Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 246 1/5/25

Episode Date: January 5, 2025

Episode 246. Happy 2025! We check in on who won last year's predictions and make new ones for this year. Also, rabbis are using ai, porn is banned in the south and Greg and Mike are sick.Sponsors:MeetFabric.com/PapersMintMobile.com/PapersWatch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

BetMGM is an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League and has your back all season long. From puck drop to the final shot, you're always taken care of with the sportsbook Born in Vegas. That's a feeling you can only get with BetMGM, and no matter your team, your favorite skater or your style, there's something every NHL fan is going to love about BetMGM. Download the app today and discover why Bet MGM is your hockey home for the season. Raise your game to the next level this year with Bet MGM, a

sportsbook worth a celly, and an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Sunday papers need a new song I'll keep it sweet and I'll keep it strong like my love for you. Bring it back. Read all about it! Read all about it!

Look at us Africa coming in from South Africa, baby with the the advent of Technology is unbelievable. I Am in a basement in South Africa in Cape Town sitting in a guest room Where yesterday they literally found a three inch scorpion in my nephew's underwear before he was about to put them on. I didn't find it there.

I didn't find it there. Are you sure we're talking about a scorpion? It was a scorpion. I'm telling you, it looked angry. This sounds worse, it keeps getting worse. It's like the sounds of a lamb's screen memory that Floyd would have a field day with. Yes.

It's venomous. It goes inside of you. It's very like Australia, where when I went to Australia, I'm like, oh, you guys have yet to kill off all the things that can easily kill you very close to your cities. Right. Like they still have a lot of those. Yeah. And I think that's good. It kind of keeps you in the moment. I'm all about the cities where there is like like when I was in Alaska, where in the moment.

All right. When I was in Fairbanks, Alaska a few months ago and they were like, yeah, there was just a bear here It's like yeah, that's what keeps you off your phone That's what keeps you like paying attention to people around you a fucking little wildlife mixed in Yeah, I told you when I was in Jackson, they've tried to bring back the Bears and it's been very successful so they're grizzly now that I've come south of yellow Yosemite Yellowstone and are in Jack's like, you know down by the resort and We rented bikes once I was there with my girls and stuff and

when we were in there guy comes in with his girlfriend and they're returning rental bikes and how was he's like well we were faster than the bear and the whole place is like, what? And they saw a grizzly when they were biking just north of Wilson, Wyoming. No shit. Yeah. Terrifying, man.

Yeah, well I've seen- Even on a bike it's hard to outrun a grizzly. I've seen, we had a snake that was in there was a it's called this trip to a fatter there was a puff adder in the tree next to us and it is apparently the most lethal snake in Africa. Wait where was this? We went to a game park we went went to, see this hat? The Addo Elephant Park. It's in the middle of South Africa.

We slept in tents for four nights. Like tents. In the middle of it. Like crazy. Saw tons of, at one point we saw 70 elephants at one watering hole. It's like a reverse zoo, except the animals can go visit white people in cages. That's right. They should have to pay. I'm a North American Irishman.

I feel like that's worth 20 bucks to an elephant. Don't climb in that guy's cage, Fitzsimmons, he'll tear you apart. He hasn't had a drink in 34 years. By the way, 35 years this week that I haven't had a drink. I was with you, congratulations, man. Except for that one night.

I drank one night. That's amazing. One night in 35 years. What night was that again? Kevin Meaney's funeral. Oh yeah, yeah. I had a few swigs of whiskey. But other than that, yeah, it was very exciting. 35 years.

How was your New Year's Eve? Were you actually working? New Year's Eve. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm a wreck. And so we're gonna try this. I beg Greg to get out of this podcast taping with a 1 a.m. email last night

that he didn't get till a couple of minutes before this. But I've been pulled, and it's great. I've been pulled onto the Golden Globes, and I went right, there was overlap. I did this Jeff Ross project, which was roasting the year for Netflix. Go check it out on Netflix. Really funny comedians on there.

And then right into the Globes, and the Globes, I mean, there's an article in the New York Times about it, but Nikki Glaser is like one of the hardest working people I've ever seen. And so, you know, everything's reasonable and nice and great, and I'm having a really fun time. But it's it's an unfair schedule.

It's so it's today. The Golden Globes are today, January 5th, Sunday night live from the Hilton in Beverly Hills. And so, yeah, it kind of destroys your holidays. So, yeah, work to New Year's and New Year's Day. Wow. Yeah, and then she does sets in the clubs every night. So, did four sets last night,

and I got to the last two, because I was still coming from the Hilton. So I went to the Roosevelt and then to the store. And we're just really trying to lock it down. That's her approach. That's how she did the roast. And yeah it's it's it's great. It's really really thorough. And then she's going to be on Stern

tomorrow Monday with jokes she didn't do on the Golden Globes. So that's always a good segment. He loves her. Stern loves Nikki Glaser. Ever since she did the first roast that she was on where she kills every roast. But yeah, I know he loves her. That's amazing. Well, that's good, man.

You sound like shit. Do you have the flu? What's going on? Yeah, I got sick. I don't know. No, I think it's just like, I hope it's just a head hope it's just a head but a lot of people are kind of oh Can you see me now? Yeah, now you're right

Audios good. I'm sure and a lot, you know, you know, this is like anyone listening, you know with work projects or even family projects or like some putting together a giant reunion any project So there's a bunch of like sick people walking around. So you know you take the Sudafed which does help a lot and you don't sound as scary like I do right now. Like I won't sound this bad when I get to work in an hour or two. And then you just suck it up. You know it's just there's a finish line and it's very soon.

Right. Well, good for you, muscle through. I got to, I had a brutal cold that I caught from Cleveland, Ohio, and I was in bed for 48 hours, and then went directly. Oh, the Cleveland steamer. The Cleveland steamer, got it caught one right in the chest, ironically a chest cold, from the Cleveland steamer, and then immediately got on a 24-hour flight to South Africa where there was no moisture in

the air and I sneezed and coughed glass out of my lungs for 24 hours. It cleared up for the first few days. It was bad. I couldn't... Do you ever get it where you can't laugh because once you start laughing you have a coughing spasm every single time? I haven't been there yet. Well I have asthma. I have really bad asthma ever since I was a kid.

So anyway, so then we go into the game park and then driving out there was like a 10 hour drive with the air conditioning blasting because it was 100 degrees out. I got to the game park, we drove two hours into the park, there's nothing around anywhere, and I proceed to have a full on asthma attack for about 12 hours where I cannot breathe. And- You're and representing America I mean

week I week that's how I felt because everybody else was putting up tents and lugging water and lighting fires and I'm just sitting in the corner with my little inhaler like laying on my back so I can breathe and I was I mean sir do you have Nick's vapor rubbed from my chest I'm gonna lay in the hammock do you mind not blow can you put your fire out over there it's hurting my lungs but you know Aaron's brother is such a man like he's he married a South African woman so he's been over here for 25 years. And he's got like- Oh, I know, isn't he the director of photography?

Yeah, he does like, you know, he started out doing nature shit, where like he was the first guy to actually videotape a rhinoceros giving birth in the wild, like crazy shit. Where he was in the Amazon for like a month straight. Oh, he had an animal inside his body, didn't he? Like he had some. Yeah, he had a bat 20 years ago.

