Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 23 8/9/20

Episode Date: August 9, 2020

In an episode where we apologize to one group it is entirely possible that we offended 2 others. Our first Rap theme song!  

Sunday Papers, Sunday Papers, Sunday Papers, Sunday Papers, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday Papers! Read all about it! Read all about it! Sorry, go ahead. It's my excitement. It's Sunday Papers, everybody. You look exhausted. I was trying to help you.

I was trying to get under there and lift up that read all. No, I'm trying to fool myself with your... Can you imagine what it was like being a paperboy in the 1920s when there were fucking 20 other paperboys on your block and you're trying to out-hear-ye hear-ye them? But also, imagine the fatigue of

all the bad news during World War II. Poland fell. I kind of called this yesterday. Poland fell right the next week it's like france didn't even put up a fight for yeah they didn't even put up a fight yeah they hit they're hitting all the subway stops in london they're dead the evil axis they're they're running up the score. They really are. America, imagine that they're the voice of like the moral voice.

Like America's still not involved somehow. Still not involved. Ford, Ford says let them die. Not our war, not our war people. Brooklyn Dodgers still on fire. So are the people in the subways in London. Isolationists still getting their way. Isolationists still getting their way.

Get your paper now. Go home and isolate. Isolate with that paper. Oh, my God. That's what it's like now. Still no vaccine. President's not wearing a mask. No one's doing. By the way, don't forget, if you haven't got your Grapefruit Simmons T-shirt,

we just got a new shipment. All sizes. Hold on. Look what I have. First time ever. I'm not wearing it yet. What do you got? Hey, now.

Come on. See that? I just passed that to him through the magic of Zoom. I know. We're not side by side, but I could pretend I just got it. Hand it to your right just for me because we're next to each other. Why don't you throw it to your right? Okay.

To my right. Okay. Ready? Yeah, go. One, two, three. Okay. To my right. Okay. Ready? Yeah. Go. One, two, three. Oh my God. Is this to everyone listening? We should just like, let's do it again. And just nothing but visual jokes for an hour as they're jogging. And now the magic dime trick. I have to say that was a pretty seamless. You throw it at my face and it hits my face. If you're not watching this on Zoom,

jump in. It's fun. You got to see us. I shaved for the show today. I don't like that we record. Someone wrote in and said, oh, weird weird gibbons looks not at all like i expected him to maybe he envisioned me not in a closet but i think i agree with that whenever you like you hear a voice it must be like those long distance relationships it's almost like getting catfished nope yeah this is this is the guy that belongs to the voice. Sorry. Well, I didn't fall in love, but I fell deeply in like with the girl. I met her briefly in New York, and then she went off to another city to write a novel. And she was there for three months, and we talked on the phone every day for hours. Hmm.

And got super close. She was so smart. Uh, love the same music. We're both like voracious readers, favorite authors, everything. And then we, uh, and then I was working in St. Louis as a matter of fact, and she flew in and we met up, stayed at the hotel together. And what I didn't notice the first time was she had a beard. Really? Yes. That's worse. I was trying, my brain was like, and then she showed up with a, and insert the worst band ever, t-shirt, you know, like.

Foreigner. Yeah, whatever it is. Double vision. Yeah. A beard. No, and you know, but a very pretty girl otherwise. And we had a great weekend. And then she went back to write the book, and I went back to New York, and I met Erin.

And by the time she moved back to New York, me and Erin were a thing, and I had to break it off with her. Listen, I found someone with less facial hair than I. Maybe you were intimidated because you don't rock good. Do you rock good facial hair? No, it's orange and it's clumpy. It's terrible. Hers was fucking beautiful. Smooth.

Silky. Long. Yeah. She was ahead of the whole hipster thing. She put one of those little hair bands in it, like to pinch the beard under her chin. I like it. I said, do I need to huff and puff and blow your beard off?

Oh, jeez. All right. All right. Let's get into some goddamn news. By the way, Owen Beckman did our song this week, our first rap. Very cool.

Very cool. I thought that was badass. I don't think we played the whole thing, but what we'll do is we'll play the entire song at the end of the show, and you should listen to appreciate how great these lyrics are. I like that idea.

I have to confess again, I haven't heard the song yet because we don't play it back, but I promise you I'll hear it before we do the Thursday papers. Yeah, that's right. And then our logo this week from David Chamberlain. We're running out of logos, people.

So send in some more logo ideas. Corrections. We always start off with some corrections. Nice. Oh, yeah. Oh, I don't have my paper. All right. Is that a prerequisite for a Sunday paper? Christopher LaPense, which is French for the thought.

Ooh. Light miles, as Gibbons said, ain't a thing. Oh, right. Maybe it is if you're Bill Nye, the drunk science guy. This is what I want to say. He's right. That part hurt. But I bet it is a concept.

I bet somehow. Because, you know, listen, when I read string theory, I don't understand a goddamn thing. And when they're talking about fifth dimensions, I can't even get past the fourth dimension. So I bet there's a thing. Everything's relative, ass munch. No, everything's relative. So if everything's relative, how could there not be a light mile? A light mile would take such a small amount of time,

it would almost be impossible to measure. Well, nothing's impossible to measure. These scientists, oh, they're smart. Yeah. But it would be such a fucking intesimal. Infantesimal? What is it? Smaller than an iota?

An infinitesimal, infinitesimally small. It would be infinitesimally small. We're just generating more letters. We're getting everything wrong as we talk. But he's right. I did mean a light year away, which is a staggeringly long amount of miles. But I like my light mile. Hey, how many, like, listen, in the future, you're going to go over a friend's house. You're like, hey, how many light miles do you live? And that's shortcut. That's like, I'm going to be coming to your house at the speed of light.

And it still doesn't make sense. I don't know. Anyway. Now, if you're like, hey, how far is it to quintennial five? Well, as the light flies, it's about... Yeah, and no refraction. Just as it flies with no refraction and no curvature of time or space. Yeah.

Then tell me. Oh, it's really close. Without going through frozen planetary waves, would it be... All right, this comes from Kim Fairchild. With regard to the Sunday paper's discussion, the actor in Keep America Beautiful, the ad where the Native American has a tear going down his face,

he was not Native American, but it was in fact Iron Eyes Cody, a.k.a. Espera Oscar de Corti, an American of Italian descent who had a career playing Native Americans, Native American Indians in Hollywood. He doubled down with that name, it sounds like. Yeah. It should be Iron Eyes Carpaccio or some shit. Yeah. Iron Eyes Cody. He was Iron Eyes Gabagoo. Iron Eyes Capri.

Apparently, it wasn't just this one ad. I guess that was his thing. He was the Native American guy. Oh, good. So he put more Native Americans out of work. It wasn't just that ad? Right. Wow.

And, you know, is that cultural appropriation? I mean, do we all have to be the race that we're playing in a role? What do you think, Mike Gibbons? I think even the horse was there rolling his eyes like this fucking Italian Goomba. Like, seriously? It wasn't even a horse. I'm not your horse. It was a mule.

It was a fucking mule. No. Are you serious? Trying to play a horse. No, I'm kidding. I went for it. I think everything should be off on that. Fake leather.

It was pleather. It wasn't even real leather. In Blazing Saddles, wasn't Mel Brooks dressed as an Indian at one point? I think he was. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was. And he's a Jew.

But Jews can do anything because of the Holocaust. They kind of get a pass. holocaust they kind of get a pass you make it sound like that was their hard work they put in they've earned it yeah okay uh does that set up we got another letter about that didn't we yeah we did i think we read it last week what about the guy being uh no i'm talking about the holocaust oh yeah um i think we're doing that on thursday okay that's in the thursday paper mike sorry don't confuse our two by the way if you don't know it the thursday paper we did we've done two so far uh it's just a 20 minute hitets you through the week. Comes out on Thursdays. Yeah, do something.

