Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 234 10/6/24

Episode Date: October 6, 2024

Denver shutters its last lesbian bar, LAPD has robot dogs and Elton John is on his last leg (and hip).Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Thanks to Heil Sound for the new microphones https://heilsound.comEmail caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Read All About It Read All About It! Read all about it. Here we are bringing you the news. Yes. And a couple made up things along the way. Hold on. I got to plug in my headphones. Check, check, check, check. Putting in the headphones. Checkaroons. All right. That's too low. I think. Check. Check. All right, that's too low, I think. Check, check. All right. There we have it.

We're off, we're off. Mike, how are you? You're in Nashville, Kentucky? I am in Nashville, Kentucky. Exactly, Greg, exactly. What is the difference? Does Kentucky and Tennessee compete on who's, should we say, smarter?

Oh no, I don't know about that, but I do know Tennessee is very envious of Kentucky's left-leaning ways, I guess. Oh, interesting. How about this? This is a good way to say it. That won't turn anybody off. Kentucky is more politically diverse and

I think a lot of Tennessee is envious of that right now Interesting. Yeah, especially certain people in Tennessee are very envious of the Diversity the diverse competing the diversity, the diverse competing political views there. I was in Louisville last month and yeah, it was very mixed, very mixed. Talked some politics on stage. I'm working on my new hour since the special

and it is on the road, it's working great, in LA, bombing. My last two shows shows I bombed. And what do you do? You just talk about Sleepy Joe? Why is it working on the road and not in Los Angeles? No, it's not politics. Well, it's politics in the sense that I'm making fun of Christians. And I think when I go on the road,

the people that come to the show are there to see me. They know me. And so there's a little bit of context of what my point of view might be. Oh, okay Okay that's true. And then I go into the LA clubs where you're doing 15 minutes and you're going on after like you know Bobby Lee is just up there destroying. And pulling his pants down. He doesn't do that anymore I think that's I think this is the sunset on that phase of his career. By the way, you know, he almost did. So I took my cousin was in from England. I did this summer and I took him and he knows him from his podcast.

So he couldn't believe he was seeing Bobby Lee. And I'm like, he almost always takes his pants off. And my cousin's like, what? And he came so close this time. So I he was still entertaining it. And it went down really far. He proved I think he shaved. And then he also kept grabbing it. Yeah, he pulls down the front of his pants. And yeah, yeah, he did a very nice thing. He was on his podcast. He was on with who's the guy with the

mullet? Why am I forgetting his name oh the oven yeah Theo Vaughn and he said to Theo who do you think is the nicest guy in the comedy world and Bobby listed me as number one nicest guy in comedy is that nice yeah yeah yeah so I saw him last. I thanked him and he he acted weird. He's like, what am I saying? He's got an intimacy thing. Like I love Bobby and I want to be closer. I want to be closer to him. But he's like a cat. When you try to grab it, he flees. May I make a suggestion to you? Yeah. to you. Yeah. Consciously break eye contact a lot more than you do when you're around when you're around these people that don't want to be emotionally intimate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. You have to like look down, look away, give them time to look at you without you staring back. It's so funny

you're saying that because I had that exact thought last night and I looked away from him a couple times really realizing yeah I realized it's too powerful it's too much to my sister's pants were down yes pants were down so it is too much it is too much for them yeah it's a lot it's a lot everybody wants to be everybody wants to be close to Bobby Lee because he's just like he's so fucking funny and he's so like caring like he's a very kind of sensitive guy. But yeah everybody wants to go deeper. It was Owen's birthday yesterday. Oh nice. He turned ready for this 24 years old. Holy shit. That's right I. I remember the day he was born and I remember I always remember his birthdays the third because I think at that time I was insanely into Radiohead and he was born on a Tuesday. And I know that I'm assuming it was a Tuesday because that's when that new Radiohead album dropped. I'm going to go find out which one it is now.

Obviously, I'm not as big a super fan. Okay, Computer? No. Okay, Computer was in the mid 90s. It was earlier, yeah. Anyway, go ahead. So, yeah, no, his best birthday party, I said this to him last night,

we were talking about which were his favorite birthdays that he remembers, because when you're that age you actually remember past birthdays born 2001 2000 baby he's a 2000 kid 2000 all right how cool is that I guess it was kid a oh is that what it was yeah okay he's released on October 2nd he's October 3rd though. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Anyway, good So I remember his first birthday party it was we were living in Venice and we had a party for him and all the nannies were there because in Venice like a lot of a lot of the

Families have nannies and so it was like there was this brigade of nannies that all hung out together like our nanny and like five others. And they just took strollers and they went from house to house and they'd have coffee and cake at each house and they just kind of work their way around. And so they were at our house for Owen's birthday. All these Guatemalan, Salvadorian, Mexican women. and then all the sudden Zach Galifianakis and Nick Swartz and show up wearing sundresses perfect totally stone-faced no no joke about it and then they brought they brought him a Hansen t-shirt that they'd

gotten on Abbot Kinney it was one of those Rhino ones that cost like 70 bucks right and he was one that's great yeah so yeah we went out went to this nice new restaurant Paloma on Abbot Kinney and boy my kids like to they like to order from the right side of the menu at nice restaurants They like to go in for that like that cocktail, you know the leather Bound cocktail menu. Oh sure. Yeah, and you're the non-drinker paying for it. Yeah. Yeah There was a lot of extra food extra food, yeah

Okay, should we get oysters? Well well I don't like them I don't really like them waiter comes over yeah we'll get a dozen oysters what what dad it's for the table you know the part of the table that's right in front of me that table yeah and then oh then here's the thing I love. We get the bill and it was like $400, okay, before tip. And then the guy goes, we add 5% as for health insurance for the staff. Yeah. And I go, I don't understand, I go,

you mean that like that's already been added into the check? And he's like, yeah, but it's optional. You don't, you can take it out. And I was like, well, how many people go, no, take it out. First of all, don't start adding expenses. You figure out what your fucking items cost. If you're like, you know, the pasta's $35 for a fucking plate of pasta.

Now you want to throw five percent of the you pay your staff. How about that? I pay you for the food and then you figure out your budget and you pay your staff's fucking health insurance. Don't tack it on top. Right. Oh, my God. It's so obnoxious. I've seen some places do a. I forget where Oh, maybe it's that Japanese role place on Broadway near second anyway. They you don't have to do any math.

The final bills the final bill and I think they added 17% or something like that for tip already. Yeah. or something like that. For tip? Already, yeah. And I think what, and I'm sure some places consider this, you could get the data on what the average tip is, and I bet it's way lower than we think, and get the data on what it is and come up with a number that's a little higher than that. So let's say the data came in that it's 16% because you have some people stiffing it so that's zero. So let's say it was 16%. So you do it a little higher at 17. You and I would be thrilled because we tip above that. And then it would bring everybody else up and they have no say in the matter. I how about they just price in a salary for their servers?

What is this percentage thing? I don't get it because I never change. Everybody gets 20%. Across the board, I pay 20%. Don't hit 20% on the 5% that's already been added. Yeah, I know. Anyway, but look, both my son is a right now, so I can't really complain. So hopefully he'll get health. Maybe he's gonna get health coverage out of this. And America has ruined it for the world. Let me turn this light down here. America's ruined it for the world. I mean, all these countries were tipping wasn't a thing. Our tourism. Now they're expecting tips. Yeah, it used to be in Europe you got like 5% as a tip.

Oh, I even still think in England it's like, well, if you like them or whatever, you can like just put a buck down or something. And cabs, I think it was like five bucks depending on the ride or something. It's a $40 thing. What else? You've got something new maybe going on in your career. I know we can't talk about it exactly. I wouldn't.