A bat fly was under his skin and it and it birthed, which means it burst out of his skin and flew across the car. Right. And so anyway, he's such a man. He's got like he's got like this 30 year old land cruiser Defender that's like it's like a fucking Jeep from mash 4077 and we're driving 12 hours in it with no air conditioning in his I wasn't in that car my nephew is in that car and And it was just like it was this twice

There's a I think there's a sweet spot for the amount of people that you travel around Africa with for three weeks It's not 20. I I realized from this trip 20 is the wrong number especially when 19 of them have severe ADD like Everybody going in different directions you you you say all right. Let's all just do this one thing All right. Let me just grab a cappuccino oh look there's the sunset like it's constant scrambling and there's a there's a couple teenagers that are a little moody there's it I mean it's great I'm having a blast but it's I mean it's exhausting it's exhausting hurting cats I get it oh my

god but the shit we've done it's been, I don't know if you've been following my social media, but I've been chronicling all of it. No, I have not even been online. It's ridiculous. I really don't know what's going on in the world. You asked, so you then told me, we're going to lower the bar on this puppy. You then told me, hey, listen, I'm out all day if you can grab stories. You had no idea I'm

working like this or anything. I'm like, and I'm just trying to get out of this thing. And so I just quickly like kind of grabbed stories. But I realized all I'm doing is trying to learn about these movies that no one has seen. So and I've been in a room so like New Year's I didn't even see a single frame of any TV or anything. And I didn't see a single football game. I like, all of a sudden, Sophie's like, Michigan beat Alabama. I'm like, they played today?

Like, and then Oregon got shellacked. I, one clip I saw on some, oh oh maybe rabies sent it to me He went to Arizona State that Arizona Texas game. I'm you probably haven't seen anything either, right? I haven't seen anything for three weeks now Oh, all right. Well people hate when we talk about sports, but I saw a clip It went to double overtime and Texas won. It's being appealed because Again, I don't know what I'm talking about, so I apologize

to listeners. In the 22nd clip, at the near the end, I guess, of one of the regulation or one of the overtimes, Arizona went to kick a field goal and a guy blocked it and then it hit the ground and bounced through the uprights. Technically, that's good. No. Yes, and they said it wasn't, and it sent it to over times,

maybe there was more plays, I don't know, because I know Texas is reappealing, but that's something that's going on right now. That's insane, yeah. I'm really missing football. I mean, this is like the height of the end of the NFL season. And I was really into it this year. It looks like the Rams might have.

I think they're in the playoffs now. So they're they're benching Stafford. Whatever. We'll get into sports later. We're going to do the Jets, man. Are the Jets still alive? Someone tell me. Oh, my God. No, not only that, but they're they're booting Aaron Rodgers, apparently Apparently he's fired. Yeah We're gonna do predictions later. We're gonna go through last year's predictions. See who won you won the year before

So did I won this year? Yeah, did I predict I'd win this year number one prediction? Do I predict I'm gonna win and you won't pay me? Yes, my prediction oh wait I think you owe me for a Baltimore game well look it up maybe someone can write in who remembers I think we bet 50 or a hundred probably 50 right on a Baltimore game and I and I know I won. I saw it, I'm like, good. You never heard from me. All right, I'll pay you. All right, we'll find it though, we'll find it. If I have any money left, these plane tickets were a fortune.

The trip has been a fortune. And then the rent-a-car, which is a giant van, which you drive from the wrong side of, that's a stick shift on mountain roads and I just fucking side swiped a post in the van so I fucking crushed the door. No you didn't. Yeah. Oh so you're shifting with your left hand. Yeah. Does it feel like somebody else is driving? Yeah.

I put nail polish on my left fingernails. Yeah. So let's, oh, we need some songs, people. We're running dangerously low on theme songs. So get out your mixing boards and your banjos and your harmonicas and send us in some Sunday Paper songs. Send them in to fitsdogradio at gmail.com. This week's song comes from Jeff Snyder. It's great. Thank you Jeff. Editing note for whoever's editing this this week is 30 seconds in approximately. Start the song. Also the logo from Craig Goodet. It's obviously... Thank you, Craig.

What are those guys' names from CNN? Oh, my God, you know, and then everyone, of course, I didn't watch it, but word spread that Whitney Cummings was quite a thing to see. She joined them and, like, roasted them, I think?

It was Carson Daly, and what's the other guy's name? No, no, no. It's Anderson Cooper. Anderson Cooper, I mean, yeah. Who has fallen more in love with his giggle than anybody else has and now he just, it's almost like Burt Slap or Kreischer. You know, he turns it on.

Well, that's what Anderson Cooper's doing. And he's with Andy from Bravo. Andy Cohen. Yeah, I guess I saw a clip that Whitney put up. I mean here's the thing though, comedians all you're trying to do is get canceled because canceled is the new Tonight Show appearance. It's the new way to say a lot of right-wing stuff though is she trying to be one of the writers in the room and again this is that's you heard the whole story that you know as much as I do but one of the writers

in the room is like what was she trying to do be like Jo like female Jo Rogan. Oh really. Yeah and I was like what does that mean and just like well you go listen to what she said like she just some of them weren't even jokes. I guess she was running out of time and she just listed stuff. I think from what I gather, and again, I did not see it and I like Whitney, but it seemed like just provocative

for the sake of being provocative. Well, Whitney's a lot like Nikki. I think they both have really strong work ethics. They really, you know, are really good comics who fucking bust their asses. So I want to see it because I'm sure there was a lot of hard material also a Couple corrections Chuck wrote in that we mentioned the Beastie Boys were the first white rappers to achieve Billboard success That's certainly factual as a rap hip hop group, but many music historians point to the first commercially

successful song that included rap as 1980s Rapture by Blondie. It hit number one. I have to say that is probably the worst piece of rap. I guess that's technically true, but it's guitars. Anyway. Well, I mean, Johnny's in the basement mixing up the medicine.

Oh, there you go. Yeah, but of course I wouldn't put that. And she wasn't trying to be, for lack of a better word, because I don't think the phrase, but hip hop. You know what I mean? She wasn't trying to be rap-like. a better word, because I don't think the phrase, but hip hop. You know what I mean? She wasn't trying to be rap-like. No, I think she was.

I think Debbie Harry was around in the K-Day of rap in New York. I mean, as her identity. Like, as her identity, she wasn't then, like, Rapture was, and then the next song was Parallel Lines in their concert, where the Beastie Boys were trying to be what they were seeing all around them in that movement.

But by the way, if you're gonna count Rapture, and I'm sure some listeners are way ahead of me here, Joe Strummer and The Clash became obsessed with the Bronx in 19, it was probably, it was probably 79 or 78, and then they came over and they in their bonds department stores concerts which were everyone De Niro Scorsese I mean the Clash were the hottest band in the world really or in that who's who world they hired Grandmaster Flash to be their warm-up and then they did this is

Radio Clash which is more rap than rap. This Is Radio Clash? Yeah, which is more rap than rap. And I'm not saying they nailed it by any stretch, but they were obsessed with rap and what was happening. Yeah. Alright.

Rich from Down Under says that Mike keeps saying smack my bitch up guy for Dilbert's boss. He means fire starter. And that dude is dead by the way Lol, I don't know what that means. He's I think he meant RIP, but okay lol Thank you rich. All right. I like saying smack my bitch up even when I'm not referring to the song, but uh, yeah It's fire starter. I guess is where that lyric is, right? I have no idea. All right, I'm going to look it up while you keep going.

All right, there we go. And we're off. We're off to Mike's head down during the podcast. Yeah, they're listening, man. And then David Miller said, Mike said, pears aren't a craved fruit. Do you remember saying that? Yeah, I do. I do. I've never craved a pair. I was saying I'm not denying they're good. And what kind of like an apple when you have you're like, you know what?

