Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 214 4/28/24

Episode Date: April 28, 2024

So long OJ- You had a killer life! A man spends the payout from his wife’s life insurance on a sex doll, an 8-yr-old drives his drunk mother home and there is a new robotic flame-breathing dog for sale. Also the debate about Calvin and Hobbes continues.

Sunday comes by, but once a week, and the world keeps on spinning around. But the Sunday Papers podcast with Greg and Mike will never let you down. Hey now, read all about it. It's the Sunday Papers. Someone commented. Can you hear me? Yes. Oh, there you are. Someone commented that two weeks ago, you didn't, first time ever, you didn't scream that at the top.

Really? Then last week, I think it was in the song maybe, but you kind of sidestepped it. Same with today. Well, listen, people. I hope you're, we hope you're enjoying the show. And, you know, we're always looking to boost the ratings. It's great if you can go on Apple Podcasts and give us five stars or whatever there is there.

And a comment is amazing. Tell your friends. Spread the word. What's going on? We just played golf this morning and played very slowly. That was a three-hour, nine-hole round. That was a little trying. Pretty miserable.

You were not happy with your play. I was not happy with my play. But, you know, golf is all mental. When I have a lot of shit going on in my mind, I just don't. I had my sister-in-law here with her two boys, and one of them is a handful. I love him. He's cute as hell. But man, it brought me back to what it was like because, you know, JoJo was like that. And it's just, it's nonstop.

You can't not be watching them all the time. How old? 10. Oof. Yeah. Yeah. But I love them. They're great boys.

Nah. And Erin's sister's pretty amazing. She went to Columbia, top of her class, pseudocum laude, whatever. Then she went to Michigan Law School, where she was the president of the Law Review. How did she wind up with dumb kids? So then she graduates, could have gone into the private sector

and been making a half a million dollars a year. Instead, she went and worked for the Bronx Defenders in the seediest part of the Bronx, helping people get bail money to get out of jail. She was the stop and frisk. That was her case. That's amazing.

She argued stop and frisk and now she works for the ACLU. Amazing, amazing woman. I imagine she argued against stop and frisk? Of course. All right, thank you. You got to frisk these people. You know, they're different colors.

You can't just not frisk different colored people. Good for her. That's really admirable. And then her husband, Shaheen, is from Iran, and he escaped. I'm out. He fled during the revolution when he was about 12 years old. They literally grabbed their toothbrushes and fucking ran for the hills and got to America.

No wonder, I doubt it was toothbrushes. No wonder they're terrorists, the kids. Did you call them terrorists? No, I stopped short of that. That would have been too easy. How about no wonder they're holy terrorists? So what else? I'm training for a 5K.

I don't know if I mentioned that last week. One of the weeks you did, yeah. Bert and Tom are doing a 5K. So I've been running every other day. I run like two and a half miles. A 5K is 3.1. Building up to it. I've got a 30-day cold plunge challenge

from matt malloy and we we fill his bathtub outside with ice and then we jump in i stay in there for about three minutes and all my my knee is so bad and it just shrinks it i get out and all the pain that was in my knee is just fucking gone. And also, have you ever done a cold plunge? I mean, have I been in like a tub tub? I mean, I've broken through ice up in Carmel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a cold plunge.

I didn't know you did that. Right, I know, but what I'm saying is this whole new bro thing of having like a cold tub in your backyard. I don't think I've done that. The lake is the same thing. That's intense. The lake is probably colder than what we're jumping in. No, and I don't know because it's weird. Even though there's ice on top, it's anyway.

I've also, before I got the hip replaced, I'd go up in Yosemite and stuff like that. And I would be in such pain, like carrying like the 40 something pounds on the back, blah, blah, blah, that there'd be a river there. And like a lot of times when you're camp up there in the spring, there's snow around and it's the runoff. And, but I would like have to sit down in the river just to get the hip inflammation down and it would work oh yeah that's amazing yeah and then you feel so tingly when you get out and I feel so fucking present and clear like I got out the other day and I came home and like without even thinking about it I made this beautiful dinner and then I sat and wrote jokes before my shows. And I, I don't know, I'm not normally do when I cook, I'm fucking miserable usually. Right, right, right. So wait, what time are you doing? My family's usually miserable when I cook also. Yeah. What time are you doing this plunge?

Uh, I do it at the end of the day around like five 36 o'clock. Isn't all the advice to do it in the morning, it sets your energy for the day and stuff? Maybe I'll try that. That's what I hear. Yeah. I don't know what I'm talking about though, but don't overdo it. I'm like a pussy. You ran two marathons, right?

Yeah. So I knew that 3.1 would be your 5K because getting ready for the marathon, you run like you can if you want. I hated just jogging on my own. So if I ever saw there was like a 10K race or a 10K whatever, I would always join those. Those are 6.2. Nice. Yeah. And then what's going on with- You it man it'll be fun now what about like

extra padding in the shoe or some shit extra padding in the shoe what does that help the knee i i mean i don't know what's wrong with your knee but but you know it's the it's the impact But, you know, it's the impact. I got some brand new shoes. I got some expensive Saucony shoes. Okay. Yeah, so those will be good. And then I'll wrap the knee.

And then, I mean, the thing is, here's the thing. In the comedy world, there's a lot of young guns out there. And I think they look at me as, like, you know, the old guy. But they're going to be running. And they're going to see me. And I'm going to fucking, I'm going to fly past them. I've been doing seven minute miles. I'm looking at you. If you did, it's not blackface, but if you did black body, you could pull off the Ethiopian look and those guys outrun everybody. Not the face, not the face. I'll just wear a mask and they'll think it. Oh, just black body, not the face. I'll just wear a mask and they'll think it. Oh, just black body, not face?

Can you imagine if I ran this race in black? There's going to be like Netflix is recording it. They're putting it on like, I don't know what program, but Netflix is going to air it somewhere. You could pull off black face if you were doing a swim. You know how like they swim the channel and they cover themselves to keep, you know know whatever the hell's going on right something like that uh what's going on with uh you you've been teaching a class very prestigious at the

at usc in comedy writing so what's going on because i hear this controversy i think they've invited me back too i just have have to see. It pays nothing. But anyway, uh, yeah, I was leaving on Monday. It was my last class there for the semester and yeah, stuff. I don't know if it had started yet, but there was already controversy over the valedictorian. Um, and that then got canned. Anyway, things have built up. So there's a demonstration on USC's campus, which is sympathetic to Palestine. And now these are happening everywhere. UCLA has

had to deal with it, but it got so what USC calls bad. I've seen footage. It didn't look that bad to me. So I kind of don't know what details forced them to cancel the main graduation ceremony, which is the big thing. How many kids is that? It is so many kids. I told you I went there last year and I think it's, I don't think this is a cancelable statement. I couldn't believe how many Asian kids were graduating, like literally on the printout. It looked like I was visiting my niece who was graduating in an Asian country. And like the list would be like 15 names in a row, just incredibly complex Asian names.

