Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 266 6/1/25

Episode Date: June 1, 2025

Some hikers on mushrooms get bailed out, Space X had a "rapid unscheduled disassembly” (otherwise known as blows up), and a Meth-crazed Florida man is bitten by an alligator and charges at cops with garden shears before he’s shot dead.Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Read all about it! Read all about it! Read all about it! Read some songs punk rock Sunday Papers! Read some songs punk rock

Sunday Papers! Read all about it! Read all about it! Sunday Papers! We are back! I think we took a week off two weeks And we're off. Read all about it! Read all about it! Sunday Papers! We are back. I think we took a week off two weeks ago and it won't be another one off until at least next week.

Yeah. Speaking of, yeah, we might have to do a Wednesday, by the way. I'm going back to the high school reunion next week. No. What is this number? Is this number 40? with your college roommates 40 yeah 40 damn we're fucking crazy Wow I know so are there any I know you're engaged but

are there any women that you're kind of looking forward to seeing how they look? Disgusting they're all my age yeah it's gross. I know I know. Yeah but sometimes there's something validating about knowing that you could have hooked up with a girl that you had no shot with when you were in high school. I guess I mean you have to you know mean, you have to, you know, I think you have to jump through a few hoops to get there,

like sort of to justify that. No, but you're right, of course, but also you have a real deep bond with them, you know? Sorry about my voice, I'm just gonna keep pouring acid on it, here's a cup of coffee. So that's good, so you're to just fly in, go to the reunion and come back, you're going to hang out in New York

for a while. No, I'm going flying in, then going over to my one of my. Yeah, it's in my oldest school friend from eighth grade Hackley, where your brother and I were there and sister. And two of you were thrown out. Two of the three they threw out my two best friends and one was where your brother and I were there and sister. And two of you were thrown out? Two of the three, they threw out my two best friends and one was Joe, although he will jump, he would jump right now to say he was not invited back,

not kicked out, I don't know the difference. And so Joe Tannetti, and he went to B.U. also, coincidentally, which I didn't find out till I was a senior in high school, and then it was great. And then his roommate was Chris Weinstein, who you know. Crazy. That's how I met Chris. So Chris is in Woodstock. Joe and I, Joe lives in Stockbridge, which is near my high school coincidentally, because it's a different school. And so Joe and I are going to drive down to Woodstock for Sunday and Monday night. So is the turn pack from Stockton to Boston?

Or Stockbridge. Stockbridge to Boston. And I'll be going to New York a lot because it looks like Sophie is accepting a job in New York and so she's gonna be, I love that she's gonna be a poor person in New York. My son and your daughter are moving to New York City at the same month. Love it. It's gonna be great. I mean Owen's got so many connections. I know Sophie has a couple friends from college that are that are moving as well

but they're gonna they're gonna definitely like network with each other's friends. That's the great thing about New York is you just know so many people. When you live in LA, you can kind of get stuck in a little bit of a bubble. And I feel like you get to know somebody so much better in a bar in New York City where people hang all night. They're not driving home, you stay out later. LA's a town that's, people go home at 10.30 in LA. New York, it's two a.m. No, no, I told you my analogy.

When I moved here, I didn't realize this about New York. New York is like, Manhattan especially, it's like a giant hotel where everyone is playing around and partying in the lobby till everybody has to go back up to their room. Right. It's so social. Yep. So and I'm going there the end of July. I'm going for a week. So my sister do some spots at the cellar. The whole family going? No just me. Erin's got babies that she's taking care of here in LA. And so I'll see Owen, Owen will be there thinking about taking a trip up to

see Matt maybe in Hamilton. Anyway, this getting a little bit too inside. June is here today is June first. How about the summer has started. This is probably for most of the country, the best month of the year. Yeah, maybe. Well, I love September. Yeah. But yeah, no, why do you say that? Well, because if you've had a rough winter, it's like April fucks with you.

It's in and out. And then May starts to get good, but June is legitimately you get some hot days. The sun's going like last night it was 830 and it was still light out. You know, it's the longest, the longest days are in June. You're done with school. You're like at that ecstasy of like no more, you know, no more freezing, no more school. You're like at that ecstasy of like no more, you know, no more freezing, no more school. It's a pretty good mood month. Yeah. You got a lot to look forward to. Speaking of which, in Wednesday, Father's Day, a week or two weeks? I think it's a week. No, I think it's

two weeks. Two weeks. Let me check. Today's June 1st. Father's Day is the 15th. You're right. All right. So here's an amazing Opportunity to our listeners. There is a sale the Sunday papers merch sale is on until Father's Day So if you have a father that listens to the show if you have a husband that listens Maybe just you want to give it to another dad. Maybe you got a friend who's a dad who listens. T-shirts, koozies, we got tote bags. Maybe you're alone.

Maybe you're a father and you're not talking to your kid. You're a bad dad. But you know what, buy it ironically then. Buy it ironically. For yourself. Sunday Papers hats that say, they say just Sunday Papers podcast, some of them say fifth anniversary. T-shirts with the podcast logo on it. Take it each, one of them says. I would show you my hat but I haven't gotten one. We got Sunday Papers mugs, we've got

We've got Sunday Papers mugs, we've got coaster sets, tote bags, notebooks. Go to FitzDog.com and when you click on the link you're going to put FATHER15 in the code and you're going to get 15% off. We do this once a year. Father's Day we figure is the biggest holiday of the year for us and our listeners. As you know we don't do ads, we don't believe in them, and so this is how we support the show. Grab something. Wear it to the show. I get a lot of people coming to my shows wearing the merch. Nice. And if you buy a Sunday Papers t-shirt and you wear it to one of my shows, you get in for free. Free pen. Not only my shows, you get in for free free pen. Not only my shows, any shows at that club ever, you show up in the Sunday Paper

Street show, they are going to let you in for free. Did I bring this up last time you said not even at that club, any club in the country, any or anywhere you laugh, even arenas like if you want to go see kill Tony a massacre, you show up. If you think Beyonce is funny, you just show up that's right wait did I I might have already done this but that reminded me of when Malloy and I were playing golf and Malloy is remember he found he was getting a squirrel's nest down and he found socks in it underwear No, underwear, underwear.

And he washed them and put them in his rotation. That's right. So he's the biggest hoarder, he's the biggest hoarder and bargain guy. And he doesn't need the money. He owns like a couple of homes, he has rental income. No, he takes a razor blade and he cuts open his toothpaste when you can't get any more out and he scrapes the inside with the razor blade. I'd open his toothpaste when you can't get any more out and he scrapes the inside with the razor blade.

I do the same thing, but anyway, but that's my point. I'm like that also. And he's way more successful than I and he does, but anyway, that's just how he's wired. So he then hears about these sales at Whole Foods and he goes, do you know you go in, you go up to that counter that they have the meals, the hot meals, you get an on Thursdays, you get an entree or Fridays, you get an entree and two sides and there are men, you get the second one half off and there he goes and they're only like, you know, 12 bucks or wherever it was.

And he goes, so now you're getting that. He said, let's just do it. So I go there with him. So we get it, we go to checkout, doesn't work, not giving us the discount, he calls the guy over. No he doesn't. He calls the guy over, this is kind of like what's gonna happen to people who show up with your merch.

