Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 237 10/27/24

Episode Date: October 27, 2024

The algorithm isn’t going to like this one, but we think you will. Doyers and Jankees match up for The Series, a KY senator drives his lawn mower into an empty pool, a drunk man almost swims from Canada to Detroit, and AI can predict when you will die.Support our Sponsors: mintmobile.com/papersWatch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Thanks to Heil Sound for the new microphones https://heilsound.comEmail caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

It's Sunday morning, it's Sunday morning. I got a big smile on, because it's Sunday morning. I got the coffee hot and a YouTube on. It's Sunday morning. Three, two, one. Read all about it! Read all about it! Sunday Papers, right on time sunday morning

nine a.m east coast time maybe i don't know i'm never up yeah when is that i don't know i think it's generally at nine a.m um i think that's saint louis time. Of course I know, because I immediately go and answer them almost live. You've been very good about it. I noticed that today. I found some corrections in there, and I noticed you'd replied to people. Somebody said, why you created Tosh.0, why don't you ever talk about it? You said, I don't think Greg likes Daniel Tosh. No, I didn't write that.

Someone else did. Oh, really Tosh. No, I didn't write that. Someone else did. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, I don't feel any way about the guy. I wonder what I wrote. Well, he has kind of prides himself on having not many friends. Whatever, we don't have to look it up.

I just want to say one thing. This week, by the way... Oh, I got to put my earphones in. Hold on. Oh, good Lord. So I just want to say one thing. This week, by the way. Oh, I gotta put my earphones in. Hold on. Oh, good Lord. I've been waiting, waiting, waiting. Can't wait to talk to you guys.

And it's just, the only thing between us is Greg. I've been ready to go. All right, I got the headphones coming in. Hey, this is why we need Chris Denman on the call. Denman has abandoned us. What do listeners think about Chris Denman not being interested in this show any longer? Well, we stopped being so MAGA.

What's there to like for him? What's to draw? I think with the election coming up, he's very busy. He's got to get that Viking helmet. There's a lot of things to do if they lose. So I went to I had a work Zoom this week and I went to do the Zoom and I got there a little early and then someone goes, hey, Greg, and starts laughing. And I'm like, what?

And it's because I still was signed into your zoom from last week When Greg was unable to make it to our party Now I'll use the microphone I left my computer, now I'll use the microphone. I left my computer. Oh my God. Ha ha ha. It was a smooth start, man.

How do people listen to this show? No idea. It's been growing, by the way. Our audio listens are way up, so thank you guys for spreading the word about the show. Nice. And then this college in Arizona, Arizona State maybe maybe there is a kid in a communications class and they're learning how to do Social media promotion and so they as a project the whole class took on promoting our show next week

Wait, yeah, not this show Sunday papers this one they're gonna take next week. I don't know but oh, they're. They're gonna take it. No, but next week? I don't know, but they're very excited to pump us up. So, good. Maybe we should try to keep it a little cleaner than all your death and rape stories. Oh my God. All right, we're off the algorithm.

You just said it. We just got kicked off the algorithm. Wait, when you say that word, the R word, that's what happens? Gone. No. Oh yeah, I think if you say COVID, you're off. There's a lot of crazy words

that knock you off the algorithm. Why don't we have, who cares? I never mind bleeps. Why don't we, unless it's like standup or something, but why don't we, like there's an art to it. Why don't we have Mid there's an art to it, why don't we have Mid Coast Media bleep it? I bet there's some AI that can do it.

Well listen, if they bleeped it, I just want to clarify, I'm not a monster. The R word I used had to do with sex, not with mental faculties, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Although they, you know, they go together. Oh, wow. Yes, in your world I think they do. By the way, today, this airs on Sunday, there will have been the first two World Series games by the time you listen to this.

We're very invested because, first of of all we have money on it. About two series ago I think it was the during the National League East. It might have been during wild card. During wild card we both picked the team I picked Dodgers you picked Yankees and to go whoever went further in the series and now miraculously they're playing each other in the World Series. Some would say not miraculously with the, I think the two biggest payrolls and definitely the biggest stars. Yeah.

All right, I'll make this quick though. You guys have to understand a little of the context. Greg and I are New Yorkers. Both of our dads raised in the Bronx. And so- And moms. And moms. I didn't know. Oh, yeah. Your mom was down by Frog's neck. Right. So both of them. Well, your mom was the furthest from the stadium, but really all of them in the Bronx. And so it's a big part of our DNA. But just to review, I lived there till I was five. I think I was two Yankees Dodgers. The teams

have met 11 times in the World Series more than any other two teams. The Yankees have won eight of them. The rivalry began in New York City when the Dodgers played in Brooklyn and the Yankees in the Bronx. The Dodgers moved to L.A. in 58. So they had a lot of storied like a storied past, especially back in New York in 56. Yankees Don Larson pitched a perfect game. It's the only one in series history in 63 when the Dodgers were out here then Sandy Koufax Don Drysdale. They swept an aging Yankees that had Mickey Mantle, Roger Maris and Whitey Ford. So it's just as legendary rivalry. So now we get into Maris and Whitey Ford. So it's just this legendary rivalry. So now we get into unbelievably influential years. Greg and I were basically 10 years old. Now, 77 was the Dodgers, but in 76, one

of the most memorable things was that Chris Chambliss hit that home run over Kansas City to get them to the World Series. So 76, the Yankees return to the World Series, they get swept by the Reds. But do you remember that, Chambers? I mean, it was everyone in school came in tired because he did it in the ninth inning. And then Artie, I think, has that amazing story about his dad throwing him onto the field. That's hilarious, I didn't know that. Oh, go find this story on YouTube of a young Artie being thrown on the field

and he's like, go, go, I'll find you. Because, so this was the story. So many people rushed the field. So it's called the Chris Chambliss Rule. Okay, he had a walk-off home run in the field. So it's called the Chris Chambliss rule. Okay. He had a walk off home run in the ninth. Thousands of Yankee fans stormed Yankee Stadium field to celebrate. Chambliss was mobbed on the base pass and did not make an attempt to touch home plate. Instead he ran straight toward the dugout and the safety of the clubhouse. Chambliss was then asked

by Craig Nettles if he touched home and he responded that he had not. Nettles told him that home plate umpire, Frank Nance, or sorry, Art France, was waiting for him to touch home so the home run could be ruled official. He then was escorted back out onto the field to touch home, but the plate had already been stolen. By Artie Lang. So he touched the area where the plate had been. Dude, that sums up 1976 New York right there. That's why I took that digression. So that's it. So in 77 Steinbrenner signed Reggie Jackson. He immediately created Friction in the Clubhouse. There were so many fights. I think there's a famous book. Physical fights, yeah. Oh, physical fights with Billy Martin, the manager, the captain Thurman Munson.

I think it's an amazing book called The Bronx Zoo, which talks about how dysfunctional it was, and it was the years before this as well. So anyway, New York City itself was going through a financial crisis under Mayor Beam. The son of Sam was out that summer. There was a major blackout. All of this is in another book called The Bronx is Burning. There were like on average three giant fires a day in the Bronx. It was crazy. So the Dodgers appeared primed to win the series, but Reggie Jaxon, Mr. October, he hit three home runs in three pitches. First pitch on each one in game six. And what few people know is he really hit four home runs in a row, if you count his

last at bat in game five. And so he then had a walk in between but that's not an official at plate appearance and so it's four home runs in a row so they won her October they won it in 77 I'll just finish by saying then it was 78 that's what everyone's talking about it's very we'll get to it in the obituaries Fernando Valenzuela what a story wait till you hear the obituary. That was his year. And the no sorry. 81 I'm talking about. Sorry. 78 was Bucky Dent. But in 81, enter Fernando Valenzuela, won the national rookie of the year and the Cy Young Award. Only person ever to do

that in the same year. All right, we'll get to him later. And in 81, the Dodgers beat the Yankees. Sorry, I just wanna put that Bucky Dent in there. That's great. They faced the Dodgers in 78 and beat them. 81, Dodgers beat the Yankees. It's gonna be great. I don't know if I'll get to a game.

