Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 255 3/9/25

Episode Date: March 9, 2025

Why women live longer, why Cheryl Hines doesn’t trust RFK Jr., and our pal Tom O’Neill’s new documentary “Chaos” is out on Netflix. Also, topless women on SW Air, and Newsom doesn’t like trans athletes?Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Every sandwich has bread, every burger has a bun, but these warm, golden, smooth steam buns? These are special. Reserved for the very best. The Filet-O-Fish. And you. You can have them too. And you can have it all at two for six dollars. Like a Filet-O-Fish, Big Mac, ten piece McNuggets, or large fries. Limited time only. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. Single item at regular price.

Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. This shit is big time! Who is Rand? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mama the fuck is dead! Welcome. Welcome to Sunday Papers with Mike Gibbons. And Greg Fitzsimmons.

Welcome to Sunday papers. Great. All about it from Atlanta, Georgia. What up, y'all? I'm here. Did you press? Did you plug in your headphones? I did. Press record. You got everything going. You don't need to produce me. I got this shit down.

Well, if I was producing you, I'd put a little less of an angle on that camera. You tried to fix it. What about a roll of toilet paper on its side? For the lighting? No, it's just you're very ominous. For the listeners, I know this is a real treat, but Greg, the angle is shooting very,

from down low up to his head. Oh, I see under the computer. Yeah. Like that. Oh, that's way better. Yeah, hold on. Let me get a fill up. Oh, this is good listening right here. This is good listening.

Hey everybody. How's it going? What a week. Greg didn't let me look up our Oscar picks. They're on YouTube. He wouldn't tolerate the time it would take for me to look up because I think it's a toss-up who won our Oscar picks is Adrian Brody still giving his speech dude that was so embarrassing and awkward and awful and what made it 20

times worse was when he told them to give him more time he promises not to be indulgent or whatever the word was that he said he all right he wins right which I'm dead set against but he's walking up to the stage and I'm like all right this man, is a layup. The movie was about a Holocaust survivor who immigrated. He was an immigrant, emigrated, and then he was an immigrant to the United States and added to the country and did well. That's the stories about a guy like that.

Now, also, someone we were watching with said both of Adrian Brody's parents are immigrants. I'm like, this speech is a layup. You can even just skirt the political things and just be positive about the history of this country and what immigration has meant to it, and also being a beacon of hope for the world and a refuge. Just like this is longer than Adrian Brody's speech at this point.

It's one eighth the length, but it's a layup, my man. What does he talk about himself? The actor. Yep. Now, the whole thing about like, I would have said, you know, I won an Oscar. What was it? 20, 20 years ago that he won the Oscar. That's the story. That's kind of interesting. Hang in there, you know, but I'm tired of fucking actors telling us all to follow our dreams. Because here's the thing, you are one of a million that tries and makes it so you're encouraging 999,999 people to sacrifice loved ones, cousins' weddings,

a stable relationship because you're waiting until you make it. It's such a fucking- Being a likable human being in many cases, like himself. Being a non-narcissist, it's a fucking pyramid scheme. That's what fame is. And all they do is tell you to follow your dream because that's what keeps you in squalor

and somehow complacent. Watching America's Got Talent or the masks, whatever. I don't watch those fucking shows. I'm just tired of watching like some 14 year old thanking his mother for helping him follow his dream. It's like you're 14. If my mom had helped me follow my dream at 14, it would have been a felony.

Was she gonna help me orchestrate a three way with my piano teacher and my tutor? That was my dream. Whoa. Your dream in hindsight seems very achievable. No, they were both in their 30s. Nice. That is a good dream.

I, yeah, are you, wait, are you saying Adrian Brody's trying to keep people down or he's just clueless? I just think that he's in that mindset. He's in that American mindset that you're gonna be exceptional and there's no respect for the craftsman or the teacher. It's all about this guy who it seems like the only reason this guy went to acting classes and struggled and made it

was that he could get this trophy that this piece of hardware was the whole fucking reason it's not about his process look we've both won Emmys I never went to the fucking ceremony I want a I want a I want a cable ace award I didn't go to that I won the BU best comedian award. I didn't go to that. I won the BU Best Comedian Award in 1989. I was out drinking with you fucking idiots. I didn't go to the ceremony. Look at you. You didn't do it for all that. You did it for the drinks. Did it for the drinks and the pussy. Yeah, Brody, man. I don't know. It seemed very weird. Yeah. It was weird. It was a bummer because I kind of

like him but he's a toothpick actor he's one of those guys that will work the shit out of a toothpick in a movie. You have a lot of theories today. Yeah. I was sitting alone in hotel rooms for a while. Actually I was with my mom for five days in Florida. Do tell. Well You saw the religious painting again? Did you sleep in that room? There was a painting in my mom's condo that was abstract and there became an uproar from the townspeople that there was a penis. And it was just kind of a Rorschach test, like who is seeing the penis in this painting? And I saw it.

It's not a penis. And they ended up having a condo meeting over it. And they were screaming and yelling, I don't want my grandkids coming down here and seeing pornography. All right, all right, hold on. I think I unwittingly tapped into something that I didn't know about. I was talking about the painting, the religious painting in your mom's bed. You're talking about one that's in a common area?

Yes, somebody put it up by the elevator and it was abstract and some saw penises and it became like a civil war. And so in the end, they compromised and they moved the painting down the hallway, literally like down, way the fuck down by this executive office that nobody ever goes to, and the painting was then hung upside down so that the penis was now flaccid instead of erect.

Is it rubbing up against the George O'Keefe that's right next to it? Right, right. Every morning you come down, it's turned right side up again on its own. That was abstract. Yeah. So, we watched the news, and at one point there was a story about Israel, and she referred to the other side as Hummus. I love it. Yep.

Does she still believe in God if our president is right and that God saved him so he could run the country? I think she believes in God because all these prayers, she does believe that all these prayers have kept the Pope alive. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. Well, that's a sweet thing.

Yeah. That's nice. And I had an interesting thing, speaking of hummus. All right. So I teach and we'll just keep it vague, but I teach anyway. So someone has a, an actor comes back, right, and he does a monologue in this live show that we put on. And so the actor in the monologue, he wrote it,

and he wanted like Q&A, it's an SNL course. He wanted Q&A from the audience. Someone goes, hey, since USC, did you do, and then eventually comedically gets to, and then what does that mean for your views on Palestine? He's like, did someone just bring up Palestine into this? comedically gets to and then what does that mean for your views on Palestine? He's like did someone just bring up Palestine into this and he's like I think I and he tries to and it's awkward he tries to sidestep it. That's literally

it. One of the professors writes an email and he goes I just want to go on record that I am offended or whatever the word was that he was balking. I just want to go on record that I am offended by this sketch and I don't see why that word has to be brought up, especially as I don't view a, uh, I don't view that Palestine exists. It's like, whoa. I go, what a professor wrote this. Yes. And I'm like, whoa, I go, what? A professor wrote this? Yes. Oh, die. Fucking die.

And of course, I write my email. Of course, all I want to write is an email. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? And no one brought up the word country. Anyway, it's amazing how myopic people can be and how one issue people can be, and it's everything. I'm not talking about just that part of the region of the world.

