Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 239 11/10/24

Episode Date: November 10, 2024

Boy, do we have a Florida Man story for this week! Also, Australia Man, Mississippi man and South Carolina Man. And Mike introduces a new (old) comic strip.Support our Sponsors: meetfabric.com/papersWatch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Thanks to Heil Sound for the new microphones https://heilsound.comEmail caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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The Silly Hitlers Podcast with great good sounds like a gigant's Three, two, one. Read all about it! Read all about the Warder. Read about the Warder. I'm in Philly. Murder Durter. Let me tell you something. You give Billy, you try to give Philly a bad name.

It's a fucking great city. Never had a problem with the city. Oh, really? Never. It's the people. I don't know how many times I have to clarify that for you. The city is beautiful. What a children's hospital. What an art collection in that town. Really beautiful stuff. The fucking people.

If you could just get all the people from Pittsburgh to move here, is that what you're saying? The Berg. Yeah, maybe. Who knows? I'm here. We have a buddy, Dan Brickner, who lives here in Philly with his lovely wife, who you love, Caroline. Yup. And, uh, Sorelle drove up from Jersey, took him two and a half hours, drove down from Jersey.

Probably down, but yeah. And then, uh, Pete Scott flew up from Atlanta and, uh, we had a whole group and we, and, and of course, here's my thing. Here's my thing about traveling on the road. I try to have certain rules because it's, it's, stand up is easy in some ways and very difficult in others. And like, you know, I don't need to haul in equipment. I don't need to do a sound check. I don't need to stretch before I perform.

There's a lot of, but I need to get into a decent head space. And that includes not going out to dinner before a show because it's distracting. I'm just like, it's not like I'm sitting there going through my notes, but I need to just be alone for an hour or two before I go on in general. So the only time I break this rule is with Dan Bregner because he's such a close friend and I guess with Pete Scott and Dudley once in a while, but in general I never do. So then Dan's like, no, no, you gotta come out to dinner with us. I said, I'll meet you guys after the show.

No, no, no, come to dinner. All right, great. So I'm flying in on Thursday. I fly for six hours. I gotta get to the hotel, check in, unpack, and now he sends me the link to get to a restaurant, which is 30 minutes away. There's a million restaurants a block from my hotel,

which is next to the comedy club, half an hour away. And he drops a pin in the map and he drops it wrong. So I take an Uber to seven blocks away from the restaurant, trying to find it. I get there, Sorelli's late because of traffic. And then we finally, we sit down at the table, and I was like, all right, I'm kind of on a tight time crunch. What does Brickner do? Orders appetizers.

Like, what? And it's like a really fancy restaurant, so they space it all out, you know? So, finally... It sounds like you had one of the toughest weeks of all of us, like this week. I know. All right, what are we gonna, you want to bury, you don't want me to bury the lead a little bit on this one?

So I'm at a fancy restaurant with my good friends and I have to leave before the food comes because now I'm running late for the show. I order an Uber, Uber shows up to the wrong address. So I'm trying to figure it out. I finally spot the Prius with the Uber sign. I walk over, I open up the back door. There's nobody in the fucking car.

The hazard lights are on. And I'm like, where the fuck is this guy? There's a deli? Guy comes out of the deli. I'm like, is this your car? He's like, yeah, I go, I gotta go. I go, we're late. I was literally, the show had started five minutes before and I was half an hour away from the club. like, yeah, I gotta go. I go, we're late. I was literally, the show had started five minutes before

and I was half an hour away from the club. I was like, we gotta go. And he's looking at me like I'm fucking crazy. I'm yelling at him. Pete's yelling at him. And then I realize it's the car in front of him that's my Uber. And this guy just happens to have an Uber sign on his car.

So I get into the right car get to the club Fucking late and you know, and I'm texting with them about where should we come later? It's like I don't need this shit, you know, yeah And that's brutal. That's brutal. I Love that you're yelling at the wrong guy Yeah Back to my hatred of Philly people, you know, you know what Philly people I don't hate that you're yelling at the wrong guy. Yeah. Back to my hatred of Philly people. You know what Philly people I don't hate? Who?

Puerto Ricans. Man, do Puerto Ricans in Philly have a great sense of humor. That's all I'm gonna say about it. They do. They really roll with it. Well, here's what I've realized about Latinos in general, in this country, is that the left should maybe stop painting all Latinos with one brush.

There are many sectors of the Latino population. You've got third and fourth generation Latinos. You have college educated Latinos, homeowners, company owners, and then you've got people that are recent immigrants, and a lot of them are undocumented. And when the Democrats go, well, we gotta get the Latino vote,

well, that's fucking racist, you know? They're gonna vote different ways, because like every other ethnicity that's come into this country, we get in, and then we fucking slam the door behind us. The Irish didn't want more Irish coming. The Jews, the German Jews got here first.

They didn't want the non-German Jews coming after that. So you know, what do you expect? I expect, yeah, that's true. But at least some of them have an amazing sense of humor We learned Yes, they did I was getting I was getting in my elevator Like I don't know was Wednesday or something. I mean, it's Friday right now and This old woman in my building she gets in she's like and she walks and you know She just like was shaking her head kind of like exasperated and I'm, she gets in, she's like, and she walks, and you know,

she just like was shaking her head, kind of like exasperated. And I'm like, yeah, and she's like, she's like, how are you? And I'm like, and I've never seen him before. I'm like, I'm good, you know, I'm good. I'm hanging in there, you know, it's a bit of a weird day. And then her floor, the door opens, and she's walks out, she just shakes her head. She's like, I hope we wrote, I hope we voted for the right person. And I don't know what she meant. Like, I don't know if that's...

That could be an older liberal woman not knowing who I am. I probably look like a Republican to her. And probably saying, America's chosen. I hope we chose right. you know what I mean? Right, right. I don't think she was referring to herself, but it's a great line.

Yeah. Well, yeah, that's a good way to play it. I like that. She's been around the block a couple times. How was your election night? I was on a text chain with you, which dried up rather fast. Yeah. It was better than the last time Trump won

where I was on stage. In 2016, I was on stage at the Comedy Store doing a podcast. And I think it was a live streaming podcast. And it was Joe Rogan's podcast with on stage, Bill Burr, Bert Kreischer, Doug Stanhope, me, and I think Joey Diaz. And so it was a fucking party.

Everybody's having a blast, and they announced that POT has been legalized. That was the year that POT was legalized in California. And so of course the audience all lights up a joint. Each person lights their own joint, and the room is a, what do they call it? Hot, I got hot, hot box?

Pretty cool, I got hot boxed, is that what it's called? I think I got hot boxed. And so, and then somebody handed me a joint and I took a hit and I don't smoke a lot of pot. And so I was fucking baked out of my mind and I'm having fun until, you know, the results start coming in.

