Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 215 5/12/24

Episode Date: May 12, 2024

We do an in-depth, behind-the-scenes dive into backstage at The Roast of Tom Brady. The Swiss Army Knife and The Boy Scouts are both transitioning, a woman snaps out of a 5 year coma and three boys are given $1M for wearing black face.

Read all about it, read all about it, it's time for the Sunday Papers podcast. Mike on the left, Greg on the right. Front page news and golfing shoes. All that gobbins is a funny dude. Three, two, okay. Hey now, welcome, welcome welcome read all about it so much to read about and hear about from mike gibbons about this the roast people have been begging to hear about the roast it was i was uh subhuman i apologized to everyone last week it was my fault we didn't do a uh we didn't do a podcast oh right right yeah people missed it i put it out on

instagram but uh we still had a ton of people write into the website and wonder where the podcast was it's our second one we missed in four years or third i don't know but we do too many we do too many we do too many i don't do too many. I don't do windows. We throw up a repeat. Odds are people haven't heard them, and we're more evergreen than a news show would indicate. Yeah, we should have put up an evergreen one. Yeah. I agree. We have to pick one.

We have to pick some. Like, you know, late night shows do that. They're like, that's a repeat. When we have a good one, we should be like, put an R next to it. That's repeatable. Yes. That's a repeat. When we have a good one, we should be like, put an R next to it. That's repeatable. Yes, that's a good idea. So, all right, let's get into it. This is from Tim Dilley, who's our friend who we played golf with from San Francisco.

Give your partner a bow for the fantastic Tom Brady roast. Really feel better about the future of America today. We can laugh at raunchy sarcasm again. Next up, let's turn Mike and his writing crew on those snowflakes on college campuses. Well done, Mike. Very sweet. Yeah. I mean, if you ask me, I was standing next to Belichick in the dressing room watching

the first three quarters of the show, and there was far too many homophobic jokes. But what happened is a lot of them went off script. And that's, you know, that's football culture a little bit. And locker room. Yeah. Locker room culture. So I would have cut down how many other ones were controllable. You know what I mean?

would have cut down how many other ones were controllable. You know what I mean? Well, Gronkowski clearly went renegade and he was so homophobic, but it was perfect because he was on late in the roast and it was so established that this is a dumb human being that when he came on and he really was that dumb, the homophobic jokes just worked perfectly because he's so likable that it just didn't bother anybody. All right, here's a Gronkowski story. So the first thing is he went on that long one. He read it to us on the Zoom.

He's like, and then I rode that dick from Tampa to New England and Edelman just greased it. And he was like, huh? And we're all dying laughing on the Zoom, right? So I get that script. There's that joke in it. So now when I'm putting his set together in parentheses, I would put occasional things like coach used to make us run the hill. Oh, coach, I just realized that joke was about you.

I'll run the hill. So that was like a parenthetical after a joke, after that crazy joke, which all the people on the stage were like, skip this joke. Remember, like Belichick told him to skip it. And he goes, I'm not skipping it. I put in parentheses, I wrote that joke, right? And thank God I did because I wanted the world to know that Gronkowski wrote that joke and that the writers did it. And he read it. He goes, I wrote that one myself. So how many of the jokes that got on did you personally write? I wouldn't say like it's, you know, I'm not saying I definitely wasn't in the top five writers for sure. I would say I'm mostly like managing and stuff like that. Uh, maybe even less than maybe like top, maybe all of them. I don't know. But, uh, I had some good ones in there. I think my favorite that I wrote was Tom's. I wrote with Tom a lot, but Tom's Kim Kardashian joke about how she's terrified to be there.

Cause her kids are with their dad. She was bummed about that. Yeah. Well, I don't know why it validates her. Yeah. That's why I like the joke. Well,

it makes her sound like a bad mom that she would leave her kids with somebody who's dangerous with her father. Shit by law. I think she has to, I with somebody who's dangerous with her father shit by law i think she has to i know that's what i mean like chaperone though i think um and what about the booing did they cut that out on the replay they did and i would have been so against that and netflix of course had a then go on a publicity campaign saying that kim didn't ask for it because i would be furious because everyone of course thought she called, complained and said, please remove the booze.

And she didn't at all. She has such a thick skin. Why did people boo? I really didn't understand that. I don't know either. People were booing like crazy. They weren't still saying Drew from Drew Bledsoe. Yeah.

And then, and then they were heckling her while she was speaking. I saw an audience member shouted on their camera they were heckling her while she was speaking i saw an audience member shouted on their camera and the heckling continued like they were yelling shit no talent and all this shit at her i know it's weird i mean and she made fun of herself and i thought really good jokes uh she stayed graceful she stayed very poised during it yeah uh we had a ton of jokes against her but part of the engineering was she didn't come up and the deus kind of didn't know about her yeah um well so wait the one quick

gronkowski story is he was at a wedding in the bahamas saturday night which is the night before the roast and uh and and and we sent a private jet so he's private jets all day sunday really early in the morning and i I'm like, so then I, you know, and I've been zooming with him. So then I see Gronkowski down in the dressing rooms and he's bright eyed. He looks amazing. I mean, he, you know, he looked amazing on the roast, but like totally white, clear eyes, the whole thing. And so I'm like, Hey, how are you, man? Did the flight work out? And all he's like, dude, I am so rested, fucking ready for this. Now, meanwhile, Sarah Tiana, who was kind of like his captain because they had worked together before, goes, yeah, he said he slept four hours on the plane.

And he is he's full of energy. She's like, how much sleep does he need when he doesn't party all night? Like two hours. Yeah. Yeah. What is this animal? But this is the story. So he goes dude

i'm doing great i'm so psyched for this fine dickie egan who's amazing and a friend of ours and we always talk about dickie dickie goes he said that he goes yeah he's like well i just walked by wardrobe and the wardrobe department's in there you know with steam irons irons you know doing the whole thing and you know uh you know sewing and fixing shit he had walked in there, you know, with steam irons, irons, you know, doing the whole thing and, you know, you know, sewing and fixing shit. He had walked in there like 10 minutes before when he arrived and he goes, can you guys do something about my shoes? He's wearing big bombastic white Crocs, but he has his dress shoes in his hand and he goes, can you do something about my shoes?

They're like, yeah, what do you need? He's like, I don't know. Like maybe like blow dry them or something. I was drinking out of them all night. That's amazing. Yeah. He's a full lunatic. Then he gives over his underwear.

