character was like, well, after I was in the military, mandatory, it was Korean, mandatory military. So, and I thought, we should have that. Yeah. I know that's a crazy thing for a, for a, a super far left liberal guy to fit, how to exercise. Like I think high schools were supposed to public high schools were supposed to do that. There was a presidential fitness test. And now

they're thinking that shames kids. And like, you know, I don't even know if they're still around, but high school was supposed to be like, Hey, the rest of the world is doing push-ups i know i sound like a complete idiot right now but the rest of the world is doing push-ups uh we should also and also it's it's good for you and i don't know man i saw that movie and uh and it was by the way it wasn't a big deal he was like it was explaining why they lost touch like in their relationship he's like well you know my two years. And I think it was part time. And I don't know.

I'm sure people have a lot to say about it. But I am now thinking either get that back in high schools or like life skills even. But the discipline and also feeling a little smaller. People love saying that that's what religion does for them. It's humbling. What's more humbling than a grown man fucking screaming at you that you don't stand out. You're one of all of these maggots and just do what you're told. Yeah, that's what we need more of in this country.

People being just doing what they're being told. Come on. This is a horrible idea no no no first of all armies are built up with the whole ethos is to go to war and to kill and uh i think we should be teaching people about peace and getting along and uh not not not creating a bigger we already have such a military industrial complex in this country. It's such a huge part of our budget. You know, like I have friends that served in the military for four years

for the rest of their life. My nephew was in the Navy for four years. He is now getting a full ride to go to college and they pay him $5,000 a month. And then for the rest of his life, he has the torn pectoral muscle from his service. He's getting paid like $2,000 a month for life because of that. It's crazy.

And all the benefits. I mean, look, anybody that puts their life on the line for the, for the country, we owe them everything. And I think they should be taken care of, but I don't think we should be adding to the roster.

I think we got plenty of troops at this point. All right, I got it all wrong. Then Peace Corps. I'm just talking about an outfit, a mandatory outfit where you are part of a team, you're part of something that's bigger than you, and it is a little humbling. You know, like a little more,

something that's humbling nationwide, we're in dire need of, I think. Well, I mean, that's, you're basically talking about the New Deal, the jobs, what was it called? The jobs program or the. What? Under FDR. He had a work program. I forget what it was called. Well, you're talking about Tennessee Valley Authority and all those efforts?

I think that was part of it. All right. Anyway, let's get to entertainment. Give me a little crinkle. I went to my phone to look up Tennessee Valley Authority, and I saw that turtleneck photo again. Here we go. Speaking of tits, speaking of tits, Drew Barrymore is in a catch-22 over her 1995 Playboy cover and her 11-year-old daughter Olive's outfit choices.

Quote, my daughter wants to wear a crop top. I'll say no, and she'll go, you were on the cover of Playboy. And can we just pull it down, I say to her. I don't want to scare her to be terrified of the world that everybody's a bad person. But also I think it's important for her to have a strong sense of self and be empowered with her body, eventually her sexuality. Okay, so you've given her a good example.

So showing your tits to a middle-aged man on live TV, do you remember Letterman? Oh, yeah. Is a better example. You think your tits to a middle-aged man on live TV. You remember Letterman? Oh, yeah. He's a better example. You think Letterman didn't have evil thoughts? Letterman, let me tell you something. He's a dirty old man. He was sleeping with people, young women who worked on his show. Yes, he was a dirty old man. Or woman, maybe. And she did that.

Did I ever tell you the Ross Broccoli story about Drew Barrymore? No. We were at Largo one night, which is this little downtown club in the East Village that we used to do comedy at. It was very hip.

And so Drew Barrymore came in one night. And Ross Broccoli was this guy who was like, he's hard to describe, but he's like, um, like a beat generation guy. He's a hipster without being an obnoxious, um, an artist. Well, look him up. His holiday in ads are on YouTube and he's very funny and he's very good looking. And so he meets Drew Barrymore and they talk and then she invites him to go to a nightclub in the West Village. So they get into a taxi and they're holding hands.

