Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 227 8/11/24

Episode Date: August 11, 2024

Mike drives across the country, Greg sees nudity on Venice Beach, Storms in Fla, a dead passenger in Chicago and Hulk Hogan threatened Matt Damon.

It's Sunday papers read all about it It's Greg and Mike It's FitzDog and it's give his time. It's Sunday papers Read all about it Look at us hot off the presses stick your nose in it take an inhale feel a little bit dizzy. It's the American way How are we? Look at us starting promptly. Right on time.

No one would know that at home, but we're feeling good about it on a Friday. Well, I've got an interview that I'm very excited about. You ever heard of a guy named Tommy Tiernan? I don't believe. He's the top comedian out of Ireland in the last 20 years he's a really smart esoteric but club comic like a performer fucking brings it so he's in town I've always wanted to interview him I had him on a zoom call once but this is gonna be an in person

yeah it sounded familiar I was wondering if you had interviewed him before have you ever seen Dairy Girls yes all right he's the father in Dairy Girls okay yeah yeah I have to go back and watch that though for sure it's great you know we did watch so I'm sitting in a red roof in in Ann Arbor Michigan I just drove from Los Angeles here with Sophie, my oldest, and amazing drive. It was great. We tried to plan where we would jump in a river, find someplace to swim every evening after our drive,

and it worked out amazing. Nice, really? And it's amazing, like in Utah, the white sand beaches on some of the rivers, Nebraska outside Agalala, they have a white sand beaches. Ice cold water. No, it wasn't that bad, believe it or not, although we were baking in this old car. But leaving Utah. Yeah, I believe it was it was in Utah. There's the childhood

home of Butch Cassidy. So there we pulled I didn't I thought there was a fictitious character. Nope. We pulled over and went and checked it out this tiny cabin. And and they have all the stats on when he lived there and all that stuff. And then last night, because two nights ago, we tried we were too tired. She we're watching butch Cassie and Sundance kid together and I'm like she has do you know how long the stretches are where there's no dialogue at all yeah it's it's and it's beautiful not really on a laptop though

I mean it is but that's not its intention so anyway backerac oh yeah and she's really liking it though it's wow that's amazing and and we didn't do we we made it and I'm like all right why don't we pause here because we're both getting tired we have like 30 minutes left the 30 minutes of course so they're in Bolivia however that's great yeah so I can't believe you're still there. I mean, you left on Sunday morning and today is Friday. So you spent with three days driving and now three days in Michigan. Right. Just getting her all settled. She's the first one in her house. So we're getting the cable, electricity, all that stuff, shopping, but we're also having a lot of fun.

And then every evening we're continuing. We swim here in the Huron River. No shit. Yeah, we jump in, you know, there's a there's a comedy club called the Main Street Comedy Club. That's one of my favorite in the country. It's great. Wow. Yeah, she goes see a show. And then it's called the it's not called the docs. But that's what it is. I forget what it's called here. But everyone knows you can go there and go swimming. And she went up till late October last year.

They went for like kind of a cold plunge. There was this guy, there was this guy fly fishing. So when I jumped in the water, when you were in the water at eye level, you could see there were so many bugs on the surface of the river because it was like evening and that's what's going on and no fish like jumping so I go to Sophie I'm like wow you can tell look Sophie look how many bugs there are I go there's no trout here and the guy goes no no trout and it's a guy fly fishing off the dock and he goes you could thank yours you could thank Henry Ford building a damn up river for fucking up our fishery.

In Michigan you hold a grudge. Yeah. Henry Ford, of all things to hate Henry Ford for, putting up that dam. You know, you can blame Charles Darwin for making the fish evolve to where they don't bite the flies anymore. Too smart. That's amazing. That's so good. Ann Arbor is a great little town, isn't it? Oh, it's a it's

such a college town. It's incredible. Yeah. It's really great. And had the car held up. Any issues? The car held up, although now this I'm pretty sure I'm good at diagnosing it. Also, I watched about 40 YouTube videos. I think it's our left front bushing We make and anyone listening you can hear like a little like it's like a whirring It's not a clicking and then when you make a left right turn meaning there's more weight on it here Roo roo roo it increases pretty sure it's a bushing but found a great place here All right, so

You'll leave her with the car and then you fly to where? I'm gonna stop in Nashville on the way home but basically I'm on my way home. Yeah. Unreal. What a life. Yeah I love driving cross-country. I mean it's like the seventh time I've done it maybe like I love it. Yeah I'm due. I haven't done a long drive in a long time and I what I really want to do is get the get the Winnebago totally I want to do that and just hit all the parks I haven't seen and you know I want to watch Richard Pryor on the video we played him now coincidentally that's what was playing when I was filming have you been to arches? Yes

Holy God that is Yeah, you can't believe it's not man-made Yeah, it's really and then we did the road and I'm trying to relate it to her You know, there's been a million Western shot in Monument Monument Valley probably go here you go and it's you know when Forrest Gump is jogging and then he stops shot like that's the famous shot is Monument Valley Utah I don't think my kids have seen Forrest Gump are you serious does it hold up I think it does well especially with your kids your kids know to appreciate like I was very worried about Sophie with Butch Cassidy and kids know to appreciate like I was very worried about

Sophie with butch casting the Sundance kid, but I was pleasantly surprised your kids I would not have worried about with butch and Sundance. Yeah. And I, and I wouldn't worry about them with far as gum far as comes a long movie though. Butch and Sundance is one hour 50, but it starts with black and white footage and it's like a square within the screen and occasionally like print would come up and it's old time you know it's trying to convey it's genuine that these two guys were real and uh and so he's like the whole the whole movie's not like this I'm like I'm like no it's all sepia tone box within a box yeah no it's not yeah is it black and white I'm like, no, it's all sepia tone box within a box.

No, it's not. Is it black and white? I'm like, no. We've always watched the Marx brothers in our house ever since the kids were little. They have loved Marx brothers since they were literally like seven years old and we still sit down and watch it.

And so for our 25th anniversary, we watched Horse Feathers, I think think I might have talked about this but you did you did you said it one it always goes great it's just amazing how it holds up and I can't stop thinking about it I keep thinking about jokes and bits that are in the movie so amazing so what would you say is their top two? Duck Soup and Night at the Opera. But you watched Horse Feathers? We watched Horse Feathers and that one's got the famous scene where they're in a cabin

on a ship and they start getting food delivered and then the maintenance man shows up and the room is like the size of a closet and then the housekeeper shows up and then the girl who he's in love with shows up and it's all one fucking camera and they just keep loading people in and just people are falling down and it's, oh my God, it's amazing. So many of those old movies like Buster Keaton and stuff, it's like we have one take in which a train will be destroyed and he has to nail it. Yeah. So, wanted to get this off my chest.

Our good friend Dennis Gubbins, and I know we don't do good news for Gubbins anymore, but I have to do a special installment because he just reminded me once again why when it comes to comedy just don't get involved don't get involved he calls me up and he's like hey you want to do a show at Venice West which is this really cool nightclub that's literally three blocks from my house it's about a year old and I've always hesitated doing shows there just because I don't know it's in my neighborhood and I just feel something weird about it. I remember you kind of said no originally to this and I was

curious and then you explained that yeah. Yeah so I said no and then in a moment of weakness it was a Tuesday night and I said okay okay, yeah, I'll do it. So, you know, I get showered, get dressed, go through my notes, come up with a couple bits, walk over there, I walk in the door and Dennis is like, and I see the booker who looks confused and then Dennis goes, oh, we're not on the show. It was, the bouncer had texted me and he said hey you guys want to join and I assumed that that meant come on the show and then he's like but

I think I could push my way on because I brought a bunch of people and then earlier in the day I get the text hey I'm not using one of my comps do you want to use it it's like no I don't fucking use comps. I don't invite people to my shows because it's my work. I don't involve, it's not my social, think about Dennis's, it's his social life. He brings a bunch of people, which keeps him from ever doing any new material or because he's so, he's entertaining them now.