Some shit happened in these last night also. Unbelievable. What was the green room like? some shit happened in these last night also. Unbelievable. Was there, what was the green room like? Was, was there a wives, girlfriends industry, or was it just like talent only? No,

the green room was a lot of the writers. There was some agents and all that, but Belichick was in it. And then, so in the green room, it was also last touches for hair and makeup. It was a big room, last touches for hair and makeup. It was a big room, last touches for hair and makeup. So those stations were over there. There were TVs, there was like catering

out, but it was also the teleprompter room, which as you know, is normally in the wings. And there was one in the wings of the stage, but this was another station. So that's where each talent who was not out at the beginning so like belichick kardashian was sitting but uh oh um peyton manning came through there uh i'm trying to remember belichick peyton manning i'm forgetting who else anyway oh and ben affleck so they which we have to talk about but ben they would come in there and they would go through their prompter and make little phonetic spellings or punctuation to help them read it better. And so that was interesting to see when that would happen.

But Belichick was just dying. It was so wild watching that guy die. Laugh, you know, and then he went out and did great. He was so easy to work with. Well, I think the crowd was really pulling for him.

They just, there was so much love for him when he came out standing ovation. And well, we started him with those jokes about how like there's a 10 part, you know, series, a roast of Bill Belichick on, uh, on Apple plus. Yeah. Cause that thing does tear him apart. Um, and then, uh, uh, what, what about, um, how did, how did everything go with Netflix? I mean, were they, were they praising you guys? You know, it was supposed to be a 90 minute roast and then it was tracking over two hours and then that's a bump in pay for it was then tracking over 90 minutes. So that's then a bump in pay.

And then over two hours, I don't know where that's at now, but they were great. They were just like, if you need the time, because people kept getting added, you know, like Ben Affleck was added. Kim Kardashian was that they weren't around three days, three or four days till show. Oh, and Ron Burgundy was added. We were, you know, we were writing for them, trying to woo them. And I'll read later. I have a funny Ron Burgundy speech that the writers wrote and we all wrote. And he didn't do it.

But I think he would have destroyed with it. And it was much shorter. I loved every moment of it. I could have watched that all night. He was so on fire. It was amazing. I had to go into their dressing room and correct two things one was he goes um he goes and randy moss he's like uh tom was never gonna throw to you he goes you were just a decoy for his little ding ding ding ding short stuff and so i had to

go in there i'm like listen not to be joke police but that's like having a joke about, um, Babe Ruth, never hitting home runs. Tom, Tom and Randy Moss still hold the single season record for long for touchdown passes. Yeah. Yeah. So I just changed it to,

he was never going to get you a ring. Yeah. And then it was an easy change. And then there was another thing that they had wrong, uh, in the script. I forget what it was, but anyway. So you worked your ass off, man.

How many hours do you think you put in in the week leading up to the actual roast? It was rough. I never got out before like 11.30 at night, and I felt lucky I got out at 11.30 the night before, but that's because everything was pretty locked. And then it would be really, then there was a lot of 7 a.m.

Zoom, 7 a.m. Zoom with Belichick, 7 a.m. Zooms with Tom. Cause they were all on the East coast. Yeah. Did you,

do you have a slight man crush on Tom Brady right now? A little bit, man. I mean, he's a student. Like you could tell how he got to where he was. Cause that's how he approached this comedy yeah and weird things like he's like hey i don't want to say let's fucking go up top when i come

out at the very beginning before i sit down he goes what about like are you ready i'm ready and then like uh it's kickoff or let's kick this off something football i'm like what about what about it's game time he's like great that's it and he's like so how should i say it should i be like it's so how do i say that it's game time or it's like game time and i'm like are you fucking retarded like yeah the greatest quarterback ever is asking me how to say game time? Yeah. Like, it was so, but, like, that's where, and then before each joke, almost before every joke, he would put in parentheses the type of voice he should use. Like, one of them was announcer voice, where he was like, you know what it was. And he did, and it really helped him.

Like, he put, like, somber voice before the 9-11 joke, which was our favorite thing that we wrote for him. Because in the writer's room, Dickie and those guys were like educating us. Like, you don't understand that when Drew Bledsoe got hurt, it was like such a weird time. It was the first game back after 9-11. So there was already such a weird mood. So we're like, oh, you know, put it up. Let's see

when Bledsoe got injured. And, um, we see like the nine 11 celebration at the beginning of the game. And then we see two New York jets fly into Bledsoe and the room exploded. We're like, we got our best joke. Oh my God. That's amazing. So the joke kind of wrote itself. It was incredible. Yeah, that was incredible. That's so cool. Yeah, because he took a real leap of faith in going with that energy and that tone,

you know, so against type. And he went big and he committed and he fucking pulled it off. Yeah, I know. He was like, you know, I don't talk about myself in the third person. I'm like, I go oh we know and so it it's i was very slow to realize how literal he was yeah he's incredibly he's great by the way and he's funny like we were walking down the hallway

right he and i were going to like take another look at prompt or something and i'm walking with him and we we go by Edelman and Edelman is there. And Edelman could not have looked more flamboyant. He had it and he, he had it under his shirt, but he had a, under his shirt was a wife beater with all his like necklaces and stuff like that. And he's there with the hair and makeup. And I'm like, uh, I go, well, that's, I go, his look is going to help the gay jokes tonight, right? Yeah. And Tom dies laughing. And when we get to the end of the hallway, Tom turns around and he's like, Jules.

He's like, Jules, he's like, the rest of the village people's dressing room, they're in here. They're in here. And I'm like, fucking solid. That was Tom on his own. Yeah. That's great. And, uh, but he, when I didn't realize how literal he was, uh, I then, I then saw him like, especially when he was like, so how should I say this? And so like, so am I being like cocky? And I'm like, oh, I go, hold on. I go, he was very good on SNL. Actually. I go, you're playing a character. I go, this is a character. You got to save this shit show. And this is a character. And I go this shit show and this is a character and i go and he could never get through the kim kardashian joke without laughing which was you know my badge of honor but he couldn't get through some of them not laughing i'm like that laughing is actually

really charming and i go just like snl try to hold that laugh back like and everyone's seeing your struggle is going to be charming as hell. And it will reinforce your playing a character. And he was like, fuck, got it. And that was like two days before the show. And somehow he didn't take that in before then. He was still doing well. But just because he could tell how he should read them.