And they're falling for Trump. I was so baked and one by one, all of a sudden, it went from being like, there was no chance, none of the polls, 10 point lead for Hillary. And all of a sudden Trump is winning. And I just was like, well, I gotta get the fuck out of here. So this year I was sitting on the couch

with my wife and kids and we watched it and I just thought man, the Democrats are really bad at messaging. And you know, there's a lot to learn. I think that the Democrats can't blame Trump supporters. They have to look at their own party and say, where are you not understanding more people in this country? Or where are you not understanding how to communicate to those people what's been accomplished and what hasn't? Well, remember on this podcast, I was so turned off by the Democratic convention, and I quoted my dad who said, are there too many black people? And you know, I feel safe saying that

because he's the most liberal guy in the world. But it's like, are there too many black people? Yeah, remember, he brought that up on the on the whatchamacallit. And then the Central Park Five came out in the Democratic Convention. And, you know, my turnoff was, that was like a celebration, My turn off was that was like a celebration, a celebration of this new vision of America. And then here's this new energy and look at this. Well, you know what? That's wrong. You are a 65% disapproval incumbent that has never ever, I believe, won an election in America.

And so you, your audience, guess what, is not us. Yeah. Don't preach to the choir. Your audience is an older white woman who is scared because she's being very scared by the other side and she maybe could be swayed. That's who you should be speaking to. And if that was truly your audience,

that convention would have looked much different. Yeah, understand, again, don't paint all women with one fucking brush. There's young women, the women that are voting Republican are older and they're not ovulating. They're not having babies and they don't need abortions. So don't clump them in with young, ripe women who may need that fucking option. Right. And also like the way, you know, it's the same thing that the Democrats should be mad at

Ginsburg, Ruth Bader Ginsburg for not tapping out before she tapped out and letting another Democrat get nominated. And in the same way, Biden, if he cared about the party, halfway through his second term would have said, I'm not seeking a nomination for a second term, and I'd like to open it up now for the Democratic Party to explore other opportunities. I think there was still enough time for that. I know it's an unpopular view.

I think there was still enough. There might've been time, but they unpopular view. I think there was still enough time. There might have been time but they didn't do it. And that's what I wanted them to do. They shoehorned her in and then everybody just saw it as make her win it. And she just looked like an extension of like you said a candidate that was highly unpopular. It's his VP! What are you handing people? You're handing them more of what they are telling you they don't like. She was on The View last week, and they're like, what, you know, in hindsight now, what would you have done differently,

this administration, the last four years? She's like, nothing comes to mind. I'm like, what did you just say? Even if that's what you believe, that's not what people need to hear. Yeah, right, right. So, you know, look, it's It's gonna be an it's gonna be interesting four years

I think something that somebody said to me is just remember that politics is Way more effective fought on a local level if you really are upset about the national Then fucking do something local go, you know go work for a homeless shelter if you're worried about that. Go work for, you know, an abortion clinic. Go perform some abortions. Get your hands dirty. Go scream at an Uber driver even if he's not yours. Just do it. They're everywhere. It's so easy. Oh my God. What's wrong with me? Oh, but speaking of the election, I want a big shout out to one of my best friends growing up, Kyle McGovern, won the New York State Supreme Court Justice seat in New York State. So that's pretty exciting. I mean, I can't tell you what it's like

to grow up with a guy who, look, I think I can talk more frankly about him now that he pretty exciting. I mean, I can't tell you what it's like to grow up with a guy who, look, I think I can talk more frankly about him now that he's elected. He was a madman. We were all crazy. And we were the worst behaved kids around. And then he kind of straightened up, went to law school.

He's been the town judge for the last 20 years. He does an amazing job. And he's a pillar of the community. He's the most honest guy I've ever met and but the guy was he was he was crazy when he was young and it's just so funny to know that he's a state fucking Supreme Court Justice. It's crazy. Shout out to him. And if you ever get a speeding ticket in New York just email me. FittsDogRadio at gmail.com, I will make it go away.

That's what Kyle's job is. Um, also, I had a lot of energy. I got, like I said, I got in, we went to dinner, did my show, went out for a couple drinks after the show with the boys and then had to wake up at 7 a.m. Philly time, which is 4 a.m. LA time, to go do morning radio. Preston and Steve, who I love, and they knew that I'd be tired so they brought in nurses and they gave me vitamin b12 drip in my arm with some other like stimulant vitamins and stuff and they brought in the best

lox and bagels in Philly to feed me. They had a whole spread for everybody and but then I went back to the hotel room and I usually come back to the room, spank one off and then sleep for like two hours but I had this shit pulsing through my veins and I was wide awake all day. And I have, I've slept like three hours in the last 24 hours and I got two shows tonight and my voice is shot. I came back spanked it for seven hours. Spank it out. Talk about that pre preset state of mind. Yeah, I get it.

Yeah, yeah. I want to thank, or we want to thank Jane S. for the very cool logo. Jane S. is a prolific graphic designer who does a lot of our logos. It's almost every week. And look at, so it's a Sunday, it's the, whatchamacallit.

You're kidding, right? No, the Subway sandwiches, right? There you go. Jared, Jared's in jail. So, HHS is the spokespeople. That was one of the jokes we didn't do at the Brady roast, because you know Brady's a spokesperson

for the Sunday papers. For Subway, you mean? Subway, right, sorry. I wish, for Subway. And the joke was that, so is it a requirement for all Subway, right, sorry, I wish, for Subway. And the joke was that, so is it a requirement for all Subway spokesperson that they kiss young boys on the mouth? Now who cut that out, him or just the powers that be?

We were told to stay away because his son was there. And that was a very big issue. The son was very, very sort of mortified by the kiss on the mouth from his dad that went public. Of course. I mean, what a thing to go through. In full disclosure, I kiss someone on the mouth. I don't hold it.

I think they kind of held it a little bit. Here's your resolution. Half disclosure. You should work towards half disclosure. The song this week is from Emmett Hall. Short and sweet. Or is it Emmeth-all? I think it's Emmett Hall. Now he does a lot for us we love Emmett. Emmeth-ethanol. And then let's do some corrections. Apparently we were a little off base last week. Do we have paper?

I can get some. Do you need some? I have tissues. Hold on, I got some. Oh, here I go. I got some tissues too, but they're definitely not crinkling. They're a little soggy.

I already used it for my goddamn cold that I have. On Sunday papers papers you talked about a school getting rid of tuition and you were struggling to come up with the name of the school until you started talking about New York State Schools. Perhaps you were trying to think of John Hopkins University. Isn't that in Baltimore? I think. After receiving a donation from Bloomberg for over a billion dollars, the university has free tuition for medical students who come from families that earn, ready for this, less than $300,000 a year. So real struggling families. So that's from Carol. But no, Carol, I appreciate that and there was a second email from our friend Tim Dillon or yeah Tim Dilley I always say Dillon who said that I was thinking

of medical schools Home Depot gave 200 million to NYU so they have free medical tuition and then Ruth Gottesman put 350 million into Albert Einstein Medical School in the Bronx and that became tuition free as well. That's actually where my father-in-law and my mother-in-law met. He was a doctor there and she was a nurse there at Albert Einstein. No, but you guys are leaving out and I can tell you this firsthand because my niece and my nephew both went to SUNY schools, state of New York schools, state schools,

and if you qualify for, and it's again a pretty high qualification, and you keep a 3.0 average. My niece and nephew went to school for free. They went to college for free. Wow. And they're good schools. SUNY schools are outstanding.

