Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 248 1/19/25

Episode Date: January 19, 2025

The SCOTUS watches porn this week while State Farm drops its Super Bowl ad. A Florida man rides a horse, and did you hear about that Eagles fan?Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Get ready for Las Vegas style action at BedMGM, the king of online casinos. Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas strip excitement MGM is famous for. When you play classics like MGM Grand Millions or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat, and Roulette with our ever-growing library of digital slot games, a large selection of online table games, and signature BetMGM service. There is no better way to bring the excitement and ambience of Las Vegas home to you than with BetMGM Casino. Download the BetMGM Casino app today. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to Wager Ontario only. Please play responsibly.

If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. There he goes. There he goes. Read all about it. We got the Fitz dog.

We got Gibby. We got news. I mean, mean look we're in California we know what the lead story is but do you know what's going on in Florida Tennessee Philadelphia no we got you we got it we got all those fires everywhere we got a cover fires every while you wish to those fires in Philly there's not that's only because they haven't played a championship game recently well they're playing the Rams on Sunday and right now Vegas likes the Eagles six points six and a half points oh wow what are we doing double or nothing what What's double? You owe me from that Philly game you lost. Oh

shit. All right. So oh wait, did a viewer did a listener, hopefully a listener, did a listener write in and say whether or not I had the count wrong? No, nobody wrote in. No, how much we bet. Oh, no. They also were supposed to tell us whether or not when you said I had the number wrong if I was right. They're not, you know, they're not putting in the effort. I would go double or nothing on the Rams except I really want the Rams. I'm a huge Rams fan and I can't see you betting on Philadelphia. I hate the Rams and I don't like Los Angeles either. So I bet against Los Angeles last week

and boy it was gonna be close but then they called a fumble touchdown, a incomplete pass. Did you see that call? Which game? The Rams? The Rams QBs going down and he just basically Oh yeah, that was an intentional grounding. It wasn't a fumble. No, no, no. Intentional grounding. It wasn't an intentional grounding. If his arm is

moving forward, it can't be a fumble. It can either be intentional grounding or it can be incomplete pass. That's what they called it, incomplete pass. Correct. But that's not a fumble. No, because like a teammate of his. Fumble's not an option in that situation. He was being sacked and he just dumped it. That's what he did. Right.

All right, whatever. Anyway, so you want to take the bet, 50 bucks, double or nothing, you take the Eagles. I think it's, we'll check at game time, but I believe it's six or six and a half points right now so this is what I want I either want double my money or to be at zero so whatever it was we're double or nothing it I don't know if it was 50 it's literally what I just said double or nothing no but it could be 25 oh all right whatever it is is double or

nothing got it yeah it's gonna nothing, because the Rams are gonna definitely cover the spread. I got a correction. Did you got it too from Gubbins? Well, do you want to wait till we get to corrections? No, I put it up top. All right, put it up top. What is it? No, I just thought it was funny,

because we talked about Take the Money and Run, where Woody Allen, it's by, I watched the scene, and I was right. Those straight actors in the most absurd scene were, are so good, but anyway, he's robbing a bank, he hands the note, and it's like, you have a gub, and they say, gub, I thought it was gum. Oh, gum is funnier.

And of course, gubbins remembers it, that I have a gub, G-U-B. Of course. And the manager comes over, then the, and then they're like, oh, all right, we'll authorize this robbery. The vice president has to sign off. It's so funny.

Yeah. Again, I got to show the kids those movies again. You know, my kids responded to... Bananas. Annie Hall, they did not respond to Manhattan and they loved bananas. So I'm gonna go back to the early ones. I wanna show them Take the Money and Run Next.

I showed my kids Sleeper when they were really young because it was just physical. With the sex bomb or what was it called? The orgasm-tron. And then I had to was it called that stuff exactly yeah okay so we went to it was speaking of movies we went to see this was pretty cool was this your idea or mylois I was mylois idea so mylois invites us all to see a screening of Breaking Away, which is to me one of the great coming-of-age movies ever made. And it's it's just magic and I showed it to my kids when they were probably about you know 13 and 15 and they fucking

loved it. It totally stands the test of time and so we went and then the the guy who plays the father in it what was his name? Dooley. Paul Dooley? Yeah. He was there to speak afterwards and it's totally held up. 45th anniversary. It was made in 1979. He said the anniversary was actually last year but they're celebrating it now. But what did you think? Did you feel like it held up because I didn't see you after the movie? I thought the movie it does. You know why? Because it's pretty, it's relatively short you know like it doesn't overstay its welcome. Yeah. Like a lot of movies from that time. Of course Dooley's not firing on all, I hate to say this, he's 94 or 96. So what was shocking, and this messes you up with time, is he stood up.

It turned out he was sitting about three rows in front of us. He had trouble standing up, then he did, and then he walked very, it looked painfully to the stage and then took his seat. He talked for a while. Then they brought up Dennis Christopher, is that his name? The star of the movie. Who's like, you know, this glowing kid,

even though apparently he was like 29 when he shot it. But, and he hobbles up with a cane and you're like, what? Like, it was such, it was such- he hobbles up with a cane and you're like, what? Like, it was such, it was such. The moderator was older than both of them. It was like, it turned into, it was supposed to be a Q&A, but it turned into kind of a demented podcast where each person would start a story and then halfway through they would go,

what's the question again? And it was very sweet because you're just so thrilled that they're there. But I think a younger moderator might have been a good call. All Dooley wanted to talk about was Altman. That's right. The first three minutes, it wasn't even about breaking away, it was about Altman and how he got his start.

But what you don't realize is like a father and son when the father is, I think he's, I'm gonna look it up, I think he's 96, regardless, when you're in your mid-90s, you're a lot closer in age than it seems, you know what I mean? Like, and especially because the kid was 29 when he played a 19-year-old, but did you see though, Duly held it,

scored a point with me, you might have already left. Did you see when he talked about being kind of method a little bit? And anyway, his approach to the one of the best scenes in the movie, which was when he hugged his kid, it was the first time they touched. Were you there for that answer? He talked about how all of his acting comes from his father. Well in that moment he's channeling his dad because his dad was a very withholding guy who was old school and didn't approve, especially the profession his son had chosen and was

very unemotional and hard to reach. So he goes, so I'm channeling him. And then we hear that in the scene the actor, Dennis Christopher, said daddy, which wasn't in the script, but he had never called him that in the movie also. Okay, yeah. And he said daddy, he hugged him, and it affected Dually.

So in the moment, and there's not like an edit, and then you see Dually as scripted, like kind of warm up and embrace him and hug him. And he goes, well, you have to understand, I'm channeling my dad fully there. Who's withholding and all that. And he goes, so by definition, who am I hugging? I'm hugging me. And it was really interesting, like in other words, and then here's this crying son

who's trying to bridge a frigid gap between father and son and he goes, so, you know, he remembers that, you know, till this day. Yeah, yeah, that was a powerful moment. That was very interesting. Well, because I always, like I have a friend, Steve Peckingham, who's Zoe Friedman's husband. And ever since I've known him, he's kind of a friend, Steve Pekingham, who's Zoe Friedman's husband. And ever since I've known him, he's kind of a emotion,

he has trouble with his emotions. And so early on I would give him hugs just to kind of melt him a little bit. And he would try to do a back slap while we hug. And I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no tapping, just holding. And he fucking loves it. And now whenever I see him, we have these long hugs, just holding. And he fucking loves it. And now whenever I see him, we have these long hugs, no padding.

