Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 211 4/7/24

Episode Date: April 7, 2024

We celebrate Greg’s birthday, the eclipse and NCAA basketball. There’s an earthquake in NY and an attack with a bible in Florida. Also, The British Parliament is pretty gay.

It's the motherfucking Sunday Papers, you know that Mike and Rick are gonna break down the news For you and me, fuckin' It's the motherfucking Sunday Papers, you know that Greg's got a big... Gregory, happy, happy birthday. Thank you so much, Mike. It is so exhilarating to turn your age after nine months. No, you're always ahead of me.

Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah, you're always. No, I do catch up. No, I'm always one year behind. Sorry. I can't do math. You're one year behind, and I'll tell you something. Enjoy 57, because 58 has kicked my ass.

Since yesterday, my back went out. That's right. You're two years. Right. I had erectile dysfunction at two in the morning. What do you have? My back went out. I had erectile dysfunction i couldn't remember anything it's all happened since yesterday no i went out late last night holy

shit we went out and shot pool me and the other comics on the show until like three o'clock in the morning it was so much fun wow yeah it was good and um i'm trying to think of a bit because you know bobby ke, the comic Bobby Kelly? Yeah, of course. All right, so Bobby comes down here to SideSplitters in Tampa and apparently slid a dollar to the bartender as a tip. And then she made a video, like his opening act found out that that's what Bobby had tipped her. So he interviewed her about it. And she was just like, I didn't understand that.

I thought it was a joke, but like he literally tipped me a dollar. So then they played that video to Bobby live on his podcast. And he was mortified. He completely freaked out because he's kind of sees himself as like this. I guess he's part Italian as like the guy who throws money around. And like he said, he tipped everybody $20. And I think it was some kind of misunderstanding, but like they roasted him about it. So is the whole thing that it was so little?

Yeah, it was a dollar. And, you know, he tipped everybody else 20. I guess he normally tips everybody 20 bucks, which is a lot, because there's six or seven servers. And so the woman, Erica, she's the waitress. She's actually the bartender. We have the same birthday. So we've had a lot of fun together. She got me a gift. I got her a gift. And then I said, we got to make a video and bust Bobby's balls. So I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm thinking about like getting a stack of ones, get like 30 ones and just keep handing

them to her. Right. Well, maybe she goes shopping for a gift with her dollar at the 99 cent store. What should I get? Should get this uh pack of pens should i get a kumquat that's great just a shopping spree anything in the store she can get anything in the store with that especially now i think it's discount because they're going out of business i think it's going to be the the 79 cent store.

When I was in Florida with my dad a few weeks ago, so I had to take all his stuff when he spent the night in hospital. So I went with his wallet and all that, and I went down to get the car, and I had no singles to tip, and I get his wallet, and his wallet has like 10 or like 7 or eight $2 bills in it. And I'm like, what is this weirdo up to?

So then I asked him and I'm like, what's that? He's like, oh, he goes a dollar's too small now, even for like the valet or any, any, any like, you know, when you're giving that kind of gesture and he's like a dollar is, you know, too small now. Plus he's like, people really like $2 bills. I'm like, I think you're giving that kind of gesture and he's like a dollar is you know too small now plus he's like people really like two dollar bills i'm like i think you're onto something i think i'm going to wells fargo getting 52 dollar bills i really do because the conversation about the novelty of it distracts from how cheap you are well i've doubled my one dollar by the way i'm still the guy that gives a dollar for

i think a dollar for a drink but the problem is drinks are now fucking 15 in santa monica what do you give a valet as a tip uh i'm never never one dollar obviously uh but uh i don't like giving five i give five because I used to be a parking attendant for years. So I give five. What if the restaurant has gouged you? Still give him five. He's not getting that money. Right.

Yeah, it makes sense. I'll tell you what I'm giving him in the future. Two. There you go. Maybe four. Yeah. And then maidsids i leave or you say housekeepers i guess you don't say maids anymore even though there was a movie made five years ago with jennifer lopez called made in america the hotel wenches the wenches the uh the janitors the female janitors um i leave uh three dollars a night

what that's weird what how did you come up with that i don't know it just it seems right i used to give a dollar a night then two dollars a night you know like over the course of the last 25 years and now it's up to three dollars a night i think most people don't tip housekeeping or whatever you want to call it. I leave a five. Nice. I leave a five regardless. But I also don't, I'm pretty neat in hotels. I don't know if it's an embarrassment thing, but like I also don't ask for new towel.

You know, I don't do any, no towels are on the bathroom floor, whatever that whole procedure is. No, you're great. You leave all the jizz right in the middle of the towel. No, I make it more fun to find. Get out the black light, sweetie. It's usually all over the do not disturb sign. So the next person gets it. For me, it's hard to make it land in the dispenser of the coffee machine.

But you know, if you really focus. People are so concerned. Have you seen that? Like people are like, ooh, ooh, no way would I use the, like the shampoos that aren't individual size, the bigger shampoos. Are you serious? With a pump. Yeah.

The shampoo, the body soap conditioner, you'll see those. People are like, you're insane to use those because of the jizz in them. Oh, my God. I know. I do worry about the moisturizer because if it's not full, then I don't want to share that with another dude. Oh, is that what it is? Well, maybe he filled it. Right.

In and out. So there's that. Yeah. All right. So I was in Miami and I stayed with my buddy who's a billionaire from high school and our other friend Alex who's so funny because he's a lawyer from high school and our other friend alex who's who's so funny because he's a lawyer in new york and he's he's the they're both great guys but alex in particular is the sweetest most kind human being you've ever met and he's very humble and uh and i think he

comes from good money too but he took the bus from the uh mi Miami airport to my friend's like gigantic condo overlooking the ocean. He connected buses to get there. And then we get to my friends and we're sitting out on the porch smoking $100 Cuban cigars. And we're talking about insurance. And I go, it's ridiculous i go i pay forty thousand dollars a year in insurance and my billionaire friend goes that's nothing i was like no that's something no that's actually something i'm looking up how much does a billion dollars make at 5% interest? You can't figure out that that's $50 million?

No, I'm thinking a day. Oh, well then it's a million dollars a month. No, a million dollars a week. So it's about $150,000 a day. Oh, golly. I don't even know what the number is. It's not that high. And you don't have to be anywhere near a billion.

Where, as they say, everything's free. Yeah. Everything's free. When we went to Peter Thiel's house. And by the way, my friend insists he's not a billionaire, but that's such a billionaire thing to say. But when we went to Peter Thiel's house and he threw that crazy big party, I thought to myself, okay, maybe this costs him a million dollars, but Peter Thiel is worth like $7 billion.