Really? It's in, it's in a very international school and especially the graduate programs so uh so there's that and um i don't know how many but obama was there last year because uh malia i think was graduating she transferred from michigan i think i might have a lot of this wrong all I know is canceled this year because of these protests, the individual colleges, like the one I work at,

are still going to have their ceremony. Yeah, I know. I was reading a lot about Columbia University and the president there got called before Congress. And it's just fucking crazy. I mean, it's just basic freedom of speech. If you want to get out and protest, I don't care what side you're on. You have a right to protest. They go, well, it's dangerous.

I don't see, has there been any major violence against Jewish people? I haven't seen it. And I'm not saying I'm on one side or the other. It just seems to me that these colleges are really overreacting and their hands are being forced by Congress. They keep calling them up and grilling them about what are you doing to prevent anti-Semitism on campus? It's like it's fucking freedom of speech. Yeah. To answer your question, I looked up and it is it's a big day. Like it was gigantic. Parking was the biggest nightmare ever.

The main ceremony, which has been canceled, usually brings 65,000 people. Damn. To campus. That's a lot of travel money that wasn't spent in LA. I guess people probably came anyway. They already planned on it. I just looked up this thing says 20% of USC is Asian. They can go get fucked. Then they don't

know what's going on. Wow. There's no, maybe it's because of graduate programs. By the way, I'm not judging at all. I'm just saying it's an incredibly international scene. Yeah, I think Berkeley is doing the at all. I'm just saying it's an incredibly international scene. Yeah. I think Berkeley is doing the same thing.

Did you just say that? Um, Berkeley, Berkeley, apparently, you know, Berkeley world famous for protests. Yeah.

Uh, they're, they're off and running. So maybe it's a thing that the, you know, the, the Palestinian sympathizing students are kind of organizing and it's catching on and maybe they'll disrupt schools i guess i'm not i'm not saying whether

i'm for it or against it but it's happening what are you thinking on the war i like palestine with the points you gotta how many point you gotta give a lot of points. You've got to give a lot of points. I did that joke on stage, and Neil Brennan's like, I have the exact same joke. And so whenever that happens, I just drop it. Yeah. Who cares? Yeah, and then even with Iran.

I don't know. Iran's kind of like, yeah, we'll attack you. And then where did that go? I don't know what happened there. There's no follow-through anymore in the Middle East. Hey, I will say I was on a plane and it was like I had seen everything and it was all shit. But there was a documentary. I highly recommend people finding it. It was so well done. It was about Clinton's first year in office and he wanted to make a mark.

About Clinton's first year in office, and he wanted to make a mark. He was such like this image that he was fighting, is that he's this southern rube, right? And inexperienced, so young. And so he's like, I'm going to make my mark. I am going to make headway in the Mideast process like no one has ever done before, which says a lot because of Carter. Jimmy Carter. like no one has ever done before, which says a lot because of Carter. Jimmy Carter.

So the documentary was about his efforts, and it's fascinating. I mean, the amount of meetings they would have of like, he's like, I will not shake his hand, and he cannot hug me. This is all off if that happens on that stage. And it was, who's the leader of the PLO? Qaddafi. Yasser Arafat. Yasser Arafat. Right, right, right.

I'm sorry. And it's like, he will. So then they taught, and he goes, and he can't hug you because I'm not hugging you to Clinton. So they had to teach Clinton this handshake where you grab the hand and a firm grip on his shoulder with the other hand that doesn't allow him to hug you. I'm talking there's minutia like that. It doesn't even matter if you're interested in this. It was fascinating.

That's interesting. Yeah. I find a lot more women giving me a side hug these days. It's become very standard. There used to be a front to front hug and I'm not a pervert, but it's a different hug when a woman all of a sudden shoves her shoulder into your chest and turns 90 degrees. It's like, look, sweetie, they're not that spectacular to begin with. And I'm not a pervert. So don't give me this fucking weird second cousin hug. Get them in there.

I told you when I was taking that course, I was going to become a ref for my daughter, my really young daughter at the time, soccer league. Anyway, a big course and then a very long, I can't even imagine how long it is now but a long training thing on appropriateness and it's like i could never like take one student alone like to the bathroom and stuff like yeah do you think well so you're going to give me more so uh anyway at one point during the thing, I kind of was spacing out and, uh, they, they could see that. And so they're like, well, what do you think? And I quickly like jump out of my space

and the thing says no front hugs was up on the board, no hugging from the front. And I'm like, well, I guess it's a little confusing and I just tried and I thought they'd be like yes that's a good point blah blah they're like why and I'm like well and I literally I'm like I'm so I'm supposed to hug from the back thank god everyone thought I was joking that's fantastic yeah so I should uh well it is weird with kids too, because if they're small enough, you're hugging their face right into your crotch. There we go. There we go.

Logo this week comes from Jane S., who did a series for us, will be unveiling, not every week, but maybe every other week we'll do a Jane S. This is a very cool one. I like the style. That almost looks like something that we would use on a piece of merchandise. The song is from Emmett Hall. Had a nice little bit of a Tom Waits feel to it, a little raw. I like the spirit

behind it. I thought it sounded great. Thank you, Emmett. Corrections on last week's episode. This is from Derek Chamberlain. You two spoke briefly about the movie Patton, and I wanted to include some more context about the movie. First of all, Greg was correct when he noted that

George C. Scott won the 1971 Academy Award for Best Actor. But the film also won an additional six Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay. How is this a movie I have not shown my kids or rewatched? I haven't seen Patton in 20 years. patent in 20 years. Anyway, Scott refused to get the award. He said the Academy Awards are a two-hour meat parade, a public display with contrived suspense for economic reasons.

And he said that actors should not be competing against each other. He's one of only two actors to ever refuse the Academy Award. Brando for The Godfather in 73. So let's watch that and talk about it. All right. I'm trying to find the name of the documentary. Phil McCracken. My favorite listener's name. Phil McCracken.