He calls the guy over, the guy goes, that's not a deal sir, he's like, it is, I've gotten it. And then the guy goes, you mean the one on the poster over there, he's like, yes, he's like, that's if they're already prepackaged and they're in our refrigerator. But it's not when you get them hot from the person, he's like, no it is, it is.

So he goes, they've honored it here before, and he won't let it, to the point where it's like, Matt, I will pay more now just to get out of here. He's like, there's something wrong with the machine. It's not recognizing. Oh my God. He's the guy that goes to Costco. It's just him and his wife, no kids, two people in a house. The guy goes to Costco once a week. Their pantries are fucking stuffed. pantries are fucking stuffed. What about when he shops for a couple of months the massage chair at Costco. They all know his name. Yeah. He sits in it so much. He sits in it. He goes there he's like well I'll just go if no one's online.

He's like I'll sit in it a half hour and then he's just making sure and he loves their return policy and all of that. Yeah, no, and then he goes to Vegas and I was working there one time and he came out to visit and he didn't get a hotel room. What he did is he stays up all night, he drinks Red Bull and vodka, gambles until five o'clock in the morning.

No, that was my move and we did it together. Oh, you did, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I figured that out. And I floated it to him. He's the only one that would listen. Wait, so explain what you did. The plan is you go to Vegas, no room. And you have a little you have a little bag, like you know, a backpack, you just have a backpack. And you leave the backpack in your car. And you gamble party, you

got to make it to five though. And we're like, maybe was it four? I think it was five. You got to make it to five and at five, the spa opens at Mandalay Bay. The spa is 20 bucks. And you go in there and you bring your backpack, you shower, you steam room, they have a hot tub,

warm tub, cold splash. And then they have what I call brunch, and you do all that, now you get to about 6, 6.30, you get in a huge robe, nobody is there, and they have chaise lounges by the hot tubs, and then literally we would put cucumbers on our eyes, on our eyes from the little spread that they had, or the eucalyptus washcloths and you fold that and put it over your eyes and we would sleep five hours. We would sleep till around 10 30 a.m. The best part is to stay up till 5 a.m. means you're gambling about three hours longer than you would have and you probably lost a thousand dollars during that time. Yeah we're out there having fun what are you kidding me? Yeah yeah. And by the way you don't save that much rooms aren't that expensive in Vegas

especially if we're splitting it. No I'm saying you lose a thousand gambling. I know yeah but also the rooms aren't even that much. No I'm gonna be in Vegas at Brad Garrett's club. I did it not long ago and they we had such a good time hanging out with Brad Garrett. So I want you guys to come out I Mean you Mike and Dickie and Matt and we'll play some golf Should look October 13 to the 19th. Oh, that's a good time of year Yeah, it's a great time of the year for Vegas. All right also Yeah, it's a great time of the year for Vegas. All right, count me in. Also had a great fucking hang.

The store kind of has some new life. There's a new Booker, and they're bringing in a bunch of new people. And so it's just been kind of like a buzz there lately. And Tom Segura came in last night who was so goddamn funny. So we went on on I introduced him and then you know we watched each other sets and then me him and Kirk Fox went back to the they have like a like almost like a speakeasy bar in the back of the store

I love that I've been yeah and it's just like literally a bar with a bartender and it's only for the comics to hang out. And so we went back there and we must have hung out for like three hours, just shooting the shit telling stories, gossiping. And that's great. It was fucking awesome. His he's got a new sketch show that's on Netflix. I know I said with his mom in it. I have to check that out. Yeah, it's very good. And then, but yeah, his standup was so funny. Oh, good.

Yeah, I don't want to say what it was because I don't know if he's putting out on a special. I had a quick story about Olivia. So Olivia, I was talking to Olivia and she's like, oh yeah, she's like, I'm so bummed. Oh my God, she's like, my fake IDs were taken. I'm like, fake IDs? She's like, yeah, she's like, I had five of them?

I'm like, what? She's like, well, every time you order, you get two because the game is they're constantly taken away. They're confiscated at the door. So I think actually, I think she had six, but like one was her cousin's and then two sets were hers, whatever. So she had sex. She dropped her wallet in her dorm and it was after most people had left. So then she frantically ran around and looked for it.

And then she saw the RA who was like down two flights and she went up to him and goes, did you see a wallet? She's like, he's like, yeah, I did. But then by the rules, I had to turn it into security. Because it had a fake ID? Huh? Because it had a fake ID? No, no, no. It's just if you find a wallet, right, that's the protocol you hand it into security. She's like, Oh, no. So she goes to campus security at Northeastern. And the guy's like, Hi, so are you Caroline or Olivia or Lucy? And she's like, I know, I know.

So the guy's like, we have to talk. She's like, all right. So they sit down and he's like, what's going on? It's like, well, and she explains what I explained. She's like, yeah, but you have like five and they're like for well, and she explains what I explained. She's like, Yeah, but you have like five and they're like, four, six, six different identities. And then anyway, eventually goes to her, he goes, what's he was a concern that like, this isn't just drinking in bars, that this is like a scammer and all this. And he goes, What's the craziest thing you've ever done

with these IDs? And she goes, probably letting it get in your hands. She's so goddamn funny. And then she goes, then he goes, well you know I have to take them. And she's like, all right, except you can't take one. He's like, I'm sorry. He's like, she's like, Well, one isn't a fake ID. It's my cousins and we can verify it. We can go on social media if you want. And so he let her keep Caroline's. Really? Yeah. Well, maybe he thought that she was like a born identity,

like a spy who was embedded at Northeastern. Totally. Oh my God. That's hilarious. Yeah. Um I got I used to have my brother my brother is 13 months older than me and there was a time and you were you were just behind this time but when my when my brother turned the drinking age was 18 and then when he turned 19 the drinking age switched to 19 and then At 21 they switched it to 21. So he was always just making it and I was always one year behind

So he would always give me his fake ID. So he so he sends up His driver's license which back paper, there was no picture, no picture on driver's license, not laminated, it was literally paper. And you would take a razor blade, and you would very lightly go over the year on your on your driver's license, and then you would fill in that you would change the year. But anyway, so he sends me his paper license. And I've got my student ID. Wait, how did I do this? Oh, it was a Boston, there was a Massachusetts drinking

card. Oh, I remember that. You could get instead of a driver's license. So it was like freshman year, he sends me his ID, I go up to the DMV and I go to the counter and I show them the ID and oh and I had to show a picture ID so I had some kind of picture ID of his and I showed them both and then the lady looks at it and she shakes her head and she calls a cop over who was standing right there and my heart is fucking racing and he comes over and he takes it because you know that's a felony going to a you know a government agency and trying to get a fake so he looks at it he goes now

that's fine that's him I was like and they don't even flag that when you're getting your TSA pre and global entry. That's nothing. You just sail right through. That's right. The logo this week is okay, we were trying to figure this out before the show. Bob sent it in and maybe Bob can send clarification. It is a beach and it says somebody has written Sunday papers in the sand. Everyone but us is going to remember what it was. Everyone's going to remember it except us. We talked about writing what you would write, maybe some funny things in the sand if you're trying to be rescued.

I think we did a story related to that. Yeah, can't remember but I have a friend, Mark Wiley, he lives in Miami, and he takes like a two hour walk every morning. So an hour to the beach and an hour home and then he writes a message in the sand. And he videotapes it with the with the waves coming against it. And it always makes me feel good. When a minute, he does this every day? Every day. Follow him, Mark Wiley, W-Y-L-I-E. He's the head of Best Buddies. He's like, he runs Best Buddies.