And I realized that's less than the interest he made on his money that day right oh my god you are so detached from this dude the compound interest thing holy crap i just saw a dumb thing on instagram a guy giving like you know a motivational what fucking investing talk kind of like a ted talk setting and he's like uh he goes if you played with a buddy and uh and you're like hey why don't we play 10 cents a hole but we're gonna double it every hole it was one of those things yeah and it's shocking how much it is by 18. If you tell your daughters this, because I have told my children and they are following suit. I gave them each a thousand bucks to start an IRA account.

And I said, if you put $100 a month in this, you will have a million dollars by the time you're 50 years old. Right. And they're doing it. I love that. They'll have that million and then on top of that when i die they're gonna get another seven thousand dollars each so it really starts to add up um i uh hey thanks for joining the podcast who me you've been fucking staring down for the last

five minutes no i'm listening to your riveting story but you left out there you're gonna borrow that money from them that's why they need to do it it's your little bank account that you're having someone else manage yeah um so we also in miami my buddy took us to a Miami Heat, New York Knicks game, third row center. You feel the fire? You feel the heat? Felt the heat. Here's what's nice about it, is I go to a lot of Clippers games, and that owner of the Clippers is to have dancers and cheerleaders and t-shirt guns and hip-hop music cranking up and video screen and it's like you literally it's an assault on your senses you can't even watch the game the the heat who you would think it's miami it would be glitzy

not like that at all totally you just need cocaine all you need is cocaine and some cuban mistresses yes and oh my god the the women at this game they're wearing like bikini tops and thought it's insane what the women are wearing and um and a lot of a lot of douchey guys um wrap around sunglasses indoors with white, white leather shoes. And I remember being down in Miami for some, it was early, like an HBO, uh, had their giant thing down there once anyway, back when I worked for them and we were in a bar and the guy goes, and it was late. It was like, let's say it was one 30 in the morning or something. And we're in a bar and it's, you know, it's pretty crowded. And he's like, I mean, this is, this is the most international city.

He goes, you know, if you're not kind of like international business, which, you know, LA and New York have, he's like, but this is the most international flavor. He goes, he's like, look, he's like, look at that. And he points outside, outside at one 30 in the morning morning walking on the sidewalk is this hot woman who looked latina probably cuban and she has flip-flops like crazy short shorts bikini top pushing a stroller nice that's what she's she's just out walking her baby and like and that it's, you know, 80 degrees at 1.30 in the morning. Yeah, that's great. Yeah.

And then I went up to Boca Raton and I did a show at this little theater. And my mom came out with her two friends. So I had to literally halfway through every joke I'm editing. I couldn't even concentrate. I was editing. But it went great. And there was a girl, there was a girl in the crowd who I had sex with in high school and she was with her husband. And I said, Oh, and Amy's out here. I said, Hey, Amy. And I said to

her husband, I go, you're married to her. I go, I had her first. I go, I had the young Amy. I said, I had the 16 year old Amy. I was there first. As if it's you now with the 16 year old Amy, you pervert. Well, no, what I said was I wish that we could do it again now so I could show you how much I learned, how good I am, how selfless I am now. Back then, I was the most selfish lover. A 16-year-old boy doesn't think for one second about meeting the needs of his partner. No, he was trying to hold on for dear life. That's it. How did he take it?

He was great. They were very sweet. She sent me a note the next day saying that she liked it. And then Mark Wiley, who's the head of best buddies who's my good friend he came out he drove up from miami and uh and my two high school friends were there and then this uh my my wife's cousin came out uh it was there's tons of people that i knew in the audience it was really fun i got i got a standing ovation it wasn't come on yeah yeah and wait your mom witnessed she didn't stand she couldn't stand no of course not she's like that was meh no she also can't stand up at this

point um uh what's going on with the roast my friend head writer of the uh tom brady roast yeah i uh it's it's listen listen, it's super hard work. And so I've been living this first week, we go into a real writer's room on Monday, but this first week was virtual. And I've just basically been living like an animal because my daughter's on spring break and she's out of town with a friend from school.

And I'm alone. I'm trying to remember the last time I opened the front door and left the house was, uh, sometime over 30 hours ago and it's nothing in the fridge, which I kind of like that, that, that frugal part of me likes like,

all right, let's chip away at this, you know, this packed pantry, like with the soups and all that but it has gotten so bad now i'm making coffee and i'm like god damn it uh no i went through the half i have nothing no creamer of any sort then i remembered i froze half and half have you ever done that no but right this is at one, there should be a word for this.

It's more than a humble brag. It's a pathetic brag. We have to coin a phrase. When you, it's kind of like a buddy who's so cheap and works like me, who works too hard and he's bragging, but it's the worst brag. It's a pathetic brag. So I remember I was like going out of town and I had a half and half that would go bad

while i was away i'm like i google can you freeze milk or whatever because there are so many times like this where i'm like god and i have to put like butter in my coffee or something because i have nothing at that in the house so anyway froze them and they work i'm drinking one right now but i'm on my like fourth cube of half and half. That's how pathetic this situation is. You are famous for this. I remember you were writing your own sitcom and you were laid on a script and you were down in your garage selling one of your kids' old bicycles onbay and you're waiting in the garage to make

40 yeah yeah yeah yeah they're good distractions don't get me wrong and you want to know another story very typically of this is the is the uh koozie story right now i'm a little slow on the on the new koozie orders i do want to say there's a guy, Eddie. There's a guy, Chris. I wonder if I could tell where they're from. Yes, Eddie from Hagerstown. Look at that in Maryland. Wow. And we got Chris from, guess where Chris is from?

Wisconsin. Seattle. Okay, guess where Joshua is from Wisconsin Seattle okay guess where Joshua's from Nebraska Bakersfield guess where Andrew's from last one uh Houston get the f out of here what Andrew is from Houston get the fuck out of here really i swear to god not even the right state the right fucking city that's unbelievable can't wait for this day in history i'm gonna be on it today wow that that was a real thing that just happened when you said it i was like am i sharing my screen damn so i'm gonna get those out You know what? Today How about that? You're gonna get your koozies And maybe I'll get half and half

Maybe I'll get half and half today Who knows what will happen once they take another Adderall Oh, I should have taken an Adderall today It's too late now I No, what do you mean? We're doing another one No, but I have

I have to go to bed And then get four hours of sleep and wake up at 5 a.m. so I can fly to Mexico. But wait, what time? Isn't it only 3 p.m. there? It's 3 p.m. here. If I take an Adderall now, I guess I could, right? Nine hours, it'll wear off?