But once he knew he was playing a, but he kind of didn't. Once he knew he was playing a character, it all clicked for him. I thought he delivered it amazing. Yeah, he was great. And it's hard to go on last. I mean, people don't understand that's three hours into the show and you're following Andrew Schultz and there's some heavy hitters up there killing. So that was pretty amazing amazing so we're going to get into jokes later jokes that were not used in the entertainment section i saw ron burgundy the next day uh netflix did a comedy all things comedy which is bill burr's company uh they did a golf tournament at riviera which is the nicest course in la and i i'm at the driving range and then Will Ferrell comes up and he sets up at the stall next

to me at the driving range and he looks at me and he just gives me this long look like he knows me and I was so intimidated. I just went, how you doing? And then I just hit another ball and I didn't say shit to him. You should have said hi. I don't know. I was just like, I didn't want to be, you know, we're on the, I figured he wants to play golf. I don't want to be an asshole. But then later after the round, I had dinner at his table

and it was me, Burr, what's his name? who's who's the comic who uh who lives in nashville oh theo not theo no the other guy um anyway it was a bunch it was is he like is his persona a hick no just a regular straight talking guy. Why am I forgetting his fucking name? Anyway. And then Charlie Day from Always Sunny. And who else? Anyway, so Will was there. And then at the end, Nate Bregazzi.

Nate Bregazzi. And then at the end of it, he goes, he comes over, he comes over to me and he shakes my hand and he goes, I want you to take really good care of yourself. I was like, what the fuck does that mean? You, oh man, you totally should have said, I mean, he knows Laura from USC. Yeah. I told him, I go, oh, well, by the way, because he's his son's down there and he was just down there last week before graduation and before the riots on the USC campus. And I go, you know, I actually taught a class at USC. He's like, what did you teach? And I'm like, oh, sketch writing. And he's like, so you taught comedy. He's like, is that good? Is that good for the kids that you're teaching?

All right, so let's get down to it. Oh, and then I ran a 5K the next day. Yeah. Tom and Bert threw a 5K run, not for charity, just to promote their fucking vodka or whatever it is. Really? Yeah.

I mean, whatever. It was, it was just, I think it was a spur of the moment thing. And then Netflix got behind it. And all of a sudden there was like 5,000 people running a 5K. Yeah. And, uh, I think Bert and Bert actually, uh, he ran it twice. And the first time he ran it, his film crew, uh, ran him over in the golf cart and like ripped his shoe off and he fell down. He had to get up and finish running.

And then the second one, I started with him and then Tom Papa and Tom. And this time, Jelly Roll walked it with Bert. And so I was, I kind of trained for it. I probably ran maybe eight times or so, and I built it up to, you know, 5K is not that big a deal. You've run marathons, so it's nothing.

But I ran it with Tom Papa, and he did his radio show, and we had a crew running in front of us, and we talked the whole time. We were shitting on people, and I was so worried. I bought headphones because I was like, all right, finish this race i gotta finish and then i ended up not wearing the headphone like i didn't want anyone talking to me but it was no problem talking kind of made it easier oh good for you well yeah that's impressive

though it definitely takes more wind yeah and uh And, uh, so that was fun. And then. Burt is such a full blown character. I mean, he was such an easy target. People wrote a disproportionate amount of jokes about him. Like Sam J did a whole thing about him. Um,

we gave Tom Brady a really, one of the better jokes, uh, uh, and he didn't do it about Burt. He's like, uh, Burt,

here you are with it. What kind of comic are you with your shirt off it about burt he's like a burt here you're with what kind of comic are you with your shirt off all the time he's like richard pryor didn't take his shirt off when it was on fire so i told burt that burt died laughing nikki was so subtle she's like burt you take your shirt off people don't take their shirt off and you take your shirt off Bert, you take your shirt off. People don't take their shirt off and you take your shirt off. It was just so, it was such a great thing. Yeah.

Yeah, no, that was really great. And then Bert also, did you see on social media, he's, the camera caught him because the prompter was so big in the middle of the forum and all of them are facing it. Bert was mouthing the words of everybody's jokes. Was he really? Yes. and he himself just posted that on Instagram. But I noticed it during the show.

I'm like, oh my God, he's mouthing the words of other people's jokes. That's hilarious. Yeah. We want to thank Craig Godet, who did the logo. He is one of our main contributors for logos. It is Putin and Kim Jong-un. And you get to be Putin, apparently. Great song.

Sam Famino. It is a barbershop quartet. And again, always listen to the end of the show. We play the song in its entirety because we're only playing the first 34 seconds of this one, but it's like a three-minute song, and it's really great. Some corrections coming in. It says, from Rob Mitchell, Mike didn't like the old Simpsons comic strip from before it was a cartoon. Did Mike mean life in hell when he said he didn't like it? Yeah.

So, yeah, that was from the Tracy Allman show. Yep, I didn't really like it. I thought it was, like, negative and nerdy. But, you know, like, that great comedian from Ohio, Carp or something, I didn't, like, love his stuff either. Like, it's very dark. I don't know. All right.

It's probably funnier than I remember. Joe says in your discussion of side hugs you act i used to i was talking about how i don't like when women hug you from like you go in for the front hug and they throw you the fucking uh the rib cage uh you accidentally we assume said i'm not a pervert as many as three times quick review of your blondondie Reads episode Inception 428 clearly refute this. I think would you consider me to be a pervert? Well, what makes

me uncomfortable is when they go for the side hug, you stay straight on them and put your knees around their body and they slide in sideways into your crotch. I think that's a little pervy. It's a spoon and a fork combined.

You actually love when they side hug. You just won't reciprocate. Well, the thing what I do is I continue going in with the arms around and the hand ends up right on the tit. Yeah. But would you consider me a pervert? No. I mean, you're open about your sexuality

not sexuality your sexual activity and um and so i think and and i was going to say but you have just as much as everyone else you might have a little more i don't think and i know it's probably tapered off i hope it's tapered off but i don't think a lot of people have been masturbating on planes as much as you. Yeah. Well, you know. And your feet thing, but feet doesn't make you a pervert. It's just a kink, you know? It's not even a kink.

It's an appreciation. There's a difference between a foot fetish. You're window shopping. Yeah. I'm just checking them out i just like as somebody looks at uh you know fucking teeth everybody's got a body part that they focus on this tone of voice right now though makes me think you are a pervert yeah this defensive because no the reason i ask i'm i'm editing my one hour special and people are giving me notes and saying that you should take out the, there's like three or four bits that are really pervy. I mean, you know my act, the one about like looking at the couple having sex in the next hotel room.