I should have craved this. But I did. I love a nice pair. I saw a bunch of good pairs on beach on the beach this weekend. I watched Election and Godfather two this year, and they both had moments praising pairs. I watched Election and Godfather 2 this year and they both had moments praising pears. You did defend the pair though saying quote, when pears are in season and ripe there is no fruit experience, it's like candy. Okay, well listen, the other thing that you'll see in, the other fruit that you'll famously

see in the Godfather is the orange, which was a symbol of death because when Marlon Brando has the heart attack in the garden when he's playing with his grandson, he's got an orange slice in his mouth. And then when he's shot in Little Italy, he's at a fruit stand and he's putting oranges into a brown bag. So, when the Sopranos ended, the final episode of the Sopranos, there was a whole question about whether or not Tony was shot and killed in the final episode. And one of the things people pointed to

was that he had an orange in his hand at the table in the Sopranos and they thought maybe that was a symbol in the final scene I believe so He had an orange in a diner Look don't start calling me on shit now. I'm on a roll. All right. Good. I like it. No symbolism man symbolism All right Alright, alright, good, I like it. No, symbolism, man, symbolism. Alright, finally. I might hold an, you should hold an orange during this,

just with all your facts dying all around you. Now, I'm telling you, there was an orange in the final scene of the Speranos. You know, that theory. Maybe the final episode. Yeah, there's definitive, well, I shouldn't say definitive, close to definitive evidence, you know, like with the big theory of what happened, was he killed? And then some guy, man, some nerd really broke it down.

And the way in was how Catholic, obviously, the show is, and David Chase, the creator. And then you hear behind the scenes what they did with the diner. Like there's a big mural, and he changed that. David Chase, the creator. And then you hear behind the scenes what they did with the diner. Like there's a big mural and he changed that to the Last Supper, I think. And then the bells ringing on the door absolutely correlated with the bells of a, and I don't know the right term here,

but like basically a funeral service in the Catholic Church. Yeah. Remember the bell kept ringing every time the diner door opened. So anyway, he a dad. He gone. Right here on Reddit. I'm sure this has been talked about before, but the fact that Tony eats an orange in the last episode is like David Chase's way of smack his in the face that Tony does end up getting whacked. It's an obvious Godfather reference.

There we go. Yeah. So save your corrections. It was on Reddit, so I know it's true. I bet they thought it was so obvious. I mean, think about it, like, because, you know, you overthink things like crazy in an edit bay, like when you're trying to tell a story, you know, and same with comedy, like, oh my God, they're going to see this joke coming, you know, like you overthink it, but

obviously they don't. But your head is so in it. Imagine them in the edit bay like, OK, this guy all of a sudden is eating fruit. Yeah, like they must have been like, everyone's going to pause the TV and be like, oh, oh. Yeah, yeah. We also got a message from this is from Jane, our friend Jane.

She pointed out, a number of people pointed out that the caption contest cartoon was not in the YouTube feed last week. The editor didn't see it or I didn't send it one or the other and it did not end up in. Our apologies. Hopefully our description of it was enough. We did not get a ton of submissions this week. It's probably because of that. We got some good ones. Yeah. Tour dates coming up.

I will be back in town January 17th and 18th in Janesville, Wisconsin, at the Comedy Cabin, then in nyac, New York at levity live January 23rd and 24th Raleigh improv January 25th and 26th and the Milwaukee improv January 31st through February 2nd Also coming to Fontana, California Atlanta Hamilton, Ontario Toronto Pittsburgh Boston Tampa Laolla, go to FitzDog.com, come out and see some live comedy this winter with me. Oh, go do it, New Year. All right, should we do it?

You got something to crinkle? I don't, I mean, toilet paper doesn't, which is what I'm blowing my nose with, doesn't make noise, well, it makes noise if I let it sit a while after I use it. I have nothing down here. All right, I have something. You ready?

Yeah. I have hotel slippers that are wrapped in plastic, but listen to this. All right. I don't know if you can hear it. It's so strong. Can we break that down for a second? You have hotel slippers wrapped in plastic. They're free, man.

They're free. I leave the hotel with all the free stuff. I was going to put this under the tree for the kids. I forgot it was in here. I am so embarrassed for you right now. I doubt it. You steal slippers from hotels? No, you don't steal free things.

Oh, my girls are by the way, my girls are so trained. We went away right before Christmas with my dad who came out here, and we went to this nice place. And then before we were leaving, you know, we had four rooms. My girls are like, whoa, give me your key, grandpa, and give me your key. And they go and they come out with all, they had really nice, there's a shampoo and body wash, lalabo. Anyway, some people listening will know it's expensive.

And so they come out and in their arms are all the Nespresso coffee pods and the shampoos and conditioners. I'm like, oh, I did something I can do. Yeah, that's amazing. Well, as long as they don't get into comedy, you'll have done a good job. And that's technically not stealing any of that. Yeah. That's amazing. Well, as long as they don't get into comedy, you'll have done a good job. And that's technically not stealing any of that. Yeah. All right.

Let's get into it. Our predictions. All right. This is our episode. We've done it once a year since the podcast has started. I think this is our sixth year. Fifth year or sixth year? No, you used to have me on before we had a podcast to do this.

Alright, but technically the Sunday Papers podcast began in... I think we're coming up on our fifth anniversary. Fifth anniversary is coming up. I think next month or the month after that. So we're going to have to do some kind of celebration for that. We talked about this and I bet someone sent you what year it is. If somebody could send us what date our first podcast came out, we'd appreciate it and then we will send you.

Please do all our work. I think we're gonna make hats for the fifth. That was my suggestion. Yeah. Please do all the work for us. Yes, please. Find out if Greg owes me money and find out what? Year what what year is it and then if somebody could make the hats and ship them that would be even better

Yeah, all right, so let's get to our predictions last year 2024 We summed up the 2023 predictions and you beat me. And I owed you quite a bit of money, which I paid you. I won't even remember, have you looked up the real answers of what happened in 2024? Yes, of course I did.

Here's the thing that I hope that our listeners appreciate. You have a violent head cold and you've just gone, you've now worked about 20 weeks, you're doing 14 hour days seven days a week I'm in Africa I'm in a fucking safari tent researching whether or not we predicted the fucking Ben Affleck won the Oscar last year you have your hand down boys underwear you got your you're busy Jesus and we don't even have any ads this week so

this this episode is costing us money because we're paying an editor and not getting paid. It feels like it yeah. So anyway all right let's start with the top. First pick for last year was the Super Bowl. Okay. And you chose the 49ers. I chose Baltimore. And the winner was Kansas City, but they beat the 49ers 25-22. You were three points from being the winner of the Super Bowl choice. With holding.

They beat them holding. Even I'm not a sports guy, but golly, man. Go back and look at the clips. Really, really the 49ers won that Super Bowl, and everyone knows it. It's true. Dennis Gubbins definitely knows it. He was clinically depressed three weeks after that.

Such horseshit. Yeah. No calls on the most crazy holds ever. Yeah. All right, so for next year, so nobody gets a point, next year, or this year, the odds, I put up the odds right in front of you, so why don't you pick who you think

is gonna win the Super Bowl 2025. Yeah, I never, I'm not good at odds, so you're saying the Kansas City Chiefs are the most favored? Yes, at plus 350. Detroit Lions are plus 425. Eagles are plus 650. Buffalo and Baltimore also all plus 650.

And the Vikings are plus 800. I like that bet. Fucking Vikings are good. For money, right, for money. All right, so you're giving me first pick because I think we're gonna pick the same team. Go ahead, pick. Detroit.

That's who I was gonna pick also. I told ya. Who would, I mean, come on, what a story. They're the most likable team. Never won a Super Bowl. They got Saint Brown, who's insane. They got our old quarterback. I also think that- Jared Goff.