What are you? Yeah. Wow. Mike is taking I Don't Give a Shit to the next level, fumbling into the mic as the podcast begins. It's as if he's being distracted from watching a fucking something sports game on TV. What does that mean? Sometimes when the show begins, you're playing with your equipment

and by that I mean jerking off I think that means I give a shit doesn't it but alright McCracken Phil McCracken note taken tour dates coming up I'll be in Carpinteria which is Santa Barbara at the

Alcazar Theater May 3rd mamaroneck new york emeline theater emeline theater may 31st come on out you can meet my mom will be there my sister wow maybe my brother a lot of my really good friends from high school a lot of my friends from tarrytown it's going to be a party so come out out. Escondido at the Grand Comedy Club on June 7th and 8th. And Pittsburgh at the WDVE Festival June 21st with Harlan Williams. Look at you. Yeah. Taking it easy.

I'm not doing a ton of dates this spring. In the Berg. Do you know about the Airbnb? It's outside Pittsburgh. It's the home where Buffalo Bill and silence of the lambs had his dungeon. It's where they, it's where they film the exterior of that. Now the dungeon doesn't exist,

but a set, we talked about this before, but a set designer from Broadway in New York bought it and then kind of dressed up and like created the top of like that pit that he had in the basement. Yeah. But the inside, he's made it look exactly the same and everything. So try to rent that house. I'm being serious.

That would be pretty amazing. The two of you would have like, I can't imagine you and Harlan in that house. And then you could talk about it, take pictures. The social media would blow up. Yeah. Of you guys. That is one of the most iconic sets in film history. I mean, you've got

the exterior and the shining. You've got... We're going to go through. We're going to go through. Mount Rushmore by Northwest and the little pervert dungeon in Sunset Labs. You got the dried out LA River in the movie Grease? It's not dried out.

No, when they shot it, it was. Well, it's cemented. Yeah. I think that's your lead. Was it wet cement? Jesus. By the way, support for Sunday Papers comes from Mint Mobile. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by these over—

the wireless providers these days, you literally have to call them every six months and go, hey, I'm losing my house because I can't afford this anymore. Can you lower it? And they used to do it. Now they don't even do it anymore. So there's always a catch with them also. You think you're getting a deal. So when I heard that for a limited time,

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See Mint Mobile for details. And prize picks, I mean, the playoffs have started. So, wait, we're going to ease into this because PrizePix is so much fun during this time of year. But how are you thinking about the Knicks? Have you started following closely? I went to a Knicks game in Miami a few weeks ago. They played the Heat and they look good.

They look really strong. Yeah, I know. Didn't they just sweep their last series? Was it against Toronto? They swept in four games. We got the Knicks. Oh, was I? Whatever. I should have done a little more homework. Philly's complaining. I love it. But listen,

it's so exciting to talk about the playoff action. You can win up to 100 times your money on prize picks as you and the world's best players take the game to a new level during the basketball postseason. And listen, it makes

games that aren't that close close as hell. You got things riding on it. It's fantastic. Prize picks is the number one fantasy sports app. They got 3 million members. It's just so easy to get on the action, watch your favorite sports and players.

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I'm going in with the Knicks. I'm going to make all my picks. And I hate to say it. I'm going to do the less thans. As you know, I'm a less than guy. Yep. I can't. I'm a Knick fan.

I can't. I'm going less thans. Steph Curry for more than 29 points. With Nikola Djokic for more than 10 rebounds. That's a good bet. Knicks 2-1. When is the Knicks game? I'm so, I've been.

Starts in three hours. Working. It's in three hours? Yes. Shit, man. I may go watch that. Download the app today and use code PAPERS for a first deposit match. Go out. Of up to $100.

Download the app today and use code PAPERS for a first deposit match up to $100. Look, pick more, pick less. It's that easy. Okay. Denman is saying they play at noon noon tomorrow CST yeah that's why I was like what are you talking about I would have known that alright tomorrow so 10am for us we gotta wake up early

all brunch with the Knicks and the Knicks are up they're up 2-1 in the series against the Sixers right now speaking of a sports story it's gonna be our lead story coming up a now Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! story it's going to be our lead story coming up on now oj front page front page oj simpson's cause of death was revealed this week and as you might have guessed it was exhaustion from his 29 year tireless search for Nicole's killers.

He was looking literally everywhere. Casinos, discos, golf courses, 17th hole, 18th hole. All of them. He was looking in the assholes of underage strippers.

He was looking in envelopes filled with cocaine, just could not find the killer. of underage strippers. He was looking in envelopes filled with cocaine. Just could not find the killer. So it was prostate cancer. Of course, the controversial former athlete and actor was acquitted of his wife's murder in 1995. Died on April 10th. He was 76 when he died. His prostate was quite enlarged.

In fact, it no longer fits, so he had to quit. There it is. Wait a minute. Maybe the doctor didn't detect it because the glove on his hand didn't fit in OJ's asshole. Is that the word we're landing on? If the glove doesn't fit, you can't put it in the shit. His doctor said they couldn't operate, and OJ said, but I have my lucky knife right here.

Come on, guys. I want to see his family show up instead of a hearse, just the white Bronco, rolling in slow in the white Bronco. Hi. Can you imagine? That would be amazing. That would be amazing. That would be amazing. Speaking of amazing,

early on Halloween morning, 2019, Colby Trickle called 911 saying his 26-year-old wife, Kristen Trickle, shot herself in their home in Hays, Kansas. Oh. Police wondered

if Colby Trickle had something to do with his wife's death, but three days later, it was ruled a suicide. Colby, who was in the Army Reserve, cashed in on two life insurance policies totaling $120,000. And he then spent $2,000 on, wait for it, a life-size sex doll two days after he got the insurance payout so um you know

and you know it's surprising but based on the look on the sex doll's face she was pretty surprised too yeah i uh isn't it a kind of good alibi? Like, listen, would I have killed my wife? And would I have killed her for a human? Like another woman? Yeah. Not a sex doll, which I don't even have yet? Yeah, and, you know, is it, did he murder her?

Like, is he just grief horny? Like, did he murder her? Like, is he just grief horny? Like, did he murder her? Or like, maybe he doesn't want to cheat on her, but he's horny. Sometimes you get horny at funerals. You ever go to a funeral and like, there's somebody who is- No, by the way, don't even finish the sentence.

No. No, I don't. I find a lot of emotions come to the surface because you're feeling grief. And one of those emotions can be horniness. You never felt horny at a funeral? I mean, I probably very healthily block it out. Yeah. Right?

Okay. All right. I thought we were being honest on the podcast uh i think our listeners want a level of honesty that's beneath this yeah a little lower all right speaking of speaking of low a st louis woman who made her eight-year-old son drive with her toddler in the back seat while she was passed out drunk Latonya Mays Gale, 28. There's counts pertaining to the boy. She had a three-year-old unsecured in the back.

