Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 223 7/7/24

Episode Date: July 7, 2024

RFK Jr is in the doghouse (it’s a new restaurant), underage strippers are fighting Florida for the right to express themselves and a trans runner is heading to the Olympics!

It comes out every Sunday, it has never once been late. Greg and Mike pick up the mic and bring us up to date, up to date. Welcome to the Sunday papers made in the gentile way. One, two, one. Read all about it. Juicy news. We got a shrink who's fake. We got. You already froze. Oh no, really? Well, you did, yeah, for a minute there, but who knows?

Listen. That's actually the perfect word. It's called listen. Just listen. Everyone listen. They won't know you froze. If it starts to get bad, I'll move into the front house. I'm in the although now I can't hear you. Oh, no. Really? I can now. But you're frozen. Yeah, I don't know. How's your Wi-Fi strength?

It says full. It says full. But but back here it's not always great. By the way, our Wi-Fi is called Hannah. Oh, after that little poor dead dog. I don't know, should we start, should I move it into the house and do it from there? You seem good now. All right. I'm gonna be hopeful

and default to my problem solving technique of doing nothing. Okay. And waiting till it just gets better on its own. Let's start it over. Read all about it! Wow! Read all about it. Wow. Read all about it. Sunday papers. Juicy edition. Yeah.

Nashville meets LA meets the world. Sure thing. I wonder how many people we have around the world listening. I think we have a lot in Ireland and England. Really? Yeah, we do. We think we have political upheaval. England, England's got quite a dose going right now. What's going on? I haven't been following. Yeah, I just read like, what is it? The Labor Party? Anyway, they're having their elections and it's and it's yeah, I should know more. It's not a story in the podcast, people. If it's not a story in the podcast, I'm not gonna waste your time on it. No, let's just say we've got our own little

pot to stir over here. We got 4th of July, people. I guess by the time we hear this, it will be the 7th of July. Yeah. But we are taping this early because of the vacation you are in Nashville until when when do you get back? The Tories are set to suffer a total annihilation. That's one of them. Jesus. I'm back there. Today, Sunday. I'm back there. Okay, great. As I

will be, we've got plans. We're going off us and the Dugans are heading up to Bear Mountain, or Big Bear, they call it here. Yeah. Going to Big Bear, it's going to be 92 degrees. We're going to golf. We're going to fish, watch some fireworks. Here's the deal. Everybody's telling us, oh, if you want to watch the fireworks, there's this restaurant on the lake where you can see them the most clear.

So I call them them to get a reservation it's a buffet and it's a hundred and twenty five dollars and there's five of us where is there a golf course up there i don't know i don't know bear mountain well i've skied it but i don't know it that well yeah bear mountain's got a nice little golf course and uh you know and the lake is freezing but if it's 92 degrees, I'll certainly go in. Absolutely. Yeah. That doesn't make me look better.

All right, but the golf course is near the ski resort? You look like you're doing that nutsack thing when you take a picture with a nutsack in it. You got something dangling in front of your screen. Another bonus for the listeners. So it's right by the ski resort? Yes, it's by the ski resort. And you know, the plan was to do a lot of hiking

and all that, but if it's 90 degrees, I don't know what the hell we're gonna do. Dude, I was just in Palm Springs, it was 112. Did you go outside? Yeah, we were outside the whole time, but like in a pool and try to be in the shade. You have to be in the shade. All Irish people out in the sun. Yeah, it's, it's when you're in the shade, of course, you know, is the oldest story in the book, but like it really is such a dry heat that you're well. So I was outside grilling in this at one point, but it was like towards evening.

And I'm like, you know, it feels really nice because it probably dropped down. It was probably around a hundred, right? And I'm like, it doesn't feel that bad. And I was out there for a while and I wasn't near the grill. That's not what did it. And then I went inside and like, Sophie was walking by and I hug her and she's like, oh my god, you're so Warm like you're so hot and I'm like, oh wow And of course because when you're in a hunt, you're basically in an oven

Yeah, when you're out in a hundred degree heat, but I didn't feel it and you're not sweating at all. It's impossible So yeah, it's a you definitely have to keep an eye on it and get used to it. So did you go out and do things during the day or just lay by the pool? Not really. We were kind of pool bound. Yeah. All right.

And then we're like, hey, if we want to watch something where like a good time to do that is like 1 PM. And then at night we would like go outside a lot. Yeah. Was your dad there? No just Hannah, me and the kids. Nice I love it. Yeah. The Brady Bunch. Yeah exactly. What's your plan for the fourth? Palm Springs was desolate it was crazy it was it was it was even town which we went into at one point, was empty, of course.

Oh no, half the restaurants are more than half. Golf courses are still open though. Yeah, but almost all the restaurants close in the summer. Yeah. What's your guys plan for the fourth? But the golf course is like, you see the price, you see the price is midday, they practically pay you to play golf right

What's your guys plan for the fourth Not sure but Saturday thing we're going out to a lake you can rent a boat and drag kids around an inner tube So I think we might do that on Saturday The fourth I don't know. I just saw some headline when I was looking for stories for this podcast that like, Nashville, one of the best cities to be in to watch fireworks. And I'm like, do they really watch? I mean, do they mean watch firearms?

I think they mean watch firearms, which we'll get to. That's one of our first stories. Yeah. Speaking of America, what is going on with Biden? Everybody's talking about some possible news tomorrow. I got a call. All right. Yeah, whatever. This is what's today. It's today. Wednesday. Today's Wednesday, the third. All right. So this is. This is what's today? Is today Wednesday? Today's Wednesday the third. All right. So this is an airing for a while. So I don't really care. I got a call from the offices of a show. I'm just going to keep it vague. I got a call from

the offices of a very popular comedy show and the creator was called, this is just a rumor, or it's not a rumor, this is what I heard, but it's not first-hand info. The creator, who probably does a lot of fundraising, I imagine, and all that, and very, very, very, very, very rich and popular, and he, powerful, got a call that Biden is resigning tomorrow. Really? On the 4th of July, no less. That's I didn't think about that at the time. I then thought about it like a few hours later. I'm like, that would be kind of be a little sad.

And why not wait a day? And then news broke after I heard that. Then everyone went crazy with this news, which is very old now, but that he is open to the idea. And then my dad told me he's open to the idea. He's open to the idea. But I guess my dad read somewhere that the terms though, there's a lot of terms, terms, conditions have to be met for him to step down. All I know is we got to get Kamala out. She can't be part of the equation. Nobody likes her. She's unelectable. She hurts the ticket. Start from scratch. That's what I say. Much easier said than done. Also, Kamala gets all of Biden's money if he drops out. No shit.

And the infrastructure of the ticket. You know, not personally she's getting them, but you know, she gets the ticket's money and the ticket's infrastructure. And the DNC behind her. If she does not drop down. Yeah. All right. Well, all hail President Trump.

That's all I can say. It's over. It is over. Logo this week, we want to thank Jane S. Who just keeps them coming. This is a very cute one. I like that one very much. Yeah, that's like our campaign.

That's like our ticket. Look at it. Yeah, if we were to run. America runs on Sunday papers. Yes, that's like our campaign. That's like our ticket. Look at it. Yeah, if we were to run. America runs on Sunday papers. Yes, we should run for president and vice president of Penn Mar golf course. Yeah, why not? Song from Jason Love.

It's a public institution. Who Jason Love, not only a fine songwriter, performer, but also is the reason why I'm going to Big Bear this weekend because he booked me. He's involved with this film festival that's going on at Big Bear and so I'm performing on during the film festival. Nice! Very cool. It could be a bomb. It could be a 4 Fourth of July explosion because these things you never know. You never know. Your own form of terrorism on the Fourth. Yeah. Yeah. This could be, this could be, I could represent the British and they're defeating me.