Nine? Well, I take the baby. I like baby aspirin. my i'm five milligrams yeah 30 already had four cups of coffee so i'm good so i'm going to mexico um tomorrow which will be the day this air is because the eclipse is monday and we have i bought plane tickets for me, Aaron, Jojo, and then my niece, Julia, rented a big Airbnb and now there's cloud coverage and there's going to be no eclipse in Mexico.

Is the sacrifice still on? Sacrifice is on. Okay, good. You got, because you're flying in goats. I know that. Well, no, they're, well, they're virgin goats virgin goats so you just we tried to keep them in a separate pen so they stay virgins uh nice man well still you're gonna be i bet a lot of people are there right yeah it's gonna be jam apparently is it right in the path, as they say? No, Mazatlan is famously the first place where it's hitting land.

Wow. It's like a crazy zombie apocalypse of people going to Mazatlan. It seems weird. It seems like you wouldn't be into those people. No, this is really because Owen's been in Central America for six months, and he's coming home. They plan the trip backwards from ending it at the eclipse in Mazatlan. They knew about this eclipse. I mean, I know you could have known for 40 years,

but they've literally was on their radar months ago. Yeah. We booked these tickets like four months ago for, for everything. And so, uh, he's going to finish that trip and then he's flying back to, we're flying in and out of Tijuana. That's the hack. That's the travel hack out of LA. You drive the two hours or maybe two and a half hours to Tijuana.

You park on the San Diego side of the Tijuana airport. You park your car there. You walk through a tunnel, show your passport and you're in the Tijuana airport. F park your car there. You walk through a tunnel, show your passport, and you're in the Tijuana airport. Flights were 650 from LA. They were 125 from Tijuana. I mean, I wish it were a two hour drive, but I do like that you're not driving across the border. I know. It's great.

It sounds like how I, how I save creamer. It sounds a little arduous and maybe not worth it. Plus, whatever the deductible is when your car is stolen and you come back to Tijuana. Yeah. The logo this week, we want to thank John Clifford. It is a throwback to when Kate Middleton was missing. And I apparently am the Kate Middleton. Okay, so we thought this, and I'm just following orders,

we thought this was the logo last week. Yes, but then at the last minute we got an Easter logo in, so we used the Easter logo. Right, and this is, yeah, when's Mother's Day? Is that stuff all about to happen? Jesus. What was this photo for? No, this is Kate Middleton just putting out a family photo.

No, I remember that. And they Photoshopped. Doctor making it up. Yeah, right. The song this week, John Landini. It's the motherfucking sunday papers loved it want to remind people if you ever want to hear the full versions of songs they're on at the end of the episode yeah this was very well produced thank you johnny um corrections it's a section

greg it's a section it's an informal section a section. It's an informal section. We don't need graphics. There we go. Correction section. When discussing the Otani baseball betting story, Greg referred to disgraced former gambler and MLB all-time hits leader. Is he really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pete Rose as Hall of Famer Pete Rose. But Rose is not in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

As part of an investigation, he was banned from the hall for betting on baseball while playing. While he could continue to appeal the ruling, the commissioner to date has not reversed the punishment. You know who banned him? I'm going to say... I'm looking up how many hits he has. Jesus.

4,256 hits then Ty Cobb and Hank Aaron Donald Sterling Paul Giamatti's dad no shit

wow yep Bart Bart Bart, Bart. That was from Derek. It's Bart Giamatti, maybe. That was from Derek Chamberlain, by the way. And then also, Greg wrote in and said, you said that you have a gig in Tampa Bay.

Tampa Bay is a body of water. Your gig is in Tampa. Okay. And I live in Venice Beach. I don't live on the sand, Greg. That's right. Well, what else is like that? Yeah.

I would say... There's a million cities with bay in the title. Or Clearwater is right nearby. You can live in Clearwater and not drown in your house. In the Tampa Bay area? I mean, couldn't you? No? Tour dates, Irvine Improv.

I live near Ocean Drive. Okay, what? Irvine Improv, April 18th through 20th. Mamaroneck at the emelin theater on may 31st austin texas at the mothership june 7th through the 9th and i will be at the wdve festival in pittsburgh june 21st tickets at fitzdog.com and then a big show this week we got pete holmes on the podcast last week we had we had uh did i tell you Last week we had, we had a, did I tell you this?

That we had a Phil Hendry back on. And you know, I saw it on my, on the Instagram and you know, a complete comedy hero of mine. And there's documentaries coming out, right? Yeah.

This documentary is out. Bill Hader talks on it a lot. Yeah. It's on Apple play and all the streamers. It's on all the streamers. I think it's just called Hendry. H E streamers it's on all the streamers i think it's just called hendry h-e-n-d-r-i-e highly recommend it i love that it's called that but that they shouldn't have called it that people aren't going to remember how to find it people

the idea is people who are new to him right um but all right uh you want to read this ad? Let me tell you a thing or two about game time. I had game time open on my phone when I wasn't just Googling how many hits Pete Rose had because tonight in LA, Tyler Childers, who I am a big fan of, and he's at the forum. And then tomorrow night at the forum is a little guy called Bruce Springsteen.

Whoa, hey now. He played three hours and 40 minutes, I think, the other night. And crazy set list. I believe I sent it to you. Yes. And listen, it's a good buy, but the shows are very moving, and I don't think I'm going to watch Game Time because that's it. Game Time is the only way I'm going to see Springsteen

because I can watch it. They show me the price all in. I don't have to do guesswork like, oh, like the other ones, like is it going to double once they add the fees and the taxes and all that crap no game time shows you the full price up front you can see the view from your seat um you can also i want to remind people that experiences far outweigh material goods and how you spend your money use game time as an excuse to go see theater music comedy uh sports and do it you you will remember these things and cherish them and it'll make you feel better than a fucking massage chair

maybe not a massage chair but other last minute that's an experience too last minute tickets there's flash deals zone deals there's a lowest price guarantee there's event cancellation protection job loss protection. So take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply.

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Also support for this podcast comes from freeze pipe. Hey, ever experienced the agony of harsh smoke, throat burning or coughing attacks when smoking cannabis mike is holding up his beautiful boxing oh no lettering this is like the apple of uh smoke look at it look at this i know freeze pipe is the most elegant high quality thing you would it's it's it's amazing so and the tech it's tech it chills down your smoking experience it's the smoothest way to light up freeze pipe they make a unique line of freezable pipes you

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I used it. And, uh, let me tell you something you i like i have i have asthma and as an asthma sufferer i can support freeze pipe you should breathe through the pipe all the time regardless of smoking yes especially during uh the spring when it's pollen season. I'm just going to walk around with Freeze Pipe attached to my lips. Just ripping them, ripping them. It's American owned with over 100,000 happy customers. Ditch harsh smoke forever by visiting thefreezepipe.com. Use code SUNDAY for 10% off your order. That's freezepipe.com and use code S-U-N-D-A-Y for 10% off your order. That's freezepipe.com and use code S-U-N-D-A-Y

for 10% off. Shop today for free shipping. All right, so I'm not kidding. One last thing on this, Freeze Up, is I'm not kidding. So they arrived when my daughter was here and she's like, what are you doing? Like, that's a lot,

because they sent me, you know, a couple of samples of these things. So it was like I loaded up on many different. It's like it was like I was going to town and she was like, like just wide eyed at them and one of them. So my point is this. They're also an incredible gift like to someone because they're real. There's a wow factor when you open it up. Like, it's just really very, very cool.

Maybe we give one to Dennis Gubbins. We could do that. Front page. Yeah. Front page. Oh, here we go. Extra! Extra!

We all love it! Extra! Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! We got an earthquake in New York. I mean, how long have I talked about this? We do our annual predictions, and for four years now, you have predicted an earthquake in New York, and you have lost every year.

I think we might have even stopped doing the New York version of that wager. Nope. Still in there. You think it's still in there? I know it's still in there. And did I say no this time? Nope. You said yes.

Wow. You're very confident with the facts as usual an unusual east coast earthquake shook millions of people from new york and philadelphia to rural new england on friday causing no widespread damage somehow but startling an area uh accustomed to unaccustomed to temblors temblors temblors i know the u.s geological survey said over 42 million people might have felt that. So the reason people were asking, the reason so many people felt it, it was a very shallow earthquake apparently. And those will travel further. Yeah, I had a friend, this happened in New Jersey, and I have a friend in Rockaway Beach,

which is literally the furthest you can be and still be in New York City. And seventh floor of an apartment and felt it strong. Oh, no. Diggy's Brothers in New England and felt it. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yep.

No, no. People felt it and also Philadelphia felt it. No, it was no joke. I can't believe, though, what i'm wondering about is like philly has them too but all the ancient buildings the brick like brownstones and buildings that have not been updated because the beams are not secured beams are just put across and they sit you know on like a brick ledge on either side of the structure so So I guess it just didn't shake that long. Do you think that if this had happened before 2001,

the towers would have fallen? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't. Yeah, all right. Yeah. But yeah. Don't ever forget, Mike. Well, that was my kind of joke was like so now la and new york both have earthquakes but la still hasn't had a 9-11 so oh that's right yeah so they they're

one up on us i guess everyone makes fun of la as being this shaky town well Well, yeah, New York is now LA. They got immigration issues. They got homeless issues. They've got celebrity pedophiles. Same town. That's it. That East Coast, West Coast beef is over. We're the same.

You had to think. So I was watching, a lot of videos have come out, and some woman was doing like a here's the my new dress and doing a dumb thing for instagram and it happened right in the middle of it and she was funny and that's why i saw it i guess it went viral but she was like uh wait is that that and so you see the whole discovery process and she's like did the earth just move or is it me in this dress so she like recovered but i'm wondering how they how do you not think it's a bomb in new york here yeah we're all like oh shit earthquake like that's the first and only thought we have yeah how do you not think it's a or another 9-11 in New York. Yeah.

So, all right, let's move it, man. Here we go. And Marjorie Taylor Greene goes, God is sending America strong signs to tell us to repent. Earthquakes and eclipses and many more things to come. I pray that our country listens. Oh, thank God. Does she literally talk? Does she take time out and talk to God?

Or does she sit on Twitter all day? Isn't she busy praying for all the gun victims in the country? Because she says that's what she does also. Well, what's crazy is... I don't think she has thoughts. If God is sending a strong signal, you know that the epicenter was trump's golf course like exactly did you know that yeah no i know on jersey yes well i want to thank her for talking

to a man in the sky but uh we're praying for you that maybe you do one piece of legislation that means something for the country just one yeah so So we're all praying. It's mutual. It goes back and forth, Marjorie. Yeah. Six prisoners in New York have sued the state for preventing inmates from viewing the eclipse. The inmates said that the eclipse has religious significance and that a statewide lockdown order preventing them

from watching it violated their rights. Violated their rights violated their rights i i gotta think they'd be more concerned with the rights being violated by anal rape i mean if i had a list of things i'm concerned with being violated i gotta go asshole yeah maybe stay in a place that's lit in the middle of the day versus outside where it's going to be dark right and i agree with this lockdown if i were i hate to say it if i were the warden and you're like so it's going to be dark outside like midday tomorrow yeah everyone's staying inside yeah right are you kidding me? Everyone in their cage. Yeah. Sean Diddy Combs, former bodyguard, claims the music mogul had tapes of politicians and princes. Gene Deal, who was present the night when Notorious B.I.G. was fatally shot in 1997, made the sensational comments during an interview.

I don't think it's only celebrities going to be shook. He had politicians in there. He had princes in there. He also had a couple of preachers in there, he said. Can you imagine? He had every room bugged, he added. Oh, so rooms are bugged. Girls are used. Powerful people are compromised.

He has a jet and an island. Has Diddy ever done a single original thing on his own? Has he ever done a single piece of work that he didn't steal from somebody? All he does is take someone else's work. Epstein is Diddy's new sting. With every breath you take, he's sampling Epstein now. Yeah, that's work. Epstein is Diddy's new sting with every breath you take like that. He's like sampling Epstein now. Yeah, that's great. You know, every room was bugged. I lived in New York City. Every one of my rooms was bugged also. Cockroaches, water bugs. Can I get a rim shot?

Is that possible on this podcast for all the people working on it? Can I get a rim shot? Is that possible on this podcast for all the people working on it? Can I get a rim shot? Oh, remind me on the next podcast. I watched a tells hour. Yeah. Holy shit. It's so strong. We're teasing that, that we're going to talk about that on the next podcast.

And then I should have talked about it up top of this one. So anyway, Suge Knight, then the death row records founder and a central figure. podcast and then I should have talked about it up top of this one so anyway Suge Knight then the Death Row Records founder and a central figure in the East Coast West Coast feud he has warned Diddy in a phone call from prison last week that I guess

was heard on his podcast I tell you what Puffy your life is in danger because you know the secrets who's involved in that little secret room you guys are participating in. Well, listen, if you can't trust the ramblings of a guy on a YouTube channel interview and a guy named Shug in federal prison, what are you going to believe? A killer. A mass murderer. Participating in is a fascinating expression in this quote.

