Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 238 11/3/24

Episode Date: November 3, 2024

Jaywalking is now legal in NY as is Eric and Lyle shot gunning their rich parents in LA. Yankees/ Dodgers discussion and Anna Kendrick is giving her salary away from her recent movie because it is about a serial killer.Support our Sponsors: meetfabric.com/papersWatch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Thanks to Heil Sound for the new microphones https://heilsound.comEmail caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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Live. Live. Three, two, one. And now we're off, Greg. Read all about it. Read all about it. Sunday papers. Look at it. Left over my left shoulder. We're professional. We're very professional. All right.

Mike is in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Yes, just rolled in and trying to figure out in an Airbnb where there might be an extension cord walked around the house with the laptop to find the strongest Wi-Fi signal. So a little disoriented. But here we are. Here we are on a Friday evening here. Well, 330. 330. We got you're going to a big game, I'm assuming, tomorrow? Yes, we're going to... It's a family kind of meetup here because it's, for the first time, I think, ever,

the Oregon Ducks are here in Ann Arbor playing Michigan. And niece, my sister Laura's child, or youngest, Caroline, is coming. Laura, George, Caroline, my dad's coming up from Florida. We're all, the gang's all here. Well, you're forgetting to mention where your niece goes to school. Then she goes to Oregon. Yeah. He's a duck.

And so is so is Dennis Guven. So there's going to be a lot of hot talking on the, on the text chain. He was invited. He, he would have been crashing right on this couch. Really? And he didn't do it? Nope. Shocking. And they might be the best team in the country. There's a good argument for that. Wow. Well, I just played golf with Govins this morning and, uh, he was very well behaved. Um, huh. Is he okay? He was, yeah, I don't know. morning and he was very well behaved. Huh, is he OK? He was, yeah, I don't know.

I mean, he seems like he's in a pretty good place. He was so funny last time he's like, oh, so that can happen like where because Mikey like was in a bad mood and was cursing and like and then would drop a second and then he angrily hit it. He's like, no, but don't. But here comes the podcast and no mention of that. Just a mention of me. So here I am fulfilling that actually. Got out to Dennis in a good mood. So I got to give a shout out at the beginning of this. Now you and I have not endorsed a candidate nor will we for president. This is not that's not what the show is. Bernie or bust. That's Bernie or bust.

So but I do want to give a an endorsement in New York State. Kyle McGovern for New York State Supreme Court. He is in Westchester County. I think also Rockland County, maybe Orange County, maybe Putnam County. So if you're in that region, if you're in the suburbs north of Manhattan, Westchester County and adjacent, Kyle McGovern is a guy who I stand by this guy a thousand percent. I've known him since we were about six years old and he's been the town judge in Tarrytown, New York, for so long. I would have helped you out with your criminal record.

No, it would not. No, he's tough. He's got a reputation for being really tough. It's hilarious. So anyway, don't forget Kyle McGovern in your vote. He is just a good family man. He's got a moral compass. He always did more than the other kids we hung out with.

I still spend a lot of time with him. I just hung out with him a couple of months ago in New York. And go vote. Nice. How was your Halloween? It was good. We were gonna take mushrooms and sit on the porch over at my neighbor's house

as I endorsed somebody for state supreme court. But we have a friend who's going through a very hard time that was coming over. And I felt like that would have taken the mushrooms in a bad direction. Got to set and setting. That's the key. Make sure you're around people that are positive.

Make sure you're in a setting that's got some nature. I figured it would be sweet to have kids. I love being on. We talked about this. I love shrooming around kids. And now there are kids who are dressed in sometimes bloody costumes. Dude, the moms last night. Crazy. It really is half the fun is seeing them, the moms coming up in a pair of tights. And because even at that age, they've got like five and six year olds,

they've got their bodies back and they want to show them. They want to show you that they're not out of the game, that they still can put out a little a little vibe and I'm picking up on it. To every risque outfit I'm like oh are you a slutty prostitute like no I'm a slutty nurse. Same thing. Yeah.

You all look like you all look like you've dressed up to work in a strip club. And my friend Josh went to Ralph's to buy some pumpkins and they were sold out, so he bought... Uh... Cantaloupe? He bought cantaloupe. No, seriously.

He bought pineapple and a watermelon, and he carved them out into pumpkins. Wow. Yeah. Do I know the person who's not feeling great? Yes, I'll tell you all about it later. Oh, no. I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah. Maybe don't tell me. I'm good.

No, it's really bad. Seriously? Yeah. I'll tell you about it later. Okay. Oh, spoiler. So anyway, I was in Boston last weekend, which was amazing. And big shout out to John Tobin, who I hung out with. John Tobin is the guy who I've known

since he was taking tickets at Grill 93 at comedy shows I did when I was doing comedy for about two years. So this is 33 years ago. I've known this guy 33 years. He went from that to Starting his own comedy club. He's working at Northeastern all these years He was a city councilman for a lot of years in Boston

And there was only there was a lot of talk about him running for mayor and and they say he would have won He know I've never met anybody in Boston who knows more people than him. You walk into any bar, any restaurant and people are coming up to him. He knows he knows their kids names. He's he's he's the greatest, greatest guy. And we were we hung out a while and Natasha Legerro big hello because she was headlining his club. Laugh Boston.

And then he has like multiple clubs, which I didn't know about. It's incredible. All over the country. Yeah. Yeah. There's one here, right here. So I'm in Ann Arbor. There's one in Detroit, half hour away.

No kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so I was visiting my youngest daughter, Olivia. She's a freshman in Northeastern and then she has a really good friend. She met an orientation there who's from LA. Anyway, fun parents weekend. We went to a hockey game. They lost to Maine in a shootout after overtime. Oh, wow. Very exciting. And then so then I decided to take Olivia over to Harvard

Square and see Harvard and also grab a meal. Oh, I took so it was her friend. They're both underage, but I'm like, we are going to Hong Kong's. Remember the restaurant in Harvard Square? Yeah, they used to do standup upstairs. That's right. And they sell scorpion bowls. Yeah.

And it was Sunday night and the bar upstairs was closed. And they're like, you could still have cocktails down here, but it was even more depressing. It wasn't depressing in a fun way. It was just depressing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, we walk into Harvard Square and I decided to show them around Harvard, Harvard yard. I mean, and we're in there.

I'm like, listen, you guys have to understand the and it's true. The only other time I've been in Harvard yard, I had like three bags of chicken wings that I was delivering and I could not have been more intimidated by these, what I felt were super smart, super rich kids. And I was over there in my beat up old used Subaru wagon from the dumb side of the river. And so we're walking around

and just to put things like in perspective, it was wild to see their little minds, both meaning young and small, trying to grasp with time. Because at one point they saw a sign. Wait, are you talking about your kids or the Harvard kids? No, sorry, Olivia and her friend. And so Cameron. And so Olivia and Cameron were looking

and there was a sign on one of the dorms and it said established or whatever. The dorm was built in 1790. They're like 1790 and I'm like, that's one of the old ones. They're like, what? And so, you know, it was founded in the 1620s. Yeah. And they're trying to put it together.