Do all of them say help me? Or I need a life? What does he write every day? I need a life? No. It's called Being Healthy. The song this week comes from Ray Maslanka, who has done some great songs for us in the past.

I don't know if any of them were as good as this one. This was really good. Thank you, Ray. I gotta be honest with you, I haven't heard it yet. Greg has failed to send it to me, but I'm gonna hear it. Corrections, and these fall on Mike Gibbons more than me this week. Oh no.

Although this first one is about me. John Favreau, who is a guy who lives in Maine, who I hope you sent to McCoozie because he was asking about it a while ago. Who, Favreau? Yeah. He got his goddamn Coozie.

Good. He says, hi, I think you just said that your son would be staying at a friend of your wife's mother-in-law in New York. Wouldn't that be your mother and your son's grandmother I think I meant to say my my my mother-in-law not my wife's mother and by the way I got about a dozen people saying this exact same thing so so I definitely said it friend of your wife's mother-in-law well no it's not friend of

it's my wife's my wife's mother-in-law it's actually my wife's stepmother-in-law it's her father's second wife this is more confusing than Olivia's six IDs Jack said Mike tried to preempt corrections by pointing out the movie is called lost in America unfortunately Fitz Dogg also got wrong that Albert Brooks lost all his money. It was out Brooks. The Albrechts lost all his money. It was his wife. The wrong that that Albert Brooks did not lose all his money. It was his wife that lost the next nest egg gambling. Yes. Right.

I met Albert Brooks. I hung out with him for like three hours one night. Okay. What's Oh, geez. What's this one? Mexican Navy. There's a long one. This is from Liz, who has a thing about you, cause she's from Philly and she resents you. She said, Mike tried to preempt corrections by pointing out, oh no, sorry. Boy, Mike was off, it was the Mexican Navy that hit the bridge and the Knicks are playing the Pacers,

not the 76ers. I'm not really, okay, that was one message. And then this is the next one, which is from Liz. I'm really not one to correct, but I live in Philly, so the push-tush commentary. So you can't help yourself, you filthy animal. Mike calls people from Philadelphia animals, dumb, gay, why not call us poo poo heads?

I would expect a higher level of comedy from him. From Mike? I call them gay? But what, yes, often. I do? Yes, but what takes the cake is listening to Mike calling us a bunch of dumb fucks after incorrectly including the Sixers in his Basketball recap you did do that not just once but twice maybe three times. I was laughing too loudly to hear

loudly or too loud to hear I Think it is loudly Because it's a it's an adverb. Go birds. So that's three teams in one game Pacers, Knicks and Sixers. Got it. Love the show. Love you guys. Fuck Mike. Go birds. Greg is king with love. Liz. Yeah, why did I have the Sixers? A number of people wrote in that you said the Sixers. Yeah, yeah, apparently I did. I wonder have the Sixers on number of people wrote in that you said the Sixers? Yeah. Yeah, apparently I did

I wonder why the Sixers on the what how did the Sixers do this year? Fucked why I don't pay attention to the playoffs Brad says hate love how about a Sixers what I mean that name is Ridiculous. Oh, what do we know? Why didn't you call it up? Were the bells the Liberty Bells? The chip? Were the cheesesteaks? How about were the racists? Yeah, we could have been the New York statues. You know?

Yeah, we named it we had the foresight to name it in tribute to 911 the Jets. to name it in tribute to 9-11, the Jets. That's right. Well, why? And then Washington changed their name. They were the Bullets, and they had to change their name to what? The Senators? I don't know, the Senators is the baseball team?

But I mean, it's like 1776 is a big date with our, a big year with our city. All right well we need a think tank. What kind of name could we do out of that independence and 1776 and how about the declarations? How about what about no effort at all? How about just putting ers after the year? I sort of feel like that about the holidays like 9-11, and now October 7th is one, or 4th of July. You know, you're really fucking hogging a whole day of the year with that.

Because 9-11, God forbid you want to go out, have a few chuckles, you know, enjoy yourself. I'm pitching a name because I'm sure a lot of Philly was there how about the January Sixers there you go I like that name that you're good that's you should be your new name the Sixers tour dates coming up Tampa wait this weekend this weekend wait a minute no what's today now you'll have it. You missed Tampa people Sacramento I'm going to be open for Louis CK on June 13 and 14.

Wait, why did they miss Tampa? Because it's June 5 through seventh. Oh, wait, they didn't miss it. All right, you guys didn't miss it. That's exciting. June 5 through seventh, literally one of my favorite clubs of all time side splitters in Tampa. Come out, say hi, see a show. Exciting! June 5th through 7th, literally one of my favorite clubs of all time. SideSplitters in Tampa, come out, say hi, see a show. Sacramento, open it for Louis June 13th through 14th.

Torrance, California at the end on June 29th. The Mothership, July 4th through 6th. Pottstown, PA, just announcing this now. Soul Joles on July 31st, which is my anniversary. My wife is really excited. I'll be at Soul Joles in Pennsylvania. Uncle Vinny's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, August 1st through 2nd.

La Jolla at the Comedy Store, Denver, Connecticut, Vegas, Chicago, New Orleans. Go to FitzDog.com. Find out why I dislike my home so much that I go away. Front page give me a crackle. Here we go let's do it. Oh it's still great that plastic. Oh it really. Okay this story was sent to us by Dicky this morning hikers report a member of their party morning. Hikers report a member of their party is dead. On May 24th, Forest Ranger Rob Pacasaco, whatever his name is, responded to a call on Cascade Mountain in Essex County, New York, after getting reports about a three-hiker party, having learned one of the companions had died.

After reaching the summit, the hikers realized they were also lost and called again. That's when it was determined that the hikers were in an altered mental state. And then the missing third hiker who was dead called and said he was completely fine. So what happened was the two hikers were shrewding their heads off and called in that the third hiker was dead. The ranger guided the hikers who had taken hallucinogenic mushrooms to a waiting ambulance,

and the third hiker was taken back to the group's campsite. Imagine that guy at the campsite that night, like everyone coming up to him like, Oh my god, we heard you were dead. Do you want do you want some s'mores? Like, how are you doing? The other two guys are camping in a holding cell I imagine. Can't make a fire in there. Yeah. No, it's just hilarious. Because like, what are they thinking? Like, all right, Joey's dead, I get, I guess he'd want us to go for a hike, right? And they were

shrooming. So they, they probably tried to do mouth to mouth. But because they were tripping out so hard, they just kept making out with them. They just got confused. The police shouldn't tell them they They should just take them in. So sorry about your friend. When I was a teenager, when I was like 14 years old, we were already derelicts. And the Boy Scouts started this program

called the Explorers Club that they wanted. Is that where you explored your Scoutmaster's pants? That's right. Yep. And got a badge for it. And so it was for teenagers. And so somebody told us like, Hey, the guy that runs this explorers club is total hippie, tie-dye shirt, long hair, lets you smoke in the meetings, we bring flasks and we drink and he thinks it's fine. So we all start going to this like Tuesday

