Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 260 4/13/25

Episode Date: April 13, 2025

It’s Mike’s birthday! Trump celebrates it by cutting Mike’s stock portfolio by a third. A dead man on a NYC subway has a rude awakening, and a FLA man gets violent at a lemonade stand.Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Our Sponsors:* Check out Mood and use my code PAPERS for a great deal: https://mood.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Now at Verizon, we're locking in low prices for three years guaranteed on my plan. And you can get a single line for just $45 a month when you switch and bring your phone. That's our best price ever on Unlimited Welcome with auto pay plus taxes and fees guaranteed for three years. Because at Verizon, we got you. Visit your local DC Verizon store today. $20 monthly promo credits applied over 36 months with a new line on Unlimited Welcome. In times of congestion, unlimited 5G and 4G LTE may be temporarily slower than other traffic. Domestic data roaming at 2G speeds. Price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate. Additional terms

and conditions apply. Read all about it. Read all about it. Sunday Papers. Here comes my awkward one. Three, two, one. Read all about it. Read all about it. Sunday Papers. Coming to you from the great state of Florida. Here I am. Florida. Cloudiness.

Yes. Oh, there's nothing worse. Here's the thing. Florida, here's what Florida has to offer you. Good weather. And when it's gray, you literally stand there going, what the fuck am I doing here? I do have to say, like, I get that little visceral

and very physical reaction when I got off the plane, when that it's there's no other way to describe it. I mean, other than humidity. But when that tropical feel hits, I love it. When you come out of like baggage claim or whatever, like it's you're like, whoa, you're you're in a you're in pretty different country here, you know? Now, I shit on Florida, but the truth is, my mom's there. I love it.

I love that tropical thing. I love the way the weather kind of rolls in, shits on you, and then just rolls out, and then you got nice skies. I like the ocean, green water, it's warm. Yeah, sure, you got it. So I got dumped on yesterday on the golf course. We had to quit after nine holes.

It was torrential. And it was not in the forecast. Everyone was surprised. But I went out, I was supposed to go out with my dad. I went out with his friend of his. Jason, I don't think you met. Great guy. Anyway, I came down here. Spent some time with my dad.

Three nights, stepbrother Jeff came down, who's a legend, giant fisherman. And all of a sudden my dad's heart rate was going kind of crazy. And then the place called him because they have a monitor that they can watch him remotely. They're like, you gotta get in here. Anyway, I wanna just tell this one quick funny story.

So the procedure that they then scheduled and I took them to and I'm a little too familiar. I'm like nodding at people at this hospital now, like we recognize each other. So the procedure and there's obviously a technical name for it, but they shock you. They shock your whole body. Like with the, with a like. No, no, no. You lay on a metal like tray like in the in the in the gurney or whatever you call it in the in the bed.

The show how much the stocks dropped in the last few days. No, I should have done. Yeah. Or tell them that I'm still trying to make it as a TV, a comedy writer at this age. That should have done it. So you lay on a metal plate or whatever, they put you under and they shock you, right? So on the way there, he goes, no, you know,

I've had this done before and it works. And by the way, it worked immediately. He has irregularity and it wasn't AFib. Anyway, he goes, last time I went, he goes, it's, you know, little, the first time I did it, he's done it more than once. The first time I did it He's done it more than once the first time I did it He goes you get in and it's a really cold and it's a plate and you know, you know what's going on They're gonna shock you so they put you under so you don't feel anything

You don't know anything when you wake up the nurses there and their coolest cucumbers They're Their coolest cucumbers and they tell you how when it well it. And then the doctor looks you right in the eyes and goes immediately jump back to normal and you're stable. It worked. It was a success. But my dad always, of course, because of his immigrant background and his parents and he's grew up poor, he always bonds with basically the help, right?

So there was one guy and I don't even know what his role was, but he was very low and like no one was, and my dad talked to him though. So my dad like befriended him before he went into the, you know, whatever, the guy wheeled him into the room. So anyway, the nurse says that, the doctor says that, cool as cucumbers. And the guy comes over to get my dad back in the chair and wheel him out. And he's like, Hey, my man, what's going on? And the guy goes, man, you almost hit the ceiling. Holy shit. Really? Yes. God damn. Like the guy couldn't have possibly known that my dad is going to

do this like two or three more times. And now he knows what happens when he closes his eyes. Yeah. Nurse the nurse ratchet. Jesus. Did they put a thing in your mouth to bite down on? Oh, that's an interesting question. I didn't ask him. I wonder. Huh? They have to stabilize. I can't believe these old guys don't pull muscles when that happens. I know. Wow, that's amazing. Well, because your dad's got that concierge service. My mom doesn't have that. So if that should happen to her, they'd be like, okay, call us on Monday and we'll schedule something for three weeks from now. No, all about the concierge is down there. Well, he resents the hell out of it. He's also very frugal that way. But when we went in, no, he's like we had a pause twice getting up to the doctor's office. And like, he's almost passing out. We get him in there. And the guy goes, Mr. Gibbons. And we're in the waiting room. And he's like, Yes, he's like, this way. And then I have to help him up. We cross we go go in, we sit down and it's just this guy who goes, you know,

I noticed your concierge, you know, expired and just the renewal forms. It was all the upsell. No. And my dad's like, wait, do I stay here and now see a nurse or all that? He's like, no, no, no, I'll put you back in the waiting room. This was just for that. No shit. And my dad, my dad was exactly what he called it. And he was really resentful. It's all about that. But I'll tell you, it's worth it. And I have to remind him, I'm like, well, you it's,

I don't know if it's a few hundred dollars, whatever. No, no, no, no. It's like five to ten thousand. I think his might have been twenty five hundred. Yeah, now that you're saying that. Yeah. And then but they've upped it to thirty five. They're all upping it because people are paying. Yep. Yep. Unbelievable. You did cut the line though. Hey, let's change the subject. Happy birthday. He did cut the line though. Hey, let's change the subject. Happy birthday! Ah, take a look at that. Happy birthday to... Do that? I hope to be that old and have that many troubles.

I've never met anybody who's less concerned with his own birthday. I should say other people's birthdays too, but your own birthday you're very unconcerned with. Yeah, I'm not really... well, growing up... also my dad... this is the situation. It sounds like it's sad sad but it's not. Yesterday he's going through his little he has a manual old school calendar right like a little notebook and he looked through and he's with Jeff and we're all sitting there last night after dinner and he's like hey it's Mike's birthday tomorrow like to Jeff and I'm like yep it is. to Jeff. And I'm like, yep, it is.

Oh, my God. People wonder how I got this way. Yeah, yeah. Even holidays, you're not even into holidays. No, I'm very into Christmas. OK. I milked that one. Well, because it's you're really into Jesus Christ. Yeah. Well, you saved me. What else are we talking about? Hey, later, we're going to talk about the Denny McCarthy. I guess I'll save my little dumb airplane joke for later. But March

Madness, just to wrap it up, the under over bet, there were 38 unders, 25 overs. That's a 13 game differential. Rabio's me. Well, hopefully his wife doesn't listen to the podcast. I don't think anyone does but 1300 bucks. 1300 and you hedged your bet. Once you hit the sweet 16, you said to me, I don't want to I don't want him to swing back now and take my money. So I'm going to start betting overs with you.

So I took the unders on the final six 17 games and even for a while and then the last five were unders. So I walked away with 250 bucks from you which you did pay me right? I paid you immediately. Okay. 50 head so each one of those that I paid you really were B paid you. He paid me 50 and he paid you 50. Yeah. All right. I like it.

When you sneeze, people always say, God bless you. But when you fart, people never say Satan condemns you. All right, let's get to the logo. It's from Ryan Wise. It's a take it each. It's a nice one. I like the very 70s graffiti looking thing like that. Hold on.

Hold on. What is he doing? Is he farting? Stop. It stopped. Uh oh, that's no good. Is it plugged in? It's recording now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and the red light was on. Anyway, mark the time. All right, at 10 minutes and 15 seconds in. They might have to use, they're definitely, I don't know how I don't know if I got any of it but we're good to go now oh okay well a lot of technical snafus in the last few weeks but you know what you get here

everybody knows that here you know what you don't have to listen to fucking advertising that's the key to our show yeah song great song from Ray Maslanka. Maslanka. Maslanka. Thank you, Ray. Ray's given us a few really fucking high end good songs. We appreciate it. Some corrections, a high end correction from Ryan in Chicago.

He said the famous painting with the people sitting in a diner is Edward Hopper's Nighthawks as You can see it at the Art Institute in Chicago my favorite art museum in the country It is not called as Mike referred to hit the Falcon. I don't know if I said no, you know what I said Thunderbird. Yeah, that's it. And I don't know why I had my mind. I don't know why I had that in my mind But he's right. That's a wino drink Greg repeatedly brought up Black Rock profiting from war Blackrock is an asset management firm black water is a private military Contractor to top it off

Greg doesn't have access to the New York Times because he hasn't figured out how to sign into his wife's account on his computer. You guys aren't even that old but you're making a strong case for Gen X being the new boomers. Oh, we're there. Disgustedly yours and elder millennial Ryan in Chicago. Toby said Greg said multiple times that adolescence was a three episode show. We got a lot of this email. Even Mike said the third episode about the therapist was really powerful and he didn't like the last episode. And Greg corrected Mike and said that the third episode was the last.

Okay, we get it. Get it. Ryan said as a former local of Spokane. By the way, I did like the lead for the record We're gonna talk about it later. I did very much like the last episode but When I was seeing it, I was like, oh wow, like You're gonna end it on this. I wonder if that's a big enough story because a lot of the Action had already happened and it was more emotional. You know what I mean?

Are we gonna get into it now or we gonna do like during it no no no I'm just okay I'm just addressing a correction all right we're done as a former local of Spokane when people say also miss mispronounced the Jesuit University with a good basketball team is pronounced gon zega second syllable are you doing this on purpose guns gon zega gon z gon zega gon zega gon zega okay well apparently they'll never be they'll never be in the sweet 16 again because of all this trading that happens with colleges now it's gonna just be super teams speaking of super teams I'm coming to Huntington at the Mamba on May 4th and then Escondido at Grand Comedy

May 9th and 10th Cincinnati or actually technically Dayton Kentucky at Commonwealth May 16 17 also coming to Tampa why do I have Escondido down twice oh yeah no I don't Torrance Austin Point Pleasant La Jolla I think I'm also coming to what's that beach town south of Tampa clear water no further south well not st. Pete no further south Sarasota good Lord captain hooks in whatever look it ups, I'll be there. Let's get some crinkling. Got any crinklage? I don't. You're going to have to handle the crinklage. Hold on. Let me find some crinkle. I'm looking up this city. I'm fascinated.

city. I'm fascinated. Tampa. It's not Bradenton Fort Myers. You ready? Bradenton, Sarasota, Venice, Punta Gorda, Fort Myers, Naples, Everglades City. Naples. That's it. Naples.glades City Naples that's it Naples dude here's a little page out of a out of a book called the Sunday papers notebook which you can purchase at Fitzdogg comm we have hats we have Sunday papers hats fifth anniversary see that fifth anniversary right on the front. Impress your friends. We got mugs. This stuff is selling. Did you see the report? I saw the report, man. It's flying out the door. I got to get a hat, dude.

People are supporting the show because they know we have no advertising. So we sell merch. Let's get to the front page. Let's do it. I saw this headline today in an international paper and also in something well-respected. I forget. Fund managers quietly fear Trump doesn't have a tariff plan and that he might be insane.

Insane in the membrane. In the last few days, we've had many conversations with macro fund managers said the head of research at the financial analysis firm FS insights and their concern is that the White House is not acting rationally but rather on ideology and some even fear that this may not even be ideology. A few have quietly wondered if the president might be insane. And I'm thinking maybe that's Trump's plan. I forget where it is, but it's like the guy who holds the gun to his own head and tells

everyone like, just do what I say and he won't get hurt. Blazing Saddles, the sheriff. That's right. Yeah. Perfect. Perfect. Oh my God. Yeah, I think that's what it is. It's like, well, here's what it is.

First of all, there was a thing in the Oval Office where he was standing there with some billionaire friends and he started congratulating them and he started saying, "'This guy made a billion dollars yesterday.'" And how about you? You made $730 million. Did you see that?

No, so it tanked and terrified the world the day before. Then it goes up because it seems like he caves, right, based on the bond market. And yeah, so but right before he said, you made $900 million today, not a bad day. I mean, to say that out loud, to think that also, to have that guy there. But also before that, he said, he's like, Mr. President, people are seeing your wisdom and why don't you say, yeah, yeah. He's like up 13 or whatever it was, up 1400. That has to be some kind of record. It's like, no, no, no, you're handing me a bandaid, but you're the one who punched me in the nose. You're not, I'm not giving you credit for handing me a bandaid.

Well, the catch 22 is that he's coming out and he's saying the tariffs are so that we can create an environment to make new production jobs, manufacturing jobs in this country. That's why the tariffs are there. And then he puts them out, and then all of a sudden it's obvious he's using it as a negotiation ploy. So what's the message? Which is it?