She was spotted with the vehicle heading west in an eastbound lane, which is a problem at a downtown St. Louis intersection. She told him to drive. Anyway, look, this sounds questionable, but I got to say, when I was eight years old, I knew which fucking direction to go on a highway like was the kid drinking also i also think the kid might have pinned this on the mom i the way i see it is the mom's like listen mommy's uh mommy had too much you know fruit juice and i gotta take a little nap in the back seat. Then this savvy kid throws it in drive, has no idea what he's doing.

And then when he's pulled over, he blames it on this drunk bitch. Yep. What eight year old doesn't want to drive the car? Yeah. Um, plus this is St. Louis.

A lot of people go in the wrong way. She probably sideswiped Chris Denman, who was also going the wrong way, heading to some kind of a rally yeah i don't know but have you ever taken a car when you were like i was left in a parking lot he left the ac on i threw it in neutral i think thank god it was only neutral and laura was in the car i was so young and it started drifting back and a bunch of adults like ran and then they opened the door and they stopped it i have almost the exact same story i was in my my mom ready for this shit she had a 69 cougar you ever see the mercury cougar from the late 60s dang fucking

bad no no no it was a badass muscle car oh it wasn't big it was it was like a mustang or a charger yeah so she leaves me in the parking lot alone in the car and it had this really it was automatic but it had a really cool stick shifter. And so I stuck it probably in neutral also. And it rolled. I didn't even notice we were rolling and smashed into the car in front of us. And my lip got smashed on the steering wheel and she came back to the car and my whole chin was covered in blood. Oh my God. And then she yelled at you, you will never, Gregory, you will never have a muscle car. You will grow up and drive a woman's hybrid. I know.

This is over. I see what you do with muscle cars. I'm thinking very seriously about getting the Mustang right now. Yeah, smash your face on it. Am I going to look like an asshole being 58 driving a Mustang? Yep or do. Are you going to make America great again? What about a tesla instead by the way you know a tesla could smoke a mustang any day of the week yeah it's true

uh a company unveiled a robot dog wait i just want to tell you i just want to tell you something. Hertz is no longer going to use Teslas, and so they're selling a fleet of Teslas, the three model, I guess, and they're selling it for like $17,000. They've got like 80,000 miles on them. They're $17,000, but you get $4,000 back from the government. So for $13,000, I can get $4,000 back from the government. So for $13,000, I can get in a two-year-old Tesla. But then I was thinking that's kind of like-

That doesn't sound right. Wouldn't everybody, wouldn't they have all been sold immediately? I don't know. People don't want Teslas right now. There's issues. But then I was thinking, it's also like, do I want to be the guy that marries the prostitute or do you want a previously owned vehicle where you know there was only one guy inside of it not a new guy every week you're not even paying attention to me anymore sorry um I uh Tesla's in trouble but I guess their stock bounced back this week all right whatever what's going to happen? Read the story. But I'll tell you what, you'd save a lot of money in L.A. It's like you just go away. You just disappear. I'm in the middle of doing a little bit, a little piece of comedy,

and then I look up and you're staring at your phone. That was a funny idea. Okay. Okay. Do you want me to continue the story you interrupted? Why don't you go ahead and read it since I'm the one who wrote it and put it in the script. But why don't you read it to give the illusion you've done anything this week? Well, it's my area.

Can I say that? Please. I talked so much about robot dogs. I can't wait till they're here, which I'll probably be the one most regretting that desire. A company has unveiled a robot dog companion with flamethrower attached. That's nice. What kind of companion? Who wants a companion with a flamethrower attached?

Game of Thrones, the dragon lady. True. Throw Flame says the Therminator is the first ever flame throwing quadruped robot dog. The Ohio-based firm has announced a $9,420 bot available for purchase by the general public and government agencies. That's a key part of this story. I think the Terminator can be remotely operated by wifi or Bluetooth to fire jets of fire up to 30 feet. Throw flame suggests the robot can be used for wildfire control and prevention, entertainment shows, or even clearing snow and ice from your driveway.

Yes. Yes. That's what they'll be used for. Yes. And it reminds me of my old dog Brulee, except the flames came out his asshole. That thing could fart. I think if you read the fine print,

it's like, can we use for wildfire prevention and also student protests graduation is back on yeah his bark is worse than his 30 foot mouth inferno we need him in Venice no more catalytic converters getting stolen.

I would, if I saw some dude underneath my Prius one morning, I would definitely burn him alive. I know that seems harsh, but that's such a shitty thing to do for a living. Wait till your Mustang is just ravaged every single night it's parked out on the street. Do you think that would happen? Yes.

I think there would be multiple attempts to steal it within the first month. Wow. That's something to think about. And Tesla, do you think as much? I don't think so. I might be wrong. Are Teslas harder to steal maybe they're easier i have no i know i've seen them up on bricks and they take the tires i have seen that

yeah um yeah i don't know i don't know about the tesla thing it's it's a shame though uh yeah all the cars you know i don't know what you can do about it. Let's do some entertainment. Let's do some entertainment. Here we go. Megan Thee Stallion. Why is it T-H-E-E? What does that mean?

Megan Thee Stallion. She's Shakespearean, man. She's Shakespearean. H-E-E. What does that mean? She's Shakespearean, man. She's Shakespearean. Her former cameraman is suing the rap superstar for allegedly creating a hostile work environment,

claiming she forced him to witness her having sex and other scandalous claims. Emilio Garcia claims that Megan had sexual relations with an unidentified woman while riding in an SUV during a tour stop in Ibiza Spain you ever been to Ibiza Spain it's fucking hedonism right the personal videographer who worked with the WAP rapper since 2018 allegedly witnessed the incident as he claims he was in the car at the time. Don't ever discuss what you saw, Megan allegedly told Garcia the next day. He said, I felt uncomfortable. I was frozen. I was shocked.

Garcia also claims in the complaint that Megan berated him during that same trip to Spain with comments like, fat bitch, spit your food out and you don't need to be eating. He said, to hear someone who advocates about loving your body tell me these things, I felt degraded. Well, listen. Oh. Listen, I think you have to go into the job in Ibiza

filming the woman who rapped about her wet-ass pussy kind of with your eyes open. Where was the curveball here? It's like, if you write for a sweet daytime talk show host who preaches about being kind and you don't expect to be fired for looking her in the eye or watching Oprah in your office when you're the travel booker say that did you ever hear that story yes yeah um my take is this was the last straw for this cameraman because you know how tough the cameraman's job is constantly having to get wider and wider lenses to fit megan's giant wet ass pussy right in. In the shot. Right. And then wiping down. Never stand still.