So here, as you know, I can't pick the other two in the top three. I don't like Kansas City at all. And I hate the Eagles fans. And so, but I love the Buffalo Bills. This is from a Jets fan. Love the Buffalo Bills also. And I love Detroit.

All right, well, since we both want Detroit, why don't we each pick our second pick? Buffalo. I'm going to take Kansas City. Oh, you should take the Ravens. Mahomes has a bad ankle, which makes me hesitate. But I see them three-peating. Didn't they win the last two?

How about we take two as a backup or something? In case none of our teams make it get I take the Ravens as my second pick Alright, so Mike take you're gonna take the Vikings right Mike. Yeah, I'm gonna take the Vikings Mike takes the Ravens and Detroit I take all of them. Oh, no. No, we can't pick Detroit you pick the Ravens. No, I took to try the bills No, we we're both taking Detroit. So I said nobody gets Detroit Detroit and the bills. No, we we're both taking Detroit. So I said nobody gets Detroit. So you're going to get the Ravens and Buffalo and I'm going to take not in that order. Buffalo Ravens. It doesn't matter. It's whoever wins and Greg takes Kansas City and Minnesota. All right. And then let's get down to we said, will we get covid? I said I will not get covid.

Mike said Greg is definitely getting covid. Well, guess what? After four years of covid, five years of covid, I never got it. Still have not gotten covid. That means you got it. So that puts me at plus one. Do you want to bet on next year whether I'll get COVID? Is COVID still a thing?

Don't we have bird flu to worry about? All right, stock market, we both predicted it would go up. And in fact, this kills me. The S&P 500, it went up 23 percentage points in 2024. You would not know it looking at my stock portfolio where I pay a financial planner 1% of all of my money every year to invest my money. He's nowhere near 23%.

If you're a young person and you're investing money, fuck financial planners. Take your money, put it in four weighted index funds. Very simple. Go to Vanguard. What's this, Vorgel? Yep. They all say it.

All the experts say the same thing. They have a formula. They have a formula of which index funds to buy. There's foreign, there's domestic, there's growth, there's value. Anyway, they also do the stats on what 1% because Greg's guy and my guy talk about incentive, they make 1%, either way it goes. Doesn't matter.

And so they add up how much 1% means over a 20-year period. It's astounding. Yep. Because it's compounding 1%. Next year, what are you saying, up or down? I'm going to say down. Okay, I'm going to say... Well, I think that Trump is going to lower interest rates,

which is going to juice the market, and it will go up, but then it will crash because the tariffs are going to cause inflation. So I'm going to say down as well. That's a long way to say down. Bitcoin, we both said up. It was up 150 percent. Going back to my financial planner, told me not to get into Bitcoin five years ago when I was going to put $10,000 into Bitcoin. I got into it. I got about one of those little tickers that mirrors it or whatever you call it.

Nice. ETF. I got an ETF. I got a Bitcoin ETF. All right. Did very well. Next year. What's your pick for next year?

It did not overtake my losses. Huh? What do you pick for next year, up or down? I think it still has some legs before people realize it's nothing All right. I'm gonna say down you're gonna say up Okay, we predicted whether or not I think an earth down a little right lately. I don't know I don't know. Well, the magic number was $100 or $100,000 Which I know it was near that at the end of the year as it is what's it at right now right now it's at 97 high

ninety-seven that is down a little bit because it did hit a hundred okay all right earthquake 5.0 I said yes you said no which is historic because you have been the earthquake force what's for bear for seer for as long as I've known you every year you say there's gonna be an earthquake this you said no and guess what there was a 7.3 oh there was no way California no we're talking California. No, we're talking about, you know what we're talking about. We're talking about a disruptive earthquake here in LA. It's why I haven't bought a, one of the reasons I haven't bought a place yet. And I want like, you know, it has to be on par or bigger than 94, I think 94, Northridge.

All right, so you're saying that there was no earthquake. It doesn't have to be as big as Northridge. That the 10 freeway doesn't have to collapse and be out of commission for six months or whatever. But it has to it has to alter people's lives here. Like really an inconvenience cause the real estate market to dip, freak people out. Hopefully not as bad as the boss, Bruce to dip, freaked people out. Hopefully not as bad as the boss,

Bruce Springsteen got freaked out when he moved back to Jersey after 94 with PTSD and how to see a therapist. The boss sounds more like the receptionist. All right, so I'm gonna give you that one and we are back to even. death pool who will die this year we each picked three people and What do you mean we're even there was no I know I get that no, but I was up one from oh, sorry

He's not getting coven gave it to me. I didn't know you gave me. Yeah, okay So now who will die this year? I predicted Jimmy Carter, Pope Francis, and Ethel Kennedy. Ethel and Jimmy are gone, and that happened at the finish line, by the way. Jimmy Carter died on December 28th. So he saved my ass. Thank you, Jimmy. And you predicted Jimmy Carter, Chris Christopherson, and Nick Van Dyke. You were also two for three.

So for next year, we're still at even. For next year, we need to both pick three people. I took the liberty of picking the top eight people from the Celebrity Deaf Pool and listing them for you to choose from. I think we should both have to pick... One of our three did not die last year, so we each have to start with that. So you have Dick Van Dyke. Yeah, who's still goddamn dancing his ass off.

And then you got to pick two more from that list up there. I might throw in a wild card, but I'm going to save that till the end. Alright, who's your other two picks? Ah, fuck, Noam Chomsky's on there. Clint Eastwood. Amelda Marcus is still alive? I know, shocking. Are you sure Gene Hackman's alive?

I'm going to pick Gene Hackman. Okay. Let's look up if Gene Hackman's alive? I'm gonna pick Gene Hackman. Okay. Let's look up if Gene Hackman's alive. Alright, while you look it up, I'm gonna say... I'm gonna say Clint Eastwood. Nah, he's gonna live forever. I'm gonna say Robert Wagner. He might stay alive if he keeps pushing girlfriends off boats. That

keeps you young. I know. Hackman, Hackman 94. And I'm gonna say Noam Chomsky. I'm gonna add one. It's wild. Elton John. Really? Yeah. Wow. yeah, he said he has no body parts left. I'm seeing, I have a little inside information. We don't have to, we can put him just as a noose. You don't have to, because I have inside information. And it's probably not good, inside information, but I'm gonna see him tomorrow, and I'm gonna have him read the menu of food items and it'll

be better than his writing partner could do. But he, we can't write anything for him also. I think his sight might be back a little but he was kind of blind for a little while and he has to be preset because he can't do stairs. Wow. All right, so. And he's kind of hurting. Obviously, I just described that, but maybe even hurting more than that.

So that's nice of you to pick him to die after you're just getting to know him. I have not met him and I probably won't meet him, but I'm just saying I'll see him tomorrow. All right, so you're picking Dick Van Dyke, Gene Hackman and Elton John. I'm picking the Pope, Robert Wagner and Noam Chomsky. Wait a minute. No, no, no. Elton John's not on that list. Elton John, remember, doesn't count.

That's a wild card. From the list. All right, I'm taking him off. Pick another one. Well, no, put it down below. I want to get credit. That'll feel nice. No, it doesn't have to be on the list.

You can pick Elton John. I just put those as little helpers for you I will go with Wagner was good Greenspan All right Greenspan Oscar picks last year for best film. I said Oppenheimer you said killers of the flower moon. I in fact won So that's plus one. Best actor, you picked Paul Giamatti, I picked Bradley Cooper.