Yeah, I love that one though. Really? Yeah. All right, so maybe I'll leave it in. So I don't know. Because wait, what they're missing though is you're the loser in that story yes and so

and pathetic and you lean totally in yes right right that's what I that's all right so maybe I'll keep it in I don't know but yeah I started to wonder if I'm a perv and then Bob Patterson said summa cum laude not pseudo cum said, summa cum laude, not pseudocum laude.

Oh, it's cum laude. Okay. Oh, you said cum. Lost leader, not lost leader. I never said lost leader. Matt Groening, not Matt Groenig. I probably said Groenig. Bob, by the way, Bob is a master level correctionist.

He finds the real minutiae, which is fascinating. Yeah, he's fact checking that they played the Jets on that day right now, I'm sure. Mamaroneck, New York, not far from where you grew up, the Emmeline Theater on May 31st. Technically, I got married in mamaroneck right and divorced in la escondido grand comedy club june 7th and 8th pittsburgh i'll be at the wdve festival june 21st with harlan williams buffalo new york the darien lake amphitheater with burt kreischer june 23rd wow yeah that's gonna be Jesus. Buffalo. At least it's June. One quick story about Mimeric. Very tiny. Um, one time Matt Dillon, right. Who's from America. He came to the

Kilbourne show and he was like too cool for school a little bit. And like, you know, a tough egg to crack. And he was, I had to go meet him because he didn't want to do five questions. I'm like, everyone does that. All right. Well, what are the answers? I'm like, Craig will fire anyone who gives the talent the answers they were all real so whatever so i'm hanging in the wings with him and it's a little awkward and there's no way to like break the ice and so finally i just say to him and he's from a marinic and i knew that and i go uh pizza mia in eastchester is better than sal's on Mimernick Avenue. And he goes, you go fuck yourself. And then we'd like hit it off and everything, talking about pizzerias.

That's funny. Yeah. When I used to hang out at the bars, remember North Avenue and Nourishel, that strip of bars where you could get in underage? No. I was in boarding school. Well, we used to go over to Nourishel Elma Maranick are right next to each other. It's all the Guidos.

Oh, yeah. And Eastchester, which I think you used to call Greasechester. I did and everyone else did, yes. So we used to go to these bars and he was from there. And so when he was like 18, he was already a star. And we all were at some bar and he had these fucking collection of douchebags. They used to act like they were in some kind of a gang and they would like stand in a circle around him at the bar and they would like let girls in to talk to him.

It was so gross. No, it's like entourage. It was like entourage. Well, the Upper East Side, there was legends. He would just come in and take a girl into the bathroom. Very consensual. 100%

more than consensual. They would throw themselves at him. You don't see him anymore, do you? He's in something new because I noticed the same thing. I was like, oh, I haven't seen him in a while, but his Something About Mary was so god damn funny. Something About Mary was amazing. oh, I haven't seen him in a while. But his Something About Mary was so goddamn funny. Something About Mary was amazing.

I know that wasn't recent, but. Yeah. You know what's recent is the basketball playoffs. They are so good this year. We're going to talk about it later. I'm a Knicks fan, and I don't give a shit that I'm bandwagoned, and we'll talk about it later. Prize picks is the way you can get really excited about it.

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I appreciate that. I had Laura call you and Aaron. I did not get that. No. She said you couldn't go. Maybe Aaron intercepted it from me i didn't get it i had proof anyway i was thinking i needed more tickets especially if you had said yes and so i was on game time and game time had the roast and it was perfect they were like declining as

it got closer the exact idea so here i have discover for los angeles let's see this should be kind of a game. Gregory, if you wanted to see the Royals at the Angels tonight, how much do you think you'd pay on game time right now? Probably $120. $10. What? And by the way, that's the all-in price,

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There we go. The Boy Scouts of America announced Tuesday it will change its name to Scouting America next February to emphasize its commitment to inclusion. Though our name will be new, our mission remains unchanged, Boy Scout President. I hope it doesn't remain unchanged. We're committed to teaching young people to be prepared for life this will be simple but very important evolution as we seek to ensure that everyone feels welcome in scouting girls age seven to ten years have been able to join the scouting organizations program since 2018 with girls age 11 to 17 being permitted to join a year later the decision to change its name has

predictably been heavily criticized by right-wing organizations who have called the decision woke. It's not woke. They're rebranding because it's a pedophile ring. Yeah. I mean, yeah. And also, girls are not scouts. They're cookie salesmen. They are corporate shills. Boy scouts are fucking soldiers. Rwanda, Somalia, Yemen. They got boy soldiers. They're beasts. And there will come a day, mark my words, where we are going to have to send our boy soldiers in to go up against them. And we don't need half the army to be selling cookies and getting their first period.

We need fucking savages. And how did girls come to be joining the Boy Scouts back when they were called that anyway? So did families here like, okay, so they go in the woods and they set up a ton of rape tents, and that's what happens to our little boys. Can girls come? Yeah. Will you take our daughters, please? Yeah.

What? Yeah, no, it's pretty crazy. Do you remember the old joke, I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts for eating brownies? That's going to happen a lot more now. Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right. I get it now. I know what you're, I was trying to remember the joke.

It is a little, good luck with the rebranding. This is, this goes into the next one. The maker of the Swiss Army knife is working on a new version of the classic multi-tool, which won't have a blade. With innovation at the core of our brand, we are constantly listening to our consumers and their needs, acknowledging there's an appetite for the functionality, versatility, and craftsmanship the Swiss Army knife is known for. So they said he's concerned with increasingly stringent regulations on knives and marks.

All right, let's consider this knife is really mostly for Boy Scouts. It should have a fucking switchblade. It should have mace and a rape whistle. I think the knife technically is the least used part. I use the corkscrew more than anything. Oh yeah. I use the little screwdriver, the little Philp set. Yeah. I mean, it used to be in my shave kit till they didn't allow them on planes anymore. So now it's a drag. And by the way, I heard an article on this and they totally pivoted after nine 11

and leaned into what, cause all of a sudden no one was buying Swiss army knives because you couldn't travel with them, which is what they're made for. Yes. And also, can we break this down? And I'm sure comedians in the 80s probably beat this to death, but do the Swiss even have an army? Don't they generally surrender in the first five or 10 minutes of a war? No, it's even not worse, but it's even more exaggerated than that it's a neutral country yeah i don't know i guess there is an army we'll get corrections but of all armies

to defang i think the swiss one's safe you can take the knives out of the out of the that's true i think that's why they have a corkscrew in it, because while they're being invaded, they just open champagne. Nobody's dying. We're just going to hang out with the Nazis. Like the Boy Scouts, can I recommend a rebranding and call it a Swiss Army spoon? I remember there used to be fat ones with a spoon on it. Really?

