Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 267 6/8/25

Episode Date: June 8, 2025

John Gotti’s grandkids have turned out possibly even dumber than Grandpa was, Gen Z won’t pay the bill and a FLA man just wants to watch his ex-girlfriend sleep.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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Please contact connects Ontario at 1 8 6 6 5 3 1 2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario Papers! Hot on the press! Greg and Mike talk shit more or less! Headlines, punchlines, rants so wild! Sunday Papers, it's back in style! Sunday Papers! Read all about it! Read all about it! Lot of news!

He's not really yelling. It's like it's always happening. The news., the news. The new news, the new old news, that's really what's happening. Well, really life is predictions and then news and then history. That's the flow of information or knowledge.

I think it's regrets, adjuda and anxiety. In that order. What is it? Stress, anxieties about the future, right? And depressions about the past. There we go. Yeah. And then there's that sweet spot in the middle, which I have not found yet. Yeah. There's that, I've heard about it.

Yeah, that whole thing about, that whole thing about living the now and be present, that's so like 90s. It's so not now. It's so not now. It's not now. I... Hey now, that's the only now.

Hey now. I read a really good book by a guy named Eckhart Tolle though. Hey now, that's the only now. Hey now. I read a really good book by a guy named Eckhart Tolle though, about living in the now. Oh yeah, I got it, everyone got it. Did you read it though? Bedside table. Bedside, right there.

Here's a good idea. Remember Kramer's coffee table book about coffee tables? Yeah. All right, here's my idea. Tim Kramer's coffee table book about coffee tables. Yeah. All right, here's my idea. A nightstand that's made of the books that you are supposed to read. Interesting. It's got, Driven to Distraction,

which is the book about ADHD. Oh yeah, I actually read some of that. It's got Tuesdays with Maury. Okay. Great Expectations. Okay, that took a turn. You know the coffee table book of coffee tables that's such, I think, and I could be wrong,

a Seinfeld idea earlier today I was on a zoom and B movie came up remember B movie was a animated Seinfeld yeah yeah so that happened in a dinner in the Hamptons. He was there with like I guess what's his name from DreamWorks. I'm forgetting his name. I'll get in a second. And Katzenberg. I think he was there with Katzenberg and he goes, you know what there should be a movie of? Like Bee Movie. You know the expression like Bee Movie, but this would be about literal bees. like, B-movie. You know the expression, like, B-movie, but this would be about literal Bs. Unbelievable. You got a deal.

Unbelievable. Like, what? Well, that's from the- I wanna take out everyone at that table. That's from the guy who came up with comedians, forget the car, comedians talking to comedians, which has been the podcast format since Marc Maron apparently created it 16 years ago.

There were also interviews shows in the back of cars that already existed. Like the one you won an Emmy for? Carpool Karaoke? No, no, that was after. But what I'm saying is, no, but people would interview people like in the backs of cars, like in tech cabs or whatever. Right?

Yes, yes. I mean, look, Seinfeld is a guy that I think understands what people will be entertained by for the most part. I think that's his gift. In the same way that Steve Jobs, Job's or Jobs? Jobs. Steve Jobs understood how to package

and market a new computer. It wasn't a new computer. There was nothing technologically groundbreaking about the Apple except the sleekness and the user friendliness, but he marketed it in the same way that he was not, you know, Wozniak was the great computer technician. And the same way that Tesla, Elon Musk didn't really create anything with Tesla.

He put a brand on it and he marketed it. And that's in a sense what Seinfeld does with comedy. You think? I mean, what's what's his sitcom? It's a situation comedy. It's a comedy about nothing. No, it's not. It's literally an exploration of social mores of social norms that are going on right now. It's an examination the way observational comedy is, which has been around since fucking Alan King.

And you know, so I don't know, I'm not taking a dig at Seinfeld. I think the guy is great, but I don't think, I don't think he's ever come up with anything including his comedy. That was very groundbreaking. All right. I said it. I said it there. He said it. All right. What is this now? Oh, the t shirts. All right. Happy Father's Day everybody next week, it's coming up in one week from today. So if you wanna get yourself a gift, that's what we're recommending.

Forget buying somebody a Father's Day gift. You're the dad, you got the fucking credit card. Buy yourself a Sunday papers, t-shirt, tote bag, notebook. Hat. And then act surprised, act surprised and be like, who got this for me? tote bag, notebook, hat. And then act surprised, act surprised and be like, who got this for me? And just be really touched and go around and be like, this is so thoughtful and sweet, who did this?

Yes. See which one says I did. You got on the t-shirt and the hat and then they'll all say I did because they all forgot to get you something which is what happens every Father's Day. Don't don't have a bad Father's Day watch the goddamn US Open golf in your new t shirt. My dad texted me. So wait, let me just finish the plug. So for Father's

Day 15% off if you go to FitzDog.com, scroll down to the merchandise and when you buy just put Father 15, Father 15 in the checkout and the discount code and you will get 15% off and get it now. It's getting late. Hurry up. Do it today. You said US Open. There's also the French open. Yeah, I've been watching a lot of that. That's what my dad texted me. He's like, Are you watching joke of which I guess joke? Oh, shush, shush, shush. Don't say anything. I'm not I'm

taping that one. Okay, but I did watch. Who did I watch today? Oh, that guy. Skinner Skinner Sinner I mean, I mean, Sinner is unbelievable. I mean, he is just seated number one. He is just he hasn't dropped a set yet in the French Open. Not one set. It's the first player to do that since like the 80s. He is so powerful.

He's six foot six. That's a Fitz fact if I've ever heard one. He's six foot six. The Spaniard did it, I'm sure. Alcaraz? No, no. Nadal? Yeah.

Well, maybe Federer. Anyway, it's so exciting. I love watching on clay because the ball pops up a little bit. The rallies go longer. I love watching everybody slide around like a bunch of lunatics and and the women's, you know, is just as entertaining as the men's. Why do you say that? Longer points. It's not as dominated by a big serve. Well, women's never really is right. No, that's what I'm saying. That's why I prefer it to men. Sometimes if you get a guy who's a big server women at the

French. Oh, right. All right, what like a bunch of douchebags, though, all those French people, they got guy with a blazer. Here's what I saw today, a guy with a blazer, and sunglasses on top of the head perched on top of the head. perched on top of the head, and then a pink sweater draped over the shoulders of his blazer, knotted in front. That sounds like I should be doing that look.