I'd say it's nothing to write home about. I'm teaching again at USC. So doing that. But oh, we're not going to name names, but a friend of ours got a ton of weed because his friend runs like a dispensary. I think people know. Just shush, shush, shush. So got a ton of weed and like a lot like it looked like and it turns out they were like,

I think old ish or expired There's probably regulation that they can't sell it after this Grown or harvested on date. So anyway, I mean a giant box Giving it away by the handfuls. I mean like I can't even imagine on me so he's like I made and this person is very experienced with weed and he's like, I made, and this person's very experienced with weed, and he's like, I made this cake, and it's a lot. And I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, well, it messed, like I was going somewhere,

he had, I forget where he was going, maybe a doctor's appointment, and had to turn around because he was too baked, which was really surprising to hear out of this person's mouth, because boy, do they handle it well unlike me. Well how how well do you handle it that you get high before a doctor's appointment? That's insane. No some people have to get some writers I know have to get high before work. Yeah. And they act completely responsibly. Right. And anyway, and that's the opposite of me, like I would I would be a disaster. So and

speaking of that, so anyway, he tells me all that I have some we did. Oh, yeah. I had some I'm forgetting what happened. Anyway, the second time I'm like, I'm gonna have, oh, I got completely messed up. I went home before it really hit and then I was blotto. The second time I took a little less at his house, watching, well, I forget what game it was and has a long story short and I've massacred this story. I had to sleep there

in a place that's very undesirable to sleep. Oh, yeah. And I was on the couch and I realized, I let enough time go by and I'm like, there's no way this is still getting stronger. And I got up to go get a glass of water and I even said, I go, I better get, you know, hit the road. And walking was a significant challenge

where nothing could be taken for granted. I had to think about every step and then brace myself. It was so messed up. So I'm like, what did, how much did you, how did you make this cake? And he goes, oh, he's like, there wasn't not like any more loose weed or whatever. So I just unrolled and I put 70 joints in it.

This is not a big cake. This cake is not very big and cake is overstating it. It's like brownies. It's like brownie height, but he used cake mix and it's an eight by, it's almost maybe even a square one it's not big at all oh my god 70 joints are in there so that you take the pot and boil it down or you just put the pot straight into the mix we talked about you know the old way and maybe that's the way is you usually would melt it in the butter and then use that butter to

cook and that's how you get your pot cookies and pot brownies. This was just crudely weed dumped into the batter. I didn't know that worked. Either did I. Oh my god does it. Oh my god does it. Jesus. And then a buddy came over who you also know, and he only took a corner. He Ubered home. It's a toxic cake. This is a toxic cake. And the best is our friend is still trying to figure out. It has messed up everybody in unusual ways.

He had to leave, not go to that audition. And then he's like, yeah, no, the other day I thought I also took a small enough amount napped. Normally, no matter what, my nap kills the buzz and I wake up fresh. I woke up baked as hell from my nap. And he goes, and he goes, I was like, so anyway, I'm like, well, yes. So you've thrown that you've thrown in the trash now already because it's not fun trying to figure this out. He's like, no, I just took a little bit before I called you and I'm trying to, and I'm gonna see.

It's kind of like, my analogy was, it's like, yeah, there's a snake in the kitchen, it bit me again. I'm like, well, what did you do? I'm like, I just thought this time I could pick it up differently, you know what I mean? And it wouldn't bite me as bad, but it did. No, this is the guy who will say to me yeah I haven't smoked weed in two weeks I'm like oh that's

amazing well I'm taking edibles oh okay got it so there's a new segment that somebody introduced I don't know if you want to do it or not but it goes like this wait I cannot minimize this it's people are this guy cut out a clip from the show that he's well I don't I don't see this so you're like quizzing me or something now this is a classic clip and we can drop it in there where is it I'm gonna let's do it on the next episode but we're gonna put it out to you guys we're gonna introduce this segment next week because this guy sent an audio file and I don't think that really works because if people are

watching this on YouTube which not that many people do but less than a minute classic clip this one was you talking about writing a script but telling people I'm writing a hit comedy. Yeah. Do you remember that? How long ago was that? No, I'm gonna start doing that again. That was when I was like,

I'm gonna trick myself into being positive. So whenever anyone asked me what I was up to, I'd be like, oh, not much. I'm writing a hit movie. And I'd never heard that before. And people in Hollywood are only half paying attention. So they basically just hear hit movie and think Mike Gibbons. And now all of a sudden you got a little buzz on you. Yeah. Also, like, no one sits down not to write a hit movie right let's be honest yeah oh I'm writing a bomb I'm writing something that'll bomb and not get made I got a

hit movie in my head man one day I'm gonna sit down and write it are you being serious yeah I really do I have a movie I think could be a really big mainstream funny good piece of acting for people like actors would be killing to do this it's a black and white comedy just got to write it well I mean this is very odd for us to talk about but is it Taika Taika what TD who is writing the best stuff now and maybe even won an Oscar. But you know, he wrote what we do in the shadows as well. He has admitted he has a I write his first draft. No. And and I'm telling you,

us I'm teaching a USC right in the cinematic arts, which arguably, you know, at least by reputation, top three schools of its kind in the world, maybe, and I'm not floating my boat. I'm just saying this is a place that's pretty storied and excellent. I'm very new to it, but they are constantly dealing with how you even like, for instance, on your syllabus, you have to put kind of some of the ground rules. Like obviously you have to put in, I have to copy and paste USC's boilerplate paragraph on plagiarism. And it's across the board, even if you're in US history, plagiarism is a thing.

It has to be in everybody's syllabus. Well, a new thing, and it's very interesting for creative arts school is AI. Because what if you are using it as a tool? So it's a conversation for another time. But I'd be interested and you can Google your first step is Googling, what are the best AIs for writing screenplays, And it'll cough up the list and you'll get it and it's all in your it's all in your prompt. It's all in what you say and what you say should be very detailed and can be very long. And then I mean, one way I'm thinking about I know listeners are rolling their eyes like listening to this massive justification and rationalization, but one thing that we teach is when the header of your first scene. Return, return, return, and then write the end. And just seeing that the end Did I talk about this last week?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. It's just like such a great little cheat and you start then at least there's something there and you start filling it in. I think it's like that. I think it's like that when you first get married and you say till death do us part, go to the cemetery with your wife and just take a look at the headstones. It just lets you know, it will end it will eventually end here. It's a great point. Very solid. How about this? And by the way, I'm sure people have all the advice on it. Why don't you tell AI to write you a movie pitch and you give it as many details as you can? And then you can

specifically ask it come up with a couple of twists and turns in act two or whatever. Yeah, this this business is over. Nobody's ever going to get a writing job again. It's just for every 10 jobs is going to be one now. Oh, I think I think you're right. Yeah. But for you to get your idea done. Otherwise, it never lives anywhere. That's true. Same way. I'm still writing that hit movie. Yeah, I'm still not writing that. Harlan Williams challenged me. I told him I had an idea for a movie and I gave him the beats. And he goes in six months, I'm still writing that hit movie. Yeah, Harlan Williams. Harlan Williams challenged me.

I told him I had an idea for a movie and I gave him the beats. And he goes in six months, I'm going to ask you for that draft. He goes, I want you to give me 120 pages. I don't care how bad it is. And he goes, I'm not going to bother you for it again. I'm just putting that out to you right now in six months. You're going to give that to me and I might put that in my calendar. When do you think that six months is up? This just happened next month. No, it happened like it happened like he challenged

me about five months ago. Oh, so now I have to use AI. I want to hear about this report. How about this? Here's your deadline. Yeah, you have 1000s of people listening. Next week, you have to tell me where you're at. Okay. And yeah, I have should not be the same update as today. I have all week, I have plenty of time, I'm going to sit down, I'm going to get I'm going to get an outline on paper and a pitch. And then, maybe can I pitch I can't pitch it on the show, somebody will steal it. No, but you can tell us whether you were impressed or really unimpressed with what AI coughed back at you.

It's all about rewriting anyway. That's I think Tyka's. All right. Speaking of impressed, very impressed with Jane S who did the logo for this week, Sunday Paper School for Boys. Very funny. I look a little bit like who in that picture? Ellen?

Yes, very much so. And know what's amazing is that's your face. Your face sold that because that is blonde. That's not blonde hair. Yeah. Emmett Hall did a very cool song. Loved it. Very catchy.