You got to wipe down the lens every 30 seconds because it just keeps getting steamed up with that wet ass pussy. Yeah. Damn. Forget it. He was done. He needed an out. So he did that. What guy wouldn't do this job for free?

So he did that. What guy wouldn't do this job for free? And, you know, you just can't fucking hire people anymore if you're famous. Everybody's going to sue you. I want to see what this cameraman's like. Yeah. Fat, I'll tell you that much. You went on the road with a giant touring act. it's sad if this stuff doesn't happen it's ibiza i mean yeah there's also that right did he put like little horse blinders on when he walked

down the beach because people are fucking everywhere everywhere everybody's on molly getting fingered anyway let's talk about florida speaking of which everyone's on molly getting fingered anyway let's talk about florida speaking of which everyone's on molly getting fingered yes florida here we go florida man disguised as woman accused of stealing a boat and a UTV. Tampa, of course. A Florida man decided to put on his best dress to steal a boat on Wednesday afternoon, according to the Glades County Sheriff's Office. Just after 3 p.m., deputies were investigating a stolen boat in the old Caloosalaj area in Lakeport, just west of Okeechobee. I think I figured this story out. He wanted to avoid being called a Florida man when he committed his crime.

Oh, I see. That's what he did, and it didn't work, pal, ma'am. It didn't work, ma'am. They saw right through it. If you're stealing a boat, here's the question. Do you go Marianne or do you go Ginger? Which one would you go as? I'd go Marianne.

Less commitment. For it to be more convincing, when he stole the boat, did he drive it right into a pylon? Did it take six attempts to park the boat? Otherwise, that would have been believable. He should have committed to it. Right. I mean, what was his thinking? Is he like, women don't get arrested

for grand theft boat? I don't know what he was thinking. What about Texas? We're going to skip Texas and go right to sports. Yes. I had a Texas story that you killed and it was a guy who was in Pennsylvania and they caught him. They did a random search, they said, on his checked luggage. In his checked luggage was tons of weed. And they said a firearm, like a gun. So I looked at it.

It was a giant magazine. I don't know guns, but it looked at the very least semi-automatic. But it looked automatic with like a sawed-off, like short nose on it. It was terrifying looking. So that's the story I killed? Yep. Okay. Here's a story right up your alley.

Tom Brady, who you're writing a roast for right now. You got it. Here's the thing that's fucking crazy is I talked to Sarah Tiana last night, who's writing on the roast with you. She said they haven't even announced it yet, officially. Like, who's on it? It's a week away.

It's literally a week from tomorrow. They have, but there's a lot of surprises. Who have they officially announced so far? You know, I don't even want to go there because I'll probably say someone who's not. Yeah. Kevin Hart's the host. Yep.

Tom Brady is the roasty. Jeff Ross is there. I should probably stop there. I don't know who else. Yeah. Why put out promotion on a 15,000 seat arena when you're a week out? Yep. They're not going to sell this thing out. There's no way they when you're a week out. Yup. They're not going to sell this thing out.

There's no way they're going to sell it out. The funny thing is they thought they were sold out and it was very precious about it. Like I asked like, Hey, I over-promised on tickets and stuff. And then I was in their office and then I've been going on YouTube and vivid and,

and game time and checking tickets. And, uh, on YouTube and Vivid and GameTime and checking tickets. And so I just didn't know where they were going to give me, hopefully, two, right? And they were, because I was like, I'll buy some in the nearby area. And they're like, oh, we don't know. I'm like, listen, it's not a big deal. Because they felt like, they're like, oh, but then they started making a deal of it. I'm like, it's not a big deal.

They're like 11 bucks online. They're like, what, what, what? They were bragging to each other the day before that like someone paid $8,000 or something like some stupid rich white guy paid 8,000 for some floor seat. I'm like, they are all over for 15 bucks. And they, they, I think it triggered three meetings about it. So did you, most importantly importantly did you get me a ticket no but i can tell you where you can get them very cheap no are you serious you didn't give me a fucking ticket i don't right now as i sit here i don't even have one ticket oh my god there's

15 000 seats so get one unbelievable i'm fucking. Next time you come see me live, I'm fucking charging you. I'll get you. I'll wait. Wait till day of. They're going to play. Game time, baby. All right. So anyway, Tom Brady left collectors who paid $3,600 for his autograph disgruntled after

they alleged his sloppy penmanship ruined pieces of treasured memorabilia. It's the same as being in a graveyard or cemetery and knocking over stones and defacing them. So that's what Brady did. It sounds to me like he's a little nervous about the upcoming roast. Hands a little shaky. He probably used a fake name in his contract so he could get out of it. Oh, right.

Maybe he's signing a new name. You know what I mean? Yeah. Maybe his hand is just cramped from signing all the divorce papers. We have so many good jokes against this guy. It's really great. I just know,

and I do not know what jokes have been written but i can predict right now this joke will come out in the first 30 minutes of the roast somebody's gonna say he really put the jizz into what's the wife's name jizz bag no what's his ex-wife's name jizz dumpster jizz lane no you're thinking of jizz lane oh wait what's his wife's name giselle yeah he really put the jizz into giselle somebody's doing that joke it's a race to get to that joke maybe you think we have really we have really really clever jokes uh about that area i'll read, I'll read the jokes. Every, every roast,

there's always jokes that I'm very sad. Didn't get in. And I will go wide with those. I would say that's going to be two podcasts from now. Okay. Sounds good. The roast is next Sunday, live on Netflix,

8 PM, Eastern 5 PM Pacific live event on Netflix. 8 p.m. Eastern, 5 p.m. Pacific. What date? Live event on Netflix. One of the rare ones. The 8th, did you say? Fifth. The 5th.

Oh, my God. You guys got, you're going to have a busy week, Mike. I know. Are we going to fit in Sunday papers next week? I don't know when we're going to do it. But we're kind of ahead because it's live. Scripts have to come in a little earlier and because there's no editing and two, there's a lot of non pros,

meaning like athletes are doing it, not comedians. And so they like to have a script early and do their reps and get comfortable with it. So the end of the week might not be that busy. I mean, it will be, but not lunacy. Okay. This next story is called High School Spurts.

Supermodel Christy Turlington revealed that her son Finn's high school basketball opponents passed around her nude modeling photo as a heckling tactic during interview with Harper's Bazaar. I was surprised it hadn't happened sooner, she said. Turlington 55 didn't feel embarrassed about anything in relation to the actions taken by the rude teenagers, adding that regretting things is a waste of time. She also confirmed that her son's school got involved in the scandal. Look, if they really want to fuck with her kid, pass around the video of Ed Burns and Brothers McMullen. Way more embarrassing.

Also, I think most of them are like, dude, we've seen your mom. There's no fucking way this is her. Yeah. Look at this thing. Dude. Have you seen the nudes of Christy Turlington? I mean, they're tasteful.

They're like artful shots, but she was just goddamn beautiful. She's still beautiful. But I mean, these pictures are exceptional. So where are they from? Uh, one of the big magazines.

I can't remember which one. What do do you mean who would put nudes of her they have to be unofficial or just modeling ones she did my there was a there was a bunch i've seen five or six different nude shots of her but they were all they all looked like glossy magazine style probably like probably like a french harper's bazaar or something like that. Soon. I mean, very soon, like really soon. You know what I mean? They, they could show pictures they could show that aren't even real, but the most believable things in the world, they can just tell their computer to make them. By the way, my hockey team passed around a nude photo of my mom, but, uh, I blame myself. I needed, I needed money for weed. a nude photo of my mom, but I blame myself.

I needed money for weed. You also blackmailed your mom, which I thought was taking it a little too far. Well, she wouldn't pose. I was like, you know, it wasn't like the old days where you could just discreetly use a phone. I had to set up a tripod, light it. Let's go international. Is that what we're doing?

Yeah, well, national's not working out so well. All right. It turns out the discovery of an illegal marijuana grow operation at a farmhouse in Turner, Maine, could be one of 270 in Maine. A call to the fire department for smoke pouring out of the eaves in Turner turned out to be steam due to extreme heat inside and cold outside. They found 2,500 marijuana plants. outside. They found 2,500 marijuana plants. So they've been dealing with illegal grow houses in recent times with half a dozen people charged in the last few weeks. There's a bunch of senators involved in a crackdown, and they believe these operations are connected to Chinese-owned

marijuana farms cropping up across the country. Look, here's the thing. The Chinese are not even making a profit on the marijuana sales, but it drives sales to the Chinese restaurants. So it's a lost leader. Is it not a little suspicious in Maine when like 14 Chinese people are in the local diner? Oh yeah. And if they, and they, they can, they nail them because when they try to say ll bean

it's a huge red flag is this the new version of like all the like hot naked chicks like packing cocaine and they're naked so they won't steal it yeah you're right all right you mean because chinese people don't smoke weed no but it would just be a room full of these Chinese people processing the weed and packaging it or whatever's going on. They're probably all gigantic because they can't help but getting high. Yeah, I think you get secondhand. I think there's contact high from handling weed. I had a friend who used to pick it up in vancouver oh wow he said that you would get high just for because you were touching it so much

i bet it's the best weed delivery service in the world though there you go see you are good on the fly mike you don't have to prepare see a serial convicted wait do we need to do this one? I don't know. It is a Texas story. We can skip this one. Let's skip that one. Fucking bugs.

Skipping that too? We'll go to the fucking bugs. All right, science and health. Here we go. Yeah, that paper's getting old. They're coming. Billions, if not trillions, of a rare breed of cicadas are about to crawl out of their underground bunkers where for 14 years, 13 years, they've been suckling on tree roots waiting to emerge. Richmond is one of a handful of places in Virginia likely to experience this wonder of nature firsthand. These aren't just any old everyday cicadas. Some of the red-eyed

brood are expected to surface with a fungus that turns them into hypersexual, frantically mating zombies that spread the fungus like an STD and keep going until their genitals fall off. Well, this sounds more like it should be happening in Vegas than Richmond, Virginia. Yeah. What a party. I'm going to prize picks, and I'm taking the more than. I'm going trillions. You're going trillions on this one.

I'm going trillions. I know trillion is quite significantly more than a billion, but I'm still going with it. I think maybe they should get Megan Thee Stallion's video guy to cover this story. He'll get so hurt by it. He'll get triggered. And the swarm is going to be smaller, though, than her wet-ass pussy,

so maybe the job will be a little easier, even if they're billions. I just want to see these guys from Virginia coming home with STDs. Honey, I didn't fuck nobody. It was the secretives. Okay, so I'm reading the story for the date. They just said it's coming. It's coming. All right.

Well, I want a date. I want to start following. What do you think they are? Do you think they have Apple phones with a fucking calendar app on it? They come out when they come out. You'd be shocked how timely nature can be in very weird ways. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not saying this is down to the day, but I bet they have a four or five day window they're looking at. Well, speaking of nature, a team of scientists from the SETI Institute, which is devoted to the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, claims to have conversed with a humpback whale in Alaska. They're looking the wrong way. The team is hoping to apply what they learned to lay the groundwork for our efforts to communicate with aliens. Whales are a proxy for aliens, said a researcher. And Josie Hubbard said, they're intelligent creatures with a language that is foreign to us.

The things we learned from communicating from the whales could help us when it comes to connecting with the aliens. The team played underwater recordings of humpback whales to other whales off the coast. While most of the mammals ignored them, a female named Twain started circling their boat, mimicking the noises. And thus, the first whale pop star was born. Justin Blubber. I i was waiting that was horrible i thought you were going to quit on it i gave you time to quit on that pun at the end this is the problem though it's all we're gonna do when we talk to uh the ufos and uh extraterrestrials is be like, are you terrified of Japanese whale ships as well? Do Asian men terrify you? Yeah.

Yeah. And they, they actually translated what the whales were saying. One of them was yo mama so fat. I got a roll over twice to get off of her. And the other one said, yo mama so fat I gotta roll over twice to get off of her and the other one said yo mama so fat when she sit around the coral reef she sit around the coral reef

and another one said she got arrested at the airport for 10 pounds of crack and another one goes yo mama so fat she eats a lot of jelly donut fish jelly donut fish. Jelly donut fish. I miss the days of Justin Blubber.

All of a sudden, was that your plan to help that first joke? Yes. Yes. By the end of the podcast, it's going to sound like I'm doing the roast of Tom Brady. Oh, I can't wait to see your guys' stupid little jokes. Oh, no. Some are so smart. No, no. I'm the guy who puts it. It has to be an exceptional

joke to be a pun. The word plays welcome, but it has to be clever. Okay. I said confidently. Meanwhile, I do not have control over what a lot of people say. Alright, let's get down to this day in history. what a lot of people say so all right let's get down to this day in history all right as i call up you know i like to do this one on the fly as as you know you mean like a version of this segment where you don't have to prepare anything listen i you cut me off i had

another good joke about the ufos what was it that they're gonna just when we're talking to the extraterrestrials we'll be like are you terrified that we're contacting you uh to cut up your blubber and uh and use it for our erections and make soup from your fins uh that's sharks which are not really whales there's whale shark do you know that restaurant we used to go to called typhoon in santa monica was put out of business because they had a they had a secret room where they were selling japanese guys whale sushi they got busted during the oscars after that documentary The Cove won Best Documentary that year and while that director

was in town he did an undercover sting operation on that restaurant. No shit. Because I told you I had I was helping run George Lopez's show. He was our guest the day after the we booked him as soon as he won the Oscar right?