And so that hug in the movie started with some hard pats, and then some gentle pats, and then he held him. And then he had to push him away. It was very, the physicality of it was just perfect. Yeah, like very also wide, you know, and then Denny embraced them. Yeah, all of that. Get this February 22nd, just four weeks away. Paul Dooley will be 97.

No. Yes. Damn. He was sharp. He was sharp for nine. He was not sharp, but no. I mean, God bless him. He was. Yeah. Well, no, he was sharp in terms. He was not sharp, but God bless him. No, I mean in moments he was, yeah. Well no, he was sharp in terms of what he would remember once he was on a story. You are so lucky you were sitting six rows ahead of us because one of our party, and

I won't say who, farted so bad, literally it hit me and I was nauseous for 20 minutes. And it hit me so hard that I went, oh my god, and then he started laughing and then I started laughing and everybody within three rows was revolts and they could tell it was us because we were giggling like we both we're both wiping tears from our eyes we were laughing so hard. Well I'm glad it wasn't Gale but I think I know who it is and is it the diet? Of course you do, he's famous for it. Is it too many vegetables? He also made a run to the bathroom about 12 minutes before like a run he like he was in the middle of the aisle and he was knocking people over and then half sprinting down the stairs

he's got a he's got a rough callin. Was this the star of our Mexican restaurant story about? Yes. Yes, exactly. Yes, indeed. So I guess we should talk a little bit about the fires in California. I'm on my inhaler all day. I am coughing nonstop. Still.

Well, I have asthma, so I have very weak lungs and I'm not handling this smoke well at all. And so I just tried to go to the gym and I went for a while, I had to leak, because Gold's is open air, it's all like big doors open to the, and it was not, the gym was almost empty. It's usually jam packed. And so I was actually shocked

because most of these Gold's gym people, they're on steroids and they call bullshit on anything that the environmentalists try to tell you about what's going on, but they're taking it seriously. Totally. So, you know, I felt guilty because since I've been back, I've kind of like told my daughters or like, how is it? How is it?

I'm like, I feel bad saying this. The days have been gorgeous. Yeah. And no sign. I mean, because it's over a ridge. There's you wouldn't know, except us trying to get to the valley to see that movie. All of PCH is traffic is now on the 405. It took 90 minutes to get to the movie the other night. But I don't really, you know, you know, it's out of sight, out of mind a little and the skies have been beautiful and clear. But we just got this text from someone who went on a three hour zoom with a bunch of doctors. We don't exactly know why they were on it.

But anyway, this I will just read some of this. And what the reason Greg and I are reading this, we both just got the text of minutes before this podcast is maybe one of you out there, often we get fact checked by doctors. Somehow I would never go to a doctor who listened to this podcast, but you're out there. And other people who have much bigger brains than we do. So I'm asking that please tell me all of this can't be true. So his little notes very quickly were, you can't smell or see the carcinogens. Wear an N95, don't exercise outside, Greg.

They learned a ton from Lahaina Maui. The next 18 months is going to be in airborne toxicity levels equal, if not worse than 9-11 due to the massive increase in batteries. Batteries from electric cars, lithium batteries from computers, all of which is on top of the ground. The air being blown with force will travel 100 mile radius northeast south. Palos Verdes has reports, so Palos Verdes, which is south of us, already can detect it in their air according to this.

The fire retardant dropped from airplanes went on fire as one of the most lethal, and it has metal in it. The schools and homes that burned have built before 57 of asbestos and lead paint. They had some very smart people that talked about the stats from 9-11 and then most recently Lahaina gardeners should not use leaf blowers and then HVAC advice and HEPA filter advice and all that stuff but that doesn't sound good. No it's it's going to be bad and we don't know how bad, but the wind is still kicking up and containment is still not good. But two of Owen's very close friends, their house is burnt down.

One of them with the grandmother, the father, and him living in the house together and they have nowhere to go and they can't come here. No. There were a lot of non-rich people in that palaces. Yeah, a lot of people who were house rich and did not have a lot of money in the bank. And so I'm going to announce a GoFundMe that goes directly to one of the families. And if you guys want to open up your hearts, I know there's a lot of great charities. The Firefighters Foundation is great. I sent a lot of money there, but if you want to support somebody that's close to my family's

heart, then I'll give out that GoFundMe at the end of the show. Tell me, do they need koozies? You know what they don't need is clothes. I got all worked out. I was like, all right, I woke up the first day we got home and the fires were going on. I woke up, went through my closets, went through through my drawers and I put on KTLA and they're like yeah we're good we're good on clothes we have we don't have enough volunteers for everybody in LA to bring a garbage bag full of like Costco socks

that they don't want because people aren't that choosy. It's really an excuse to empty out your shit. Everyone in the Palisades wearing maroon. Yeah right. We talked about this last week. Oh right right. I'm recycling. I'm not only recycling clothes, I'm recycling thoughts about the fire. No you donated clothes to something else last week I thought. No maybe it was this. No, Jojo dropped off some clothes somewhere before the cut off. Also, why do I have time machine? Did you write time machine? I wrote time machine. We'll do it another time. I was gonna ask

you what you would really do. In a time machine? What would I put in a time machine? Yeah, like, like if you could, you know, the philosophical exercise, what would you really do? Like, because everyone thinks about, oh my God, I would be rich because I would know everything that's about to happen. But what would you do? would go back to I was just thinking the other day of when I was truly happy and I think it was eighth grade because we weren't chick-obsessed completely it was still about the guys and I had some really good friends and we were wild.

We fucking we were doing drugs already and drinking but like rebellious but you know you're still living at home so it's safe rebelliousness and uh we just I just I loved it. High school started to get tough academically because I got sent to a really tough school. Eighth grade I it was easy so I would go back to 1980. Hmm. What about you? Well that answer was so lame I'd probably go back two minutes ago and not ask this question. Well what did you want me to say? Did you mean like another era or a time in my life? No, no, it's a valid answer. Yeah, we have to come up with it. Has there been a movie, because you know what made me think of vampires who are immortal?

But vampires don't know what's going to happen next. This would be like you would almost be a mortal going forward. There's no, I don't know how to articulate it. But let's say you went to 1940. you would almost be a mortal going forward. There's no, I don't know how to articulate it. But let's say you went to 1940. So you would know a lot and what would you do? How would you live? How would I live in 1940?

Yeah, let's say you went back to 1940 and you were 20 years old, right? So you're going to live till, you know, 2000 if you're 2000 say. Okay. So we'll do it another time because it needs thought. I don't know how I don't know what I do. Can I go back to like Christ? Can I go back to like Christ? Can I go back to like zero?

Yeah, if you believe Christ was at zero. Well, that's where I wanna go. I wanna find out, I wanna, cause the thing about Christ is, when he was on his way up, he was an open micer. There was a bunch of messiahs running around Jerusalem at that time. There's this amazing book called,

Zealot about what it was biographically, historically, what we know, what we can extrapolate about that time and place. And I would go there, I would get to know them. I mean before John, before Matthew and Mark and Luke, I'm there and I'm hanging out with Jesus. You know, I'm getting to know, I want, I could be the 12th, I'm there and I'm hanging out with Jesus. You know, I'm getting to know I want I could be the 12th, I could be the 13th, the apostle, I could be the guy coming off the bench. But Jesus was created really two or 300 years later.

Maybe, maybe not. You don't know that. According to that, according to zealot, what Jesus would be like, dude, what are you doing? Like, all I'm trying to do is hang out with John the Baptist. That's so I think you'd be shifted over to him. No, John the Baptist was like his mentor according to that book. And no, I think it would be fun just to see

what the whole hullabaloo was, see how much of it was real. Like in terms of how big he really got, whether or not when he was walking with the cross, there was really crowds of people. And yeah, I think it would be interesting. I don't think any of that. He was just a zealot. He was he was punished just like the two guys that left her.