I think it could, you know, if we had to come up with our finals, our finalists for like what could be a theme song, Emmett Hall consistently gives us jingles that are like perfect theme songs for the show. Totally. Thank you, Emmett. Thank you, Emmett. Some corrections, Jesse from last week said, you said that the hurricane and insurance situation

is a warning to flee Florida. Wrong. It's an invitation to those who agree with Florida, the lifestyle and the politics. If you're a Florida man and haven't made it to Florida, please pack it up and head south ASAP. Leave the rest of the country to us normals. All right, I have a question. This came up today. So I'm down here in Nashville and this

place, this really, really cool cabin went for sale. It's like 45 minutes outside of Nashville and it just came up in conversation was it was actually Hannah's sister brought up. So anyway, it's like, all right, and it's on a stream. There's a gazillion rivers here and it's on a stream and and in the listing on like what a Zillow, it gives like warnings, like, is it a fire area? You know, that type of thing. And then flood, it was extreme. And I don't know if you've seen the news footage of Eastern Tennessee where the I 40 just completely got washed out and disappeared. And North Carolina is unbelievable. Asheville, yeah. I mean, is the whole country going the way of Florida where insurance companies are

like, sorry, we're out. Oh, you're near you're near a river. No, thank you. Well, 60 Minutes did a piece last week on the the hurricane that came through, what was it, two years ago? That was really intense, I forget what it was called, but it ripped through Florida. Anyway, the big insurance companies have fled, so now all that's left are these little insurance companies and they will take your money every month and then when when it came time to pay out, they had all these insurance adjusters saying, Yeah, I came in and I told the insurance company that the estimate was $250,000. And then cut to the

people saying, Yeah, they wrote us a check for $12,000. And, and their basic stance is take us to court. They they they are underpaying everybody by 90 to 95%. And they're saying take us to court their little companies, and they'll probably go belly up. So you know, this hurricane that just hit now I know for a fact they dropped my mom's insurance like half the people in Florida have no insurance anymore. No, my dad dropped his Yeah, he that's the thing like why

wouldn't you this business model? Why wouldn't you and I go set up an insurance thing with all sort of good intentions? I say sort of because we would take people's money. We're there. We're going to this when the little things happen. We're there, man. Like, you know, oh, yeah, your washing machine leaked and it ran and flooded downstairs. We're are, here's your payment, ba ba ba ba. But when the big one comes through, we very truthfully go bankrupt, and let FEMA take care of it. Also, but we'll be tied up in the courts. But you and I

collected all that money over the years, with all good intentions. But you and I also knew in the back of our head, there's no way that we'll be liquid enough when the big one hits. Well, liquid would be a bad choice of words. But yeah, I would say I think it's a great idea. I think I'm going to write a script and we're going to start a two bit crooked insurance company in Florida. Also. That would be our promo by the way,

is we're gonna be the only dry area, not liquid at all, when that flood hits. Yeah. Also a lot of people pointed out the YouTube went up yesterday, last week, and they put up the wrong episode on YouTube. What they put up the week before his episode and then I think they I let them know and then they corrected it. That's why I haven't commented on everybody's comments on YouTube yet. Yeah. Yeah, Mike's a

little behind Mike's a little behind on the YouTube comments. Don't worry. He's going I'm going to last week and I'm going to this week right now. Kyle from Arkansas said the song lyric is you look wonderful tonight, not I look wonderful tonight. That would be very narcissistic. Did I say that? I look wonderful. I don't know. I think I confuse it. It's supposed to be I feel wonderful tonight. They the lyric changes in different verses it's you look wonderful tonight Oh, and then and then they and then the final verse is I feel wonderful tonight Getting getting corrected on prose from Arkansas You've arrived Dean said

you've arrived Dean said Fitz apartheid is pronounced apartheid you said it more like how Mike Tyson would say it I did I said apartheid oh did you I well maybe you're from Catalona I yes Catalonia I often say it wrong it's it's like the airline Lufthansa it's Lufthansa not Lufthansa. It's Lufthansa, not Lufthansa. Hmm. Say hello to Gibbons for me. Oh, look at that. Hey, boys. All right. If you want to come out and see live stand up comedy at its best, I will be in Tulsa, Oklahoma at Bricktown this weekend, October 10 to the 12th, Kansas City at Funny Bone on October 18th through 19th, then I'm coming to Philly, Tacoma, Tempe, Arizona, San Francisco, Cleveland, Janesville, Wisconsin, Nyack, New York, Raleigh, Milwaukee, Vegas, Atlanta, Pittsburgh.

Go to FitzDog.com, get some tickets. The fresh hour is killing on the road. Some of it's having a hard time in LA LA is a little squeamish. I think people get like some of this stuff is super edgy. And I think people are getting scared. I got a great Pittsburgh hat, by the way. Oh, yeah. Of course, from a thrift store where I buy most of my things, that St. Matthews one on Main Street, which is which comes from a church in Pacific Palisades. This is how you have to approach these shops. You gotta go to the Richie Rich ones.

That's where I got these. I told you about I got a new Peter Millar, it's like $120 golf shirt. They ripped me off, man. All golf shirts are five bucks there. 15 for that one, because the labels were still on it. Yes, but I got my Pittsburgh

hat but what problem is it's like when I wear the Michigan hat that I bought to support my daughter I forget I'm wearing it and then people start conversations with me and I have no idea what the fuck they're talking about like oh no I remember I did a college at Ohio State and they gave me a sweatshirt and I was the next day I wore it in the airport. I'm flying home and I'm walking through the airport and people keep going, go Bucks. And I'm looking at him like, what the fuck you talking? Go Bucks.

I'm like, what do you like? I know nothing about college sports. Oh, so it finally explained to me. Oh, yeah, they're called the what are they the Buccaneers Buckeyes, whatever. Yeah. So I'm in like Trader Joe's or something last week. And the guy's like, walks by me and goes, You got lucky Saturday. And I'm like, what? It sounds like I'm making this up. I was like, first of all, I'm reading his face like crazy. Like,

how do you know me? Yeah. And what, what are you talking about? And I'm like, uh, and he saw how confused I was. And then he knew and he like pointed up and I forgot I had the Michigan hat on. So, so I got lucky Saturday. Thank God. I didn't say something like, you know it, you know it or you know whatever. Yeah. Yeah. And then the Pittsburgh hat happens and everyone assumes I, I probably hate Pittsburgh. I just wear it. Chuck D wore it. And the only reason he wore it was, uh, Roberto Clemente. And so, um, anyway, I think I have that right. So then all of a sudden what happens is I'm wearing a hat, I kind of like and it turns into me explaining to every stranger who questions it. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it's like when I shave my head and people just like give me a quick Kyle Hitler or they'll do like the white pride sign. They know it. They know the code. It's just a haircut guys. Yeah. We have, we are so lucky to have this new sponsor. Ground News is such a perfect fit for this show. It is, it is, support for Sunday Papers comes from ground news and they are it's a it lets you interact with the media in a way that you're getting both sides of the story and you're getting a sense of where on the political spectrum different outlets are and so you can weigh the story. You got to know where it's coming from.

You know what is what is fact anymore. Yeah it's kind of like our podcast. You're like, oh, wow, there's some news and there are some Fitz facts. Right. Right. Exactly like that. So it's a tool and they have a thing called split headlines. So like if you go to a certain news story, like what we talking about before.

No, there's great ones. Like for instance, well, I went on this week, let me call it up. And there's the attack, you know, in the Middle East, and then how that's played out. And then now the jobs report just came out. And it's fascinating to look how left leaning publications talk about the jobs report just came out and it's fascinating to look how left leaning publications talk about the jobs report and how right leaning and the headlines and it's amazing how different they can be. And also the hurricane and then when it's right leaning there's a little less talk about

that this is absolutely undeniable trend for instance. Well like I know I've got an echo chamber. I think in a sense, like everybody, you know, your your your news feed figures out what you like and what you believe and they feed it to you. And this gives you a chance to like kind of trust in the media more because you because it's being called out for where it's coming from. Basically, they'll tell you if a news organization is owned by

a large like a corporate entity versus independently funded news. Yeah, so here's a good one. This was today's right. So Biden did not renew the parolees beneficiary, this immigration issue, where they're not extending parole for more than 100,000 Venezuelan migrants who came to the US. So the headline on the left leaning and it tells you there's a private equity firm Chatham Asset Management that I guess owns maybe the newspaper, oh, the Miami Herald. And it said Biden administration will not renew parolees for beneficiaries again. Now Fox News, and it tells you it's owned by Rupert Murdoch, this headline was Biden administration won't extend

parole for Venezuelan migrants in US via controversial flight program. So yeah, there's a little more flavor on it. Yeah, it's basically, you can see discrepancies in how things are reported. It's an amazing tool. So Ground News is a perfect sponsor for Sunday Papers to help us share our stories with you. Go to groundnews.com slash SP to get 40% off the Ground News Vantage plan, which will unlock access

to all their news analysis features. I think ground news is doing important work. I hope you'll check them out. That's ground, G-R-O-U-N-D dot news forward slash S-P. Okay. Also Mike, let's talk a little bit about, let's talk about life. Let's talk about ensuring that life. Let's talk, support comes from fabric on this show and fabric allows you to go to sleep at night. I mean, I had term life insurance for my family. I was the sole bread earner for 18 years before my wife went back to work.