Are we all part of some aggressive bluff like he used to do when he was a builder? And if it failed, six times he went bankrupt, six times our government, our dollars bailed him out. So now there's nobody to bail him out. He's using the same tactics like he's working with the net. Is Russia going to bail him out? Because that's the only one he didn't put tariffs on. Also, there would have been so many more bankruptcies, but a lot of the times what he would do is

he just wouldn't pay people. And it's when all of a sudden that became impossible that he declared bankruptcy. But you know, like the architect who built his giant golf course out in the Hamptons, like he just doesn't pay people. And then he tells his lawyers, just keep that lawsuit going for forever, for as long as you can. By the way, you know there's a new thing now where the IRS has been stripped down and rich people, billionaires, are simply not paying their taxes because they're crunching the numbers and it costs them way less to pay penalties than it does to keep their money out of the market and pay it now. So there are billions and tens of billions of dollars not being paid in taxes because,

you know, just fuck it. Just remember, remember telepictures which ran the Ellen DeGeneres show. They just used music. Remember all of Ellen's dancing? Yeah, right. All of that, right? In year seven, they got busted badly and it was written about. So I'm not talking out of turn here. And they then had to pay penalties, triple damages

maybe to the artists on all the music they'd used. But it only went back four years. So the first three years was free. And the guy at Telepictures, some source in telepictures, a lawyer with us was like, Well, what kind of practice that so are you saying you made this was a wise prudent decision because you paid less than if you had done it legally. He literally goes, that's how we roll. Like, dude, and have a lawyer and then you're working at McDonald's you're working 40 hours a week at McDonald's and they are whacking your fucking 26

percent right you never even see it you don't argue it you don't hide it you just pay it and then you take the fucking bus home the got dark all right all right I love this story. This is good. Zoo introduces glasses to avoid direct eye contact with gorillas. Now I have the pictures of the glasses. So you put them on.

They look like, you know, the cardboard 3D glasses and the glasses have eyeballs printed on them, which are looking to the right or left. So you can look right at the gorilla, but the gorilla doesn't see you making eye contact, but you know how smart gorillas are. They must be like, what the fuck is going on?

And eventually they must be like, why are you even coming to a zoo? If you're not going to look at me, the glasses were introduced following an attack on a woman by an escaped gorilla and the specs are sponsored by a local health insurance company. But I think when I saw these, Greg, I think you need to get these on all of your glasses because of your maniacal eye contact. I think people would sweat it a little less when you're talking to them. And I think I should get glasses with eyes that make eye contact so I can do my thing

and not even look at you. Yes, you need your reverse spectrum glasses that make you look like you give a shit. I think I have a spectrum. So I don't see your eyes going straight down to your phone during the podcast and I actually on some level believe you're paying attention. I want to get a pair that makes it look like I'm looking at a woman's tits instead of her feet. So no matter what, eyes are still down there?

Yes. Okay. Or what about like a pair that makes you look Asian that has like, uh, you know, kind of squinty eyes. Can they sell these? Can they sell these for binoculars? When I look out, look down at the beach from my dad's window here at all the women on the beach, can somehow banal 78 year old women with implants. Oh, no, this is the public beach. Oh no, yes this is it. There's talent. Wow, alright that sounds creepy. So I need, oh there's also a telescope by the window. I don't question him on it. I don't think he's looking at

the moon. Well the telescopes better because then your hands are free. That is true. You know I just need something that makes it look like I'm looking up at like ships way out on the horizon. Yeah. Police released photos on Thursday of a woman who allegedly stole property from an unresponsive man on a lower

Manhattan subway train. Now, that's not why is that such a big story in the news? Oh, wait, there's more. Shortly before a second suspect performed sex acts on the victim's corpse after he died. No. It's unclear if the man was dead when the woman removed unknown property from him aboard a downtown R train. According to the police he was unconscious and unresponsive when she came up around 10 45 p.m. And stole his property

The female suspect is wanted for grand larcery Sources said it appears the same victim who was violated less than two hours later when a man performed multiple Sex acts on him after he died aboard the train There are images of the male suspect. And that's- What is it, Yellow Hoodie Day? They both have on yellow hoodies. And he's got on a Dodgers cap, that's not good for LA.

There was no immediate indication that two suspects knew each other or the victim. Ha ha ha. What if they knew him? They're like, oh, look, it's Bill. Investigators believe he was a homeless man and might have died from natural causes on the train. Oh, so that smelled good. Anyone who witnessed the act is asked to call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-577-TIPS.

Yeah, well anyone who witnessed the act is also advised to see a psychiatrist immediately and also wipe the vomit off your chin. Yeah, and maybe get involved next time. I bet she, she's gonna be caught. I mean, you can see her clear as day. And I'm surprised they can't. I bet they already know, but they can't because the violation of privacy, I bet her face scan has already coughed up who she is. But yeah, I'm wondering, she's going

to want to prove. I wonder if there's a difference between stealing from a corpse or if he was alive. Oh, that should go under our ethical questions. Isn't it like found property if it's on a corpse? There's probably a law that says if it's on his person, it's his. Well, is it considered rape if you have sex with somebody who's already dead? I mean, I know it's necrophilia, but is it also rape? I think when you're dead, it's implied consent.

Well, that's what I'm saying. What if it's more than implied consent? What if they got to the Whitehall station and then the guy stood up and they high-fived him and they went to the manhole for a drink. Maybe this whole thing was just like a kinky charade. He takes a drug that makes him seem dead for about an hour. Yeah, right.

Yeah. Uh, he also had to do you think they stole? Do you think he stole his hat? Look at the Dodgers hat. Look at him on the right. Yep. He has a fedora on. Right.

Oh, yeah. Who would put a homeless guy's hat on? Jesus. Especially after someone just came in it. I know, multiple acts. You really don't want your imagination to start figuring that one out. No, no, you're right

What good lord this is disgusting what train was it I? Don't know but it was that went down to Whitehall station. I think it was the our train Yeah, the our train for a great He also he had a little more room because he moved the guy over to the disabled seat Prince Harry you know let him off let him get off good he met with war victims on Thursday in an unannounced visit to Ukraine as part of his ongoing work with wounded veterans. It seems like it was announced. He visited the superhuman center, an orthopedic clinic, it treats rehabilitated military personnel,

they provide prosthetics, reconstructive surgery, and psychological help free of charge. So the Duke of Sussex who served ten years in the British Army has made helping injured soldiers one of his most prominent causes and he traveled to Ukraine after spending two days in a London court where he is appealing the British government's decision to strip him of his government-funded protection after he quit working as a member of the royal family. What a job to quit. That's it. Enough of this. I'm tired of being chauffeured around and fed the best food in England in front of like the hottest chicks in England.

The prince is no stranger to war having served two tours in Afghanistan where he flew missions as an Apache helicopter pilot. Yeah he was a war hero in Afghanistan where he once drank his tea cold after an IUD wiped out half the soldiers who did his tea service every day. Listen he is a veteran he's no stranger to war and high conflict. He's married to Meghan Markle. There it is. That's the joke we're looking for. Come on. The new queen of America.

You get PTSD just from looking at that icy stare when you didn't fucking buy the bouncy house for the kids that day for the birthday party. The people's princess. Icy stare, all you have to do is call her Markle. You have to dead name her, she'll freak out. Yeah. Hey, maybe he can help out the war victims in Northern Ireland that his ancestors starved to death.

Maybe bring over some protein shakes, give us back our cows. By the way, you know, it was unannounced visit because he was afraid of for his security. Soon as he finished, he announced the shit out of this. Yeah, right. Right.

Right. Speaking of flying, is this story the. Oh, you know, you have a plane. The FAA will investigate. By the way, we are conspicuous in its absence is the helicopter plummeting to the ground with six family members in it. We will take on molesting a corpse, but the one with the six rich people in a helicopter, we found that was...

But there were kids, man. I know. But it fell in the water, right? It did, I think. Maybe. It was very, have you not seen the footage? I saw it went straight down. Well no no but the propeller was flying separately and came down 50 yards away. The helicopter had no propeller on it, it was like a cab and just plummeted out of the sky. So you think the screw, you think they'd have more than one screw holding the propeller to the helicopter? Well, I know. The owner came on and immediately goes, this is so tragic. I'm a father and a grandfather.

Like immediately the sympathy card. I don't even know how that's sympathy, but he just played the emotional card. And but people are like, yeah, whatever, buddy, let's see your maintenance log. I don't even know how that's sympathy, but he just played the emotional card and But people like yeah, whatever buddy. Let's see your maintenance log Yep, cuz no one has ever seen this. I'm not saying it hasn't happened No one has ever seen this where the propeller flies off the helicopter in midair Bill Burr flies helicopters, I think he might even own one. Yeah. Didn't you say he bought a two seater, which rules out his family? Yeah. I want to go see him in New York doing the Glen Gary Glen Ross.

My dad saw it. What'd he say? What'd he think? He loved it. Well, he's getting, Bill's getting amazing reviews. And I was on the phone with him a couple of weeks ago and I was like, yeah, yeah, so I'm psyched about you. I said, yeah, I'm thinking about coming in for it. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, you want a free ticket? I go, I didn't ask for a free ticket.

He goes, I'll get you a free ticket. I'm like, well, they're 900 bucks each, so yeah, maybe. What's amazing is it's- 900 bucks my dad got him from his buddy Nederlander who I heard him talk to on the phone today who's 92 who ran the Yankees for a little while when George was suspended really anyway so anyway this FAA will investigate after two American Airlines regional jets bumped wings at Washington's Ronald Reagan National Airport. So flight 5490

was headed to Charleston, South Carolina. Flight 4522 was headed to JFK with seven members of Congress on board. also on board were former Israeli hostages Keith and Aviva Siegel and blue street so this was the FAA blue streak 5490 did we hit the aircraft next to us the pilot flying asked the tower and the air traffic control audio captured by the website maybe the pilot of the South Carolina plane was Jewish and he was high-fiving the plane with the Israelis in it. The tower's like, five nine four five four nine oh what do you think? We all saw it from here.

Meanwhile like the Israeli hostages are like, oh we're free now we can just relax what the fuck you know where two American Airlines planes do not touch each other Dallas because they're about six miles apart yeah yeah well I'm gonna bring this up every podcast there is a new segment on Sunday papers it's called what do we call this the ethical question and the New York Times is called the ethicist call it the ethical question the ethical question I like that okay I'm gonna ask you a couple today sorry about my voice you're down in Florida you're at your dad's house

yes you need a little space. You go for a walk on the beach. You come across something that's glittering in the sunlight, you walk over. It's a woman. It's a kilo of cocaine, sealed in a plastic bag. Do you call the, I don't know who you call, the police, and turn it in, Or do you grab it, take a little for yourself, and we both have, we have a couple friends

that still do cocaine for some reason, give them some, and sell the rest for millions? Or do you turn it in? What do you do? I think I sit down, I finished my screenplay, which I also start. And then I clean every garage on the walk home. And then I see what's left when I get home about a week or two later. And then I call you and I say, what was that question again? And then you call Hannah and you go, I think we can get I think we can work it out.

Yeah, I apologize. Yeah, everything's good. I make amends with everybody. It really is like it's like Ritalin mixed with fun. Right. You know, here's the crazy thing. I know what the it's normally the ethical questions are a little more a toss up. This obviously is not everyone knows the right thing to do. But did you make this up? Yeah. Oh, no wonder. It's a horrible one. Why? Every

time in Florida, I think about this, this possibility. With that said, if I'm being honest, I think I would take it home and then think about it. Of course, yes. You're not gonna make the decision on the beach. You grab a beach towel, you wrap it up, and you carry it home like a baby. Greg, that's you and me. Everyone, almost everyone else would say, you don't touch it and you call the lifeguard and authorities or whatever authority you wanna call. Why, they're just gonna burn it. It's a bag of fun.

It's a bag of possibilities. I'll tell you the other thing that I think about when I got home is how fast can Amazon get me a scale to my house? No, the first thing I think about is, well, I could be killing a whole community if I don't immediately stop this from going forward. Oh, stop it.

You don't know what it's cut with, by the way, it might not be cut with anything, who knows? No, that's the point, this shit is pure. This is like in the baggie still. All right, so I test it and. This shit is pure. This is like, you know, in the baggie still. All right, so I tested and we know it's pure. So yeah, well, what are you going to become a drug dealer? I mean, this is exactly what gets you. You see the beginning of Breaking Bad. You get in over your head real fast. No, but you must know. I think I know two guys, Joey Diaz being one of them, who I could

call and say, can you move this for me? And they would be able to do it. Well, think about how little of a cut you'd want. I take Yeah, I would take 30%. 30. I think I would take five grand just to get it out of my house. Yeah, there you go. Five grand. And then they make a quarter million.

Yeah, and then you go to jail. Second question, this is a classic. I'm just gonna put it out there. We're gonna call this classic ethical question. All right. You go back in time, you find Hitler's baby, do you kill that baby? Yeah. I mean, Norm Mac of Norm McDonald has a funny bit on

that. And we had a very, very and I think I told you this, we had a very funny joke in the Golden Globes. Yeah, I did mention it. But we're we're you know, what's his name? We just won for the Holocaust Brody. Yeah, one for the brutalist Brody. Adrian Brody? Yeah, who won for the Brutalist, being a Holocaust survivor, and he won for the Pianist as a Holocaust guy, and it's like, you're the only one who would go back in time and kiss Hitler, baby Hitler, for making your career possible.

That was a Norm joke? No, no, that was on the Golden Globes, with Nikki Glaser. So I would say that you're killing an innocent baby. So you wouldn't do it? Do I stay back in time or am I only there one day? One shot. What I would do is, oh, because if I stayed, I might have been more encouraging of his art in art school.