Right? Well, you're gonna go watch the French Open. What are you thinking? Yeah, I know. It seems more Wimbledon, it seems more Wimbledon. Yeah, but I think, yeah, I think it's gonna be a good finals. We got some good players left and unfortunately, well, don't tell me about Djokovic. All right. So also, I wonder if I should save this for I'll save this for later. But I think we should talk about Mark Maron for a minute

because WTF, he announced a couple days ago, is going off the air after, I guess, 16 years. And- I'm not making a joke, it seemed longer than that to me. Yeah. Well, I think I started 15 years ago. I thought we started at the same time, but it was really like

Chris Hardwick, Rogan, me, Corolla, all kind of started at the same time. Did Corolla start? I had no memory of Corolla starting that early. Let me look up when Corolla started. When did the Adam Corolla show start? Maybe. started. When did the Adam Carolla show start? Well he was on Terrestrial and he got booted. Right. He was on ago. Yeah. And I believe, I can't remember, my first one was, I can look it up because I have Libsyn. And Libsyn, go to the first one. Yeah, so we wish Mark good luck. Congratulations on a long run. The guy has had the president on. He's had Carlos Mencia on. He did it all. He did it all. I am. I just saw him in a trailer for something. So he's getting a lot of acting work. He is, he's got this show that's on right now. And it's about a golfer actually.

Yes, that's what I saw him in. Yeah. Yes. Sticks, I think it's called. Yeah. Yeah, with Owen Wilson. And yeah, oh here we go, 107. Speaking of shows, while you look that up, I started the rehearsal.

Oh yeah, yeah, what's that all about? I think some listeners have written us about it. I was under the impression I already watched two seasons because the first season doesn't start off. It's not supposed to take and this turn that it does. So I was wrong. Second season just started this month and it's so the girls and I started watching it last night. We've interrupted our happy valley, which is outstanding. So we only have season three left, but the rehearsal season two, I mean, what timing?

So I don't know how long ago he shot it, but it was probably a while ago. It's for HBO, you know, and they do everything. Nothing's very rushed there. They do it very well. And it's about airline safety. So I started the show in 2006. I started the Sirius XM show, and which you used to do with me. Sure. And then. Yeah, that was in 2006. So we started I think in 2000. I think we did it right away, right? Maybe a year in so it was probably around 2007. We started. Who? The Fitts Star radio

podcast. Remember you were in the building on Wilshire? That's right. Yeah. We were in Wilshire and then we moved to that studio over on where Aerosmith used to rehearse over at the swing house studios. And where you broke up a fist fight between me and the owner one day right before the show started. Oh my god that's right. The greatest part about it was I got to the show late and I was trying to park in an employee spot and he was yelling at me that I couldn't and I ignored him. So he followed me in and then he cursed at me and then I went at him and you were standing there.

And you're you're a much bigger guy than me or him. And so you just jumped in the middle. And and the best part is like it was all on camera. It was on the security camera and like everybody at Sirius XM was passing it around and laughing. That was our best work in that building. You know who was on the show that day was Doug Stanhope. Oh, was he? Yep.

I gotta check whatever his latest? Yep. I gotta check, whatever his latest thing is, I gotta check that out, I love that guy. But Mark Maron said in an interview with Cracked Magazine that he regrets having started the format where a comedian talks to somebody. Yeah. I think that's a humble Brad, right? I think it's a little psychotic. Yeah, I think that, you know, I think that might've,

that format might've popped up at some point. Yeah. But he did it well. He was a great interviewer. I bet he'll come back. Nobody ever quits. Nobody quits stand up and nobody quits podcasting and boxing because it's fun. It's easy and you make money and you feel relevant. Um, what's this about the comedy store? Well, I thought I'd tie it into a story

that's gonna happen later, but I guess I could do it now. Now, I'll tie it into the story that comes later. Ooh, geez. It dovetails in very nicely. Our logo this week is from Jane S. Jane S is a big supporter of the show and live comedy. She's come out to see me live and she's wonderful and she made a lot of logos for us. I've got folders of logos that she's made for us. I don't know if she's a graphic designer or whatever but she

always does great stuff so that's us. I figured for the Stanley Cup finals I put that in there. She put a Flyers jersey on me. She did and I'm in a blue and white one so I don't know if that's Toronto. I think your junior high school team. Yeah the headless horseman. The song is from Ray and Melody who I think that's a father-daughter combo from what I remember, but great song. Thank you guys. Did I send it to you, right? I wonder if Ray has another kid named Corus.

That'd be cute. And rhyme, come here rhyme. Yeah. Corrections, Bob sent us, sorry, I'm a little off. Did I drink all my coffee? Jesus Christ. I'm trying to transition from Ritalin to coffee right now. I started the day with Ritalin and then I was trying to kind of like ride the wave with caffeine. So Ritalin crashes something.

Oh boy. Keep it moving. Let's go. Plus I did the Adam Carolla show today. So Iitalin crashes something. Oh, boy. Keep it moving. Let's go. Plus I did the Adam Carolla show today. So I have to drive. It's an hour drive to Glendale. And then you're on the air for 90 minutes, nonstop, no breaks for 90 minutes, and then another hour drive home again. So it's a little exhausting. Yeah. Corrections from Bob. Jim Comey, former FBI director,

posted a photo of shells interpreted to be threatening to the president a couple of weeks ago. Oh, this was in relation to, we had the logo last week was, Sunday papers written in seashells in the sand. And we couldn't remember what that was in relation to. I guess Jim Comey made some numbers in the, it was like 86, which is to get rid of something. And was it 49?

49? Trump's number. Whatever Trump's number is. So. It's lower than that. You go leading to a stern talking to from the Secret Service. I guess that's better than finding a dick pic

on Anthony Weiner's laptop. So many dick references in that sentence. Weiner, laptop. I mean, that's ultimately, the first laptop was a dick. 86, 47. Oh, 47. Oh, I think I'm predicting that he will also be

the 49th president. He takes every other one off to launch Bitcoins. Tour dates, I will be in Sacramento, California with Louis CK June 13th and 14th Torrance Torrance, California at a place called the end on June 29th Austin mothership July 4th and 6th through 6th Pottstown PA at Soul Joles July 31st my anniversary I'm sure my wife would love that. I'm in fucking Pottstown PA Point Pleasant, New Jersey Uncle Vinny's August 1st

and 2nd, La Jolla at the Comedy Store August 29th through 31st, then I'm gonna be in Denver, Connecticut, Vegas, Chicago, New Orleans, go to FitzDog.com, pick up some tickets, come out and say hi. Always love seeing your faces. And you got that green envelope for the front page. Oh. And I got some more residuals,

so that means it's gonna be a fresh one with like a one cent check in it. But for now, this is still holding up. Here we go, front page. Oh yes, there it is. Musk calls Trump's spending bill a disgusting abomination. I saw some of the late night jokes on this and someone goes that's coming from the guy who made his that the truck. That was a

that was Jimmy Fallon. Wow look at that of course the funniest man on TV. I'm sorry but I just can't stand anymore, Musk wrote in a post on X, his social media site. This massive, outrageous, pork-filled congressional spending bill is a disgusting abomination. Shame on those who voted for it. You know you did wrong. You know it. That's what he wrote.