I have one guy that's got season tickets. He gave me tickets to the Mets Dodgers game two Sundays ago. Maybe he'll come through with another ticket. That would be pretty fucking sweet. I can't imagine what those tickets are going for. I wish there was an app that you could get tickets last minute and go to the game you know what the seed looks like. Oh yeah and what if they what if you get loss of job though? No, someone should come up with a way where that's insured. Oh, the logo this week is from Craig Godette, who gives us a lot of logos.

This one is referring to, have you seen the series, Mr. McMahon, about Vince McMahon and the WWE? No, but personally, I know firsthand, not my firsthand, firsthand accounts of the madness. Yes, I had a friend who used to, he worked for three years every night at the event, that night on the private jet of Vince McGinn working on the scripts for the next day's event flying in, sleeping a few hours. The guy pushed everybody so hard he was brutal and somehow my friend lasted like three years on it. My friend did not last that long and he was number, if you don't count Vince McMahon's daughter, he was number two in the company. What was his name?

Cannot say. Okay. No way, you know him though. Okay. I'll tell you after the podcast. But the series is amazing, because I didn't know anything, obviously I knew like Hulk Hogan,

and Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Lou Albano, Captain Lou Albano, like I knew the big ones, but I didn't really know how big it was. Like they were selling out Madison Square Garden-sized places night after night. Dude, 365 nights a year when they started. And these guys are diving onto tables, they're getting hit by chairs, they're getting thrown, they're landing on their chairs, they're getting thrown, they're landing on their heads, they're getting concussions, and if you didn't work you

didn't get paid. So everybody kept showing up with concussions. It was brutal. Jesus. And then as it progresses they just keep pushing the limits and it keeps getting like hypersexual. He's like making, he's married and he's making out and dry humping this uh this female wrestler ends up having an affair with her, rapes like a bunch of women. Uh it's bad. He was a huge sexual molester. Are we off the algorithm once again? Yeah, yeah. Okay we have to bleep these. I gotta take notes where all these are words are. Oh my god. The song this week, I think Mike and I both agreed is one of the best ones we've had in a long time. John Favreau, thank you so much. Simple. We're not, you know, look,

I love it when somebody orchestrates a Sunday Papers or we get a rock band but this was just a nice simple guy and his guitar little fucking John Denver. Corrections last week we had none you guys took that as a sign that you're slacking off and this week we got quite a few. The correct reference would be Julie Andrews film, Victor Victoria. Okay. Hold on, that's not a correction. So I've answered this person, thank you for writing. They wrote this in YouTube and they're talking about

that would have been the best joke to make. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, they because we were talking about what we're talking about a trans person maybe. Yes. What we're making jokes about now. Now it's Victoria instead of Victor. Okay.

And then Dave Damien Kearns said Johnny Burnett sang the original year 16, not Ringo Starr. The Sydney I referred to the Sydney Opera House as Art Deco. He said it was long after Art Deco. Its exact style is classified as expressionist. Nice. Okay. Jeez Mike, not only does TJ Miller not know you as we find out on... Oh, TJ Miller did not know you as we find out on... Oh, TJ Miller did not know you. I brought you up to him on the podcast. Wait, who said he knew me?

I asked him, does he know you? And he said no. No. He doesn't know me. Okay, well, I found that out. I thought everybody knew you. You're one of those guys I'll bring up all the time, and everybody always knows you and everybody always loves you.

Okay, can I tell you one thing about TJ Miller? Yeah. I mean, I did work with him briefly. bring up all the time and everybody always knows you and everybody always loves you. Okay, can I tell you one thing about T.J. Miller? Yeah. I mean, I did work with him briefly. He was on The Burn with Jeff Frost. That's the only time I've been around him. I love T.J. Miller. He-

Dude, we did a podcast last week that was so fucking good. If you wanna revisit Fitts Dogg Radio, maybe you dropped off, come back and check out T.J. Miller. No, I'll go listen to that. I think he's an amazing storyteller. Great improviser. And I know he was quite a handful as an actor on Silicon Valley, but I loved his character on Silicon Valley. He made the show. It was not a show without T.J. Miller. So here's a quick T.J. Miller story. I think I can tell this.

So he came and we, Jeff and I, and we decided we want this to be a party when we shot the burn. So we put alcohol in everybody's dressing rooms and then Jeff would go around and Jeff was drinking and you know, and I would go around, I wasn't drinking, but I'd go around and say hi and make sure. And anyway, he really enjoyed himself and very much enjoyed himself and then killed on the show and then hung out and continued to have a great time in the dressing rooms and you know and the

hallways and it was a great like Amy Schumer whoever was it was like a great cast of people we had that our guests and at one point Jim Ziegler an amazing line producer is doing all the thinking for us because none of us were thinking and he comes up to me and he's like, Hey, did TJ drive here tonight? I'm like, I don't know. I go, I have no idea. He's like, because he rejected our town car that we sent for him. And so I'm like, okay. He's like well, I go well TJ's going to dinner Apparently a bunch of these people were all gonna walk across the street and have dinner at this restaurant and Ziegler goes Okay, Ziegler went to the valet of the lot the Hollywood Center studios that we're on went to the lot to the valet got the keys

Drove DJ's car to the restaurant and valeted got the keys, drove DJ's car to the restaurant, and valet it. What did I say? You said DJ. Oh, sorry, sorry. And drove over to TJ's, drove TJ's car over, valet it, came back, and then he goes, tell TJ that we did him a favor and that his car is already at the restaurant. He doesn't have to do anything. And he thanked us profusely. The reason he did that was so that restaurant and that valet was the last person to hand

TJ his keys and not us. What a producer. Through the grenade. I love it. What a producer. Oh my God. All right. And then, but anyway, I think the correction was I called our podcast, Fitts Dog Radio. Alright, that's a little anal. Toby said, Mike said there's a video of Darth Vader killing the stormtroopers. Darth Vader didn't kill stormtroopers.

Stormtroopers worked with him, for him. Solid, solid nerd correction, Toby. You're totally right. I guess they were just called like the Rebels or there was some other weird name. Yeah. But I'm not nerdy was on Childish. I corrected her. Anyway, it's from Sharon Feinsinger. Feinsinger? Feinsinger? It was on Childish. Childish. Ryan in Chicago, it's hard to believe you had no corrections last week. I think you've broken your listener's spirits and we've largely given up. These aren't corrections unless you count poor taste, but later in the episode you said the shrimp at Red Lobster are the

Special Olympics of shrimp. I did. Use the segue speaking of getting turned on to move to a story about the Girl Scouts. I did. And then said how it was fun to hang out with children when you're high. It is! It's great hanging out with kids when you're high. You'd watercolor and have paintball fights. I'm pretty sure I made an audible groan when he said that line. He said, I'm not even done with the episode yet.

Have you no decency, sir, disappointedly Ryan in Chicago. Eric in Dallas said, fuck Mike. Yes. He's an idiot and usually doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. True. I know you two are close, so you probably know exactly what I'm talking about.

I've got some corrections. Mike, you said you lost a bet on the Cowboys game a couple of weeks ago because the kicker missed a chip shot. It was a 52 yarder and it was his first ever miss from 50 yards and up. He kicked a 66 yard field goal earlier in the game. It might be nitpicking but fuck off sending hate Eric in Dallas. Very solid you're right but in a way kind of like the way you

painted it people were viewing it as a gimme. He had never missed over 50. 50 yard kicks have become fucking gimmies in the NFL this year. I don't know what's going on. But the key is for this guy, for this guy, it was a gimme for this kicker. But wait, I'll say something else. First of all, the Jets extraordinary team, they are finding ways to miss lots of field goals. They missed two in one game. So there are a lot of misses.

I'm noticing it in college also. It makes it way more exciting when you don't think anything under 40 yards is an absolute gimme because they're not. No and Aubrey I think is the guy's name. He's one of the best in the league. Then we got Michael Jay. Czechoslovakia stopped being a country, by the way I got a lot of corrections on Czechoslovakia, it stopped being a country in 1993. Yes 1993. That's likely more than 50% of the time you guys have been alive. The Czech Republic and Slovakia are separate but friendly countries. Come on guys, all of the cringe check me out, check please lines still

work and using the right name will score you points internationally Michael J. Thanks Michael J. You know what that checks out. Brian hi Greg in this last episode while discussing your affinity for Czech hidden massage porn all right yeah whatever I'm not gonna read all the Czech ones Michael Zakaro said Mike described Hurricane Bob as that hurricane from the 80s Hurricane Bob was in 1991 I only remember because it not only hit us on the Connecticut coast one of my earliest memories was being four and watching it from our Sun porch

window so I know this is lame but it's an excuse to email you guys and say hello and love the show Mike Zuccaro Mike that's very nice. You were right. I remember I remember it now because I wasn't in Boston like I was for Gloria I was actually 1986 I was out in West Hampton and then that's the first time I saw this little cottage industry of go-getters with their chainsaws, and especially their chainsaw files to resharpen in their pickups, like cutting trees away from driveways, cutting them off your yard. So many trees were down in the Hamptons. Wow. Yeah.

Sounds like a real tragedy. Tour dates coming up. Philadelphia, helium, November, November 7th through the 9th, Philly and helium, get your tickets that will sell out. Eugene, November 13th, Tacoma, November 14th through 16th. Then I'm coming to Tempe, San Francisco, Cleveland, Janesville, Wisconsin, Nyack, New York, Raleigh, Milwaukee, Vegas, Atlanta, Toronto, Pittsburgh, Tampa, La Jolla. Look at you. I, well, I got a brand new hour.

My agent's sending me out. He's calling these clubs. He's like, this kid's coming in hot with a fresh new hour. He's gonna let loose with the R word. Lot of R words. I've got four of them. loose with the R word? A lot of R words. I've got four of them.

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Let's crinkle some paper at 27 minutes in. Is that bad? Here we go. We covered a lot. Let's go. Good clip. Extra, extra, we all about it. Extra.

All right, what do we got first? All about it, extra! All right, what do we got first? We got Kentucky State Senator Johnny Turner. Sounds like he took a bad turner. Known for his staunch support of the coal industry and other causes. Forward looking. After being injured at his home last month when he plunged into an empty swimming pool

while aboard a lawnmower. If you didn't think he was forward-looking because of his coal support, this will clench it. Well, I think that's how he fell in the pool. The air was so cloudy with coal dust, he didn't see a fucking pool on his lawnmower. This is another argument for age limits. He's representing his state, he's making very important decisions, and he can't remember where he dug his pool? Who forgets where their pool is? And by the way, isn't Kentucky where they make all the bourbon? It is, right? Yeah. Is there a lot of bourbon there? Yeah, that's what I figured. I heard that they held the funeral

in his backyard, but they could only use the half that was mowed. Yeah, one strip, just one strip. It was like, it's very easy to see when he started heading towards the pool. Maybe he was trying to lose someone who was tracking him. This will throw him. His tracks disappear. What do we got here? Oh, superhuman AI could soon tell if you're going to die early. The NHS is set to trial a superhuman artificial intelligence that predicts a person's risk of disease and early death.

It does so by reading the results of an electrocardiogram and it can diagnose everything from heart disease in children to myocardial infarction in adults. If the trials go to plan the AI program will be common feature across health services in five years. A January study has already found that it was able to correctly identify a patient's risk of death in the 10 years following the EKG in 78% of cases. So, yeah.

Oh, you changed the order of stories. One of my jokes is a callback to a story that was before this. Oh, sorry about that. Here's this. How about this? It's gonna be a call forward. When AI is doing the exam, does it casually mention

if I've ever met the mother of dragons? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You'll get it in a couple of minutes. It's our next story, actually. I just love the minutes. It's our next story actually. I just love the AI. It's gonna be like this. The doctor is gonna be like, hey Hal, write an email to a patient who has a lot of money and good insurance that he has a life-threatening cancer that can only be cured through daily visits and a lot of expensive machines. Make it sound like there is hope,

but not so much that he doesn't come in for the treatments. NAI, make him inquire, suggest he inquire that it's a more thorough prostate exam if I use two fingers. Oh, I can't wait for the machine to do it. My doctor's a little handsy. He gets a little wiggly in there, he makes too many comments. I want a machine back there. Yeah. I just had my heart scanned, by the way, for the second time. No.

Yeah. Why? Went in, and by the way, you have to pay for it out of pocket. No shit. They're trying to charge me 750, but it's 250. Because it's actually cheaper because I didn't use insurance, because insurance doesn't cover it. It's the calcium scan, the echo, I forget, of course some doctors listening are being driven crazy.

But I got the calcification, it's measuring the plaque in your heart. And I told you, my buildup, they're like, isn't that bad? But it's in the valve that the medical community calls the widow maker. The widow maker, yeah. Which was the downfall of your dad. Yep, my mom was a widow because of that. I should check mine more.

I don't do enough checks. I'm supposed to do the stress test because I have calcium in mine as well. But you know what, honestly, I don't do enough checks. I'm supposed to do the stress test and because I have I have calcium in mine as well. But you know what honestly I don't care. I know this sounds morbid. No. But if I die I don't care. I'm not one of those people that's gonna fight for an extra few years. I've had a good life. I've worked hard. It's all gonna go away soon and I don't want to be around for it. It's all gonna go away. Oh I mean it's even if you live it's all going to go away soon, and I don't want to be around for it. It's all going to go away. Oh, I mean, even if you live, it's all going to go away?

Well, I mean, my career is going to end. I want to die before my wife. I don't want to experience losing a spouse or even a child. So you selfishly want to die before Erin? Let her deal with it. All right, it sounds like this we should not do the rest of the stories and it should be an intervention of sorts. You're saying some scary stuff. I just I've lived hard and I don't see I don't

see the country going in a good place or the environment and I don't know I just thought I'd get to this age and I would be relaxed and in the moment and instead I'm like just fucking stressed out I'm done. I am seeing signs that you're in trouble and the glaring one is that hat He's wearing a fedora and my brother gave me this hat. It's a great hat. Are we allowed to say we were talking about our brothers before and the concept I came up with? No. Let's move on to...

But wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Just a quick thing. Yeah. And this is hopefully good information for mostly the men out there listening. So I have a cardiologist because of my dad. I think I've told people this story. When my dad was really old, he went in, they found it, luckily they were scanning, they were looking at his lungs because he was a smoker, and they saw that buildup

in his heart. And so without that, I think he was exactly like your dad, because it was a buildup in that Widowmaker valve. And by the way, your dad, I believe, passed the stress test a week before he died. That's right. And so cholesterol and the stress test aren't even indicators. So now what they do is they basically take a scan of your heart and they can see where the blockage is. So my dad's really old. Laura and I fly in from Los Angeles. We have a dinner with him in a restaurant where he gives us numbers like here's my lawyer's number, like here's

the guy that has my retirement plan from Estee Lauder. Like we have one of those dinners, just alone with him, not my stepmother. And anyway, years later I do the math, he was 59. Wow. No shit. So you should, that was my wake up call. So you should be doing the same. It's so simple. You get, I mean, I could tell you who, you know, we have the same doctor.

He recommended this amazing cardiologist to me and this guy just wants to be very safe. And so we're looking at all the data we can. And it's a $250 test and it tells you everything. I don't wanna know everything. I like the mystery. I like the great mystery. It's probably the fun of life. Well, this AI thing, the story we just did,

this last thing I'll say about it is, pretty soon AI is gonna, you know how insurance companies have coughed up a pretty accurate estimate on when you're gonna live until the, what are they called? The, I wanna say estuaries, whatever that name is, I'm spacing on it. Anyway, AI man is going to take all the data

that you can give it from your family history, everything. They're really gonna cough up some numbers and it's very weird knowing your number you know I would like it because then you could plan the financial planning would be easier maybe you want to like travel more if you know you don't have as much time here's the funny thing about here's the thing about dying whenever somebody's on their deathbed, and you know, you dealt with this with your mother, it can get very emotive. I think you told me you said some things to your mother that you were really glad you

did at the end. I said everything. And why don't we do that? Why does it have to be on the deathbed? Because is it too awkward if they live after? What if they live after that? Now they know how you feel. Is that what our worry is?

