Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 21 7/26/20

Episode Date: July 26, 2020

Big news week! Fauci’s first pitch and Trader Joe’s avoiding getting cancelled by Whole Foods. Also, Dagwood almost throws a move on Blondie.

Sunday Papers, Greg and Mike, reading stories in the Times, Nation, World Food, Entertainment, Politics, Sports. I don't need to read, they're on it, they even describe the comics. Extra, extra, Greg and Mike, keep me informed. Blondie is a babe, Blondie is a babe. Read all about it, read all about it. Sunday Papers is here. It's the time when you wake up late. It's Sunday.

Maybe you throw a move on the wife until you hear that slap on the front stoop. That paper rolled tight, covered in plastic. It's time to start today. Okay. That's the slap. That's the slap that you wait to hear? And then you hop off the wife? Hop off the wife? Did you hop off the wife? Were you a morning sex guy or are you a morning sex guy? I masturbate in the morning.

Yeah. The morning has some benefits. I think your body's more relaxed. Don't you? Well, you haven't had any cycles of negative thoughts yet, which just opens you up to feeling good right out of the gate. And the problem is, as you get older, it's a piss boner. Don't kid yourself. When you're young, you just wake up horny. When you're older, it's because you got a bad prostate and you've got an erection because everything's clogged up. Oh, and wait, and this is when you don't have any negative thoughts. When you're like, that's not a real boner. That's just piss. If you find peeing sexy, maybe it's a real boner I

I have tried to urinate. I urinated outside once with an erection and It didn't really come out very well This is an illustrious start to our well, you know Honestly, my rhythm is thrown off a little bit because to be honest, you know, me and Mike talk about the stories we're going to do before the show starts. And, you know, we're both pretty supportive of each other's work. And this week, Mike shut me down out of the gate on a story that I really wanted to do. There's a story about Israel.

You want to do 30 minutes on piss boners. Seems weird. That's breaking news when you wake up. And look at me, I'm just allowing it. I'm just allowing it to happen. So there's a story about Netanyahu and he's telling everybody that they don't have to quarantine, that they should go out on the street, drink some beer and have a good time. This is one of the few times in my life where 100 out of 100 people are going to agree with me.

So I say, we're pretty heavy. I don't really see much in the Israel story. And he goes, ah, it's a shame because I really do like this one joke. I'm like, meanwhile, I didn't remember reading a joke. So I was like, what joke is that? Well, the joke is he's telling her to have a good time. And you know, the guy likes to have a good time. He literally has Yahoo in his name. Net and Yahoo. Yes. Nobody's ever done that joke, Mike. We've done it. We did it. Now I'm going to be cancelled for being anti-semitic i think you just called him happy i don't think there's any problem with that yeah

yeah you never know oh that was worth it uh that was good so so i took uh some mushrooms couple days ago you texted me something about, I think the podcast. And then you're like, what do you think? Does that make sense? It might not because I'm on mushrooms. And that was in the morning. It was a micro dose. My neighbor, who's a great guy, he was with a couple of his friends and they were very Venice-y. They definitely wear patchouli oil. One of them has a lava lamp, that kind of guy.

And he's telling me about how he's developed these capsules that have micro doses of mushrooms, but it's also got other homeopathic stuff and he's trying to patent it. And he wants me to try it because not too many people have tried it yet. So I took them and I felt fucking great. Well, they give you energy first of all. Yeah. I mean, you might've noticed the amount of emails I sent you that day because we're getting

ready for the, um, this week we're announcing our Thursday papers is coming out for the first time. And I was working my ass off on it that day. And I was very productive. Yeah. Well, if you know, we've talked about what is it called? Michael Pollan, changing your mind. Changing your mind. It's you know, there's sort of no debate.

There are benefits. Yeah. And I guess it's finding the right amount and all that. And so those guys were microdosing your neighbor. He was waiting for me to do it. I was, I was the Guinea pig and he kept texting me all day. How's it going? How's it feel? And I think he's going to do it now. Let's, yeah, let's get the sober guy to test this out for us. The sober guy who's jacked up on Ritalin, so he can't really feel the nuances of a microdose. Yeah, exactly.

When's the last time you took mushrooms? I think I took a micro amount, which I don't really count as mushrooms in a way. I think I took a micro amount, which I don't really count as mushrooms in a way. I think I took a micro amount, I don't know, two years ago, something like that. But no, they're great. In college, in a weird way, I preferred acid. I just felt it was more predictable than mushrooms. I thought mushrooms could sometimes be a heavier,

but it's probably because we just took too much. Yeah, you took too much. I told you the story about shrooming with my stepbrother, Jeff Nichols. So me and my buddy, John, drive up from Boston University to Hobart. We get there. It's going to be a big weekend. We're all planning to take mushrooms, the whole thing. And Hobart was a crazy party school. So we get up there and John's brother, Martin, goes to school at Hobart. And we know each other from home. John went to like Northeastern. I went to BU. But both Martin and my brother went to Hobart. So the four of us are going to do it. It's going to be great. so i sit down john and martin aren't there yet jeff throws me a bag of mushrooms and i'm like oh these look like a lot he's like oh no it's everyone knows this is what you take

up here it's great i'm like all right because i'm kind of a lightweight and he's like don't worry about it so we start eating them start eating i'm like where are those guys and he's like i don't know and they were running late so we finished the whole bag i'm almost finished the whole bag and those guys come in and all of a sudden jeff's like wait wait spit that out spit that out and i'm like what he's like spit it out of your mouth and i'm like what and so one bag was for jeff and me and one bag was for martin and john we just ate twice the amount we were supposed to eat well fast forward that i had to leave a restaurant i was i was my whole face was soaking wet i was i was laughing so hard i was crying yeah um and what happened was chicken wings came it was something like what do

they do with the rest of the chickens it was was, you know, something that'll translate now. And then I went into the bathroom and when I went, it's cause only things that happen when you're shrooming. I then went into the bathroom stall open father teaching his son to wipe. And I walk in on the moment, like, so when you still see some, that means you gotta do it again. I'm like, but, but, but I realized I've probably created this poor kid who will never be able to shit normally the rest of his life. So I literally go, no, no, no, no, this is beautiful. And then I couldn't figure out how, so I just go, no, no, no, this is beautiful too. And then I pointed the kid. I'm like, this is, I'm not, this has nothing to do with you. This is beautiful. And I just fucking, and then, then I get dragged out and we had to like leave

the restaurant. Yeah, that really happened. I wonder if they don't do the restraining order, if you can prove that you were on mushrooms when the incident happened. they don't do the restraining order if you can prove that you were on mushrooms when the incident happened. Oh my God. I can't imagine. I only made it worse. That kid right now, if he's still alive, is having, no doubt having difficulty. He has a hangup regarding going number two, at least in public. Or he has a fetish. Maybe he thinks that it's so beautiful that maybe he's into German fecal porn and glass. What do you call the glass table thing? Cleveland steamer.