But also, you'd lose a friend at 36. I was going to say you would be very very old. I just gave you living until 80, but even though some people in the Bible live to 400, I think you would outlive everybody by two lifespans, at least. Yeah, well I'd get syphilis for sure, because I'd find out if the Virgin Mary was really a virgin, and then I might do something about it. You'd be thinking about you and your eighth grade buddies going fucking crazy, and then

girl stuff happens a few years later. But think about if that, if you go back to that time, and now Joseph, Joseph's a shepherd. He's out all day. Mary's home alone. She's a quote-unquote virgin. Can you imagine getting in that pussy? How sacred that is? It's the most famous, she's the most famous virgin in history, and you could be the guy that gets there. Wow. Yeah. Then Jesus has a stupid stepbrother walking around Completely just an idiot He's got a podcast. So people like what's a pod?

You win some you lose some yeah, you gather around I talk about nothing Logo this week comes from Emmett Hall No, it doesn't the logo comes from Jane Jane S. And it's, what's that dog's name? Gromit? Yeah, it's Gromit, Gromit the dog. But look at the artwork on our faces, really nice. I'd say you, maybe it's, your mouth is a little off my eyes, I think, or I have very bushy eyebrows.

Very bushy eyebrows, yeah. Okay. But no, it's a very cool look. Emmett Hall did a show did a song I asked for songs over the last couple weeks. Emmett Hall responded sent this one in yesterday. It rocks. Thank you Emmett. Corrections. Ben Gourney said that God damn it, Greg. I know you're smart listening to you refer to Greenland like it's a free agent waiting for the jets to drop a heavy contract on them

hurt my soul. Autonomous region is what they are. Self-governing, but a full member of Denmark. A full member of Denmark? France, Spain, and Portugal also have territories like this. So it's autonomous, but here's the thing though. I've read a lot about it since, because a lot of you wrote in about this, and that it seems to be that they are a region, they're not a country, but their

deal with Denmark is sort of like, it's not, they don't own them. They can re up the deal. And the and somebody else wrote in that the idea of the US taking over Greenland is not. It's not new. It's that idea has been around for a while. This will be very unpopular. But so let's say this, this very aggressive thinking on Trump's part. Let's say we get Greenland. Let's say it's Gulf of America. What else did he, what else has he floated? Freedom fries. No, no, no. Really? Well, let's say he took over another land, right? It's, we all really enjoy Hawaii. Hawaii was the biggest bastard move ever on the US's part. You know what I mean?

But like if Trump got Greenland, I realize it's no Hawaii, but it's like I think that protest would be very short lived, a generation or two, and then it would be like, yeah, it's good on them. They got Greenland back in like the be like, yeah, it's, you know, good on them. They got Greenland back in, like, you know, the early 2000, you know, 20, whatever, 25. And it's 60 years ago and they'll be like, yeah, we got Greenland because of that.

Oh, Canada, that was the other one he wants. Well, if we get Canada, that's the most solid move ever, man. All that water. I know. I mean, there's a lot of land that we could destroy up there that they've been taking care of. Oil and water. They go together.

Somebody else said, Greenland does have oil, but production has been slow because of the climate. And the government suspended all new oil licenses to tackle climate change. Denmark has been producing oil in the North Sea. So it contributed a lot to the Danish economy in the 90s. That's when I was there in the 80s. And it was all about Greenland and how much like how much the socialist economy in Denmark was possible because of the the infusion of money that was coming in from

Greenland. So anytime people like oh you know there's whatever we've talked about this but thank you for the feedback Ray Jepson. Tour dates coming up. This weekend I will be in Nyack, New York at the Levity improv, no Levity Live. Then I'll be in Raleigh at the Improv, January 25th, 26th. Milwaukee Improv, January 31 to February 2. Then I'll be in Fontana, California, Atlanta, Hollywood. We got to see we got to see Patty's day show March 15. We got a special surprise on that show. Ontario, Toronto, Pittsburgh, Boston, Tampa, La Jolla, go to FitzDogg comm get Oh, yeah, I'll be tied it to a date. It's sound like it's next week. Yeah, it's next week it's gonna be Monday and see well oh you are you know when this podcast comes out it will be two days later it'll be tomorrow right

all right glad we clarified that anyway front page can we get a crinkle you got something to crinkle there it is a map of Amsterdam. Whoa. I like it. Here we go. This map will change. Trump is taking over Amsterdam. That's right. On Wednesday, the Supreme Court heard the first major First Amendment case involving pornography. It's also the first such case since in two decades. It's also the first such case since Republicans gained a 6-3 super majority on the Supreme Court. Wednesday's oral argument went disastrously for the porn industry.

Well, of course, the oral argument went poorly. I would think the anal argument, that's the one you want to dig in on. The oral argument, whatever, I can give it or take it. For Texas teens, this is the one time you do want to find your dad's porn. That's your access point. Oh, my God, it's going to go old school. It's going to be it's going to be the way hipsters listen to vinyl.

Teenagers are going to be jerking off to magazines again. So current protections for online sexual content don't seem like they will be completely destroyed, but all six of the court's Republicans, plus Democrat Elena Kagan, appears likely to weaken the First Amendment protections. It requires that many websites that publish a significant amount of sexual material harmful to minors to verify the age of its users before those users can access that material. How is it harmful? What do you mean derails lives? This looks like it. This is a sexier debate than they're

used to in those chambers. I'm, I'm sure that some of them are glad they're wearing robes. Nice, fluffy, blousy robes. Texas porn addicts. They're furious. They're up in arm. There you go. Someone's been writing for Jeff Ross. Like, what are we supposed to do? Meet a real woman? I know. Women are probably celebrating this. This is good for their side. And now they're going to start going, they're going to start attacking AI and these bots. Because with porn and fake women, good luck ladies.

Well now good luck with all the incels they're going to be coming your way. Starbucks is that you? Starbucks doesn't want to be America's public bathroom anymore. Starbucks is scrapping a policy that let anyone hang out at their cafes or use the restrooms without making a purchase. I didn't know that, by the way. The new rules are part of a larger effort to improve Starbucks cafe experience and deter homeless people and non-paying customers

who have come to use Starbucks solely for shelter and bathroom access. The good news is Starbucks, they quickly clarified this will not affect white customers. Right well that's where this was a story it was during the Black Lives Matter thing there was that guy who and but who's gonna police this you know it's like so what if you and and are there levels is it like premium if you want to just piss you can can order like a grande drip.

But if you want to drop a deuce, it's got to be an espresso drink and a muffin. Diarrhea, diarrhea, need to buy everybody in line a coffee. They ought to know that their bathrooms are going to become an issue. Even with their customers, they are serving drinks of, it's just a liquid that makes you poop right so it was always gonna be an issue when I was at a Starbucks in the valley one time I went in and I needed to drop a deuce bad like I was squeezing as I pulled into the

parking lot North Hollywood and I go into I go into the parking lot, North Hollywood, and I go into the, and this is back when they had keys. Remember they used to have keys at Starbucks? Oh yeah, yeah, with a big giant key chain. Big fucking chain, like you were in eighth grade. So I go, ah, eighth grade. So I go, hey, can I get the key? And I go up to the door, and as I'm putting the key in, this woman comes up with her kid,

kid's about four or five, and she's got the kid's hand, and he looks very upset. She's like, my kid really has to pee, is it okay if we go ahead of you? And I just looked at her like, I'm really sorry, but that can't happen right now. And so I went in and I destroyed the bathroom. I wrecked it. I mean paint was

peeling off the walls. It looked like a car chase had taken place in that bolt. No toilet paper left. And so I come out and you ever take a shit and then your ass feels like you were violated? Okay, well it was. So anyway, so I wash my hands. I wash my hands several times and then I open up the door and the woman is giving me a glare and I look down and the kid is standing there crying and he's pissed all over his pants and I was like, hey, you're gonna cry more once you get in that bathroom, kid. Oh that kid is probably telling that story today also. Yeah when he sat down on that that that seat was hot. I don't even know if they went in I think the mom made the kid stand there crying just to show you what you had done. He didn't need the bathroom.