I mean, you know, they got in trouble recently or called out once again for, you know, slaves helped build this school. And one of them, I think, was like, wait, there were still slaves? I'm like, still slaves? I go, I go, when this was built, Abe Lincoln's grandfather wasn't born yet. And it kind of blew my mind as it came out. And then they were literally like, they're walking around, there's silence, and they're just taking in, it's so gorgeous up. And then they were literally like, they're walking around, there's silence, and they're just taking in, it's so gorgeous also, and they're taking it in and they're like,

so George Washington, the father of our country, wasn't even born yet. I'm like, not even close. Not even a grandfather. Yeah. I mean, you think about, the first time I walked into Harvard Square, or Harvard Yard, I was like,

my first reaction was intimidated. And my second reaction was, if I knew something like this existed, I would have studied my ass off in high school to be a part of this. By the way, I just looked this up. Cause you think about those buildings and what good shape they're in and what it must cost to maintain buildings that old. I want you to guess Harvard's endowment as of 2024. No, no. If people don't know what an endowment is,

it's the money they have in savings from donations from alumni. It's truly money. Just it's sitting there. It's just sitting there. And and I looked it up once, so and once there are that many zeros, I mean, is it 60 billion? $53 billion. 53 and then they argue about whether or not they can give a black kid a free $100,000 tuition.

There was something like if they did not charge tuition to anybody, how many decades they could go like, and it's more than decades, I believe. Oh yeah. Well, did it, what's the school that did, did NYU or one school in New York got rid of tuition? I don't know about that. Yes. Well, Santa Monica College is... That point is, that sound like a correction waiting to happen.

Maybe it's one school in a university in New York stopped charging tuition. New York College, no tuition. Is it Hunter or city college? Maybe. Well, yeah. City of New York, you get free college degree. CUNY it's called the Excelsior scholarship. Yeah. Yeah. And my, my niece and nephew went to a SUNY school, state of New York schools,

and they both went to school for free. One of them went to Binghamton, which is considered the Harvard of the state schools, and the other one went to Utica or Oneonta. Yeah, and as long as you stay in, you gotta stay in New York state Yeah, and as long as you stay in, you got to stay in New York State for three or three years, three or four years after you graduate, because they want you participating in the economy with your college degree, which she did, and then she moved.

And I got her a job at this comedy store in San Diego, where she works now. That's fantastic. And I know we've mentioned this on the podcast before, but just so you can wrap your head around like what you say was 53 billion. Yeah. A million seconds is 12 days, a billion seconds is 31 years. That's how much bigger a billion is than a million. Damn.

And you got people, you got people, what am I, dumb? There are people that sit on the board at Harvard University and they are in charge of that money. Can you imagine the power they have when they hold those purse strings of all the institutions that come to them that want to manage that money? Yeah. Someone put it this way because I did just look that up. One million seconds ago was two. Wow. We got I want to thank we actually got two logos this week.

We're publishing the one from Kyle Spencer, which is a election day promo. I can't believe it. Oh, boy, guys. Two days to get out and vote. Everybody have some fun. Have some fun. And some fun and if there are people harassing you at the polling site you know just get in a fight. Go big. Get in the news. We also have a logo from oh god who sent that one? I feel bad now. I'll find out and I'll shout out next week. There's one of Betts leaning into the outfield in right field when those two Yankees fans,

Mookie Betts, trying to grab the ball out of his... Yeah. And Gronkowski's college friend is there pulling the ball out of Betts's glove. I love that. Where did he go to college? That's a good... Laura. I'm going to look that up now as you keep talking. As you keep talking. Great song from Jason H. We thank you. Love it. Really catchy. No, no, Arizona. I haven't even looked it up yet. ASU? I know for a fact. No University of Arizona. Okay. Corrections, this one comes from Dan Theobald. That would be bad if you lost your hair and your name was Dan Theobald.

I'm terrified of it. It's all up until mid-teens. Correction on a viewer's comic submission, a viewer wrote John Hanson. At least that's what Greg read. And Mike said that's the guy from Catch a Predator. The viewer might have meant Chris Hansen, who is from Catch a Predator, unless he meant Jim Henson, who made the Muppets, but that makes less sense. Who would have been the best predator ever, Jim Henson?

Put it together, unbelievable. All the trust. Joanne wrote in the same thing, the same correction. She said John Hansen is the founding father and the first president of the Continental Congress. Oh, OK. I thought John Hancock was the first president of the Continental Congress. No, doubling down on a correction. And then Joanne also said, I don't get the comic strip winner caption.

What about Arnold Palmer? That's fair. That's fair. Joanne, Arnold Palmer was, well, Donald Trump said that Arnold Palmer has a big schlong and people were a little bit put off by that. Isn't that amazing? That's just, that's just a casual and a long list of things that would have gotten any other candidate canceled. It's just another thing that

flows by. Also, I will say it's a week ago and it's the least glaring thing he's said since he said it. Darren Hemmings said, you mentioned a possible Toronto standup date. I hope this isn't a correction because I'd love to see you. Yes, I will be in Toronto at the Comedy Bar March 27th. Adam Bean said, Mike is correct, adjacent. What? Actuary is the term for the financial

lifespan risk insurance person. Estuary is a place where ducks chill. A dead person could chill in an estuary. A lot of dead things in estuaries. Yes, actuary, actuarials. What a business, man. Those guys have been doing that. I wonder how long. I wonder when the first actuary, an actuar was performed, like where they're like ancient Rome.

You think? I mean, they had an average lifespan. They knew what it was. So I guess so. Yeah, I would say ancient Rome. I played golf with a guy today who's an estate planner and I asked him about my mom. My mom is 82 and she's in physical good health, mental very good health. But people say that now you put them into a trust and that way if they end up needing health coverage at home every day, you don't have to sell their apartment.

You put their, like she owns a little apartment and if she got sick, she might have to sell the apartment to pay for her medical coverage. So you essentially assign me as the owner of the home and then she lives in it. And then they can't take it because it's me, not her. Doesn't show as her mom. They also can't take it

because you would have kicked her out by then. Hey now. Hey now. Other tour dates coming up. Philly, Helium this weekend, November 7th through the 9th. Eugene, I will be there in November 13th. Then Tacoma, November 14th through 16. Tempe, San Francisco, Cleveland, Janesville, Wisconsin, Nyack, Raleigh, Milwaukee,

Vegas, Atlanta, Toronto, Pittsburgh, Tampa, La Jolla. Go to FitzDawg.com. Come out, see some live comedy. I got a brand new hour since my special came out. If you have not seen the special, check it out. It's called You Know Me. It's on YouTube. We got about 425,000 views, but we're trying to build that up if you've

Open another window open another link or whatever in your in your browser right now if you're watching this on YouTube throw it on I love that. I love that open a window. I play you know me. Give me some clicks. We're starting to plateau We need to keep growing it Support for this podcast comes from Fabric. You want to talk about Fabric a little bit, Mike? Yeah, we think we're taking care of our kids by enrolling them in after school lessons and doing all the nice things for them. But really what you need is insurance.