And until last week, led the Trump administration's doge effort to cut government spending and waste. The White House quickly shrugged off Musk's latest criticism. So what I noticed in this, they all keep calling it the big, beautiful bill. It sounds like children. Anyway, she goes, look, the president already knew Elon Musk where he stood on this bill. And anyway, she goes, look, the president already knew Elon Musk's where he stood on this bill. It doesn't change the president's opinion. This is one big, beautiful bill, and he's sticking to it. House Speaker Mike Johnson, who led the Republican caucus, his effort to pass the spending package,

with all due respect, my friend, Elon, is terribly wrong about the one big, beautiful bill. Well, you know- I mean, is this just about the one big, beautiful bill. Well, I mean, it's just if you say it enough, I mean, that's that's what's going on. That's what politics is. If you say something and you keep repeating it, eventually it just becomes accepted. But I if you remember, we do our annual predictions every January. And mine was I predicted the breakup of Trump and Musk. This is going to be one big, beautiful breakup. Mine was I predicted the breakup of Trump and Musk. This is gonna be one big, beautiful breakup. Elon, and here's how it's gonna step out.

Elon will start censoring Trump on Twitter. Trump will take away all the government funding for SpaceX, which will collapse the company. Elon will start funding candidates against Trump in the midterms. Trump will shut down Twitter and investigate all of Elon Musk's companies.

And then, and then, then it gets hard. Then it comes the nicknames. Felon, Elon, Filon, Elon. Oh yeah, oh yeah. And aren't you an immigrant? Let's look into your immigration status, you South African. I just looked up here's Tesla's chart for the week. Is that bad?

Down 32%. It went from, it looks like around three, high 360s. And right now it's at 332. So it's down 20% drop, I think that's 20% Mike. I don't know how you're doing your math 15. Let's just let's just agree with 15. Okay, sure. Let's split the difference.

Sounds good to me. But yeah, I like that prediction. You got very detailed with it. Well, I'm just looking at both guys playbooks, you know, and, you know, Elon is very, he's very heavy handed about who he allows to speak on SpaceX and who he kicks off. And he's got a lot of money and he's already talked about that he's going to spend money against the Republicans that voted for this great big bill. Deep pockets. I mean, put it this way, just to put it in perspective. You know, Elon is has spent so

much money on the election on Trump's election. $200 million he spent on the election and people go, wow, that's big. Is it? Because somebody said to me, if you were to try to understand the magnitude of Musk's wealth, he's the wealthiest guy in the world, you would have to say, all right, you know how you find 20 bucks in a pants pocket and you're like, oh my God, fucking 20 bucks in my pocket. To get that feeling in proportion to what most people's net worth is, to get that feeling Musk would have to find, I think it's $58 million in his pants pocket. That would be the equivalent of 20 bucks.

So if that's the case, if that's the case, he spent on the election the equivalent of about $600 of his money. It's like you and I spent $600. Yeah, and then he's bragging about it to everybody. Yeah, and he got a lot of fucking power. He ran the country for the last three months by spending $600 of his own money. Well, I'm looking forward to this beef because what you have here in these two are two,

and this is apolitical, these are two of the easiest people in history to make fun of yes so it should be rich it's gonna be rich and it's gonna and it's gonna be I mean I just know that Trump name a longtime friend of Trump's there really aren't any he he just seems to not get along with people. I don't think he even has friends. I mean, really. All right, let's get to this next one. Two grandsons of the late mob boss John Gotti accused of beating up in-law after he allegedly broke into the New York City home. John and guess what? Frankie Gotti.

Hey, Frankie! John and guess what? Frankie got a Frank gay. Their grandsons of the late Teflon Don John Gotti were hit with third degree attempted assault and harassment charges by prosecutors for allegedly slugging accused robber Gino Gabrielli, who is the brother of John's wife, Eleanor Gabrielli. Gino got what was coming to him. You know who said that? Frankie's lawyer. That's my favorite part.

Gino Gottwald was coming to him, a lawyer for Frankie told the Post. You know this fellow, Gino Gabriele, had some kind of issue, and the brothers went to talk to him. And I don't know, I guess he got a little smart. He should have kept his hands up. This is your lawyer? What happened to the Jews? I mean, who's running human resources at the Gambino crime family?

It used to be the Jews were the lawyers and the Italians were the hit men. With this lawyer, it's the exact opposite where you're in front of like police or you've been arrested or in front of media microphones and you have to shut your lawyer up. Like, no, no, no, no. No comment. No comment. Yeah. This lawyer, he got his degree from NOYFB University.

None of your fucking business. That's where I went to school. The suspected thief was caught on surveillance breaking into the home, it alleges, but following his supervised release on John and Frankie, so they're 31 and 27, allegedly went looking for Gabrielli Monday afternoon. When police reached the scene after getting a 911 call, cops saw the siblings punching Gabrielly in the face during a fight. The two brothers pleaded not guilty

in Queens Criminal Court. Morone, Frankie's lawyer, okay. Is it pronounced Maura? Oh, Morone, got it. So is the same guy. His lawyer didn't seem concerned by the charges and claimed it was just a quarrel between in-laws. It's just a simple assault.

It's only a B misdemeanor, which is the lowest level misdemeanor you could be charged with. I mean, you know, they should have never even really been arrested. It was an argument between basically like in-laws. This is, I'm quoting, He believes the case will be tossed because Gabrielli would need to sign a supporting deposition within 60 days which Moroni doesn't think he'll do. Because otherwise there may be like kind of an in-law thing that happens between them and him. Oh you're gonna sign that him. Oh, you're gonna sign that?

Is that what, you're gonna sign it? Okay. It's so funny because when you watch Goodfellas or The Godfather or Sopranos, the Italian mob is so kind of charming and cool and smart and funny, and then real Italian mosters are just dumb. Yeah. I shouldn't say that on the podcast. Do you know who Gotti's lawyer used to

be? No. Used to be a guy named Ron Faschetti. Ron Faschetti was my father's best friend. Oh boy. Yes and Ron Faschetti would pull up to a restaurant in a different car. He had Mercedes 450 SL convertibles and I remember going to his house when I was about seven or eight years old and he had a Sony Betamax. What are you looking up? I'm looking up Mickey Rourke because it's related to Fraschetti. Alright, good. So we'd go to his house and I remember he had a Sony Betamax like the second they came out one of them fell off the back of a truck like he always was getting gifts.

He had this like this like antique roll top desk that just showed up like he didn't get paid cash a lot. He got stuff. Yeah, a lot of the time. Exactly. I remember, and I won't bore people because a lot of listeners may have heard it, but I had my start on the Imelda Marcos trial. Anyway, I got to know all the old guys in the court who are spectators and they have a club and it's like they would go to all the high profile things. So in that I learned, like as Bo Derrick walked in one day,

I'm like, oh my God, I'm like, oh man, this is gonna be the day of the most damning evidence. So they're right. So cut to the Gotti trial, and now I have another job, having nothing to do with the courts. But I remember the New York Post that day, there was Mickey Rourke going to Gotti's trial. And I was like, all right, let me try to find

what was discussed in court today, which was near impossible to do because the limited space that the Gotti trial had in the Post, the Times, and the Daily News was all dedicated to Mickey Rourke showing up in court. So it works. That is the oldest trick in the book and it works. Wow, that's amazing.