Oh, yeah. Well, there's tweezers. I always liked the tweezers. There's a little pick for your teeth, which is nice. A pen. Remember the little pen? The pen. How about the saw? The tiniest saw in the world. Yeah. I guess it was more of a file. No, no. There was one that had a, like a little saw on it. Yes. And then, well, there's still really fat ones and then a can opener that was that was very useful yeah for camping um speaking of useful a a cat may have been may a cat may have used a couple of its nine lives when it was accidentally shipped with an amazon return from utah to

california they got a call that their cat was missing. Carrie Clark said her family's indoor cat, Galena, mysteriously disappeared. Everyone searched around. Nobody could find it. And then on April 17th, they got a text that her, that cat's microchip had been scanned. And they got a call from a vet in California,

said that they found the cat inside an Amazon box along five pairs of work boots. So it was still an indoor cat, just in a box. Yeah, he was wearing the boots. That was crazy. Thank God there was two pairs. I told my husband and we broke down. The box was a try before you buy and filled with steel.

Anyway, the cat lived for six days without food or water. And, you know, I think Amazon felt so bad they sent the cat home on express delivery. They opened up the box and the cat immediately walked across the room and ignored them. If you have cats and you just heard this story and you're leaving for a weekend, you don't have to do anything. No, don't worry about food.

Don't worry about just, just put it in a box and leave it in the kitchen. Right. It's going to get jostled a lot less than this cat. Yeah, the cats are sort of like the abused wives of the animal world. You can just ignore them. You just lock them in with a little bit of food in the corner. Come back seven days later.

You know, when I read this story, I think you cut down the story a little. It was more quotes from the owner, owner Galena's owner, I guess. And it was an emotional support cat. And then she was just absolutely crushed, searched the neighbor and everything. And my,

my first take on it was, it sounds like the cat was glad to be in the box and get away from the needy owner like too much stress and responsibility on that cat yeah being shipped in steerage across the country is a lot more relaxing than being stroked so bad my fucking fur is falling out amazon delivery guy kicking it up to the door yeah Yeah. Completely. You want to read this next one? Michigan mom miraculously wakes up from five-year coma. Jennifer Flewillan shocked everyone, including doctors and medical experts, when she woke up from a five-year coma.

The 41-year-old mother of three from Michigan suffered catastrophic injuries in September when her car, five years ago, when her car swerved across a roadway and struck a utility pole. So there's not really much to that story except I thought about, imagine waking up after five years. Like, did I miss anything? Is Trump still president?

Prince Harry and Meghan, they just had their son Archie. Is that going well? Is the queen still happy about that? Why am I seeing people wearing hospital masks and I've left the hospital? And also, my kids don't seem any smarter at all. Have they been studying? Yeah, right. My fat grandkids seem to be, well, not only that, but she, they gave her great news when she woke up.

She had two more kids, but her male nurse is in prison. So that's a bigger family. That's a busy coma. That, well, did you see Kill Bill? I was thinking of Kill.

That night, her husband said, it's time to go to sleep, honey. And she's like, I'm good. Pretty well rested for a little while. That's insane. Five to sleep, honey. And she's like, I'm good. Pretty well rested for a little while. That's insane.

Five, these five years. And do you think, in a way, I think any five years from here on in will just be batshit crazy. Like, I know everyone says that, but I think the years are getting crazier. Oh, yeah. years are getting crazier. Oh yeah. I don't think there's been a bigger technological and political shift in this country in a five-year period ever. Maybe the industrial revolution. Imagine catching her up to AI like, hey, what? Wait, what? That was a movie by Spielberg with a little boy. So there are little boy robots? No, no no it's way more insidious yeah yeah meanwhile uh all this technology and in five years you couldn't shake me out of a deep sleep

right uh two teens were kicked out of their elite california catholic school while falsely accused of wearing blackface they've been jointly awarded more than a million dollars after proving it was just a green acne face mask. They were 14 when they took a photo during a sleepover. And in wearing the treatment in solidarity with a friend suffering from severe acne, the treatment bought by some of the women's moms was light green when applied and turned dark green once it was dry well maybe they can use the million dollars on some Accutane and not fucking put masks on

I mean green face sounds like an Irish slam yeah they were dressed as the Statue of Liberty. Well, they got it was, I don't think they should have gotten in trouble because the article leaves out that these kids were black. If they're black, what's the Yeah. They're all going to buy,

they got a million dollars. You know they're all buying like sports cars and some cool new clothes, but still not getting laid with that nasty acne. By the way, from someone who did have terrible acne in high school, no, thank you. I don't want solidarity. I don't want anyone drawing attention to it, please. Thank you.

Yeah. Especially when you don't need it. Don't wear a mask like I need. Yeah, I don't need my friends all getting together and not fucking their wives because I have erectile dysfunction. Let me just quietly sob in the corner of my bed while my wife fucking buzzes off again.

No, Greg, let me, in solidarity, we're really, we're best friends. Let me do a penis pump online just to raise awareness for your issues yeah yeah local news by the way too late but i thought of a funny joke uh when the woman wakes up out of a coma and she's like as to fill out the form she's like what what do you mean what are my pronouns? What are you talking about? Yeah.

That's changed? Yeah. How do I identify? I identify as awake. Oh. Yeah. My pronouns are here and present. Totally.

All right. I saw this. This story actually got sent to me because I do this. An L.A. man uses a mannequin to drive in the carpool lane. Santa Fe Springs, California. The Los Angeles man finally got an answer to the age-old question, does a mannequin count as a second occupant for the carpool lane if it sits in a passenger seat? And the answer was no. Officer Kaplan made the enforcement stop after the driver allegedly crossed solid double lines. Listen,

that's one thing I won't do. I'm not going to break the law more than I'm already breaking the law. If I have a mannequin in the passenger seat, when I worked in Burbank every day, I got one. And I think I've talked about it on this podcast. And the one time that I thought I was going to get pulled over for some, somehow there was more of a left lane than the carpool lane. And the cop was there on his motorcycle looking in straight into the windshields. Cause everyone their their their windows tinted. And you and I used to put like tennis rackets with hats on them when we worked at Allen. Yeah. Get bad to get back. So anyway, it is not a traffic violation, but it's a fine. That's why I was like, you know what? I'll pay two hundred fifty dollars if caught once in a year to cut off hours on the commute. So anyway, I've talked about it before, I think, but when I saw the cop, I picked up my coffee and I pretended to be in an animated argument with my mannequin and the saddest part of it was i was really yelling at it like i didn't have to i could have just mimed it but i was like how could you say that like yeah i started screaming you at the at that point you were at the in the death throes of your marriage so you actually lost the argument oh totally yeah that's not what I said.