Do you think anyone's going to be like insurance term life insurance? I was building to that from fabric. It can help you give peace of mind that the people depending on you will have some, some financial support if anything happens. I mean, you don't, you don't think anything's going to happen, but I, my father died of a heart attack when he was 53. His parents died in their forties from heart attacks. And your mom died a month after you got control

of her trust and her house. So it could happen to anyone. What do you got a crystal ball over there? You don't know what's going to happen to my mom. Her floors are fucking slippery. So I always felt like I could sleep at night knowing that I had and I got a million dollar policy, which sounds like a lot of money, but you have to understand that my wife is

accustomed to a certain way of living. And with that failure and disappointment, there should be a payoff someday. Yeah. And Fabrics by Gerber Life, it's term life insurance. You get done right here, right now. I mean, you can be covered right from your couch or wherever you are in under 10 minutes with no health exam required.

That's what I need. Health exam? If you got kids, you'll sleep at night. Your head will hit the pillow and you won't worry as much about doing it. If you're young and healthy, this is the time because rates are much lower when you're young. What you have from your employer, believe me, it's not enough. You think you have some from your job. It's not a lot.

Over 1,900 five-star reviews and also rating of excellent. You could get a million dollars in coverage for less than a dollar a day. Oh my god, that doesn't seem like that doesn't seem like fabrics going to make any money. But whatever. That's their problem. All right. Join the thousands of parents who trust fabric to help protect their family. Apply today and just minutes at meet fabric dot com slash papers.

That's meet M.E.E.T. Fabric dot com slash P A P E R S policies issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company. Not available in certain states. Prices subject to underwriting and health questions. All right. Let's crinkle some paper and get into the news. Twenty minutes in. Do you have a piece of paper?

Sure, I do. Of course, I do. I could get one, but I always have a piece of paper? Sure I do, of course I do. I could get one, but I always got a piece of paper. I have tissues, but they're not quite crispy yet. Here we go. Extra, extra, we are the Fonics, extra. Oh my God, I've been doing this entire podcast without the microphone in front of me. The one you're holding right now

That life insurance All right, wait mark the time mark the time 22 minutes 23 minutes All right, three. I have 23 minutes on the H6 recorder. Yeah, we may be using the zoom audio for the for the monologue and then the news will have actual. Oh my God. I swear to God, Mike, my ADD is so bad. I have missed appointments. I have forgotten to do things. I appointments. I have forgotten to do things. I swear to God, I was so manic when the special came out. I spent three months in high gear and then it ended and I've just, my mind has just crashed since then. So I got to get my shit together. I wonder for our listeners, you can write in if you're experiencing the same thing. I've noticed mine, like to the point where I'm worried

and now, you know, I've learned how to meditate. I used to meditate like I am going back to it. Like I'm kind of seeing it as a crisis. And sometimes it's like, oh my God, is this just senility creeping in? Because I'm just spacing on so many things. And also just being able to, like I'm teaching a class and like the person then just tells you about their outline for a sitcom

and all the moving parts and the drive and the conflicts and I'm just, I mean doing everything I can to follow along. Yeah, yeah. So that concentration is really. Well what do you think it's like doing a podcast with you trying to listen? I have no problem with it.

Well yeah, because I'm interesting. No, I mean following me. Just about everybody in the streets of New York seems to jaywalk, but now no longer illegal. I thought it never was. I thought LA was. I did not know that New York was. And people used to pride themselves on getting a ticket in LA, you know, but I thought LA was, I did not know that New York was. People used to pride themselves on getting a ticket in LA, you know, but I thought I

would. That's all I do is jaywalk. Well, and maybe it's because we're white. We'll get to that later. They say it was discriminatory. Some people said this is how we navigate our city. Penalizing residents for crossing the street as they go about their day is outdated and unnecessarily, especially how disproportionately these penalties

have been enforced. So it's now legal and it used to be a $250 fine, which is fucking crazy because say you're a guy, all right, you're some guy all right you're some guy maybe you're Puerto Rican you're working two jobs and now you got a rush to get to your second job you get ticketed that's your entire you're not making 250 a day you're making maybe a hundred bucks for the day now you're doing two days of work because you fucking cross anyway I'm glad they get rid of it.

Police officers have told me they prefer to spend their time on real safety concerns, not handing out jaywalking tickets. They can focus on more critical community issues. They've faced criticism for stopping black and Hispanic pedestrians at a rate of 77% went to black and Hispanic people. So yeah, now they can focus on stopping and frisking 77% of black and Latino people instead of writing them tickets for walking. Well, ironically, the not ironically,

interestingly, I heard when a Puerto Rican person jaywalks, the citation isn't for jaywalking, it's for littering. Oh, because they're garbage. Yeah, yeah, they they build up a apparently a tremendous amount of garbage. And by the way, it is, I guess Latinos don't always follow the rules when they're told not to cross. So I guess it would be disproportionate. Who are we, Mike? We are. We are echoing some topical things that happened this week. Yeah.

Did you see it's not jaywalking, but it was all in the street Halloween. I didn't know about this thriller reenactment that happens on Halloween. No. Oh dude it's gigantic and of course it's like you know it's basically the equivalent of a parade really. I'll try to find it for you. Oh we're going next year that's I'm sold just on the one line. Yeah, no, no, it's it's pretty impressive. Here you go. Look at the size of that crowd. Wow. And there's a Michael Jackson guy and they're blasting thriller.

I mean that's right in the middle of the stuff. I mean, is that downtown? I guess that God no, it's crazy. And so one guy gets to be exactly where that is front. You see that one guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thousands of people doing it and he's up front. It's West 12th and it looks like six West.

I'm guessing West. Yeah, no, and I see that's pretty gay. When I used to be in New York, it's very gay. Yeah, maybe Little West 12th. Don't forget about that one. Yep. So anyway, go check that out. That sounds amazing.

I wanna do that. Cause you're a gay. I'm not a gay. You're on the spectrum. I'm the gay. Oh. Eric and Lyle. Yeah. What? No, the Menendez is go Eric and Lyle Menendez. Resentencing hearing has been set for December 11th. Judge will decide whether they will have a shot at freedom. And that's a nice way of saying

it. After spending 34 years behind bars, get the fuck out of here. Time to move out, guys. Come on, you've been here forever. Right, after the shotgun killings of their parents in 89. Yeah, we graduated college the year they shot their allegedly. The date was decided Wednesday. It's now, by the way, it's not alleged if they shot their parents.

Right. That's not alleged. So initially So there was initially there was a mistrial with a hung jury for each of the brothers. They were convicted of killing their parents life without parole. Their attorney never disputed the pair killed the parents but argued that they acted out of self-defense after years of emotional and sexual abuse by their father. There we go. Right off the algorithm.