It can be whatever. Maybe abortion is your one issue. Maybe Irish cause is your, oh, by the way, I started watching that show, Say Nothing. And anyway, whatever your issue is, it could be anything. And, but it really is, it could be anything. But it really is amazing how it can blind you and then everything looks like a nail

because you're walking around with that hammer. Yeah, it's intense, you know, and that's why I love bringing it up on stage. It's like, that's the great thing about stand-up comedy is it's the last place. You're the first place you can't say things. Stand- place you're the first place you can't say things stand-up comedy is the last place you can't say things it's literally the best premise for a joke is abortion I mean in good hands with the preparation

of good jokes you know the experienced doctor wait is the doctor making jokes what are we in the OR well that's what I said last night, I was on stage, I go, can you get an abortion in Georgia? And somebody goes, somewhat. I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? What do you just like punch the lady in the stomach or something? Somebody's the greatest answer. Maybe that'll be official, like, all right, here are the states that's outlawed, here are the states that's legal, here are the somewhat states. So somewhat meant that they only have six weeks, which means, first of all, a woman has a period every four weeks, five if she's late.

So now you got to fucking, you got to, you got to, you know, look at it, look at a dry tampon and then sprint to the fucking abortion clinic. You know what they're trying to do? They're trying to make sure that any of these virgin pregnancies, you know, that will, you know, the second coming of Christ, that it's too late because they haven't even had sex. They're not on the lookout for it. All of a sudden they're like, oh my God, I'm carrying the Savior. It's like, yeah, but you're week seven. It's too late. You got to deliver the Savior. Why is it? Why is this such a big thing for Christians? Because originally I believe it had to do with population and Christian soldiers, and they wanted more Christians out there

to fight in the holy wars. But why do you think abortion is such a huge issue right now for Christians I mean I think they believe that God or whatever that is for them God or Jesus whatever it is it says it's killing innocent human. Yeah, but they think everybody's a sinner except them. So really, you're killing mostly bad people, according to that logic. Okay, even their logic, right. Right, because even other religions, why wouldn't you want another religion

killing their fetuses? Yes. Because they're the dirtiest people in the world. And it's actually just the opposite happens because the wealthy white elite Christians, their daughters are gonna get abortions. They will pay, there will be a way are gonna get abortions. They will pay, there will be a way

to get private abortions done, of course. And who's gonna have the babies are the Latinos and the blacks who can't afford that kind of care. So you're basically, you're working against yourself if you look at it in those terms. Good point, solid, solid abortion. We are officially off the algorithm for today. Already?

My mother went to see a Nora, you know, her, her condo has movie nights on Tuesday night. They're going to put up a painting of a Nora in the lobby. So, all right, now that you you know the makeup of these people, try to imagine that whoever's in charge of movies picked a Nora for the Tuesday night screening. So everybody showed up and my mom said they were walking out like it was a fundraiser. It was just, it like, and of course the first 10 minutes of the movie is like a montage of VIP rooms at a strip club.

Yeah. And my mother went with my brother. I go to them, I go, do not show up on time, Bobby. You do not want to sit next to mom for the first 10 minutes of this movie. So they actually went late, but still saw a ton of shit. Oh well also that scene goes on forever so they probably caught the end of it even if even if they were 15 minutes late. Yep and then you also got the scene where she's having sex with the young guy and and trying

to get him not to come as fast. Mom how was the movie? Yeah so people walked out and they went I go do you guys want to bring some snacks to the movie and so I looked in her cupboard and I found some potato chips with Christ on them no with the Super Bowl from, I looked it up, from three years ago, stamped on the potato chip. They're so caked in preservatives, don't you worry about that. They're salted as if they're going out to sea for three years, and then they also have chemicals. Can I tell you a joke my mother said at dinner

that is now officially in my act? She goes she goes I Talked to her about I go we got a you know You can't click on any link that you don't know because it's spam Oh, geez, and then the hackers are gonna get your passwords and she goes well good then maybe they can tell me what they are then maybe they can tell me what they are. So I've got some version of that I'm working on right now. I don't know the wording, but that's the idea. It's very funny. That's great. So the Oscars, so we should go over our picks from last week, which will be funny. But

The Oscars, so we should go over our picks from last week, which will be funny. But since last week, I saw Nickel Boys, I saw Sing Sing, and I like those movies more than any other movie this year, those two movies. And then I'm trying to see I'm Still Here, which the New York Times came out with an article the morning of the Oscars saying, at Still Here, which the New York Times came out with an article the morning of the Oscars saying, at least that journalist at the New York Times, that that was their favorite movie and also that she should win Best Actress. She won the Golden Globe for Best Actress from I'm Still Here. It's Brazilian.

And I don't know if I should say it's Brazilian because I think it's an American filmmaker, Sellas or whatever his name is. But anyway, I wanna see that. Last night I saw September 5th. And that's very good also. It's a documentary about September 5th? No, it's a movie. It's a dramatic movie though,

but it almost all takes place. It feels like it's in real time, but I guess it's two days, I guess. It takes place. It feels like it's in real time, but I guess it's two days I guess it takes place in the control room in Munich during the 73 Olympic Games No shit, that's interesting. That's interesting So, you know Spielberg had Munich a couple years ago whatever was is about, and it was a very young Rune Arlitch who eventually went on to run both sports and news at ABC. He's a young guy there and he's like the kind of manager there.

And it goes down, they start doing groundbreaking stuff. The sports, because news is back in the States, sports starts doing groundbreaking stuff to cover this giant story that fell in their laps. And then news is like, all right, move over. And Peter Jennings is in the center of it. And then news is like, move over. And they're like, not a chance. This is our story.

I went to high school with Roone Arledge's son, Roone Arledge Jr. Roone was a powerful guy. He was and that that was a very interesting story because it was you know the the IRA had taken hold you know the troubles had already started in Northern Ireland and the PLO was very much affected and informed by how this type of guerrilla warfare could be used. Yeah. And it was it put them on the map. I hate to say it, it was so successful for the Palestinians to get some attention for themselves. It was interesting they were like like, what word do we use to describe them? And then there's a German girl there who is their translator.

And she's like, he's like, what do you, because I forget what they first were calling them. And then they're like, what do you use? And she said it in German. She's like, what's the translation? She's like, terrorist. And the whole room was like, whoa, like, so that that wasn't used yet. Right. Oh, really? Yeah, no, it's very interesting.

There were a couple of things. I'm forgetting the other one. Another one was whatever. It's boring. But they basically invented this bug where, like, you know, on the lower right, you'll see NBC just light. It's see through. But you see kind of the texture of the it's basically the logo. So, you know, when you're watching the feed from that network and they created that during this.

Because their feed was being taken from them, where they had to share it with CBS. They're like, well, put a bug up. They're like, oh my God, that's genius. Should we announce our friend's movie that's out? Yeah, it's out today, which is Friday. I already watched half of it. Tom O'Neill's book Chaos is now on net. Dude I opened up Netflix today and it was front and center. It was the main movie they're pushing right now and I mean you talk about true crime. I mean there was in cold blood which is uh, what's his name?

Truman Capote and Tom's I believe that Tom's book is up there with that in terms of the real like Genesis of true crime was the Manson murders and Tom's angle on it it captures that and then it also captures a journalist who is hell-bent on sifting through bullshit theories and coming up with the truth about something. And that's one- Not only that, if I may interrupt, sorry, not only that, he is actively criticizing effectively criticizing and systematically breaking down and taking apart arguably the biggest true crime book of all time, Helter Skelter.