night explorers club meeting. Grooming party. At the second reform church basement. And yeah, yeah, you guys drink. Have another drink. And so and then we would go on these camping trips, we'd go for like two nights, we drive upstate a little bit, we go into the woods, but the thing is, there was like three kids in the group that were like Eagle Scouts, that were totally into pitching the tents, making the fires, doing all that shit. And then there was about a dozen of us

who would go into the woods and we would drop acid and take mescaline and mushrooms and stare at the fire and drink and it was just this fucking crazy party all weekend. And then this one kid, Kevin mayhem, like disappeared one night, like was tripping his balls off, we couldn't find them. And we literally just went to bed and like, you know, the next day he showed up at like 11 a.m. and he'd like fallen asleep, like he didn't know where he was. And the guy, the scout master like didn't even notice. Imagine the parrot, yeah. Thank God

the parents have no clue. And we just kept throwing wood in. We would get these bonfires that were like 10 feet high. How the whole place didn't light up. Oh, my God. Also, you have a 10 foot high bonfire and the tripping Kevin can't even see that. You can see that from like three miles away. miles away. SpaceX latest

unscrewed Starship broke up almost an hour after it took off after two tests. After two test flights ended in dramatic explosions earlier this year, SpaceX ninth test of its Starship vehicle experienced a, quote, rapid unscheduled disassembly on May 27th.

The rack rapid unscheduled disassembly. It sounds like how Elon's relationship with Trump is going to end. Yeah. By the way, what's up with is it over? I read some headline. Well, I know that Elon bad mouthed the great big bill or whatever Trump's calling it and said that it's gonna add a lot to the budget

and all the money that he saved the government with Doge we're gonna lose 10 fold in the tax cuts that are going through. So I don't know what Trump's reaction to that was, but I'm sure it wasn't good All right but a unscheduled disassembly

Doesn't it sound like a wardrobe malfunction? Oh It's ridiculous The Titanic submarine had a rapid unscheduled contraction. Yeah, I think that's what they call that one That's the same language used when Starship's January and March flight tests unexpectedly exploded in the sky. Musk wrote, quote, With a test like this, success comes from what we learn. And today's test will help us improve Starship's reliability as SpaceX seeks to make life multiplanetary.

I think the passengers would rather make life multi-planetary. I think the passengers would rather make life currently rocketry. Yeah. How long is this learning curve? Yeah. Musk said though he's already solved the problem because now they can reliably schedule the rapid disassemblies.

It's the unscheduled that really throws the press. Can I know when I'm gonna blow up into a million little pieces? Because that would reduce part of the anxiety. I know, they should do the 10, nine, eight, seven at the takeoff and also right before the explosion. Yeah. The State Department has halted the scheduling of new visa interviews for foreign students

hoping to study in the US while it prepares to expand the screening of their activity on social media, officials said. This is Marco Rubio's plan. Effective immediately in preparation for an expansion of required social media screening and vetting consulate sections should not add any additional students or exchange visitor appointment. So basically well there goes the ping-pong team at your college. There goes a lot. There goes the engineering team, probably the debating team. Yeah.

Probably every. If American high schools are your only source of students, good luck with that. Yeah, we need some imports. Good luck with that. We need some imports. Yeah, for sure. So we won't let any foreigners into the country if they criticize. They're looking at their social media. If they criticize the country, not allowed in, except Elon Musk. Yeah. I mean, it is fucking scary, the censorship that's happening.

You know, like they're going through social media for people and deciding who to deport based on who has spoken out against the government or taken stands that are unpopular with the government. Fucking frightening. It's crazy. Speaking of which, let's hit an ethical question. Oh, I got one.

You ready? Let's see, where is it? Here it is. I had a couple to choose from, but here we go. I saw a neighbor on the sex offender registry. Should I tell others? Seriously? What?

That's the question. Here's my ethical answer. Yeah, tell like seven other Neanderthal dudes in the neighborhood, meet up in a windowless van and go beat the fucking shit out of this guy and tell him that if he doesn't move in seven days the same thing is gonna happen again. That's my ethical answer to it. Let me read you the letter. I recently reneged on an offer to buy a house because I discovered that a registered sex offender lived across the

street. I found this information on a public website that is available for our state and county. This discovery raised many questions for me. First, the sales contractor of the home specifically said the seller and seller's agent are not obligated to divulge blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, it's not sure if they knew. If they didn't know, boom. I feel some compulsion to spread the word to others

who might be interested in purchasing this property as knowing a sex offender lives next door could affect what a prospective buyer might be willing to offer. And I feel uncomfortable telling my friends the truth about why I dropped out of the contract that I'd entered for this house because I feel I have discovered private information that I should keep secret. That's not private. That's public. It's public information. In the end, I think I would rather not have made this

discovery in the first place. Okay, so you're what is your real answer? My real answer is you tell everybody you find out the details of what the offense was so that you can I mean, because like sometimes it's hardcore child, you know I mean, because look, sometimes it's hardcore child, you know, contact physical contact with a child. Sometimes it's just that you had child porn on your computer, also inexcusable. And then sometimes it's like, you know, a guy's

taking a piss on a hike and some people walk by and see his cock and now all sudden he's got a knock on doors and say he's a fender. So I would say, find out exactly what this guy did, which you can do. You can search the news and if it's anything beyond something questionable, I would tell everybody in the neighborhood. You kind of nailed it. This guy has a very similar answer. I'll scan all the way down. He's like some people are on the registry for horrifying predatory acts. Others wind up on the registry for nonviolent conduct committed when they were children or teenagers, including a 10

year old girl who pantsed a classmate. But that's what the system has allowed. Teenagers in a relationship who consensually swapped nude pics, adults who got busy in a car, parked in a municipal lot, a drunken undergraduate who went streaking across the quad, all of them may be on it. I'll add to that, I was reading, I thought he might put this in there, that a friend of ours, a friend of Tom O'Neill's, his name escapes me right now, is a lawyer, worked for the public defender's office in the Bronx.

And he's always looking at some of these cases. He had a friend come to him, can you help me a tenant in my apartment? Like, whatever it was, or maybe he didn't even own it yet. A tenant was on the registry, he's two tenants ago own yet a tenant was on the registry He's two tenants ago. The apartment is still on the registry and he can't get it removed. Oh no shit. Wow All right So that's another one before you go cut the guy's throat Greg. No, I just qualified it

I'm saying the exact same thing that this guy is I don't't know if it's a guy, is it a man or a woman that does the ethicist? Probably a man, because women are- I'd like to think of it as a woman. Men are evil. So what did he say? But is there a case where you tell other people or he's just saying because that's a possibility,

you don't tell anyone? I think mine is a more layered answer. He not only, the guy went into it, he not only said, you know, listen, it's public information, as you said, but what is the intent? What's the spirit of it? The spirit of it is to let innocent people know. Right. So in that in that vein, that's why that's why it's public. And that you should. But I think yeah, you should make sure of what it is.

But I think, yeah, you should make sure of what it is. Hmm. Yeah. All right. That's Jason. That was in the listing. Well, was it Predator Jason? Yeah. Yeah. Great views of people in bags being hauled into a trunk of a car. Consistent, dependable babysitter. Always there. Let's do some entertainment. Here we go. Kevin Costner has been slapped with a lawsuit. You always get slapped with them. Oh yeah. You've been served. From a stunt performer who had worked on his film Horizon and American Saga Chapter 2. I didn't even know there was a one.