Much of the evidence related to abuse was excluded from their second trial. Ah, yeah. Look at them home in time for the holidays, maybe. So mom and dad were home. This should be a Hallmark movie, the Menendez. It would be called a Menendez Christmas and would be the highest rated Hallmark movie. The Menendez. It would be called A Menendez Christmas and would be the highest rated Hallmark movie of all time. Just snow snowing in Beverly Hills for the first time since 1937.

Hallmark makes it all happen. And it's it's very sweet. I actually heard Lyle is going to give Eric a Rolex and some upholstery cleaner. Imagine if their place has not been touched. I know. The like murder scene tape is still up. No, I think someone did buy the house and did they tear it down? I don't know. That's what happens a lot.

Yeah, I know. I know it did with the Manson murders because I was in the house that was on the plot where the Manson murders took place, but it was a new house. And what about OJ's? Although there was no murder there, but his house, I wonder how much that's changed. Did you see the Menendez Brothers mini series? No, I have not. I watched like two episodes and then my wife was like, no no no no no it's bad it's like the

sexual abuse stuff is really disturbing. Alleged sexual abuse. Alleged. I told you when I was at Kathy Griffin's house we were up there we were trying to get some show off the ground and this is probably three years ago. Anyway, she's like, look around. She's really funny about how fake pompous she is and all this. Look around. Don't touch the Emmys. You can just look at them and all that stuff.

And she's like, you saw the painting over there? And I'm like, and I kind of nodded and I guess she could tell I didn't. She's like, Gibby, did you walk over and look at the painting and look at who painted it? So I walk over and it's this crazy portrait of Kathy Griffin. And it was Lyle Menendez from prison painted her and sent it to her. Maybe it was the other one, but that was the name that I came up with at the time. But yes, one of the Menendez painted her portrait.

I bet some listeners know who the painter is. One of them became a painter. Maybe both, but at least one. Hey, Hitler was a painter. That's my favorite AI joke, which I know I've told on this before, but AI is like Hitler. AI, no, sorry, AI is the opposite of Adolf Hitler.

Everyone's waiting for it to kill us, but it just keeps making art. That's good, that's good. A car plummeted 40 feet off the roof of a parking garage in Chevy Chase, Maryland on Wednesday morning, which just that just grabbed my attention because it's just like without reading any more of it. I'll just say, like, it's so Chevy Chase to just do a pratfall like that, you know, like the amazing fall. Yeah, like, does this person then go to Lincoln, Nebraska and

watch a play from the balcony? Do they go to Edison, New Jersey and turn all the lights on? How well known do you think it is? Like Joanne will get it, but she didn't get the one earlier about Arnold Palmer. How well known do you think it is that he's like the king of all Pratt Falls? Yeah, I guess there's probably a cutoff on that of people that are 40 and older. Probably although the vacation movies are very popular. He obviously did it in those. I'm good friends with his daughter, by the way. She Oh, wow.

Well, the comedy store has a piano player who sits at a piano and plays each comedian on and off the stage. And they kind of riff with the you know, like you riff with her. She's got a microphone. Super funny, Kayla. And she's great. So he comes in sometimes to hang out and he's seen my set. He's a big fan. And I told him I roasted him at the Comedy Central roast years ago. He said it was one of the worst nights of his life. Not a good memory. Not a good memory for him. We know that. Yeah. Well, regarding this story of the person who drove off, so you know, you just read it and it said that the driver's expected to be okay. They drove it off. I was like, you know, I have to see who this is because I had a guess about the gender of the driver. I'm not going to say what my guess was, but here's the additional detail I found.

Quote, the driver and older lady per the Montgomery police got out of the vehicle on her own and was later taken to the hospital after initially denying a transport request. Like, no, no, she didn't need any help. Clearly, she did not need any help. And we get the bad rap for not asking for directions. And also, they didn't say her race, but after the accident, she played some Marjan and did some Tai Chi. I don't know if that's true. Entertainment, let's get to some paper crinkling. Crinkle it. Thank you for loading so many stories by the way.

Yeah, why don't you read this one so I don't lose my voice. Oh yeah, the sick guy who's blowing his nose and trying to keep it from the microphone. Anna Kendrick has said she donated her fee from the hit Netflix true crime film Women of the Hour to two victims charities because she would have felt gross profiting from it. Kendrick directed the stars in the movie about serial, she directed N stars in the movie about a serial killer who appeared on a 1970s TV dating show in the midst of his crimes. Quote, I was just making the movie and then it was like, oh, there's money going to be exchanging hands. That's when she realized.

And I asked myself the question of, do you feel gross about this? And I did. And so, yeah, I'm not making any money off the movie. Alcala, I guess the person was later found guilty of eight murders between 71 and 79, but is suspected of killing more than one. What? Damn. Killing more than 100 women and girls. The Pitch Perfect and Trollstar continued, believe me, this was never a money making venture for me because all the resource went to actually just making the movie. Huh?

I mean, how does this supposed to make all other actors feel that have played villains? Like Anthony Hopkins is probably like auditing Warner Brothers right now for International Residuals for Silence of the Lambs. You know, like is she like and all right, so if she's bad, she doesn't get paid. If she portrayed Mother Teresa, should she get like double her quote? Should you know, should should Gina Davis and Susan Sarandon's families get compensation since they have to drive off a cliff and die at the end of the movie? But also how did she not feel gross keeping a paycheck from Pitch Perfect 3 or Trolls?

Right. Yeah. That's even grosser. Yeah. That's blood money. Way harsher crimes. That's boredom money. All right.

Let's make America Florida. Let's do it. Crinkle. Okay. We got two Disney stories this week. Drunk Florida man arrested at Walt Disney World had to be carted off in a, I've never heard this term, spit mask. After being secured in handcuffs, a spit mask was subsequently placed on Pagan, this guy,

for his and his officer's safety. Pagan was searched at the front of the vehicle and briefly became unresponsive. When he became responsive again, he appeared as though he was going to throw up. And so for Pagan's safety, the spit mask was briefly removed from the area around his mouth, and once he was freed from the spit mask, he began spitting again, spitting all over the cops. So maybe a spit mask creates a spitter. Maybe he wasn't going to spit before they put the mask on him. Yeah. Self-fulfilling. I think you're right. Yeah. Yeah.

Here's what I want. When you act up at Disney, I want grumpy in costume, grumpy the dwarf to come out and beat the shit out of you. Grumpy's a dwarf? I think you're conflating different characters. Am I? There's seven dwarfs and then there's Grumpy. I don't know that he's actually a little person.

Are you serious? I think Grumpy, there's a lot of things he's grumpy about. But being sure it ain't one of them. Hold on here. All right. Here's the test. Somebody asked us grumpy's a dwarf. We know. Oh, You're right. You're right. You're right. Sorry. This is a competition. Who's having the most senior moment? All right, speaking of senior moments name don't are you looking at on your screen right now? No, no, no name the seven dwarfs. Oh My god rapy. Is that the algorithm now? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the tricky one is Doc, right? Sleepy, grumpy, Doc bashful. Stinky. I want to say. No, hold on. There was probably a nice one or a funny one. I think I'm going to run out. I will tell you right now it is.

run out. I will tell you right now it is Doc you got you forgot dopey. Oh yeah. bashfulsleepy happy what? Oh I think I just called happy without even it resonating that there was a happy. Sneezy? Oh I did not get no I didn't get Sneezy. Meanwhile you're sneezing through the whole fucking podcast. Wait, I said Sleepy. Is Sleepy one? Sleepy is one. Okay, I didn't say Sneezy. Here are some other facts about the seven dwarfs.