It was in fact Silly and Murphy, we both lost, but that puts me plus one for the competition right now. Okay. I'm just trusting your score keeping. Well there's 150,000 people. I can't believe that was given to Killers of the Flower Moon. I know, that was pretty shocking. And then this year, you are way, way more informed about this having written on the

Golden Globes. I have not seen one single movie that is nominated for an Oscar this year. No, by the way, nobody has. Here's some more inside information. We have decided kind of you can't even talk about the movies because you have to educate people in the setup. Like when Tina and Amy hosted and Gervais, there was Scorsese with his giant movie you know the Irishman even or whatever there's Spielberg nothing you I've I don't think I've heard of a single director that's in the room tomorrow well listen should we just skip

this then I mean cuz we're no throwing dart nope I'll go because you know more than I do all right yes picture yep who do you pick for best picture? Do you have a list? Yeah, it's right there in the script. Oh, oh, sorry. All we imagine is light Anora the brutalist just so you know, I'm working on the Golden Globes. I've never heard of all we imagine is light. Okay, I Heard an aura is outstanding. It's also about human trafficking. You saw it. I saw it in a theater in Nashville because I heard it was going to win best movie.

Great. And people are probably hating me for saying this. Obviously, great performances. But it was a writer, director, editor who had no self discipline. It's one of those movies where you're like, dude, give me four hours in an edit bay. I will lose 35 minutes that you won't even notice, you idiot. All right, so I'm picking a Nora just to piss you off. I like that. What are you going to pick?

I'm going to pick The Brutalist. The Brutalist. I bet you wicked wins because because Hollywood is so stupid Director I'll hold space for that the director of Amelia Perez the director of anora the director of conclave the director of wicked or the brick there were the director of Wicked or the brick there the director of the Brutalist I Guess wicked oh

John M. Chu all right Mike is saying John M. Chu I am going to say Sean Baker Who is an aura that? say Sean Baker, who is a Nora. That undisciplined motherfucker. Okay, just to be in your face. Best actor, Adrian Brody, Timothy Chamolais, Coleman Domingo, Ralph Fiennes, or Hugh Grant.

We have a great Adrian Brody joke. It's only one line. I'm not gonna spoil it, cause it's tonight. But we have a really funny, I didn't write it, man. Wait, you can, oh, it hasn't aired yet. You can't say it. It makes me laugh.

It makes me laugh. It's one of those jokes, keep in mind, you get exhausted by it, because you keep hearing, hearing. I mean, the amount of sets, it's in the New York Times, the amount of sets that I've seen Nicky do, and then in the writer's room,

you know what it's like to have that. And it still makes me laugh every time I hear it. It's just one sentence. All right so um huh you go first. I'm gonna pick Timothy Chamollet because um for his impression. Yeah people are raving he's Hollywood loves Timothy Chamollet right now. Oh I wrote wrote, I think, a really funny joke. It was in and we loved it, but it just doesn't do well in the clubs, again, because no one knows it. But it's making fun mostly of the Golden Globes.

So the Golden Globes, it's kind of like the bear is in the comedy category, both the Emmys and the Golden Globes. But Heretic is a terrifying, basically like a horror story, and Hugh Grant is nominated in Best Comedy or Musical as a lead. No way. And yeah, he takes girls and he locks them in cages

in his basement and then tortures them. So my joke was, Hugh Grant is nominated, Hugh Grant for his terrifying role as a man who locks women up in cages in his basement. He's nominated for the Comedy Award tonight. You wonder why there's so many predators in Hollywood? We think it's hysterical. There you go. All right.

All right. So. I'm going to go Rafe Fiennes. OK, Ralph Fiennes. All right. And then actress, we've got Cynthia Erivo from Wicked, Carla Sofia Gascon for Amelia Perez, Maureen John-Baptiste, Mikey Madison. That sounds like a man. from Wicked, Carla Sofia Gascon for Emilia Perez, Maureen John-Baptiste, Mikey Madison, that sounds like a man, and Demi Moore for The Substance. Mikey Madison.

That's what I'm saying also. Why? Because I told you they were really good? Yeah. I mean, people are raving about her. Mike, Mikey, you're tapped in out in the wilds of Africa. You're tapped in. All right. Oh, and by the way, 2024, I picked Emma Stone.

You picked Margot Robbie. In fact, Emma Stone won. I am now up to you really picked Emma Stone. I did in fact pick Emma Stone and then but wait a minute you're about to stage a comeback. You we predicted whether or not you will have a union writing job in 2024 and whether I would. we both very optimistically said we would however only one of us got a wj job And that was you So I will I am now only up one And then we got to will there be a writer's strike in 2024

We both said there will be a writer's strike so no points there Uh, we guessed will there be violence following a non-Trump win and I said more violence you said less violence there was no violence because he won. Then we asked who will win the election I predicted Biden predicted Biden, and we are both wrong. Wow. You know what? Biden's undefeated. Biden is undefeated. You mean he's never won?

No, he's never lost against Trump. What do you mean? Biden never lost against Trump. He ran against him once, and he won. It doesn't affect this, because he did not. What are you talking about? He just ran against him and lost. Oh, he didn't run against him.

Jesus Christ. How soon you forget the color gal. I still have jet lag. I still have jet lag. I still have jet lag. All right. Well, that's true. Is color, did I just get canceled? Can you say like NAACP?

Nevermind. We said- I'm trying to be funny. Kamala. Will Tesla stock be higher this year? I said no. You said yes. It was in fact up 72%. And I would like to point out that my financial advisor

told me we are not buying Tesla. I told him to buy it, he said we're not buying it. Unbelievable. So now you are. Dominating this. So wait, you were, I was plus one, will we get union jobs? So now we are even. Okay.

Now, will we drive a self-driving car? We should be fact checking this score, but go ahead. Will we be driving, will we drive a self-driving car? Did you drive a self-driving car this year? I have not been in one.'ve not been in one I am I so you said no I said yes so now you're plus one all right how many live podcasts will we do? I said one, you said one, we in fact have done zero. Zero, look at us. We had, I got a job, man.

We predicted, will Ukraine end? Will they make a treaty or a settlement of land? I said no, you said no. We're both correct correct we didn't bet on director last year no not that I have record of really with Scorsese will gas be over or under five dollars in California I said under you said under it is under it's four dollars and thirty six cents a gallon expensive one is 499 I filled up last night gis lane will gis lane Maxwell be killed in prison I said she'll be dead you said

she'd be alive she's in fact alive you. You are now plus one. Oh no, you're plus two. Yes. Thank you. Good Lord. Stop acting. I got this exactly right. I should make a separate bet with you. I will bet you at the end whether or not my math is right. And that will be a double or nothing on the bet. All right. hold on. Does that include if I go back that you have gotten every category we bet on? No, it just means have I kept the math right on what we've read. Oh my God. Okay, that feels good. All right. Will Mike be engaged this year? I said no. you said no, and this is very unromantic. Yes, you are engaged.

Why isn't it romantic that I'm engaged? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I forgot. Will there be a space shuttle disaster? And I said yes, you said no. There are two astronauts dying in space as we speak. This is like you with the earthquake. There's no disaster. How is that not a disaster? If that was your kid, wouldn't you think it's a disaster that they're at the space station during the urine?

Disaster generally implies it can't get worse Oh my god What's worse than being so I would rather be dead than slowly dying while the world watch No, they're coming. They're coming back and then you know what they got a little timeout. It's great All right, I'll say because they're not dead. I'll say It's not a disaster all right, so you're now plus three Jesus Christ this is just like last year. I was way ahead, and then you came from behind Yeah, that's that's my move right, will Palestinians return to Gaza? I said yes, you said no.