Now I'll see it. Devin LaBella filed a complaint against the Yellowstone alum 70 and production companies behind the 2024 film alleging sexual discrimination, harassment, harassment or harassment? Either one. whatever they, I know you've heard a lot levied against you. And the creation of a hostile work environment. The 34 year old claimed that she was the victim of violent, unscripted, unscheduled rape scene.

Was it a rapid unscheduled rape scene? It was a rapid, yes. Elon Musk was launching his cock when she was directed by Costner. Costner's legal team has shut down the claim saying LaBella's allegations have absolutely no merit. Costner's attorney told the Post claim that D'Vella has no merit. She has completely contradicted her own actions. The legal team shared screenshots of text messages sent by LaBella following a cast dinner

that took place after rehearsal of the scene in question. She was in good spirits and made no complaints to them. She continued to work on the movie for a few more weeks until her wrap date, and she took the stunt coordinator to a thank you dinner. You know, this isn't Costner's first stunt problem. Apparently, I heard, listen, I don't know if it's true, he danced a little too closely to the wolves.

He dances with wolves. I sound, it sounds to me like she needed a bodyguard. That's what he was trying to do. What a world. What a world. Definitely, this was definitely not the Untouchables part two. Should we ask ChatGPT to write these right? Cause it's not gonna come up with,

that's the one thing, Greg. You're not threatened by ChatGPT. ChatGPT is not coming up with Waterworld. Nope, they'll never put that thing, because they never lived in Boston. In Boston you say Waterworld. Okay, here, I'm gonna try, I don't know, ChatGPT. Instead of the Untouchables, this was called the Touchables.

So how should I ask this question to ChatGPT? What would be some funny jokes about Kevin Costner's movies if they were involving sexual misconduct? Please give me a list of ten jokes that combine Kevin Costner's film titles with the subject of inappropriate behavior, sexual behavior. I'm just gonna end there. Let's see what it does. More like Field of Nightmares.

It can't provide jokes that combine, no. Yeah. I think it would have said field of nightmares. It might have said, might have said sounds like she needs to take a big chill. So it goes to me. However, if you're looking for funny or edgy wordplay based on Kevin Costner movies,

I can offer a list of lighthearted and innuendo free puns or playful jokes. Why even make a pun if it's innuendo free? Laugh free. Dances with wolves. Why did Kevin Costner join a ballet troupe in the forest? Because he wanted to dance with wolves and maybe teach them jazz hands.

I love that this is the one thing chat GBT still can't do. Not that we can but the bodyguard why did Kevin Costner get fired as a security card because every time someone sneezed, he dive in slow motion yelling Whitney. What? Okay. Yeah. Feel the dreams. Why don't you play baseball with ghosts? Because if you build it, they will come and cheat with spectral curveballs what is happening here tin cup why didn't Kevin why did Kevin Costner bring a tin cup to a golf course to to improve his iron game literally all right that's the closest one to an actual joke is it literal is tin-iron right, what did Kevin Costner say?

This is open range on JFK. Why did Kevin Costner open an investigation into his own refrigerator? Because the JFK file said someone tampered with his pudding. What? His pudding? Last one, Yellowstone. Why did Kevin Costner put a cowboy hat on his thermostat? Because he heard things get dramatic when it hits Yellowstone levels of heat. I am no longer threatened at all by Jack GPT. We got five more years. We got five

more years. By the way, a couple recommendations. I asked people for recommendations. I got a bunch of good ones. Here are the ones that I watched. Thank you for sending them in. Mobland is really good. I mean, Guy Ritchie is a little heavy handed. It's a little too stylized and you definitely need the subtitles on,

but it's very good. and I love what's his name who's the star of Mobland? I don't know. British guy? I'll look it up. We watched last night we tried to watch Murderbot which Mikey recommended very strongly. He said it was the best show in the last 10 years. Right, so we made it through one. And I'm not saying it's bad, but you know, you wait, I explained to the girls, having gotten two pilots picked up,

is the first episode, you can really judge so much of it on how it ends because that's the key. The key, like even with ratings, they don't really count the debut ratings that were back when there used to be ratings and stuff. They didn't really count the first episode. They didn't put too much weight on it because it's really about the second episode.

And the second episode is achieved with a real curve ball or cliffhanger at the end. And this one was okay at the end of Murderbot, but then I asked the girls, have you guys ever seen Happy Valley? They said no. We watched five of them last night. What's Happy Valley?

I hadn't seen it in so long. I just remember it being one of my favorite shows. It's amazing. And Sarah Lancashire is a national treasure sadly not our nation but Britain she's unbelievable happy oh wait is it a is it is she a cop yes oh yeah no you've very good it's very good yeah yeah it's amazing I still want to see the Pee Wee Herman and then there's yeah, there's also a show. Well, there's another show we just started. We're about four episodes into this show called sirens. Have you heard about this? I've heard

about a mob. So cast. Yeah. Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy. That's already Pierce Brosnan, Helen Mirren. She's not very good. I can't believe it. It's the first time I've ever said that about her. She made a character choice and it doesn't really land. Let's just say that. But that's the only weak spot in the show. I can't believe I'm saying Helen Mirren is a weak spot in the show. Right. That but yes, sirens is it's got this woman from Game of Thrones. And then what's his name is Kevin, Kevin Bacon is fucking great in it. And Julianne Moore, it's it's great. It's set on an island. And it's just it's kind of just it's just a pure drama it's really good all right got a lot of comedy to it there was another one someone

wants us to discuss the rehearsal yeah I guess there's a season two of the rehearsal which we have to watch seen it first one seen it. First one was, it was tough. It's good, but it's tough to watch. No, there wasn't the second one with the house and the kid and he was kind of becoming a father figure. Oh yeah. Hey, you know what you should do? Let's make America Florida. That's what we're going to do. Here we go. Crinkle.

Okay in honor of me going to Tampa next week, here's Florida man. Here's the headline. It's perfect. Meth cra- what a start. Methcrazed Florida man is bitten by alligator, charges at cops with garden shears before he's shot dead in a wild series of events. Do you need wild series of events? I don't think you needed that at the end. And then the opening line, the wild scenes erupted after Timothy Schultz, 42, was spotted swimming in an alligator infested lake in Lakeland south of Orlando so I thought this might have been the sequel to our alligator man. I know.

Who police chased and he got in water with an alligator who hit and he proceeded to call the N word and threatened to punch. All right, that was last week, yeah. And threatened to stick his finger up its ass. Yeah. There was a lot going on. Schultz, who cops said was high on drugs, had growled at good Samaritans. I don't know what that means. I guess the alligator?

There were some nice people that were standing on the edge that were trying to help him. That's why, yeah, Samaritan's is capitalized. That's interesting. That's I should know that. So he growled at people trying to toss him a life vest just moments before one of the Gators bit his right arm. The fact that he was bitten by an alligator and still continued his rampage is shocking,

the sheriff said. But if you're on enough meth, then the person you see is not the person that's attacking. The horror only continued when Schultz suddenly emerged from the lake soon after being bitten and grabbed a pair of garden shears from a nearby home. As deputies arrived on the scene, Schultz then charged at them with the shears. One of the officers fired off their stun gun in a bid to thwart him, but the taser had no effect. They were still trying to take him. Yeah, he was just bit by a fucking alligator. They were still trying to take him peacefully into custody, the sheriff said. The crazed man then tried to jump into the patrol vehicle and remove one of the firearms.