And they get to the nightclub and he's like, this is going to be fucking great. And they walk up to the door and the bouncer waves in Drew and stops Ross at the door. And he can't get in. And she just keeps going. What? Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah.

My only line on this is this is why idiots should not be allowed to breed. She should not have a child. No, I don't think she's, she's gotten very lucky lately in her career, but, uh, she,

she is, uh, not, uh, strongly moored. Uh, strongly moored uh well she's not very grounded how many generations of actors does she come from yeah no i know i think after the second generation hollywood uh royalty yeah i think you got to cut it off after the third third generation show business you can't breathe anymore that should be be the rule. Alright, just a little follow up. It was the Works Progress

Administration, the Civil Works Administration, the Civilian Conservation Corps, all of that was under the New Deal and the Recovery Act. So there you go. And the Tennessee Valley Authority, those were the efforts after the Depression. Okay, we are making America Florida. Woohoo! there you go. And the Tennessee Valley authority, those were the efforts after the depression.

Okay. We are making America, Florida. All right, here we go. The first ever Florida man games in St. Augustine drew hundreds. That's they should at least gotten it to to 1,001 over the weekend. The inaugural event, pitched as the most insane athletic showdown on earth,

invited locals to celebrate all that makes Florida well Florida. The challenges include beer belly wrestling, a mullet contest, a weaponized pool noodle mud duel, grabbing dollar bills in a hurricane wind simulator, and running from real police through an evading arrest obstacle course. Finally, they got one. That last one. Wait, you think they're using actual police?

It says running from real police. It does. I mean, I just copy and pasted it. Wow. Yeah. And of note, the Florida ma'am, I don't know what that is, but Florida ma'am pinup girls will be on site, and the American gladiators from the Netflix show Muscles and Mayhem,

they're going to be the judges. Wow. This is a real brain trust coming together. I think instead of the math Olympics, they should have the meth Olympics as part of this. And it would literally break every record. A hundred yard dash, javelin throw. Well, remember we used to then link this to Australia. Australia is doing that all drugs Olympics, which is, uh, and they expect the world records to be shattered.

That's right. Yeah. I think they should have an event where you have to dismember and hide a mannequin body while your friend stabs your mom with one of those prop knives. Lovely. Um, I think there's like a,

there's one where you have to chart, you have to charge the Capitol. First one into the chamber wins. Second place, you take a shit on Pelosi's desk, wipe your ass with the California state flag. And I'm assuming last place wins because it's the Florida. Of course. You're not going to get the best.

That's not the idea of this. That's funny. All right, and here's another florida story because i i found a two of them instead of georgia we got the mugshot of the day um and this is from i want to give credit it's from dave and chuck the freak 101 wrif i guess it's a radio show. And even though it's radio, they have this picture of a guy. And so the mugshot of the day and the question is, what did

a Florida man shove up his butt? So it's 33 year old Florida man, Robert Seth Whitaker. Whitaker was arrested after putting something up his butt. What was it, Greg? I'm going to say this is a guy that's done so much opioids that he's constipated.

He's a young guy. He doesn't look that bad, right? I think it's actually just a hardened bowel movement that hasn't come out yet. And they thought he put it in, but it just won't come out. Yours really close. It was fentanyl yes and i am reading yes he was stashing fentanyl in his anus uh let's see it turns out uh there's more okay whittaker was on probation for drug charges, and when the deputies were doing a search of his home, they found drugs. Once at the jail, a cavity search was being conducted when a chunk of purple powder fell out of his anus.

The powder was confirmed to be fentanyl. Later, they learned that he had also stashed a large quantity of fentanyl under the rear seat of the patrol car he was taken away in. Yeah, why isn't he winning the Florida Olympics rear seat of the patrol car he was taken away in. Damn. Yeah. Why isn't he winning the Florida Olympics or whatever the hell that was? The Florida man games, uh,

32 grams of fentanyl under the rear seat of the patrol car. Uh, I just looked up these guys, uh, that WRF is in, uh, Michigan, this radio station. Nice. Well up these guys. WRF is in Michigan, this radio station. Nice. Well, thanks, guys.

