Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 259 4/6/25

Episode Date: April 6, 2025

Mike is cleaning up on March Madness, it’s Greg’s birthday and Kevin Hart’s burger chain is closing down. Plus, we have a track list for Ye’s new album. It’s pretty upbeat.Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Our Sponsors:* Check out Mood and use my code PAPERS for a great deal: https://mood.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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Rakuten dot ca The year has spun around said more revolution a lot of shit has happened with very few solutions How do you unpack what's happened this week give Mike and break the mic and listen to them speak on the Sunday at Big Blue's podcast seven eight nine three two one read all about it yeah read all about it kid we're in fucking Boston guy there you go buddy. We're going to the fucking Sox opener tomorrow. I can't be a home opener. Me and Johnny Tobe, and he's got some apparently amazing seats

for the opening day tomorrow. Does he have any in with that? Like, he goes every year. Dude, he was a city councilman. He almost ran for mayor. Oh, sorry. Sorry, that John, right? But is Sorelli going up there?

Oh, probably. Knowing Sorelli. I should text him and see if he's going to be there. No, Sorelli. Oh, wait a minute. No, Pete Scott and Ted. I got to get in touch with them. They're in town.

Jesus Christ. I got to get my shit together. And Sophie, my oldest, for those at home, she just had kind of an interview with Ted. I called it a Ted Talk. Is she trying to get into- I like informational, informational interview because Ted's at Bloomberg. He's a news guy. Boy, Bloomberg must have been a busy day there today.

We're recording this on Thursday and the finance the world's financial markets have been rocked yes so Bloomberg must have been incredible there today I have money in the stock market I have a broker who retired another broker took over and I said look the other guy lost me a lot of money. He goes, he goes, forget about him. I'm going to turn it around. This is three months ago. I'm down 10% now.

10% of my life savings gone in three months. Yeah. But now he has an excuse. No, the excuses you get me out of the fucking market when they announced tariffs. He didn't see this coming. How did he not see this coming? Everybody knew this was coming. So I bought gold last week and well it's down today. I saw that. Yeah. How about that? That's how bad this is. Yeah I know. Well I bought bonds last week also

and those were up, like a fraction, but that they weren't down, that's like a giant up. The only upside that I heard is that mortgage rates went way down. So if you're about to buy a house, it's good news. Have, but have they really? Yeah. Oh, okay.

Like, how did it happen that fast? I guess they just follow the benchmark or whatever the hell it is. I mean, is this the craziest thing? Literally every economist in the world said this is going to happen, and I think what it is is Trump was using this as a bargaining chip.

He was calling everybody's bluff that they would come to the table and beg him for a special deal. What are you looking at? Mortgage rates. All right Jesus Christ. Oh boy it plunged to 6.63 percent. From what? Who knows? Well it's down. It's down enough. It's down enough they saw a headline about it. But no, I guess if you put money aside, now might be a good time to buy. I don't know. I don't know how the stock market works.

I just know that I'm an idiot. I heard about the tariffs weeks ago, and I said, let's get out. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no. We'll stay in. Well, fuck you. I think he, I think they were bigger than he thought and all this stuff.

But he's already softening, I think he, I think they were bigger than he thought and all this stuff. But he's already softening, I think. He goes, well, we'll see. Everything's gonna go, blah, blah, blah. Then he'll be a hero when he lifts them. It's old Stockholm syndrome. I gotta say, one of our predictions for this year was I said that the bromance with Elon was only gonna last six months.

And it's sooner than that. Now they're already talking about kicking them out. Yeah. Hopefully. Yeah. Well, anyway, if you guys wanna support us financially to make up our stock losses, the fifth anniversary hats are available.

They're beautiful. They're hand stitched. They're hand stitched they're hand stitched by Cambodian kids who listen to the show while they stitch it so there's almost a spirit of their souls in the hats yeah that's it's yeah it's a personal touch you're taking a big piece of them and who they are. They are waterproof, which is great because of the crying that goes on in the factory. But if you go to fitzdog.com, get yourself.

We got t-shirts. We got coasters. We've got what else? I'm going to the website right now. This is crazy. Oh, so much stuff. And then we're going to talk about our March of Madness bet in a minute.

The Unders are doing quite well. Quite well. Right. Right. Forget, forget. Just go get a hat and a t-shirt. I saw you took out my new category of weather. By the way, I predicted every one of you would be weathered.

So I'll just mention it. Giant tornadoes and now so Hannah's up here and she has to keep calling Nashville because of the flooding. Really? It's a national story, the flooding in Nashville. Oh my God, well she's up a hill though, isn't she? Yeah, so well hopefully she still is.

Hahaha! But you know, the whole town is covered in rivers. And I'm not talking about the major one, but like, it's all streams everywhere. It rains more, I gotta figure out what that stat is. You sure it's not from the guys pissing on the sides of the bars from the bachelor parties? It might, it might, it rains more than Seattle and I'll look it up. I don't know if that means more total inches or more days. I'll look it up though. Well this really has paid off then this new segment. I mean this is great. It's refillable because I guess there's

always gonna be weather, right? Well no, it's wacky weather. I think that was the end of what we were talking about. Well let's call it wacky weather then. Wacky weather? Of course there's wacky weather every... There's going to be an earthquake by next week. I call that weather.

As long as it doesn't rain out opening day tomorrow, it's been raining every day in Boston and it's supposed to rain on Saturday But some by some miracle fucking God loves the Sox. There's no rain tomorrow Wow, I don't even know who they're playing. I don't even I like baseball I used to be very into it, but I don't think I could name a player on the Red Sox right now and uh Saturday night you're celebrating your birthday at the club? That's right. Look at it, look at it.

Yeah, I'm turning 59, which is kind of weighing on me. Like, Jesus Christ, I'm almost 60 years old. Like that does not register. Like I literally think of myself as like a 35 year old 36 year olds and it's worse as you know I love to point out that you're starting your 60th year yeah yeah 59 are done yeah I mean I'm in good shape I got a lot of aches and pains, but nothing bad. And I'm losing my memory as the, you know, FitzDog fiction and corrections point out.

So if I seem a little off, here's the first Fitz correction, Fitz fact. I'm a little off. All of a sudden everything's planned. We're doing the podcast tomorrow on Friday at three, all this stuff. And all of a sudden he goes, just landed, I'll make it to the hotel, I think we could start at three.

And I'm like, wait, wait, what? I go, you said Friday, and then all of a sudden you call back, you're like, no, I'm at the game, yes, I looked back, I did text you Friday, but I meant today. So I am very, I'm feeling a little out of it. And we're gonna wing a lot of these stories. Let me tell you a thing or two.

Now, how did this go over with Hannah? Did you guys have plans or were you just hanging around the house doing nothing? No, it worked out. I would have told you so. It would have been more negotiating, like how late can you do it or whatever. This kind of worked out. Tomorrow, it would have been more negotiating like, ah, how late can you do it or whatever. This kind of worked out.

