Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 224 7/14/24

Episode Date: July 14, 2024

This week we deal with some heavy news from Mike who we send all of our support to. But we also send support to the Florida Man who had a few too many cocktails, a TX man who had too many cocktails and a Twitch streamer who had too many cocks.

Hey there listeners, it's time again with Greg and Mike, our newspaper friends, stories near and far, quirky and bizarre, the world of Sunday Papers. You'll wonder where you are. Three two one. Read all about it. Read all about it. Read all about it. It is Sunday Papers. Sunday Papers. That's loud.

We're we're a little sad today, especially Mike. Although I'm very sad, too. Yeah, I kind of sprung this on you. Well, it was sprung on me. But yeah, like I was feeling bad, like you're not in town., like, some other people here know, but I've been very low key. I'm still adjusting. So anyway, my mom entered hospice earlier this week, and we weren't even – Greg very kindly offered to do the podcast alone today, and I'm oddly feeling – I spent the night

there last night at her apartment. I'm oddly feeling strong enough to do this, something I was convinced I wouldn't be, you know, on an apartment. I'm oddly feeling, I spent the night there last night at her apartment, I'm oddly feeling strong enough to do this, something I was convinced I wouldn't be on and off. Who knows if I'll even make it through. But yeah, so many of our listeners I know have gone through it. I was telling Greg that it's an odd thing to be this old and lose a first parent. Greg, you were so young when your dad died.

But it's, because it brings up so much childhood stuff and then you're like, dude, you're almost 60. Like, get it to get, like, what are you doing? So it's very new terrain and hard to figure out, kinda. Yeah, I'm sure you got a lot of different emotions coming, sadness, anxiety, childhood stuff that comes up. And also, like I know you, you're kinda the guy who brings everybody together in your family,

so it's that added pressure of, I think you have a tendency to try to make everybody feel okay. Yeah, I am worried about other people. You know, and part of it's responsibility, like my kids. That, I can't even think about that right now, because that's the hardest,

he's no matter what, the hardest part. But she's, also what's weird is, she's still very sharp. And also, we laughed right before we pressed record today because I'm like, she and I know this seems like such a Mike and Greg centric thing to say because we're in the funny business. But I was like, it just seems so wrong for someone still with a sense of humor to die. Because if you're on that level, that's complex thinking. Alright, so here's one story. So we were over there yesterday, and so there's three drugs

that are going on. Morphine, oxy, and then an anti-anxiety. So my mom is in bed and then very alert, I mean, drowsy, but alert. And we're there with her husband, my stepfather, Rich, and my sister, Laura, and George is there and everything. And so we're like, all right, so the oxy is on a regularly scheduled, and that's for pain and comfort. And then the morphine is very fast acting

and that's if there's real, and that can happen at any time, it's not regularly scheduled and this. And then, and we're all sitting there taking this in. And then Rich goes, and then, and he was trying to think of the name of the anti-anxiety drug. And he's like, and so then if she gets anxious,

if like she really gets anxious about anything and all of a sudden like worked up, and he couldn't find the name and I'm like, we just take the pillow and press it on her face. And she laughed so hard. That's amazing. laughed so hard. That's amazing. She was there and literally laughed, her eyes closed with a big smile and she's like, there's

my loving children. They're the mom. Yeah, well your mom is like my mom. They're both Bronx Irish broads who are, you know, very, they read a lot that are well your mom it just I just picture your mom is somebody who does the New York Times crossword puzzle every week. I want to go back and find it she gets genius every single day on spelling bee which on the New York Times I don't know if people do that it is really hard to get genius every day.

And I don't think it was long ago. Like, I mean, I think it was eight days ago that she got genius on the New York Times, Spelling Bee, it's called. Yeah. And yes, no, she does every, you know, she was so terrified. I should say that to her.

I'm like, well, look at this, Alzheimer's never got you. Cause her mom got early Alzheimer's before it was even called Alzheimer's and died I think in her late 50s, or like 61 or two from it. My mom was terrified her whole life. And so back to what you said, she would do the crossword puzzle on the treadmill.

Wow. To outrun Alzheimer's, so to speak. No kidding. Wait, so just fill people in. Your mom's been dealing with cancer for what, like 10 years? No, no, no. It's, I think it was during COVID,

because we weren't allowed in the hospital. Oh, I thought it was longer than that. No, ovarian cancer, and they got it it with great margins and they took more than they needed out including other organs and the whole thing. And then she was never 100% out of that but she was good and then they were doing chemo and then there's a number that some listeners might know, I have no idea what it is, but it's basically like a cancer number that comes in and it's not white blood cells or blood cells but there's some number and it was extraordinarily high. But it's basically like a cancer number that comes in. And it's not white blood cells or blood cells,

but there's some number. And it was extraordinarily high. And the surgeon was like very confused. And my mom wasn't. My mom's like, it's not high for no reason. And not that high. So they would always work on getting it down. Then they would do scans and nothing and nothing.

But then like, you have to keep doing chemo if that number's high. And then eventually they're like, oh wait, we see a spot. Which probably wasn't there before, but the number was indicative. But like your mom, you were talking about the Irish broads, they have the, I don't know, it's probably the Bronx thing, they have the biggest bullshit detectors in the world. So all of a sudden, the doctor's like, oh wait, there's a spot, and my mom's like, really? You don't say? And then, so get this, yesterday an aide showed up,

and she really liked this aide. An aide is not a nurse, an aide comes in and just is like, we're going to give you a bath in the bed here, we're going to take care of everything, and probably change the whole thing. And she really liked the one that was, say, Tuesday. The one comes in yesterday, and Laura can tell, my mom, you just read her face, could tell she wasn't liking this aid or whatever. So the aid did stuff, including gave meds, and was still in the room while my mom then passed out.

My mom passed out hard. It's a morphine, it's oxy, out. Then she wakes up a few hours later, and her eyes open. When they open, you don't know how much they're still on it and Laura was like kind of like reading her and seeing if she's there and then figured oh she's not really awake her eyes are just open and she's looking at me and my mom just goes what did you think of that one? Meeting the aid. That was her first words.

Oh my god. Yeah, I mean, thank God the racist stuff isn't coming out. Sometimes they get on hospice and then, wow, watch out, 1950s Bronx comes right back. Well, yeah, I mean, she truly, I don't even think that would slip. I'm not saying she's the most virtuous, but I've never ever heard anything.

But, all right, one story, just because it's really a bummer, but it's fascinating also. When her brother died, he was in hospice, and Laura and I went to see him, and it was in Connecticut, in Danbury Hospital. And anyway, he was in there there and at the very last stages that's when people you know I guess the brain is coalescing things and maybe dumping things that it's carried around and and and there's probably some some

clarity that happens almost like when you're on a really ego-altering drug. But anyway, in his last day or two, my mom would be sitting in the room and he would be dreaming and talking, and he was saying the name of the priest that molested him when he was a boy. No kidding. Yeah. And my mom knew what that was because when he got, he was an alcoholic his whole life. And when

he got sober, um, that stuff came up or maybe it came up and caused him partly to be sober or whatever. But anyway, he then for the first time in his life and I'd say he was in his 50s shared it with my mom and my mom in typical my mom is pretty tough she was like I was like oh my god I go and she's like no we knew we knew something it was a camp it was like a week-long camp Catholic camp that he went to in Connecticut from the Bronx during a summer. And he was very different after that. And then he was drinking a lot, like not that many years later, like in his early teens. And so anyway, my, my, I'm like, well, how,

like, how was that for you? And she's like, what? And I go, well, when he told you that news, she's like, well, I just couldn't wait till he left. She's like, I immediately googled the priest's name and was truly going to Connecticut to kill him and then I saw he was dead. Wow. And when I, and when I, Laura and I shared that story, we're like, you, like, you know she, like, there was no doubt she would have done that. Right. Wow. know she like there was no doubt she would have done that. Right. Wow. Damn. Thank God he was dead. I know. And then I remember that Texas story. Maybe there would have been Texas justice where that dad in the airport met the guy who was arrested who was molesting us and then shot him. Pretended he was on a phone. It's on YouTube. Pretended he was

on a phone on the phone bank and then just shot him. And then they're like, you know what? You've kind of done time served. This is, you know, you've been in jail and so free. Well, I can tell you this, two other Bronx Irish people at the end of their lives, I'm not gonna say who they were, both one on hospice, talked about how she'd been molested

by her brother-in-law on the night of his wedding. And she kept it quiet until she died at 93 on hospice. And then another relative was molested by his brother and didn't talk about it until a few months before he died. Yeah, I think it's like, you gotta let it out. You've been holding on to it for how many years and you just, it comes out. Sometimes I think it's news to them.