Is that what that refers? I thought that was on your chest. Well, there's the Cincinnati steamer. No, there's a Cincinnati slider. That's when it's on your chest. And then it's the Cleveland steamer when she jumps on a coffee table that's made of's on your chest and then it's the cleveland steamer when she jumps on a coffee table that's made of glass and you lay under it i don't know the danny k uh so did the guy from uh hogan's heroes he did a lot that guy yeah all right well this is a

scatological start to the we've got repeating now we've covered shitting. Yeah. Check, check, and now we're ready for the paper. Let's get to front page. Extra, extra, we all love it. Extra. There we go. And before we read the first story, I got to give a shout out to Matt Farley, who did our song this week. It's a fun one. It's haunting. It'll stay with you. I love it. And then our logo. Oh, I'm embarrassed. I don't know the name of the person that did our

logo. I'll have to look that up and say it next week. Also, we always do our corrections. Also, we always do our corrections. Peter Rice wrote in, I'm probably one of a hundred people who've already responded about this, but my buddy from a family of dentists said it's accidentally nitrous overdoses that are attributed to the high suicide rate. Whoa. Yeah. So you can, wait a minute, you can overdose and die from nitrous? Apparently.

Nitrous overdose. I bet if you fall asleep, I bet if you fall asleep with it on. Right. Still, that can kill you. It's a good way to go. Laughing your ass off high as a kite. It's so funny that prisons have all these problems killing prisoners on death row. Yeah.

Like they suffer. And it's, it's like, it, it just seems they're overthinking it. I think people die accidentally constantly with no pain. Yeah. Right.

I mean, yeah, leave a guy, leave a guy, a porno magazine and a noose in his cell. See what happens. Yeah. Or or want to just move, drive a car into the room. Yeah, fine. Try your injections, but just have a car, Just have a car going at the same time. Like, what's the problem? Yeah.

Find an angry student that wears a hoodie all day. Give him an AK-47. He's got a new roommate. The prison has four stories. Put the cot on the roof. Inject them. Yeah, it looks like it's working. Also, we're just going to flip you

off the roof. That's all you and the cot are going to fly down four stories. Hopefully the injection works before you hit. I used to have a joke about, um, you know, California is so, um, partisan now nobody can agree on anything like on anything, like the death penalty. It's legal, but we never use it in California. Can't we come up with a compromise? What about like a solar powered electric chair? Just some guy sitting in a field with a panel over his head. Dude, when those clouds roll out, you're a dead man.

Yeah. Well, I think a lot of people had jokes about unsuccessful suicide attempts with Priuses in their garage. And you know why they're killing themselves too in that joke. Yeah. All right. So our first story- Thank you for the letter though.

I didn't know that about dentists. Yep. Peter Rice. By the way, if you want to write us, it's Fitz dog radio at Gmail dot com. I share all the letters with Mike that come in and we respond to every single one. Or should I say I respond to every single one. Do you ever respond, Mike? Well, it's tricky because I don't like responding to you, and you're the one that sends them to me. I should respond, of course. There's no excuse. So let me start responding.

All right. Same with Twitter. I got to do that, too. All right. An eagle-eyed viewer noticed something on the broadcast journalist Victoria Price's neck during a televised segment last month. A woman sent her a short cryptic email, quote, just saw your news report. What concerned me is the lump on your neck. Please have your thyroid checked. Reminds me of my neck, she said. Mine turned out to be cancer.

be cancer. Ms. Price heeded the advice. A week later, she saw her doctor. And it turns out she has thyroid cancer. The woman saved her life. She had scheduled to have surgery on Monday to remove the tumor. Saved her life. Man. Well, I remember people writing in and concerned about my voice, especially after Adam Yauch died of throat cancer. Right. And they're right. I have something wrong with mine. I have to keep an eye on it for sure. I have a bump on my leg. Should I show people the bump on my leg? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Let's get sexy on Sunday papers. That's not going to happen. So it's on my shin. It's a bump. I can't. Anyway, there's a bump here. My leg's on it. So it's on my bone. If I move my skin, the bump doesn't

move. It's on my bone. And I don't remember a trauma, but I also don't remember, and it's not like a drunk joke, but I don't remember sometimes bumping into shit. So I don't remember a trauma as they would say to the leg, but there's a bump there. So what is it? Everybody write in bone cancer at the same time. I got a hemorrhoid. Huh. Please tell me it's on your leg. I'm wondering what else viewers are going to spot on her. She'll know she has breast cancer because she's pretty hot. Guys are definitely checking her out. If you want to look at her picture online, it's Victoria Price. Very pretty. We wish her luck.

Good luck, Victoria. I'm sure a ton of guys have offered to observe her self breast exam just to make sure she's safe. Yes. Yeah. down its downward spiral, one way to subsidize might be to just have a streaming thing at the OBGYN office. And before you go in, you can opt in or out of the streaming, but it's free if you opt in. I like that. That's a good plan. I like that. This comes in from Anthony Fauci has been given personal security after he and his family received hate mail and threats. I'm sure it's all about his first pitch that he threw out.

People take the first pitch seriously. Yeah, they, you know, I think he was just trying to make sure. He wanted to make sure nobody caught anything. I like that. He, keep in mind the guy's a jock. He was like a star basketball player in high school and college, I think. Oh, that's right. Definitely high school.

And like really, like really high scorer. And I think it Oh, that's right. Definitely high school and like really, like really high score. And I think it was the captain. But boy, it really, yeah, I think, I don't know. It wasn't a strong showing. Am I allowed to say he threw like a female scientist? I don't know what I'm allowed to say. He kept it six feet away from anybody. It was extra safe, actually, extra safe. If you haven't seen it, it looks like it's going to be a normal pitch, and it goes at a crazy angle to his left. It's nuts. But, you know, it's so funny.

It's nuts. But, you know, it's so funny, you know, like my girls, you know, the whole throws like a girl is obviously verboten now. But with my girls, I was like, they don't. So I'm like, is it OK if I say you guys throw like boys? But that I think that's the same exact thing. Yeah. How about if we could say Fauci, are we allowed PC-wise to say Fauci throws like a girl who can't throw well? Yes. That kind of carves out the women that can throw well.

Right. Because even a guy who doesn't throw well doesn't lead with the elbow and the body before releasing the ball. Speaker 2 You've your form just looked very suspect. I have to say, Speaker 1 The worst for worst for first pitches of all time. Baba Bowie from the Howard Stern show might be number one. Yes. Judd Apatow real bad. Oh yeah. His, his famous, real bad. Seriously? Oh yeah, his famous one, famously bad. 50 Cent had an incredibly bad one.

Oh, right, right. And then Some Woman had a really bad one too. There's a list. They keep rankings. Baba Booey was pretty high. Rob McClendon Baba Booey has gotten so much shit on the show over the years for that. That was one of the classic, classic- Chris Bounds It's great. Rob McClendon Yeah. And then I guess Trump is saying he wants to throw out the first pitch, but he'll only do it if none of the players take a knee. And here's the thing. Is that real? No, that's real. Oh, that's his condition. And my, my thing is if you're a player and say you are anti, uh, what you, you, you skew left.