And your guy, Faschetti, engineered that. Faschetti had, first of all, he just died last year. And you know, his last case before he died was representing Donald Trump against Manhattan in that, you know, when they almost took him down. Yeah, that was him. Trump won't even pay him with like a desk or something that fell off the back of a tray.

He won't even have that amount of honor. Right. So he goes, he would always do the summation at the trial at the end, and he had this very dramatic, famous thing he would end every trial with where he would lay out his case. He was an amazing orator, really charismatic, and they would walk up to the jury box with his hands in a ball and he would say, inside here, this is a bird. This is John

Gotti. This is a small bird and you can release him. You can free him. He would like open up his arms and like wiggle his fingers. It was like this whole hilarious thing that he would do and the juries would actually buy it. Unbelievable. Yeah. Okay, next story. Jen Z doesn't want to start a bar tab. I sent this to you because of JoJo. Yep. So to the chagrin of bartenders, many 20-something bar goers prefer to close out and pay after every single drink, no matter how many they might order during an outing.

The reasons for this are myriad. For a generation that consumes, first of all, they're a generation that consumes first first of all They're a generation that consumes less alcohol than older drinkers and it can seem exorbitant to open a bar tab They have been accustomed to one and done transactions Usually with a simple tap of their phones and they consider purchasing drinks at a bar to be no different from say Buying a coffee at a cafe They can feel anxious about losing track of their spending by leaving their credit cards behind the bar. Maybe they should stay in.

That's what I'm thinking. Right, right. A guy, quote, it doesn't save me anything if I keep a tab open, says Narig Haladjian, 27, who lives in California. That's racist. In the Valley. I'll swipe my card again. It's an extra 10 seconds. It increases anxiety in me when I leave a tab open said Cameron Hulaska. She's from Walla Walla,

Washington. Yeah, I get anxiety when when there's a possibility I might be buying somebody else a drink. Right. If we want to move somewhere else, it's a lot harder to close out and then leave. These are the same people that that they like to end every relationship after the first date quit every job after three months. They can't even commit to a fucking bar tab. Yep. It's commitment issues. So all right, let's get to the story. So Jojo has never been to the comedy store before. So last night, it right, let's get to this story. So JoJo has never been to the comedy store before.

So last night it was her friend's birthday, they had a party of five, can you get me on the guest list? Which you know my policy on the guest list, I don't do it. I do not put friends on the guest list. If they wanna come see me in LA, look it up online, buy the tickets, get to the show early. Don't say hi to me, I'm not interested. I'm serious, this is my workplace.

It's just gone south way too many times. And it ends up making me look bad, it ends up distracting me from performing, which is why I'm there. It's my fucking job, you know? I don't ask people to come to their job. And then actually, so anyway, so Jojo asked me, that's why I don't go see you. I don't want to visit you at work.

Oh, you come all the time. So I say, All right, I'll put you on the guest list. I said, Get there early. I gave her I gave her 20 bucks. And I said, Make sure throw this on top of the tip for the waitress. And, you know, whatever. So I drop her and I drive her to the club because I had a show last night so I said I'll drive you guys and I dropped her off in front of the club and then she goes in and then this morning I get a a check for her. Yeah we kind of had an issue last night like I guess they went to pay the bill and her debit card didn't have enough money on it. And her friend didn't have a fucking credit card or cash.

So now JoJo had to like go get her, they lock up the phones at the comedy store in a sleeve. So she had to go, she had to unlock, she had to go to the front desk, unlock her phone in the go to the front desk, unlock her phone in the middle of the show, transfer money from her bank account into her debit card, pay the lady and then there was an extra charge for another $85 that that she didn't understand and the way she goes, Oh, that'll be that that we were just holding that or

something. And now today today they're still holding it it's still on there and now Jojo wants me to resolve it with the club where's her eighty five you know what the fuck the best is you're talking about your family yeah now the resourcefulness. So the girls just like they were here a week. You wouldn't believe how many times I'm like, they were, it doesn't even matter. You can just imagine all the questions. I'm like, do you do you not have Google on your phone?

Like, do you want me to send you the Google the link to Google? Because you're that's what I'm going to have to do. Now that's what I hear. Yeah, we want to go to show at the comic store tomorrow night. Okay, I'll put you down on the list. Which show? Oh, I don't know. Can you tell us what time this show is?

Can you Google it? Can you literally type in C-O-M-E-D? At that point it will take you to the calendar of the club. Yeah. Oh man, I'm sorry about that. Who's on the show? take you to the calendar of the club. Yeah. Oh man, I'm sorry about that. Who's on the show? How the fuck do I know who's on the show? You look it up.

How much money do I have in my account? What? Oh my God. Unbelievable. I said, Jojo, you can't live within $50 of your total life savings on a quick, you know? Yeah. Little buffer, little buffer in the account. How about us, man? I think it was the beginning. I'm trying to remember when did Deb, when

did the debit card, the bank cards? I think when we were freshmen. Freshmen. Yeah, freshmen, they were giving them out at the student card, the bank cards, I think when we were freshmen. Yeah, freshmen, they were giving them out at the student union, the applications. But we still, for a while, had to be like, if you, you know, like as people say, you ran out of money on a Saturday, you didn't have money Sunday. That's right. Because we didn't have credit cards. And they wanted us to have credit cards so bad, we'd go to the student union,

and they literally had a table with frisbees on it. And we were such idiots, we're like, what's with the frisbees? Well, if you fill out this application for credit card, we'll give you a free frisbee. Fuck yeah, where do I sign? Think about that business decision.

You have a credit card company and you're like, we are giving them to people who are thrilled to be getting a shitty frisbee. Yeah. Like, is this really who we want to be in business with? Well, you're in business with their parents. That's what they understand. If you're like exactly 21%. Yeah. That's what's coming back to us on that frisbee guy. That's what's coming back to us on that frisbee guy. So Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, Hegseth? Yep. Has ordered the Navy to rename the US Navy Harvey Milk,

the USNS Harvey Milk, a highly rare move that will strip the ship of the moniker of a slain gay rights activist who served as a sailor during the Korean War. It marks the latest move by Hegseth and the Trump administration to purge programs, policies, books, and social media mentions of references to DEI. The Navy is also considering renaming yet-to-be-completed ships, honoring Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Thurgood Marshall, and Harriet Tubman. Oh boy. I mean it's it's pretty amazing because there's a fine line between weeding out DEI and just weeding out gay and black people. And I'm not sure where that very fuzzy

line is hovering right now in this government. I think it's appropriate to name a container filled with semen, the USNS Harvey Milk. Yes! There you go! Come on, Mike, there's the clip this week. Yeah, fantastic wordplay. Meanwhile, like, you know, Robert E. Lee is in like every town. There's fucking Confederate statues of Robert E. Lee. The guy that led an army against our governments is is, you know, and then you got even the Dukes of Hazzard.