And then I guess the officers confiscated the blow up doll, took it to the evidence room and fuck the shit out of it. There's a lot more DNA on it now. Entertainment. Let's do it. Let's do it. All right. What do we got?

Roast jokes. All right. Let me find, I guess we'll start with Ron Burgundy. Did you guys write for Ron Burgundy or he did it on his own? No, we wrote a ton and he didn't use any of it, but it was part of the, part of the show, which was the most exhausting part is we wrote a lot to book people. Um, all right, here's, here's one. So we wrote a lot for Schwarzenegger. We were trying to convince him to fly from Toronto, uh,

where he was working and, uh, and do the roast. So we wrote one, uh, for Schwarzenegger. Here we go. Um, I'm going to do the Schwarzenegger voice because, uh, it's painful for everyone. And I enjoy that, but he was like, um, he goes, thank you, Kevin. It's nice to see a heart that doesn't need a pacemaker because of his pacemaker. And he goes, but to be fair, you're the only heart that should be enlarged. And he then goes to Tom, do you mind if I light up with a cigar? He's like, of course you mind. You're scared of strawberries. So the angle on Schwarzenegger was then going to be he's convincing him.

I'm not going to read the whole thing to do action movies. But he had a lot of good jokes, which was. Let's see, we have, oh, he goes, clearly the one thing you've never done is gone to the gym. We have a nickname for guys like you at the gym, receptionist.

I like that one. Here, I'll read you some Belichick we wrote. Thank you, Ron Burgundy. He did that one. The only member of the media I respect. I got two words for the producers of this show. Clock management. Let's see.

He did a lot that we wrote for him. He rejected a bunch, and then we kind of got what he wanted to go after. I've rejected every one of these jokes so far. Really? Yeah. All right. Here was a good one about edelman um we wrote it for tom and tom didn't want to do it we did it for a lot of other people but it and i just i just gave away the joke but it was basically um when tom when tom was splitting uh from giselle uh Edelman asked, which was unbelievable,

Edelman asked, do you mind if I hit that? And Giselle said, sure, he's all yours. We like that joke a lot. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see. Kim Kardashian, I'm single now. That's what Bill Belichick, we wanted him to say.

He would not say it. Julian, you're looking sharp. I almost didn't recognize you without Tom's ass on the tip of your nose. Dickie wrote this one. Our dynasty was not without scandal. Like the time we had a murderer on the team. Of course I'm not talking about that one. I'm talking about the time Gronk pet those rabbits to death.

Pet them to death. That's hilarious. I love that one. I'm talking about the time Gronk pet those rabbits to death. Pet them to death. That's hilarious. I love that one. That might've been too literate for that stupid crowd. Yeah, it might've been. It might've been. And Randy Moss, by the way, had such a good angle, which was his angle, which is he was up there between cheating scandals. And why didn't y'all cheat when I was up there? We wrote so many funny jokes. He's like, by the way, the one time you had a black guy to pin it on in Boston,

you didn't cheat. That was a great one I wanted him to do. Nikki graduated from the University of Kansas with a degree in English literature, which I'm sure came in handy as her job as the host of Fuckboy Island. Nikki used to be a tight end, but now she's pushing

50. Nikki, thank you for taking time off making the baristas at Starbucks miserable to be here tonight. That didn't work. Let's see. Naturally, Gronk is worried about testing for CTE because he hasn't studied.

Oh, Gronk has a lot of injuries over his career, mainly from motorboating the Juggs machine. What's the Juggs machine? The Juggs machine is the big two wheels that throw footballs. Oh. All right, let's do some sports. Where the fuck... Here we go. This is how pathetic I am,

but I don't think it's pathetic. I'm proud that I bailed on the Knicks the last 15 to 20 years. I tried occasionally, but since Ewing in that era, it's just too much. As everyone

knows, I'm a Jets fan. Oakley, Starks, that was the last time I watched the Knicks. I was so into it. Yeah. And it's been since 19, I believe it's 73, that they

won. It's ridiculous. Yeah. And the Jets is 69. And my favorite Yankees were winless. It was Don Mattingly's years. He's my favorite Yankee of all time. The 70s. No, no, no. That was

the 80s. Don Mattingly is still my favorite Yankee of all time. Dave Winfield. Who is the pitcher? And the New York Rangers. Ron Guidry. Also the New York Rangers. Catfish Hunter. Thurman Munson. I'm going to be a bandwagon with them also.

They're killing it. But the Rangers also. One win since 1940? No, no. The Rangers got the Stanley Cup back in like 94 maybe. One win. Yeah. One.

That's what I just said. Oh, okay. I thought you said they haven't won since then no one win they didn't win one didn't tampa bay beat them just recent i mean yes well yeah you know you know it's an exciting team too is the boston bruins i i even though i'm from new york and i grew up a rangers fan um it's so funny like that era of time, I was so much more into New York sports. I was into the Mets in the 80s, like right when they won the World Series. I don't know, the Rangers, Barry Beck and the Maloney brothers and Esposito's final years. But no, the Rangers now look great. People hate when we talk about sports because we really don't know shit about it.

But it's time to get on the bandwagon again. Oh, that's my whole point. Are you kidding me? It's, and they play today. Today we're going to pretend is Sunday and they play today. Today, we're going to pretend, is Sunday. And they play today. Okay. I'm not giving up on this Burgundy script.

I'm finding this Burgundy script. Stay tuned. I'm reading a Burgundy script, and it's going to be fucking awesome. You go ahead. Okay. Let's get to this day in history. Oh, God. I got to do that.

You can do it. All right. Here we go. The Burgundy script was fucking right here. Oh, here, I found it. But first, this day in history. This day in history. All right, Greg, you ready to play?

Let's play. Okay. Give or take, what should I do here? 10 years. The first flight over the North Pole. Flight over the North Pole? A Norwegian explorer, Roald Amundsen, an American scientist, Lincoln Ellsworth, an Italian engineer, forget that guy, made the first undisputed flight over the North Pole on this day in what year? I'm going to go with 1907.

