Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 219 6/9/24

Episode Date: June 9, 2024

A middle school crossing guard is getting kids high and a Phish fan is the 1st one in history to rip a bong at The Sphere! Oh, and Rob Schneider had a tough set at a Hollywood benefit show.

It's Sunday morning, been a long week, but now I have my coffee, and it's time for the Sunday papers. We all need a little joy, a little levity, a little mirth. Can't all be business. It all can't be serious all the time. Three, two, one, and we are off to the races oh there we are it real morning everybody good morning good morning vietnam remember that movie i you know i don't think i ever saw it i think i mocked it without really watching it so who knows I was too cool for school back then. I was watching The Cook, The Wife, The Thief, and His Lover and all that stuff.

Oh, I was watching Yo, Tiene Matubo. What? Yo, Tiene Matubo. I was watching a lot of Miramax movies. It turns out those guys are edgy. They got, yeah, there was something cooking. Something cooking with the Weinstein. It is amazing that that company still exists.

I know. It is. You know, it's named after their parents, Mira and Max. Oh, that's sweet. It's so wholesome. It's a family operation. Yeah. You know?

It's so funny because I was in the Midwest recently and a woman was going, it's just so fucked up. What's happened to Hollywood now? All these all these underage people are being used for sex. It's like, where have you been? Do you think it's worse now than it was during the casting couch days of the 30s and the 40s yeah and i love that people point out that it's just hollywood with that problem yeah that's what it is right there's no there none of this is going on down on wall street or in advertising or how about a meat packing plant you want to get off the midnight shift of the meat packing plant i got some meat for you to pack baby it says Step into my office. It says it right above the door on the sign.

You come in here to get meatpacked. Yes, I just got back from the Midwest. Where are you? I am in Escondido, California, which is about 35 minutes north of San Diego. It's beautiful there. It is beautiful. It's horse country and it's Latino country. They closed the beach.

I know there's those signs of Mexican families. You can just tell they're Mexican, but it's silhouettes of them running across the highway. Yeah. There's people crossings. Well, there definitely was not a crossing towards my show last night at 6.30. We could have used, I should have found those people that were running across the highway and brought them to the early show.

6.30 is early. It's the sun doesn't go down for two more hours. Like, what is this insanity late show was great shows are sold out tonight but early show is bad anyway so uh i was just on the road with burt kreischer this week he's doing a new hour and i just uh ran out on his tour bus with him we did where do we do salt lake city denver om. And I slept in the bus. It was so great. You do the show, you hang out for an hour and then you get in the bus, shoot the shit on the bus for an hour. Then you get into your little bunk. Bert built this bus from scratch and it's got like a

gigantic suite in the back for him. And then, you know, then there's like four other bunks. And you get into your bunk and it's like you're a baby being rocked to sleep on this big, spongy, soft bus. And you wake up and it's so surreal. You wake up and you're fucking 10 hours away

in another city. And you just... Yeah, you're rocking to sleep praying that the paroled bus driver doesn't fall asleep as well dude don't think i i'm talking to that guy before we leave looking in his eyes seeing how fucking peppy he is and um but we had a blast bert's a fucking maniac oh my god and you go out with him and like like we went out to the mall because uh we where the fuck were we uh omaha there's a mall and you can't walk 10 feet every single person recognizes him and their jaws drop they freak out out. They come up. They want a selfie. Burt handles it.

So, I mean, I've never seen, I mean, Rogan's pretty good too. But Burt really goes above and beyond for anybody that comes up to him. He's very magnanimous. And we went on a Ferris wheel in the mall and like a crowd gathered. And it's really fucking, it's really crazy. Like, and then it's funny because I'll say to people I know back in New York, like, yeah, going out with Bert Kreish and they're like, who? Like there's a huge swath of America that has no idea who he is. The same swath that is right now, like you idiots went on a Ferris wheel at a mall in Nebraska.

And by the way, that's how Bert likes to keep a low profile. Hey, let's go on the Ferris wheel. I know. I know. No, he doesn't shy away from going out in public. We went to this place in Denver that was Matt and Trey Parker rescued. Oh, yes. Mexican restaurant.

I forget what it's called. Casa something. And by the way, they have a documentary about it that's coming out. It is the most fantastic, fantastical restaurant I've ever been to. It's about 20 minutes outside of Denver, if that, 15. And I think it used to be a department store and it's like five stories high, I think it used to be a department store and it's like five stories high, gutted out with a lagoon. And there's divers. There are cliff divers that go up to the roof and they do somersaults into the water.

You know, it was their favorite restaurant growing up. But it was in total disrepair. The food was apparently horrible and it was about to close. They must have sunk $20 million into this place easily. Here's the headline. Trey Parker and Matt Stone poke fun at their grueling Casa Bonita renovation as the documentary debuts at the Tribeca Film Festival. That was from yesterday. The waiting list to get in is 90,000 people right now.

That's how hard it is to get in. And it's Mexican. There's mariachi bands. There's puppet shows. There's magic shows. Each table is set on its own little terrace. There's an arcade. I mean, it just goes on and on.'s so big they gave us a tour like they give us a concierge there were like three concierge

that walked us through the entire place we got the royal treatment um it was it was so amazing we we had such a blast um and And what else did we do? Oh, we saw Bill Burr. We had a night off in Denver, and Burr was playing. And so we went out and saw his new hour, which was unbelievable. So I don't know if I should even talk about it, but let's just say it's very vulnerable. It's an extremely honest hour of material from him.

Very cool. Yeah. honest hour of material from him. Very cool. Yeah. Uh, hung out with him after and, uh, Dean Del Rey.

Um, and then, and then we did this tree and then this trainer, this guy who is the, like the number, actually number two cross fit, you know, they've cross fit competitions now.

Yes. So this guy is like the number two CrossFit athlete in the country. And we went out like 40 minutes outside of Denver to his house, and he trained us in his garage. And my back went out within 15 minutes. And I kept going. Josh Bridges. And I kept going.

Wow. We were picking up like 50 50 pound sandbags over our heads and throwing them down and, uh, pushing a sled across his driveway, doing burpees with 25 pound weights in my hands. And then, and then he had a cold plunge, which was 37 degrees and we each got into the cold plunge afterwards disgusting and then you go back to denver and here's the thing you're living on the bus but so you have a place to shit and shower burt rents a suite at the four seasons and so you go to like their steam room and their sauna and the pool. And then after the cold plunge and then I mean, and then you just hang out in the suite a little bit. It was unbelievable.

It was such a great trip. And then he doesn't stay in the suite that night. No, I guess you're on the road, right? Well, the night we had off, he actually told me to sleep in the suite because he's got his suite on the bus. That's got all this shit in it. And I was like, gladly. So I went, I slept in the suite because he's got his suite on the bus that's got all this shit in it and i was like gladly so i went i slept in the suite you and your bad back it was yeah i needed it i needed it um nice man well it's so cool yeah burt is really like a modern day um uh what's his name uh from the honeymooners uh jackie gleason you know like this true

like life of the party yeah and and just you know is that character everything is through character um and uh and i and he's amazing with fans yeah he, and he's doing great shows. He's getting ready to do another hour. Yeah, it was fun. And then I was in New York the week before that. I did a big show on Mimarinik. Oh, yeah. Yeah, all my friends and family came out. We sold out this little theater,

and then I spent the weekend with my brother and sister up at her house. The cell photo, that was great. So basically I was in New York for a week, flew home on Sunday night, did my laundry. Monday morning, flew to Salt Lake City, was on the bus all week, flew home for two hours, and then got in a car and drove down here to San Diego. And now, after my late show tonight, I'll drive two and a half hours back to L.A., throw a move on the wife, get shot down, and then it'll be Sunday.

Yeah, I was trying to get you out there, uh, to see Tedeschi trucks tomorrow. So I saw them last night. It's my first time ever seeing them, you know, whatever. I don't have to go on about them too much, but you know, Derek trucks is, uh, you know, I think the best guitarist I've ever seen in my life and, uh, their band lived up to all the incredible hype I had heard. It's just, and then they go into a Zeppelin song, What Is and What Should Never Be. And I just, you know, it was just, and the Greek theater, as you know, is so beautiful. I love the Greek theater, yeah.