And I don't fucking do that. And if I needed a comp, I would have asked for a fucking cop and so now I'm humiliated because like the other comic and the host are looking at me and I'm there and as I'm walking in three people recognize me who are coming in to be in the audience oh that's great man we didn't know you're on the show well I'm not on the fucking show apparently no you're one of Dennis's comps you're a friend going to see him god so wait so what happened I don't know I left I'm meeting oh yeah I got a text from Brian saying hey where were you last night and I'm like Aguilera Aguilera Nebraska and he's like oh he's like I

was just wondering cuz we comedy West the comedy show that's all I know he didn't say anything oh really yeah so yeah I don't know anything about it yeah oh that's too bad well it's just Dennis Oh, you don't even know if Dennis went up do you I have no idea He He had friend I Like playing golf with Dennis. I like playing paddle. I don't want to play volleyball I don't want to do I got to have boundaries with Dennis Dennis is great to go out with. He's great to go out with.

No, I like Dennis all around. But I'm just saying if you're listing things. Yeah. He's fun at a party. Are your headphones are your headphones plugged in where I'm remembering last week? Yes, they are. Okay, good. Yeah. So I can I say one more thing? Are we done with Dennis? Yeah, I think so. I think it sounds like you're really done with them. One more just one more thing on the cross country trip. So Sophie and I, the last night was Rock Island, which was on the Mississippi River loved it. The airport is called the Quad Cities Airport. Anyway, that's where we

stayed to make the last day shorter. So she wanted to get here earlier because she wanted like hit a store to before we went to the house. So we pull into Ann Arbor from Rock Island not far like six hour drive. And she's like, Oh, well, I got to go to world market. And I'm like, Oh, we're getting like furniture for homes home goods like already. She's like, No, I got to get some sage I'm like oh god I go tell me about this she's like I've got a smudge is that what it's called I thought it was scrub I got a smudge the house and I'm like Sophie you don't and um she's like no no no I do and

she's like and then she goes dad dad dad just and'm like, I'm rolling my eyes. She feels all the judgment because I'm trying for her to feel all the judgment. And she's like, Dad, Dad, Dad, the girl who was in my room died last semester. No. Yes. And I'm like, Keep in mind, keep in mind. I still don't think this warrants a sage smudging, but it got my attention. I'm like, what are you talking about? She's like, no, that's why like, I've gotten special things like, whatever it is, she'd

in the room and dividing things. Oh, they gave her like the best bathroom or something like that. They're like, because we did random assignments It's just like a frat house bottom floor. I think there's four people Her floor the ground floor is five bedrooms five girls upstairs For top floor. There's even one Sorority house and then a Jewish girl way up in the attic? No, but it's former

Usually Irish girls are in the basement, right? Usually a sort of all that Michigan Sun Usually it's a sorority Socially who's moved in like you're only in the sorority house your sophomore year, I guess but it doesn't matter. So anyway This poor girl. So then we go in the room and we're ready to smudge it. And then we open the closets way up above it. It's like a really, like it has a closet above the closet, like, and these are like 11 foot ceilings. There's a new CA carry on suitcase. We take it down and it has the last name and she's like, Oh no.

And she Googles it. She's like, Oh fuck. She's like, that's hers. And, and there was still stuff. The parents came and cleaned it out, but she died, but not in the room. She died in a skiing accident. She skied into a tree last spring semester when Sophie was in Amsterdam away. Oh, did the suitcase have her glasses in it?

She forgot to bring them? Okay, there we go So we smudged it. We smudged that goddamn place Wow, well, I mean look the girls roommates are psyched. They get ace. Do you know that if a roommate dies? I think it's a rumor dies I think it's a rumor I think it's a rumor yeah it's a very popular say if I'm moving my daughter into a house filled with 14 girls I'm not smudging it for bad spirits I'm looking for fucking hidden cameras from the landlord there check the soap dish, check under the toilet.

Yeah. Totally. No, you're right. You're right. And we went to the guy today and it's a basement office. It has this written all over it. We went to, when we moved into that house, remember that house we moved into over by Martha and Greg?

Yeah. Yeah, so we're in there and The cul-de-sac it was on a cul-de-sac. Oh god, do I want to live on a cul-de-sac again and So we move in and then our friend I want to say was Alice in Hebel But I'm not sure One of our friends came over to smudge the house with the sage. The house had brand new wall to wall carpeting and the piece of the fucking sage that was burnt, you burn it, you light it on fire. Oh, I know.

It fell off and it scorched a penny sized hole in the middle of the carpet in the hallway. It was probably a blood, Greg, it was probably a blood stain. It was doing its work. The house stunk for about two hours also after. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it worked. Speaking of stunk, we had a squirrel, we found a dead squirrel in our backyard. Well, which, you know, I guess if you live in the country that's just a day in the life, but I don't know how a fucking squirrel dies I live in fact, I live in a city. This is an asphalt jungle There's not a lot of greenery for squirrels to live in. Meanwhile, there's coyote attacks everywhere now. Have you been reading about them?

Oh, really? Oh It's I the next door app Constantly it attacked my dog. Yeah, it, it's incredible. Oh, that's cool. No, no, there's no coyotes getting in my fence. I mean, our house is fenced in. It's very secure. And so we find it. So we find a squirrel. And my wife's like, Yeah, I called the city. They're gonna come remove it. And I was like, Well, that seems like overkill. But okay, good. So I come back later. And there's no city didn't it. And I was like, well, that seems like overkill, but okay, good. So I come back later and the city didn't come,

so I called the next day and they're like, oh no, no, we don't come in your yard. You have to leave it like in a box on the curb and then we pick it up. Great, so now I go outside, I look at the squirrel. First of all, it smells. We've smelled it in the house for two days. And there is a million flies.

And then I look at the squirrel and the guts are covered in squiggly, what do you call them? Maggots. Maggots. Maggots. Like hundreds of maggots. So fucking gross.

And so I get a shovel. And I'm not really thinking straight about how to handle this because I'm just so freaked out so I get a garbage can people keep their garbage cans in the alley and I get a shovel and I pick up the squirrel and I throw it into one of the cans and I close the lid and then I read online the thing to do is you pour vinegar on the maggots and then boiling water so I do that and the maggots all die and the flies are still hovering. And then I go out and I look in the garbage can

and there's a ton of maggots. So I pour boiling water into the garbage can and it's killing the maggots. And then I come back 10 minutes later and the head of the squirrel is sticking out of the water that's in the, and it's covered in maggots. All the maggots like crawls in the head. So I got more boiling water. But now there's this can in the alley. It's 80 degrees out. It fucking stinks. I don't know whose can it is. And

so I guess garbage day is Tuesday and I guess they'll come pick it up. Why wouldn't you just put it in a plastic bag and cinch the shit out of it? I know. I know. So my tenement in New York down on Sullivan Street, which is not a tenement anymore. Anyway, I was there once. I was, I remember my walk up. It was in five floors. It was crazy. Hey, Chris Denman's here. Hey buddy.