You made my job a little easier. And we want to send love your way as well. Go watch these guys. That was a good one, though. Do you think when somebody comes in and they have to do a cavity search, there's side bets on what it is? I don't know. I mean, I think realistically they find very, very little,

especially where did he have the time to do it? Yeah. I mean, how about this? Don't cuff his hands behind his back. I don't know what to tell you. It seems to make it easier, I think. Right, right. All right.

This day in history. Let's do it. Okay. Gregorian. Let's see. Let's see. All right. Opening of the Nazis.

First concentration camp happened on this day in Dachau. I think I'm pronouncing that right. Dachau? Yeah. Dachau. I'm glad I don't remember the name. I used to know all of them at one point, sadly, where at least 32,000 people would die from disease, malnutrition, fissure. Okay, so what year did Dachau and being

the first concentration camp open? What's my range that I have to be within? I'm going to give you four years on the other side. Oh, easy. I'm going to say 1939. You see how good I am? I'm like a line picker. It's 1933. No shit shit that's why I gave you four years

it was surprisingly early that's crazy yeah it doesn't make me feel so good about as good it was great no one get me wrong it was amazing the best thing ever but it was uh over a decade later damn my one jewish friend the the i'm not this isn't like a joke joke like one of my jewish friends said to my other jewish friend he goes he goes you know my um my my grandfather was in auschwitz and the other one goes what was he in for i'll tell you off the air who they were. Okay, good. Let's see. Let's see some interesting ones here.

Wow, that blows my mind. Okay, here is the first. Alexander Graham Bell's, it was called a liquid transmitter design, permitted the first transmission of speech by Bell to his assistant, Watson. What year was this first telephone call? I'm going to give you 20 years on each side. Wow.

All right. Let's make it nice and even and call it 1900. I am so good at this. 1876. Oh, shit. Yeah. Damn. 1876. And I forgot. God, I really have forgotten everything. I used to know what the first sentence was, right? Oh, are you there, Watson? Wasn't that it?

I think it was a collect call, so I think it was maybe the operator saying, would you accept the charges? Let's see. It was a butt dial. All right, let's see what else here is interesting. God, it's not a great date. Well, who's that? I don't even know who. Oh, she's a Prime

Minister. Okay. The cult television series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer premiered. And it was created by Josh Whedon. And it was a huge hit. She was sort of an alternative feminist icon. Anyway, Buffy the Vampire Slayer premiered. What year? Give or take three. Oh, Jesus.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm going to say 1982. 1997. What are you, 82? What? Oh, I'm getting killed. Getting killed. It was, what's her name?

Who played Buffy? Sarah Michelle. Yeah, Geller. Yeah, Geller. Whatever her name is. She was very pretty. But that wasn't my kind of shell. All right. I'm going to find another one like I've done before.

All right. I got to do better. This is embarrassing. All right. Yeah, but I have to go to another day. Okay. Will you remember? Let do better. This is embarrassing. All right, yeah, but I have to go to another day. Okay, will you remember, let's see, this. You remember it.

Will you remember what year it was? Because the 2000s have been a little blurry for me. All right. Japanese was struck by the earthquake and the tsunami. On this day, it struck off the northeastern coast of Honshu, Japan, causing widespread damage in the country and triggering a devastating tsunami that instigated a major nuclear accident. So when was this Japanese earthquake and tsunami?

What's the range? I'm going to give you three years on either side. No, I'll give you four. I'm going to give you three years on either side. No, I'll give you four. I'm going to give you four. All right. I'm going to say that was in 2013. Oh my God. 2011.

I got it. Finally. Did get it. Damn. All right. That was good. That was good. All right.

What do we got now? Letters? Let's do some. No, let's save those and go straight down to the obituary. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. And that's all, folks. Very sad one.