If you're on the left, then don't take a knee on that one game because there's no way Trump is not going to embarrass himself throwing that ball. Or then when he throws it, take a knee just because what you just saw was sadder than police brutality against African-Americans, which is immeasurably sad. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. They should make the catcher black just to show his being cruel to another black person. Right when he's in the wine at the catcher, should just take a knee. Just throw him off.

All right. And then in Norway, this should go into international, right? Norway? In the international section. I think there's a sound effect. All right, let's do international. Look at that. That sounded strong.

Here we go. Smooth new production today. We should tell people we normally do the show, we pre-tape it, and then we send in our audio files to St. Louis, Missouri, where Midcoast Media, a top-notch broadcasting, social media marketing company, is now listening. Now they're listening live and dropping in all the sound bites. So welcome, Midcoast Media, into our studio. Midcoast is a weird name. Well, they're in St. Louis. Keep going.

All right. So Norway has... So wait a minute. What does St. Louis have to do with Midcoast? They're between the two coasts. Oh, all right. Although Midcoast really should mean halfway up the coast, shouldn't it? Yeah, like mid-Atlantic, right? Right. Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

It was probably one of those things where they were looking for the name of a company based on what URLs were still available at GoDaddy. And they saw mid-coast and they just wrapped their heads around it. Like, hey, John, you think mid-coast is taken? He's like, I have a feeling. Definitely not in St. Louis. Definitely available in Missouri. I don't think people refer to the mighty Mississippi as mid-coast. Right.

Yeah. It could have been Arch. Yeah. could have been uh arch yeah you know st louis is uh sandy atoll sandy media huh i remember being at st louis and i was like i had a friend there and i was like all right show me the sights so he brings me to the arch and i go what the is this and he goes it's the arch i go what's so great about this he goes it's the gateway to I go, what's so great about this? He goes, it's the gateway to the West. I said, do you realize you could put this hoop anywhere in the country and stand just east of it? It would still be the gateway to the West.

Good one. I like it. In Norway, they reimposed quarantine on arrivals from Spain over a spike in corona cases, but said that such restrictions would not apply to Tom Cruise. The Mission Impossible crew will be allowed to enter the country in the autumn to film scenes for the seventh installment of the action franchise. So that was a real thing. Norway said, nobody, nobody from Spain, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, 00, there's a lot, you know, maybe I like him because it's a reaction to how easy it is to dismiss and not like, but we've talked about this. What was that movie he did? Um, edge of tomorrow. And it was the one, it was groundhog's day, but very much in a video game fashion where each time he learned about how he

died and how not to die. And he kept getting further and further. It's such, I love that movie. And we, you know, we both were like the guy, no matter how you slice it, that guy's a movie star. That was a great fucking movie. And he, and the stunts that he did at his age, the, the, the shape he had to be in to continually do the stunts, it was mind boggling. So I'm not really supposed to talk out of school, but on James Corden, on the Late Late Show, we did a piece with him. And it was actually after I had already left.

But the guys told me when he's going skydiving with Tom Cruise, a typical late night sort of remote piece. And, uh, so when they got up there, he had already gone, which, which the show did not know about on a test drop. He already did one. And then he personally picked out the guy who would go tandem that he felt would be best for Corden. And then he did it and then they jumped. And then I believe he wanted to do it again to get better coverage. Wow. So, so he made James who was so dead set against it, jump out of a plane twice. It was meanwhile, Tom's third jump that day. Wow. He's like all in on whatever he's doing. Yeah. They could have shot a segment in the closet where you are right now, him

and James. They both have families and children, Greg. Don't know what you're talking about. That seems queer. In Germany, German sniffer dogs show promise at detecting coronavirus. They were able to positively detect SARS-CoV-2, which is what it's called, infected secretions with a 94% success rate. Crazy. But like the poor dogs, first of all, all dogs,

their sense of smell is so incredibly heightened. And most owners are smelling worse than ever during this lockdown. Like aren't people people showering every three days? So dogs have to, and no one's leaving the house. The house isn't getting fresh air. Poor dogs. And now they're going to be forced to smell all these sick people. I think the dogs get a cold under the stick on that. Yeah. The German Shepherd has been really put through a bad life. First of all, you got to bark and bite protesters. Yeah. They've been trained for 50 years. They're like, yup, Jewish. Like, no, no, no, we're not asking that anymore. We're asking, no, no, that's black,

this is a black guy. No, no. We're asking if they have the virus, the fucking dogs, man. How long do you think it takes to breed that out of them, their instincts? I know. We got your test results back. You have COVID and you're Jewish. And you are a big believer in the Bill of Rights. So congratulations on two of those, maybe. All right. Should we do some international news? We're already in international, you space cadet. Reindeer herders. Russian science. Hold on. Didn't you have a mushroom this morning?

Didn't you have a monkey story? Yeah, there's one about these monkeys. Just to pull back the curtain, to pull back the curtain. We normally don't share stories with each other before the podcast. And you're like, what do you got? You just read two of my stories. Oh, you wouldn't know it because I didn't have great jokes. But you just read the Fauci and the dog sniffing and Tom Cruise. But your story was about monkeys. I'm remembering

I didn't write it down. Yeah. Just so people know, this is a whole new way of doing things and we're adjusting. You might notice differences in this week's Sunday papers. Yeah, less funny. The more prepared we are, the worse the show is. 100%. I couldn't agree more. There is a town in Lop Puri, Thailand, where these monkeys, they're these special kind of crab-eating macaques. Is that how you say it? Macaques? Cows maybe? Maybe macaques. I think you can stick with macaque. Sounds Irish. Yeah. These things are so aggressive because there's less tourists and the tourists used to feed them that now they are just fucking attacking everybody.

Like if you have any food or drink, if you have earrings, they're ripping them off your ears because they're shiny and they've taken over the town. Like businesses are closing. Yeah, no, I heard it's crazy. So how do you think they're going to, because it's not going to, tourism's not going to be enough to sustain them and kind of keep them fed,

you know, which is what exterminators say a lot of times. It's like sometimes you want to like keep the infestation fed so it stays out of your apartment. Like in other words, they give them food to take back, you know, obviously poisonous too, but it's like about, have you heard of these historical cases? Have you heard of the Cobra effect? No. So get this, the Cobra effect was, the name now means it occurs when an attempted solution to a problem makes the problem worse. It's a little like the Streisand effect, which you can look up. But anyway, it was in colonial India and the British

government was concerned about the number of venomous cobras in Delhi. So they offered a bounty for every dead cobra. And initially it worked out great. The population of cobras, when weighed down, everyone was killing them. But then people started to breed cobras for the income. And when the government became aware of this, the reward program was scrapped and that all the cobra breeders just set their cobras free because they had no use for them. And there was more cobras than ever in Delhi. So same thing happened.