All right. That's true. Why? Yeah. Why stick around after that? He's done. They're shaming you. Yeah.

But nothing could have shamed you more than you did yourself in that bathroom. Speaking of shame, State Farm? State Farm is forced into humiliating Super Bowl U-turn. State Farm has pulled its commercial from next month's Super Bowl broadcast after receiving fierce criticism following the outbreak of the Los Angeles wildfires. Just months before the devastating inferno broke out, State Farm made the controversial decision to revoke fire coverage for tens of thousands of residents in the state, leaving many in a state of crisis after their properties

were turned into rubble. State Farm said it has received more than 7,800 home and auto claims linked to the California fires, and to date, they've paid out a total of roughly 50 million to customers. 50 million. That's a few blocks in the palisades. Yeah, that's not a lot. Right. These numbers will continue to rise as residents return to assess the damage. The insurer dropped. Listen to this. The insurer dropped 1600 policies in the palisades in July, according to the Department of Insurance. Yeah, they dropped us in August. We were with Allstate, our state farm, and they fucking dropped our homeowners' policy. And you know what they said? They had to come up with a reason. So they

said they flew a drone over our house and it showed that there was tree coverage over our roof, which I don't know why that's a hazard. And so I looked outside, there was a branch the size of your arm hanging over my roof, and they canceled our policy because of it. Wow.

And now we can't get a coverage. There's literally no insurance companies that will give us a policy. So right now we can't get coverage. There's literally no insurance companies that will give us a policy. So we right now we have fire insurance, but we can't get homeowners. So if like, you know, pipes burst or somebody slips and falls on our on our property, whatever, we're not we're not covered. A lot of the country's going that way. I mean, Florida kind of was the first one to make real news about it.

Right. Florida was the first one to make real news about it. And then I don't have the link opened anymore, but whatchamacallit, they identified three other neighborhoods, which included Brentwood, that they are going to cut insurance. In other words, they did a giant assessment. Yeah. I mean, talk about someone's getting a giant raise there. Yeah, yeah somebody's like poppin' champagne. By the way do you remember, speaking of inappropriate insurance company commercials, do you remember Geico did an ad and it was a Super Bowl ad and it was, why do I sound like Bill Marr? And it was a Super Bowl ad and there was a guy driving a Harley

Davidson through the hills it looked like Northern California and they were playing do do do do do do do do do do do yeah I got to run keep what was that what's that song midnight Midnight, midnight. Yeah. Ryder. So they're playing Midnight Ryder. They're shown to got a motorcycle. And then people like, hey, what the fuck? Like two of the Allman brothers died in motorcycle accidents. Dwayne Allman and Barry Oakley.

They write and what the what the fuck? How does that how does that not get flagged by somebody that is weird well not get flagged by the the the all my brothers estate because they had to okay it right yeah unless they sold their middle right it is very weird yeah it might have been after their time those two guys but that doesn't really matter. All right. All right. Let's get to entertainment. You got it.

Here we go. Where's the map? Oh boy. That's a weak wrinkle. Okay. Here we go. All right. After losing her Malibu home in the Los Angeles fires, Paris Hilton raised $800,000 in 72

hours. Her nonprofit 1111 media impact mobilized. She initially pledged a hundred thousand dollars and then promised to match a hundred thousand in donations. She's also been volunteering with Baby2Baby and at the Humane Society where she fostered a surrendered dog named Zuzu. That dog got high a few times in his life. Yesterday Hilton announced that she had granted $150,000 of the money to the GoFundMe Wildlife Relief Fund to provide 150 AltaDena families with cash assistance. She said she lost her home last

week. She couldn't process the news after seeing the place where her home was burned to ashes. The quote, the house wasn't just a place to live, it was where we dreamed, laughed, and created the most beautiful memories as a family. It was where Phoenix's little hands made art that I'll cherish forever, where love and life filled every corner. It's devastating beyond words. I mean, Jesus, heartfelt. She was efficient in her work, eloquent. I mean, you ever think maybe we were the idiots? You ever think that maybe Kim Kardashian got a law degree? You ever think maybe America got played by these women back in the 90s? I don't. I don't. I mean, that's really nice of Paris. I

don't want to take anything away from that. But Kim Kardashian, you know, the shaming continues. You know, they like shattered water use records when we were all supposed to limit our water use during a drought. People didn't know that people are revisiting that with the Kardashians. Yeah. people know that people are revisiting that with the Kardashians yeah interesting totally all right but Paris comes off pretty well here well I feel bad for I mean I wonder where can a Hilton stay when they lose their home right she's gonna have to wash her her little boobs with those little soap bars with those little soap bars. By the way, does GoFundMe, I don't know how it works, can they waive their fees for something like this? That's an interesting question because the GoFundMe that I sent money to Owen's friend and

it said on it, they suggested that I give 10% as a fee to GoFundMe, but it said on it, they suggested that I give 10% as a fee to GoFundMe, but it said you can set the amount. And I changed it to 5% and it let me. So I think it's a donation service fee. So not only are you donating money to people, but the GoFundMe site itself. And so, and I called my mom today and we were talking about the fires and she said she wanted to give money and I said, well, why don't you just give it to Owen's friend's family? And so she said, but I don't want to pay the 10% because she had given money to somebody

else. And I, so she goes, I'm just going to send Owen the money in Venmo and he can give it to his friend. And so but no, I think for people, people can correct me. But my reading of it was and my experience with it was that it is a suggested fee. Huh? Yeah, nothing about it. Yeah. All right. More Hollywood news. Donald Trump says John Voight, Mel Gibson and Sylvester Stallone will be... I'm starting again. All right. Here we go. Donald Trump

says John Voight, Mel Gibson and Sly Stallone will be a special ambassadors to Hollywood. It's my honor to announce John Voight, Mel Gibson, and Sly to be special ambassadors to a great but very troubled place, Hollywood, California. They will serve as special envoys to me for the purpose of bringing Hollywood, which has lost much business over the last four years, to foreign countries. Back bigger, better, and stronger than ever before. These three very talented people will be my eyes and ears, and I will get done what they suggest. It will again be like the United States of America itself,

the golden age of Hollywood. I mean, how did Vin Diesel not make this list? Right, right. It seems like he's going gonna make Hollywood shit again. Dickie, by the way, had a great joke. He sent me this post later in the day and he goes, now we know what killed David Lynch. Yeah, I mean, how is these guys, are they gonna try to make 1984 the golden age of Hollywood? Like I don't think big agencies are like

stopping board meetings when John Voight is on line one. You know? Why don't we tap Potsy from Happy Days and Emilio Estevez? Yeah, you got the guy from Anaconda, you got Mel Gibson who's gotten in a bunch of trouble, and then of course Rocky. Who is he racist against? Was it the Jews?