I like it. So those corrections are right and wrong. You wondered why Aaron Judge would be thinking about throwing to second base because the fly ball was too shallow for the runner to tag up. Judge was actually distracted because he saw the runner halfway to second base and was thinking about throwing it to first base for the runner to tag up. Judge was actually distracted because he saw the runner halfway to second base and was thinking about

throwing it to first base for the double play. Ron Dvorak, yes, okay, that makes perfect sense. Yeah. This guy Greg said, when speaking about Reggie Jackson and the 77 World Series, Mike said that Mr. October technically hit four home runs in a row because he had a walk in between.'s not an official plate appearance actually a walk is a plate appearance however it's not an at-bat.

I stand corrected what the hell's the difference? Well that's truly the term inside baseball as in who gives a shit. Right. And then Tim W said, correction, Greg brought up the sinking of Wizard of Oz with Pink Floyd's album The Wall. It's actually Dark Side of the Moon, a phenomenon known to stoners as Dark Side of the Rainbow. There are dozens of others like it. For example, if you play Leonard Skinner's Street Survivors over top of Shawshank Redemption, you'll notice Andy Dufresne's entire crawl to freedom

matches perfectly with the song That Smell. Well. Huh. Yeah, interesting. You know what I did, and it did perfectly, on flights now, if I remember. I think I mentioned this last week. As soon as the pilot hits the gun,

you play sweet emotion from Aerosmith, and it syncs up for that as soon as the drums kick in the liftoff, and it feels so great when it syncs up. Amazing. I usually just sync up the unfasten your seatbelt sign with whacking off in the bathroom. Okay, this is the exact moment I realized

I said exactly that last time and you responded with exactly that last time. Yeah. And by the way, don't write in about plate appearance. I understand it's probably the at bat is for statistics, but if they wanna know how many times he's been up to bat is for statistics, but if they want to know how many times he's made up he's been up to bat that's a plate appearance. But it's not factored in to like an at bat for stats.

Finally we've all heard of Fitz Fax but what about Gib Gaffs? On this week's episode Mike mistakenly suggested that the University of Oregon football team was making its first ever trip to Ann Arbor to play Michigan. In reality, it was their fifth trip to the Big House and whatever. Already corrected by Govins on that. Oh, you were. Okay, good. Speaking of Oregon.

Not here, not here. That was in my face. Speaking of Oregon, and God do I love it when transitions happen this seamlessly, I will be in Eugene on November 13th. I will be in Tacoma on November 14th through the 16th. Then I'll be in Tempe on November 22nd to the 24th. San Francisco, December 5th through the 7th at the punchline, Cleveland, Hilarities, December 13th and 14th, Janesville, Wisconsin, January 17th and 18th, Nyack, Raleigh, Milwaukee, Vegas, Atlanta.

Just go to FitzDogg.com, get yourself some tickets, see some live comedy, shows are selling out, it's crazy. Ever since the special came out, people are fighting for tickets to get to these shows. Look at you. You want to read this first ad? No. Okay. We think you know you think you're taking care of you. I'm going to jump in and help you. I believe in term life insurance. I believe that the way to get it is from fabric because you know look term life

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That's meet, M-E-E-T, fabric.com slash papers. That's meet M E E T fabric.com slash papers M E E T fabric.com slash papers policies issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company not available in certain states prices subject to underwriting and health questions. Game. I mean, it was game time made for me or what I am the guy as you know, I watched the prices drop. I love actually driving to the event as you know I watch the prices drop I love actually driving to the event you know this about me I'm not making it up but one one of my favorite things about game time is okay it's easy to be on sports you go see the Lakers tonight right now it's 89 I'd watch that tonight UCLA

football it's at 49 and dropping so under discover let's see what's going on in town in LA we should say by the way that support comes from game time is that not evident we have to say that they want us to actually say that just in case in case you think we're doing it for free we have to tell you that support comes from Game Time. Okay, so how would you know this? That a yacht rock band is playing in town and their name is Yachtly Crew.

And right now, it's for tomorrow night, it's at 62 bucks. I mean, they're- Where are they playing? Yachtly Crew means business. I'll tell you where they're playing. Well, this is Balcony, Row H, and we're the Fred Kavli Theater at Thousand Oak Civic Center. Yeah, because I think they... It's a big theater. I just saw they're up there and they're up at the top.

They played at Venice West not too long ago. I mean, the thing that's great about it is it's great for sports, it's great for theater, it's great for theater it's great for concerts you can go to comedy shows using game time totally and then they have like their game time picks it's a curation makes it easier to save more on sports concerts all that stuff the all-in pricelin we talk about pricing we talk about it all the time it's unlike their competitors who you have to do this crazy math, which essentially means doubling the price of the ticket. You get seat views, you get a panoramic view from the seat in the app before you buy, and the lowest price

guarantee or Game Time will credit you 110% of the difference. So take the guesswork out of buying tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account, and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply, again, create an account and redeem code PAPERS for $20 off. Download Game Time today. What time is it, Greg? Game Time. There it goes. It's also

time for a little crankling of the paper. Is that me? You're relying on me? No, here we go. Extra! Extra! We are the thotics! Extra! Oh, well, here's an election result for you. Liberal women are going on a sex strike over the Trump win. Disgruntled female voters draw inspiration from Korean 4B movement to take revenge against men. Some women who view the election as a referendum on abortion rights are stealing a page from the Korean feminist movement that

vows to withhold sex from men in order to redefine the gender power balance. They are pledging to commit to its four no's, no sex, no dating or marriage, and no having children with men for the next four years. I no have children. Is that what 4B is? Yep. Well I'm sure this is going to help all the ladies moods. Yeah exactly. I mean by the way this comes from Lysistrata which is an old Greek comedy by Aristophanes that was written in 400 BC and she led the women of Greece in a campaign against the Peloponnesian War by withholding sex from their husbands and then I saw a movie about must have

been about 10 years ago called Chirac which was a version of Lysistrata, which is set in Chicago, and all the women in South Chicago are not having sex with their men until they stop all the gang wars. Wasn't like, didn't women not have much of a choice on it, especially in ancient Greek times? Yeah, I know.