So we have this great hack, which is, so I worked at the Greek theater last summer. I'll keep it short because most people don't live in LA, but it's a great hack. Maybe there's similar things you can do in other places, but the Greek theater is up in this canyon. And I worked there and when I went there for Will Ferrell's fundraiser, the guy goes, Hey, park at Roosevelt. There's a parking lot at Roosevelt golf course, a nine hole golf course that we love. And so I go, all right. And I go, he goes, and just then walk up, you know, the

a hundred yards to the, I'm like, all right, but then what, he goes and just then walk up, you know, the hundred yards to the I'm like, all right. But then what about the car? He's like, oh, it becomes a lot later on. But if you're already parked there for golf, you're grandfathered in. Like, in other words, because it's fifty dollars to park there. So we're going to tee off tomorrow at four, play nine holes, then party in the parking lot, tailgate before walking up the hill. Nice. That's how you do it.

Huh? You really enjoy hacking life. You're the same guy that rides your little scooter to the airport where you park in short term parking for as many days as you want. And then what do you, is it legal? You just go around the. Yeah, they build, they even build them short. So motorcycles also, you know, a lot of those things can't tell when a motorcycle is there,

like the gate doesn't go up and all that stuff, but that's not why they're shorter. They're shorter so you can drive around cause there's no charge. Yeah. I like life a little easier. Why not? And a little cheaper. Is it easier and cheaper? Is it? Or do you spend a phenomenal amount of time because our listeners have heard me go on and on about stop making sense but stop making sense the movie at a special event at the freaking pantages theater so that's where they shot

the movie 40 years ago oh no shit holly. Hollywood Boulevard, Pantages Theater. My girls as a birthday present to me, let me bring them to this movie. So the three of us went and, um, it was wild by the way, taking them through LA. I got to remember the second example of this, but I go, you guys, even though you grew grew up in la you kind of don't know la because you're so young and you haven't like gone into hollywood a lot so i drove the whole sunset strip to the pantages so we get to you know you know about rock and roll ralphs right there on sunset so i go you girls have to know like your aunt laura my sister she had an apartment one block from here. I remember that.

I came out from New York. It was known as Rock and Roll Ralphs. It was like a hair band's music video was being shot in there 24-7. Like tits hanging out with piercings, crazy huge hair, all the ripped, tattered clothing. It was like Motley Crue crew casting call and everyone called it rock and roll ralphs and olivia goes that's what it says i'm like what she's like the sign said rock and roll ralphs like that's that's what's happened now is marketing got to it and there's literally a sign that says rock and roll all right so anyway the talking heads are at the screening and there's a

um there's a interview with talking heads after the movie so they're there and everything but all right so the movie starts and we're in the pantages theater and everyone is applauding the credits and like jonathan demi's name comes up, even A24, because the restoration got a plus rate. So I'm only talking about this. And again, I'm really not talking about Stop Making Sense. I'm talking about this surreal experience I had. So we're watching the movie. The third song, fourth song, whatever it is, is Burning Down the House.

The whole left side of the theater starts dancing. All of a sudden, everyone stands up. The whole theater applauded like crazy after every song because Demi and Burn decided not to shoot the audience. So it's like we are the Pantages audience for them. Right, right. That's amazing. I am not kidding you.

The audience only sat down for three songs for the rest of the movie. That's it. Wow, that's so great. Standing the whole time going crazy. And then you'd see an exit sign, and there's the exit sign from 40 years ago. It's right to your right.

It was wild. You know what's wild, too, about that movie is because I saw it about nine months ago on the 50th anniversary or whatever it was that came out is the aerobic output of the band. They are literally running in circles around the state in life during wartime. They are running with their knees in the air as they, as they, it's,

it was insane. No, the output is incredible. And then every time I see the movie, every time there's a new thing. And really, if you're going to watch it dedicated, like turn off all the lights,

just commit to it, phone away. But every time I see something new in this time, the girls, the backup singers were leaning back and then they way back and he did also and he leaned way way back like where he thought his knee would explode and then they slowly came up and the shot of the backup singers slowly coming up and now some fog a fog machine had been used I'm like that looks like a horror movie and then

you well I go no I go to my girls I'm like doesn't that looks like a horror movie and then you or i go no i go to my girls i'm like doesn't that look like a sci-fi movie that's exactly what i said then you remember the cinematographer did blade runner oh right this is not a crew that shot a concert this was a film yeah anyway it was just so amazing and the the girls, you know, I was very self-conscious of how they'd like it. And they like like Olivia was like, I can't believe how creative it is. Like, it's just so creative. And it just starts with a bare stage. There's like nothing but some scaffolding and ladders in the back. And then it just keeps building. So it's playing in Brooklyn.

There's only two two things that they're doing uh here and then now in brooklyn uh but you know clearly brooklyn will be great but it's not going to be like it's shot at the pantheon oh so then andy richter um moderated the q a they come out and the applause eventually richter had to just interrupt it and then apologize he goes i'm so sorry like i just interrupted your applause i mean that applause wasn't even for me but it was like Richter had to just interrupt it and then apologize. He goes, I'm so sorry. Like I just interrupted your applause. I mean, that applause wasn't even for me, but it was like, you know, tons of people crying. And it was, I kind of finally understood what the weird practice of clapping is. Cause you've heard me talk about when I've been too stoned, like at the Hollywood bowl, I'm like, clapping is the weirdest fucking thing. If you were an alien, you'd be like,

ball i'm like clapping is the weirdest fucking thing like if you were an alien you'd be like everyone sits still and they watch a guy who's like like running his hand on metal strings and making noise and then when he's done they all then bash their hands together like seals like it's the weirdest exchange but that's what it is. And I realized that for the first time, like really concretely, like you're trying to give them something like they just melted your hearts. Right. In this profound artistic expression. And you're and you have nothing to give. And so that's why it got louder and waves of it got louder and louder as they just sat there. It's's incredible.

I literally just played the Stop Making Sense soundtrack on the tour bus with Bert, and we were talking about what our best albums are of all time, and I played that, and I played this year's model by Elvis Costello. How'd you get tickets? It was really hard. It was sold out, and I just watched. I just hoped like crazy i knew i

could get last row but i hoped like crazy they would go down and then um and then game timed it man hey now there you go yeah and uh it was a truly a last minute game time decision and got pretty decent seats and it was great. And, uh, Oh, so one thing about Andy Richter, he was really funny, but wait, what was I going to say? Uh, he's on my, he's on my podcast next week. Oh my God. You got to ask him about it. Yeah, no, no. I already recorded it. Oh, he, he saw that tour his senior year in high school in Chicago.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah, and he told them that. But wait, the huge applause, the four of them come out. None of them had been back to the Pantages in 40 years. This was their first time back since the last night they recorded. Well, aren't they doing a reunion tour right now? Oh, I'm thinking of the B-52s. They don't get along.

Yeah. No, I know. There's some bad history there, I guess. Yeah. But boy, it was just incredible. Well, speaking of great albums, Jane S. created a beautiful logo for us, the Sunday Papers. It is the uh which album cover is that let's let it be man is that okay let it be their last album so uh debate on that it might

have been recorded before abbey road right last one released yeah and we probably have that wrong. And then the song from Sean Nolan is very, very lo-fi, but cool, very heartfelt. Love it. Keep them coming. We always need new songs. We always need new stuff. So thank you for sending it in to fitzdogradio at gmail.com. Absolutely, very cool. Correction. radio at gmail.com very cool correction uh this guy john 333 park says herb khan a beloved local newspaper columnist for the san francisco chronicle now deceased is behind all that

nonsense that folks don't like calling it frisco and somehow it became received wisdom i don't think any locals give a rat's tail if it's called Frisco or not. I certainly don't care. I love Frisco. Shaky town. It kind of makes me think like Bullet. Remember the movie Bullet? Yeah.

I haven't seen it, but I do know it. That's when it was called Frisco. Yeah, I think it's like that cool 70s hip speak, you know? Yeah, it's Steve McQueen. I think you should watch it. It's really... Let's go shake it up in Frisco. It's funny because everybody thinks of it as a car chase movie.

There's really only one car chase. It lasts for about nine minutes. And it's in like a 68 Mustang Fastback, all jacked up. And then we got some tour dates coming up. Pittsburgh, I will be June 21st at the WDVE Festival. Buffalo at the Darien Lake Amphitheater, June 23rd with Bert. And then I have a bunch of new dates I'm about to announce, just booked. I'm coming to Alaska and a bunch of other places.

New dates I'm about to announce. Just booked. I'm coming to Alaska and a bunch of other places. Don't forget, support for Sunday Papers comes from Game Time. Mike, why don't you tell us a little bit about them? Just used it. In fact, let me look up, because I'm going back to Tedeschi Trucks Sunday. Okay. All in.

$70. There it is. I'm going to keep an eye on that. There's row P, which is amazing if it's in section eight, 87 bucks. Um, so I'm going to keep an eye on it, but there they are. It came time, you know, that's our go-to thing. We talk about it week after week. We love this sponsor because we use them. You get tickets for concerts events faster and easier. You have seat view. They have guarantees. I use it as I've talked about a lot in discover mode just to see what's going on in town. Let's try a discover mode in L.A. right now.

Kendrick Lamar. What? You're in a few weeks. Yeah, that's a big one at the forum. How much? He's a three thirty six right now. And that's June. Oh, shit. And that's June 19th.

Damn. Janet Jackson is coming in. She's at $75. She's not. Oh, she's tonight, Janet Jackson. Wow. You see, this is why I do this. I should do it more.

We got Texas Rangers at the Dodgers. So anyway, it's sports. It's music. It's shows. It's comedy, it's everything. Let's see, what else do we got? We also got, there's a guarantee if you find tickets in the same section and row on the same night, you will get 110% back. If you lose your job, there's job loss protection.

They think of everything. Flash deals, zone deals, views from your seats in the venues. And the best, actually, I know I've said this, but truly my favorite thing about it, because when I was doing this for Tedeschi Trucks, it's, I'm comparing against the other popular, you know, second market seat sellers. And you have to just crunch math or estimate that it's going to be twice the price that you see. This is the all in price. So, you know exactly what you're going to pay total. The app is also amazing. It's so easy to use a couple of taps. It goes right into your phone. No downloading, no transferring, no printing. It's a great app. So anyway, listen.

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Guaranteed. Guaranteed. Front page. Crankle it. This paper's getting soft, but like me. Here we go. Extra. Extra.

We all love it. Extra. Front page. Former President Donald Trump's, or we should say future President Donald Trump's gun license is expected to be revoked now that he has been convicted on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records. So I guess so much for getting away with shooting somebody on Fifth Avenue. Remember when he said that? Although now he'd really be getting away with it.

Yes. With an unlicensed, unregistered gun? Yeah. I think it's not too often that Republicans are upset about somebody having their gun taken away. Yeah. Or should I say Democrats? Democrats, I think.

But listen, he no longer has a gun, but hopefully he knows from his tight friend, his good buddy, Jeffrey Epstein, there are other ways to attain that peace and serenity and end all the suffering. You don't need a gun. Oh, wow. If it's a choice he wants to make,

I don't want him to feel limited. Well, here's the thing about the Jeffrey Epstein. Nobody can give a shit about making that connection because Epstein cut across all partisan boundaries. He had Clinton out there. He had fucking Bill Gates, who was a huge liberal, and then plenty of Republicans.

He just he brought people together across the aisle for child molestation. It was beautiful. He was the white Diddy. Yes. Before. I mean, and again, Diddy sampling him. Never original Diddy. Never original. Speaking of Donald Trump, a supporter who assaulted law enforcement officers

with bear spray and a metal whip, he was arrested thanks to a woman's sting operation on the dating app Bumble. Uh-oh. I wonder what that ad looked like, you know? Do you want to walk up the steps of life with me? Yeah, Bumble, as you know, ladies make the first move. And this first move is you're under arrest. She says, she says, I don't take no for an answer either. So, um, so he was sentenced for six years. Uh, and, and he was, he was convicted also of soliciting a minor.

And then he, I guess, was fighting with another inmate inside a jail. Meanwhile, Trump will pardon this guy when he gets reelected. He said he's going to pardon everybody. Meanwhile, Biden said he won't even pardon his own son if he's convicted. Perfect. Listen, about the soliciting a minor, patriots need pussy too. Sometime underage pussy. That's, I think, what this patriot wanted. And like, you don't question a patriot and what they do. A good portion of this country thinks patriots don't have to follow some laws. And I think, I think they would agree this is another one that they don't have to follow, that they can get underage women.

Right. I mean, Thomas Jefferson, he wrote a constitution that all men are created equal while owning slaves. If you're a patriot, you can bend the rules a little bit. Yeah. Or a lot. I'm listening to Howard Zinn's A People's History of America right now. Oh, wow. It is crazy. When you really shift your perspective and you see that all of the whole Constitution was written by guys that were indebted to slavery. There was a lot about not having paper money because they were all lenders.

There was a lot of the laws written to the Constitution were there to benefit businessmen and the 3% that had all the money, which was all these guys. And also that the laws were written without the inclusion of any people of color, any women. So it's just funny when you step back and you look at it the way Howard Zinn does. You go, these aren't conspiracy theories. This is just fundamentally the way this this document was built.

Right. Totally. And I mean, it's and also in a way by immigrants these they were all by definition immigrants yeah or descendants of immigrants right um no founded on genocide built with slavery that's print up the bumper stickers all right here's a fun story a school crossing guard has been accused of giving Pennsylvania... I fucking love this story. Of giving Pennsylvania middle school students drugs and even smoking weed with them at least once. Police in Delaware County arrested 26-year-old Kiara Lee on Tuesday

after she allegedly gave the children electronic cigarettes and marijuana edibles. Well, Jesus, no wonder they needed help getting across the street. They're baked out of their minds. Maybe they were going too fast and she had to slow them down. Kids, kids, come here. Whoa, whoa, take it easy. All right. So I then went and found this article.

How are they not describing this woman at all like maybe the kids just felt high because she's so surreal looking do you see the photos she looks like she's about four foot three okay four foot Four foot four. Maybe four. All right. If that guy's six feet, do you think he's two feet taller? I think he's two feet taller than she is. Yeah, she's four feet. And then the face?

What is going on around her face and neck? Also, do you see her hair in that second shot where there's two cops around her? Yeah. Yeah, she looks like some kind of a mutant. Also, do you see her hair in that second shot where there's two cops around her? Yeah. Yeah, she looks like some kind of a mutant. She's got like weird brown discoloring and her hair looks like it was ripped out by a wild animal. And the amount, look at the lashes, and yet the most eye makeup I've ever seen. I mean, is it a trans person? the most eye makeup I've ever seen.

I mean, is it a trans person? I think that she could claim that if she needed to get out of prison. I just talked to a woman who's a prison guard at a men's prison, at a jail, which is where they hold you. And she said when they come in and they say they're trans, they put them out on bonds

because there's nowhere to house them. I think I was in Omaha. and so they just can't release so all these guys are saying they're fucking they identify as a woman as a woman and they're getting out chris wrote she looks like charlie hebdo drew her it is a very if you see if you google this story of crossing guard Pennsylvania. And no, just Google Kiara Lee crossing guard. Jesus. With a K. Wow. Why aren't people watching our podcast more?

The numbers are so low. And I just think that this is a visual podcast. We got the comics at the end. We got this cartoon contest. We got this face. Look at this fucking face. Look at these face. Look at this fucking face. Look at these eyes. You're missing it.

Who? What, you? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Look at your face, too. Yeah, it's also surreal. I would get high if I was a middle schooler. Yes.

All right. A popular YouTuber faces federal charges after a video showed two women shooting fireworks out of a helicopter at a lamborghini and a social media stunt these stunts are getting fucking crazy there's this guy named like mr beast is that was his name yeah yeah we tried to get him on the tom brady roast actually brady did something with him he literally walks up to strangers on the street and hands them briefcases filled with cash. He throws it off balconies.

I don't know how much money this guy makes, but he's giving away millions every month. Yeah. So anyway, Alex Choi was charged with causing the placement of an explosive or incendiary device on an aircraft. The FAA said that she did not get the required approval to film the video, and he did not have an explosive license or permit from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosive. I didn't know explosives was on there. Alcohol, tobacco, and firearms is becoming the new LGBTQ. As there's more terrorists, they're just adding more letters.

It's such a party, that division. Look what they're in charge of. I know. That is the best. Yeah. I mean, you can either be the Food and Drug Administration. That sounds like a pretty good party until you meet the alcohol tobacco farms and explosives people yeah uh in the nearly 11

minute video choy presses a fire missiles button and two women in a moving helicopter shoot fireworks towards the luxury sports car it appears to be a live action version of a fictionalized video game scene. And I guess he was also arrested last month for dressing in a round yellow costume and eating dots and cherries, which is illegal. He did not get approval from the FDA for that. Why not send two Italian guys in overalls to smash her?

Hey, where are you going, huh? Yeah. You trying to run it from my brother? Maybe Choi was making a statement. He's combining the two things women are notoriously horrible at, shooting and then driving and knowing how cars work. And spending money. Yeah.

Why not add short, to-the-point stories to the trifecta see them struggle and flail a sedanman just posted this mr beast a popular youtuber has a net worth ready for this over 500 million dollars on his earnings businesses and investments his youtube channel has more than 250 million subscribers and his net worth is predicted to be over 320 million dollars this year i thought they just said 500 million like i don't know uh i don't know what the algorithms are like on youtube and how much profit sharing there is and i know people know. And I know even some listeners might know that, but you get a pay, you get a penny for every thousand views.

So it's not a lot. So you're partnering with them and I guess, you know, they're loading the ads for you and all that. But like, what if he had his own, what if he just put all his videos on his own website? Like when he make way more,

that's what I'm trying to get through to people. YouTube is a channel. Everybody our kid's age, they just watch YouTube. They don't watch NBC. They don't watch Comedy Central. They watch YouTube. Now Comedy Central pays millions of dollars per episode for a half an hour of something to show to you.

YouTube pays a penny for every thousand and then they run ads on it and they're getting their content for free from providers. It's the craziest business model. Right. The only person I've seen own their own website and make money is Louisis ck if you want to get his specials if you want to get his tv shows he's got all the episodes up on his channel

and he actually monetizes it well i've seen other comedians try to put their specials out on their own channel and charge for it never works gaff really tried it aziz tried it It doesn't work Louie's the only guy that's got a built-in fan base That's that, you know, on board Wow, alright Well, I don't know I always love cutting out the middleman if you can Yep You want me to read this story?

Please So by the way, you said you put some stories in I went then yesterday to put stories Like, not this one but i went to put in a bunch that i already had uh the january 6th um wait did one of the stories disappear um live nation yeah uh anyway oh schneider reindeer i literally had all those earmarked You put them all in already Well I

You know I like to get them in early And I just assume You'll put in some other ones And we'll pick the best ones You beat me to it I'll go slower I'll wait till an hour

Before the podcast Like you And then we'll And then we'll see what we got Ah buys By the way what happened You said you have to do it late today i did but then i woke up early i figured i'd be exhausted from being on tour but

i ended up waking up early this morning because then the last night after the concert i'm like oh good i don't have to fucking work on the podcast i can do it in the morning yeah you'd have it all here when you woke up all right um oh by the way thanks for doing the youtube comments this week well done i'm gonna do them right now no but it doesn't it's not right now do you understand how social media works people are kind enough to take time to write us notes on the youtube channel and one of the few things you do on the podcast is you're gonna reply to those and i remind you like i'm a little fucking teacher going Mike you didn't reply to the cat okay I'll do a Tuesday which is two days later than you should do it and then you still

don't do it and now I'm the fucking bitch hey that's you I don't call you a bitch not to your face yeah um no but they all get notices when I comment so i'm gonna still do it i'm gonna still do it yeah i've been good about it no you got to do it the day of day of there are a lot of people don't listen to this or or really watch it on the day of no i'm talking about when somebody writes to us on social media you got to write back right away for it to mean something. Oh, I don't think so. Okay. Bouncing bride a day before their wedding, a Utah couple attempted to transport a King size mattress to their new home by having the bride lie on top of it in the bed of a truck while traveling 50 miles an hour on state street in Provo, the mattress with the bride still on it, lifted off

and landed in the middle of the road. Despite suffering significant road rash and a couple of chipped teeth, the bride managed to reach the side of the road without being hit by oncoming traffic. She also still managed to walk down the aisle the next day. This is why they have backup wives in Utah. Yes. Have a couple on the bench. If you're going to play hard, have some backup players. Disposable.

By the way, I'm guessing she was missing some teeth before this incident happened. I think he might have got a little handsy with her and a little rough, and then he had to put her on top of a mattress to cover up his, you know, his misdeeds. By the way, congratulations. I did not know Johnny Knoxville got married this week, so that's great. on top of a mattress to cover up his misdeeds. By the way, congratulations. I did not know Johnny Knoxville got married this week, so that's great news. Someone should tell him you should wait for the honeymoon to bang your bride out of bed, not before the wedding.

Utah, man, that's as rough as sex gets. Yep. She's the only woman in that state falling out of bed. Entertainment. Wow, this is a long story. All right, Live Nation, I'm going to chop this down a little bit. Live Nation, who people must know, they're the company that produces, promotes live concerts um it's a

monopoly it's a monopoly and it needs to be broken up so it's uh it's head irving azoff who's the head of it they uh quietly secured an iron grip over the lucrative las vegas residency of dead and company even as they face growing antitrust heat from the feds. They were sued by the Justice Department last month for allegedly profiting from an illegal monopoly over live entertainment, cut an agreement in January with the Grateful Dead offshoot band and James Dolan's Las Vegas Sphere to promote a 24 show residency. I mean, that's the thing about the dead like back in the day if you join the grateful dead fan club you got cheap tickets offered early and they were the best seats what happened what happened to that what does does the grateful dead really need or the dead in company

need so much money that they're gonna go to these corporate fucks. I shouldn't say that. They produce shows that I do, but it is a problem. In addition to Live Nation and its Ticketmaster unit, they bought Ticketmaster, promoting and selling tickets for the Blockbuster Act, blah, blah, blah. Live Nation has also been selling

travel packages through Vibey, a hotel booking and VIP business arm of the company. The triple packaging of Live Nation, Ticketmaster, and Vibe, which the firm also did with the U2 and Fish residencies, is the kind of blitz that the DOG has blasted as anti-competitive. By the way, they also own most of the radio stations that are promoting the events. They manage the acts like a lot of musical acts are managed. So they're taking a percentage of their earnings, plus renting them the theater, plus they get

30% of all the merchandise sales. So if a band is selling a $ t-shirt which is costing them ten dollars and they're paying sales people they're also paying 30 another ten dollars to live nation just for allowing them to sell them in there it's fucking crazy what live nation gets away with gets away with the uh john uh what this week what was this week tonight uh john john oliver does all i wanted to say was stewart john oliver does an incredible deep dive on ticket master i think it was from last season and it's there's so much even more wrong with it than you listed. And you listed a lot that's wrong with it. But it's despicable.

Well, now they have this. Irving Azoff is this little man, literally. And he's pretty vicious. I mean, even in the Eagles documentary, he was the Eagles manager. He's like, well, listen, Irving's the devil. But at least he was our devil. Yeah. And they called him the devil his own band that he managed yeah it's pretty crazy ticket master and they do that surge pricing now where if there's the demand goes up then the ticket prices go up it's just it's fucking gross i got so fucked on stone's tickets like

you know three or four years ago where and then they wouldn't let me sell it for less than face value. So, by the way, I ate some Stones tickets because there was nothing I could do. I couldn't sell them. Why are we selling them? Because I wasn't in town. I bought them so far in advance. I got hosed on that price gouging thing where they that the surge pricing you just described whatever it's horrible all right speaking of these concerts

madison square garden entertainment has permanently banned a concert goer credited with the first bong hit to ever be ripped inside the sphere during a fishish concert on April 20th, 2024. Video of the individual smoking out of a bong prior to the concert hit the Phish fan sites and quickly went viral. He became something of a folk hero among the band's fans. It happened on 420. Oh, is that right? Look at that. Oh, nice. The sphere did at that. Oh, nice.

This fear did not find the video as funny. They said that they will not tolerate actions that threaten the safety and security of our guests and employees. Oh, God. Meanwhile, this guy was enshrined in the Fish Hall of Fame. Next to the guy who made it to all 357 fish shows in the same year without showering. And Holly Feinberg, who was the first fish fan to tour for three years without going home for a break to apologize to his parents and withdraw some of his trust fund. Wait, how did she turn into a he? She transitioned when she was home.

Oh, that's what happened. Yeah. Listen, he only got banned. The Las Vegas Police Department couldn't be bothered with such nonsense. They're too busy solving Ocean's Eleven's. Is it Carl Reiner? No. Yeah. Julia Roberts. Who is it?

What? Are these great looking men robbing our casino? Don't they have it all already? George Clooney makes $20 million a movie. Why would he be going after poker chips? Meanwhile, that guy who ripped the bong hits on the weakest drugs in the whole building. Yeah. It's ridiculous.

I know. I have to do it, though. I have to head to the sphere. I might go. Sophie wants to drive out to, whatchamacallit, school to Michigan this year. And so we might do it, and it goes right through Vegas. You going to see the dead? Well, they extended it, I guess, because I couldn't believe they were still playing in August.

Yeah. I highly recommend it. It's unbelievable. I talked about it already, but I've had a lot of people email me and say, is it really that great? It really is. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to see this band on their way out. Well, I'll bend over and spread them and I'll go on the Ticketmaster website and see what I can do. Just call Dan Brickner. He'll get you free tickets. Oh, I forgot about that hookup. Yeah. Oh, I forgot about that hookup. Yeah.

Comedian Rob Schneider was removed from the stage at a charity event over the weekend after making anti-trans and anti-vaccine jokes at a Hollywood benefit. Nice. It occurred during a fundraiser for the hospitals of Regina Foundation. Witnesses to the event claimed Schneider was roundly booed and that his stand-up routine ended early schneider a self-described conservative comedian has become an outspoken critic of vaccines especially after covet 19 his material allegedly centered around his lgbtq plus slams moreover amid the booze, attendees at the event stood up and began walking out until he was asked to leave the stage. The Regina organization noted that Schneider's joke did not align with the views of the charity. And you know what? I'll say this. As Voltaire said, I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to bomb in front of a room full of people because you're ultimately not very funny. I will die for that, Rob Schneider. You know, you can't believe everything you read. Like, I sincerely doubt Schneider told any jokes. I don't think. And I love, by the way, you can believe this what you read. I love that the

organization said that Schneider's joke did not align with the view of the charity. Like Rob, we loved all your joke, but that one really did not align. The one, the one joke, the one trick pony. I wonder how he goes over. Cause you know, he goes on the road, Adam Sandler does these big arena tours and he brings Schneider, he brings like Spade and Judd Apatow and a bunch of people and i just don't know how schneider goes over with these liberal crowds but you know what good for him he's fucking speaking his mind it's what he believes and that's what his comedy should be i think i think it's kind of embarrassing that these people can't handle a fucking comedy routine but

if you're speaking your mind to like a lot of people, shouldn't you know what you're talking about? And I'm not even singling him out. Like Bill Burr's response to like, I'm not going to sit here and listen to Bill Maher's solution for Mitty's piece. I'm not going to sit here and debate efficacy of vaccines with Joe Rogan. And he's he's lumping himself in there like that's not our forte.

Yeah, but I mean, you go see a comedy show. You're watching somebody's point of view. You don't have to subscribe to it and you don't have to find it valid. You're just going for the ride. They're not going to be up there for eight fucking hours. He probably did a 15 minute set. Just shut fuck up and wait for chelsea handler to come up yeah she'll destroy uh you want to read this next one reindeer the scottish woman who claims to be the inspiration for richard gad's hit on netflix babyindeer has sued the streamer, seeking monetary damages of at least $870 million.

Fiona Harvey has publicly said the character of Martha in Baby Reindeer, played by Jessica Gunning, is based on her. She is suing Netflix, alleging defamation, intentional infliction of emotional distress, negligence, and violations of her right of publicity. Wouldn't it be privacy? Harvey's lawsuit alleges Netflix told brutal lies about her in the Baby Reindeer series. Ha! This, I don't like this. This sets a bad precedent for this kind of thing. I mean, next Ellen DeGeneres will want damages anytime a cunt is depicted on a TV show.

She doesn't know it's her. But what a cluster F. I mean, you know, people were able to find her identity immediately by just doing a tiny bit of research. And, you know, you're supposed to hide that stuff like crazy but i'm sure those lawyers at first for netflix were like well listen i'm sure you guys did a good job making her unrecognizable like from the real woman and then the real woman walks in and they're like no no no we want to see the real woman that it's based on not the actress oh this is the real woman oh fuck okay just just pay her now yeah you don't just throw money at her yeah throw money at her because she's a little persistent if you don't give it to her she may hang out in front of the building a little bit

she's not gonna let this one go i don't have you seen that whole series not the whole thing i got pretty bored i watched the first few and only because i've been on the road i haven't finished but now i'm i'm pretty into it i like it it. What else are we watching? The Jinx. Oh, listen to this fucking shit. Don't spoil it. I haven't started The Jinx yet. No, nothing to do with the content.

It's the producers of it are these two brothers that I went to high school with, the Jarecki brothers. Whoa, yeah, Jarecki, of course. Yeah, they're really famous documentary filmmakers. So anyway, I'm scrolling through my news feed, and I see Jarecki, so I go, oh, let me check, maybe what are those guys up to? Their father, who's 91, is an Epstein friend who Epstein used to send his victims to,

the girls that were being raped, he sent them to Jarecki. He was a shrink, and he would treat these girls for their trauma. And guess what he do? He fucking raped them. Jarek, his dad. Yes. And so now he is being I don't know if it's if he's been convicted or accused, but he's a holocaust survivor i mean the story gets deeper wow and i like this woman he was when he was like 80 years old he was fucking like a 23 year old in his office yeah pretty gross a survivor that's her holocaust uh that's her holocaust he's like hey uh nice tattoo you want to see my tattoo oh god that was the icebreaker

um all right let's uh make america florida here it comes Florida. Here it comes. St. Petersburg, Florida. A Florida man found himself in jail after he allegedly told police his name was Mr. Monopoly during his arrest. Police spoke to Ryan Howard and asked him for his name, but he didn't respond. After a few attempts, Howard told officers his name was Mr. Monopoly. He also reportedly provided a date of birth of 4-20-69. Nice.

After checking his driver's license, police were able to verify that, in fact, that wasn't the case. Good detective work. Turns out his legal name is non-Mr. Monopoly, and he was not born on 4-20 in the case. Good detective work. Turns out his legal name is non-Mr. Monopoly, and he was not born on 4-20 in the year 69. Sharp, guys. You got him. You ought to check it, though.

And then read the last line of the story. Howard was transported to the county jail. He has since been released after posting $1,000 bond. Wait, I thought to get out of jail in Monopoly, you had to roll doubles. It released after posting $1,000 bond. Wait, I thought to get out of jail in Monopoly, you had to roll doubles. It's just a $1,000 bond now?

They changed the rules? No, you just have to post a little yellow card that says get out of jail free. Maybe it's orange. I forget. And I guess it turns out he doesn't have a permanent address. He's been living in a box car on Redding Railroad for a while. He collects a lot of rent, though, with taxes.

I think it's taxes when you're on a railroad. Speaking of Texas. Texas! Let's make Texas, Florida. A Texas man makes his second water rescue in seven years. This was during the Houston storm. On Tuesday, Robert Chance, his girlfriend, Renee Young, and her daughter saw a truck partially submerged in a drainage ditch. The first thing he said he wanted to do was check if someone was in there. Young told KHOU he was

just ready to jump over the edge. He's not thinking. He's just going. It's primal. Chance, who works in construction, had tools in his truck and he pulled out his hammer to break the windshield once he saw someone inside the truck. Chance eventually broke a passenger window and helped pull a man out. Now recovering from the incident, the rescued man said he has some bruising and some banging on the windows, from banging on the windows, as well as a cut on his hand from the broken glass. The rest of the scars are inside and that's going to take a while to heal. As for Chance, the rescue was actually the second time in seven years that he's played hero.

He previously saved a woman from a flooded vehicle in Pasadena after Hurricane Harvey. Maybe Pasadena is also in Texas, because I don't remember Hurricane Harvey up here. Harvey. Maybe Pasadena is also in Texas because I don't remember Hurricane Harvey up here. But what is the chance that a guy named Chance would randomly conduct two water risk rescues? Right. Is this a superhero origin stories? Also, does it always flood around this guy? Also, do you think he knows Mr. Monopoly? mr monopoly it just needs to be a movie it's a nice shamalan take note it's his sister community chest um nice rack that's her community chest yeah this there was a comedian in boston still is named chance langton and uh he used to have this joke. He'd look at a woman and go, take a chance. He goes, I was named after my name is Chance. I was named after a hot night in the backseat of a 57 Chevy in Marlboro.

Meanwhile, the guy rescued goes, the rest of the scars are inside. What did Chance show us on the deal on the doll how chance saved you exactly yeah what went on there did it get even wetter was there an unnecessary heimlich maneuver i don't know what happened there all right have you ever saved somebody's life huh have you ever saved somebody's life no do we have to hear about your Costa Rican story? I didn't have to come back to me. I was curious if you, Mike Gibbons, a strong guy, has ever saved somebody. I've taken a couple of lives. Oh, that's nice. No, I mean, it's overstating it, but they, because I was so young,

the family wanted me credited in the West Hampton police department with saving their daughter's life. She was the babysitter and she went into a diabetic shock. All I knew was like something was crazy wrong. So I called nine one one. And so I think, as I said, it's an overstatement. Oh, so you called somebody who saved somebody. Yeah, I was very young and that's what happened. So you made a phone call. Yeah. If I was older, I probably wouldn't have called.

And I would have just said, just sleep it off. Also, why are you babysitting me? I'm 20. All right. Let's do some sports. Sports. Here it goes mike tyson jake paul netflix fight pushed to november netflix's fight between former unified heavyweight champ mike Tyson and social media personality Jake Paul is going to be November 15th.

It's going to be in Arlington, Texas. The original fight had been set to take place July 20th, but was postponed after Tyson fell ill with an ulcer flare up on a cross-country flight. He reportedly was on an American Airlines flight from Miami to Los Angeles when he began to feel sick. Great strategy, Tyson. Now you're going to be almost a half year older than you already are. Yeah, the clock is ticking. That's a good point. I think the ulcer flared up when he started looking at uh uh jake paul's instagram feed and saw how fucking ripped he was and the kind of workouts he's doing he was like oh this stomach my stomach's really starting to act up yeah i'm a little uh i hope it doesn't hit me in the belly has there ever been a fight where more people want to see one guy beat the shit out of the other guy. Other than the racist fights back in like the 1950s when it was like Sonny Liston.

I was in a meeting this week and they were, you know, they were asking me all about the roast and all this. And they're a big, very big production company. Hey now, Mike Gibbons. Yeah, I am. No, no, no. I mean, it was like an informal. So we're there and we're shooting the shit.

And everyone is talking about the changing landscape of television and how it's it's the worst. It's it's insanity right now. Like no one knows which way is up. And then Netflix just learned like how successful some of these live events can be. They're leaning into it full. And so when this this came up they're like and there's all type of live events are going to be like live sporting events live events live stand-up live roast and then on this i go and live death like i think that's what they're hoping happens oh my god that would be huge that would be by huge. That would be a bigger death than fill in the blank on the Tom Brady roast. Like, I wish somebody had bombed because that would have been a perfect joke.

Ben Affleck. Oh, there you go. That was a live death. Yeah, that was a death. Here's the because, of course, we all know if someone has to die in this fight, we all know what the majority of the world is rooting for. But Tyson, when you hit an almost 60-year-old man really hard in the head, they can die. Yes. Yes. Easily. Like, easily.

I know. Do you think that Jake Paul would hold back? No, because also when you're throwing that punch, when you're, listen, I don't box, but when you're in a fight and you're throwing, you throw so many punches at the guy's head that hopefully will end the fight. And you know, one out of 20 land, maybe less, I think less. Yeah. So you don't think that's the one. You think it's another lottery ticket.

You just got to throw as many punches as you can. Okay, but say it's round five and Tyson's wobbly and his hands are down. Do you go full hog at him or do you take the decision? do you go full hog at him or do you take the decision uh well that would be hopefully a tko right a guy would yeah i would step in the ref well no i mean even if it wasn't tko territory but if it was like you had clearly scored in every round outscored him and he's on his heels do you go for a knockout or do you just hold your lead because he's gonna go for a knockout you think so yeah yeah yeah and also you don't think a knockout's gonna kill a guy yeah and then you knock you knocked out you'll go down in history even though

it's a joke you'll go down in history as the guy that i hate that tyson has given this guy a shot to do this this is crazy let's let's get out let's go to business enough sports business all right business the jake paul tyson fight is going i'm kidding roaring kitty i checked this week do you know i still own gamestop because it went so low i was like fuck it i didn't even sell it roaring kitty so gamestop we don't even have to read this whole thing but do you know about roaring kitty no all right you should see the movie uh what's it called dumb money i think yeah dumb money it's it's well done and it's about him he would just get home from his shitty job he'd go online he'd start talking and he developed this unbelievable following and then they rose up the price of gamestop to try to screw the short you know

the people all the people who shorted the stock all the financial institutions that shorted it so it has a cult following. I'm sure people are going to be upset with how I just abbreviated that story. But GameStop almost doubled its price in less than a day. And then it sharply dropped on Friday right before and during his first press conference in three years where he went live on his YouTube channel. And it was down 50% over the preceding few hours, but it was still higher than more than threefold for the week. So let's see what it's at right now. Here we go. Right now it's at 28 bucks. Its 52-week high, which it hit two days ago, was $64.83. And its 52-week low was basically $10.

Huh. So now you've always been shining lights on good investment opportunities for our listeners. Are you saying this is a buy? To be consistent. So in one day, it dropped 40%. That was the last day of trading. But it went up even like more than that the day before, I think. So anyway, to be consistent, I should say yes, buy it because it would be the worst advice ever. buy it because it would be the worst advice ever.

Yeah. And my electricity stocks are not doing well, but it's kind of like they reflect the market in a way. What's Bitcoin doing these days? Oh, it's killing. And I own that BT, whatever it is, C, BTC, I think, which is the ETF of Bitcoin. Right now it's at, holy shit shit it's up to 69,000 No no it's amazing

Fuck So if you I was gonna get back in When it was down at 16 Which was In 2022 It was down to 16 And now it's up to fucking 70

Damn Here's So And now it's up to fucking 70. Damn. Here's so over one month, it's up. Third, 14 percent over six months, it's up 57 percent in one year, the past year, at least this BTS, which mirrors Bitcoin, is up 162%. Well, yeah, that's about what it is on the pure stock, on the pure Bitcoin itself. Wow. In five years, the five-year chart for this, it's up six hundred and eighty three percent. Pretty good. Pretty, pretty good. All right. So. But anyway, that's a story that might might have legs.

And it might be interesting what this guy does. Cause then it just becomes this giant game. So, and, and, and see the movie dumb money. I think it's pretty, I think it's pretty good. Well,

we're tracking it right here for you on Sunday papers. Yeah. We'll tune in next week. We'll keep that in. Don't erase that story and I'll update it. All right. Merch koozies. You want to, do you want to make the announcement about the Koozies?

It's very exciting. Summer's here. We're going to order more. Unbelievable. And I apologize to people whose recent orders. I can't remember if Melissa from Arkansas is Is AK Arkansas? Yeah. It's not Alaska.

Oh, no. AR is Arkansas. AK is Alaska. So, Melissa, did you get yours? That's the kind of customer service you can expect from us. Yeah. And then poor, poor Karen Flores. I don't know.

I shouldn't have said her name, but maybe, who cares? Poor Karen didn't get hers. And then I know I owe Michalot. Nope. Sorry. John from Carlsbad. It's coming your way.

Jonathan from Sterling, Virginia, coming your way. So anyway, I got to get up, but I got to order more, and we have to sign them. We got to sign them, send them out, and then maybe you can sign a check for me at some point. I'm going to sign it over to you. I got to add up how many. Also, how many did I give you? gotta add up how many also how many i give

you 10 and then i forget how many we lost in translation oh god giving a personal probably a few hundred so we'll figure it all out okay obituary there we go and that's all folks okay just bear with me i I want to read this. It's pretty beautiful. We call her our friend, the woman who we subscribe for free to her email, Heather Cox Richardson, history professor at Boston College. Follow her. She's incredible. She just wrote a book, which I really do want to get.

Anyway, this was part of her email on June 6th. So the obituary is for all those soldiers that gave their lives to save the world from fascism. It's kind of like this date in history. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt had good news for the American people when he gave his 29th fireside chat on June 5th, 1944. The day before, on June 4th, Rome had fallen to the Allied troops.

Quote, the first of the Axis capitals is now in our hands, Roosevelt said. This group of ordinary men from many different countries had worked together to defeat the forces of fascism. But FDR warned Americans, we shall have to push through a long period of greater effort and fiercer fighting before we get into Germany itself. The victory still lies some distance ahead. That distance will be covered in due time. Have no fear of that. But it will be tough and it will be costly. FDR knew something his audience did not.

On the other side of the Atlantic, paratroopers, their faces darkened with cocoa, were already dropping into France and the soldiers, sailors, and airmen of the Allies were on their way across the English Channel. The order of the day from their commander, Dwight D. Eisenhower, that day had read, You are about to embark upon the great crusade toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you. In company with our brave allies and brothers in arms on other fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over the oppressed people of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world. Your task will not be an easy one, it read, but it assured the troops the tide has turned.

The free men of the world are marching together to victory. Eisenhower's public confidence did not reflect his understanding that the largest amphibious invasion in military history was a gamble. On June 5th, in pencil, on a sheet of paper, he had written a message to be communicated in case the invasion failed. Our landings in the Cherbourg Harve, I slaughtered that, area, have failed to gain satisfactory foothold, and I have withdrawn the troops, it read. My decision to attack at this time and place was based upon the best information available. The troops, the air, and the Navy did all that bravery and dedication to duty could do. If any blame or fault attaches to the attempt, it is mine alone.

On the morning of June 6, 1944, five naval assault divisions stormed the beaches of Normandy. 7,000 ships and landing craft operated by more than 195,000 naval personnel from eight countries, brought almost 133,000 troops to beaches, given the code names Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno, and Sword. By the end of the day, more than 10,000 Allied troops were wounded or killed, but the Allies had established a foothold in France that would would permit them to flood troops vehicles and supplies into europe when fdr held a press conference later that day officials and press were both jubilant unbelievable and here's the crazy fucking thing there was no computers there was no uh you know they couldn't even make phone calls across across the atlantic at that point this shit was all just being communicated you know

by hand it was insane i think there were primitive calls that could be made but it was really but they were all in they were all easily intercepted they had to know that this all had to be so all these troops kept their mouths quiet you know loose lips sink ships that was the motto in world war ii listen i know we're old and you know as shane gillis talks about also the older you get like the more into history you get and stuff but so i every word i just read i actually copied and pasted an email and sent and i and i begged my girls, Mike, please just read this. I go, this will seem like ancient history, but every one of your grandparents was alive when this happened. Rome. Yeah, I know. This is so unrecognizable in the world today. By the way, hopefully it remains unrecognizable, but it's unbelievable. It's truly unbelievable to me, D-Day. Yeah, it is. All right, let's cheer up. God bless the veterans. Thank you for your your past service thank you to the people that

put their lives in the line today to serve for us not knowing if they're going to get called in at any point the people that spend years abroad and miss the their children growing up um yeah there we go and i know there's ways to be cynical about any war and about any especially military and organized military and but there's also this part of it which is pretty incredible all right all right let's cheer up okay so last week in the comedy caption contest we We gave you one frame, and it is a gorilla who's wearing a red beret. He's got an AK-47 on his back, and he's sitting on what appears to be a camouflage body, maybe?

The clothes, I think. And he's grilling up something on a small barbecue grill. So we asked you, the winner gets a koozie how about that and so we got a but we got so many entries i picked the ones that i thought were either very good or maybe not so good um this is from eli smith the gorilla is oh he points out that the gorilla is not sitting on a soldier. The gorilla is dressed in camo pants. Nobody is under the gorilla as you implied in the previous thing.

No, those are not pants. Because his legs would be behind him. I don't know. Anyway. Oh. This is Scott G. If a gorilla invites you to Congo, make sure you check the spelling first.

I like that one. Tim C. Bradbury says gorilla burger, America's number one burger chain. Oh, gorilla burger. Gorilla burger. Oh,

got it. All right. That's not bad. Um, Ryan said me should have splurged on the nonstick spatula devin smith's yeah oh because he's looking the gorilla's looking at the spatula yeah devin smith said with today's grocery prices we'll have to start eating all those mask wearing hollywood liberals that voted for joe biden well take it easy, Devin Smith. This doesn't make this political.

Nice swing. This one comes from Kelly. She says, balancing an AK-47 and a hot dog competition, Iron Chef, Jungle Edition. Her second entry, even in the middle of a revolution, you've still to ask relish or no relish and her last contribution in the midst of chaos you can still savor the taste of rebellion you know then yes out of nowhere jeff Adams says, Dear Abby, all these strangers keep sucking my cock.

Am I gay? What? I think that's the winner. I think that's the winner. I mean, it's a different strip, obviously, but it's the best punchline. You know, it's a confusing comic. So this was my first impression.

I thought in the foreground that was a helmet. Yeah. Oh, it's a barbecue lid. I thought he was eating a soldier he killed. Yeah. Yep. Kind of hard to tell. But it's guerrilla warfare.

Clearly, I would have done something in that direction. That was Dylan W. said, Gorilla Warfare. Junel LaRouche said, One Less Vegan. And then we got a bunch from Frank Kehoe who said, Oh, how a medium rare good all cries out for some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Circa 1968. Good luck trying to lead the NRA now from this damn dirty ape's small intestine, bitch. Alright, who's our winner? Is there another one? Tom Keel said Che Guevara, master

gorilla of gorilla grilling. Don Dvorak wants us to sing. I want my silverback, silverback, silverback. I want my silverback, silverback, silverback, chili silverback ribs. It's pretty good. Keith McKee says here we have the very rare armed gorilla preparing a medium rare gorilla arm all right that's not bad yeah uh then eli smith said when we let first officer coco grill larry for info we didn't know just how bananas he actually was.

That's good. Adam Copeland said, gorilla, gorilla grilling. That's the guy who actually gave us, he, he, he sketched this,

uh, frame for us. He's the artist. Right. Uh, and then haunted J his first entry is gorillas. One gorilla, zero.

His second one is, Hey Siri, what's the internal grilling temperature for Gorilla? And then the next one is, Who's the poacher now, bitch? My Siri is telling me about it. And then his next one is,

Magrilla Gorilla or Magrilla Gorilla? Great Ape. All right. What's your favorite? I think the one I said earlier, the one that was a completely random take on it. Dear Abby. I don't know why it's Dear Abby. He's lost in thought.

That's what I like that he picked up on. The gorilla does look lost in thought as he's looking at the spatula. Yeah. I kind of like... I like Eli Smith when we first let Officer Coco grill Larry for info. We didn't know just how bananas he actually was. Let's do it. I like that one.

Eli Smith, send us your address. Congratulations. You just won a koozie for captioning the comic. I got to order more. Or whatever we call this. All right, for next week's comic, if you want to write, first of all, go to my YouTube page

and watch the show if you want to see the actual photo. But I'll describe it. It is a bedroom scene and there is a praying mantis with no head laying on his back while a female praying mantis is on top of him looking at him so uh send in your caption for a praying man i'm assuming it's the woman on top because doesn't the woman always eat the man? Yeah, maybe it's a, maybe that's the surprise

is the praying man is identifying as a woman. This guy thought he was just getting a gay hookup. Right, he was praying. He was praying for a gay hookup. Yeah. Praying for a man. A little head, sure. All right, let's do a man. A little head. Sure. All right.

Let's do a little Hag of the Horrible. There is a carnival ride or an amusement park ride that says tunnel of love and leave them. And you've got a woman standing on a rowboat

and a guy says, care to join me? And she says, sure. And then you've got another boat that's pulling out where she says, have a nice life. And he goes, you too. And Helga says, sure. And then you've got another boat that's pulling out where she says, have a nice life. And he goes, you too. And Helga says, whatever happened to romance?

Very odd one. But again, are women allowed to say have a nice life and walk away? They're beautiful women. One of them has like a cocktail dress that looks like kind of like uh 1960s mad men and the other one's got like crazy madonna tits with the uh with the cones on them also haggard's like so confused he's like who changed the sign from tunnel of rape yes it's the tunnel you think you go on a boat into a cave with a woman and on the way out, she's smiling. This woman's got a big ear to ear grin.

I was like, when boats are involved, consensual sex is not. That's my history. On the Lockhorns. But on the Lockhorns, they are sitting at a police station and there's a sketch artist and another cop. And then Larry says, yes, that's our waiter.

You get it? Wait, no. It's like they're in a restaurant and their waiter is gone for so long that they go to the police. I didn't see missing persons. Sorry. Yeah. Oh, I should have mentioned that.

Yeah, missing persons. And then Leroy is watching the TV. And then, no, no, not that one. And then she's all like mashed up like she's just been in an accident. And she says to Leroy, I signaled, but the tree must not have seen me. Wah, wah, wah. That doesn't seem. So she's making, shouldn't he be delivering that slam?

Yeah, sometimes they take each other's punchlines. You got to talk to Bunny about that. We got to talk to Bunny. All right, Calvin and Hobbes, here we go. We're number seven on the greatest Calvin and Hobbes of all time. This is a four-panel cartoon. First panel, Calvin is out at night looking up at the starry sky and he yells in the second panel, I'm significant. And then in the third panel,

he kind of takes it in. He probably hears his voice trailing off into space, into nothingness. And in the fourth panel, he says, screamed the dust speck. So I don't think funny people follow Calvin and Hobbes. I know I'm only on number seven. Well, is it possible? People who have a low bar for entertainment, I think they're comforted by this. I think they view these two as family members maybe

in an extended family sort of way. And they don't need, like, part of humor is surprise. So they're not into surprises. Well, let me ask you this. Is it possible you're putting this comic strip in the wrong genre uh like like the bear winning best comedy at the emmys last year right yeah so it shouldn't be in the funnies section maybe in the obitu, because they all die. Okay, now I get you.

I mean, my reading of D-Day might have been equally as funny. Yeah. Yeah, when Hitler heard about it, that was a surprise. When Hitler was like, they're here? I'm not even ready. I don't even have a charcuterie board. Right. All right.

Now, Blondie is in bed, and she is wearing a mauve frilly top. Her shoulders have not the best definition. I'd like to see her start working some shoulders at the gym. Okay. And she goes, so have you pondered my my question who you would have married if i'd never been born and he's reading a book and he goes i certainly have sweetheart he goes nobody not babs bell the welder frida floozeman or fiona flirtweiser could have held held a candle to you

and then she kisses him and says you're so sweet and then of course they roll away from each other like the bed death that has happened in this marriage and he thinks who who i dodged another bullet and she thinks wait who's babs babbel welder which first of all did did dagwood have a shot with any other woman, any other human being? If this fucking woman who has dementia and somehow sees him as a partner had come into his life, would he be with Babs or Fiona? No. They would laugh at him. It's ridiculous. That's the only thing funny about this comic strip is that is the the unexpected that the biggest wimpy, low earning, lazy fucking hungry loser would end up with a woman who's that fit.

As the British say, she's fit. I love that phrase fit. Yeah. I'm looking on my phone for this hysterical. I'll send it to you, but I'll describe it for everybody here. It's a guy. This guy's going to sleep and he's filming himself and he's rolled over kind of like them. Just exactly like Dagwood facing away. And she goes, if you if you did, if you had to take a job like in France, he's just like, honey, can I ask you a question? And he's, he looks so tired. Right. And it's the end of the night.

So yeah, it's like, if you move to France, like, you know, if you took this job, would you take me with you? And he like rolls his eyes and he's like, yes. And she's like, oh, good. Okay. She's like, that's sweet. And he's okay. Good night. And he's like, oh, good. OK. She's like, that's sweet. And he's OK. Good night. And he's about to turn off his phone. You could see him reaching for it. And then she's like, because he's like, well, why? Maybe he goes, why did you ask? She's like, well, because when Big told Carrie that and he's like and he just rolls his eyes and shuts off his phone. Because when what? Big told Carrie when mr big told carrie she all of a sudden started talking about sex in the city and he wanted to kill himself um all right listen don't kill yourself

if you think it's too late to buy tickets go to game time use the app and put in code papers get yourself 20 off your first purchase we want to thank thank Chris Denman and the team at Midcoast Media for always cranking the show out, getting it to you on time. And anything you want to promote, Mike? Yeah, man. See Tedeschi Trucks if they ever come to your town. Is it Tedeschi or Tedeschi? I probably am pronouncing it wrong. I think you are.

I think it's Tedeschi. Tedeschi Trucks. Holy moly, man. I mean, it doesn't even matter what genre of music you like. You're just going to see the most incredible. It's a 12-piece band. Wow. It has gospel.

It has a three-person horn section. It's amazing. Wow. So do that. That's what I'm promoting. I would promote that. And I would also like to mention that i've got some uh really good podcasts i did a podcast with tim robbins a couple weeks ago and

it went so long i split it into two parts so part two is coming up uh i've got rachel feinstein this week so funny then i got tim robbins part two the week after that. Then Harlan Williams is coming on. Then Andy Richter is coming on. I got a bunch of cool people. Get on the podcast, FitzDogg.com. Okay, Mike, I will see you probably not

Sunday night. Who knows? Maybe we rally and we go, but otherwise we'll see you this week. Game time. The tickets are going to be very cheap. I'm going to keep an eye on them. I'm going to watch them. All right. Take it easy, everybody. Take it easy! It's Sunday morning.

Been a long week, but now I have my coffee and it's time for the Sunday papers. We all need a little joy, a little levity, a little mirth It can't all be business It all can't be serious all the time, it just can't be

The world is a scary place sometimes So many things exist outside our control But I can enjoy this moment, have a couple of laughs Listen to the Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike. Kind of feels like I know these guys. I bet they'd be a good hang. Maybe if I send them a song, they'll like me. With Greg and Mike. With Greg and Mike with Greg and Mike and it's time for the Sunday Papers