Yes, he takes it apart, he debunks it, and what he does is, as a real journalist, does not tell you in the end this is exactly what happened. He says right in the book and then right in the movie he says I cannot place Jolly West and Charles Manson in the same room. Jolly West was running the Haight-Ashbury Free Clinic in 1967. Manson had a weekly appointment at that same clinic. It was not a big clinic. It held about a dozen people he says but I don't have a person who witnessed them together but anyway long story short

check it out Tom doesn't love it I think that's an understatement well I think it's impossible to take a book that was 700 pages long that was condensed from what he's working on now, which is a second book that'll probably be as long, and turn it into a you know a 90-minute documentary. It's absurd to even try. It should have been a docu-series. It's reviewed everywhere. I think there's one review in particular that Tom O'Neill thinks nails it. Like sort of the disconnect from the book and what Errol Morris decided to do in the documentary with the disconnect from the book and what Errol Morris decided to do

in the documentary with the limited time he had, what his focus was, and then I guess the New York Times has a review today and I think it's close to being satisfactory for Tom. That might not be true, but I think I gleaned that. Well, the Times loves it. The Times thinks it's a good... well, they also love Tom's book. It's... anyway, I got to watch the second half, but I don't think it's terrible. I just think it's not giving due the respect to his process as much. And it's, you know, Errol Morris, who is a very award-winning, he's considered one of the top documentary directors

of the last 30 years. He gets a little too into his graphics and pauses and it's like, dude, you got a lot of shit to get to, move up the fucking pace a little bit here. Yeah. Also he shows himself a lot. Now Errol's become, he's put himself in his documentaries and he's moved over to

being incredibly stylized with not only the interviews, but the reenactments and all that stuff. Well, we're gonna have Tom O'Neill on the podcast next week to do an interview. Nice. Get his feedback on the movie. I don't think he's gonna sit here and badmouth it, but he can at least tell you what he would have done different. I don't think we should go through our ask but I'm not gonna remember the difference between conclave and more. Those were the things we chose the most. We're looking forward we're looking forward. What's going on with the koozies? Oh man I have a koozie update ready for this? Yeah. Okay here we go now some guy some guy Andrew I don't want to I don't want to out these people,

but I'll tell you where Andrew's from. God damn it, I don't know where Andrew. Andrew M, last initial M, I did send it. I think I sent it on October 3rd. Have you still not gotten it, Andrew? Okay, that's one. Now, I have questions for a couple people. Markle, whoops, There's the last name. I

sort of feel like these are emails more than no podcast messages. And then and then Ira, Ira in San Francisco, did you get yours? Email Greg. Email Greg. Ira in San Francisco. Did you get yours? And then Markle and then Mike M. Mike M. Markle's in Newtown there. I've just outed him. Anyway, listen man, but here's what's going out.

We got, no, no, sorry. Ace is going out. All right. Gary Ace, look at this, proof. Ace's going out we got no no sorry ace is going out all right Gary ace look at this proof ace is going out today but what's ace's last name turns out it is his last name I'm not good at this I'm outing people but first name first name that's what I was hoping and then we have I'm gonna do it real quick anyway Puget who's not Canada, these are all last names now, it's going out. McLeaf and Gonrich, they're all going out.

All right. We got a guy named Ace who is a, let's just say a frequent writer to the website. Well, I mean, he won won a contest so it's probably the same guy. Yeah, I think he's probably following up. Everyone should be pacing. John Favreau had to wait four years for his koozies. So... Does his first name start with a G? Ace? Yes. Okay, yeah get that to him sooner than later. Uh-oh. All right, we got a logo this week from Bob Bob has been sending us some great stuff lately. This is the Tate brothers if you didn't recognize the photo I don't know how much that looks like you

But I like my arms. I like my ripped arms in the picture Look like me. It's my face wearing a leather jacket. It looks a little you mean I'm beefy. The forehead looks a little bit I guess that is your forehead. Let me say hold on. I mean, I hope they use my forehead now. Yeah.

Oh, no, I see what happened. Oh, that's wild. Something's a little off, but. No, no, that's like an AI. My ears are not that low. That's a different shaped face. Yeah. Well I think he pasted the face into the existing head and ears. That's my eyes and nose I guess. Yeah. All right, the song this week comes from Mike it is if it sounds familiar You look Mike took the theme song. I know I like the cigar all of it Mike took the theme song from your mom's house and He replaced their name with our name So I that'll probably get us flagged and maybe get Tom and Christina mad at us, but I thought it funny. Thanks Mike. We by the way we did not work just I'm getting mad. Well just for the record we don't do parodies. I figured that's not like a published song

so we got away with it but please don't waste your time sending us parodies because it makes the podcast get taken down off of YouTube and we don't want to lose. Technically it's not a parody too if you're not commenting on the original work. Well there you go. Maybe nerdy nerd a million notes in television. Corrections! Do corrections get a crinkle? Yeah man. Well I can crinkle up Markle's fucking koozie. Hold on. I don't think I don't think starrofoam koozies make a lot of noise hold on let me grab Okay good good Nice okay, Jesus. That's like a that's like a go in the closet and kill yourself bag. I don't know what was in it. Your head eventually. Oh West Elm pillow. There you go.

Matt Rare says, Jesse James did not hide out in Atlanta. Getting out in front of the correction was a pro move. Yeah, I think I said I wasn't sure on that one. Here's the problem. I listened to the biography of Jesse James and let me tell you something. It was one of the best biographies I've ever heard. It's fascinating, but I guess I was falling asleep when I thought he was in Atlanta. Maybe I dreamt it, because I'm there now. John Favaro, who's our friend, I believe he lives in Maine, said, it was hilarious to hear Mike's remembering all the contestants on Alone were allowed to bring firearms

since the point of the show was to outlast everyone else before starving to death. They clearly would not have been hunting wild boar if they had guns. They would have quickly started to hunt each other now that's a that's a reality show oh that's the most dangerous game or something it's an old short story and then there's been a million things done like that but rich guys entertaining themselves but by hunting they're hunting humans but uh what I mean hold

on the guy did catch I think a boar or a Wolverine or Yeah, he's the trap. He's the trap. They use knives. Nope. Maybe a knife, but he obviously they had knives and they had hatchets. Oh, I think you could choose what you wanted to bring. Right. But he but that guy not a firearm. He made a trap that fell that fell down on the boar which is fucking

great not the boar it was a wolverine it was a wolverine way more dangerous than a boar and boars are dangerous. Oh yeah all right. Alex. Also I think Favreau might have it wrong I think they would have put the gun in their mouth a lot of those I saw them that's what they would have done. I would have I that first season was so good I don't know why I didn't watch another season, but maybe I should the pandemic ended It was all a hoax. Then you got naked and afraid which I think was about Every girl that's ever been alone in the room with

filling the name Just Denman Alex alone in the room with Phil in the name. Alex Castillo said a couple weeks ago y'all said something about Beck being a Scientologist. His parents were Scientologists. He's not practicing. I believe he is an LA native and his parents were in music and show business and he came up in that environment but didn't take on the Scientology bits. I don't know Alex, I'm not sure about that correction. I think we need a correction on that correction. I believe he is in fact a Scientologist. Dick Johnson, which I don't know if that's a real name, said, I always thought, I always thought F-Troop was about the American cavalry fighting the indigenous people of North America.

I guess I'll have to re-watch it. Maybe you were thinking about Hogan's Heroes. Also, it's a little embarrassing knowing about both these shows. Keep up the good work. No, those shows were really very odd and cool. Yes that was an interesting time in television. I guess that was the 70s right? F. Troup and Hogan's Heroes. As you keep reading I'm gonna look up when Hogan's Heroes came out because last night watching September 5 you have to remind yourself sometimes this was 72, you're like, it was just over the

Holocaust. Like it was just over. Right. I'm gonna guess, let me make my guesses before you look it up. I'm gonna guess Hogan's Heroes and F-Troop both came out the same year and that year was and that year was 1976. Okay, good guess. So I've looked up Hogan's Heroes first, 1965. No. Huh? Really? Yeah, before the Olympics.

And you're right, they came out the same year, dude. They did? Yes, 65. Wow, okay. same year dude they did yes 65 Wow okay I guess that was the era of TV I was talking about no 70s was then they got into crazy conceptual stuff like Sigmund and the sea monsters and Gilligan's Island and it was on ABC and Hogan's Heroes was on Hulu. No. What? OK. I don't know what channel. In the meantime, if you want real entertainment and not some televised

bullshit, you're going to go to the Hollywood improv on March 15th for the annual St. Patrick's Day show. Harlan Williams is confirmed. I have two very very very big names that are most likely gonna be there, but I can't promote them because they're in town doing huge shows. It's always big names. We always get amazing people. Bill Burr came by last year. And then Hamilton Ontario, Levity March 26th, Toronto the Comedy Bar March 27th, Pittsburgh the Improv March 28th through the 30th, then I'm coming to Boston, Torrance, Huntington, Escondido, Dayton, Tampa, Austin, La Jolla.

Go to FitzDog.com get some tickets support live comedy. We'd love to see you. Ads for this week, none, which is why. A little follow up. So, Hogan's Heroes was also, it was on CBS, but it was created, two creators. One of them, you've seen this story, he was also a producer on The Godfather. Remember, that was, he was hustling before The Godfather,. What he was hustling about was that he could kind of sell

anything and he sold a World War Two show to CBS in 1965. Ruddy. Albert S. Ruddy. I got home from my show last night and Canadian went to the room turned on the TV and Godfather 2 had started ten minutes before and I sat on the edge of the bed fully dressed and watched the entire fucking thing did you know there was an intermission in Godfather 2? In the original Godfather? No, Godfather 2. Oh, no, I didn't know that. Yeah, there's an intermission. And I forgot, I thought that he kissed Fredo in the house in Lake Tahoe, but in fact, it

was in Havana. No, on the dance floor or whatever. Yeah, in Havana, right, right. Ruddy lived, he died in May at 94 years old. I got to tell you. There's his alma mater, USC. I wonder if he knows how little they pay me. Let's move on.

Ready? Front the page. Go for it, Mr. Politics. President Donald Trump could decide this week to take the first steps to eliminate the Department of Education. They prepared an executive order directing Secretary Linda McMahon, which actually should be her title, she should be at a school as a secretary, to begin the process of dismantling the department. So eighth grade boys across the country are chugging beer funnels and masturbating right now. Oh, this is the ultimate snow day. Are you kidding me? Here's what I looked up. Here's

the thing about canceling the Department of Education. The long goal on this one is to get people using school vouchers. Here's the truth, and this isn't like us being a couple, you know, West Coast, the truth about school vouchers is they take money that is allocated for public schools so that everybody can get a good education and it pulls that money out and it gives it to a private school. Here's the problem.

75% of vouchers in the states that have already enacted it are used by students already attending private schools so they're wealthy families that are getting ten thousand dollars a year to put towards the thirty thousand or forty thousand dollars a year at cost for that school. Here's the thing about that if you're poor ten thousand ain't fucking cutting it for you to go to a private school because you don't have the other 20 to add to the 10. It's a subsidy for rich people to send their kids.

And when you say private schools, guess what? 90% of voucher recipients attend religious schools. So this is a way for the right to subsidize rich people getting a Christian education. End of story. Over. Stop it. So even with all that money they're not being taught about evolution? Right?

You'd think they'd have the funds to do a little fucking Google search. Huh. Alright. Yeah. Listen, if this story is true, I mean, it's worse. I think it might be worse than the trans mice problem that we have in this country. Oh my God, dude. Did you read that story?

Can you explain it to the people? Can you explain that reference to people? Well, he talked about that $8 million or something is going towards making money. And so first of all, so it's not it's a million. So it's weird when you're talking about all the all the big work you have to do to cut down the budget. I mean, 8 million is is honestly like the pennies that have fallen off the table compared to the rest of the budget. So why are you talking about this eight million?

Well, it contains that word trance. So the first theory was, is he confusing it with a study that was about trans gene mice? And then it was re-corrected. And in fact, there was, but it was about hormone therapy and its effects on disease. That's what these studies were. And so one I guess you could say, it's like if you're putting enough of those hormones in a mouse, it will make them like, anyway.

That was said, that time was used when the whole world is watching, and everybody's gathered to hear the leader of the free world talk and he goes about trans mice being one of the big problems. And by the way by big problem they spent eight million dollars doing tests on mice that had nothing to do with sexuality. In the meantime Trump they the government has spent 10 million dollars on Trump playing golf since he took office.

Let's go to this one. He is not gonna trans into a good golf player. That's just not gonna happen. Actually, he's surprisingly not bad for his age. I know. I hate seeing it. Yep. And that age, dude, you know what what say what you will about this guy like Obviously you can appear out of it sometimes and all that but I have a dad that's in his uh, you know

mid 80s now and Trump's like a pretty strong Person like you know what I mean? Like he seems with it like if I had a grandfather like that I'd put that behavior and the way he carries himself in the way I see him play golf in his 70s not 80s for more years So what I just said all right, let's do this next story mystery of why Okay, the mystery of why women age better than men may finally be solved.

I saw this article this week and it's the mystery of what may finally have been solved by scientists. Women tend to live about five years longer than men and often avoid the severe mental decline and heart problems that plague the opposite sex. So what do you think they found is the cause of women of men dying five years before women? They want to. It's just sheer will. Yeah. It's will? It's sheer will. I was just in Florida so I got a big eyeful of this phenomenon. I mean, you sit around the pool, there are four women for every guy. They're all widows. My mom being one of them.

I would say it has something to do with estrogen. No, it's that women are spared. They don't carry around the weight of accountability for their whole life. And so their heart is less strained. Yeah, so it's weird. No, I'm trying to look for the article. I thought I kept it open. But what it is, I can remember it, is they have that extra

X chromosome, I believe. Please don't correct me because I might have some of this wrong. It's generally this. They have this X chromosome, but it's not that it's not there. It lays dormant. And then in the second half of life, the theory is that it starts to get activated. And when it does, it protects things. It produces hormones and enzymes

that I think oh I don't know about enzymes or hormones that protect the brain more and the heart more huh so it's almost like they have a time release capsule when they're born and they choose not to use it until they're older I guess it is because you because once they get all the money, they need that extra energy to go have some fun with it. I think it's different. I think it's once the husband kicks it, they're like, what's a budget?

And then they need that thing to kick in, that hormone that's kind of like, hey, I got to spend less than I make. Speaking of older women, actress Cheryl Hines reportedly gave her husband, Robert F. Kennedy, an ultimatum to move her to Washington following his recent sexting scandal with political journalist Olivia Newsy. You think it would be the opposite. Like you got to move me out of here. I can't watch this. I can't be with you. I know. Reportedly she ordered Kennedy to move her to California out of fear that his quote lust demons would

overwhelm him during his time serving his role in Trump's cabinet. She also accused him and this woman Nuzzy accused him of some kind of sexual whatever, impropriety. She also accused him of talking dirty to her, but he said, that's just my spasmodic dysphonia. That's the sexy talk? Yeah. Yeah. I'm wondering, is there a vaccine for lust demons that he didn't take? It sounds like quite an affliction. I think being married to Cheryl Hines might be one. Yeah.

The New York Post reported that Kennedy was investigating a potential lawsuit against Nuzzy who allegedly quote, bombarded him with increasingly pornographic photos and videos. Nuzzy last week claimed the two were sexting prior to her being placed on leave by her employer. This had nothing to do with romance. De Becker said he was being chased by porn. Oh. And which is tough because try running with an erection and a handful of lotion. I have I have never outrun porn. I'm just going to I'm going to come clean. Yeah, but I think you fake give up.

I think you do that thing like, no, no, no. I leave the hand trailing behind. Don't catch me. I'll tell you, porn, porn chased me. I'll tell you a porn porn chased me it tackled me to the ground pulled my pants around my ankles and then jerked me off and kept me from writing a script. Oh no it knows how to mess up your plans. Yeah. It really interferes it gets in the way for sure. Yeah, it's a chase. It's a chase Is this yours about or Isn't it? Oh, no, that's all I

Passengers aboard a Southwest flight are shaken up after a naked woman delayed their flight on Monday I saw the footage. Go ahead the flight from Houston to Phoenix Had to return to the gate due to the incident. A passenger sent video to ABC Houston showing a woman who appeared at the front of the cabin, topless, causing a scene. The viewer said the naked woman paraded on board for 25 minutes before action was taken. 25 minutes for people to react?

She must have had a great set of cans. People are just like, hold on, hold on. I don't hear her out. You're right. That could have been. I don't. I see. I saw the footage and let me just say she could have been helped a lot. If this plane also landed upside down, that would have helped her a lot. Yeah. So her tits were also Southwest? The blur, the blur that I saw on the video, the blur was hard, hard to contain the whole image. Wow.

Yeah. Great, as if there weren't enough guys already pulling out their dicks on Southwest flights. Yeah, that's why you go there. Hawaiian shirts, shorts, flip flops, and indecency. But this is what you get Southwest when you don't assign us seats. The poor woman just lost it trying

to find a seat, a center seat on the plane. And their slogan used to be, low fares, nothing to hide. You know what? Something should be hidden. Something should be hidden Southwest. good mental pull on that one yeah that's entertainment listen I'm not celebrating this story it's not fun but boy did the headline it did make me chuckle. Why am I saying that? Anyway, Judge shot wife to death. Okay. Judge shot wife to death during spat about

money while drinking and watching Breaking Bad. So an Orange County Superior Court judge had been drinking and arguing with his wife while out to dinner and later inside the family home when his wife dared him to point a gun at her, which he did. The judge pulled a loaded gun from his ankle holster. Yes, judge. And fatally shot his wife while their adult son looked on.

It is very Breaking Bad. He then sent a cryptic message to his court clerk and bailiff and he told them them I just lost it I just shot my wife. I won't be in tomorrow. I will be in custody. I'm so sorry So listen, this is how good Anna gun is who played Skylar white in Breaking Bad You want to kill all wives? I remember what it was like watching that. This is a very anti-wife podcast for you, Mike. No, no, no, not me. Is this the anniversary of your divorce or something? No, not me. I'm talking about Breaking Badge. You're like,

she's getting in the way. She's going to blow it. I would think that if you were a judge of all people you would know not to leave a voice message admitting that you just did it. Jesus Christ. No worse than that. He wrote it to them. Yeah. Yeah.

He got confused and he called a fast food chicken restaurant and said he wouldn't be at work tomorrow. Like what? You don't work here. Those Mexican brothers or cousins are coming to get us. Yeah. Before he shatter he goes, I am the danger. Yes, exactly.

He must have put a little line in there. I'm at the door. Some little line before he pulled the trigger. Yeah. Especially if you thought the gun was empty. Yeah. But you're not gonna keep an empty gun and ankle holster are you? I'm guessing his lawyer is gonna opt for the trial with just a judge,

no jury. Maya Hawk, Maya Hawk says, this is of course Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman's daughter who is strikingly beautiful. Worked as a model. She's the star of Stranger Things. She's been in a million things. She's only like 24 years old and she said that she wanted to delete her Instagram account but she hasn't been able to because unfortunately in this day and age It could be the reason she doesn't get cast in a film role Quote the line between actor and celebrity has gotten extremely blurry Maya said what I always wanted to be is an actor where the work is what the draw is not the personhood But the industry keeps changing and you have to change with it and understand that all these things are getting blurred. Oh, she

said on the internet, Maya called it really difficult. It's like I don't care about Instagram but you know it's a really confusing line to watch. Well Jesus, I'm sorry. She's like it's really, really because right now if you if you have over this many followers you can get the movie funded well I want to make a movie so it's a real confusing line to walk gee where are you gonna come across a million dollars to fund a movie I mean how about the kitchen the living room you have a resume already. What is she talking about?

I have no idea. You're in Stranger Things. I just looked her up because I didn't know who she was in Stranger Things. She played the monster? She's the star of Stranger Things. Is she the little girl? Yes!

No! Yes! I think so, isn't she? I don't think so. No, no, no. She's in season two. She comes on as like this new friend. Yeah. Right. She's the friend. Yeah. And she's, she's distractingly pretty. And I'm so sorry that things have not worked out better for you, Maya. I mean, she was, she was basically born on third base and is now complaining she can't take a

limo to home plate. That's a good way of putting it. Yeah. Listen, forget Instagram, but you got to get an only fans and show your feet. You want to be in a Tarantino movie like your mom. By the way, she got to do she has the same feet as her mom. Are they great? You're saying it like I know what what you're talking about. They're not great. They're long. They're long and a little bony, but in a good way.

All right. Let's let's just move on to Florida. Make America Florida. Here we go. Florida man calls 911 asking for help to assassinate Trump. On February 26th deputies arrived at the home of this guy who dialed 911 multiple times. During one call he allegedly asked for a ride to the airport.

I've never thought of that. I always do Uber and Lyft. I'm so uncreative. You can do 911 now. So he could travel to the White House to quote, assassinate Trump. Blackstone also said he, the guy, also said he had hacked into a missile system and would launch them to destroy New York City.

He added that his missiles were attracted to Trump tower in New York. So among the things he said on his 911 calls, I already said he wanted a ride to the airport so he'd go to the White House to assassinate him. I'm a mass murderer, come get me. That's another thing he said. I want Donald Trump at my house. Tomorrow is his last day on Earth and I'm a hacker.

And I hacked into the missile silos. I'm about to launch fucking missiles to destroy New York. I'm a Confederate soldier and I'm getting revenge. My missiles are attracted to Donald Trump's tower. It's like the judge, he might have incriminated himself a little bit. A little bit. I think. Yeah, well first of all, I'm a Confederate and I'm getting revenge?

I mean, against who the guy that is literally trying to rebuild the Confederacy right now. Yeah, what's it? What are you doing? It's too bad that he didn't when he called 9-1-1 He didn't get a cop from the Capitol because that guy would have actually given him a ride to the airport. Yeah, right. That's a good one Yeah, this well look, crazy people seem to even crazy people even crazy violent people. For some reason, Trump's losing them in his camp. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, I know. This is his base. His base is turning on him in the second month of the presidency. And a Florida man. We got a Kentucky. Here we go. Make Kentucky, Florida.

A woman is arrested after them. You're right, this is an anti woman. I don't know what's going on. Woman arrested after a man comes into Kentucky Sheriff's Office with multiple. The Allitt County Sheriff's Office with multiple stab wounds. Oh my God. The Allitt County Sheriff's Office said Jeff Cook entered the Sheriff's Office on Wednesday asking to speak with the deputy. Further investigation revealed that Cook had been stabbed several times.

Deputies arrested Jacqueline, his wife, in connection to the stabbing. She was charged with secondary assault, domestic violence, and then taken to the detention center. So here's, this guy's a cool cucumber. He walked in and he politely asked to talk to someone. He's like, wife got a little out of hand. Right, he waited in line. Can I talk to someone about this?

Yeah. Yeah, I didn't want to tie up the lines. I know you're getting 911 calls. People are asking for rides now. So the 911 is very busy. So I decided to walk in here with all my stab wounds and just say, the wife, you know, the wife's going through it.

Yeah. And then she went through me. Yeah, I mean, I think that if you're gonna, if you're gonna report your wife, don't call from the house where you're where you're currently being stabbed. I think you want to let's do an in person report. Maybe he'd already been in there. And so the cops in there is like, Well, it's good to see you without a shiner this time.

How are you doing? Well, your desk is pretty high. You probably can't see my torso. I'm not doing so hot. Yeah. She didn't go with fisticuffs this time. But it did remind me very quickly. I've told this story before.

But for anyone who hasn't heard it, I'll make it quick. But in Boston, we did wind up in a lawsuit. And then we wound up in court with a landlord who was like unjustly keeping our security deposits and all that stuff. So he threatened violence against us and me. And then my dad had said like, hey, listen, that'll help when you eventually get in court. If he's threatening you, get that on record.

I'm like, all right, how do I do that? He goes, you got to go report to the police station. I go into Boston police station. There's the guy. I walk up. I'm like, yes, I'd like to report report to the police station. I go into Boston police station. There's the guy I walk up I'm like, yes, I like to report threats of violence against me and it looks amazing. Okay, he's like and he gets to the party He's like, okay, what is give me a description of this guy that threatened you? I'm like, I don't know. He's probably around five six. He stops writing

He looks at me and like I'm like five six five seven looks at me and then I'm just like looking at him Like come on man, and he's like, five, six, five, seven, looks at me. And then I'm just like looking at him, like, come on, man. And he's like, okay, he's like, how much does he weigh? And he starts to write again. I go, I don't know, like 140, one of these. He puts down the pen and he goes, sounds like you could stick this guy up your ass. I'm like, that's not the point. My man, I need paperwork.

That's hilarious. I wonder if you walk in, I wonder if this cop might have been like, you sure you can't handle it? Like you did walk in here. Yeah. You sure you can't handle this on your own? Dude, he's a fucking, he's probably a queer. If he's that small, he's probably fucking gay.

Get out of here. And it's in Kentucky, like, yeah, they act act up but you got to keep your lady in line. Yeah let's do some sports. I got a I got a email from somebody FYI I think your cousin Denny is actually this is Denny McCarthy the golfer is actually your first cousin once removed not your second cousin Denny's actually, this is Denny McCarthy the golfer, is actually your first cousin once removed, not your second cousin. Denny's dad and you have the same grandparents, right? Yes, okay, so he is my first cousin once removed, not my second cousin. By the way, in Florida, it's total coincidence, I met my mom's 15 minutes

away, there's a golf tournament that Denny's in. So on Sunday, my other cousin, Robbie, also coincidentally, was in town. And we walked the course. We walked the whole 18 holes with him. It was fun as shit. If Denny gets arrested and goes to jail for life, is he twice removed? Your cousin twice removed?

Because he was removed from the house he's removed from society yeah I don't even know what that cousin stuff is yeah there's no better word than removed and if he's also like moved emotionally shut down is he is he thrice removed if he's in jail he's your first cousin, once removed and quite distant. Is he a distant relative? Oh, he doesn't even make eye contact. Yeah. California Governor Gavin Newsom suggested Democrats were in the wrong in allowing transgender athletes to participate in females college and youth sports. He says, I think it's an issue of fairness. I completely agree with you on that.

It's an issue of fairness. It's deeply unfair. He said this in his debut podcast, This is Gavin Newsom. It should be changed to, his podcast should be called, Who is Gavin Newsom? Because that's a bit of a flip flop there. Right.

So anyway, he, they were talking about A.B. Hernandez, a transgender high school track star from California whose triple jump event in the women's competition is drawing fierce backlash from the right. Well, here's how you solve that. I mean, just even it out. I think we should allow her to do two of the jumps. You only count the first two in the triple jump. Did you just come up with a real solution? No, the triple jump is three jumps in a row. And I'm saying, if you're transgender, they only count the first two.

Gotcha. I didn't follow that. Well, he did say some eloquent stuff about having some grace and humility in how this subject is dealt with and that these people face lots of, there's a tremendous suicide rate, they're bullied and they're up against a lot of obstacles. And so it's interesting though that he did this. I don't have any jokes on it. I'm just wondering what his thinking is.

I don't know if he's, he's very much a politician obviously. I'm wondering if he's sensing the way the wind is blowing. I happen to agree with them I don't know what I'm talking about but I do know that it is unfair if that's the word we're going with if that's the litmus test here if that's the question I do think it's unfair when trans women compete against women in some circumstances. Well, not if you got money on it. Then I fucking love it. Who's that comedian? Who's that comedian who's like, listen, I don't know how I feel on the issue. I just, could you please put all my money on that beautiful woman with the size 11 feet?

Yeah, I mean, Gavin Newsom and his wife were both college athletes. He was a baseball. He was baseball. I can't remember what she did, but they're both college athletes. So you know, I think he probably understands what it would mean to work your whole life and get to a place. And then I think it honestly, I don't know what the solution is. Maybe there's a third league where trans athletes compete,

both female and male trans athletes compete. I don't know. Is there something there? That would be wild. Yeah. Yeah. It would be like the W question mark NBA. Yeah. Is that what you're proposing?

Yeah. It would be the LGBTQ NBA. All right, let's go let's go into now we don't need this story. Let's maybe Brawny. Brawny could play in that league. Oh, right. Were we going down to this day in history? Let's go down to this day in history.

I gotta find this man. Here we go. Oh Jesus. Here we go. Oh no. I got him. I got him. You don't got him.

It's this weekend in history really. Here we go. You're not going to know the Battle of the Merrimack, although you would probably get close to it. Battle of the Merrimack, although you would probably get close to it. Battle of the Merrimack sounds like a Revolutionary War battle, so I'm going to guess... I'm going to give you two years. Okay. I'm going to guess 1778. I should have given you 102 years.

What? 1862. Didn't you just say Civil War? Oh, I was thinking Revolutionary War. That's what I meant. Oh, I know what you were thinking. Yeah. All right.

Okay, here we go. You ready? George Burns. You know that guy. Of course. Love George Burns. His career in showbiz spanned 93 years. He died at the age 100. Remember we were waiting for him to have his 100th birthday at Caesar's I think it was?

Oh that's right! Right! I'm helping you out here. Yep. Give or take three years. What year do you think George Burns died? Alright so he was 100 years old. I remember he was born in the 1800s. I remember that when he died. So let's say he was born in 18 90 Did I give you a range I'm gonna give you three years on either side 1896 I would say 1996 He was dead. he died in 1996 no yeah baby okay we just got educated just give me no years from now on no years you want no years just

one year give me one year on any of these I have one coming up where I'm gonna give you no years. Okay, but anyway The whole country was just recently educated on this Barbie a toy doll that became an international sensation despite criticism was introduced by Mattel on This day in what year? You don't want to range. Yeah, give me a range. I was just kidding. Five years. That gives you 11 year window, buddy. All right. I seem to remember her being like a go-go dancer.

So that would have been the sixties. Maybe before that, she was very like housewifey. That feels like fifties. I definitely don't think it was the forties. So I'm going to say 61. Oh 1959. How many years did you give me? Five. You got it. Yeah. I'm not gonna do this because you would get it because it's World War II. But dude, the US Army Air Force has bombed Tokyo with napalm on this day in 45 killed 80 000 civilians no destroyed a quarter i know how do we forget we want to forget that that's why um destroyed a quarter of the city

and that wasn't that wasn't even the headline not even close to the headline of what we did to them holy shit yep they wouldn't surrender i mean that's what was going on then and i'm not not even close to the headline of what we did to them. Holy shit. Yep, they wouldn't surrender. I mean, that's what was going on then. And I'm not blaming, that sounded like I'm blaming them. That's what was the context, I think there. Okay, here we go. Give or take 500 years.

Oh. The Parthenon was consecrated in Athens. Wow. The Parthenon. Let's see. After Christ. Right? Yeah. After Christ. I don't know. The year year 1000 I should have given you a thousand years 432 BCE no way really way you think that had anything to do with Christ there was a whole other set of gods let's find one more. I remember I had one. Jesus is younger than I thought. We did. I think we once did when Buffy the Vampire Slayer came out.

What year? You did not do well on it. I wonder if you've been doing this for- You want to retest me? You want to retest me? Well just tell me what year Buffy came out. I'm going to guess Buffy came out after we got out of college so 1990. 97. Okay guess I'm not learning. Let me find the one Alexander Graham Bell he's fun but hold on now oh yeah maybe that was the one

okay here's one this is like one of those, how's your recent memory? Oh, all right, this is the one. Give or take zero years. The World Health Organization, remember them, declared that COVID-19 outbreak was a pandemic. 2020. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know if you thought maybe it was the end of 19 or it was delayed when they officially declared it. Here's another one. Recent history. Last one we'll do. Japan was struck by that earthquake and the following tsunami. Oh, yeah. Give or take two years. What recent year do you think that was? I remember watching a report on it on 60 minutes. That was probably six years ago. So let's say 2019.

Isn't that amazing how you're like, especially recently and as you get older, 2011. Wow, no shit shit I know right and all right moving on the letters to the editor very anti-woman and very anti-japanese today Mike what's that very anti-woman and anti-japanese today I don't know yeah maybe imagine if there's a Japanese woman out there. Good luck with me. Yoko Ono, I got somebody for you.

These are the funnies. We do the caption, the comic caption contest. Please send your submissions into FitsDog Dog Radio at gmail.com love it if you put your name right underneath your joke and if you win you will get a koozie mailed to you by Postmaster General Mike Gibbons Jr. I get right on it you see how diligent I am I mean we started yeah and this last week's caption was it looks like a dude with long hair kind of like old rocker maybe surfer kind of guy he's got his hand raised facing the ballot who also has his hand raised he's being sworn in the

judge looks bored behind them he's got his palm on his face and the hippie looking dude has his mouth open so he's doing the speaking. Rich Butchko who chimes in every week, God bless him, and he usually makes it in. What's up dude? Doge sent me. I'm the new chief justice for the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals or whatever. Wait, did you just skip letters to the editor? Oh, I did. Okay. Did you just introduce letters to the editor? I sure did. Jesus. We don't. Well, by the way, we can skip it. I took Ritalin today and it wore out I think right before we started. Um, no, let's go back. Letters to the editor. Landon said, I learned the way to get better fries at In-N-Out Burger. Ask them

for light well done. They're much better. You can also get well done but they're too crispy almost burnt. You're welcome. Landon, I'm getting well done. Oh I think I'm gonna get well done also. Because the fries they make them right in front of you. They take the potatoes they smash them through the grinder, the fries come out, they put them right into the fryer. Too fresh! They're not cooked enough. Not enough ingredients.

Brett Lackman says, tell Gibby to fuck off. Don't ever come to Philly. E-A-G-L-E-S. Oh, he spelled it right. Just kidding. Love you guys. Oh no, wait a minute. I can't come to Philly?

Oh. guys. Oh no, wait a minute, I can't come to Philly? Oh, you know when I will go there if there's one of those things like some horrific virus or whatever that would like just wipe out life there and then what a beautiful city. Wow. Especially the Japanese women. They went just there. You beat me to it. By the way, t-shirts and koozies are available. The t-shirts, people are wearing them to the show. I should post all the pictures of all the people that wear the Sunday Papers t-shirts to the shows.

If you wear a Sunday Papers t-shirt to one of my shows, you will get in free, as a matter of fact, at any club in the country and not just for me just walk up to the front desk show them the t-shirt and you will get in free to any show any club in the country even if you're not there you're saying even if I'm not there even if it's like an arena say it was like say it was like bird Christ you're at an arena doesn't matter I've already called it was like say it was like Bert Kreischer in an arena Doesn't matter. I've already called Seems like a Fitz fact, but let's try it go to Fitz dog comm get yourself a t-shirt And now we're in the Sunday funnies. I've already done the intro

You have but you know, was there an obituary this week? I didn't notice anyone who died block out negative things So I can't remember if someone died this week block out negative things so I can't remember if someone died this week that bummed me out. I'll tell you right now because I have it in my thing. Celebrity deaths. Dwayne Wiggins co-founder of Tony Tony Tony does not make the cut. No. Baywatch actress died. There's still Tony Tony. Oh yeah Baywatch I saw that headline. Some nots landing star. Now nobody important died this way. Alright so we're in the funnies you already described the frame of the hippie dude being sworn in. Alright so the second

one is from Dick Butkus he says says, I swear the chicken was hitting on me all night. He fucked a chicken. I think. Is that what that means? Yeah. Sean Johnson says, like Zoinks man, the dog told me to do it. So that was a lot of people. Yeah. Scooby Doo meets Son of Sam reference there. Michael T said I'm California sober. Are you Dominican Republic legal? Not exactly sure what that one means. Zach from Yuma said my truth is different than your truth bro. Okay. than your truth bro okay Brian Walker said you want me to promise a guy in the

sky I won't lie but I'm the one on trial for drugs that's not bad thinking yep stovetop is the guy's name said your honor T County of Milwaukee versus Lockjaw. The problem is Lockjaw is talking. Yeah. Jeff Langa said courtrooms in 2029, quote, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? So help you Trump. Pretty political. Although this podcast has been exceedingly political.

I don't know what's going on to hating women Bob said cut the crap with the solemn swear we can both see the tan line on your finger is that a marriage thing is that like when guys slip off their wedding rings maybe. All right. It's a tough one. I gave you guys a tough. I kind of like the first one by rich butch butch go. What's up, dude? Doge sent me I'm the new chief justice for the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals or whatever. Rich butch go. I like that. I also like the one about you want me to promise a guy in the sky. I won't't lie but I'm the one on trial for drugs. I do like that too should we flip a coin? Flip a coin. Brian Walker is heads. Who gets heads? Heads is you want me to promise a guy in the sky I won't lie Brian Walker. Heads is the guy in the sky here's our coin from golf here we go and this and on the hand it's tails. Tails so the winner is Rich Butchko with What's Up Dude?

Doge sent me. Congratulations. As always, I need you to email me at FittsDogRadio at gmail.com. Tell me you won. Oh, Butchko, you're going to be enjoying that koozie like late summer, man. It's going to keep those August beers nice and cold. Yeah, you don't need it to Labor Day Next week's frame is okay. I guess can I can I say something at this juncture? Yeah

We've used this picture. No Yeah All right. Yeah Yeah, new one You find another picture should I go ahead and read Doonesbury because it's a new one? Yeah, let me find another picture. You find another picture. Should I go ahead and read Doonesbury? Because it's a long one. Yeah, do that. All right, here's Doonesbury, man.

Jesus Christ. One, two, it's nine panels. Three across and three. Well, really, it's eight panels. OK, so I don't know any of these names. There's a hippie looking dude walking down the stairs and he hears crunch, crunch, munch, second frame. Sounds like the midnight masticator already, I'm out.

Then he gets to the island in the kitchen. Shit, man, I can't read this, it's blurry. And he goes, tell me, father, I think that's what it says. It's probably not important. And then he goes, oh fuck, man, I gotta go find this, sorry. What a disaster. I found a comic, so we don't need it.

We don't need it. I have to go, okay, go ahead. You go ahead, but I'm gonna find this so I can read the goddamn thing. It's not maintaining its quality in the doc. All right, so this particular comic is, it's a line of traffic, it's four lanes, five lanes of traffic, everybody's sitting there, they're upset, it's almost all men. It's all men because they work and women don't. And there is a woman walking between the cars in traffic

that are at a standstill, and she is scantily dressed. She's got hosiery held up with garters and a mini dress, big boobs, mouth is open. She has a glass in her hand, and she has one of those old-timey trays that goes around her neck that's holding... it looks like cigarettes and snacks, and she's clearly selling her wares. There's a guy behind that has the cup in his hand, he's drinking drinking it there's a guy in another car that's yelling out to her so she is one of those like you know cigars cigarettes tipperillos those one of those old-timey

gams that sell right stuff and she's in traffic so I can't see that so I'm gonna take your word for it hasn't updated in the doc. Now let me put it in the doc for you. Okay, so, by the way, it wasn't my fault. I just went back to the website that has this 10 funniest Doonesbury's ever or whatever, and it's blurry on here too, probably because it's so many words. So he gets down to the stairs, he gets to the audience,

he goes, tell me father, and there's the father eating a bowl of cereal. And he goes, the midnight bowl of cereal, right? A chance nocturnal meeting of the old, of two old antagonists in the pantry. Next frame. Who's still reading this? It's got possibilities, you know, it's very unexpectedness, suggest an escape from the trite overworked conflicts we play out at less

opportune moments. Next frame, we could talk, we could be human, we could let it happen. Second to last frame, dad, such moments are rich with promise. What do you say? And the dad says negative. And then in the last frame, the dad is now walking away, leaving kind of the hippie guy at the table. And he goes, turn out the lights when you finish, bozo. Well, boy, what a satisfying ending

to that long journey we were just on. Well, yeah. I mean, it's dry. It's the old flowery language device. Yeah, yeah. It's dry. It's kind of an Archie bunker kind of situation obviously with the Sun and the the dad who's kind of old-school I think Archie would have engaged and been funny yeah all right all right there you go let's

get down to Hager the horrible lucky his Lucky, his sidekick, is sitting in a bar talking to a woman and all you see above him is blah blah blah blah blah blah. Second frame he goes, yikes, I've talked your right ear off. I guess that's why God gave us two ears. And she's looking at him like, you're fucking crazy, dude. and then in the third frame she's walking out the door and she goes and two legs. Let me tell you about those two legs sweetheart you better start pumping them violently in a mad dash to escape a sexual assault. Lucky may seem like a wimp but it's the medieval times even a guy like him is dangerous you don't turn your back on him and walk out of a bar. No, he's the one that's like him. He's the dangerous one. He's emasculated by the real Vikings and stuff.

Yeah, he has a he has a chip on his shoulder. That's right. Yeah Now speaking of chip on his shoulder. Here's Leroy and Loretta are standing at the door. They've just opened it. There's three people standing there and she says it seems some storm chasers accidentally picked up one of our arguments on their radar. I like that. I had another one from them but I can't find it. Let's keep it moving. Let's go to Blondie. They're in bed and Dagwood has a book out, which is unbelievable that this guy could be laying in bed with a woman.

Again, she has a navy blue lingerie top with frills hanging off her fucking supple shoulder, the breast heaving against the comforter. And he's sitting there with a book and donut pajamas? If I could only switch. So she says, does your husband harbor any microaggressions towards you? She's reading her iPad.

And then he goes, micro what? And he goes, why do those surveys always try to paint husbands as hotheads? And she goes, so I'll check A, my husband is anti-survey. Now she, as always, turns her pretty back to this fucking loser to cry, to cry into the pillow about the choices she's made. And then she goes cheer up honey scoring seven out of 10 on the hotheads index isn't that bad. Micro what she obviously would have said

micro penis. If I was writing this, micro penis. You can't score higher than a 7 out of 10 on the hothead if there's zero passion, you donut boy. Oh god. What's it gonna take? When's he gonna snap out of it? Oh. Alright, when are you guys gonna snap out of it? All right, when are you guys gonna snap out of it and pick yourselves up some Sunday Papers t-shirts? We're so happy to send them out to you. Some say take it-ish. They're high quality cotton.

Get on the website now, fitzdog.com, pick some up. Mike, anything you wanna promote this week? We talk about it every week, but I mean, next week we might start talking about our fifth anniversary. I think it's been... Oh, yeah. Next week we already chose these... Can you believe we were five years younger when I started sitting in this closet? Oh my God. Don't put it like that. Jesus.

Yeah. Our five-year anniversary is next week, and we will be announcing the sale... Is it next week? I just said we'd look into it but okay. It's next week. Yeah it's next week. And I want to get a Sunday Papers baseball cap y'all. Everybody does. Everybody's been begging for it. We made them. They're made. They will be sent to you. The Sunday Papers says fifth anniversary hats. They're gonna be a collector's item. They're gonna be found in your basement in a bag next to some baby photos.

But you'll have it and you'll enjoy it. Passport, I'm not mailing them. No, these are gonna be from a professional company, the same ones that send out the t-shirts, which you get within like 10 days. And we haven't figured out the price yet we'll announce it next week but it's gonna be very reasonable we're not looking to make a lot of money here we just want you guys walking around with these stupid hats on all right that'll do it that's it man thank you guys for listening and I think we all got to take it each day get a shh there it goes

well welcome welcome to Sunday papers with Mike Gibbons and Greg Fitzsimmons. Welcome to Sunday Papers. The game is on the line and I've only got a shot clocked worth of time to tell you about Subway's 699 foot long deal. That's right, order now on the Subway app and get any foot long on the menu for just $6.99. Fresh sliced deli meat, fresh crispy veggies, too much good stuff. Get it now on the Subway app, any foot long for just $6.99. Use code 699FL now.

Only here for a limited time. Redeemable at participating U.S. restaurants, Subway app, any footlong for just $6.99. Use code 699FL now. Only here for a limited time. Redeemable at participating US restaurants, Subway app online orders only. Add-ons, additional plus tax, additional fees apply on delivery, excludes footlong snacks, limited time. Buzzer.