Right. Just lie right to his face like, oh my God, you're still lives. Get a Jewish private equity fund. You're great at life. You're great at life. You're great at still life. They're still alive. Yeah. You get a Jewish private equity fund to just keep buying his artwork so he thinks he's successful.

Also, I mean, then I'm like, Spielberg doesn't win his first Oscar for Schindler's List. Yeah. You're changing a lot. You know what I mean? The greatest generation wouldn't be the greatest generation. They'd just be a bunch of fat guys that stay at home in the 50s. There'd be no Israel. All right. I'm very excited to tell you about a new sponsor to the show that are it. Do you want to support American farms these days? How about mood? These days, how about mood? Mood is the only online cannabis company that I would endorse.

They're revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges. Sleepless nights, you got some stress-filled days. Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% federally legal THC blends. They deliver them right to your door, unmarked bag right away. You can get 20% off your first order at mood,

M-O-O-D.com with promo code FITS, F-I-T-Z. Do it, it's a new sponsor. I'm very excited about them. I've tried the gummies. I'm here to tell you. There are different strains that do different things. The sleepy time gummy not I'm telling you 15 minutes I was done. I was out woke up in the morning no hangover

didn't feel groggy had energy. They've got the epic euphoria gummies that are perfect for when you want to go and have a little fun. When maybe you need to re-hit the reset button on life a little bit. You want to turn it around. What makes these gummies different is they've paired THC and other cannabinoids with herbs and adaptogens you're just not gonna find gummies like this in a dispensary anywhere like these they have gummies for literally everything immune

support menopause relief PMS symptoms mental clarity how about some sexual arousal hey now and each one is crafted using federally legal cannabis grown on small family owned American farms. No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the US. Best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry leading 100 day satisfaction guarantee, but as I mentioned, listeners get 20% off their first order with code fits.

So head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with. And remember, use promo code fits so we get the count. At the checkout, save 20% off your first order. What would we do without Israel? Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Let's get to entertainment. Do it. Now we warned you guys there would be a spoiler this week because we need to talk about

adolescence. If you did not see it and you don't want a spoiler, I would fast forward about five minutes right now. And we're gonna get into it. Well look, the show is, I mean, it's a shame that they shot it in one shot because even though I feel like that creates a tension that's very unique and very intense that works. It's also distracting because you're constantly thinking,

where is the camera positioned right now? Or how did they do that? Or just being impressed by it. But I'm telling you, the act, there are four people that should be nominated for Emmys for this. And I think that the father should absolutely win. The father? The son also should absolutely win.

The lead story is the son. The lead story is the son, man. That kid, he's won it already. He's won it. Are you kidding me? I know. And what is it. Are you kidding me? I know what is he about 14? 15 I don't know but he was very god. This is gonna cheapen it so much but remember when you would see movies where Ed Norton truly was playing a different Cat like he became a different. Yeah Completely different human being right in the same film. This kid did that in that interview in episode three.

It was like, all of a sudden he was a menacing, older soul threat versus a little kid who wanted his mayonnaise sandwich. And the way, and the way the therapist got rattled by him just made it that much more intense. You know, it was like Silence of the Lambs where Jodie Foster, you could see the fear in her, you know, and her trying to keep her shit together and maintain some kind of an authority as the therapist while being scared shitless. And as written, which is what you just described, that necessitates him showing monsterish qualities that would terrify someone who's seen it all. And this kid, and these are 15-20 minute scenes without a break.

Well, first of all, we're talking about theater. People do that in theater all the time. So it's not that insane. Oh my God, how do they remember all those lines? Well, you're a fucking professional, that's what you do. Yeah, but if I was at Broadway and I saw an interrogation room and an unbelievable roller coaster of ups and

downs and tonal changes with these two people. And then, by the way, it was 50 minutes, five oh, because she leaves the room like they kind of have a little bit of a time out. But if it was the play, you would have seen him staying there. You would have seen her go into another room and she comes right back and continues it. In other words, as this was filmed that kid didn't get a break. No. And so even on Broadway I'd be like, that's impressive. But I got to tell you something, this, it deals with family loyalty in the face of everything that would make you lose faith in somebody and at the end of it that hit me so fucking hard because the

the beautiful moment of it was that the parents were at the end of their ropes you didn't know if they could go any further. The van had been vandalized. The kids were taunting them. The kids gonna plead guilty now. They're done. All the strength that they've mustered over these 16 months, they can't do it anymore. And then the daughter comes in in her prettiest dress and basically says we can do this and you see them just fill up again like we we can as a family we can do this and I collapsed crying I was like that's the most because she had been just a bitchy little teenage girl the entire time. Nobody saw that coming.

And that to me was about what family's really about. Oh, and she didn't really even bring up, like she had to be asked about how rough it is at school and she's like, of course. She's picked on at school. She's the sister. She's a minor character that ends up being the hero in the end. And then and then when the father says we we should have done better. There's not a parent in America when their kid is stumbling that doesn't blame themselves. Like I can't think of a more primal feeling that I

have sometimes when I think about my kids, then oh, you know, I was a way too much or I my ADHD kept me from being as connected as I would have liked to be all that stuff. You just blame you beat yourself up. And when you see the father go through that you just oh man I, I was crying so hard. You ready for this? I was alone in the house. Aaron had gone to New York.

JoJo was out. I was alone and I put, the lights were out. And I watched the final two episodes back to back. I was crying so hard, it sounded like I was laughing. This is what it sounded like. Ah! That should be like a haunted house Halloween. Scariest house that would have been the scariest house I've ever walked into. You know one thing that got me is I remember Olivia when she was really young I was like oh my god we're on the car ride home and she

was a very good soccer player and And I'm like, Oh, that was so great when you scored that goal. She's like, Yeah, but you didn't see it. I'm like, I did. What do you mean? She's like, No, you were looking at your phone. And it was one of those where she scored and I hear the commotion and I look up and I see her like running away from the goal. Like, Yeah, but she was right. And you forget how much that means to a kid. Not only that you cut to the game, but like you're watching and then especially watching

such a high point. And I'm only saying this because that's a that was a big part in this series, which was because you know, the kid brought it up. And it came up a couple of times. And the key moment that the first the first time I talked to the screen back to the screen, I said, No, no, no, do do do do not do that was in the interrogation room when the dad saw the footage. And he physically looked away, and it was exact parallel, it was written on purpose. He was so embarrassed, he couldn't face him.

And he was so bad, remember, in the soccer games? The other dads would make fun, and he'd look away, and the kid would look to the sidelines to look at his dad fun and he'd look away and the kid would look to the sidelines to look at his dad and he goes and I couldn't look at him killed me yeah and I mean think about it just to make this worse for you with your daughter that the second she scored she found you no That was her first moment. That's implicit, you fuck. I mean, you think about it, from the time she scored to the applause

was about three seconds, and in that three seconds, she found you on the sideline, and you were checking your fucking stocks. All right, stocks. All right, this is what we're doing. Now people are gonna come back, and we're doing. Now people are going to come back and we're going to finish talking about it. So like, anyway, I didn't think the trans person did

it, but they did. I know. And the thing is I felt like it was such a woke message. I know. Adolescents, how about they them essence? Boring. Let's go to Florida where it's never boring. Here we go. Okay, you sent me this. Florida man turns violent after being denied a free refill of lemonade. Okay, so I'm picturing him like in a McDonald's or whatever, you know, where they give you the cup. Anyway, according to Clearwater police, 45 year old Stephen Cusomano was walking through a neighborhood around 730 Tuesday when he spotted a lemonade stand operated by several children and one adult victim.

So that's the way the articles written. She was already a victim. In other words, is that is that what he saw? I think that's what he saw. He saw several children and one adult victim. Anyway, he walked over to the children and the victim and he purchased a glass of lemonade but became irate when he was refused a free refill. Instead of walking away, Cusimano aggressively grabbed the female victim by the wrist, adopted a fighting stance, and threatened to beat her up. After the altercation he fled the scene on foot but

was quickly tracked down by law enforcement and found at the Girl Scout cookie stand where he was strangling six children. No, they got him. Well it's because he he wasn't running fast enough. If he'd had that second cup of sugar, they never would have caught Kuzumano. Yeah, it's their fault. There's a movie with Kuzumano in it, or a TV show. What name is that famous for? I don't know. Kuzumano. You can look it up. We're going to the next story, which is Make America Florida Again. A ripped Florida woman, not a victim, a ripped Florida woman wrestles six foot alligator to save her dog's life. You sent me this also.

Kim Spencer said she was walking her dog near a body of water close to her house when she saw an alligator and tried to get her dog Kona to leave it alone. I saw the eyes. I saw it turning itself around towards us. I started pulling Kona away saying, let's go. But she's a really strong dog. Also a really stupid dog.

That's my commentary. The dog apparently inched closer to the alligator. And when it did, the wild reptile attacked. According to the Florida woman it all happened fast and the way she reacted was instinctual. She's facing it is the one talking. She's facing it it's facing her and it jumped out and got her the dog she was in up to her neck her whole head was inside its mouth. I stopped thinking and just dove on

it, jumped on it and straddled it, as ladylike as that is, and was trying to pry its jaws open. Its back was to me so it made me just jump on. We just got lucky because just as quickly it ran after us, it ran back into the water, and we were out of there. Unbelievable. Wow. You should have let it take your dumb dog. Yes. I mean, the dog is not worth saving. That shit's going to bite a kid in the face, so he's going to piss on your rug.

I'm having flashbacks. I just love that Florida is this place where you've got meth addicts that could spear you with a fuckin' pole from a fishing pole. Or you're constantly facing random danger. Now add wildlife. Add water moccasins, add alligators in the wilds. Just there's so much chaos. It's nothing but chaos. It's crazy. And now I'm here and you know what type of chaos? Guess who just arrived. Who?

Because it's a slow week. Trump. And my dad says he's down here every weekend yeah yeah because they have to shut they shut down the whole south end of Palm Beach no because he has because he plays golf all day and then he entertains billionaires they pay a million dollars ahead to sit down and have dinner with him. Do you think that's gonna affect any decisions he makes? Do you know what back back to story number one that financially someone asked you know they're all like now even the Wall Street Journal Barons they're like so what is the plan please sir what like so yesterday it's and then you're but and then today and it's like so when if this happens as China says it well What will you do? He's like, well, I'll do it at the time. They're like what yeah, they're like, well, I'll just I'll react to something

Well, what what will you how will you make that decision and he goes instinctively? Yeah There's no plan. There's no philosophy. He literally goes instinctively. That's no plan there's no philosophy he literally goes instinctively that's the plan I love it all right let's get sports buddy I'm gonna check him right now my cousin Danny McCarthy a bunch of us went in on a bet for Danny we put about 500 bucks down which would have won us $95,000 if he won the Masters which is this weekend and as I'm checking my phone I got it right here you want me to tell you he's in 38th place on the on the 18th hole of the second day which puts him up one the leaders at nine under so he is ten shots off the leader no eleven

shots no ten shots off the leader which is not completely impossible but he's he also could he could possibly miss the cut people don't know about golf you start out with like a hundred players and then once they come to the weekend once they come to the Saturday round they cut about half the people and right now people at one over will make the cut people at two over will not make the cut he's a really good company at one over Spieth Kim Thomas Johnson can't can't Keith, Kim, Thomas, Johnson, Cantlay. By the way, Couples was doing really well. Couples was even earlier.

Well, it's a really hard, because the greens are brutal. You literally put it in the middle of the green and then it will roll off the fringe and go down a hill. It's so hard. Plus two is, is it Koepka or Kepka? Brooks Kepka. Kepka, Rom, Mikkelsen of course, whatever.

But oh no, sorry, Mikkelsen's plus three, but Rom's plus two. Now it's tough out there. I was watching my dad a little bit. You see the most beautiful chip imaginable and then it rolls off the green. Yep, no, it's brutal. brutal and you know in the first day he was in he was in fifth place at one point he was he was up top but whatever so good luck to Danny

hopefully he pulls oh dude anything can happen even on the final day. Yep anything can happen. All right let's go down to is it time for this day in history? Oh man I have it. Out of the gate you ready? Hot out of the gate. The launch of the first space shuttle on this day NASA launched the first space shuttle Columbia which this day NASA launched the first space shuttle Columbia, which was designed to orbit Earth, transport people and cargo to and from orbiting spacecraft, and glide to a runway landing on its return to Earth. So this is the first space shuttle ever. It was launched on this day in what year, or take five years 1962 so close 1981 what yep come on man space

shuttles huh speaking of space Russian cosmon, this is like the most asked question on Trivia Pursuit, Russian cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, don't even send in corrections, I don't care how his last name is pronounced, became the first human in outer space in what year on this day, take five years again. Outer space. 1967. I love it. 1961. Oh, damn you, Russia. Sorry about that.

The patent for the first portable typewriter was issued in the United States on this date in what year give or take 20 years 1680 so cool what did I say 20 years yeah 1892 let's get one more. I may need a bigger range. I didn't have enough coffee this morning. The Masters Tournament. Tiger Woods won the Masters, becoming the first golfer of African-American descent and the youngest player ever to place first in the event. So this means it was Tiger Woods first win at Augusta. What year? I think you're really good at this so I'm gonna give or take two years. 1989. 1997.

Jesus Christ. I mean I thought you would have been doing math like you remembered where you were and stuff like that. Somehow that, I felt like when I was a senior in college is when he blew up, but I guess not. Alright, God, you haven't won one? No, give me another one. Alright, American author John Steinbeck's classic The Grapes of Wrath was published on this day in what year? And I'm going to give you some hints even though you're very well read and you know this. This book was set during the Great Depression. It traces the migration. So don't give me any 1800s. It traces the migration of an Oklahoma Dust Bowl family to good old California.

1951. Hold on, I didn't give you a range. I'm going to give you 10 years on either side. 1951. Oh Jesus Christ. 1939. Jesus Christ. And you wanted to go straight through. I was an English major. It's one of my favorite books. Okay, holy crap. Are you ready? Yeah. All right, we'll do this one. John Gielgud, we love him. Yeah.

English actor, producer, director. Great actor. Considered one of the greatest performers of his generation on stage and screen. He was born on this day in what year, give or take 10 years, man. I mean, how old do you think he was? And I'm giving you a 21-year window. 1907. Thank the Lord, 1904.

There we go. We're done, We're done. We're done. Okay. All right. Let's get down to letters to the editor. Yes, sir. Love the podcast.

You might already know, but the original Ronald McDonald, we talked about Ronald McDonald last week, was none other than the weatherman Willard Scott. Do you see the photo I posted that guy always scared me you think the current version of Ronald is creepy check out the original He's standing there. He's got a Dixie cup on his nose. He's in blackface He's not in black. Well, it's a black and white photo. So it looks like blackface. He's got like a box on his head Yeah, he does yeah it's pretty crazy I never liked Willie Scott he is creepy he always looked like a like a like a little bit like he loved children and this seals the deal yes look obituary great news everybody. Nobody died of any consequences.

That we're interested in. I mean maybe you had an aunt that died, but we didn't know your aunt. And if you lost somebody, we're very sorry, but they were not on our radar. So she drank a little too much, let's be honest. She had a problem. Hey, is this podcast live because Venmo just emailed me I just got paid half of the bet from Ruby. That's fantastic. Let's get to the funny thing. We don't really have to cheer up because nobody died but let's do funnies anyway. I think we do funnies anyway. The paper is really soft.

anyway. I think we do funnies anyway. Okay last week the Comics Caption Contest is ongoing. Last week, not gonna lie to you, not a lot of great jokes. This week very strong. We have a tank on a battlefield, there's explosions in the background, the tank is decorated with, what did I say last week? What did we call it? I can, it has two flags that have hearts on it. It has stickers all over it. It has hearts and flowers. It has streamers.

There's streamers attached to the wheels. The wheels are painted fun colors. It's pink and red and purple. Yeah, there's like a wreath of flowers around the cannon up front. Oh there's a nice little pink umbrella over the hatch. Yeah okay so you get it. Steve Smilley said the war on drugs. I think that is a very strong submission. Tristan Mulgan is capitalized. Tristan Micholet said, unfortunately the sergeant misunderstood the general's request for another Panzer tank. Okay. This one is an odd one, but I kept it in. I think it was pansy right yeah right oh no wait

there was more oh he explains his joke yeah I know that's what it sorry Kurt said luck please cardiac mortel the French came to fight unfortunately they weren't very good at it so it's a shot at the French mm-hmm Kurt said despite the morale the morale boost the Pentagon decided it was best to discontinue take your daughter to work day oh very gender-based take on this David said fog of war you idiot I said we need to put the fog of war okay I love that one. And thank God no explanation of the joke. David said the new flower power. That's you know that's good. Rich Butchko said ICE's undercover Kinsan Yara squad is on the move. These are good. They're good.

Yeah. Stephen Mangram said, coming to theaters this summer, the epic war rom-com Zero Dark Flirty. Not as good, but not bad. Ron said, this is what gay guys picture when you say Battle of the Bulge. Okay, Ron, okay. See, you know, not bad. John said, Gaut to a you magnificent bastard I read your

book okay not the design maybe call me well but that is not what gaze picture when they imagine battle the no yeah no that's the problem with the joke Kurt said sergeant Thompson misheard the orders to bring an extra flair to the assaults. Mm-hmm. And finally Matt Usher said when the Israeli Tabak commander misreads his orders and thinks he's being sent to the Gaga strip. A lot of little wordplay on things, but two of them stand out to me. Oh, I forgot. The War on Drugs by Steve and also The Fog of War.

Greg, is that yours? Are you the Greg in that? Yeah. Jeff Langa, I forgot, left this out. Don't ask, don't tell, but there will be signs. Yeah, that's smart. I like that. Yeah, I think Fog of War is very strong.

I'll give it a tie. I'll send out two koozies. So which one's the War on Drugs? Yep. Okay, two winners. This week the winners are Steve Smillie and Greg, whatever Greg's last name is. Send us your address. I will try to get you your koozies by Christmas. Fitzdogradio at gmail.com and we will send you some koozies. Alright why don't you cover for me for a second I forgot to load the picture into the dock. Okay you're gonna do that. Here we go we got a haggard the horrib horrible and they're yelling up to a tower oh yeah today we've seen

this scenario before so Rapunzel's up there and so Hager and stupid what's his name lucky lucky Hager and lucky are looking up at Rapunzel and Hager yells Rapunzel why were you sent to the tower and she goes I was clogging the castle plumbing so okay this is like a lot of our submissions it's like that's a funny thing but this is very out of nowhere to get to that shit joke like first of all it seems weird Hager would be asking that I mean I don't have to dissect this too much but it seems weird Hager would be asking that I mean, I don't have to dissect this too much, but it seems a little weird. How is asking this? Rapunzel, you know, what are they doing to her in that tower? You know, she's

I don't think she wants anybody else coming up there. It's been non-stop sexual abuse Well in the third frame Lucky's like I ate her ass last week. I didn't have the microphone up to my face. He's full of regret. All right the the the capture for next week is there's two guys on the golf course one guy's putting the other guy is leaning on his bag he's got a beer in his hand he's got a cigarette dangling from his lips He looks nonplussed Would be the word

Not really he looks bored Isn't that what nonplussed means? We've been through this. That's why everyone just should stay away from the word. I think technically nonplussed means you're so taken aback that you're expressionless. Oh, okay. Which is very difficult terrain if you ask me. Yeah.

So it's a pretty simple golf setup guys putting guys watching him. He looks bored He's got a cigarette and a beer send it in to FitzDogg radio at gmail.com You know, you know what you're feeling when you say nonplussed what unamused Yeah, you know what I mean? Like yeah, it's more of a stronger reaction to it Blank stare unresponsive yeah yeah all right so now we got the lock horns Loretta's talking to her neighbor at the fence and she goes it's a race each year to get the Christmas lights down before needing to mow the lawn very nice we can try to guess where they live okay and now Leroy is in Human Resources and the guy there says it's refreshing to see a resume that hasn't been padded. Because it's like an index card. Oh yeah I

didn't mention that it's an index card. And then Loretta's playing the piano and Leroy's leaning on it and he goes, really? No voice lessons? Not even a hog calling? Okay, we're moving on to Dilbert. Jesus. This, I'm gonna just say it. So you're done with Doonesbury. Oh, you're right. I'm on Doonesbury. I was gonna say, Dilbert is the most forgettable. All right, I messed up. I forgot. You know what, though? I feel like I think Doomsbury is the most Doomsbury is the most forgettable comic I've ever read. Yeah. Dilbert actually isn't. Some of them offended me and I

was baffled by them. But I kind of remember them. Doomsbury is like I'm not reading it anymore. I don't care. I can't even remember the last one I read, but you're right, I looked up Dilbert. I don't remember doing this one, but I think I might've, so it's forgettable. Here it is, I'm gonna do it anyway. Three frames, Dilbert, who called this meeting?

We thought you did, there's two people at the conference table. And then second frame, I think we should discuss issues and assign tasks. So it's not a complete waste of time says the guy next to Dilbert. And then Dilbert goes, maybe meetings have become a life form capable of calling themselves and thus reproducing via human hosts. And the guy goes good issue and she goes, Wow. Yeah, wow. I can't believe I've been killed myself did you read this one already I think I have I think you what am I gonna do I gotta get out of here I got a meeting just like they did I have a meeting just as boring as they do coming up should we tell people your no your news no oh all

right it's not because it's not big news or anything. Okay, Mike's got a good job. I might update but I haven't signed anything or whatever. Okay. Short little run, short little stint. Let's get to him and her. Fucking Dagwood's wearing like a yellow sweater that's cinched up at the belt line and it's got short little sleeves. He looks like a woman. Maybe he's transitioning. Maybe this is his Caitlyn Jenner moment. That would not shock me at all. I would have so much respect for this comic strip if he suddenly became a woman. Yeah, and her. Yeah, both of them get respect at that point, I guess.

So he walks into the kitchen, the dog is hopeful. I don't know what he's hopeful for. Nothing ever happens in the kitchen except her cooking. And he goes, anything honey? Oh, I can't. He goes, need help with anything honey? And she of course is packing the dishwasher. Can we talk about the slacks? It's clearly Memorial Day wherever they live because white pants are back. And just looking ahead to the third frame, I mean, look at the ass on this fucking beast of a woman.

The white pants are not slimming in the derriere area. area. No, she's definitely showing a little bit of she's showing some booty. She's got a she's a little meaty in this one. I can't the best way. Plus, she knows it. Oh, in the best way possible. And he goes, need any need help with anything, honey. And she goes, Oh, I'm finished now. Thank you, dear. And she goes, if you'd asked about a half an hour ago, I could have used help, though. And he goes, wow. And I didn't even wait on purpose this time. Here, I had a thought, if you were drawing this comic, like let's say that first frame where she's bent over, I think she's actually more shapely in that

one. You would the drawings each each week, we'd have to see where you had to just drop the pen and check out. You would like get down to the ass area, it would be drawn and then it would just end. There wouldn't even be there'd be there'd be little thought bubbles or dialogue bubbles and nothing would be in them yet. You immediately had a run in the bathroom. Can you imagine drawing things that turn you on so much you have to jerk off to them? That's fucking hilarious. Well, romance writers say it happens constantly.

Really? Yeah, they get worked up. That's what's supplying the juice. Wow. They're turned on as they're writing it. It's literally like we would fantasize back before porn. I used to write porn when I was a teenager. I used to read it and then we used to have third period free at my school and you know for like studying and whatever

and so I was in the like the little bonus room at the school and I wrote some porn and I showed it to this girl Alyssa and she was a freshman and I think I was a senior and so meaning that I was 18 and she was 14 and she started flirting with me after reading it nothing ever happened but I think that today I would be removed from the learning institution for that I believe believe today, right? You might be removed from Earth. By the dad, I think. She loved it. She might be removed from free society, I think.

I swear to you, it was like she was feeling things she didn't even know existed before. Yeah, that's what you have. Predators have that existed before. Yeah that's what yeah predators have that effect too. That's what I wanted to be a writer. Denny just finished out the round he bogeyed the last hole. No. Meaning there's a very good chance he will not make the cut for the weekend. Oh good lord. Yeah. So I don't know anything about golf, but maybe it's like maybe it's getting hot. So it's getting even faster. So everyone's going to bogey that goddamn hole.

I don't know. Yeah. Oh, wait. No, now they're projecting the cut at plus three. So he's got a shot. He's got a shot. Not a good shot. good anyway all right well listen thank you guys for listening don't forget I'm coming to you soon

bunch of dates fits dog comm the other podcast is Fitz Dogg radio at Caroline ray on this week Tom O'Neill author of the book, will be on next week and he revealed, put it this way, I had to go in and edit out five different things because he said based on his request yeah he badmouthed some people he talked about some illicit things and he wanted me to take it all out not all there's a lot that's still in there but it'll be good. One day the uncut Tom O'Neill interview. Oh I saved it all. Yeah.

Alright man, well listen, happy birthday. I won't see you on your birthday because you're getting in so late unless you get inspired to have a late night drink. Otherwise... No I landed like 11.35. I don't think it was going to be a late night... and then I got to strap my carry-on to the scooter happy birthday to me we can celebrate on Sunday little brunch at the house my brother I'm picking up my brother at the airport in an hour he's in town for five days and we're throwing a little birthday brunch

for him and you no no no no don't make that plan yet we'll see how it goes because I might be meeting Laura and my stepdad and all that stuff. So we already made the plan. Yes, for your brother. No, but come to the come to the brunch. Bring Laura and bring whoever. It's going to be a big party.

Tom will be there. To be determined. I'll probably be there. All right. Good. I'm serious. But we'll see. All right. Good. Thanks for listening. Take it each day. Read all about it. Sunday papers, read all about it Read all about it, read all about it Sunday papers! I think it's time to take a niche.

Take a niche! And I think we all gotta take a niche. Take a niche! Welcome to It Takes Energy, presented by Energy Transfer, where we talk all things oil and natural gas. Oil and gas drive our economy, ensure our country's security, and open pathways to brighter futures. Did you know the first oil well was drilled almost 1,700 years ago? The first American well was drilled in Pennsylvania in 1859,

and the Texas oil boom began in 1901, when the Lucas Gusher produced an astonishing geyser that flowed for nine days. This oil boom helped launch the widespread use of the automobile and grease the wheels of the modern machine age. Today, the U.S. is the world's top producer of oil and gas, supporting 11 million jobs and contributing $2 trillion to the American economy. Look around and you'll see the essential role oil and gas plays in our modern lives. Our world needs oil and gas, and people rely on us to deliver it.

To learn more, visit ittakesenergy.com.