When I told her everything, you know, about how grateful I could tear up even talking about, but I wanted to end the sentence like, you should go now. Like, get out of here. That was too much, that was too much for both of us. Yeah, you almost don't want her to ever tell anybody what you just said. So good seeing you.

Hope you're not here tomorrow. This will be awkward. Yeah, this is the finale here. This is going to be like Game of Thrones. No, it's like when they did House of Dragons after Game of Thrones. It is unnecessary. Look at this segue.

Look at this segue you just made. Oh, here we go. Do it. Okay. All right. This is, all right, I'll give a disclaimer. Boy14 fell in love with a Game of Thrones chatbot. Okay.

Disclaimer. We are in no way making light of this poor boy, but I thought this story was fascinating. So a 14-year-old Florida boy had been messaging for months a lifelike Game of Thrones chatbot When the AI app sent him an eerie message Telling him to come home to her and the boy committed suicide The boy had become obsessed and allegedly fell in love with the chatbot character Sorry a chat about a chat bot on character.ai, a role-playing app that lets users engage with AI-generated characters. The ninth grader had been relentlessly engaging with the bot Danny, named after the HBO fantasy

series Daenerys Targaryen. All the nerds are going to come at me, but you know who it is the mother of dragons In the months prior to his death. He was engaged with her including several chats that were sexually charged in nature and Others were he expressed suicidal thoughts. So the mom is suing and it's a fascinating case where Can this fantasy?

Entity which the child fully knows is fake is there any liability? You know what I mean? I think it's a fascinating case, but before we get on a serious stuff couple of things. Suicide is nothing at all to joke about, and if you're struggling in any way, get help. You talking to me? Yeah, I mean, Jesus, that's your segue. Also, if you live in Orlando and you're isolated and you fall in love with the Mother of Dragons,

that is another sign that you should immediately get help. Yes. Immediately. Yeah. The kid fell in love with one of the great villains of all time. I went on a nerd site to count all the people that she directly and indirectly killed in Game of Thrones, and I thought it was going to be around like 10 or 15. I forgot a lot.

It was 752,311. What? That's how many people she was responsible for killing. Wait, oh, cause the war she launched? Yes. So I would say, and also her dragons burned a shit ton of people as well. Yeah. So listen, if the person you have a crush on

has killed over 751,000 people it's a red flag my man. It's a red flag. I know I Just went when a woman treats waiters badly. I'm out You know if she doesn't tip the valet well, I can't go out with her again Yeah, and ladies if you're currently sexting with a guy named Voldemort You should know his exes call him he who must not be named. You can do better. Plus, Voldemort hates non-pure blood wizards, so you have that too.

Yeah, it's he who should be blocked. So what do you think about this lawsuit? Well, it's interesting because- It's heartbreaking for the mom. It's awful. And it really is. I think part of it speaks to how alienated a lot of young people, boys and girls have become and how much this this internet life has become their their whole identity. And you know, who's who knows what AI is gonna say or do or what the motivation for AI. It literally is like a sci-fi novel from the 1950s,

the time when the computers take over and they are hurting human beings. I mean, there should be, it should be treated, I guess in a way like porn, where it's like this can really do damage or alcohol. Like there has, there can be a law about the age. Like he wasn't fully developed. I went and read some of the exchanges at one, because listen, it's a game and AI knows it

is and AI knows what it's doing. It's totally being her character. This is a love affair. So it asked him at one point, please don't betray me. Please, you cannot develop any feelings for any other woman, any other person. Oh my God, really? I'm your number one.

And then he started bringing up feeling like desperate and all this. She's like, well, you know, if you ever wanna leave, come to, that was the whole thing. Come to me, we could spend the eternity, like, yeah. It was, it was, no, it was serious. This is a very, very serious issue. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's not the first time we're gonna see, it's not gonna be the last time we're gonna see this. All right, let's cheer up a little bit with some entertainment. I am laughing because I know the story Greg put in entertainment. Actor Jack Morrell, one of my favorite actors, is opening up about his terrifying account with serial killer John Wayne Gacy. Mrill65, whose onscreen credits include minor roles in Law and Order, Hannah Montana, Grey's Anatomy, and Sex and the City, said he was abducted and raped by the notorious

criminal in 1978 when he was just 19. He was living by himself in Chicago and he was walking home one night and a guy pulled over and said, do you want to go for a ride? Merrill continued, he pulled off near the ramp of the Kennedy Expressway and asked if I'd ever done poppers. So wait, there's a big part missing. Yeah, something's missing there. He gets in the car apparently. If he's an actor, maybe act like you don't need a ride at that moment. It's like hooking up to the mother of dragons. So he pulled out a bottle and splashed some liquid on the rag and jammed it into my face. I passed out when I woke

up. I was in handcuffs. I saw the exit for Cumberland on the expressway near the airport. The next thing I knew we were outside his house. He was a puny 19 year old, he said. This is the guy talking was a puny 19 year old. Yes. The house was dark. He put this homemade contraption around my neck. It had ropes and pulleys. I did that this morning in physical therapy. And it went around my back and through my handcuffed hands in a way that if I struggled, I would choke. I did at one point and started to lose air. He stuck a gun in my mouth and he raped me in the bedroom.

R-word, Greg! Oh, what time code are we here? How many R-words? How many R-words an episode are we? You know that at some point he was taking an acting class where the teacher said, you said, use this experiment. I use this experience. Is that what it is?

Yeah, yeah. Dig into it. And by the way, if the guy is, if he's not insane, he's gonna do a one-man show about this with the ending as him in clown makeup crying on a dark stage You know, I would I would see that a second So you think Gacy who famously was a clown you think he dressed his victims up as clowns? No, he's gonna he's gonna roleplay. He's gonna play both roles

I think half of this half of his face is clown makeup and then half of him is the scared 19-year-olds. The guy did say that this was the worst thing that ever happened to him until he started working on Grey's Anatomy. Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha man song for seven minutes. You ever notice how crazy that I'm being like, my wife loves it. Like, they fucking manipulate you with music. Every scene that has any emotion has these swells of music, you know, highly minogue and horrible. I remember season one, I'm like, so it's rich white

doctors complaining. Yeah. And it's like, no, they're, I'm like, so it's rich white doctors complaining. Yeah. And it's like, no, there, I remember I said that. It's like, no, there's an Asian woman and a black woman. I'm like, oh, okay. So it's rich doctors, just non, also the most unprofessional hospital in the world. Yes. Unimaginable. Well, I want to do a Grey's Anatomy with all the rightful lawsuits against them. Yeah, right, right, right. But wasn't Sandra Owen that? Yeah, of course. She's amazing. And guess who else was in that?

Our good friend, Greg Gurman, did many seasons of Grey's Anatomy. Yeah, he's still is. They rebooted it and he's on the reboot. Yep. Did it go away? I thought it was just on like season 400 by now. No, it went away and then it came back. And, and Greg's son, we should say Greg German, IMDb, and he's done a million things. He's a good buddy from the neighborhood. Yeah, no, he's great. Unbelievable. Well, now his son is killing it. His son is Yeah, no, he's great. Unbelievable. Now his son is killing it. His son is...

And was almost killed by Dahmer. He was the jogger that Dahmer brought back to his house and then tried to kill. And now he's in that show Generation Z, which is the spin-off of The Boys. He's like the star of it. I have to do The Boys and that. Yeah. Wait, back to Grey's Anatomy. This is very true. No joke here. It was insane.

There were, there's two shows that my daughters watched where I couldn't be in the room because of like the cadence. And it's, and it's, I understand it's just me because they're quality. But the other one was, um, oh my God, what's the one that young teen girls like with Laura in the little town? Stranger Things?

No, everyone knows what I'm talking about. She's the brunette. Oh, with her daughter, she lives alone with her daughter. Judging Amy? No, but I hated Judging Amy. Anyway, I'll get in a minute. Those two shows drove me crazy. When Grazy and I would come on,

I would have to leave the room or I wouldn't stop in the room if I was walking through. And all I would say is, which doctor is the patient this week? And they're like, shut up, dad, shut up. And then the other one would be like, Lisa is or whatever it was. I was always right. Yeah. Yeah. That's hilarious. Hey, man, let's get on to Florida. Florida, man. Come on, Laura. Great funny actress named Laura. Her real name is Laura. Yeah. Oh, I know what show you're talking about. And the daughter spoke like a special person.

Like it like almost like a peanuts. Sure. Make America Florida Florida man arrested for posing as security to sneak into Taylor Swift concert. So some full on mental illness with this guy. According to an arrest report Marriottie the guy was spotted dressed in a suit, wearing a badge over his neck near the floor field area of the venue by an actual security guard. When questioned by authorities, Marriottie said he was hired by four women to work as

security guard and escorted said women onto the property to their respective seats. However, two of the women told police their aunt had hired a driver for the evening and they didn't know why he had a badge. Way to rat out the guy who's taking care of you. An Italian national, Mariotti, remained at Turner-Gilford Knight Correctional Center on an immigration hold and $1,500 bond.

So I can't wait to hear the new Swift song about a guy who's a liar. Oh wait, there are already 400 of those songs. All I did was look up Taylor Swift lyric, liar. First result, here's the Bob Dylan of this generation. All you are is a liar and pathetic and alone in life. And I mean and mean, oh sorry, and mean and mean and mean, all caps.

Yeah. Split up at the docks that night with the agreement, it was best. I looked at her as she walked away. Mean and mean and mean, you Meany! She should have found a word that rhymed with Meany. But by the way, impressive, our biggest thing is saying by the way, getting to the field, impressive my man. Yes, yes. Especially when you got to stand out.

It's women ages 13 to 14 everywhere and you're a guy with a jacket and a tie on. Yeah, you might stand out a little bit. Yeah. By the way, these fucking immigrants taking all our stalking jobs. Stalking? after they took him away, Taylor Swift stood up, pumped her fist and said, fight, fight, fight. Yeah, exactly. 9-11 really ruined it for us.

Pete Scott and I, we mentioned Pete last week, we would go to the opening and I would go with my friend Morgan too, we'd go to opening day at the US Open in New York. I bet they'd tighten the rules. They'd tighten the rules. Technically it was a city park, that's where the stadium is and the whole grounds. We would bring in a cooler with a 30 pack of like Bush, I think it was.

We'd bring in a cooler with 30 beers. And we would just, we would give beers to ushers We would get down better seats and we would drag this thing around which got lighter by the minute But one year Pete and I went and we couldn't get tickets and we went around the side and there were catering trucks And they were like, you know, it was a mad dash. I mean it was opening day and there was giant folded it was opening day, and there was giant folded catering white jackets that all of them were required to wear. Pete and I each grabbed one, put on our catering jacket, walked right in.

No shit, really? Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah, I always think about when you're at a concert, if you just showed up with a guitar case and an amp, you could walk right backstage oh yeah totally yeah there are a lot of people in sporting events they'll have a buddy jump out with a glow-in-the-dark you know vest yeah he looks very official and he'll start

picking up cones and then somebody just be lines it right towards the exit. Oh, by the way, was it Mysteries of Laura? No, good Lord, keep going, I'm gonna find it. Watch Somewhere Between, these are all shows starring Laura, watch. Way bigger, way bigger. Casual Pieces of Her. God, I hope her name's Laura. Way bigger.

A Little House on the Prairie? No. Sun coast? Single daughter and then some douchebag who always wears a baseball hat backwards. Lady in the lake? Who works like in the diner. Lady in the lake? Here, do you think it'll get it? You ready? This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to go dictate into Google. That's what I did. Show with a single woman and a daughter and a douchebag who always wears his baseball cap backwards who works in a diner and there's a grandmother and a rich stepfather. You didn't say Laura.

And they up came. I am not your perfect Mexican daughter. It's a book. I am NOT your perfect Mexican daughter. This said show me a single woman and a daughter. I didn't even say TV show. All right keep going. We're boring these people. Well let's make Michigan Florida. We're going to, hold on a minute. I'm gonna read it. A TV show starring an actress named Laura. A mailboat rescued a Florida man who was allegedly trying to swim from Canada to Detroit Monday night while on a mail run the boat the people on the boat spotted the man who was paddling inside a life ring. I guess that's like a buoy.

After rescuing the man from the water, he told crew members that he was an American citizen from Florida and was attempting to get back to the US. Crew members said the man seemed disoriented and under the influence. Quote, we tried to get him to come inside the cabin and sit down and he just kind of kept pacing around the front deck saying, is this boat US? Are we going back to the US?

Well, good story Greg. Well it's your story. Alright, where's my joke? That's how bad Florida is, that it seems like a good idea to swim to Detroit. Yes. And you know, you just, there's no lighthouse, but you can see the lights from Kid Rock's rave in his house. I'm still looking for this. Let's get to sports, Mike. Give me a crinkle while you're completely killing the show. Killing it.

Am I doing a... Okay, you do this. Read this. I thought this was fascinating. Jesus Christ. The Yankees and the Dodgers are both in the World Series. No mascots will be there. When the New York Yankees lost a playoff game last week. A fuzzy pink blob with yellow spots raced into the outfield waving a flag in celebration. This was a few innings after hot dog races around the warning track and a few hundred

miles from a scene in another league where the Los Angeles Dodgers endured the antics of a married duo with giant baseball heads cheered by fans in purple grimace costumes. Playtime's now over. No more shenanigans, no more tomfoolery, no more ballyhoo. The Yankees brushed past the silly Cleveland Guardians in their league championship series and the Dodgers dumped the dopey New York Mets in theirs. The World Series is here. No mascots allowed. 28 teams have mascots. Only two do not only two do not and that would be the Yankees and the Dodgers. How about that? Pretty amazing. Yeah. So what

would the Dodger mascot be? Here's my pitch. A hot dog called the Dodger dog that takes an hour to get when you're at the stadium. How about that one? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. Very representative. Yeah. What about for a Dodger, what about a figure who received military draft deferments five times, once for bad feet, and four times for college?

That could be a fun mascot. Yeah, I see that. I think the mascot might be like, it's just a headshot. There's no actual person. It's just a headshot with arms and legs that runs around the field and especially now it's development season. So this is a perfect time of the year for the headshot. Maybe it's an actor on the picket line. Oh yeah there you go. Okay my apologies to everybody who has been screaming Gilmore Girls at their whatever they're screaming at. Hopefully your significant other. And it was not Laura it was Lauren Graham. That's right. She was awful, awful. No, she's undoubtedly talented.

I think there's something wrong with the daughter, the actress included. Yeah. And the show, I don't know, it made me angry. Yeah, it made me angry too. And then I was really, you know how some arguments with Erin or your kids or family are fueled by, and you don't realize it at the time,

like a worry about them, you know? So you're worried that they're always gonna be that way or you're afraid that kids hang over, maybe, that means it's alcoholism down the road. So I was afraid my kids were R-word, the other R-word, because they loved this show. Yeah, yeah, I can remember. That was definitely, as you said, you keep walking.

You walk into the TV room and your feet don't stop. You just look at it, you judge it, and you just watch. It's always the same scene. It's the same show every time. And they did a lot of seasons of that show. Like, I think like nine or 10. You know when you, oh no, then it came back. I think you know when you run into, because this happens all the time. I was just going to say Grey's Anatomy, Gilmore Girls. The G's are terrible. So you and I, it happens all the time because people find out we're kind of in the funny business. But when you run into someone who think, and we

have them in our families, who think they're really funny and they are constantly flexing it. That's what Gilmore Girls was. The dialogue was nonstop like C minus banter, maybe even D minus banter. That was just, it's like, can I write on that show? Because I would never be intimidated by the blank page like I am with everything else I do. No, it's like two broke girls. They all think they're charming and funny and they're using puns and it's brutal. Oh, section of the city.

Seven seasons, it ran for 153 episodes. Six of them on one network and then it moved to the UPN for one extra season. Still angry about it. All right, let's go. Let go down. We going to do... Let's do international. Oh You got a bunch of little jokes in here. I don't know how much I read of this section. What do we got? We got. All right, so this guy in England had a metal detector and him and six friends found a hoard of more than 2500 silver coins in the ground for a thousand years. It's valued at 5.6 million dollars. It came from the Norman Conquest of England, William the Conqueror.

I mean, it's pretty insane. And they, I mean, it's just fun to me to think how many more douchebags are gonna be on the beach now with those metal detectors. And maybe that's, you know, I'm so bummed out about how my life is going to end. Maybe I just become one of those guys. Don't they seem happy on the beach with their big brimmed hats?

This hat, I could wear this one. I'll get the white block on my nose. Giant headphones, giant headphones. Crocs on my feet. You know, you check out girls while you're doing it. That's an easy excuse to go right near a woman's blanket. Your description is not far off from how you've been at the beach the last 20 years.

The only difference is holding a machine. That's right. So you're there, just do it. Can this guy go help search the garbage dump for that hard drive with all the Bitcoin in it? Oh, that's in Scotland, right? It's worth, it's in England, I think, and it's worth more than this. Oh, it's worth billions.

Yeah, it's worth way more than 4.3 million. Billions. Or 5.6 million, whatever it was. Oh my God. All right, here's one more. Now let's skip that one. It's just too dark of an episode. Let's go down to. You put in these stories with the R word. They're so dark, so dark.

Yeah, next week is gonna be a rated G episode. And then here's the 19 year old Walmart employee, ready, who was found dead in the store's walk-in oven. By the way, I didn't even read past there because I didn't think we'd do the story, but I did write, you lost me at walk-in oven. You know how if you put a cucumber on the floor behind a cat, like there's a million videos of it

in the, like a cat in the kitchen, it turns around and it leaps because imprinted very instinctually, the cat thinks it's a snake, and even though it's never been exposed to a snake, it's never been taught about a snake, it's in its DNA and it jumps. Humans should be the same way with a walk-in oven. Yes, if you feel something get very warm, very fast, you may want to backtrack a little bit.

Well, it's almost like you see something across the room, you see a big metal door and you're like, is that a safe? Is that a vault or is that a walk-in oven? And as soon as they tell you it's not a vault, you're out of there, just instinct, you're gone. Well, I think that Jewish people would probably have that instinct in their DNA even more so Yes. Yes, the human race though. Generally. Yes, don't forget. There were people who did it to them your people My people I'm just gonna say it's your people. Okay here

We're history look at your hat. You have a very German villain hat on. Yeah I'm not German. I hate the Germans. All right here we go. You see you have hate in your heart you just proved it. Okay let me find the ones I liked. Where would they be? Where would they be? Taylor Swift and boring. Red Sox by by the way, this is when they ended The Curse of the Bambino, you know, that 2004. They finally won it. Okay. American poet and novelist Sylvia Plath, whose best known works are preoccupied with alienation, death and self-destruction.

She was born on this day. In what year, give or take 10 years? Sylvia Plath was very big with the goth girls. Every emo girl was into Sylvia Plath. So her writing probably came out mid 20th century. So I'm gonna guess 1929 very impressive 1932 nice that was really good either deductive or inductive reasoning I don't know the difference. And I don't really care to think about it. Okay. Midcoast Media centric, the Gateway Arch in St. Louis, Missouri, designed by Finnish born American architect, Eero Saarinen, to commemorate St. Louis's historic role as gateway to the West was completed on this day in what year, give or take, I'm going to be very generous with this, 15 years.

I just love that that's what St. Louis's big attraction is, the gateway to like, you could literally put that arch anywhere in the country, stand just east of it, it would still be the gateway to the west. Newark. Yes. The arch is not as old as you think. I remember I was there in 1990. I just started doing standup on the road.

So it was about 94 and it was there. So I'm gonna say early 80s, 1983. Oh man, your logic sounded so sound, 1965. No, okay, wow. But you're right, I thought it was older than that. You know, looking at the picture of it, it's like they took the Washington Monument and just bent it down to the ground. You know, you can walk through it.

I've been to the top of it. Yeah. No, in an elevator, in a little cart, I don't know what you call it. It's an elevator, but eventually goes sideways. Okay, we got, did you know that Bill Gates, 1955 he was born, I thought he was older than that. I thought he was way older than that.

I know, he looks older. Okay, Harvard University, the oldest Institute of Higher Learning in the United States was founded by the great and general court of the Massachusetts Bay colony in what year, give or take, 50 years. and general court of the Massachusetts Bay Colony in what year, give or take, 50 years? Oh, God. Harvard was founded? I'm giving you a 101-year window to guess. I'm thinking 1690.

1690. Ha ha ha! That's the best! 1636! You missed it by four years! 1636? How old is this country? Old enough to have that goddamn, whatchamacallit, the largest, they're sitting on the longest stash of cash ever.

Their endowment. Can you imagine the ye old douchebags that graduated from that school back in? Well slaves worked at Harvard, right? Didn't we learn that? Yep, they built it, they built part of it. Oh, Jeepers. Let me see if I can find one more. Oh, Goebbels, you'll know that, you'll know that.

I think it's Goebbels, isn't it? Maybe Sir Walter Raleigh, you'll get that just, but he was executed for treason. You would probably get what you're ish. I'll give you a big window. We're gonna find one more. Oh, Whitey Bolger. Oh, there's one. American basketball player LeBron James,

who was drafted directly out of high school, made his NBA debut with the Cleveland Cavaliers. He must have been 18 or 19, I'm imagining. God, do you think he might have been 17? Anyway, he made his debut on this day in what year, give or or take three years. 2001. Yeah, 2003. Nice. Very good. All right, what are we doing now? I want to Google how old he was. Let's get to letters to the editor. Jane Blues said, so reassuring hearing you joke of panic to take quiz naming famous people.

So unnerving with age, observing own growing instability to pull names which I of course know from memory. This woman sounds like she's had a couple glasses of white wine. I'll test myself at times trying to recall all 18 names from show Friends. Six character names plus six first and six last name actors.

I certainly know all of yet increasingly rare to nail all 18 anymore. So I was gonna put to you, Mike Gibbons, name the six lead actors, the actors names and the characters names from friends. Okay, here's the thing. This woman very sweet to empathize. She wrote into YouTube and I wrote her back how amazing this was.

I was worried about myself like and it was totally because of lack of sleep and that I'm terrible at it. For some wild reason, I did the same drill. And I literally wrote back to her that I could not get Lisa Kudrow's name to save my life. Like it wasn't even like, you know how sometimes it's close, you're like KKK? Yeah.

You always go KKK when you're trying to think of something. And I couldn't get it. And I also couldn't get, first of all, I don't get it, and I also couldn't get, first of all, I don't watch Friends. I couldn't, I don't think I could name, I could name one character maybe, and I think I could name four of the actors. No, Matt LeBlanc, Jennifer Aniston. Well, we don't need to do this.

I just proved to everyone I couldn't get Lauren Graham's name. Lisa Poudreau. For Gilmore Girls. I can't remember the other ones. One guy drowned himself in a hot tub on ketamine. Matthew Perry, I had a great meeting with him. We had one on one. We had not a drink because he was dry.

Could not have been more charming. He was, I caught him, that was in a very, he wouldn't know me either just like TJ, but he Could not have been more charming and intelligent and he wanted I think it was when It was when Ferguson was leaving the late late show I believe and he wanted He wanted to Do a talk show so with more he almost, it was a good idea. He wanted it also to be half behind the scenes, like Sanders. That's a good idea.

I walked into a meeting at ABC. I had a development deal at ABC. Pretty sure it was ABC. I can't remember exactly which network. But I had a deal and I was going in to pitch the show and I've got the showrunner with me. We're all pumped up. I got my agent. We're gonna give them the ... basically if you have a development deal it means that they give you a bunch of money and then you come in and you pitch them a great idea for show and if they like it then they they order it to shoot a pilot. So I go in, all psyched, I'm in the waiting room, and the door opens to the development person's office and out walks. What's her name from Cougar Town?

Yes, Courtney Love. Courtney Cox. Courtney Cox comes walking out. She comes walking out with David Arquette and everybody's hugging and laughing and they've got a team of about a dozen publicists and fucking agents and managers and then they all filter out and then they look at us like what are you doing here and they're like oh yeah come on in and I was like fuck this. We got no more money left. And Cougar Town was on the air six months later. Yep. Yep. I was not.

So anyway, quick follow up to LeBron James. He was 19 years old, right out of high school, and he made his debut. Can you imagine how intimidated you're 19? You go, it's your first game October 29th 2003 I would have been so low-key and intimidated he scored 25 points 9 assists 6 rebounds 4 steals. No shit wow. What?

That's amazing. All right what are we doing? Let's move this along, obituary? Let's get to an obituary, yeah. We got two. And that's all folks. I wanted to read all of it to you, but we've already spent too much time on baseball,

but please do yourself a favor, a very well-written short story really, not an obituary, by Scott Miller at the New York Times. It's called Fernando Mania Wasn't a Fairy Tale. It was better than that. I'm going to read you a few paragraphs. Fernando Valenzuela, who died on Tuesday at age 63, was a teenage phenomenon from Mexico who remade the Dodgers fan base and put his country on the baseball map. The story seems like something from a fairy tale. A bashful, portly teenager from a tiny speck of a town in Mexico, the youngest of 12 children who grew up in a home with no running water, he debuted on

the Dodgers at 19 years old. His left arm is seemingly gifted from the heavens, which also uncannily is the direction he glances skyward, uniquely and unforgettably at the apex of his wind up on each pitch. And at 20 in the glorious summer of 1981 with that majestic windup in magnetic charisma Fernando mania roared to life Fernando Valenzuela the punchy and enigmatic Left-hander had a season for the ages So it goes on and he was just a legend and I remember him announcing That he was gonna step down.

He's been an announcer on the Spanish language Dodger station for like 20 plus years. And then he suddenly said he had to step down for health reasons. That just happened. Yeah, yeah. I guess, you know. So sad. He went right to the end and he really gave the Mexican

population in LA somebody to cheer for and kids to look at and say, I mean, I hate to use that cliche, but they go, you know, I can do that. He did that. And now, you know, I can do that too. So he was not only that he opened up Mexico to the idea. First of all, he turned Mexicans in Mexico onto baseball, which was gigantic. But all of a sudden, in some article I read, they talked about how many Mexican players were existed at the time, or maybe even historically.

It was hardly any. Yeah. And now all of a sudden, there was this whole nation, and now baseball was starting down there, and now there's tons of them. It was... And by the way, I don't know, keep in mind how much I hated the Dodgers.

And I remember Linda Ronstadt, who I worshiped, like, my mom had her on in the house all the time. She came out to sing the national anthem in that 1981 World Series wearing a Dodgers jacket and I fucking hated her because of it. But, and that was, I don't even know how I could muster up hate for Lindor Ronstadt, but I couldn't do it for Fernando. I couldn't, he was just so fucking cute.

He was the most, he was a- He didn't look like an athlete. He was adorable. Yeah, he was like Louis Tiant. You're like, how is this guy an athlete? Here's the breakdown. Right now, as far as Latino players in Major League Baseball, Venezuela has 106,

Cuba has 33, Puerto Rico has 28, and Mexico has 24. Can you believe Venezuela has 106 fucking players? How much does the Dominican Republic have? That's where it's like what are they putting in the water? What are they putting in the the tainted water from all the storms? Dominican Republic has 171. Besides the United States, they have the most players in Major League Baseball by a lot. Oh yeah. Venezuela has 106. Dominican Republic has 171. I know. All right, then you send me this, that senior sprinter, Julia, speaking of it,

Julia Hurricane Hawkins. She died. I just love her name. It's the only reason I put it in is she was 108 and her name was Hurricane. I thought you put it in because it was more tragic than that and that she died sprinting that's not the case but she was 108. Hawkins became a darling of the track and field world when she took up running at a hundred years old. According to media reports she started running at the years old. According to media reports, she started running at the urging of her children.

It wasn't long before she asserted her dominance in the sport. She set the 100 meter record in the 100 to 104 age category in 2017 with a swift finish of 39.62 seconds. The previous record was three months. Okay, so she, just so you know, she ran the 100 meter in 39 seconds. The fastest 400 meter on record right now

of any age group and any gender is 43 seconds. So that means if you had her 100 meter, if you made it a track, this guy would have just come in second after lapping her three times and about to pass her for the fourth time. Yes, but he's not pushing one of those carts with the tennis balls on the front. The tennis balls on the walker? And holding a chihuahua, yeah. Also, her time, if you can do a little math, means that she runs 25 yards in 10 seconds.

Yeah. I'm wondering how fast we could walk it. I love it. All right, let's cheer up after Hurricane. All right, so we got the caption contest. Sorry we took last week off, but we're back with a vengeance. If you write in a caption for this comic strip, you will win a koozie if you are selected by the expert panel of Greg Fitzhams and Mike Gibbons.

What the fuck do we know? So there's on a dock, a fishing dock, there is a shark and he's hanging by his tail. His back is arched so that his mouth is wide open. Where a photographer is taking his picture. The fisherman stands next to the shark. In the background are two other sharks in the water and they are... oh did I... okay. They don't see...

you're wondering what they say. I have the caption in the script as the words, but it doesn't. Okay, so Rich Butchko said, try to smile Billy, I'm pretty sure this is gonna be our last family photo. Oh. Okay. Jason Cobb said, John Hanson's show has literally jumped the shark. All right. Who's John Hanson? Catch a predator. Oh. A little bit of a leap, a little bit of a leap to this is a predator. I like the jump the shark reference, but I didn't get the rest of it John Ron Dvorak said that's the same pose he was in when he gave that sperm whale a toothy blowjob okay all right a lot of backstory again yeah you're getting a blowjob from a shark

Lane from Denver said the things fans request on OnlyFins these days are a bit risky for my taste. Sounds like he had OnlyFins in his back pocket and worked it in here. That's a little bit what I felt like with the Jump the Shark. Like the jump doesn't match the reference. Larry Zemlik said lucky bastard he's probably gonna be on the front page okay they're they're avid newspaper readers okay next one is you're gonna need a bigger camera it's not bad okay yeah that's from Dane Friedenberg who's in Abuja Nigeria Jeff Langa said well they caught. I told him there was something fishy about that lure. Well if he knew it was a lure he wouldn't have bit it. Should have

been something fishy about that piece of fish. Kelly Holmes says not as big as Arnold Palmer. Very topical, very topical. Ryan Bray said, I tried to tell him, boogie boarders are on the menu, surfers are not. So they caught him because he was terrorizing surfers? Doesn't track with me. Ben Holdridge says, I warned him autoerotic asphyxiation was dangerous, but Frank said he couldn't come

without a hook in his mouth. I lost the tie between autoohorotic asphyxiation and a hook in his mouth. Yeah, I like 75% of the joke, could have trimmed the end. Maybe he was looking for a line or a rope. All right, and this one, if the other shark says, hey dummy, still think that floating fish skewer looks perfectly normal? That's a better version of the other.

Yeah, yeah, at least he had the lure accurately. Oh, okay, so I have the winner. Okay, it's no one. All right. Well, that's not nice. These people, you know, labored and they wrote their jokes. And I think, why don't you reveal the real the By the way, the real one is not a winner either. So everyone can feel better, but we'll pick a winner just to get rid of another koozie.

The caption that we took out that was there was, ah well, he was a prick. It's funny. I like that. I mean, with all my talk here, I should be able to cough one up, but I am tired now. I like you're gonna need a bigger camera. I'm surprised the pervs didn't put like non sequiturs, like is that your hand or something like that, having nothing to do with the scene,

just the two sharks talking to each other. Now I'm gonna go with not as big as Arnold Palmer actually. I think that's what we have to go with. Alright, Kelly Holmes, congratulations you won it. Thanks for all the submissions. They don't all get in unfortunately because of time, but I hope I'm making good choices of the ones I put in. I missed one and my apologies. Next week, send me that address. Yes. The caption is, it's a telephone booth with a Superman looking type guy with a cape on coming out. He has on fishnet stockings and fishnet bustier. And there's garters and like a g-string. And there's a couple looking at him very wide-eyed.

So Superman coming out of a booth, dressed in drag basically. It looks like, would you put, I guess you could put in a quote from someone talking, but it seems like one of those like New Yorkers where the cartoonist just comments on the scene. Yes Yes, if you want to make this a dialogue you can but it might work better as a scene descriptor Yeah. All right. Let's get to

Hager the horrible where lucky is sitting on the couch with the ukulele and he's swooning Hager's daughter and he goes, do you have a dowry honey? And then Helga comes in and goes, of course she does, brides don't go into marriage empty handed and then she looks at Hager and goes, unlike a certain groom I could mention, yeah, he wasn't empty handed, he picked you up and stole you from your home. He abducted you. Are his parents gonna give you money for that? That's literally what happened.

That's the backstory of this comic strip. So she turned it on him. I was trying to find the logic here even though he doesn't have a dowry. No she's saying that you don't go in any marriage empty-handed regardless of being a man or a woman. Yeah she's saying he was broke. I think you could also read it as saying that he didn't get a dowry because she was abducted and raped. I did it again. I think that is what happened. The Lockhorns. Loretta is leaning on a table. Leroy's just gotten home from work and she goes, I did stop and smell the roses, Leroy.

That's how I know you bought them at a gas station. That's a great joke. Leroy is on the chair talking to Loretta. He goes, I'd be a better listener if you talked less. There should be a therapist in between them. Yeah. In couple. Oh boy is this an exciting day. I have yet to read it but we're down to the number two. Oh boy. Number two, greatest Garfield of all time. It's only three panels. I'm excited. It's all new to me. Let's keep in mind that Garfield is probably in the top 10, if not more, published comic strips of all time. This is the worrisome thought I had this week is so many people defending it and they listen to our podcast so they like both Garfield and us and probably Garfield a lot more.

Well you know who loves Garfield? Zach Galifianakis, huge fan. Garfield? Zach Galifianakis, huge fan. Oh geez, he's got a switch to Sativa. So here we go, three frames. First frame you have John holding his neck and then his dialogue is cough cough which is I guess him saying cough cough and Gallagher is in his very familiar position even to me Gallagher Garfield is sitting like with his arms kind of crossed on the table. Is he giving a shush sign? I Can't tell anyway, his eyes are half closed and he's nonplussed or he's unamused. I should say second frame a eyes are half closed and he's nonplussed or he's unamused I should say. Second frame, a really frazzled John says, Garfield, I was choking on a peanut and you just sat there. Garfield unmoved. Next frame, oh my God, Garfield's eyes light up and he thinks, says to himself and turns around and goes, we have peanuts?

Their second best of all time. It really makes you wonder, how can next week be better? What is up with John? He's still disappointed. Also, first of all, he's disappointed a cat won't give him the Heimlich. But also the relying on Garfield. still disappointed. Also, first of all, he's disappointed a cat won't give him the Heimlich. But also the relying on Garfield. I don't know. That might be a way home or like I'll

get that on my way to the retirement home when I'm demented. What is the most profitable comic? Oh, it's all, I tried to look it up, but it's all like Marvel. I guess I should say, oh, comic strips. 15 most popular strips of all time. Superman is number 15. Doonesbury is 14.

Dilbert is 13. Crazy Cat, never even 13. Crazy Cat. Never even heard of Crazy Cat. So far it's my favorite and I've never even read it. The Memory of Pogo May Be Dim. What? Number 10 is Dick Tracy. Number 9 is Popeye.

Okay we're good. Let's move on to Blondie. Bloom County. Just as funny as Garfield. Life in Hell, Dennis the Menace, four is Calvin and Hobbes, three is Garfield, two is Far Side,

and one is Peanuts. I could have told you that was gonna be number one. One good one. Let's get to Blondie. You're not gonna believe this shit. He's in the office and he's got his stupid little bow tie on. He's slumped at his desk because he's miserable because he has stalled out at the bottom.

And he says, hi honey, can you tell me what's for dinner? Cut to Blondie. Jesus, motherfucker, she's wearing a teal. It looks like it might be silk skirt that is wrapped around her right thigh. You can see it cutting through the slit. She's got on a black velvet low cut long sleeve shirt that is hogging her bosom. She goes, I mean this artist, this artist has a field day with this. Yes. She says, I haven't decided yet, dear. And then he goes, call me back when you decide. I need something to look forward to.

Something to look forward to? There's literally a wet dream on the other side of the phone. You're coming home to see her. I would eat fucking dog food. I would eat the Blue Dogs food to make love to Blondie for just six minutes. He says call me back when you decide I need something to look forward to. What?

He doesn't, I don't know, is this guy ever gonna get it man or what? I mean it just feels like she's got to move on. just feels like she's got to move on. John, if she dated John from Garfield, it would be an upgrade. Look at both of their, I mean, the artist was so focused on her under boob and that line. By the way, it looks like, picture it, Greg, and I'm doing this for you, and I might lose you, you might jump right off this Zoom.

The middle frame, it's as if the artist made it a transparent skirt. Yes, very much so. And like shaded it blue to show you that it's transparent. Because you see, he drew a line up between her legs. Yep, yep, and it almost seems like it's a silk skirt that has static cling. It's clinging to her.

It's see-through. She's wearing a see-through slip. That's what I'm going with. By the way, there is a series on Apple Plus right now. Hold on, I'm gonna look it up for you. It is the most erotic sex scene I think I've ever seen on TV. Is this the one with Kevin Klein? Yes. I haven't seen it yet but is it the girl on the beach? It's called it's called disclaimer it's the girl on the beach and she seduces this college boy

and this girl I forget her name, but she was married to Sean Penn for a couple years. And her father is Vincent D'Onofrio, and her mother is, Erin recognized her mother's name. She's a very famous, also highly sexualized actress. But I mean, this woman has maybe the greatest body I've seen in- What was the age difference between Sean Penn and?

Well, Sean Penn's probably older than Vincent D'Onofrio. Yeah. And he's with his daughter. He definitely, I think he definitely is. Anyway, what I was pointing out is this guy's attention to detail of sexing her up. Then he, look at the phone technique on the two of them. What's going on?

It's like walkie talkies. Yeah, yeah, right. Strong finish. All right, let's do it. Strong finish. All right, listen folks, if you love the podcast as much as we do, you're going to support us by supporting the sponsors.

You're going to go to fabric.com slash papers. I'm sorry, meet fabric, M-E-E-T, fabric.com slash papers, and get involved in some term life insurance for yourself. Also, mintmobile.com slash papers, get yourself 15 bucks a month when you do a three month deal. Mike, anything you want to plug? Yeah, man, Yankees. Let's go Yankees. Also, enjoy.

I'm going to be fair about this and not too partisan. Also everyone should enjoy the Fernando Valenzuela tributes that we're going to see. They're definitely bringing him up in these series. In fact, he could be why, he could be their motivation. He could be why they wanna win it on this first series with the two teams going at it since 1981 when that kid hit the scene. Oh, you think they're gonna wear black armbands? First of all, they better.

I mean, I'd be disappointed and, you know, I don't want them to have any more emotional incentive to win this thing, but if they don't remember him in a way that's motivating to the entire city I don't know what they're doing. Yeah I know I mean I go to Dodgers games and it is 70% Latino and I'm guessing mostly Mexican. Oh my god yeah are you kidding I mean. Yeah. Dyers baby, dyers. Dyers. Alright

go Jankies and we'll see you guys next week. Take it ish. Take it ish. It's Sunday morning, I got a big smile on Cause it's Sunday morning, I got the coffee hot and YouTube on It's Sunday morning, well it's Sunday morning Where's my wife, she's got no love for Greg and Mike Turn the volume down and close the door She don't want to hear them ever more I got the coffee hot and the YouTube on It's Sunday morning