But we'll see. We'll see. You never know. All right, a little piece of advice as we continue this technically regarding this podcast. Are like kids home watching movies? Is anyone streaming anything right now? The bear. All right. They might, and also do you have a, I would shut things down on your computer. Like if you have Chrome open. You're talking about my, oh, my family.

Oh, all right, let me shut down some things. Yeah, just to make it a little better because sometimes you're freezing. Shut down the mail, shut down the testing. Especially if you have another browser open. I'm gonna do the same. Sneaky Chrome, sneaky Chrome. Shutting down Spotify.

By the way, good luck finding podcasts on Apple podcasts anymore. Have you tried to find a podcast on Apple podcasts? It's like they're ignoring us. Even when I searched Sunday papers, cause I wanted to see, I got some email that we had a bunch of nice comments, so I wanted to go look at them, and I couldn't find our podcast on Apple podcasts.

Wow. Yeah. Well, I know there's some search engines which are absolutely atrocious. Like, good luck, if you ever want to like search, oh, I saw this funny thing on Instagram, no way. There's just no way. Yeah.

Corrections, we got Rich McCabe said, whoever sent that correction is probably too young for this one, but when longtime ranger goalie Eddie Jockeman was cut by the team, he was signed by the Detroit Red Wings. In his first game back at MSG, the crowd went nuts cheering for him and booing the Rangers. Actually made Eddie cry during the warmups and he sent a clip of it. And you can hear the fans chanting his name. See, what do you think? I'm going to get this wrong. Nope. I was in Madison Square Garden every chance I could to see the Rangers back when I was on the East Coast.

Oh, you kidding me? When I was a kid, we used to go back when it was Phil Esposito and Barry Beck on defense. Remember that bruiser, Barry Beck? Oh my God, Nick Fiteo throwing the pucks up into the stands. Ron Duguay with the hair winged back on the sides. Maloney, one of their two Maloneys maybe? Yeah, Dave and Don Maloney, the Maloney brothers. And then, yeah, it was an exciting team.

They were great. They sucked, but they were fun to watch. Yeah, a lot of heart. Lot of heart. Then we got Eric Weiss says, love the show and the unearned confidence of having performed in a Bellevue Mall comedy club years ago, Parlor Live. Oh, there's a club I used to work up there. Anyway, that's we were talking about Microsoft being

headquartered there. He said they've been in Redmond, Washington since 1979. After moving from Albuquerque had a few offices in Bellevue and Seattle, but the headquarters never moved. I have worked there for 20 plus years. Wow. Let me tell you something. This motherfucker Eric Weiss has some money. If he got any kind of stock options, are you shitting me? Eric Weiss, why don't you please... Buy a koozie. Because I can turn a stock around, so maybe you'll give me bad information, but just by buying Because I can turn a stock around, so maybe you'll give me bad information. Just by buying it, I can turn it around. But tell us what AI growth stocks we should buy. It doesn't even have to do anything the first year other than don't tank.

But tell us where we should park it. And you could tell us not to announce it on the podcast because we will selfishly hoard that information or we can announce it to our listeners. I think if we announce it to our listeners, it'll create a bump. There'll be so many people buying it, the price will go up.

We'll be like GameStop. Yeah, like the bump we created in our YouTube viewers and it'll be a huge bump. Come on. Yeah. What else we got? We got tour dates. I'm gonna be on the Joe Rogan Experience August 13th

to promote my new special which comes out on August 10th. I will be live streaming it on YouTube and there'll be many announcements coming up. I'm doing a lot of podcasts to promote it. I can't wait for you guys to see it on YouTube. What does live stream mean? I go on there and then people can write in messages to me and then I'm talking, you're leading up to the actual release of the special. Got it. Yeah. Got it. So that'll be fun. All right. Denver Comedy Works, August 29th

through the 31st. That's Labor Day weekend. So. You love that place. I love that place, but I don't love that weekend. Labor Day could be a little quiet. Oh. Austin at the mothership, September 6th through the 8th. Then I'll be going to Alaska and San Francisco. All tickets at fitsdog.com. Let's do the front page. Oh yeah do we need paper? I got paper. I have the wrapper for chopsticks. I got paper. There we go. Extra! Extra! We are the thotties! Extra! Front page.

Was that a show that you just pitched? It's an outline for a Wheeler Walker Jr movie. There we go. Alright. And you just crumpled it up. He doesn't drum. That guy doesn't change. There we go, all right. And you just crumpled it up. That guy doesn't change. I don't need that arc. All right, front page, ready?

It's a reverse arc. Yeah. All right. Boom! July 4th warning. FBI issues alert over attackers targeting holiday celebrations. The FBI and Homeland Security issued a warning

about attackers who may target large 4th of July celebrations. The FBI and Homeland Security issued a warning about attackers who may target large Fourth of July celebrations. Big cities, including New York and San Francisco, are likely potential targets. He added that citizens should proceed with caution. However, they should not panic. So when at targets of attackers, I think I have to practice proceeding with caution without panicking. That seems to be a fine line to walk.

I think Jason Bourne, I think we can all take our marching orders from like a Jason Bourne type guy who can be driving down an alley where there's multiple explosions and yet he stays focused on knowing which turn to make. All right. You know, never lose his head. I think that's a good point and a little like maybe a Mission Impossible where you know Tom Cruise takes in like do you mean the brunette with the

scarf then the hat who was two blocks ago on the left? like you just gotta keep an eye on everybody and take it all in. Be present, be in the moment, everybody. Now that rules the two of us out. By the way, I think we should rethink some of these holiday, just the basic traditions in America, like what better time to strike, a day where people congregate and there's loud explosions and fire everywhere. How about maybe a

holiday where we send our children out to get candy from strangers once a year? How about we tell our kid that a fairy may sneak into their room in the middle of the nights but you should ignore them because they're going to give you a dollar for part of your body that fell out. Yeah, exactly. Why wouldn't they take it never occurred to me? Why wouldn't they take if they're so into teeth? Yeah. Why wouldn't they pay me extra and take them right out of my head? Wait a minute. My teeth are not in my underwear. Who is this fairy anyway? Uncle Steve. That's not a dollar. That's a hundred dollar bill. What is going on here Uncle Steve? And a note that just says shhh. It's weird. Also this is part of the

story. According to the Gun Violence Archive, mass shootings on the 4th of July have steadily increased over the past three years. The organization tallied a total 80 mass shootings that occurred over. I was hoping this said 30

years over the past three years between July 1st and 7th. The group defines a mass shooting as a shooting that kills or injures four or more people, not including the shooter. Last year... I love that. I love that they delineate that it doesn't include the shooter, not including the shooter. But what if there's what if it's not just one shooter? What if there's five shooters shooting at the crowd, but then five good citizens armed citizens shoot the five shooters? Is that a mass shooting?

A retaliatory shooting? That's just a sunny afternoon in Dallas. I don't think that's really anything. But yeah, you're right. If a guy takes out four, three people and himself, that's not a mass shooting. No, because he doesn't count. He's not human.

He's a monster. Monsters don't shooting. No, because he doesn't count. He's not human. He's a monster. Monsters don't count. Wow, weird. So get this. Last year, 2023, there were 28 mass shootings over the July 4th week. And then in 2022, there were 27. And then there were 25 in 2021. So I don't like this trend, it's going up every year.