Remember the Robert E. Lee? You know, he they should have even made up an explanation. This isn't a joke, but like, it's like, well, you know, he was shot to death. Maybe it's not the best name for a defense ship. Right. All right, Harvey, oh, that's right. He was shot to death.

God damn. Yeah, well, I hear they're also Trump now got a freeway named after him. It's in DC. Yeah, it's a downhill, dead end, and it's got a lot of tolls on it. Love it. How's that for clip? How about this? No more Teslas on that highway. That's right. No charging stations allowed. Yeah. Okay, here we go to the ethical question, sir. All right. Okay. This situation happened to me two weeks ago, and it sort of clicked in my head. I go,

this is gonna be my next ethical question. Waiting for the bathroom on a plane, coming from Cincinnati back to LAX, and I walk into the bathroom and the toilet seat is down and it is covered in urine. So, which first of all, who the fuck does that? You know what I mean? Women. Right.

With those big flappy lips. So I take my foot and I push the seat up. Is that what you do in toilets? Yes, I definitely, I do that in public bathrooms too. So I kick the seat up, I urinate, and then I'm so sort of like socialized by my wife to put the seat down, that I'm deciding what to do. Like, do I put the seat down and wipe the seat for the next person because it was a line of people behind me, somebody was going to be judged. So Mike Gibbons, you find a peed upon toilet seat in an airplane. How do you what do you do after you're finished peeing before you leave the bathroom?

I would wipe it down with a $5 bill and then leave that on the kitchen counter on the on the sink counter. So the person takes it. There you go. The next person takes it. No, I think I don't understand the women thing with leaving the seat. I could understand leaving the top down and it closed. You know, like maybe you don't, you know,

it's more visually appealing if it's closed or whatever, and you're supposed to close it when you flush after doing your number two business. So you're reframing the ethical question to just toilet seat up or down. In this case, I would have left it up. You don't want credit for that pee. Yeah, that is what I did. I left it up. Leave it up.

But then the woman comes in, she puts the seat down, it's got pee on it, she's still blaming you. I don't know if she is. You're gonna be that psychopath, you're gonna pee on it and lift it up? Yeah, that's true. I also think it's like, listen, if it's up, here's the good news. You know the last thing that was done in there is number one.

And I don't understand why like Erin wouldn't like to know that. I guess they don't want to touch it, but doesn't it show, isn't it good that you've been conscientious enough to move it up? Why is there not a pedal on the ground to lift and lower toilet seats in public toilets? It's a good question. Especially in a fancy restaurant. Well, they're all going to be electric. Now, you know the Japanese Japanese ones it goes up automatically

Oh, it does. Oh, yeah. Well you walk in the room and it's like turns on I had one in a hotel It's like calm down fucking and the light goes on it was pretty bright. Mm-hmm. Yeah No, the toilets we're getting smart toilets. That's what's happening. I Did hear that about closing the top that before you flush on a deuce because I guess a lot of vapors come out of the water. Tons. You know, I used to have a girlfriend that would say that, like, she'd be like, hold my drink, like if we're at a concert or something.

And I'm like, what? What? I'm like, all right. I go, but you're talking nonsense. Then COVID happened. And they're like, it's unbelievable because they were talking about even COVID and poop can be airborne in the bathrooms when you flush it

because so much goes airborne when you flush it. Wow, that's gross. So gross. Jesus. Especially yours, none of them are solid. I know, my wipes have become like I'm joking I knew nothing about it it's like after the Exxon Valdez spill just people out there with fucking paper towels trying to absorb it between the cracks and the Oh no. All right. Well, next week you'll ask me an ethical question. What's that? Next week you'll ask me

a yeah and hopefully not a scatological. No, I was just gonna say yeah if you leave the seat down, put a little poop on it just so they know that, you know, that's when it's down, that's what that means. That's what I was doing. I wasn't peeing. Okay. Make America Florida. South Florida man accused of watching ex sleep for months armed with knife and tools. The sheriff's office says on Sunday night deputies came across a 20-year-old man who

was wearing a ski mask. In his pocket they say he had a long knife and lock-picking tools. They say while speaking with the man identified as Halen Vallejos, he confessed that he was on his way to his ex-girlfriend's house to watch her while she slept. Halen, Jalen, whatever your name is, way too honest. You do not need to be telling them that. No, if only every criminal was so upfront about what their plans were for the evening.

You're gonna give them a truth serum? Look at my jokes, look at my jokes written underneath. What's that? Read it. If only every criminalel is from. Did he also have a bottle of truth serum in the backpack? Nice. Like the Sklar brothers. Yeah.

So Vallejo's 20 expressed he wasn't sure of his intentions on Sunday night, and he was afraid that his actions could escalate, deputies say. What, he had two bottles of truth serum? They continue, they searched his vehicle where he drove to the area, that he drove to the area and found a backpack

containing duct tape, wire cutters, spray paint, and a sledgehammer. He told deputies that he planned to use the sledgehammer to break through the victim's door or her face. Yeah, yeah, the sledgehammer. In case she wakes up in the middle of night, he can help her fall back asleep with the sledgehammer. It's like an ambient. Yeah. How about that? He said, Oh, look who's calling? Pete

Scott. Oh, there we go. I'm not gonna answer. I Oh, look who's calling Pete Scott. Oh, there we go. I am not going to answer. I don't think it's all it's more. But we're all seeing each other. High school reunion this weekend. Whoo. If you're listening on Sunday, I'm in the middle of it right now. All right. So wait, this dude goes. He was afraid his actions could escalate. You think what's in your backpack? Are you insane? Yeah, right.

Where do you think it's going? Well, he just likes to watch her sleep, you know? I hope she doesn't snore. I mean, that's the thing. She better sleep quiet. Well, maybe he's trying to help her with the snoring. He has duct tape. He can wire her jaw shut.

Right, right. And then spray paint. Check, check you know on her like fixed yep wow i mean it is amazing like uh what women go through like i was thinking about this during gay pride day and um maybe he's protecting her but i was thinking about the situation that women are in physically, like when I think about gay, like being gay, the thing I would that I think I would dislike the most is that the guy would probably be bigger than me because I'm not a big guy and I would be in a position sexually or physically or with intimacy of being with somebody who could physically overtake me. And women are like that 97% of the time,

they are in a position of physical vulnerability. Yeah, I guess they're only vulnerable if there's a threat, right? Yeah, but you have to, you know, if you're playing the odds, if you're a woman who's basically going into a situation, maybe it's a one night stand, or even if it's the first time you ever sleep with a guy, you don't know, you have no idea. And there's a little part of you, the preservation part of you that has to be scared that he's going to attack you. Yeah, I know. It was like what I wanted to say to my girls

when they both left LA to go to college was like, all right, we have to have a little talk. You're leaving LA. Out there are real men. And some of them aren't cool. So not men who are gonna be scared of you like here. All of them. But yeah, no, you're right.

It's funny to think about it that way. Do you think that's why sometimes women can be so dominating in relationships? Maybe? Yeah, it's false front, you know. But I think if I was going to be gay, I guess I would probably just find like a little guy. Because first of all, then, then the as sex doesn't hurt as much. I right. Let's make America Texas again. Here we go. Okay. Our story starts in America Texas. I'm going to be a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit I don't know if I'd like that. Oh, all right. Let's make America Texas again. Here we go. OK, our story starts in Palm Beach, Florida. Oh, Texas man was arrested overnight Tuesday after investigators said he jumped a wall at Mar-a-Lago with intentions of winning the heart of one of Trump's granddaughters. Maybe he also had a backpack with wire cutters and duct tape.

The US Secret Service detained 23-year-old Anthony Reyes shortly after midnight at the Mar-a-Lago property. Agents and Reyes openly admitted to trespassing, sorry, agents said he openly admitted to trespassing and told them that he wanted to get inside the president's Palm Beach home to quote Mary Kai, Trump's 18 year old daughter. He also said he wanted to quote, spread the gospel to the POTUS. You want to get one of Trump's? What does this guy think he is, Tiger Woods? You got to

earn that. You got to go on tour, baby. You got to get a Nike sponsorship. You don't just waltz in there over the wall at midnight. Yeah, that's Trump's first thing. He's like, did he pay? Yes, exactly. Did he pay to spread me the gospel? Um, yeah. Imagine trying to spread the gospel to Trump. He already has a Bible. Yes.

Trump's the religious leader of this country right now. Well, I think I know who this guy should share a cell with. Yeah? The guy who likes to watch people sleep. There it is. I like that. Yeah, I guess the security's gotta be pretty tight. I'm surprised there's even a wall

you can jump over at Mar-a-Lago, you know? Oh yeah, yeah, it's right there on the corner. You've seen it. But this has happened, do you remember? Right where the circle. Were you on the ultimate Frisbee team in college? I can proudly say no. All right, because one spring break,

I know Kevin Lynch was on it. And I forget a couple of our other friends were on it. I think Paul Weber, maybe. So anyway, they got a Winnebago. I don't know if they rented it or whatever. And they drove down to Palm Beach for a ultimate frisbee tournament. I happened to be down there visiting my mom. And so I met up with those guys and they had the Winnebago parked at one of the kids on the team. Their their grandmother had a house down in Florida. Are you listening? What do you? Yes, I am sorry. Our friend Pete

just wrote both of us. Go ahead. So she she let them park the Winnebago in the driveway of our house, which happened to be the house next door to Mar-a-Lago. So here it is this this like nice neighborhood, and this is Winnebago and everybody's got their clothes laid out. There's they were fucking flies was swarm of flies because you had like eight guys stinking after playing sports and sleeping in it. And we did actually jump the fence and go over to Mar-a-Largo and run around. Nobody chased us off. Yeah. Right. But that it was pre Trump that was the post family.

Maryweather Post. Oh, it wasn't his house yet. I don't believe so. No, no, definitely not. Definitely not. Wow. I shouldn't say definitely, but I'm pretty sure it happened after that. Yeah. 19, that would have been 88 probably.

Right. You know, it was unbelievable. And then he turned it into a club. Yeah. So this whole thing. All right, should we get to this day in history? Please. Yes, here we go.

Let's see what we got. All right. I looked at these earlier. Okay. We're not going to do the Normandy invasion. That seems like a dunk, slam dunk. We're going to do the American TV show Sex in the City began airing on HBO this weekend in what year, give or take three years? Sex and the City. I'm gonna guess that was... 96? Oh, 98.

Yeah, baby! You did it. There we go. I remember living in New York at the time and thinking this is not like New York City at all. Chicago's elevated loop train, commonly known as the L. Huh, I thought L stood for elevated. That's what I thought. What are they saying it stands

for? Well, they're not saying that, but they're, they called it the loop train. Anyway, Chicago's elevated loop train line, commonly known as the L, began its operation and it became one of the longest and busiest mass transit systems in the United States. In what year did the Chicago L begin operating, give or take 15 years? All right, I'm going to guess because it was elevated, that means the city was already built up, too much so to maybe go underneath. to maybe go underneath. It's an old rickety subway. I gotta say it was... 1905.

Oh my God, you did it, 1892. Nice. There we go. Wow, I thought you were going to go later than that after you said built up. I'm making up for last week. I shot the bed last week. You were terrible last week.

I'm not going to do Graceland. What else did I get here? Michelangelo's David installed in Florence. It was believed to be installed on this day in what year, give or take, 60 years? 1620. 1504. Son of a bitch. All right, let's do one more here. We got Kanye West. I remember

I had another one. Well, I guess one thing you could do is when you have one is put it in the script. Here we go. Muhammad, the founder of the religion of Islam, and of the Muslim community. He died in Medina on this weekend, in what year, give or take 300 years. All right, I know that he was not long after Jesus Christ our Lord, or at least my Lord. I don't know if you've accepted him in your heart. I am not superstitious. So Christianity, there's been debate on this show about when it started, but I think around 300 AD. So this was after that, but not a lot.

I'm gonna say 400 AD. You did it, pal, 632. Hey now. I thought you were gonna guess around maybe, yeah, around 300%. Yeah. Alrighty, man. All right, good rounds, good fun.

Yeah, that is, you did very well. Very proud of myself. All right, let's get down to... We got letters? Yeah, let's go, we got a... We got a letter from Bruce Gilbertson who says, oh no, I missed Jason. Jason says, Mike's daughter got lucky.

My daughter got her wallet stolen at a college party. They tossed her wallet on a public street. A Good Samaritan turned it into the police. Charged with identity theft. I had to get an attorney, two years probation, community service to receive an expunged record. Wow. What a douche move.

I mean, come on. How many kids have a fucking fake ID? Well, Jason's kid was running some international smuggling ring. Right. That is such bullshit. When I was a freshman, there was a kid that had a room next door to me.

I don't did you ever meet I don't want to say his name because I don't want to incriminate him but this kid let's say his name was Jason Smith. So when I was in we moved to Cherry Hill New Jersey from the Bronx when I was about four and I met this kid who lived two doors down and his name, let's say his name was Jason Smith. So this kid had jet blonde hair, kind of long, and he had a sister jet blonde, like white blonde hair, like Game of Thrones hair.

Is jet blonde a saying? Jet blonde, yeah. Okay. You never heard that? Jet black. Jet blonde, yeah Yeah. Okay. You never heard that? Jet Black. Jet Blonde. Yeah, of course. Okay. That's on that's on me. Fine. So this kid Jason Smith and I are good friends. And then I leave, I moved two years later. And, you know, we don't keep in touch, whatever we're fucking it's Philly. We're living in Philly. And so it was actually Cherry Hill, New Jersey

was the town, which is a suburb of Philly. So I go off to college, I walk in freshman year, I see my dorm room with my name on it, and then the dorm room next to me says Jason Smith, except it's a much more unusual name. So I immediately go like, wow, that's fucking weird. So I knock on the door, door opens, it's a kid with jet blonde hair down to his shoulders.