Clean your dishes. That office you need tidying, 20 minutes while we talk. Don't even pay attention to us. We're going to be talking about the Holocaust. It'll keep things real light. Make love to your wife. And that's what the Thursday paper is for. Sunday paper, that's for your gumon.

That's for your girlfriend on the side. Yeah. When you're getting really romantic, you throw a move, as That's for your girlfriend on the side. Yeah. When you're getting really romantic, you throw a move, as you like to say, on the wife, which sounds aggressive, by the way. But when you're getting romantic and hot and heavy with the wife, what you want is two ill-informed people talking about Germans

charging Jews for the train ride to the concentration camps. That's what's going to keep you at attention, let's just say. All right. Candle, dim the lights, ignorance. New sheets, Holocaust. It all adds up to a romantic. I find if you put the fan on, real light just over the bed, it's really pretty.

And then if you light one of those incense, and then also a guy jerking off to Blondie, really sets the mood. And the guy talking about his perhaps cancerous bump on his shin. See how I did that transition? Isn't that the next letter? I don't know what order we're going in. Is this the least sexy podcast on the air, Mike Gibbons? No.

You want to know what's sexy? It's human beings being human beings and being solid people. I got a follow-up fan letter. If you remember, I talked about this mysterious bump, which is really prominent, I have to say, on my shin. I didn't know if it was bone or not. And then I got a very concerned letter. The guy told me it's a tear in the fascia of the muscle,

allowing the muscle to poke through, causing a lump, especially, essentially it's a leg hernia. And this guy had three repaired. And who wrote that? Big Simp. Big Simp was his handle. Anyway, I didn't follow up because I did go to the doctor. I got an ultrasound and I got an x-ray out of nowhere. I've not talked about that. Big simp

followed up this week. Wow. He just checked in and just said, how's the leg? I'm wondering if big simps in network. I assume he's a doctor, but that's better care than I'm getting from my doctors. Here's what happened to me. I went down, I got an ultrasound and x-ray, right? So here was the, I think- Do you still have the bump? Yes. So here's the ultrasound. 2.2 times 0.3 times 1.8 centimeters, hypoechoic area corresponding to the patient's palpable abnormality in the right shin. In there is history of trauma. This may represent edema or resolving hematoma.

Alternatively, this may represent an area of scar tissue. Recommend clinical correlation. Fine, that's ultrasound. This is what my doctor sent me. That and then she sent me the same thing from the technician, I guess, who did the x-ray on the frontal view. There is an arrow pointing to the lateral and mid aspect of the leg on the lateral view and along the pre tibial soft tissues. There is a focal area of soft tissue swelling. There is no underlying underlying bonal abnormal abnormality. There

is no circumscribed soft tissue mass visualized. There is no abnormal soft tissue mineralization. The underlying tibia and fibula are intact. Yes. If the mass is soft, an ultrasound may be considered. So they're both tossing, referring to each other. Anyway, it goes on a little bit. The doctor simply wrote me in an email that I had to go in the network to get. Michael, please review imaging reports, which I just did. No concern. Period.

That's it. That's it. Fucking Big Simp's more concerned. Big Simp and I want to know what this is. She doesn't say what. OK, so I'm left with this bump on my. Does it does it go away? Should I put a warm compress? I understand it's not cancer, so good news. I understand there's no concern,

but even if it's just for what do I tell people at places who are like, what's up with your leg, dude? Yeah, right. And I love no concern because it doesn't mean that the situation isn't serious. It means he's not concerned. He could be typing this from the fifth tee where he's not concerned about much except for this fucking slice he can't get rid of today. Well, I caught you in an embarrassing situation, Greg. The doctor is Sue Hutchinson. Oh, shit. And you're saying women don't play golf? Well, I'm saying they're not very detail-oriented because this bitch didn't write anything here informing her patient of what

he has. That's funny because you know what? I prefer a female doctor because I do feel like they're more detail-oriented. I think they're more caring. I think they're better communicators. Okay. And I think they follow up better. Well, I'm going to tear that apart. You want to hear one now? So my voice, I'll make this as short as possible. I go see an ear, nose, throat.

She looks at it. She's very, every time I go there, she's concerned. I would go home and like the wife would be like, what did they say? She's like, well, they said it was kind of bad, but that, you know, and I really wasn't unable to answer. And I would give some details like I got to do this, this, this, this anyway, Anna. So every time I go there, she would look down my throat and be like, ah, because she's seeing acid burns on my throat, got to elevate the bed on and on and on. So finally one time, because I would hear like, you know, there's Adam Yauk from the Beastie Boys, but I would hear this going unchecked does potentially lead to cancer. So anyway, I want to know kind of what's in her mind. So I finally go there one time and I swear to God, everything

I'm about to tell you is the truth. So she does it. We're almost done with the checkup. And then I'm like, Oh no, you know what? I got to like, I got to walk away here with some details that I understand. So I literally say, you kind of look concerned. You just look down my throat and you kind of look concerned. Can you give me an idea of like what it is or is there a scale? Like, well, how does it look? She's like, well, on a scale, I'm like, is there a scale? Like, give me, give me an idea how bad you think it is. And she goes, I'd say it's a four or a four plus. So I, in my mind go, this is my last doctor's visit. Cause I will take a four any goddamn day. I don't care that I sound raspy. It's podcast gold. What? So I was like, I don't give a shit. I like a fucking four four plus that talk to me when I'm a nine right I am about to leave and I go not this communicative woman that you claim as a doctor

I go I just want to know what is the scale what is the scale is it one to ten? Swear to God. She goes, it's one to four. I go, what? And I, and she's letting you walk out of the office. And I'm like, wait a minute. Were you not going to tell me that? Did you see how I had a smile after you? That wasn't a sarcastic smile or like a gallows humor. I'm a goner.

I'm like, you just told me one of the words you used was four plus, which means you don't have a medical scale that holds me. You don't have a medical range of numbers that I even fit in. I'm off the charts. Yeah. And she's like, well, you are coming here. You're having a medical doctor put a little camera down your throat. I'm like, yes, but tell me when I'm off the goddamn charts yeah holy shit i had a coffee on the way over here you told me i'm not allowed to have coffee by the way i had three today that's like being told that you

have aids and you have a low t-cell count you'd be like oh at least my t-cells aren't high yeah and then you're like yeah right and you're well, you told me the number of T cells. Like, how bad is it? Oh, well, now that you ask, I definitely wouldn't drive home. I doubt you'll make it home. I think you're going to die before you get home. Well, you could have told me that. Boy, that's scary because you make your living with your voice.

By make a living, do you mean all the money I'm losing on this podcast? Do you know how much money I lose because of my voice? If I didn't have these golden pipes, I wouldn't have a podcast, which means I'd have more money. You're going to be rich when you lose your voice. I can't wait. Oh, my God. Oh, God. All right. Listen, let's get Oh, God. All right, listen.

Let's get to the news. Women doctors. As we're 20 minutes in. We haven't done a news story yet. Do it. Front page. Extra! Extra!

We all about it! Extra! Let's start with this motorcycle rally. You want to tell us about it, Mike? It's my favorite goddamn thing. Okay, so the biggest motorcycle rally, I believe it's in the world and it's Harley Heaven, you know what I mean, is in Sturgis. It's like synonymous with it. South Dakota. South Dakota. So the people there, I'm just off the top of my head, I know it's been brewing for months and the citizens of Sturgis have begged,

begged the city council and mayor and governor, like not this year, everything else is being counseled, but come Friday, yesterday and two days ago, I guess when this airs, but it was yesterday. It started.

