Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 232 9/22/24

Episode Date: September 22, 2024

Diddy did it! Eardrums are bursting on Delta, a peeping Tom gets a bat down, the competition was fierce at the Paralympics, and we may be making some money off Bert Kreischer.Watch Greg’s special "You Know Me" on YouTube! http://bit.ly/FitzYouKnowMeLOVE it if you would leave a comment and spread the word.

Confident misinformation plus a little news. Confident misinformation to take away my blues. Confident misinformation. Read all about it! Read all about it! Sunday Papers! Little Nashville flair. We're giving it a Oh, little Nashville flair. We're giving it a little bit of Nashville flair. Mike is out there with his fiance driving around a motorcycle today and 90 degree heat. Nice. Yeah, but 90 degrees. That's not fun. It's stop stop lights. I'll tell you that. Do you wear long pants in case you fall off?

No, and the most absurd I've ever looked, and I deserve all the ridicule, I have put my golf dress, which is cartoonish, a shirt that's way more fun than my disposition, and then athletic old man shorts and then a bag of golf clubs across my back on the motorcycle. Yeah, that's what I'm doing down here. Yes, that's me.

You're not turning into your father, are you? Because your dad famously wears like yellow pants and a lime green shirt. Well, Chris Weinstein was in town, a good friend of mine from New York. Stay with me for like eight nights or something. And that's a bit much. It's a bit much, but he was working a lot. So he was just, you know, but we we did two movies which we'll talk about later. We looked up the hundred best movies of all time.

We on that list, two different lists. We couldn't find a movie that both of us hadn't seen. So we chose two other legendary movies. But anyway, he, he saw so I buy all my pretentious golf shirts at for like five bucks. And they'll say either a corporate name, I just got a thrift store. I just got a peeler. You know that Peter Millar designer, whatever? Like those are the highest end, right?

The shirts are 110 bucks. 15 bucks, tags still on it, brand new. But I don't know what the company says. I hope they don't like traffic human beings. Right. You know, I don't even know. I didn't even Google what the hell, you know, what happened is they print them up all for their thing.

Here you go. And their gift said like, yeah, treat. And then they wind up being given away. Well, your father sent me as a gift a Rush Limbaugh golf ball that he found on a golf course with his name on it. I guess that's the thing when you get big is you put your name on your golf ball. And you don't realize how Rush did not count that ball lost. Exactly. Dropped one right out of his pocket. It was found. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was like the votes in Georgia. Just yeah, exactly. So I played golf today with our friend Chris Chaney who is the bass

player for Jane's Addiction. Yeah. He was he quit the band. We're not gonna get in I don't know if he has a non-disclosure. We're not gonna talk about why he quit the band about a year ago after all those years but he has been on tour for the last nine months with ACDC he is now ACDC's bass player and flying a private jet that used to be owned by the head guy of the United Arab Emirates it's and it's like the most he they get on the plane and it's white linen lobster like what they there's four stortuses for ten passengers and they know what you like they know that he likes golden fucking cherries or something and they're there every flight and they stay in the four seasons and he's and and this shows he said are the

smallest crowd they had was 60,000 people. And the biggest one was 130,000 people and the tickets go on sale. Was that the one in Germany? I'm not sure. Yeah. But they go on sale and they sell out in 90 minutes. Like the whole fucking tour goes in 90 minutes. I talked to him a lot.

I saw him a few weeks ago when he got back and he which was so great because it's like, you know, Angus Young was on my wall was a poster on my wall. He's up there in the pantheon of teenage Mike Gibbons heroes. And it was the best to hear him talk about how nice Angus is. Yeah. And Angus, I don't believe has any children. And he's the last, I believe he's the last of five brothers alive, I think. Who would have guessed Angus?

And he just hung out with Chris the most because he like didn't have extended family on the tour with them or anything like that. And Chris was like, he could not have been nicer. Yeah. And then Chris at one point goes, sorry, name drop Palooza. But he was talking to Grohl who he's friends with. Chris is friends with him. And he goes, he goes, Grohl just interrupt when I talked about how amazing the experience

was and also how tight it was. He goes, Grohl thinks they are the tightest rhythm section in the history of rock and roll. And then Chris, knowing that would dig deep into it. And of course, we get a lot of this wrong probably. But he dug deep in when he goes most of back in black, I think is three tracks. They did it live to tape then a solo and then, um, lyrics. I think, you know, people will probably write it and correct me, but I think ACDC

is very well known among engineers and people in the business for like very live to tape, never a click track. That's the other thing, never a click track. And Chris, as the bassist, is like, it's unbelievable how tight they are. Yeah, he, he was he said it was just unbelievable. and and of course when when that Jane's addiction incident happened like our our text chain lit up about what the like whatever I don't want to get into his business but I think everybody was having a good time when there are a lot of people well one of the best comments that was under it, not on our text chain on Twitter was, what is it? Well, they don't call it Jane sobriety.

You know, I almost got in a fight with Dave Navarro, right? I remember that. But then you became buddy buddies. Then we became friends. I was on the Stern show and I was talking about how he was sitting in the front row of the porn awards when I was hosting and then he was like looking at his phone and ignoring me and it was very distracting. And and so I told it on Howard Stern. So he comes on a month later and Stern plays me saying that in front of him. And so he starts talking shit about me. And then I went back on and I challenged Navarro to a fight. And then he kinda, he talked back about it,

went back and forth and then it died out. And then about a year later, I was the head writer on David Tell's, The Gong Show for Comedy Central. And so David Navarro comes in and he's one of the judges on the show. He's a celebrity judge and my my job is to meet with the celebrity judges and tell them about the contestants and help them think of jokes. And so I walk into his dressing room and he looks at me and I look at him and he goes, you

still want to fight? And we just fucking fucking started laughing and then he came on my podcast probably seven times after that no I remember he you guys would have such fun and he was such a cool guy such a cool and smart as shit really really intelligent guy and I think he's emotionally smart now and that was a big part of what was going on in the band. I think in my opinion, I think it was getting harder and harder to tolerate anyone in the band who was being far from professional. Yeah, and probably had some demons of some sort. And I think Grohl is emotionally evolved enough now where that's in a bar.

Navarro. Sorry, Navarro's. Just quickly, before we move on. Back in Black just because that thing was like the center of my like eighth grade. I have a collection of perfect albums. I have about seven or eight perfect albums. Back in Black is one of them where every single track is perfect. If you put it on beginning to end it begins with the church bell and that is bond Scott died there there. It seemed like the end of them and then they got the new singer. This is the first track he's ever going to appear on but it's this church bell and it's

marking the end but yet the beginning. And so if you take out the three giant hits, which is back in black, you shook me all night long and we'll put hell's bells in there. We'll remove three hits from an album. Um, given the dog a bone rock and roll, I mean, shoot to thrill. I mean, shoot to thrill. Let me put my love into you. Have a drink on me.

Yeah. What do you do for money, honey? Shake a leg and rock and roll a noise pollution. It's insane. And the first words coming out of the gate on this album. I'm rolling thunder, pouring rain. I'm coming on like a hurricane. White lightnings flashing across the sky. You're only young, but you're gonna die. Hello. And I get it. This is not Radiohead. This is not Radiohead. This is not Frank Zappa. Like, I understand how simple it is. But it's the purity. It is the goddamn purity of this thing.

It's so direct. It's amazing. And it's also like the way they are commenting on rock and roll as they do it. Like given the dog a bone is like a fuck. It's hilarious. It's so blatant sexuality and and they do it straight face and then they inspired that you ever hear of the darkness yeah like the darkness is the parody version of AC DC you know which isn't to take away that they're musically unbelievable but AC DC

went right on the line of parody but didn't cross it. Right. Isbell had a funny thing. I'm not going to find it, but he talked about, you know, he struggles with rock lyric with rock lyrics because he goes, say what you will, but like that's that's an art and you know, country lyrics, I got down, but rock lyrics. And he goes, and then some rock lyrics. And then he quoted ACTC. And it sounds like he could be easily making fun of it because some of the lines are just so bombastic and at a 14 year old level, which is why they hit me so hard. But he goes, but that's genius. He's like, I can't do that.

And also, if I did do it, it wouldn't seem like true. But it is true for them. And he was very respectful, it was great. You've sent me clips of them live. There's one from Europe, I can't remember what country, maybe it's Germany, and the fucking stage is literally like bouncing up and down. They are so insane.

And the energy of the crowd, I mean, I've never seen energy like that up and down. They are so insane. And the energy of the crowd, I mean, I've never seen energy like that from a crowd. Oh, and it's truly like Peavis and Butthead. I mean, he is on the floor running in circles while playing a guitar solo, running in a circle while laying on the floor. And then of course the foot never stops in these sort of Chuck Berry ish. Yeah, duck walk. Well, they're gonna tour

in the spring. They're doing a US tour. It's the first major concert my girls ever saw. I took them. And of course, I thought it was a goodbye. I took them to see them at Dodger Stadium. Wow. And Liz the X that could have gotten in real trouble on this one goes Please stop at a pharmacy and get earplugs for him And I'm like that's the lamest grandma advice ever and then I'm like and you're fucking you're bumming me out on my way to see fucking Angus and And so I the only reason I stopped was it was a little like I the

advice I gave the kids like just bring your fucking jacket you don't have to wear it right yeah but you'll have it so I also did it to cover my ass I didn't want to get in trouble dude thank God I brought it even with the earplugs in the girls were like this holding their ears saying it's too loud how far back were you from this stage pretty far and it was Dodger Stadium which I didn't think was going to be that loud. No kidding really? Well they have the Guinness Book of I don't know if they still do but at a certain point they had the Guinness Book of World Records for the loudest concert it was at Madison Square Garden I'm curious if it's still the loudest, but yeah. And then what is this? You saw Tedeschi trucks?

No, tomorrow, which is well, last night, because today's Friday, but tomorrow night, they are playing this tiny outdoor amphitheater here. And I could not be more thrilled to go see them. Whoa. No, it's the listen, man. It's the closest I'm ever going to get to see Dwayne Allman who I sort of worship and we won't make this in the whole music podcast But for those listeners out there who don't really know to that she tried to ask you trucks

I don't even know how to pronounce it. But get this you want to hear a song they played two weeks ago State Trooper What's that from Nebraska? from the spring springsteen home? Oh, really? No shit. And, uh, bring it on home in parentheses, the Led Zeppelin version of the Sonny Boy Williamson and to hear him play Zeppelin, it's insane. Wow.

They also played Atlantic city. And the other night they opened their show with the Beatles. I've got a feeling. Wow. Does Springsteen ever jump up on stage with them soul sacrifice from Santana. Thank you. Yes, please No, but they've kind of played with everybody everyone loves When trucks is on stage with them, you know, he's just, he just is at such another level. So you'll always see him playing with people. If you look him up on YouTube,

you'll find him playing with some, because that's kind of what he did before he married Susan Tedeschi, and now they have their own band. But you know, he was in the Allman Brothers forever. What's his name again? Derek Trucks. Derek Trucks. He was a prodigy. He's related, he's related in the Allman Brothers forever. What's his name again? Derek Trucks. Derek Trucks.

He was a prodigy. He's related. He's related to the Allman Brothers. Like his uncle's the drummer, one of the drummers, I think. I should know that. I wanna also take a break from the music to thank you guys for the support on the special. We just hit 340,000 views.

Nice. In three weeks, way more than I expected. Thank you. If you haven't seen it, it's on YouTube. It's called You Know Me. Comment, like it, share it. Let's keep the magic rolling. I promoted it this week on Bert Kreischer's podcast.

It's such a blast. I said to Bert, I go, Bert, you're like a Corvette in a UPS truck. You're like a Corvette engine in a UPS truck. I've never heard a better description of a person in my life. Yeah. And all the images that come to it also, like, you know, anyone that's in that truck is in shorts. Right. Right. Yeah. There's a lot of gas. And then, um, and then yesterday I went up to the valley and, uh, how we man Dell had me on his podcast and his studio. I just have to talk about it. 30,000 square feet is one building, then there's a second building next to it.

And there are podcasts, companies within the studio. There's a hologram. There's a whole wing that is, you know, those comedy holograms that they're doing comedy, what they're holograms, like they did. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, yes. We were going to use one on the roast. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I studied this technology. It's crazy. We were going to use one on the roast. Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We studied this technology.

It's crazy. And so he's got all that. He's got Bill Maher's company has a bunch of podcasts going. They've got a green screen. Jeff Ross was coming in to shoot something. It's like an incubator space. Like if you literally, Mike, if you ever want to shoot something, he's got the cameras. He's got the equipment He just wants people coming in and using it. It's incredible He gave me a he gave me a 90 minute tour of the studio after we did the podcast. He's fucking nicest guy White glove tour. I bet it was very dust free and neat. He put his arm around me when we took a picture together I was shocked. I was shocked. I am. I'm shocked even hearing it. Yeah. We want to thank Callie Khan for this week's logo.

Alpharie Newman with us on his hands as puppets. Really fucking cool. That is very cool. Moses James did the song this week. He played it for me. He kind of I think he was talking about this the Fitch tiger might have been might have been. And again, you know, we're not looking you don't have to orchestra by the way, some people have sent us I AI songs, please, we don't use those. We appreciate the effort, but I feel like it takes away from the people that are actually creating music themselves I so if it's if it's you do yeah why why won't I I'm gonna start using it I should start using it I can't write a first draft I'll avoid it like the plague write me a piece of shit because that's whatever you

know the best therapist advice were just write a piece of shit just write a piece of shit get it over with well now someone can do that for me. Right, all right. I'm teaching a screenwriting class at USC right now, and I go, you know, one of the dumb tricks, believe it or not, this is how, this is the mentality of a writer, and how excruciating the blank page can be.

They're like, write interior, a living room, day, whatever the first thing you think is gonna be, return, return, return, and then write the end. But put the end in there. And all of a sudden, it becomes easier for you to write in between. I got a screenplay I've been dying to write for the last 10 years. And then Harlan Williams, I was on his podcast, and he challenged me. He goes, I'm going to give you six months, I'm not

going to hound you. I'm not going to follow up. He goes, but you're going to write that you're going to write that script. And then the special happened. But now that now that I've got some time, I'm going to sit down and write out I'm going to write this script, the screenplay. That's another thing people do for procrastination is you can use someone to keep you honest. So like Harlan Williams, you give them a picture of you naked or something and he's going to publish it. If you

don't finish it or maybe a little easier. You're going to give him you know $500. Yeah. Yeah. And it doesn't have to be a good draft. It just has to be 120 pages of screenplay. Right. Well, thank you, Callie, if that is your name, because Greg typed it in there. K ll y and Moses, thank you, Callie, if that is your name, because Greg typed it in there. K a l l y and Moses, thank you so much for sending those. Yes. And we're always looking for new material new. And I'm, I have to apologize. I'm a little behind on emails that are sent to the site,

because I've been on the road non stop. But I have some time now. I'm going to Alaska next week for four days may have some time on my hands. So keep sending them in. Thank you. You're going to Fairbanks? Going to Fairbanks. I told you about right? I think it's Fairbanks where they have those fights. Like to settle to settle issues. It's like a small claims court, but it's a boxing ring. No. Yeah, I couldn't be

making this up. There's something and reality TV was all over There's something like that going on up there. It might be Tuesday night. I don't know someone someone fact-check me on that but Wait a minute. I wanted to say something else before you get into your dates Never mind. Are we doing correction first speak of corrections? This is from Clark And I don't know if we already corrected this. We may have, if not, I'm guessing you had a pile of people correct you on the fact that 40% of a foot is three inches. I'm not going to correct you. I'm going to congratulate you for being so certain

of your math that you repeated it. Yes, four is 40%, 40% of 12 is three. You got another adult to just agree with you on that. No pushback at all. No, no, I was like really and I'm like okay that's all I did all right so 40% of a foot all right if a foot is 12 then 40% is 4.8. What happened? 40 percent of a foot is 4.8 inches. Is that what it is? Well because you multiply it you go 12 times 4 is 48 and then you uh you put it in a decimal point 4.8 I'm not even trying yeah you got 50% at 6 right yeah and and then for 4 would be 1 third all right yeah tour dates people are driving off the road right now listening to us since this since my special has blown up my

agent's phone is ringing off the hook I got a ton of new dates that just came in the last two weeks. I'm gone until fucking March. It's unbelievable how many you have. Temecula, no that's gone already. Alaska, Tulsa, Kansas City, Philly, Tacoma, San Francisco, Tempe, Cleveland, Atlanta, Janesville, Wisconsin, Nyack, New York, Raleigh, North Carolina, Milwaukee, Vegas, Hollywood, Pittsburgh, go to FitzDog.com, get some tickets before they're gone. It's a brand new hour, nothing from the special. If you've seen the special, you'll

see a new hour. That's the special. If you've seen the special, you'll see a new hour. That's it. What are you, man? Today's podcast is brought to us and sponsored by gametime.com. Not dot com, it's game time. Here's what I'm doing. It's actually gametime.co, but it's just the app.

Go to the app. I am using game time between now. Well actually in the next 24 hours. It's already up on my phone look at it right there. We go see this concert tomorrow at this amphitheater ascend amphitheater which is right on the water it's great to desk you truck so who you going with? Well that's that's the interesting little fly in the ointment. I was going with Hannah and now a friend is joining. So I now have to change my look for three.

Does it get harder? Probably. If we want seats, if we want general admission, lawn, eighty five bucks a ticket right there. That's amazing. Yeah. So I'm really very excited. Anyway uh going game time I love it and one of the reasons I do it especially is I'm watching them drop and everything it's the all-in price you don't have to takes the guesswork out of like doubling it like you have to do in their competitor sites and apps. So think about it, 85 bucks,

that could be like a pair of jeans that you buy that sit in the back of your dresser that you forget about and you feel good about for five minutes. You go to this concert, you are, I remember almost every concert I've ever been to. It's like a memory that brings me joy whenever I conjure it up same for sports sporting events Same for comedy shows theater. You can get it all on game time and you'll get five bucks

I don't know if I could meet someone for two drinks. I Have to they have to and get out of there. I'm not getting out of there for less than 85, right, right? and get out of there I'm not getting out of there for less than 85 right right do it because I'm a great tipper you can look from your seat and what it looks like all over around you lowest price guarantee what else you guys have deals they have hot deals also and flash deals. They also tell you they rate. They rate the seat on like what's the best. Like I was like this is a hot deal. So it's very cool to see that before you go in. So take the guest workout of buying concert tickets with game time download the game time app, create an account and use code papers for

$20 off your first purchase terms apply again, create an account and redeem code PAP ERS and I got I got chocolate chip cookies. There you go. Chocolate chip cookies right here The lead story I'm gonna say in the world Sean Diddy combs is in jail. He also had his first Meal in a rat infested prison. We're going to get to rats in our next story. And he's only allowed three showers a week. Oh, how is he going to wash off all the baby oil? With only three showers a week. Did he shower? Maybe did he.

Combs was taken into custody in New York earlier this week on allegations of racketeering and sex trafficking. He appeared in court for his second bail application, but his $50 million bond plea was dismissed, citing him as a flight risk. Whoa! They turned down $50 million. Well because last time, remember he got on his jet and he flew to like the Bahamas or he went to some island in the Caribbean.

Or his plane did right. But here's what I'm thinking. So who gets that 50 million if he does flee? Like, good question. Couldn't the city be like 50 million? And he's a flight risk. It can't get better than that. We're two for two.

Let's do it. Right. So Sean Diddy comes forced women into sick. And this is what everyone the phrase everyone's throwing around. He forced women into sick freak off sex sessions with male prostitutes that were often recorded while he masturbated.

Wait a minute. There's male prostitutes that have sex with women? Yeah, I know you have an experience that how would you know? What do you mean? Well, because you're sleeping with them. With male prostitutes? Yes, apparently. The music mogul 54 allegedly got his female victims into the days long sexual performances as part of his alleged pattern

of abuse dating back for more than a decade. Freak offs were elaborate and produced sex performances that he arranged, directed, and often electronically recorded. The regularly occurring freak offs could last for days and combs and the victims would often receive IV fluids in the aftermath to recover from the exertion and drug use. Get this, his employees allegedly helped him facilitate the freak offs by arranging travel, booking hotel rooms where they would take place and stocking the rooms with drugs, baby oil, lubricants, and extra linen. And my first thought is, Jesus, what a respect for these workouts.

Is there a work release program where Diddy can help the Jets out? Just to make sure their facility has everything they need? IV fluids? Yeah, they need some days long training sessions and some IV yeah it really makes me think like this is like where does this cut this drive to this level of sex like I've been having sex with the same woman for 25 years and you

know what I'm good I'm You say it too often. Go ahead. Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I appreciate it every time. I never get tired of it. And this all sounds so incredibly exhausting and unnecessary. And I just like to add, is there video? Do you know if there's video? There's 100% video video they have it there now

I don't know. I don't know if this is true or not, but I have read in News publications that their people have said that some of the women didn't look fully conscious We're like fully aware of what was happening Put it this way. They are not letting them go on $50 million bail. Like in other words, they're not they're not taking it. So there there's there are things there for sure. Huh? I love the rumors that Ben Affleck was shown footage of JLo in one of these. No way. And by the way, that is full on rumor. Like, yeah, but but it's out there a lot. It's been written about a lot. I'm not saying it's true at all. Well, I mean, this

is a little mini Epstein's Island. I think that there's probably a lot of celebrities that came through these freaks freak offs. I said it before, once again, Diddy, not original work. He's sampling Jeffrey Epstein that's what he does samples anything that's well known that did he does it was not original so he's in a rat infested jail what I wonder what jail he's in it's in Brooklyn I did read that Wow that's my worst that's not my worst nightmare my worst nightmare is being on a fishing boat

off Alaska in the winter. Not like a three with those three month trips they take. That's my worst nightmare. My second is being in a rat infested jail. Really? Yeah. Huh. It seems like the rats rats wouldn't have a lot to eat and stuff. Like a jail is the coldest. It's all hard surfaces. I don't know. It seems like the least. You never saw the jail shows. They're all cooking. They got ramen.

They got all kinds of food in their room and they're not in their room all the time in your movie jail sequences that you've seen from old prisons. But I don't know if these cells in this jail in Brooklyn are going to be. They're not they're not they're not slicing garlic with a razor blade. Yeah. Right. Well, speaking of rats. OK, this is simple. Not there was a news a new study came out. I don't know, but it's the five most rat infested

cities in America are revealed and I'm gonna have you guess what they are now they did this let me let me read let me find this in the story I think they did it by how many times or the quantity of hours that rat removal services were used from city to city. Okay. I think that's the sharp rise found when examining the number of times each query was entered per million searches, whatever. Anyway, five cities with the most rats. Greg, you want to start at number five? Or however you wanna do it. All right, start at five, I'm gonna go New Orleans, New Orleans.

Oh, they have states here too. No, New Orleans is a good guess, it did not make the list. Okay, I just, because it smells like sewage and it's at sea level. Let me try. Sea level is, sea level. Let me try sea level is sea levels is is a pretty good indicator. All right so you don't want me to because number one I can tell you right now is New York City. There's no number one is New York City. Yeah I mean it's ridiculous. You go even though mayor

I love this line despite Mayor Eric Adams last year employing a quote, rat czar. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah. No, you go to the you go to the subway in New York at night and they're literally just running all over the tracks. You go to, you know, Union Square, you go to anywhere at any park at night. They're everywhere. Every time we walk past a pile of garbage, rats are running around in the it's ridiculous. Oh, boy, they're all liberal cities, boy, are we gonna get in here? All right, I'm

gonna do this for you. I gotta guess Philly is somewhere on this list. I love it. Philly is and they're talking about the people who are the rodents, they have to grease up the poles. So those rodents don't crawl up the poles like animals. Philly is number four. I'm trying to think, though, of warmer cities that might have a lot of rats. You're not going to get I don't know if you're going to get the rest. If we're going big cities, I'll go Chicago.

Nope. And I would have said Baltimore and I would have been wrong. Well, Los Angeles. Yes, number two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's, we just had a rat run through our yard two days ago. But I mean, if it's per million, like, you know, maybe it's just the, you know,

these are the two biggest, most populous cities. So we'll, you know, maybe that has something to do with it. Okay. Miami. So third that has something to do with Okay, Miami. So third. Oh, sorry. Third was LA. Okay. So I got this silly I got LA I got New York, you're missing two and five. It's not Chicago. Two and five. I'll go Boston.

I will. You know, the dig was huge. Right. The biggest rat problem. But no. Houston. Oh, that's interesting. No.

Chicago. All right. Let me let me give you a hand. Give it to me. Chicago. All right, let me let me give you a hand. Give it to me. It's the most criticized city in the country right now, I'd say. DC.

DC is number five, pal. There we go. I would never I would never have guessed DC. No, DC is gross. But that's not the most criticized in my opinion, the most criticized major city in America. Major city in America. Not Chicago.

Well, I get you know, Chicago is very criticized. When I say that, someone could rightfully say Portland or Seattle, but it's not those two. All right. What is it? San Francisco. Oh, of it's not those two. All right, what is it? San Francisco. Oh, of course. Is number two.

Yeah, all right. If you have a wharf, if one of the most famous things in your city is a wharf, you got rats. Right, right, right. Yeah. Okay. Okay. The Trump, moving on,

the Trump endorsed candidate in North Carolina's gubernatorial race could soon lose his spot on the ticket Do it to due to an in-house ouster North Carolina lieutenant governor Mark Robinson. This guy's a peach He is a Hitler quoting gay bashing conspiracy touting anti-semite. I think that's redundant I mean you already put Hitler quoting. Yeah, most of those are anti-semites and he's drawn immediate comparisons to Donald Trump for his bombastic orations and loyal GOP following. On Thursday though, a bombshell report revealed that Robinson had written on a pornography website's message board about his desire to own slaves,

his peeping in women's locker rooms and his enjoyment of transgender porn. Quote, I like watching Tranny on girl porn. That's fucking hot. It takes the man out while leaving the man in. Oh, he's a comedy writer, too. Robinson, he wrote that in one comment on the site and the site was nude Africa. And he's like, and yeah, I'm a perv to Republican strategists are worried that Mark Robinson could cost Donald Trump a crucial swing state.

Cost him? Won't this win it for him? That's my first response. Well, first of all, this guy is making Diddy's freak offs look like fucking tea parties. This guy, if he could have got into one of Diddy's parties, I think that would be a dream for him. And for those who don't know, here's a nice little detail. Mr. Mark Robinson is black.

No. The guy who wrote about his desire to hone slaves. Damn. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if he said white slaves I have no idea. First of all like I don't want to get in this guy's head. I'm fascinated by anybody who writes comments on a porn site like like you're done you've accomplished what you came there to do when that happens to me I'm done I cannot close my internet browser fast enough once it's mission accomplished.

Like to loiter and say like, you know, here's what I liked. That's so fucking weird. No, I understand the guys. I've never written on, I think, to me it's obvious. I don't know any, I can't imagine anyone who has. But if you're gonna write, I could understand writing before, like when you get there. And those things would make more sense.

You know how people and writers, especially in writers' rooms, they're like, what's your porn search word? What's your thing you search for? You wanna know a great phrase to search is? name, please What's that have you ever seen that now? It's when there's someone like so impressive or attractive or whatever it is and if you go down to the comments

I guarantee you will see angrily typed in caps name, please It's the funniest thing to me. Because you know we did a bit to make myself seem a little less creepy. We did a bit on the Ben show where we had maybe this makes me seem more creepy where we had a barbershop quartet read the funniest porn titles we could find that week. And it was really, really fun. That's great. Alright, so this guy bought a historic cruise ship that he found on Craig's wait, hold on, we're in a new news story.

You're not talking about the anti semi slave owner, potential wannabe. Okay, we're moving on. News story. By this guy bought a historic cruise ship he found on Craigslist in 2008. He's got his name is Chris Wilson. He spent 15 years restoring this 300 foot vessel. It's got 85 cabins, a swimming pool and a theater. And he moved into it. He poured his life savings into it. And then he was going to turn it into a museum. So he finished and then it fucking sank. It's seven months later it fucking sank. Which I'm fucking pissed. I was booked there in November and I just would have loved to have been on stage performing as it's sinking. I would have I would

have been like on the Titanic. Remember when the orchestra kept playing? I would just keep doing my act. Sir, what do you do for a living? Hopefully you're a professional swimmer, because you're gonna need it right now. Thank you, man. What's your name? you're going to need it right now. Thank you. Man, what's your name? Crowd work's getting easier as more of you drown.

Well, Greg, I mean, look at you, though. Look how you like all you needed to feel like a man again was buying a used Mustang. You don't have to buy a boat. Why do you have to say used? It's two years. It's two years old. I consider that new. We talked about it. We were so I was at the Emmy party last week. Netflix is Emmy party, which should have been way better than it was.

I mean, if you're the disruptor like that, if you're the like, you know, the I mean, they're just destroying it and it should have been the greatest party ever. Anyway, HBO is still better. And Bert Kreischer and his lovely wife Leanne were there and we talked, they said you were like a little schoolboy who rolled up to their house to do the podcast and they had to go out and take a tour of the car and they said it was the cutest thing they had ever seen. Well, it was cute until they're looking at it like, oh yeah, wow, that's really nice, beautiful, good color. And then, and then Bert goes,

here, check out this car I just got for Leanne. And it's a fucking Mercedes sports car with like, it's got V8. It's one of those cars that just has like a couple weird numbers on it in a font in a weird European font like they made 12 of them and I'm like yeah yeah we did we did mention your car you could rent at Avis we got a Delta Airlines flight from Salt Lake City to Portland turned around when the flu flu-cright crew flight little trip to flight crew

they realized that they were suffering cabin pressurization issues 140 passengers on board were met by paramedics at the gate it landed and 10 people were treated for bloody noses and ruptured eardrums. The oxygen masks did not fall from the overhead compartments and passenger J.C. Purster described the experience. It felt like somebody was stabbing her in the ear. She felt her ear pop from the pressure in the cabin and then bubble. So I guess I I mean, that's horrific, but the upside is they didn't have to listen to the captain

trying to push that Delta Visa gold card on you through the intercom while they landed. I bet sitting next to that woman sounded like, it felt like your ear was getting stabbed as well. She can't stop screaming about her ear being stabbed. And then, of course, what I want to see is all the traveling people like traveling with their parents or something. Your nose is bleeding. What?

Your nose is bleeding. What? Just forever. Finally, you can't hear the baby crying because it's mom is crying so loud. Right. Right. All right. All right. All right. Let's do some entertainment. Yes. Here's my bag. You could ask this. Lion through today, man, slow horses continue to love it. I'm very and I talk about slow.

I am slow digesting any TV or anything like that. So no spoilers, no anything like that. I didn't leave my light on out there. Fuck, I might have to run out for a second. Wine, I told you my buddy was over. We looked up the 100 best movies of all time. Did I already say that? Yeah, we couldn't find it.

So what we did was we watched two great movies. So we watched Blood, Simple, which I haven't seen. That's the Coen Brothers first movie. Since I was that age when it came out. I have not seen it. I had forgotten. It's great. I watched it six months ago.

Me and Owen sat down and watched it because it was the only Cohen brothers movie he'd never seen. It's so simple and so fantastic. And then we watched because I guess because it's October coming up that a lot of people are talking about scary movies and horror movies and that genre. Well, boy, do people talk about the thing, which is a remake, but it was in the 80s. Yeah, it was in the 80s with Kurt Russell. And I watched the thing and there's no thing there. There's it's no thing. It's nothing. You see what I'm trying

to say? Yep. It I was very the here's the weird part. Chris fell asleep watching it. And then I go, well, I guess you got to give it some credit. But boy, did they come up with the template because this is exactly the movie Alien. And Chris goes, yeah, you know the problem with that alien came out three years before it. Oh, no shit. When you see this, you're like, Oh man, did things go backwards? Like this was the not a lot of money, you know, it's, you know, and it's legendary that way. But I would give it so much more credit if it came three years before alien, because it had all the different types. They were as if they were in a ship. They were out in Antarctica at this station,

which was absolutely isolated. No one could get to or from it. And then all the types start distrusting. Literally a thing comes out of the stomach of someone, and that indicates that that person was infected, and now you're guessing who else is.'s truly alien Wow yeah well there was a movie called the thing back in the 50s it was like a rudimentary sci-fi movie yeah this was a remake of it oh it was by carpenter yeah yeah I have been watching I just finished

watching the entire series this four seasons. Sadly, the episodes are only like 30, 35 minutes each. But there is this there's a series called Mr. In-Between that is so rock solid. It's an Australian series. The star is a hit man and he is the most badass. Like he's like a Walter White he's that compelling and I can't wait it's so fucking good I think it's on Hulu it was an FX show that was on Hulu and they could have run three more seasons and

the guy said he stopped because they were shooting a 14-hour day where he was dragging a body and burying it and he started to feel like he was this character and he couldn't snap out of it. So he had to quit. He had to stop. Wow. Yeah. All right. I'm psyched to see that. And you got Damien Rice here. Somebody one of our listeners turned me on to Damien Rice, who's an Irish singer, beautiful lyricist, incredibly moving, powerful lyrics. I mean it's a little bit of, you feel a little bit like a pussy when you're listening to it, like it's a little bit like what you would hear on your you know listener sponsored alt soft rock station but it's really great.

Does your, when you put it in Does your when you put it in your when you play it in your Mustang, does your Mustang automatically skip it or turn it off? It won't go out of first gear. It stays in first gear. Revers. All right. Let's make America 40. Let's do it. Florida man lying in wait catches accused peeping Tom looking in teen daughter's window. The dad and his wife were sitting on their back porch when his wife spotted someone in

their yard looking at them. The next night the dad felt uneasy so he pulled up a lawn chair in the dark part of his backyard and sat there to see if the man would come back around 830pm the man arrived wearing the same shoes as the night before same shoes, same shoes, he brought them just in case. And the guy came within five feet of the dad sitting in the chair. The dad got up and followed him then saw the man looking into the window of the dad got up and followed him, then saw the man looking into the window

of the dad's 14 year old daughter with his hands cupped around his eyes. At least his hands. At least it was that. Armed with a baseball bat, the dad swung it at the man's back. Then the prowler started running away as the dad gave chase, yelling for someone to call the cops. Deputies said they were able to identify him as this guy Smith and interview him at home. The peeping Tom told them he was walking between two houses when another man started yelling about him being by a window. And we can't say he's the victim. Yeah.

Smith said he wasn't being nosy and the homeowner was chasing him as if he had broken into the home. Later in the interview, however, Smith said he gets a thrill from going around homes. So they arrested him. God, he should have. Well, first of all, who wants to watch a 14 year old girl alone in her bedroom? Are you shitting me? Just sitting in the corner

of her bed scrolling through TikTok hour after hour and then you know getting AI to write her great expectations essay bitching to her best friend about how Danny hasn't asked her out. I mean I would have I would have grabbed the bat and started beating the girl with it. Yeah. And you have a real problem. I mean, you're doing it way too often when you're outside the window and now you're mouthing the words to Taylor Swift songs because they're playing in every bedroom you're peeping in. Yeah, right. But I think this is a nice twist on how we do Florida man stories because this could have been Florida peeping Tom chased by bat wielding father a victim. Right. Instead, look how nice it is.

The Florida man lying in wait catches an accused peeping Tom. Like, that's positive. Yeah, I think this guy was a victim. He wasn't he didn't go in the room. He's just hanging out outside. I mean, get some curtains. Okay, real question. You're ready?

Not a joke. It's you and it's your young daughter's bedroom. You're this guy, exact same scenario. You're walking up to him quietly. He has his hands cupped around his eyes looking pressed against the glass. You have a baseball bat. What do you do?

I think in the back, I think was the move. I mean, because you want to neutralize the guy so that the police can come and arrest him. So, you know, if you hit a limb, he can run away. But if you hit the back, you might break some ribs, knock the wind out of him. He falls down. You stand there threateningly while he lays on his back and you call the police. So you don't think ankle or knee knee is good. I think I'm swinging

really hard at a shin. I'm going I'm trying to break his leg. Yeah. You definitely don't want to go ahead because if you kill him that's a whole other thing. But I think the back you can paralyze him. Side of the knee is good. I like that. And then you follow it up. You follow it up with another shot. I mean, I don't know, I'd have to see it. I mean, I would have to see a guy peering in.

And I think it would be different if he entered the house. But if he was just peering in the window, I wouldn't want to kill him. I would just want him to get caught. Problem in LA is we're arrested if we do this. You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. But it's his word.

I told you that story about my buddy, like during the pandemic, and he's he's a conspiracy theory theorist at all this, but he's very entertaining to me. He's a comedy writer. But anyway, he goes, "'Kibbin, you don't have a gun?' I'm like, no, I don't have a gun. He's like, you gotta get it. I'm like, yeah, but I mean, you know,

when you have a gun, I hear all these stories, like you shoot someone on your porch who's trying to break in, and now you're on the hook for like murder this. He's like, you have to drag the body into your house after you shoot him Everyone knows that like I was the idiot Hi was the idiot that's great Yeah, okay, so we're gonna go on to make you ready for this make Los Angeles, Florida. Here we go

Think this is a friend of mine, Los Angeles one, a friend of mine, I'm not going to name him, you know him as well. He has a wife who desperately wants to buy a scooter. So I have that Vespa right? And in LA and she covets that and she so it's a big fight among them, right? Because he thinks she's going to die on it if she gets it. And he may lose this argument because she's really digging in. So I suggested if she does, why not take out a big life insurance policy on her? But then in thinking it through, you take out, I mean, this is like a

dateline or a Netflix murder doc where the first thing they look at is the husband who took out a life insurance policy. Yeah. Months before a woman dies no matter how she dies. Yeah. But he go. He was very funny but he's like but I have the text exchange where I'm like you're going to kill yourself. Don't do it. Like you know it's all caps and all that. So anyway, it made me think we all in our friend groups, we all have people. There's a person living recklessly. There's a person that you almost want an intervention, whether they're doing too much

drugs, alcohol, or they're just have that personality and they're constantly going for it like with adventures. And it's almost as if they have a death wish. So as an example Greg, why wouldn't we approach Bert Kreischer who constantly talks about his own mortality. He is terrified of his doctor's visits which he does often because he wants to keep maintaining this lifestyle of drinking too much, partying too much and burning his candle at both ends. Why wouldn't we go to Bert and say, this is going to be zero sweat off your back. But Greg and I are going to take a life insurance policy out

on Bert Kreischer. Bert, we're calling to ask a favor. Would you mind if we bet on your mortality? And I would never want to collect. We never want to collect on it. But what yeah, but what if it happened? All right, say it happens. He dies. We go to the funeral. And we see Leanne his wife, who looks at us and knows we just made a million dollars. She also knows we just paid for the funeral. That's true. That's a good and she thanks us.

And then she sees your Mustang turbo, the new one. Should I call Bert right now and ask him if we can do this? Sure. All right. No, I'm going to do it later and we'll report on it next week. OK. But, you know, do you remember when we went to Boston University, the president of the school was a guy named John Silber. John Silber, right? Yep.

And he had one arm and he was a former CIA deep state guy. He worked under the original George Bush. Some of these facts might be true. No, he was heavily involved in the Central American, like the overthrowing of governments. He was like, he was a very smart guy. We do know that. Very smart guy. Anyway, students considered him evil. They, they, well, there was, um, Howard Zinn was on the staff of,

he was a professor at the school and he would he went head-to-head with Silber constantly and so did a lot of the professors there was a guy named Abramowitz do you remember that guy and oh yeah with the hunger strikes Yosef Abramowitz yeah he did he did all these hunger strikes he was very anti-apartheid which which be with silver was heavily invested in South Africa There was a lot of prots that guy by the way ended up marrying Sarah Silverman's sister. Did you know that? I heard and just to put I'm so ashamed of this but so this guy

was Very evolved at an early age and just was cause-driven a Bromowitz. Yeah. So he goes on a hunger strike. So what do the idiots at BU, like me and my friends do? We send them pizzas. We had them delivered. We found out where his apartment was. And we delivered pizzas. What an idiot. So it's amazing. When I think about the the former version of myself, I can't I can't think about the old me. He was such a fucking asshole and so many. Yeah. Anyway, all right. Let's say but anyway, so john silver took out a life insurance

policy on every student at BU payable back to the university because his his guys crunched the numbers and they said this is a good bet. Right. They're like, sad but true having nothing to do with anything we do here at BU it's across the board 50 states that they had a number and this percentage of students unfortunately doesn't make it the four years and doesn't live, for whatever reason.

And so alumni could take out and pay for a life insurance policy and just, I think, get randomly assigned a student. And the students freaked out. Because of course we're like, he's gonna raise the speeding limit on Comm Ave, the elevators won't be inspected anymore yeah yeah get rid of the refrigerators and all the cafeterias are gonna go you know up a few notches yeah

get rid of health services get rid of the red lights yeah anyway alright so let's go to some sports sports. Here we go. Well, I like this. We're going to keep it short. But for the first time in the longest time, I actually bet on the Jets to win last night. Thursday Night Football, and they won. Now, the week before, I tried very hard to bet against them, and Gubbins wouldn't take the bet

because he wouldn't bet against San Francisco. In other words, he wouldn't take the Jets. And so, of course, I wound up betting on the Jets, and I lost. But last night was very gratifying, and I'm in Tennessee where my phone can place live wagers all game long. No. Oh, it's in so many states. The bet MGM app doesn't work in California. As soon as I land here, it works. And I mean, you can chase your bad

money like basically at the end of the game, it comes down to a bet because you know, the the live updating point spread and the live updating over under it essentially gets down to do you do you think there's going to be one more score like here it comes. They have three timeouts. Do you think they're going to like and you could it's crazy. It's it's really going to bankrupt people. Did you see my homes fucking charged down the field with three minutes left last week? Well, I did see them given the game I know I sound like Govins, but they were given the game by the refs at the end No, no, no the calls that go their way Someone right if I'm wrong. I mean, there's too many clips I see bar stool publishes them all the time. I mean, of

course, the holding the Super Bowl was the most criminal thing ever. That was that was bad. Yeah, but this one they get they get a pass interference call. It was it seemed like a joke to me. Yeah. Well, the other big sports thing is last week was the Para Olympics, which is para para. It does sound weird that they call it power like Paralyzed Olympics. That doesn't sound like a lot of action. It just sounds like a piles of bodies on a gym floor and somebody's blowing a whistle

like go and they're like we're fucked. Paralyzed. What do you want us to do? Oh no, but I guess it's para. I don't know but it's it's inspirational is very competitive. These people are competitive and not just on the floor but especially in the parking lot trying to grab those two spots. There's just like, that's where shit gets heated.

That's that's where it happens yeah oh they're all handicapable they're handicapable yeah I wonder if you can bet on that I remember you David tell how to joke he goes just got back from the Special Olympic he has just got back from the Special Olympics lost a lot of money on the 100 yard dash. Mongoloid my ass. That kid can run. I remember that. You almost don't need the joke. You only need the punchline to laugh at that. You know, when I was doing, I was writing a pilot for CBS about an HR department and my jokes were constantly getting outdated.

And one of them of course, was, you know, what do you call like, you can't call it a handicap spot handicap is out. Handicapable was out. Uh, otherly abled was what I landed on. And then that one got outdated within months. It was, it was a bit, uh, it was a task keeping up with it. And then the other one was for being mentally, I don't even know how to refer to it,

mentally special or challenged. The one that was in vogue for a couple of months while I was writing it was intellectually challenged. And I think I've told you that joke I had but it wasn't really a joke. I mean that sounds like you don't understand James Joyce. Not that you can't figure things out. You know what I mean? Yeah well now it's actually it's it's people with intellectual disabilities. That's the phrase you're supposed to use. Not not intellectually disabled but people with intellectual disabilities. All right I'll take that we'll see how long it lasts. Yeah. All right well where we moving on? Are we doing international? International of course we're

gonna do international. It's a big story. It's a big story. Israel had a hand in the manufacturing of pagers that exploded on Hezbollah operatives this week with this type of supply chain interdiction operation having been planned for at least 15 years. Yeah, since they saw it on the on the wire, where they gave them their phones that were the tracking devices were in them. Planning for the attack involves shell companies with multiple layers of Israeli intelligence officers and their assets fronting a legitimate company that produced the pagers. At least some of those doing the work unaware of what they were actually working on one one to two ounces of explosives and a remote trigger switch to set off the blast were planted in the pagers the last two days

of explosions in Lebanon triggered remotely with explosives inside pagers or walker talkies have killed at least 1337 people and wounded 2900. So it's pretty amazing. And the worst part is where do you put a pager you clip it about four inches from your cock? I mean, yeah, that's why they did it. You have it in your pocket or you have it clipped on your belt, right? Yeah, I know. you have it clipped on your belt, right? Yeah, I know it's always clipped on the belt, I think. Yeah, yeah.

This was genius. I mean, I'm not weighing in on this conflict. I do not have a side, honestly, legitimately, but I gotta stand back and applaud the creativity and the ingenuity. The Israelis have always been at the forefront of guerrilla warfare and this just takes it to a whole new level they I think developed the car bomb no no that was the that was the

Irish the IRA yeah I don't I think it was and he went on to become the Prime Minister of Israel I'm forgetting his name Netanyahu general Rabin no no no no no no no no no I should know his name and I think I whatever I could be wrong I think he's credited with developing the Car Bomb anyway it was the IRA and then the IRA came over and they they trained they train the the PLO what hey Siri who invented the car bomb they're gonna think you're talking about that cocktail hopefully she'll be like invented is the wrong word. Oh, the Irish car bomb. Those are the first words. Thank you very much. While he worked at Wilson's saloon in Connecticut, I don't even know. Anyway, the pager thing, but the shell company that was set up legitimately and had employees.

Imagine that guy working in there going home to his wife every day like, yeah, she's so embarrassed telling her friends that her husband works in a pager company in 2021. It's like, honey, it's embarrassing. She's like, they have to be going out of business. She's like, I'm telling you they're not. I don't know what's going on. They just say, keep working. We get raises every year.

That was the greatest detail of a character. Remember on 30 Rock, Tina Fey's boyfriend was a pager salesman. But anyway, I felt bad because we have a very dear friend who's Lebanese and he's got family over there. So yesterday I actually, I paged him just to check in and see if everything's okay. I have not heard back, so I'm a little worried.

Yeah. Maybe I should have called. Page went through though, you do know that. Well, maybe a lot of people are concerned and his page is blowing up, you know? Seen three days ago, that's what it says underneath the little page you said. All right, let's go to by the way, this day in history, people some of those people,

the pages could have been on an airplane. Yep, maybe maybe they could track them too. And they knew that wasn't but but innocent people did die. Oh, absolutely. Look, and again, what I said earlier, I don't want to be taken out of context, maybe maybe but I don't endorse this action. But these people are fucked. They're at fucking war there. And you know, if you're going to come up with a warfare, this is a this does does there may have been ancillary damage but they really did target the

other side the the soldiers on the other side for the most part okay the stay in history this day in history here we go feels good tonight this first one is only interesting to me because I did not the rural protesters converged on London to demonstrate in favor of fox hunting, which two years later, the House of Commons banned in England and Wales. So this is asking you, I think, when was this protest two years before fox hunting was banned in England and Wales? 1974. Oh, I didn't even give you a range. Okay. Well, well I don't need it I think I'm right on the money you don't need it all right I'm

gonna give you 25 years it's 2002 that late 2002 really because I was thinking about all the protests that were happening in the early 70s all right fair enough okay Greg the first episode of friends aired on NBC on this date in what year give or take three years 1991 1991. Oh man 1994. Hey now. Yeah, you barely got I remember we were just out of college and when did Seinfeld start I think Seinfeld was first. Yeah maybe. I can't remember which one. 92? But I think they were on the same block weren't they wasn't that like must hey must watch TV Seinfeld first air on television I'm guessing 89 and it was

Siri just said this is a weird turn from car bombs It was July 5th summer. That's right. It was summer. They tried on summer and it was 89. There I go I didn't need a rain. Look at you. Well, you did your own when you do your own. It gets easier. All right. Let's see here. Jamaican musician Bob Marley, who was especially known for parade route. We know who he is. He did his last concert, a sold out show in Pittsburgh, PA, and he died of cancer the following year, give or take three years. When was it? When was the last concert? 1982. Damn you 1980. Nice. I remember being in high school and these guys Doug Gorlin and Brian Morgan, they came into school and they we used to have these morning meetings and they played Bob Marley music that it was the day he

died so I guess I was a freshman the American film butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid had its world premiere on this date in what year give or take three years again. Nineteen seventy one. Uh, damn it, I'm going to trim it. Sixty nine because you're not. I'm on fire today. Well, you're on fire missing them almost by the full margin I'm giving you. That's all right. It's not a big margin you're giving me. Lewis and Clark arrived in St. Louis, Missouri. Some people call it the mid coast at the end of their daring expedition to the Pacific Northwest. So in other words,

they were returning and they arrived in St. Louis on this date in what year give or take 30 years all right so this was before the the before we bought that whole area from the French so this was before the Revolutionary War or it was. 18 now. 1680. You're only off by 12 hundred and twenty six years. Eighteen oh six. Oh, Jesus Christ. Your thinking was leading you the right way. And this has been Greg barely getting by in this day in history.

All right. That wasn't bad. Letters to the editor. Here we go. OK, we got Bowles Bowls ran wrote in. Not sure if you were aware, but Road Dogs, which is a movie I did with with Doug Stanhope is currently available on Tubi. I don't think you've mentioned that on any of your shows. I want to see that. It's actually really good. I want to see it. So yeah, check check it out Doug won awards in a couple festivals for his acting and it's dark it's a dark very true depiction of a guy who's the bottom rung on the stand-up comedy ladder with a guy who takes

buses from town to town and makes just enough money to get a Motel 6 on his nights off and uh you know lives off the fucking chicken wings in the green room and drinks himself to sleep every night it's it's it's dark but it's really there's a lot of funny stuff in it as well. I want to see it and some inside baseball stuff which I'll appreciate. John Steinbeck said, Please, Mike, stop. Garfield's owner is named John. Odie is the stupid dog. Bill Murray once infamously voiced Garfield for a failed animated movie. Could you maybe just tell the top 10 Bill Murray stories that you Hollywood insiders have heard?

OK, well. Oh, yeah, That's a funny he says he has the last eight digits of my credit card. Meanwhile, I haven't heard back from them. I'm probably my credit rating is probably 150 at this point. And from that thing. But I think it's Steinbach. But okay, well, what do you want me to do, man? I can't defend Garfield.

Also, I remember being I was shooting something or making fun of film junkets or whatever. And a real film junket was happening. And it was Jack Black for the Garfield movie. Really? In the Beverly Hills, whatever that, on on Doheny whatever the four seasons yeah I don't know that's you know who I think is in Garfield also is TJ Miller wasn't he? I think he might be right yeah yeah all right let's get to obituaries And that's all folks. So Tito Jackson has passed away at 70 years old.

Who is the Jackson three now? Yeah, I don't I don't even know how many are left, but I Tito was the second oldest after Jackie followed an age by Jerm, Marlin, and Miguel. And they forget Janet, but she was not in the Jackson five. She was not in the five. She was the Markie Wahlberg to the new kids on the block. Oh, interesting. But everyone knows Tito's name. She was the Andy Gibb to the Bee Gees.

Oh, okay. And Mikey died Mikey died Mike I mean God he died a while ago now what was it 2009 that segments over we're not playing that anymore oh oh yeah sorry give or take one here all right and now we're we're going to cheer up after after hearing about poor Tito. We are. Here's the funniest. Here we go. All right. So as if you're just joining the podcast and you've been in a cave, we have been doing a single caption comic strip that people are giving us their punchlines for.

The winner each week gets a signed koozie mailed to their house. They don't have to pay the $10 that everybody else has to pay. And let me tell you about the koozies. Yeah. I think as I sit here, I am up to date now. Listeners, it may not have arrived. Sunday is not a mail day but give it till I'm gonna say Wednesday and then write us in if you have not received your koozies even though sometimes they take long we've heard that back from people

but I think I'm up to date on this week well I just sent you two winners today so you may you may be short to koozies but if you want to get one this is the time when Mike has some time on his hands go to FitzDogg.com look for the koozie click on it you pay us ten dollars through Venmo including shipping and you can keep your drink cold for the winter all right it keeps the hot side hot all right last week's caption is it's a woman sitting on a toilet you can't see her above her chest but she has her panties around her ankles a woman and

she looks like a woman sitting on a toilet and there's two dogs and they're looking at her the door is open she's left the door open and they're looking at her and Ryan's submission is is she crying because we ate the baby's face Wow that's where women do they're crying well she has her elbows on her knees so you can almost picture that she has her it looks like her face would be in her hands here not me I think she's on her phone and she's like an anti-vaxxer spreading it all over Facebook that's what I see yeah Harvey Booth said how can you respect anyone who doesn't eat their own shit interesting Harvey Brian Woodhouse said number one or number two.

Ankle's lifted, muscles clenched, gotta be number two. These dogs are very deductive. Don P says does the bidet clean peanut butter? Alright Don's in the lead. Alright Jacob Tinman said you can drink the toilet water if you leave me the panties. Oh boy that bargaining hard bargains. Rich Kennedy said were you a bad boy why is she shitting in your water dish? Okay. Emmerich Holspop says dibs on the floater. She doesn't flush okay and make em logic police over here yeah Mike Jugginski ever meet Chuck Berry's dogs some wild-ass bitches not

sure about that is it cuz he famously was taking he was going number two I think yeah on tape he was into like filming women taking a shit that was there. He had he had a camera, a mini camera hidden under the toilet seat at his restaurant in Illinois. Colin McLeaf said the heavy panting and red rockets are making it hard to focus. Boys. That's what the woman is saying. OK. CS says it's so creepy the way they have to make eye contact when they take a dump.

OK. Nick Columbus says, you know what, Rover? I think this time we rub her nose in it. Not bad. Joanne says, do you think it's a turd or a toilet baby? Joanne., do you think it's a turd or a toilet baby? Joanne. Oh, Joanne. Disgusting. Geez. Steve Grasso, our finally one, the dogs are sniffing?

Yep, she ate him. We got to get the fuck out of Ohio. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I guess it's a Haitian gal is implicit in that joke. That's what we're thinking. Based on the terrible false stereotypes that they're talking about there.

It sounds like you most, you liked Does the Bidet Clean Peanut Butter from Don P. I'd say that was a clear winner. And since I'm logic police, it's why they're so eagerly watching I think and it's a woman like a lot works in that joke based on the stereotypes and you know and old jokes about that so yeah I like that one. Okay in fairness we had a lot of I don't put all the submissions and I put in what I think

are the strongest ones my judgment is not always great. It depends on what strikes me. But there were a number of peanut butter submissions. I felt like this was the strongest version of that joke. All right. So Don sent us your address. We'll get you a koozie out right away. Next week the caption is, two men. They are angels. They have on white kind of smocks with wings behind them neither one looks happy they look distressed I think distressed would that be the right word for their facial expression yeah I mean listen they're both in the sky they're both standing on a cloud facing each other and one guy is talking to the other who looks quite glum. I'm going to say he looks worried, concerned,

but not yet not happy. They both look concerned. They look concerned and distressed. So send us your submissions at FitzDoggRadio at gmail.com. Do me a favor. Write your punchline. Put your name directly underneath it. It helps me put it into the dock. Thank you. All right, let's get to the real comics. Haggar is sitting in his chair. He's got a little goblet full of what do they drink back then? Oh, they drink. I used to just shoot that right out. And I don't know what it is out of the chalice. What was it? It was it ends with a K. Shallis. What was it? It was a. It ends with a K. Gronk.

Conk. No. Somebody email us. The daughter is is she's very concerned and she got. Mead. Me. That's what it is.

Where's Chris Denman when we need him? What does he think about my inquiries? Chris has been ghosting us. He never comes on the show anymore. All right, so she goes, a friend told me some girl was making moves on Lute. Lute is her boyfriend. She goes, I'm gonna confront her. And thengar says good idea and then she goes find out what she sees in him so he's shitting on her boyfriend well first of all I don't think in the 1400s when there's no running water and women are being abducted cons I don't think women make moves the only move a woman makes

on a man back then is a head fake so they can duck into the woods and run. Probably Yeah, although you want that protection, I guess you got to bet on a good one. I don't know. That's true. Yeah, I don't based on loot. loot is like a little skinny musician, though. I don't think he's gonna protect anybody. All right right so let's get to the Lockhorns I fucking love this one the doctor is looking in Leroy's ear with the flashlight and he goes no wonder you have a song stuck in your

head there's an earbud lodged in there that's the one you love I didn't at first and then and then the more I thought about it the more all right anyway uh the other one is uh Leroy is at a buffet and his his plate is just spilling over with food and Loretta says to her friend Leroy's willpower won't that's pretty good yeah it's it's it's it's it's

it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's frame Garfield comes up to a reclining chair that has a lever on the side he's looking like really tired I mean his eyes are always half closed but he's

looking really tired so the next frame the second you got to point out that the leg rest is partially raised it's about halfway raised partially raised second frame he goes over to it John the owner is watching this now he looks very concerned about what Garfield is up to. And Garfield in the second frame has his head in that footrest. Like he's facing the chair and he's just put his head between the seat cushion and that and the footrest. I've said headrest, the footrest.

And then he's grabbing the lever. And oh, my God, does this pay off in the third frame? It doesn't. There is no third frame. That's the whole goddamn thing. That's what it is. I just described the whole thing to you. That's what it was. I thought this guy got paid for this. I thought you would love this because this looks like he's committing suicide. Is it

is that the joke that he's using it like a question? Is that the joke is the question with every Garfield I think it looks to me like he's committing suicide. He's got his head in the guillotine and he's pulling the lever down. I think he's just done with life. He's over it. And John, yeah, John looks very, you think that he'd be happy because all Garfield does is steal food off of his plate

and make him look ridiculous in front of like dates that he has. Does John always eat lasagna? I don't understand. Maybe. No, I don't know. All right. All right, speaking of I don't understand. Maybe. No, I don't know. All right. All right. Speaking of I don't understand, here's a guy

who weighs about 113 pounds. He wears a red bow tie. He's got big, stupid feet. He sit at the table with a 10 and unequivocal. I don't care what city you're in. People say like, oh, she's a she's a Des Moines, Iowa 10

Blondie is an LA 10. She's a New York. She's a Paris 10. She's an earth 10 She's an earth 10 So they're sitting there and they're drinking coffee and he goes boy what I wouldn't give to call in sick today and she goes What would you what would you do if you did dear? Okay, that's all that's all I need to hear Are you sure what would I do? Oh, let's see what would you do if you did, dear? Okay, that's all I need to hear. What would I do? Oh, let's see what he would do. I could go golfing or binge watch that new show or nap all day.

And then she goes, if you said clean out the garage, I would have been sold, dear. All right, here's what I would do. Here's what I would do. Garage is her private parts. I would go, I would clean that garage and then I would hang out in that garage. There would be oil leaks in that garage.

If she said to me, what would you do? She constantly is inviting him into her sexual world and he doesn't fucking get it. He says, I to call in sick today What would you do dear? He just needs to look her in the eye and say I want to put you down on that couch In the living room. I want to slide that velvet skirt up. I want to put my face down in your peak I want to make you are you kidding me? Look at the rack on her with that fucking mauve top

that's hugging her breasts. It's insane. Which and of course, at this point, she has to be like, you know, dear, if you had said you'd sit in the running car in the closed garage, I would have been sold. If you said you would put your head in the in the reclinable lazy boy, and suffocated yourself and I'm john just look on yeah all right listen mike we did it we did it in an is exactly an hour and a half which is i think a pretty good length that's a good

one uh if you guys want to get out and have some fun this weekend it's sunday night but you got the whole week ahead of yourselves. Go to game time download the app and use the code PAPERS for $20 off on your first purchase. I want to remind you my special you know me is out on YouTube. Check that out. Mike anything you want to promote? Huh? Well, I don't want you to see the thing. And I know

there's big fans out there. Yeah, see alien. How about that? There you go. See alien. I want to thank Midcoast Media for their fantastic job editing and producing and uploading and tagging and social media and just generally caring about our podcast. And thank you guys for listening. We appreciate it. Tell your friends. Don't forget, leave comments on the YouTube channel and spread the love all right everybody take it each take it each little news. Confident misinformation to take away my blues. Confident misinformation about the facts and dates. Confident misinformation but it's never late.

But it's never late Read all about it until you feel woozy Maybe someday you'll get that koozie Take it each, we'll see you later It's Mike and Greg on the Sunday Papers Confident misinformation And they've papers, confident misinformation Falling on your lap, confident misinformation And the Game Time app, confident misinformation More wrong than right Confident misinformation With Greg and Mike With Greg and Mike With Greg and Mike