But Suge said Diddy's welcome anytime in the next cell over from him to hang himself. Another Epstein move. The black Epstein might be heading that way. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing is usually if you fuck minors, when you go to jail, you get beat up or even killed.

maybe... You're saying that Diddy allegedly had sex with minors? No, I'm saying he did. I'm saying he hooked up other people to also had sex with minors? No, I'm saying he did. I'm saying he hooked up other people to also have sex with minors. Huh? I'm saying he also... Now, do you think if you were a hooker back in the 1800s

and you lived in a mining town and you fucked all the minors, do you think that would be some kind of a federal crime? I'm not understanding the angle of the question. Fucking a minor. Oh, my God. That makes sense to the minor. I thought I'd be getting like a really bad cough. Okay.

Yeah, I didn't go there. I love it. You're getting a lot of really bad jokes, not a bad cough. These are really bad jokes today. All right. This is your story here. Okay. Here we go.

Texas governor, Greg Abbott, slam New York city mayor, Eric Adams invitation to stay at a migrant shelter during his visit to the big Apple, calling it a gimmick in an interview on Thursday, Adam said, I'm going to offer him a stay in one of the H E R R C's.

I guess that's a homeless shelter. So he, so he can see what he has created and understand how we are treating people with dignity and respect that he should have shown, uh, or worse. Um, I guess instead of the homeless shelter,

he can stay at Giuliani's apartment, which apparently is a shambles by now or why doesn't he crash at Diddy's oh there you go I just keep your nose clean if you're going to be in one of Diddy's bedrooms that's all I that's what I tell you Greg

yeah have fun there's plenty of cognac and we got videos in the living room if you want to watch some videos yeah exactly let's make america florida here it comes this is a nice easter story here was the headline i did not doctor it flor Florida man accused of hitting Walgreens store manager with Bible on Easter Sunday. According to the affidavit, this guy Owens entered the Walgreens store just after 1130 PM to purchase a pair of headphones when he got into a verbal altercation with the store employee over the merchandise. Owens then allegedly smacked her in the face with a bible after she asked him to

leave the store officials also said owens has one prior conviction for battery and was convicted on that charge in march of 2020 owens told police that he hit the store manager with the bible because she was being rude to him he also added that he did not mean to hit her. So wait a minute. So it probably went a little something like this. Listen, I hit her because she was being rude. Oh, also, I didn't mean to hit her. What I mean was she was being rude and I angrily tried to hurt her by smashing my good book in her fat face. But I never meant to hit her.

Is this more or less ironic than Trump actually selling Bibles? This is a neck and neck competition in the irony race. I thought in the South aggravated assault is legal with a Bible. I thought if it was the Bible, it was okay. Well, you're doing God's work. Yes. You're spread. You're literally spreading the word across somebody's face.

Oh, knowing the Bible pretty well. I'm guessing he used the old Testament that packs a little more of a punch. Here we go. We're going to sports fella. Let's go to sports. We are ripping through today. Full disclosure, we may be going a little short today because we're doing two podcasts

because I'll be in Mexico next week where they apparently don't have the intranet. Yeah, especially when all the freaks descend on there and uh yeah it's gonna be there they'll probably go off the grid so you can see better dan hurley spent nine years coaching high school basketball at saint benedict's prep in newark hurley spent time as a teacher that included teaching sex education shortly after his playing days were over at Seton Hall. Being able at 22 years of age to teach sex ed at St. Anthony's, you learn how to control a classroom and keep an audience captivated, the Connecticut coach said on Friday, as the top seeded Huskies prepared to

face number four Alabama in the final four at State Farm Stadium. I got to think, if I'm teaching sex ed at a Catholic school, lesson number one through three would be don't go to the basement with any of the priests. I was going to say, these kids, they weren't as captivated as they were in third grade when the priests made them all take their clothes off and taught some unusual lessons. Yeah. And by the way, he's proud that he was able to keep a room full of Catholic boys captivated while talking about sex.

It's pretty easy when all of them are masturbating. Also, they might have spent some of these hours just pointing at dolls and asking where the priests touched them. That can eat up a lot of time and keep them very interested. Yeah, my priest never touched me. He was apparently, all the priests, I found this out later in my church, were having sex with married women from the parish. Wow. Wow.

Yeah. God, do you remember that storyline in The Sopranos where the priest was really into Carmela? Yes. And you're just like, don't do it. It's like she's married to a bear. It's like, don't poke the bear. I wouldn't do that.

The guy, the actor who played that priest was one of aaron's best friends in college and and malloy's oh wow i didn't know that what an acting program that was he wasn't even in the acting program he was like in economics or something and like fell into acting he was very good in that role i did did not like that guy. I did not like the character, you know, and he was very effective actor. Yeah. All right, here we go. Well, we've covered this topic already, but let's do it. Okay, British police have opened an investigation into explicit messages sent to a lawmaker

as part of an alleged sexting scam targeting legislators and the latest cybersecurity scare to hit Parliament. Conservative member of Parliament William Ragg acknowledged late Thursday that he had sent the personal phone numbers of several colleagues to a man he met on a gay dating app. Rag 36 told the Time newspaper he did so under pressure as the recipient claimed to have compromising material on him. Quote, I was worried because he had stuff on me. He gave me a WhatsApp number, which doesn't work now.

And the conservative party MP who is standing down at the next election. I've hurt people by being weak. I was scared. I'm mortified. He was quoted as saying, I'm weak. I'm scared. I'm mortified. Somebody spanked me.

How could they even hear his statement with the ball gag still in? Wasn't it just a bunch of mumbling what oh my god uh yeah this is such a weird story meanwhile some of his parliament buddies are like thanks for the wreck like don't tell anyone i'm'm fine with it. He's contacted me. Thanks, matey. Yeah. I was a sailor. I was an English guy. I wonder if they, I mean, I guess it was just consensual compromising material. But there's also, I mean, there's so many angles now where people drug people, you know, obviously to rob them.

They go home with them rob their apartment you know you do anything once you drug someone i wonder if people drug people i'm sure and take photos of them and stuff even if you just hide a camera how easy is it to get a fucking nanny cam and bang some british mp you know the guys, you know, doing gay things. And then you show, you know, he doesn't want anybody being. Isn't that weird in this day and age that like it's that much of a scarlet letter just to blow a guy? Like if a woman blows a guy and you have videotape, it's on you that you videotaped it. You're going to jail.