Daffy was originally intended to be the seven dwarf, but was replaced by Sneezy at the last minute. Daffy? Daffy. Is that really true? I swear to God, it says it right here. Wow. That's weird.

Meanwhile, yeah, I think they were all deaf after the kissing went on. Oh, I didn't hear nothing. I didn't... blindy. I didn't see nothing. Yeah, the other dwarf denial. Okay, now a disgruntled former Disney employee is being accused, this is the second story, of hacking into the menu, creating the menu creating software used by the company's restaurants to falsely indicate that certain food items did not contain peanuts.

Michael Shure worked at Walt Disney World as a menu production manager while employed at the company. He was responsible for the creation and publishing of menus for the company's entire restaurant portfolio. The complaint alleges that after his firing, he continued to access the software from a personal device and over a three month period changed menu prices and added profanity. There's your grumpy. Yeah let me get the yeah let me get the the the fucking grumpy fries please. Yeah. And then meanwhile like all the fat people from the deep South are gorging themselves on the $1 Mickey burgers, the 25 cent fries. Sneezy, by the way, is the one with all the allergies, including peanuts.

Now Sneezy and Grumpy are going to come beat the shit out of them. They're going to go to his residence, pull him out and pummel him. Yeah. He changed the name of hot dogs to Donald Dicks. He should go back in and just put what's his name, Defy back in there. Okay, make Arizona, Florida, Greg put in here. Okay, we need a crinkle. We need a crinkle.

Believe it or not. I always forget we crinkle on that. That's like an asterisk so a man in Arizona told detectives that he had put his deceased father's body in a freezer and moved it around the state for four years just to keep a roof over his head so he was charged with concealing a body in the backyard failing to report the death of someone not under the care of a health care provider. There was a tip that there was a freezer in the backyard of his

residence. It was covered in a tarp and blankets. Records show that Hill's father was... Oh that's sweet. Yeah I know it's You comfy? Cops found records showing Hill's father was still the owner of the home and that he was collecting social security benefits up until March of 2023. So he died four years ago. He said that he bought a freezer with the intention of eventually burying his father

in a plot of land. Over the last four years, he's lost power in the home and caused him to move the freezer around. He attempted to bury it in the desert but he claimed that there was always people out there in the desert. Oh my god. It's been in his backyard without power for the last six months. There's duct tape, there's blankets and an extensive amount of biological matter. Meanwhile, this is the only guy in that part of Arizona with decent air conditioning. The only one unaffected by the heat.

Unbelievable heat now. The good news, though, for for certain certain people is that his father voted for Biden in Arizona last election and he early voted this time for Kamala. Yeah stop the stop the vote stop the count. Yeah stop the count. It's his little old frozen steel. Oh my god. Yeah, when I kill my mom, I'm definitely having her vote for Kyle McGovern. A little advice when you do take your mom out. Yeah, bury her. There's a lot of swampland, go in the Everglades. Yeah. This Arizona, this Arizona. Have you ever seen Raising Arizona? Anywhere the camera turned and it turned a lot of there's there's nobody. Yeah, right Let's get to some sports. Oh boy

All right, obviously top story is the World Series here is my game five story is the World Series. Here is my game five experience. I had a teach down at USC, right? I was running late because I was watching the game. So I decided to take the Vespa downtown. It takes about a half hour, maybe a little more. So what I did was I called up the game, Yankees were winning 5-0. I felt so good about it because now it's good now. Now everyone is on the, I mean, LA is nervous. New York is nervous. Every viewer is on the edge because now it's one game and it's only two left. So very exciting.

Totally assumed they had the game won. So then I put on YouTube TV on my phone and put it in my pocket and just listened to the audio. So what you have to keep in mind is I am listening to television announcers, not radio announcers. They're up five zero, bases then are loaded, the Dodgers have three men on, and then there were five unearned runs, and each one was crazier than the next, to the point where I'm on the 10, and I'm hearing, oh my God, look at that.

Did you see that? And I'm like, see what? What? Yeah. I know, it was very visual. I have never seen something like this. Yeah. Yeah. The fifth inning was one of the most visual ones

in baseball history. I mean, I've never seen three errors that egregious in any inning in a baseball game. I couldn't even imagine. They're like, he didn't cover first. He didn't run. I'm like, wait, who, who got it? The pitcher and then the first baseman didn't run. I'm like wait who who got it the pitcher and then the first baseman didn't go

Like I'm like what happened? Shocked you didn't pull your phone out while you were driving No, and then he drops. I'm like, what do you mean? Like how easy was it and they keep talking? They're like, ah, like what was he looking at? Was he looking at the runner? Was he looking at and like and I just couldn't even imagine Any of it? It was so weird that he was like, I can see if you're in deep center field and there's a guy on first that's gonna tag up and go to second, but he was in shallow center field. He had a 30-foot throw to second base. There's no fucking way that runner was coming. He did not need to check first base, but that's exactly what he was doing.

And it hit right off the laces of his glove. Oh man. Yeah, it was crazy. It was crazy. Oh, you owe me 50 bucks. Congratulations. I finally won a money bet from you. I swear to God, every single time we bet,

you win the money. That's not true. But I'll put it with all the koozie money Dude, it's common. No, no, no, no Pay me the 50 bucks right now pull out your money's coming koozie money's coming That could I want interest on the koozie money. Okay, that's how long it's been since you pay me. I want interest You know, I could show you the account. It's Venmo. It doesn't I don't believe it earns interest. But how about this? Freddie Freeman is the only reason I'm not like absolutely despondent because unless I know differently, which I don't unless someone like he's such a good

story and he got the MVP. And and I've seen clips of him and he just seems like a good story and he seems like one of the most liked guys in the major leagues. Oh yeah, he's such a great guy. His three year old was in intensive care for three weeks and he's in fucking Philly and Phoenix and Houston on the road playing baseball. He's not a good guy at all.

He's, no, I'm kidding. I saw a story that he left the road. No, I know. I'm kidding. He is truly a emanates positivity. He looked like he was enjoying the whole ride. He was smiling. He was inspirational to his teammates. But I'm telling you, man, that Grand Slam was one of the great moments in Dodger history. Oh, I know bottom of the 10th inning, you know, top of the 10th inning. And just sweeps one just strokes one out. A great smile. Beautiful veneers. I don't know if you saw

his teeth a few years ago. A problem. Jesus. Judge has them. A lot of blood from there's a whole I saw a whole review of all the veneers and Major League Baseball. Yeah. Some of them look quite good. How about the LA celebration? Yeah. So, one, so one, then I go to class.

One of my students goes, I'm so rooting for the Yankees. I'm like, oh, thank you. Or Yankee fan, he's like, no, I have a dog. And I'm like, what does that mean? And he goes, if they Dodgers win, they're going to go crazy with fireworks. And I was like, really before they come home? Boy, was he right. Yeah. And then like, shooting like, you know, the guy lost his fingers and everything. Now our neighborhood lit up like the Fourthth of July. It was instant, like as soon as they

won it started up and it went for a long time. And also what they don't mention is the Dodgers win the World Series Trophy and all the fans get free sneakers. The looting? Yeah. Oh no, all of a sudden LA became Philly. I saw buses on fire, it's such destruction. It was, yeah, the scenes were awful. Yeah, that's ridiculous. Alright, let's go. Let's see how we do one on time. Alright, let's get, let's move down to this day in history. You got it, pal. to crinkle don't forget your job today. Here we go I do confess blind read I was on a plane but I love the first one. That's okay. Another maybe this will be a two-parter. Another section of the Great Wall of China was discovered on this day, you're gonna guess what year.

So it was a discovery in the Hui Autonomous Region of Ningxia of a previously unknown 15.5-mile segment of the Great Wall of China. So give or take... Before you tell me the give or take I have absolutely no idea. I need a wide berth on this one. What was a new part? Alright give or take ten years it was a new part of the wall. I have a sneeze coming. I'm gonna say 1912. So close, 1998. Wait, oh you talk about a new part of the wall. Oh boy. Well when was the wall built? Okay, give or take 500 years. When did the Great Wall of China open? 1680. 220 BC.

No way! Are you serious? Yes. Dude, you could have given me more than 500 years. I thought over a 1,000 year window was pretty generous. Oh my God. Is that real? That's so real. Damn. Meanwhile, Trump can't even get his up in four years. That's true. Let's see here. American cartoonist Bob Kane who created the comic book characters Batman. Oh, I thought this is about the show. Never mind.

That guy died in 1998. Okay, the Soviet Union launched Sputnik 2, which carried the dog Laca, the first living creature to be shot into space and orbit orbit Earth, give or take five years. What year did Laca orbit the earth? 1960. Oh, you did it 1957. There we go. Let's see if you know this. The film The Wizard of Oz. Oh, this is a little different. Two parter. The film The Wizard of Oz came out and premiered in theaters in what year give or take? I'll give you five years again 1941 oh

You're right 1939 huge year. I think it was the same year as Citizen Kane. It was a gigantic year Wow, I was thinking it was it was the edge year as Citizen Kane. It was a gigantic year for movies. I was just thinking it was the edge of black and white and color. But I had to riff that, and I remember it was... Because the film The Wizard of Oz, this is what it really was, aired on television for the first time and was seen, get this, by an estimated 45 million viewers. In what year?

That's this game, Greg, and its repeated airings on TV helped make it the most enduring movie classic. So give or take 10 years, I'm giving you a giant window here, when was the first year that The Wizard of Oz premiered on television? Well, if 45 million people saw it, that means that TVs had been around for a while. They first started coming out in the early 50s. So I'm going to say this would have been 65.

Oh, my God. Wait, what? How many years did I give you? Ten. God damn it. 1956. Nice. I gave you 10 because I knew you'd go late based on that number. Yeah. Alright let me see if I can find one more. That means like every TV in America was watching Wizard of Oz. Totally. No it's crazy. A lot of gay people in this country. All right, I don't think you'll get this. There are a lot of gays. The first film adaptation. By the way, we used to watch Wizard, we used to go to Bryant Park to watch movies in New York. Did you ever do that? You

bring a blanket, you sit out in Bryant Park. Please, I saw Wizard of Oz. They play Wizard of Oz. And then every time there's a gay innuendo, like oil, oil them up, oil them all up. Oh yeah, when they oiled them? They would all go cheering and woo! And the whole crowd knew it was coming. So I think Dorothy is with the scarecrow.

And the scarecrow says, I'm sitting in Bryant Park, outside, it could not be a more beautiful setting. People with little kids. People with little kids, I'm sitting outside, and all of a sudden you hear the grumblings, like you just feel this energy and murmuring. And then Dorothy's like,

we gotta get you down from there. You know, he's in a scarecrow. He's like, he's like, you don't know how hard it is having a stick up your back all day or something. And people are like, so then they talk a little bit and the crowd is, the crowd is still on edge. And all of a sudden he's like, she's like, well, which way should we go? And all of a sudden you hear the energy and he goes, well, we could go that this way or we could go this way or and then he throws his arms across each other.

We could go both ways. Like the gay wave started. It was insanity. Go back and watch it with a with your gay eye and see how many sort of illusions even accidental or there. All right. Here's the last one. The movie that you're supposed to play with Pink Floyd, The Wall. I think it is.

Is it Wizard of Oz? I think so. OK. Wait, there's another one that just was brought to my attention. Another movie where you play something at the beginning. I forget. And then a third one, I know I'll look it up. A third one isn't a movie, but it works especially if you have a bigger airplane. And I did it coming from Boston. You start as soon as you feel the pilot hit the throttle,

the second he hits it, you start Aerosmith's sweet emotion and it's like, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, you know all that noing, noing, noing, noing, noing, noing. It's just noise, but, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, and then if you're lucky, as soon as that front wheel, it's like,

boot, do, do, do, do wheel, it's like the drums kick in. Yeah. And it's amazing to take off. Okay. It's very, very cool. I usually just head into the bathroom and masturbate. It's a little early. You can do both.

Greg, I'm begging you, you can still do both. All right, here's the last one. The first film adaption of J.K. Rowling's best-selling Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, premiered in London. The first Harry Potter movie premiered on this day in what year, give or take, four years? That's a nine-year window I'm giving you.

2013. I love it it I knew you'd go late 2001 can you believe it no way yes Wow I was trying to gauge it by my son reading the books and he was born in 2000 so I was thinking the movies maybe came out when he was about 12 okay I wonder how many of them pretty well I think I got the first three right I wonder how many of them pretty well I think I got the first three right. I wonder how many of them were written when she when that went to the adaption when I wanted a point. I think when she started seeing that movie money she kept the pen rolling. I mean I don't think they greenlit such a large scale movie on one book, but I it was I'm assuming it

was a gigantic hit when it was out alone. Well I know they split but I think there was seven books and the last book I think they split into two movies. Yeah maybe. They were like 700 they were over 700 pages the last the last two or three books. No a lot of them were long. Olivia used to be such a reader. She read them when she was really young. I was like so impressed. I'm like, look at things fatter than Moby Dick. And they don't fucking read at all anymore. And they both read all those books twice.

Yeah, I was very grateful to the Harry Potter franchise because it wasn't garbage. You know what I mean? I know they were great. And I listen and don't get me wrong, I know the first book was a hit and I know people loved it, but I think it really hit its stride once the sequels were being written, I think.

Yeah. So. All right, let's get to a couple letters from the editor. Ryan in Chicago says, "'My beef is that you lumped in Jay-Z "'as you were criticizing Diddy.' "'Unlike Diddy, Jay-Z is one of the names you'll hear "'in the discussion of who is the greatest MC of all time.

"'His writing and flow put him toward the top of the list. "'Your criticism is a tired one "'that Corolla has also trotted out. "'Hip-hop is unoriginal because it samples other songs. "'Hip-hop has always done that. "'. Jay-Z sampled Hard Knock Life from Annie and rapped over it about growing up at the projects and dealing drugs. These artists are not just covering songs, they're using them as a canvas. Hip-hop recently turned 50 years old. It's long past time for white men, I was waiting for it, of a certain age to

retire the hacky. They're just copying rhetoric. Well Ryan You're just copying an argument. I've heard a million times about how hip-hop can sample and it's original It's not original. It is taking the energy It's taking the reaction. It's taking the emotion from a song that has been generated by somebody else and it's piggybacking off it and artists creates from scratch Period your your argument is copying. How about that? Yeah, it's a very very trite criticism but and

Listen, no doubt he's gonna go down as one of the, of course, but sometimes I do think Jay-Z detracts from a song. Was it Single Ladies? There's something where it's like, that truly added nothing to your future wife's amazing song. Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong. I enjoy the shit out of it.

The Beastie Boys sampling You know in sounds of science when they take from the the Beatles song like there's a lot There's a lot of sampling that really works and it's fun, but it's a fucking party trick. It's not art That's debatable, but I just know Jay-Z sometimes I'm like, oh, did that song really need a very cleverly clever rhyme scheme just naming luxury white products, which seems to be the move? Well, Anne says you mentioned you have a ton of airline miles. So I thought I'd let you know you can donate them to not only pro-choice groups for abortion travel, but other nonprofits as well.

When Roe fell, I sent my 7,000 miles to my stepsister, who is a high school teacher. Now everyone is organ, 7,000 miles. Where's she getting the abortion? In fucking the next town? 7,000 miles? You know, 7,000 miles barely gets you a one way ticket. 100 miles away. Yeah. So she's

Oh, I didn't know what you're saying. Yeah. She's gonna fly to Oklahoma, get the abortion, they just get a what a hitchhike home? Because you didn't have enough miles. Yeah, Greg, you're giving yours to your unaborted children. Exactly. I know they need it more than these kids that aren't even alive. Never will be alive. But I wonder if you got to donate a lot of miles because you can't have them flying in coach, you know? They've got these huge bellies.

Oh no. Obituary, let's get a little bit sad. Yep. Well, a very sad one for the comedy world. I mean, boy, did I have a crush on her. Terry Gar. Oh, ethereal. Terry Gar. Well, she just had such like a mellow vibe to her. You know what I mean? Like there was she was also incredibly funny, amazing timing.

Talk about needing timing when you're with those lunatics in Young Frankenstein. And then Keaton and Mr. Mom and Dustin Hoffman and Tootsie, all of them have said the most profound things about her and also just what a great person she was. So you can go read all about herself, but a couple of the movies I've already mentioned. Additionally, there was Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I'm going back now, I guess King of the Hill user, Dr. Katz had her on.

Cause everyone in comedy, Frazier, like everybody would use her after like, she was just kind of in all these legendary movies. Wasn't she in Night Shift with Michael Keaton? Mr. Mom, for sure. Yeah, Tootsie, she was amazing. But really like young Frankenstein, like she got it. She understood Mel Brooks and that sense of sensibility Get this she was in Viva Las Vegas as an uncredited dancer

No way. She was in pajama party roused about I didn't know about this history Yeah, Wow Yeah, she lived a full life. She did a lot of She had multiple sclerosis she know it's really sad she died she had a ruptured brain aneurysm she was in a coma and then she got her motor skills back sunny and cheer comedy hour odd couple Bob Newhart show then she was also she was in the so she was in The Conversation that was a giant movie young Frankenstein upon her death David Letterman called her one of the late shows all time favorite guests

constantly had her on and he clearly had such a crush on her who did David Letterman Oh totally he flirted with her so much it It was a flirting hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah, her and Julia Roberts were his two biggest like he was like blushing. He was flirting so much. She was an after hours. Oh, you didn't say after hours. No, I said night shift. Night shift. Wow. Look at that connotation. But she was in after hours. Which one was that?

After hours was the I think it was Scorsese, right? Yup. Scorsese with Gryffindor, Rosanna Arquette. It's about him and it takes place all over one night and it's like this odyssey that he goes on. Oh no, it was Shelley Long. Shelley Long is very similar to her, I would say. In some ways, except she's far, I think,

more naturally funny than Shelley Long. Oh, yes, for sure. Shelley Long's great, but no no Terry Gar was one of those like all-star team talents. She's on Friends and all that oh Dumb and Dumber I didn't know that. All right let's cheer up let's go to the funnies. Let's do it. We're doing the comedy caption contest we've done it every week for about eight weeks and you guys have been unbelievably involved in this. We get tons of submissions. If yours does not get in, please understand it doesn't mean it wasn't really good. It just means I do my best to get the ones in that I think

are really great and it's obviously random sometimes but here's last week's was and you win a koozie if we pick your caption for these comics we send you a koozie for free if you want to buy one by the way they're ten bucks including shipping go to FitzDawg.com and order one and might might console you when you lose the contest you might want to buy one to keep your beer cold that you're using to comfort yourself after the heartbreaking loss. I agree. Now, I would say don't read the names.

Let's just read the entries. Why? Well, okay, because the first one. Oh, we won't read that name, but we'll read the others. Okay, so this particular one is a superhero dude. He's ripped. He's coming out of a phone booth with his fist in the air and a cape on,

but he's also got on lingerie, a G string and lace stockings. And he looks a little bit like embarrassed and then there's a couple walking by arm-in-arm and their eyes are popping out of their head looking at him come out of the telephone booth. So here's our first have no fear woke person is here. And we got David Bentley said super embarrassed, super shocked, super interested. All right. Sean Sean Triple said look it's a he, it's a they, it's super Tran. Okay I was with you till the last syllable. Almeric Hoselepop said

onlookers are surprised to find out the man of steel is also a man of mesh and lace. All right Hoselepop. The strangest part of that metropolis the strangest part is that metropolis still has phone booths. Rich Butchko. David Harriman says the boys down at the woodshed really had Superman's kryptonite. Ron Dvorak said, Super Caitlin would go on to save countless lives by flying instead of driving.

That's good. Brian Meyer or mayor said, breaking news, Superman adds red wine, chocolate, and bald powerful men to his list of weaknesses. I like that. That is good. Superman is finally ready to kneel before his Zod. Good one. Yeah that's good. Joanne said, our hero heads out for another wild night at Dickateria. Joanne. Why do I love that one so much? Jeff Speed said, is he faster than a train or inviting one?

Oh, I like that. I actually fixed that for him. He said stronger than a train or inviting one and I put in faster because that's what it is. Larry Zemlick said Superman realized he wore the wrong costume now he's just wondering if he took out his butt plug. I just put that in because it was so seventh grade. Ben Holdrich said despite invulnerability to all conventional weapons, a scantily clad Superman discovers he can still be wounded by the stares of passersby. I'd say Ben, you need to take a pass on your submissions and chop words out where you can.

Stan says Martha and Henry wondered why the Cape fellow couldn't just walk to the Madison Square Garden rally like everybody else All right, what do you like what do you like you know I do I did get a little distracted by what you said earlier Because it is more powerful than a locomotive It's faster than a speeding bullet more powerful than a locomotive. It's faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Oh, yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I fucked up. Maybe not maybe that's just facts. But I think you might have ruined his thing. He might be pissed. Yep. So I think he has to get a koozie for you sabotage. All right, Jeff

Speed gets a koozie. Should we give a second one out? Well, we're not giving it to the first one, which is Dennis Govins. Dennis Govins is the first one. I like that one a lot. Have no fear. Woke person is here. Not bad. But there's a lot of good ones here. I liked the train or inviting one. I love that. Yep. I mean, well, that's the one you ruined. That's the one we... Then... Yeah.

Wait, there was another one though. I like the one about Super Caitlin could go on to save countless lives by flying instead of driving. I think Neo Before Zod was maybe better than that. That's a really good one. I like Neo Before Zod. I thought people were going to be like, whoops, wrong phone booth or must be all gender phone booth or... Yeah. gender phone booth or.

Yeah. All right. I would have lost. Nice work, everybody. We appreciate it. And next week's caption. Oh, why don't you read Garfield while I grab next week's caption? Guys we're down to the number one Garfield and this is exciting for all of us for many

reasons. Mostly because there isn't another one next week, but also because, like you, I have no idea what this is about to say. I put it in there blindly, and it's the number one. So here we go. There's three frames. There's a woman now in these frames. Some of you nerds and huge fans of unfunny comics might know who this character is. I do not. So John is there and then there's a woman there holding the cat. Oh, maybe she works in the vet's office because she has a white uniform on. Anyway, John says, have a cup of coffee. Oh, have a cup of coffee, John. Why, thanks, don't mind if I do.

All right, already I'm confused. And by the way, I did not read that poorly. It is John talking and John goes, have a cup of coffee, John, which is in quotes, and then why, thanks, don't mind if I do I do fine John then takes a swig of coffee in the second frame and the woman goes congratulations Mr. Arbuckle and then in the third frame he has a zoinks look and he looks like and then she goes you are going to give birth to a fine healthy You're gonna give birth to a fine healthy litter of puppies and

Then you have Garfield's she says that Garfield's thought Speaking bubble, whatever the f that is goes. I hate puppies Okay, I have no idea what's going on. And this is number one. Is the coffee like champagne in this dumb veterinary, either that or veterinary assistance mind? And so, have a cup of coffee, thanks. Or did he just drink cat sperm? And then the joke is you're going to have cat babies? Did Garfield ever

give is Garfield is she? Oh, interesting. I have a bazillion questions. And this is the number one you I'm going to say it, you idiots who like this cartoon, idiots. Yeah. What did we do, 15? There wasn't one that was like, oh, that's good. Yeah. I guess it's just comforting. It's like watching Jimmy Fallon, you know what I mean?

It's like, you're clearly not watching it for the laughs. Like, there's something that that like I can go to sleep and I know there is a moron in 30 Rock seeming to have fun. I'm gonna ignore that the huge rumors are he's a tremendous alcoholic and I'm gonna ignore that and I'm gonna assume he's happy in his life and that he just has fun

and wants to play games all the time. All right, well let's not start starting rumors. I'm not starting any rumors. All right, I think you're a little out of line, Mike. I think Jimmy could count on one hand how many times he's gone out with that. Oh, actually he can't because he lost a finger one night. Oh, Jesus.

When drunk. All right, next week's, I forgot to mention next week's comic strip is there's a gentleman he's on the second floor of his house and he looks like a jumper who's trying to end his life and he's clinging to the side of the wall he's looking straight down he looks nervous is he going to jump two cops are down below and again he's clinging to the side of the wall, he's looking straight down, he looks nervous. Is he gonna jump? Two cops are down below, and again he's only about 12 feet in the air, and one cop is talking to the other cop. The white cop is talking to the black cop. What is he saying? Okay. All right. Now let's get to our friends in Medieval Times. Hager is sitting at the bar and

his friend is talking to him and he says, my wife says she won't be happy until she gets rid of her weight problem. Hager goes, how much does she want to lose? Guy says 195 pounds and points to himself. I mean is that not the oldest hackiest joke you've ever heard in your life? Yeah, but the first time it was told was probably during the Dark Ages. Right. That makes sense. So this this writer can go back in time and do all the jokes you've heard a million times, but it's the first time. Wait till he breaks out the knock knock jokes. They never heard that device. Well, because they never used to knock

They used to just raid. That's true The lock horns you've got Loretta sitting at the piano. She's clearly playing she's saying something to Leroy who's reading the paper She goes stop saying gesundheit, you know, I was singing I was singing. And now you got Dagwood Bumstead laying in bed with guess what? Donut pajamas at the age of 41. Yes. Blondie who I gotta think is younger than him. She's probably she's like 24 and she's got her back to him appropriately and he goes honey do you remember that little misunderstanding we had at breakfast? She goes, I'm pretty sure I do. And then she goes, mostly I remember you had it all wrong.

And then she goes, anyway, what about it, sweetheart? And he looks dead down the barrel of the camera like, shit, I fucked up. And not only am I not satisfying this woman in bed, she's challenging every morsel in my body like he he's such a cock. He's such a weakling. He he would he won't fuck her and he won't fight her. Oh, she got him. And if you could tell in that last frame, he's like, you know, with his expression, but his hand is lifting up the covers and he's like there's nothing there that's how emasculated he is literally and figuratively he's got a doughnut

between his legs yeah yeah yeah all right we want to thank our sponsor today who do so much for the show in terms of keeping the lights on, helping us pay our staff. Don't forget, fabric.meetfabric.com slash papers. Meet fabric.com slash papers. Go check them out and you know, let them know. You got to let them know that we sent you by going in and putting in that code. All right. Also, Philly this weekend, come on out. Anything you want to plug, Mike? Yeah, go blue, man. The Michigan's not that great this year,

but boy, if they beat Oregon here at home in the big house, that would be something else. All right, go do it. Don't forget to vote, and we'll see you next week. Yeah, well, a lot to talk about next week. Take it-ish! Take it-ish! Recording live is the Sunday Papers podcast with Greg and Mike.

This week, front page news, entertainment, Make America Florida Again, sports, This Day in History, Letters to the editor. Obituaries and Sunday funnies. And now, your hosts, from either getting shut down by his wife in Venice, California, or freshly jerking off in a hotel room on the road, Greg Fitzsimmons! And from either up his new fiance's ass

in Nashville, Tennessee, or wherever his future recovering alcoholic daughters are dragging him around this week, Mike Gibbons! Hit it, Greg!