1926. Oh, so close. 1907. You got to think about airplanes. Oh, yeah. Wait, World War I had planes. So that was like 1917. So it took

them six years after that to fly over the North Pole? Yeah, well I don't think it was prioritized. Alright. Okay, George Carlin, one of our heroes, was born on this day in what year give or take four years? He was born in 1936.

Good Lord, 1937. Nice. Give or take one year, Exile on Main Street came out from the Rolling Stones. Exile on Main Street came out in 1970. 72. I nailed that. I nailed that. I think I knew you were going to say that. Okay, the Donner Party

left Independence, Missouri for California on this date in what year, give or take 25 years? All right. I'm going to say 1815. No, sir. 1846. Oh, Jesus.

During the Civil War? When was the Civil War? 1860 or 1840? 1865 was when it ended, I believe. during the Civil War? When was the Civil War? 1860 or 1840? 1865 was when it ended, I believe. Let's see if there's anything else, but we might have covered it. There wasn't a lot here.

Richie Valens, whatever. Pope, but it wasn't a big Pope day. A lot of birthdays. I guess we could do another birthday why don't we do one more let me see if i can make it interesting lena dunham not interesting again for this for the sake of a tight show you could always like pick a few in advance unlike this one katherine hepburn was born on this day in what year? And I'm going to say give or take 10. She was born in 1927.

No, sir. 1907. No shit. Really? Yes. Oh, yeah. I guess African Queen would have been in the 1960s, right? Okay, are you ready?

This is what I should have. I couldn't find it. It was on a PDF, and I fucking was looking in Word. Ron Burgundy, you ready? Yeah. This is what we wrote for Ron Burgundy. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt the LGBTQ NFL. This is the greatest quarterback of all time.

Is this a fucking joke? Does all time include the 20th century when there were men? We had performance enhancing drugs in my day, and we called them drugs. They did coke and fucked on the field. Tom, there was a guy named Fran who was more of a man than you. Joe Namath did blow out of a hooker's asshole last

week. Kenny Stabler's nickname was Snake. Mean Joe Green's real name was Mean. Dick Butkus, for God's sake, that's a real man. What do we have now? Tom, terrific. My cock just threw up in its mouth. what's a julian edelman

they play now back in my day the only people taking a knee were cheerleaders as god intended it used to be the steel curtain and purple people eaters what is it now the leg Legion of Boom? I'm sorry. Was Kapow taken? And they'll always be the Redskins to me. Every team should do the tomahawk chop, especially the Patriots. You were the first to kill them. Hockey's the only sport still on the name game. The Predators? Stranger danger. I was watching the other day, and I swear I saw a girl referee.

Good luck with her truth. And male cheerleaders, what kind of Filipino dive bar is this? Somehow NFL, you've become gayer than European football. And then we gave them the OJ Simpson run. Okay, cool it. Everyone knows it's a coincidence about OJ Simpson, except for Aaron Rodgers. But tonight's Tom's Roast and OJ's was three weeks ago. So that was like a sample that the room put together for him and sent. But, you know, they're very territorial, as they should be with the Ron Burgundy character and stuff that's great but we love that soft angle we also did like names of teams and uh it was we did another run for them and it was really really funny uh all right don't forget people koozie's still on sale we got a hefty bag in the corner of mike's apartment that's

just screaming buy me ten dollars all in including shipping. Go to Fitz dog.com. Get them now. And they're all going out. There's no longer a slam. They're going out day of now. Um, we have no obituary this week. Nobody we cared about died this week.

Um, unless you guys have thought of somebody we missed. I know. I, an entertainment reporter here in LA who everybody really liked. That was about it. All right. And then the Sunday Funnies, a guy named Dane said,

I think I figured it out. You guys fly through the Sunday Funnies with nothing but pure criticism, which is fine because you guys have shown a light on how unfunny most of it is. Untrue, Dane. I am a huge fan of the Lockhorns, and I think we read some really funny ones week in and week out. However, you have a slew of budding artists

in your fandom, and you're basically a middle-aged gay couple at this point, especially after Mike disregarded your funny premise, which in itself was laugh-out-loud funny. What was my funny premise? I don't know. So I put it to you guys.

Make a three panel funny or just a one panel Farside style joke every week. You guys clearly have the confidence to do so and just throw a couple bucks to an artist who can create the panel then post it every week to the socials. Maybe even a caption contest for a free beer koozie. What are we, the New Yorker?

Yeah. I don't know. This is a job. This isn't like a one-off, while I'm boiling water, I'm going to write a cartoon. Yeah, this sounds like real work. Maybe you've confused us with how did this thing get made? But I'm just saying, if I did that right this is this is i think our point if i just tried to do it rather easily and with no effort it would be probably a little

better than family circus which means it's still shit yes um but it's like if you give me the family circus panel you and i could come up with better jokes for it but people already do that people you know here's something interesting what if we get oh god more fan submissions could be a lot of work uh they send in a submission and then we put it on the youtube people write captions and we read them the next week or that's going to be even less funny. No caption this. I bet we can get some good ones. Yeah. Why don't we try one or someone send send in a cartoon panel. You can send in whatever the hell you want. Yeah. Let's make it a single panel because that's the easiest one to make jokes for a single panel cartoons. We will

put it on the YouTube channel, maybe even post it on our Instagram account. And then you guys, we will give a koozie to whoever has the funniest caption the following week. All right. Good idea, Dane. Let's get to Hager the Horrible or Hagar,

depending on who you are. Crinkle. I know we already did a crinkle. There is a, looks like a Duke type of a gentleman, maybe an Earl, and he's in bed with his wife, who has golden braided hair and a slice of cake inexplicably in her lap as they're going to bed.

And the Duke says, i hear strange noises in the castle she says go check it out and bring back a fork for my cake and he goes what if it's hager the horrible and i don't make it back she's like i'll eat it with my hands it's like no no no no no no if it's hager the horrible you're to be eating his ass. That's what you're going to be eating. Oh, Jesus. Maybe you are a pervert. No. I mean, what's Hager going to do?

What's the order of business? First of all, she's holding cake. It's his two favorite things, cake and rape. Yeah, it's true. It's kind of like the scorpion who stings you. What did you expect? I'm a scorpion like who stings you like what do you expect i'm a scorpion yeah what'd you expect i rape i'm hagger uh and then we got we got the lockhorns we got this multiple one but one of them was very funny uh is this a paleo um

yeah and she's uh there's a guy doing card tricks at a party. It's a cocktail party, and there's nothing more annoying than a guy who does fucking magic at a cocktail party. Yeah. And she looks at Leroy. She looks at her friend, and she goes, Leroy's good at card tricks, too.