A guy that I looked up to a lot, was inspired by used to see it richard lewis obviously um when i was a teenager we spent a lot of time at the at the clubs in new york at the improv and catch a rising star and uh the comedy seller and richard lewis would pop in sometimes and he was just like he would fucking breeze in he he was it was like when you watched him you felt like you were watching somebody that was at a totally different level than every other comic on the show he had his black suits on and his feathered back hair and he just talked to you and i think that i think that richard lewis had a way of connecting and confessing directly to the audience member in a way that made you feel embraced and trusted. And he was just so, uh, I mean, I've always loved Woody Allen. I feel like

he was, if Woody Allen was cool and modern, then you would have Richard Lewis. It was like that neurotic Jewish intelligent, uh, kind of, but it was all stream of consciousness. I just, I mean, can you remember what the first time you saw him? Oh yeah. And I just, he was like ranting, you know, he's up there just, he can't, all this energy was going into telling you how messed up he was. Yeah. And telling you about all his neuroses and hangups and that he was a germaphobe. And it was just, it was very much born out of, you know, Woody Allen. And I wonder who they attribute, you know, because that whole school,

I mean, Seinfeld had a lot of it, obviously Larry David, but like that whole you know that confessional humor uh well i think mark marion person i think mark maron carries the torch very much so yeah i think kindler has his sort of style of you know not being able to stop himself from saying what's exactly on his mind at that moment. Right. No. And even like, you wouldn't think of things,

but when you were in New York, it was one of those things that came around. I mean, it's almost like the Seattle grunge thing. Like all of a sudden there's a new energy in this field. And even people like Ray Romano, like people probably can't imagine this maybe, but Ray Romano used to have bits like, and how old are you?

He's like, how many, how many antidepressants can you name? And I'll spot you three. Like, you know, and like, and it's like that affected like Ray, like Ray's now talking about his mental struggles, you know? And, and everyone, he was just this big green light and you know, and so, so did Woody Allen, but, but. And he talked about his sobriety. He took it to a more personal level.

Yes. It was very personal. And he talked about his sobriety. And as a comic that was sober, it was a struggle. And he talked about it a lot. And he had his pitfalls. I think he stopped working for a few years because of his alcoholism. But just to rip through his bio a little bit, he started out on an NBC special, Diary of a Young Comic. It was a 90-minute film about him that aired during the Saturday Night Live slot.

And it kind of blew him up. And then he did some specials on HBO, like four in a row. He was on that sitcom, Hiller and and Diller which was short-lived he was on one with uh Don Rickles called Daddy Dearest he was on one with Jamie Lee Curtis called Anything But Love I think that was on for a little while actually um but anyway it's not so much what he accomplished but like the effect I think that he had on people. Jake Johansson is a guy I think of as having that style. So anyway. You know, it is an interesting thing because it's. It's like it's very hard.

But if you really backed away like you are unfamiliar with stand up, it's a very interesting, like he's, he's rattled, you know that? Cause Jake just made me think of that. Like Jake is like, uh, it's almost like he doesn't have his thoughts together. And obviously he's a master craftsman,

but his presentation is like, he's rattled and, and, and confused. He's telling you something he's confused about and he's working it out on stage. You know what I mean? And, and it's like,

if you stepped really far back from it and you just had never seen set you'd be like this is he being is this person is this person being forced to do this like yeah like you're just like and he's like why is he telling us that he can't go to the bathroom in public bathrooms and like and his parents sex like this. This is truly crazy. It's crazy and it really is. The premise is we're the therapist and he's talking to us. I always felt like he never wanted to get off stage. I felt like he's one of those humans that was only alive

when they were up on stage. And I think Norm MacDonald said that one time. He said the stage was the only place he really felt safe and alive. Yeah. I think Richard Lewis was like that. So anyway, farewell to the Prince of Pain. And you can watch him in the final season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I mean, there's a whole riff that he and larry have

about who's gonna die first on the last episode it was crazy yeah about their wills and stuff that one yeah right i know and he looked so um sick and he did yeah to the point where i was like that's not just old i'm like well he had Parkinson's, but he actually ended up dying of a heart attack, which I don't think is Parkinson's related. I'm not sure about that though. And I don't know much. Thank God I haven't been, I haven't had to, but about part, like there, there's obviously Parkinson's where there isn't shaking or was he battling that also tremors or whatever they call it know i don't know i hadn't seen him in a while i got a call we have the same agent and he was with richard from day one rich super uh so i gotta call him and check in and see how he's doing yeah definitely oh that would be

great all right let's cheer up let's cheer it both in their uh bathrobes and they're standing there and he's got a phone in his hand and his nose looks scruffed up like he's ill and he says i could have sworn i heard applause in the background when i called in sick. And the next one, Loretta is at a body shop, a car body shop, sitting next to a guy, and she says, yes, I do come here often. These are tight. Yeah. These are good.