Tomorrow, it makes it a less chaotic day, which is also, which is good. Good. Yeah, thank you. You're welcome. What is flight nails? Oh, so I flew in and there's a woman sitting, and you know, I fly coach.

Don't have any miss misunderstandings about where I'm at in my career I fly coach but I sit down and there's a woman sitting next to me and she's you know nice woman we chit chat a little bit and then we take off she pulls out a bottle of nail polish and starts doing all ten of her nails like three inches from me and the vapors were fucking nauseating I was getting a headache I'm like who does that meanwhile you're like get to the toes she had beautiful hands though I was wondering I was wondering if she could she must be a hand model.

She had like these long, beautiful fingers. Well, I'm not that successful a hand model and coach. That's true, that's true, yeah. Or were you leaning up into first or business? What did I do on the, Jesus I finished what? Last night I finished watching Adolescents. You've seen it? Yes. Let me tell you something. It's I kind of wish they didn't do it all in one take only because I was constantly being amazed by how they were getting into the car,

driving, walking through busy buildings, going from a classroom to like so it was almost distracting from how unbelievable the acting and the writing was and the directing. Episode three man where it's just one of the characters and then a psychologist kind of. That episode, I mean, if you think about what that kid had to memorize and crazy just ups and downs and emotional tone changes, yeah. Intense emotions, plus long pauses. And I mean, this kid should,

I would say there are three people, four people in that show that should be nominated for Emmys. And anyway, we don't want to give anything away. We will just say, it's on Netflix. Sit down in a focused manner and watch one of the most powerful three episode series I've ever seen in my life. And at the end of it, I was heaving with tears.

Here's how hard I was crying. Oh wow. Erin went away yesterday, so I had the house house to myself and I watched the last episode and I'm not a big cry. I used to be a crier, but I haven't cried in a long time at something. And then and then it started with some tears and then it just it struck a very specific note, which we're going to be spoilers in, let's say, three weeks. Watch it in the next three weeks because we need to talk about it. And it sounded like I was laughing.

That's how hard I was crying. Wow. Yeah. It didn't get me. I was more struck by episode three. Yeah, the final episode, right? I was more struck by episode three. Yeah, the final episode, right? I was moved. It was incredible. The end, I thought maybe that kind of two endings,

you know, it kind of repeated. Yeah. A little bit. But it's it's it's yeah, it's really powerful. And it's it's funny, like a lot of it during it. Forgot the the way they shot it, which is the lead story it seems in a lot of ways. But other than that, this is interesting. And I brought this up to, so I'm teaching writing, television writing.

So I brought it up, I go, it's very interesting. If on paper you're like, hey, and the fourth episode, we're going to end it like this way, I'd be like, oh, God, that's really hard to follow the third episode. Might you want to be with a different character at the end, you know, rather than how it did end? And so I go, but what was really interesting is how, with note, with hardly any music,

occasionally they would lay in a bed of a tense drone. It's amazing how tense the production was and you're on kind of the edge of your seat. But this is the interesting thing, I think it's interesting, is imagine if you told someone about it who had no idea, like say like a mom or someone older who has no idea about... They're not going to recognize that there's no edits.

You know what I mean? They're just watching a show. Yeah. Do you think they would be like, well, this is a long car ride or got it? There was fingerprinting. You have to fingerprint all 10 like start it like law and order does and then you're cutting to the next scene all right well let's not beat it to death watch it and we'll talk about it in everything i just said happens just for in the first eight minutes okay uh let's here's what's a big deal is March Madness basketball you put a

hundred dollars per game times 63 games where you took the under against Ruby. Yeah. What's the tally right now? And normally it would be very close now because the hundred dollars a bet sounds like a lot and it is a lot at the time especially when you're watching these kids huck threes when they're up by 21 points and they should just be dribbling down the clock but right now it is 35 unders to 25 overs which means Ruby owes me a thousand dollars right now He owes me $1,000 right now. So to hedge, because you don't even have to know sports, if I wanted to lock in that thousand, what I would do is bet against myself now.

I would bet 100 against myself. So I would win or, you know, it would all- You would bet the overs. It would just offset each other. So you're now betting the over and the other. Right, which is what we did last week. Right, except I wanted to have a little skin still in the game, so I bet you 50 bucks a game,

and I bet against myself. I took the overs, and so it's worked out well for you, and I don't mind at all, because it's not me paying you, it's Ruby. Yeah, I think I'm up like two right now. Yeah, so you came in late and it was very even the first four then the next first four went over next four went under then it was then they split so out of ten games it was five and five and then the last

two were unders. Yeah well it's uh it's it's gonna be a pretty good. I mean it looks like all the number ones Pretty much made it to the finals. Yeah, all the number number one seeds So yeah, it should be good should be good. They say they're saying they the sports guys are saying kind of get used to a More boring March Madness now that all the you know the the portal in college basketball that there aren't going to be these Cinderella stories as much with the real underdog schools like Gonzaga happen to get a great player you know right speaking of Gonzaga are we in corrections yet yeah yeah I guess we

should just get to it our logo this week comes from Bob It is playing off that group chat that the government did about the strikes in The hoot the hooties or was it hootie and the blowfish? Why don't we bomb hootie and the blowfish? well Or just hootie The blowfish are cool with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is a big partier Hootie. He was involved with some comics in LA that were partying at his house and two of them died of an OD. No, I think maybe three and then she was in

a coma. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know his involvement, but it was at his house. Wait a minute, in his defense, and I also might be wrong, I think he had no idea what was going on and it was an ex-girlfriend maybe who was not supposed to be there, I think. Yes, yes, I don't think he was there.

I think it just happened to be his house. Oh no, no, he definitely wasn't there. He definitely wasn't there. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, all right, so let's think he was there. I think it's oh no. No, he definitely wasn't there. He definitely wasn't right. Yeah But alright, so let's get to the corrections you got a crinkle edge. Yeah. Oh, yeah Okay, while Todd Dan says while talking about Tom Green's show and his parents Greg mentioned that the father is fat He's actually a very... He's not. Maybe you should bring that up

while we're doing the podcast again. No, I don't, I don't correct you. It's rude, I'm a friend. Right in. He's actually a very average-sized human being. I think you might be thinking of Bam Margera. Margera's dad, who was a big fat guy. Margera, all right, I will correct you on that one.

Well, he's definitely not eating margerin. He's eating butter. But Eric T. Summers says, sorry to be this guy, but East St. Louis is in Illinois, not Missouri. Did we cover this already? It is not a part of St. Louis. It is a failed Rust Belt city on the Illinois side of the river that is known for crime auto parts, graveyards, poverty, and riverboat casino called the Casino Queen, which I have lost money on, and I think Jackie Joyner, Kersi, is from there.

That's it. It's also known for very long election voting lines. I love the show. I have the original Blue Coffee coffee mug from the first run of merch and I've used it so much you can barely read the name of the show on the side take it each and then Barclay loss lossy god damn it St. Louis is a city in Missouri East St. Louis you fucking retards is a town in Illinois they are two entirely different places on a map. Have you noticed that our word has come back almost completely? Yeah, where America's great again, man. You also suggested St. Paul, Minnesota was Minneapolis. Are you high? Man, you're kind of losing it. A few weeks ago you said

Whitney Houston died in mid 90s Jesus Christ yeah what's happening what are they expecting from this show wait the st. Paul Minneapolis we talked about the Twin Cities whoa what is he talking about all right anyway Matt said you misread my correction as Missouri instead of Illinois making this a correction to a correction. This is why I love Sunday Papers. I have a sneaking suspicion that we already made this correction and we both forgot. Which one? The East St. Louis. No no no a guy wrote in because I remember last week it was a different one though and I said that's good to know but it still wouldn't count as a you know one of the blackest it's

not a you wouldn't call East St. Louis even though it is a city. Well this guy Greg goes even further into it he said East LA is not part of the city of Los Angeles which I think I said it was. It's technically an unincorporated community. Santa Monica is a full-fledged city of its own, unlike Venice, which is simply a neighborhood of the city of Los Angeles. Right. And then he brings up the whole Minneapolis thing also. There you go. With all that said, you guys are hilarious and I'm digging the pods. Much love and respect. Okay. Another Greg said, you mispronounced Gonzaga wrong and I'm not talking about when you pronounced

it Gonzala. I mean, when you corrected yourself and pronounced it Gonzaga. Well, what is the right answer? Is it Gonzala? What? What is it? Gonzaga or Gonzala? The college.

Oh no, I think he is talking about Gonzaga. Oh, is it Gonzaga? No, that's what you said. I've always heard Gonzaga. Okay. Well, they didn't. They'll never make it far in the March Bandas again, so we don't need to know their name any longer.

Oh, is that where it's come down to? John Park said, saying Hamilton is 50 miles south of Ontario is like saying LA is 50 miles south of California. Oh, it's in Ontario. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, oh boy, we shouldn't do

geography. Let's stick to sports. Matt said traffic can be bad in Toronto. And yes, Ontario is big. But oh, me me is about a two hour drive or whatever. All right. Enough. No, I wasn't saying from Toronto. But anyway, go ahead. Let's get to some tour dates. Huntington, California the Mamba on May 4th Escondido also in California Grand Comedy Club made very close together Then I'll be in Dayton, Kentucky, which is really Cincinnati at the Commonwealth May 16th and 17th

Tampa side splitters June 5th through the 7th. We are talking about geography right away.. Oh wait and then June 8th I just announced a date at Off the Hook Comedy Club in somewhere else in Florida. It's a one-nighter. Torrance, Austin, Point Pleasant, New Jersey just announced in August. La Jolla Comedy Store in August. Go to FitzDog.com. Get some tickets come out and see some live comedy. Yeah! And we have an ad. Get some tickets, come out and see some live comedy. Yeah. And we have an ad. Sorry?

We'll do it at the end and then we'll drop it in because I don't have it in front of me. Sounds good to me. Front page. Here we go, pals. Terrific economic news. President Donald Trump described the U.S. as a patient recovering from successful surgery. Well, Dr. Death would say the same things post-surgery very often. It did nothing to dissuade businesses, markets, and millions of Americans from their belief

the country is bleeding out because of these tariffs. Americans watched in horror as their 401ks plunged after markets opened with the Dow dropping nearly 1,700 points, the S&P 500 losing 4.8% by its close on Thursday. These are the worst single day declines since the early days of the COVID pandemic. A lot of people are looking at Apple which lost over 9% today.

But listen, not a joke, but I always am like, how everyone is still so far up. It is scary if you're towards retirement and this is your income or whatever, but, and it sucks, don't get me wrong, it sucks. But I mean, you're still up for the year, not 2025, but you're still up for the last 52 weeks. No, this is a buying opportunity for the wealthy. I believe it's a conspiracy to undermine the market, make it crash. They all were sitting on the sidelines.

Apparently, Truth Social or whatever it's called sold all their stocks like five days ago and they're gonna buy back in at fire sale prices look at the look S&P for the year up 5% even with that's today yeah come on now all right what do you think the net what do you think the NASDAQ is for the year? Down 10%. Up over 3%. Oh, imagine that.

See? Come on. Let's put in perspective, people. Kanye West. But the way he's talking about it, he's going to capitulate, by the way. Kanye? No, but let's move on to that. Let's move on to happier news.

Kanye West, speaking of productivity, getting the product out there, adding to a little GDP, Kanye West has posted a track list for his new album, which happens to be illustrated with swastikas. Overnight Kanye West posted a few times to Twitter. He offered a track list for a new album that might be called Bully, which may or may not exist, as this paper said. So here are some of the songs, and I love this. So the track list again adorned with swastikas. The songs are called World War, WW3.

The second track posted was called Cosby. Third track, Free Diddy. I mean, this is the most provocative track list ever. Then there's Dirty Magazines, which is, I mean, that's must be the, that's the family-friendly one I imagine. Yeah. Then Blanca, and Blanca is-

Isn't that his wife's name? It would be about his wife. Yeah. Oh, it's Bianca. Well, that's weird. Why would it happen? I copy and pasted it, so I didn't misspell it. But that's about his wife, Bianca Sensori, who he said in another post left

him. There's a rumor she's trying to get a divorce after being quote paraded around naked for about a year. Okay. After Bianca is Virgil let me down. Okay. Here, here come a couple of movers and shakers. Heil Hitler is the next track. That's a little on the nose. Then, boy, what company he keeps. His next track is called I wonder what he rhymes with Hitler. Well, he gets to do it twice. He gets to do it twice, because the next song is also Hitler in the title, and it's called Hitler, Yee, and Jesus. Maybe he says Yeezus. Maybe he should redo that famous painting where they're sitting at a bar.

They're sitting at a coffee shop late at night. Yeah. Thunderbird. Yeah. Then he has one, Jared, which is about Jared in the Trump family, the one who made billions or hundreds of millions in the White House when Trump was.

Or it could be Jared, the pedophile from Subway. No, they said it's Kushner. Oh, okay. Then it's Money and Fame, that sounds old school, it doesn't have Jesus, Hitler, Jared, or any of it. And then Nitrous. He ends with, as a lot of things end, with Nitrous. Yeah.

Well, they end for one person, they begin for another. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's pretty provocative. I wonder if the album will come out, and I wonder if they'll ever be physical like CDs made or vinyl made because then you need a factory of people making it that aren't going to stomp on the product before putting it out. Like you would need people to actually handle the merch.

I think people will buy just all these sickos will buy it and just just lean them up against a temple somewhere Right what? Oh So I the littering okay littered I it was I left my album accidentally leaning against the Synagogue it's a hate crime. I think this album is a hate crime He's he's kind of been a hate crime for a while. Yeah. Well I tell you if this Bianca is divorcing him she better hurry because this money's going fast. I don't know. She's gonna owe him money. I smell a lot of hits on this album. I don't know. I think who's gonna put, I think it's gonna come standard preloaded in all the Teslas. That's gonna be the soundtrack when you drive off the lot.

Right. It's gonna be like that U2 album that they tried to put on your. Yeah, exactly. All right, do you have an ethical question for me? Pfft. I'll think of one. No, I texted you to remind you.

Oh, you did? You're supposed to go to the New York Times right now. Just go New York Times, ethicist, ask me any question. Come on, catch on to the segment. We're supposed to alternate weeks. I forgot that. This is very unethical of me. Yeah, you were too busy cutting out my weather, my new weather section.

I was so happy when I cut that out. All right, the ethicist. Here we go. Okay. Now, can I own stock in a company if I loathe the CEO? If what? If I loathe the CEO. If what? If I loathe the CEO of the company. Is this oh this was topical because it's about Musk. I guess so. What do you mean? Of course you can.

Oh yeah. Well what if it was I'm trying to think of the most egregious versions of this. Well, I mean, read a little more. What does loathe mean? I don't have the subscription to the New York Times. Oh, good lord. This is ethical. Are you allowed to even do this? No.

What's ethical is that my wife does have the subscription. I just haven't put it into my computer. And we pay 25 bucks a month for the New York Times subscription just online we don't even get a paper well yeah it's a great deal now I'm ex-Miami ex-Pesa by the way no I gladly but you get all the words you get all the words words sorry I was the word all right you get all the games I well I'm pretty sure that's the reason why Aaron has it. But I support a lot of different publications

because I think the reporting needs to, I support The New Yorker, LA Times, New York Times. They all get money every month. You still with us? Ready, here it is. About a year and a half ago, I bought shares in an artificial, an AI company. money every month? You're still with us. Ready? Here it is. About a year and a half ago, I bought shares in an artificial, an AI company.

The stock has risen six-fold, making me significant profits, but the company's CEO recently made political comments that I strongly disagree with. Despite these comments, the company's stock continues to climb, and as the leader in its space, the company's value will likely only increase. Is it unethical to continue holding this stock? I invested before knowing about the CEO's propensity to get lippy in public this way. More broadly, what's my ethical responsibility when investing considering that nearly every public company is engaged in questionable behavior?

Name withheld. Yeah, I was hoping you had a minute. But he's holding his name because he called the CEO Lippy, which means she's definitely a woman. She's a married woman. When else do you hear that fucking word, Lippy? This guy I think is just virtue signaling. Like I think about this, he's just counting his money.

He can't, he's probably doubling down on this company. He's probably buying more. Well, to be perfectly honest, the reason why my brokers suck so much is because it's ethical investing. We don't touch oil, we don't touch tobacco. There's a lot of stuff that we just don't invest in. So I'm on the other side of that.

Speaking of tobacco, I took one of those, whatever they're called, the new version of Chu. I was with Ruby and his buddy and they gave one to me promising me it was not as strong as like Copenhagen, which I got sick on in high school. Anyway, it was pretty miserable, but boy, what a buzz, and I guess it's incredibly addictive. Oh my God, I see some people, sometimes I'll do somebody's podcast and they'll go through four of them in an hour and a half, yeah.

I was wired. I was like kind of shaky a little bit, but I'm a lightweight when it comes to that stuff Do you spit it out or you swallow it? No, you don't have to spit it out. I did but you don't have to She said Wait now so I don't listen. I don't I don't think I mean the guy brings up a good point Like where are you gonna put your money? I mean if you're really going on an ethical basis, it's you can draw a line, obviously.

But I thought that was going to be more of a layup, where he's making a lot of money. Of course, the company has tons of employees that he's also supporting by buying the stock. But that I thought it was going to be a worse guy. I thought he had more dirt on the guy. Well, look, here's the bottom line. If you want to make money in this country, just go and see what Congress is investing in. They've got these sites. Everybody knows about these. And they track Nancy Pelosi, and they track certain Congress people that make a ton of money.

And you can even play it as a mutual fund, where they take the investments of everybody in Congress and they make it a mutual fund and it's like it makes like 25% a year or something. Well I mean they singled out these like the four I don't even think Pelosi's in the top four by the way but they they looked at these four and how they performed versus the market and this was in good times, it's staggering. Yeah, yeah, yeah, hundreds of percentage points. It's worth a look, SEC.

I don't know why you're not looking into that. It's fishy. Yep, or you know what? Just put it all in BlackRock. BlackRock basically runs the military. They have real estate. They're buying up every new home in America, they are they are the dark dark side of the economy and they're gonna only can only do well, God bless them. Alright, speaking of something like that,

here is would you, it's kind of the same question, would you buy, Amazon is down, are you there caller? Yeah. Amazon is down 9% today. Oh really? Yep. For the month, for the month it's down 10%. Hold on let's keep going. going. Three months. Amazon is down 22%. Look at that. That's a buying opportunity, my friend. I mean, I got to take all that money I have on the sideline. Where's my sideline money? Honey, grab my sideline money. In five years, Amazon's up 87%. In two years, Amazon's up 87%. In two years, it's up 72%. Oh my God.

Guess what Amazon is up on a 10 year chart. 10 years, Amazon, 300%. 833%. No shit. Yeah. Damn. 233% no shit. Yeah damn I gotta say Tesla's probably I Don't I don't know how to say this number and I'm not joking. I Went to the it goes, you know five-year tenure then it says all all time all time

It is up 231 million three hundred thousand seventy eight percent like that so if you put in so if you would put ten dollars in you would have like a hundred you would have like a billion dollars I don't even know yeah well put an extra zero on that and it kicks it up to a billion anyway so that's the ethical you know you know the guy's a bad guy are you gonna buy it that are fucking broke and don't own a stock they're probably bored out of their fucking minds with today's episode but well you only need 200 bucks to get into the Amazon game. That's right.

And the Apple game. Both are right there. Let's entertain people. Let's go to entertainment. You only need $178 now. All right, entertainment. Here we go. All right.

Kevin Hart's beloved burger chain abruptly closes all California locations. What's Heart? Heart House recently shuttered all locations three years after opening the beloved plant based burger chain was officially closed on the first. The company, which revealed plants to expand to new cities earlier this year, is no longer in operation. The chain thanked customers for helping quote make the change we all craved in an Instagram post citing a new chapter. Yeah chapter 11 that's the new chapter. Was it a theme restaurant where it was just hacky food they like hacky'd it up?

That's all they did? It was food that had amazing packaging and had an exciting energy, and then you left feeling hungry after your meal. Right, exactly. It was a little hollow. The whole sensation was a little empty. Yes, but a lot of famous people were in the store,

which made you feel like this must be a great store. Right. Yeah. It's like a tortilla shell. It's not really a burrito. It's like a big soft tortilla wrapped around nothing. It's a small. It's actually on the smaller side. Yeah, it looks like sales came up a little short. I think, yeah. It's a short sale. Poor Kevin. I think so. How's he going to pay the rents, poor bastard?

Maybe you'll have to do 11 more commercials next week. I hope this is the beginning of a new trend where he starts learning the word and using the word no and says no to things. Yeah. That would be wonderful. That would be a whole new chapter with Mr. Hart. All right. I'm very excited to tell you about a new sponsor to the show that are it. Do you want to support American farms these days? How about mood? mood is the only it's the only online cannabis company that I would endorse. They're revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges. Sleepless nights, you got some stress filled days mood.com has

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for whatever you're dealing with. And remember, use promo code FITS so we get the count. At the checkout, save 20% off your first order. Yep, podcast, films, TV, commercials. Crazy. If you look at the amount of sequels he has lined up. Yeah. Jumanji 3, is it 4? Ride Along 2. I am not kidding you. I think he's working on no less than four sequels right now. Yeah.

Well, so is Hollywood. It's all they're making. Let's make a... Speaking of making, let's make America Florida. Oh, here it comes. Florida. I love this headline. Florida man dressed as Ronald McDonald wrestled

to the ground by cops and says, I am a clown, stupid. Christopher Marlowe, 40, was dressed as a McDonald's character in a bright yellow, red, and white costume, and a big red nose as he was wrestled to the ground and arrested for trespassing at a shopping center last week telling cops after the scuffle, I am not NOT a clown stupid. I am a clown. As he was as he was put in the back of the police cruiser Marlowe was told by one of the arresting officers you look like a clown He doesn't though that's the thing he's literally

Ronald McDonald is the worst clown in history. I have never not wanted to punch him in the face. He's creepy, he looks like a pedophile, his outfit doesn't make sense. What's his catchphrase? Name, like every fucking clown has a thing. He doesn't have a thing at all. What, poisoning children with toxic food and toys that's a thing toys that are doesn't even have a horn no horn no um and he's doing his he he did he did do a show you want to

do a show do a show for the homeless guy that's milking a coffee for three hours inside your store so he doesn't have to go back in it to the freezer cold. You know, the one who was working the fryer for six dollars an hour till he lost his house. Why don't you entertain him? Ronald's. Hamburgers hiding behind another car. Just smiling is Ronald screaming at him. Second week in a row, we've referenced the Hamburglar. They all sucked.

At least the hamburger. He had something going. What is it with McDonald's? I haven't even seen that movie which is supposed to be very good about it. I think it's called The Founder, right? Yeah, Grimace. It's weird. Was it just a complete afterthought?

We have to put a gimmick on this thing? Did you see the movie about Roy Kroc and the founding of McDonald's? Is it Ray Kroc? No, no, no. This is a little like I was about six months ago when you had just said something and then I said that exact thing because I didn't hear you. Yeah, I just talked about that movie.

When? Just now. No, you didn't. The founder. Are you serious? The movie, yes. No worries. You and everybody else doesn't listen to us.

That's what we just learned. Look man, I just flew across the country next to some fucking Vietnamese girl doing her goddamn nails. I was trying not to fart, I went into the bathroom, I let out a 30 second long deep bass fart and then I left the bathroom and then I walk back to my seat thinking I'm doing her a favor.

But you forget it all gets trapped in your pants. So like I walk in, I sit down in my seat and I realize I have now pushed all the gas that was in my pants out and it smells horrible. Peel the paint right off her nails. She had to apply another coat. Maybe she wasn't Vietnamese. She was just squinting from the smell. All right, we're going to make Texas Florida. Here we go. Texas Menace is accused of ramming a mini four-wheeler into parked Teslas in a chaotic spree. Tesla's in a chaotic spree. And ATV riding Texan was a massive problem to Tesla owners

when he allegedly rammed his four-wheeler into multiple cars during an unprovoked hit and run spree on Tuesday. I think we can safely say Elon Musk is provoking us at this point. I don't think it's unprovoked. Now, having read this story twice, I'm reading back and they put massive in there on purpose because DeMarco DeMarco Marquez Cox, DMC, we're going to call him,

was arrested after one of his alleged attacks was recorded by the Tesla he purposely ran into the 33 year old allegedly spotted an electric vehicle sitting in the parking lot of a Golden Palace Chinese buffet while its owner was having lunch inside the restaurant. The five foot two four hundred and forty nine pound driver. Not 450 yet. He's not 450 yet. Nine he's probably down to 448 after this workout.

What scooter, what ATV is holding this dude? Well, yeah, this is going to make less people buy Teslas and more people buy these fucking badass ATVs that can carry this guy around town all day. Five foot two, 449 pound driver left, noticeable damage, I bet, to the front driver side door. Police were called to the area of Cox's rampage after a second Tesla was damaged at a nearby Lowe's. The four wheel menace was stopped by cops just over a mile south of the Golden Palace as an officer recognized Cox from the Chinese

buffet video yeah he's a pretty easy make I think yeah I think he also did a tremendous amount of damage to that buffet before he left that's the that's the real fucking tragic that's that's what they should be getting them on yeah the mooshu pork not the goddamn Tesla's Yeah, you know How did he get that far? I can't even believe whatever he's riding whether it's fuel or battery I can't believe it can it can move that guy that far. No, I know But yeah, it's like I talk my friend is a pretty right wing and he was screaming to me yesterday about, I can't believe they're doing this to the Teslas.

And you know, this is a guy who's working really hard and he's, you know, there's people that work jobs at this plant, they're losing their jobs. It's like, what about the hundreds of thousands of jobs he's firing from federal workers that are whatever whatever oh no are you come on please yeah let's go to sports i'm gonna feel sorry for elon musk feel sorry for his kids before he feels sorry for him well i do feel sorry for his kids yeah what do we got aaron de zoos's dream of an olympics on drugs is coming true

Aaron D'Azuz's dream of an Olympics on drugs is coming true. The enhanced games where athletes are encouraged to take banned substances have struggled to get off the ground. But that all seems to have changed since Trump's win. The latest investor of the games is Donald Trump Jr. Okay. So far only one athlete has publicly signed up, Australian Olympic medalist James Magnusson. De Souza believes that traditional sports institutions including the International Olympic Committee are worried. Quote, the enhanced games are a dangerous and irresponsible concept.

The beauty and popularity of the sport is based on the ideal of clean and fair competition. But those behind the enhanced games claim that athletes are already secretly doping. A commission study of the 2011 Olympics World Championship suggested that nearly 44 percent of athletes were already doping. Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, you wrote it down here. The old drug Olympics. Oh, my, you wrote it down here, the old drug Olympics. Oh my god, that SNL sketch. Remember Kevin Nealon deadlifting

and his and his arms come off of the shoulders. At a Bogota. I think I think they were set in Bogota, Colombia. Right, right. Well, I was thinking about which drugs you'd pair like like a like a wine. A pair. What do they call a wine pair? Like a wine pair, what do they call a wine pair? The sommeliers, like a sommelier. I want to pair the sports with the drugs. I think skateboarding will be weed,

100 meter dash is blow, synchronized swimming is Molly. That's a good one. That's a good one. I guess anything involving guns, rifles, or whatever would be methamphetamines. Oh yeah. Keep the theme going. I think Caitlin will be back.

Now that she can put any chemicals she wants in her body, she'll be back. You forget what a phenomenon her former self as the gentleman was. You know he was he was a thing of grace and beauty. The decathlon is one of the most grueling tests of physical athleticism known to man and he was he was a superstar she she I almost fucking did it. I almost did it Did what got through it without dead naming her? Oh, I know but you're talking about Bruce Jenner Who is from Tarrytown, New York? He went to

Went to the same schools. I went to I think he might be Katona. Nope who went to the same schools I went to. I think he might be Katona. Nope. And we're talking about the kid who went to high school. He. What? Oh, maybe in high school, but in lower grades, he was in Tarrytown.

Gotcha. Yeah, his dad had a wood clearing, like tree, he was a tree guy. Really? The irony tree he was a tree guy really yeah the irony is there was a branch knocked off of Bruce as well all right a German soccer match was canceled before kickoff after a referee suffered an unexpected injury after getting a bite on his testicle from a player's child. Whoa, where did the kid learn that move? On Sunday, FC Taxi Duisburg and SV Rot Weiss

were set to compete. Referee Stefan Kaller was conducting ID checks on players when a young child, the son of an FC Taxi player, was running around the field. As Kaller continued his pregame duties, the child unexpectedly approached him and bit him in the testicle. Yeah, so it was significant enough that Kaller had to call off the match before it began because of the pain. It is a very German thing, I think. Maybe that's how the kid just got it growing up in that culture Yeah, I thought it was an apple hanging in the tree Once I bought it Normally I gotta be honest like I would feel compassion but I feel like anytime something like this and involves a German I

Kind of think they deserved it. Like I don't know that I'm over the whole world wars of the 20th century that they launched. Aren't you seeing in this country how like, and that's what history always tells you, that before they knew it, Germany was over, back in the 30s. What do you mean?

It doesn't happen. It's not like it's this grim, really obvious choice you're presented with. You know what I mean? It happens quickly, but you don't have your bearings. And it just all of a sudden, it's a dictatorship. All of a sudden, it's a fascist country. Right, people forget there was an axis. I'm not talking about America,

I'm talking about Germany in the 30s. I mean, Italy and Spain were the same fucking thing. They were dictatorships. And everybody talks about Germany, but they were on the wrong side of things too. All right, let's speaking of international. Let's go to international You want to do that? Let's do it an American tourist has been arrested after sailing to a remote island and leaving behind a Can of Coke and a coconut for the world's most dangerous and isolated people. North Sentinel Island is home to the Sentinelese, a pre-neolithic

tribe that has rebuffed all contact with the modern world, firing bows and arrows at passing helicopters and killing those landing ashore. Whoa. Yet Mikhailo Viktorovich Polyakov, 24, made an illegal visit to the island on Saturday using a makeshift craft to cross a 25-mile strait. They arrested the American, who had a Ukrainian father, on his return as the island has been off-limits since 1996, with Indian Navy vessels patrolling a five-mile exclusion zone to prevent any Unauthorized landings. Well, I think we just found the location for white lotus for oh boy It sounds like there'd be so much more plot if white lotus did this. Yes

It needs some plot. I think but I think this is what billionaires crave They want the most secluded island. You know, this makes Epstein's Island seem like fucking Staten Island. This would be... Yeah. I looked up pre-Neolithic. It's 10,000 BC to 6,500 BC. Are they saying... Wow. How... in what age is this tribe trapped in? Is there no modern medicine? Well they can probably- By modern I mean 100 year old medicine?

Well I can't imagine the sort of genetic nightmare it is when you've got this number of people. Everybody's probably fucking their sisters. Right yeah well they've survived though something's going on. Yeah. Was there a smallpox on the can of coke? That'd take care of it. Yep. I think this is the one where they killed a missionary who showed up on the island. They shot him full of arrows. Oh, really? Yeah, this was about four or five years ago. Oh, wow. Well, the Navy's trying to keep him off of the landing.

Yeah, all right. All right, what are we doing? Pilot Mike Beaton was sacked for snorting cocaine off a woman's breasts in 2023. British Airways drug tested and sacked the married dad of one when the incident was revealed. Beaton was partying in South Africa before he attempted to pilot the flight from Joburg to London. They had to cancel the flight which cost him $93,000. thousand dollars. So here's a quote from him that he had sent to a friend about his night in a South African nightclub. Quote, I've been a very naughty boy. We all stagger back up to the hotel bar for one last before bed. Welsh and one of these guys is getting on very well but she told him that I'm her

boyfriend. Couple drinks in the bar, bit of snogging and then we're somehow all on our way back to this dude's flat. Well she's decided I should actually be her boyfriend. Spanish has hooked up with one of the two local lads and is having her tits sucked on the sofa. I've lost my shirt somewhere and one of the local lads produces a plate with a few lines of coke. So then there's a debate about whose chest is best to do the bump off. that's the story how I ended up snorting coke off a girl's tits and Joe Burke. Joe Burke buddy. Well I think we have the new guys choice awards nominee. They should have a guy in prison if they were ever to do that that show

will never be done again well maybe it will we're heading that way I can't imagine if he if he actually flew that flight attention passengers our flight time to London is 11 hours but I think I can get us there at 3 let's do it let's go I like this guy, I like him a lot. I like his style. That's a long text, boy. Yep. Yeah, he's still on it for sure. All right, so let's go down to... It's also not that naughty, but okay. This day in history. Here it comes. Here comes this day in history. Let me tell you a thing or two about these. I'm a little less prepared than usual. Okay, we have, we're not going to do that. We're going to do, the American company 3M began selling Post-it notes in U.S. stores, give or take five years. When did this happen? Oh come on five years!

Well do you know the story? I think 3M was a Pittsburgh company right? I think they were in Minnesota. Okay all right I'm gonna guess Post-it notes came about in 1967. 1980. Supposedly and I don't know if this is true, the guy that developed them

was told, no, what are you talking about? We have pads. We have people make notes on pads. And then what he did was he gave them to all the executives and they got addicted to them. I love them. They would lick the glue off

and the glue at that point was toxic and would get them high. I just remember I had a Post-It note on the screen of my computer with my passwords on it. How many people had that in their lives? For 11 years. Exactly. Okay, here you here you go.

You ready? Swedish Euro pop group ABBA had their international breakthrough as they catapulted, sorry, as they captured the top prize at the Eurovision Song Contest with their hit Waterloo. What year did ABBA appear on the scene, give or take five years? 1976. I knew I gave you too much, 74. Yeah, I mean, I can remember.

Waterloo. We had a lake near our house that used to freeze in the winters from December until late March every year. It has not frozen in the last 20 years. They might have this year. They had a cold winter. They had these giant telephone poles with speakers on them.

They would play AM radio and they had floodlights and we would skate at night. I just remember being 10 years old and skating and hearing ABBA for the, it's like written in my fucking brain. AM radio used to be the FM. Like I wonder what FM was doing. I mean, there's an easy answer. I just don't remember it. They were doing...

We listened to WNBC and WABC and they would play all the hits. I think FM actually started as talk and then it switched and then AM started to be talk because FM is frequency modulation which is a much richer band to send a music sound. You can hear the difference. AM is very thin and tinny and FM is a much richer band

to send the waves across. So that became the one for music. Alrighty Pally the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was formed by American prophet Joseph Smith in what year give or take 20 years. This is the Mormons, these are the Mormons. 1841. You did it, 1830. Yeah. All right, now, bonus trivia. Joseph Smith formed the church in 1830,

where, in what city? Oh, he was further east and they kept getting kicked out of places. They got kicked out of Ohio. I'm going to say they started in Philadelphia, New York. Okay. But it's Fayette, Wayne County, so it's Western New York, oh Rochester-ish. Yeah, okay, so not far from where I guessed. Not far, not far. Okay, here we go, let's find one. All right, Jack Nicklaus's first Masters victory.

He's a dominating figure, Ba ba ba ba ba. And he won the Masters Tournament at the age of 23. On this day, in what year? Give or take four years. 1951.

Boo. 1963. Oh, God, he was old. Boo, 1963. Oh, God, he was old. You're not gonna know about that. NASA launching the Mars Odyssey. You're not gonna know that. I just like that the year was 2001 when we reached Mars.

Okay, here we go, here we go. That's boring. Birthdays are boring. These are all loaded with birthdays. One more. One more for you. They're all birthdays. Celebration of Buddha's birth.

They don't even give a year for Christ. All right, give me a birthday. The first episode of Twin Peaks aired on television and it won critical acclaim and a cult following with its unconventional narrative, surreal tone and eerie characters. It is also, well this day, the final episode of All in the Family. We're going to do both of them. Okay, on Twin Peaks, I'm going to give you three years, give or take. That's a seven-year window.

The first episode of Twin Peaks? Yes. All right, now David Lynch first did Blue Velvet and another movie before Twin Peaks came out, I believe. Yeah, maybe even more than two movies. So it's got to be, but All in the Family was not on in the 80s. No, no, no, no, forget All in the Family. It's a separate thing.

I'm gonna say 1987. I guess you did it, 1990. Okay, there we go. Separately, the final episode of All in the Family aired on CBS one of TV's most successful sitcoms known for its frank and satirical satirical people treatment of such topics as race gender sex and bigotry. So give or take three years again. When was the final episode of All in the Family on CBS?

1980. You did it, 1979. There we go. I think it launched in 75. I think it was earlier than that. It was definitely earlier than that. Yeah. Yeah.

You could do a letter to the editor definitely a little bit more than that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can do a letter to the editor while I look up all in the family's. All right, I'll do. We got some letters. We got, here's one. Destros fan who is a, he's a friend of the show. Sends in lots of nice messages and art

and I think he sent songs. 71. 71, that's what I thought. Hope you and Gibbons have happy birthdays. That's right, my birthday is Saturday and yours is the 11th. Friday. One of the few podcasts I still listen to

and the only comedy podcast I listen to. Remember the rhetorical question about save your daughter or save 20 people I appreciate when you said everyone is kind of letting the train hit 20 people a day It's true How often do we really pull out all the stops to make a difference at the same time you wonder what kind of nefarious? Sabotage like the chaos type bullshit is waiting for us if we do try to make a difference Oh that took a hard turn at the end.

Oh. Yes. I mean, a certain number of people have to die. And if you stand in the way of that, who knows if CIA isn't going to stand there and say, Hey, Black Rock was profiting from those deaths. Yeah, I don't know. What's his point though? Nefarious sabotage? Like, well, like chaos, like Charles Manson and chaos. Oh, by the way, did I tell you, O'Neill came on my podcast yesterday. I saw a post about it. So how did that go? Unbelievable.

He was great. He came in. I felt really bad because I had no alcohol for him. He was a little bit upset by that. And I don't know why he didn't bring a sippy cup full of wine, which he normally does. But he got into some shit. He got into some shit. He texted me today about maybe taking a couple things out, but I absolutely am not taking anything out. He said it. Yeah there fits facts. What do you care? Yeah. Who's the fact checker? Nobody believes anything on my

show. Right. Let's get down to the obituaries. Let's obit it. Here we go. Let's not omit the obit. Sadly this happened yesterday we lost Mr. Val Kilmer. She was killed last. Oh you get Murr? Top Gun, Willow, The Doors, Tombstone, Batman Forever, Heat, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, bang bang top gun Maverick. My you know I was never I remember once hearing that he was having trouble getting cast because of insurance like you'd have to insure him. Because of drugs. Huh. Because of drugs. I don't know why. Maybe I don't. That's a good question. I don't know why. And I hope hopefully it's him and I'm not making this up. Anyway, those are some pretty big movies. He had quite a run there, especially in the early, the mid 90s.

I have to say, before there was the Bob Dylan movie, before there was the Elton John movie, before there was all those musical biopics where people sang the songs themselves. By the way, What's Her Name had an amazing one. Don't Wanna Go to Rehab, what's her name? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Amy Winehouse. Amy Winehouse is a really good biopic

where the woman sings the songs. But the Doors movie was like the first that I can remember. And I showed it to my kids because they started getting into the doors. And I go, I'm going to show you this movie, because first of all, it's set in Venice. I don't think I've ever seen it. Oh, my God. It's so great. He's amazing. He just totally captures. Well, it's an Oliver Stone movie and so they

really capture Venice in the 60s and I believe the female was Meg Ryan who I think you're right yeah and no it was it was a very sweet movie highly recommend it it was my favorite thing that he ever did of mine. You know a movie I picture him in, like when you bring up the movie and I think about the people that are in it, and he's not in it. But Point Break, isn't that like a Val Kilmer type movie? Yes. I would have... Oh, you want to know why? You want to know why I do it?

Because of heat. Didn't they wear masks in heat also? Oh, the Nixon masks. I think they wore masks as they robbed a bank in heat and of course they did in point break. Yeah. So maybe that's why I do it, okay. Well, you can't, but I was like, prove me wrong,

they were wearing masks. I think he's in a scene in point break. I think he's wearing a mask. point break I think he's wearing a mask Okay, I'm kidding. Well, I guess the Patrick so, you know, you could compare him to Patrick Swayze. They're similar actors No, I think well, they're both dead. I Forgot Swayze died. He's much more of an actor than Swayze. I think Yeah, let us know right in let us know right in He's much more of an actor than Swayze, I think. Yeah. Let us know, write in, let us know.

Write in. Listen, we've been talking a lot about death. Let's cheer up a little bit right now. Let's go to the funny. There we go. Week in and week out, we do the comic caption contest, except for the weeks I forget to put one in for the following week.

You guys write in your jokes for the one frame of a comic strip and we pick what we consider to be the best one and we send them a koozie free and then you enjoy it. Now that the summer's here you're gonna really want one. Send in your jokes to fitsdogradio at gmail.com. I'd really appreciate if you put your name underneath your jokes so I can just cut it and paste it right, whatever, just do it. Just do that.

Pat McGroin said, well, I'll just describe the picture. It is a zombie looking dude. He looks like a corpse, a skeleton, but partially decomposed. And he has no right, he has no tissue on his right arm, all bone, or his left his left. Zombie does it though, a very far along zombie. And the doctor is taking his pulse and looking at his watch.

And saying something. And Pat McGroin says I'm pleased to see the ozempic has been successful. Alrighty Pat, nice topical joke. Topical, I'm not gonna lie to you we got a bunch of Ozempic jokes but Pat's was the first one that came in. Don't lie to Pat. Jim Guglielmo says what's the over-under that you survived the afternoon? Also topical because of our over-unders. That's right. Dan Case said, well, my friend, we might be beyond you taking two aspirins and calling me in the morning. Ooh, is Dan 95 years old? Is Dan writing this from 1970?

Jason Cobb said, well, sir, this is a serious case of death you have. It's just a side effect of living. OK, philosophical, JC. Brent DeLong. That sounds like it's French for cock. BD. Well Mr. Jones with your current health care plan you look completely healthy. Ah okay. I did him a solid on that. Yeah you did a really good. Kenny Engel said I've got good news and bad

news the bad news is your insurance covers none of this the good news check out my brand new watch oh all right that old that old thing okay John Wright said doctor says don't worry mr. Gibbons this will pass quick quick question does this happen every time you get a writers guild check his second joke is, so you're the IT guy for Greg Fitzsimmons, huh? Little shot of Denman there. Oh, now what does that mean about I get a writer's skill check? I think it's they're so low that you're starving to death. Oh, because I talked about how small they were. Right, I get it now.

I get it. Well played. My bad. That was on me. All right. Well, then we have to keep... So no winner this week It was not a strong week for our list I guess listen we take Adderall for the show We'd appreciate it if you guys take Adderall when you're writing these jokes. I didn't I wish you can tell man

I'm dragging here. But alright, let's let's pick one. I kind of default to the is epic joke just because it's It's topical. Uh huh. I could see it in the New Yorker. Yeah, health care planning, the completely healthy is was smart. You know, I a little shout out there, but OK, sure. You pick that one. That sounds good to me. All right. The winner is Pat McGroin.

I can't wait to address the winner is Pat McGroin. I can't wait to address the envelope to Pat McGroin. Next week's comic is a tank it's going uphill it's in a battlefield you can see smoke billowing up in the background there's an explosion in the background this tank though is festooned with flowers. Perfect word. Purple and pink draping and looks like streamers and flags that have hearts on them. So... It's got a cat on the back. It looks like maybe it's a stuffed animal of a cat. All right. So it's yeah, it's it's a groovy, feminine looking tank. That's yeah, that's perfect. There you go. Let's get to Hager the horrible. There's a king and now boy, he's out on the balcony of his castle. And he says, what will

it take for you to go away? Hager is down below with another guy and he's got his sword out. Haggar goes two things, you're gonna throw down gold for me and my crew. And then he goes and you're gonna buy all my son's chocolate bars so he can take a class trip. And the kid is holding up the chocolate bars to the king. I like that one. That's pretty good. And then in the third frame, Haggar goes and obviously send your wife down in a burlap sack. We'll bring her back in an hour. How many bars for the ladies? Lockhorns was light this week. I think I think the Lockhorns were hanging out with bunny host was hanging out with our listeners this week

Leroy is heading out the door He's got on shorts and a short sleeve shirt and some casual shoes with his briefcase. Loretta goes casual Friday or did you forget to finish dressing? All right, it looks like he has her shoes on too. Yeah, they're a little pointy. All right, let me go down here and here we go with another Doonesbury. Four frames. I don't know if I've done this from 1974. Yeah, that's where it's from. It says number six on the 10, but I think I might have switched list.

Doesn't really matter to me. You wouldn't know the order made any sense. So let me blow this up a little so I can read the small print. So inviting first frame. All right. So dudes just in his lounge chair watching TV and the TV goes, yes, Mr. Jarell, and then it goes, sir, so far in this press conference, you have referred to yourself as the president instead of I over 20 times. And the third frame the TV continues to say sir is this part of a conscious strategy to blur the distinctions between Richard Nixon

citizen and the office he holds and then the fourth frame the TV finishes by saying the president refuses to dignify that question with an answer. Okay. So this is during Watergate as you pointed out, April 9th, 1974, but that's kind of a very hacky, you know, that's what he did. He sidestepped the question, you know, in a very uncreative way. So there if you have it. I don't even have the energy to get mad at it. No, it takes a lot of energy and they wear you down. It's not one frame or they'd have to come up with something sharp. They just kind of roll through it like a sad tank.

Blondie, well, Dag was on the couch, obviously, because it's a weekend, and God forbid he like take her somewhere. And he's rolling over, and then from off camera, you hear, honey, would you mind looking at some samples for our kitchen floor with me? And then he has a Thought Bubble tile samples. Next frame, she's walking towards the couch,

which is now empty. The couch is now empty. And she goes, it looks like you made a break for it, Daisy. So now the dog starts sniffing around. She goes, lead the way, girl. And the dog sniffs over and gets to a door, says, Arf. And Dagwa goes, so you're identifying as a bloodhound these days? And he comes out of where Mike Gibbons?

He comes out of the closet. Finally! There it is. This must be the series finale. This has got to be what we've all been wondering Five years. And dog language are I think it's homo. We could chat GPT, but I think so. Yep, I think. And I think when you translate it, yeah, and translate.

Yeah, yeah, you are. Oh, my God. Finally, what if they? Oh, God, he should be in a dress. He should be walking out in one of her dresses. Why does she even bother to get him? She hadn't made... He's gonna stay in the closet all night. Maybe all week. I know. She could get a piece of herb. Get herb over there. He'd grunt one out for you. She wants to look at what she's wearing. Listen everybody, it's the fifth anniversary of the show. If you want to celebrate in style, get yourself a hat, a t-shirt, a mug, a tote bag.

We got koozies still available. Go to fitzdog.com, get yourself some merch, have some fun, show your friends. And anything you want to promote, Mike? No, but if you haven't gotten your koozie, I haven't. You have to send me the winners. Keep that in mind. I'll send them out.

I might be a week or two behind, but not much. So that's why I'm asking. If you haven't received it, let me know. All right. Well. I'll take another swipe at it. Watch Adolescents, because we are going to do spoiler alerts. Spoilers in three weeks. Yeah, let's give them a week. We'll talk about it next week. Okay, next week. You got one week to watch it.

It's on Netflix. Everybody's got Netflix. If you need my passcode, just email me and I'll send it to you. And that'll do it. We'll see you guys next week. Okay people, take it eesh. Take it eesh! The Earth has spun around seven more revolutions. A lot of shit has happened with very few solutions. How do you unpack what's happened this week? Give Mike a break to Mike and listen to them speak on the Sunday Pickleese Podcast.