Right, that's probably true. That the brain has, you know, helpfully in some ways, protected you from it. But yeah, Chris put up that it's Leon Gary Ploush or whatever, publicly killing Jeffrey Doucet. Yeah, anyway, it's, we've talked about it on the podcast before. Yeah. And I'm sure like our listeners will have a lot of you know, I think hospice is a very, very interesting time, no matter what. Yeah. For in biology, in obviously the family dynamics and everything. And it is like, you know, look, what a way to go. You're on drugs that are making you very comfortable,

getting rid of the pain, you're surrounded by your loved ones, they're telling you how much they love you and getting stuff out. I mean, it's, obviously you don't wanna die, but it's a way of easing into it for the family as well as them. Yeah, absolutely.

But anyway, I'm really sorry, man. I wish I was there, but you know, hang in there. You very generously offered to do this yourself, but it's also, I mean, I slept there, so I just rushed home to do this, and it's a nice distraction, and I realized on the drive here, like distraction is

my sweet spot. So if I'm learning anything about myself distraction is truly my home, my sweet spot. So yeah that's another reason to do this I guess and I'll be honest about it. Yeah okay well on another note on a family note, Livy and I decided to go to dinner it might have been over the weekend before all this but she gets her a little ahead of me and I get into he's like he's like Owen works here I'm like what are you talking about we're not in a pharmacy and I'm like because I just remembered his job in a pharmacy is that that Owen there? No, that's Lisa. Come say hi. Oh my god, that's where you are. Hey Lisa, how are you? Come visit. Yeah. Once Olivia's at Northeastern. I know, absolutely. Okay, good. Yeah, this is heaven up here. We finished where you're saying,

so you went out to dinner with Olivia. To my favorite Italian place on Ocean Park, and there's Owen. Yeah, he told me he saw you guys. Comes over like he owns the place in a great way, I mean. And like, he's like, dude, and like, hug and this, and then they put out pastries, because I guess they make so much on Sunday.

It's one of the best bakeries in LA, and that's why the pizza is so good. And they had a whole like dump of like croissants. Everyone was just going over and taking like a croissant to dip in their olive oil and stuff like that. That's amazing. And he's like, and I'll give you pizza, but we were there so late he couldn't,

but he's like, I'll give you pizza to go and all this, but he loves it there. Yeah, he loves it. It's literally his four best friends are all working there and they pulled him in about, I guess about a year ago and he makes so much money. Really? He made enough money in like two months

to go to Central America for six months and live off of it. And so he came back and he's making some more money and now he's moving out, he's getting his own apartment. I heard that also. Is he waiting to you? Because he wasn't our waiter, he was more behind the counter.

Yeah, once in a while he has to do the counter job, but the waitering, he just, the other night he had what's his name in Barry who's the guy that plays Barry oh oh yeah impressionist oh yeah of course Bill Hader yeah so Hader came in with a huge party and threw like a ton of money at them they get a lot of those kind of parties. So yeah, but he's doing good. He was very happy to see you guys. But anyway, so up here in Vermont, crazy, beautiful. Like the Dunskys have this house that it's like out of an architectural digest. It's got like five or six bedrooms, a huge finished

basement, wraparound porch. You're looking out at the woods in four directions. They're down a long road, and it's just them. And they own like 130 acres behind them. And we went out yesterday and we went mushroom hunting. And we came back with a giant bag full of what are those yellow orange-ish mushrooms? Chanterelles. We're having chanterelles with dinner tonight. Nice. Saw a bald eagle. We swam in a river. We swam in a lake. Swam in a pond. It's beautiful up here. Chris put up the whole population of Vermont is 647,000. Yeah, and 646 are Democrats.

It's like we went to a farmer's market yesterday and it was like all these, first of all, it was surrounded, surrounded by super legacy outbacks with canoes on top. And it was just like people just you know 70 year old women with gray hair in sundresses selling fucking hemp candles and like it's the middle of Vermont we're not near any city there's nothing here and they are just living these anonymous lives where it's like this is the way they want to do it I

talked to one woman she said I'm off the grid completely. She goes, I have a generator for the electricity just for my fridge. And I use my washing machine once every two weeks. And that's all the electricity she uses. And whatever, that's just how people up here want to live. Keepin' it green, the green mountains of Vermont. And summer in Vermont is unbelievable.

Yeah, yeah, it's great. It's beautiful really every season. I mean I imagine spring is a little wet and soggy but that otherwise it's incredible. Yeah and it's a we're going whitewater rafting tomorrow and not whitewater it's brown water it's not fast but we're to go in on tubes down the river. Oh a float you're doing a float. We're doing a float yeah so that's the way to do it I told you about the float I have but in Wyoming we would literally I mean go to the tire store get the giant black inner tubes and then with Billy Clark and and we would then put one car down the

river and we'd drive all the way up to Moose Wyoming, jump in and of course eat a bunch of mushrooms and then we also had one inner tube was the cooler with beer and stuff and we would float down and there were very very long stretches where we would play the game, prove there's mankind, meaning point to something that's not natural, like if you could see a power line or an airplane, and it was almost like the license plate game when you're in the car. We would go so long not being able to prove, other than pointing to the drug addict

who's 15 feet floating beside you. There was no way to prove that. I mean, there was nothing. It was incredible. Yeah, it's a it's just like I'm here three days and I'm like, OK, I can I get it. I could move up here. I haven't been through the winter. I probably couldn't last the winter, but, you know, you don't need anything. We went out this morning and we picked berries and we put a we put a net over the blueberry bushes and it's just like there's just fun shit to do all the time they got a dog and the dog is in heaven

she dives in the pond and swims and chases stuff and goes in the woods. Look at that guy. Come say hi Evan. Hi Mike. Good to see you, man. I'm hearing all, tell him I'm hearing all about his paradise. He's hearing all about your paradise. Yeah. So, yeah, we're having a blast and we got to leave tomorrow and head off to, we're going to go to Woodstock to Aaron's dad's house and then down to the sit and then to my sister's and then down to the city for a few days.

Nice, and I can just tell it's magical there if that angry self-hating Jew can be that smiley just now. Well, I'm not- Look what it's done to our Evan. Yeah, right, I'm not bringing up certain topics. Right. Yeah. So, what's space station story?

What is that written in there? Oh, that we'll talk about it next week, but Govind's had pitched us. These astronauts who are stranded, I guess they're gonna be stranded forever on this space station. Oh my God, all right. Well, that's an ongoing story.

Apparently there's no rush to do it, but we'll do it next week. Yeah, no, that's like the Hck to a girl she's not going anywhere yeah so I was at the stones and I just had you know I had a million thoughts I saw them on Wednesday night and you know and it was emotional and I got emotional if you just kind of internally what was the venue it was yeah it was not the best, you know, it's SoFi. So it's 70, I don't even know how many people, if you count the floor, were in there.

But, you know, not the best venue. The Stones are amazing at making any arena like the Forum or Madison Square Garden feeling like tiny for like just how many they are. Anyway, but he just, you know, and I'm in this emotional place kind of anyway, and I did take a little bit of mushrooms. And so at the show, when it starts,

I mean, go to any concert in the history, and there are thousands literally of the stones. He is, it's like he is a dog waiting to be let out of the door, the door to go outside. He like, the curtains are there as soon as they part, he runs, he runs straight for the crowd and listen, I'm not kidding myself. This was a nostalgic play. It was, it's 99% nostalgia. I love Don't Get Me Wrong here in the rock and roll.

One of which is a weird way to say it, but it's truly raw and all that. One cool thing is it's so fine. Like last thing I saw there was Beyonce. And when you're seeing a so fine show, generally every note is in place. If you're seeing Taylor Swift, it is so unbelievably choreographed and I mean everything, not just the dancing, every note, every track that's

played, every cue. And this is a mess, like the Rolling Stones are famous for. There's not one song that is even close to being played this like kind of note for note Keith is doing all those wild stuff Anyway, they were great But my point is I'm in this place and I'm in a very good spot like you know with the with the micro dosing and I'm just like I kind of understood even Trump but Just even like cults. I'm like just to Mick Jagger. I'm just like just start a cult. I'll join literally

Literally, no questions asked. I just believe in you. You're the world's biggest cheerleader You have been for 50 years You're literally a cheerleader doing cheerleader moves and you're just the embodiment of optimism and positivity and everybody fucking loves you. And still sexy at, what is he, 79, 80? Right, which is needed for a cult leader, I agree. Right, I mean if Mick Jagger wants to have sex with you,

you're just gonna, you're gonna do it at any age. I'd say it's taking one for the team, but I kinda, I think it's also on the plus column. Yeah. Anyway, I really was of I think it's also in the plus column Anyway, I really was just like here's my money Are you started just start a cult? I'll follow you now and and part of it is I don't like all the other alternatives You know and I think that's part of what explains Trump not to get political on it But it explains a lot of cults where it's like, you know what? I know it's probably not the best decision and I'm letting go a lot of my rational thinking,

but I really don't like everything else right now and I kind of love most of you. Yeah, go start one. I'll follow. That's what's so crazy about guys like Trump and Clinton is they're, they've got that charisma. They get the green light from most of the women that they meet and they have cheated their whole lives and now they're the president they could never get more and they can't take advantage of it. I mean I'm assuming they can't. I mean look what happened with Monica Lewinsky like you

will get caught. Yeah when Clint was president, you know, he famously did not have intercourse with Monica Lewinsky. That woman. What? With that woman. He never said her name. Like he didn't inhale. Did he have sex with anyone?