I go, are you Jason Smith? He's like, yeah. I go, Cherry Hill, New Jersey? And he's like, yeah. I go, Greg Fitzsimmons. And his jaw drops. He's like, get the fuck out of here. So me and that kid snorted crank that night

and we ended up becoming like best friends freshman year. Dan Bickner grew up with this kid, Dan Bickner. Right. And the three of us used to hang out. So anyway. Dan Bickner's jet blonde hair. So this kid had, he was making fake IDs out of his dorm room. And this was the low tech version of what they do now.

He had a giant cardboard cutout. We had it in our apartment. On the wall, it was a giant Pennsylvania ID that was probably like four feet by three feet. Ours was New Jersey. And you'd stand in front of it and they would take a Polaroid and they'd snap a photo and then laminate it and that was your ID.

And I think he was charging 20 bucks or something. And so of course, every kid in the dorm, they were lined up, cranking out IDs. And this went on for a while. And then one day at like 6 a.m., the FBI fucking banged on his door and arrested him in his underwear and took him out of the dorm.

And this kid went to jail and then his father, well, you know, in a holding, like they were holding him. And his father, it turned out, was a big wig back in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. He had some contact with judges and he got him out. He got him out of the charges and I didn't see this kiddie. So we were 18. I didn't see the kid again for 10 years later. I'm in LA. He totally dropped contact with everybody at BU. Didn't want to be

reminded of it. I don't know if it was part of his parole, but we never heard from this kid again. Then I go to Comedy Central, and now I'm like 28 years old, and I've got this little development deal at Comedy Central. So I walk into the offices,

and I see a name tag on a door, and it's Jason Smith. Or this guy's name. I'm like, get the fuck out. I open the door, jet blonde kid. I was like, Jason? He's like, Greg? I'm like, what the fuck?

What is this, every 10 years we're gonna see each other? And he was very uncomfortable. And we didn't, that was the end of the relationship. Oh really? Yeah. Maybe he made a fake ID that said he worked at Comedy Central. Hey, you see my badge? You want one? Oh, really? Yeah. Maybe he made a fake ID that said he worked at Comedy Central.

Hey, see my badge? You want one? Oh, my God. The kids live in a lie. Wait, right now, Google him. And see where he is. All right. It's a very specific name. We got to do you remember the name? and see where he is. All right, it's a very specific name. Do you remember the name? No, I don't think I know who you're talking about. You never heard this story?

I'll know the name if you say it, but anyway, Google, Google the, put it in the document also. I say it, IMDB. Yeah. He made it to IMDB. Well, now you can't out him too much, I guess. Oh my God. But is he doing TV, film?

He is doing production executive producer. Oh, he's on a play. Wow. Unbelievable. Does he say his name? Does he get actually, I got to this guy can help my career. He's doing all kinds of stuff. Does he have a jet bald head now? Nope, it's still looks like he's coloring it in. But he's working. Yep. Look at you. We put it in the

But he's working? Yep. Look at you. Boy, put it in the... No, no, his last job was in 2000. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. He worked, it looks like he had a little run from 2000 to 2007, and then something went wrong. Looks like something went wrong.

Uh oh, police. Dad couldn't get him out of that one. Type his name by obituary. Oh, I don't wanna to do that no no only I'll see it oh I thought you meant should I search if he's dead no alright no yes beautiful jet-blonde hair in the picture it's brownish no I've never heard of that person yeah yeah I erase it now erase it all right we're moving in the picture it's brownish. No. You see it? I've never heard of that person.

Yeah, yeah. All right, erase it now, erase it. All right, we're moving on to the funnies. Okay. All right, as you know, week in and week out, we have an amazing contest. It's taken over the whole country. It's called the Comic Caption Contest,

all spelled with Ks, And it is one frame. Yes, I got your email this week, KKK winner. It is one frame of a comic, and then it has no caption. That's where you come in, faithful listeners. You write down a funny joke, you send it into FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. You put your name directly underneath your joke and then we take what we think are the best, we put them in, we read them, and we

pick the very best. The cream of the crop! That person then wins a Sunday Papers Cousy. Now if you don't win, you can go to the website, fitsdog.com and buy one for 15% off with code Father15. And you can get one delivered. All right, so this past week, the comic is a doctor walks into the room, his doctor's office, and he's got a hypodermic needle that's literally bigger than he is.

He's hauling it in. And there's a patient sitting on a stool who looks a little bit wary, should we say? He's got little tiny hands. Yeah, it's intimidating. Very small hands. So David Bentley, oh oh and by the way, we've been having to record early in the week

because we've both been traveling a lot and I hate to see people send them in like on a Thursday or a Friday or even a Saturday and we can't use them because we've already recorded. So please send them in before Wednesday. So you got four days to think of these jokes and then we'll make sure that they get in if they're good. Okay, David Bentley, David.

I don't think the hands was intentional. No, I just think it's a style. Because that's the style, because the doctor has small hands too. Yeah. All right, go ahead. David Bentley says, R.F.K. says this syringe full of aids should fix those

tiny hands. What I like, this is why I said it first, because I think David picked up on an interesting detail, the small hands. I like it. Yeah. Also, we love aids in our punch lines. Yeah. Ron said Dr. Riley insists on showing every new patient, quote, the needle that cured Magic Johnson. I like that. Bill Hanson said, we now have to use the much larger American-made microchips in the vaccine, so this is definitely going to hurt. The wording could be smoothed over a little bit.

Mia says, relax, you won't remember a thing. Okay. Steve Albers says, thank, you won't remember a thing. Okay. Steve Albrecht says, thank you for your participation in our clinical trial for elephantitis vaccine. It's a big one, right? Matthew Leavitt said you wanted the everything vaccine, right? That's, that was a good read. Kelly Hatfield from Quincy Mass says, here's the newest SpaceX vaccine. Prepare for takeoff. Lane from Denver says, yeah, it's big, but you ought to see the haystack.

All right. Jason Cobb said, here's the Joe Rogan dose of testosterone. Oh, got him. Bill Fitzgerald says, Mr. Bumstead finally gets some TRT. Parentheses that cuck. All right. What's TRT? Testosterone. All right, well,

the Magic Johnson joke reminded me, I think I told you, it was a bummer that Norm MacDonald didn't use it, but when we had a sports show with Norm MacDonald, the NBA, ESPN came out with the 100 best NBA shots or the 50 best NBA shots of all time, and someone had wrote in at number one, whatever shot Magic Johnson takes every morning. And he wouldn't do it because it technically isn't a shot, it's a cocktail. And we're like, get over that. That's the best Norm joke we've written.

Oh my God. I know. All right, so I think we both like that Magic Johnson joke. Yeah, I mean Norm wouldn't but the microchip, yeah I guess so. I guess it's Ron. Okay Ron, congratulations. Please email us at FittsDogRadio at gmail.com mention you one give us your address and within two days you will receive your koozie. There you have it. Alright next week's caption next week's cartoon that you will caption is very simple it's a gentleman at a urinal and he's standing there he's got his hands in front of him

it's a shot from behind and he is looking over his shoulder. He looks very stressed out. And there are four guys behind him who are all holding their crotches, twisting and turning in agony. They all need to pee really bad. And they're in a line behind him at the urinal. That's it.

There you go. Okay. Let's get to a professional. This is again, we can't remind you of this enough. The Sunday papers is for everybody. Old people read the obituaries, middle-aged people read the business section, young people will read the entertainment, and the kids read the comics. So what they did years ago was start syndicating a strip about Vikings,

you know, the guys that raped half of Europe over two centuries. So now we have a comic strip dealing with those themes every week for kids to read. He's always with women. He walks into the doctor's office and there's the nurse and she's sitting at the desk and he says, Here I am. 15 minutes before my appointment. And she goes, that wasn't necessary. We don't have that policy here.

And then you hear from inside the office, ow, shriek, no. And then he runs out and says, I can hear why. Well, he doesn't have to worry. That's obviously a female patient that's in there with the doctor. Yeah. Also, I can hear why it doesn't really track

to the policy of arriving early. Logically, you know what I mean? Right. Right, Mike. I'm not accepting it. I'm not accepting it. It's also a dentist, I believe, Greg. Oh, it's a dentist.

All right, there you go. I didn't notice the little tooth in the background. Yeah. All right and then we got the Lockhorns. Leroy is in the bathroom of a hotel. He's got the little tiny shampoo bottle in his hand and Loretta goes take the shampoo bottle Leroy that could last you several months. It's a good joke. It's a good solid joke. Poor guy's losing his hair. They're not getting along all the time. And now they're in a yoga class and sitting next to each other, Indian style. Can you say Indian style?

You can. And they're sitting next to each other, but Leroy is looking hard to his left with a pervy look on his face. And there's a very hot yoga woman next to him. And Loretta goes, "'You're supposed to contemplate your own navel, LeRoy.'" All right, contemplate a navel.

I didn't know that was a phrase. Oh, well, you gotta know that's a phrase. Yeah. Finally- What is it? You're supposed to be moving it in and out, because of the breath? Yes. Got it.

Finally, we've got Leeroy in a clothing store. Loretta is looking at a dress with a big smile on his face and there's a sales guy talking to Leroy and Leroy goes, how much am I looking to spend? Nothing. Yeah. How much am I looking to spend? That's a better read. I think that's what it is, because I've been trying to figure it out now. How much am I looking to spend? Nothing.

Here's a BC comic, and it's one frame, and no dialogue. BC? Is that BC? That's BC. He's coming down the road on one of those new fangled things called a wheel and he's standing on this wheel. It oddly is very similar to the skateboards and stuff that have a wheel like that now. So he's standing on the wheel and he's coming down the road and then there's his buddy who probably has

a name, Buck Tooth, looks really like an idiot, and he's sitting on a rock in the middle of the road. He looks mentally challenged, yeah. He does look mentally challenged. And then a sign, road sign, even back then, says dip in road. Now here's the thing about that. Dip is a very dated expression, like, but that was used. When I was a kid, people got called a dip all the time. Then we upped it to dip shit, right?

Yes, because I don't know that anybody says dip anymore, do they? Would our kids know what dip is? I don't think. Low key, I don't think. Also, can we break down this poor dip? I mean, it's almost like back then, I don't know when this guy, Johnny Hart,

wrote this comic strip. Let's assume it's like the 70s. This man is mentally challenged. He's intellectually challenged. Yes. And that's the punchline. You know? He also, does he think he's trans?

What's going on with that top? Well, he's so mentally challenged he doesn't know how to dress himself. He's got big buck teeth, he's got cross eyes, his hair is not groomed. He should be in a home being looked after. Too bad they didn't have structures then. It's a home cave.

It's almost like at Halloween, how we used to get dressed. Did you ever dress up as a bum for Halloween? Oh yeah. You mean a hobo? Like we literally dressed as homeless people. We wore old clothes, we made ourselves dirty, and then we went out and had some fun. And then we threw eggs at shelters, which would have taken us in. And got free candy,

we got free food handed to us while we were dressed as homeless people. The hobos should have done that year round, they should have figured it out. Yeah, speaking of figuring it out and women that don't, Blondie's in bed with Dagwood who's got donut pajamas on. Does he wash them? I wonder if he has two pairs. So he's laying in bed and then his eyes open. It's the middle of the night, lights are off. Blondie of course has her back to him because she's probably got a couple fingers dug inside of herself trying to find some life. Okay. And now he's got his arms behind his head and he goes, sigh, it's hopeless.

And he goes, this insomnia is driving me crazy tonight. So now she pops up in a purple negligee frilled, low cut. And she goes, why don't you get up and do some boring chores? And he goes, great idea, honey. And now he's downstairs. And he goes, I'll start by decluttering the fridge. And he's got food. How about this? How about this Bumstead? You wake up in the middle of the night and your wife wakes up and the kids are

asleep and you, and you want to calm down and relax and get sleepy. How about you roll over, jack that purple skirt over her head and start pounding like a field mouse. Look at her. Look at the yellow hair. Look at the bosom. What the fuck, a sandwich compares to that?

Look at the yellow hair. Ha ha ha ha. I mean, it's not even like he's overweight. Where does the food even go? That's the magic of this guy. Yeah. I think being hopeless chews up a lot of calories. That's true and it's not like he's exerting himself at work. He's not burning any calories at work. He sits on the couch all day. And by some mystery, he's got donuts on his pajamas. Meanwhile, I think in the garage, she's set up like where he usually does his chores.

And she's rigged that so it would explode and kill him. But what does he do? He goes right to the fridge. Yeah, right to the fridge. Yeah, right to the fridge. Oh, Bumstead. All right, well listen, thank you guys for listening. Don't forget, Father won five to get 15% off all the merch, and also I will be in Torrance, California

at the end on June 29th. Come out and check out that show. Mike, anything you wanna promote? Yeah, the rehearsal. Can't say anything about it, but it's really good. Yes, all right, I'm and check out that show. Mike, anything you want to promote? Yeah, the rehearsal. Can't say anything about it, but it's really good. Yes, all right, I'm gonna watch it this week. We'll talk about it on next week's podcast, which we're taping on a Wednesday.

So really get those jokes in as soon as you can. Sorry that we're not close to Sunday on Sunday Papers. This is just a little patch we're hitting where we're both traveling a lot, but we'll get it done. All right, well, that was fun. I'll talk to you soon. Take it, Ish! Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Sunday Papers! Hot on the press! Greg and Mike talk shit more or less! Headlines, punchlines, rants so wild. Sunday papers, it's back in style. Sunday papers! Come press, break it, bite, chalk it, shit.

More or less, headlines, punchlines, rants so wild. It's like the news got drunk and had a child. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la