Everyone tries to book him then. So we were one of those shows that got him, but they played him off. And I thought I had a good idea. Let him finish his Oscar speech on our show. So that's what he did. Oh, that's good. So that's what he did. Yeah.

That's awesome. Yeah. That restaurant Typhoon, I used to eat, they used to serve crickets. I used to eat crickets, ants, all kinds of crazy shit. Yeah. Is there a restaurant there now? No. That was a great location.

I know. Watching the sunset, the planes taking off. Right. And landing. Okay. Give or take 50 years. 50 years. Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan was killed during a fight with natives in the Philippines.

1380. 1521. Damn it. Off by 100 years. That didn't go well. Okay. Give or take 10 years, Ulysses S. Grant was born on this day? He was born in 1822.

You're joking, right? No. Is it close? 1822. No, fuck it. I just read his biography about a year ago 1822 nice that's crazy yeah baby all right there's a lot of uh boring stuff so i'm gonna go to uh i'm gonna go to this one which is tomorrow hopefully that doesn't throw you off by the way great fucking book it's a Ron Chernow book

oh wow I said Opal Apple launched the iTunes store on this day gave users the ability to purchase and download music that was the moment. That was a game changer for the music business.

Sorry. What's the give or take? Give or take four years. 2004. You bitch. 2003. Nice. Let's see if we get another one here.

I'm all over this shit today. Let's see another one here. At the height of the Vietnam War, my childhood hero Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army, citing religious reasons. He was quite, his comments were quite memorable and strong. And it happened on this day and I'm going to say give or take

four years. 1968. Jesus, 1967. Nice. I think I'm giving you easy ones. All right. Give or take five years, American author Harper Lee won national acclaim for her novel To Kill a Mockingbird. She was born on this day what year?

Give or take five. 1925. Are you Googling while i'm reading no 1926 get the fuck out i'm on fire today baby i gotta keep going all right you ready give or take 20 years yeah gunfighter billy the kid escaped from prison in new mexico where he'd been convicted of the murder and sentenced to death. He was killed several months later by Pat Garrett, of course. What year? Give or take, what did I say, 20 years? Yeah, what year?

Billy the Kid escaped from prison, but he was dead a couple of months later. 1850. I love it months later. 1850. I love it. Finally. 1881. Yeah. All right. We're moving on.

All right. Let's do some letters to the editor. You got it. I was pretty fucking impressive today. That was wild. I mean, your golf might have been shit, but boy, nothing but fairway on those. E-dub. Always love your show, and we'll definitely watch any episode you're on, Corolla, Harlan, et cetera.

Just wish you and Gibbons could do an in-studio show regularly together. The epidemic called. It wants its whole Zoom-style meeting interview shitcast back. Whoa. I'll take my answer off the air. No, you won't. You'll take it on the air. Not happening.

Well, I'm all for it, but Mike is dragging his heels. There's a level of commitment Mike is not really making to this podcast. I think me, I think these are old letters to the editor. What do you mean old? You think we read this before?

It sounds familiar. And the next one is about when I read your horoscope. Did we do that already? Yeah. Oh, okay. And the next one, which told me my stocks were plummeting, although they had a good week. Oh, yeah. Did they come back, your stocks?

Yeah, but you know, this is the thing. Unlike most of my gambles, these ones are slow movers. So whether they go up or down, it's not like crazy, which has been my thing in the past. It's like, oof, down 11% in one day. Like, that's not happening. Don't forget, koozies are still on sale. Go to FitzDawg.com.

Find out how you can Venmo Mike. And for $10 all in, including shipping, get a koozie sent right to your door. Keep your drinks cool this summer with the Sunday Papers koozie. Two came in, and then a woman also is so apologetic she hasn't gotten hers but um i i'm gonna get those three out this week two new ones i think and then an old one unbelievable i do a crisp positive pitch and then you always go and people aren't getting them no no no no one. I don't know what it is. I mean the male chews it up.

Listen, everyone's so happy with them. Thousands. Thousands have gone out and so once in a while a couple don't make it. Maybe close to a thousand. Follow up. Here we go. In the funny section It's a section, Greg.

It's a section. Lee from Fairfax, Virginia says, you're completely missing the point of Calvin and Hobbes. I might be. Yes, you're right. To an adult, it is not fall-down funny. It's not single-panel clever like The Far Side, and it is also not just cute for the sake of cute like Family Circus.

It's also not trying to be any of those strips. It's a window into the mind of a six-year-old boy with a giant imagination. It is as often heartfelt and poignant as it is silly. They address big philosophical questions and also take time to enjoy playing in the mud. We see the contradictions and the often nonsensical nature of modern parenting and suburban childhood process through the not yet cynical brain of a child. Also, the artwork is hugely imaginative and often just plain gorgeous. Mike, your response to that? No comment because I want to be open to this. No comment because I want to be open to this. I see what Lee is saying, but I don't know.

Jim Blakey says Calvin and Hobbes isn't something you can pick up from one individual strip. It would be akin to reading individual lines from amazing movies and expecting them to have the same gravitas as watching the entire movie so that's jim blakely's take on it yeah you know one thing i think of is matt groenig and i really didn't like the simpsons comic strip like it wasn't at all the tone of the tv show yeah and um i think it was a lot more negative i believe and people can speak better to this than I. But, you know, so I'm sure, just like the people who created the show, saw something in it that I wasn't seeing, and that could be what's happening here.

Okay. Well, we'll get to it. In Hager the Horrible, Lucky— This guy, I get right out of the gate. I mean, it's his rape game lucky's at uh yeah i mean look it's not even a game i mean for the vikings rape was just it was a you clock in you you maraud you pillage and you rape and and there is a comic strip for children to read every sund Sunday in color with cute, fuzzy little rapey characters.

And they're humanizing them. Maybe because it's nonfiction. Maybe, you know, because we're older and we tend to skew towards nonfiction. Well, now Lucky is at a lunch counter with Hager and he goes, I'll have the fish. And then Hager goes spaghetti and meatballs. And then a beautiful woman not really that's a fast

delivery of the order she goes excuse me boys is this seat taken lucky goes not at all now right out of the gate it's like women in the medieval times were not allowed in the same place and they certainly were putting themselves in danger by introducing themselves to a man. So, yeah, I moved here from Oslo two years ago, she says. Since then, I've been working at the village market. I dream of having children one day and Lucky's getting all the children. I can help you get children right now in the alley. And then she says, I'm so sorry I've been going on about myself.