Well do you think they have a lot of choice down south? I mean, you think that it's a lot easier to say no to a little Korean guy than a guy who has a legal gun and has just voted that he has control over your body. I mean it seems like Trump won bigger than I thought liberals are now not gonna have sex. That's what happens. But there's good news Greg, there's good news. Yeah. The good news is the majority of white women are still down to pound. Nice. Because they never vote Democratic, the majority of white women. And it's 53%, I think they might have once for Bill Clinton, not his wife, but it's worse than it sounds at 53%

because only 43% vote Democrat. Huh, interesting. I thought that this really split down by gender, but I guess not. Do you wanna do your stupid Travis Kelce joke? No, first I wanna do women, if you had done this years ago, there wouldn't be any abortions

and you wouldn't be in this mess. Am I allowed to tell you that? That's a good point, yeah. I mean, that's like a no term abortion. And poor Travis Kelce, when Taylor is no longer giving it up. It is. What's going to happen? Let's bring them into every bit that we do.

Well, won't Taylor be of the women and represent? Yeah. But are you assuming that Travis, I mean, I think the idea is the women who they who they know that their husband voted for Trump are going to withhold, right? That was a little blurry. I read three articles about it and I didn't know if it was just not giving up sex to Republicans, but were that many liberal women sleeping with them?

Well, I don't... Right. And also, there are no NFL players that voted for Biden. None. Yeah, probably not, right. There are no NFL players that voted for Biden. None. Yeah, probably not. Right. All right.

Next story. 43 monkeys. I love these stories. 43 monkeys escaped South Carolina research facility. Police warned residents to secure doors and windows. I'd watch the chimney too. Close that flu. The primates broke loose from an alpha genesis facility in

Buford County and traps have been set up and thermal imaging cameras are being used in an effort to locate the fugitive monkeys. Authorities said the primates were quote very young females weighing approximately 6 to 7 pounds and had never been used for testing due to their age. and had never been used for testing due to their age. Alpha Genesis currently have eyes on the primates and are working to entice them with food. And the police described the monkeys as skittish. Yeah, yeah, I think they're gonna be a little skittish. By the way, does this not sound like a prequel

for Planet of the Apes? It is very much that. Yeah, and now, let's be honest, this is just a waiting game. Who's smarter, monkeys or the police in Beaufort County, South Carolina? I think DraftKings is giving the monkeys the edge on this one.

And of course they broke out, the new administration's gonna take away these poor monkeys' reproductive rights. They're all lady monkeys They're going ape shit. Yeah, just a level up for these Reese's bitches. Let me tell you Yeah, they aspire to go ape shit. They're just monkey shit right now But the difference between ape shit and monkey shit is rather profound Yeah, no one when you say monkey shit is rather profound. When you say monkey shit, you know exactly what you're thinking about.

You're thinking about the stuff in a monkey's hand that he's going to throw at you. When you say ape shit, you're like, you lost it? Someone lost it? Yeah. Ape shit is more of a shot put than a throw. Yeah, and it's also figurative more. Yeah. All right.

News out of Australia. Social media users under the age of 16 are set to be barred from using social media, including TikTok, Facebook, X, and YouTube, under legislation expected to be introduced to Parliament this month. By the way, this is the first time I've heard news out of Australia that didn't involve marine life killing somebody.

Under the proposed changes, social media companies will bear the onus of enforcing the age limit, that doesn't sound good, rather than parents and there would be no penalties for users. This is the part that bums me out. The proposed legislation won't include exemptions for young people who already have social media or those with parental consent. Huh. Yeah. Well, this is bad news for a couple of the comics in LA's spring tour in Australia, for sure. I mean, the parental consent, you could do that now. In other words, I mean, the parental consent, you could do that now. In other words, you could have your kid on the flip phone. Exactly, right.

Like, how's that gonna change? It's another thing where it's like, I mean, it's not even America, but it sounds like an American thing where you're trying to legislate something where families just need to get their shit together. But what does social media for a teenager in Australia even sound like?

G'day, g'day, wanker, get fucked. G'day, g'day. What I would do for a band, a real one. I mean, there's tons of bands. 16 year olds can't drink alcohol, they can't smoke, they can't buy alcohol, and they can't, 16 year olds can't drink alcohol, they can't smoke, they can't buy alcohol, and they can't drink it. You know, Joey Diaz, I saw after the election, and he's been very apolitical about it, and

he just goes, listen, you want to, and he sounded very, sounded like someone handed him a Neil Postman book. He was like, this is it. He's like, there's too much information. There's no one knows what the fuck they're voting for. He's like, even if you thought you were voting for Trump for various, you probably didn't even know. Maybe you should vote for him,

but you're probably voting for him for the wrong reasons. Cause the other reasons got buried. Yeah, right. He's like, there's just too much information. Well, that's why you need ground news. Is it called ground work or ground news? I don't know, they're not in today's podcast. I think they gave up on us.

They don't like our news. All right, we're going to entertainment, fella. All right, let's do it. Okay, full disclosure, I have not seen the Menendez brothers doc, but I had enough of my daughters saying that the brothers should be freed. I read an article that came out this week from the reporter for the LA Times who is at trial every single day when the Menendez brothers both trials. Whoops, there's the phone.

And he says they should stay in prison. How much do you know about this? Very little, I started watching the series and then when it got to the sexual abuse, I don't need to look at sexual abuse anymore. I've seen enough of it. Oh, they showed it? I don't need to look at sexual abuse anymore I've seen enough they showed it I don't even know I got I think it's my wife told me stop she goes it's coming she'd seen it she's like it's coming you don't want to watch it oh wow so you know the thing is I have to explain to my daughters

because they're they you know they're having emotional reactions. So they're like, they were abused. I'm like, first of all, fact, we don't know that. That was never proven. Well, four months after the trial, when they were in the therapist, they didn't even bring it up. And their reason that they gave for killing was that the dad was abusive to Kitty, the mom. So there's a very big theory that it was made up by the defense attorney that they were

abused. But keep it in. Let's say they were. This was not self-defense. Now should the self-defense, I won't go on too long about this, but it's an interesting question. Should the self-defense argument evolve? Because they went down to San Diego after trying to buy guns in many places. They bought

them in San Diego. They came back up. They had them for a few days, I think. And then the parents are both watching TV. They kicked down. I mean, a laugh. It's just absurd. And then they brutally murdered them. Not only that, they shot the mom a bunch of times but she was still alive and crawling across the floor. He went out to the car, reloaded, came back in, put the gun on his mom's cheek, pulled the trigger. So, self-defense is when it's imminent, you fear for your life and that you're going to be

killed. That was not the case. But it's a good question. If you know a kid or a wife who's being abused habitually and they buy a gun and they wait for this husband who's going to beat the fucking shit out of them and rape them or whatever, as he does every night when he comes home from work like and she meets him and Kills him. I don't know. I think there's room for self-defense in there No a crime of passion has to happen in the moment. It can't be pre meditated

You can't have bought equipment because the argument is that you could have just gotten out of that situation called the authorities The argument is that you could have just gotten out of that situation, called the authorities, whatever. There's other ways to do it besides murder. Murder is the ultimate crime that they try to prevent. You don't get the electric chair for rape, you don't get the electric chair for kidnapping unless the child dies. So murder is the thing that trumps all other crimes. Did you know that more than 50% of food waste in Toronto homes is avoidable?

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BidMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Did you make it far enough to see why they moved? They weren't just a Beverly Hills family from New Jersey. They lived in Calabasas first, did you see that? No. Oh yeah, I mean I knew they lived there. Yeah. No, one of the sons robbed so many homes that they were disgraced in the town and they had

to move to Beverly Hills. I love they got disgraced to moving into Beverly Hills. And then George reminded me the Mark Jackson, New York Knicks baseball or, you know, player card, I guess you could call it. But his card, his card, it's a picture of him in the background. You see the Menendez brothers in amazing seats that are so expensive. That's when they were on the tear spending their dad's money after they killed him. No way. Really? Mark Jackson's card. Yeah.

Do you think he did it on purpose? Mark Jackson? Yeah. No, I don't think he even gets to pick. That would have been amazing. That would have been baller. Yeah. I like that. I just watched, speaking of which, I just watched the Lacey Peterson. It's a three part documentary on that. I've never watched anything on that. Well, I never had. I'd always heard the name Lacey Peterson and Scott Peterson because we lived through it. It happened in I think the early 90s. And Nancy Grace was all over it all over it. All over it. And of course, you know, Lacey's, well, there was a,

Scott Peterson had an affair on Lacey, which is what really like, because at first people were just grieving for him that he lost his wife. And then this woman comes forward and says, no, I've been fucking this guy, Scott, for the last year, and he didn't tell me he had a wife.

And so who represents her? But Gloria Allred, she steps in. So everything blew up. And the defense attorney for for Scott was the guy that had represented. I forget he's one of these like like criminal, like represents the worst people in the world. So the whole thing. But it's just so funny because you do think about, all right, this criminal like represents the worst people in the world. Right. So the whole thing, but it's just so funny because you do think about, all right, this happened in not that far from like Oakland, California, where women are killed constantly

and you never, it doesn't even make the paper. This thing was international news for six months. Fuckin series. It was a white woman. I mean, it's crazy. And by the way, do you know the number one cause of death for pregnant for for pregnant women? Oh, Zimbabwe. Murder from their partners. Wow. Being murdered by your partner is the number one cause of death for pregnant women. Not, you know, your tubes getting tied up or, you know, falling down because you're fat.

It's because you, somebody doesn't want that baby getting born. It's because somebody doesn't know adolescent. Let me tell you something. That's an old joke. If you think that banning abortion is not gonna cause more homicide from guys that don't want their... Whoa, whoa, whoa, there's quite a leap. Quite a leap. No, I don't think it is quite a leap. I don't tell Greg what to say on the podcast. I think that you are gonna see more women, pregnant women murdered in states

where they do not allow abortion. So we've gone from Fitts Facts to Fitts Theories. Fitts Theories. I bet you can do some research on that. I bet you if you were to look at the number of pregnant women murdered in states that have had abortion outlawed in the last six months, I bet you will see a spike.

Spikes is a strong word. I'm not saying he uses a spike. He could use his hands, it could be a gun. Speaking of deaths in the Oakland area, did you watch the Zodiac series? Oh, of course, yeah. It was quite a stylish documentary with all the reenactments.

Yes. So that's how I found the Menendez alternative view Yeah. It was quite a stylish documentary with all the reenactments. Yes. So, that's how I found the Menendez alternative view because when you watch this Zodiac series, I won't spoil it, but you're like, they got them. They 100 percent, it seems 100 percent know who it is now because the movie which you you learn this in the first minute of the documentary the Fincher movie that came out about Zodiac called Zodiac a family saw it and a family was like oh my god and they all talk, the brothers and sisters, and that's the first shot of this documentary is this family has now come forward with information.

But I was looking for, you know, whenever I see a documentary, I'm always like, well, what could poke? It's kind of like when you see an amazing prosecutor on a case and you're like, whew, well, this is like a debate. This is over. Like he's guilty. And then you see an amazing defense attorney. You're like, oh, I don't know.

That guy left out a lot. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, that's why half the shows on TV over the years have been procedural crime dramas. Yeah. So I'm wondering, I'm wondering what the, what the argument against the guy in this that they have coughed up, who else could it be? Right.

Why not him? Other shout outs for shows. There's a show called Rivals, I think it's on Apple+. It's a British comedy that is just like, do you wanna fucking break from like, you know, molestation on TV and all that? Just lighten it up with some Rivals.

You'll love it, it's really good. And then if you want some outrageously good sex, there's a show called Disclaimer, which might also, if you don't have Apple, I apologize, because I think that's your recommendation. You watch it for the sex. Let me tell you something, Mike.

There's one thing. Oh, I've seen her. I've seen her. I've seen the first two episodes. Oh my God. I mean, how is that sexy? Does that go up against any sex scene you've ever seen in a non-porn movie?

It might be, I might not have gone to the one you're talking about yet. Oh, you would know if you got there. Yeah, I haven't gone there yet. I'm only on episode two. All right, well, it's coming, and so are you. Woo! Hey now.

Okay, let's make a place called America, Florida. All right. Okay, so there was an article I found and it was about the news last week that Vanderbilt University from my very own Nashville is opening a West Palm Beach campus and the article was this is what will help do away with this horrible Florida man image that Florida has. Because some intellectuals will be moving in, it's going to create jobs that aren't just scrubbing barnacles off the bottom of a boat or whatever it is. And first of all, that's so telling.

If you're going to become and helped to be made more intellectual by Tennessee, you've got a big problem. Yeah, right. Tennessee's gonna intellectualize you? Okay. Yeah. But in the article, they talked about, so hopefully we can get away from stories like these.

This is a two-year-old story, and I was like, forget the Vanderbilt angle, because I wanna do this. Police in Florida arrested a 28 year old man on suspicion of driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol after authorities said he attempted to order a burrito from a Bank of America after confusing it for a Taco Bell drive-thru. I love it. It doesn't get any better than that. The manager of the Bank of America branch called authorities. Wait for it on Wednesday afternoon after he said he found a blue Hyundai in the bank's drive up bank line

with a man who appeared to be passed out inside. He said he had a bang on the car window several times before the man awoke. When the man saw the bank manager deputies said he tried to order a burrito Meanwhile Across town a guy in an actual Florida Taco Bell was so drunk. He thought it was real food. Yeah Also, this is how you know, the guy's drunk. He's at a Taco Bell drive-thru during the day. I Mean that's not happening sober. Are they even open? Why would they even open during the day? They

should open at 2 15 a.m. Poor manager I'd be like I'm sorry your burrito count is overdrawn you actually owe us burritos sir. Let's be real about this. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. I love that Luis. Now we're gonna go to Make Mississippi Florida. Let's do it. I don't know if it's a paper crinkle or not. Your story. A 41 year old man died Monday morning after being buried under hot asphalt while trying to repair his dump truck in Mississippi. Sometimes you go, do we need more than

just the headline? Well the funny thing is you're like, hey here's the doc, and you had put a story in there. This is arguably the biggest newsweek of the last three years, four years, and this was the story. This was what you put in. I don't even think I wrote jokes for this. I just thought it was a funny headline. Yeah, I haven't written any jokes either. Well, I mean, if you... So he was pouring the asphalt himself, and I just have to think like, is there a worse way to die than being covered in hot as faults? You know, you have a Coldplay thing

in the middle of this story. Yeah, I think what it is is it was a link to another story about Coldplay. Oh, he fell through a trap door. Coldplay singer Chris Martin falls through a trap door at concert in Australia I'd rather read that story. That's funnier. Oh Funnier than the man dying because he's buried alive in hot asphalt

It's very tragic and my heart goes out to his family and I just hope that every time they drive over that driveway They can think about him every time they park over that driveway, they can think about him. Every time they park the car, a little bit of him is there supporting them. We're moving on to sports. All right. It is Friday night in Dallas. Mike Tyson versus is it Jake Paul?

I always confuse the idiots. I can't remember. I'm going to look it up right now, but what do we think about this? You know, look, I feel bad that Tyson blew all his money because this is so beneath him. This is awful that a guy who not only is, may see the greatest boxer of all time, maybe.

Most feared at one point, I think. I mean, Foreman also. Who then went on to reinvent himself as a guy who's like a real philosopher, who did a really cool animated show, did a one-man show on Broadway, who's been a guest on a lot of podcasts where he really like made people stop and go, holy shit, this guy's really fucking smart. And now he's boxing with this fucking loser. Had a tragedy, he lost his daughter.

Oh really? Oh yeah, he's cried a lot about that. He, when he's spoken about it, and he's been articulate about it also. Yeah. I mean, as articulate as Mike Tyson, his thoughts are articulate. Sometimes that speech impediment's a little tricky.

But this is the thing. Apparently, we've talked about it before. Apparently, Jake Paul has structured the deal where Tyson gets paid more the longer the fight goes on. But my thinking is, can't Tyson arrange to bet a ton of money with great odds against him knocking out Jake Paul in the first round and just try to kill him in the first round? I would love that. I hate to say this, I would love that. I'm tuning in to what, I hate to say this, I'm tuning in to watch, hopefully,

a man get, and that man not being Mike Tyson, get very, very hurt. Yes, yes. I feel like- I know that's terrible to admit. That's why I'm watching. I feel like this- That's what I'm rooting for.

This guy is to boxing what certain comedians are to comedy who use social media to get big. I mean, that's why Jake Paul's in the ring because of social media. He doesn't belong in that fucking ring. Go fight. Go fight. I'm not a boxing guy, but fine.

Who's the heavyweight now? Have him fight that guy. Stop trying to fuck Farrah Fawcett. That's what you're doing when you box Mike Tyson. You can walk around and go, hey, I fucked Farrah Fawcett. Really? When was it when she was 30? No, then shut up. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Well, she's dead. No, she's not. Is she really? Good. All right. Well, then that would be a good story. That would be a much better, you know,

why it snuck by, you know, what day she died? April 5th. You know why it snuck by you know what day she died April 5th You're so into your birthday you would not have noticed who died a Legend I get alleged in the first let the first sex legend that comes to your mind you wouldn't notice that When did she die she died the same day as Michael Jackson? Oh? That's why I don't know I was jerking off to Michael Jackson. Yeah. He looks so good in that red bathing suit. I don't think we have to do international unless you need to. All right.

I have no reason to do international. We could do some, we could do some letters to the editor. This day? Oh, let's do this day and then letters. Let's do that. All right, this day. It's a it's a blind read. I have to find these. Let's do it. Have you ever heard of Dr. David Livingstone? No. Either have I. Nile River. Whatever.

Okay. Let's find it. Helmut Schmidt. We already know when that's going to be. You know you could and I don't want to be the guy that tells another guy how to do his job. But you know you're ready. The American comedy Home Alone written by John Hughes and starring Macaulay Culkin, had its world premiere and spawned a number of sequels, but its world premiere was on this day in

what year, give or take, four years? 1985. I love it. 1990. Oh, god damn you, Macaulay Culkin. I like your brother, your brother better. The American children TV series Sesame Street, which featured a cast of puppet characters that included Emo,

Big Bird and the Cookie Monster, debuted on the National Educational Television Network, later called PBS. It debuted on this day in what year, give or take three years? 1969. You piece of garbage, 1969. Hey now. I think he just hooked it up.

Yeah, it was a summer of love. No, it was a summer of love. Now you know why? Because I just watched a TV series based on a writer from Sesame Street whose son is abducted and it was set in the early 70s in New York so I kind of had a sense of it. Birthday news. Welsh actor Richard Burton who pound-for-pound is one of the best actors ever in my opinion. If you have not

seen Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? And it was a real couple, he and Liz Taylor in real life and then they played a couple, a married couple. Oh boy, just go watch that movie man. You'll be like, I can't believe how edgy this is and how sick it is. It's sick. Well, they got married in real life, and then I think they got divorced, and I think they got remarried again, and then they got divorced again.

They were the perfect couple to play that couple. So anyway, Richard Burton was born on this day in what year, give or take, five years? I'm giving you an 11-year window. I'm gonna say 1915. 1925. No. You are not having a good day.

I would've thought, I just nailed Sesame Street. On the nose, you did, you did. Right on Big Bird's nose. I wonder if you would know Leonardo DiCaprio, Caprio's year of birth. Hmm. I would say, what's the range? Huh?

What's the range? I'm only gonna give you three years, but that's a seven year window, pal. I'm gonna say 1970. Ah, 74. Fuck that little baby, he looks older. He does, he can have a baby face, but it's got a little plump.

It's got a little plump. I did a show, I did a show in SoHo when I was just coming up in the New York scene, and it was at a fucking, it was at an art gallery, and it was all models, like super models. And I got booked to do a show there and it was just as bad as you would expect. Just a bunch of narcissists not paying attention.

And in the front row was Leonardo DiCaprio and some model. And the model was like talking to her friend in the front row while I was performing and I ripped her a new asshole and he just turned away from her. He didn't try to defend her. He like literally faced the other way and turned away from her. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

So he's, I'm a fan. I'm a fan. Okay. So I have a choice here. Let's see. Why don't we do this one? Enslaved black American Nat Turner was hanged after leading a slave rebellion that resulted in the deaths of some 60 white people in addition to many innocent enslaved people who were massacred in the accompanying hysteria give or take 15 years 1851 I love it 1831 I knew you would go late that's why I gave you 15 years that's dude 1831 also I have to know more about this. I mean I know his name and I think I studied it at some point. Yeah well you know whenever I think of him I think about like there was a cover of

his biography and he's just like he's wearing this outfit that's like the pants are torn but they kind of fit perfectly and the shirt is like open to the collar. He was a slave to fashion. People don't talk about that enough. We're moving on the letters to the editor. That'll be one next week. Slave to fashion. Which is arguably one of the hardest indentured

places of servitude. I don't even know how to order it, nevermind. I was, Rick says, I was on a bus in Boston and a woman had a shirt that said Philly versus use. Y-O-U-S-E. That's hilarious, I gotta get you that. Would you wear that if I got you that? Nope. He also said-

I'm not wearing Philly on my body. He also said, how can you get upset about AI writing scripts when shit like Matlock and another Reba McEntire comedy are on the air? I saw a trailer for, keeping in mind I had a sitcom on CBS, I saw a trailer for a sitcom. I can't even remember what it was about, but they looked like kind of two younger kids.