Hey everybody. Chris Denman in the house. How are you? I'm fucking tired. We did a I don't know. We did a Jack Daniels event. We're recording. Sweet. Great.

We'll leave this in. Yeah, no, I think we do. I think everybody wants to see Chris Denman. I was up in Rock Island right up the river. Good talk, everybody. You're already recording. Cool. Yeah. That's the first people have seen of Chris Denman. I wonder what they think right. It's so nice of him without without his pillowcase on his head with the holes in it.

I know no MAGA hat, nothing on the head. You saw how well lit he was with the tiki torch though That's right And and it is great that he's grown his hair back because it was shaved for a long time And yes, Chris Kamala's black. Just let it go yeah, yeah, and and the the boxer is a woman Kamala's black and Obama was born in the United States so

anyway, the fifth floor walk up and All of a sudden like there were like flies in the apartment like in the hallway in the apartment I'm like what the fuck and I thought it was like a garbage issue and Because there was like I don't think there was a garbage. How did I take my garbage out? I don't even remember how I did that. I guess it was a shoot. So anyway, I go like two floors down below me once I'm walking down and I'm like hit like hitting a fly away from my face on the stairwell.

And then an old woman, it was it was actually the they call them Goodfellas widows, but this old woman who was in the in the building downtown. She's like, Hey, how are you? I'm like, I'm good. Good. I'm like, Oh, but there's like flies upstairs. She stopped everything she's doing. She's like flies. And I go, Yeah. And she's like in the hallway. And I go, Yeah, she's like, Whoa, whoa. And I'm like, What? She's like, oh, and she just like flaps her hands and walks away.

Cab driver was dead down the hall from me in his apartment. She knew it a mile away. No. Covered in maggots, and then the flies are born out of them. They know, old people know, Yeah. When there's never flies in that building, when there are flies all of a sudden that's not a good sign

Lord of the flies, you remember the book Lord of the flies. It was about how flies Congregate around the devil those those about kids having a good time. Yeah, but I think there was also something about flies I think that's what flies meant Okay, someone will correct me on that. I'm sure so I go to the beach I've been doing this thing where I just jump on my bike every day around two, three o'clock. I ride to the beach, takes me about six minutes

to get to the beach from my house. I run down to the ocean, I ride some waves, I walk up and down the beach until my bathing suit is dry and so and then I ride home just takes me the whole thing is 45 minutes and so and so I'm walking down the beach and there are four Danish chicks with no tops on and they are fucking tens and I was looking at the sky like, there is a Jesus Christ, it's all true. Oh, and so. Now your shorts are soaked again? Yeah, they are.

There are so many dudes. I'm not even looking at the girls after a while. I'm looking at the dudes with their wives straining their eyes to look out of the corner of them at the women and not directly at them. And it just made my fucking day. Women don't know the joy they can bring us

in doing something like that. Is it joy? It's also frustration sometimes. Yeah, that's true. It can make you angry. Some people are like, fucking, holy shit. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I tried to avoid that and just enjoy it. I'm sure there were, if you look online, I'm sure a number of people have loaded pictures of them. They were walking around, they were sitting down, talking, animated, laughing. You're like, oh, and get down here. Another bonding moment. Well it happened once. I was with your brother-in-law George and Matt Malloy and we went out to the beach. It was one summer. Remember, Matt, remember George was

unemployed one summer? Yeah. And and Matt of course doesn't work a lot, especially in the summers, and so we just went to the beach almost every day and Matt of course shows up and he's got his car so packed that he has stuff strapped to the roof he's got fucking like Lays lounges, chaise lounges and coolers and umbrellas and footballs and frisbee like everything it's ridiculous and so we set up and then this woman shows up and she sits down alone right near us and takes off every stitch of clothing and she's beautiful she's small and she's beautiful and then this guy small because she's 15 she's nine it was

weird she wasn't wearing a top. And and then this guy shows up and he looks like he just got out of the drunk tank. Like he looked hung over Latino dude. He's wearing like, you know, dress shoes and a dress shirt open to the collar. Like he'd been in a nightclub the night before and hadn't gone home yet. And then he came and he just started circling her. He just kept circling her and we're going, dude, you're blowing it. And so finally she put her clothes on.

I don't know if I told this story. I'm going to make it super quick, but the nudity thing reminded me of it. So my niece works for this, you know, Kate, and she works for, it's caring for people. And one of the elements components is with comfort animals and stuff like that. But it's occupational therapy is the phrase I was looking for. So anyway, one thing she's doing because Kate is just Gaga over animals. So anyway, one thing she pitched at work was, and the dog and it's like Sandra's you know, Billy, her bulldog is the pet of the month and all this. She then gets a letter Kate does from another woman who works there. Kate, I've already contacted HR. Just so you know, I thought the photo you published of the dog was incredibly disturbing. It's on its back with its genitals out. And so I start dying laughing and I'm like, Kate, this is my new favorite person at work because this

is a perfect prank and joke on you. She's like, it's not. And I'm like, well, now it's still my favorite person. She's like, it is not at all. HR then called me and apologized because it was so real. And they're like, we're gonna handle it. But like this woman then talked about that, it's been three days, I wasn't even gonna write you, I was just gonna contact HR, but I am still so disturbed by it. I think you knew when you were

posted like this psychopath who's helping other people right right right my mom lives in a condo down in Florida and it's all old people and you know how those condos are the Board of Governors is territorial it is worth filming for a reality show it's hilarious so one week there starts to be rumors or not like rumblings about a painting it's a you know it's an abstract painting and it's hanging by the elevator and it is just a it is just a bunch of abstract shapes and and they start to talk about that there's a penis in the painting and it's disgusting and my grandkids come down here and how can you have that hanging in a public place so they have the

meeting and it turns into a town hall people are screaming that's it's perversion and who would put this up here? They should be kicked out of the condo, my grandkids. And so it goes back and forth like three meetings and then finally they take the painting and it's erect. The penis is erect. And so they take, I come down a month later and I go, so what happened to the painting? And she walks me down the hall, down a darker hall,

like past the laundry machines and it's hanging on the wall And they flipped it upside down. So at least it's not erect anymore Aimed aimed right at a Georgia Keith pussy, which had to be put down the hall also All right, wait, we'll do one less news story or two less this is better So regarding old boards remember the condo in West Hampton? My dad had, he bought in like 71 or something. It's not on Dune Road. So there was a condo board, same thing, old people.

And a lot of them who were the original people like this is heaven, there's a pool, the ocean and no kids. So all of a sudden my dad's coming in with two kids. And then other people were there with two kids. So my dad goes, all of a sudden my dad's coming in with two kids and then other people were there with two kids. So My dad goes all of a sudden these three guys and two became lifelong friends three guys Come in to meet with my dad and they're like listen You have to run for the board and he's like by the way, I'm Mike And he meets them. They don't even know my dad and they're like no you have to go run for the board

Because they don't know you but we've got all people with kids have to change the rules here And one of the things they had was there was a notice that the old people and they put up like they made a new rule No kids can go to the pool without their owners It literally said owners. So my dad, my dad runs to the board and doesn't win. And I remember him telling me this, but he got like 15 votes. And so the next year he ran and he got eight. but he got like 15 votes. And so the next year he ran and he got eight.