But if you're gay, it's like this fucking itpe it's on you that you videotaped it you're going to jail but if you're gay it's like this fucking it's it's like this lightning rod it's this you know thing you have to be so scared of that you're gonna leave all you're gonna step down from office because you blew a guy uh i wonder if he had his pinky up in the air while he was blowing them well who knows who knows what was going on but uh no it's a good point and uh i you know soon maybe technology is going to save people because i wonder how easy it will be to prove it's real you know like if you could just deny it that's true you know what i mean like so that we're not far away from that being the new reality. Well, what was the black mirror thing where they were making a guy fuck a pig in parliament?

Oh, I mean, it was episode one and I, it's one of those where sometimes I see things and I have a different, I have a very like sort of horrified reaction. And then I'll see it again and I'll laugh really hard. It's kind of like one for the cuckoo's nest. I remember the end, I would almost always cry at the end. And then one time I was laughing, which is a very similar emotional response. It's closer than you think. It's a release of this tension. And so anyway, that first episode of Black Mirror, man, if I was an executive, I would have been like, you know, I don't think you should have this as your first episode because it's not that representative. It's an amazing short film, which is an hour, but it's not that representative of Black Mirror, you know? Yeah.

you know yeah i mean in in many ways it is don't get me wrong with technology and all that but that this was more of like a a story and like a thriller and can you catch a guy but it but what was the thing that i'm avoiding i'm avoiding the details because i don't want to spoil it okay if you haven't seen it go watch it but yeah but prepare to watch craziness. Yeah, yeah. I love Black Mirror, but it's very rare that I sit down and I go, I want to put myself through the fucking angst of watching an episode of this show. But that guy I've seen in other things, the guy who plays the prime minister, is a balding guy who is excellent. And that's why I was howling because when you see it again and you know, already know what's going on and his reactions are like,

well, certainly, certainly, well, obviously, certainly we're shutting this down. Like, you know,

certainly we're shutting this down. Like, no, we like, basically they're like, we think, we think you should do it. He's like,

what? Like his reactions are so amazing. me he's so so good at this absurd like you know premise it's anyway it's it's wonderful well let's get to business here we go yeah now mcdonald's mickey d's will begin selling crispy cream donuts at its fast food locations this year as part of a phased rollout that will bring a baked goods to its restaurant nationwide by the end of 2026 under a partnership announced tuesday they'll deliver three versions of the donuts, glazed, chocolate, iced, with sprinkles, and with cream filling to the locations each morning. Customers can buy the donuts individually or a box of six. They tested partnerships with McDonald's locations in Kentucky and Indiana last year.

Demands exceeded both companies' expectations. Well, maybe because you started out in Kentucky and Indiana, why don't you try them out in, let's say, Connecticut and Oregon? Let's see what happens. They talk about the rollout of this. The rollout will begin after these fat fucks start eating them. That's when the rollout begins. So let me get this straight. You put a Big Mac, French fries in your mouth,

and then at the end of it go, I need a fucking cream-filled donut. Can you just put it around the straw on my McShake also? My McFlurry or whatever it's called? Oh, my God. Isn't McFlurry? Did I just pull that out of nowhere? When I lived in Chelsea, one of the first Krispy Kremes that,

I think it started out down south. I can't remember what state Krispy Kreme started in. I'll look it up. They rolled it out in New York in probably 1997. And we had one of the first locations. And you'd walk down 23rd Street. And I was told by somebody that worked there, they purposefully blow the air from the ovens out onto the street.

And you would walk down 23rd Street. I bet they do. And you could not not go inside it was like the pied piper and i got so fucking addicted to krispy kreme donuts they really are like they were the first gourmet i don't know you call them gourmet today but at that time there was never donuts made at this level oh Oh, no. I remember. It was a giant. It's like how In-N-Out was for a while there. But Krispy Kreme released a special donut for the solar eclipse.

Oh. That's in the news. But here's the history of it. A guy. Your belly will eclipse your cock if you eat enough of them. He bought a yeast-raised recipe from a new orleans chef he rented a building get greg give or take 15 years what year did i've only gone as far as he's renting a building in sale winston-salem north Carolina, making the donuts and selling them to grocery stores.

1971. 1937. No way! Steady growth preceded an ambitious expansion as a public company in the period 2000 to 2016, which ultimately, get this, proved unprofitable. In 2016, it went back to private ownership. So yeah,

the origin of the, but yeah, Winston Salem is your answer. Wow. Unbelievable. Vernon Rudolph. Uh, he owned a small general store in Paducah,

Kentucky. Well, anyway, speaking of dates, let's get to this day in history. Oh my God. Here we go. We just started this little.

Oh, okay, sir. Let's do this day in history. And we got today, April 7. You ready? Yep. Okay.

The internet is born. Let me read you a little more about that. Advanced Research Projects Agency, ARPA, awarded a contract to build a precursor of today's worldwide web this date is widely considered as the internet's symbolic birthday give or take eight years what 1975. No, you just got it. 1969. Nice. Very cool. Okay, let's see.

I remember the first time I had internet in an apartment, I spent upwards of half my day slowly downloading naked photos. It was the greatest thing in the world oh no they'd come in it almost looks like how black mirror does stuff now when it's a primitive like you know you know what it was it was that like kevin costner film where they're waiting for the resolution of a photo of the of who did it yeah and it's slowly that's how uh naked women would appear uh on the on the download and buffering buffering buffering okay on this day jack nicholas wins his first masters give nicholas i'm gonna say today nicholas has got to be in his late 80s so he was probably 25 so 50 years ago show all work he was I would say 1962.

What question did I ask you? Jack Nicklaus, first Masters. Good Lord. 1963. Yeah, baby. You are doing well here. Doing well today. I guessed Houston earlier. I think I'm just picking up on the vibes coming from Santa Monica.

just picking up on the vibes coming from Santa Monica. The first public demonstration of a one-way video phone occurred in Washington, D.C. I'm trying to leave out some details here that might give it away. It was in Washington, D.C. and officials of the American Telegraph and Telephone Company, AT&T, in New York City. telegraph and telephone company at&t in new york city so what year was the first demonstration of a one-way video phone give or take 10 years phone or television one i'm reading just the words one way video phone well what's your interpretation are we talking talking about the year that they first sent a receivable video to a TV box? There is a guy on a phone and his image can be seen in another city. All right.

I'm going to say 1996. 1927. See, but that's, you said phone. It was between Herbert Hoover in DC and AT&T in New York. Okay, great, great. You're terrible at this all of a sudden. Here's one. Billie Holiday was born.

