Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 216 5/19/24

Episode Date: May 19, 2024

Mike reads more unused jokes from the Brady Roast, we debate whether burritos are sandwiches and a woman has an emotional support goose. Also The Son of Sam thinks he’s Anne Frank and we say goodbye to Slim Shady.  

I go three, two, one. Read all about it. Read all about it. Read all about it. Sunday Papers. Both guys in L.A. Are they in the same studio? No. Do we have a studio?

We're not even in the same region. Oh, I forgot. Yeah, you're over there so much. What's going on with you and Nashville? You seem to spend a lot of time there. so much what's going on with you and nashville you seem to spend a lot of time there this is greg's way everybody of asking me to we have big big news we do not have to admit this is not big at this age it's not very big news mike got an erection i got an erection that lasted more than four days so i called my doctor

and he said they want to study me he said what did you take and can you meet me at the cvs no i uh got engaged which i think is going to affect our uh year your predictions our new year's predictions i believe I called it right. I think you did. You've been very positive about that and encouraging a lot of years, I have to say. Well, the, the moment I met Hannah, your lovely fiance, she's gorgeous. She's funny. She's gorgeous. She's funny. She's sharp. She's successful. And she is not perfect. She's a huge fan of yours. Yeah. But you know what it is? She's dark. She's got an edge to her that you don't expect from somebody from the South. In fact, all of her friends are New Yorkers, including me. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.

Like, you know, well, you know, Pam and John. Yeah. You know, and so there's very much that, you know, sort of gets it. Yeah. You know, I'm biased. I think I call it gets it. Yeah. She gets it.

And yeah, so now she has daughters. One's still in high school, or both still in high school, but one will be gone in the fall. You got one in college. You'll have one that'll be graduated next year. Yeah, four daughters in all. I'm doing a balancing act here of trying to be respectful. I guess I shouldn't call it a balancing act

because I should just be respectful. But I just went to a 90-minute mass because this is going to be a Catholic high school graduation. And every time I go back to a Catholic church, and listen, all respect to Catholics on here. They're in my family too. I just am very negative about it. I had a very bad experience.

You said that like heart disease. We have that in our family too. I just am very negative about it. I had a very bad experience. You said that like heart disease. We have that in our family too. Right. No. Well, what it is, is it's, uh, it's, it's the large, when you're in this church was big. I couldn't believe how big this church was here. Over a thousand people easily. And I'd say maybe 1500. And, uh, it is a giant superstitious book club. That's not what I'm calling Catholicism. It's a book club for people that loves like, like superstitious stories. Like it might as well be about, uh, vampires. No, it's Wiccan. I mean, the heart of Catholicism is Wiccan. It's witchcraft. And the chanting, like when they all chant,

that's the most, other than the absolute torture pictures, you know, the images of intense torture that are everywhere. The chanting is very unnerving. I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen. With him, all things are made. And through him and our salvation came Jesus Christ. Oh, Lordy Lou, look, look at it in great. You can't remember anything. And you remember that. Yeah. Yeah. Are there going to be corrections on that or no?

Probably the only thing you'll say today that won't have corrections. No, because the thing is when you go to different Catholic churches, which I do because my mother is a devout Catholic. I mean, couldn't be more Catholic. So I have to take her to mass wherever we go. We went to Ireland this summer. I go in Florida with her. We go in New York. Is they always change the wording a little

bit yeah and the you know there's a lot of kneeling and standing and they always fuck with you because they want to know if you're from out of town so you they catch you on a couple lines that have been tweaked or like you go down on your knees and everybody looks at you like oh what are you from fucking florida i couldn't believe how many times it was like doing squats, how many times I had to get up and down and then, and then the kneeling thing. And also of course the kneeling thing, it's a little like, uh, the Jewish thing where they have an elevator at Cedars Sinai that stops on every floor on the Sabbath on Saturdays because, um, because they can't use that technology. Um, because they can't use that technology.

So, but God doesn't see that they're actually in the electronic box that takes them to the eighth floor, but, uh, they're not pressing buttons. So they get away with it. Same with this. It's like, all right now, Neil. And it's like, oh, but lower down the padded thing that makes it easy. It's like, that's not the idea of kneeling. Right. Yeah.

And I, you know, when I was growing up, the only ones that kneeled were the altar boys. But now I guess everybody goes down. What are you drinking? Wine? What the fuck is that? It's actually a watered down Diet Coke that used to have ice in it.

Yeah. So anyway, I'm sure that our listeners will be reaching out and congratulating you. I do. I have. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I think it's just so great that you're going into this part of your life with a commitment to somebody as wonderful as she is.

And, you know, I mean, you're going to be less funny. You'll be way less funny. I don't know. I think my career really took off when I was in the marriage, the last one. Oh, that's true. Because you didn't want to be home. You wanted to be at work. And a lot of, believe it or not, a lot of it started, all of it started really,

I would be on your podcast as a guest and I would be, one could say too honest and revealing about the troubles in my marriage. And people were like, that's your show. And then that's what got me over to sitcoms because eventually I wrote a pilot about it and CBS bought it and we shot it. Interesting. Wow. That started with you. So here's to another. No, I am reminded of that press conference with David Lee Roth. And they're like, you guys are such party animals in this, you know, in all the groupies, blah, blah, blah. They get to the topic of, will you ever settle down? and David Lee Roth with that crazy, like it's like a child's grin, you know? And he's like, well, I don't know if I'm ready for the three rings it takes to be married. He's like the engagement ring,

the wedding ring and the suffering. He's like, ah, dies laughing. I don't think he ever got married either. I mean, I'm just saying off the top of my head. I remember being in a strip club in New York. He's Justin Gigolo. Me and David Tell were in, I forget the name of the place in New York,

and fucking David Lee Roth came in, and it was like, there was like a halo over his head. There was like a shine. His golden locks were flowing, and the crowd parted, and the shine his golden locks were flowing and the crowd parted and the high fives were going to cheers and like the every stripper looked at him it was like it was like seeing Wayne Gretzky walk into you know any hockey rink yeah

you know you freeze no I just was holding thought. I was trying to think of another metaphor. Yeah. It might be a little, something more than that. Yeah. Maybe some of the images, maybe some of the images I saw in church of another long hair, blonde dude.

Oh yeah. Right. Right. And Jesus was just a gigolo. He never settled down. He never said, I think he might add mommy issues. It's a little tough when your mom's a virgin. It is because then you feel weird banging chicks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And also you don't want to be a cuck like your dad. You don't want to get into that relationship. No. And he was just like with the bros, always with the bros. A lot of them. Yeah, he was a bro for sure. But he was also transitioning. You know, he had long hair and the dress. Oh, boy, here come the letters. Nothing I said could compare to that one. And what did they do?

They canceled him. He was canceled. Well, he literally transitioned. Is that what you were referring to that, though? You were referring to becoming the chick? Well, now now there's two meetings now my joke is twice as funny yeah it's pretty good it's solid meaningful yeah all right what do we got here what is this what is this you played paddle i play uh i've been playing paddle tennis probably as long as you have since we moved out here to uh venice beach there's these yeah there's these paddle tennis courts on the beach there's about a dozen of them and it is such a fun sport the

court is about the size of a pickleball court and you play with a deflated tennis ball and a hard paddle and it's just super fun it's like a lot of og venice people play down there guys had been playing since they were in their 20s now they're in their 70s and they're still out there just super fun it's like a lot of og venice people play down there guys had been playing since they were in their 20s now they're in their 70s and they're still out there um young guys bjork has been down there um you mean beyond borg bork i would say beyond bjorn bjorn borg yeah i think not the ic Icelandic little singer Bjork. Yeah, she was there. She was there.

Yeah, she was dressed as a swan, so it slowed her down a little bit. Anyway, so it's a great scene. And so I started teaching Owen how to play paddle when he was a kid. And we've gone a lot, not a million times, but a lot. lot, not a million times, but a lot. And two days ago, my son, who's 23, beat me in three sets of paddle tennis. And wow. And you really, you know, there's a part of you that's proud of him. Like this is the moment you're passing the torch. But I got to say the Oedipal part of me was really down. It really bummed me out for the rest of the day because I was digging in. I was hitting. Here's the problem with playing a 23-year-old.

You hit a drop shot. He gets there in three seconds and puts you away. And good ground strokes. Serve was deep every time. Like, fundamentals were all solid. He's an amazing athlete every sport he picks up except for golf he's never been great at golf but um everything he plays he plays really well and uh anyway so that's that's my news so is he gonna throw a move on aaron oh

shit jesus christ i'm just you brought up the edible he's already got the Christ. I'm just... You brought up the Oedipal thing. I'm just trying to follow along. He got to second base with it 23 years ago. For a long time. Yeah, for two years. He dragged that shit out. Oh, man. Well, good for you getting out there

because we used to play all the time and it's tapered off. It's definitely a younger man's sport. It's not. good for you getting out there because, you know, we used to play all the time and it's tapered off. You know, it's definitely a younger man's sport. It's not. We got to get out there. It's crazy. We're not playing. How good do you feel after you play paddle tennis? Great. Great. I mean, I feel so amazing every time. I also feel great that it's not pickleball. great that it's not pickleball yeah fuck pickleball um but you're exercising but you're pushing yourself because you're playing a game you're having fun and i work out way harder than i would in a gym oh totally i kind of need that in a way um all right we got to keep it tight today

because you have your future stepdaughter's graduation coming up. I guess that's one way of looking at it. Yeah. Well, how else do you look at it? Well, I just have a graduation to go to. These fuckers aren't family yet. Did you buy her a gift? It's called Keish. Nice.

But the party's tomorrow, so I have time. But I did pick up a card. You know my routine. I pick up like a Spanish language card for a different subject. And I'm like, I think this says happy graduation. Yeah. And then one time you gave me a card for my birthday, and it had a Borders Book gift card.

Borders Book had been out of business for about four years at that point. That's why it takes me so long to clean, Cause I'm like, I'm holding onto that. That'll come in. That'll come in useful at some point. I know it. How much you given her? I know. I don't know what to do. A $2 bill. Remember I talked about that last week. No, remember I talked about that last week no is like a few I mean well this is the problem she had a birthday

and grandparents were here the grandparents gave a lot of money and I felt foolish kind of even though but I don't know what do you think I'm going to wait to hear what you say I would say somewhere

between two and four hundred dollars well that is the magic number i was gonna do 300 yeah and i ran it by hannah and she said that's if she thinks it's too much but uh you know the other way to go is does she have a college savings account or an IRA account? What? Like I give her stock? Yeah. Buy her some stock and, you know, pick a company, Estee Lauder or whatever. Two shares of Apple?

Throw it in there. You know, I think that that might be more interesting. Well, I give her the stocks I bought, which are going down a lot more often than they should. Well, no, they should be going down. The market is coming back up. All the different indexes hit their highs this past week. Did you know that?

Oh, wow. No, no, they're all up today. Oh, one's up 2%, one's up 1.5%. I'll take that. Yeah. No, the Dow Jones, the NASDAQ, today oh one's up two percent one's up one and a half percent i'll take that yeah no the the dow jones the nasdaq they're all up uh to their lifetime peaks this past week what's today friday so what is this about biden's economy what what the low unemployment the inflation that's

lower than every other developed country since the pandemic no i know i know what it is what uh the the way that the right is digging in on the economy is how much their hamburger costs right now i get that and their and their gas and their gasoline all right let's stay let's stay away from politics. Stay away from reality. What? I'm just telling you what it is. I guess we have some people that are friends of the show, and we have some people that are angels of the show. Jane S. has begun sending us, over the last few months, logos,

which somebody else told me are not logos. They're thumbnails. But no, we're going to call them logos. Yeah. She sent us a bunch of really high quality ones and we thank her this one is look at this this is so nice sweet i mean it almost looks like if we were going to stick with one permanently um might be something um also nick and dan sent in a very cool song thank you you, Nick and Dan. It's a little postmodern. It's like Jan and Dean.

Yeah. Modern sound. Not the song, their name. I think they might be father and son. I can't remember the note, but they're either father and son or they are homosexuals, but it's two men. Hopefully not both. Oh, gee.

How often does that happen? I had a roommate after college named Mike Coconut. We used to call him Coconut, but I think it was really Coconut. And he had, I think, two gay siblings. He definitely had at least one gay sibling. Is it in the DNA a little bit? Does it happen in families? I worked with a guy at VH1 getting my start.

He was a triplet, and two of them were gay. Wow. Yeah. Interesting. And the third was just raped all the time. By the two. I would think if you're the straight triplet, it's almost like you triple your odds of getting a girl

because if a girl gets a crush on one of your gay brothers, he just kind of refers them to the straight one. It's like it's like having two sales guys out there for you. Yeah, it's like a different size shoe, but the same shoe. Yes. Like, oh, this 10 doesn't fit. Let me try the other side. Right. But you like the Converse Superstar. Here's here's the

superstar yeah um also we got uh just one correction from last week from brian i don't know if somebody else might have sent this in but uh hey man tell fuck face bob patterson oh oh he's replying to bob patterson is one of our uh yeah he's an angel of the show in the corrections department and he is fastidious if not anal about his corrections uh that it's matt groening pronounced like raining oh graining not groaning so it's i guess it's graining is the correct pronunciation oh by the way i'm going to read some jokes. I have my act together. Oh, good.

Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a list. I have a list. Speaking of acts, I'm bringing my act to Mamaroneck, New York, which is right near where you grew up, Westchester County, New York. You got it, pal.

The Emmeline Theater on May 31st. My sister's coming out. My high school friends are coming out. It's going to be a blast. Escondido, outside of San Diego. Grand Comedy Club, June 7th through the 8th. Pittsburgh at the WDVE Festival, June 21st. Buffalo, New York with Bert Kreischer at June 23rd.

All tickets are at FitzDawg.com. Come out and see some live comedy, people. You should get Gronk to go to the Buffalo show. He and Burt were bonding hard, and they've gone out to dinner before. But Gronk was going to try... Here you go, Greg. She's in the zone.

What is she, fixing a window she's training uh roses oh ivy ivy or some vine some vine um well speaking of training if you want to train yourself to save money min mobile people oh i can't tell you Sometimes there's breakthroughs in the technological world or the financing of the technological world that are groundbreaking. So there's always been these fine print contracts that we get stuck in. You end up getting overpriced wireless providers. They're a disruptor, Greg, a disruptor. And there's always a catch if they give you a deal. So when I heard about, for a limited time, Mint Mobile wireless plans

are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, all right, this can't be right. But then I looked into it, I talked to them, and it all makes sense. There isn't a catch. Their secret sauce is that they sell wireless service online, cut out the, no stores. There isn't a catch. Their secret sauce is that they sell wireless service online, cut out the, no stores. There's no retail stores gobbling up all the rent money that they got to pass on. So the sweet savings pass right to you and the quality, oh my God, it is the best quality out there. High speed data, unlimited talk and text on the largest 5g network in the nation yeah so anyway use your own phone with mint mobile plan bring your phone number along with the existing contacts it couldn't be easier it's a great deal to get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for

just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash papers. That's mintmobile.com slash papers. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash papers. $45 upfront payment required, which is equivalent to what what, $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Here we go, folks.

We got a critical coming. Extra! Extra! We all about it! Extra! All right. There's a new thing. It's called Ozempic Babies. And it has not been proven yet. But boy, there's a lot of chatter. There are reports of surprise pregnancies. And they're raising new questions about the weight loss drug so women taking ozempic or similar drugs for diabetes or weight loss are talking or taking to social media to commiserate about an unexpected side effect surprise pregnancies there's even a facebook group called

i got pregnant on ozempic with 600 over 600 members reddit tiktok all this stuff and uh the new trend of so-called ozempic babies has given some doctors hope for possible uh infertility treatment but still others are wary of moving forward with so little data so on the, it should be like side effects may include an eight pound belly. Yeah. You know what other pill makes you get pregnant? Sometimes the one that Bill Cosby used to give people. That and some weight loss. They woke up a little other than what he added to it.

It was a little bit of a workout, I hope. Yeah. I mean, look, if you want to avoid getting pregnant take a pill that makes you gain weight not lose weight that's what i was gonna say this is like the perfect drug you lose weight you get fuckable you get pregnant right that mission accomplished yeah right you're getting laid more that's where you're getting pregnant and the problem is the kids can't breastfeed because the mom now has like deflated tits oh there's no milk left that's graphic he's skinny moms that is graphic okay are tacos and

burritos sandwiches it's a question that has stood the test of time and one that fed a years long legal battle in indiana according to one judge in fort wayne the answer is yes and he says burritos are sandwiches too um he wrote in a ruling on monday that tacos and burritos are quote mexican style sandwiches he made the decision in a case reviewing whether a restaurant called famous taco could open a new location in a Fort Wayne shopping center because the zoning prohibits fast food but allows exceptions for restaurants that sell made-to-order Subway-style sandwiches. The judge also said theican store has to be just like subway subterraneo and they have to have a como se dice a pedophile spokesperson huh probably probably that what was that guy's name jared

jared that was crazy holy shit talk about having a guy has there ever been a spokesman that had to be kind of erased faster than that guy i have a jared reference uh with tom brady uh later in the tom brady jokes okay good i like that uh by the way this seems like this could only happen in indiana it's the most racist policy like let's take the whitest food possible and make it the only thing you can eat in this mall like and and the shoe store only birkenstocks no no air jordans well here's the thing though i think this judge was doing a solid in the specific case he was on now i don't think i doubt i mean i don't know what i'm talking about mexicans will like burritos uh you know called like hoagies but uh this guy was trying to get them to open their shop and that was the way he did it now they're allowed to open

it seems like the kind of question that when we were 14 years old and got high we would have asked each other dude is a burrito a sandwich no way dude no fucking way what about an egg roll it's an egg roll a sandwich or or or a chicken pot pie that's a calzone calzone sushi can a hot pocket be a pie hot pocket i mean a sandwich um all right let's get to this one fewer americans died of drug overdoses nationwide last year marking yes marking the first annual drop since 2018 i can't believe there was a drop in 2018 so why do they why do they think that that happened uh there's uh now safety protocols there's an awareness of fentanyl fentanyl is is really the killer and i think it's that awareness.

That's not really why I put this story in here. I know there's like drug testing strips that teenagers carry with them now. Have you heard there's a hotline that you call while you do cocaine and they stay on the phone? I'm not kidding. And they stay on the phone for an hour and a half while you talk about your hamster? Exactly. It's like you talk, you talk their ear off for like an hour. Like we're going to start a business on Monday. I've cleaned out

my garage twice since I've been on this call. Uh, no, the only reason I put this story in here is because every state experienced a decrease in overdoses except except three states. Okay. And you're going to guess them. Why do I feel like they all have very warm weather? Well, hold on. I want to say, to give you a chance, they're not, I would not have guessed, I would not have guessed these states, I don't think. Okay.

I'm going to go, I think. Maybe one of them. Maybe one of them I would have guessed. I think Kentucky is the one that's most famously filled with fentanyl. That was that movie that Michael Keaton did was set in Kentucky. So it's not. And one of the reasons it may be is because it might have been so goddamn high. You know what I mean? Oh, right, right, right. Went up.

All right, I guess Portland. I mean, that's where every drug addict in the country went because they basically legalized all drugs. You nailed that. That's one of them. Oregon. Really? Swear to God.

And finally, I guess, I mean san francisco and la have a lot of but that seems like that would have gone down i'll go massachusetts because boston is insane what do you think boston's doing a lot of drugs? Oh, my God. Yeah, they have all kinds of documentaries about, like, Charlestown, like the entire city. Worcester, Mass is brutal. Yeah. So it's not on there. Okay.

What are the other two? By the way, I'm reading the article as you're talking, and it's not giving a goddamn reason. But, but the, but the, by the way, the numbers are still catastrophic. It is saying that even though there's been a drop,

um, okay. The other two States, you want me to tell you them? Yeah. Alaska and Washington. So there are, there are Alaska would have been one.

I might've guessed. I know the drug situation is bleak up there yeah dude if you party at night you get a chance to party for like four months straight right and then when it's dark all the time yeah what are you fucking what else are you gonna do but be high did you see that uh uh true detective the last season that was set in alaska i i i'll go back to it but i didn't finish it i'm doing a lot of not finishing i didn't finish baby reindeer it's very boring to me baby reindeer yeah and also i'm not on board a lot of the guy's decisions and i don't have to be for a movie but I have to at least like the guy and not be like, well, you asked for this shit.

Yeah. Right. Uh, you hear, I was going to put the story in, we can do it next week. She, the real stalker,

you know, cause if it's, he was a comedian and he had a stalker and I probably have some of this wrong. And he wrote a one man play about it and the one-man play did very well and then it was made into a series and that's the guy in it who is the comedian and she the the real stalker woman is suing netflix now oh i love it i love it everybody's got rights in this country i'm tired of it well it's england but yes oh okay um so all right so what are the three we got oregon i guess that oregon washington alaska man the are three

most northwest states yeah yeah yeah okay so i guess seattle yes seattle's bad. And then, you know, the thing is about Washington is like tons of immigrants that are or people that are felons that are on the lam because that's where you go out to sea on these like three-month fishing expeditions. And they'll take anybody. They don't give a shit what your record is. If they can get a warm body on one of those fishing boats they take them so i've been to the docks in seattle and there's just hundreds of totally fucked up dudes to get on these boats yeah well i don't know if the overdose counts at sea but all right well let's get on to this one this town is saying boo to a goose, but his owner is having none of it.

A troubled pet lover is locked in a foul fight with town officials over her forbidden goose, which she claims is her lifeline as an emotional support animal. Angel Queener bought Blue as a pet about 14 months ago, but has been told it needs to take flight from her hometown because they forbid birds. She's trying to register it as an emotional support animal. The recovering drug addict says she needs the goose for a long list of emotional issues, telling the outlet that she suffers from PTSD, bipolar, ADHD, borderline personality disorder this poor generalized anxiety disorder agoraphobia

and obsessive compulsive tendencies every morning when i wake up and i see his face it makes my day a thousand times better then i see the shit he took on my pillow she added pausing to fight back tears before saying that the go has helped her so much. She's trying to get it recognized and that he has even helped her remain sober and quiet her suicidal thoughts. Well, if this is her sober, love to see her drunk.

The goose has on a party hat, flip flops. love to see her drunk the goose has on a party hat flip-flops i think uh the ptsd bipolar adhd borderline personality all of them i think living with a goose is maybe the cause right i think i'd be a little on edge if i lived with a goose yeah the goose is flapping its wings. It's trying to head South when that's head South instinct kicks in. Have fun. She's the, how do you think what emotional problems do you think the goose has at this point? Trapped in a studio apartment with a woman who is by her own definition,

completely insane. He's like, lady, just fucking eat me at this point. Let it end. No, it's crazy and it and also in a goose quacks or whatever you want to call it's the it sounds like an alarm it's like it sounds like an alarm going off like i would be rattled the whole time and that thing is not potty trained it is shitting everywhere oh can i recommend another thing called Blue, a Joni Mitchell album that worked for most women's depression? Try that. but the thing that's great about it is it's not, uh, it's not, the songs aren't all,

some of the songs are very up, you know, uh, California, but they're, they're all poignant. And, uh, all I want my old man, uh, the last time I saw Richard, it's just a fucking, I would say a perfect album. I have a list of about 10 albums that I consider every single track. Blood on the Tracks is a perfect album. Yeah. So cuddle up with your goose, throw on a little blue. What are your perfect albums? Which Clash album is perfect?

Oh. London Calling? I mean, I honestly would say london calling even though it's you know it's a double album but it has so many different styles and is amazing in london london calling is is track uh two i think after brand new cadillac and i skip it you know it's one of those same with, same with back in black, ACDC. If you,

if you remove the three hits, right. Uh, you shook me back in black and hell's bells. It's still an unbelievable album. Right. And those are three monster hits. Yep.

I would say, uh, pet sounds by the, by the Beach Boys. I would say I'm the Man, Joe Jackson. Nice. Yeah. That, you know, that four album stretch of the Rolling Stones was pretty untouchable. Yeah. You know, you have Zeppelin IV. There's a lot.

And then there's debate within each one. I thought a couple of years ago on the podcast here, I had come back from Glacier National Park, and I did a dedicated, yes, I was stoned, but I did a dedicated listen to Shine On You, Crazy Diamond, and I Wish You Were Here, I mean. And it was, it's unbelievable. Yeah. Well, hunky dory by David Bowie. Yeah. All right. Let's get to the next story. A Michigan

woman is suing her former employer over corporate policies that she says forced her to endure repeated sexual harassment as a customer service representative including being prohibited from hanging up on a man accused of masturbating on the phone uh they say that the uh customer service representatives are required to endorse sexual harassment uh otherwise it would risk endangering their performance metrics compensation oh boy she endured repeated egregious incidents by the same customer for about one year during the randomly rooted customer service calls the man is accused of telling the employee that he was naked and asking if she liked that oh oh so now we have to get all dressed up to call customer service i'm so tired of this woke bullshit what do i gotta wear a

fucking tie and they say it's random like that they're randomly as the calls come in how many people are working there that she it's like oh the guy calls in like oh does this happen to be charlotte again this must be my. Actually, lucky evening because our midday sesh was fantastic, Charlotte. Does he just keep calling until he gets her? Yeah. Yeah. Remember that? What was that? Chat roulette? Was that the website? Yeah. Chat roulette. Just every dude masturbating. It was so ridiculous. And by the way, if I have to endure being on a hold with customer service for 16 minutes listening to a boys to men song performed by a cellist

and a guy with a Peruvian pan flute, you can handle a little saucy talk, sweetheart. I was going to say, you're masturbating no matter what when boys to men are on yeah yeah you set me up that's like foreplay for masturbation yeah um a demonic dog inspired him to kill but now he's driven by a diary son of sam killer david berkowitz compared his decades behind bars to Anne Frank's inspirational writings days before the self-proclaimed father figure is set to face the parole board.

My favorite book is the Holy Bible, but the most inspirational book for me throughout my years is Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl. She wrote her diary while in captivity, shared her heart within its pages. She impacted the lives of millions. Little Anne changed the world with a pen.

So I ask myself, what can I do with my trusty typewriter? Typewriters in jail? Maybe I can change lives too with my message in hope of God. Someone should tell them about computers at this point. Yeah. Well, I guess maybe they want to slow down his note writing. Last time it didn't go so well. His notes in the past have moved people though, mostly out of the Bronx and Queens.

Yeah, they did. Oh my God. Remember the whole city was terrified. Oh my God. Well, a lot of it happened. I was born in Throg's Neck, which is where most of the terrified oh my god well a lot of it happened i was born in throg's neck which is where most of the killings have or a bunch of the killings happen yeah well if his goal was to sound less crazy uh mission unaccomplished mission certainly unaccomplished don't these guys know just shut the the fuck up. I mean, Manson, I think, didn't want to leave prison.

For some reason, he seemed to go... What? No, someone came in. It seems like he was going out with the swastikas on the forehead and the rants and stuff. He didn't want to get out. No, I think you're right. And this guy, first of all,

he shouldn't talk about what a happy ending anne frank's diary had that's gonna hurt him in the parole board when she and her sisters were killed um that's not wait were they yeah are you sure am i sure what that anne frank died yeah yeah she did she didn't survive she got very sick and lost a tremendous amount of weight in a camp and she did not make it huh well there goes the fucking sequel somebody had a joke about i have a sign i have an autographed copy of of dyer van frank but then i searched that online because i wanted to find out whose joke it was there actually is signed copies i don't know how that's possible maybe the you know because the uh father because the father published it yeah it's not signed by her

well maybe maybe it's her actual diary was signed oh that sounds suspish to me. Anyway, I wonder if... No, no. What I saw, which made me laugh very hard, was I came across my feed, was a guy goes into a bookstore, and the bookstores have the stickers that say signed copy, and he put them all over the Anne Frank books. Oh, that's what it is.

That's what it is. I knew I heard that joke somewhere. It's great. That's hilarious. It's really, really funny. I wonder if Justin Bieber also visited Son of Sam because remember he visited, uh, Anne Frank. Oh yeah, that's right. He should. And he wondered, he'll wonder if Son of Sam is a Belie's right but uh i think maybe it's weird that he didn't identify like he's got it a little backwards like for him to be a fan of anne frank uh it seems like i had the thought and i've lost it but basically it's reversed it's like it's not like the nazis were hiding in an attic like that would make more sense for berkowitz to identify with right um yeah it's weird how he's identified david berkowitz jewish i

mean sounds i believe so yeah i mean one of the rare jewish serial killers right i mean if we had denman we'd i'm gonna look it up now as you read this next well when he left all his notes they were front page news day after day so for a while he was controlling the media so i think it is possible that he's jewish oh that's a good one yeah you got there jewish i'm gonna do jewish serial killers what do you think the first result is going to be jewish serial killers well there was the uh the one about the clown in Long Island. I mean, first result. David Berkowitz.

There you go. David Berkowitz all alone. I'm not saying he's the only one, but I'm saying in the results, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there was, who was the Jewish gangster? Oh, Bugsy? Bugsy. Bugsy bugsy eagle was bugsy seagull a killer did he kill people he killed people for sure yeah i shouldn't say that i mean i i think according to the movies and legend i don't know if he was ever found guilty of it you also had

the mo what's his name remember from the The Godfather? Mo Green? Mo Green. He was Jewish. Yeah. I don't know if you can call a mobster a serial killer or is there a distinction? Is that an asterisk? Right. They kill people, but they're very organized. Yes.

So it's a... Well, serial killers are pretty organized too. I mean, they... That's true. Yeah yeah are we going to the entertainment entertainment all right we haven't done this in a while but i wanted to just mention what i'm watching what i like there's a show called a gentleman in in Moscow. I had read the book a few years ago. It's supposedly an amazing book. I believe won the Pulitzer Prize. And I liked it

a lot. It's a little soft. It's a little feel good. A woman wrote it, right? Of course. Of course. Of course. But then they made it into a series, and it's actually much more political. It's about a guy who was part of the aristocracy in Russia before the revolution, and then instead of being killed, they have him live in this fancy hotel because he wrote a poem that was pro-government at some point, pro-revolution. Anyway, it's a convoluted premise, but the idea is you've got this guy who literally is not allowed to leave the hotel and he's there for, you watch him for 40 years. And, um, and it's

very, it's very sweet, but it got way more political. The book brought in Stalin much more, Stalinism. And it's good. I think it's a really good watch. Highly recommend it. Nice. Another series based on a Pulitzer Prize winning book is called The Sympathizer, which is about, again, a Russian revolutionary. It's about a guy who was, I don't know if he was Khmer Rouge, but he was Northern Vietnamese communist. And he's a

spy who is sent to the United States to keep an eye on a former general from the South. But it's based on a book that I also read. It was a fucking great book. Highly recommend this series. Very high quality. Nice. Well, I just saw this article. Netflix viewers consider this flawless mystery thriller

one of the greatest TV shows ever made. Which one? And it is Dark. What's that? It's a lesser known German language TV series which will make the most mind-bending of shows look mundane. I haven't watched the trailer,'m i'm just putting it out there maybe someone who's seen dark can tell us if it's worth it um okay in other entertainment

here are some jokes from the roast i just grabbed a bunch uh from our sort of uh file that we that we kept just so jokes because they would come back to us like belichick would change his script a good joke would come back to us sometimes then it didn't make it to the show some of these might have but i don't think any of them have so tom's uh idea of intentional grounding is when his son won't kiss him on the mouth. And then related to earlier, what we brought up was, so Tom is a spokesman for Subway. So it's like, do all Subway spokesmen have to kiss kids on the lips? Kevin Hart continued to make movies despite the actors and the writers strike. Apparently the only union he,

uh, you know, it follows the rules of is the lollipop guild. Uh, that's good. Are they called recovery sheets? Cause Giselle left you, uh,

Tom's and let's see, Gronk is here a real Netflix man. Cause he's also the star of, of the new love on the spectrum. There you go. Oh, we pitched that Rogers. This was funny some of these are concepts we pitched that aaron rogers when he got introduced would come out wearing a mask like he's you know he's anti he's anti-mask and all that stuff but he doesn't want to catch a case of tb12 um tom is the face of hertz under armor and apparently now weapons grade ozempic that was

dickies a lot of these are dickies too tom and i were competitive back in the day i'm more laid back now this is written for peyton manning i'm more laid back now but tom i mean look at him over there he's smiling but right under the surface he's thinking i must win this roast and i think i think jeff ross then did that joke on kimmel i believe because we gave him some jokes to go to kimmel before the roast um i think this might have been done in the show tom and his diet answer the question how can i eat meat yet still remain as annoying as a vegetarian tom recently said tom recently said the nfl has become too soft at least that's what I think he

said his mouth was full of avocado ice cream while getting a foot massage Andrew Schultz looks like a Fort Lauderdale mattress salesman Andrew Schultz looks like his dad owns a pizzeria with no pictures of black celebrities that's my favorite Burton Tom got kicked out of the kkk for getting barbecue sauce all over their sheets gronk won four superbowls the only time he'll see five rings is when he competes in the special olympics sam jay is a black lesbian from dorchester sorry sam jay is the black lesbian from dorchester sam jay is here because she checks all the boxes at the doctor's office when she's filling out her medical history. Randy wanted to be on the debate team in high school. This is Randy Moss in West Virginia.

Their first big debate was, should we allow black people into debate club? After the Boston. Oh, this is another Sam jay after the boston marathon bombing sam mourned the loss of the pressure cooker they use the pressure cooker to make the bomb now that coach belichick has a year off he's got free time to do the things he loves like going around knocking ice cube cones out of the hands of children. Edelman wasn't big on training camp because his people don't like camps or trains. Oh, that's good.

Yeah, Edelman, Gronk, Amendola. Hey, Tom, it's wide receivers with a D. True Blood says here tonight, I watched your set backstage. All right. Now, this is the last thing I'll read, but it was pretty funny. So Sam Jay came up with an angle. Sam Jay is really funny. She's the black woman from Dorchester.

And at one point on the Zoom, she goes, you know, the thing is, like, Tom, you know, it was like not all of Boston liked him. It was like, you know, at first and stuff. And it was a little bit of a mixing. And then I figured out what it was. Tom was too black for new england and we're like please tell more because this was the because the whole night was he's white white white white white and this is such a unique angle yeah so so i she brought up you know he used to come out to jay-z that was his play on music um and she had like two other examples and i go do you want us just to

spend a couple of minutes and write up reasons tom blade tom brady is black she's like yeah that would be great and so this is what the room came up with so he ran out of the field with the jay-z song uh his dream is to own the raiders wears five rings on the same hand he's always celebrating in february again reasons tom brady is black uh chose football over baseball doesn't wear sunscreen wife makes more money than he does has has two baby mamas doesn't eat tomatoes my cousin don't fuck with tomatoes either has a niece so okay i'm gonna say won't stop hyping his records lived in dr dray's house all of this is true by the way made less money than other people with the same job um currently unemployed a good athlete doesn't see his kids kids worked for a guy in a hoodie for 20 years,

uh, had a buddy named Hernandez who was a murderer, refused to drink tap water in Michigan. Why did she not do these? I don't know. I don't know. We wrote so many. He had,

he had lots of cell phones and burners. Uh, he owned a yellow Jeep, spent a bunch of time on the DL. Doesn't work four months out of the year. One of them is uses T-Mobile, wears slippers outside the house, killed a bunch of people from Atlanta, always needs lotion. Thinks Florida is fancy um his boss got his boss got busted getting a hand job and he still won't say anything bad about him this is my favorite one has a jewish best friend who follows him around and wants to be him

took out his rival so he could take his job owes people money because of shady business ventures works for footlocker works uh for under wears under armor always wearing a jersey got a fraudulent ppp loan jesus yeah she. Talks every time you watch it. Talks every time you watch his film will only work one day a week. So that's what we wrote up for. That's great. Um, by the way,

I'm just realizing I had every single performer, uh, on the roast on my podcast, Nikki, Tony, Sam, Jay, Bert, Jeff Ross, Tom, except Schultz. I never had Schultz on. Or maybe I did.

No, I didn't have him on. You haven't had Schultz on yet? No, I don't know why. Well, he's in New York. He's never out here. Where did my Google Doc go? Anyway, here'm gonna reopen the google doc i am not good at media management on this laptop right where what is this so we finished entertainment i'll say i saw the fall guy the other night with the family go just go it's so fun and those two those two are so good looking the stars what are their names

uh well you got you got ken from ken and barbie right so jake jill i don't really know much about jill and hall uh what's his name you're putting me on the spot oh Jesus Christ I'm going to look it up right now Look up Look up Ken for Christ Ken doll for Christ's sake No I love him man It is What? The Fall Oh The Fall is a thriller

We'll wait We'll wait for this Movie I loved him in the Blow Up Doll movie That was one of his first movie. I loved him in the Blow Up Doll movie. That was one of his first. He was so good in that. Was it called The Fall?

It was called The Fall, right? Good Lord, I'm going to look this up for you. Listen to... This is what people are doing. They're waiting for us to look this shit up yeah all right anyway um go see it and the best part is the first five minutes it was all pixelated fucked up uh ryan gosling yeah and what's her name uh i don't you know this is the thing i don't know about this movie the actress she's fucking stunning she's so good looking it's amazing um yeah emily blunt emily blunt

lee majors is in it come on now very very quick literally like 15 seconds he's quick he's six million dollar man yep um but the best part is it was pixelated for the first five minutes. It was so funny because the theater's packed and all you saw was guys getting up with fucking steam and running down to the lobby. Not a single woman went to go tell the manager that the movie was fucked up. Oh, that's funny. tell the manager that the movie was fucked up and uh so when we left the theater we kind of trickled out because i stayed because i wanted to see the soundtrack because i thought the dark there was a remember the the band the darkness from australia yeah well the movie the movie set in australia and i thought i heard a song by them so i was like sticking around to see if it

was that it was a great soundtrack and so like the four of us left at different times and they said how many are in your party to each of us and we each said four so now we got 16 free tickets to go back to amc nice nice that's why the stock is hurting so badly i never saw i don't think i saw half nelson supposedly good i walked out halfway through because it's half is that the idea yeah that was a joke well that was the thing me and ross broccoli were supposed to be on the daily show and our movie review yeah we were the movie reviewers but the whole idea was when you're a slacker if you leave a movie after 20 minutes you get your money back and so it was us it was us reviewing the first 19 minutes of every movie and it was always a play on the title it was always like half nelson left

halfway through right yeah um i gone in 60 seconds gone in 19 minutes hey what did it mean when your time would blink occasionally on your audio thing I don't know but it does it sometimes it's not doing it now

but it occasionally does I wouldn't worry about it it just happens oh by the way did Denman ever show up no he he said he has a thing till 430

oh okay alright let's go to Florida He said he has a thing till 4.30. Oh, okay. All right, let's go to Florida. It's time to make America Florida. A Florida man who aspired to become a police officer. That's nice. Yep. That's very cool.

You see, not all Florida stories are bad. This guy wants to be a police officer so during the interview he admitted to sexually abusing his cousin whoa during a police department interview and now faces life in prison stephen bodley 26 was convicted by an orange county jury last week of sexual battery on a child um boldly first mentioned quote playing sexual games in a sworn officer application with the department boldly uh he again mentioned the crime during an interview where he admitted to sexually abusing his cousin and now he faces life in prison huh uh life in prison that's what you get for child molest faces life in prison. Huh? Life in prison.

That's what you get for child molestation? Life in prison? What I'm wondering is in the South, are most incest trials dealt with in family court? That would make sense. Yeah. I think they might even have a court just for child molestation in Florida. That's what I meant. Child molestation or most of those. I kind of ruined the joke.

In family court. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, look, sex with a child is a, this guy, I think as a cop would have been great. Sex with a child is a lot like arresting a guy.

You tell them to remain silent. You restrain them. And then they carry it with them for the rest of their lives. I will say, I shouldn't say, but I did see they were both teenagers when it happened. Oh, okay. But the years weren't great. Yeah. They weren't great. It was not 18 and 17 yeah that's a Romeo and Juliet they call that well is isn't Romeo and Juliet when they're both

underage I don't yes luckily I don't know these things well I don't know these things. Well. I never needed to know these things. I think it's a great pick for a story. Thank you, Mike. I think we should do more stories like this in the future. Come on. He's going to become a cop. Well, listen, let's make Alabama, Florida. Here we go.

Make Alabama, Florida. Alabama man arrested in New Smyrna Beach for indecent exposure. Okay, listen. I don't really have jokes on this story you and i just occasionally like characters listen to this character the first victim contacted the sheriff's office at approximately 6 p.m saturday to report that a man approached her as she was parked at the beach after a brief conversation with the man he walked between two cars and returned completely naked the victim said the suspect then

simulated sex acts in front of her while asking her to take a picture with him do you do selfies the victim told the suspect to leave multiple times but he refused until she picked up her phone to call 9-1-1 the victim said the suspect then left the area in his car. The worst is she called 911, started describing what's happening, and the cop was like, wait, say it again. Slower. Yeah. While they were still on the scene investigating the initial incident,

deputies learned that a man matching the description was parked at JB's Fish camp approximately three miles away of course by the way yeah but by the way in alabama that it i thought it might not be the same person it turns out it was deputies arrived at the scene to find the suspect later identified as 64 year old raymond mckelvey of athens alabama sitting in his car naked two more victims then made contact with the deputies and said they saw him masturbating in his car deputies say the victims told them they also saw McKelvey get out of his car and remove his shorts standing nude in the restaurant parking lot for JP's fish camp. I mean, here is the argument for getting old people Viagra.

They can't handle it. This guy OD'd on Viagra. He was so fucking horny. I mean, how horny is this guy? He went to a fish camp. Smell his finger. Yeah. Just go to a jack shack, dude.

Get it over with. Really stretch it out over a day. And I don't mean to make light of this. I'd be fucking super furious if this happened in front of my daughter. And I don't know why I'm not super furious if it happens in front of me. But if it happened in front of my daughter, that don't know why i'm not super furious if it happens in front of me but if it happened in front of my daughter i'd be that's a violation i love that he's 64 it's just like the song when i'm 60 when i get older jerking off in the parking lot many years from now

will you still simulate sex acts with me when i'm in front of your side mirror uh yeah all right what are we doing are we doing sports where are we going sports let's do sports sports All right, if you're a Rangers fan, big night last night. I watched the game. It was so fucking good. I mean, the Rangers were, they were dogging it. They were just, they were down 3-1 going into the third period. And then Chris Kreider had a hat trick in the third period. Jesus.

A pure hat trick. And what do they call it, a natural or pure hat trick? They were all his goals and no assists. And so now they're going to the Eastern Conference Finals. The Knicks. Nice. I believe the Knicks play tonight, and they're up 3-2. So we're doing this on Friday.

Yeah. And the game is 8.30 Eastern, which is quite a ways away still. And Knicks are up 3-2. You know, I hannah about that uh norm mcdonald bet the lightning bet he did with over-unders yeah and and we were in uh we were eating at this restaurant that had a tv up in the by the bar and um i go well let's take this game for example all right so and we're like i go pick one so she picked the over i'm like all right i'll take the under which of course tracks and i go so here's the lightning bet it's over under and we're like i go pick one so she picked the over i'm like all right i'll take the under which of course tracks and i go so here's the lightning bet it's over under and we looked it up the score

i think the total score over under line was 205 and it came in at i think 190 and i go that means you would owe me 15 000 well norm used to bet a keep in mind norm did this in the. Norm used to bet a, keep in mind, Norm did this in the nineties. He'd bet a thousand dollars a point in lightning bets. Damn. Right. But imagine watching that over and like, cause at that point,

you know, a guy just pulls up to shoot even at that, a useless three, that's $3,000. Yeah. Wow. So they're very exciting we should maybe do we should maybe do a lightning bet and just keep track of funny money and see who would owe what after the playoffs okay well how about the knicks we'll do i i don't i don't even know what the over under is but i guess we can look it up right now uh and we'll do a

lightning bet on this and what do you i guess i'll take the under because i always do you always take the under so i'm hoping for overtimes i'm hoping for guys getting fouled so they get sent to the line overtimes count right it's not just the regular oh no yeah overtime can destroy you okay um all right here the over under line is uh nope that's not it hold on i think i have to go up here all right well we'll nba odds and give me an over under please why isn't it telling me an over under uh oh sorry total 215 and a half All right, 215 and a half Okay

It's wild that the half is 500 points That's pretty high scoring, right? 215? Well, these I mean, obviously these teams are producing that All right, 215 I'm going to take the under You take the over

$1,000 a point Made up money. Let's see who owes whom what. Okay. All right. Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker says Pride Month is example of, quote, deadly sin during a commencement speech. minutes to students at the Catholic school in Kansas saying he wanted the graduating class to prevent political leaders from interfering with social issues that impact their relationship with the church. Quote, it is you, the women who have had the most diabolic lies told to you. Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about

your marriage and the children you will bring into this world. Finally, somebody putting these bitches in line. I want to see the Swifties response. Yeah. They're all Casey fans. And now this guy is telling them to be barefoot in the kitchen and be excited about it. Yeah, yeah.

I think this guy just kicked away the second half of his career with that one. Well, who knows? I mean, you know, who knows? I guess he might just— It might track in a very positive way. Yep. Well, the guy likes it when people put balls through the uprights. That's his thing.

You know, he missed two or three, and that must be because God hated him, right? At that time? Yeah. It has to be. That's right. All right. Where are we going to now? Science?

Well, we can go to. Oh, no. I think we have to start winding up a little. With what? All right, where are we going to now? Science? Well, we can go to... Oh, no, I think we have to start winding up a little. With what? All right, then let's go to... Well, people like this day in history. You want to play? This day in history. Let's do this day in history.

Here we go, this day in history. Number one, out of the gate, is Ringling Brothers Brothers circus was formed. I thought it was Florida, but Wisconsin. It was a small circus in Baraboo, Wisconsin on this day, give or take 25 years when do we think uh ringling brothers and barnum and bailey open their doors i think it ended is it over do they still have that circus or was there too much animal cruelty activism i don't know all right it's still out there i see it as something that i mean look you go back to will rogers was in the fucking circus right i don't know when ringling brothers would have started i'm gonna say 1894 1884. Oh, yeah, baby. You did it. You did it. Malcolm X, give or take five years, was born on this day.

What year? Well, he really peaked in the 60s, I would say, the late 60s. So at the time in the 60s, he was probably in his 40s. So at the time in the 60s, he was probably in his 40s. So I'm going to say 1929. 1925. Oh, did you give me a range of years on that one? No, but I would have said five years.

Okay, so I did it. Maybe I did say five years. Let's see. Let's try to grab another one here. Oh you know you read about Napoleon right sure this is kind of whatever he created the legion of honor do you know about the legion of honor the premier order of the French republic I don't I don't remember that in the book I think I fell asleep I would have gotten this anyway so So when do you think Napoleon created the Legion of Honor? What's my range? I'll give you plus or minus 10 years, but you said you're a Napoleon scholar.

I forget all the dates. All right. I'm going to go with. I'll give you 15 years then. That's a 30 year window you can guess in. All right. I'm going to go 1885. No, you don't know Napoleon well.

1802. Oh, Jesus. Like not even close. Hey, here's an interesting one. David Letterman went off the air. What year? Oh. On this date?

I will tell you. What's the range? Give or take two years. No, give or take a year. Jesus, that's tight. The first time I went on was 1996. I did the show five times. I probably averaged doing it every other year.

So I'm going gonna say 2008 you're saying that's when letterman went off the air 1996 2006 or 2008 2015 2015. No. He was on the air when Corden started because I was there. Jesus Christ. Why didn't I do it all those years? Last time I used my success as a metric for anything. Last one. Jimmy Stewart was born on this date in what year? In Indiana, Pennsylvania.

That's how American this guy is. He was born in Indiana, Pennsylvania. Well, the guy was doing black and white movies, right? This is a Wonderful Life was black and white um so that would have been the 40s so he was probably born in 1907 i did not give you a range 1908 nice okay what he lived 80 years i'll say i'll say 1986 1997 he made it to 89 years old good man good man he was great Remember he would read the poems on Johnny Carson? Oh, right, right. He would always bring material. And yeah, no, he was fantastic. You ever see when Jeff Goldblum read that poem on Letterman?

I think. I think. But in his own... Oh, no, he recited it from memory. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was, that was intense, dude. He's an intense dude. All right. Oh, bets. Here we go. Roger Corman died. Uh, this is fascinating, right? So he's the king of the bees, so to speak, the bee movies. He would make these very inexpensive movies, mostly in the horror genre, I would say. And it started in 1955. He helped create hundreds of bee movies as a producer and director, among them Black Scorpion, Bucket of Gold and Bloody Mama.

bucket of gold and bloody mama so this is what's fat i think very fascinating but i mean you know there's he has a cult following and legions of fans he was a remarkable judge of talent he hired such aspiring filmmakers as francis ford coppola ron howard james cameron and martin scorsese in 2009 he received an Honorary Academy Award. Okay, the list of people who gave their starts to didn't end there. Jack Nicholson made his film debut as the title character in a 1958 Corman quickie called The Crybaby Killer and stayed with the company for biker, horror, and action films, writing and producing some of them.

Other actors whose careers began in corman movies included robert de niro bruce dern and ellen bernston burstin sorry huh and peter fonda's appearance in the wild angels was a precursor to his own landmark biker movie, Easy Rider, co-starring Nicholson and fellow Corman alumnus Dennis Hopper. Boxcar Bertha, starring Barbara Hershey and David Carradine, was an early film by Scorsese. I have to say, Wild Angels might be the only one that I think I actually saw. Yeah, that is a popular one, I know. And then there's one, we can do this next week if we want but m&m's

slim shady was eulogized in a faux obituary in the detroit free press this week oh yeah yeah there's the picture of it do you can you see that yeah i can blow it up here um you want me to read the obit might as well do it we're there yeah fans will never forget the controversial Raptor a product of Detroit who began his career there as a rogue splinter in the flourishing

underground rap scene of the mid to late 1990s shady first became a household name in 1999 with the debut of his playfully deranged single My Name Is, which, along with its uniquely eye-catching video, exposed the young artist and his lyrics to a wider audience. That audience was soon exposed to the extreme

darkness of the muse-rapper as he led millions of music fans down a road that glorified a demonstrably nihilistic worldview. Ultimately, the very things that seemed to be the tools he used became calling cards that defined an existence that could only come to a sudden and horrific end. His complex and tortured existence has come to a close and the legacy he leaves behind is no closer to resolution than the manner in which this character departed this world may he truly find peace in an afterlife that he could not find on earth that's hilarious and wait and who printed it detroit free press yeah oh that's awesome and it's because he has an album uh that's about to come out i think that's fun i like people do fun shit that's the

thing about entertainment right now is like the world is so wide open like last night i was going to bed and i'm and i'm on instagram and all of a sudden it said it said uh ray adam ray is doing a live instagram feed or whatever it's called instagram live live. So I click on it and it's just him smoking a joint in his hotel room, shooting the shit. And I'm like, all right, that was like mildly entertaining. That's pretty cool that he just does that for his listeners. And then you see like, I don't know, there's just so many ways to use social media or like this in the press, just being creative. And that's the shit that breaks through. People are looking for a different way to be entertained all the time. It's inspirational.

Did you see Bill Burr on Bill Maher show this week? Yeah. I saw him call him out. He did the same thing to Joe Rogan, which was the, uh, I am not going to listen to you talk about solve the Mideast peace crisis. Why would I listen to you?

Yeah. Right. Right. And with Rogan, it was like, I am not going to debate masks with you. Why would anyone listen to either of us? We're not doctors. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was. But the thing is, I watched the whole thing and he went at Bill, Bill Maher the whole time. He went counter to everything Bill said. And the thing is, to everything Bill said. And the thing is,

Bill Maher is a control freak and he's an alpha male. And he did not sit well with a guy challenging him who could hold his own and just fucking... Everything Bill Maher said, he would deconstruct. Every time Bill Maher used a big word,

Bill called him out for being a pseudo-intellectual. It was fucking great. Yeah. I like it. All right. What are we doing, comics comics are we cheering up uh we announced i think we should put this off to next week okay the competition because oh uh first of all we had a number of entries and i didn't get them all in although we should do one a week all right let's just do it uh we announced last week that we were going to have a comic competition,

very similar to what the New Yorker does on their back page. We're giving you a frame of a comic strip. You are then going to submit your caption for the bubble, the speech bubble above the person's head. And then we will read the winner next week. The winner gets a free koozie. Or a garbage bag full of them. I'm looking at it. This might have got put in after I looked at the documents. Is this the one on the golf course?

Yeah. Look at that. It was submitted by our friend George, George from Germany, from GS Artworks, who has made some of the most high quality. As a matter of fact, yeah, the one I have framed on my wall is from him. So caption it, send it in to fitzdogradio at gmail.com,

make your subject line comics contest, and we'll read the winner next week. I think this will be fun. I love it. And I think we should take a shot at it too. Yeah, we'll do it as well. All right. Sounds good.

Uh, we get to Hager the horrible and the king and queen are watching Hager go through their cabinet. He's filling up his bag and the king goes barbarian. And then the queen goes, at least he closes drawers and cabinets because the door is closed in the second one. How about at least he doesn't rape me while you watch? How about that, lady? If you want to be grateful for something, that's good manners. Yeah, I wouldn't poke the bear this guy's screaming barbarian right behind him we got the lockhorns leroy is uh leaning on the fence it's summertime clearly loretta's talking

to her friend at their house but we're seeing in the foreground a woman in a bikini who is pretty but her feet are fucked up and leroy has uh is staring at her, gawking with a pervy look on his face. And Loretta goes, and that's the extent of Leroy's involvement in the Neighborhood Watch program. Well, she seems like a hot Asian woman, no? It could be Asian, yes. And she seems into it.'s why that's why the feet really off huh yeah threw me off uh the next one uh loretta is walking out the door with her mother

leroy goes you're taking your mother to the doctor bolts on her neck need tightening he hates her he just fucking does he does um and then uh you want to save him i'll do one more uh lee uh leroy is at the desk and uh and he's working and loretta goes leroy is busy making cents, C-E-N-T-S, of our investments. That's cute. Right. All right. That is cute. Speaking of cute, oh, you know, didn't Joanne write us about Calvin and Hobbes?

She did. All right. I'm going to call that up in a minute. But first, let me get to number 10 on the funniest or the best calvin hobbs of all time okay here we go uh hobbs is the tiger right so hobbs is uh is pushing calvin up a tree calvin's climbing the tree so uh and uh calvin i guess goes is the coast clear? Give me a boost. And Hobbes is like, what's the plan? Calvin's like, we wait for Susie to walk underneath the tree.

And then we drop the water balloon on her. So Hobbes is handing up a water balloon to Calvin, who's now sitting on the branch. And then Hobbes climbs the tree to sit down next to him. What if she doesn't walk by? Then we just sit in the tree all day. And then Hobbes goes, I love summer. And then Calvin goes, the days are just packed. So, I mean, no comment. I think no comment.

This is number 10. Well, look, I think what you're looking for, it's almost like you are going to a pound. No. It's almost like you're going to a flute recital and holding a beauty contest. Your agenda for what Calvin and Hobbes is, is off. This is not the Lockhorns.

You're not going to get hard jokes. All right, here's Joanne, who has a crush on us. I think this is cute, smart. It's not a laugh out loud strip. No, no, it's not. And then, okay, so here is, this looks familiar. I guess they do a lot of like snowman building or something. So, all right, here they are.

It's a snowy scene and Calvin's rolling a big, you know, the snowball's about as big as he is. So Hobbes is like, aren't you supposed to be doing homework now? And he's like, I quit doing homework. Homework is bad for my self-esteem. And Hobbes is like, it is? He's like, sure. It sends the message that I don't know enough. All that emphasis on right answers makes me feel bad when I get them wrong. All that emphasis on right answers makes me feel bad when I get them wrong. So instead of trying to learn, I'm just concentrating on liking myself the way I am.

And then I think Hobbes is like, your self-esteem. Nope, it's still Calvin saying this. Your self-esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus. No, I guess that was Calvin. That's confusing, right? Is that what you're saying? And then that was Hobbes. And he's like, Calvin goes,

please, let's call it informationally impaired. I think Joanne might be informationally impaired because that, I'm missing it, man. No, it turns out I never missed anything. I never missed anything with Calvin Hobbes. I think this is what I saw years ago. There are comedians out there that are playing big theaters and I don't get it.

It doesn't make me, it makes me angry in the sense that like, there's nothing challenging. There's nothing hard and funny. It's just, I don't know why people just like it. It makes them comfortable, I guess. But I'm not into it. I'm not into it. I guess that's what Calvin Hobbes is.

It evokes a certain feeling. It's casual. It's heartwarming. It's sweet. And that's just, you and I are not for everybody. As a matter of fact, we're not for a lot of people, but we do what we do. And it's edgy. It's specific. It's, you know, it's from a certain point of view. But I think that some of these are broad. And if you want to get a huge audience audience you kind of this is what it is

um my card my my recorder stopped remember i said it was blinking yeah so i apologize if the audio has been subpar for a few minutes but it made it till very very recently so i apologize for my new audio but i'll hold this up so we'll be using the audio from the zoom call just for these three minutes okay good all right let's get to her uh dagwood is sitting at his desk he goes oh boy this is really starting to shape up he's drawing something the son and daughter come in the daughter has a fucking rack by the way and you what are you doing, Daddy? He goes, I'm making a Mother's Day card for your mother.

And then she goes, it looks like a kitty. And he goes, nope, it's a bunny. And then the son says, well, I think it looks more like a chicken. And then you see Dagwood goes downstairs. Blondie is looking very cute in a pair of tight jeans, mauve top. And he gives her a kiss and he goes happy mother's day and she looks at and she goes oh i love the little puppy you drew at this point dagwood should just look at her and go honey it's a dick pic i drew you my cock she doesn't remember what it looks like.

She has no idea. She's like, what? Why is it hard? Is something wrong? Right. I thought, yeah. No, it looks more like a turtle. It's like a hairy turtle.

All right, Mike, you got to get going. Again, the listeners are so excited about your big announcement today they're sending all the love out to you and that in theory they are you're betrothed and we want to thank you guys for watching don't forget go to Apple Podcast leave a comment give us some five stars tell a friend spread the word let's grow the show also don't forget our sponsor if you go to mintmobile.com slash papers and you're a first time subscriber you'll get a 15 buck a month deal for three months um that's it all right have a good day we'll talk to you soon hey good age people thank you We'll see you next time. Thank you. Bye.