I know while governor he did. Did he have sex with anyone when he was president? I got to imagine he did, you know. Same, but we don't know the woman's name. No, there was, yeah, there were several women he admitted to while he was governor. And it seems like he and Hillary had an arrangement, but it's just so funny that it's gotta be killing

these guys, it's like being in a zoo and there's red meat like right in front of the cage. being in a zoo and there's red meat like right in front of the cage. Speaking of which, so the Sunday papers this week, oh I'm such an ass, oh okay, it was done by I think two people and they wanted the credit to be the press operator formerly known as PRINTS.

It's a very cool logo. It's very cool, I love it. I can almost see that going on a t-shirt or a cup. Yeah. I think we gotta put out some more merch for, and maybe we'll let a company handle it this time? I mean, I like thinking, oh yeah, we could possibly do that.

We, I like thinking we're like Johnny Knoxville dressed as an old guy because we're not looking too youthful there. No, we're not, no. We've got that, especially when old guys feel like they should wear a hip younger guy's shoes, but the rest of the outfit is an old guy outfit.

I mean, we have old guy fedoras and we're clinging to the paper like we're having trouble breathing. Well reading a paper is old guy period. I think that. On a park bench. Yeah yeah and by the way my vision of retiring I can't wait to sit on a park bench and read a paper. Oh boy. Just read As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner. I'm on this kick where there's a bookshelf in the back of our bonus room that Owen put all of his high school books on

that he mostly didn't read. And some of them I read, like As I Lay Dying I had already read, but I realized like the high school books that I read was 40 years ago. So I read As I Lay Dying, Slaughterhouse Five. I read that. I didn't read, how's that? It might not be the time for me to read As I Lay Dying,

but how was it? It is incredible. It is like one of the greatest novels ever written. And no, you should not read it right now. But it is about, basically it's told, each chapter is a different narrator and the story is that the mother has died and they need to take her body to the city,

the nearby city, Jefferson, Missouri. And they live like, you know, whatever, 50 miles away. And so everybody's got a different reason for wanting to go to Jefferson, you know? Like the father wants to get new teeth, the daughter wants to get an abortion. That's a very cool device. So each chapter is told from a different narrator.

And it's fucking heavy at the end, but it's- Okay, easy, easy, all right. It's told from a very thick Missouri vernacular. So it's slow reading, but it's great. All right. All right. He's putting down Mississippi. No, it was Missouri.

Really? Almost positive. Yeah. I think there's probably a Jefferson in many states. This is a good bet. Cause everyone knows the Fitz Facts and you said almost positive it's like the perfect wager. Alright Denman do you want to put ten bucks on this? Write yes or no in the thing. The

book is narrated by 15 different characters over 59 chapters. It is the story of the death of Addie Bundren and her poor rural family's quest to honor her wish to be buried in her hometown of Jefferson, Mississippi. All right. All right. As well as their motives, noble or selfish, they show in the journey. I said it was an interesting bet,

but I think everyone made money on that bet. And Denman just wrote, we have Jefferson City, Missouri as our capital. I guess I should have known that he's from Missouri. He would have known this, but he's also borderline illiterate. Also, that was like a very unsouthern state for Faulkner. Yes.

You know what I mean? Yeah. No, but I think Faulkner's from Missouri. That's why I thought it was Missouri. Okay, here's another one. Are we gonna fact check that? Is that true? Is he from Missouri?

Yes, he's absolutely from Missouri. You really think so? Yeah, I know so. Denman, where's Faulkner from? He and Twain? He's writing, Twain, yes. Faulknerner absolutely not. I'm undefeated in this thing so far.

Where is he from? I feel like, I still feel like. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. I'm gonna put a guess. I'm wondering if Faulkner's from. Don't look at the screen cause he wrote it. it is Mississippi or I'm I had you sir are right it is Mississippi All right, I didn't know anybody could read nevermind right from Mississippi Well alcohol alcoholic writing was oh well and then by the way

There's you know a lot of speculation about the woman who wrote so much for him. For Faulkner? Yeah. Yeah. The the Coen brothers what was that movie they they depicted that Barton Fink maybe. Oh well speaking of corrections before we corrections, Jane S did the song this week. It's very heartfelt. I think she's got a career. There's something very vulnerable and haunting about Jane S's voice. Well, Jane, I have to be honest.

I haven't heard this week's yet. I rushed into this, but I will be hearing it. You'll be hearing it when you listen back to the podcast that you do every week. Yeah, I'll comment on it on YouTube. Corrections, other ones. This is from somebody, I didn't write their name down. When talking about the Declaration of Independence, you and Mike thought that the July 4th was the declaration was signed. It was actually signed on the 2nd of July, but it was not ratified by Congress until the 4th. This led to some debate about whether to celebrate on the 2nd or the 4th. John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died.

I remember this fact, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, who famously were at odds during the writing of the Constitution and running the government back after that. Very different philosophies. And they both, and they became close as they got older. They famously wrote hundreds of long letters back and forth from different states. And they both died within hours of each other on the 4th of July in 1826. Wow. Did you know that? I'm looking to see the document like it does it say July well it's weird July 4th is on the in congress but maybe that is I'm not doubting that they signed it on July 2nd I was wondering what the document said it seems to say July 4th but that's

probably because it was just ratified. It says in Congress. Speaking of dates on August 27th, I'll be on the Joe Rogan show. My special comes out that week, so look for it. It's called You Know Me. It will be on streaming. It will be on Spotify. It'll be on everything.

Look for it. We're gonna announce a YouTube live leading up to the special that day. Denver Comedy Works, August 29th through the 31st. Oh, actually, I just booked a date this weekend. I'll be at the Brea Improv on the 26th through the 28th of July. Austin, the mothership, September 6th through the 8th. Then I'll be in Alaska and San Francisco.

Go to FitzDogg.com, get yourself some tickets, see some live comedy. Speaking of seeing live things, Mike, how did you get your tickets for the Rolling Stones? Oh my god, let's talk about game time, here we go. And now we are doing this on Saturday. The Rolling Stones are at SoFi again, so let's take a look at what, let's go to Music in Los Angeles. 95 bucks right now. 7.30 PM in Inglewood, California tonight. Get out of here. For the Stones?

I bet that it is a big place. And I bet that'll go down because also there's two SoFi shows. I mean that is a lot. Oh, Dickie's friend said that they're playing in his hometown of Branson, and he thinks like it's a small place. Wow. Like under 15,000 or something.

I can't imagine them on this arena tour going to a theater in Branson, Missouri, and they don't have many dates, so anyway, that's where they're going. No, the last time they were in town, I remember it was a thing, they didn't sell out. And they were quietly giving tickets away right before the show because Mick is obsessed

with not having the place sold out. Yes, they added, and they also added, well, the time we went was our 50th anniversary when those hedge fund guys did it, and that was their one rule like listen We know you guys are gonna try to get as much money as you want because you just bought us and our tour This is your idea. This is your touring Broadway show in a way But you can't charge so much that I'm looking out at a lot of empty seats and there's less energy in the room Right and so the day we went down as staples I'm charged so much that I'm looking out at a lot of empty seats and there's less energy in the room. Right.

And so the day we went down to Staples, they were charging so much that people are like, we just can't do it. And that day you and I jumped on $50 tickets. Right. Laura just told that story because, you know, we're talking about the stones in town. So did you get your tickets on Game Time this week?

I got my tickets on Game Time. I waited the last minute and went. And then I was thinking about tonight, our friend Gubbins is going and he has that suite. Oh yeah. Yeah, so anyway. Gubbins is friends with, as we are, a very famous guy who created and runs a show

that's been on the air for 20 years. And he has a box at SoFi for every event. It's his box. Every sporting event, every concert, it's his box. And so we are the recipients of that sometimes where we'll get invited. Let me see what, you know, Isbell's coming to town. Ooh.

And we really like him and Jason Isbell, Hollywood Bowl on July 21st, $27. Damn. But that's gonna be like one seat way up. But we should keep an eye on it and see. Also, he said, oh, I like this one better. Oh, it's March 14th. He's at the Disney Concert Hall.

That would be. That would be insane. Wait, what date is that? The first one is like next week, July 21st. But, oh, okay. Two weeks, I guess. Anyway, July 21st. Oh, okay. Two weeks, I guess. Anyway, if you wanna be smart, game time is the way you're gonna get

killer last minute deals, all in prices, you get views from your seat. This app is so intuitive, it's so simple. You buy your tickets, the whole price, it's the whole included price right up front, no hidden ones. It goes straight to your phone. There's no printing There's no transferring you show it right at the door. It's so easy

It's amazing. You taught you first of all, my favorite thing is the discovery thing. I check out what's in town when I go there Did you already I just was looking down a game time still while you were talking But one of the best things is that that's the price, the all in price. You don't have to do math or be like, oh, I bet it's twice as much as the price I'm seeing right now on their competitors. So I love that about Game Time. It's like, it's so easy to watch the price drop, and that's the price you know you're gonna pay.