They were white. I thought it was a joke. Yeah. I literally thought, oh, this is making fun of sitcoms. Yeah. It was not. No, no, there's a lot of sitcom trail. There's a there's a sitcom that kind of fucks with that idea.

On I don't know what channel it's on, but it's starring Christina Applegate. And it's called Fuck Kevin. And half of it. Do you remember in writing about that? Do you remember, Ron Dangerfield did a scene in Natural Born Killers where it went from being this dark, murderous, rampage drama into being a sitcom with a studio audience in the middle of it?

Yes. Do you remember that? Okay, well then answer me when I ask you the question. This is big, kinda like that. It's like half the show is shot in color as a multi-cam sitcom about this community in Worcester, Massachusetts, where it's just real fucking beer drinking,

sports loving, dumb people. No offense to Worcester, but that's how they're portraying it. And then it's interspersed with her in her life trying to get out of it and that's shot in black and white as a drama and it's really interesting I don't know that it works what's the name again it's called fuck Kevin I think yeah yeah yeah I remember reading a bunch about and always wanted to check it out yeah it Yeah, it's worth checking out.

I don't wanna disparage it cause I think it's a good swing. Well, one of the best send ups of sitcom is in Natural Born Killers with Rodney Dangerfield as the dad. Are you literally saying that right now? Why, did you just say that? I just said it and when I said, answer me, you answered and I had asked you if you remember the scene of Roddy Dangerfield and natural born killers.

I was in the middle of a big space out you are on fucking bull. How do we how do we get away with this. How do you want to continue where I went because that's why I didn't answer I Looked at the empty obituary And I thought and I thought well Greg be pissed if I say this week's this week's passing was democracy That's this week's obituary and literally and then I'm in that and I hear did you and like what? And then you gave me enough to say yes you go did you? And I'm like, what? And then you gave me enough to say yes. You go, did you see that? I'm like, yeah, I think I did. That's what just happened. And you wouldn't know that we actually have

a production meeting before each show where we go through the script. But I guess when we hit obituary, I guess maybe you should write the name in. Well, I don't know anyone. I mean, last week's was so sad with Ms. Young Frankenstein, Terry Gahr. Terry Gahr died.

And I thought there might've been someone else with her last week. This week we had... We don't have to think too hard. Hopefully we had an okay week out there. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we don't need to think about death right now. Chauncey Glover, who was a news anchor,

we'll give him a shout out. He was very young. He was like 40 years old. All right, let's cheer up after you not listening to me. I have to cheer up after that. Oh my God, look what the first thing says. What? Read the next thing in the script.

Funnies. Oh, this is great. All right, so this is, this is a Jim O'Bri, no, it was Jim, no, Lorraine Kehoe said, tell him not to take it so- Hold on, wait. Do you, oh, this is just,

this is not having to do with the comic? I think Lorraine is talking about her husband, who I think submitted a comic that you ignored, and she's saying, tell my husband not to take it so personally. Gibbons doesn't laugh at any of the submitted captions. He's too busy scrambling to find a comic strip for the next segment he didn't prepare for.

Oh my God. How does this make you feel though, honestly? Is there any shame at all? I don't, what was the question? I don't think there is. I don't think there is. No, I, listen, I normally have the comics in here, but I do do what she says.

I do look, I just happened with obituary. Yeah, all right. The ADD comedy hour. I laugh, I laugh, I've been rating obituary. Yeah, all right. The ADD comedy hour. And by the way, I laugh, I laugh. I've been rating these. I've been chiming in. All right, well this week's, this is the comedy caption contest,

and all spelled with Ks. And if you have an idea for a joke for the caption, I give you, it's a single panel of a comic strip. You write it in, We pick the best one. That lucky person gets a free koozie. Now if you want to buy a koozie, it's $10 including shipping at my website, but if you want to win a free one, write it in to FitzDogRadio at gmail.com and we'll send it right off to you after you win. All right, last week's caption, or this week's caption, is a man standing on a ledge,

but it's the ledge on the second floor of what looks to be like a two-story house. And there's two cops standing out front. One is black, one is white. I don't see color, but it does come up in some of the punch lines, so I'll point it out. And they're talking to each other looking at the guy who's plastered against the wall looking down looking scared. Jim O'Brien from Venice

Beach, California says I guess we'll see if white men can jump. That's alright. That's pretty good. Steve Stur said all right mr. peepers come on down or my partner here is gonna shoot you down with my cock huh I only put it in because I just I don't get it but I still laugh mr. peepers too okay what mr. peepers is what's mr. peepers well mr. peepers too. Okay. I know what Mr. Peepers is. What's Mr. Peepers? Well, Mr. Peepers I mean it might be something else, but it was a character on Saturday Night Live. Remember the half monkey half man? Oh, I think that was Mr. Peepers. Mike Sikorski said, Mr. Gibbons, please don't jump. We swear you never have to read a Calvin and Hobbes or Garfield comic again.

Solid. Fan. Alvin and Hobbs are Garfield Comic again. Solid. Fan. S. Charlesworth says, you laugh, but work from home has saved a lot of stockbrokers' lives. That's pretty smart. That's smart.

Steve said, my last body cam film made the front page of snufffetish.com. Okay. Jesus, I hope that's not a real website. Steve said, I just got a vasectomy and the wife loves the diet cream pies. What? Okay. I mean, they're not the poor guy on the ledge. He's not even paid attention to. I know Tim Woodhouse says last week. He shut himself inside the garage with a running Tesla Are you not gonna read the one above it? Oh, you don't love that one. I love that one

Well, I was distracted you skipped one. All right, I'll read the one above it. Look Murphy It's your favorite play diddle around the roof Ben Holdridge. The Tesla's okay we've we've done that joke on here before too, of trying to kill yourself with a Prius in the garage. Oh, we have? Uh-huh. Okay. And by the way, it wasn't ours. That's out there. Okay.

Then we got Paul Lequasi said, this is why I had to point out the ethnicity of our cops, this bald mo fucka wearing a necktie with a polo shirt. What's amazing is it's the white guy talking. Talking. Yes. That makes it even funny. Well, maybe he's like an Eminem type guy who grew up in a very black neighborhood. Yeah. And then Jeff Lange said,

if he doesn't jump, we get to shoot him, right? And then Frank Kehoe, Frank Kehoe, whose wife complained that you don't pay attention to his comics, says, since his numbers have been plateaued, this guy will do anything to draw attention to his new special on YouTube. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, I just want the wife to hear me laughing.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I like that, that's about you, Gregory. And I'll leave off the last one. But yeah, thank you for all your submissions. If I didn't read them all, we get many. I can't pick every great one. If I missed yours and it was great, my apologies. But now we go back and we pick a winner.