And if I had died, they would have been screwed. We had a mortgage that we would have, they would have been so underwater with this mortgage. The college funds were not funded yet. And so I took out a million dollar policy. And I know that sounds like a lot of money. But my wife is accustomed to a certain way of living. And I think with that failure and disappointment, there should be a payoff for her someday.

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Assurance Company not available in certain states prices subject to underwriting and health questions. There we go. Perfecto. Let's get to at 40 minutes in let's get to story number one that's good paper that's good paper right there you found this story and I gotta say I love it the last lesbian bar in Denver Colorado it sounds like a Scorsese movie yeah is closing down the blush and blue will have its final day on October 5th the owner says the world has shifted and so have we the The remaining lesbian venue, the remaining lesbian venue in Denver will be open for the last time. The woman announced on Instagram that it's

closing didn't say why. That's what I'll get about the story. They never really tell you why. She said when she moved to Denver in 96 there were over 200 lesbian bars across the country, each a beacon of refuge and plaid Flannel though not always safe She wrote on the social media platform many of us entered through the side door our hearts guarded and steps careful now 28 years later only 20 Remain the world has shifted and so have we what?

remain the world has shifted and so have we what yeah I thought like every woman under the age of 25 was now a lesbian I know well they're too they're too exhausted from moving in with each other right away go out right you can you know it's four in the morning before you're done, you know, getting that U-Haul emptied. U-Haul kept my deposit and I missed happy hour. How am I supposed to go to your bar? It's just amazing that Denver of all places, which is literally the world headquarters for the Subaru Outback,

and they can't keep a lesbian bar open? You'd think there'd be more lesbian bars because all of them are drowning their sorrows because lesbian divorce is the highest divorce rate of all divorces. Is that right? Oh, yeah. Lesbians are getting divorced. Yeah, it's two women. I mean, the jokes like themselves and everyone's already done them.

But I'm just telling you, it's two women. Can you imagine the degree of unsatisfaction, dissatisfaction in the house? And unhappiness? I am guessing that, you know, every bar in America has had a comedy night once a week. And I think that the lesbian comedy night might have been what put most of these places out of business. Also, are they being a little stubborn that they're like,

there's hardly there's only now 20 down from 200 lesbian bars. It's a sad thing. We're on the brink. We got to bring lesbian bars back. It's like, you know, there are tons of gay bars. No, that's not us. Yeah, it has to be a lesbian bar., I mean, no, it's got to be. This is a lesbian bar. This is a by bar. This is a trans bar. This is a queer bar. This I mean, there's a lot of letters to cover.

That's that's split. That's splitting your your bar dollar pretty thin. I think in those in those places like in New Orleans or wherever, we're basically it's a bar mall. You know, Tampa has that little area to get the name of it. Bore. Yeah. You were saying is you should have it literally in a row. And maybe it's the same owner, but it's L.G.

G is the next bar. B is a bar. TQ is a bar. I want to go in the A bar. You know, they they added a which is the a sexual bar That's where I'd had did because you know, they didn't add a yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna turn a few ways That's what I'm that's my goal. Oh Flipping a footy doing tonight, man. I'm gonna go flip some A's fucking a

All right, so I looked up I looked up lesbian bar names because in some of the articles I read about it when I looked up this story, there'd be funny ones, but I had already like three articles down the road. I'm like, Oh, I should have started a list. So then I went off on Reddit. And of course, so here were some, Les Drink, Sapphic Sips, The Slippery Nipple, Pert and Perky, okay, The Y, I like The Y.

Let me find some more here. Okay, here's some. U-Haul. That's amazing. Pink Taco, Gold Star, Scissors, I like Scissors. Pink Taco, I've seen that, yeah. All right, let me think of some, let's see here.

All right, these are dirty ones. We're not gonna read all of those. Bean Flicker. The Bean Flicker. No, really? Yes. Strictly Chickly, Finger Lickin' Good, Felatio Lounge, the toy chest.

I don't believe it. No, I think this is reddit guys these are in cell reddit guys coming up with the titles no I think you might be right but I wonder if there was a real one called the bean flicker I know there was a pink taco I've seen those well pink taco I don't think was a lesbian bar though was it maybe let's see the rainbow room because steers and queers beers should have another end in there steers and queers and beers well there was in Venice there was the gay bar it's so amazing west side of LA there was one

gay bar and then all the hipsters wanted to hang out at the gay bar and so the gays stopped going and now there's this big the to hang out at the gay bar and so the gays stopped going and now there's this big the crosswalk in front of the bar is a rainbow and there's no gig our friend our friend used to go there every fucking night he would always tell us come on we're going to roosterfish tonight it's straight night and we'd go and it would be all guys totally so now there's no gay bars on the west side. How is that possible? We're probably unaware of also everyone likes going to gay bars now. Yeah. Our friend was

ahead of his time. Anyway, there's no really funny ones. I'm looking through them right now. No more funny ones. Let's get to this dog thing Huh? Oh my god The headline made for me jumped off the page for me LAPD defends unleashing robot dog on city It promises that spot will never be weaponized. All I can tell you is, yes, please turn this policy around and get the dogs out there. The four legged machine named Spot was designed by Boston Dynamics.

You might know Boston Dynamics, of course, for the terrifying videos with crazy advances on robotics. It's akin to a golden retriever in size and agility and weighs about 70 pounds. Spot can open doors, pick up objects, drag items weighing up to 50 pounds and can easily traverse difficult terrain like running right up your ass. Earlier this year, Spot was deployed to an incident of an armed man barricaded in an LA Metro bus. Spot was able to get onto the bus, identify the weapon, and take it away from the suspect

so that police were able to detain him without further risk. The armed man now has no arms and is missing a leg as well. They were very clean cuts though, and then it bandaged him. However, others fear that the robot dog could be seen as a symbol of militarization to minority and low income communities. No, you think so? Meanwhile, Boston Dynamics prohibits facial recognition and that the LAPD does not plan to arm spot. I say please put facial recognition on. The New York Police Department also previously

had a robot dog, digi dog. However, it was removed from service after a large public backlash when it was deployed into public housing. Listen, this is my dream. Every four block area, there's a robot dog on parole. Also, the robot dog on has a drone on its back. How about it? And you can program it unlike the dogs that were used in the civil rights here in and also especially back in the 1800s and slavery. They will not be trained to be racist dogs. No dog, you can limit what the scope of what it does. And doesn't see color it this dog won't see color although we know it does and then catalytic converters you could just have a dog on catalytic converter patrol yep they see a guy underneath the Prius they just yeah go right for the cock

pull him right out well that's my whole point is it could just come right up to him. And then you could have a dispatcher from the police station be like, if you don't move, like if you don't try to leave, nothing will happen. Police are on the way. I really have to underscore, do not try to walk away or run away. Because then a lot will happen. walk away or run away, because then a lot will happen. You are exactly what is wrong with America today. Like in the book 1984, George Orwell described how the government was going to come into our homes and have cameras watching us and getting our data,

and that you couldn't walk down the street without cameras. Well, he was wrong. The government didn't have to do anything. We invited it in. We loaded it onto our computers. We put apps on our phone that watch us, that share our information.

And now you wanna put the electronic dogs that will be watching us and policing us all over the streets. Ray Bradbury is the mechanical hound. Have your little community vote for it. Yeah. You wouldn't want one on your block. Tell me why, though.

Tell me why you wouldn't want one on your block. It's a slippery slope. Now all of a sudden, what if the next administration decides that, like, you remember when Giuliani took over New York City and I remember my brother got handcuffed for running through Times Square with his friend. They were just having fun. So it worked.

Yeah. Bobby needs to be reined in. Let's face it. He needs a couple of times to just be like, come on, little check here. The next administration might come up with all kinds of crazy rules about what you're allowed to do and what not to do. And, and, and they'll ratchet up and all your freedoms will be gone. I don't like it. Well, after November, I might be whistling a different tune. But my whole view up till now has been the government, I mean, maybe in the 50s, they really had their shit together, like the FBI and CIA. But it's like, I don't

think they have their shit together enough to be policing our every move like that or well in existence, that government was on top of it. The top minds in the world work for them to control the masses. Well just don't see that. China is doing a lot of this shit already in terms of surveillance on the street, and you have like a rating that the government gives you that allows you to borrow money or not

based on your civil behavior. It's fucking crazy. I don't know. I think you can plan it well. Like in other words, where it's, listen, this is just going to stop thefts. How about that? Yeah, that's where it starts. Where does it stop? By the way, it's already out there. If you don't think there's going to be a camera on every corner reading and identifying every face on the street, that's going to happen.

Yeah. Why not put it in a nice warm friendly body of a big dog what's amazing to me is i was driving the other day on a toll road you know when you drive down to san diego and there's no toll there's not even a fucking sign that says go to this website and put in your license plate so that we can so you can pay your toll it just you're somehow supposed to magically know that there's a website to go to to plug in no i know it's horrible i've gotten a ticket yeah they send you a ticket and you didn't even know you were on a toll road it's insane so why is it that we are not getting speeding tickets

from these cameras when we're driving down the highway and how long until that happens. I just bought a Mustang. I'll get this. So I parked my motorcycle in and this one's a motorcycle not a scooter in the Nashville airport. I went I walked around typical me move and I scouted the whole place because I wrote a guy which I've talked about in the podcast before and he writes for the local paper and he was a proponent because a lot of airports it's free parking for motorcycles because we do not take up a goddamn car spot. So anyway, I then drove like I do at LAX, which is legal and encouraged at LAX. I drove around the parking arm after having parked there for a week at 30 bucks a day or something like that. And I'm wondering, as I sit here, that happened yesterday,

if I'm gonna get a ticket in the mail, like would they have read my license plate? Interesting. Yeah. So you leave a motorcycle at the Nashville airport while you're in LA, and then when you fly back in, you pick it up again? Yeah. And you do the same're in LA and then when you fly back in you pick it up again? Yeah. And you do the same thing in LA you're leaving a scooter at the LA airport.

My scooter's sitting at LAX right now I took I parked that one there but that one's totally legal the one here is totally illegal. I also thought when I leave I just put a little duct tape over the license plate get out stop as soon as I can before I get in traffic. Take the duct tape off. Tell you then a fucking electric dog is going to pull you right off the scooter one of these days. And I should be caught and I would welcome I'd be like you're right dog. I'd pet it. I'd be like you know what you're right. You're on the right side of things. I should be reined in like your brother Bobby. All right, let's skip this next one and go down to what was the next one? This MyPillow one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A bipartisan forum in a small

county community took a turn when Republican Senate incumbents Dan Foreman stormed out of the event following a racist outburst directed at a Native American candidate. Do you say Native American now or do you say indigenous? You say Native American. On Tuesday, local Democrat and Republican representatives organized a Meet Your Candidates Forum in the northern Idaho town of Kendrick. When asked if discrimination existed in Idaho, conservative Senator Dan Forman said no. Democratic candidate for House seat A Existed in Idaho, conservative senator Dan Forman said no.

Democratic candidate for House seat A and member of the Nez Purse Tribe, Trish Carter Goodhart, said she pushed back on that idea when it was her turn to speak, pointing out her own experience and the history of white supremacy groups in northern Idaho. Forman stood up and angrily interjected using an expletive to criticize what he cast as the liberal bent of the response. He then told her she should go back to where she came from and stormed off. You go back to where you came from, get out of Cayuga County, get on the Arapahoe Drive, and get out of my home. I want you to cut straight through the sacred burial ground

that's now a Home Depot, and go back to where you came from. Then he turned to the African American candidate and asked why his people thought it was a good idea to come to this country and take our jobs, and maybe it's high time you get back to wherever it is you came from i don't know how you got here i don't know how you got here you got it done you got it done somehow so just get on home i don't know who paid for your freight to get over here but yeah uh all right and

then let's get to some entertainment here's a heavy story yes Yes, I like heavy stories. Here we like the mechanical ham. All right, Garth Brooks, accused of rape and a lawsuit from his hair and makeup artist. Now, listen, like everyone, when I heard this, I was shocked that Garth Brooks had a hair and makeup artist. I also think artists might be overstating it. How about person or laborer hair and makeup laborer? I think that might be more accurate. Right? Listen, it's safe to read this story. We hope

Garth is vehemently denying this like very strongly. In fact, he put in a proactive lawsuit to try to clear his name and all that stuff and says he's being blackmailed and all that. I guess, do we hope that's the case? I guess it feels weird saying that. Well, you don't want to you don't want to deny the woman her day in court, because she very well may have been attacked by him, you know, right? Oh, boy. So this book, we'll get to the rest of the story. I just read it in terms of that, like, believe all women, you know, that was a big phrase,

hopefully just for a little while. Hear me out. Hear me out. But I finally finished Atonement, the book. It's incredible. What's Atonement? So Atonement, I saw it. First of all, first of all, you read a book. I know. I know. That's why I'm bragging about it. Yeah. I listened to a lot of it. But I also I also read it. And then after I after I finished it, I went back. Because I wanted to see like he shifts time a lot anyway. It's considered one of the greatest books of the last 50 years. And it's on everybody's list. It's one awards the whole thing. But boy, I'm not going to say anything about the book. It was made into

a movie, which I'd be fascinated to see because it's all internal. It's very Jane Eyre. And but boy, is it a giant reminder not to believe all women blindly and to hear all women and then investigate. Okay, that's all. That's our message today from Sunday papers. Anyway, the woman said she worked for books wife Trisha yearwood since 99. She also started working for Brooks in 2017. She said the assault occurred when she traveled from Nashville to Los Angeles with Brooks, who is performing with a soul singer. Brooks normally traveled with an entourage, but the two were alone in his private jet. Oh, and he booked just one hotel suite

Oh for both of them the lawsuit says the woman alleges that in the suite he appeared naked in the doorway To the bedroom and raped her the suit says that he then proceeded as though nothing happened and Expected her to do his hair and makeup Immediately after well listen lady. You're the one who messed up his hair and makeup immediately after. Well listen lady you're the one who messed up his hair. I think that's right. Also he needs some foundation to cover up that Viagra flushing. Oh god if only I mean he's gonna need a lawyer and he's gonna need a good lawyer but where are you gonna find one with this kind of experience? Well I guess I guess if Trump is put in jail they'll be he'll have some free they'll

need a new case they'll need a new case Elton John yeah I picked this story for you I thought you'd enjoy this all right he's getting candid about his battle with several health issues over the years. To be honest with you, there's not much left of me," John said at 77 at the New York Film Festival. He elaborated on his past surgery saying, I don't have tonsils, adenoids, or an appendix. I don't have a prostate. I don't have a right hip or a left knee or a right knee. In fact, the only thing left to me is my left hip. Despite having multiple body parts removed John said he's still here he added. And I can't thank enough the people that made me his comments come

on the heels of his announcement that he suffered a recent eye infection that impaired his vision. And this doesn't include Bernie Taupin removing half the money from his publishing rights well of all the things he doesn't have anymore he also never had lyrics he's lyrics how is he glossing over that one oh my god all intelligence from his lyrics were had been removed I'm guessing his septum is, he doesn't have a septum between his nostrils either at this point.

All his super gay fanatics, all they heard was he doesn't have tonsils. That just got interesting. He's missing a colon, not interested. All right, let's get on a Florida. All right. I love this. It's just very Florida. Florida man arrested for sleeping on Walmart roof with a gun in hand.

Lee County deputies responded to Walmart on Six Miles Cypress for reports of a man on the roof with a gun in hand. Lee County deputies responded to Walmart on six miles Cypress for reports of a man on the roof with a handgun. When deputies arrived, an employee told them he was checking the air conditioning unit after Hurricane Helene and he noticed a man sleeping on the roof. Deputies say they made their way to the roof and found Rios taking a nap with a revolver in his hand. According to reports, Rios was on the roof the night before to ride out the storm. So let's review.

There's a Walmart, there's a gun, and there's a dude riding out a storm. This is so beautifully Florida, I don't even want to make fun of it. It's nominated for Florida Story of the Year. It's got everything we need except meth. But let's not kid ourselves. There was a meth. It is actually it just reminds me of that James Taylor song, you know. Boy, which one? When this old world starts getting me down

people are just too much. How about up on the roof that's what I'm singing is that what you're saying yeah yeah I couldn't get it from that that's not James Taylor is it James Taylor well he covered it no no I think it was his and then maybe Carly Simon covered it. Are we going to call it up on the roof? Yeah. Dude, I believe a black gentleman wrote and performed the song. I'm going to guess.

That's my guess. By the way, that's a pretty tight. If you guess that for every song, every any hits, every hit song ever made, you'd be batting about 800, I think. Up on the roof. It's called the drifters. Get out of here. Really? Come on, man. This is too easy. Oh, but but hold on written by a white guy and Carole King. Oh, there hold on. Written by a white guy and Carole King. Oh, there we go. But recorded and made famous by the Drifters in 62. Yeah, people don't realize, Carole, well, people do realize. Carole King started out

as a songwriter and she was in that famous building. Yeah, the Brill Building, Tin Pan Alley. The Brill Building, yeah. And that she cranked out so many hit songs before she became famous was amazing. At a time when women weren't writing those songs. That's true. I think it was in that building that one of my favorite songs was written in which I've talked about a lot. But it was YMCA by the Village People? Yep. In the Navy by the village people. Just the way you look tonight. Here we go. We're going to make Georgia, Florida. I like this because it's sort of a local story, believe it or not for you and me. Georgia man arrested on the

Taconic with over a kilo of coke. Taconic Parkway, West chester County zone. Taconic State Parkway, Westchester County zone. Taconic State Parkway. A 45 year old Atlanta, Georgia man has been arrested by state police on the Taconic State Parkway after he was stopped for violations of vehicle and traffic law in Hopewell Junction,

which I know where that is. That's not far from Carmel. The state police to community stabilization unit arrested Reheim Drayton on the afternoon of September 4th after he was found in possession of over one kilogram of cocaine. Where was that guy when I was in high school in Tarrytown? You're right. Also, I think coke would help you weave in and out of all the deer on the Taconic. It's like it's like a game of Frogger. Taconic Parkway, if it's not flooded, it's covered in roadkill. There is so much dumb wildlife on the Taconic Parkway. It's actually, uh, old dirty

bastard famously got, uh, got arrested on the Taconic way back. Oh, did he? Yeah, yeah. That's gotta be a tough one when you're the cop. License and registration. Old, dirty bastard, yeah. Could you step out of the car? Yeah. All right, let's get to sports for a sec.

All right, let's get to sports for a sec. All right, did you see the Mets game? I've heard about it. I heard that they just keep it's not just this game. They keep coming back from multiple games. Well, by all accounts, I guess they should have won the second game and swept them and every every wild card playoff was a sweep except the Mets which went to game a final and deciding game three.

So I was at a dinner and missed it but a lot of my text chains and stuff were blowing up my stepfather's a giant Mets fan. So my family was in on that. So I then went and watched the ninth inning. They were down to nothing in the ninth one out. It was, and then they score four runs. It's unbelievable. Wow. Yeah. Well, not four, three, because then it would be over. No, no, because the they were the away team. Oh, sorry. So it was not bottom of the night. I think I say bottom.

It's the ninth inning. It was top of the ninth. Well, maybe it's time for me to get involved in baseball. I usually wait until about this far into the season and then I'll and then I'll start. I know the Dodgers are still in it. I think they're the favorites to win the Super Bowl this year. Oh, Tony is again. Here's what's so weird is Yankees might be the favorite. I wonder who's the favorite. Let's let's look that up. Go ahead. It was so crazy is that like Pete Rose died this week and I don't think was it this week or last week?

No, this this week and I don't think was it this week or last week no this this week and I don't think he's in our obituary but he was not allowed in the Hall of Fame even though he was quantifiably one of the best baseball players in history but Otani was a gambler too Otani fucking bet money on professional baseball and everybody's just looking the other way because he's so good. I know people are Not happy with what you just said because I think he's been cleared. Oh really So here it is. The Yankees are

Now favored over the Dodgers to win the World Series. Okay, should we make a bet right now? I Have to bet on the Yankees. I know that. I'll take the Dodgers. Okay, just blindly. How about this? Whoever, this is the way to state the bet. It's very simple and clean. Whoever goes further.

Whoever goes further? Yeah, farther, farther. Okay. Nope, further. Further with you. Further. I want to be clear about this bet. It's further, farther Okay, and then I would say and then the the loser has to pay the winner the money from the koozies

You're already planning on me losing Well, and hopefully give me the money from the koozies by the way, we're caught up on koozies Oh, hold on hold on I guess we can do this after we're done with stories. We're gonna talk about koozies. By the way, we're caught up on koozies. Oh, hold on. Hold on. I guess we can do this after we're done with stories. We're going to talk about koozies. I'm going to name some specific names of people and one chick complaining. She only got one. Meanwhile, I sent her to, I bet she's got the second one already. Look at your life. You have TV projects that you're developing for major Hollywood talent and you're fucking splitting hairs about a $10 koozie. What are you? What? Listen, I only have room in my life. Just send her another one. I only have room in my life for the koozies and

Garth Brooks rape stories. That's what I have room for. Alleged. Alleged. Alleged. All right. So all right. So that's the bet. Let's get down to science and tech. Now let's go to all right. This day in history. Yeah, let's go to this day in history. Here we go. This one looked like it had some good stories, as you know, I like to keep it fresh for me too. So it's exciting. So I don't really read all of it. But I will say the American adventure film Spartacus directed by Stanley Kubrick and starring Kirk Douglas had its world premiere and won several

Academy Awards, including Best Supporting Actor for Peter Ustinov. What year did Spartacus premiere, give or take three years? Oh, that's pretty tight. I mean, I believe four years, it was in color. I give or take four years. That's a nine year window. I'm gonna say it was in color. I give or take four years. That's a nine year window. I'm going to say it was in color. It was probably there. Oh, I'm going to say 55 just to split the fifties. I love it. Four year, give or take 1960. I love you, Peter Houston off. All right. I'm going to give you a damn you apes, I'm going to give you a night damn you apes. I'm going to

give you another film. The Jazz singer starring Al Jolson premiered in New York City. And it introduced the sound era to motion pictures. Give or take 10 years. What year did the first talkie, as they say, premiere in a theater? 1932. Damn you, 1927. Nice. All right, let's find another one here. Wasn't there racial overtones to the jazz singer? Like it's not something people would watch today.

The I don't know. I'd watch it. Okay. Here's another one. Let's do another film one. The American crime thriller The French Connection directed by William Friedkin and starring Gene Hackman had its world premiere in New York and Los Angeles. It won the Oscar for best picture. Give or take four years again. What year did the French Connection premiere? 1972. Whoa, 1971. Oh, nice. All right, there's a lot of movies.

By the way, I tried to watch that. It's tough to watch. It is fucking slow. Oh, really? Yeah way I tried to watch that it's tough to watch it is fucking slow Oh, really? Yeah, I tried to rewatch. Oh, you know what movie I showed It was Owen's birthday last night So we went to dinner and then we came home and watched a movie and I said, you know You guys have not seen enough Woody Allen So I put on I wanted an early one and so I put on bananas and they fucking loved it

Really? Yeah You always talk about the Marx Brothers yeah we watch a lot of Marx Brothers but there's a lot of Marx Bros influence with Woody Allen in the early movies oh no he worshiped Grouch yeah yeah he even quotes him in Annie Hall. Hold on. I'm looking something up about the Great Chicago Fire. I thought there was some sayings that came from it. Anyway, the Great Chicago Fire, Greg. Where am I? On this day, it began in the barn of Patrick and Catherine O'Leary. And by the time the blaze died out two days later, a large swath of the city had been

devastated and some 300 people killed. I remember jumped the lake or the river at one I guess was the river leading into the lake. I should know more about it. Regardless, give or take 20 years. What year was the Great Chicago Fire? 1890. Oh, 1871.

You did it. Very cool. Let me find one more interesting one. It is funny how many of these happen in the late 1800s. I think her cow started it by the way. Yeah. Bessie's cow. I don't know. Or no, Mrs. Somebody's cow. What was it? Is it an O'Leary? Oh, that's what it was. Mrs. O'Leary's cow.

Um, is it? Is that what I just read? Miss O'Leary? Yes. O'Leary. Come on, let me find one more interesting one. Makes you feel less bad about eating red meat. Because the goddamn cows?

Yep. They cook themselves if you give them a chance. That's right All right, I know Floyd died and I think maybe we did enough unless you want to do Oh, I don't even know yom kippur war. No Michael J. Michael Jordan retired from basketball, but I don't know which retirement That's true Say it doesn't it doesn't even say here 96 Desmond Tutu was born you're not interested in that Desmond Tutu was born in

1924 You think so yeah you were close I I probably would have given you a five year window and you would have lost 1931. We're going to end on that. All right. Let's get to some letters from the editor. This is from Eric in Duluth, Minnesota, who is a friend of the show. My guess is that someone brought this up already, but in the olden days, the vice president used to be the guy who lost the election.

So if this trend had continued, we'd have Biden as the president and Trump as VP. I would kind of love to see that if one murders the other is it's still a crime. I don't know about that last part. But yeah, that would be interesting. Wouldn't that force the parties to have to come together more if that's the way they still did it? That isn't well, boy, it would get interesting in the tie breaking vote in the Senate. We would have the country would have seen different outcomes from a lot of these bills that were passed. Yeah. All right, let's get to it. Obituary.

And that's, folks. Well, it was a big week for obituaries. We had Charlie Rose and then even bigger and closer to our hearts and especially mine. I think Chris Christopherson passed. Yeah. And you know, we're a little late to it. It happened, I think, the day we recorded our podcast last week. I think so. So it was over a week ago. And I'm sure you've seen he really was like kind of a Renaissance man, like wherever he was, I think he gave it his all. But like played college football, played college rugby, became a captain in the arm in the

army. He was a Rhodes scholar, Rhodes Oxford. The one thing I passed on on my girls is I go like take a look at this. He rejected a post and a job teaching English as a professor at West Point to become a janitor in Johnny Cash's building, because he had identified that was the area where he wanted to be in work life and in the work world. And, and it wasn't just like a gimmick. He was a janitor for a

year and a half. But didn't he also didn't I hear a story that like he flew a chopper onto Johnny Cash's lawn to give him some music to sell him? He was, he was in that he was in Tennessee and he forgot what base and then he because he was flying the helicopter landed it on his lawn and brought him the tapes of help me make it no Sunday morning coming down. Wow. Now I haven't seen in a while, but a friend of mine, Eric, who's hysterical, and you'll recognize him from a lot of movies. He did a drunk history, because he's also obsessed with Chris Christopherson. So look up that drunk history about Christopherson, because it's very funny.

And he and I ran into each other the last time Christofferson played in Los Angeles. We were both at the concert. Oh, wow. No shit. Yeah, he had just kind of there was dementia and it wasn't good. And then he had a little bit of a comeback from that because and I don't know how much of this is true, but like everything you read is it was a misdiagnosis and he had Lyme disease. Oh, that's right. That's right.

And he was on all these medications for Alzheimer's and it was the wrong thing. Yeah, but my mom was a I'd say it was her favorite person in the world. And so it's very interesting the same year to lose both of them. And in my mom's last birthday, I got her this very cool picture by a famous photographer of Christopherson. Oh wow.

Yeah, so we have that, but I grew up. I mean, I think that's what led me to Dylan was, and Christopherson would say the same thing. It's like, I just grew up with these incredibly interesting lyrics playing because she constantly played Christofferson. And so I think that led me in a way to Dylan and I love Christofferson too. Was he considered outlaw country? He was, but he was also, so someone here I know in Nashville who's famous in his own right in country music. It was very interesting the way he phrased it once. He was like, you know, I got here from Texas,

I will spare you his accent. I got here from Texas in whatever, I think it was like 72 maybe or whatever he's like, and it was Chris's town. And that's that's what you're reading in all these obituaries is he it was the change of all of a sudden, lyrics were going to be taken very, very seriously in country music. For those who care to do so. There's a movie that he does the theme

song for, help me make it through the night, there's a movie called Fat City and it's the opening shots, it's just this montage of Stockton, California, just this dusty, broke, migrant, fucking cowboy down out cowboys and this guy who's waking up who's the actor I'll think of it he's waking up hung over and he's a boxer and it's just fucking it's the most perfect opening of a movie you've ever seen that's so great I do want to look that up anyway go find some of these obituaries. They're so inspiring. I left. I just happen to leave out. He was a Golden Gloves boxer. No, no, it's unbelievable. And then there's a great viral video that I've talked about before, I think, where he and Toby, Toby Keith, it was some big benefit. Maybe it was like Johnny Cash's birthday,

or maybe one of Willie's barbecues on July. It was some big thing where the backstage was had to be the most fascinating thing ever. And Christopherson was about to go out. And Toby Keith goes to him. All right, Chris, just don't get talking about any of that left lefty stuff. just don't get talking about any of that lefty stuff. And he just turned and dressed down Toby Keith. And it is unbelievable. Wow. Have you ever worn this country's uniform, son? And like, have you ever taken the life of another soldier and cashed the check?

Have you ever done this? He's like, then you should shut the fuck up. It was unbelievable. Is it on tape? Yeah, no, this guy recounts it. And then he and then it's I guess in some book. And it was and it was the witnesses still talk about it who were backstage. Awesome. Yeah, it's great. Stacy Kech was the guy in Fat City and Jeff. Stacey Keech was great. One of the best. Yeah. And what it was one of Jeff Bridges first movies.

It was great. What movie is this? Fat City. Huh? Yeah. That's a sit at home. That's a like, I've got the night free. What? I don't have any plans. I can do whatever I want. Pop Fat City on your TV. That's what I did two weeks ago. I told you when a Weinstein was over, I did the thing. Oh yeah. Which is very, the biggest ripoff ever of Alien.

And then we did Blood Simple, which was so good to revisit that. Yeah, I just watched that for the first time last year. It's kind of like reading. I'm a reader now. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to read, I'm going to be disciplined. I'm going to read, I'm going to shut the laptop. I'm going to read. I'm going to catch up on classic movies. Let's cheer up. Funny. Here we go.

Okay, thank you for your amazing submissions this week. As always, we have the funniest listeners in the podcast universe. You guys wrote a bunch of funny shit this week. The caption contest, the winner gets a koozie. And all you got to do is go to FitzDogRadio at gmail.com and send us in your caption, or your joke for the caption. Last week's caption was a king sitting on his throne and he is talking to his, what do we call him, his hand? Yeah, his hand. At the hand of the king. The hand of the king, his assistant. And there is a court jester who's juggling with a

silly hat in front of them and Jeff Langa's joke is he's opening for Joan of Arc at the stake next morrow. Okay. We're easing our way in. When I was looking I was looking up the woman by the, with the koozies. So Elizabeth from Oregon is complaining that she only got one. Elizabeth, have you received the second koozie? Because I just caught up again, like yesterday, which is Thursday, and give them time,

they take a little time, especially the way I package them. And let me know if they get there. What a life. Peter Q said, you think his prop act is derivative? Wait till you see his crowd work. He said, I'm in Australia, so don't send the koozie, tell me it got lost in transit. Okay.

I love it. Ron Dvorak said, isn't that the same guy that dressed as a leprechaun for the Ellen show? Ha ha ha. Joe Banks, I'll give you five gold coins if you blow me while that guy plays with my balls. Okay. Darren Williams said, I have seen this shit before but I don't have the heart to tell this Carlos Mencia guy that he's losing his fucking head when he's done.

All right. Rich Butchko says, I'm calling it the comedy rule of three. After I have the first two jesters killed, the third is much funnier. All right. Zach from Yuma said, isn he just terrific get it just terrific oh right okay do we accept puns they have to be pretty good Steve says straight to the Obliate with this one I don't get that Nick L says this is not what I had in mind when I asked someone to juggle my balls that might be the one the mark Joanne said can you believe this

guy had a toilet baby with my daughter what's a toilet what's a toilet baby wait a minute that's all the babies when I think it's the prerequisite is the woman doesn't realize she's pregnant and she passes a baby in the toilet. All right. Well, then that's my favorite so far. Is that really Joanne or our Joanne? Well, Joanne sent in three, which we discourage.

I asked her to pick the best one. I didn't know Joanne had this in her. I like the next one. She sent us a bunch. No, no, two from now. Which she should be disqualified, but I like them. So so she's not. She also said, can you believe I let this guy fuck my wife? Oh, that's that's not good.

At least it's not Kevin Hart again, which I like, because I'm so sick of fucking Kevin Hart in everything. I love that one. The Kevin Hart one. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. And then I saw this guy at Skankfest. That's going on this week. So that was very timely. The other contributors are gonna hate this. My vote is the toilet baby. Yep. That was my favorite.... is there any... is it random? Because the more random the better. Oh I think it's totally random. Yeah that's why I like

it. I love it. It's the winner. Okay next week's caption if you want to sharpen your pencils. It is a dad and he's feeding his son who's in the high seat. He's smiling. He's got a little bowl of porridge and he's spoon feeding his son. And then there's a dog talking to the cat on the ground and the dog is saying something to the cat. They're in the kitchen. Send in your submissions. Fitzdogg radio at gmail.com. We do ask you to write the joke with your name directly underneath it. Makes it easier for me to transfer it. Perfect.

Hager the Horrible. Hager and Helga are sitting down. They're having a nice meal. She's got a piece of steak on her knife and they got a bottle and they got food. And she says to Hager, there's a couple at the next table and they have nothing on their table yet and Helga goes didn't you just grab all the gold from these

folks castle and and then the and then he says yes and the waiter comes over and hands them two sandwiches and says your mayonnaise sandwiches and Hager is just looking at the wife going yeah she had a mayonnaise sandwich last week when I stormed that castle oh my god she had old mail on the corner of her mouth when we left I like they're still dining out even though they've been sacked yes the Lock horns Light this week, they're in a greenhouse at a store shopping for plants and then she goes, why get perennials when you're just going to turn them into annuals? That's kind of clever. It's not bad. And

then they're driving in the car. He's driving angrily. Her arms are crossed angrily and he goes why can't you ever be at a loss for words when we're lost you know what I think it would have been better with just the first part that's exactly what I thought didn't need the second part no honey host I mean I hate to correct bunny hoes she's 91 but right less is more sometimes except with Garfield okay you want to read this mail we got from Ron Clark yeah Ron Clark very cool thank you Ron big hey now and he goes years ago someone created Garfield minus Garfield a webcomic series in which he removes Garfield from the images.

And that's and what's left is John seemingly often going through an existential crisis. So this one is three frames and John's in the first all alone. Clearly, Garfield was in that one. And then it was only Garfield, I think, in the next two. And it's it's a very morose looking John. And he goes, it's a shame that I don't have anyone anybody else to hang out with. And then it's just two empty frames.

The next one, three frames again. John is the only one in each. He's looking really happy. He's looking out the window. It's a beautiful day, isn't it? The next one he's looking down. Clearly Garfield was there and is probably saying something. And then he looks really sad in the third frame. He's still in the window and he's like, I'm pathetic. These are like borderline suicidal. Yeah, that one's a great one. Because I think that we go through that a lot. It's like you go to the window. You're like this.

It's a great day. It's a great day to be alive. You give it a little more thought. You're like, I got I ran out of steam. That was everything I had. Yeah. Here's one where he's on a cliff and he goes, check out the view. And he's pointing clearly for Garfield and he's ecstatic and happy.

And then he looks and he's concerned and then he's not there. And the cliff is just there. He jumped. He jumped. All right. Here we are. Oh, boy. I didn't put what number this is. This might be the fourth best of all time. I'll clear that up next week when you hear. But here's one of the best Garfield's of all time.

And this is with Garfield in it. Garfield, John is running by and picks up Garfield and the thing says, Nab. I have not read this, so this is fresh for me too. And he's grabbed Garfield who looks like he ate something maybe or whatever he's holding his mouth. Second frame, I'm going to give you a bath Garfield, you and what army thinks or says Garfield and there's a tub with some suds in it. So he jams Garfield he's trying to jam them but Garfield has all four paws on the rim of the tub and he's trying to jam them in there now he's on top of them in the next frame kind of like stomping them

down to try to get him in there violent yeah very violent okay i give up you can go and he lets go and Garfield hops out of the suds and then there's a big sploosh sign and then John is in a John is late. It looks like he's in it, right? But he's looking over and what happened was Garfield jumped out of the tub Into another tub of suds and John looks pleased The old second tub of suds trick. He got him. This is what I'll say.

John is the only one who's pleased at the end of this strip. No one who read it is pleased. No one knows what they just read. Why? More importantly, why they just read it. How flatlined are people's lives who are enjoying Garfield comics? How is this?

How does this trigger amusement? Like it like it's almost like you could get a lie detector. One of those things that's studying your rhythms. I would probably go off the charts, but with fury, but like enjoyment, people are literally, they would show enjoyment. There'd be marks, the thing would be, the little gauge would be bouncing. Yeah. Because they're experiencing some, some, they were moved. So there's going to be movement. The only thing I can think of is that, all right, it's the Sunday paper.

You wake up, it's Sunday morning, you're hungover, you put on your bathrobe, you walk to your front porch, you get your paper, you sit down with a cup of coffee, you just don't want to be challenged. You just want your eyes to move across some colorful panels and at the end of it to just, you know, not even smile, but just to almost tense your mouth in the beginnings of a smile and then that's it. That's all you're looking for.

Maybe or the New York Times readers maybe read into it and they're like, no, wouldn't it be nice if Israel could just give a nice bath to Hamas like this. Try to trick them, try to force them, but then Hamas jumps in it on their own. And then Israel has a smug little content smile in the last frame. But wouldn't the US government be helping John stuff Garfield into the tub? We bought both tubs. Got it. Finally, we got Blondie and Dagwood. Now he's sitting in his lounge, which is white this week for some reason. It's just weird.

Changed fucking colors. And he's sitting there in a lame outfit and he goes, did you have a good day today, honey? And she walks in with the black velvet skirt, a white top, the cuffs are black velvet. Now she's accentuating very nicely, accenting very nicely. She'll say, I'll say, absolutely everybody is buzzing about Maya, our new pastry chef. And then

there's a little kiss and he goes, everybody? And there's a nice little look from her. Like she looks vulnerable. She looks like she wants to get fucked. And now they're looking at the news and the newscaster says, breaking Blondie's new pastry chef sets the town's taste buds aglow. And she goes, everybody. Now, not funny. Don't even get it. Here's why.

Here's why I put this one in. Why? It's the 1940s or 50s. Why the fuck? If you are the provider, if it's today, yeah, your wife should have a little catering company on the side. If blondie in 1954 is going off and he's got a key chain and she's opening up a storefront and hiring people with the she should be home baking. What kind of a fucking loser are you?

Well, here's might this strip have been funnier if it was breaking news, Blondie's new pastry chef sets the town's bakery on fire and she's like, everybody. Everybody's talking about her. Yeah, yeah. Cause it looks, she looks like she like committed a crime by the newscast.

They have her picture over the shoulder. Yeah, it's look at her breasts sticking out of the corner of the chair. Do you see that? The breast are in every frame, no matter what angle she's at. Yep. Some of them are challenging. Yeah, like that one. Listen, we want to tell you guys if you want to be challenged, Ground News is the website

and app that helps you make sense of the news by gathering related articles from around the world in one place so you can compare coverage if you want to check it out go to ground.news forward slash sp also fabric so just ensure your life don't be crazy fabric by Gerber life is term insurance you can get done right now go to fabric comm slash papers I'm sorry meets meets fabric comm slash papers and check it out okay Mike anything you want to promote yeah man go listen to Chris Christopherson. You won't be disappointed. I not and it's not only the lyrics amazing melodies. And and then you can watch pack our ability kit if

you want. Bob Dylan's in it with him. Sam Peckinpah. That's a good one. That's a good one. When you're on the couch alone like you were that setting you described. Yeah. All right. And go die yours Go. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you got to remind me. We have this bet. What did we bet? Oh, I don't think we came up with an amount. Should we say 50 bucks? Holy smokes Okay, I mean do you want to say 20 did that scare you

No 50 because I realized I can control that with the money I pay you from the koozies. Got it. I can just subtract it. I really won't feel that pain. That'll be a win. Or I can. So when I added it to it. So we're a month away from you paying me I guess. No, I'm going to pay you this week. Okay. Wait. Yeah, I can I can figure it. Yep. I can figure it out. Thanks to Mid Coast Media for editing and publishing and doing all that stuff. And we'll see you guys next week. Take it ish. Sunday Papers Podcast Breaking my leg to bring you the news

And try to make you laugh as the world crashes down around you