In fact, it's no. There we go. There we go. Jesus Christ. Look at this. We said who else will be on Epstein's list this year? I said Bill Maher, Robert Kennedy and Giuliani you didn't guess so there's no blood on that one. What? You know why I was like why

aren't we talking about Diddy? I have a bad feeling. All right well you won this year, you're plus four. Yes. Thank God we didn't decide on an amount of money. I say it's a dollar. Oh boy. All right. Okay. Sure. Now I'll make it 50 because we probably would have bet 50 bucks. I love it. So I think you might owe me a hundo, but we're going to find out about that Philly bet. But it'll also be double or nothing. If my math is correct on what we just read, it's double or nothing. I'll either owe you a hundred or nothing. No, I'm not taking that. I wanted to include categories you forgot because you yourself think you might.

No, you were questioning my math as we went. I don't now that I'm plus four. You insulted me. Oh, all right. No, no doubt about nothing. All right, here's some new- I double or nothing on the dollar. New questions for 2025. All right. All right. Here's nothing on the dollar. New questions for 2025. All right. How many immigrants will be deported? Like whoever's closer to the number will win.

I think they said I think they said they wanted to port two million. they said they wanted to port two million? uh i thought it was like three million i i don't know to tell you the truth and also it's hard what about ones who voluntarily leave but they like put that in the wind collar? all right so we'll take that question out yeah it's too hard all right will jay-z be indicted? Oh, shit. I mean, the smart money says no, because he's so powerful, and I'm not saying he also might be innocent,

but even if he's guilty, he's so powerful. So I'm gonna say yes. All right, I'm gonna say no. Will inflation be higher at the end of 2025? Yes. I'm gonna say yes as well. Will eggs be cheaper? Well that's an interesting question. Yes. I'm going to say no. All right, but hold on. We have to put in there how much eggs where, by the way. National average.

How much do. All right, keep going. I'm going to find out how much. Will a natural disaster bankrupt a major insurance company in 2025? That's very specific. I have no. No. I'm going to say yes. I mean, what like what's a major insurance company? Jesus Christ. I don't know. Major. All right. So listen this

Fox business you're ready. Yeah three days ago Egg prices in California reach nine dollars a dozen. Yeah You want to put that down nine bucks? No, I think we should go national average Will there will there be a major tariff bill passed? No. I'm gonna say yes. Will Elon and Trump still be friends by the end of 2025? Yeah I think that's that's uh I don't think it'll I mean there's already like weird tension. Uh I'm gonna say yes, they'll still be friends on the way. I'm saying no. I'm saying no. Okay. Alright, do you got the egg price? Uh II doesn't mention national

except you know they've gone up uh hold on. Oh, no, it's all Chico and California national price of eggs. All right. This is boring. Let's move on. All right. We are now Jesus Christ. We are an hour into podcast. We're trying to aim for an hour. Actually, I had to actually go pretty soon. All right. Let's hit a couple stories and then we'll get out of here.

Mike, look up. Look up. All right. Be part of the podcast. No, here you go. You ready? $3, it says. National average is $3?

So national price of eggs on Google and AI overview is the answer here. I mean, we're going to try to find the same source next year. And it is at three dollars. Okay. That's not a low. Not a low for bird flu. All right. Front page. Oh yeah. Sorry. We were doing that. Really. Can we just go on to this day in history. Hold on, I did get a little bit. Let's do a couple stories. All right, a couple stories. All right, let's go down to Pornhub, now blocked.

Do you wanna read that? Well, I just thought this is a story for you. They're now blocked in nearly every southern US state. The start of the new year, 17 states have officially blocked Pornhub, including, hold on, Florida, South Carolina, Tennessee. These states join much of the southern United States like Alabama, Arkansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, all the rest. And you know one of the things is they're requiring you, which you've been

through, to identify yourself officially and formally to see porn. So what Pornhub decides to do is, well, then we're not going to do it in your state. So it's Pornhub is unavailable in those states. I was in Texas and they asked me to put my face up to the camera on my computer in order to watch pornography. And as I put my face up to the camera, I said, I have a problem. By the way, on a side note, I will be canceling my dates in Miami, Galveston, Nashville. Miami, Galveston, Nashville. Was that a problem?

Go ahead. I can tell you right now, South Africa does not have any exclusions to pornography. I found that out today, especially big black butts is not barred at all from your search. Sounds like the Wi-Fi in those tents was pretty strong. Okay, right turn. Hold on, you know I'm trying to get a joke out. What I was going to say is, now it's so far away, I put my face up to the camera and I realized I have a problem. And my joke was, was the problem you didn't see feet on the other side?

All right, you fucker. Right turns are now banned at all DC intersections. I only put this in because, right, it's the, right, you're, and you beat me to it. The only reason I put the story in was this joke so you go ahead that's the only thing in Washington that won't be turning right in 2025 everything has already gone right the lefty liberals are trying to stop it all right and then we got probably better jokes rich really better than mineigious leaders are using AI in sermons, of course they are, to members of his synagogue.

The voice that played over the speakers in this temple in Houston sounded just like Josh Fixler, the rabbi. But the audio you heard he said a moment ago may have sounded like my words, but they weren't. First of all, as if your words are that great. I mean, what an egomaniac. But the recording was created by what Rabbi Fixler called a Rabbi Bot, an AI chatbot trained on his old sermons that chatbot created with the help of a data scientist wrote the sermon even

Delivering it in an AI version of his voice. So I wonder if he made this a point in this theological, you know sermon that day I Don't know but I know they tried to do it with Catholic priests But they kept telling the boys to bow their heads and the parents to close their eyes. So they decided to do it. I just kept moving all the priests to different. I mean, because that's what it studied. It studied moving them all to different parishes, no matter what.

Safer. Even just keep moving all of them. And then that way you'd be like, what are you talking about? We move this innocent guy. It's like, no, what about the other one? No, we move all of them, man. Yeah, it's got to be. They must have a lot of frequent flower miles. The Catholic Church. I think they have vans with no windows. All right. now let's get down to... Should we do dates? What do you mean dates? Should we do this day in history? Oh, yeah, let's go to this. Here we go, let me crinkle these beautiful slippers.

This day in history, yeah, man, let me open it up. Here we go. And out of the gate, what we're gonna do is American musician Bruce Springsteen released his debut album Greetings from Asbury Park, New Jersey on this year, give on this day in what year, sorry, give or take one year. year greetings from Asbury Park I'm going to guess came out in 1970 eight oh eight Bobby is like 82 I think. Let's see how old, how old do you think Springsteen is? That's another, this tape, give or take, well I just told you he's old, give or take two years.

How old do you think Springsteen is? I'm gonna say Mr. Bruce Springsteen, if that album came out in 73, 53, I'd say he is 75 years old. No 74 years old. He's 75. All right. Look at you. He just turned 75. So you're really you're really right. I mean in September late September. All right. So waiting for Godot a hugely influential and enduring play by Irish writer Samuel Beckett was staged for the, 19... 40. 1953, sir. Wow. Yeah, I know. It was very avant-garde.

God damn it, is it not? Oh, good, okay, it was gonna say that. Huh, not interesting. Nazis, you'll get that. You love Nazis. Ah, boy, those are old.'ll get that. You love Nazis. Boy, those are old. We're gonna go for one more. Here we go. Oh my God, they're all birthdays. One more. I mean, I guess I could just do a fucking birthday.

All right, we'll do this. American forces took control of Penang Pen? I used to know in Cambodia. Penang Pen? Penang Pen. Wow. You know that's one of those things. You find that as you get older like something you just was just institutional memory.

You had it. You always knew you, cause you would hear it in the news. You'd hear people talk about it and it was in there. And then you then are so, so far away from the last time it was referred. You look at the words and you're like, I used to know how to pronounce that without thinking.