And he goes, don't apologize. I'd love to hear more. And she goes, please put this sorry I've been going on about myself. And he goes, don't apologize. I'd love to hear more. And she goes, please put this in a takeout bag for my husband. And then Hager goes, heard enough? Yeah, I think he has heard enough. I think generally a woman says three or four words and they've heard enough. Then it just screams. I think it's heard enough, yep.

And then they just silently walk outside and kill her husband. Right. Enough said. I mean, what is it with these guys trying to claim a woman? You don't own a woman. She's everybody's. You don't own her for more than a few minutes. Let's get

to the Lockhorns where Leroy is sitting with his friend in the living room. Loretta is, got her back to him, hands on the hips, looking over her shoulder with a menacing look on her face.

And he goes, I married Loretta for her looks, but not the one she's giving me right now. Eh. Eh. Next one,

they're at a cocktail party. Leroy's talking to another couple, interracial, and Loretta's smiling and Leroy's talking to another couple interracial and Loretta's smiling and Leroy goes Loretta and I have been through thick and thin but not in that order that's alright

and then that's better Leroy's walking out the door to go to work he's got his briefcase. Loretta is calling out to the neighborhood. Look out, world. Here goes nothing. Yep.

That's harsh. And look at his look back to her. Yeah, yeah. He's looking sharp, though, I got to say. He looks good. Is he an architect? What is he carrying there? What are those baguettes? What are those rolled up plans?

It's a briefcase. No, no, in his right arm. No, that's just his fucked up hand. Oh, you're right. From beating her. He's about, you know, that's an open hand. It's about to come right across her nose. Now Leroy is sitting with a friend at the dinner table

and a black cloud rolls in from the kitchen. Loretta doesn't rush her cooking. It's more of a slow burn. All right. Not bad. Not bad. The third one you were right is perfectly good. Okay, here we go.

Calvin and Hobbes. This is number 12. You can read these words? No, I've blown it up on my, uh, I, uh, either can the listeners. I blown it up on the webpage I got it from, but it's, uh, number 12 on the greatest Calvin and Hobbes, uh, strips. So it is a snowy scene and you got Calvin and Hobbes are face to face with this snowman who seems inanimate. We'll see how that goes. So, uh, has his hat on, you know, and all that and all that and a shovel. So, uh, Calvin goes, look at that kid's snowman. What a pathetic cliche. And then Calvin goes on.

Am I supposed to identify with this complacent moron and his shovel? The snowman says nothing about the human condition. Is this all the kid has to say about contemporary suburban life? The soleness, banality of this snowman is a sad comment on today's art world. Now come look at my snowman. And they walk over to his and he continues, I call it the torment of existence. I thought it said extension. It's very small print. I call it the torment of existence weighted against the horror of non-being. And it is like Munch's scream where the snowman is full-throated scream, crazy eyes, messed up teeth with his stick hands coming out and covering his ears. And he goes, as he melts, the sculpture will become even more poignant. And then Hobbes says, I admire your willingness to put artistic integrity before marketability. And then he walks away from Calvin.

And then Calvin is left there alone in the next frame. And then Calvin fixes his snowman to be banal. My word. There are no words there wow so is this the message we want getting out there yeah that in the end you should you should just be banal and marketable well maybe there's a history we don't know where like calvin is this is my takeaway and again i don't know i don't know these guys um i think hobbs is uh trying to kill this young boy's idealism i think that he was sent there maybe his parents

who are pretending not to know this thing comes to life, if that's the jig here. And he's sent by the parents to kill the young idealism in Calvin. Yes. He's a fluffy, stuffed animal. He can't allow this child to express this kind of rage. He's got to rein him in. He's the superego. Do not live every day. It's the most reckless, irresponsible way to live.

You have to invest. You have to have a 20, 30-year horizon in life. You have to plan. Do not play. Delay work. I mean, delay joy sorry speaking of delaying work uh blondie for some reason is making out with dagwood in the front threshold of the house and it's it's hard to imagine this that finally this guy has dropped a pair of balls and is making a move on this hot piece of ass but she's saying to him as

they make out there's a car out front honking it's his carpool and she goes i feel lazy today like just staying home with you and he goes i feel like that every day what fucking comic strip am i reading right now do i see passion do i see two people in the throes of eroticism? And then all of a sudden we're in the next frame and Dopey fucking got in the car. He got into the carpool and left his wet ass pussy wife behind in the house to get a cucumber and go to work on herself. No doubt thinking about Herb the neighbor and not him. So they're in the car and everybody, I got spring fever. Me too. I want to play hooky. And he goes, I always have spring fever. And then they get to the office and the boss has a

Hawaiian shirt and a Mai Tai. And he goes, Bumstead, strangely, I feel kind of lazy. And he goes, the planet must be in alignment today i don't know that the next two frames don't matter the first one is one that has thrown all it's it's it's throwing the universe off its access to access access to me i think he said yes because he knew it wasn't possible. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's kind of like a, ooh, like the dog, like, ooh, if I didn't have this leash, I'd attack you. Yeah, right, right.

God. It's terrible. It's like when you see, it's like when I'm driving through Beverly Hills and I see some 86-year-old guy in a velour sweater driving a Maserati or a Corvette. And you go like, come on, you can't handle that fucking car. That's the Prius driver. That's I'm all over my Prius. I fuck my Prius.

All right. All right. Listen, thank you, Chris Denman for joining us. We didn't hear much from you this week, but it's always nice to know you're there in the background. He was there.

He was putting in things. Yeah, he did. And also, we want to thank our sponsors. Of course, there is a lot of overpriced wireless out there. Mint Mobile is going to help you. Mintmobile.com slash papers, and you're going to get $15 a month for a new customer on a three-month plan. Also, PrizePix, they will, what is PrizePix going to do?

Download the app today and use code PAPERS for a first deposit match of up to $100. Also, we want to remind people that the roast of Tom Brady will be live on Netflix is it tonight no not tonight next week I'm a little confused it's going to be the 5th live on Netflix

don't miss it it's going to be great Sunday alright so that's your promotion so we'll see you guys next week everybody take it e Everybody take it eesh. Take it eesh. I, but once a week, and the world keeps on spinning around. But the Sunday Papers podcast with Greg and Mike will never let you down.