Hag of the horrible, here we go. The boat has pulled up. It's double parked at what looks like a Fijian island, and one of the warriors is swimming towards the shore and there are three women in little uh what do you call those skirts little like Polynesian skirts and lays yep and uh he goes if my calculations are correct this is the day my divorce becomes final uh I think some other stuff is about to happen, too. The hula skirts?

What are they called? Hula skirts, maybe, or something? It's just amazing. They're grass skirts. I don't know if they've met Vikings before, because these women look excited. They're waving at the Vikings and welcoming them to the shore. at the Vikings and welcoming them to the shore. It's not so far off the truth.

When Cook and all those, that era went into, down to, where was it? The Peloponnesian Islands? Yes, exactly. And just riddled them with STDs. Yes. All right, speaking of which, let's get to the far side. Or no, is this far side?

I can't, oh man, I guess it's my Sudafed. No, this is not the far side. This, it was sent in, and she wrote a very nice note. I don't have her name right in front of me, but she wrote, I think on YouTube, obviously that's where I would have seen it and it's called non sequitur i believe oh yeah the strip yeah and there you know what i checked out a lot of them they're okay they tend to be a little for me too on the nose but anyway here's one about uh

where we live so this is called how hollywoodathizes with the Common Man. And you see this incredibly long limousine and the driver opening the door for a fat guy in a kind of Hawaiian shirt. And there's palm trees around. And the fat guy getting in the car goes, geez, look at that. His limo has got to be at least three years old. Well, there but for the grace of god hey julio i put it in there for the julio part hey julio yeah that's all it takes just the mexican name is the whole punch line uh yeah i mean you had another joke going and

then you had a little surprise ending there. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it could have just got out after at least three years old. All right. So that was that. Um, now we have a Dumbo walking in the front door with his briefcase as if he takes work home. The guy doesn't even do work in the office. He's got a briefcase. So Blondie answers the door. He's got a briefcase. So Blondie answers the door. She's got on a raspberry top. It's long sleeve, but it's very, very revealing in terms of the contour.

Black velvet skirt. And she goes, long day, dear? And he goes, super long. Like 10-foot long hoagie sandwiches all strung together long. And she goes, do I even need to guess what you'd like for dinner? And he's like, nope. Now, how about this, Dagwood? How was your day here?

It was long, really long, like my cock right now. Look at you in that tight-fitting Angora sweater. Why don't you kick back in the foyer and let me do something with this long-ass hoagie-shaped cock right now. Also, I thought it would be like, do I even need, you know what you'd like to guess what you'd like for dinner. And she's like looking at him standing there.

Like, you know, it's her, isn't it? Yes. Yes. I mean, she faces him.

That's the thing about her arms open. Dead, dead lot looking straight in his eyes. She is saying, I am available to you. If you ever find your balls in your manhood, I'm here. I'm dressing sexy. I'm putting on perfume. Take me.

She's like, I am going through far too much peanut butter with this dog alone, and I'm isolated in my own home. Oh, Jesus. All right, listen, we're going to wrap it up because you got a flu. And we're about to record the next week's episode for March 10th early. So I applaud you. I'm going to do a correction right now. Yeah.

Not that anyone would have noticed, but I have up the, this day in history for both of our podcasts, March 3rd, which is now and March 10th. And I read the March 3rd, 10th, uh, this day in history. So today,

what we did was this week in history. How about that? I just corrected it. I just corrected it. All right. We'll do the ones for the third on the next episode. All right. Well, listen.

If they're good. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you to Midcoast Media. They do a great job out of St. Louis. We want to remind you guys, if you want to have a little fun, go to prizepix.com slash papers and get yourself a first deposit match of up to $100. All right. Thanks for listening.

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