Once they knew him and his family, he got half as many votes. Their owners, it's so funny because all those old people had kids. And it just goes to show, they're such fucking pariahs that their kids don't come by. So the people that are voting are ones

that have been estranged from their families because they're such douchebags. Yep. Oh they would scream dirty looks. Oh kids being loud. The loudest kids ever get, I'll give them credit, is in a swimming pool. Yeah. They come up they're screaming their faces off. Yeah. Yeah yeah speaking of people that that are great our logo this week is from press opera which are our good friends Erin and I'm spacing the other ones name but she that is a professional artwork right there yes that is beautiful these are the women that came to my show in I believe it was Portland and they dressed up as blondie and haggard. They're amazing. They write in all

the time. They I believe they've done music for us Might have to get their permission to use that or not yet their permission and just use it Maybe that's next year's koozie or playing cards or some playing cards is a good idea Yeah, what do you think about shipping them yourself next time? I'm gonna hand deliver them Everywhere I'm gonna hand deliver them Everywhere Anyway, I got a bunch of people that wrote in this week that said thank Mike. I got I got my koozie I love it everybody Wouldn't that be an interesting like character in a movie or I don't know where it would be but I just thought of the idea that you have like a following like we do or whatever and

You just decide maybe it's over your day and you're like you know what I am gonna personally deliver something to every listener and and that's gonna be a year on the road and you shoot it as a documentary just driving around and you deliver it you probably have a meal with them or something like that yeah that'd be interesting be funny if you showed up in like, you know, East fucking bum fuck Michigan and you give them the koozie and they're like, all right, thanks a lot.

And you're like, a meal or? And they're like, no, we're good, thanks. And you just drove like four hours. By the way, I'm in East bum fuck. I'm in a red roof in south of Ann Arbor. Why are you in a red roof in? That's like the worst hotels in the country. It's the worst but you know what this one I saw it at a good rating and there and also availability was tough from three nights in a row but this Wi-Fi is better than the Wi-Fi I have in my house. DJ Seawood did

the amazing song this week thank you you, DJ, loved it. Very cool. He has given us a bunch of songs in the past. We need more songs. If you are a musician, if you've written songs for us in the past and sent them in, we've gotten very low for some reason. We usually have tons in the pipeline.

So if you can put something together, send it off again. We're not looking for ELO here. This does not have to be you know reference Well, I was just thinking about like orchestrated and you know Hi, no, I put a yellow on on the trip. It can be real simple just a telephone line breaks my heart every time Jesus Send them in to Fitz dogogRadio at gmail.com. That's also where you're going to send your logos for the show, which we also need. But actually, we don't need logos for right now. We're good. But songs, send them in. Even if you want an acoustic guitar, as long as it's heartfelt and personal, we love it.

Acapella. Acapella. Well, that'slla well that's not pushy. If you have a good voice do acapella but if you sound like a deranged psychopath. Don't acapush it. Don't don't acapush it. And then Corrections Lawrence Zemlick said did Mike say flushed out? I did not. When referring to the character on season 2 of the bear it's fleshed out. I 100% didn't but I'm in writers rooms all the time and I hear flushed out a lot. Bob Patterson Oh actually I don't know who wrote this one fuck I really don't care and you have a tendency to troll your listeners with intentional confident misinformation

God I should have there you go why didn't i call my fucking comedy album confident misinformation oh so good but the river in paris is absolutely pronounced sen not sane course because i've truly never heard anyone pronounce it sane i'm assuming you did it on purpose to be a rascal uh it was i said i i think i half did it kiddingly but he ends it by saying nous vous aimons passer une bonne semaine which means we love you have a great week. Huh I thought it was past the Seminola bread I don't know what that is salmon yeah our most anal listener Bob Patterson said Louisville or Louisville I must have said Louisville also he said you cannot start a sentence with me and Aaron if you do people will

write you off as a crude uneducated adults good point and then Rob Mitchell said it's horse feathers not without feathers okay without feathers was the Woody Allen book I must have called the Marx Brothers movie that oh that's from Boas McLean. And then Rob Mitchell said, Oh my fucking God, you two mangled this again. Even after my last email, you two should, he's so angry he's like misspelling.

Something about Simpson shorts on the Allman show. I'm surprised this bit of comedic animation history escapes you both. I've heard different things. I think I stopped me on the streetman show. I'm surprised this bit of comedic animation history escapes you both. I've heard different things. I think I stopped me on the street on Venice Beach who's a listener, a guy named Bob, and he said that it did indeed start as a comic strip but it was called something else and then Tracy Allman did it as a short on her show and then it became The Simpsons. That's the story I'm going with. I remember the very first time I saw the Simpsons. I was in a movie theater I think on 86th Street on the east side and

It played among the trailers and it was I think it might have been the theater chain that was responsible for it because it was I Think the they were eating popcorn and like were disruptive in the theater. I also remember maybe they were in a psychiatrist office. Someone will probably know what I'm talking about. And then of course they were on Tracy Allman. That's where they were there first. But it was around that time before it was a show You know Tracy subsequently Litigated to get a piece of the Simpsons

Because she felt responsible for their launch and she won She did I believe that is Dude, how great was she on curb the last season? Did you see that? She's such a powerhouse. Such a powerhouse. Ryan from Chicago said the date rape drug is called Rufy because the name of the drug is Rufenol. Well watch out in Chicago for Ryan. Seems to be very well versed in it and you can't find it on the south side anymore. What is Rolfenol you I mean I assume it's for surgery? Maybe. Because I told you that curb episode where he's having it was an idea I pitched you know him like many years ago I never met him but you send him in and it was that he couldn't get to Sleep at all. He was having huge sleep issues

Couldn't sleep through the night and all this and so then he goes on around looking and asking people if they have any roofies Which does not go well? You know, it does go well Louisville comedy club on August 23rd and new Denver comedy works August 29th through 31. That's a great time Austin I'll be at the mothership September 6 through the 8th Temecula just announcing this the Montserrat winery on September 21st. That sounds lovely Sure, Alaska in Fairbanks of turn 25th through the 28th also coming to Tulsa Tacoma and San Francisco this fall.

FitsDog.com for tickets. Also don't forget my special You Know Me comes out on August 27th on YouTube and audio will be on all streaming. I will be announcing it officially on the Joe Rogan show and then I will be on that week I'm doing Shane Gillis's show Sigoury show kill Tony Mark Marin we might be drunk bonfire with Jay Okerson Adam Carolla Bert Kreischer doing it all geez amazing well I'll tell you the ones to say hi to. Some don't know me but some do. Okay we also want to give a shout out to Comedy Gives Back is producing the Brody Stevens Festival of Friendship Walk. That's gonna

be Saturday August 17th in Rosita at 1 p.m. if you want to come out go to comedy gives back comm this is an amazing we both know these women very well that run this they're great yeah Amber J Jody and Zoe and they put together a show the next night on Sunday where they're gonna have a killer lineup all the money benefits mental health programs that comedy gives back puts together by the way it's for the comedy community like literary comics that don't have health insurance that need drug rehab all kinds of stuff help people with their rent when they're really stuck and Bert Kreischer I gotta

tell you I'm not gonna tell you the number he gave a Gives continues to give a phenomenal amount of money to this group That's a man out to Bert for that. I ain't a bunch of comics do but Bert Bert's done a really amazing job there Support for this show comes from game time. I love going to concerts. I love going to oh boy theater I love going to concerts. I love going to theater. I love going to sports and It's it's stressful unless you have a way to get tickets where you know, you're not getting ripped off. I remember going to the the stones and Those prices are so fucking high But I kept watching it and then they dipped and I jumped in

and I got seats for like a hundred and twenty bucks that had been like 450 and I had a blast and by the way you don't have to buy great tickets buy shitty tickets be a teenager walk down get kicked out of a seat it's fun well here I am in Detroit well that's saying it Detroit, but I guess it's Detroit area ice spice Today at the Fillmore nine bucks Kenny Chesney tomorrow, let's see here. He's with Zach Brown. I think there whoa, and the Zach Brown band 164 here's

Country in or what? Here's what's happening if you check and go you can check your area what's the thing called we check your area no this oh yeah the zone deals yeah you can check what's playing in your area that's discover that's discover yeah keep your mind open and you will see there are concerts that don't sell out and the artist doesn't want to look at empty seats so at the last minute they sell them through this site and you can grab them. So you know you mean like blink 182 for 51 bucks and still has time to drop? Yep, yep. Get on that. I mean not blink 182 but bands like that. You can check out what it looks like from your seat. There's lowest price guarantees

there are So many different ways to customize it that you you can't lose it major league baseball tickets Brad Williams cheap if you want a little if you want a little fun Brad Williams 33 bucks Are you gonna go down it will go down like Brad class animals look at them 26 bucks low low prices for Brad basement basement bottom views from all seats i already said that so anyway listen take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with game time download the game time app create an account and use code papers For $20 off your first purchase terms apply again create an account redeem code

PAP er s for $20 off download game time today last minute tickets lowest price Guaranteed there we go. What do I have here? Front page we are now 44 minutes into the podcast as we hit the first news item. I love it. It's slow. It's a slow news cycle. It will be until the end of the year. All right. I have a receipt. Does that work as a paper? Front page. Extra! Extra! We are the Fonics! Extra! Oh, it's a Florida story out of the gate. Hurricane Debbie hit Florida in the most Floridian way. Wind and seas were high and Border Patrol agents did their part when they recovered 25 packages of a

cocaine weighing 70 pounds blown onto a Florida Keys beach. A beach goer found the packages at a beach in the archipelago and archipelago probably that and holly Joe. This was the same. It's right near the same. And contacted authorities, according to Samuel Briggs, acting chief patrol agent for the U.S. Border Patrol's Miami Sector. A similar discovery was made in July last year by Tampa Mayor Jane Castor, who reeled in 70 pounds of cocaine worth more than a million at a Florida Keys

Beach. So we wonder why Florida is Florida. You can't take a walk on the beach like you do to have drier shorts without tripping over mounds of cocaine. You can't fish for marlin without pulling out an eight ball. And they say that it was worth a million dollars, which after the police cut it, it was worth three million dollars. And I. So the guy, the guy finds out on the beach and he he when he turned it in, he pulled up in a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow and explained for two and a half hours how he found it and how things like this never

happened to him. But once when he was in middle school, he found a box in the woods that had trophies in it. And he kept them on his mantle. But then in high school, he found a camera. So he developed the roll of film. And it was all photos of a guy holding hands with another dude and them laying shirtless

next to each other. Anyway, he knew the kid who developed the photos at Walgreens who told all the kids at school. And they were like, all right, he knew the kid who developed the photos at Walgreens who told all the kids at school and they were like, all right, we got it. We got the cocaine. Thank you. Wait a minute. What was that? That was the guy obviously did a lot of cocaine before turning it in. Got it. What a cocaine trip that guy had. What a cocaine trip that guy had. Oh, we're so in sync. We're so in sync today.

We got this is the owners. The owners of the return to nature funeral home have been offered a plea deal and their state level case. John and Carrie Halford faced 286 criminal charges stemming from the discovery of bodies improperly stored at their funeral home. They're in their 40s and they face a raft of criminal charges. In some cases they are accused of giving their customers urns holding fake ashes rather than their loved ones cremated remains. Yeah, I think one of the families became

suspicious when the ashes in the urn also had a butt of a cool menthol. Why does my urn say beloved fluffy you were purrfect? That's not mom. She didn't have fur. Why am I sneezing at mom? So anyway, they're in trouble. Abortion was slightly more common across the US in the first three months of this year than it was before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade

and cleared the way for states to implement bans. Yeah I heard it was like Black Friday at abortion clinics just 9 a.m. doors open people charging in grabbing abortions. I think it was the you know the angry people about this decision when I go yeah we'll show you get put a baby in me and then take it out yeah there were women spending hundreds of thousand dollars for in vitro fertilization and like nope kill it I'm making a point they were bringing in their their toddlers yeah kill it kill it now how many trimesters can I go this one's around 14 trimesters we'll show them those bastards a woman died speaking of death Thursday mornings at

Chicago O'Hare International Airport after getting caught in a baggage carousel the woman who has not yet been publicly identified Well, she should have worn a bag tag was 57 Emergency responders were called to Terminal 5 She was pinned to pinned in the machinery and that's one of those moments where you you're torn Between being a hero and great getting an amazing viral video and clearly there was a lot of video shot that day and no heroes getting an amazing viral video. And clearly there was a lot of video shot that day and no heroes. Not all bad news, it was the only bag found

in O'Hara that weekend. Yeah, usually they lose all of it. Also Spirit Airlines immediately charged her because she was a checked bag. And she was over 50 pounds. So there was a surcharge It did not work out for her at all Let's get to entertainment. Here we go Oh

I like this story Hulk Hogan Send serious warning to Ben Affleck and Matt Damon Affleck and Damon are producing an upcoming movie about Hogan's infamous courtroom battle with website Gawker and the Hulkster says he won't hesitate to sue if he feels that the film violates his privacy. In 2016, Hulke, the Hulkster filed a lawsuit against Gawker after they posted video from a sex tape of Hogan and the wife of a friend shock jock Bubba the love sponge the footage also includes a racial epithet whoa Hogan won a hundred and forty million dollar verdict sending Gawker into bankruptcy I think they call him Bubba the love sponge because after people fuck his wife he comes in and wipes up

He cleans the wet spot for you You know Bubba don't you? I know Bubba very well as a matter of fact, um, I don't know if i've told this story on the show But the first time I did his show I had heard that it was dark. I had heard that like crazy shit happens on this show So it's one of those deals where I fly in, I fly across the country to Tampa on a Thursday, drag my ass to a show that night, get home at midnight, sleep at 1 a.m., and then I gotta wake up at 6 a.m. to go do morning radio.

And now that's 3 a.m. L.A. time. So you get up, I drink a cup of coffee, they got a car that drives me to his studio, which believe it or not is in a building behind the Girl Scouts National offices. And so we go in and there's a little person who's on the couch outside the studio and he has pissed himself. That's just how you doing? Welcome to the Bubba show. Sure. I walk in the studio and they are all drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon Tall Boys. And they asked me if I want to get high and I said, there's nothing

more I'd like to do right now than get high with you people. So I go in the back and I smoke a joint and then I come into the studio and it is dark. It's like it's like a strip club dark and he's sitting behind like a it's almost like Captain Kirk's you know where he sits on the on the Star Trek Enterprise. He's sitting behind this wall that's kind of lit up and then I go sit down and then and then we start talking and it's like immediately like he's on the phone with a listener who's

in Michigan and is in the middle of an armed robbery at a bank and is calling Bubba to get his advice so that goes on and that's a running thing and that's a apparently real and then Bubba pulls out a I don't know a lot about guns, but I seem to remember saying them saying it was like a an Israeli 12 gauge handgun, if that's possible. And he pulls it out and everybody clears the room. And I was like, what? What?