Yes. Yeah. Well, that's anti-Semitic, I guess. Well, you can't be anti-Semitic and bring Hollywood back to the golden ages because the golden ages was Metro, Goldwyn, Mayer. It was all Jewish in the heyday. Oh yeah. Warner, all of them. Yeah. So let me tell you my John Voight story. Have I ever told you the John Voight story? No. I don't, well probably, you must

have. So I'm about 29 years old and I get my first big development deal and so I'm living in New York old and I get my first big development deal and so I'm living in New York and they fly me out to California to take meetings and you know develop the show and so they're flying me first class and I've never flown first class in my life so I go out I do a bunch of meetings I rent a Mustang I'm staying at a I'm staying at the Argyle Hotel it was like I'm listening to the Beastie Boys Hello Nasty I remember listening to that fucking CD in the car It was like, I'm listening to the Beastie Boys, Hello Nasty. I remember listening to that fucking CD in the car. It was like, if I could have a time machine and go back, that might actually, that might be, this sounds better.

So now I get on the plane to fly home and I'm exhausted. I was out, me and Malloy were at a poker game. Artie Lang was in town. And the night before I flew out, he had a suite at a hotel because he had a deal also and of course like invited a bunch of guys big poker night emptied his mini fridge and they just kept coming up and refilling it I don't know what his fucking bill is so I got like three hours of sleep and now I get and I got a window seat in first class I'm like all right I'm sleeping all the way back to

New York and I sit down, close my eyes. And then all of a sudden, this guy plops down next to me, slaps me on the shoulder puts out his hand and he goes, How you doing? My name is john. And I was just like, Oh, Jesus, I go, Hi, john, I'm Greg. And he goes, he goes, So what are you doing out here? You going home or? And I kind of wake up and I was like yeah you know well I'm a you know I'm a comedian and I have a deal with CBS. I'm gonna do a sitcom. Whatever, it's no big deal. You know they're flying me out to meet with producers. Anyway so he goes he goes

oh all right that's great and so then I just close my eyes and I and I start to go to sleep. Plane takes off. we're in the air, and then all of a sudden people are coming by our seat. And they're saying, oh my God, huge fan, shaking his hand, I can't believe you're on this flight. And so then I sit up and all of a sudden I'm like, I go, so, I go, I'm sorry, what do you do? And he goes, I'm an actor. And then I go, I'm sorry, what do you do?

And he goes, I'm an actor. And then I go, what have you done? Which as I said it, I was like, oh, that sounded really bad. And he goes, I won an Oscar. And I said, oh, he goes, John Voight. He goes, it's John Voight. Which first of all, in my defense, John Voight did not look like John Voight in 1997. His face changed dramatically.

And so we started talking, we were flying back. He was flying to New York because his father had just died. His father was a greenskeeper at a golf course in Westchester County that I used to play golf at. And my father had just died like a few years before. And we talked about father's dying. We talked the entire flight. At the end of the flight,

he wrote down his address and his phone number. And he said, he called me FitzDog. He goes, FitzDog, let's keep in touch. And then I never called him. I just was like, it just felt like this perfect interaction, you know, and I just was like, I didn't wanna ruin it. I didn't wanna be let down. So I just never called him.

And then cut to like maybe 12 years later, I was on the- You see Anaconda and you're like, I gotta reach out. No, and then I ripped up the number. And then, so I'm on the Bob and Tom show in Indianapolis and they're interviewing me and they said, by the way, Greg, do you mind if we take a call? John Voight is promoting something. So in the middle of your interview,

is it okay if he calls in for 10 minutes to promote the film? I said, of course, great. So he calls in and then I go, I said to them, by the way, I met him once I might have told a story to them and then they said alright so he comes on the air and they go they said to him by the way we're sitting here with the guy you might remember Greg Fitzsimmons and he goes Fitz dog no isn't that crazy and then we talked about the flight and I don't know if you didn't ask me what I recall.

I'm not even making a joke. I'm surprised he was open to you when it was like, now you want to talk now that you know he's an Oscar winner. Right, right. I know. I don't come off well in that story. No. No. He does. Boy does he. He does. Boy does he. Yeah. Although I think his daughter did not wait. What was his daughter's name? They're not talking. Yeah, I think they're not talking.

No, like famously, and I don't know why, or they weren't anyway. I don't know what the beef is. Yeah, there was a beef. I mean, I assume it's politics. Yeah I know he's a big yeah obviously a Trump guy but uh. I wonder what his views are. I wonder what his views are about that. I don't know. All right well we're moving on to Make America Flour y'all. Okay sorry about my voice today, maybe it's this invisible pollutants. Florida man arrested after allegedly engaging in sexual acts with a horse. The Polk County Sheriff's Office

said they responded the day after Christmas, that's sweet, to the Lake Wales area in reference to possible sexual activities involving an animal. Officers said they spoke to a woman who told them she saw the man engaging in sexual actions near her horse's head. The horse is a 28-year-old, thank God, 28-year-old named Raven, according to the official affidavit. The officer said the woman took a video of part of the incident to show to the police. That's what we have here as a 53 year old Florida man was arrested after his girlfriend caught him in the inappropriate act, blah, blah, blah.

The sheriff goes, thankfully, the horse is okay. Now you missed the best line. More specifically, he was penetrating the nose of the horse. Oh, you took out, I put another article because you changed my copy, bro. No, I didn't. I think 53, I think.

Anyway, I had a line in there that said, I wanted to see if there were other details. So I googled Florida sex horse. Yeah, not something you should Google. But I did find this story. And then I found and I was waiting for that cue in here anyway. Yes, that he was penetrating the nose of the horse, and that's what she videotaped. And the horse is okay. Well, he's okay, but they said he just, he has a little bit of a runny nose.

Otherwise, he's a little bit stuffed up. Also, the horse is never gonna shake the smell of this complete floral lunatic. Yeah, this guy. First of all, why name the horse? I mean, usually if a woman is assaulted, you don't put the name in the article. Now we all know Raven. People are going to be looking at Raven going like,

and I don't think I should write Raven. I think she's had a hard enough of a time. I don't know. I'd be like, Raven seems pretty chill. Like I don't think Raven's going to act up. Yeah. And she, she doesn't smell fear. That's the great thing about Raven. She doesn't smell anything. You can, you can ride her face without a saddle. It's no problem. You could have, you know, if he painted his dick orange, he could have gotten a full blowjob out of it. Is Raven like the

only non-skittish horse in the world? How, how did this guy manage entering the horse's nose? Well that's when you start wondering if this really was one way, you know? But 28, is that old for a horse? I feel like 28 is very old. All right, what do you think the average, I'm gonna literally Google the words, average lifespan horse. I'm gonna say 27. The source is 28.

Google's like, thank God you're not Googling what you Googled earlier about a horse. Average, let me spell average, right? So we get a good, here we go. And we're going to say, what? 25 to 30. No. So he nostril fucked an old, dying horse.

At least it was a woman. The oldest equines ever recorded were 62 years old. Damn. And then 56 years old for a pony. Huh? Yeah. damn and then 56 years old for a pony huh yeah I guess a pony is a different breed of horse let's talk about Tennessee let's make Tennessee Florida here we go yeah pony something different okay Tennessee man charged for shooting at family playing in snow. Four children were sledding down a hill when the family heard gunshots.

The children's mother told deputies she saw snow fly up from the ground only a couple feet from where her one-year-old son was. Deputies said the family yelled in the direction of the shooting and yelled for the man Benjamin Cook to stop. Cook claimed the family was on his property. Oh, but an affidavit states that quote, Cook has a history of firing guns in the area and also telling people the hill is his property. Damn, the hill is not his property as it turns out. Whoa. But I kind of like it. I like that at least he goes for a moving target. He's not shooting at kids that are just standing there.

He also picked a challenge. A one-year-old is a tiny target. Yeah, that's true. Cook knows what he's doing. He wants a challenge. And they're squiggly. They're they're hard It's hard to get a bead on a one-year-old. They move But yeah, I

Get off of my land, which is not his land. That's crazy Well, that's where you're living half the time. Yep, and I trust me I'll watch it when I go sledding there and I just went sledding there That's the snow that they're talking about. By the way, I'll watch it when I go sledding there. And I just went sledding there. That's the snow that they're talking about. By the way, I said to Hannah, I said, oh, I saw you, I saw you sleigh riding. I saw Mike pulling you on the back of his car.

And she's like, what are you talking about? I go, he just sent me the video of him pulling you out the back of the car. She's like, that was a year ago. I was like, oh, I don't know. You told me it was in fact our whole conversation was it's gonna snow. This is what I did last year. Okay. Fitz facts. All right, here we go into what what section sports. All right, your story. We can let's skip this one and go straight down to the Eagles. A Philadelphia Eagles fan,

everybody knows this story. By the time this we're in disclosure we're taping this show on a Thursday because I'm traveling all weekend. So this is a big story. A Philadelphia Eagles fan has been fired from his job after viral video showed him launching vile sexist insults at a female Green Bay Packers fan during a playoff game in Philly. In the clip shared by the woman's fiance, he calls the Packers supporter Ali Keller an ugly dumb cunt. There we go, off the algorithm. And apparently it would, as if fucking a horse in the nose would have kept us on yeah or shitting in a Starbucks and apparently it wasn't the first time sleuths eventually identified the man who was banned from future

events and canned on Tuesday from his gig at New Jersey based BCT partners. I should call it DUC partners, dumb ugly cunt. So after an investigation, they said that he decided to part with, they said he decided to part with the company. So, I mean, can I just tell you, Mike, how many people sent me this story so you could comment on it? Okay, I have a lot to say. And mostly it's not me, I'm going to reference some things. But I'm shocked he wasn't promoted in the Philly culture, in his New Jersey firm. I can't believe he wasn't promoted for saying for calling a woman a Packer fan that hey

Okay, two things one is This came out earlier this week someone tweeted Andy Swan apparently I don't know but dickie sent this to me and the tweet just goes hear me out a Netflix series where MMA champions go undercover to Eagles games wearing the opposing team's jersey. Oh, I like that. Hear you out.

Andy, are you kidding me? Sold. Like, what? I don't even know why that's not happening. That's amazing. I would hire the first person I'd hire. I guess I'd hire a crew, and then it's a lawyer. And being like, if they take the first swing,

can we film this? And just put a fat suit on them, give them like a big belly, an oversized shirt, glasses, bald wigs. Yeah. Or, how about tough women? Take those two women boxers and people like them, who can absolutely beat this shit out of a drunk Philly fan. Right.

That's good. Okay, then the other thing was, in a lot of the tributes, and we're going to talk about them in the obituary, but in a lot of the tributes for David Lynch. I saw a clip come across my Instagram today and just coincidentally he's talking about Philadelphia. It was so weird. So this is what he said and I love it. Philadelphia to me I always say was my biggest influence. I was there from 65 to 70. It was a filthy city and it had a feeling of industry and the streets were narrow and the buildings were all soot covered. The clouds hung low and it had a beautiful mood. In the atmosphere there was fear, there was violence, there was despair and sadness. There was a feeling of insanity and a kind of knowledge of corruption. And this kind of seeped into me.

That's amazing. You think the biggest compliment is coming your way. No. And that's the guy who was like imminently positive. Like every clip you see of this guy he's very into transcendental meditation and you know he's he likes the dark side obviously from his movies but like the last stages of his life he was just such a like beam of positive light. Oh my god you

do that weather report every day I posted one of those in LA and yeah he was just a really unique character man. Yeah. Are we up to obituary? No. No right now we're gonna do international. Okay here we go International. All right. For this month you'll be able to visit a London pub and pay what you feel is fair based on how much you earn. The pub called the Fair Poor wants to draw attention to the vast disparity between earners. At the Fair Poor more affluent customers are encouraged to dig deep and pay prices that reflect their individual wealth, highlighting how a fairer tax system could help tackle inequality. Interesting. So I think

Gubbins would insist they pay him to drink a pint. Imagine this in LA where you're like, wait, net though my net like in other words I have round trip to auditions you know how many auditions I have that I didn't get yeah nobody's yeah everybody's net in LA is zero because it's Hollywood you got a lease at Tesla you got to rebuild your house touch point oh still hasn't made a dime. Are you kidding me? Good luck with a pub like that in LA. Yeah, and my last special, which, not my last one, the one before that, came out on Comedy Central,

then got sold to Netflix, where it ran for three years, and then it went to Amazon Prime. It was chopped up and put on SiriusXM, clips were put on YouTube YouTube and I have not seen One dime in residuals. I got paid a little bit up front and that was it It's ridiculous. It's a joke So maybe we should use this model for our patreon. We're discussing doing a patreon people ads have slowed down

considerably for independent podcasts like ours. And the podcast costs us money, hundreds of dollars every week, out of our pockets, which we look, we love doing the show. We enjoy the process, but we may have to reach out to you guys, not now because there's fires going on. I'm sure people are focused on better charities than us in California, but eventually we might have to have you guys chip in a little bit. What do you think everybody? What's your feedback on that?

People's or mine? This is the first I'm hearing about it. Well you'll notice you'll notice when the envelope is a little light this month. I haven't had an envelope in a long time. Oh and the t-shirts. And the t-shirts you can support us by buying a take it each or Sunday Papers t-shirt if you go to FitzDawg.com click on the link we got many different colors sizes it's a high quality material support the show get yourself a t-shirt let's do this day in history this day in history is right here hold on a minute 19th huh that's the, wait, who's that? Oh, okay, well anyway, I like the first one that popped up, you ready?

Yeah. This is for the January 21st. Oh boy. So it moved, I just left it open, but it's updated. So anyway, first commercial Concorde flight, Greg, generating a sonic boom as it traveled through the atmosphere at supersonic speed. The Concorde commercial aircraft built with funding from the British and French governments, it began regular

service on this day in what year give or take two years? 1981. I love it 1976 no when I'm going back oh okay now I found where I was nope hold on bear with me uh bear with me I'm trying to find the day I actually looked I remember something's really weird it seems like Ronald Reagan reminds me of the SST maybe I remember him flying on it or something but there were not a lot of seats in the SST Concord it was not very efficient okay my dad flew it at one point really yep because I think Estee Lauder was going over there to Europe but But anyway, January 19th, I found it. Paul Cezanne, French artist. He was born on this day in what year, give or take 40 years?

I'm going to say 1900. 1839. No! I gave you an 81 year window and you did not get it. Jesus. Terrible. I was guessing because I saw I went to a church in the town next to Tarrytown where I grew up where Rockefeller has an estate and it was Rockefeller's private church and Cezanne designed the stained glass in that church. So I guess it must have been, he was born in what year did you say?

1839. All right, so he must have done this in close to the end of the 18th century. Okay, here we go. They're still there. All right, here we go. They're still there. All right, here we go. Edgar Allan Poe was born on this day in what year? And here's a clue. It was two years. This will be a good clue. It was two years after Robert E. Lee was born in Virginia. So give or take 10 years because of that clue.

When was Edgar Allan Poe born? 1805. Oh! Wait, what did I say, give or take what? 10 years. God damn it, 1809. Nice. You did it, man.

All right, wait, I found one more down here. Both the Raven, never more. Yep there it is. Kubla Khan. That's a different one. All right what was the other one? A lot of birthdays. Did you know Buzz Aldrin was born in Montclair, New Jersey? That's exciting. The first official basketball game was played in Springfield, Massachusetts by YMCA students of the game's inventor, James Naismith. What year was the first basketball game played in Springfield. And I'm going to say, give or take 18 years. I'm going to say 1905. I love it 1892. You missed you missed by five years. Basketball Hall of Fame is

Yep, sure is. Right. Let me see if I could find one more for you. God it's all birthdays boring boring one more one more. We're gonna go Placido Domingo. I love that we have a pre-show meeting and I literally say have you looked at some dates and you always go oh yeah yeah got it all lined up and then we have 10 minutes of dead air. But if you had won that we would would have got out. Now I'm just looking for a bonus man. All right. They're all birthdays and death days, except one of the most notorious domestic terrorists

in US history, Theodore Kaczynski, the so-called Unabomber, who killed three people and injured 22 in 16 attacks between 79 and 95 well he was sentenced to four terms of life in prison without parole on this day in what year the Unabomber sentenced give or take five years I'm being very generous wait he committed the the bombing between 79 and 95? Oh, I shouldn't have read those, yes. That's why I didn't say 99.

God damn it, 98. Yeah, thank you. I would have actually guessed later. Sometimes open and shut cases, in my opinion, take a long time. Well, because that was a civil action. There was the civil suit, which involved all the victims. But I think they also charged him individually for every murder in the in

the crime. You know what you would do very well at right now? Edvard Manet was born on this day in what year? I'm not, this isn't part of it, but based on your knowledge now. 1800. 1832. Shit. Come on, man, he was around the same generation as our first guy.

Didn't you just say I got a 33 year window though? Cezanne was 39. No, I give you no window. That wasn't part of it. Okay, we're moving on. All right, let's cheer up a little bit. No, no, first we got to go down. Oh wait, letters to the editor.

Let's do that. Pat McGroin, which I don't know that that's his real name, wrote in to say, glad you two are okay after a rough week in your world. Just a comment from last week's pod, funny story about Brooke Shields and her lady parts that finishes with Greg saying, quote, what what some people would put in a book. That's coming from a guy that went into the fens to blow a guy and then went on the biggest radio show of all time, Stern, to reveal that story. Fantastic work guys. Glad you made it to five years. Pat

McGroin. And then JP said Gibbons didn't sound triumphant in his decision to rent in the face of the fire. Hasn't that been his stance? Renting because either there was gonna be an earthquake or a property crash. Can you ask him to comment on the podcast? Here's what I would do, Greg, if I owned a place. I would be renting it out now and killing it. Not even with price gouging. It's just maybe it's still price gouging, but offers come in. I saw this one realtor came across my feed. There was a house, it wasn't her listing, but there was a house and it was going for a big house,

like in Brentwood, and it was going for 20 grand a month, which believe it or not, is not an uncommon rent here in Los Angeles. And then the fire happened and a bidding war ensued and it's now being rented for $38,000 a month. How is that not gouging? Well, a bidding war happened like they didn't raise it. Yeah, but wouldn't you think?

I said maybe it's still gouging. Yeah, I wouldn't you think I said maybe it's still gouging. Yeah, I don't know. I know I talked to Dennis's friend who is a realtor and he said that all of the people, you know, he lists properties and he said all of the owners called him and said, not all of them. A lot of them said, raise the rent, raise it 20%. 20 you double it. That's shitty.

It's very shitty. But you know, I don't know the reason I'm renting. Well I had to move here because I'd be in the zip code of Santa Monica High School for my daughter and then I kind of fell in love with how easy this place was. But really I've been priced out. That's the real truth of why I'm still renting. If I bought even the apartment I'm sitting in, it would more than double my monthly cost, easily more than double, maybe triple. But also an earthquake I think is a little different. It's not as isolated, obviously.

obviously. And but what I didn't realize was an earthquake also really scares people. Like more. This fire was very scary and was almost like an earthquake. Not was is what you said was the fire was it is a fire. Yeah, kind of. Why, is it burning out? Yeah, all the headlines today are on. And also, the amount of personnel here, like I think I sent you that clip of PCH, which is closed, is one gigantic fire truck parking lot. Like, they are waiting. The planes are filled.

The planes are waiting. Now, you know, the problem was it was like a hurricane that came in here with fire in it. That's basically what it was. Right. And so, you know, when it's a neighborhood like that, instead of all of LA, like, all those people

have to go somewhere, and it's going to raise rents. So maybe it backfires. I don't know what I'm talking about. But I don't think that way no I was really bummed about I'm definitely not triumphant I guess is the word you used feeling that way at all. All right let's talk about it obituaries. Here we go. Okay man David Lynch I just go research I didn't put a lot here, but eccentric visionary outsider. He earned Oscar noms for writing and directing 1980s The Elephant

Man and for directing Mulholland Drive and Blue Velvet. In 2000 he received an honorary Oscar for lifetime achievement at the Governor Awards. He also took the Palm DeOra con for Wild at Heart which I loved and that was in 1990. He also took the Palm Dior icon for Wild at Heart, which I loved and that was in 1990. He was nominated for the prize three other times. He also, I mean Blue Velvet is just unbelievable and then he changed he kind of had a big hand in changing television with Twin Peaks. Do you know that Twin Peaks was only originally on for like two seasons? The second season people kind of turned on it a little bit.

They left, they stopped watching. It's one of those shows like Freaks and Geeks where like it's this touchstone moment in TV that everybody talks about. And it really all, I mean, Freaks and Geeks I think only did one season and was it one or two I think it was only one but people didn't watch Freaks and Geeks except the cult following everyone watched Twin Peaks and then it was like a little bit how like Lost turned off their their

following you know that's what happened Twin Peaks but then it was made into a movie I guess which did well. I think they did a couple movies. There was originally like the Fire Walk with me or something. And then I believe they bought the show back on like Showtime and did another season or two of it. But for anyone too young or if you didn't watch it, you have to understand what Twin Peaks was You were watching like a great film on TV

Which did not exist like made for TV movies were cheap They could be good sometimes, but they were still cheap. They looked cheap. They looked fast they didn't look like film. And then this thing came along and about murder and you know there was nothing like Sopranos or anything like that. And so it just was a game changer. Like this quality on an original TV production was amazing. Yeah, no they say it really changed TV. All right, let's cheer up. Here we go, let's cheer up. And see blue velvet if you haven't seen blue velvet.

The caption contest is going on. If you submit a punchline to the one frame caption we give you, if we pick you as the winner you will get a koozie sent to your house for free. Yes. So that's pretty exciting. And we get a lot of submissions from you guys. We love it. I go through them all and I apologize, I can't get them all in. I try to pick the ones that I think are the best, but obviously some of them are good that I'm missing. So let's go through them. Now, last week's caption, it's a bear holding a brown paper bag. He's in the woods. And there is a man

standing next to him who's pulling money out of his wallet. So John Steinbach said, I'll take the cash, but this sack of shit doesn't prove anything. Hmm. What does that mean? I think it's like you can't prove that. Can you prove that a bear shits in the woods? Okay. There's a lot we're gonna get to there's a run of those jokes that I kind of put them all together. All right. People all kind of ran in the same direction. Linda said, Here's your bear shit, you little pervert. All right. Eli s said now the guys at the office will believe me that a bear does shit in the woods. Lucas Gilger said,

Here's your proof that we do shit in the woods. Barry Cohen said, answers that age old question. Does a bear sell shit in the woods? Richard McCabe says does a bear sell shit in the woods? Richard McCabe says does a bear sell good shit in the woods? huh. Richard Bochco said I get 50 bucks you finally have an answer to what we do in the woods. Joel said David knows the best shit comes from bear in the woods. Chris Watson said I know it stinks but in this bag is definitive proof that the Pope was in the woods a little turn little turn flesh try said who bear eats I like that a lot like that Dan

Albany said the true story of cocaine bear that no one is telling of course not what are you what do you use a freaking rat David Bentley said one order of bear necessities all right Tim Macy said if you get caught with this honey we don't know each other okay capiche all right Ron B said you really prefer bears $30 for my cock mold buddy what Jason Cobb said this is high-grade pure elk the same shit Joe Rogan gets that's kind of funny and Jacobi said when a furry needs his used panties fix. Whoa okay. And then Colin said yes this is the same stuff I sold Goldilocks it will get you just right. And then he said no I don't sell dime bags do I look like a black bear to you what what Sean Johnson said put this in the purge part is next time in that little Goldilocks will sure take a

nice long nap so there we go we had a lot this week we had a lot of people hit the same joke in slightly different ways. And I think the one that you liked the most based on your laughter was uh... Oobar Eats. I think so. All right so Oobar Eats came from Flesh Try. Congratulations Flesh Try. You got a koozie just in time for January. Yupper. Well done. Cold spell. Next

week's caption is a man with a turban on his head and he's in bed with a woman who's got a negligee on and they have a cover over them. He seems to have a boner popping up through the cover and she has her arms crossed she does not look happy he's playing a flute he's playing the little flute got a turban there's a bulge in the blanket where his cock would be and she looks a little bit how do you say put off you have to see this to write to it go to the YouTube Yeah, I wouldn't know what you were describing go to the YouTube channel and You'll see this and you'll write us jokes. You'll send them to Fitzdogg radio at gmail.com and we will read them and you may win a koozie

Then we've got haggard Helga is sitting at the table talking to their daughter. I can't remember her name, but she's pretty sexy. She's got yellow hair and she wears a sort of a Viking bra. Not big tits, but like solid 34 Bs, maybe 32 Bs. And the mother says, honey, I hope you didn't mind when I give you advice. And she goes, not at all. And then she says, but I do wonder where you learned all the things you tell me not to do. And then Hager goes, what things? Like, what?

What kind of things did he do to Helga that she's trying to tell her daughter not to get involved in? Or the mom's probably like, this is how you disassociate while it's happening. I think that's what she's saying. Yes, just picture bunnies. You're running through the woods with bunnies. What is that? Oh, my God.

That's what you imagine while it's happening. Oh, no. Innocence, I guess. All right. And now we got Leroy is at the doctor's office, he's sitting on the bed and the doctor goes of course you're not feeling 100%. Your health plan only covers 85%. There it is, very timely. Yep. And then we've got Leroy is talking to a hot buxom blonde at a party. He's got a cocktail on his hand. And Loretta, no Loretta's talking to the woman in front of Leroy and she goes, yes Leroy played ball back in college. Foos to be exact.

Foosball reference, nice. Not bad. All right let's get to some Dilbert. Dilbert, this is number 10. But it turns out it goes higher than 10. So again, I don't know which way we're counting. I haven't read this one yet. But let's take a look. So three frames, Dilbert is at his desk. The smack my bitch up guy with that hair with the two like cones of hair on his head. He walks up to Dilbert and he goes, my boss says we need some eunuch programmers. Second frame, Dilbert goes, I think he means eunuchs, not eunuchs, E-U-N-U-C-H-S. And I already know eunuchs, U-N-I-X. Third frame, smack my bitch up guy goes,

if the company nurse drops by, tell her I said nevermind. So this is a joke on how these two words sound similar, Unix and Unix. And this guy was, he was gonna get his wiener chopped off is my understanding. Well, I think what Dilbert does is he really blows up the whole corporate office uh uh mindset and this guy is willing to get castrated for his mid-level job. I think that's what the joke is. Yeah I think and is what is it

is it is it balls what is it technically? A e a eunuch is one of those Roman guards that was there were you said it castrated for? Well, it's anyone. Well, a male, a male. And then it's castrated. I think they were Roman guards or Egyptian guards are supposed to protect the virgins. And so they wanted them guarding the virgins and not fucking them so they chopped their balls off. Yeah and they were usually yeah guards exactly in an Asian court. Oh Asian okay. It's also an ineffectual person so I think both these guys including the person that wrote this is already a eunuch. Yes. What's the guy's name? Scott Adams writes this.

Whatever. He's a big Trump guy now too. Perfect. So Blondie is standing inside the door and Dagwood's getting ready to leave and he's dressed in his stupid black suit with the red bow tie and their dog who's blue also has on a tuxedo top with the red bow tie and she goes, wow you look like twins and Dagwit goes, today is

national dress up your dog day and then he goes, haha we both have a good coat, healthy bones, and strong teeth. And then she gives him a big kiss on the face and goes, that's why I married you, honey. Is that it? I've been wondering for years. Is that why you married this fucking pudgy, useless, lazy,

low earning fucking child? Cause he has strong bones, good coat and strong teeth. I think she's just confused because now he looks like the dog and that's probably the only thing she loves in her life. Yes that's right think about how much comfort that dog gives blondie on a cold night when you're over at Herb's in the garage taking a nap. Is the neighbor Herb? Herb, yeah. You're too involved in their world. If you want to get involved in our world, just go to the website, fitsdog.com, and you can see links to the show. Watch it on YouTube, like it, comment. That helps us out out a lot Mike is really good about responding to people

Yes, tube channel when you write comments. I'm back. It fell off for a while, but I'm back. Well, he was very busy he was yeah, you know, he was earning he was grinding and earning and Don't forget. I will be in Wisconsin. I don't know. I'm in a bunch of places go to Fitzdogg comm get some tickets Come on out tomorrow. You're at the cellar, bro I'll be at the cellar tomorrow night and the stand on Tuesday night And then I will be in NIAC next weekend and then Raleigh later that weekend Mike anything you want to promote Mike, anything you want to promote? Blue Velvet.

Yeah, Blue Velvet, man. See Blue Velvet? I was trying to think if I saw something. Oh, Ronnie Chang's new special I really liked. Oh, I heard it's good. Yeah, it's very good. Did you ever see Interior Chinatown, by the way? What the hell's that?

It's a show that he's in with O Yang, what's that guy's name? Stephen Oh Yang? Something Oh Yang. Jimmy Oh Yang. And here in this show together it's really really good. It's about Chinatown. And like I won't give anything away except definitely watch it. Okay I will will know I like them a lot and Thank you, Coast Media for producing and we'll catch you guys next week Take it each take it each The Daily Papers podcast is a really good time Making the jokes and the hoes plus a 5.25 king of online casinos. Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas strip excitement MGM is famous for. When you play classics like MGM Grand Millions or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat, and Roulette,

with our ever-growing library of digital slot games, a large selection of online table games, and signature BetMGM service, there is no better way to bring the excitement and ambience of Las Vegas home to you than with BetMGM Casino. Download the BetMGM Casino app today. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to Wager Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact

Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BedMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario.