Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 26 8/30/20

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

From Catalina Island CA, Mike and Greg record from a campground. There are children around which does not stop them from riffing on three-ways and magic mushrooms.

Get your facts straight, all the Sunday papers, get your facts straight, with Mark Gibbons, get your facts straight, all the Sunday papers, get your facts straight, with Craig Brimson here, get your fucking facts straight. Get your facts straight. Read all about it. Don't say that. We are doing Sunday Papers live from a summer camp. It is Mike Gibbons and I. Yeah, yeah. Mike, welcome.

Thank you. This is the first time during COVID that we've been across the table from each other. Yep. Yeah. Look at this. Look at this setup right here. There's Mike. There's me.

And look at our background. We're looking at sailboats on the horizon. It looks like Hawaii out there. And we got, this is where we eat. So for the listeners, we're just moving our laptops around. It's the most unprofessional thing you've ever seen, so you're really not missing anything. We're in Catalina Island, and here's the situation.

This is a summer camp that normally has about 200 kids at it, and instead we've got about 50 people that are all in families. We each have our own cabins. Yeah. Our kids are here together. Our wives, some friends, Rabi. Who else do we know here? What do we got?

Frank is out here. We were just talking to him. You got to talk into your mic. It works better. Me? Is that what? I'm not good on islands. Yeah, we try to get more people out here. We were just talking to him. You got to talk into your mic. It works better. Me? Is that what? I'm not good on islands. Yeah, we try to get more people out here. We try to get Gubbins out here.

He wouldn't do it. Yeah. We came out. I came out at night early. We had a fun night. Took some mushrooms. Yep. Didn't really feel them.

I think the hike killed it. Yeah, we took. Well, because Mike is an A-type annoying guy. Like, I go on vacation. I want to chill. Mike cannot sit still. That's totally ridiculous. I can't.

So he made me go on this hike that was about six miles long, straight uphill. All right. How many miles was it? A mile? I mean, at most, honestly. But it was steep. It was very steep. Up to see sunset.

But more than that, it destroyed the psilocybin that was pouring through our systems. I think it did. It was very, we didn't. No, it put me in a good mood and I was a little giggly. We felt good. Felt good. But we didn't make any life decisions. I didn't take a giant step back from my life and have epiphanies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a good look. But it's gorgeous here. Oh, my God. I've never been to two harbors. Yeah, if you get a chance to come to Catalina Island, it's rugged. It's not for the weak of heart. There's bison.

There's foxes come into your cabin. Tell them about it. What did the foxes take of yours? They took some chips and caramels. Caramels? Caramels. Caramels? I think even the foxes know it's caramels.

How do you pronounce the town where your father has a house? That's in New York. And it's called? It's called Carmel. Right. And then in California it's Carmel. But that's not the candy Caramel When you lived in New York you said caramel

I guarantee it How do you put that word before macchiato What would you say Caramel macchiato You nailed it I had you cornered You nailed it Checkmate

So anyway we didn't want to miss You guys have to understand and respect I had you cornered. You nailed it. Checkmate. So anyway, we didn't want to miss it. You guys have to understand and respect that we did not take a week off from Sunday. Our families are out kayaking right now. They're playing ping pong. I don't think they're going to respect this. I'd wait until we finish and see what we got. Yeah, let's see what we got. We read the news this morning and we're shocked by all of it.

We've been out of the news cycle. Yeah, which was a good week to be out of the news cycle. And we also are, this camp is filled with Republicans. And there's a lot of Trump lovers. Turns out voters, they don't want much change. No. No, they don't want much change. And they feel that right now the white man is really being held back,

which he is. But he kind of ran stuff for from ever until two years ago. It was a good run. It was a very good run. We kicked ass. Yeah. Got a lot done. There was damage done.

This is the thing. My favorite thing about Catalina during these times is seeing people on yachts complain. Yeah. It's fantastic. It's a lot of that. That doesn't happen in many places or in many, many other eras. It's pretty unique. Right.

That you can really be angry and complain on your yacht is special. Yeah, you really can't be bitching during a song by Steely Dan. Hey, 19. Yeah. You know, they're taking all the jobs. Fucking blew out a flip-flop.

Just angrily sing Jimmy Buffett. There's a guy here who has a guitar and he plays. There's a fire every night. And he plays. Campfire. And he plays. He played Knock on Heaven's Door. And I look at Mike like, this is fucking good.

Sitting around a campfire. Little Dylan. He's putting a little twist on it. It's nice. Making it his own. Stop down. He's putting a little twist on it. It's nice, making it his own. Stop down. He goes, how about some Bon Jovi? And I'm like, check.

I think I'm going on a nighttime hike. That guitar burns, doesn't it? And there's a camp. We're in the cafeteria area, and there's a bunch of cabins, and there was a British guy, and all you heard him say to his kid was, this is this morning, you don't need your headlamp.

You don't need your headlamp. Cut to like five minutes later. I'm going to kill you. And so I didn't tell you I saved it So I told you that two girls got up The night before you got here at the campfire And I don't know who they are

And what family they're with But they're like we're going to tell A scary story And it was this Well you saw them what are they You think they're like 12 and then like eight? Even younger. Maybe seven.

Like 10 and seven. Yeah, maybe 10 and seven. So the 10-year-old, it's all her show. And the seven-year-old is really just trying to keep up. So I guess it was kind of like an improv story. So they were like, okay, this is a story about a man. And he's out on the sea. He's in the ocean.

And then he gets stung by a stingray and then and she hands it over the seven-year-old and it's like and the seven-year-old like panics a little but he's trying to keep up and she's like and then and then he tried and then he swims to shore but he gets eaten by a shark and the 10-year looks over like, thanks for the handoff. Swear to God, this happened. Kind of looks like, thanks.

What happened to yes. And, and like, okay. And then he gets spit up by the shark and he makes it to shore and he gets up on shore and he starts going in his mountains. Swear to God, this happened.

And he's trying to climb in the mountains and the seven-year-old goes, and then his mommy died. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. It's because you have to put yourself in her shoes.

How do you beat shark attack? It would be your mommy dying Well, it's every Disney movie They've seen Disney movies Mom dies, act one But the 10-year-old's like, huh? How does this even... What am I supposed to do with that?

You're killing off all the characters here By the way, all the parents around the campfire there Were just very encouraging looks. And I'm like, ah! It was the greatest thing ever. I'm like, run with it. Yeah, those are the terms. The mom's now dead.

Yeah. Come on, build on that. All right. Storyteller. That's what happens when you give them too many s'mores before story time. Kids all jacked up on marshmallows. Yeah. That was great.

All right. So we. Do we have news? We're working off a Google doc now, which is kind of exciting. This will go well. What are you talking about? And by the way, we're not looking at the camera. Sorry about that.

We're looking at each other. Who wouldn't? Yeah, it's a little weird, right? Who wouldn't want to look at this guy? All right, I'm going to look in the camera more, right down the barrel. Yeah, there you go. Podcasters, hardly anyone. Don't watch us on YouTube. Should I say that?

No. Oh, sorry. Watch us on YouTube. No, we look good on YouTube. Oh, not now. Not this. I don't even have our script pulled up. Hold on. Let me pull up the script. We forgot already to talk about the opening song. Yeah, the opening song was fantastic.

It was from, hold on. Andy McVeigh. Oh, there you song. Yeah. The opening song was fantastic. It was from, hold on. Andy McVeigh. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Andy McVeigh. Nice work. And this week's logo, which is very cool. Go get design.

Yep. Go debt. G-O-D-E-T-T design. No, it's not going to be that. You have a G there. I'm just reading what you wrote. G-O-G-E-T. Two T's and a to be that. You have a G there. I'm just reading what you wrote. G-O-G-E-T. Two Ts and a design.

Huh. Go get design. All right. There we go. Go get design. All right. And then. Go get design.

And also, this week, big breakthrough. We've been doing this podcast six months. Oh, my God. Income free, and we put it out to you guys. We said, hey, let's support the podcast by using user ads, your companies. Was that our plan, or was that our reaction? That was our reaction. I like it.

It's a good plan, though. It's a good plan, and so we have our first ads. Plan or react. And so we have our first ads. We put it out to you guys a couple weeks ago. We have three ads today. And the first one is for, we wanted this to be our first ad because it's really kind of badass. Baba Booey! There we go. We just got a Baba Booey.

Bunny Camp Dad. Hey, now. We just got a Baba Booey Bunny Camp Dad Hey now And so So the band is called The Miracle Whips And they're just a fucking I listened to it this week And then I played it for Mike

So this is a band advertising On our show Their album is called The Art of Facts It's Paul Dillon, Jason Merritt, and Jeff Merkle. And they are from other bands. Miracle Falls, Whip. Sure it's on Mercle? Jeff Mercle

or Merkle? Maybe it's Mercle. We have it covered both ways, Jeff. We got you, Jeff. Limited edition, 180 gram vinyl. It's out on Devil Duck Records. You can follow them on Instagram and Facebook at Miracle Whips Band. And then on Twitter, Miracle underscore

Whips. We listened to them today. Yeah, on Spotify. It was great. I really liked it. It was a very cool vibe. It's got like an indie singer-songwriter kind of folk. They got reviewed by... God, I forgot to write down where,

but the lead track, Book of Matches, which we're going to play at the end. If you want to listen to the end of the podcast, we're going to go out on Book of Matches, which is the title track

of their album. And it was called, by this reviewer, features some of the best lyrics so far in 2020. They're produced in Portland, Oregon. Nice, warm, organic sound. A lot of food for thought.

Do they use all those active moms as their backup singers? That would have been a cool trick up in Portland. Guy goes on to say, if you enjoy the more peculiar mindset of material recorded by Bowie, Leonard Cohen, early in their careers, there's a good chance you'll find a lot to jump on here. Top pick.

Once again, go to Spotify and check out Miracle Whips, The Art of Facts. They paid us a little money for this ad. It would be nice if they got an uptick in listeners. That's right. Support them. Support our advertisers because that way we can keep this podcast going, pay our editors, pay our producers. Who else do we pay? We got websites.

We don't pay ourselves. We know that. Our wives make us very aware of that. We can stem the losses. Let's start with corrections as we do every week. Art is great pointed out to us that the Senators are the baseball team and defending World Series champions, Washington basketball team, usually referred to as the Wizards. So I guess that was me pointing out that they used to be called

the basketball team, the Washington Bullets. Right. And then they got a little woke. Boy, yeah, that's two teams in Washington. So they changed it to, I think I had said the Senators maybe. By accident, and it's the Wizards. Are the Trailblazers going to change their name to the Fires? Yeah, that's what they're going to do.

The Riots. The Riots. By the way, not a bad name. There are teams. There's something Riot, right? There's a team, I think. Probably Vegas. You think? Vegas has a team, I think. Probably Vegas. You think?

Vegas has a new hockey team. What are they called? Golden something. And they won, by the way, the Stanley Cup. They were in the finals. I don't think they won. Oh, you're right. Their first year, I think.

Yeah. First year. Was there another team that in the first year made it to the finals? Something. Was there? Was it Miami? We're lining up our corrections. Corrections are coming. No, it was the finals, something. Was there? Was it Miami? We're lining up our corrections. Corrections are coming.

No, it was pretty quick, though, because I remember back to the future, predicted that Florida had a hockey team or something like that. Yeah. Is it the Panthers? Florida Panthers. Yeah, that's right. We got it. We nailed all of this, man.

Also, Elvis Muerto says Oliver's Army and Oliver North. I referenced during one of my favorite artists and one of my favorite songs by him, Oliver's Army, I thought was about Oliver North. Apparently, it's Oliver Cromwell, as Gibbons pointed out. Yeah, he particularly hated the Irish, among other things. He particularly hated the Irish, among other things. Yeah, Cromwell in the 11th century invaded Ireland and just decimated everybody. Definitely not the 11th century. I'm going to put it in the 1600s.

How much do you want to bet? I'll bet you a correction. I'll bet you, what are we going to bet? How about you never gave me my hat, which was made out of fishing line, which you also got a correction on that. Final correction of the day is from, oh, I have it in the script for next week. Oh, really? We're two weeks ahead. We're two weeks ahead on our script.

So give me that hat. Which isn't good on a news show. If Cromwell was in the 1600s. It's Burio. They make the hats for Patagonia. And it's a friend of mine and I fucked up his blog. Should we mention how tired we are

and what this fucking camp... We sound it, don't we? You know what? Well, tell them what's going on. Well, here's the thing is this camp is lovely and they treat you great, but, you know,

it's a fucking summer camp. It's not Hollywood. You can't order a caramel macchiato when you want it. And so... But all I want is, after lunch, a cup of coffee. With a little swirl of caramel in it? I've asked them three times if they'll put out coffee at lunch,

and they won't do it. No, there's coffee one time a day in the morning, and there's then a pot next to it that you plug in with hot water. Fine. So we know, all right, fine, you're not going to make coffee again, even after dinner, whatever. That's fine. But when you ask them, like we brought powdered coffee.

We'd like a coffee in the afternoon maybe. And, you know, your wife drinks tea. And we're like, hey, what about just the hot water? They don't even have to do anything. Just fill that thing and plug it in. That's it. Nope. Nope.

Active no. Like, no, there will be no hot water the rest of the day. Like, that's a weird stance. Like we're seven-year-old campers. Yeah. No, sorry. You missed it. Yeah.

So. And the breakfast bell rings at 745 in the morning. That's a rough one. And that's the only time you can get hot water. Yep. Except the showers, which are crazy hot, and you can't adjust the temperature. And you can't stand under them. You have to literally put a body part in for half a second and rinse it and then get the hell out of that water.

And normally it would be, because it's freezing, you would do that. Right. No, it's the opposite. And we went on a panty raid the other night. And let me tell you something. These panties are not as sexy as you would think. These are older women. Right.

Well, it was that or a diaper raid, which sounded worse. All right. All right. So, okay, a couple more ads here. The Chug. These are guys, the co-host, Jeremy, who is an avid home brewer and beer guy, and Brian, who apparently knows nothing about beer, but he loves it, so I guess he's the alcoholic in the group,

and the chug, and they're great together. They got great chemistry. I listened to one episode, and I'm going to continue on. So basically, they bring three beers to share with you and an entertainer to drink and tell beer stories. At the end, they score one of the beers in the most meaningless way possible, chug it, every empty glass equals one point.

So there's performances, games, it's funny. It's just a funny show. Full episodes and extra shorts that vary from deep dives on particular brew styles to reviewing beer and cereal. The chug takes the stuck upside of craft beer and kicks it right out of the fucking bar. If there's anything else you need to know, just go to their website. Go to their YouTube.com slash The Chug Show. That's how you're going to watch it on YouTube.

I only watch it on YouTube. I don't know if they put it out as a podcast as well alright so they're on YouTube check that out California Sun is another sponsor they are California News look at us front loading Roundup written by Mike McFate

a former California correspondent for the New York Times I signed up for this if you're in California obviously it's a no-brainer. You're going to get the most important stories curated by a guy who's a New York Times correspondent. I'll read this. Every day, he surveys more than 80 news and social media sites, sends you the summaries. The newsletter is a must-read for journalists, policymakers, news junkies.

Get it for free. Just Google California Sun and the sign-up page should be the top hit. I like that. All right. And maybe we could become more informed when we do our version of the news. Yeah. I like it. Yeah, maybe we should do a California section since we live here.

Well, it looks like on the Google block, this first story is a California story. Yeah, from his letter, we pull this. Mike, why don't you read it? Well, in July, roughly 44% of California adults reported symptoms of clinical anxiety or depression, a stunning figure that rose through the summer by comparison just 11 percent of american adults reported those symptoms in a similar survey conducted in early 2019 and then uh this quote here the pandemic is the first wave of this tsunami and the second and third waves are really going to be uh this behavioral health piece um What's this? And the third waves are really going to be this. Did you quote copy this one?

I don't know. But 44% of people that they called are depressed. And of course the other 56% just not answering their phones. Is that what it is? Yeah, that's what it is. Wow. Yeah. That's a high number.

Yeah. All right. So what is it? Clinical anxiety or depression? I wonder what clinical anxiety is. What level? Clinical probably means you have trouble leaving the house. I don't know. There's probably some threshold.

Are you more depressed since the pandemic? I don't want to throw that word around because people are really disabled by it. That's probably not even the right word, but really laid low in a very serious way, and I'm not. So I think more people are down. I was very lucky. The front of my year, Lucky, the front of my year, my year was like front loaded with my income. So that because of this project. So I can't forget how what a peace of mind that has afforded me because I haven't hit panic mode yet, which a lot of people are. And I get that.

And mine's not that far behind. Like this September rent. This is going to be a shit show. Like, you know, all these cities are asking for rent strikes and everything. Well, they had a moratorium on demanding rent for the first two or three months of the pandemic. And now that that's come up, that that's over. over so people are you know i had a friend who showed me some pictures of a street in la the first week of i think it was july or was it august i think it was august because i think august 1st was when these regulations about and there was u-hauls up and down the street i know i saw a clip on that also it's crazy yeah uh so that's a fun story That's the kind of fun stories you can get When you go to California Sun Wow

44% that's a lot How about some pictures of chicks at the beach Huh? California Sun Page 6 do they have a page 6 with the page 6 girl Yeah Mike McFate Why don't you look at a British newspaper All the news you need to read And a topless chick on page

No no you're talking about page 6 on the New York Post New York Post British newspaper, all the news you need to read, and a topless chick on page... No, no. Oh, you're talking about page six on the New York Post. New York Post. So it's a page three girl? Page three girl, I think, on the Sun. That's what it is. Okay. Yeah.

All right. All right. We also, we track your guys had some trips on mushrooms. So we've asked you to write in with your trips. Of course, we thought we'd have this great story about shooting chickens with bows and arrows and dancing in a fire. And all we have is like,

yeah, we did a funny run on family ties. Pretty sunset. That's what we got. We kissed. That was the first. All right, we can edit that out. This one comes from, oh, well, let me tell you this. Dear Greg and Mike, let me preface this by saying,

please do not use my name in bold. You're about to. This one comes from, let's see. There we go. Mark. I am the dean of a religious school, and this probably wouldn't go over well. In college, my friends and I decided to take a trip.

We ate the fungi and waited. The movie Wild West was on TV, and 45 minutes in, I was certain that Will Smith, just called the greatest actor in America by a guy here at the camp, was the greatest actor I've ever seen. Maybe this guy was on Mushrooms. Exactly. The drugs were kicking in. Yeah, it was Wild Wild West, right.

Two of my friends spotted a blinking red light in the distance from our dorms. The light was, in fact, real. It was a small airport near campus. Cell phones were primitive. Navigation on our phones was new to us. And to add to the technological frustration, we were officially tripping balls.

My roommate and I wanted to finish the movie, but two of my friends were determined to walk to the blinking red light. How could they leave Wild Wild West while shrooming to go on an adventure? I know. How could they tear themselves away? The movie was made for a mushroom trip. They departed by 7 p.m. By 9 p.m. we wondered about them, called them. They answered

incoherent. Turns out the airport was not 7.5 minutes away, as their phone had told them, but 7.5 miles away. Yeah. Proud to say they actually made it there. I'm prouder to say my roommate and I went to Hooters. He got a blowjob from the Hooters bartender in our dorm's laundry room after her late shift was over. See, if you stopped watching Wild Wild West, who knows what could have happened that night. Yeah. The next morning, I got a call to pick up my friends on the side of the road. They were 8.2 miles away.

One of them was drying off from clearly being submerged in water at some point during the night. The other one had no shirt on. This is the next morning. John Davidson. Oh, shit. From St. Michael's College. Um, right. All right. That's wild.

All right, let's get to the front page. Oh, we don't have a paper to crinkle. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! We got no paper. Let me get a napkin. No, wait, I have a leaf. All right. There. I have to get more leaves. It's the tiniest newspaper ever.

We're going back to like the 7th century. We're reading postage stamps. Yeah. There we go. That's a section. They used to write the news on eucalyptus. That's perfect. All right, front page.

Oh, do I love, love, love this story. Jerry Falwell Jr. He apparently. Who would have guessed? Who would have guessed? Who would have guessed? That the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Him and his wife, Becky, escalated on Friday morning with the war of words between a former pool attendant.

Nothing starts well with that. And Jerry Falwell Jr. and his wife, Becky, with an I, escalated on Friday morning as Giancarlo Granda claimed on Good Morning America that Falwell, quote, enjoyed watching him have sex with the former Liberty University president's wife. He was aware from day one of our relationship, and he did, in fact, watch. and he did in fact watch. Granda contends that in the spring of 2012, Becky Falwell began to flirt with him at the Miami motel, a hotel where he worked, invited him to a hotel room for sex,

telling him her husband liked to watch. He said he soon met Falwell, a leading voice in Christian conservative politics. Jerry was laying on the bed, he was drunk, and he was giggling. As I am right now. Perfect. Sounds spiritual.

Granda said the two men awkwardly discussed the parameters of the impending sexual encounter. He insisted that during the first encounter, he reassured Falwell that if the older man became uncomfortable, he would leave. Hey, heured Falwell that if the older man became uncomfortable he would leave hey he was he said he told Falwell anxiously if at any point you get jealous you want me to back off just let me know and I'll walk out of here what a gentleman Falwell reassured him urging him to quote go for All right. So they went for it many times over the course of a year or two.

So what is the psychological makeup of a cuck, right? That's what this guy would be? He is a self-cuck. He has cucked himself. A lot do, I think. Is that right? Yeah, a lot do, a lot. I think when you see whatever,

all these videos on the porn sites, the husband's like orchestrating and filming this thing. Yeah. Um, I, I guess I assumed a lot do, but so what's the psychological makeup of that guy? He feels inadequate.

He wants to be shamed. Why do you go negative? What if Jerry Falwell Jr. inadequate and he wants to be shamed why do you go negative what if jerry falwell jr really is as a man of god trying to follow in jesus footsteps and think about it joseph and mary had a three-way with god uh yeah except mary someone didn't go for it with m, apparently. God did. Joseph was a cop. She's a virgin. How dare you? She's a virgin. Still, even after the three-way.

Is this a Christian camp? Here comes my daughter. As your daughter walks up. Stay out of here, daughter. Get out of here. Where are you going? She got on a face mask. That's good.

You go around that way. We're talking about the worst stuff We're talking about Jesus Yeah No I mean look there was nothing in the bible That said anything about Not having three ways

But also Shut up Olivia But also there were no pool boys back then There was no pools when God was around. Right. It was like a sea boy. Yeah. You know, he would part the sea maybe. I don't know. This is such a weird

story. But listen, any extreme behavior like being like this crazy religious in a public way, usually it's a sign you're compensating. Yes. Especially when you grow up forced to be around that. And then his dad did it, right? His dad hired prostitutes.

For anyone watching, I'm trying to pick up another leaf. That means you want to change stories. No, not really, but I like the Falwells. Yeah. He didn't fall well at all. He fell badly. He fell worse. I'm sure I'm the first one to make at all. He fell badly. He fell worse. I'm sure I'm the first one to make that joke.

I'm sure. Well, I think a lot of people thought of it and were like, nah. That's why I decided to do it. Someone's got to do it. Someone's got to do it. Next story is about a, here we go. Hurricane Laura hit Louisiana this week as a Category 4 storm. 150 mile an hour winds.

Brutal. Strongest storm to hit the state since 1856, when you had the famous Hurricane Karen. That one blew 500 mile an hour winds. She hit landfall and immediately started asking for a manager. It hit landfall at a Walmart in Louisiana. No, I will not wear a mask. I have respiratory issues.

And where's your manager? It's not the law. You're a hurricane. You're coughing on everybody, Hurricane Karen. All Karens are hurricanes at this point. I feel so bad for Karens. I'm friends with two Karens, and they're both very upset about this. And it's so appropriate because Karens spin out.

So it's perfect. They're the eye of every storm. Right, right. Atel had a joke about how hurricanes, they leave you naked and broke in your driveway. Oh, no. Hurricanes are like divorce.

At the end of it, you're naked. You're naked and broke in your driveway. That's funny. Well, when it landed in Texas, right, and Louisiana. What am I going to read the whole story? I don't know, but one thing it didn't blow off were masks.

Is it too soon to laugh? By the way, I'm not laughing at them at all. We're really a bit lightheaded and very fatigued right now. Yeah. Alright. Alright. So let's get... How many people died? I think 14. 14 people died.

That's probably an old number now. We'll see. And some of it was from carbon monoxide poisoning at a pool hall in Port Arthur, Texas. Oh, no. I got to think. A pool hall in Port Arthur, Texas. They got to be used to gas. I am wondering if the poor people were, the victims were, like, that was a shelter.

In other words, like a gym that was set up. A pool hall? Maybe, just because it's big, and maybe they went there to seek shelter, and that would be such a tragedy then that they'd die. It probably disconnected the gas pipe. Yeah. I'm putting a story together here. And then their moms died.

I just upped it. Oh, you're doing the camp. Yeah. I'm doing the camp story. Um, wow. All right.

I'm waking up. All right. Let's get to your story, Mike. You were very excited about this one. Which one? Uh, the divorce rate.

Oh yeah. So the divorce rate in America headline here soared by 34% during the pandemic. Man. With marriages crumbling three weeks into quarantine and newlywed separations doubling to 20%. I didn't know newlywed separations were hovering at 10%. And one little factoid in this article, Southern states in the Bible Belt recorded the highest number of divorce rates per the legal templates.

Wow. Yeah, the Bible Belt not keeping their vows. Maybe it's Falwell. Maybe he's disrupting so many marriages. Was the pool guy married? I wonder. He couldn't have been. He was only 20 when this affair happened.

Oh, really? Yeah, and the Falwells were like in their fucking late 50s. Oh, my God. Which is just physically repulsive, even though I imagine it all the time when I'm 54. They must have offered him money, right? She must have? Again, how deep in these stories do you want me to read?

Oh, sorry. Okay. But, uh, but no, I would think that the math, I would think that COVID would save marriages because you can't see the nasty look that your wife is giving you half the time. Cause the mask is the mask.

Ah, I don't know, man. Being cooped up. I think, uh, you realize, I don't know.

It gets tense. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah. I don't know. I think that, yeah, you're not getting any time apart. And if you've got kids around all the time, you realize that, like, you wanted a family. You didn't want all of a family.

You wanted, like, 60% of a family. Well, drinking has shot up. And why do you think? It's avoidance. You're anesthetizing. Well, in California, the essential stores were gas stations, food stores, and the marijuana dispensaries they kept open. Right. Marijuana, liquor, divorce attorneys. Those are the only three things open at one point. Jesus. Handguns, divorce attorneys. Those are the only three things open at one point. Jesus. Handguns, also those. I'm glad I never got divorced, man.

You got to pay so much money to lawyers. Telling you, right? Yeah. All right, next story, Nevada Man. Oh, boy. Kind of like Florida Man, isn't it? By the way, Nevada Man should be a new Twitter-like thing. Yeah.

I bet there's tons of those. Nevada Man becomes the first in the U.S. to catch COVID-19 twice. Oh, boy. The 25-year-old man of Reno experienced a sore throat, cough, headache, nausea, and diarrhea, also known as being in Reno. When I read this, I was like, how did he know? Wait, why did he even report himself? I've been to Reno twice.

That's how I felt both times. Yeah. Hey, guys. Excuse me, doctor. I've got explosive diarrhea. I'm bleeding from my eyes. Profound sadness. Welcome to Reno.

Oh, the buffet? Golden Nugget? You did that. Okay. Golden Nugget. No. Remember we went to Lake Tahoe and we were going to go into Reno because there was a, you told us there was a sushi buffet at a strip club that actually had great ratings online.

No. Wait a minute. Yes. But we weren't going to make a special trip there. Yes, we were. Were we? No, we were going to fly in and go there before we went up the mountain. Yes, that's what it was. Yeah. Yes. I think that got shot down. Maybe. We would have experienced at least six of these symptoms. Yeah. So he first tested positive for COVID-19 on April 18th, and then his symptoms had resolved by the 27th of April. He tested negative for the virus twice in May.

Then on May 31st, he sought treatment again for feeling like he lived in Reno, same symptoms, adding dizziness and fever to this one, and he tested positive for the virus. And this is sending a lot of speculation. This is causing a lot of speculation and concern about herd mentality even being possible. Well, no. Now I think they're saying- Herd immunity, not mentality. Herd mentality even being possible. Well, no. Now I think they're saying... Herd immunity, not mentality.

Herd mentality is very possible. Very strong. It's happening everywhere. Yeah. Especially in Wisconsin. Enough. Enough. All right.

Every week, Mike, we should have a segment. How many listeners can Mike lose every week? Why? Who did I... I thought you were going to say the South again. No, no, no. You get this thing about the South. I do have a thing.

Meanwhile, you had a beautiful girlfriend from Texas for a while. That's true. But it's only when they, it's defensive. It's only when they start yelling. Like, we should leave. We should leave. That was when I went off on that. I'm like, leave.

It wasn't a proactive thing. So you're going to redo the bit. I wasn't kicking them out. You're going to redo the bit. Yeah. No, but what I'm saying is it's usually they ask for it. There is a Southern pride thing. You're going to, you can't check me on that. That exists. Mike, Sal's going to do it again. All right, let's turn. What did they do the first time? What do you mean? They always say Sal's going to do it again, but I don't understand what they did. Lose. time? What do you mean? They always say South's going to do it again, but I don't understand what they did. Lose.

They're going to lose again? Yeah, they say rise. What do you mean rise? You mean rise right to the level of a giant L? I'm going to give you Mike's personal email to write in because I don't want to deal with them. The South will rise again. Okay.

It wasn't a very high watermark. We're okay. Go ahead. You know what? Go rise again. Next section, international news. Here we go.

Hold on. In Japan. I love my Southern smart people. I love them though. And they know who they are and they know they have trouble. Oh, and you're smart just because you're from. I love them, though, and they know who they are, and they know they have trouble. Oh, and you're smart just because you're from New York? No, no, no.

And Hollywood? I'm dumb because I live in Los Angeles. That's how you know I'm dumb. In Japan, a ninja museum had some stealthy visitors this week, thieves who broke in and stole more than a million yen, which is $909,000000 in the middle of the night. When police arrived, they found the museum entrance had been forced open and the safe containing the money was missing. It weighed 330 pounds. The museum's security cameras showed a car

pulling up to the building on the night of the robbery and a man climbing out of the passenger seat. He walked towards the camera and tilted it down. So it only filmed the ground of the robbery and a man climbing out of the passenger seat, he walked towards the camera and tilted it down. So it only filmed the ground for the rest of the night. So it sounds like an inside job. That's some straight up ninja shit right there. He just, he walked up stealthily, turn the camera down.

That's it. Then he robbed the place. I'm surprised we even saw him. Aren't they supposed to be so secretive and sneaky? Why? What happened? The sign didn't work. to be so right secretive and sneaky why what would have been designed in work like beware ninjas on duty yeah this place is protected by ninjas yeah meanwhile you should just have that sign you can't prove they're there right and also it's easier to to rob as a ninja because everyone's dressed as a ninja anyway i'm dressed as a ninja anyway. I'm dressed like a ninja right now. You look exactly like a ninja. Yeah.

All right. Should we go to entertainment? Wow. All right. So they robbed the ninja place. I like it. What? International?

No. Yeah. Entertainment. Okay. Hooray for her. There you go. Cue the the song and we're back uh brad pitt's new girlfriend uh here's the report brad pitt's new girlfriend is in an open marriage she found she found that out when she walked in on brad and three women but i always wonder on like, does the husband view it as an open marriage? Yeah, right.

I think a lot of women who have been with Brad Pitt claim to be in open marriages. Brad, 56, met Nicole, 27. That's some good math. In August 2019 at the Berlin restaurant, at a Berlin restaurant, which is owned by her husband, this restaurateur, who's 68. Ronald Mary. Roland. So, boy, she really wanted a younger man and went to the mid-50s, with whom she shares a young son, though, with this guy.

Oh, no. Sorry, I interrupted my sentence. But Brad was introduced to Roland's wife, Nicole, and she passed him her number. Nicole travels a lot for work as a fashion model, and she connected with Brad while in Los Angeles for work. A friend of the model told Mail Online. Roland told Mail Online, quote,

no comment when contacted by the outlet. Yeah. I don't. Yeah, go ahead. The outlet. Yeah. Mail Online wanted to let her know that he was in an open marriage. He's like, what?

Wait a minute. What's an open marriage? So that means, wait a minute, what? Yeah. Good news and bad news. Yeah. Bad news is you're in an open marriage. Good news means, wait a minute, what? Yeah. Good news and bad news. Yeah. Bad news is you're in an open marriage. Good news is it's with Brad Pitt.

Who's watching Little Emil, the son, the young son. Yeah, right. Damn, he's Asian? Where did you get to that? Young son. Oh, I got you. The young son. That's what we should call our uh news the young

son young son news i mean is it worse to have your wife leave you for someone like brad pitt or is that sort of like you know if if your wife's gonna leave you for another guy it matters who the guy is right and i think the more uh impressive a guy, the worse it is to a point. Then when they're super impressive, it reflects well on you. Yes. I think. Otherwise, it's threatening and all you think about are your inadequacies and how you don't live up to that guy. But then when it's like someone in the stratosphere, you're like, well, look at that. I'm like that guy. And now this guy's Brad Pitt adjacent. Well, what about Donald Trump Jr.'s wife?

She used to be married to the- Also, you're having sex with Brad Pitt because you're having sex with everyone that person had sex with. Oh, you're assuming she had sex with him again once she fucked Brad Pitt? Oh, you're assuming she had sex with him again once she fucked Brad Pitt? I don't know if she's been home yet, but Emil hasn't seen his mom in a long time. But, yeah, I assume. It's an open marriage. Are you kidding me?

And that means that the restaurateur has had sex with a lot of women. Oh, yeah. Because he's had sex with everybody Brad Pitt's had sex with. That's right. It's, uh, Daddy, I want to see Mommy. Okay, hold on. Here's mailonline.com. Here's a picture of her with Brad Pitt.

You want to see Mommy again? Go to your room. And usually in entertainment, we talk about what we've seen this week and recommend things to people i only watched deadwood and then we watched deadwood the movie which is you know it was the same thing with we were big downton abbey fans yeah and they did the same thing they did a movie probably a good like 10 years later so the characters are all quite a bit aged yeah yeah and it's really just like and i think sex in the city did it and people fucking loved it because you're so sad that it's over and and i guess sopranos is doing one now also they are breaking bad did one yep and so you're you so you really don't care how good it is. You just, it's almost like

running into an ex and getting to have sex with them again. It's like, it's not, it may not physically be great sex, but it's going to feel amazing. Yeah. And they've been with Brad Pitt. So, well, Brad Pitt should be in each of these. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. Um, so how was the movie? It was, you know, it was another episode, which is all I wanted. It was a long, long episode. And everybody was older. And there was no huge surprises. They didn't, like, have somebody come back to town and steal somebody's girl.

All the couples were intact still. And there was progress made. A bad guy came to town, and they thwarted him. Huh. It was very much, it was more of a Western than the series was. It was like a real like, you know, high noon kind of showdown. Right, right. So it wasn't bad.

Next time it occurs to me, we should put, if we're ever together again doing this, we should put our laptops back to back so it looks like eye contact. Well, do you want to do it now? Well, I was backlit. That's why I was all blown out, which was probably a better thing. I watched Netflix has a show

on the American parks and it's not the documentary series. It's a one-off and it was narrated by Robert Redford, and it was very good. And this legendary climber, I think his name's Conrad Anker, there's also a parallel story where he and his stepson and their friend are driving to a bunch of the parks

and doing crazy climbs. And one was in Devil's Tower, and I forget the exact geological terms but the tower is just these columns of rocks and in between them anyway it's pretty hairy footage and then there's a national park uh on the top of michigan what was that what's that the upper peninsula upper peninsula and they go up there and they climb uh frozen waterfalls unbelievable really really cool and then the part on yellowstone so you can go chase go chasing waterfalls you can yeah you can dominate waterfalls um so yeah anyway that was really good oh and then i worked on a show

an animated show called hoops which Which is great. I love it. Created by Ben Hoffman. It's very, very dirty. It's kind of intentionally, it's very intentionally juvenile. Anyway, it was ranked. We were shocked. All of a sudden, you know, Netflix ranks their shows now. And for over a week, it was number like three behind two heavyweight shows.

I forget what they were were but like big shows but i did go on uh line and read some of the feedback by the way it's very poorly reviewed they just think it's dirty for dirty sake well you have to remember the environment that reviewers are writing in right now this show is everything Every movement around today is against. It's intentionally un-PC, and that blew up in our face a little bit. We didn't realize the timing would get this crazy. We worked on it.

The last time I reported to work, just so you know how slow animation is, the last time I reported to work was, I mean, it's a year ago. Yeah, about a year ago. I think a year ago. I think it was last summer. And then it gets animated and gets notes and just keeps getting animated. I mean, maybe it was into fall. I can't really remember. I think it was fall. Anyway, a long time ago but here is what here's when i when i when i went on twitter to check out what all the buzz was about hoops here was one i found i couldn't even get through the first episode of hoops on netflix it was about a failing coach searching for money so he can pay

a sex worker to have sex with a minor. So then he'll join his basketball team. Netflix, what are you doing? But by the way, that is an exact description of the pilot. No exaggeration. I think the show just got a lot of viewers. It's a perfect description of the pilot, by the way. That's great well watch it and send us your reviews at fitzdogradio.com and also your uh your letters about anything what are we up to now we're up to sports There are no sports.

No sports. Done with sports? It's not like the NBA just canceled the game because of the shooting in Wisconsin. It's not like the NFL is starting in two weeks. No. There's no sports, Mike. See, we divide up the sections of the paper, and Mike has got sports,

so just so you know where this lack of content is coming from. I promised that guy we'd follow Formula One. Very cool. Lewis Hamilton, who identifies as black. What? Well, his dad's white. No, his mom's white, his dad's black Okay

But he identified That's what it says in his bio Anyway And he's British, so it's not African American What do you call that? British Black? British American? We went 0 for 2 We missed the

I don't know what. I think black, right? I don't know. We're not going to get stymied on this. So anyway, this guy is, you know, many think he's the best Formula One driver of all time. So he won the race. And as he was coming across the finish line, like he had just gone through it, you still see like that crazy frenetic shaking of the race. And as he was coming across the finish line,

like he had just gone through it, you still see like that crazy frenetic shaking of the wheel. They had like a dash cam on him. He gave a shout out to Chadwick Boseman, who died, you know, which we're going to talk about in the obituaries. But it was really cool. And he talked about how much like that role meant, like, you know, even to him that there's this super, Even to him He was this first black superhero

Anyway it was a very cool moment So there's sports I just did sports Well done Mike Sure, nailed it Well Let's do one science story Okay

Okay You're saying now that the scientists often worry most about the loss of the world's predators, right? Well, not the one, not human predators that prey on young children, but go ahead. But a comprehensive new study finds that plant-eating herbivores, or herbivores depending on where you live, are the animals most at risk of extinction. About one in four species of herbivores are considered threatened and vulnerable. So instead of polar bears and tigers, think of plant-eaters like rhinos and green sea turtles. The last male northern white rhinoceros in the wild died in 2018.

Wow. Yeah. So vegetarians, turns out, first to go. That's a big-ass vegetarian, huh? Some are, though. I mean... It is amazing, yeah. I mean, aren't aren't elephants?

I think... Well, we're here on the island. I think they are., we're here on the island. I think they are. And we're here on the island with bison. So there's bison on Catalina that were brought out here for a film. In like the 1920s. And they left them here. Yeah.

And they've kind of thrived. But they're vegetarian and they, oh my God, they're like 1,800 pounds or something. They're crazy. Yeah. But, you know, I always think about rhinoceroses and I'm like, we're going to be telling our grandkids or great-grandkids, if we're so lucky, they're like, no, no, no joke. Those walked the earth while I was alive because they look prehistoric. Yeah, I know. With their giant suit of armor on and stuff.

And hippos, you know, are the most dangerous. They're the most dangerous animals on the planet. Nope. There's one more. Those little foxes here at the camp? Those foxes are bastards, man. They keep going into people's cabins and eating their shit. Wait, did you tell

the story of the other woman here at camp? There's a woman here. She was Mexican and she said... By the way, that's unnecessary detail. Oh, because you're going story of the other woman here at camp? There's a woman here. She was Mexican, and she said- By the way, that's unnecessary detail. Oh, because you're going to do the accent? Yeah, why the hell is she going to do the accent? I thought you could tell the story without the accent. She's here with her husband, and she complains to us. He come into my tent.

And so she's saying that the thing- She put all her shoes on the top bunk, which I have no fucking idea why. Because we're sleeping on the bottom bunks. Yeah. Because they're like, there's 12, there's six bunk beds per cabin, 12 beds. All right, go ahead. So they took the top mattresses off all the beds so they can cut down on limiting social distancing. So she says that the fox jumped up on the top bunk and pissed on her slipper.

In her slipper. In her slipper. And so she had her slippers on her front deck the whole time. I think it might have been an angry husband move. Really passive aggressive. You talked a little too much at dinner and shared a little too much about my mother, your mother-in-law. Piss right in the slipper. Could be a fetish.

Could be one of the campers has a little fetish. But these foxes, man, they are... So there's no... And there's tons of deer here. And there's no predator. No predators. There's no natural predator. No mountain lion.

But I did stumble upon a rattlesnake, and I was shocked. Who the fuck brought those out here? Right. Someone did. You need St. Patrick to come in. snake and i was shocked who the fuck brought those out here right someone did you need saint patrick to come in he got all the snakes out of ireland did you know that uh that's the legend right it's the legend all right let's get to business what do you got in the business section mike the other section that you're in charge of researching oh yeah yeah yeah yeah so that formula one driver he's such an asshole he has stickers

all over his car uh and that's business because the formula one has a lot of sponsors what is it that you're doing aren't we doing a short one i was kind of sure all right let's get to ask amy i got one all right ask amy dear amy my wife and I share your column at the breakfast table. Can you settle this for us? Our son claims that he has found the love of his life. They've been going out for over a year, and it is clear he wants to marry her. It seems like since he has made this emotional commitment, perhaps it would be time to meet her parents and family. I wanted to

invite them out to our suburb to enjoy a round of golf, the pool, and a fancy dinner at our country club, but my wife didn't think that was a good idea. She claimed it was too soon to, quote, meet the parents. They live in a very upscale area, and I'm supposing that my wife has looked up what they paid for their house, how much fancier their country club is than ours, and is probably afraid that our standard of living won't live up to their standards and will sour their outlook on our son. This is hurtful. This is hurtful. Is there an appropriate time for our families to get to know each other in this situation, especially given this perceived difference in financial net worth? Signed, Eager Dad.

What do you think, Greg? Was this letter from the 17th century in England? Is there an Irish person involved who has to climb up a couple steps socially? I don't know. But also, he's writing essentially to his wife because he knows his wife reads this column. And what did Amy do? Amy facilitated this by printing it. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my God. This is the whitest Dear Amy of all time. He's assuming his wife has done all this. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is the whitest Dear Amy of all time. He's assuming his wife has done all this. Yeah. You think? I don't know. And he's the one hung up on. He calls this a fancy dinner at our country club.

Who describes their situation as fancy? Yeah. I don't know. That other family should run, not because of the son, but because of the father. When somebody Zillows your house, that's a deal breaker. Right. Um, my... When we got married, my, uh, family belonged to a golf club.

And my mother said, I want to have Aaron's family come for a dinner. You know, you always have like a wedding dinner before the wedding. Yeah. And so I said, I don't know if that's a good idea because they're Jewish. And I don't think this club allows Jewish people in it. And she goes, no, they do. They let Jewish people in. And so I was like, all right, we'll do it. So they come in and her family's-

Whose club? Nolwood Country Club. Oh, okay. I shouldn't say that on the- Oops. Bushwood? So they come for the dinner and her parents are hippies. And so they're, like, wandering around.

Like, they were picking flowers from the gardens. Are we talking about Aaron's parents? Yeah. Well, also, no one hates Jews more than her dad. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't say that. What do you mean? He's anti-Zionist.

He's not anti-Jewish. It was a joke, but, yeah, he is very critical. Not a joke you let stand. Oh, I see. You challenge him. It was a joke, but yeah, he is very critical. Not a joke you let stand. Oh, I see. You challenge him. He was kind of critical. Yeah. His book was called, it had the word fascist in it.

Anyway. So anyway, I got there, and I see the locker room attendant, and I go, hey, Willie, how you doing? He goes, good. I go, so they let Jewish people in here now? He's like, hell no. I'm like, well, Willie, how you doing? He goes, good. I go, so they let Jewish people in here now? He's like, hell no. I'm like, well, they do today. Let's keep that on the down low.

Wow. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. Or sad. Yeah. All right. So we're going to skip viewer mail this week in interest of getting to the beach with our families that are waiting for us.

And get right to the Sunday funnies. I love it. Okay, we're starting off with Andy Kapp. Does he have a crush on us? Oh, well, that's the one piece of mail that did stand out. I was just a lucky guess. Yeah, there's a woman named Joanne. What? Joanne, and she

says, I seem to have a crush on you too. Now, when she says that, I always think there's got to be one of us she has more of a crush on than the other. Joanne? Yeah. Oh, I don't know. That would be divisive. Divide us, Joanne. Write us a letter. Which one of us do you

really have the crush on, and you're being gentle on the other one? Ooh, I don't know if we want that news. By the way, if you're going to make art, which they did once again this week, we already plugged the guy. Why is it then when they Photoshop a face into a couple, I'm always

the woman? Maybe it's because you're a feminine, high-pitched voice. Let's get to the funnies let's do it andy cap as you know a couple that really communicates well uh you know they've got a very sober-minded healthy relationship so in this one uh his wife comes into the bar and takes a frying pan and bashes a guy over the head with it. And it looks like there was boiling water in the pan. And she goes, oops, you look just like me husband from the back. Was she looking for Andy?

Andy is three guys down the bar just watching. Look at them. They all have the alcoholic noses. Yeah. Look at this bird. Well, there's a woodpecker. And he was going to town on a fucking. They all have the alcoholic noses Yeah Look at this bird Well Well there's a woodpecker And he was going to town on a fucking

That's a crazy bird Oh yeah look at that With a red Black and white Red head and black and white body There was a woodpecker going after a fucking telephone pole yesterday I was like dude You're knocking on the wrong door there

Dude It's so funny to see this picture of violence underneath. Yeah. In the funnies. It's a cool, cool picture, though. Yeah. Cool frame. All right.

What else we got? We got Hager. We love him. Or call him Hagar. Call him Hager. Yeah. Call him funny. Helga is talking to Hager.

And there's a wizard looking kind of guy behind her yeah oh no it's a it's her grandfather she says grandpa wants you to bring him back a 20 year old bottle of champagne from france and then grandpa whispers into helga's ear and helga goes and a beautiful 20 year old barmaid to serve it to him so could you grab some wine and oh yeah abduct a girl who's almost a child if you could yeah for my 80 year old father i'm sure there was a lot of thinking you know what the only reason she's 20 is because a less than 20 year old bottle of champagne isn't that impressive. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like really the right. It was probably like grab a 14 year old bottle of champagne.

Oh, and also a 14 year old handmaiden to give him a shot. Oh, my God. As if that as if that 20 year old is going to make it back to camp unmolested by the crew. You know? Hey, no, don't rape her. That one's for my father-in-law. He'll kill me if she's already traumatized. She has to be upbeat enough to first serve him champagne. Then all bets are off.

We got a letter about Family Circus from Chris W. Wanted to let you know that Family Circus artist Bill Keene, a classic, a man we've shown a lot of respect to on this show, is an Arizona treasure. A life-size statue of Bill stands at the McCormick-Stillman

Railroad Park in Scottsdale, where Bill is on all fours playing horsey with all the comic strip kids, Billy, Dolly, Jeffy, and PJ. It's very sweet. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's very sweet. Thanks for the great pod.

Somebody just offered us coffee. Is this podcast already out and they heard us? Maybe they heard us because we're so loud. I don't know. Oh my God. Alright, what else do we want to scream about? Hot water? A 20-year-old barmaid to serve it to us?

Wait, maybe it's just if you talk about rape enough, they bring you coffee? Isn't that how camp works? We haven't been to camp in so long. Things have changed. Alright, we're whispering at a kid's table and they're bringing us coffee. I want a 20-year-old

barista. Yeah. Maybe they're talking. We are talking about people going all the way to France to bring back underage girls and perfectly aged champagne. Maybe that cued this. And here's your daughter. No. Get away.

We're almost done. We're almost done. We're almost done. We got two more comic strips to do, and then we're done. All right, speaking of which, let's get to your family circus. Oh, boy. There's no reason to. I'm so distracted by the incoming. Maybe we're being poisoned.

I think that might be it. Maybe they're listening to the podcast and they're like, these guys are a little low energy today. Hey, did you erase my family circus? I feel like I did. It disappeared. No, all of them disappeared. How about this?

I can remember what it was. You can remember it. Yeah. It's not in front of me. It's a dumb little circle, of course. It's one panel. Here comes the poison. This is amazing.

Look at that. With creamer and sugar. Put on your mask. Put comes the poison. This is amazing. Look at that with cream and sugar. Put on your mask. Put on your mask. Where's this from? This is so nice. I've been dying. This is so unexpected and wonderful.

Oh, my God. What a treat. What's your name? My name's Holly. Holly. Thank you, Holly. Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you guys were filming.

No. We were just taping a podcast. Thank you. Very good. Singing the praises of this camp. Well, that's nice to know. I think, you know, my friend who you've met, she comes out here and volunteers at a camp for kids. Right.

Camp Del Corazon. Suzanne. Right. She loves you guys. And Tom Arnold comes out here. volunteers at a camp for kids suzanne she loves you guys and tom arnold comes out here yeah it's such a one she tells me about it every year and then this year i posted a picture on instagram and she's like you're at my camp oh that's when is that usually is it around now that's what she said okay this is for children with congenital heart issues.

Yeah, sure. Most of the staff, I believe, are from UCLA. Right. Medical Center, at least the two founding physician and head nurse are. And what is the charity? Camp Del Corazon. It means heart in Spanish, Greg. Yeah, that's very nice. And how do you find the campers that are here this week, our group? How do we find you? Like, how did we find you? Or how do we, like, enjoy you? Yeah.

How do we enjoy you? Yes. Well, it's a great energy. And it's nice to have people here at camp. That's why we're here. You know, is because we like to have people around camp and especially this particular group with all the children. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice. No offense. No offense.

We like kids better than adults. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, they are much more simple. Much more simple. Well, thank you so much. Yeah, thanks for the coffee. And thank you for hosting us at the camp.

Oh, my God. How nice is this? And so a shout out, I think, is appropriate to Tom Arnold, too, because that guy walks the walk. He is involved in this charity. He comes out here every year. He's been on my podcast promoting it. Oh, my God. Greg, look at the flavor of creamer I was just handed.

No, no. Mine, not yours. Caramel macchiato. Mine, not yours. Caramel macchiato. That is the name. And look at the little pieces of what? What are those pieces of? There's a picture. Caramel.

Look, you're doing it all correctly now. All right. I'm taking my mask back off. Sorry about that. But wait till you hear Blondie because now we have coffee in us and we're going to accelerate through the finish line. All right, well, let me do – so Family Circus, I remember. Oh, yeah.

Because it's nothing. You and I took a peek at it and we're like, what do you even do with that? It's a backyard. The dad's in a hammock. And he's like, eyes closed. And then the kid's asking his mom mommy can we nap outside like daddy today so that description sounds like i forgot a key part to why it would be in a section called the funnies i didn't forget anything that is verbatim what was there but but that's what a

family circus is like a family circus is like. A family circus is like a telephone, that game telephone. So I'm going to whisper in your ear something that's legitimately funny that someone put work into that had a surprising kind of finish that made you involuntarily chortle. And then I whisper that to someone. And as it goes down the line, it eventually gets to Bill Keene or some Keene. And Keene's like, what? I didn't hear anything. Let me just shit something on a piece of paper. And there.

Did we win? Did I keep the telephone message alive? No, you didn't. There's nothing. You heard nothing. It's so far from where it started. It started as a joke that would amuse people. And now what is it?

We don't even know, but there's no word to describe it. And part of the telephone game was some people spoke other languages. So it was translated into French. That was translated to Arabic and then back to English before it got to Bill Keen. And it made every culture laugh except the one that wound up in your hands. Well, the only thing that pulls us out of Family Circus is a little trip to our friends. It's so psychological. I feel more awake now just holding a coffee mug.

All right. That's a disease. Dagwood comes into the bedroom. Guess who's in bed? Fucking Blondie. Wait, there's a mom within 18, 12 feet of you outside. All right, so I'm going to whisper this. So Blondie has a bedhead.

So a little bit of her golden locks that are normally perfectly coiffed are squashed down. She's got a surprise look on her eye. She's turning over sideways. He says, he goes, there are so many good things to eat in the refrigerator. I had to say eeny, meeny, miny, moe. And then he says, I think I'll fix myself a snack. He said, after I'd still eaten moe, I was still hungry, so I said eeny, meeny, miny, moe again.

I wonder why I can't sleep at night. Blondie, by the way, is now laying in bed. She's right there. Right now she has to be wondering why two adults are at a table at the camp reading comics. Digitally. And why one of them has an erection.

So Blondie, who now is, she has her butt pushed against Dagwood. She's presenting, as they'd say in the wild. And he says, I don't know why I can't sleep nights. I'm still hungry as a wolf. Blondie says, go downstairs and fix yourself something more. Here's another idea, Dagwood. Why don't you slide down your boxers

and take a stab at that fucking yellow piece of heaven right next to you? The mom just left, okay? Okay. So now he comes back. It's so funny. This is one of the first times I'm looking at Dagwood as you're reading it. I don't see any presenting or pressing her butt against him,

but I'm just, go ahead, keep going. So he comes back, and he's got bowls. He's got sandwiches. He's got snacks. He goes, it's too lonesome eating down there by myself. I'll eat this little snack in bed. He gets in, and now Blondie's up. She's up.

She's done. Oh, look at this. More coffee. Oh, wow. Thank you so much. And now he gets into bed, and he goes, mmm, cold beans and a sandwich with crackers and peanut butter and celery and spaghetti. And now Blondie, who is... She was ready to go, and instead she's got

this... Are her legs spread wide open when she's inviting him, Greg? You're reading into it. I want to try to see what you see. And she throws all the food at him, and she goes, the picnic grounds are in the park. And then in the final frame, she

takes out this vibrator that's the size of a baseball. Oh, no, that's not in there. They're going to take her coffee away. That's not in there. All right, we've done it. Mike, we're outdoors doing our first Outdoors Sunday Papers. All right, so full circle back to your opening comments, which were they should be appreciative that we didn't take a week off.

I'm wondering what the verdict is now. No, I think it's good. I certainly didn't deliver. No, no, no, no. I thought this week off. I'm wondering what the verdict is now. No, I think it was good. I certainly didn't deliver. No, no, no, no. I thought this was good. I would tell you. Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I'm saying yeah, yeah, yeah too much. Like I'm overcompensating. Yes, I think it was good. Was it our best? Probably not. Probably I wouldn't say that. It was our best, but it's definitely not our worst.

How long were we clocking in at over here? One hour and 12 minutes, so we gave them something. It was over an hour. Alright, let's go see some fish. So, again, support our sponsors. If you have a chance, check out the Miracle Whips, the Art of Facts, which you can get Devil Ducks records,

but it's also on Spotify. Also, The Chug. It's on YouTube.com. The Chug Show, if you want to get into some home brewing with a sense of humor about it. And California Sun. It's a newsletter put together by Mike McFate. Just search California Sun in Google, and then you can sign up, and they'll send you a little email every day. Maybe I'm going to be written up in the California.

What is it? Sun? California Sun. You want to know why? Why? Last little Catalina story. So when I first got here, they give you a tour of the campgrounds. And so she goes, brings us out to the water.

And she's like, this pier, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then over here, there's more. Like you'll see at night, especially after dinner, tons of rays, manna rays. I think manna. Sting rays or manna. And then think manna, the ones that swim. And then the stingrays on the bottom, a guitar fish, you'll see sand sharks.

Anyway, she's giving us the lay of the land. And then she's like, and around that bend is another cove. And I'm like, are there any great rocks to jump off here? Because on the way in, I saw a lot.

And I love doing that. I just did that up in the Sears. Like cliff diving. Yeah. No, I don't, I should dive, but I don't. And I also often don't know exactly how deep it is. And I love doing that. I just did that up in the Sears. Like cliff diving. Yeah. No, I don't. I should dive, but I don't. I also often don't know exactly how deep it is.

And if your feet hit, that's fine. So I go, are there any great rocks to jump off? She's like, no. In fact, it's illegal to do that. Everywhere on Catalina, it's against the law. And first of all, I'm like, that means there's great rocks to jump off of. But she goes, the harbor master will write you a ticket

for attempted suicide. That's not a joke. And I asked her, is that a joke? Not a joke. That is what they will write you a ticket for. And I'm like, well, this isn't going to look good that I'll have six suicide attempts by Sunday. I'm like, won, this isn't going to look good that I'll have six suicide attempts

by Sunday. I'm like, won't that stay on my record? Like applying for a job? Like, ah, well, this guy has, I think all state the, the, uh, the black guy from all states going to call you up and go, uh, Mike, we've got to wrap up this term policy. When's your term policy go to? Cause are you going to Catalina again anytime soon? Because that island does not agree with you. Six suicide attempts? There were four within an hour. You know there's ferries twice a day.

You can get off of there. Also, what are you doing wrong? Six? We've never gotten someone to six before. Yeah. You're such a loser. I can see why you're trying to kill yourself. We've heard a lot of twos and threes. The typical cry

for help. Your cries for help are really unending. Find some shallow water already. Let's thank all the people that make the show possible. Where's that coffee? At Midcoast Media, thank you guys and thank you, Mike.

Thank you, Camp. Thank you. Yes. Campsite. What's the name of this campsite? California Island Camps. California Island Camps. Howland's Cove. Yeah.

Check it out sometime. It's so great. We'll catch you guys next time. And wrap it up. Put it in a rowboat or a catamaran. Stick it in the hole so the boat doesn't sink. Stick it in a little fire. Soak up the water in the boat doesn't sink. Stick it in a little fire. Soak up the water in the boat.

Start a fire with it. And then your mom dies. And your mom dies. All right, later. Thank you. Let us read from the book of David Let us read from the book of Acts Let us read from the book of David. Let us read from the book of Acts. Let us read from the book of Matches, paragraphs of Acts. Let us read from the book of Leaches.

Let's read from the book of Notes. Let the stumps deliver speeches from the slits in their bloody throats. Let's read from the book of matches. Let's burn every word. Strike reverse on the book of matches And the birds over the land Let's read from the book of needles A braille message in the trash Let's read from the book of ages

Never looking back Let's read from the book of ages never looking back let's read from the book of matches let's burn every word strike reverse on the book of matches and the birds over there guitar solo Tear the pages from the book of flames

While the boys in the bathroom scrape I'll be here sitting in the window Light them up on the fire escape Let's read from the book of horrors Let's read from the book of songs Poverty at its best persuades us to employ our vicious songs Let's read from the book of matches Let's burn every word

Strike reverse on the book of matches and the birds overhead. And the birds overhead. And the birds overhead.