No. But 28. Oh, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But 28, I mean, can we please get back to America when it was great? I know I say that all the time, but back when America was great on July 4th, we just lost tons of fingers and hands on July 4th.

That's what we lost as a nation. That's right. I remember being a kid and going down to Chinatown. Did you used to do this? Go down to Chinatown and buy fireworks. You just walk down Canal Street and people would open up their trunks of their car and you'd buy bricks, a firecrackers, you buy

M80s. Meanwhile, it's 98 degrees and they've got an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme with fireworks in the trunk. Yeah, that just drove up from like North Carolina or something like that, right? And so you'd buy them and then we would come back. We would have these wars. There was this fence where we used to play, it was next to a playground and we would split up into two teams and we would throw M80s, blockbusters, fireworks,

bottle rockets back and forth over the fence at each other for an hour. I told you in West Hampton Beach, we had fireworks and we had, and I was very young, probably, I don't know, seventh, eighth grade, something like that, and we had bottle rockets. So we're like, let's go go across the street and have a bottle rocket war.

So we did, and of course, one blows up near my friend Doug, and it lights the dune grass on fire, and we kind of put it out, and we're we're going to get the fuck out of here. So at that point, our friend Rob was crushing. Rob had a boat at the marina down this street. So we're like, hey, Rob, Rob, Rob, can we go with you? And he's like, yeah, sure. So we get in his car and he was driving to town on On the way to town, three fire trucks go across the bridge over our head.

Yes. The thing grew into a huge fire and the homeowner got terrified. Of course he did. That it was approaching his house and he called the fire department. And then when I got home, I think they knew all they had to do, we were the troublemakers of the giant condo building, like everyone knew immediately.

So when I got home, my dad's like, oh Mike, someone's here to see you. And I walk in and this fucking giant fireman is in the living room. Charred, black-faced. And he goes, Mike, do you know why I'm here? I'm just like, yes. Like, I didn't even try to wiggle out of it.

And then he looked at my dad. He's like, wow, he's pretty forthright. He's saving us time. We had to clean up the guy's whole yard. We had to replant grass. No. Oh, yeah, community service. We were in trouble, man.

Damn. Damn. Yeah. That is amazing that we throw fire in the air, especially in California where everything burst into flame. And we're just begging, I mean, how many forest fires, that's a stat you should have looked up also. How many forest fires are started on the 4th of July? I remember there was a California one a couple years ago

that was one of the biggest fires in our history and it started from fireworks. Oh wow, all right, let me look it up. Meanwhile, getting back to the, we usually had, especially when I was very young, we'd have an industrious kid show up. Like he did the run down to Canal Street. And then he, they were all in his

trunk and we would buy them like crazy. And I think, I think that's telling like that you could have asked me, my teacher could have been like, Hey Mike, how many, uh, I probably didn't even know how many courts were in a gallon. You know, how many pints are in a court? I have no idea. No idea. Uh, how many in a gross 144? 144, I think I remember that. Well, there was a, yeah, there was a brick, a brick of firecrackers. That's what you'd buy them in. They were about this big and you,

one fuse and the whole fucking thing used to go. And then we did, when I worked at the country club in White Plains, I was a parking attendant and one of the jobs of the parking attendant was you went downtown, you bought a trunkload of fireworks, they would give you like 500 bucks, and then you would go out on the Fifth Fairway, and all the members would sit on the porches,

there was these big porches looking out on the Fifth Fairway, and we would go out there, and we would, normally there and we would normally we would bring the American flag down because the flagpole was down there we would bring it down and we would fold it in front of the members it was like a big ceremony yeah every night it's sundown you'd have to fold the flag and bring it inside and carry it on your arms outstretched and so that night 4th of July so we left the flag up and we started lighting off fireworks and we

didn't know what the fuck we were doing. They were shooting, they were going towards the crowd and then one of them went into the American flag which we hadn't taken down. It didn't light on fire but there was a little smoldering that happened and I cut one guy who was a vet was standing up fucking screaming at us. That's the flag! I died for that flag! You gotta take the flag down, man. All right, speaking of great Americans. All right, humans are the main starters of fires. Okay.

Humans are the main starters of fires, and 4th of July is the key wildfire ignition date. There was a study on average more than 18,500 fires ignite during July 4th celebrations. Whoa. Wow. Let me see. Then there's one here. Hold on.

The Oregonlive.com and they have, here's how many wildfires humans caused July 4th and why West needs to skip fireworks. Yeah. Oh my God, dude. There is a, let me take a picture of this graph so you can see it. This graph is hysterical. Okay. This is, this is the graph. That's that's July. Okay. So this is leading up to it and after it is also higher. Right. So it's a graph that has like on the left, you know, on the left axis, the X axis, it's

like zero to 200. It never goes above 200. And then it starts to creep above 200. Then it gets to 400 around July. And then July 4th, it goes from 400 to over a thousand. And it's like a nipple, but if a nipple had a straw sticking out of it, that's what the graph looks like. It looks like a guy giving you the finger. It's Saint giving nipple, but if a nipple had a straw sticking out of it, that's what the graph looks like.

It looks like a guy giving you the finger. It's Satan giving us the finger. Exceedingly long finger. The title is next story is RFK 9, which you'll understand once I read this story. RFK Jr. has denied allegations made in a new Vanity Fair report that he had previously eaten a dog while sidestepping accusations of sexual assault levied by a former nanny in the magazine saying, I'm not a church boy. Kennedy texted a message to a friend last year that included a photograph that showed

him pantomiming eating a cooked animal carcass. In the message, Kennedy reportedly recommended the friend try eating dog while traveling in Korea. The publication consulted with a veterinarian who said the carcass in the photo appeared to be a dog's. And I read into that more and it has something to do with like the dog has 13 ribs and two of them are floating, so it's very easy to spot. Oh.

So Kennedy said the image depicted him eating a goat during a trip to South America. Is that better? Is eating a goat better? I mean, people keep goats as pets, they're cute. Oh, please, what about friendly, lovable cows? What about rabbits? What about cute little rabbits that you keep in a cage and you love?

I mean I gotta be honest, what about lamb? I love lambs and I love to eat lamb. I would say my favorite food are the cutest animals. So I should try dog, because I fucking love little dogs. I think petting zoos should have a food truck next to them where they just serve the dog, whatever animals just died, fresh. Right, he's like, of course I didn't eat a dog.

The dogs are vaccinated. You think I'm going to do that? You think I'm going to put that in my body? Will you look at the joke I wrote right underneath my other joke? Where? Newsflash, oh no! Ha ha ha ha ha!

I just stepped on Greg's. Go ahead, read it anyway. Newsflash, Robert, you now have rabies vaccine in your system. We should really do a show together. We think so much alike. I did have another, well, here's the other thing I thought about when I read this story is

they said he sidestepped the question by saying I'm not a church boy. I don't think that's sidestepping the question. Like, did you do it or not? Let's just say I'm not a good person. Like that was, that's really what happened in that exchange. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Or maybe he means by not a church boy,

he's like, you know what? No, I don't have a cycle of abuse to break because I was not raped in the church because I wasn't a church boy. Maybe that's what he means. Yeah, you're right. That's sort of shorthand for rape victim. I was a church boy.

Yeah. Sorry, guilty as charged. I was a church boy. Yeah. Sorry, guilty as charged, I was a church boy. I can't help it. It's a cycle. Isn't that funny that people try to equate church with good behavior? There's more headlines about church people molesting and all that than anybody else.

Stop! And we'll leave out the Crusades and their bloody bloody history of being the aggressors. Here's a good one. Hundreds of Americans, we teased this story earlier, may have unknowingly received therapy from an untrained imposter who masqueraded as an online therapist, possibly for as long as two years.

And the deception crumbled only when she died. This is an amazing story. Peggy Randolph, a social worker who was licensed in Florida and Tennessee and formerly worked for an online therapy company, is accused of. Her wife impersonate her in online sessions. The Florida report says the couple defrauded patients as Randolph treated patients in person. Her wife pretended to be her in telehealth sessions with patients. I love this discovered after the wife died last year and a patient realized they'd been talking

to the wrong person. What did they go to the funeral and look at her in the coffin and be like, wait a minute. I thought my embarrassing stories were gonna die with you. Meanwhile, I'd love to see like the non-therapist is having way more success with her patients than the therapist who's just waiting for patients to figure everything out.

Meanwhile, the non-therapist, the wife is just like, that sounds crazy to me. You should totally break up with him. He sounds like an asshole. What were you thinking? Come on. Jesus. Let's get you a plan here. Yeah, you should go out for a couple of drinks

and talk to some, have a fling with an old boyfriend. Go get drunk. Someone needs to get laid. You'll forget about them. Like, I wanna see that therapist. Yeah, right. Yeah. Do you have dick pics?

Cher is dick pics. And then the gigs up when they have someone seeing the real therapist or no, they're seeing her, they're seeing the wife and then they have a breakdown or some episode and they just have to show up in person. Yeah. and they just have to show up in person. And they're like, no, I have my filter on Zoom, cranked, just cranked way up. I look very different online. I'm so sorry.

Actually, I don't think they would notice. Lesbian couples begin to look exactly like each other after about two years. They have the same haircut, the same glasses. They borrow each other's V-neck sweaters. You've seen Alan and Portia. I know, it is, it is merging. It's merging.

Here's the best, if one of the patients is like, I don't know, doctor, I think I have imposter syndrome. Me too! You too? Susan, you wouldn't believe what my client just said. Susan, you wouldn't believe what my client just said. Let's do some entertainment. Let's do it. We are ripping through this today.

Mike is going to make it to dinner. Look at this man. Hey, all right. So this is old news, I guess on the seventh. But today Beverly Hills cop Axel F came out, so to speak. Well, it doesn't say Axel F. Oh, I thought it was maybe you're maybe you're right. Ah, and came out as a weird way to say it because it is streaming on Netflix where it premiered today. And neither of us have seen it,

but it had relatively good reviews, I think. You're right, it's Axel F. Yeah, you know, I heard Eddie Murphy interviewed on NPR and it was so amazing because he's such a recluse and he's been so shy about interviews for so many years and he's an enigma because the guy continues to make hit movies, mostly voiceovers, but he is still considered, you know,

one of the most important comedians. And it is funny because you go back and you listen to his albums and they come off extremely dated, but at the time that you and I were in high school watching Raw and Delirious, they were earth-shattering specials. They made stand-up comedy, cool and sexy, maybe for the first time. And with the fucking red leather suit and pacing the stage and that infectious laugh, it was huge. We quoted every line from those albums in high school.

My family couldn't get enough, especially of the picnic, the bitty did, the goony goo goo. Goony goo goo, yeah. And the bar and roll Charlie did of the gooney goo goo and the bar and roll charlie around in the fire oh my god all of it was Gus your wife is a gooney goo goo it's so if you haven't heard it go go listen to the barbecue i think it's maybe called the barbecue it's amazing and the ice cream truck i mean they're just like. But anyway, so he never talks to the press. And then this guy from NPR, I forget his name, he does a lot of the big interviews.

He got him and it was so he was so without pretensions and he wasn't trying to sound street and he wasn't trying to sound cool because, you know, he can come off as annoyingly cool sometimes. You know he's always got the cool glasses and you know that look on his face. Anyway he comes off very forthcoming without an ego until about halfway through the interview and then it was like he couldn't help himself and he just started going like like the guy goes you know like Steve Martin said that he made 40 movies because because ultimately he needed to make five good ones can you relate to that and Eddie Murphy goes no he goes

all of my movies have been good he goes goes, I've never had a flop, except for, and he names his one movie. And then I looked up Eddie Murphy flops. Oh, he's had a lot of flops. He has had some big swings and misses. And I'm not judging the guy. It's a fucking like, if you're hitting 300 in the movie business, you're doing great. But don't say you've never had,

and all of a sudden he was like, the guy goes like, yeah, you know, I really liked you in Bowfinger. And he's like, Bowfinger? What about, what about Professor, what was it called? The Nutty Professor. He goes, he goes, nobody could have done the Nutty Professor. And then he goes into this whole long blowing himself and then I was like wow there he is there's the guy yeah no he um I remember him once someone I don't know if someone told me this but they were Anyway, somehow it got around to he believes he's only Chaplin and I think he's equal. I think he might seem self-evident. That's what he said in the interview.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know about that. The whole world was talking about Chaplin's comedies like for decades after. Yeah, even when he talked about Pryor, even when he talked about Pryor, he was, it was, he spoke with respect, but he wasn't deferential. Like, you got to be deferential to Richard

Pryor because without him, there's no way Eddie Murphy would have been Eddie Murphy. Right. It was kinda weird. I looked up this story. He tells a funny story, I don't know if this is in the interview. Did you ever hear the story about 19 year old Eddie Murphy

asking Dangerfield to watch his set and give him advice? No. So he's a young aspiring comedian and he was down in Fort Lauderdale. He started standup at the age of 15, but he was 19 and he was full of himself. But he asked Dangerfield, if he would watch Murphy's act and offer feedback,

Dangerfield obliged, but he wasn't a fan of Murphy's act. And he goes, you know, back then he said Murphy said he was very edgy and he was doing racial stuff and he goes, Dangerfield goes, Hey kid, I don't know where you're going to go with that. You know, the language and the race stuff. And so that was like all Dangerfield said. And then it goes, um, Murphy again, cross paths with Dangerfield. Many years later in a bathroom at Caesar's palace in Las Vegas.

And Ronnie comes up to the urinal right next and he looks over and he can't believe it's Eddie Murphy and he just goes, Hey, who knew? That's great. That's awesome. And Murphy loved that story, but it was like he just picked up where they left off. Here's some Eddie Murphy movies you wish you forgot. Norbit, are you kidding me? No, there's so many bad ones. The Adventures of Pluto Nash, that was the one even he admitted was awful.

Dr. Dolittle 2, The Clumps. I mean yeah and also Showtime, do you remember that horrible with De Niro, that movie he did? Yep. Yeah, yeah he had a lot of bombs. I spy vampire in Brooklyn. I mean, do we have a bigger? I mean, Jim Carrey's record against his in terms of hits or flops? The ratio, I guess. Well, it depends, because I mean, you can ask some people and they say that they love Adam Sandler movies. So he didn't have any flops because they like that genre of comedy. So I mean, you can ask some people and they say that they love Adam Sandler movies so he didn't have any flops because they like that genre of comedy. So I mean, there's-

No, no. No, general, that's what I mean. General consensus, you have to take an average viewer, like something objective. You have to have some metric that's fairly objective to say how to compare them like. I would say the better comparison is go to Rotten Tomatoes. Who has a bigger differential between audience score and critic score? Like I bet you Sandler has a much higher audience

score than a critic score and I bet you the same is true for all the early what's-his-name movies. You know, Cable Guy, maybe not Cable Guy, but Ace Ventura, Pet Detectives. Yeah, Jim Carrey's thing. All right, yeah we can look at that. You know, the funny thing about Rotten Tomatoes is then when you get chicken shit critics who are afraid to be honest when it's uh, when it's It's more pc to be supportive of like a piece of shit like crazy rich asians, right? But I remember Lily Singh which was a job I was up for and I then

Did I the night before I try to find one one? one funny thing she ever said because I would bring that up in the interview. And when I couldn't, I then canceled the meeting. And so yeah. So anyway, Lily Singh show comes out and the difference between what the critics and the people score was it was like critics were like in the 80s and people were in the teens. It was insane.

Wow. Wait, I'm looking it up. Yeah, there's great ones like that. Yeah, I bet you that, you know, like, oh my God, have you ever seen that black lady comedy show on HBO? I never, I think I tried once. Oh my God.

Yeah. It was, it was, it won an Emmy. Okay, okay. Lilly Singh, average review 82%, average audience 16%. That's crazy. You, 82%, average audience, 16%. That's crazy. Oh, and then another, I forget which one it was, and we talked about it at the time,

but it was when Chappelle's special came out, and the trans community went ape shit, right? So I don't know which one it was, but they showed two, it wasn't Lilly Singh, it was something like it, but they showed two, uh, it wasn't Lily Singh. It was something like it. And they showed them side by side. They're like, look how off rotten tomatoes is. And the Chappelle one was audience score was like, I am not even kidding you. It might've been a hundred or like 98. And the critic score was like down in the 20s because it's like there's no way they're giving a positive review to a guy that's making fun of the trans movement

you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the other one was exactly like Lilly's saying, like swinging the other way. The reviewers are just so, the reviewers are like, oh, Crazy Rich Asians is just a marvel. Go fuck yourself. You have a white person made that exact movie word for word. It's Cinderella. It was just a piece of shit.

Original, awful. A black lady sketch show gets 100 percent from the critics and it gets 59 percent from the audience. Something's up. Oh my God. You know what? Us straight white guys, Mike, we can't get a break. Meanwhile, we both worked for 17 years nonstop.

I should know, but I just want critics to be, not to be afraid, that's all. I know, I know. All right, let's get to... Florida. Well, I have so much other entertainment stuff, but we'll get to that next week. Now, I mean, I'm just mentioning, I'm watching The Boys,

the new season of The Boys is fucking great. I've never seen, so I should watch The Boys. Oh, you haven't seen any of it? No. Well, you know, our friend Asa Gur German, is in this season of it, but he was also in the spin-off of The Boys, which was called Generations something. It's a spin-off of The Boys, and he's great in it. I'm watching Hacks, the new season of Hacks, is fucking great.

Oh, wow. Gotta say, Lorraine Newman's daughter is a very gifted comedic actress. You're watching House of Dragons? I'm trying. Yeah, I give up. Did you give up? I'm ready to give up. I'm only staying with it because everybody in my family

is so excited about it. But what, this is the second season? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I gave up. I gave up. Uh it's like second episode, third episode. I don't know. Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. There were no less than eight or nine of the most original compelling characters. Oh god. That I couldn't take my eyes off. That when they came onto the screen,

you got excited, oh fuck. And with this show, there's not one, there's not one interesting character. I started watching the new season of Couples Therapy, it's great. And one of the couples is a throuple. Is it real? Are they real couples?

No, they're all, it's 100% real. It's the therapist in New York City. I raved about season one and it gets better. And she's like kind of a genius. She's a good therapist. What's it on HBO? Like we were talking about earlier. Showtime.

Dude, I need a therapist. Do you have a therapist? Not that I go to anymore, but he was, I really liked him. Yeah, I'm gonna need his number off the air. Okay. Just don't tell him your real name. It's been brought up a lot in there already. He'll have a diagnosis already fucking loaded for me. Oh, you're the narcissist. Yeah, welcome. Why is there a picture of me over there with like marks all over my face and my teeth

blacked out and stuff. All right let's let's make America Florida. A stripper sues Florida, finally. A 19-year-old and the club where she worked as a stripper have sued Florida to stop enforcement of a new state law prohibiting adult entertainment businesses from employing people who are under 21, claiming it violates their constitutional rights. The stripper, Serenity Michelle Bushie. All right, if that's not a stage name, then her parents were clearly pushing her towards a certain career path. Serenity Bushie.

Gentlemen, give it up on the main stage. We got Serenity Bushie. It's like, I told you not to use my real name. I'm sorry. Honest mistake. That's the name on my biology PhD. Sorry, girls. So Serenity Michelle Bushy claims in the lawsuit that she lost her job at Cafe Risqué in the Gainesville area after the law took effect on Monday because she's younger than 21. The purpose of the law was to deter human trafficking. Besides Bushey, eight other adult performers who are older than 18 but younger than 21

are unable to work at Ris risque because of the new law. The new law also prohibits hiring cooks, DJs, waitresses, and security guards who are older than 18 but younger than 21, or even use workers in that age group from third-party contractors hired to perform tasks like air conditioning repairs, carpentry, and all that other stuff.

They make the air conditioning repair people take their clothes off during the day? All about the nipples with that crew. Yeah. It's all about the erect nipples. Well, that's what I want. I want, that's what they're fighting for. I want a young stripper.

I want the girl taking a prom dress off. That's what she should be stripping. Florida, come for the sunshine. Stay for our old strippers. That's the new slogan. Haven't you seen how fast women age in Florida with that sun? By 21, they're like a three week old peach. Well, it's kind of like porn.

And the porn actresses have given funny interviews where they're like, I was 24 the first time I was called a MILF or whatever it was. Right. You're doing mother-in-law porn at 22 years old. Yeah. Yeah, that's, I mean, 18 to 21, that seems like a vulnerable time in a woman's age. I think maybe a hands-off policy then.

I like, I kind of like this thing. I like this law, but it'll be very interesting lawsuit on like, you know, the technicalities of the law. Because, yeah, they, who knows? They have to have their ducks in a row if they're gonna put this law into place. Like can she be drafted? Right.

Can she vote? Can she vote against this law? Yeah. All right, let's make Texas, Florida. All right, let's do it. Hurricane barrel is a common. The most recent National Hurricane Center forecast shows winds related to Hurricane Barrel arriving in Texas last night on Saturday night.

Barrel strengthened into a hurricane on Saturday, becoming June's eastern most major hurricane in the Atlantic. Well, Texas, it's time to stand your ground. This is what I suggest. Get all your guns and go out there and blow away this act of God. Yes, it's in your hands. It sounds like a Tommy Lee Jones movie. Totally. Yeah.

But this season, somebody wake the president. It's a kind of movie where you got to wake the president at some point. Mr. President, Texas is shooting into the Gulf of Mexico, trying to take down this hurricane. But this season it's the like one of the earliest starts ever and multiple agencies have issued forecasts warning that 2024 will be an exceptionally strong year for hurricanes. So we have that to look forward to.

Not only that, but the insurance companies have dropped their coverage in Florida. So all these homes that are going to be wiped out, people will have no money to rebuild, which means FEMA will have to come in and rebuild them. So it's going to be all tax dollars because the insurance companies who lobby the government and control legislation involving insurance has wiggled their way out of having to provide coverage for people that actually need it.

And it's coming out of our pockets. Little prediction. Some of the biggest ones were bailed out, massively bailed out in 2009. AIG, all of those ones were bailed out. You know our insurance got dropped. That's what you said. Yeah, they dropped our home insurance. I wrote my dad after reading that story today, I'm like, did you drop your Florida insurance yet? Cuz his building as that he's in has insurance But he thought his whatever his rationale was Oh, they were also raising the price so much and so my maybe hold on to it for one more season Yeah, right, right But it is going right now, like tonight or tomorrow night, meaning Thursday or I think Thursday night, it is square on hitting Tulum and Belize,

which I don't think have any defenses whatsoever. There's going to be a lot of tarot card readers whose huts just blew over in Tulum. A lot of people finding themselves down there. Ayahuasca sessions are going to be scattered all over the beach. Good luck getting a massage on Sunday morning after brunch. Yeah, everything, the water is going to be poisoned. It's going to be a disaster. We're moving on to sports. ["Dreams of a New World"]

I like this, you put this story in here. American transgender middle distance runner, Nikki Hiltz, qualified for the Olympic Games on Sunday with a record breaking performance in the women's 1500 meter final. Hiltz finished the race in first place with a final time of 25 seconds. No, 3 minutes and 55 seconds in an Instagram post. Hiltz, who uses they them pronouns, called the moment a childhood dream of mine that came true. They went on to thank supporters saying,

all I know today is I'm waking up so grateful for my people, overwhelmed by all the love and some blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the 29 year old's first trip to the Olympics. They won a silver at the World Championships last year. They also said if the US is defeated by the Netherlands, they will begin identifying as Dutch. Now, also, wait, wait, let me go back up. What was it? It was a childhood dream?

Yeah. So ever since I was a little boy, I dreamed of coming in first in a women's race. Have I properly translated what you're saying there? Maybe. Good morning, honey. How was your sleep? Do you have any dreams? Yeah, my fucking crazy one. I can believe this one. You know your father and I have always told you to dream big, try a little smaller, a little a little smaller. Dream a little slower. I like that you know Govins had the joke off of that's what she said. And in this case, it would be like the quote would be like, I think I have a leg up on these women. And he's like, that's what they said. Well, I mean, this is a great issue.

I just love it because it's so divisive. I just love how how it has cost the Democrats the election, whether or not, first of all, we ignore women's sports. When's the last time you put a fucking women's sport on tennis, that's it. But then as soon as like there's a track race where we feel like there's a transgender, oh, now we're, now we wanna fight.

We wanna fight for the fucking dignity of the sport. And everyone has to be honest about why they're suddenly tuning into the WNBA because they're watching race, a potential race brawl on the floor. Dude, I've been watching clips of Caitlin, what's her name? Caitlin Clark. Caitlin Clark. She's a phenom. She's hitting fucking double doubles constantly. She's breaking all kinds of rookie records. Wow. And you know and they're double teaming the shit out of her but she's making, she's breaking ankles out there. She's doing pull up jump shots where people are just falling down. It's crazy. Nice. Nice. All right. Great athletes. Yeah, go for it. OJ Simpson. You remember OJ

Simpson? I sure do. He was among those featured in the In Memoriam segment at the 2024 BET Awards on Sunday night. Amazing, amazing. A move that came as a surprise to some in the audience. The audience had been applauding as photos were shown during the montage. But when OJs came up with the description, former NFL player, a noticeable silence fell over the crowd. A moment later, there was a smattering of applause.

But many in the audience were a bit surprised to see his face with one person in attendance noticing some titters among the crowd. Instinctively when his photo came up, every waiter fled the room like a bat out of hell. Just the gut reaction. Yeah. Everybody grab their sunglasses and head in for the door. Fucking OJ. Just the greatest. Oh my god. Former NFL player. Think about OJ Simpson.

From being a college athlete to one of the most extraordinary professional athletes riveted you to your fucking set. Just an exciting running back, we watch every Sunday. Then he becomes hilarious in the Zucker Brothers movies. Becomes a character bigger than life, party animal. And then goes on to commit a murder that has us glued to our TVs. The trial lasted how long?

And people were sitting in front of their TVs all day, every day, week after week. And then, you know, what else do you want out of somebody in life? How much has he provided us? You leave out, he was an NFL announcer. You also left out, he was a spokesperson. Like kind of broke the mold

on being a spokesperson for countless amounts of companies. Right. Right. Meanwhile, what did Ron Goldman ever do? Oh boy, you went there, huh? Well, I'm just wondering like what, how much entertainment the world at large is getting from Ron Goldman. I know you thought you voted innocent. Imagine if it was a vote. That's what they should do. That's a great idea. That's interesting. Let's explore that. He's not polling well. He is not polling well. Right. not polling well. Norm MacDonald voted every Saturday night when he did the news on SNL.

What do you mean? Well, he chimed in on how guilty he was. Oh, on OJ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of creeps... No, no, we can leave... Oh, the Philadelphia guy? Yeah. No, I don't really have much on it. I just love that that Howard Eskin inappropriately kissed someone. He's banned from the Phillies Home Park. Philly.

Me, the most innocent thing ever done in that stadium. All right. What do we want to go down to? Let's go down to. Oh, we're over an hour already. Look at this. Let's cut it down to... Oh, we're over an hour already. Look at this. All right. Let's cut it down to... This day in history? Yeah. You did very well last week.

I killed last week. I was four out of five. It was crazy. All right. This one's... Bear with me. I did look through it, but... So here we go. What's the This one's bear with me. I did look through it, but so here we go. What's the first one I want to do? Oh, OK. Remember when the London transit system was struck by coordinated suicide bomb attacks, 39 people died and more than 700 were injured. It was terrible in the London underground. Give or take four years. What year was that?

The London Underground attacks I'm gonna say 97 Nope, I thought you would remember it was after 9-11. It was 2005. Oh, shit. And then I don't remember when the one in Spain was. That might have even been closer to 9-11. I'm not sure. Okay. Czech born tennis player, Martina Navratilova, whom I'm a huge fan of, defeated Chris Everett to win her first of, wait for it, nine Wimbledon singles titles.

Wow. Give or take three years, what year was this first Wimbledon singles title? I'm going to say 1961. Not even close 1978. What 61 Chris Everett. I don't even think Billie Jean King was around. Oh I thought we were talking about Navratilova. No we are. Navratilova defeated Chris Everett to win the first of nine. Really she's that I thought she was I thought that Martina was like in her late 70s at this point. I don't know.

I didn't work backwards like that. But I'm just remembering when it was. That's what I was working on. OK, let me find another one here. We got the British pop band Spice Girls released their debut single, Wannabe, which helped make them an international sensation. Give or take, I'm gonna be generous with you, give or take six years, what year was this?

1987. You're terrible this week, it's 1996. Oh my God. Spice Girls were in the 90s, man. Jesus. All right, let's see here. I couldn't name one, you could, if you beat me with a fucking, one of their heels,

I could not name a single song they ever sang. With one of their heels. Okay, the British TV series, The Office, created and written by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, debuted and became a huge hit. What year did the British Office debut, you gave me three years on that one? Yep. American psychedelic rock band the Grateful Dead. That's not how I describe them, but I guess so. They performed their last concert at Soldier Field in Chicago. Lead guitarist and vocalist Jerry Garcia died the following month. What year was this? Give or take five years. I'm being generous now because you're

dying a slow death here. I'm way off today. I would say the last year Jerry Garcia played, when did Jerry Garcia die is the question. I would say Jerry died in 2008. I remember it was summer. It was on Martha's Vineyard in 1995. No! Yeah.

Are you serious? Yeah. God damn. I mean, what is that? That's 30 years? It's almost 30 years. That's crazy. OK, we're done.

But I wanted to read this one. It wouldn't have been fun to play. But holy crap, the little statistic in here. So in 1889, John L. Sullivan is a boxer and he beat Jake Kilrean and they were fighting. He was defending his title in the in the last heavyweight championship bout held under London Prize ring rules I can only guess what London Prize ring rules are by he defeated him in the 75th round that's like a cricket match. What?

Wow. I mean, they weren't landing a lot of punches, I don't think. I don't know. And that was 1889. I've seen Peaky Blinders. Those fights go on for a while. I still have to do Peaky Blinders. I heard it's great.

It's one of the best shows I've ever seen in my life. And not just because I wear the same hats as them. Are we doing letters to the editor? Let's do... yeah, we only got one. Let's do it. I mean, we had a lot. And I apologize to everybody that's writing in. I'm way behind on responding to letters.

I have had a pretty crazy month, but I promise to get back to everybody. And there we go. This guy's from Billy McDonald here from Prince Edward Island in Canada. He says he's never missed an episode. And he's talking about how last week we were wondering whether or not Lance Armstrong is considered the we're talking about definitively the best in their sport ever. And because we brought up Barry Bonds, I told you I just saw a stat and also I just saw spacing on his name. But remember the Braves?

Oh, it was Maddox. I think Maddox was being interviewed, but Braves had like the best goddamn pitchers for a five year period or more. Anyway, Maddox is like, literally, this was the first line of the interview. And when they asked him about Barry Bonds, he's like, you know, he's not actually that tough of a batter to face because you just walk him. He goes, you just walk him if anything's on the line because he's that good. Like he's just there's he's so, so far above. And, you know, clearly he wouldn't be saying that if it was drugs

were responsible for all of it. I mean, Bonds was insane. So anyway, we asked about Lance Armstrong, who's also tainted with performance enhancing drugs. And this guy we asked about Lance Armstrong, who's also tainted with performance enhancing drugs. And this guy says from 99 to 2005, he won seven consecutive Tour de France titles. Why is it we say Tour de France when anytime else we say France? You don't say Tour de France, right? Say Tour de France. Yeah, because I guess it's a French phrase, de.

I think de sets it up for a. Yeah, I think it's more like de France. Despite being the only cyclist to have these titles stripped from the record books due to doping, all of his rivals were also caught using performance enhancing drugs. The Tour de France organizers couldn't award the titles to the runners up because they too were implicated in doping scandals. They

found to identify a rider who was not, they had to go to the 20th place finishers. So, his competitors acknowledged that he won during those years and recognized the playing field was actually level. Anyway, he apparently was a huge asshole during his career, which I think made people work against him also. But he did say on a personal note in 2012, Lance via email, well it's France, so via email, sent me a personalized video message to pass on to my work colleague at the time who lost his wife due to cancer. The gesture had a tremendous positive impact on him during a difficult time. Wow. Take it each Billy. Nice Billy. That's a very cool

of you to write in with that. Speaking of very cool, we still have some koozies on sale. Go to fitzdog.com, follow the instructions. They're going out. $10, all in, shipping, everything. It's summer, get yourself a Sunday Papers koozie. Someone just ordered four. Those went out the door yesterday. Love it.

And then I'm trying to find, check up with people who are having delivery and they've gotten them so they're all going out. And the contest winners, those are going out as well? Not yet. They are. And let's get to it. Funnies.

We're not doing an obituary. We're not doing an obituary this week. But who did I just see? All right, you start with this and I'm going to tell you who died. Someone worth mentioning died. Oh, I know who died. Who's worth mentioning. I just read it. Who is it? You can start with the yeah. All right, I'll start with the funnies. Who is it? Are you gonna look at it? You just start with the, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I'll start with the funnies.

So last week, the caption, or the drawing is a guy jumping rope, and then next to him is a snake with his head coiled up talking to the man jumping rope. And the first caption is from Tim Bradbury. He says, Junior, I've never seen you this hard. Okay. Lane from Denver said, I heard that girl was loose

and gets around, but that's ridiculous. That's not bad. Yeah. John Tilson said, interesting technique, Gary. We just stick our cock in it. Get that. John E says, don't even think about double Dutch. That's good. All right. Brian Woodhouse says, hey, that's my wife. Martin Shaw, Snake shouts out loud to the rope, Muriel, for Christ's sake, use the safe word, the safe word. Phil McCracken said what? Oh, let me guess. We all look the same to you go fuck yourself

guys very jealous Matthew leave it says okay okay I'll give you the vault code just please stop with your sick threats doing some good readings on these you are Brian Reed said my pronouns are he him hiss ah Alright, Emmanuel, whoona said let her go. She's expected on only fangs Brian Mayer said the snake says to the man don't get me wrong. You're fit, but you can't handle this ass All right, what do you like? me wrong. You're fit, but you can't handle this ass. Okay. All right. What do you like? Uh, I think the double Dutch was clever.

And I kind of like we just stick our cock in it. Really? I mean, it made you laugh. Yeah. All right. So I'm the tiebreaker. I'm going to go with, uh, I'm going to go with stick your cock in it. It makes no sense to me, but it makes me laugh. Honorable mention to John E. The double Dutch was clever, but we go for laugh out loud on Sunday papers. Yeah, I guess so. All right. Okay. I can't find this goddamn person that died. All right. It's that's that's that's a hard thing to search. I literally put obituary news past week. And it doesn't come up. John Tilsen, if you want to send in your address, I will find it right now. Hold on obituaries.

now, hold on, obituaries, Rusty Golden, who is a gospel singer, Laurie Lynn Dean. Kinky Friedman, I did know that. Kinky Friedman, a Texas songwriter. Robert Towne, screenwriter behind Chinatown. That's who you met, right? Yes, there it is. All right. So, let's- Robert Towne, almost universally, his screenplay for Chinatown was not understood or liked

by people who read it. And it's gone on to live as one of the best screenplays of all time. And even the kid stays in the picture. You know, the famous producer Evans, Robert Evans, I didn't get it, you know, the famous producer Evans, remember like I didn't get it, you know, like and he even admitted it, which is a tough thing to admit that you didn't get something that has aged so well. He won the Oscar and I have heard it mentioned

more than any other film. No, that's not true. I would say Citizen Kane and Chinatown are cited as the two best screenplays of all time. Yeah, Casablanca is up there as well, I'd say. He also wrote Days of Thunder, Mission Impossible. So he was... And Roger Corman. He did low-budget B-movies. And we talked about that recently when Roger Corman he did be low budget B movies and you know we talked

about that recently when Roger Corman passed away. Oh all right. Yeah. He did a lot of scribes. In a classic show business story he owed his breakthrough in part to his psychiatrist through whom he met Warren Beatty and Beatty worked on Bonnie and Clyde and he brought in town for revisions. He did a lot of rewrites. He rewrote the Godfather. How about that? Holy hell. Yeah. The parallax view. Heaven can wait. The last detail. Shampoo. Yeah. Wow. Great. Shampoo. Shampoo. Yeah, wow. Great. Shampoo is a great script. I love that movie. Warren Beatty.

All right. Goodbye. Thanks for your work. You can move on to a happier, less stressful place where Hollywood is in heaven. Hollywood is still making pictures like his. And people are still going to the movies. Yep. All right, next week's caption is,

it's a big grizzly bear. He looks a little bit confused and there's a man with a beard hugging him and the man is saying something to the bear. The bear has his arms around him. It's a mutual embrace. And there's a sign up front that says, warning, do not feed the bears. Do with that what you like.

And I would not limit it to, he might not be saying anything. He might just be hugging. Okay. Send it in to FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. We will read the great ones. We appreciate all of them though. Even if they're not great, send them in. You never know. I mean, look at the one that won this week. You'll never know if you'll get a koozie in a year or two. Now we got Hager is in the courtroom.

The barrister is standing in front of the judge who weirdly are wearing 17th century British magistrate outfits, even though this is medieval times in Sweden. And the barrister says, your honor, the prosecution calls a witness that was present when the accused admitted guilt to his wife. And then they have a parrot on a perch on the witness stand and the barrister says, please repeat what you repeated to the investigating officer.

Ah, aah, aah, aah. So it just ends with the reveal of the parrot? Yeah, it's very strange. It needs a third frame, which is why we're here It's what we do. Yeah, I like what you say. We're third framers. Yeah There's my son. Come on in son. We're doing Sunday papers. Come put your head in and say hi Owen what's going on? Happy Sunday. Ah Happy fourth

Can't hear a thing you got headphones in. He said happy fourth. Happy fourth to Can't hear a thing. You got headphones in. He said happy fourth. Happy fourth to you, brother. You got it, man. Have fun at work tomorrow, England. All right. By the way, we kicked their ass.

Generally? Well, I think on the 4th of July, oh no, the 4th of July, what was it, the day that they actually withdrew from the US? Was that the technical day? No. Was it the signing of the Declaration of Independence?

Yeah. Oh, okay. All right. Wow. Fits Fax. Let's get down to the Lockhorns. Leroy is looking in the fridge. Loretta is standing nearby.

She's got a bowl of food that she's put together for this in Grateful Fucks dinner, and he goes, this isn't a refrigerator, it's a food museum. It's a food museum. I think it's funny if I say it's a food museum. Hit the second word. What did you say? I said food museum. Oh Food museum. All right, so hold on here. So Get this and no one called it out Because they probably want this to end but I missed The number seven Calvin and Hobbes in the best 15 Calvin and Hobbes of all time. I went from eight to six and last week I did five and I just went through them and I missed seven. Here we are seven Calvin sitting in a classroom.

Nothing, just nothing. Then he looks to the right, kind of like a, what would you say that is? Kind of like mischievously. Then he looks to the left the same way. Then you have a wide shot of the classroom and the teacher is looking at Calvin who is tearing ass out of the room. His desk has been thrown and his paper's all over and he's running and she's like, so if we subtract five from and then it says, our fearless hero escapes. Now

I don't even know what's saying that. Is that like the cartoonist is saying that to the reader? Yeah, that's a little odd. I guess no one in the room is saying it. Okay, then I guess I do I go to the far left? It's it's it's these squares are not consecutive. So we join the mutant space. Does it say mutant? I can't read that small. Yeah, I'm having trouble reading it. I'm thinking we join the valiant spaceman Biff as he flees. Does this even matter? I can't read this fucking thing. As he flee the block toyed captors, our hero scrambles into his waiting spacecraft and then I got a sorry I fucking can't do this. Let me go and find the original not that it's going to matter at all Show hopefully this nightmare will be over soon. Okay, here we go. Let's go down to what are we at?

Seven in this piece of garbage. How come I can't, I could read it every week, but this week. You're getting old. You're getting older. Is that what it is? Yeah. You're old, man. My daughter turns 21 on Wednesday.

It's fucking clear as day right here. We join the Valiant spaceman Spiff. Yeah I got all the words right. Still didn't make a goddamn difference. Spiff pressurizes the magnetronic altitude doleators. No wonder I couldn't read it and hits the turbo hyper thrust drive instantly our hero blasts to escape velocity.

And he's like flying through what looks like monument of Valley in Arizona through the desert. And in the previous one, there was like a space creature with a giant mouth trying to eat Calvin as he runs to his ship. Now he's in space. Half a micro moment later, Spiff is just another speck in the infinite sea of outer space, alone and free in an endless frontier. These all sound so familiar to each other.

Free to roam the heavens in man's noble quest to investigate the weirdness of the universe. And you see him with his goggles on in his spaceship. And it looks like now he's going around the moon. And now you cut back, and it's the living room. And there's a parent in there. And now you see Calvin and Hobbes outside the window. Wee what fun! I'm glad you could come home so early says Hobbes. Come on old buddy says Calvin,

let's go exploring and find some gross bugs. And then mom is on the phone. Hello? Speaking. He what? I don't know. I don't know, I will say this. People are defending this like- That was really long. I mean- I know I made it longer because I couldn't find the-

I think it's- Overly complicated words that were jammed into these little dialogue windows. I mean, again, I'm with a lot of our listeners. A lot of our listeners are writing in to defend Calvin and Hobbes. I like going on a little journey inside a little boy's mind. It reminds me of, I used to lay underneath the coffee table and I would hold a wheel in my hand and pretend I was flying a spaceship and I had pure imagination. And it kind of reminds me of that.

It's very sweet. Maybe it's sweet. I guess it's sweet. I don't know. Should the newspaper have a sweet section rather than funnies? Sweets? Just sweets? Yeah, sweets.

I think they should have sweets and that should be, Family Circus should go in there. Yeah. Cathy. Cathy should go in there. Yeah. Right. All right, well, here's a section

that is absolutely the funnies. And this is how we round it out, with our good friend, Blondie. She's sitting in a lovely restaurant. She has on like a sort of sky blue skirt suit and Dagwood is wearing his usual, like his outdoor attire, his night out attire, the black suit with the red bow tie. The waiter is overweight and bald and he says,

so this your first time here? Dagwood goes, how did you know that? Waiter goes, nobody ever comes back. And I just thought there's a good solid like Marx Brothers type joke. I've been watching a lot of Marx Brothers lately with uh with Owen. Yeah. I swear God, I can re-watch the Marx Brothers over and over and over again. It is fucking brilliant. It's just such a combination of characters that are odd but funny and rich, and the relationships between them are hilarious,

the kind of love they have for each other, even though Groucho is usually pitted as like an adversary of Harpo and Chico, but there's also like, there's a loyalty they have to each other even when things are going really wrong and they're keeping Groucho from getting laid. And then the joke writing is just, it's a master class on tight funny jokes. Well they're legends I'll tell you that obviously so they're legends for a reason. Yep so anyway we're legends too and if you don't believe it just go to the back episodes you can go on you can go on YouTube and watch any of our old episodes you can go to I

don't know how the fuck you find we not on Apple podcast anymore somebody somebody write in and let me know send me a link to Apple podcast so I can find what do you show we give to them for free every week did you find it I'll look right now I mean I think mine has an automatic download. Let's look here. Maybe we pissed off the algorithm. When you go to the podcast app, is that Apple podcast that you're looking at? Sunday papers. Hold on.

There they all are. On the Apple app? What happened to my voice? Apple app. All right. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. See you all episodes. Are there comments underneath the episode? No. I don't know how you find them. All right, we're going to collect some comments next week. Please leave some for us. Go to that app, leave your comments and your stars.

It helps us out a lot. We're trying to grow the show this year. That's our goal. And we'll see you guys. We'll see you next week. Now I'm looking for comments. Now you got me looking for comments here. We'll read you next week. Now I'm looking for comments. Now you got me looking for comments here. We'll read them next week.

It's like a big finale. I just built a big finale. All right, everybody. I hope you had a safe and happy fourth, because it's Sunday. But how about this? Just know I'm wishing you a happy fourth before it happened. How about that?

It's documented. It's documented. It's right here. And what should people do? They should keep all 10 fingers by taking it each. Take it each. Aye. It comes out every Sunday. It has never once been late. Greg and Mike pick up the mic and bring us up to date, up to

date. Welcome to the Sunday Papers, ladies and gentlemen. The headlines will bring punchlines when you've got two funny friends. Let's begin.