Happy birthday, Billie Holiday was born happy birthday Billie Holiday April 7th give or take 8 years when was she born Billie Holiday was born in 1890 Billie I'm sorry on behalf of this

podcast can I change it yes 1927 you still lose which i like but that's better 1915 okay i split the difference all right here we go i went to a different day just just just adjust your mind we're talking about tomorrow now April 8th Ryan White he became a national symbol in the United States after he contracted AIDS from a blood transfusion giving him hemophilia

he died at the age of 18 now for you young listeners out there it sounds like a sad story but it's wildly symbolic and it was a huge story uh so this guy uh this poor kid died of aids and it what year i don't know if you remember what anyway what year give or take four years i'm to say 1979. What?

There was no AIDS in 79, I don't think. Well. 1990. No, no, absolutely wrong. Absolutely wrong. And people shook themselves with fear. I was a food server at a hospital in high school in 1982 or maybe 83 and we were told to wear masks and gloves and we because you were disgusting and we delivered food on plastic trays that could be thrown out to certain patients because they had this unknown disease that people were dying from and they

didn't know how it was spread. So I backpedaled a few years from that, but it was definitely early 80s at the latest. Acquired immune deficiency syndrome was first recognized as a new disease in 1981. Okay, there we go. Yeah. So you're saying it took nine years for somebody to die of it scientists believe that hiv originally came from a virus particular to chimpanzees in west africa during the 1930s wow um all right one more the first episode of twin peaks aired on television i'm bringing this up i actually posted

to my instagram account if you want to see an incredibly well done absurd and funny video go to my uh what's probably not going to be up there anymore but uh gibbons time i posted uh the director of twin peaks of course and there's Twin Peaks is coming back. So Twin Peaks, this is timely, but when did the original episode air on television, give or take four years? 1987. God damn, you're just getting in.

I'm giving you too generous. Again, 1990, the same time Zayde's took out the kid. Which is wrong. So I doubt that even your Twin Peaks answer is right. I trust nothing. Got it. All right, we're good, man. What else we got?

Let's get to letters to the editor. Yeah. Okay, so a guy named Dan wrote in about, regarding the NCAA under-over bets. Oh, I love this. More than or less than bets. Mike asked about the under over, under overs last episode so far,

because Mike's bet every year is that the unders are a better bet. If you take. Yeah. Ruby and I started this bet. He actually, I, uh, he was doing it only betting the overs with Vegas.

And I'm like, let's remove the middleman. So I the unders we bet every game so i go to him which is how many games like 60 63 or something i'll look that up but i go uh how much are we betting per game he's like 100 i'm like what you know 63 games but as you'll see in this letter you it's not as crazy as it thinks, but every time there's 100 on the line, you're losing it at the end of the game, but you'll see that no one gets that tanked. Go ahead. So far, there has been 31 unders and 29 overs. My buddy and I make the same bet inspired by Mike, but escalating bets start at $1 in the first round, $2 in the second.

Needless to say, I'm the overs, and I'm currently down $14. Isn't that incredible that these fucking, the house knows shit in an uncanny way. All right, so right now it's at 60, right? And then he has two games. He has 63. This said 67 probably because the play-in games. But just to point out how the house wins,

not only do they take a VIG, which means there's a fee to place the bet. I don't know if it's to place the bet or they take the VIG out of your winnings. I think it's to place the bet or they take the VIG out of your winnings. I think it's to place the bet. And then if it's a tie, like if you say the under over is, you know, say 70 on a game, if it lands on 70, both sides lose and the house wins.

Right? I thought it was a push. Oh, is it a push if it lands on it? Well, anyway, when we did the personal bet, which I highly recommend, if you're not doing it, it's common sense. Try to leave the middleman out of it who's taking a cut and try to find friends to do the bet. As we have betting sites. I've literally done in groups in Vegas, people will be like,

I want to play some game in Vegas. And so standing behind them, I'm like, do you want to bet on his play? And we bet on whether he's going to beat the dealer in blackjack or roulette or just leave them out of it. That's great though. Yeah. 31 and 20. It's uncanny. And I'll,

I'm not going to tell the story, but the first year would be, and I did it. He was convinced. He figured it out that the Vegas Vegas hadn't figured out that the kids play with heart. And I'm like, no,

you're right. They didn't figure that in at all. So how about this? I'll take the unders anyway, that year there were 11 more unders. It's never been that much since then overs. And he said before the bet, we're paying each other no matter what. All right. Fuck. He's like, we're not friends in this. Like, no, like, oh, just get me a dinner.'re paying me so then it was eleven hundred dollars and he called me and i thought he'd be like hey how about a steak dinner instead he was like listen i have to give you 200 a month just so uh stephanie doesn't know his wife brown bag meeting in a coffee shop he leaves it on the chair walks out i'm like what's this he's like that's her ring that she doesn't wear she hardly wears that one i got it from her drawer

uh do we want to do this obituary go right to the funnies we're gonna do a quick obituary okay let's do it and that's all, folks. And listen, I don't have much material here, but a true, true comedy legend, Joe Flaherty, has died following a brief illness. He was 82. Flaherty's death comes after his former improv group, Second City, launched a fundraiser last month

to help raise funds to support his failing health. He was best known for being a founding member of SCTV, Second City Television. He was an American, I believe from Pennsylvania, and he was in Chicago at SCTV, and then he brought it up and started it, I think I have this right, in Toronto, and I mean found some of the funniest people on planet Earth earth and they all worship him. And he's, he's so, so funny. Um, so check him out. You'll recognize him from a ton of movies from Sandler's a happy Gilmore. Like, you know, he's been in a million things, but he was really, uh, at his, you know, full powers when he was at SCTV in that troupe. With John Candy and Martin Short and just all of them. Oh, and then the guy, Kathleen O'Hara and the guy with the big thick eyebrows. Oh yeah, from Schitt's Creek, buddy.

From Schitt's Creek. I'm stalling because yeah what's his name god damn it eugene levy yeah no they were and by the way we're not even mentioning like the the great uh the great what was the great north uh the beer oh right right dave yeah he was in that it was him and Bob and Bob and Dave or yeah no wait are they Bob and Doug McKenzie yeah yeah yeah Bob and Doug McKenzie god you hoser you don't lose it yeah you hoser all right let's cheer up after that that really brought us down in a way wait in a way the way you just said like hey, hey, you hoser, and the two of them being so dim-witted and sitting there talking,

it's almost like an original Wayne's World. Totally. Totally. Yeah. It was, like, shot super low budget, a couple of just dudes hanging out that you want to be friends with. And a Canadian, a fellow Canadian created Wayne's World. Interesting. Mike's calling bullshit created Wayne's World. Interesting.

Mike's calling bullshit on Wayne's World. Not at all. Let's go funny. Okay, so Hager is sitting on a park bench with a gentleman who looks a little beatnicky. And Hager goes, he's also sitting with his leg crossed over his knee in a little bit of an effeminate way for a Viking rapist.