And it's not only music, you can get Major League Baseball, all different sports. You can get comedy, you can get theater. And then they've got a last they got a lowest price guarantee you can take advantage of. Anyway, listen, take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account, and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply again. Create an account and redeem code PAPERS for $20 off. Download Game Time today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. You got it. All right. You got some crinkling over there? Oh my

god do I? Oh man, I guess it's really human here. This paper is ready. Let me see if I can find one here to crankle. I'm in Lisa's office. Take one of his manuscripts. Oh wait, I found hard paper. Okay, good. Hard currency. Hard-ish. Here we go.

Ready? Front page. Extra, extra, we are the thottest, extra. Extra! Extra! We are the thugs! Extra! President Biden drew gasps Thursday evening when he introduced Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky as President Putin, confusing him with a Russian tyrant whose forces have invaded Ukraine for the past two and a half years. He says, and now I want to hand over to the president of Ukraine who has as much courage as he has determination. Ladies and gentlemen, President Vladimir Putin. Oh no, he didn't say Vladimir,

he said President Putin. So, you know, it's rough, cause then I think the same day he referred to Kamala Harris as Trump, this is a week after the debates and he's trying to climb back in and show people that he's cogent. Cogent? Is that the word?

Yeah, and of course the comparison is like to Trump and Trump is just so much clearer on it. Like Trump has never confused Putin and Zelensky. He has only offered support to Putin and he never loses track of that. He never blurs it or conflates it. It's very clear. No, he has really very wisely not helped out the recipient of what will be the conquering of Europe once again. I listened to Biden's press conference a little bit.

I was in the car and it's like you're watching a completely shit-faced person being interviewed and you're like, are they gonna make it to the end of this sentence? I didn't understand what they said. And also I don't think they're gonna find the word they're currently searching for. No, a lot of sentences end in dot, dot, dot dot or anyway. There's a lot of anyways. And then he does this thing where he gets super ramped up where suddenly he'll go, and when we go to the

border? Like he goes from first gear to fifth gear and it's so contrived. It's like here's an old guy trying to sound like he's still got it. So what do you think? What's your take on all this? Do you think he will be replaced and if so, by who? Yeah, so when I saw the debate, I immediately said out, like out, and it's all about winning. You know what I mean? Like I really like his politics.

No one's perfect, but boy if you're if I have my list and also the issues that mean a lot to me and If you look at the issues that mean a lot to me having nothing to do with personality having nothing to do with lies Literally nothing to do with any of that, you know, this is the ticket I really really like so could I vote for this ticket? But it's more than that It's you do need this leader who instills confidence, not only at home, but internationally. So I was like out, just out and replace them and get, get people in there because it does a couple of things. One is no matter who replaces Biden, now it's Trump's the old guy. You know what I mean? Trump is now

the old guy and he has to deal with that. And then, you know, the thing with the debate was, that was the easiest debate in history to win, and he lost it. He didn't even just not destroy him, he lost it. So, however, I've talked to a bunch of people who are way smarter than me and that is not false modesty and I've heard their argument for keeping him in which is not at all because they're being kind and analytical argument

Just Statistically talking about the chance to win and they bring up really good points. I'm still on get them out, to answer your question. And who do you think should replace him? I mean, I would like Gavin Newsom and a female running mate. I think the governor of Michigan, what's her name? Probably, yeah, probably, but you know, because I just, I know, listen Newsom is an incredibly

flawed character, but he is a strong debater. He's a strong thinker and speaker. I saw him destroy Hannity on an interview that Hannity had where Hannity had all his traps set and he ran circles around Hannity on an interview that Hannity had where Hannity had all his traps set and he ran circles around Hannity. So I just think that someone can communicate the easiest message I think in presidential history against his opponent and nail it. Well Chris points out that he did look bad arguing with Corolla, but Corolla is also

not governed by having to appeal to a broad audience. I think his audience is very specific. And I think it was, I don't think he expected that going into it. I'd like to see him talk to Corolla again, because I love Corolla, but I think it was it was a little bit of a sniper job. I wonder what happened though but but my thing is he's so prepared for sniper jobs that I'm shocked that happened. Yeah I know. Anyway, more Biden apparently he snuck off to bed instead of meeting with the

German Chancellor during a June 2022 G7 event. Why is that in the news today? I guess they're just dredging up shit about him. But I guess according to a report he just slipped off and he let Anthony Blinken, the Secretary of State, handle it and he hit the hay. And it was an informal event, arranged as a secret meeting with Ukraine and was booked in the early evening because German officials knew Biden tired by night,

the newspaper word. Well, maybe he would have been able to stay awake if the guy wasn't German. I mean, that's gonna put anybody to sleep. Mexican guy, up till midnight. Australian dudes, maybe all weekend. Yeah, and also the German's name is Olaf Scholz. It sounds sleepy.

Every time they say it, Biden's head hit the table. It's like a meditation mantra, Olaf Scholz. Like that's what I would, Scholes Olaf Scholes like that will push my thoughts out of my head and just I would pass Out and the other guy's name is Blinken He was surrounded by sleepy names. The last thing you do before you fall asleep. You're Blinken asleep. You're blinking. Dine and dash, a clever man dined and dashed on his hinge date after realizing she and the friend she showed up with for the romantic evening was taking him through the wringer thinking he would foot their costly bill. The TikToker whose username is Johnny America proudly recounted that he abruptly left the duo behind

when they started ordering surf and turf and a handful of drinks at a local hibachi restaurant. Johnny claimed he reached out to the woman about meeting up for lunch on a first date after they had matched on the dating app, thinking it would be something casual. His date agreed and she requested that they go to hibachi. I get there and meet this girl and she brings a friend with her and goes, hey, would it be cool if my friend jumps in with us? Well, he was probably thinking yes. And so he said, what was I gonna do?

Tell her to go away, she was there. And they ordered a bunch of drinks and appetizers. Later, the hibachi chef asked the content creator what he wanted for his meal and he ordered a simple chicken and rice dish while the girls opted for the surf and turf meal So that's where he went wrong. That was the only misstep Why didn't you go sir double the surf and turf? Right? I'm not paying for this. Yeah

Yeah, also, how is this in the news Because it sounds like he did something illegal, but he did not at all. No, no, it's only a dine and dash if nobody's left to pay the bill. Right. But that's among you, that's among you. And this guy is gonna be a fucking hero among men. America's great again.

That's what happened, Johnny America. You just, that's gonna become a phrase, you just got Johnny America'd. Oh my God. By the way, I'd even consider it a win if he secretly paid the waiter for his share and then left them, you know what I mean? There's zero wrongdoing in any of this. The problem is, men have been dining and dashing

on women who they're married to and have a kid with. The kid is almost like the surf and turf like hey let's have a baby okay cool I'm gone bye. Yeah this hinge date was it was it was a he's a he's a deadbeat dater. That was a deadbeat date. Totally. They should have a card for that. All right, so I went on way back, years ago, when I was on the dating apps, I went on a date and met, I think, for like a cocktail,

then I was like, do you wanna go? And then we went to the Irish bar here on Main Street, or it was called Finn McCool's back then, cause they had live music. So we go in there, but she showed up, I think up I think a bit drunk and then which I didn't really know till at that point when we were now going to the second place and all of a sudden she was drunk and Had like a tit like a facial tick thing that was going on and was started to get like

Belligerent and I'm like what the fuck is going on? So at one point, instead of losing my patience, I go, hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom for a second. So I go to the bathroom. Now I'm in the bathroom and I'm like, I should, I like, what the fuck just happened? And I'm like, I didn't even have to go to the bathroom. I'm just regrouping in the men's room.

And I'm like, you know what? Be a stand up guy. Just go back and say, you gotta go home. You don't even have to lie and say you gotta text or whatever. Just go, you know, I'm calling tonight. Pay for the tab and all that. So apparently I took a while in there doing all this thinking. So when I came back, I sit down next to her and I'm like, hey listen, she's like, you're

back. And I was like, what? She's like, I thought you left., I'm like, hey listen, she's like, you're back! And I was like, what? She's like, I thought you left, and I'm like, that's allowed? She has clearly been walked out on a ton. Yeah, yeah, right. We went, when I was a teenager,

we used to go to White Plains from Tarrytown. We took the number 13 bus, and then we would go to the mall. Oh, I would do the same thing. Yeah, it was all teenagers. We were like 15 years old. Public bus, right there. And I just remembered me and Sneaky Pete, Sneaky Pete cars, we smoked a joint

and then we went into the mall and we met these two girls. And I remember they were from Port Chester, big hair, Italian girls, and we said, do you wanna go to the movies? And so we went to the movie theater, we had no idea what was playing. We just looked up and we saw Al Pacino

in a movie called Cruising, and we're like, all right, car races, whatever. Do you know the movie? Of course. Okay, so we go into the movie theater and we sit down next to these girls and we're holding their hands, and then the movie starts, and it is about gay cruising.

It is about dudes in leather jackets and dog collars making out in sweaty discos and the girls were like what the fuck and me and Pete said we have to go to the bathroom and we were out of there. We left these two girls in a gay porn movie in White Plains and laughed for approximately 35 minutes. They're all turned on. Yeah, right. The real story is you guys went home and did it.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, this whole story is a guy's. There's a whole other podcast where I tell that story. Do you want to kip down to gay porn on that note? All right, why don't you read it? Popular Twitch streamer Sketch emotionally addressed a leak showing he once filmed porn on OnlyFans,

telling his 1.1 million followers, he is a changed person after kicking, kicking quote a couple of addictions. Two years ago I did some stuff. I'm sorry. If you've seen some of the stuff the 25 year old streamer whose real name is Kylie Cox told his followers Monday confirming he was the adult performer seen in the leaked material. Wait a minute. So his stage name was not Cox? His actual name is Cox? This is where you would say,

read down to my joke that I wrote. Oh, there you go. All right. Yeah, that was me. I fucked up, I won't do it again. He blamed it on a dark time two years ago when he was dealing with some addiction problems. He really puts dick in addiction, doesn't he?

He said he's a changed person and he streams the Madden NFL video games now. He made light of the X-rated material starting with a joke referring to then President Bill Clinton's much-derided initial denial of inappropriate behavior with that woman. I guess he said I did not have sex with her. I don't know what it was. I did not have sexual relations with those three pizza delivery guys. You see how I stopped myself and didn't step on your joke?

I love it. I gotta start reading down before the podcast. No, that was a late entry, but you had not picked up on that name and I was like, that's surprising. So I put it in there. I did not swallow that load. But I did, meanwhile, who knew that a sketch from Twitch wouldn't be a wholesome character?

Yeah, right. There's a nude cruise is disembarking from Miami next year. Bear Necessities is a travel agency that focuses on new tours and trips of all stripes. They annually charter ships from major cruise companies to host some of the best and most highly rated nude cruises in the world. There are multiple restaurants and bars. Excuse me waiter, there's a very long hair in my soup. Clothes and I got to think there's clothing shops. Yeah that's gonna be a little empty that week. Shouldn't they disclose I don't want to get on that boat on the next cruise right? What's that? I wouldn't want to get on that boat on the next cruise, right? What's that?

I wouldn't wanna get on the boat on the next cruise. Oh, right, right. There has to be like full disclosure. Like if I'm buying a house, you know, they have to tell me if someone died in it. Maybe they should tell me if there was nothing but nude fat people throwing up everywhere. Yeah, yeah.

There's a film over the hot tub. They have a spa, like if you go to the spa for a massage, do you then have to put a towel on? Right, even if I miraculously escaped the food poisoning that's on every cruise ship, I would still be throwing up the whole time on this cruise. They got a casino, there's a casino. That guy's got a short straight, he's got a long straight.

You're not allowed to hold them at the table. Yeah, good one. All right, we move into entertainment. Let's move to entertainment. I just watched actually with my stepdad last night the latest episode. Have you started Presumed Innocent on Apple? I think it's PASS. It might be. It's the number one streaming thing right now. Yeah. And it's Jake Gyllenhaal. But I do like Peter, you know Peter Sarsgaard? Love Peter Sarsgaard, yeah.

So do I. You know, I always thought, like and of course it's like I should write it, but like I desperately wanted to see him play Malkovich's son and get in a screaming match because they're such a similar energy and delivery. They look, I think, like so similar. I mean, Malkovich looks a bit more primate. He looks a little more unhinged and wild. But anyway, I love those guys. But the one I want to talk about,

this guy Bill Camp. Chris can maybe put a picture of Bill Camp up here. You'll recognize him. I mean, Queen's Gambit. I first saw him, I think, in The Night Of. And then there's Molly's Game. He was Joker, 12 years a slave. I will watch anything this guy Bill Camp is in. I love him. Yeah, I'm not picturing him. By the way, went to University of Vermont. You'll know him. He's he's a character actor like perfectly fits the bill of character actor He's a overweight here. He comes. I'm gonna get him for you

Where's a picture that looks like him that guy and Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's great. I love that guy. He kinda looks like Phil Hendry a little bit. There he is. Yeah, right. Yeah, he was also in...

Yep, there he is. Oh, there's a political drama that he's in. I can't think of it. Anyway, University of Vermont. So kind of a local boy for where you are right now. I'm moving up here I swear to God. Anyway he's good in whatever he does so I'm watching it I mean I think there's only two more episodes maybe one. Okay Ellen DeGeneres have you heard of her? Oh yeah. She said during a recent stop on her Ellen's Last Stand Up Tour, get it?

That she's done with fame and once she plays her final shows, which will be filmed for a new Netflix special, during the Q&A after her show in Santa Rosa, one fan asked DeGeneres, would she return to the movies? She said, um, no. DeGeneres answered matter of factly, this is the last time you're going to see me. After my Netflix special, I'm done. Another fan pushed her to once again voice the character of Dory from Pixar's Finding Nemo. But Degeneres responded, no, I'm going bye bye.

Remember? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. She's just gonna just hang back in her mansion and be haunted by the ghosts of the past present and future. I have to watch what I say cuz I was I was actually hired by her a month ago and was let go the next day. Great story yeah And I was not the first that that happened to. And yeah, you know, it's already being reviewed. So I think I can say something. Her material is already being reviewed.

I read some people talking about it. And I personally, this is my personal personal opinion I think there are a lot of problems with the hour and and some things are very off but but she did she did make that clear that she this is it yeah I don't buy it I don't buy it I think she needs it she is a narcissist who has been fed by her audiences for a long time and I don't think she can do what her wife Portia de Rossi did and just disappear from Hollywood. Right. So I think she'll miss berating crews. Other people's tears are like nourishment to her. She licks them off. She makes you cry then she licks the tears off of you and she gets stronger Let's just say

It is far far from a strong move For someone in her situation to paint herself as the victim. Yes. She needs someone right away, to even in the Q and A's after her show, and you would know this, this is all public domain. I am talking about the issues I've read about, not in what I read while I'm working for,

that I've read about in publications and Anyone who really cares for her should right away somehow tell her There is no world where you can even hint at that. You're the victim, right? Just optics which it's more than that in my opinion even if it's just optics, which it's more than that, in my opinion, even if it's just optics, you can't do that. Yeah, it's like there's a documentary out about Louis right now called Sorry Not Sorry. And it was made by these people from the New York Times who really had an axe to grind,

and then Variety wrote a review of it today. And just, it's just like... I saw that headline, want to see they're like I mean how he managed this comeback yeah I mean you know why he managed to come back because he didn't commit any crimes because you know at the end what he did was morally wrong and he did apologize for it they why do they keep saying he didn't apologize for it he did and he's supposed to what just like disappear and go climb in a hole for the rest of his life? You're also leaving out. He's an undeniable talent. People desperately want it. You know what it is? If you want to understand

undeniable talent, I'm not comparing the two men, but if you want to understand undeniable talent, I'm not comparing the two men, but if you want to understand undeniable talent, two words, Michael Jackson. Right, exactly. Who is playing at every bar mitzvah. Having nothing to do with what they did. Every Sweet 16, it's all getting played. And he is an undeniable comedic talent.

And so anyway, you want to, why he's back, he would have been back even if he was me-tude worse than he was. I don't even know how to, I don't even want to get into that, but what I'm saying is people are going to go, he's going to sell out Madison Square Garden because his comedy is that good. And people have, you know, sort of come to terms with and weighed what he did versus their own morals to blah blah blah so it's even the Grammy he won the Grammy this year I mean right it's a very easy question to answer yes so anyway speaking of people that are off the hook Alec Baldwin has yeah he's free's free, the trial's over.

And I think what happened was there was, I guess his people were complaining that the prosecutors were not sharing evidence against him in the manslaughter case, like forensics reports, redacted emails. And so then they learned that a retired police officer had walked into the court, into the sheriff's office and dropped off a batch of bullets connected to the case and once again nobody told the defense so they

basically cried foul and that's it. He was facing 18 months for accidentally shooting Halina Hutchins on the set of Rust. So he's free. And I would say this is, that is very predictable. Unlike the prop gun. When you get a rich guy on trial like this, it's very predictable.

Nobody had to check the chamber on this one. I don't know why the producer element and like Baldwin in that capacity was thrown out before this but or not dealt with but I having been in this business having had prop guns on set having a million people beg to change even at USC where I taught a course that was like their SNL course, even at USC they would beg you can you like change it to a knife just because even at USC where it doesn't air, where it's not union, where it's not professional, even there guns cause so many, fake guns cause so many headaches

and concerns. So I don't know how there's a world where there was a bullet on set. I've never known a set to have a real bullet. Because the crew guys were doing target practice with the gun the day before. Did you hear that? No, I didn't hear that.

Yeah, so I mean. Now he broke some rules. You never ever ever point even a prop gun, I don't think, unless it's a giant scene where that hat, like obviously a gun to the head, stuff like that. But you never when not needed. And also, they weren't even characters.

These were people behind the scenes. Meanwhile, the woman who was the, I forget the title of the job, people that handle the firearms, she's in jail for 18 months. But he was a producer, there's an argument that he was a producer on it and ultimately that trickles down,

that he shouldn't have been involved in producing a movie that was so grossly understaffed and unqualified people in important jobs and he should have shut it down. She might be released, by the way, because of this revelation. Oh, nice. Let's make America Florida.

Let's do it. ["Florida Man"] All right, Dennis Gubern sent this one in. He said it's a little dark, but I think we can handle it. A Florida man who spent the day drinking with a woman he met at a Daytona Beach pool is accused of dangling her four-year-old son from a second floor balcony and dropping the boy on his head. Brandon Gilmore, 31, met the unidentified boy's mom poolside

at the Sandalwood Beach Resort. That is an overstatement. It is a motel. Then spent the day drinking with her. Oh wait a minute let me just let me just bring this up. I looked up Sandalwood Hotel and here are some reviews. Beach Resort. Oh I love this. Have never stayed at any resort that required me upon checking in to agree to additional fees. It was filthy, very shady, use caution. There's a Russian one that has exclamation points which I didn't even know they had in the Russian language.

That's all they have. Room 353, horrible, seven exclamation points, which I didn't even know they had in the Russian language. That's all they have. Room 353, horrible seven exclamation points. Very annoyed that it definitely was not clean. Shower was spraying all over. Bathroom door was rotted. The sink kept getting clogged. They said the pool was heated. It was not at all. The Keurig was disgusting and never cleaned. It was one of the reasons, they do not clean here until you leave. Imagine the sand that was brought in. You ask for clean towels, they don't have them,

and then nobody's at the front desk. Ha ha ha! Just to give you some background on this hotel. No wonder they're out drinking by the pool all day. Yeah. So he, this 31 year old guy, met the unidentified boy's mom poolside. They Yeah. So he, this 31 year old guy met the unidentified boys mom poolside. They spent the day drinking and then he took her son outside the room to quote scare him

a little bit. He was just swinging in playing with them and then he let him go and he had him by one foot and then the kid slipped right out of his hand and fell directly on his head on the concrete, no grass. Police said Brandon Gilmore met the toddler's mom and then reviewing it, all right, and then surveillance footage captured him holding the boy in his arms before holding and grabbing him by one leg and holding him over the balcony before he fell to the ground. Unbelievable.

And I don't know if you knew this, but in Florida, the Florida Boy Scouts, getting dropped off the balcony by your mom's drunken boyfriend is a merit badge. You actually get a patch for that. And all the kids have them. Another reason the Boy Scouts change their name. By the way, I had a thought, oh, where was I reason the Boy Scouts changed their name. By the way, I had a thought, oh where was I with the Boy Scouts? Was I... I forget where I just was. Anyway, I was somewhere

where there was a giant Boy Scouts like maybe their center or something. I'll get in a second. Anyway, I had a joke that Boy Scouts have changed their name to the Plaintiffs. Anyway, had a joke that Boy Scouts have changed their name to The Plaintiffs. That's Plaintiffs of America. Yeah, right. The Boy Scouts. Where the hell did I just see the Boy Scouts of America? Wasn't in Nashville. I don't know.

Was it in Texas? Because that's where we're going next. Oh, all right. Let's go to Texas. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Make Texas, Florida. Texas man is going viral after being filmed in a drunken stupor in broad daylight asking patrons, what did I do wrong? And saying it it's America, repeatedly, as another man tries to escort him off the premises of a restaurant. Interestingly, instead of arresting the man,

a police officer calmly tells him to just get in the car and go home. And he's visibly shit-faced. Twice while some of the, that was said to him twice while some of the patrons at the restaurant seem to be more frustrated with his behavior. Here's why the story is in here. As the intoxicated man is rounding the corner, he says, I hate black people without being provoked. When some of the patrons asked him what he said, the man escorting him says nothing. He didn't say nothing. However, the man's sentiment was clearly heard and repeated by one of the onlookers.

Due to no black people being present in the video, one Twitter user asked, were there even any black people around? The hatred runs that deep? Oh, my God. At this point, who cares? A lot of people... A black person on Twitter goes, at this point, who cares? A lot of people, a black person on Twitter goes,

at this point, who cares? A lot of people hate us. He just said the quiet part out loud. I'd rather know who to steer clear of and what their mindset is than trying to figure it out later. So this was funny. Black commenters, of course, are not surprised that the police told this guy spewing racial hate

to simply go home instead of arresting them and doing what they would expect done to them. Then it was revealed the guy was also arrested for public intoxication last year in Nashville under very similar circumstances and one of the Twitter users goes, sounds about white. Did he say this? Do you think he said the same thing in Nashville? Just get the tattoo on your neck already. Stop repeating it. Yeah, and another thing.

That's probably one of the most used stencils down in Texas. I don't like black people for tattoos. Out of nowhere. I love that. Like the cop wasn't black it's yeah what is going on in that mind honestly. I think we can skip sports and go right to I'm psyched about Wimbledon final tomorrow though. All right, let's talk about that then. Let's do some sports. Well, okay, here are sports. I don't think we have to do the story. It's a little old I think. But it's exciting.

Djokovic came back on people. Yeah, Djokovic is playing against, what's his name? The new best player in the world, his name I always based on. The new Spaniard, why am I forgetting his name? You follow it closer. I gotta give him his, I gotta give him the attention he deserves and watch him win.

This kid is the biggest thing in tennis in a long time. Oh no, yeah. Carlos something? Oh that sounds racist. Oh Alca. Oh that's Alcares. Yeah Alcares. Killer serve he's got a drop shot that you know he can just pound it to the baseline for you know 20 shots and then hit a drop shot that you can't get near. Yeah. Really likeable kid. I think he's I think he might have won Wimbledon last year actually and he beat he beat Djokovic in the semis. I believe he beat Djokovic in the semis last year.

Let me see Alcares's major tally so far. Grant slams. Is going a little bit. Grant slams. My voice is going a little bit. But Djokovic looks good. We watched Djokovic play yesterday and he is just, he's a complete player. Three major titles. He has the US Open, 2022, 2023 Wimbledon, and 2024 French. And five Masters 1000 titles. So yeah, he's, you know,

the kid's unbelievable. For the first time, he's had such an impact on the game that tennis schools and camps and clinics are teaching the drop shot, which they never spent much time on at all. Right, right. It was like something, I don't know what the equivalent golf shot would be like, almost like using a left-handed club

to get out of the woods, you know what I mean? It's like one of those, if you need it in an emergency, here's how to hit a drop shot. All right, let's get down to let's get down to the obituary. Yeah we had a late entry. Oh I didn't see this! Oh my god! Here we go. Time for the obituaries. So I originally had in Shelley Duvall who died earlier this week, 75 years old, you know a Robert Altman protege and of course the tormented wife in The Shining. You know what movie I've never seen is McCabe and Mrs. Miller. And I also haven't seen all of Nashville.

Oh, Nashville's amazing. I've watched it. I mean, it was avant-garde. I mean, the audio and what they were doing. But McCabe and Mrs. Miller, I always hear about. Yeah, and then Popeye was actually a very interesting movie. But I mean, apparently in The Shining, she got so traumatized that she couldn't leave the house for like three months.

I think she went into therapy and it was really bad. They were both, yeah, I think they've expressed maybe regrets. Kubrick is obviously not Mr. Nice Guy in terms of giving a shit what people think about anything. And I guess Nicholson was, but this in fairness to Nicholson, I guess, and I don't know what I'm talking about. Let's lead, let's lead with that.

But in fairness, Kubrick drives everyone on set crazy where everyone is at their wits end frustrated fighting. Apparently with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, it was unbelievable to the point where some have speculated, including Tom O'Neill, he was almost like playing a practical joke. He made them redo that sex scene or parts of it forever. Yeah, I heard that.

So anyway, I think Nicholson was not his best self at all. And I think I'm very frustrated with her as well on set. But then this morning, changing subjects, we saw our old friend who we've talked about on the podcast, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who's grandmotherly approach as a sex therapist made her a pop icon in the 1980s radio in New York City. And she died at her home at 96, I think yesterday or today, yes. She was restful when she passed away,

her son and daughter were with her and holding her hand at that moment. It was as peaceful as she could possibly go. It's amazing there was stuff still going on in her life. She had a book coming out this fall and someone wants to make a, someone should definitely make a biopic about her. Yeah.

Was she a Holocaust survivor? Yes, I believe she was a Holocaust survivor. She had the German accent, and you take the penis and you put it in the vagina. But if you think what I just said is exaggerated, go find audio of her. That was a pretty good impression. Oh my gosh, she had the sweetest, cutest little voice. And she did a lot. I mean, she was around during AIDS

and she was talking very frankly about it and homosexuality and things that were taboo. And she opened up a lot of conversations. She was like a quintessential grandmotherly figure, even in the 80s, and some of us have them in our families, who just is going through life with nothing to lose. And I think probably the Holocaust

had a great effect on her in that specific way. Like, what, I'm gonna be embarrassed talking openly about human natural sexual urges and desires and practices like what are you kidding me like there she she she had zero taboos about it but just so people have a clearer picture when we talked about it because I think she was just assigned some like government position or something in New York State or whatever an ambassador of sex education or something. But just very briefly, she had, this is old school, she had a live radio show on Sunday nights in New York City

and people would call in, but I am telling you the amount of New Yorkers that it was like an HBO show, like Sopranos on Sunday night. Every Monday, everyone was talking about this radio show. It was incredible. You know, my father kind of did that. When he was coming up, and it was like the 1970s, he was on the air, and it was AM radio, and it was mostly Howl's Wives listening, and he created this show called The Feminine Forum,

and it was the first place on radio, the FCC, he used to get fines, he got put off the air, and he talked about women's issues. He talked about menstruation and menopause and abortion and all these topics that nobody talked about before. And I think Donahue very much took after my father and did a very similar show. I totally think so.

Yeah. By the way, do we wanna go back to this day in history quickly and do a little quiz? Oh, of course. How did I miss that? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. This day in history.

Let's do it. Okay, so we're gonna start off with Woody Guthrie. Okay, so we're going to start off with Woody Guthrie. He was born on this day, Sunday, July 14th. I don't know if it was a Sunday. In what year? Range? Oh, sorry. I'm going to give you a range of

eight years. 1889. No, not even close. 1912. What? You have to keep in mind he died at 50. Old Woody Guthrie was younger than we are. That's why I remember that Bob Dylan was at his death bed and so I was working off of Bob Dylan's why I remember that Bob Dylan was at his deathbed. And so I was working off of Bob Dylan's age and thinking that this would have been in the early 60s. So he must have been born 80 years before that, or 70 years before that. Yeah, you know what's interesting is it says

he died October 3rd, 1967. I would have bet the house that he died in 62 or three, because that's when Dylan came to New York. I think Dylan even came to New York in 61 maybe. But anyway, but I guess he was on his deathbed and stayed there for years apparently. All right, give me another one. All right, we got, I'm going gonna skip the Bastille was stormed. I think you'll get this you're gonna get you're only gonna get a one year give or take one year. Easy Rider was released in US theaters on this day.

You missed it, 69. American baseball. By the way, storming of the best deal, I'm gonna go 1785. I think you would have gotten it, because that's 1789. Nice. I think I would have given you five years. Okay, I studied French history. Hank Aaron hit his 500th career home run. I believe he hit it over the head of Buckner, Bill Buckner, who was playing left field. Oh,

that helps. A giver takes three years. Oh, come on. What year did Hank Aaron hit his 500th career home run. Well, Bill Buckner played on the 86 Red Sox and he was probably 40 years old, so he must have been playing 30 years before that. I'm going to say... 30? Wait, hold on. You just did math and made Bill Buckner 10. No, he was playing so he was playing in 1956 because he was at least 30 oh wait yeah. You said he was 40 in 86. I

didn't say how old he was I'm just saying if Buckner was playing in 86 and I remember he was a very old player yeah he was in his 30s so I'm gonna say in 52, I'm gonna say 1959. Way off, 68. 68. All right, give or take, 15 years, American gunfighter Billy the Kid was shot and killed by Sheriff Pat Garrett. I just read his biography so I'm gonna be close on this it's 1885. Wow 1881 did you really? Yeah just finished the biography it was an audiobook. It must have been interesting. Yeah it was very interesting. God I'm

really envious of all your reading. All right, we'll do one more. Here's a biography you didn't read recently. Give or take four years, I'm gonna be generous. Die Hard was first released in US theaters, launching Bruce Willis as an action star. 86. You fucker, 88. Nice. Ha ha. 86 you fucker 88 nice

My stepfather is reading this Jim Thorpe biography that's out now. Yeah, Jim Thorpe is so goddamn fascinating Jim Thorpe won a gold medal for the decathlon He also in the Olympics in Stockholm. He also won the gold for the pentathlon Give or take 10 years, what year did he win both of those at the Stockholm Olympics? It's either, well, Berlin was 72, I think he ran in front of Hitler, so I'm gonna guess 19. Wait, wait, hold on, do you mean 42 was Berlin? No, no, Berlin was 72, wasn't it?

Well, did you mention Hitler? No, I'm saying this happened during Hitler. I'm just trying to backtracking Jim we were talking we're talking about Jim Thorpe the Native American athlete. Didn't he run in the Olympics? You might be thinking of Jesse Owens Jesse Owens who won gold. Oh I'm thinking of Jesse Owens. That was during Hitler. Who showed white people a thing or two? Alright so Jim Thorpe, I'm going to say, couldn't have been in Germany that close to 72. So I'm going to go, I can't remember how old Jim Thorpe is. 1952?

1912 man. Oh yeah, I had nothing on that. He was early, amazing lacrosse player. Pop Warner I know none of this is in here but I know from reading a little bit about the biography that's as close as I get to reading a book. I read a battle book and he football was kind of just starting it began very similar to rugby it was a scrum there wasn't the forward pass at the very beginning that changed everything like rugby where you ran in and you literally touched it down to the ground that's where straight back from that is where you had a kicker field

goal that's still the rule in rugby. Yeah, so anyway, there's interesting stuff but Arguably many argue the greatest athlete of all time Wow Okay. All right. What are we doing? Oh, by the way, one of his starts was very almost like Larry Bird's tryout for Indiana He was walking I think by a track and field event and he was in jeans and he's like, what's that? He's like, well, it's just, that's the high jump. He's like, can I try? Anyway, highest in the world. That's hilarious.

Highest in the world. Yeah, I know. You look at people that train like Djokovic and you go, yeah, you're number one, but did you really need to do all of that? Or Tom Brady? I guess so. Well, that was one of the running jokes that Tom Brady needed to.

He was like the least, like, you know, he had the least physical attributes for the job. Yeah. All right, let's get to the funnies. Let's cheer up after all these things that happened in the past. Yeah, there's a lot to cheer up from. Here we go. All right, let me cheer you up. I wish it wasn't Stone Cold and the Nobs.

Okay, we got last week's comic that you guys submitted your entries for for the contest where you win a koozie mailed to your house for free as opposed to the 10 bucks you other deadbeats need to pay, including shipping, go to fitzdog.com to get them. Anyway, there was a picture of a bear and a man hugging in front of a sign that says warning, do not feed the bears, they're out. Looks like in a Yellowstone National Park type of situation. Brian Meyer said, moments before Bert Kreischer's death on Instagram live

Good one. That's good. Another one said Tom. Look at the sign. Don't worry Bert semen doesn't count So that's obviously two bears cave Mike Markle said you're welcome now go enjoy your shit in the woods Mike Markle said, you're welcome. Now go enjoy your shit in the woods. John Favaro said, sadly Bruce had fallen asleep during the last 15 minutes of Grizzly Man. Didn't know the ending. I like that also.

Billy fucking Morgan said, thought bubble above bears head. I know you like bears dude, but I'm straight. Yeah, there was a lot of references to the gay bear thing. Yes. Ron Dvorek said thank you for eating my mother-in-law next week I'll bring the wife. I like that that's a different take. Yep and then Phil McCracken said relax it's called soaking. God says it's okay. Honey, could you get over here and jostle my ass? All right, I think there was a little too

much icing on that cake. Little too much icing on that cake. Yeah. There's Jake Minick said, well they didn't say I couldn't give you any emotional nourishment. Oh look at that, very good technicality. Devin Smith said based on a true story MDMA bear instead of cocaine bear. Kevin O'Brien said really starting to peak on the ecstasy Roger felt he couldn't simply drive on without trying to connect with the magnificent gentle giant. Yeah it's kind of like the ecstasy. Yeah, I get the MDMA.

All right, and that's it. I mean, there was a million. Those were the ones that stuck out. Mike Gibbons, it's up to you. You obviously laughed at the first one, moments before Bird Kreischer's death on Instagram Live. Yeah. You also.

Brian, that is good, good Brian but I think I like Ron's just you know one of the things they you can't really teach comedy writing in a way you can teach things not to do it but well anyway one thing they always say is try to avoid the first couple of instincts, because everyone's going to have similar ones. And listen, it was well done. I like it. But the two bears did jump out at me, of course, and in this podcast culture.

And the gay bears. Yeah, it might be a little easy. But I like Ron's. What else did you? What else was there? There was the soaking one. Oh, I like John's grizzly man also Yeah, that was good MDMA bear was interesting. I like that takes a second to get it

It's very you know what Ron I'm gonna ding you though. It's very anti-woman Bringing is someone okay, I didn't know we next week. I didn't know we were woke. Okay. Bringing his son next week would have been a little more surprising than, you know, mother-in-law wife. Okay, it's not our show. You know what? And we like Mr. Favreau. I think this might go to Favreau. Okay, sadly Bruce had fallen asleep during the last 15 minutes of Grizzly Man. Fireworks, Confetti, congratulations, John. Send us your address and we'll get that koozie out to you. Post-haste, next week's caption is, or next week's comic is, there's a couple.

That's a far side. It's a far side because, and I'll be honest with you guys, I asked you to send us comics, no text, no caption, just send us a funny, no text, no caption, just send us a funny, you can draw it yourself and if it's interesting, we will use it for the contest and give you credit. This one's from the far side, there's a husband and wife eating dinner,

there's a dog, he's got a gun, he's pointing it at the guy who's got his fork almost in his mouth, give us a caption. And I'm gonna already take, so don't do this. I'm already gonna take the one no caption needed. That is a funny cartoon. Yes. Right there. Yep. All right, let's get to Hager the Harbo, where they are leaving the castle. Hager and a couple buddies, they got big sacks on their shoulders. Hager goes, that was fun. On the balcony you see the king.

He's steaming mad. And it looks like his courtier. And he says to the courtier, Draw up an amusement tax. Um. Courtier is a word? What? Courtier? That's a word?

I'm gonna go with it. Courtier? Courtier? Yeah, I word. I'm gonna go with it. Cordier? Cordier? Yeah, I guess. Don't ask me, my mind is mush right now. I just think that was fun is not referring to those bags. That is referring to a now limp queen who's in the shower in the fetal position. This one's on the king for calling rape amusement. Right, right. He should not be taxing what just happened to his wife.

I mean is the castle an in quotes amusement park? Yeah, right. Is her ass the tunnel of love? It's a small world after all. They're vikings, that's a good theme. All right. Let's get to the Lockhorns where Leroy is eating a meal that his wife prepared. She bought, she cooked, she served to him and he says to her, where did you get this recipe? Los Alamos?

I mean, who's, how do you say that to your wife? I love it. Okay. How do you say that to your wife? I love it. Okay, and now I've got a comic that I can no longer see with my glasses. Oh, it's this one. He's on the beach and there's a woman who is very beautiful, very buxom. She's got blonde hair and a red bathing suit

and she's a lifeguard. And she says, can you read that? Sorry I'm trying to blow up Calvin and Hobbes meanwhile but wait let me see. Let me see if I can blow this up. No that didn't make it any bigger. This is really sad. Oh here we go. No no I can probably read it. Hold on let me get back to the Google Doc. She said just so you know Mr. Lockhorn if you need artificial respiration again Derek will be the one to administer it and Derek is a big dude with a hairy beard on his face and Leroy looks like he's done for the day. He's done with his little games his rapey little games

He's is that what they are? Yeah Yeah, those are a little small all right, I've meanwhile have found the Calvin and Hobbes, you know, they're dense Which is one of the reasons I? Can't read Calvin Hobbes so well, but here we go. I'm trying to think of the last one We read now. I guess it is this one. Here we go Yeah, all right. The kid thinks about space a lot, it seems. Okay, so this is a bunch of long, tall panels,

four of them, and then another one that's outside the panel. So anyway, the first one is this spaceship orbiting earth. And the box says, the aliens came from a far distant world in a large yellow ship that blinked as it twirled, as it twirled. It rounded the moon and entered our sky. We knew they had come, but we didn't know why. Oh, this is a poem bright the next

morning with noisy commotion the ship slowly moved out over the ocean it lowered a tube and drained the whole sea for transport back home to their galaxy the tube then sucked up the clouds in the air causing no small amount of earthling despair. With nothing to breathe, we started to die. Help us, please stop, was the public outcry. So you're obviously seeing these images during each one. Now we're in the fourth and final one.

A hatch opened up and the alien said, we're sorry to learn that you soon will be dead, but though you may find this slightly macabre, we prefer our extinction to the loss of our job. So now you cut to Calvin and Hobbes sitting on a rock outside and Hobbes is reading this poem and Calvin is pointing to it and Calvin says that's my science fiction story think it's too far-fetched and Hobbes goes not enough really. Wow what's that all about? So I'm noticing a trend here, and the trend is that I think Calvin and Hobbes is a, I think their fans think it's subversive, and that it, because what it does is it's kind of gently negative, and cynical is the better word. He's a little bit cynical. He's got hope and joy but underneath it there's a worldly

cynicism. So the problem is like we just came out of you know Leroy, we just came out of the Lockhorns, which is full-on no apologies cynicism and this one's like masquerading like kind of like when the Muppets would do commentary which I did enjoy. I did enjoy when the Muppets got a little subversive or had something to say or oh my god the documentary on Mr. Rogers he was you know he was very sneakily saying things along the way that were ways more serious than a children's program. So I get that.

You know, Charles Schulz was very Christian and there was, there's a lot of Christian stuff built into peanuts. Ah, probably why I don't care for it. And so anyway, it doesn't really work for me, but there you go, that was number four. We have, I guess three more, if zero doesn't count. We have three more on the countdown. We got many more left on this next strip, it's called Blondie, and in she walks in a white top

and a velvet black skirt just above the knee. It looks summerish. She's celebrating summer. She goes, you're spending a lot of time on the new neighborhood Facebook page and Dummy is on the computer and he goes, oh yeah, people are complaining about Barbie Babbelweller sunning in her bikini again.

So that's what he's looking at. And he goes, so naturally you're coming, so Blondie says, so naturally you're coming to her defense. He goes, hey, can I help it if I'm a peacemaker? And now she sits down and goes, speaking of sunning, Hank Hunkerman is cleaning his pool. So what we've got going on here is a man who lives, is betrothed and bound to duty can make love to this woman and yet chooses to be a voyeur

for the neighbor. Turn around, turn around, go to the beach with your wife. Yeah, they're really looking outside the home a lot at people who are barely dressed. Right, right. I mean, to me, like, I don't know, it's almost like they're brother and sister sometimes. He treats her like a sister instead of a lover and a wife and a life mate. Yeah, the guy trying to make it a little gentle for her too like she goes speaking of sunning and then she goes Hank

Hunkerman I think he's thinking that name does part of the wordplay a lot of the heavy lifting in this right that Hank Hunkerman is cleaning his pool. I mean that's not really sunning cleaning but but Yeah, anyway, she's she's seeingning cleaning, but yeah, anyway. She's seeing a guy who doesn't have a shirt on. We all know that. Well, I don't know what neighborhood Facebook page is, but I want in on it.

It sounds very sexy. It's way sexier than the next door app, which is constantly shocking to me. Yeah, I got off it. All right, speaking of apps, the Game Time app is available to you now. Go download it, create an account, use code PAPERS, get $20 off your first purchase.

We can't say enough about it. We also want to remind people to rate the show on Apple podcastss and YouTube. Give us some love, we appreciate that. We also want to all send our support to Mike at this time. He's going through a rough time and I know that people care about you a lot on this show and I'm sure they're gonna be reaching out and you know.

That's very sweet. Yeah, it's very surreal and I feel sometimes stupid in a way. No better word like because it's like, you know, I'm anyway, there's really what I should be doing anytime I'm feeling I can feel sad, first of all, which is something that's foreign to me, like allowing giving myself permission, but also grateful has to come into the mix, you like there's I mean could not have gotten

better truly yeah so there's that also all right well but thank you man appreciate it center my love and I will I will she loves she loves you she's known you for most of her life yeah right and right. And yeah, she went to high school in Dobbs, right? In Dobbs Ferry, right near where I grew up. And did not have a good experience at that. Was that a Catholic school? Yeah, it was a Catholic five day a week boarding school for kids in the city and she was in the Bronx.

So she went there. And she said the nuns were just abusive. Better than her brother got. Right, right. Sorry, sorry it ended on that note. Yeah, right. But rulers smashing on your knuckles, she'd take that any day.

Yeah. But anyway, thank you so much and I'm glad I did this. I didn't know if I could and it's been nice. I'm psyched I did it. Yeah, well thanks for showing up. Hopefully it took your mind off things for a little while. And okay, good luck and thank you guys for listening and we'll catch you next time.

Everyone take it-ish please. Take it-ish, take it-ish. Yeah. Please take it each take it Hey there listeners, it's time again with Greg and Mike our newspaper friends stories near and far quirky and bizarre world Sunday papers You wonder where you are Hey there listeners, you can't go back, the story is here, a one way track, the madness has begun, sit back and have fun, the world is Sunday paper, just listen and you're done.