And that's when he became a Florida corpse. Florida corpse. Florida corpse, that should be. I mean, this poor guy, he's mentally, well, I don't know if he's mentally ill, but he was on meth, probably mentally ill before that. But what a ride. I mean.

What a ride, what a way to go. You know, what am I going to be? I'm going to be laying on a respirator with my kids holding my hands all bummed out, dragging it out for weeks or months. And then one day you just nod out and they were all in the cafeteria getting pudding and they missed it and then they feel guilty. Now I want to go with a fucking alligator bite on my arm inside a cop car being shot because I'm grabbing a shotgun. Calling all the doctors the N-word. Yes that's how you go. They draped the Florida flag over your casket like a fucking man like a hero. Open Mustang funeral. Right. Yeah. If I get bit, I mean, I just can't imagine this.

Like if I get bit on the arm by a mosquito, like I have to go in the house and get some alcohol. Like I puss out, I'm done. That's all it takes. I can't believe he saw his arm because man once they do that role I know your appendage comes off I know I know I've seen it dude I've seen videos where they rip an arm off oh damn I think I've seen a hand it's's whatever they get, they clamp on.

All right, this is another dark one, unfortunately. Sorry about this. Here comes Make America Texas again. But I love the headline. I shortened it a little, but the headline is Dad Flipped His Shit Again. On May 25th, police officers were sent to a home to investigate reports of domestic violence. The caller said a man later identified as Clark had a knife to his wife's throat. By the way, it's not that no one dies here, so everyone can relax a little bit, but it's domestic violence.

After arriving on the scene, officers met the victim outside the home and the woman was seen crying, pacing and saying she was very afraid. Clark immediately denied the altercation, but that's when the victim's son said, Dad flipped his shit again. The victim said Clark accused her of having an affair and grabbed her by her throat, prompting her to fight back. The victim said her son attempted to defend her but Clark grabbed a metal Stanley Cup and hit him in the head causing a tennis ball sized bump. Clark then punched the son in the face. The son by the way I think should have gone full Texas and stood his ground and shot the dad. Yes, yes. If there's ever an opportunity to stand your ground,

I think it's when your mom's got a knife on her throat. I think the courts are gonna let you ride on that one. There'd be a 20 minute investigation. Although, that means Texas would have to be on the woman's side, isn't there? Like some antiquated law in Texas, or there used to be. If you walk in on your wife cheating on you,

you can shoot them both. Oh. Or no, you can shoot him. Maybe both. I think you use one ball. I think it's as many people as you can get with one bullet. So you really want to catch them in in delecto. What's that phrase that Latin phrase in in in delecto? In forget. And what's funny is that it was a tennis ball shaped bump you think it would look like a hockey puck I know it went out of baseball softballs used for cancer or they go sometimes they go citrus and

they go they pulled out a tumor the size of a grapefruit or an orange right father's day is gonna be a little quiet in the Clark come this year not a lot of gifts definitely not any steak knives or cups of any type no paper cut I think paper cups paper everything paper every plastic knives yeah paper cups I don't think we have to do sports yeah and I will talk about it next week because the French Open is going on and the finals will be next weekend we'll talk about that we're recording next are down 3-1 Florida I think Florida closed out I think they're going to the Stanley Cup Finals and

Right now we've got the Oilers and Dallas playing I'm not sure about that. I think that's where it stands right now. That seems like old news. I don't know though No, I don't think so All right. What do we do? We want to get to a this day in history. Wait, hold on Yeah, I guess we could do that. I'm gonna look up you look up NHL. I'm gonna get to this day in history? Wait, hold on. Yeah, I guess we could do that. I'm gonna look up NHL. You look up NHL. I'm gonna get to this day in history. As you know, I already have it all laid out. So let me lay it out. Yeah, it's just the Oilers and the Stars playing for the other spot in the Stanley Cup finals against Florida. And right now Edmonton leads 3-1, which I'm excited about. I'd like very much to see Connor McDavid get hoist the trophy. I

don't think he ever has. Who? Connor McDavid. Oh. On the Hoylers. Yeah. OK, ready? Yeah. On this day or weekend, we'll say. Elizabeth to. Queen Elizabeth was crowned. I can't even read a headline. She was Elizabeth to, which seems weird to me, was crowned queen. So on this day, a 27-year-old Elizabeth II, the elder daughter of King George VI, was crowned queen. I have not watched, what is it, The Queen?

The Crown. The Crown? Yeah. I heard it's amazing. But I know you've watched every one. It's a great series. They have to recast it every, not every season, but every couple seasons they would recast it.

Olivia Colman. I'm gonna give you a give or take five years because you know this so well. I've also given you her age. What year Elizabeth II was crowned. Okay, I remember she flew flew her husband flew around the world on some kind of a the two of them flew around the world on a plane. So there was a world. There was a world there was a world where there was planes. I would say

it was before I would say it was in between World War I and World War II. So I'm gonna go 1933. So you're saying 1933. Yeah. And she's 27 years old, which means she was born around 1900, which would make her 125 right now, if she was still alive. Okay, all right. So it was 1946., Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of murder and conspiracy in the deaths of 168 people

in the Oklahoma City bombing. So, oh, he was executed. Oh, so I think he was both found guilty and then he was executed maybe a year later. I don't know what it was. But anyway, when was Timothy McVeigh found guilty of the Oklahoma City bombing, give or take? I'll also include the Oklahoma City bombing because it wasn't that long of a trial. So I'm going to say give or take four years to get All right. Obviously, obviously, it was before it was before 9 11. And it was after Waco. I don't think it was.

Wait, was it that much before 9 11? I'm going to say it was pretty close to 9 11. I'm going to say not late 90s, let's just say 98. Good for you, 97. There we go. The bombing was 95. Right. Okay, Lou Gehrig,

he died on this weekend. Rather than doing that, we'll do both. Give or take, 10 years, because I don't think you're good at this. Give or take 10 years. What year did Lou Gehrig die? Oh, Jesus.

All right, well, Lou Gehrig played in the 40s and the 50s So he would have been 40 in the 50s. Maybe he died. Oh he died of Lou Gehrig's disease So he probably wasn't that old I'm gonna say he was probably 60 and So he probably was what year did he die are you saying yes 30 years 50s I'll say 1976 okay this might be your worst one you've ever done he died in 1941 and he was 37 years old, which is the saddest goddamn thing ever. He died two years after being diagnosed.

I was thinking of Joe DiMaggio, I'm sorry. Joe DiMaggio is later than that. Yeah, I guess you were. All right, so yeah, you did not do well that was gonna be a two-part question I needed a 50 year window on that one all right let me go back up but let's try to get you some wins here yeah give me a win okay let me see here ask me an FDR question Well, Walt Whitman, leaves of grass his own Walt Whitman was born on Long Island on this year, give or take 25 years.

All right, Walt Whitman was writing. Do you know he ran the Riverdale press? Writing. Do you know he ran the Riverdale Press? I would say he was born in 1810. Really? Yeah. 1819. Nice.

Very good. Literally was reading from leaves of grass four days ago. Well, by the way, there's another Joan of Arc. You have read a lot about Joan of Arc. Should I just keep asking you Joan of Arc questions so you realize when she lived? No. Do you know anything about the Johnstown flood?

Sure, read a book about it. Here we go. Here's what I'll tell you about the Johnstown flood. Here's what I'll tell you about your reading. You listen to books as you fall asleep. It was in Pennsylvania and it was- Yes. There was this famous resort

that all the billionaires were at. We're talking about like the Hines and the, who were those big Pittsburgh families? The Carnegie's and all that. So they used to go to this lake resort and they wanted the lake to be bigger so that they could they could go on bigger boats and so they built this dam but they did a shitty job building the dam and so one year and there was this town below it. There was a few towns below it, but that was the biggest town.

And one year it fucking rained and the dam broke and it wiped just literally tore houses off their foundations. Hundreds of people died. It destroyed a whole community and they were all poor people and they were all the people that worked at the resort. Um okay so give or take 10 years when was this Pennsylvania flood that killed you ready? More than 2,200 people. No. Damn. Uh I would well we already know the Vanderbilt, so that would have been industrial revolution time. I'm going to say 1938. Very good, 1889.

I fell asleep. I fell asleep. Let's bring this up because it's close to home and quite honestly, it cannot be talked about enough in passing whenever you have the opportunity. The Tulsa Race Massacre. Yeah. Right out in Oklahoma. When was the Tulsa?

You've been there. You've been to the museum. When was the Tulsa Race Massacre, give or take 20 years. The plot, the prosperous black neighborhood of Greenwood was destroyed and as many as 300 people were killed, mostly African Americans. I'm going to say 1890. 1921. I missed it. God, you're not doing well. Listen, we're gonna overstay our welcome. Here's a speed round. I'm gonna give you two and you just have to go fast and I'm gonna do a combined. You have to be combined within 40 years of these. You ready? Okay. Speed round. First Indianapolis 500 was when 1930 Lincoln Memorial was opened when and daddy 1931 okay I said 40 years yeah your first answer was 1930

Indianapolis the first Indy 500 was 1911 so that's 19 Lincoln Memorial was dedicated. You said 1930. 31. It's 1922. That's nine. I did it. I did it. Wow. 1910 was the Indianapolis 500. That's fucking crazy. Imagine the time of the winner then versus the time of the winner now. I have the time of the winner then versus the time of the winner now I have the time of the winner then okay let's look at the time in the Indy 500 time right now Indy 500 time time winner and it is he did it god damn it just fucking tell me what he did it. God damn it, just fucking tell me what he did it in. I'm gonna guess the recent one was probably three hours. He's the first Spanish driver. Well, so then he probably got pulled over a few times

by ICE during the race, that had to slow him down. Had to slow him down. Here's ESPN. Do you wanna look this up while I... Yeah, you look it up while you say the other. No, I know. I know what they did in 1911. Alright, whatever. This is fun for people. Okay, it is.

Oh, it tells them what time it went off whatever anyway in 1911 six hours and 42 minutes okay the fastest one Helio Kostra Navis that's who you probably you're talking about two hours and 37 minutes so less than half the time yeah it's actually I thought it would have been an even bigger gap to be honest I mean half is think about going half the speed no but they're going in the india 500 they're probably averaging you know a hundred and forty miles an hour a hundred and fifty miles an hour, 150 miles an hour. That means that in 1910, they were going 75 miles an hour.

The fastest lap speed recorded is 237 miles an hour and that was 1996. Damn, I'm way off on that. Geez. 230 miles an hour? Yeah. Jesus! By the way, I drive my Mustang 100 miles an hour every single time

I'm on the 10 freeway coming home at night. When I come home from my shows at like midnight and the 10 is pretty quiet, I don't even think about it. I just look down, I'm going 100. It happens so fast in the Mustang. What is slipstreaming mean? It's like the air that goes behind a moving vehicle. So he's he's drafting? Yeah. Okay. All right. We're done. All right. Let's get it down to Oh, bitch you wary. Yeah, we got obituary. I just saw this headline. And we're going to try not to make jokes about it. But my 600 pound life star, Latonya protein. She died at 40 years old after becoming bedridden.

Now you said you watched the show a little. I have not seen this. Is this the one that had sisters on it? It's pretty weird to guess. I don't know. I just know that I've seen, you know, five or 10 minutes at a time. That's all I can watch of these people. That's all you can ingest?

It's very sad. It's very filling. And they eat fucking garbage. It's like they're not even trying some of them. Oh, they want to stay on the show. Oh my God. Yeah, imagine the casting call. You show up and you're only 550.

They're like, what, do you shit me? This is the big time did you see the waiting room by the way it fell down three floors it's it's down on one now or waiting room to get in here to this audition i assume this is going to be it has to be an open casket funeral for poor latanya oh yeah it's going to be open and it's going's gonna be spilling over the sides. You ever sit down next to a fat person on a, I shouldn't say fat, that's not nice, a plus size person on a plane. People always complain, I love it. I love that soft mush. I kind of lean against it if it's, especially if I want to sleep a little

bit. They don't even notice that you're sleeping against them. It's like having a futon next to you. Till that wet, sweaty seal forms between the two of you. Yeah, right. I also wonder, and I'm not making fun, I literally am not. I am. I wonder the, like she was 40. When you're 600 plus pounds like I you know what I

do want to watch this show because like love on the spectrum I was like how will that not be exploitive right I'm and it's not and I'm wondering at least in my opinion I'm wondering how this isn't exploitive like Howard doesn't really wreak of exploitation well Well her name is Latonya Potain. Literally, Ton is in her first name. Yes, Lot, Lot and Ton. Lot and Ton. All right let's cheer up. All right let's cheer up. Let's get to the fun news. As you know, week in and week out, except when we take a week off, we do the comedy caption contest, spelled with K's, and we give you one frame of a comic strip. You guys then write captions. You email them in to FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. When you're kind

to me, you put your caption with your name directly under it, makes it real easy for me. The winner, we choose some finalists, and then we choose a winner. The winner gets a free koozie mailed to you rapidly, right? I'm a little behind, I'm a little behind, but let's do it. You also haven't sent me a winner in a while.

I send them when I get them. I think sometimes people win more than once and I think sometimes they don't listen so they don't know they won and then other times they go what's a koozie okay so the last week's caption was two dogs one of them is in the dog house there's some question his head is down on the ground. There's some question about whether there's a bone in his mouth. And then there's another dog that's talking to him and he's got one of those cones on his head. Those cones that keep you from eating at your stitches or whatever. So they're outside. One's in a dog house. The other guy's got a cone. He's talking to him. This is from Kelly Hatfield from Quincy mass

She says this handmaid's this handmaid's tale roleplay game is getting old All right, pretty good Nathan Schleif the fuck kind of name is that he said I guess you're I guess you're only allowed to lick balls Constantly if there's peanut butter on them. I just want to point something out. A phenomenal amount of peanut butter entries when it comes to dogs. Every time. We've had that before. Yeah. Devin says, stop shouting! That's not bad.

Wade Daniels said, they say this thing will cure my full-blown AIDS. That's a way to get full-blown AIDS into a joke. Well, we mentioned that last week. I think we picked a winner that had AIDS in it and we go, hey, well the floodgates are open on the AIDS jokes. Sean from Ontario, loser, the Starlink has a horrible signal. Let's go pee on a Tesla. Didn't need the second half. I feel like the two different jokes going on. Yeah, well, yeah, related.