I'd say. Maybe he has like a disease and he's just like in pain. Oh, that's what it is. His cock is burning. He's just crushing it with his thigh. What do you do? And the beat and it goes, I'm a tattoo artist. And all of a sudden a girl walks by, curiously dressed as an eighth grader from 1975.

Yeah. She's got on like a little poodle skirt and a ponytail. And he goes, I'm a tattoo artist. And then he goes, see that woman? And he goes, yeah, but I don't see a tattoo. And the guy goes, I don't tattoo and tell. Well, guess what Hager doesn't do and tell to that same girl five minutes after this? He's going to see the tattoo.

You don't need to tell him about it. He's going to see it up close and personal. Meanwhile, it looks like she's carrying a book. They're not curious about what that is? Yeah. What is that strange thing? Is that armor? Is that wooden armor? Wait, is this like a time travel hagger? Is this like a time travel hagger?

Yeah. The trees look a little bit pruned for 1490. And the guy next to him is dressed also like today. Yeah. And she has a book and you're right. she's right out of the late 1900s. Yeah. And imagine if he saw the tattoo, it probably says something. He's like, what's this writing? It probably says, please stop. Please don't.

I hope Hager hasn't time traveled to the future because he's going to have a rude wake-up call about new customs. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he'll be in jail pretty quickly, and he'll be curious why he's in jail. He'll be, I don't... Was it the robbing? Is it that I'm a thief?

Loretta and Leroy in the Lockhorns, he's sitting back in the chair. He's got his feet out. He's got his hands behind his head and Loretta's got her hands on her hips and she is not happy. And he goes, it's not procrastinating if I never meant to do anything in the first place.

Solid. That's good. All right. So I was asking for a new cartoon or funnies or whatever you want to call it. And no one has responded. So I went myself and I chose, I went and looked up the best comics, Sunday comics of all time. And of course, Calvin and Hobbes was on there. Now, i never enjoyed

calvin and hobbs and i barely sampled them so i found this website and it said the 15 best calvin and hobbs i'm going to do 15 in a row starting with 15 here we go it's uh it's, I mean, how many frames? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. There's 18 frames in this square, and Calvin runs home to the front door, opens the door, runs it. By the way, is the kid Calvin? I don't know. I love that we don't know.

People are losing it. This little guy's pissing on things on the back of truck decals. And I asked, I'm going to, I'm going to say he's Calvin. And the, the tiger, what is the premise of this? Anyway, the little kid runs home, opens the door, looks in, in the dark, you see the tiger. I'm going to say he's Hobbes. Hobbes comes out and now runs at him, but with a smile, like he's attacking him.

Terrified, Calvin runs away. The tiger tackles him. And then it's a wrestling. Oh, my God. Shoes in the air. One blank frame. And then falling, falling. Shoes off, falling on the ground.

Now, last frame. Can I even read this fucking thing? Calvin, the kid, goes, they're all on the ground out of breath. Ever notice how time slows down during a catastrophe? And now the tiger can talk. The tiger goes, sigh. And good times are always over so fast. So what the fuck was that?

It was a classic. It was something that everybody tells us we need to read more because it's so funny this is in the top 15 well i think it's a little bit this is where like ai these guys are set people who have a bar this low yeah they are fucking set with ai yeah i know i know the tea times are going to get a little bit earlier as these fucking professional golfers who have a hobby of making cartoons can just be done that much quicker. to each one and this one said in a form of a commentary and this one said the the pounce showed how comics can capture movement is this mentally disabled person that wrote that unaware that spider-man and batman and superman and all these comic books had been around for half a century already i think cave drawings showed movement yeah hunts they showed hunts yeah and it was a real tiger killing a real person

not a child imagining his teddy bear and there was no philosophical afterthoughts yeah oh what a uh all right can't wait till 14 next week speaking of afterthoughts uh blondie has now let her dopey fucking husband in the house which is inexplicable to me she's got on a black velvet dress matching pumps with uh a a strawberry looks like a velour top. The bosom is front and center. She goes, how did your performance review go? He goes, not too well. And then he's hanging up his coat and he goes, the first thing the boss said was money wasn't everything.

And just the fact that she has to deal with his, not just failure, but acceptance of failure. And she does, look at the helplessness on her face. Like she has no option. Blondie, I want you to walk over and whisper in his ear, I'm going to start fucking Herb. As pathetic as Herb is, he at least tries. At least it's painful to him to fail in his career whereas you have a real guy herb is the next door neighbor there's always oh that's very specific i love it i love it she should just come home with her panties in a tatter covered in dry jizz and let this zero

live with the fucking repercussions of his failure to even try. Yeah. Next time they meet at the hedge, you'd be like, are those my, are those blondies panties on your lawn? They're just out there on the lawn. Right,

right. He takes her everywhere. All right. Listen, we want to thank mid coast media for being a big part of this show. They do a great job. And we also want to thank our sponsors don't forget to support game time get the app use code papers and get twenty dollars off also freeze pipe go to freezepipe.com use code

sunday for 10 off your order and finally we have the good people to thank over at or was that all the ads we just did two ads ads, right? Oh, yeah, two ads. Okay. So we want to thank you guys. I guess the Venmo. The Venmo was kind of an ad. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Thanks for sharing it with your friends. Go to Apple Podcasts. Leave us a nice review and some stars. Spread the word

and send in your logos and your songs to FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. Anything you want to promote Mike? Yeah. The solar eclipse, man, the total eclipse of the sun.

Name the singer. Well, no, there's total eclipse of the heart. Oh, that's what I meant. Bonnie something. It was Bonnie something,

not Bonnie rate, Bonnie, Tyler. What? Tyler. I think that's right. Yeah. It was Bonnie something. Not Bonnie Raitt. Bonnie. Tyler? What? Tyler? I think that's right. Yeah, it was Bonnie Tyler. Think of all the things I couldn't remember in this podcast,

and goddamn, Bonnie Tyler's name is in there? Unbelievable. All right, Danny McCarthy. I'm also promoting your birthday, my man. Happy birthday. Thank you so much. And I want to promote Danny McCarthy, my cousin who is currently in second place in the Texas Open, which is a pretty big tournament.

He is two under after 11 holes on Saturday in second place. So let's hope he brings home a win. All right. We'll catch you guys soon. Take it, Aish. Take it, Aish. It's the motherfucking Sunday Papers You know that Michael Rager gon' break down the news For you and me, fuckin'

It's the motherfucking Sunday Papers You know that Greg's got a big ol' dick That's why he's always smilin'