He can make all his money disappear playing poker. That's clever. I like that. Leroy is at the dentist, and he looks at the dentist, and he goes, disappear playing poker. It's clever. I like that. Uh, Leroy is at the dentist and he looks at the dentist and he goes, I chipped a tooth on Loretta's chipped beef. It's okay. I like when he confronts Loretta about it.

Um, Leroy has got his pockets and they're pulled out of his pants and Loretta goes somewhere. There's a very disappointed pickpocket his pants and Loretta goes somewhere there's a very disappointed pickpocket look at Loretta's friend that's a that's a tough look yeah here's a great one uh he's talking to Loretta who's looking in the mirror and he goes you're afraid of turning it to your mother think how I feel that. That's great. That's great. That's a good one. Okay, here we are again with Calvin and Hobbes.

Wait, one more. In the bottom corner, they're on a fishing boat. They both have fishing poles. And she goes, you're going to need a much smaller boat. A Jaws reference. Yeah. All right. Calvin and Hobbes, I'm doing the 15, I think, funniest or whatever they're called.

I think 15 best, greatest Calvin and Hobbes of all time. This is number 11. I'm counting down from 15. So Calvin and Hobbes are together. Calvin's like, okay, Hobbes, press the button and duplicate me. Is he? He's in a cardboard box. i guess they're pretending it's a machine right and um so hobbs like are you sure this is such a good idea calvin throws up his arms

brother you doubting thomas is getting the way of more scientific advances with your stupid ethical questions this is a brilliant idea hit Hit the button, will you? Calvin's like, I mean, Hobbes is like, I hate to be accused of inhibiting scientific progress. So here you go. Boink, presses the button. Now Hobbes goes, scientific progress goes boink. Are you following this? Oh, did he say boink from inside the box when he pressed the button? I guess so. Yeah. So then it's like scientific progress goes boink. And then from inside the box, it worked. It worked. I'm a genius. And then inside the box, it goes, no, you're not. You liar.

I invented this. I have no idea what's going on. I don't get that. No, you're not. You liar. I invented this. I have no idea what's going on. I don't get that. No, you're not, liar. I invented this. Oh, okay. He was duplicated. So now he's doing the voice of someone else. Oh, that's not bad.

That's hilarious. I like that. I guess Hobbes doesn't seem amused. No. Well, he's deadpanning it. This is, you know. Maybe he's not as animated because the boy's not there. He turns back into a stuffed animal.

That's why. I mean, it could have been a time machine. You press it once, then you press it to get him back. And he's like, here ye, here ye. Like, you know, whatever. Okay. It's not know, whatever. Okay. It's not bad. Sure.

Sure. Speaking of not bad, here's 11th of all time. Blondie's wearing her classic black and whites. I love this. The black felt skirt. She's sitting at the breakfast table looking so sweet and pretty. And she's got her arm crossed and she's looking,

she's not looking at her husband because he has chosen to put a newspaper in front of his face as she sits there waiting and she goes honey did you forget your promise to stop reading the morning paper at the table he goes i'm sorry sweetheart it's a bad habit i need to break and she goes there's that handsome face that I remember. And then he goes back to reading the fucking paper. She, this hot piece of ass, this 10 is lying to you and saying that you're handsome. You should be so grateful. You should be staring into her eyes, begging her forgiveness for your mediocrity at your job. And then he goes, do you know anything about the new sandwich shop

that's going in next to your catering shop? And she goes, whoa. And she gets down and looks at the paper too. Kind of a dumb ending, but the first half is what gets me. This is like his imagination. Maybe that's what's going on. The whole thing is somehow from here.

That's why she hasn't left him. Right. That's what's going on. The whole thing is somehow from here. Like that's why she hasn't left him. Right. That's true. This could all be some kind of an apparition. This could be like Dagwood. He fantasized about having this wife and then even in his dream, couldn't step up and be the man that she needs to be. He's just a lonely guy in his apartment.

He's never come near a blondie. Yeah. That's the best explanation I've ever heard for this. And it's called blondie because it's his fascination. It's his fantasy. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, listen, speaking of fantasy, you can

play sports with PrizePick, the number one fantasy sports app. And when you do it, you are going to download the app and use code PAPERS for a first deposit match up to $100. Also, don't forget GameTime, whether you're going to buy tickets for sports, theater, comedy, anything. Download GameTime today.

Create an account and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Thank you to Chris Denman for hanging with us today. Yeah. Midcoast Media out there in St. Louis taking care of all of your social marketing needs and editing and producing live events. They do so much. That's it. Anything to promote?

Yeah. that's it anything to promote yeah next week I'm going to have 10 jokes prepared on a piece of paper and I'll read them so sorry about the time waste today also we told Denman we would talk about the Tom Brady in my opinion

the Tom Brady yelling at Jeff Ross was real and I have a story about that and I can tell that next week if this roast is still on people's minds. Good teaser. I love it. Little teaser. All right, Mike. I'll see you soon.

Yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing for the Knicks tomorrow, today? What time's the game? It's on Sunday. I don't know. I'm not that good of a fan. You mean Mother's Day? I'm just, oh, it is Mother's Day.

Although, if it's like at three in the afternoon, I could probably sneak it in. All right, we'll figure it out. We're going to figure it out. Go Knicks. Go Knicks. Go Rangers. Tonight, I'm going to see Tim Robbins in a play

because he's coming on my radio show on Tuesday. Wow. I'm sorry. Monday I got Andy Richter coming in. Tuesday I've got Tim Robbins coming in. Big week on the podcast. I'd say so. All right.

All right. I guess we'll see you guys later. Take it eesh. Take it eesh. Take it eesh. Take it eesh. Read all about it. Read all about it.

It's time for the Sunday Papers podcast. Mike on the left. Greg on the right. Front page news and golfing shoes. Oh, that Govins is a funny dude. So let's get to that man, that Florida man, then on to the funnies, Loretta and Leroy, Dagwood and Blondie, who Greg is so fond of,

but love all around for it's where I get me news and breaks my blues. Just read all about it. Come on just read all about it. Come on, read all about it, and then always take it. Ish. Read all about it, read all about it, and then always take it Baby straight But Bobbins is a funny dude So let's get to that man, that Florida man Then on to the funnies, Loretta and Leroy, Dagwood and Blondie, who break is so funny, but love all around for it's where I hit me news and breaks my blues. Just read all.