Yeah. It's like the final scene in Ap now when they finally find uh marlon brando and he's describing how when uh the foreigners came in and they inoculated all the native people against whatever it was they were inoculating them against rather than have the uh the colonists come in and do anything for them they chopped off the arms of the people that have been inoculated which led to him finally saying the horror oh I forgot that detail yeah um there's there's two other quickly rats in Vietnam was one it was such an infestation that they said they put out a bounty to people and you would need to prove that you killed a rat by producing the rat's tail. And then,

but colonial officials, whoever began, I wrote this down, noticing that rats in Hanoi, all the rats soon had no tails. And the Vietnamese rat catchers would capture the rats, sever their tails and then release them so they could procreate and produce more rats with tails. Oh, wow. Yep. And then the Chinese, so I guess this has happened everywhere for millennia. So also there's one called the Chinese for pest campaign. And it's when Mao Zedong want to get rid of mosquitoes, rodents, flies, and sparrows responsible for the transmission

of disease. So the policy wiped out sparrows, but also became a contributor to the great Chinese famine because the absence of sparrows led to an insect infestation and massive crop loss. Wow. Yeah. So watch out monkeys in Thailand. Watch what you do. You're going to throw off a delicate balance.

Well, there was a book by Cormac McCarthy called, I think it was Blood Meridian. And it was all about these Americans that were sent into Mexico to round up the Indians. And they were paid per scalp. So it was actually the Americans cutting the scalps off the Indians. And they were supposed to be getting any of the outlaw Indians, but they suddenly started showing up with like little tiny scalps. Oh yeah. Little outlaw. Brutal fucking book. What's that? The horror. It's basically the same thing. Uh, did you, uh, there was another one more international story and then we'll get to entertainment there was um a bunch of uh reindeer in russia uh came across the skull lower jaw and several ribs of a woolly mammoth from like 10 000 years ago and i just can't, I mean, reindeer, you think of reindeer is like, you know, bringing

Santa around. And, but apparently Dancer and Prancer and Cupid were like, oh my God, look at these bones. You can just admit you don't have a joke for this story. If you want to do that, that's easier and less painful for everybody. I was trying to think if they were gay reindeers, they'd have to be dancer and prancer, right? Well, prancer is pretty. Yeah. Prancer is kind of built in. That's a great.

So reindeer, I don't believe any of the animals you just talked about exists. So that's a hard story for me to digest. It's like reindeer and unicorn found these woolly mammoth remains. Yeah. Where was it, Norway? It was in Russia, Northern Russia. Tom Cruise should go there and check it out. All right, let's get to some entertainment let's get out of this international segment oh

what do you got i'm not used to i'm not used to hearing these stings so What do you got? I'm not used to hearing these stings. So we, as you know, every week we try to watch a movie. We tell you guys in advance to watch it so you can share and dissect it with us. I don't think we told people to watch this, though, this week, did we? No, I think I forgot to bring it up last week. I had seen it last week, but I watched it again this week.

It's called Mucho Mucho Amor. The subtitle is The Legend of Walter Mercado. It's on Netflix. So I saw it. There it is. Look at them. So that is a man. And by the way, there's more feminine, as you know, looking, he's really believably asexual, a, a gender, I guess. I mean, and asexual. Uh, but anyway, it's on Netflix.

Does a stand for asked? or whatever, just decided to watch it, told you about it last week, knew you were watching it, watched it again. It has 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Did you know that? Wow. There's a list, by the way. There's like a Wikipedia page of the 100%. Don't get too excited.

Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert from 2018 also has 100%. But this, it may not deserve 100%, but I loved it. What did you think? It made me feel really good. And it made me realize like I fucking missed something big. Like during my lifetime, you realize there's so many different cultures going on in our world and that Joey Diaz has talked about this guy and about how growing up in a Latino household, like this guy was like, like they describe in the documentary when he was on TV, you shut the fuck up and you sat down and you listened because you wanted to hear what your horoscope was. Yeah. So this guy was on some show from Puerto Rico, an actor, and then he got

involved in some TV channel and then something went wrong. I love stories like this. Something went wrong with production or whatever. And they're like, Hey, Walter, can you get in front of the camera and just do horoscopes? You just have to fill. We just need like five minutes. And, um, I think that was the story, right? Like you just have to fill, you tell everybody their horoscopes behind the scenes here. Just do that. While he was on air, the phone bank lit up. The guy that night comes down, it's live, comes down and goes, you are doing the same thing tomorrow night because we have that's the most calls we've ever received does it the next night and within like a month i think it was moved he got in his own show and an hour yeah and that was the start and lin-manuel miranda he

is in the documentary this guy was originally as i said from, from Puerto Rico. So same with Joey Diaz's family a little bit. Like, so especially Puerto Ricans had such an affinity, but he was everywhere. His show was in every single country, seemingly. Yeah, he had 120 million viewers every day. And yeah, 120 million. I mean, he was all over Europe. But the amazing thing is, is how much we love gay people and how fucking wonderful gay people's energy are.

Yeah. Maybe I'll get shit for even saying this. It's like trying to say you throw like a boy, gay people are fucking gay for a reason. That's why they're called gay. I was going to give you shit. I was going to give you shit. I was going to give you i was going to give you i was going to give you because i don't like thinking this guy is gay not nothing against gay i have a million gay friends i'm talking i think he's a above a gender spec i don't like limiting him to any gender specificity right Right. And that's what they talk about that in the show. So what happens in this documentary is first of all, especially as a New Yorker, I kind of was

like, I thought I saw all these cable access dudes, you know, or even the Spanish ones that were hits. Cause in New York, we were pretty tapped into that. And you would see even like the televangelists, you know, and I have a quirky sense of you know interest in those things and so i'll check out who's ever really popular televangelist whatever freak the cable access um what was her name princess cleo or whatever do you know she also did she did yeah so i kind of knew all those i can't believe i missed this guy in there there's howard stern interviewing him there he is on regis which we'll talk about later and kathy lee and or regis and what's her name anyway um he and anderson cooper was talking about him while he was popular so i really couldn't believe

i missed it and then the other thing that happens is you're not totally sold on this guy by the halfway point. And by the end, you're kind of like, man, like I need that guy now. Like he was nothing but positive energy, like nothing but that. Yeah. And he was all about love. And, you know, you hear that phrase that, you know, and you know you hear that phrase that you know life is really ultimately all about love and for people like us i just it's so hard for me to intellectually take that in like what is love how do you live love and then you watch this and you go oh yeah i get it that, that's what love is. It's this guy. The title is literally mucho, mucho, well more. Yeah. So check that out. Also. And one thing that happened was I realized like, wow, I, I cause I really do want that. I'm like, man, that would be great.

Like if he had a five minute show or a 10 minute show every day right now, undoubtedly I would tune in. And I realized, God, I'm walking around with a lot. Like we talked about it before the podcast, like you and I have just been conditioned to push down our shit and keep moving forward. And like, it's nothing but bad news with this virus and the lockdown. And it's just a shit show. And we just keep pushing that down and we'll talk about it on here, but we just keep moving forward and we find our own ways. But it was so refreshing to see something so positive and encouraging and optimistic, so optimistic. So optimistic. And the thing you'll see in it is he, I won't say what it is, but he runs into some real travails and does not hate the guy that every single person watching it fucking hates this guy and he still loves him.

He's like Christ-like. Yeah. All right. Let's do some sports. Oh, by the way. Okay. right let's do uh let's do some sports oh by the way okay so by the way yeah before sports before sports i know we're getting used to this but uh that's we're a mess anyway um i did start watching fear city the mob versus new york have you started that no writing that down that queued up after mucho mucho more and a lot

of scenes on your block where you lived on mulberry street yes on mulberry because it it is a very well done documentary. I've only seen the first episode, so we'll talk about it next week. Maybe that's the assignment. Everybody watch Fear City on Netflix. Okay. What do you got for sports? Well, this is a nice story this week that Brody Stevens,

who we knew very well, knew very well, and who committed suicide about a year ago, a little over a year ago. Anyway, the Dodger game, the first game of the season, I guess a lot of stadiums are putting cutouts of people, and they put a cutout of Brody Stevens in Dodger Stadium. And it kind of, I think it trended here in Los Angeles as well. Just because he's an LA character. But you hadn't seen that. We talked before the podcast, but you hadn't seen that.

There he is. Wow, that's so great. I think that's a fitting tribute because I have a strong feeling Brody would have been anti-mask. He would have been an anti-masker. You think so? That's just my feeling.

Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Uncross your arms. Negative energy. Take off the mask. I can't see you smiling. Yes.

8-1-8. Till he died. But that was really cool. Like, all of of a sudden the Dodgers put that on TV. Yeah. I don't know who else... How else does that work? Are they all fan supported cutouts? Do people drop them off? How do they decide who sits in the audience? I don't know how any of that works. Okay. I don't think all of them are dead.

That would be a little more. I mean, that would be really smart is if you can pay, you can pay to have a cutout put in there of you or your friend or a dead relative or whoever. That would be a way to make up for the ticket sales they're losing. Yeah, I guess it's like naming a star or something like that. You do a thing. Maybe your grandparents kissing for the kiss cam. Maybe you send an embarrassing picture like you showing your hemorrhoid. I would send that into them. I'm like, watch the game tonight. They can't reject it because I've paid for that placement.

Yeah. You put up the worst picture you can of your ex. Yeah. I remember my mom and my aunt have this running thing where they bust each other's balls on their birthdays and they live in the same town. And so my mother made up, she got these pictures of my aunt and she had just woken up and she had cream on her face and her hair is all fucked up. Somehow my mom got a picture of that and she blew it up and she made about 30 of them. And then she said, wish Dolores a happy 60th birthday. She was 53 and she hung them up all over town. That's a double whammy. That's fantastic. Anything else in sports? Sure. It's sort of a sports story. It's really not, but I love this headline. They determined that the virus can jump 26 feet. It was on Bloomberg. And cold and stale air conditions allowed the coronavirus particles to travel more than eight meters at a German slaughterhouse, a study showed, giving insight into how the meat plants turned into hotspots for infections across the world. the world. But also it's like, imagine butchering animals in the one place that like airborne disease can jump the furthest. It's like a perfect storm. Right. Right. No slouch.

Yeah. It's Germany too. So everything just performs at a much higher level. They're overachievers, even their coronavirus. Anti-Semitism jumped over 200 miles in Germany. We all know that. Right. And the phrase German slaughterhouse just brings up a lot of bad feelings for a lot of people. I think you're right. Yeah. All right.

Let's move on. Boy, what a sports story. All right. Listen, let's skip science because I think this week we actually have, well, we'll do business real quick and then we got a big story to get to in obituaries. Business. Trader Joe's. What's going on. Trader Joe's. What's going on at Trader Joe's, Mike? Trader Joe's. So they're in New York, right?

They weren't when I was there. But how national are they? Anyway, Trader Joe's is a great. Yeah, they're in New York. Yeah, but I'm wondering if they're in, are they mid-coast in St. Louis? Anyway, they're this boutique-y little, they're not boutique-y, but they're a small department store, a grocery store. And they have a lot of their own stuff. And everyone loves them.

And they're ridiculously inexpensive. But they have their own like Trader Joe's, even chicken, Trader Joe's, all their products, right? Flour. Wine. Right. They have their own wine. So for their ethnic, that's the right word, but for their ethnic food, they would have, of course, red sauces and all that stuff. And then they started making their own. And so then they created labels for that, which were very playful. So their Italian line for their pastas and this was Trader Giotto's or I think it was Trader Giotto's. Then there was like, was it Trader Wang's or something for their Chinese,

like for dumplings and stuff like that. And then they definitely had Trader Jose's for their Mexican stuff, for their salsas and all that. So I think the story started with some kid calling bullshit on it and calling it racist. And so what does Trader Joe's do? Trader Joe's listened. So they're going to discount that and they've apologized. Is that racist? I don't know. Those might not be as bad, but they had Chinese white Weiss. And I thought that crossed the line. And I think that the Black Rice Matters is completely not on brand for them. them. Yeah. And luckily they didn't have a trader name play on Joe for what they deemed black food items, I guess. That would have been a disaster. Oh, come on, Mike, give us a couple. No, I'm good. So on Tosh.0, I created this segment called, Is It Racist? And that was completely unintentional. We covered some story that was like, I forget which one it even was, but it clearly seemed racist. Like maybe it was a competition. And then like that person of a certain race won the competition because that race is stereotypically good at whatever they were doing right so s p which called stands for standards and practice at comedy central i had fights with

them almost every single day especially at tosh so they would came down and i'm like what are you talking about i'm like and maybe even our segment was like maybe the segment was literally called like no comment or something like that the clip clip was so like, I guess, obviously it was leaning towards setting up racist jokes. So I remember getting in a big fight and then eventually on the phone with them, I'm like, well, wait a minute. What if we explore this? What if we named the segment, is this racist? And somehow that made it through. But this is a good example of like, just that question, like, is this racist? I don't think having Trader Joe's, what's Irish spring soap? Isn't that racist? If Irish people were a race?

Why? Because we're dirty? So it had to be a soap for us? Why? Because we're dirty? So it had to be a soap for us? No, but that's what I mean. Irish Spring is like, I had a spring, whatever the slogan is about getting Irish clean. Who the fuck knows what it is? Oh yeah, what was it? But it's playful. Yeah, right. Lucky charms. Well, what about though what about though? Um, Taco Bell run for the border. Remember that? I thought it was run for the bathroom. Is it run for the border?

Well, you got to hit the bathroom on the way to the border. Yeah. Which way are they? Wait, which way are people running towards the border? What does that mean? Wait, which way are people running towards the border? Does that mean you're an American and you want such authentic tasting Mexican, you run south towards the border? Jim O' I think that in a perfect world, that's what they meant, but they're obviously playing off of Mexicans running across the border. Or maybe it means our shitty food is so inauthentic, Mexicans, if you want some, run for the border,

run north because we Americans have figured out how to ruin your food. Right, right. Maybe that's it. It's so bad you will actually run back into Mexico to get a better Chalapa. Runs from the border. You get the runs. No, but I really just put, come on, Trader Giotto's making red sauce? Honestly, who gives a shit?

Seriously. Right, right. And Trader Jose's? By the way, I do remember when Sophie, my oldest, was young, the guy who would come and work on our grass and stuff when I lived in Santa Monica in a house, his name was Jose. Well, Sophie found out about No Way Jose, and that's all she loved saying to him. And we had to have a talk with her, but I couldn't explain what was wrong with it. But just, let's not say no way Jose to Jose. Right. Right. Um, all right. Listen, we all, we, everyone's looking for advice when we, when we need advice, there's a certain special lady we ask. Her name is Amy.

That was a weird intro. We really don't ask her, but okay. We don't ask her. Other people ask her. Ask Amy. Here we go. So here was a letter I found. I don't really have much material on it. Anyway, dear Amy, my boyfriend and I have excellent customer service skills. Our customers appreciate the way we handle things, and yet we don't know how to communicate with each other. I try not to be rude when I express opinions, suggestions, and advice. In my head, for instance, if I tell you you're overweight, that doesn't mean I called you fat. I am a very good writer. Yet when I have to tell my guy to pick up after himself, slob and lazy are my choice words. But if I choose different terms, he'll just say, so you're calling me a slob, right?

And I admit to it. So I can't win. He has a beautiful smile, but needs to take better care of his teeth. If I suggest that, I am a nag or I am offensive. If I asked for my honest opinion, I give it. That's just me. We are crazy about each other, but fight all the time, and I am exhausted and saddened. I mean, so that's her letter. I forgot I cut off who it was signed by. Also, Amy, your articles are so interesting, especially for a bad writer. articles are so interesting, especially for a bad writer. I know. And here's my favorite part. She writes, I am a very good writer, semicolon. I fucking hate people that use semicolons. It's so pretentious. It's so much like, wait till they read this sentence. They're going to go, fuck, I don't know how to use semicolons. She's awesome. Are you whom uses semicolons? But what a nightmare.

Oh, my God. The teeth thing? How brutal. How is she good at customer service? The customer's always wrong, I guess. Yeah, yeah. The customer's a fat slob with bad teeth. Why are you taking this wrong?

You have wasted my time and yours. Any other questions? a fat slob with bad teeth. Why are you taking this wrong? You have wasted my time and yours. Any other questions? Yeah. She says she's exhausted. He is so tired. If he is staying with her, you've been in bad relationships. You're just tired all the time. And then you get out of them and you go, holy shit, where did all this energy come from? And you realize you've tied it all up with this one person's nonsense. Yeah. Oh my God. I have enough energy to, to lose a little weight and brush my teeth. She was right about a few things. I got enough energy to pack my shit and get on fucking Tinder. Oh my God.

I want to know what she does customer service for and call. And it's so weird for a customer service person to ask Amy something. Figure it out yourself. That's what Amy is. She's basically customer service for the newspaper. Yeah. All right. Very sad. It's time for obituaries and that's all folks

whoa okay light-hearted obituary you need to revisit that theme song uh regis philbin what can you say about it we could sit here and read his credits, but if you knew him, you know that he was just a guy who, in my mind, he was almost like the first podcaster. When I would watch him and Kathie Lee, and she was annoying as shit, and he actually made her likable. If you need to know how good of a broadcaster he is. He made Kathie Lee Gifford likable. And he was just a real like coming. We both come from Bronx, Irish parents, and he was just a Bronx Irish guy. He was just super great storyteller, magnanimous, self-deprecating all the traits we grew up with. And I just love that this guy showed up to work every day. Somebody told me this. He didn't

prepare for the show. There were no writers. He read the newspaper in the back of the limo on the way to the show. And then he would not talk to his co-hosts before they started going live. He wanted to save it. And then he just fucking talked about what happened the night before. Jim O' Yup. And he, there's a rumor. I just say it's a rumor because I haven't been able to like kind of confirm it. He may have been on television more than any other human being. No shit. Yep. Logged the most hours on, I don't know if it's limited to American TV. I don't know if he has more hours than walter mercado

uh with mucho mucho more but he that's what i heard but i mean can you imagine he was alive for an hour five days a week for i don't even know how long then at night at the same time he hosted who wants to be a millionaire he started out as a writer. This is all off the top of my head. He started off as a writer, I forget, in Los Angeles and then got a show in San Diego, I believe, because he was just so kind of charismatic. They put him in front of the camera and then one of his first major gigs, I think, was co-hosting Joey Bishop's show. Right. That's how he got his start. Yeah, he was a sidekick.

But Letterman took such a liking to him in New York. You know, he was Letterman's broadcasting hero, right? And he would always say that. He couldn't believe what a great broadcaster he was. And he was the most frequent guest in the history of The David Letterman Show. He hosted The Tonight Show for a long time. Yep. the most frequent guest in the history of the david letterman show he's been the tonight show for a long time um but i just always connected to him i just always when i would watch him i would just think this is just a guy who doesn't have a false bone in his body he just they roll the

cameras and he's just himself and he's you know just an old school good dude. And I remember, you know, these brothers were the head writers of Letterman at one time. And I remember talking to them. Stangle Brothers. Yes, exactly. And he lived up the road from one of the Stangle Brothers, I think in Rye or Mamaroneck. And he would come over. And sometimes, like, you would just get a text, like, on my way. And he'd be like, what?

And it would be like Regis wanted to watch that thing with me tonight like, you know, whatever everyone was gonna watch that night like whether it was a game a Knicks game or whatever it was or something in pop culture and Regis would come over and watch I mean Stangle brothers any of them hear about this write in and confirm this but I remember him telling me this like he would just come Over he's like my family's here, I have young kids, but Regis and I would just go to the basement and watch whatever we, you know, he came over to watch.

Wow. That's awesome. Yeah. He took a real liking to the writers at Letterman and everything. Yeah. He was, he was now for people young, if anybody young listens to this podcast. Just to put in perspective for you, he had the show live with Regis and Kathie Lee for what seemed like an eternity. And then Kathie Lee left that and Regis found Kelly Ripa. And then Kelly Ripa and Regis did it forever. And Kelly Ripa is still there with Seacrest now, I think. Her second host. Oh, Strahan is gone? Yeah.

And it's, oh yeah, for a while now. And now it's Seacrest. No, and then I think I was watching the Dodgers game and I saw a cardboard cutout of Seacrest. Oh no, that actually was Ryan Seacrest. Oh, was he Steph? Ryan Seacrest. Oh, was he step? He seemed, it's very hard in a lineup to know which has a pulse. Who am I? Who the fuck am I? I'm on a computer talking to a guy in a closet being edited by a team in St. Louis and I'm fucking making fun of ryan seacrest i can make fun of him he likes he used to like i think i can say this because i know it's true so i can't get sued he used to like his ambien and i

don't blame him because he would work all night and then he'd have to be at his dj job i don't i don't even know everyone he's a mystery morning radio he never gave up his morning radio show he never gave up his morning radio and i don't think he's he has still and he's in new york does he i don't even does he live in new york he has to i can't keep i can't keep up with him yeah he must now but yeah i had a friend that worked for him and uh said he was a great guy said he was great to work with. I think I've heard the same thing, but I have heard not everything makes perfect sense the first hour or two in the morning, that he is still trying to shake the drug that the poor guy had to take to knock him out so he could get any sleep

before his next job. Yeah. Speaking of which, my wife met Liza Minnelli the other day. Really? Got a picture taken with her. Yeah, she's in a fucking wheelchair from all the dancing in high heels. Might not be the only thing that put her in a wheelchair. She's a recovering, you know, she's a drug addict.

Yeah, I think she took a lot of drugs and drank a lot. And yeah, now she's a recovering you know she's a drug addict yeah i think she took a lot of drugs and drank a lot and uh yeah now she's in a wheelchair so i told you i got a picture taken with her i saw the star is born with her mom it's it's unbelievable how similar they are yeah yeah uh that's cool. So is that going to be Erin's Christmas card? Just without you? She goes without the family? Just with a gay icon?

She is the family. I mean, without her, we are just a bunch of fucking losers. We're all lazy. She gets us to do things. God bless her. She should put out her own Christmas card. Fuck us. All right. We got to cheer up after the obituaries. Let's do the Sunday funnies, Mike. Let's do it. Start now. That's a weird ground effect. Yeah, because there's usually no laughing. Let's start off with Hagar the Horrible. Hagar, Hagar, whatever you want to call him.

Don't call him good to women. And this one, he is sitting, his wife is sitting with a friend. They're having some coffee. Hagar's in the background. And the wife, Helga's friend says, my husband gives me an allowance. Helga goes, that's nice. And then the friend goes, I know. It's like I'm being paid to plan my own escape. And Helga's mouth goes into a circle like, oh, we can do that? Is that what you saw? Well, if you're married to a Viking, there's no divorce. You don't say, listen, honey, let's sit down and talk. I feel like we're growing apart. You're dead. You're dead. That's all you got to say. Yeah.. That's all you gotta say.

Yeah. I didn't, I didn't take her mouth there. I just saw it on the screen. I didn't take a, I don't know. I don't know if that was a, I think it was just like, she wouldn't still be smiling. I don't know. Well, maybe, maybe that's, I don't know. I think the joke was just paid to pay to plan my own escape. Helga's going nowhere. I just don't like thinking of her leaving the poor abusive guy. Only because he's the best of all evils. The other guys out there, Helga's not having coffee with a friend in, in, in another scenario. She's mopping. Right. They have a lot of downtime, I notice.

Hager's got a lot of like sitting around in a lounge chair for a guy that's supposed to be a marauder. I think marauders, that's not a stay-at-home job. Marauding is not a stay-at-home job. But marauding, there's probably an off-season. There's a marauding season. And then probably, I mean, when the fjords or whatever they're called are frozen over, But marauding, there's probably an off season. There's a marauding season. And then probably, I mean, when the fjords or whatever they're called are frozen over.

That's when you maraud. Huh? That's when you maraud, when it's frozen. That's how Rome fell. Did you know that? No. The Roman Empire ultimately fell when the river, what's the river that leads to Rome? The Tigris?

Yeah. The Euphrates? Euphrates. I think it froze over and all of the barbarians that had been held at bay suddenly crossed it. And they came into Rome and they destroyed them. Is that a true story? True story. And it's, and it's also the guards, the Roman guards, because there was such a big bureaucracy in the Roman empire that nobody wanted to do any grunt work any anymore. So the soldiers were basically all paid, but they weren't Roman. So when the,

when the marauders came in they were related to the guards and so the guards just turned around and joined them and they sacked rome with them that sounds more accurate that they walked across frozen rivers is probably right because who can make that up but uh it's all in my book called i make up no it up. No, it's true. I think it's true. Rome gets that cold back then. This is before the river. Rome is safe now because of global warming. Nobody can storm Rome. Yeah. I thought they just extended their empire too far and, you know, made all the miscalculations. Then I did hear about the guards taking up arms against Rome. Yeah. Let's go down to-

We could draw analogies to what's going on now, but let's not. Well, there are, and it's not the last four years, it's the last 20 years in America that are so similar to the fall of the Holy Roman Empire. All right, let's go to the far side. This is the first far side I could remember. And I looked for it because it was the first one that made me go, holy shit, this is different than other cartoons. It's a road and there are four cows standing up and one of them turns around and screams, car. And then all of a sudden the cows all get on all fours, start grazing, car drives by, third frame, they're all standing up again. You know, it's funny. I looked at it really quickly and I thought it was another

famous car one that he did. Have you ever seen the one where it's a car full of cows driving by a field of humans and out the window they go, yackety, yackety, yack, yackety, yack. That was my favorite one. That was the first farsight I remember seeing. Oh my God. Can you imagine the writer of the family circus reading that particular cartoon and not putting a bullet in his own head it's it's i'm confounded by it or not like i should give this money to charity all of it and more

I should give this money to charity, all of it and more. Here's another guy who loves his wife, Andy cap. Uh, Andy cap is leaning against the fence talking to his neighbor. Who's smoking a pipe real fucking relaxed while his wife is carrying a giant trash can filled with stinky garbage. And she's huffing and puffing and leaning backwards to haul it out. And he casually says to his friend, uh, that's one job. I don't let her do on her own. She puts it out. I bring it in. Yeah. Any sweet. What's the joke that he, he brings it in empty. Yeah. They, they collect it and then he brings the empty can in. Yeah.

I just love that. The thing about these comics is not only are the guys shitty husbands and their wives have to do everything. They then shit on them. Then, then there's a commentary about how shitty the wife is while she's doing it. I was like, wait, where's the dent in the can from where he's going to laugh about beating his wife with the can? The bar has been so raised on the domestic abuse in that household. No, if you look at the can, there's bloody gauze pads just falling out of the side of the can. She has to take out the bloody sheets. The idiot goes to bed still bleeding from the contusion on her head. I make her take that shit out.

Yeah. Hey, just tell the neighbors it's a tampon. It's time, Mike. It's time for your favorite okay brace yourself little family service yeah i have it here but i think they're going to put it up which one is it that there you go so it's a little kid standing in front of a window the girl you can see the curtains are billowing. I love, by the way, that you've refused to learn their names after months and months of doing this every week.

First of all, I'm awful with names anyway. You know her name? I don't. Right. It doesn't matter, by the way. And so she's standing in front of the billowing curtains. It doesn't matter by the way. And so she's standing in front of the billowing curtains and then she is yelling off screen and yells,

"'The curtains are breathing in and out.'" So I've asked myself, what's the objective? What is, when he puts the pen on the paper, what is his, is his objective to make someone laugh? Like, I honestly, I'm at a total loss. First of all, if your dumb thing is just the curtains are breathing, you don't need in and out. Just fucking end it. You create a whole new line for the words in and out. The curtains are breathing. Doesn't that get your stupid, creatively, comically bankrupt idea across? Do you need the extra words, first of all? Second of all, the curtains are breathing. It's so crazy to me.

I don't know. I think it's almost, it's almost beautiful. It's almost like a line you would hear from like a Yates from Yates. Like the curtains are breathing in and out that that if that flowed through in some verse, you might almost go, oh, that's a nice image. But to make a comic strip out of it, that's supposed to make you laugh. That's a whole different, like you said. I don't agree. If maybe this was like a thousand years ago, maybe it was before Shakespeare, who had layers or T.S. Eliot, like the fog creeps in on cat feet. Like the curtains are breathing. Seriously. It's not even on that level. And it, and like kids say more darnedest things than that.

Like, Oh mommy, this, this sunset looks like I spilled my orange juice. Like that might be more like, hey, there's a little poetry there. This, no, this is a massive misfire on every level. Yeah. And also, but what's its point anyway? Let's say it was a little poetic. Well, what's the objective? I don't know. And then just cash your fucking check.

Just cash it. Holy crap By the way, a lot of people send us There's a strip where they take family circus lines And they switch them with Nietzsche quotations I forget what it's called, but look it up It's hysterical And then someone sent us with a far side It was accidentally in a real newspaper

The captions were switched And then someone sent us with a far side was accidentally in a real newspaper. The captions were switched and it said it helped both comics in a funny way. Yeah, right, right. Oh, yeah. Let's read that next week. I actually want to read that. It was funny. Yeah. And then I have this Charles Adams book. We keep mentioning it. But this Charles Adams book is amazing. And he's just really dark. The video feed on my thing is reversed. But he's just so, so funny and dark.

So I think we're going to start doing those. So I'll single them out. And he created the Adams family, obviously. But he has a lot of these animal ones as well i showed you the one where the two unicorns missed noah's ark and stuff like that and he has the guys on a deserted island and then he has famous ones of a guy always imagining his wife dying wherever they are like they go to the coliseum in rome and then his thought bubble is her being chased by tigers and lions out there and then i'll try to show this one this is the famous one

where they're in a canoe and they're fishing and um in the reflection you see him beating her over the head with his oar and this is from the 50s and 60s in the New Yorker. It's so great, but he's a real precursor. But this is like all these cartoons, they were written by guys, yeah, back in the, even the 40s, like some of these blondie ones go back to the 40s. When people got married at 21, usually because they were pregnant, divorce was not allowed, and you wanted to fucking kill your wife, and your wife wanted to kill you,

and you couldn't divorce. So you had to read these cartoons because it was such a great outlet. Yeah. I guess so, yeah. And the New Yorker had a lot of those. All right, so what do we got? We got a little Blondie to round it out. That's what I'm waiting for.

Now, Blondie, here's one. Dagwood, like a fucking champ. He's walking with Herb. Herb is his friend. And he says, Blondie says I don't kiss her with enough enthusiasm when I come home evenings. And Herb goes, my wife complains too. Now Dagwood in the second frame says, I'll give Blondie a kiss this evening that she'll remember the rest of her life. Third frame, he's got Blondie horizontal, got his arms around her, giant smack written, his hat pops out. And the the fourth frame she's laying on the ground he fucking did it and she goes that was a little better but where's dagwood that's my question there's no fifth frame because dagwood she's looking in the directions he came in the

door so he walks in he initiates he knocks her on her feet off her feet and then he fucking leaves. So he can go on the couch. You need a sandwich. What the fuck dad? You were there. You finally manned up. She asked for it. She's begging you for it. You start to give it to her and then you don't fucking close. It's like you could have Andy cap and then the smack would mean something very different, but she'd be on her ass in that fourth frame also. And she'd be just as happy as Blondie is. Cause that means he still cares. Now,

did she soil herself? What's going on there with the Brown on her dress? It looks like she soiled herself. Like, yeah. Is he that dirty? What, what explains that? Maybe he gave her a little Cincinnati steamer, Cincinnati slider. That's a little better. A Milwaukee dapper. I'm just making one up now. From that mid-coast region, you know, there's a lot of sex terms from the mid-coast region. Yeah, let's find out what they do in St. Louis.

The St. Louis bukkake. St. Louis trombone, probably, because it's very jazzy. All right, so we're going to put it out to our listeners uh thursdays this thursday begins the thursday papers it's a little bonus it's short it's probably gonna be about 20 minutes each week people have asked for more they want it daily but we can't do it it's too much we're bad i think we barely got by with this sunday podcast i know. Don't we have letters? Didn't you have some letters? Or we already did that. Yeah. Hey, by the way, a lot of people said this then. A lot of people wrote in, they like the Jaws theory. Thank you. Right. A lot of people had Jaws theories as well.

So I think what we're going to do on the Thursday paper is we're going to read some more of your, uh, letters. We're going to play some more of the theme songs, uh, maybe go in depth on a couple that didn't quite make the cut, but are very amusing nonetheless. I'm going to read a Dear Abby. I think I'm going to put Abby on Thursdays. Thursdays. And we have other comics like the Lockhorns that we're going to cover. So tune in for the extra episode again. Thank you guys for all the great feedback. Thank you for telling your friends about the podcast. It literally grows every week.

It's growing on YouTube. People are watching it more. Thank you. And, and you're, you're bowling Gibbons over. He's so excited. I'm so excited. Well, I just can't believe, you know, people always gave me, uh, and you're, you're bowling Gibbons over. He's so excited. I'm so excited. Well, I just can't believe, you know, people always gave me, they, they said such nice things about me on your podcast over the years.

And that I was like, quote, brutally honest. And it's always because I just assumed no one was listening. I mean, there's, there's a couple of things going on. It's an intimate medium when you're, when I'm talking to you or anyone's talking to you on this podcast. But it's also, I really wouldn't think about it again after it went out. So my guard was down, I guess. So maybe my guard should be more up than it is. But anyway, thank you for listening. And what helps us subscribing subscribe to it on itunes if you leave us comments and five stars that helps us

move up the rankings and then it all snowballs so and then all of a sudden we're my favorite murder all right listening thank you midcoast Media, for producing. Mike, have a great week. Yeah, watch that Mafia show on Netflix. Oh, right, right. And then don't forget, listen to Fitz Dog Radio and Childish, my other podcast with Alison Rosen. God bless. Take it up.

All righty. Be safe. Be safe and healthy, everybody. Wrap it up. Put it in a birdcage some on it throw it out back tape it to your windows become a shut-in your hoarder we'll see you next week goodbyes god bless sunday papers greg and mike reading stories in the times nation world food entertainment politics sports i don't need to read they're on it they even describe the comics extra extra greg and mike keep me informed blondie is a babe blondie is a babe