Right. I used to know when Bruce Spring that right thinking right I used to know First album came out Vietnam forces took control of penampen and were probably slaughtering it anyway ousting the Khmer Rouge and Its leader Paul pot give or take Four years when did the Vietnam forces get rid of Pol Pot? Hmm. 1971. Dude, 79.

No. Yes, sir. Did you give me eight years on that one? No, I did not. It was less. I don't even remember. I think four. All right. All right. We're wrapping it up What do we got wrap it up? We're gonna get down to Merch don't get the t-shirts are still for sale if you missed them for the holiday there will be a sale

No, there's not who we kidding. We're making no money on these shirts. We're not having a fucking sale. They're beautiful Why'd you even bring that up? They're high quality go to to FitsDog.com, find the link, get yourself a Sunday Papers t-shirt. Some of them say Sunday Papers, some of them say Take it Eesh. You can get them in many different colors and they will get to you within 10 days because they're actually coming from a professional manufacturer or shipper. I apologize to everyone especially who's our guy in New York up there who's very angry that he hasn't gotten his koozie. It's frigid it's frigid though you don't need a koozie right now. I'm gonna get to them let me get tomorrow's my last workday in the foreseeable in the total future

forget foreseeable so I'll have time forever George Jimmy Carter died Get this little stat first President born in a hospital No Yep, are you serious? Yeah, how about that and I? That's crazy. He was born in Plains, Georgia and I have listened to his autobiography I'm not gonna say red because I listened to it which means I retained almost nothing but I remember

at the beginning he was born into this family that his father was like a big racist and he had what he called sharecroppers that lived on the farm that lived it was like slavery They basically live in a mostly black community. He did his friends were black and It was a very integrated experience, but his father was pretty racist That's all I can say about you. Well one thing I did read in his obit was to get elected, he lost the first time he ran for, I don't know if it was a senator or a local congressman

or whatever it was anyway, and I'm probably slaughtering this. Let's just say an election. Could have even been bigger. The next time he ran, he went for more populist views. Populist in the South at that time also included fairly racist leanings. And as soon as he got elected, he's like, yeah, I'm not doing that. It's wrong. And then he became the Jimmy, started to become the Jimmy Carter we knew. Wow. He was a tough guy.

And as president, he also wouldn't do political layups that you're supposed to do to survive. Right. And it really hurt him because he did things he believed in. Absolutely. Yep. I wish I could talk more on it since I listened to the book, but I can't. I wish I could talk more on it since I listened to the book, but I can't. Let's cheer up. The caption for last week was a picture of an exclamation point sitting in an armchair reading a newspaper. His eyes are pretty wide open.

He looks a little startled. And then there is obviously what is a woman as a question mark in high heel shoes with a feather duster looking menacingly at the exclamation point. Is that a fair description of what we're seeing? Yeah. Okay. So Steve said, yeah, I like BBC, big black commas. Okay. His second joke is, I know you fucked that exchange student, umlot. Umlot.

Umlot. All right, Steve. Steve on the punctuation. Nathan Brown said, my God, Gary, can we change the subject from all this colon stuff? Punctuation, Nathan. Nice. We got a number of colon jokes. That was the only one I included. Alan Little said, if you really want to be technical, Darrell, we are both always on a period. That's a solid joke. I like that. It's not laugh out loud funny, but it's a it's a joke that works.

All right. Joanne Bates Kriman says, you want what for Christmas? A Blumpkin? I don't know if Joanne saw the picture. It seems more like she would be the exclamation point in that one. Yeah, yeah. Stuart King says, why are you so bent out of shape? All right, on the shape. I don't know. Wasn't an easy one like, holy shit! exclamation point and then what? question mark. Right. What? Question mark. Right. Or WTF.

WTF exclamation point. WTF question mark. I don't know something. He is exclaiming something from what he read from the paper. Right. And then I think she's questioning it maybe.

Yeah. I don't know. First time seeing it. Who do you like? Who do you like I'm gonna go oh god I'm gonna go with Alan Little we're both always on a period a little period all right okay congratulations Alan Little you have won right out He'll get it right out. You won a koozie. Next week's caption for you to write jokes about is also Jason Love, our friend, wrote this. He's a cartoonist. There is a burger place and a cow walks in. He's wearing a trench coat. He's got a shotgun. He's peering over his shoulder at the camera saying something as people, there are butchers, or no cooks.

He might be thinking something, but he's looking right at us. And there's a few cooks behind the counter, there's a couple people sitting there eating burgers, it's a burger place. What is the cow saying to the camera? They all look like white farmers in there, he's holding the door and he's about to enter and he's looking at us like yep this is about to go down. And now to hear from the pros, Hager the Horrible and his wife Helga are sitting on the couch. He's snoozing. She's reading a book. There's a knock at the door. They get up.

He stands up with all his weaponry, and she's about to answer the door and she looks at him and says, is there anything I need to know before I answer the door? Like did you rape somebody? Is there gonna be a father of a victim on the other side of this door? Just let me know now so I you know can brace myself British parents from your last conquest are they at this door are there some redheaded Irish people on the other side is there

they're wondering what happened to their little freckled daughter did you mess up the world's gene pool again is that what you did? Loretta is sitting on the couch with her feet up. Leroy's walking away. She goes, was that you or the floorboards creaking? This couple gets nasty with each other. Leroy's at his favorite watering hole, Arthur's, talking to the bartender and he goes, marriage is the only crime that requires two witnesses.

There you go. Yeah, it's a pretty good one. And then Loretta and Leroy are looking out the window, their neighbor is putting something in the trash can, and she goes, well, at least they aren't re-gifting our present. All right, we're on to Dilbert. This is number eight. I didn't even, I sadly had to read the last weeks or the last one we did because I had

to find this one, but we did it so long ago. I wish I didn't read it, but I did not read this one. So this is eight out of 10. Counting up, I don't know what that means. It's also by the quality, impossible to tell if they're getting better or worse. But here we go. Three frames in the first frame. Cube. Oh, the do some billboards have a title? It says up top cube farming. So there's a guy who showed up at a cubicle and this boring guy we haven't seen I Don't think we know him. We don't think he's recurring is standing in his cubicle and the and the little guy who's playing a

Farmer he has like a hoe in his hand. Would you say Greg? Yeah, he's got an overalls and a hoe in his hand Yeah, he goes He outgrew his container a hoe in his hand. Yeah, he goes. He outgrew his container. Right. Kind of like a plant, I guess. Well, the guy is a guy in the container seems to have very long legs. He seems to be tall. He's standing pretty far above his cubicle when he's in it. All right. Second one, he's dragging this tall guy by his tie now with the hoe over his shoulder and he's like, I'll replant him in a big container with a door. And then in the third frame, you see Dilbert with a bald, like I guess, co-worker or manager

and they're looking through a door at a nice office and there's the tall guy leaning back with his hands behind his head and like his legs stretched out and the bald guys like why do tall guys always get picked and Dilbert with the punchline bringing this all home goes I'm sure there's a good reason and there you have it you cannot get that time back it's gone. That time's gone. Zero. You could have been playing with your child. You could have been helping your wife make some dinner.

You could have been like, Mike's starting to go read a Dilbert. Why don't I go do push ups? Or something less painful. That'll be good for me. Although I have to say tall guys always do get the boss job you know there's such an advantage in life to being a tall man. Oh god, this resonated with Greg. Remember Jim Jim what's his name at uh tele pictures? Perattori? Jim Perattori. Only reason that guy was in charge was he was

tall. He wasn't. I was taller. He wasn't. This is Greg, by the way. All right. Since you brought that up. Well, I'm five foot seven and three quarters. So what? In the same job. This is Greg's wondering why maybe other people are getting bigger offices. In the same job, he calls me and goes, how do you get porn off a computer?