Rich Butchko, he said, I just need to get it off by Wednesday. It's our poker night and the guy is supposed to come paint our picture. Okay, yeah yeah we remember that the law or velvet paint velvet cute joke rich kennedy i got a little too close to the action at a frat party

little too close to the action of frat party okay it's like a beer funnel you get it uh... okay i didn't get that yeah i didn't get it? Oh okay yeah I didn't get that. Yeah I didn't get it right away. Joel Bianco finally says turns out I'm not even allowed to try and lick away the AIDS from my ass. I didn't know that was a cure. No. Okay so no winner this week. My favorites are Handmaid's Tale and Stop Shouting. I like Stop Shouting.

Alright, let's go with Stop Shouting. Devin, congratulations! You are the winner of a brand new koozie. Please email us at FittsDogRadio at gmail.com. Tell us you won, give us your address, and the rest just takes care of itself. Stop Shouting AIDS! rest just takes care of itself. Stop shouting AIDS. Next week the caption is we get a guy sitting in a doctor's office. The doctor walks in. He's got a hypodermic needle that is the size of a human body. It's enormous. It's about five or six feet long. It's got a giant needle on it.

And the doctor is saying something to the patient. All right. Something tells me RFK Jr. will figure prominently into some punch lines. And maybe some more aids. Let's get to Hager. He's horrible. Here's the thing.

It's the Sunday papers. It's supposed to be upbeat. And we've got thisager, he's horrible. Here's the thing, it's the Sunday papers, it's supposed to be upbeat, and we've got this Viking, this pillager. I won't even say what else he does, something and pillage. And now he's got this warm, fuzzy first frame where he's hugging his wife Helga. She goes, Hager, you are the best husband a wife could ever ask for.

And he goes, sweetheart, you would even say that if you didn't think so. And then she goes, and you would think so even if I didn't say so. Oh, got him. It's just amazing how low the standards were for wives back then. Like your husband comes home, it's 7 a.m. He's got scratch marks on his neck. He smells like perfume. And he's got scratch marks on his neck he smells like perfume and he's got blood on and he's got blood on his pants and and he's the best husband a wife could ever ask for also look at that last frame he's up there look he's like what did she just say it's like sinking in like I think I've just been Masculated and that's not gonna go. Well, yeah, right wearing his helmet with horns on it. Yeah

The lock horns we got There there a repairman is walking out of the house Leroy's got a bill in his hand Then he says to Loretta your piano tuners visit just cost me a C note. That's cute. That is cute. And then Leroy is looking in the mirror he's playing with his semi bald head she says, to pay or not to pay, that is the question. It's some good wordplay this week. Yeah, well that's kind of the gist of a lot of their stuff. Yeah, okay, we're moving on to BC. So BC, I looked one up, it was a random one,

I just grabbed it. I like that there aren't a lot of words. So in the first frame he's pushing a big ball up a hill. Like, is it Sisyphus? Who did that? Sisyphus. So this caveman, if you don't know what BC is, is pushing the... Well that guy is actually named BC. He's the lead character. Okay. And it's before Christ times, I think is the double meaning there. He's rolling the big boulder up the hill. It's arduous now

the second frame he put it on a Lever with the fulcrum basically a seesaw he created a seesaw with a piece of wood and he has the The big boulder on it third frame. He's like every action, and you see him standing on a pedestal, he's gonna jump off, and he's gonna jump on that side of the seesaw and launch it. That's what he does in the next frame. And then you see it go spunk into a sand chimney. What would you call that, Greg?

I have no idea what that, is it a tree trunk? It looks like, I don't know. I don't think there's trees. Like a volcano? Maybe a volcano. Maybe it's an ant, a giant anthill. Anyway, it goes up like a volcano. It looks like a kind of like a volcano with a top.

It goes in there. And then you hear a gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. And then you hear, ptoo! And you see the thing got shot goes in there. And then you hear gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. And then you hear Ptoo! And you see the thing got shot out of it. And then it's about to land. He's still standing right on that seesaw. And he goes, remember he said for every action. And then he goes, there is an equal and opposite reaction. And then BAM! It falls right on him. him and he goes give or take a few feet. I kind of liked it. I'm fine with that. I think that's I think that's good. I mean here's the thing it's visually very engaging. There's a lot of fun imagery going on and uh and it's yeah. And it's not dumb. I

would say this caveman's way ahead of his time with the laws of physics. Very ahead of his time. But you know what, I'm not offended. And they're simple. It's easy on the eyes. Speaking of ahead of his time, here's a guy who's out of his league. Dagwood's walking across the living the living room and blondie is standing in front of a mirror and she goes honey does this does this dress

make me look chunky and I mean right out of the gate you're just like all right Dagwood here's here's a moment to shine. It does up top. It does up top. That's right. Chunkified. Chunky, he says, you couldn't look more perfect if you tried. She goes, really? He gets down on one knee, holds her hand and says, you're the cherry on top of my hot fudge sundae. You're the hot sauce on my hoagie and now any other any other couple if a woman looked chunky like as

in thick as the as the black gentleman would say the next frame would be him piled on top pants around the ankles sweat trickling down the crack of his ass and instead she's in a, he's in a chair, and she is handing him food with an apron on. And he goes, flattery does work. Work. Define work, you fucking, you asexual zero. You know what work, work means she's straddling you in a reverse cowgirl

while you reach around with hands full of those mammaries. What a cuck. He even said, meanwhile my girls can hear every word I'm screaming in this closet. So can my housekeeper. He even said hot sauce on my hoagie. Yeah. That didn't give you an idea? Yes, I know. God! It's literally saying it. Literally, literally. All right, listen. I said we were gonna do a one hour and 19 minute podcast.

We are at 1.21 right now. So. We probably started it even a little early. I think we're very close. Don't forget, Father's Day is coming up you can get 15% off all the merchandise t-shirts and hats and mugs go to Fitzdogg.com put father one five in the discount code and you will get that discount get something for your man your brother your friend get it for yourself you deserve it you're a father you worked your ass up you probably make more money than your wife or you're a bad dad as we said and

just get it as a you know as for giggles yeah all right I'm gonna recommend that that people watch what's it called again sirens sirens it's on I can't remember what channel it's on but it's very good I think it's on Netflix it's on Netflix if you haven't watched Happy Valley it's extraordinary she first of all has that magic quality like you would I've said it before like I would just follow that character into hell but there's also so much tension the way they set it up there's there's just tension between every configuration of characters it's great. I also love hate if you haven't seen that. All right thank you so much to Midcoast Media for your

fine editing and producing and social media promotion and all the things that you do. We will catch you guys next week. Take it ish. about it! We need some songs. Punk rock. Hey now! Sunday papers! We need some songs. Punk rock. Hey now!

Sunday papers! I picked a pretty large booger from my nose during this podcast. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, whatever. Whatever. I mean, you know, yeah, whatever. So I'm like, yeah, whatever. I'll take it. I'll take it. I don't care. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, whatever.

Read all about it. Read all about it. Get in that ass, Dagger. Get in that ass. Because you know she cleans it every morning. She gets in there with soap. She gets a finger in the hole with the soap, she gets out, she takes a baby wipe, she gives another wipe, that thing is red. Discover the magic of BetMGM Casino, where the excitement is always on deck. Pull up a seat and check out a wide variety of table games with a live dealer. From roulette to blackjack, watch as a dealer hosts your table game

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