It's 10 days. I think 250,000 people from the cost across the country have descended on a town with seven thousand people in South Dakota. It's literally the definition of what not to do during COVID. Worried residents say officials should have canceled the Sturgis motorcycle rally in a state where the Republican governor, Kristi Noem, resisted stay-at-home orders and mask rules. And last month, she welcomed another mass event, Donald Trump's 4th of July weekend speech at the foot of Mount Rushmore.

A city survey found that more than 60% of Sturgis residents wanted the event postponed. The mayor of Sturgis says there's not much they can do but encourage personal responsibility and set up sanitation stations and give out masks, though face coverings won't legally be required. Good luck. You're handing out masks and hoping the people that wear these masks, they're not even wearing motorcycle helmets. If you give them half a chance in a state that doesn't have helmet laws, none of them wear them. Just look at the pictures.

Yeah, these are guys, the mask is not stopping the virus. Put it this way, jeans don't stop a guy from getting a pool cue up his ass during this week. How's a mask going to stop a coronavirus? One quote in the article. My grandma is absolutely terrified because she has diabetes and she's in her 80s and has lupus. Meanwhile, normally this time every year, she's just terrified of motorcycle gang rape. You don't know that. Now you're adding.

You might fucking love the bikers. Now you're adding. You might fucking love the bikers. Now you're adding a virus. She could be the chick that is a normal, like, laid back grandma, knits, bakes cookies. And then this week, every year, she puts a fucking bandana on, cuts the legs off her jeans and goes into fucking holy hell. You're asking. Mouth open. You're asking this group to self monitor and to take fucking holy hell. Mouth open. You're asking this group

to self-monitor and to take care of themselves. No helmets. They don't even take care of their own syphilis. It's just they are rough riders. And you're asking them also to self-regulate and monitor. Remember when the Stones hired Hell's Angels and Altamont? That didn't turn out

too well. And that was their official job. That's right. Yeah. Yeah their official job. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, I think keeping six feet apart is tough during a gangbang. And, yeah, we'll wait and see. We'll report on it next week. We'll let you know what happens. And when you're riding side saddle with your man on his hog,

you're definitely within. And when you fall, there's no help. And when you crash in other motorcycles, you're definitely within. And when you fall, there's no help. And when you crash in other motorcycles, you're definitely within six feet. So let's keep an eye on Sturgis. It's going to be the next, like, at least 10 days. Oh, it's going to be a huge spike. Not only that, all these bikers then go back to their communities where they exercise no social distancing.

The good news is their immune systems aren't compromised at all with like drugs or alcohol during this event. So I think, I don't think anyone's going to get it. Hey, we, it may turn out nobody gets it. And the secret vaccine is meth. Trump's going to start using meth. He's going to scream at Fauci about why Fauci's keeping meth on the down low in this conspiracy against first-line treatments.

Meanwhile, I know a good defense, though, is a lot less likely catching it on a motorcycle pulling into town than in a car carpooling. That is true. Yep. Yep. All right. Good luck, sturgis next story uh twins the tiktok twins uh these guys are named um i don't know them the something brothers um what did i cut the fucking name out of the story? Yeah, so they faked a couple bank robberies in Irvine, California on October 15th.

They have 25 million followers on TikTok of the Stokes twins and 4 million subscribers on YouTube. And so they were all black. They wore ski masks, and they had duffel bags that were filled, and they came running out of a bank where they had an Uber driver waiting. Guy wouldn't let them in the car because he's a fucking pussy.

He could have wet his beak. How much money are you making as a fucking Uber driver that you don't pick these guys up? Even though it's just a racist Uber driver who thought they were Black Lives Matter people? Right. So somebody calls the cops. The cops come, arrest the guy. that you don't pick these guys up. Even though it's just a racist Uber driver who thought they were Black Lives Matter people. Right. So somebody calls the cops.

The cops come, arrest the guy. They got the Uber driver. They got guns pulled on the Uber driver. And so they end up writing a citation to the Stokes twins. And everybody leaves. An hour later, they do the same thing at another bank across town.

And now the cops show up and now they're throwing the book at them. They're fucking, they're charging them with a bunch of felonies. Okay. I have so many questions. First of all, they made up that name because that's going to be their new reality show. Like you've been stoked. It's like punk.

But wait a minute. You said faking a bank robbery. Yes. So they were fake guns? I don't know. They said they had guns. They were dressed in black, ski masks, duffel bags, and I guess they were running and looking around, acting like they'd robbed the bank. Because you know, fake robbing a bank is one of the

cool moves to do when you're actually robbing a bank. Do you know that? Like what you do, listen up, listeners. If you didn't? Like what you do, listen up listeners, if you, if you didn't get into your PPP loans or any of your forgiveness or Trump can't get through this new relief package, I'm going to teach you how to rob a bank. You go, they may be onto this, but I doubt it. Cause you heard it here on a podcast. You go into a bank, you take all the deposit slips or whatever you want to do. You write, you turn them over. You write on the back of like 10 of them, put all the money in the bag and don't say anything. And then you put them all back and then you take one. And now you write. Wait, I'm confused. Where

are the deposit slips to begin with? They're in like those center desks in a bank. Oh, right, right, right. You grab your deposit or withdrawal slip. So you write it on like 10 of them, right? Then you take one and you should also write it with your bad hand, like so it doesn't look like you're handwriting. Anyway, there's a couple of details you should be wary of. But you then take your deposit slip or whatever the fuck. You fill it out legitimately on one side. Then you go up there and you hand it to the bank teller.

And you flip it on the side that has the ransom thing written. And you let them deal with it. Now, they will start putting money in a bag and all that stuff. If you're caught, you'll be like, I have no idea what you're talking about. And then they see that you unwittingly grabbed one that some prankster wrote all these things on. And that's your out. they see that you unwittingly grabbed one that some prankster wrote all these things on. Oh. And that's your out. And they can't prove it, except for all the cameras and your handwriting and the fact that you walked out with a giant sack of money

when you really wanted to withdraw 60 bucks. Yeah, once you're halfway home and they pull you over and you go, I don't know, sometimes they give out calendars. I just figured they were stepping they give out calendars. I just figured they were stepping it up during the coronavirus. The $65 did feel a little heavy in the duffel bag. I will say that, but I thought they were like, maybe they gave me paperweights or whatever gift the bank is running. By the way, who's responsible for all these ink things exploding in my car? What kind of bank gift is that?

That's a weird one. Does it spell like Wells Fargo when it splatters on the wall? I don't get it. It's in my eyes and it stings like fuck. All right, let's talk about the post office. Oh, so depressing. As we know, with the next election, it makes a lot of sense for there to be absentee ballots, mail-in voting.

And so the U.S. Postal Service Postmaster General Louis DeJoy, a Trump loyalist, has recently created new rules for the agency that have dramatically slowed the delivery of mail, just as mail-in voting for 2020 has begun. He overhauled the U.S. Postal Service, released a new organizational chart that displaces postal executives with decades of experience and concentrates power in DeJoy himself. Twenty-three executives have been reassigned or fired. Yep.

The seven regions of the nation will become four, and the USPS will have a hiring freeze. In August, before an election year. There is reason to be suspicious of DeJoy's motives. Not only have his new regulations slowed mail delivery, but also under him, the USPS has told states that ballots will have to carry first class 55 cent postage rather than the normal 20 cent bulk rate, almost tripling the cost of mailing ballots. This seems to speak to Trump's wish to make mail-in ballots problematic. And

DeJoy and his wife, whom Trump has nominated to become ambassador to Canada, own between $30 million and $75 million in assets in competitors to the USPS. Yep. And I bet, by the way, there'll be very little information about that stamp requirement because I believe their hope is people will be putting regular stamps or the bulk whatever on. Ah, right. And it will not be counted. Right. Because people don't have 55 cent stamps.

That's for the bulk mail. So I don't really know how that works. Is it normal for us? Who knows? But it's so crazy. And the whole electoral college is more than it's antiquated. And it's all this system of not wanting every vote counted. That's really what it is. It seems like there's a lot of ways that votes are not going to be counted. Like you look at

what happened during the Georgia election this past couple of months ago. And they had, people were receiving, like people that were candidates were talking about how they never received, they got their mail-in ballot mailed to them after the election happened. There were four-hour lines at polling stations. There were voting booths that hadn't been delivered. There were, it just went on and on. And it's, yeah, there seems seems to be i don't know what the

upside is is there do they think with mail-in voting that that that that affects one party over the other there's yeah there's a lot of articles written on how it does affect um it does affect people but the trump no but why does that affect why does that hurt Democrats mail if there's no mail in voting? Well, I think because the more votes that are counted. From polling would indicate that more of the left is voting. That's one. And then I just have to admit, I don't know the other reasons. I really don't know how it disproportionately affects, like how, how is the old guard, like the right,

how are they voting? I'm not exactly sure. But also this whole BS story of like, you know, Trump, Pence, all the top administration officials vote by mail. Right. And now they're espousing this, don't vote by mail. And I don't know what the benefits are. I don't know how it breaks down. I don't know what the benefit is of going to a balloting place where the computers, the voting machines, some have a paper trail, some don't, some are on the internet, some aren't. It's a hodgepodge of different machines that very likely will be hacked at some point during an election

versus a pile of paper clearly marked and traceable and recountable. I don't understand why the whole fucking election just isn't mail in anyway and make it free. No stamp. Right. Some states are, by the way, and always have been in a lot of a lot of states. And I voted voting by mail has been around for hundreds of years, literally. So there's that. And also they're saying it's very hard. You know, they've broken down the amount of fraud with with the mail and it's it's not high at all.

Meanwhile, we know for a fact that the voting booths have been compromised. Yes. There's fraud on that end. Yeah. So that argument really doesn't hold water. Right. Right. Plus, you see such interesting people at the post office if you do go in there. Yeah.

I'm worried. There's a lot of factors that should make you worry right now about the actual, you know, the physical voting that's going to take place this year yeah um all right what's next so let's get to international well there's a beer brand in canada and they've apologized. They came out of fire for unwittingly taking their name from the Maori word for pubic hair. Their beer is called Huru Huru Huru, which they thought meant fur. But in fact, it's the word for pubic hair. It's the word for pubic hair.

The same, sorry to be so ignorant here, the same name sound repeated three times means pubic hair? Yeah. Or maybe it's a culture where they're like, hey, your bathing suit's a little low. I can see your pubic hair, pubic hair, pubic hair. Maybe that's how they always talk. Maybe there's such a repressed culture that when it comes to anything sexual, they just start stuttering. I can see your p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pussy. I don't get it. I think Clarence Thomas will like this brand. Old joke. I wonder how many of our listeners know that one

because there was a pubic hair, pubic hair, pubic hair on a Coke can. Yes. Anita Hill. Go back and read it. Google it, young listeners. All right. It's 75 years, Mike. It seems like just yesterday that we nuked Hiroshima.

Is it Hiroshima or Hiroshima? I say Hiroshima because I also say harassment. I don't know. I like the pronunciation. It's probably Hiroshima. Yeah. pronunciation. It's probably Hiroshima. Yeah, so anyway, they got bombed, again, for our younger listeners, on August 6,

1945, the United States dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki and Hiroshima. We were hoping, as a country, we would never have to pronounce Hiroshima again because we bombed the fuck out of it.

Yeah. So that pronunciation problem went away and then they came back. Very, very disciplined and annoying. We had already deleted the Wikipedia page. I mean, we thought it was just over. Kind of like Sturgis. We're not going to have to. We're not talking about Sturgis next year.

Total wipeout. They're the new Hiroshima. The new Hiroshima. Yeah. I mean, and it really makes you think, 75 years. What do you get a city for their 75th? Gold?

Turquoise? An apology? I'll tell you what they don't like Surprises So don't make it a surprise party Jesus God What's happened to us

We go from the holly If you're throwing a move on the wife during this one Alright good luck We just have walking people All of a sudden you see just their bones Because they've been Literally I say the word literally too much.

They've been eviscerated. They've been, what is it called when you're just incinerated on the spot? Vaporized? Vaporized. Yeah. Wow. I think we need some entertainment to clear our palate, don't you? Okay, well, hold on.

Wait, hold on. I have a perfect link to entertainment, but let's finish it in this section. I saw a really interesting article this week about Godzilla. I know it sounds racist, but it's related. And it's just true, but I never read it before, that when the West got Godzilla and when it made its way over here, they took off and edited out all the references to that was an analogy that I'm so brain dead right now. That was an allegory for after the bombings in World War Two. I think the first Godzilla was early 50s. And he had this skin and there's a name for it in Japan that was the skin of survivors of the bombing that had been burned. And that's what he had. And also the origin of Godzilla was he was awakened or he emerged because of the bombings. Wow. Yes. And also, I think, because of the radiation and the poisoning from the bombs,

I think that is why he's this giant. I might have that part wrong. But that he was awoken because of the bombings and that we just made it much more palatable and we removed that sort of unsavory idea that our bombings and the killing of so many people, innocent people, created Godzilla, or at least created his awakening. It is kind of mind-boggling that, you know, we think about the Holocaust, the nuclear Holocaust, the fears of it, which were so intense when we were kids.

I mean, we used to go into drills where you went to the coat room and you put your head between your knees because that will stop radiation in its tracks yeah and there was all these tv movies about you know uh when it happens we don't think about nuclear annihilation anymore and it is a fucking button away oh yeah no i think about if if putin ever became unstable more so even like but really like you know what i want to go down i really want to live in history it would be bombing the united states that's a no brain that's a no-brainer right that's a big you know stalin-esque move you know what I mean? But Stalin oddly might have been more human than that. Maybe not. If Stalin were around,

maybe he would have done that. I mean, the atrocities he committed were incredible. Well, right now, Kim Jong-un has the capability of launching strikes into South Korea and other regions. I don't think they can reach us yet,

but it's just a matter of time. No, well, Hawaii got the shit scared out of them. Remember that two years ago? What happened? All of a sudden, everybody's Apple phones lit up with the warning that incoming bomb was happening. Families said goodbye.

I'm not even joking. Huge, massive efforts to get your relatives on the phone. They shit their pants. anyone can Google this. And it turned out it was a false alarm, but it did trigger the early warning system. And they only had like 11 minutes or whatever it was. Damn. Yeah. Because they can reach Hawaii. It reminds me of that joke. It reminds me of that joke. A guy is sitting next to another guy at a bar and he says,

what would you do if you knew we were about to be nuclear annihilation in 10 minutes? What would you do? Second guy goes, I would fuck the first thing that moved. What would you do? First guy goes, stay very still. Such a homophobic joke. I'd totally sleep with a guy if there was 10 minutes left. Maybe it was just that particular guy.

It wasn't homophobic in general. Greg, your jokes are just, they're putting more pain in the world. I don't know how I'm going to go back to stand-up comedy after this. I don't know what the fucking temperature is going to be in comedy clubs anymore. Look at this podcast. How many letters we get every week about shit we said that was... Stand-up is going to be worse. I actually have to face people.

Listen, we're a super positive podcast that happened to have covered already the Holocaust and the bombings, the atomic bombs on Japan. Let's get to the Tet Offensive. When's the next thing? And we covered the virus., the atomic bombs on Japan. Let's get to the Tet Offensive. When's the next thing? And we covered the virus.

And the virus. And what we didn't mention is before the show started, we were going over which stories to cover, and we dropped the abortion bit. That's true. Yep. Good Lord. Can we, you know what we should schedule? A positive podcast.

You want to do that? Just do one, or maybe, what if we did one nothing but positive podcast a month? Okay. Five minutes, the first Tuesday of every month, we do a five-minute all positive podcast. Okay. Some of these are positive. And it ends with us spinning out. It ends with us not being able to hold it in anymore.

Yeah. Well, some of these are positive because I think we kind of take down bad guys when we can, like with our humor-ish. I don't know. Well, here's a good one. Let's go to entertainment where I know you have a nice story for us. Do I? What is it? Love on the Spectrum?

Oh my God. Yes. That's a perfect segue. Talk about positive. So Love on the Spectrum, my daughter watched and told me, I really have to watch. She told me I would love it. I'm like, what is it? She's like a dating show. I'm like, I'm out. I'm automatically out. She had me try to watch Love Island once. Forget it. So Love on the Spectrum, I'm like, I'm out. I'm automatically out. She had me try to watch Love Island once. Forget it. So love on the spectrum. I'm like, sounds exploitive. I don't think I want any part of it. It's my favorite show on TV. I wish there were more. If I knew there were more, I would have paced myself because I think there's only six of them or something like that. So what's the show? It is people on the spectrum, autism, most Asperger's, which

they all pronounce Asperger's, Asperger's, I think. It's in Australia, I believe, this show, and they are trying to find love. And they are very highly functioning in terms of where they are on the spectrum. Most of them are. It's varying. And you learn a lot about it, which is great that no two cases are the same. And they have some people who are just awesome characters who are trying. They work like in a matchmaking service. And they are trying to match them up. In fact, there's one speed dating round for these people on the spectrum.

But it is so great that now I want a spectrum island. I want a spectrum is blind. I want people because they're so pure. Oh, my God. Wait, hold on. I took notes because I'm like, I'm going to be talking to Greg. And I'm not going to remember how much I freaking love this guy. So his name is Michael, but he'll be on a date and it'll be.

Let's see. Where is it? Oh, fucking, fucking, fucking. Where is it? I'd see. I forgot it even when I wrote it down. I don't know where I wrote it down, but it would be like, oh, when were you born? And the person's like, oh, 1995 or something. It's like, oh, the same year men in black came out. And first of all,

I love that. And they're like, yeah, yeah. And they just everything. But the best is, so I'll just, I'll just go from memory. They'll be on a date and they'll be just like, um, well, how are you feeling? Well, you know, kind of nervous. Cause I'm wondering if you like me. It's like, it's like, you're not supposed to say that part. And then what I realized it's almost like, you remember in Annie Hall, he subtitled what they were really thinking while they were saying, where are you from? Oh, you're from Minnesota. And where, and he subtitled what they were really thinking while they were saying, where are you from? Oh, you're from Minnesota. And where, and he subtitled what they were really thinking. And I'm like, these people don't have that pretense. They're so pure. And it's like, what it makes me realize is how many layers of

bullshit I exist under and how many I so want to be like liked if I meet and it's meeting anyone in life. It's meeting you when I met you for the first time and why I didn't like you. Like, it's like, I have all these layers and no one is just being everything's on the sleeve. A hundred percent. Right. And that's what these people are. Wow. That sounds amazing. Yeah. It's, um, Wow, that sounds amazing. Yeah, it's it it reminds me of that movie that came Shia LaBeouf and this guy, Zach Gotts again, who has Down syndrome. I mean, he's not on the spectrum. He's like got real intellectual disability. And so the movie was so beautiful.

I saw it in the theater. Oh, you did? Yeah. Because Shia is such a fucking ornery character. And yet there's something about this person. And like you said, you described this, this honesty and this pureness that this guy, it just touches him. And they and then it becomes it's basically it's Huckleberry Finn starring a guy with intellectual disabilities. And what happened is during the filming of it and no n-word so it's another bonus well no r-word they don't use the r-word yeah that's true and so uh actually they do that somebody does in the movie so it is actually very similar. Yeah. Huh, that's interesting. So Shia has a breakdown during the filming of the movie. I think, I can't remember if it was like alcohol or drugs or just a complete mental breakdown,

but he was in rehab, and as he was healing, he started writing his life story, which turned into a movie called Honey Boy. Did you see Honey Boy? i've heard good things about it it's amazing and it's a movie that ended up getting made uh a year after this one was made and so he was halfway through making peanut butter falcon and the guy zach came to him and he said you have to finish this movie this is my only chance i'm ever going to get oh and so shia was like i'm in love with this guy he comes back they fucking kill it they kill it

you saw the guy he was at the academy awards he got up and he he presented the award for best short film and he went up there on stage with him it was beautiful and the poor guy got kind of stuck it took a while but uh but he presented the award i don't know i fast forwarded through that part i'm kidding um but i i do like and then shia championed the hell like that movie would have been so under the radar. Yeah. But he, I think he really put a push in for everyone to see the movie. I saw with my daughters.

We really liked it. Yeah. It was beautiful. But it's so funny in a weird, quite honestly, any new actor can say, this is my only shot. Like, and they'd be right. Yeah. But he, especially, of course. Right.

I found one of the quotes I wrote down. The one was, oh, you're 22. You were born in 1997. Same year as men in black. That really cracked me up. But one of the things was, they're getting to know each other. I mean, the top of the date. And one of them goes, well, I couldn't speak until I was seven. So I guess you could say I'm the whole package. It killed me. Oh my God. Leading it off. They're just, and by the way, it's like, that's what all dating or all relationships, even if it's friends or business associates should be. It's like you might as well show everything because isn't the goal of what you're doing to see if they'll accept you warts and all and you to see the same? Right. But it's also really funny in a way that you're laughing.

And that's the most important thing. You're laughing with them like that line. Like that's genuinely funny. And they are, they are a bunch of them. Very, very good senses of humor and self deprecating. Just lovable,

man. The show's great. Wow. All right. We'll check it out. Also in entertainment, two more comedians have been accused of sexual harassment and rape. Let's go to sports.

There we go. What's going on in sports, Mike? I got sports, man. Let's see. We got, um... So the St. Louis Cardinals have been plagued. Our producer just told us right before this

that eight of them have tested positive. And it's almost like eight men out, nine men out, whatever the fucking thing. Eight men out? Oh, maybe nine tested positive. But I like to think that one is still playing with his all. Kind of like whatever. Bad analogy.

It's the most positive thing that's happened to the Cardinals in a long time oh i know right the gas house gang so anyway what this leads to though is is this gonna work because last week we were talking about the marlins who have 21 tested positive which means more than that now and now the cardinals and it's like the NBA is doing it. And so far it's working for the NBA because they have their bubble. You know what I mean? Yeah. And they're all just in that bubble.

I was also wondering, do all are like all their side pieces in a bubble near Orlando, like in Okeechobee? Like, are they all, all the mistresses in their own bubble? Yeah. So the guys don't get caught with their side pieces because that's how they're all going to get caught. All of a sudden, the family has it. Yeah, if Kobe was still alive,

they'd call it Kobe Chokey. They really, I think we're in trouble, Mike, because as you know, Mike and I have spent thousands of dollars so far on a podcast with no revenue and our first ads were supposed to be, supposed to be a betting site for the NFL. And every day that goes by, I go, Oh no, we're going further in the hole with this one. Hey,

if you happen to be a listener who's sitting on unwanted cash and you have something we want to promote, hit us up. I can tell you now we'll do it for a pretty low number. We're doing we got a fire sale in our ads this month. Yeah. Pay our producer this week and we'll fucking plug your tie business. Or do you want to tell your spouse like, hey, pick up a fucking, you know, clean a fork or a plate once in a while. We'll do an ad. We'll do an ad for your household saying, hey, come on, meet me halfway.

Yeah, send us an offer. Yeah. Is your husband emotionally distant? We can relate to that. We'll have a talk with him. Yeah, it doesn't have to be on the air. We'll call people. There's also that. Whatever will defray the cost. Yeah. It doesn't have to be on the air. We'll call people. There's also that. Whatever will defray the cost. Yeah. I like that. Also in sports, we had a letter from somebody about

Formula One racing. I thought we were going to do that Thursday. Should we do that Thursday? Okay. Let's do that Thursday because that was a nice letter and I'll follow Formula 1. I have another sports story. It's the SEC, Southeastern, whatever, the football. I do not... Oh boy, I do not follow college football. But anyway, they announced last week that it's going to play a 10-game conference-only schedule

and I guess this is big news for all the Cretans who follow college football. And the focus immediately turned to the biggest question, which two opponents, I guess, because the math will get added to each team's schedule. And that question was answered Friday when the conference announced those new opponents for all 14 of its teams. So Arkansas got scheduled Georgia and Florida. Like talk about two teams that you don't want added to your schedule. Yeah. Like what disasters you're trying to like play it safe during this Corona virus. Yeah. But, but it led to me with the sec and it's kind of like, you know what? Fuck the sec. And like, I just always hear about them.

Like the SEC is like Alabama. It's all those States. And I don't know, it's Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Auburn, Mississippi. They got three teams named the Tigers. Cause they're so stupid. Three teams named the Tigers in the same conference. Two of them are named the Bulldogs, you fucking morons. But the real reason I hate them is because they were segregating players. They were the last integrated conference. Of course, you just heard the teams I listed. So anyway, it was 1950s. Prior to the 50s, college football was ruled. Listen to this. I just did a little scratching. Was ruled by what is known as the Gentleman's Agreement.

By the way, whenever there's a Gentleman's Agreement, run, don't walk, generally speaking. And I'm sure, Greg, with our sort of white privilege, we've been a beneficiary of tons of Gentleman Agreements. Oh, it's been great. privilege, we've been a beneficiary of tons of gentlemen agreements. Oh, it's been great. There was an understanding, and I'm wondering how much you know about this. There was an understanding that Northern teams would not use black players in games with Southern schools. Did you know this?

No shit. With limited exceptions, it was honored. And when the North started to abandon the gentleman agreement, the Southern teams they found, they no longer could dictate the racial makeup of the opposing team. And as a result, intersectional contests were phased out. phased out. Then on November 17th, an influential Alabama booster, Alabama Bama, for whom Alabama's athletic hall was named at the time, he wrote the Alabama president, John Gallilee, and cautioned the administrator about accepting a bowl bid that involved playing an integrated team. So what went on was, okay, they're going to, they're going to stop it. They're going to stop honoring the gentleman's agreement. They're going to field black players.

Keep in mind, like, like Brown was tearing it up at Syracuse. I believe he was right. Jim Brown and OJ Simpson was in the fucking, you know, early on in that time, all, you know, in the sixties, but Jim Brown was in the f 50s, man. So anyway. So when it came to bowl games, so I read this little piece of history that, sorry, I'm all over the place. So he wrote also, this guy wrote, I noticed they named Pittsburgh as a prospective team to meet us in the 53 Orange Bowl. And he goes, Pittsburgh has four fine Negro players. Other is Eastern teams have Negro players. So if anything did come in the way of an invitation, we want to make sure to insist that no Negroes will be allowed in the game. This is after world war two, by the way, this is in the fucking fucking 50s. So it came to pass that it was Alabama

and Syracuse, and the guy implored the coach of Alabama to take the team off the field if Syracuse put a black player in the game. Wow, no shit. Yeah. Jesus. So it's like, fuck that.

And fuck all this macho southern bullshit. You know, there's talk, there's fears lately. That's just going to be like maybe another civil war because of all this shit that's going on. And it's like no civil war needed. You know what? If you're, if you, if you're one of these Southern places that's fucking pro tributes with the, with the Confederate, that's what you're digging in on is Confederate names on military bases and

Confederate like soldiers. And you're also digging in on is Confederate names on military bases and Confederate like soldiers. And you're also digging in on fuck wearing masks. Leave. Honestly, just leave. There won't be a civil war. Just leave. Don't let the door hit your backwards ass on the way out. You know, I looked up debtor. There's debtor states and then there's donor states and the donor states are like, you know, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New York and all that. What's a donor state? A donor state and debtor states. What it means is the citizens of the state, they pay a dollar.

Every dollar they pay in federal taxes, they get back like 65 cents. That's a donor state. The federal government. And the reason why is they have to give them to the debtor states like fucking Kentucky. And so let them, whatever. I could go on and on. Any Southern listeners of this podcast, I imagine you're cooler than this,

and maybe you're agreeing. Like, listen, I live in Los Angeles. I think Los Angeles is so stupid, but I know that. But I guess there's a lot of us here who feel that maybe we'll try to change it from the inside. I should do more to do that. So if you're a Southern listener, if you can tolerate this podcast, even in the last three months, then you're cool with us. But really, there's a problem on your hands down there. So anyway. Yeah, there's problems in L.A. for sure. It's gotten it's gotten pretty out of hand. We should come up with examples of what's wrong with L.A. I have a couple of good ones. There's so much wrong with L.A.

We'll start we'll start bringing them up. After the terrorists, after 9-11, everyone was like, you know, hey, why they hate us. Los Angeles is responsible for, other than Washington, D.C., so many of the reasons why the rest of the world hates us. Like putting out the entertainment that is just so many blind spots in it. But regarding this Civil War shit, leave. Like, don't let the door hit you on the ass. Like, why would we fight the states leaving? I just jotted down a couple of notes.

Literally, think how great the northern United States would be. Think about how much money we'd be when we're not supporting these southern states. And by the way, we'll keep, it'll be free health care, free education, because we'll have surpluses, which we have already. And then we'll have the best schools. We'll keep all the Ivy League schools that you hate. We'll keep the Ivy League schools. We'll keep Michigan, Stanford, and Northwestern as well. You keep Ole Miss.

You keep Clemson. You can have them. Go Gators. No hard feelings. And you guys can get work visas to come work in the North as well. Anyway, keep the Ole as well. Anyway. You want to chase off any more of our listeners or should we move on to Ask Amy? We'll keep the museums.

You keep Opryland. Opryland, whatever the fuck it's called. How about that? You hate museums? You don't go to museums anyway, you douchebags. And it's time for Dear Amy. Are we already at Dear Amy? Yeah, it's that time. Hey, by the way, on a positive note, I do just want to read about Jim Brown for Dear Amy. Are we already at Dear Amy? Yeah, it's that time.

Hey, by the way, on a positive note, I do just want to read about Jim Brown for four sentences. That motherfucker, man, as a sophomore at Syracuse, in the regular season game, he rushed for 197 yards, scored six touchdowns, and kicked seven extra points. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. Oh, no.

It keeps going for a school record of 43 points. Then in the Cotton Bowl. Also, that you guys call it the fucking Cotton Bowl is crazy, SEC. So I'll just say that maybe that's the Western Conference in Texas. I don't give a shit. Just rename it. Don't fucking rub it in their faces. You're not allowing

blacks in the, you're not allowing blacks in the cotton bowl. There's so much wrong with that sentence. I'm back on my rant. Anyway, back to Jim Brown, that mother, then he, in the cotton bowl, he rushed for 132 yards, scored three touchdowns and kicked three extra points. I'm not done. As a sophomore, he was the second leading scorer on Syracuse's basketball team. He earned a letter on the track team, and his senior year he was named first team All-American in lacrosse. And by many, he's in the Lacrosse Hall of Fame.

He's considered one of the greatest lacrosse players of all time. Damn. That's amazing. There's some positive Jim Brown shit right there. All right. Where are we? It's great that you're here, Mike, because a lot of people don't have Wikipedia. And so it's great that you get an opportunity to read entire entries of Wikipedia.

Get your news here first, last, second, third, maybe. I don't know. Let's go to Ask Amy. All right. You have not go to Ask Amy. All right. You have not heard this Ask Amy, Greg. No, I have not. And I can't find it. Here it is.

Dear Amy, this issue has been eating at me for years. Eating is a quote because they're a punny, funny writer. When my brother and his wife invite us over to dinner, they ask us to pitch in money to defray the cost of the food. My brother is well off and has a vacation home. When we visit his vacation home, we are basically asked to cater a dinner for him and his wife, friends, in-laws, and anyone else who happens to be there. This can be costly. I have never asked anyone to pay for food when we invite them to my house for dinner.

I might ask someone to bring dessert or wine, but never a check or cash for the meal. Should I start charging them for dinners at my house? Signed, fed, up. Okay, Greg, I have Amy's answer here. What is your answer? I think the answer is that you start charging them for things that they come to your house for. Say you got a pool and they're going to come over for a little swim day. Well, guess who's paying the pool boy that month?

Guess who's paying for the chlorine that month? Guess who's paying for the propane and the fucking barbecue? You are, asshole. Okay. She kind of agrees with you. She goes, you could definitely retaliate for his inhospitable treatment by doing to your brother what he is doing to you, but that would only prove that you are capable of being as rude as he is.

I am. Yes, of course I am. And wouldn't it be easier, so much easier to talk to him? I think our answer is an honest no. I think the nature of any advice column is, dear so-and-so, in parentheses, I'm afraid of conversations and straightforward interactions. So I'm writing you a letter. You, a third person, that's going to advise somebody you don't know about a situation because I'm afraid of confrontation.

Amy should charge him for this answer. By the way, here's your advice. And if you could put $10 in the mail, cause I spent 20 minutes on this. Um, she also goes on, uh, he's your brother. His behavior is confusing to you. So how patronizing she goes. So use your words, say to him, you're the only person I've ever met who invites us over and then asks us to pay for our meal. There's a good line. You're ready for this line. Mom didn't raise us this way.

So what gives? Yeah. Right. I think that that's the beauty of being Irish is that if you pulled that shit with an Irish family, they would fucking roast you and ridicule you and shame you during the meal. And you would stop doing it. And I think it's wasps.

What's does a woman list her last name or is it like anonymous? Oh, yeah. She said fed up. It's fed up. That's interesting. You thought it was all wasps. They can't they can't fucking they can't have direct conversations with people. And the Irish take it to another level where it's not just direct it's fucking attacking you it's the same way i believe that

people should get punched in the face aren't you maybe because in the funny world we've wound up here because we are non-confrontational very often but aren't you generally non-con don't you try to avoid that conversation if you can? No. Well, by the way, I wonder if that changed more when you stopped drinking, because drinking you were avoiding things. Yeah, no, I think I'm pretty straightforward with people. If it's people that I know well, this is her fucking brother. If it was one of my siblings or my mother, of course we would have it out. We would say something. my siblings or my mother, of course we would have it out. We would say something. That's true. Yeah. You know, like my sister is a neat freak. And so when we stay at her house, which we do when we go to New York, I make fun of her the entire time because I know it's torturing her

that some of the surfaces aren't squeaky clean and that she wants to vacuum, but we're still sleeping because we're on L.A. time or whatever. But I tease her about it and she laughs and it makes everything OK. Ah, but Gregory, sometimes humor is an indirect way to tell the truth. Ah, that's right. You know what I mean? You can't just say, honestly, calm down. You're driving me and my family crazy and there's nothing wrong with the counter. Yes, there's a diaper on it i'll get to it but what yes there's a little cocaine residue but

we had fun last night didn't we but don't you think that don't you think that humor can be why does it have to be seen as an unhealthy way of communicating no you're right no no you're right but yeah if you don't hide behind it i guess you're right i think you're right. But yeah, if you don't hide behind it, I guess you're right. I think you're right. Yeah. I mean, I just made fun of you because I felt like you were going on too long about Jim Brown. So I made a joke about it and I think you heard it and I think it'll probably affect how long you read from, uh, from a fucking Wikipedia page next time. Greg, Alabama didn't integrate till fucking 68. The SEC didn't integrate.

Oh, Jesus. Let's go to listener mails, Mike. All right. First of all, a woman named Joanne writes in, seemed to have a crush on you two. Wait a minute. I knew there was going to be another one.

Every week. Wait a minute. I knew there was going to be another one every week. Yeah, yeah. There's something about our chemistry or something. What racist? Joanne must be Irish because there are a lot of Joannes that dig us. We should make up t-shirts.

A mystery bump on my leg and she's still in love with us. Or crush. Maybe I went too far. Crush. We have a letter from, let's see. This is from Paul Zucchini who says, they didn't charge the Jews individually. We did a story about how the Nazis were charging the Jews that were sent to concentration camps. Yes.

And Paul says they didn't charge the Jews individually. The Nazis extorted the money from the leaders of the Jewish communities that were already ghettoized. This has been known for decades. It was one of the cruelest psychological tortures visited upon an already tortured community. Love you guys, but couldn't laugh at this one. I 100% respect that. Yeah.

And that is. What, did they charge them and send them to concentration camps? Craig, when you take my words out of context, it ruins it. Do you know that the Chinese, if you get executed by the government, the Chinese, they mail you a bill for the bullet that they put into your relative's head? Are you making that up now? I swear to Christ, that is the standing law in China. And by the way, China executes like 2,000 people a year. They execute more people than any other country.

And they charge you for it. I've heard of something else like that too. You're charged. Is it something with the death penalty here? I don't know. You know, my mom and a stepfather used to go to this restaurant in Westchester that I forget the name of, but it was old school pub and it was near Sing Sing. Was Sing Sing in Ossining? Yeah. And the legend of this place, which is apparently very,

very true is the journalists, you were not allowed to witness the electric chair and the journalists would go to this bar and they would be drinking. And of course there would maybe be this, you know, Hail Mary that the, that the governor would pardon them or not. And at the bar, the lights then would dim. Oh yeah. And the journalists would take out, would take out their pens and note the time

of the execution. No, that, uh, my mother covering it, my mother's old apartment, literally you could stand on her balcony on the seventh floor and look into the sing sing workout yard and you could watch them play basketball. That's how close she was to it. And mom would just rub one out just from her balcony. Did did. See, that's where I find humor is. It's one thing if you want to make jokes about Jews being sent to concentration camps.

Wait. Or if you want to make jokes about millions of people being killed at Hiroshima or Hiroshima. How could you possibly take that joke the wrong way? But my mom masturbating? To a prison yard? To a prison yard? The fucking guy's throwing up hundreds of pounds in the yard every day? She's attracted to animals.

We know. So, but it is famous in that town that when they did executions that the lights would dim. Yeah. All around the town, the lights would dim. And by the way, Sing Sing Prison, famous for a lot of phrases like getting sent up the river because it's up the river

from New York City you'd go up to Hudson and they'd send you to the prison it's known as the big house it was the largest prison on the

on the east coast oh wow in the eastern half of the United States yeah and there's another one I can't think of the other one but there's like a few

famous phrases about Sing Sing um what, what's that? Listen, we're running late. What's that name? Sing Sing is a native American. Um, I think it's that if you would turn somebody in, you could get out, but you had to turn two people in. You had a Sing Sing on them? Yeah. Got it. Sing, sing a song. Yeah. Got it. Sing, sing a song. Here we go with a very sad obituary this week. And that's all, folks.

Oh, you want me to do this? Yeah, why don't you do it? All right, listen. Maybe we'll talk about it on Thursday. But anyway, probably not. Pete Hamill, extraordinary journalist, newspaper man, author, writer, and such a quintessential New Yorker. I have not seen that documentary

on him yet. Have you seen the one on Pete Hamill? And Jimmy Breslin? Yeah. No, I haven't seen it yet. I have to see it. But this guy was just such a straight shooter, and he was like a poor kid, raised in New York, born in Brooklyn. And just like Breslin, these two poor kids grew up like I think Hamill left high school when he was 15.

And they just became these incredible men of letters. And they brought they changed journalism and they changed especially the voice of New York journalism. And it came down from, you know, Damon Runyon and all that. So anyway, he Pete Hamill passed away this week. And anyway, I have a thing I was going to read because his writing is so beautiful, but I've already read too much today, so I won't read it. But just if you can do yourself a favor, go read these obituaries because they are written by fellow journalists, many of whom got into journalism because of this guy and they worship him rightly so. And it was just very, very sad. And he was also, he sometimes could become part of the story. Like when the Rolling Stones came to town,

he partied with them every day. He befriended, and he said it was perhaps a mistake. He became very, very close with Bobby Kennedy. Do you know that he was by Bobby Kennedy's side when he was shot at the Ambassador Hotel? Yeah. And was one of the people who ran and apprehended, you know, his assassin. Sirhan, Sirhan.

Yeah. And he also got close. So Bob Dylan— Well, he's the one who's responsible for Kennedy running. He was such good friends with him. He convinced him to run for president. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

But Bob, you know, the Rolling Stones had that famous week on Saturday Night Live when they were the musical guests and they would party all night and it would be at these legendary bars downtown and the stones would then play at night and if you go back and find those videos it was around the time of some girls because i think it was um respectable maybe yeah yeah mick jagger completely has a horse raspy voice because they would be up all night doing cocaine and drinking every single night that week. Yeah. So anyway, he was asked by Bob Dylan to write his liner notes. And Pete Hamill actually won a Grammy Award for the liner notes on Blood on the Tracks, arguably one of Bob Dylan's best albums.

It is his best album. arguably one of Bob Dylan's best albums. It is his best album. Also, he wrote a memoir called A Drinking Life that I read that I would say had more influence on me writing a memoir than anything else. It was so honest. It was so charming. It was what I was,

I came so obviously world short of his, but I aspired in being honest and trying to combine the truth about growing up in an alcoholic home, which he also did, and the humor of being a New Yorker and being Irish. And he was a great man and he was the editor of the Daily News for a lot of years. And he was just a guy who got his stories by sitting in bars next to real New Yorkers, next to cops and firemen and politicians and other writers. Night after night, he would be at places like, what was the famous bar they all hung out at? The Lion's Head.

The Lion's Head. Yeah. The Lion's Head, where it would just be like, you know, these Norman Mailer and Frank McCourt, all these guys. We had the Clancy brothers. And, you know, and they're just—anyway, it's a time gone by. They then go over to the White Horse Tavern. They were in all those areas. And Frank McCourt was a dirt poor school teacher before he wrote Angela's Ashes.

He taught at Stuyvesant High School there. And he also says Angela's Ashes he wrote because of a drinking life. Oh, interesting. Yeah. You know what? We've said we've covered the Holocaust, the bombings. I've covered racism. You know what?

How about a little beauty? Let me just read a little bit of Pete Hamill here. I'll just start. I'll try to do it quickly. So he goes, Long ago, as an eight-year-old boy standing on the roof of a three-story tenement in Brooklyn, I first experienced a sense of wonder. We had moved to our unheated top floor flat a few weeks earlier in 1943, leaving a damp ground floor apartment beside a clamorous factory. I had never climbed to the new roof alone. It was too dangerous, my mother

said. A man-made cliff. At dusk, my friends gone, home to eat, my mother out shopping, I ventured up the last flight of stairs in a tentative now or never way. I opened the hook on the tar paper door and stepped into a world of planks, pebbles, chimneys, pigeons gurgling in a coop, and clotheslines. In that instant, I felt my life change. To the west, far off across the harbor, the sun was descending into a landscape I knew only as Jersey. Clouds were slowly tumbling, dark in the foreground, edged in orange in the distance. Firefighters moved slowly like toy boats, cutting fragile white lines in the black water. In Manhattan, the tall buildings were merging with the gathering darkness, no lights burning in that time of war.

Above the distant jagged mass, a few stars glimmered. Tiny holes punched through the curtain of streaked dark blue sky. Below me were the rooftops of half a hundred houses. dark blue sky. Below me were the rooftops of half a hundred houses. All of it was a dazzling display of form, color, and mysterious shadow rising past the limits of what we called the neighborhood. Last line, I tried to say something, but no words came. I didn't yet know how to describe what I felt. Surely the word was wonder. Anyway, that was nice. He's a gorgeous writer, but read and he lived a life, as a lot of the obituaries said, becoming they say like his greatest story was his own. Well, let's go out on that. I think we cut out the sunday funnies this week and uh end on a beautiful reading from jimmy breslin from from jimmy breslin from pete hamill now

you fucking ruined it let me read it again it was a nice moment uh long ago as an eight-year-old boy is jim brown in this one fuck alabama i'm telling you that right now. Does he show up on the roof? Does Jim Brown show up on the roof? The 50s. Not fielding black players. How dare you? Alright, listen. We want to thank all our friends at Midcoast Media who do a fantastic job every week helping us out. They should work on their name. Go ahead. Keep

going. And we'll catch you guys next week. Missouri. Missouri. One of the debtor states, you bastards. Alright. Chris and Missouri, one of the debtor states, you bastards. All right. Chris and Nathan, take it,

wrap it up. Put it under a leaky, put it under a leaky part of the ceiling. Send your notes to me.

I dragged this podcast down. I apologize. Insulate, insulate the walls with it and throw it out. It's Sunday Papers. I apologize. Insulate. Insulate the walls with it and

throw it out. It's Sunday Papers. Stuff a doll with it. Make a paper hat. Oh, we're still on? Okay. Alright, we'll catch you guys next week. Don't forget the Thursday Papers every Thursday and we'll see you here next week. God bless. Take it easy. Sunday papers, Sunday papers,

Sunday papers, Sunday papers, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday papers. Check the ruffle, y'all. It's the Sunday papers. Straight from the west side, land awake in Bakers. Thong watching Knicks paddle out through the breakers.

Wife's busy rubbing wine out to Don Draper. Shakedown street, party album non-grader. Family circus, world's laziest creator. Dagwood turning Greg's stomach like Yeager. Haggar motherfuckers, Out to Don Draper Shakedown Street Party Album None greater Family Circus World's Laziest Creator Dagwood Turning Greg's stomach

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Microdose and Mushrooms Comedy Crusaders Rap a Fish in it Peace out Check ya later