And I'm like, what? And it's because this was the day Greg found out he was just fired. And he knows they keep the laptop that he's been using and they will search it trying to get out of paying him. And he, it was wall to wall porn on his work computer. Which by the way, it's impossible to scrub it. Impossible to scrub it of porn, but what you can do, I figured out, is pour a large Coca-Cola across the keyboard.

Which I did. Those damn tall guys getting the promotions, why not me? Oh, you tell me Barrett's already done that porn on that fucking computer? Are you kidding me? At least mine was not or am I gonna say anymore the guy's dead Let him let him let him live in peace All right now Dagwood's in bed with blondie they both have laptops open do you notice they're both Apple computers Do you think there's any branding going on? Do you think that there's a payoff from Apple on this? I think they're iPads, yeah.

That's just amazing to me is this guy's sitting there with a laptop in bed. The only time any normal guy is in bed with a laptop when he's next to a woman who's a fucking 10 is so that they can put on some throuple porn or something that would take this to the next level. And instead he goes, the stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. Second frame, to fill them with barbecue beef brisket, seasoned sirloin tips, and iced sugar cookies. And she goes, I don't think that's how the story goes, honey. He goes, it is when you're hungry. Are you a child, Are you a fat child? Like if you were to close your eyes and picture Dagwood, he would be a homosexual fat kid.

Not a young, thin man. Yeah. Look at her. He's also in bed with her and he's talking about hung and stuffed. Like, come on. Sugar. Tips. He's talking about hung and stuffed like come on tips so I'm gonna tips yeah ice and he's hungry she can make all of it dirty ah Dagwood all right listen folks we did it this was a difficult podcast to get out we hope that you enjoyed it as much as we did.

I'm not confident it's going to get out. You have to send your audio files from South Africa. I've got 11% left on my computer. The electricity was out for the last 24 hours in this place. Wow. Why? And now we're going to try to get it out. I don't know because it's rolling blackouts in Cape Town. They do rolling blackouts to save power Yeah, to save power. We're about I don't know if any of our listeners are actually around Tennessee We're up and going on Tuesday Apparently we're in for a crazy Arctic chill

People are talking about the generators. Oh and an ice storm maybe. Damn. The Northeast also. Let me look up New York while you're saying goodbye and doing our business. I'll look up the temperature in the Northeast.

Well I will be performing. I just lined up a gig here in Cape Town South Africa. You believe that shit? My yes. Yeah my sister-in-law is a big wig in TV and she knows some big South African comedians.

So they invited me to headline a show here at a place called the Armchair Theater. That's Sunday night, the sixth of December, or is it the fifth? The fifth? Tonight. If you're listening in South Africa, tonight the fifth I'll be at the Armchair,

come out and Watch some comedy my whole family. Where are you back stateside? I am back on the eighth Wow, that's January Where are you on the eighth? What's the eighth? Wednesday yeah, I think I'm in Tennessee there you go But but you know it's not that cold but Boston But Boston's going down a lot of days in a row with the lows of 18 and 16.

Well, forget about there. LA, I just looked, is going to be 40 degrees at night next week. Yeah. 40 degrees in LA. Yeah, last night was pretty cold. It's mid 40s every day for a week at night I should say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, well listen. But, yeah. Thank you guys for listening. I don't know if we gave a shout out to Midcoast Media, our editor, producers, social media promoters. They do it all. They did it all last year as they do every year. Thank you everybody over there. Let's look up st. Louis St. Louis is probably cold. That's where mid coast because it's Midway up a coast the coast of what come on now st. Louis. Okay

Thursday five degrees. Oh at night at night Thursday. It it's 5 degrees at night, this coming Thursday. They got snow today, Sunday. They got snow coming, y'all. I think it's snowing. All right, well, listen, Mike, happy new year. I thought we had more categories than that, but we can revisit it next week. I'm also going to look up what categories you missed.

Yep, and we're going to find out whether or not you doubting my math will cost you money. A dollar. Hey stay safe over there. Don't watch out. It's very dangerous down kids pants. You never know what you're going to find down there as you told us. No there's crime.

Somebody in our group got mugged at knife point by a gang on a hike. They were on a fucking hike. What are you talking about? There is my nephew Rowan's friend, well, they're a couple, Wes and Tess, not making that up. He was a guy who was in the Navy SEAL program, almost made it, got cut at the end.

So pretty tough guy. And they were hiking and the muggers came up. They asked him what gang he was in because he's part Indian so he's kind of dark-skinned and he said he's not in a gang. And then they very politely robbed him and apologized at the end saying sorry we had to do this and then they said but this is a good thing and then they asked Wes and Tess to give them each one shoe which they threw over the side of the mountain and made them hike down with one shoe so they couldn't chase them. Do they take their iPhones? No didn't take the car keys but took the cell phones asked for

the ID numbers for the cell phones and then took $5,000 from their PayPal account. Are you serious? Yeah. Didn't take her wedding ring because they said they respect marriage so they were not going to put a hand on her and were not going to take the wedding rings. I don't need to work it. Why aren't we doing that here in LA? Taking wedding rings. I don't need to work. Why aren't we doing that here in L.A. Taking wedding rings. So many rich hikers in L.A. I know of rich hikers. I know I know.

That was pretty crazy. And then John my brother-in-law had a bunch of camping equipment and it got stolen out of the driveway it was a gated driveway and they jumped over and they took a lot of camping equipment you're missing crazy crime here you've heard about it right little acts of terror happening popping up but hey what do you think they would have done if the guy threw his cell phone over the ravine like where the shoe went they both had knives out Both the gang members had knives out. Yeah they don't sound like the killing type but yeah you can't risk that. Nope you do not risk that. Glad they didn't get hurt. Anyway all right Mike say

hi to Nicky for me. Good luck tonight at the Golden Globes. I hope it's as big a hit as the Tom Brady roast that you worked on this year or the Jeff Ross roast the year's I read the stats. I don't think that Brady roast good lord I I still don't can't believe how many people watched it There should be a setting on the phone that immediately kills your battery and then you'd be like well They'll still take it then they'll charge it right all right. I right. I haven't solved this how to get out of that pickle. All right. All right.

We'll see you guys next week. Enjoy the rest of your stay over there in the Southern hemisphere. Thank you, man. We'll see you when you get back. Best to the family. All right. Best to yours.

Love to Hannah. Happy New Year, everybody. All right. Happy New Year. Take it each. Take it each. Take it each. Strong like my love for you, bring it back Read all about it, read all about it Sunday Papers is about to start. Unfair Canada is making big changes to the in-flight experience.

Every plane will only have middle seats. We've minimized food waste. Our new beverage size is a single drop. But of course, our favorite feature is forcing flight attendants to work for free. Boarding, safety checks, deplaning, all unpaid. You already do that. It hasn't gotten this bad for flyers yet, but Air Canada flight attendants like me already work hundreds of unpaid hours a year. Tell Air Canada unpaid work is unfair. BedMGM, authorized gaming partner of the NBA, has your back all season long.

From tip-off to the final buzzer, you're always taken care of with the sportsbook born in Vegas. That's a feeling you can only get with BetMGM. And no matter your team, your favorite player, or your style, there's something every NBA fan will love about BetMGM. Download the app today and discover why BetMGM is your basketball home for the season. Raise your game to the next level this year with BetMGM,

a sportsbook worth a slam dunk, and authorized gaming partner of the NBA. BidMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Conox Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BidMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario.