Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 217 5/26/24

Episode Date: May 26, 2024

Mike is wearing dead people’s clothing in FLA and Greg is going to see the Grateful Dead in Vegas. Spirit Air is now allowed to film people in the bathrooms, a Louisiana man is allowed to curse out the cops but some Harvard protesters are not being allowed to graduate. Also a dating show for virgins.

Sunday Paper Podcast with Greg and Mike. Reading Sunday Papers is something I don't like. So I grab my telephone and queue up the show. I listen to my news on the radio. Sunday Paper Podcast with Greg and Mike. 3, 2, 1. Read all about it! Read all about it. Greg Fitzsimmons has a brand new recorder.

I think it's going to sound a lot richer. I'm going to sound less like a female. Is that what you got, the version that makes you a man? Yeah, it's the Zoom. You got yet another mechanism, a machine that helps you be a man? It's a Zoom transition, they call it. And it's like an audio gay conversion therapy, except it flips you to straight.

I like it. Yeah. That's what a lot of the conversion therapy is for. Oh, look at my light in the background here. All right. Oh, no, you're looking good mike your little hair is all tight on the sides it is tight on the sides it's ridiculous very 1950s coming out of florida i was down in florida this week tell us all about it the old man had two of these heart procedures which were related but one one day after the other they all went very well and it's always a scene down there uh did your sister go down as well she was down there as well she's still there actually helping him like with the apartment and stuff and

then uh there's this really great place uh called the church mouse which is a thrift store and everyone there like i got this guy's shirt and his monograms on it but you get the highest and waspiest clothing and it's dirt cheap like i got this amazing golf shirt for 11 bucks or whatever but a lot of people when they pass away and then my my stepmother we gave a lot of her stuff to the church mouse also so what happened is you these people see their friends stuff in there which which must be disconcerting oh my god yeah but i'm in there and i love it because i like palm beach is and i'm not talking about west palm i'm talking about the island palm beach is so over the top that I feel like I'm wearing a costume when I'm down there.

I don't wear yellow except when I'm there and like, and like pink shirts. So I'm in there and I'm going through shirts and I'm like, this is really fun. Not only are these amazing Brooks brothers and everything else, like, you know, and like, like crocodile leather belts and all this stuff, Not only are they dirt cheap and all this, but it's like fun because it's almost like you're dressing. It's like a masquerade down there. And it occurred to me. Do you leave the clothes down there?

Yeah. And I leave them down there and it occurs to me. Yeah. I'm not going to buy like regular, you know, leave them. So it occurs to me, Oh, it's fun in a way, like a dinner one night, I'm like, I wonder what the guy's name is. Like the thing said like CF or something like that. And I'm like, oh, it's kind of like fun wearing a dead man's dead man's clothing down here. It's like, and then I realized I'm not that far away from wearing my dad's clothing down there. And then it got a lot less fun. Got a lot less fun when i when i put those

two things together that was right in front of my face you reach in the inside pocket of the jacket there's just blue chew and yeah baby aspirin i'm gonna be shopping there i'm like hey look at this these are my initials too it turns out i'm mike jr that's why yeah i mean you buy a gift for somebody they die you can buy it back at the thrift store give it to the next guy wait for him to die i always had my eye on sally's hat but it's crazy oh a little gossip from down there. We can't say names. You've been to the compound, the place I'm talking about. You came for Easter service. Yeah, of course. Unbelievable place.

All right. So that guy died a few years ago. And he has multiple children, three, I think. And there's grandchildren as well. And then he, you know, was a bit of a player right i'm did you ever get told stories about him yes he was very active uh with women and stuff and even in when he was very old and he wasn't married and he started dating a woman now this woman has just killed it marrying i think she's had two husbands uh although this guy the one we know who died he was at he i think dated her first maybe anyway

she's done incredibly well she has house she has a house on pebble beach she has a house. I think she has a house on an island off, you know, in the Bahamas, New York, like unbelievably wealthy. Anyway, her husband dies. The guy we know starts dating her. Nice. By the way, this is a very typical Palm beach story. So except they're about their age appropriate. That's the only thing. Normally the woman is like 35 years younger. So she's old as well. And so they start dating and then he passes away and she claims that, uh, that she can stay in the house and she's going to like let his kids and all his family like visit or she'll be in.

Maybe she'll move to the guest house, which is the one near the pool, which is like bigger than most homes down there. Long story short, she just a judge just decided the house is hers and the kids are never allowed to visit. No. And she did. No. And she did. By the way, they're not married. And she did it by coughing up emails set where he like promised that to her. One, though, the kids were under the impression it was like, well, she could live there till she passes. But just to let you know, like how big a deal this is. This was like when the judge had the verdict. It's like that day you go home and you're like um oh we lost the 40 million dollars yeah yeah 40 million dollar swing

that that's the difference that happened uh with a judge's opinion on this damn and that's not a will you would think that there would be a will that would be binding over emails. Not only that, I told my dad, I go, this would have been my defense if I was his son and I met his son. My defense would have been, your honor, I am going to prove to the court today, like very with tons of evidence. My dad was a an incredibly well-known and famous liar and whatever he wrote to her in the email I'll show you what he's written to other people they had their they had their house boy I think he might have been even Filipino they had a house boy his job was to change the wardrobes and closets of the different women he was seeing.

Like when they would come, when he would fly them down on the private jet and all that. Like he was a player. Yeah. You had me at Filipino house boy. I mean, that's, that's a whole other level. He would set up Christmas. He'd set up everything. Cause you know, Laura went to stay with him out in the Hamptons.

Also, they have a gigantic house in the Hamptons. He grew up dirt poor though. That's why my dad and he were friends. That's amazing. Laura wanted to stay with him out in the Hamptons. Also, they have a gigantic house in the Hamptons. He grew up dirt poor. That's why my dad and he were friends. That's amazing. The whole growing up dirt poor guy. I mean, I wonder how Florida treats widows, female widows versus male widows. I know with California, as you know better than anybody, it's a tough place to get divorced as the main bread earner, whether it's male or female. But I wonder if Florida, since it's such an entrenched kind of patriarchal society down there, if it isn't like better, if it doesn't skew better for men.

I wonder, but I do hear of a lot of cases where the, the, the new wife is younger than the children and she gets all the stuff. I do know because of my dad and, uh, I do know that it's like, it might be like one third. I don't know what it is, but if you pass away, there's a rule protecting spouses. The minimum you can give, I think, is a third or something like that. Yeah, because you would think like Florida, in the same way that like Delaware has credit card companies because they have really favorable tax write-offs for the credit. Like, you ever notice that? Like your visa card, the home address is delaware like i wonder if like north dakota set up a a system where men get to keep all their money and cut their wives out if men would set up residency in north dakota come on honey pack

your shit we got to spend six months of the year in north dakota it's lovely up there about three weeks a year. Yeah. You'll love it. It's great. You ever been to North Dakota? I drove all the way through South Dakota. I don't think with wall drug, isn't that in South Dakota? Yeah. Yeah. It's, uh, I spent a lot of time doing college shows in Minnesota, North Dakota, Iowa. It was fucking brutal. It's just amazing when you look into these people's eyes and there's, they're just vacant stairs. You live in North Dakota. Here's what you know. There's nuclear rockets underneath your ground. So if the Russians do attack this country, you think you're safe in North Dakota you're the first place that's getting nuked

God it's so close to Winnipeg I just called up a map although Montana has such a good name and there it is right there so Sunday in two days well actually the day this comes out I will be taking my lovely bride to Las Vegas to see the dead in company at the Sphere.

Oh, man. Hold on to your hats. What drugs are you taking? Mushrooms and marijuana edibles. Have you seen the images? Unbelievable. Have you seen the Cornell one? No. Apparently in 77, it's, it's, it's legendarily one of their best shows. The sphere became the, the, the stage,

the place, the venue at Cornell. And it's like, you know, it's, it's a long roof. It almost looks like a barn. Uh, and the sphere became this place in Cornell. You mean this place became the sphere? No, the sphere you're in the sphere, all of a sudden transformed into the theater in Cornell. Oh, no shit. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I can't wait. And then Ha't wait hate ashbury the hit you know the hate popped up all the buildings all the all the homes and everything yeah the best is uh the cost of this trip because our our good friend dan brickner who i just love most generous guy he had two tickets to go and somehow he wasn't using them he offered them to us and then you couldn't make it. So you're welcome, Aaron.

So I'm bringing the wife. I look at the seats. He sends me the seats. He got them on game time. Easy transfer from game time. Nice. And they're like amazing seats. They're right.

You want to be in the center. You don't want to be down front. Right. So they're like dead center. And I got frequent flyer points for the hotel and the air flights. in the center you don't want to be down front right so they're like dead center and i got uh frequent flyer points for the hotel and the air and the air flights and uh yeah it's gonna be great dead center uh that's fantastic where are you where are you staying um i think at the fountain blue fountain blue all right laura laura at, I think they stayed, Laura, George,

and they stayed at the Cosmopolitan. Maybe they said it was too far. It was like just too far of a walk or whatever. I guess Venetian is where you'd like to start. No, this is like a 15-minute walk. Yeah. Yeah, it's like 15, 20 minutes. You know, it's going to be perfect.

Perfect. They don't check any. They thought, they had maybe heard that they were going to be strict so george didn't bring any uh weed or any of that stuff there like you know he he front loaded but uh the other people he went with didn't and they were very bummed and there was like no check like laura thought it would be like the clear bag thing and all that nothing you just waltz right in nice yeah yeah i mean i haven't been to a dead show so i guess it's uh halloween when we went a couple years ago at the hollywood

bowl that was amazing and uh john mayer is still playing with them and uh you know i like it because the crowds are like the old old people still dancing and then you see kids that are like our kids age loving it it's just a fucking it brings everybody together except one thing that would have bummed me out i saw someone posted oh it's fun dancing next to andy all night at the dead show and it was that douchebag from uh bravo uh oh yeah who has a bromance with john mayer i guess but andy whatever his name is uh he's just he's a i hate the i from what i know i hate the guy i can't stand the guy and i don't know anything about him he's there in a tie-dye t-shirt dancing it's like oh my god get away from me right right no we're not wearing tie-dye that's a that's an absolute there's no tie-dye on us you should go in a tuxedo and a wedding

dress and people will buy you drinks all weekend um so what else what's going on with your kids? Oh, yeah. Sophie's birthday is today. 21? 21. Wow. So, yeah. So, we're recording this on Thursday and Friday. But is today Friday? Today is Friday.

And what I did is I was trying to find her. I go, she's met a lot of really, she's in Amsterdam for a semester abroad and she's met a lot of really interesting people. And, uh, I looked for a houseboat to rent them so she could like throw a dinner or a party before she left. Cause she comes back in the following week and, uh, anyway, rented this apartment. So here's the thing I rented on Airbnb and I tell them hey me and the wife are coming in and my daughter is there and

she and her friend is going to stay so the max you can have in this place is four she's having six friends over for dinner I'm not going and we're, but I thought it was like automatic entry, like an electronic thing. But now the guy who owns it is meeting me there at like two o'clock on Sunday today. Wait, maximum people is four? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. It's not a great reservation. It's a nice apartment. And I think and it's a two bedroom and I think they don't want it used for exactly what it's going to be used for.

Right. And so anyway, she's going to go there. I think the plan is I haven't told her this and be like, oh, my parents are in New York. oh, my parents are in New York. They were late, so they're trying to get on this next flight because that would be probably seven hours from, that means we would get there at like nine o'clock at night or something. All right. And what drugs are you going to take? What drugs am I going to take while I'm in Los Angeles

lying about my existence in Amsterdam? Oh, I wasn't following. Oh, okay. I got it. I got it. I didn't follow the story. No, I made it a little longer than it needed to be. Yeah.

Actually, I think I'll be here. So wait, are you in LA on Monday? Because we're having a party Monday night. No, I come back Tuesday morning really early. Okay, because Tom got his rectum fixed or his prostate. Prostate? Well, that was very serious and he had to get multiple opinions. I don't want to talk about the details. He loves talking about the details.

I do not want to talk about those. They're gorier than his book Chaos about the Manson murders. By the way, if you're a Tom O'Neill fan, apparently he did an amazing interview with, uh, who's the music producer, Rick Rubin, Rick Rubin. Have you listened to it yet? Yeah. Well, here's the thing. So I met him, I was on my way home from working on the roast and it was like late and not that late, but like late to be coming home from work. It was like nine or something. He's like, Hey, we're out. I'm like, Oh, I could actually stop if it's near the 10 and grab a beer.

So I stopped. He had been up there all afternoon. So I go in and I see Tom and Tom looks 100% homeless. He's coughing his brains out nonstop. And also talk like, like you think my voice is bad. He, it's the worst sounding thing ever with with a cough that doesn't stop and he's missing half his teeth yeah that's how he went up to rick rubens after the podcast which is i think three hours rick ruben goes i've

already told my editor to start cutting out as many coughs as we can. And then Tom brought up to Rick Rubin. He goes, Rick Rubin got up to go to the bathroom like twice or three times or something during it. And Tom goes, Oh, you know, maybe you should see my guy. I guess they started the podcast a little later because Tom had a doctor appointment before it. He goes, that's what my doctor is about. And anyway, he shared this stuff and Rick Rubin just stared at him. Really?

Yeah, like didn't say anything back. He's like, oh, you should, Rick, it seems you have a similar problem to me. The doctor I saw was a prostate doctor. You should go to him. And Rick just didn't respond. Yes, that all got cut out. That's not in the interview, interview i bet right well it probably i think it was off the interview i think it was when ruben came back in and sat down like type thing yeah um all right well happy but it was but it was at shangri-la you know where they shot those scenes for the last waltz where

they were playing pool oh Oh, no shit. And at the record. Yeah. I mean, it's a legendary Neil Young, Bob Dylan, you know, the Shangri-La studios. That's Rick Rubin now. And it's now it's with Rick Rubin. It used to be this home. You can read about it on Wikipedia. It has its own entry and it's very cool history and everything.

And it was this like crunchy hippie home. And now Rick Rubin has, and it looks like you know heaven it's all white minimal hardly any furniture you go there to find your voice and of course my favorite one of my favorite episodes of dave the tv show was called rick rubin and it was about him going to shangri-la to find out his what his voice is that where they shot that episode well they didn't shoot a show I actually know where they shot it they shot it at a place Sinatra used to go to in Calabasas and between two ferns we shot up there it's famous it's it's it's only house on this hill there's a guest house by the pool and that's where everyone says that jfk and maryland would hook up there sometimes wow yeah well listen uh happy memorial day it's not happy

uh i how do you how do you uh commemorate mentioning memorial day do you say uh do you just think it's it's memorial day i think you put a lot of cars on for sale and everything no you say happy memorial day but you're talking about happy good friday it's it's people that gave their lives their lives were they didn't give their lives their lives were taken no they gave them that was that was the fine print. Yeah, yeah. So much respect for the people in the military. This thing always strikes me. It's like you and your wife, you're in your 20s, you have a baby, and now you get sent to fucking Afghanistan for a year.

You miss a year of your baby's life or your five-year-old's life and then you got to go back for another year and you know and they're doing this for their country and they could die and you know when i think about the fact that there are homeless veterans on any streets in this country i get get furious. It is, these people should be so well set up for the rest of their lives, especially if you were separated from your family for a period of time. I mean, there's some people like, you know, went into the military, like my nephew went in and, uh, you know, he was stationed stateside. He was treated really well. He didn't work hard. And now he's got like, he got his pectoral muscle got torn while he was in service. He gets a check

for like $2,500 a month just for that. On top of they're paying for college, Columbia University, full ride, plus $5,000 a month in spending money while he's going to college for free then he gets medical benefits for i mean they set they set people up but they're not really taking care of people that have serious mental issues that i'm gonna say this story took a turn it sounded very pro uh veteran for a little bit i'm just just saying the money is there. I don't know that they're using it in the best possible way for the right people. Well, listen, there can be different tiers. It's kind of like retiring.

How long have you been with the company? Your pension. You don't get the same pension if you've been there half the time as someone else. You're right about that. I was here. I'm in Nashville. I was at this party at another house. Anyway, big bookshelves.

And I'm looking at the books. And then I see this old leather-like case. And I open up. And it's a Purple Heart. Wow. Yeah. And I have to say, man, that had some gravity to it. I was like, whoa.

And so i stole it it'd be so funny if you stood up and you were wearing it on your shirt i told you i like wearing dead guy stuff or wounded in this case speaking of memorial day uh thank you to uh bruce wise who's a big contributor to our show. He did a very funny Memorial Day picture for our logo. See, it's happy.

Happy Memorial Day. Yeah, Storming D-Day with a volleyball, a beach ball. The song was from Brian Copeland this week. Thank you, Brian. Thank you, Brian.

Also a big supporter of the show. Thank you, Bruce. We did have some corrections i guess we got a couple things wrong last week oh boy rick said uh khmer rouge was a cambodian group which the vietnamese communist government attacked i think i said that the khmer rouge was a north vietnamese group ah okay He also said, are there CO leaks in your office? You can't remember

Ryan Gosling? Oh, yeah. Well, I don't know what CO means now. Is he talking about carbon monoxide? I don't know. Carbon oxide? I don't know what CO is. Rick said the French Revolution was in 1789,

and Napoleon was last leader of the French in 2015. I think he meant 1815. So, Rick, I got a correction for your correction. I love it. Send it back his way, and I hope you're wrong, so he counter-corrects you. Bob Pedersenson who is our anally retentive corrections guy said part one dickhead Brian corrected my previous correction

gray gray versus grow and the pronunciation of Matt Groening's name was not my correction what actually happened was you Greg did not realize graining has two letter n's in the spelling you said groaning without the second n jesus christ get it right greg get it right dickhead brian second wow look at them part two a gentleman in moscow you were telling mike about the book this week the book was written by a man named amor towels amor towels is a man not a woman as you stated also the book did not win the pulitzer prize as you see i got it confused with the uh uh the one about the vietnam the vietnamese show uh which was a book which did win the pulitzer um the i forget what it's called. Anyway, so Amortals, number one.

Also, my wife thinks you and Mike Gibbons are misogynist assholes for saying a gentleman in Moscow sounds soft and must be written by a woman. She doesn't get your tone. She thinks you were serious. I think we were. Weren't we serious? you were serious um i think we were weren't we serious well i've i've never read nor seen or know anything about a gentleman in moscow i mean is it wrong to say that a woman can't sounds like

his wife's a little soft she's a little soft it seems to me that it's a compliment to say that women have embraced a more rich emotional take on stories than men yeah and to have like a lighter touch especially when it comes to punch lines you know that they're more subtle and rounded and they don't like hit you as hard i think that's considerate you don't even know that it was a punch line sometimes that's how subtle it is yeah yeah and then forget about the gay guys writing books those are those get me horny as shit there you go by the way co is carbon monoxide how about them apples wow yeah um daniel preston said on this week's past episode on this past week's episode you were listing your upcoming shows. The June 23rd show with Bert Kreischer is not, in fact, in Buffalo, New York. It is in Darien Center, New York, at the Darien Lake Amphitheater.

Well, I'm flying into Buffalo. That's all I know. You're shuffling off to Darien? Actually, I don't know if I'm flying to Buffalo because I'm in Pittsburgh the night before, and so is Bert. So I don't know if I'm getting on the tour bus and going from Pittsburgh to upstate New York. You're coincidentally in Pittsburgh? Yes.

Wow. And I saw Bert the other night and I go, hey, I'm in Pittsburgh the same night as your show. And here's what Bert said. He goes, oh yeah, you're there the night before. I know you're doing the KDVE Festival, the WDVE Festival, which is a radio station. And I'm like, how the fuck do you know that?

Do you know how much information Bert Kreischer has in his head at all times? Yeah. He knows everybody. He remembers everything. He's completely aware. It's really kind of mind boggling. Right. Yeah he said what he

does to his memory very actively i know and he's like no you are on that pittsburgh show so i don't want to i don't know i don't even know who to talk to when i get booked up with bird it's all so nebulous right also usually his tour bus is full right oh it's gonna be full yeah you've been on it yeah so maybe you'll sleep in the same uh bunk as he uh tour dates are mamaroneck new york the emeline theater westchester county may 31st this is my hometown not my town but my home county so i got a lot of my sisters coming out i got a bunch of friends coming out, high school friends, college friends. It's going to be pretty amazing. So don't forget to get tickets for that.

Escondido at the Grand Comedy Club, June 7th and 8th. Pittsburgh at the WDVE Festival, June 21st. And then somewhere near Buffalo, New York, the Darien Lake Amphitheater, June 23rd. Also, we want to say, support for Sunday Papers comes from Mint Mobile. Oh, boy.

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See Mint Mobile for details. Lovely. And then we got game time. We all know about game time at this point love it uh it's fantastic concerts events everything's faster and easier uh sporting events uh music last minute deals my one of my favorite things is the all-in prices so you don't have to guesstimate that it's going to be twice as much as listed like with the other ones um they take the guesswork out of buying tickets i love browsing through so we'll go in i love the discover mode which is uh not sports or music or shows you just put discover

in so i just put it in i'm here in nashville okay a couple of interesting things i don't know Noah Kahan, but he's at Bridgestone for 181. That's tonight. So that's a hot ticket. But keep an eye on game time and it's going to go down. Look at this one. You and I have to think about this one. Brian Posehn. We both know Brian Posehn.

It says a ticket to see him was $705. What? And then I just pressed on it and now it says it's 167. But what is this? Are there like three seats? It's at a winery. No offense to Posein. Posein's hysterical, but I don't know what's going on there.

Anyway, we're going to keep an eye on that one. What do we got? We got the Grand Ole Opry tonight. We got the De old opry tonight we got uh the decemberist we got g flip um so anyway you're making it sound like there's a lot going on in nashville tonight nitty gritty dirt band oh there you go now you got something yeah well i am going again to the grateful dead my friend dan brickner bought his tickets on game time and got a great deal. I'm looking at the tickets now, though, and game time is showing me that they actually went down. He could have if he just waited. You got to wait. Last minute tickets. You can wait for June 12th.

James Taylor is in town. Then Alanis Morissette. And then who else here? Hootie with the Blowfish of all things. Oh, he's still with them? I like this. Hot Wheels Monster Trucks. No, boy.

In the Bridgestone Arena. Anyway, it's easy to find all these things that you want. Uh, what else do I got to say? Guarantee 110% of the difference if you find the same seats in the same row on the same night. Flash deals they have. They have zone deals. They're all in pricing, lowest price guaranteed. So take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code PAPERS for $20 off. Download GameTime today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed.

Guaranteed. You got it. Can we get a crinkle? I have bubble wrap. Nice. Wait, I can do better. I can always do better. And I really do. Always do better.

That is the secret to life. Always do better. This will just be five minutes. Now, here we go. That's like anytime somebody gets canceled, the apology always says, I can do better. I will do better.

Oh, you know what paper i pulled out oh your your future daughter-in-law's journal uh no i could read a little of this i know i know we've done it to death but it's hard to talk about it because uh are wondering what happened. But Ben Affleck at The Roast, we wrote him a lot of really good stuff. And he went his own way. And then he went off script a lot and off prompter a lot. Anyway, this is just a short little run I'll read, which is funny. We wrote something at the end where because he comes out defending Tom. That was what he wanted to do. He didn't want to be on there because he's too good a target.

So he goes, I've heard all theuate insinuating that tom is gay really this man's man the epitome of straight male masculinity you're saying he's gay tom is not gay trust me i know not gay i was just talking about this with my lifelong male partner matt you know the guy who played Liberace's boyfriend in behind the candelabra and Matt was supes in agreement with me Brady is not gay tonight Bledsoe said Tom is gay because he drove a yellow Jeep that makes him gay it was a Jeep it wasn't rollerblades and it still runs as good as the day Tom gave it to me a 46 year old guy who's famously had two long-term girlfriends is gay get fucked and it just goes on and on uh wait where does it go uh oh and all these guys

were saying that he wouldn't shower with the team and he's like god that makes him gay he's the only one who refuses to shower with other men and it's not because he doesn't want to be seen in the shower fun fact his hedges at home are short if i stand on top of the jeep i can see everything who's gay now that's good yeah so anyway uh all right why don't you crinkle that shit here it is Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! There we go. 13 Harvard University students who participated in the pro-Palestinian protest encampment on campus will not get their degrees. At commencement on Thursday, the university's top governing board rejected a recommendation

from faculty members to allow the students to graduate with their classmates. The students will be able to participate in ceremonies but will not receive degrees. So, I mean, look, this is Harvard. They tried to not give me my diploma, and it wasn't because I didn't support the Jews. I bought hundreds of drinks for Jewish girls at BU. Cab rides home. Abortions. I gave money to the Jewish cause.

Still, they wouldn't give me my diploma. Grades? Something about grades? Some bullshit? Such a bad move. Now they're not only going to hate Jews, they're going to hate wasps. This is going to massively backfire

this will really calm them down also didn't they want to like get together with their classmates and now they're saying no be separate that's not a joke it's a real comment right Cambridge is the new Gaza yeah I don't like it I don't like it at all

I don't know what they did by the way I really don't know the details of this story. I think they set up an encampment. They were told to take it down and they didn't. And, you know, I don't know. Look, I'm not taking a side on this, but I think that it is weird when you've got these liberal progressive colleges that don't allow freedom of speech. And people go, oh, well, they're threatening Jewish lives. No, they're not.

Are they really? I haven't heard. There's always a couple of fringe people that aren't even students that are like rabble rousers. But I haven't heard of like, you know, actual physical anti-Semitism. I don't want to get into this. What the fuck do I know? Well, the problem is.

I've barely read anything about it. These colleges are giant corporations now. That's the problem. Yeah. These colleges are giant corporations now. That's the problem. Yeah. American Airlines flight attendant allegedly filmed a girl, nine, in the bathroom on the flight.

This story has a twist in the tale. So here we go. That was not wordplay. When a nine-year-old girl walked into the bathroom during the January 26th flight, Esteses carter thompson the third that's the flight attendant allegedly asked her to wait he went into the bathroom before her and told her that he needed to clean up a mess in the lavatory before she could use it thompson saved images of mary doe's face uh unclothed buttocks and genitalia to his iCloud account that he got from the camera that he installed before she went in. Oh, I see. This isn't the first time Thompson has been accused of secretly recording a minor with his phone. Thompson was arrested in January in Lynchburg

after he allegedly filmed a 14-year-old girl using an airplane bathroom on a flight from Charlotte to Boston, and he's been in federal custody since. But now, get this. Attorneys for American Airlines claimed in a court filing this week that the nine-year-old girl who was allegedly filmed by the flight attendant's hidden phone in the bathroom she's the one to blame for the incident she should have been aware that she was being recorded while using the bathroom during the flight from austin to la what yes is that the

biggest case of gas lighting you've ever heard in your life? It's insane. And also, at least she was on American, on Spirit, you have to pay extra to be filmed in the bathroom. Oh, that's right. Overhead and child porn. It's an upcharge, yeah. Yeah, and the thing is, they don't tell you that until checkout.

You pick your seat. I expect to pay for picking my seat. I expect paying for overhead. But to put a simple camera going to my iCloud in the bathroom? Come on. Where's your spirit? You're not just filming me. You're going to film other people also. All I know is I hoped there was no cameras on any of my flights

for the first 20 years that I was a comedian. I don't do it anymore. But back when I could free solo without porn, I used to use the restroom as a way to relax on all my flights. As soon as that fasten your seatbelt thing became unlit, I was in that bathroom, forehead against the wall, because you had to be precise. You know, you got to, first of all line the line the bowl because there's no water it's air that that flushes the feces and whatever it doesn't clean up with air and so it's not just air but especially when you used it there's there there's a little uh a little sheen of uh whatever it is some cleaning fluid but i can't close i can't close without porn anymore i'm 58 i need help that's where this story went

now we're onto that yeah i bet you can but the idea is how long have you yeah you know you can't not day in day out no every couple days maybe if you wait long enough you could do it without porn yeah right you have to clear your hard drive you got to clear your cookies and your caches you don't need porn all the time sometimes you look through your uh someone's windows in a in a hotel that you're staying at that gets it done for you. Nick DePaul used to have this joke. He goes, uh, uh, he goes, I'm walking back to the bathroom on a flight to jerk off. And this fat flight attendant goes, you're going to be in there long. He's like, I am now.

Oh no. All right. We're moving on. Another, another provocative flag was flown at another of Justice Alito's homes. An appeal to heaven across the top in recent years the flag has been embraced by christian nationalists and it was featured prominently in the symbols waved during a trump rally no way and the subsequent riot on january 6th it's the second symbol reportedly displayed outside the in alito home that has a connection to the January 6th riot. An upside down American flag, a symbol of the stop the steal movement was hung outside the Alito home days after the January 6th attack. Alito told the times that he had no involvement whatsoever in the flying of the appeal to heaven flag. He said it was briefly placed by his wife in response to a neighbor's use of objectionable and personally insulting language on yard signs. Yeah.

The yard sign said, take the upside down American flag down, you fucking traitors. Yeah, right. Jesus. I mean, here's the problem with giving people jobs for life is they got a little too much security. You know, look at the Pope. The Pope for life oversees pedophilia, hiding pedophilia. You know, Russian presidents who they never get voted out. And look what they do.

Like there has to be the fear of being fired in every job. Roger Goodell in the NFL. Right. Corrupt as hell. This is a horrible story. Yeah, this is the flag being upside down. I was a parking attendant at a country club in White Plains, New York. And my job as a parking attendant was to take the flag out first thing in the morning.

A lot of the membership were veterans. And the flag was sacred. And we would carry it out with our arms straight in a triangle. And we would put it, two of us would go. Only one of us needed to be there. But they insisted both parking attendants walked out, clipped it on, raised it up, and then saluted it, and then walk away. And so the other job we had was to drive down to Chinatown before the 4th of July and buy fireworks out of the trunks of organized crime in Chinatown. And then on the 4th of July, we,

who were 17 at the time, were in charge of lighting off a firework show on the Fifth Fairway while everybody sat in lounge chairs on the porch. So we're lighting off fireworks and we had forgotten to take down the flag or maybe they wanted to fly. Usually at sundown, we would take down the flag. I think that's what you're supposed to do. But it was left up because the Fourth of July And a bottle rocket hit the flag and it started, it wasn't on fire, but it made a black mark that started smoking. And these guys went fucking nuts.

They came running out. They ripped it down. And I'm like, what do you want us to do? It wasn't a statement. I just don't know how to shoot a fucking bottle rocket. That's hysterical. Yeah. I remember, I forget what the bit was,

but I remember I had some stupid idea for a sketch where the person was going to, you know, it was a popular thing like to shit, like some performance piece was someone shit on the American flag on stage or something like that. Do you remember? Does that sound familiar? Yeah. So my thing on stage or something like that. Do you remember? Does that sound familiar? Yeah.

So my thing was someone wanted to do that. They were going to shit on the American flag in a performance piece, but they did their grandfather. So they didn't want the flag to touch the ground and how awkward it was trying to shit on the flag without it hitting the ground. That's hilarious. A completely mixed up performance art piece. um yeah that was a big thing not letting the flag touch the ground was very important it had to be a tight triangular fold

and then uh yeah and it had to go up at sun up and go come down at sundown. I didn't know about that part. Is this you, Gen Z woman? This is me. This is me, Gen Z woman, floored by a 35-year-old man's text after their first date. So Elizabeth Castaldi, a popular U.S. creator, whatever that means, has sparked a viral discussion about the generation gap in texting. When it comes to dating, Castaldi is 27 recently, not that young, went on a date with a 35 year old man and she was baffled by the texty center

the next day. Then in true Gen Z fashion, Castaldi took that private message, screenshotted it and posted it online where it has amassed more than 500,000 views. So this is it. The guy goes, hey, had fun last night. Have a good day. That's what he texted. So she goes, is he a bad texter or is he just over 35?

Let's be clear. I do not have the ick. 35. Uh, let's be clear. I do not have the ick. I just can't read him. And I really, really want to go on a second date. She wrote, can I, and then someone else goes, can I ask what it should say? Because I definitely said, say the same thing. I'm 35. Castaldi responded by saying that emojis and asking for another date were the keys to nailing a post-date text what he should have used emojis oh maybe he should have gotten you like candy and maybe pulled up to your house and asked if you want to look at puppies in the car and then abducted you what are you five years old do you want another date or an amber you've been you've been frozen for uh a little while

oh well the audio works the good audio just i just nailed it uh all right pick it up again from uh uh well everyone everyone listening hurt my bit no but the video is going to be frozen oh all right you want me to do it again do your little punch line again funny guy i was just making fun of the fact that what is she five years old she did does she want candy does she want him to pull up in a car and say hey you want to see the puppies and get abducted it's ridiculous what do you want another date or an amber alert they're children gen z is it gen z they just like uh what the have the ick it's everything they say is so childish like like uh taught they talk like to big yikes that's another one they say

big yikes they call people a simp and like this person is extra or that's extra gagged. They say gagged about something. How about this one? I ooped. That's a big one. I ooped. I made ooped in my pants. And the fact that none of them can wrap their heads around the concept of what gaslighting is. They call every insult a gaslight even when it has nothing to do with that.

Did we ever bring this up before? It's not exactly on topic, but in terms of things that I see this new generation saying, the doing things on accident. Yeah, yeah. Have we gotten into that? No. I don't like it. It's by accident, right?

It's by accident. Yeah. And I think they say on? It's by accident. Yeah. And I think they say on accident because the opposite is on purpose. Oh, I see. Yep. Anyway. I also don't like out here. My kids say that they take a shot.

And in New York, you say. You do a shot. You do a shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, there's online and inline right are you standing in line or online yeah you're standing in line yeah in line yeah uh these kids these goddamn kids get in line's saying. All right, what about this one? Yes, mom fined $88,000 after kids collect 72 clams from California Beach thinking they were seashells. Charlotte Russ was on a family trip to Pismo Beach, known as the clam capital of the world.

I've never heard of that. When she said her kids picked up 72 clams. right there she should have said shells anyway the department of fish and wildlife confronted the mother of five and told her that her kids were collecting the clams without a license and they issued her a ticket they know now at the beach don't touch anything but they know now what a clam is compared to what a seashell is now. No wonder they're idiots. I've had to explain that to them, she said. Making light of the harmless mix-up,

Rush showed that she got a shellfish tattooed on her arm to remember the situation after she won her case. So they reduced the fine. I didn't put that stuff in here. But the original fine was for $88,000. Wait, so she fucks up and gets a tattoo. Does she have a tattoo of her holding Jack Daniels behind the wheel of a car? Is that the other thing that she got picked up for? Or what about just holding Jack Daniels when she's pregnant? Also, that's just in there too, with these idiot kids. Look at shells by the way if you're if

you're watching the podcast uh you can see a picture of this family they are bloated i can't believe that one picture could fit them all in it so it looks like they're pretty much picking up anything that was edible it wasn't about the clams you know that you can choose your picture size. This is already, when you do that, like I copied and pasted in here, it's like this is way too big. This file is way, way too big. It's giga upon giga. It's tetra upon tetrabytes. Yeah, they take a lot of bytes in that family.

Yeah. Their defense should have been, we eat shells. We eat anything. We eat shells also. So we didn't know what the chewy inside was called. Sorry about that. Yeah. By the way, I thought when you went to the beach and picked up clams,

that was like a spring break thing for fraternity brothers. Dude, you pick up some clam? Did you get some clam last night? No, it's crabs. crabs oh that's true you get both let's go to entertainment oh boy here comes a crinkle there it is all right i'm just gonna lead with uh i think the best new show on TV is Shane Gillis has a show that it's just, even the title. I'm going to watch it tonight. Even the title is funny.

It's just called Tires. It's about these guys that work in a tire shop. And literally, I've seen five episodes. I haven't seen them outside of the tire shop. It's just a grimy, there's like an office and then the garage. And that's all the whole fucking show. Sounds like a taxi. It's just like a bunch of guys saying racist, homophobic, sexist jokes in the way guys actually do.

And you mentioned that it's not getting great reviews. I think this show was made for me, you, and about 12 other guys. I can't wait. It's perfect. I can't wait to see it. Yeah. He's so fucking funny. I saw Shane in Instagram.

He was on a podcast or something. And he told a story. Did you see the story he told about they went to laser tag as a family? No. And they went to laser tag as a family no and they they went to laser tag and when you get in there then the lights go off and it's all blue light right yeah and his dad's jeans have splooge all over the that's hilarious all right i'm just looking up the cast because there was some people oh uh it's a stave rose you know that guy yeah halkius or whatever he's fucking he's really good andrew schultz kills it um what can't that guy do jesus yeah he killed it on the roast too i thought

he was you know uh going on last in a three-hour show yeah that was pretty amazing no when he sent his material in it was pretty pretty great yeah and then i told you the thing was he had a joke i told i think i said that about craft and i told him to take it out then jeff ross did it i'm like oh no's going to think I like cock blocked him to protect Jeff. Yeah. And now he's going to do his because his was even harder. Yeah. And thank God Brady got up and did that, which was real. And because then Schultz didn't do his. Oh, OK.

Yeah. Did you say Andrew Schultz? Yeah. Yeah, you did. OK. I think. Right. Yeah.

You know what it was? I think you did. And I think think, right? Yeah. You know what it was? I think you did. And I think I might've heard Andrew Santino, but we know who we're talking about. Yeah. All right. I can't wait to see it. Now you put dark in here. Did I put that in there or did you?

No, I think that was leftover from last week. Oh, all right. So dark. I tried watching. I think we talked about it. It's a German show. Yeah. I fell tried watching. I think we talked about it. It's a German show. Yeah. I fell asleep, which I is, it was late. I'm not blaming the show. And then I'd wake up and I'm like, Whoa. So I woke up. Right.

And I see stuff. I'm like, I have, Oh my God. How long was I asleep just now? Cause this is completely different. And I was asleep for two minutes. So a lot of people are like, it's very hard to follow. But there is chatter about this show Dark. I have no idea if it's good or not. Yeah.

I've heard really great things about it. You know what's really good is Hacks. Have you seen that show Hacks? I have not seen Hacks. Jean Smart smart who's amazing she's amazing and then lorraine newman's daughter i wish i could remember her name she's fantastic um really smart funny show and as a comic i feel like they pretty much nail a lot of the stuff especially about being an aging comedian and starting to feel like sidelined a little bit uh which i've heard from other comics not me but i've heard other comics feel that way um as i'm playing the fucking outside of buffalo somewhere not even buffalo

buffalo jason uh jennifer jennifer lopez responds to questions about the status of her relationship with Ben Affleck. Now, having just worked with Ben Affleck, how can I say this diplomatically? I think something's going on. That's all I'll say. Really? So it happened during a Lopez appearance in Mexico to promote her new Netflix movie, Atlas. mexico to promote her new netflix movie atlas her response was to lean forward and look straight at the questioner and say you know better than that you know better than that right what a weird response and that that doesn't address it yeah and then ben was and then

affleck was asked the same question they said are you single and he said no I'm still with I'm still with Matt Damon look at that I foreshadowed that with the gay stuff well there I mean look I think this is a bad couple to begin with you can't have two

mega alpha people together it's not even that she's a disaster man well so is he they're both disasters that's true and she only dates famous people but to say you know better than that it's like if i was the reporter i'd be like um you know what we don't we don't know better than that because look at your dating history so in 97 you got married and you divorced 11 months later and who did you move on to because of your great way to pick potential mates you dated diddy yeah after diddy you and chris judd got married and you tied the knot in September of 2001

a good 9-11 and you last that marriage lasted nine months then you got engaged to Ben Affleck in November 2002 then you got married to Mark Anthony in 2004

really yeah yeah then you date, that went a while. They had kids, and that went to 2011. And then you dated Bo Casper Smart, who I don't really know what that is, but it was just

four months after splitting with Mark Anthony. And then you, he was a backup singer, I guess. But Smart had been exchanging photos and messages with a transgender model. So that's the guy you picked right after your divorce. Then you dated Drake.

And I think you might've cheated on Drake. That's just me saying that because Alex Rodriguez stepped in and that was january 2017 she started dating drake they broke up in february the next month and that's when she started seeing alex rodriguez they postponed their wedding multiple times they're working and then they split and now she's with affleck wow they split in March 2021 and then I guess April 2022 she announced that they're,

oh, so started dating him before that and then engaged to him in April 2022. I mean, look, here's what's consistent when you're J-Lo. You are on the road or on a movie set or in makeup.

She's in makeup most of the day and then she's never home. You're not having a relationship with this person. or on a movie set, or in makeup. She's in makeup most of the day. And then she's never home. You're not having a relationship with this person. This is a press appearance. You show up for red carpets. Maybe you do some weekends at St. Tropez to take pictures. There's no building of a solid relationship when you date somebody like this.

And now you're dating A-Rod, who's on the road nine months of the year that when do they link up i'm curious how many hours they actually spent together during their quote unquote relationship yeah and yeah everything is so public and then when she ever is does a breakup all of a sudden she's everywhere without clothes on like barely dressed in photo shoots and getting her body out there so she can get all the praise for how good she looks at her age and i just i remember the mark antony uh divorce it was pathetic both of them like it was a competition who could be seen with more new people like out in clubs.

And I'm like, you people have fucking children. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. Well, maybe she should marry George Lopez. Why is that? Then she doesn't have to do all the paperwork of changing her name. And then when she breaks up, it'll be that much faster and cleaner.

He might want another. He might want a kidney, though, if his wife's first kidney fails inside him, which I can't believe it hasn't already. Yeah. Wives for him are more like, they're like farms. Backup server type of thing. Yeah.

Right. Hulu's Virgin Island. It's a dating show for celibates has opened its, uh, application process. According to Hulu, Virgin Island will host a bunch of hot virgins and an Island resort where they will look for the one, the first one, I guess you should say throughout the 10 episode series, the contestants will go on dates and participate in romantic activities as they prepare to renounce their V cards. Nice. I think this is a remake because the original one was set on Epstein's private islands. Except Clinton won't be in this one.

Nice. And I heard next season they're going the opposite direction no virgin island it's going to be filmed on staten island they should just have comic-con on the island and it takes care of itself no one has to not a huge vetting process you don't have to prove they're virgins yeah that's hilarious it'll be everyone walking around in superhero outfits. Yeah, I think I'm a little bit compelled to watch this. They're all nuns and priests. They're all.

And I wouldn't believe that. They're going to be all Christians. No, nuns and priests would be having sex, but with someone from the opposite sex for the first time. Slut Island. Florida. Oh, Florida. Let's make America Florida.

Here we go. Florida man shot by mother-in-law after birth of his son. Oh, jeez. So this guy Keating told them that he arranged with Conley, that's his mother, to take over caring for his daughter on Sunday, according to the report. And when Keating arrived home to get his daughter, Conley was waiting outside his front door and asked him, did you see the rainbow? Right after that, Conley fired. He he said that he believed a second shot went off before he tackled conley into a bush and ran to his neighbors to seek help keating had a gunshot wound on the upper left side of his chest

and an exit wound on his back authorities found conley at her home shortly after the shooting and her husband mentioned she had returned from their son-in-law's home but was unaware of any issues connelly stated she never saw keating at his house according to the affidavit however police reported noticing recent bruises on connelly's arm and knee consistent with keating's account of pushing her into a bush so you know they get there and there are cigarettes out they got a can of beer and like what are you talking about? Yeah. Heartbeat flat. Pulse normal. No sweat.

Just another night in Florida. I love that. Did you see the rainbow? Like, I mean, in my opinion, you really don't see it coming after that question. I don't think I'm going to get shot when my mother-in-law asked me did i see the rainbow well he should have known something was wrong because there's with desantis there's no longer any rainbows in florida they outlawed they're all outlawed exactly maybe she's furious about that maybe she was calling them gay yeah that should be a defense because i think in florida you're

allowed to shoot gay people. You just can't kill them, but you can shoot them. Yeah, you can stand in your straight ground. Exactly. All right, we're going to make Alabama Florida. Let's do it. An Alabama man willing to serve jail time. Oh, sorry.

An Alabama. Oh, sorry. An Alabama. Oh boy. An Alabama man is willing's willing to serve 30 days in jail rather than apologize to a police officer as ordered by a municipal judge after being accused of apology to the officer who pulled him over after Berks allegedly told the officer get your ass out of the way so he could get his kids to school so I do remember this story I was gonna put it in one week and I didn't he was so the apology is not about a crime he did not commit a crime but he did tell the officer to get his ass out of the way because his kids are going to be late for school and now he's told uh to write an apology but get this uh it's protected you are allowed to be profane it's protected by law you are allowed to be profane to a officer of law i did not know that i love that that's fantastic well look it

was in ozark alabama if you put ozark and alabama together you're gonna have some conflict with authorities and grammar right and uh also the cop the cop must have known Burks was lying because there's no schools anymore in Alabama. They gave up on that shit a long time ago. You can't be late to homeschool. They consistently, Mississippi and Alabama consistently have the lowest, the worst education systems in the country except Los Angeles. Yeah.

California is pretty far up there. California is really bad. It's not good at all. No bueno, as they say in the California school system. All right. Here we go, little sports. okay all right the knicks are gone everybody new york knicks knocked out fucking got blown out in game six or seven whatever it was i was just about to jump on that bandwagon yeah but the but the Rangers are still alive.

They lost to the Florida Panthers about 3-0 last night, two nights ago. Yeah, except you didn't know this, but it's a deceiving score. But it was third period, and they were down 1-0. And then Florida scored, and the guy was in the crease too early and they called it back so it went back to one nothing and it might have been one nothing with like six minutes left something like that anyway one was an empty netter and uh but they they yeah they won three zero uh at home the rangers i know well not good all right let's go to international that's our At home, the Rangers. Ah. I know. Well. Not good. All right, let's go to international.

That's our sports. That's our whole sports section. What else? You know what's fun to do, speaking of sports, just for a second? So, like, I'm watching. So, the Timberwolves play tonight. It's Friday. They play tonight.

And so, that Norm MacDonald bet, that was his favorite bet. I think I told you about it, called Lightning. So Lightning is very simple. You do the over-under. But every point that it's over, you get an extra $1,000. Or you lose an extra. And every point that it's under, same thing. Each point is $1,000.

So at the end of a game, when a meaningless three is launched, that's $3,000 if it goes in. No, you can lose $28,000 in one game. By the way, didn't we start a bet on unders and overs in the NBA playoffs or something? I think we might have done this and say we were, yeah, I think we did. I think we forgot to do it. And we didn't follow up.

Yeah. I forgot what it was, and we found the over-under. I remember that. As I'm saying all this, I'm like, I wish I had another podcast to blame it on, but this is the only one I do, so it was here. All right, let's go international. I have done it, though, with Hannah and I

pretend that we have 1,000 on the line at the end of the game. Here we go. International. The misbehavior at the New York City-Dublin portal that caused organizers to shut down the live stream link between the two cities, including a New Jersey-only fan star who flashed the screen, was inevitable, said the director of the company. Joe Callahan said the portal's organization is working on a high-tech fix, including an

AI sensor that will blur naughty stunts. Even before Ava Louise's stunt, attention seekers on the Irish side of the portal grabbed headlines by flashing their backsides, swastikas, and images of September 11th terror attacks on the eight-foot screen. I think this is just so great. You take the two most raucous, deviant groups of humans in the world, the Irish and New Yorkers, and you give them a camera to do whatever they want with it. They should have put it in Gaza. There would have been less.

Gaza and Tel Aviv should have been the portal. And by the way, September 11th image is no longer shock or bother New Yorkers. They've seen it. They've watched it over and over again if you want to get a reaction put up an image of a dodge challenger with jersey plates coming in through the lincoln tunnel that will upset new yorkers the flyers in madison square golden holding up the stanley cup that will bother new yorkers cats coming back to broadway trump clearly yeah

trump heading over the george was Washington Bridge in a U-Haul. They show 9-11 images, and how do we respond? We show them boobs. That's a pretty good exchange, I think. Yeah, who wins on that one? Yeah, Ireland, what are you doing, man? I like the experiment. We should do something like that.

In what way? I don't know. We should pick a place and set up a camera during our podcast and have people be able to show up. Maybe a comedy club would set up a camera for us, Maybe a comedy club would set up a camera for us and we could tape and let audience members in Cleveland, Ohio. No, Philly, because you hate Philly. I'll have the Helium Comedy Club in Philly set up a camera for people walking into the club.

And it'll be on the Zoom call and they can do or say anything they want to us during the podcast and you can say whatever you want to them. All right. I think there's a lot of logistics here. What time of day would this be in Philly? It'd have to be

at like seven o'clock as people are loading in for the show, which would be four o'clock our time. All right. All right. Denman,

are you on the call? Denman's not on with us. Well, I'll call him later. I'll tell him to set it up. He'll be right on top of it. That sounds like a pipe dream, but all right. I like it. All right.

Let's skip science. Yeah. Let's skip science. Do we want to? Yeah. We're going to this day in history. Ready? Let's go to this day in history.

Yeah, we're going to this day in history. Ready? Let's go to this day in history. All right, let me find my data here. I'll start with a piece of mail from Rob who says, I love how Mike subtly acts like he's smarter than you when he quizzes you on the past events. I am. That he's researched and you haven't.

It would be fun one week to have someone else come up with the questions and have you both guess the years and see who is closest. If no one else is up for doing homework, I could come up with a list of events for you two to guess the years of. That's pretty good. So it wouldn't be this day in history. It would just be a bunch of events and we name the years. And then whoever's closer wins.

I like that. That's good. He's missing, I do want to do that, but he is missing part of the dynamic, which is I am playing a game also, which is I'm thinking about how close you'll get to the date. It's true. And I'm choosing a range you're the

bookie right you're vegas right so the lines makers deserve some credit that's that's what i'm not celebrating that oh my god you did not know when martin luther was declared a heretic by the edict of worms i'm saying huh? 1412 okay so hold on I was going to say give or take 100 years when was Martin Luther declared a heretic by the edict of worms 1412

1521 are you serious? so this is why I'm great I gave you 100 years and you missed it give or take Great. I gave you 100 years and you missed it. Give or take six years. Keep in mind, that's a 12-year range I'm giving you. No, 13. I'm giving you a 13-year range, I believe that is.

What year, it's his birthday, what year was John Wayne born? Oh, John Wayne was born in 1925. Wow, 1907. No! Yes. Oh, so he probably did black and white movies when he first started. 1905. Wow. 1907. No. Yes. Oh, so he probably did black and white movies when he first started. I wonder when the jazz singer was. Oh, that's the first talkie.

When was the... Yeah. Yes, he did. No, some of the westerns were black and white. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Let's see oh well that's not as interesting uh but uh why don't we do i was gonna say when give or take five years when was vincent price born oh jesus christ uh i think he in the 70s he was in his 70s i'm gonna say 1906 what year 1906 uh 1911 and you said five years so i got it i did say five years yeah that's how

good i am again i'm gonna take credit for that all right here's uh maybe the last one we got the british punk band the sex pistols released their second single god save the queen oh my god still sounds so edgy and it was quickly banned by the bbc and other outlets in england give or take one year. What year was this? 1977. It was 1977. Nice! Yep. Yep.

Let me see what else we got here. Not a lot of good ones. Those were the ones I had picked out. That was good. That was good. I got two out of three right. All right. What are we on to now let's do some obituary action yeah here we go obits uh and that's all folks

i thought this one would be good for memorial day clarence bud anderson j., a military pilot whose aerial daring do spanned from World War II when he personally shot down 16 German planes in dogfights over occupied Europe to experimental flights in the era of the jet. He died May 17th at his home. He was 102 years old. He was the last of the flying aces, by the way, to die. His daughter confirmed his death but did not cite a cause. Well, if you've survived 17 missions,

who gives a fuck what the cause was? He didn't die in a plane. His daughter, who's 82. By the way is probably by the way a flying ace is defined as somebody with with 60 no you have to have down five or more enemy planes with his 16 kills he earned the title three times over the last surviving triple ace pilot from world war ii um i mean i read a book about the uh what was it called um i'll have to look it up i read this book about the flying aces these motherfuckers got into big heavy steel death traps that they barely got off the ground half the time and they hurled themselves above guns they knew the germans knew they were coming they knew what spots we were

going to bomb and they were fucking littered with anti-aircraft machine guns and they would fly in low they get and the and the and these guys what this guy did was these mustangs the p-51 mustangs used to go in ahead of the bombers and they would take flack they would try to you know redirect where the fire was so the other guys could get in and drop the bombs and half the time they got shot down and then they would make their way to the english channel where there would be hidden american boats that would take them back to england again wow yeah anderson anderson named his p51 which is his plane old crow yeah this guy was cool god you, it's occurring to me. I mean, how many World War II vets are still alive?

I mean, we've really, we've really, like I was just down with my dad. So my dad was born in 1940. He's 84. And that generation, 84, is pretty far along. Well, I would think the youngest person in world war ii would have been born around 1925 so that's uh 75 and i so 99 would be the age of about the youngest pilot the youngest soldier in world war ii right because the war ended in 45 and they would have been 20 years old.

So, yeah. Well, I mean, maybe 18. But, yeah, you're right there. You're right around. I mean, that's unbelievable. Wow. That's it. And that's, you know, not just us.

That's everywhere around the world. So, taps off to Bud Anderson. Yeah, that's a great memorial day one that's amazing and i bet he was with chuck yeager and all those guys too it sounds like uh doing all the jet experiments yeah yeah by the way the rickety aircraft you describe i'm not even kidding you i thought to myself oh you should talk about this on the podcast uh i already mentioned spirit so i flew spirit from florida to nashville and it is when was the last time you were on a spirit flight they've replaced all the seats which do not lean back not a single seat nope and they are really thin and it feels like it's like a piece of metal with like leather over it or pleather. And then the tray, I can see the screws that are keeping the tray like in place.

And also the arms. Oh, and like I couldn't make this seat. No, it's an Ikea airplane. Right. And I felt like those tin cans that they went to space with and the tin cans that they went to Normandy with. Like it's, it really does feel like that it's unbelievable and they're not making enough money off charging me for a cup of coffee and put my bag over my head give me a seat that goes back an inch that's all i'm asking and selling the footage of me taking a dump in the bathroom right that's in

their cloud without your diaper on. Another obituary. We won't go into it, but the news came out today. I couldn't believe this. Morgan Spurlock from Supersize Me. He died from cancer at 53. That's crazy. Yeah. And he's done a whole lot of other documentaries and he would usually put himself in it.

You know, people are talking about his series being very good um hold on i've often been told i look like him or he looks like me oh all right yeah um so i'll play him i'll play him in his movie so he did mcdonald's for 30 days But hold on, let me put in Spurlock. Someone said it was really the top of his game was this series that he did. And, um, yeah, I don't know.

Just third. All right. Great, great story. Oh, you live in someone else's shoes for 30 days. I think. That's been done they trade husbands people used to trade husbands oh god all right shit on the dead guy i got it all right let's

cheer up all right let's cheer up here we go okay time for the funnies uh last week we announced the uh beginning of a new competition on the show user generated punch lines to single frame cartoons that we supply you with now obviously you got to look at the youtube feed to see what the uh we should put it up on i don't know if i want to put that on my uh instagram feed but anyway we got a lot of people that gave us punch lines basically the frame is it's mike uh we're both in old-timey golf outfits with the little uh what do you call those kind of pants pantaloons i don't know what you call them but they come down to your knees Like three-quarter length knickers and then the bow tie with the vest. Mike is the caddy, and I am the golfer.

I have a drill in my hand, and we are on a putting green, and I have drilled three holes in the green beside the actual pin that's in a hole already. So, you gave us punchlines. Here they are. Some are good. Some I didn't get as much. Appreciate the effort on all of them. Joel Bianco said,

please tell me you don't use this method in the bedroom too. Okay. Neil Rohrer said, Greg, you have a vivid imagination if those three holes remind you of blondie isaiah said call me old-fashioned but one hole is plenty okay that that could be in the newspaper ron dvorak said not not funny, Greg. Your drill bit is boring. Ah, a little word play. Yvonne, Yvonne? Yvonne, Yvonne, Yvonne, Kelly.

Bob, you're taking putting drills to a whole new level. That's not bad. Yeah, I guess you're Bob. Adam Milan said, Mike's line is, Greg, look, I just got back from the clubhouse. Let's just say your membership is in the hands of the disgruntled right now. Okay. Not exactly pithy. Nathan said, what are you doing here?

And why is your dick so dirty? Okay. I've been fucking those holes yeah chris jorheim said mike where is the dilly coupling accessory greg is on the 18th and until he starts drinking again we both know what the 19th hole involves huh nicholas smith said this golf course is so beautiful a fantastic part of Mother Nature. True, but just like any beautiful woman, it should come with three holes.

All right. All right, and then some people actually typed the words into the thought bubble, which made it a little bit hard to see. So I'm going to try to read those. In the future, just send the lines. You don't have to put them into the picture i like it this is from uh dave dorsey i can't see who this is from oh wait it's from evan spellman i'll tell you the same thing aaron did 20 years ago greg

just because you've taken eight shots doesn't mean you get to drill two more holes that's pretty solid that's pretty solid. That's pretty good, Evan Spellman. Because one of my things was, what do you think this green is, Aaron? Because you made three holes. Yeah. So that's close. All right.

What else here? All right. And now this is from David Dorsey. He says, oh, Grandpa, your mental condition has been ruining a lot of my Saturdays lately. Why don't you go behind that tree in the rough, and I'll show you how to use your new head massager properly. That's a nice short story. And then Lawrence Zemlik, didn't you already do one?

And then I said, you're right. It does feel better with a finger in there. Okay. Two more. Ben Holdridge said, damn it, man. I said the queen needs a good drilling. The queen. Not the green.

Not the green. Steve Grasa said, cheerio, old chap. My game has really improved since they started putting the cups in the rough. It doesn't look like a green. I will say that. The grass looks a little long. So we promised a koozie to the winner, and I think it goes to Evan Spellman. Do you agree?

I agree. It goes to Evan Spellman. Okay, Evan Spellman, congratulations. I'll tell you the same thing Aaron told you 20 years ago, just because you've taken eight shots doesn't mean you get to drill two more holes. Congratulations, Evan. Your drinks, your cans will be ice cold all summer

as you smile and look at the Sunday Papers koozie. By the way, for the rest of you who want to spend a mere $10, including shipping, plenty of koozies By the way, for the rest of you who want to spend a mere $10 including shipping, plenty of koozies left in Mike's living room. Go to FitzDawg.com and find out how to bring one into your house for these hot, hot summer days.

Next week's cartoon strip for you guys to give us the punchlines to. Again, not in the picture. Just write them in text. From Adam Copeland, and it is two ketchup packets. This is kind of like an art project. Yeah, it's very creative.

It's very creative. This one is a ketchup packet of a guy with a gun in his hand and a cowboy hat and boots, and he has now shot another ketchup packet that looks like another guy with cowboy boots and a hat and a gun's falling out of his hand, but there's blood splurting out of the side of that ketchup packet.

Very creative. All right. So send in fitzdogradio at gmail.com. Send in your punchlines. Win a koozie next week. I love it. Let's get to the Lockhorns. You've got a party going on.

Leroy, lampshade on his head, dancing in the middle of the party. People looking on, not happy with what they're seeing loretta goes leroy was always the class clown now he's a clown with no class that's okay yeah this next one is leroy sitting in his office he's got a tips jar on his desk his co-worker says didn't get the raised lock horn uh and now uh we've got uh i'm a tough judge i'm a tough judge i know you're tough today leroy is in the kitchen he's got uh a beer and he's scratching his ass he's unshaven loretta says to her friend sadly there's no lifeguard at the gene pool that one's pretty good that one went out strong all right so here is uh number nine in the best calvin and hobbs of all time i have not read it so and i apologize i'm

not great at this there's very little of calvin and hobbs in this i'm looking at it there's like a guy is it is it Calvin's dad I guess all right anyway there's a there's a balding guy right and he's in an office and he yawns at his computer then he walks over to another cubicle and he goes I'm going to get some coffee Ted want any no thanks

Frank so he's like tum-tum-tum-tum he's walking to get his coffee and then blam blam, blam, he bumps into a woman. Is that, hey, they got Frank. Run, says a woman to another guy. And then you see a frame where these deer have come in through the elevator of the office.

You got him. He's a big one, too. Nice job. The deer all have rifles and they've shot Frank. And they're like, nice job, Bam. I guess that's short for Bambi. Somebody got somebody get the camera. Bambi. Somebody got, somebody get the camera. So now you see Calvin in a classroom reading a paper up at the, at the blackboard. And he goes, needless to say, Frank's family was upset when he didn't come home that night, but everybody understood that the human population had doubled in just two generations to almost 6 billion. So some thinning of the herds was necessary to prevent starvation.

And then there's, I think these are his folks in the last frame at a kitchen table. And the mom is just read a note and goes another parent teacher conference. And the father goes your turn uh that calvin's incorrigible i think is the uh and very imaginative he is imaginative yeah i think uh you know a lot was going on there and has a keen insight into uh you know rationalizations and gun control. There's a lot. He tackles a lot in this strip. Yeah. It's the other herd, thinning hour herd. They have guns.

I like that it was a story that Calvin, a weird story that Calvin was making up. Yeah. All right. So you're no closer to being a fan of Calvin and and hobbes now having read six or seven of the top eight no i'm not at all but people are very angry we're doing these ones and not choosing better ones well send them in if you have better calvin and hobbes strips and i'm by the way just for the record i am a fan i don't laugh out loud but I think the characters are pretty well defined I think it's charming and uh and I don't mind reading them all right a cat has jumped up here now this

cat I think I've talked about before this cat has actively spilled um water on my laptop like literally with it push the water when it wants to eat it gets very so right now it's asking me to feed it and so we'll see if it jumps up and nudges me i bet that happens although we're at the end of the podcast keep the water away from your uh i will i know i will mention there was no hobs in this so this was a calvin yeah cartoon it's like when there's a Blondie strip and there's no Blondie. It's Dagwood at the diner talking to the cook who's actually even less interesting than Dagwood is.

Right. It's called Blondie. So now here it is. He's rushing out the door. There's a honk out front and Blondie calls from downstairs. Your carpool is getting anxious, dear. He goes, I know, I know.

Oh my gosh, my briefcase. And she's running behind him right behind you. He runs out the door. He gives her a quick kiss. I got to run. I can't be late again. Have a great day, dear. He runs outside.

He goes, hold on. I almost forgot. And he walks back inside. She closes the door and said, what did you forget, dear? And he goes, something upstairs. And then he walks upstairs and he goes, the boss told me I could show up an hour late because I did such a good job yesterday on a big contract. He rips off all his clothes, screams yes, dives into bed. And she goes, you climb back into bed for only one hour, honey?

He goes, I can't let the boss down. All right. Here's a scenario. Oh, boy. You got an hour on your hands. You got a woman who's got a 32DD rack and calves that look like bowling pins. Yellow, soft, curly hair. You got an hour alone in the house with her, and you're going to take a nap?

hour alone in the house with her and you're gonna take a nap you could show up to work red-faced flushed sweaty trembling smiling or you can show up with fucking donut crumbs and sadness what what a life in this strip the life this guy could be living. And he's taking a nap. Why doesn't that bunch of deer thin this herd out? Your lips to whoever the guy who writes this comic strips ears. Also, he's still screwing his carpool over, right? Yeah, they're honking. They're out front. That's totally a dangling part of the story. What an idiot.

Oh, what a douche. Oh, the worst. They should call this comic strip douche. Right. Just give up on the blondie thing. They're having her do nothing. Thank you to Midcoast Media, always doing a fine job producing and editing the show.

We want to also remind you, download the Game Time app, create an account, and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Also, oh my God, if you're a new customer, go to mintmobile.com slash PAPERS and cut your wireless bill to $15 a month. Use code PAPERS. Okay. Love it. Mike, anything you want to recommend? I don't know. I'm excited to see Shane Gillis' tires tonight.

That's what I'm going to watch tonight. I'm trying to think if anything else is going on. Probably. I'm just spacing out. Okay. I will tell people to watch the new season of Hacks it's very very good so wait there's a new season? yeah season 3 is out now

oh wow I haven't seen any of them a little of the first one I guess alrighty everyone I think it's time to take it ish alright Sunday Paper Podcast with Greg and Mike reading Sunday Papers is something I don't like.

So I grab my telephone and queue up the show. I listen to my news on the radio. Sunday Paper Podcast with Greg and Mike. Sunday Paper Podcast is something that I like.