Like producers, interns, I'm alone with Bubba the Love Sponge and a giant fucking Israeli handgun. And I'm high out of my mind. And so that was the first of probably a good half a dozen visits I made. And every one of them stacked up like that and he had the hot wife and I guess the Hulk slept with her or maybe he didn't I mean maybe it was like his professional career where he just pretended to do it

and didn't actually ever penetrate her professional wrestling joke I'm a man I'm a man oh I see sorry sorry I didn't get that yeah I don't know but I remember this and I remember our good buddy Peter teal paid for the Peter teal did not like I believe I have this right that Gawker was calling him gay they outed he They outed Peter Thiel. So Peter Thiel decided, huh, I'm a billionaire. Let me put Gawker out of business. So he found the Hulk's claims against Gawker. And he paid for the trial and drove them into bankruptcy. Yeah, that was I believe I have that right. There's a cup. There's so much to dislike about Peter Thal teal or feel I never know which one it is

Yeah, but there's two things we like about him One is that he ran gawker out of business and two is that he is promoting our friend Tom O'Neill's book chaos That's right Had us to his Christmas party. He did great Christmas party magic mushrooms and people's fucking juggling burning torches and a sushi bar the size of like a mansion. Least gay party I've ever been to because it was not fun. And there was not an attractive woman in the place. No, not. I mean, you're a billionaire. His house, we've talked about it. It looks like a Westfield mall up in the hills, like cold, giant, two story, like marble pillars and glass and not even a home. It really does

look like a mall and feels like it. But I mean what you just call the modeling agency and said I'll send a bus. I'll pay them each 2,000 bucks for a couple hours. Just sprinkle my party with good-looking people please. Yep. Couldn't even do that. That's it. Burning Man. Incredibly unusual Burning Man ticket sales dry up after a sloppy year. Burning Man, which last year became a mud soaked quagmire, has released a last minute pool of around 3,000 tickets in response to sagging sales. Attendance has faltered post pandemic due to extreme weather events and heat waves, flooding, which last Labor Day weekend send many burners including

comedian Chris Rock and DJ Diplo fleeing from the Nevada desert. Let's see here. Bah bah bah bah bah. The festival did not sell out at this point. It's very unusual and yet low attendance is the extreme weather plus the $780 entrance fee to the Festival with a Vehicle. What? Oh my god.

And the $780 does not include transfer fees for having your parents wire you more of your trust fund, dry cleaning your Birkenstocks, scrubbing social media videos of you dancing to Dave Matthews with your cocksmear and body paint. There's a lot there's a lot of add ons. Yeah, it adds up for sure. And also, I mean, maybe it's occurring to people, hey, going to the desert in the middle of August is maybe too hot of an idea. Yeah, just maybe.

Yeah. But I remember that flooding last year. They were like they were trapped They were trapped for days They were airlifting in water and food and our buddy Pete Scott goes every year with his brothers yep, they actually have a What do you call it a mobile home that they leave in Reno. They leave it there year round and then once a year they all fly in. Somehow the fucking truck starts,

they drive it into the desert and they spend like four days. Also Jerry, my roommate who you know very well from college, he's there, he was in the Bay Area so it was kind of easy for him but every time he was coming I'm like, I have spent too much time professionally making fun of this thing making jokes every year on late night tv and stuff I'm

like I really can't go yeah I think the ship sailed on that festival anyway I think it's it's all corporate now it's like you know Red Bull with a fucking booth well 780 to get in there with a view. That's insane. Let's make America, Florida. Let's do it. Here we go. St. Pete, you sent me this, you emailed me this St. Pete man arrested after he threw spaghetti at mom's head. A normal family dinner got heated after an argument between a Florida mother and her son and it had dishes flying in the air. The spaghetti meal turned violent after the 41 year old man threw spaghetti at his mother's head. Oh mama, I'm making pasta sauce splatter all over the walls. This isn't the first time being arrested for throwing objects for these two the mother and son duo live together and can be often heard

fighting inside the residence of course is really all I have to say to this and I I mean I love that they didn't give us the names because I'm telling you right now it ended with a vowel the last name ended with a vowel because for Italians throwing a plate of spaghetti at someone said that's like toasting that's like hey nicely a nicely done think about how many movies and just off the top my head I remember Saturday Night Fever had a really like Brooklyn Italian crazy angry dinner. I think Spike Lee's had some of the time. Oh, don't touch my hair.

I work all day on my hair and you touch my hair. And then like even in like Moonstruck, snap out of it and you know slap across the face. Yeah. Like the Titans are hitting each other and families. What there's this shouldn't even be a news story. No, it's Florida. Yeah, it the Titans are hitting each other and families what there's this shouldn't even be a news story now. It's Florida Yeah, it's also, Florida Okay, let's make Texas, Florida Man I love this man taking out trash slips in mud and fairly

Shoots himself in the chest First responders received a call for help at about 6 a.m. after a man was found lying on the ground unresponsive at an apartment complex on San Antonio's north side. Investigators said the 58-year-old was carrying his garbage and a handgun when he slipped on mud and tumbled down a small hill. While tumbling, his pistol went off and a round hit him in the chest. Well, what happened to stand your ground, pal?

That's what's going on here. Yeah, I think he didn't stand on his ground. It sounds like he fell down on his ground. He tumbled down his ground. And they said there was no foul play suspected. The wife said that he was just taking out the garbage and had a broken plate with spaghetti on it. And somehow, I don't know, the gun just went off.

That's why Florida has did better, better than Texas in so many ways. Yeah, like that's what you're what you stand your ground with a plate of pasta. Yeah, it works. It works. You can get arrested that way also. Oh, this poor guy. Jeez. 58 years old. Is that, is it that unsafe to take your trash out? I know. Are you that afraid? I don't know. Well, all right, let's get to sports. Sports. Alright, this is you. Filipino gymnast Carlos Yulo was rewarded with plenty of wild perks for winning two Olympic gold medals at the Paris Games.

I gotta guess those were the only Olympics that the Filipinos got. On Saturday he won the men's floor events and then 24 hours later he won the men's vaults and so he tripled his country's metal count from one to three in 100 years of participating. In 100 years, they won one gold medal. For his efforts, Yulo was bestowed a condo unit that's estimated to sell for $414,000. In the Philippines, it must be a fucking skyscraper. Originally, it was a two-bedroom unit, but after Yulo notched a second gold,

it was upgraded to three bedrooms. Additionally he receives a downpour of Filipino pesos north of 10 million from the local government and private firms. So that's another 150 bucks. The list doesn't end there. He got a voucher worth $20,000 from department stores, unlimited entry to a local buffet chain and a lifetime supply of ramen. This guy's gonna be too fat to do the Olympics in four years. Well, they see it coming. Look at the next thing he got. Topping off the list is a haywire incentive, unlimited colonoscopies and gastrointestinal consultations.

Gastrointestinal consultations. Unlimited colonoscopies is a bit of an overstatement. Like I mean unless there's trouble down there. I mean when I got mine which was the only one I've ever gotten the guy goes see in 10 years. Well maybe if you're a homosexual you maybe it's like a thing. Maybe it's like a fetish. Well, I would try to get my money's worth for sure. I'd be sticking shit up there all the time.

Yeah. And then playing jokes, kinda like a jackass with the toy car up there. Well, you remember, yeah. You remember the old joke about the, gay guy goes to the doctor. Pro proctologist the proctologist and the proctologist he's super the doctor super cute he's like olive skin black wavy hair and he puts his finger in the guy's ass and the guy goes ooh and then

the doctor pulls his finger and he goes it's fine everything checks out you feel good and the guy goes great and then he comes back the next week he comes into the office and the guy goes what do you we just checked you out last week he's like yeah I don't know something feels funny can you check it out again so the doctor puts on the glove he puts his finger up his ass he's like whoa yeah I do feel something and he he pokes and he reaches in and he pulls out a dozen roses and the guy goes surprise ridiculous I just had a vision of a going to the doctor's

office and I'm wearing a glove I'm like like the scared guy I already checked it out I'm fine I'm fine I checked it while I was waiting for you yeah you rub some chocolate on your index finger oh Gregory Gregory international here we go international all right let's go to what do we got that's good. Yeah, you put a bunch in here. Yeah. All right, let's do this first one. Suga from K-pop, the boy band BTS has apologized after being fined for driving an electric

scooter while intoxicated. He posted on social media. He was very heavy hearted and apologetic to bring his fans disappointing news. He said he had violated the Road Traffic Act when he had driven home in Seoul thinking it was a close distance and forgot that you can't use a scooter under the influence. I fell while parking the electric scooter in front of my house and there was a police officer nearby. I was given a breathalyzer test and subsequently had my license revoked and was fined

Meanwhile, yeah, they did a dozen songs that were Synthesized garbage and no fine. They were paid for it Even his cop in that faraway land asked who's Timberlake after pulling over here's the headline here's the headline I wanted to read BTS DUI LOL that would have been the headline in the New York Post yeah why don't we do a New York Post headline for we should pick three stories of the week that we're gonna do New York Post headlines on I like that idea. Okay, maybe put it out to the listeners

Okay, you're dead and then I have to read through them cuz you're reading through all the comics Yes, we're gonna have them put it on the YouTube channel comments, which you are so good about getting to these days I think I am right? Yep you're doing a great job. Okay where are we going down to this day in history? Let's go to this day in history. Here we go. Okay let me find it. Let me find this day. What is it Sunday? Oh, you don't even have it pulled up on your computer? No, no, no, it's right here. Jackson Pollock, I don't think I want to do that. All right, here we go. I don't think you're going to get this one. At a back to school party in

the Bronx, New York, DJ Cool Herc introduced the technique of playing the same album on two turntables and extending the drum section, which became known as the break beat. The night is widely recognized as the birth of hip hop. Ha. Give or take five years. That's a 10 year window, what year did DJ Kool Herc basically create hip hop? Okay, 19, let's see, I'm in school in 19, I'm thinking of seventh and eighth grade dances, so that would have been 1979. I was, the school dances were half classic rock and half

hip-hop because our school had a lot of black kids in it and so so if that was 79 I got to think it had to have been up and. So wait a minute. I didn't remember it being hip hop being that accessible in 78. I mean I'm probably totally wrong. What was the name? What was the name of the first Sugar Hill Gang? Sugar Hill Gang. Rapperers Delight. What year was that? Sugar... I'm looking it up. That might have been a little after that actually. That's what I was thinking. That's what I was going on. Rappers Delight, they began being active in 79.

So that's why... That's probably the year they're playing it at my school dance rappers delight was 1980 no okay so I thought you were gonna correctly guess later than 73 now what you hear is not a test I'm rapping to the beat all right give me another one okay let's see here in the game against the Cleveland Indians babe Ruth of the New York Yankees hit his 500th career home run became the first player in baseball to reach that milestone what year did he do this give or take seven years babe Ruth let's see he play I'm thinking about video of him and it was some pretty early grainy video so let's go back to the 1940s I'm gonna guess 500th would have been a little later I'm gonna say 1953. Yeah people are smashing their heads against the wall no no no he was the 1920s Yankees.

Oh okay. 1929 I think the 27 Yankees is widely or a lot of people think it's the best team ever. Who was on it? I don't know, but I mean Ruth was on it. That was before Mickey Manil and yeah. You look it up. I'm going to know you can't look it up. No, no, I'm going to look it up when I you overthink this next one. Okay. DJ Herc couldn't have done anything without Thomas Alva Edison. On this day, American inventor Edison made perhaps his most original original discovery the phonograph give or take 25 years when did Edison invent the photo phonograph 1880s nine you bitch 1877 nice Wow 1877, shit. All right, here we go. 1927, Yankees, player stats.

Lou Gehrig, Bob Musial. Lou Gehrig, Pat Collins, Tony Lazari, Joe Dugan, Konig, Combs, Ruth, Bob Musial, not Stan the Man Musial. Yeah, they were incredible. Combs, Ruth, Bob Musial, not Stan the Man Musial. Yeah, they were incredible. Let's see, 110 and 44. Pretty good stuff. 110 and 44, wow. All right, and let me see if there's one more here for us.

William Blake, we're not gonna do that. I do think I have another one. It's a little dry, little dry. Hmm. Oh, this is interesting. The last known quagga Q, U, A, G, G, A. It's a type of zebra native to South Africa. You've seen photos of them They're kind of like a zebra from the shoulders up and the rest looks like a horse The last known of that type of zebra died in the Amsterdam Zoo Give or take 20 years. When was that? Oh god. That's how the fuck do I know? the last one 1962. See, you should have asked yourself why is Mike doing this dumb story and it was to make a

point. We killed that fucking thing off by 1883. Whoa damn. Yep. So that's that I don't think I'm any more than are interesting here all right we're gonna remind people the koozies are on sale we got a bag of them freshly signed ready to go out go to Fitzdogg comm look for the link to the koozies and you're gonna send Mike $10 total no shipping to his what is he shipped out immediately shipped out immediately right away oh someone said the link on your thing a couple of people said the link was not working yeah that's not good yeah let me check on that I'm gonna remind myself I'm gonna send myself an email right now oh Oh, there you go. Koozielink.

Oh, I didn't look up an obituary again this week. We did two last week, I think. Did anyone we know pass? Who died this week? I can't think of anybody. Neither can I. But I was on the road. Let's let it go. The car I drove's half dead. Funnies, here we go.

Let's start it out. Last week we gave you a funny, it is a captionless frame of a comic strip. There are two gentlemen, they both look like they're really ragged, they're crawling through the sand in a hot desert look like they're really ragged they're crawling through the sand in a hot desert and they're crossing each other they're going in opposite directions and there's cactuses around and so here are some of your submissions the winner of course wins a koozie I again I try I read them all I try to get as many as I can and I if I miss one that's great I apologize I'm not perfect I'm doing my

best okay one guy says the other guy free skateboarding trip to Arizona I wish I would have read the fine prints okay don't know if I understand it Tim Baggins says I wouldn't bother they won't let you in without a jacket and tie okay Ed Sklar says yeah yeah Josh she does not fuck around in vetting her VP candidates okay Arizona I like that Lane in Denver Arizona Lane in Denver said were you also? Fooled by the mirage of a hopeful candidate another political one. Yeah Larry Z says dick itch Yep Shania

Yep Okay yep okay Jacob Tinman said I think we should go back to the horse drawn plow my penis is starting to chafe and we're out of Viagra okay colorful visual yeah yeah Ron Dvorak says must deliver koozie second guy I already delivered the koozie that's good yes Jason Cobb pardon me you don't happen to have any gray poop on remember that commercial of course I classic couple people sent that one in but I gave it to Jason because he sent it in first Kent S Sackman said, what if I told you you could save 20% off your home and car insurance if you bundle with Geico? Rich Kennedy, yeah, Rich Kennedy said,

I hear you man, definitely no place for a paraplegic. Okay. Tim Macy said, one cowboy says to the other you say you found this ski resort on Groupon okay Tim Woodhouse says actually yeah it was a Boeing about three days ago how did you know all right Sam Perino says you haven't crawled past a tidalist in the last few days have you all right we closed strong closed strong who do you like? I don't know. Is there a way to not have a winner? I think the last two were really good.

But like the Boeing one I like. But what happened to the guy who asked them, was it a Boeing? Right. Was he on the Boeing 2 right actually yeah was a Boeing about three days yeah I guess he was and then the title is that kind of like but and they're looking forever you know it does kind of work um I like must deliver koozie yeah my vote would be bowing I think all right we're gonna go with bowing this week's winner is Tim Woodhouse congratulations send us your address at Fitz Dogg radio at gmail.com we'll get that out to you post

haste post-haste unintended let's get to the other comics we get oh we got oh next week's oh, I forgot to pull next week's We could take a week off. We could take a week I'm gonna take a week off while you guys get your thinking caps on it's almost Hager and lucky are coming home. They've got sacks over their shoulders. It's nighttime and Hager says to lucky remember if Helga asks you anything about our time in Paris be as vague as possible. They walk inside and Helga says how did you and Hager spend your time in Vegas? And Lucky goes it could have been in any of the worst ways possible. What an idiot right? What an idiot I mean obviously they raped a lot of people.

How did you spend your time in Paris? You mean between rapes? We ate, we ate some really good, we had escargot, you're a snail? Yeah. So, and then we raped, and then we went to this like cabaret show, which was pretty cool, but then we got horny again, so we went out and raped.

How badly flagged do we get on the algorithm for you to by the way well I think it's you your potty mouth I know that's gonna look at I don't say rape and see if we actually make any money why couldn't they say we listen we brought home the gold from Paris. See, topical, it works. There you go. Oh, I get it. For Norway. That's good. See? That's good.

Norway is raking it in now. All right, so Leroy's on the couch, it's the Lockhorns. Loretta's talking to her friend and she says, Leroy's upset, he just heard our song used in a dental commercial dent denture commercial sorry I fucking butchered that got it he walks in the door he's had a rough day and she said and he says to her please Loretta you know how is your day are trigger words for me I like that one a lot that's good okay here we are we've arrived the number one best Calvin Trump it's finally of all time according to this list which everybody hates here. We go there are only one two one two

five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve Seventeen panels, but only like four of them have words in it here. We go. They're playing outside in the snow again It's a very popular setting for these two and Calvin goes I'm gonna paste I'm gonna paste Suzy's pate with a slush ball ha ha ha and in the next he's getting ready to throw it and Hobbes is there with his red scarf on standing behind him and Hobbes says some philosophers say that true happiness comes from a life of virtue. And then Calvin seems a little nonplussed by this, if I'm using that word correctly, and he's still holding it, and he looks pensive, and Hobbes is walking away.

Now the frame Calvin is alone, looks over at Susie, still holding it, thinking about it. Then we see the next frame, Calvin drops the snowball. Next frame, Calvin's at home, and it looks like he's cracking a book that he's dug up out of his bedroom. And in the next frame, he's into that book on the dining room table, and then he's writing something. In the next frame, he's bringing a card with a heart on it to his unsuspecting mom or unexpecting

mom sitting on a chair reading a book. Then he goes outside and he's holding a shovel and it looks like he shoved a walkway, shoved a snow so an old man could walk. No, that's his father. Oh, okay. I only have to know that for about one more minute. And then, I'll have to know that for about one more minute and then I'll never read this again. And then he's at the table and it looks like he's setting the table.

That's where he's doing all the silverware is in his hands. And then in the next frame, he's taking out the garbage. Next frame, he's like, you know, swiping his hands like, Oh, that's a work well done. Then there's a frame where he's hands are on his hips. He's not doing anything. He's thinking about something. Something occurred to him. His eyes are wide. The next frame, it looks like he's cold. What would you say there?

Or is he just angry? He looks angry. He's angry, but he's clutching his arms like, you know, he's wrapping his arms around himself. Then he tears off running in the next frame. Second to last frame that I'll ever read of Calvin and Hobbes. He's laughing hysterically in the snow and Susie is faced down in the snow with a massive snowball on the back of her head. Now Calvin and Hobbes reappear together in the final, final

frame and they're walking off and Calvin could not look happier and says, someday I'll write my own philosophy book. And Hobbes goes, virtue needs some cheaper thrills and there you have it. It's in the funny section which seems like a little journalistic oversight but they're thinkers man I think these are thinkers for people who don't read books maybe. It's about the nature of man that a child can't be good. In the end he has to commit violence against a woman where she ends up face down in pain on the ground while he laughs. That should be in the Sunday papers. And that's his philosophy. Yeah. So, okay, well listen, we made it.

We did it. We did it, and we're gonna leave off Blondie this week just out of respect to Calvin and Hobbes, the number one, the final time we'll read it on the Sunday Papers podcast. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you got angry about it. Some people got angry about it some people

got angry because you don't get it we we have way more mail from people that think you don't get it and then people that agree with you I'm gonna find another list of greatest of a different strip try to find one with less frames I hope good Lord that took a lot out of me. All right. Well, listen, thank you for your support of the show. Again, looking for some songs, bang those out, send them in. We want to thank our sponsor Game Time. Go to the Game Time app and put in code papers and get yourself $20 off your first purchase. Thank you to Mid Coast Media for doing an amazing job editing, producing all the stuff they do for the podcast Mike anything you want to

promote let's see yeah watch put casting the Sundance kid yep Bert Bacharach your go-to thing they're gorgeous man even Sophie was like wow I mean those two guys just the magnetism on them. Unbelievable. You know that was shot up in Malibu, right? I don't know that. And it was. What part do you think was shot in Malibu? I was there, the part where he jumps off the cliff into the water. No, I forget parts of it.

Parts of it were shot up in Malibu. I guarantee that. That's fact. I invite your correction. Okay, if you're going to say parts that I could buy, but I mean. No, the big mountain where they're climbing through the mountain on the lamb and then they jump off the cliff into the water that was obviously like Colorado I'm thinking maybe some pickups inside a cabin not even then I don't I wonder I wonder hey you'll see people will show up for me they'll back me up they sure will okay all right well thanks for tuning in next week. Take it-ish. Take it-ish.

It's Sunday papers. Read all about it. It's Greg and Mike. It's FitzDog and it's Gibbon's time. It's Sunday papers. Read all about it. It's FitzDog and it's Gibbon's time. OK.

Mike is in the closet Greg is at the beach They try to crinkle paper Together they take it each