I was gonna pick the Tesla one, but now you said it's been done, so I'm not gonna pick that one. Yeah. The vasectomy made us laugh the hardest. Total non-sequitur. Yeah, yep. The stockbroker was very smart.

I like the stockbroker a lot. If he doesn't jump, we still get to shoot him, right? That seems like the most, that one would appear in the paper, I think, or a smart paper that's talking about police brutality I don't know. What do you think?

Should we go I'm gonna go with I guess will I want to reward smart? I like that one. I give an honorable mention to I guess we'll see if white men can jump. I like that It's just a quick fun joke that's Charles worth but yeah s Charles worth is the winner this week you laugh but work from home has saved a lot of stockbrokers lives okay and next week's caption is the following is thus there's a kid and he's at a bank teller window and there's a man in a suit behind the sign that says teller and a kid is handing up he can barely reach the counter but he has a piggy bank and he's putting it up

on the counter the bank teller is smiling the kid is saying something you tell us what he's saying and if you do it in the funniest way, you will keep your drinks either cool or hot. You can choose. How do it know? Alright. Alright. Here is a professional comic written by a professional cartoonist, Hager the Horrible, he's standing at the entrance of a cave and the cave has a sign that says dancing bears inside and there's a poster out front with two bears dancing dressed up as people and Hager goes what do you think Ben and then Lucky goes I miss

Paris. That's a weird one. Yeah that's a weird one. I guess in Paris there's caves where they keep women and I guess you go in there and different things happen then when you go look at the bears. And as if the dancing bears have a club that's the premise. Little weird. It's a little weird. Lock horns. Loretta is talking to Leroy who's looking at some bills. He looks very upset and she goes, of course you're shocked. You open the water bill and the electric bill at the same time.

I just felt like, all right, that's all you want out of a comic. Just a couple funny thoughts bouncing against each other. Couple little- An inflation, am I right? You're right. Okay, here we go. Ready for some Dilbert? Wait, what are you talking about?

Are we introducing a new segment? We are going to do the top 10 Dilberts of all time. Get out. I love Dilbert. We'll see. So, you know, the weird thing is, the weird thing is it started at one and went up to 10. So I don't know. I don't know how they were doing this countdown. But I grabbed number 10, which was the last one in this article.

It's from November 9th, 1993. So, I've never read of Dilbert. So, Dilbert's at his desk. Dilbert's the guy with the crazy cone head. He's got a flat head. Flat head, but it's almost like it's so tall. Right, right. It's like he has a five head, not a forehead. So then a guy comes up back to him who looks like he's from smack your bitch up with the two cones of hair on his head. Yeah. And he goes, my boss says we need some unique programmers.

There's three panels. The second panel goes, Dilbert says, I think he means Unix, not Unix. U-N-I-X, not Unix, and I already know Unix. Third and last panel, smack your bitch up guy goes, in the company, if the company nurse drops by, tell her I said never mind. What? That's not bad.

Wait, I'm getting... He was gonna cut his Johnson off. He was gonna smack his own bitch up. Wait, I don't get the eunuchs joke. Well, what this premise is, is the word eunuchs could be very similar to the eunuch term. Castrated Roman soldiers. And the smack your bitch guy we're learning is I don't think he's the sharpest knife in the drawer at the company office.

And so he thought they were gonna hire and that they needed people without penises. Oh, okay, I see, I see. Got it. I think, now that's a lot of discussion. That's a lot to break down. No matter where it is, by the way, that could have been number one.

That's in the top 10 Dilberts of all time according to this list. Wow, okay, well. Strong start. I'm guessing that's 10. I'm guessing that's 10 and it gets better because I've always loved Dilbert. Not loved, I can remember being younger

and enjoying it quite a bit. But again, what does it take to enjoy a comic strip? Like it's not a standup comedy club, it's not a fucking late night sketch show. Just a big rack of 10 calves that look like bowling pins It's not a stand-up comedy club. It's not a fucking late night sketch show. Just a big rack of calves that look like bowling pins and hair that looks like it's fucking linguine. So Bozo walks in the kitchen, we're onto Blondie

as you've guessed, he walks in and she of course, like a good wife, is at the stove. Here's the thing, she wears a mini dress or a mini skirt that the apron is just above and all you can think, but look how it clings to her legs. Look how there's a gap between her legs. She can even be sexy stirring some sauce. She's making soup, that makes it even sexier.

Oh yeah, she's making soup all right. So Dagwood walks in, he goes, Paula Gabalo called again, but she didn't leave a message. And Blondie goes, of course she did. And he goes, not leaving, she goes, not leaving a message is her way of saying she still isn't speaking to me. Dagwood goes, why isn't she speaking to you?

And she goes, she won't say. Oh, look at that little clever, see that clever thing? That's very clever. That to me is like exactly what a comic strip functions as. Just a little silly moment where they're a little more clever than people would be in real life but not by a lot. That's like a little dumb thing like you're pouring someone coffee and you're like say

when and then they go when and you're like whenever you want and you're pouring someone coffee and you're like say when and then they go when and you're like whenever you want and you spill the hot coffee all over them. That's the effort with this comic putting. Yes, that's all we're looking for and all we're looking for you guys is to go check out Game Time. You'll love it. Game Time. PAP ERS for 20 bucks off your first order.

And check that out. And also you wanna go and go to Fabric and the way to make sure you use our codes on these because they have to know we're sending you for us to continue with the ads. Go to meetfabric.com slash papers, M-E-E-T, fabric.com slash papers. Okay, also You Know Me is the special,

it's up on YouTube, it's got 425,000 views now, let's get it up to a million by next week. What? Look at that. That's a big leap. That's a big leap. How about this, everyone who's watched it, just watch it one more time or at least just put it on. Just put it on and hit play and then go vacuum. I don't care, but we got to keep the numbers

going. It's not jumping by leaps and bounds as it was because I finished all the press, but we want to keep bumping it up. Be a sport, be a fan, and just go click it on right now. All right. We're here for you. We know a lot of our listeners are probably in a little bit of shock. I think everyone, even the right's in shock. And we'll see.

Greg and I were talking about a lot of checks and balances, no matter who wins. And I think a lot of them might be stronger than people are talking about, in my opinion. Yeah, we'll see. But either way, we're the United States of America. United! Let's stay united, not divided.

I think America can handle this. I think so. And we can handle seeing you guys next week. Thanks to Midcoast Media for doing a great job, as always. And that's it. Take it, Ish. Take it ish. Take it ish. Are you a professional pillow fighter or a nine-to-five low-cost time travel

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