Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 268 6/15/25

Episode Date: June 15, 2025

We also say goodbye to a couple of greats.Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram:Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Timestamps00:20:46:05-Cut made per mike's request01:16:19:01-Comic Contest01:21:27:22-New Comic01:22:03:04-Hagar01:23:03:10-Lockhorns01:25:22:16-Blondie01:29:05:14-Outro01:29:26:07-End

Read all about it! Read all about it! Paper, hear ye, hear ye! Get your latest Sunday paper. There we go. We're off. Here we are. Just like that. We're off. How safe do you feel in this city now with all the federal firepower here? Not at all. And you know, the thing is, like, I look to Trump for my personal safety and I feel like he's let us down there's not a single Navy person there's not an Eagle

Scout there is not Air Force I mean we had upwards we had upwards of three cars damaged I'm the opposite in fact we don't even have to talk about it in stories if we just want to casually talk about it now. I get home and my president's telling me the whole city's going crazy. And you wouldn't know it. And I'm looking for it and I can't find it. Yeah. I don't see it. My son was downtown that night didn't even notice it downtown it was 10 miles south of here and then a lot of peaceful very peaceful protesting. I was at a high school reunion in Massachusetts and they're like over the weekend and they're like oh my god

what's happening at your home and all? And eventually like, yeah, but it's like, there were like two protests and two different, like and everyone's going, and I'm like, you know, the county I live in has more people than the whole state of Massachusetts. It's very, you can't, and you and I talked before the podcast about, it was the same with the fires.

Like when the fires were pretty under control, meanwhile it would say it was like, you know, 70 percent, 30 percent contained. But it had already like in L.A. wasn't really a news story. Like that means it's pretty contained. Anyway, our parents from Florida, just because they're looking at the news are like, are you going to have to evacuate? I'm like, it's day six. Like if anything, people are donating to stuff. That's what's going on now. Everyone's donating stuff and the smoke is even cleared. Yeah. My mother was very concerned. She's called me every day and I said, mom, there's no update. Probably going to go downtown at some point this weekend. Anyway,

so how was the reunion? Tell me about that. Wait, back on this for a second. Here's the weird part. Me and the two girls are going to Mexico tomorrow. So, I mean, should we bring, should we just grab people and bring them with us? I mean, should we do our part? Well, what you should do is send the White House the amount of money it cost you to get to Mexico because it seems to cost them about $150,000 to get somebody out of here. Wow, we're paying a lot less.

Yeah, yeah. But it's not all inclusive. So maybe, I think the government's is all inclusive. Like you get not only the three meals, but you get the jet ski and all that stuff. Maybe that's how we pitch it to undocumented people. Jet skis. Yes, exactly. The reunion was good. I have a 40th. I'm embarrassed to ask. What's that? This was your 40th? Yes

And we see the other classes and you know, listen listen I Incredible privilege I'm aware of it But it was this outdoorsy crunchy school Which all of us admit we couldn't get into now Because they really up their game and a lot of And a lot of rich New Yorkers go there. But we're a very outdoorsy. I mean, the school makes its own maple syrup. It's incredibly camping.

It's on the Appalachian Trail, Sheffield Mass. And so our group, and you know a lot of them, are pretty, we skew kind of young for our age, you know, like we're all very active, incredible skiers, that type of stuff. So anyway, it was really fun. Actually played some golf there because one of the teachers let us play at his club. It was beautiful. Poison Ivy is the biggest thing.

You lose a ball, you're like, yeah. If you went on your usual drill of trying to find all the Pro V1s, you would be covered in poison Ivy. Right. Right. And deer tits. It was great. Sorry, one funny story. I don't know how to, it's a very, it's a very sensitive story. So I don't know how to tell it, but I'll try to keep it brief. But there was an embarrassing moment that destroyed me. There was a guy like in the school somewhere. I'm going to keep this super vague and no names.

And looking back on it, I over the years have thought, you know, I think he might be an intensely like violent even homophobe. Just based on stuff that he and I knew each other and were close, and not close, but friendly. And so he would tell stories of like, what would happen on vacations. And sometimes he'd come back and like, knuckles would be all swollen and this.

And he's like, yeah, you know, a gay guy like jump me. But like after the second time you hear that story, you're like, wow, you really, you're really a victim pretty often in these equations, you know, and- And it's always a gay guy? Huh? It's always a gay guy that jumps him?

Yes. Yeah. 100% of the time. Interesting, yeah. Yeah, no, no, right. In New York. So anyway, so I share this story among our tight friends and these will remain nameless too, 100% of the time. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, right. In New York. So anyway, so I share this story among our tight friends, and these will remain nameless

too, but one you know. So I share that story, and people are like, wow, yeah, like you're right. And it's like, yeah, and now we've all seen a bazillion murder docs, and we kind of know the type. Like there are maniacs like that who intentionally attract, oh, this is conjecture. But we all were like wow I want to talk about so this so this guy shows up and we're really on our way there's probably some mushrooms in the mix and and gummies and alcohol and all

that and then our friend gets a tap on the shoulder and turns around and I'm gonna make up a name and says like Jimmy, or let's say his whole name, like Jimmy Johnson. And the guy's like, what? No, it's Mark. And Jimmy Johnson is the gay poster child from our school. is the gay poster child from our school. Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson is the, was the gayest thing,

and I was from New York, was basically the gayest thing I had ever seen. Great guy. And I'm making up the names, of course, but like, he was in the drama. He was the lead, like, hello! He was the lead in every single play. He only hung out in every single play.

He only hung out with the drama teacher. Like, we didn't even have enough gay kids to fill up the whole drama thing at this boarding school, but this guy was a powerhouse and an unbelievable guy. The homophobe looks exactly like him now, but... No way. But to turn around and say that it's so our friend goes

Oh, yeah No, of course like in the most awkward and keep in mind like definitely a confluence of drugs that make you paranoid Like oh no, and then like really tries that no, man. It was just I thought I saw him earlier today and hey, man, yeah, no, how's it going? And really tries to backpedal. And the guy, the guy, the homophobe answers a question to it that goes, you call me Jimmy Johnson. And our friend goes, I literally, my fists clenched because I thought I would have to put up my dukes and block a barrage of incoming vitriol. But like you could not and I know this doesn't translate that well picture your own where it's literally the last name out of a million that you would ever say in that moment that's what it was.

Right right oh that's amazing. Yeah. You guys should have all gotten together and each called him that at some point during the night. No, I literally think we would have been killed in our sleep. Yeah. Wow. So that happened and that was, that just kept it. You know how like you have these weekends away

or with buddy and then like then there's, then there becomes like a runner joke you know what I mean like it's just it was just so funny the whole weekend but anyway all our other buddies that you know including that's how I met you I met you through a lot of these guys and those guys aren't aren't the ones I'm mentioning as I told you before the podcast but Pete, Duds they were all there. Any women that you had crushes on in high school? Yeah, but they're disgusting because they're my age. They're just disgusting, like me, they're disgusting human beings who are now approaching 60. No, they're amazing and very,

very cool. And we've been to so many of these and we know their husbands that there's nothing like that still. Like we literally know their families, you know? It's all asking about kids and all that stuff. That's why I like when they do the reunions, but they do like decades, like it'll be class of 85, class of 95, class of 2005. And that way there's a little young blood mixed in. class of 95, class of 2005. And that way there's a little young blood mixed in. It's not a bunch of gross 58 year olds.

Oh no, yeah, we saw the class, you know, you all have to get up there and hold that exact year that you were. And we saw the class of 2020, holding their fifth re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re A little bit, yeah. Oh, no, they're, yeah, right. But they look literally, they look about 10 years younger than our kids. Yeah, right. But the reason that the, like, homophobe was there, and it was a little more math to do when you ran into someone is because he was an older year, is because COVID has messed everything up on these reunions, so

they grouped a bunch of years together. So it was so great because as you know, you were friends with either people in the class below you and above you. And so it was so great. We've never had that at one of these. Yeah, I've gone to one reunion in my entire life. I think it was the fifth year reunion. And I was like, I just realized at this point,

anybody I wanna see, I'm already seeing from my class. Like, if I need to reach anybody, I can just get on Facebook and reach out to them. I don't need to go and get confused by 95% of them who I won't remember. Right. I have very bad facial recognition and I think it would be kind of like frustrating

and embarrassing for me to be at something like that. And your school was packed with homophobes. So it would just be a line field. And I'm so gay now, yeah. Right, I know. And then you're like gonna be hugging them and that's not gonna go after reunion I drove over the 55 miles or whatever from the Berkshires to Woodstock New York and at an amazing time with Weinstein

and then my buddy Tenei you want the whitest places on the East Coast tour we did it I pretty I pretty much locked it up and Yeah, a lot of impressed people when they hurt in Woodstock when they hurt my high school made maple syrup But it's a lot of a lot of conversations with mixologists over in Woodstock in each bar. We went to How's Weinstein's house? Great, he's renting it now because he still has a place in New York But great and his walking distance from like the coolest bar Great, he's renting it now because he still has a place in New York, but great. And his walking distance from like the coolest bar.

Of all things, Evan Dunsky emailed me this morning and he goes, hey, I got a thing, a junk mail saying you're sharing photos. I guess, do you get that? Like everyone's hacked. Yeah. Like a thing. So I'm like, I go, no, I go, I'm really not on social media.

And oh, and I said, what do you guys, anyway, I mentioned to him, I was in Woodstock. Oh, I go, oh, but you probably look forward to a photo from me. So here's a photo so you're not let down. I was in Woodstock and I sent this cool, I sent a picture of this wall and a dive bar in Woodstock and it had a picture of Dylan on it and also above it like a spoon collection, you know,

like some people mount them. Yeah. And I just thought it was really cool. And he goes, oh great. He's like, well, I hope you had a great time with Chris and Joe. And I'm like, wait a minute, how the fuck would Evan know what I was doing in what's like? Dude, I went like a, wait, how hacked am I? And I like, I ran a Facebook, I ran a, and I'm like, what the fuck? Finally, I searched everything. I changed passwords

and I'm like, how did you know I was with Chris and Joe? So in my photo is the chalkboard to play pool and there are three names on the chalkboard. I'm like, you just drove me crazy for a half hour. Well, that's absolutely nuts. That's the best hack in a Starbucks. Wait for a hot chick to pick up her coffee, read the name and then pretend that you dated in high school. See if she wants to read Kennele O'Flaam.

You're just running with her facial recognition will be as bad as yours. Exactly. Right. I had an incident with that recently. Oh my God. Very awkward. What? Like it happened a couple times recently where I didn't recognize somebody that I know. Like that I literally have met many times. Did they have jet blonde hair and it wasn't blonde when back when you... Well that's coming in Corrections very soon.

Happy Father's Day by the way. Today's Father's Day. Hey everybody. We both did it twice. Yeah right. And you know we did a good job both are both all of our kids like us enjoy hanging out with us get a kick out of us. Yeah well we began this is an overshare we began before any kids with a miscarriage and we were terribly upset about it but now it's like fuck that kid because then there wouldn't have been Sophie. Fuck that fetus. Fuck that fetus, man. And why didn't I have that perspective then? Yeah, I know. I know. I apologize.

We put one up for adoption because we were too young. We felt like we were too young. We were only 33. So we gave one up. Good for you. I hope that fucker doesn't find me. I know. Well, that's probably the person you didn't recognize. I hope they don't listen to podcasts. What is this the rehearsal? So you did watch some of the rehearsal? Oh my god, watch the rehearsal. I mean, I started watching with Aaron, here's the thing about Aaron, I love my wife, we don't always agree on what's good. And so she wanted to keep that first kid you did it. She wanted that. Well, he was black. And I was

like, No, we this is why we're getting rid of him. And so she kind of checks out and she's looking at her phone I was like what are you doing? She's like this guy's, I don't like it. I go it's experimental, somebody's trying something different on TV, it's not another fucking cop drama. Same thing happened here with the two girls and Olivia's more interested in stuff like that It's a fucking cop drama. Same thing happened here with the two girls.

And Olivia is more interested in stuff like that that might be quirky. She also, I think, is like, hold on, if my dad likes this guy, there's probably something subversive. I'm not getting it. But Sophie said what most people would, which is like, yeah, I don't think plane crashes are funny.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a brutal opening, yeah. Right, the opening, think plane crashes are funny. Oh yeah, yeah, it's a bit so brutal opening. Yeah, right. The opening, this is for everyone listening. You gotta go get through the first 20 minutes. Yeah, and you really have to get through the first episode really. I mean, his shows pick up, there's so many layers

and so much depth to what he's trying to do that you have to completely open up your mind and go for the ride and then you will be on the ride. It's very intense and it's funny. I mean the thing about it is he has to explain to very serious people like in the government to be in his series even though it's a comedy. And these are, you know, I don't even want to get into like what they do, but they're government officials. And so and you kind of go like, is it a comedy? And then there's moments where you really laugh out loud

and how funny it can be. Oh, they're dying laughing by time we got especially where it gets more and more absurd. Yeah. Which is what he does. But you're right. It's a little like Borat where you're like, how are these people sitting down with you? Like how are these respected public people or like ones with very important jobs sitting

down with you? Speaking of Borat, by the way, guess who's coming on my podcast? Larry Charles. Come on. Larry Charles, one of the guys who created Seinfeld, directed the Borat movies. I mean, it goes on and on.

He directs almost all the Curb Your Enthusiasms and writes them. And yeah, so I hit him up on, he started following me a couple months ago on social media, which I was like, why is Charles following me? And I was kind of thrilled. And then so he put up a post that his book is coming out June 12. And so I just DM him. I'm like, Hey, man, I'm sure you don't want to do this. But like, big fan, I got a podcast, if you want to come on and he got right back to me. His publicist reached out to my publicist and we're figuring out a date right

now. All right, I can give you he has a very he's worked with Dylan a bunch. Oh, that's right. Yeah. And he has a very good Dylan story where I think it was some executive pretty high up and they were in there pitching and Dylan came to the pitch and then the guy goes, I'm the biggest fan in the world and all this and loved you at Woodstock and Dylan then and then Charles I think talks about he sees Dylan Dylan, think about that for a second, and then Dylan never made eye contact with the guy again.

Dylan was not in Woodstock. In like the festival. And apparently Dylan just went over and looked out the window for the whole rest of the pitch. But I am really abbreviating it, I probably have half of it wrong. So you gotta do a little research and find that story because he told it, I believe.

That's good. Yeah. We got the US Open going on. By the time you hear this, it may be over, but my cousin Danny is playing in it. I've got 150 bucks cash at 200 to one. How's he doing so far? Well full disclosure we're recording this on Wednesday the tournament starts on Thursday. Oh so I can still bet.

You can still bet. Sophie come here. So say a prayer keep an eye on him. Hopefully he plays well this week. By the way, it is Father's Day and the sale is over but it's not too late to get the fifth anniversary merch. We just got this nice email from Scott who said just purchased my t shirt through the site very impressive choice of merch. Nice job. I really love it. I'm already buying some more from my friends. So jump on it. hats, cups, coasters, tote bags. What else?

I gotta get a hat still haven't gotten it. Jesus. What are you wearing? This is a What are you wearing? This is a with Oh hell not bicycle company. Yeah I was doing a when I did when I toured with Bert everywhere you go with Bert gives you merchandise you have to bring an extra suitcase when you get on the on the tour bus with Bert because literally every stop people just show up and give you shit.

And then he likes to walk around towns and he'll go into like a sneaker shop and they'll be like, oh take some sneakers. They're our brand. Just wear them. And like you know every arena we did like we did the the the the magic and Orlando Orlando magic they gave us jerseys we did wherever we went we just got you anyway the logo this week is from Jane ass Jane ass I'm afraid she's mad at us Jane ass used to send us stuff all the time she's come to live shows she's mad at us. Jane S used to send us stuff all the time. She's come to live shows. She's mad at us.

I would call her a close friend of the show. Well, she doesn't supply us with stuff. I don't know. She hasn't reached out lately. So I hope you're good, Jane S. Thank you for this great Sunday Papers logo, McDonald's. Wait, are you under the impression Jane hasn't given a logo in a while?

It's been a while, yeah. I don't think that's true. Oh, no, we've used her is because she at one point sent us about 50. So I have been a folder, I have in a folder, and I pull from them when I need them. Okay, so this logo is maybe everyone has already seen when you press play. McSunday papers, we're two clowns there. But this is like that that should be our game is if someone does a reference to last week show and makes puts that reference somehow in a logo, you and I both will not remember what it was you're talking about. Exactly. Well, this was done a while ago, but it says you've

got a paper that says my Gibbons is the top. My newspaper says Greg Fitzsimmons on it. Like it's very detailed. And then in the background, she's got a comic, a Sunday comic playing, and then she has morphed our faces into the Ronald McDonald's hair. It's pretty extraordinary when you think about it. Yeah, I like it. Thank you, Jane. Thank you, Jane you Jane and thank you to Blake Levan who did this week's song. It had, it makes me think a little bit about our sadly our obituary this week because it's got some Beach Boy kind of harmony thing going on. It's very mellow

and very nice. I like it a lot. Yeah we lost two legends. Yeah. Corrections. This we got a phenomenal amount of this correction. Apparently jet blonde is not a color. I mean, I gently tried but a few times but okay. I think people expect more from you, Mike. I think they want you to really dig in. Oh, is this a correction for me? Yeah. Now they've given up on you. in. Oh, is this a correction for me? Yeah. Now they've given up on you. They're like, you didn't try hard enough. Yeah. It's like I'm the lifeguard now.

They're not blaming the drowning man. Right. So, it makes it sound like someone who doesn't know what they're talking about. Do you know how many times you've said Jet Blonde in your telling of the friend who made fake IDs? So not only have I said Jet Blonde,

I'm telling the same stories over and over again. So a lot of those, thank you for pointing it out. And then I also, last week we talked about the early podcast, just because Mark Maron is saying goodbye on WTF. We talked about how it was one of the first podcasts. We've mentioned a couple other Oh, my god, I took riddle in this morning because I'm writing on somebody's script right now and

I'm exhausted. Crashing. And so I neglected to point out other people who were the first podcasters former MTV VJ Adam Curry at that kind of rings a bell that he was an early podcaster and then Jimmy Pardo I don't think I mentioned him and and and they've most maybe the most glaring was Joe Rogan who's been doing it for we than I have. We did talk about Rogan. We talked about Rogan. Yeah, we did. Well, I guess not enough for some people. And then we also talked about other people early on. But yes, Jimmy Pardo is a good ad there for sure. It's funny I see Adam Curry's name because Mark Goodman. Remember that? Sure. He's on Series

XM now. I know. so my rental car came with that, so I just heard that guy's voice for the first time in 20 years. He sounds young. He had a very radio-friendly voice, for sure. See, I love Sirius XM because you've got classic vinyl and classic rewind, and they're both classic rock stations with old-school DJs on them.

You know um what's his name is on there well well Meg Griffin is on there and she hosts a show about the Beatles and then she also just does a show on classic vinyl and then that other guy who's been around forever why am I forgetting his name right now? But you know, they tell stories like they'll play a song by Van Morrison and they'll talk about seeing him at the Fluff Festival in 71 and you know, they'll compare him to somebody new who's coming up and say, you know, well he's a lot like and they bring personality to it. They bring a vibe to it. I never change the channel when one of these guys comes on. So yeah, Mark Goodman is one of them. The women call that mansplaining. You and I call it interesting.

Yeah, right. Another correction comes from Carol who says, Sinner, I talked about last Sunday's podcast, I was talking about sinner who ended up not winning the French Open this past week. Okay, dude, I have not seen it. But everyone tells me I'm crazy if I miss it. Six hours and something minutes. It was insane. It just kept going. And I mean, high level the entire time. Alcares at one point was down two match points he was down in the third set that he saved and then went on to win the next three sets. So

anyway I said he was 6'6 but center is 6'3. Also Rafael Nadal's last name is pronounced with a short A sound, not a long A. It's Nadal, not Nadal. I think it's Nadal. Nadal. Nadal. What did I say? And who wrote that correction? Carole.

Carole. Carol. See, we have female listeners. Oh. Oh, I hope you don't get a correction on that one. We don't know what Coral is like. Tour dates coming up. Torrance, California at the end on June 29th. Austin at the mothership coming up on July 4th weekend. Pottstown PA Souljolls July 31st. Point Ple Pleasant New Jersey at Uncle Vinny's August 1st and 2nd La Jolla Comedy Works at the end of August then Denver

Connecticut Vegas Chicago New Orleans for Skankfest San Francisco go to FitsDog.com check out the details get the the tickets, come out, say hello. You got some crinkly. Let's do it now. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. We are skipping the tremendous riots that are right outside our door and going to. This is your story. Interesting. Twix. Twix. T W I X. Recently released. Can I just say say as far as candy bars go, I think Twix might be my favorite. Alright well we could come up with lists of favorites.

KitKat is up there but Twix just really does it for me. When I was a pudgy kid, I felt Snickers had the most bang for its buck, even if I was shoplifting. And, but I remember when Whatcha Ma Call It came out. That one blew me away. I loved that. That was marshmallow and chocolate, right? I don't know, but it had, you know, the Rice Krispies

and the other thing you call it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh no, I'm thinking of the- But I was never a Milky Way guy. I think Three Musketeers was disgusting. Too fluffy. Too fluffy. Yeah, I want some nuts in there. I want some caramel in there. I want it to weigh something. I want

a heavy candy bar. This is what I really wanted. I know I sound like a chick. But I wanted Mounds was dark chocolate, Almond Joy was milk. I wanted a dark chocolate Almond Joy. So I was always unsatisfied. Reese's cups, I think Reese's cups and Twix are probably, and it is funny that now, when you were a kid,

there was so many different kinds of candy. There was the marathon bars, there was the dots, there was licorice, There was the, you know, dots. There was licorice. Now you go trick or treating. There's literally like four kinds of candy left that they yand out because they're all in these value packs from Walmart. Oh, they do. Yeah, they do sort of do that.

Cheat. Do you know how many people, by the way, how many kids total have been poisoned on Halloween? 45 million how about zero how about they've never ever Found a razor blade and an apple and no kid has ever been poisoned Certainly to death I should say on Halloween and you guys can look that shit up and you can write it in, but that's fact. I'll go to the kids grave on that one. So you know, I remember once a guy, somewhere he, some guy was speaking about marketing anyway, he goes, all right, you guys, he goes, spider eggs in, what were spider eggs in?

A bubblegum. Yes. Yeah. He literally goes, he was working PR, and I think it was because I studied PR. Anyway, I remember the guy going, how did you kids do it? There was no internet, there was no email,

you couldn't talk to a kid six blocks away from where you lived really or the next town. Yet it spread like wildfire all over the country because it reminds me of the razor blade in an apple. But the spider eggs in bubble yummies like killed us. Like we had to work overtime to try to undo this crazy rumor. 1982, Tylenol was poisoned. How many people died? I mean, and this literally, this incident is the reason why we have paper, you know, you open a fucking jar of honey

and it's got the paper. You open any kind of baby, anything and it's got the paper you open any kind of baby I want anything it's got the paper glued on because of this how many people died total from the Tylenol and it wasn't just one isolated incident in Chicago and maybe they got sick it was seven people died but it was uh 1982 in Chicago that's right. So my first boss was the head PR guy on that Tylenol scandal. Really? Yeah, legendary PR man in New York named John Scanlon and my dad through the Irish Cultural Mafia knew him but got me an interview and it was so coincidental when the Mel DeMarcos thing came in.

Anyway, I was hired. That's my first job in six months. But I mentioned that to Olivia. She's taking a PR class. She's like, what do you think we'll study? And I'm like, well, the funny thing was in that interview, I sat down and I go, we studied you in school. He's like, what?

And I'm like, yeah, the way you handled time. And I was like, how the fuck would you study that? He was just such a New Yorker. He's like, how the fuck would you study that? He was just such a New Yorker. He's like, how the fuck, he's like, my name was in a book. I'm like, he's like, how the fuck would you study that? And I literally told him, he's like, yeah, yeah, we did do that, we did do that. Like, set up a phone bank, full disclosure,

don't hide, 24 hour availability, and then what you said, we're gonna change all of our packaging, because a one fucking lunatic. Yeah. In Chicago. Well, I mean, you think about when you've got these corporate, these competitive situations, like, why isn't there more sabotage against the other products? It's that easy to take a product down. I'm surprised to like think about Coke and Pepsi. Like remember when Pepsi put the pubic hair on Clarence Thomas's Coke can? They were out of spider eggs. That's

right. Anyway, Twix recently released a humorous ad promoting its twin fingered chocolate sweet treat. Who's writing this article? Twin, what are you, fucking Walt Whitman? This is AI. But some stuffy viewers failed to see the funny side. As a result, the playful ad was swiftly banned by the advertising standards authority for promoting dangerous driving. The short ad centers around an intense car chase

on a desert road to evade his pursuer. promoting dangerous driving. The short ad centers around an intense car chase on a desert road to evade his pursuer. The lead driver veers off a cliff, looking like he's gonna die, but he lands upside down on a getaway car driven by his twin. Sadly, after five- And it's an identical getaway car,

so the whole twin two thing tie-. Sadly after five complaints the ad was banned with the ASA citing that it appeared likely to breach the legal requirements of the highway code. Twix stated that this was absurd, fantastical, and removed from reality and would be impossible to recreate. So, I mean. This is insanity. I mean, Kay Jewelers has been encouraging people to get married for 50 years. Those ads don't go off TV.

Weren't there lizards and fucking alcoholic dogs shilling Budweiser? That's right. Spuds, McKenzie. Weren't they throwing parties? Yep. Wasn't there a pig driving the market in a car for a car insurance ad going like,

weee, I remember that one, that was recent. That's right. And you know what would be really hazardous for them to show is a human being consuming a sugary processed candy bar that was made in a factory in New Jersey. That should be. That's what it should be?

Yeah. Corona is one of the sponsors of Fast and the Furious. How about that? A beer and alcohol. Well, look at the 8500. Every single car has Budweiser on it. And they celebrate by pouring champagne on each other. After the keys are out of their hands.

Yes. That's ridiculous. That's so, but like that, all right, you want to know what one of the biggest headaches of working in TV is, you get standards, it's called S&P, standards and practices notes, like that where you're like, I don't even know where to begin this conversation.

That is so, of all the things I thought you might give us a note on, like how, and that's before AI, which is going to cough up a lot of weird things that aren't logical, but it's like, how did you even come up with this angle? Yeah. Speaking of bad drivers, some states are passing laws that punish reckless drivers with devices

that control vehicles top speeds. Washington state recently became the second state joining Virginia to enact a law placing speed limit technologies in the cars of drivers with reckless driving records. DC also has that law. Washington governor, Bob Ferguson, signed the law requiring drivers who got licenses suspended for reckless driving

to have intelligent speed assistance devices installed on their cars if they want to drive again. The anti-speeding technology would monitor the driver's speed and prevent their vehicle from going over local speed limits. Well, here's my question. Can we make the cars on people that are over 70 years old go at least 60 miles an hour on the highway?

Minimum. I told you in so many areas, I want a cop out there with a speed gun, pulling people over for going too slow. Well, that's a thing. If you're going less than five miles, maybe it's 10 miles below the speed limit, you can get pulled over.

It's ridiculous. I kind of assume that your Mustang's already been capped. It should. I know how you drive it. I know how you like to burn off a little not only fuel but steam. My car has a digital readout of what your current gas mileage is based on the last, you know, 50 miles that you've driven, mine is usually under 15 miles to the gallon because I floor it at every time I take off, I floor it I floored into every turn. It's also we live in a city that doesn't believe in one way

streets like you are stopping every 100 yards. I know. For a four-way stop. I mean, this has got to sting if like, you're some guy that bought, you know, like a 500 horsepower Porsche 911, and now they stick it at this, it's like Brad Pitt getting married. You can just it doesn't seem fair

how Yeah, I know. I'm thinking about like the poor guy, you know, they all meet at the red lights like run run And they get on the guy's just been capped. He's like yeah, not today, man I'm uh, I'm just gonna you know, I want to get that mileage above 12 So I'm gonna like gradual takeoff today you know, I wanna get that mileage above 12. So I'm gonna like gradual takeoff today. Yeah, I just wanna enjoy this. How are they doing this?

Well, there's a thing, I remember when I was a caddy, the golf carts had a thing called a governor on them. Right. That would only allow the carts to go probably 20 miles an hour or something. So- U-Haul also. Oh, is that right?

I remember, I don't know if it was U-Haul specifically, but I think it had to be. But I remember rental trucks were, they had a governor on them, I think. But there was this one kid who was a caddy, who was a motorhead, and you could lift up the body of the cart and the engine was underneath it. And I'm not making this up,

the carts were made by Harley Davidson and he would move the governor and then we would take the carts out there was like there was a woods that had paths in it and we would take the golf cart into the woods on the path and just fucking fly around it was insane you didn't need a Mustang. You just gotta get that kid to get soup up a golf cart for you. That's right. That's wild. FEMA, okay.

President Donald Trump said on Tuesday he planned to start phasing out FEMA after hurricane season and that states would receive less federal aid to respond to natural disasters. He said he planned to distribute disaster relief funds directly from the president's office so I guess he'll decide who gets what. We're gonna do it much differently. I'd say after he said after the hurricane season we'll start phasing it out. You mean after Mar-a-Largo is no longer in the danger zone? That's

when you'll start phasing it out? Good point. So I mean and they say now there are hurricane season starts June 1st last through November and this year's oceanic and atmospheric administration forecast that this year's season would be above normal with as many as 10 hurricanes. That's gonna be tough just naming that many. They're literally gonna get to the point we have to name each one after Elon's kids. That's good news. Yeah. Keep Elon in the mix. I like that. Hurricane L6C is coming up the coast. Well according to Trump California is a complete disaster so maybe he won't send more federal support here which I think that would be a good thing.

How about this? Just forget about us. Yeah and we'll forget about you. We'll forget to mail in the the 48 billion dollar surplus that we give the federal government over what we receive. We're a giver state. And now he's trying to tell us that even the little bit that we get, we're not going to get. Now, I think we've got to rethink that. And I think Gavin Newsom actually brought that up. So the donor state thing, of course, taxes is not a donor state, for example. All right, it's time. What Texas? No, Texas is a donor state. No, yes, out. It's not really you think it is? All right. Entertainment. I'm gonna look it up while you do it. Here we go. Entertainment.

No, no question. Question. All right. Here we go. The good question. Okay, I got one for you. Oh, where is it? It's there it is. It was a little related to kind of the topic in my reunion story. Many years ago, I had a brief relationship with another young man. We had sex once and he wanted to continue, but asked me to keep it secret because he was in politics. I was a hot-headed gay activist and I refused on principle, ending the affair. He went on to become one of the most prominent politicians in his country.

By the way, I don't know if that's a typo. Maybe it's this country, but it says his country. It's this country and he went to your high school. He was a single man for a long time, but when asked about his sexuality, he denied being gay. He eventually married a woman and lives a putatively heterosexual life. I am a writer. Is what happened between us my story to tell or is it his story to

quote still hide? Is he entitled to privacy? Am I obligated to keep his name a secret even though I didn't agree to do that with Mark Sanchez. I'm kidding. Even though I didn't agree to do that at the time. And when asked to keep it quiet, I refused. Name withheld. He's not even saying his name. He's not even saying his name. Maybe because you figured it out. Well, listen, if you're gay, it's your right to come out with it or not.

And unless this guy has some sort of a reason to have to tell this story, I don't see why he would be telling the story because I think it would be consequential to the politician and his family and you know what maybe look how come how come women can have a gay phase in college and guys can't maybe it was a gay phase who knows but even if he is still gay and he's keeping it quiet why do you need to tell your story is my question so shut up oh interesting I think. I think the guy kind of agrees with you. Let's see, it could be more intrusive and destructive and have more of a lasting impact than you anticipate from him, his family, and for you.

You can send the story out into the world, but you can't call it home. So yeah, he kind of agrees. He also asked the questions like why? It's the obvious thing right out of the gate. Why after all this time? Now Gregorian, I would ask you, he doesn't cover that here, but what if it was like those dudes we hate who's actively anti-gay with legislation and like moral outrage on a stump and all that

stuff. Interesting. Right. That's where I thought you were going to go. Because you could probably rationalize to yourself. This guy, we want objective thinkers, and this guy is fueled by his own personal issues to be crusading, I guess so many are, against like say someone's choice in sexuality. I think that if this guy had been a predator towards you, if he had violated you in any way, then I think it's your story to tell. But to somehow say that because this guy is attacking

all gay people now in a way that is not to your liking that you're going to come out and ruin his life. I think it's a distinction to be made between him being anti-gay and him being somebody who is creating violations for other people. Yeah, but like remember when you know there were religious leaders but Jerry Falwell and people like that. And it's like, or, or it tends to happen. The vast majority are Republicans, but they'll come out and go and be basically on a tirade against homosexuality. Yeah. And then we find out that they have, you know, things in the closet, gay things in the closet. Right.

Including themselves. Why do you think the phrase in the closet, why are gay people, and I'm not, obviously your situation excluded right now, nobody's judging you for being in the closet, but- Look at these masculine clothes, look at them, just look at them. But take Look at these masculine clothes. Look at them. Just look at them. But take a look around.

What make. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't look at this one. Don't look at this pinkish shirt. Is that salmon? That's salmon. I'm gonna bury that. All right, easy, easy.

It's amazing that all those shirts have survived from eighth grade. I have locked it in. I really have. You got the same style as you had when you were 14 years old. Why do you think the phrase in the closet is said about gay people? What is it about closets that's homosexual? Like why can't you be like a under the bed homosexual? Right. Instead of a closeted one? Yeah. I think both of them are the scariest places a child knows. When a child can't get to sleep,

where are the terrifying monsters? Well, they're in the closet or they're under the bed. I think that's and I think conservative people love that imagery. Yeah all right let's move on by the way I looked it up Texas is very much a donor state it's not a taker state. I'm forgetting all the oil comes out of there um cattle, beef. I think that's a fits fact. No. All right, let's keep going. Let's pretend you get everything right. All right, I'll read the entertainment quote. Give me a crinkle. I'll start reading entertainment.

Here we go. You get distracted and then when we get to the punchline, I'll go because you didn't write any. Oh no, entertainment man. In her new documentary, Roseanne Barr is America. Roseanne reclaimed that she turned down an offer to appear on The Conners, which was that show that she was originally in, which

was a spin-off of Roseanne after the Roseanne revival was canceled. Quote, they called me and asked me if I would like to come back as a guest star. You're coming back as a ghost. You're coming back, you're asking me to come back to the show that you fucking stole from me and killed my ass and now you want me to show up because you got shit fucking ratings and play a ghost, Barca? Barca said that her excuse to decline the invite was, quote,

I'm gonna be bowling that fucking week. That's not that it has to be true. Who could make that up? What she's bought? You didn't listen to the whole story? No, that she's bowling. Those are some harsh words. I wish she had sleeping pills. Do you remember what she said? I think she called a black politician an ape, a black female politician an ape. She tweeted it out. No, but it was what wasn't she mostly in trouble for anti-semitic remarks? I think there was a number of things and also the ape thing she

had apparently called a number of black people apes over the years so it wasn't at really out of nowhere. Imagine sleeping next to that's probably going on in her all her sleep talking you know what I mean like that's that's how the ambient got to it. Yeah. She probably just talks during the whole night and just slamming every race and religion. Yeah. I mean, that's what they say about when you get, when you get to be old and you're in a nursing home, they say they have a hard time because a lot of the staff are, you know, ethnic, black or Filipino and, and that these old people just say racist shit all the time and you wonder were they sitting on it all these years or is it something that comes out when you get older? I know you have to be like grandma no no no the Jamaican took your money not just you can say that. Yeah. So you looked it up. What'd you find?

Conflicting advice, but that's just on the highway safety. They then list other donor states, Delaware, Minnesota. No, I think high business activity is one of the biggest donor states. I think California is the biggest and I think Texas is in the top few. Yes. Yeah, who knows? All right, let's make America Florida. Let's do that, let's do that.

Florida, I have a feeling Florida's not a donor state. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong, but here we go. Florida man, okay, this one's great. A Florida man calls 911 to complain about not receiving certain services that he felt he paid for. According to an arrest affidavit, this guy who's 21 years old called 911 from the Oz Gentleman's Club near Clearwater,

shortly after midnight on Sunday. That's a strong way to finish the weekend. Deputies say the guy told dispatchers to quote, "'Come take me to jail,' then explained "'that he paid a worker at the club for sex "'but did not receive the services.'" The staff at the club told the deputies that he had asked for a private room

along with sex from a staff member and then he called 911 when his request was denied. Investigators also noted that he appeared intoxicated and smelled of alcohol as they arrested him on a charge of misuse of wireless, of the wireless 9-1-1 system and he paid a $500 bond and was released. Well at least at least somebody gave him a release when he paid them $500. I think he's also going to get more action when he's in the cell the holding

cell it's a holding it's called holding for a reason. You're gonna be held down. It's called a lap dance cell. I mean, it goes straight there. By the way, how do they smell alcohol in his breath inside the club that has alcohol on its floors, its counters, in its glasses, on its dancers? Every witness, exactly. But I love that. Imagine yeah, calling 911. I love that from inside the strip club. Yeah. I mean in a Florida strip club, I mean even

the cops must have said, hey, sweetie, he gave you the money. This is fucking Florida. He just identified as a hardened criminal at that point. There you go. See, see? All right, let's make America Kentucky. This one, he didn't even know we're doing this show this early in the week, came from Dickie. So a Kentucky man, all right, these I have to confess,

were so poorly written, I tried, you know, normally I cut and paste like that one, I told the story in a different order and I delayed the reveal. I gave up on this one. It was so poorly written in the New York Post and oh, and on Barstool. Anyway, a Kentucky man known as Cowboy Cody, he released a raccoon into a packed restaurant in a misguided revenge plot. So this guy, Cowboy Cody from Kentucky, he let loose a terrified raccoon in a bar out

of revenge for being turned away from the establishment Friday night. And then they arrested him on a slew of charges, including assault after the raccoon was in there. But this was the confusing part. This guy is a character, clearly, Cowboy Cody. He's a character in that area because he had already been banned because of the quote, drunken mule incident. Um. So.

Wait, was he drunk or was the mule drunk? We don't know. He led the police on a, I think it has to be italicized, chase when he was drunk on a mule and he went into the city or town nearby and literally led the police on a chase on a mule. Which by the way is the first time a cop on a horse ever caught a criminal in the history of Cops on Horses. So I guess he was banned from the mule incident, came into the bar, and then he

goes quote, I came out from around the bar, oh no, the bartender's like, I came out from around the bar and asked him nicely to leave. And then he said to me, oh, I see how it is. They sent a pretty face out here to distract me. And then he left, and he went, and he got his raccoon. And then, I haven't put this in here, because I cut it down,

but the raccoon then was loose in the bar and everyone was like, whoa, and they got away and the raccoon seemed kind of scared. And then one of the workers of the bar tried to get it and did the last thing in the world you're supposed to do with a raccoon is corner it. And the raccoon bit him. And then the female who has the pretty face, I guess,

was the one who got it, threw a towel over the raccoon and got it the hell out of the bar. Oh my God. Now, I wonder what- Kentucky. What was cowboy Cody's relationship to the raccoon? Do you think that it was a pet or do you think he grabbed him in the woods

outside the bar and brought him in? Believe it or not, I know a little of the backstory. Cowboy, I want to keep wanting to say Curtis. Cowboy Cody lives alone on a farm. No. I would check, I would check the for shallow graves everywhere. He lives alone on a farm, and he had caught the raccoon earlier that day on his farm. I imagine he just had, it was like a break glass in emergency type, I guess he had a caged raccoon in his truck because he just went out to the parking lot and came back with a raccoon. Also, how did he move it? How did he get it in? That's my question. I'm trying to picture this because I grew up with raccoons like we had raccoons

all around our house. They went through our garbage. And they are vicious. Like I don't know that a human being ever picks up a raccoon. Well, they're cute as hell, but. Oh, they're very cute. I thought, there's a lot of Instagram, the algorithm knows I like cute raccoons. And I see a ton of people, they have them as pets,

and they feed them on their back porch and all that stuff. But yes, of course. And then the guy was bit, had to get a rabies shot. Yes, I think if you feed it on a regular basis, you might domesticate it. But he just met that raccoon that day. I don't think I don't think, you know, I don't know. Well, there's that old saying about locking your trash that use a combination lock because they'll pick a key lock.

Like that's how smart and clever they are. Yeah. Speaking of smart and clever, let's get down to this day in history. This day in history, here it comes. All right, this was not an easy, also as a reader or a listener, reader, as a listener is brought up, we're on repeat

and so you may have gotten some of these but I don't think that's gonna affect your ability to get them right at all. One quick note also, a lot of people have complained that there's been a ton of ads on the YouTube channel. Oh no. That had nothing to do with us YouTube. We had two insert spots allowed on the show. And then YouTube basically changed everybody's podcasts and their AI started just inserting ads. It was literally like a dozen ad inserts in the episode. And meanwhile, we're making pennies. We make very little money from YouTube. So anyway,

our producer went in the great Chris Denman, and reset the playback now. So it should only be two ads an episode. Oh, nice. Yeah. I can't believe he had time with all his sort of counter protests that are going on all over the country. Yes.

OK, so there's a lot of birthdays. I just thought this was fun. Chick Corea, George H.W. Bush, David Rockefeller, and Anne Frank. So George H.W. Bush, President of the United States, Chick Corea, American musician, Anne Frank, what do you think they call her? What birthday? Rockefeller is by the way called American banker. What birthday Rockefeller is by the way called American banker. Oh, what's the nickname for Anne Frank? What's the description like Anne Frank? Not American banker. What Holocaust Holocaust not survivor.

German diarist. I think she deserves more than that. thing. She wasn't a diarrhea ester. They would have smelled something up in that attic German diarist that's the best Maybe yeah, AI is gonna improve something. All right, she was born if she was up in that attic in 1939 and she was about she hit puberty up there. So that's 13. Wait, what does 1939 mean? What does that mean? She's saying World War II is going on, so she was probably hiding in 19,

so say 1940, so you go back 13 years, that would make it 1927. Have you created your own question? I haven't asked a question about it. Was she born in 1927? Close, 29. Okay. But you just did that all on your own, I like it. When do you think she died? 1927? Close 29. OK.

But you just did that all on your own. I like it. When do you think she died? Nineteen forty three. You're two years off on everything. Forty five. Damn, she was up there for a while. No, I think one of the sad things is it was very, very close to the end of what they were.

But I think she didn't, you know, I think she died of malnutrition and illness and being incredibly sick. All right. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. What year did Boris Yeltsin become the first popularly elected leader of Russia,

then part of the Soviet Union? Basically president, but he was elected. So give or take five years. 93. Oh, 91. Nice. All right. Gregory Peck was, oh, you fuck. All right. Gregory Peck was, no you fuck, he died.

I don't want to do that. That's not fun at all. So we're going to go to Raiders of the Lost Ark. It was released in theaters on this weekend in what year, give or five years 1980 good lord 81 nice it was a freshman in high school I remember not liking it the baseball I know I didn't like it that much either the it just seems so derivative which of course was the idea. I get it. But anyway, the Baseball Hall of Fame

in Cooperstown, New York held its first induction ceremony. Can you name one of the names on the first induction ceremony? Abner Doubleday. Well, you know what? I shouldn't, that would be like a Fitz fact. They named three names that they say were among the inaugural class. I don't have the whole inaugural class in front of me. Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and

Honus Wagner are the names they have here. All right, give or take 10 years. What year was the Hall of Fame the first induction ceremony? Name the three names again Babe Ruth Ty Cobb and Honus Wagner 1948 what did I say ten years? Yep, 1939 I say 10 years? Yep. 1939. Four for four. You are killing it. All right. Now it gets really after a 14 week trial that became a media circus. American pop singer Michael Jackson was acquitted of child molestation charges, give or take three years, what year did that happen? You know when he died? 2014.

That would be tough. He was dead a few years by then. But this was 2000. He could be found innocent, but he's not going to be acquitted. Or maybe is acquitted only apply to 2005. Was way off. You sure were. I told you why I know when he died, I think it was very 2009 because I,

Daniel and I were in the first season of Tosh point out. And it was a night where it was like, if you don't kind of get a good rating this week, we're canceling the show. Or like, it doesn't look good. And we're like, all right, all right. So we're getting ready and it's almost, and then all of a sudden that afternoon,

we're shooting another Web Redemption and someone comes up to me, like, someone who doesn't know this, like a cameraman or a lighting person goes, oh man, you see the news? I'm like, what? And he's like, Michael Jackson just died. I'm like, fuck!

And he's like, big Michael Jackson fan? I'm like, no! I'm like, no one's gonna watch comedy tonight. No one's gonna watch anything but the news. Right, right. It sucked. So we got a pass though for that. All right, should we find one more?

I'm gonna end it on that's all goddamn World War II. There's Napoleon, who you claim to know you read a book. Oliver Cromwell, Magna Carta, you're not going to get. Oh, after more than 30 years American Game Show host Bob Barker stepped down as the host of The Price is Right Bob Barker stepped down this weekend in what year give or take three years 2014. I love it 2007 we'll get out on that damn it all right oh Yeah, who took? All right all right. Let's get to obituaries. This is give me a crinkle on this a sad slow crinkle One of my heroes maybe Maybe the greatest songwriter in American history besides Bob Dylan, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys has

just died at age 82. His family... I'm looking... just don't flag me for looking down. I'm looking up if Bob Dylan said anything about him. Go ahead. We are heartbroken to announce that our beloved father Brian Wilson has passed away, lost for words. Please respect our privacy. Well we words, please respect our privacy. Well, we're not gonna respect your privacy. It's Sunday papers. We're gonna talk about him a little bit. Here's a guy that, it wasn't just his songwriting,

it wasn't just his performing abilities, but it was the studio techniques. He was a guy who introduced so many different synthesizer sounds and multi-track recordings and I consider Pet Sounds to be top three greatest pop music albums ever, including rock. all rock pop top three and that doesn't even include good vibrations which was on the next album that everybody hated that his brothers basically alienated him for for making anyway he was born in 42 he had perfect pitch he could sing back phrases sung to him as a baby he learned piano when he was when he was very young

he went partly deaf in one year after being attacked by a local boy and then him and his brother joined their cousin Mike Love to form the group Carl and the Passions and later bringing in Dennis and Dennis Wilson and Al Jardine to form the Pendletones. They had a very complex relationship, Their father was very abusive and their first big song was Surfing Safari. Oh I didn't know that was that. Oh wow yeah. Well the first album was Surfing and hits on that song were Surfing USA and anyway what a legacy and as my kids growing up in California I

think the Beach Boy my daughter being a surfer she I remember she she latched on to the Beach Boys when she was very young anyway it's it's a sad day I had the for either privilege and the honor of interviewing Brian Wilson many years ago did ever tell you this story I think you did but I am forgetting it. What? So I go in and I was working on SiriusXM at the time and they had lined up a press tour for Brian Wilson because he had this documentary coming out about his life and so they said do you want to interview him? I said probably more than anybody besides Mel Brooks and so I

show and they go just to warn you he's a tough interview so I show up and there were about six other people that were there and we had an hour and we were each supposed to get ten minutes to interview him so and I was last, so I'm like, oh, this is fucked. So one guy goes in and he's asking him questions and we could hear the interview and everything was yes no answers. He would not elaborate on any responses and so literally each guy was lasting like four minutes, three minutes, and then I get in there and I had, I started asking him really obscure questions and really specific questions from his life about lyrics and he opened up and we ended up having like, I had, there was an extra 20 minutes so I ended up interviewing him for like 20 minutes and he thanked me and he said it was one of the best interviews he'd had in a very long

time and I should I should that's amazing I'm gonna post it yeah of course you should yeah happy your voice all right I found some things here Dylan and he ran into each other in an emergency room once. That was like a long time ago. But hold on here. This is what was said. Elton John today said that Brian Wilson is the biggest influence on my songwriting ever. I wish he had influenced the lyrics, but you can tell the genius part was influenced. And then Dylan had said, heard the sad news about Brian today and thought about all the years I've been listening to him and admiring his genius. Rest in peace, dear Brian. And Dylan had made a little birthday tribute and sang him happy birthday which is a viral clip now that people use but anyway that was a few years ago

yeah are you kidding me like that you put on some of those songs and I remember seeing there's some clip because Instagram knows I love these types of things where I think it was Don Was is at like a control board and they're playing, I think, wouldn't it be nice maybe? And he's like, is that, he literally was like, is that a harp or like, he was like, this is what I do for a living. This is maybe my favorite song ever and I couldn't tell you what instruments for sure are in this thing.

Like it was this very much that type of wall of sound and parts, and he just, it's like an artist losing his mind with like paint on a canvas. It's like, no, that's not what I see in my head. Like I gotta get it, I gotta get what I'm hearing down and what he was hearing was insanity and beautiful. And it took doing these crazy breakthroughs in producing to achieve.

Yeah, when they were doing Pet Sounds, they literally, they had this big recording studio that had a few different rooms, and they were all filled with instruments, but he had so many other instruments, they were going down hallways and they were putting microphones in hallways. Like there was so much going on, it was a circus.

All right, let's cheer up, let's cheer up. Well, we should also mention Sly Stone, another, I think, undisputed genius of music. So we don't have to go into, we don't have to hit you over the head with two genius obituaries, but man, on YouTube, one of the funniest, I mean, Sly Stone was, to me,

and I think we talked about this recently, he's like a prince or a Hendrix who just seems to have been dropped here out of a spaceship. Yeah. And is so also musically gifted. You're like, you're not like anyone else. And he was just unbelievable. I started watching the documentary on him. It's relatively new.

I think maybe even... It's called Ironically Sly Lives. Oh, really? Yeah. Questlove did lives oh really yeah quest love did it yeah quest love did it and but it's really great and focuses a lot on like the issues of the times especially race stuff but boy on YouTube over the years I found him on dick cavett which was this you know like a very intellectual Johnny Carson type show. And he would go on there a lot and was hysterical and then play with his big band.

So go check that out. He was so sick. Funnies. Funnies, let's cheer up. All right, here it goes. Week in and week out, we give you a caption. No, we give you a comic and then you come up with a caption and you send it into us We judge it we tear it apart and then we reward it if it's the best one

Send them in to FitzDoggRadio at gmail.com Please put your name directly underneath your punchline And if you win we send a koozie directly to your little home wherever you live. Maybe it's a big home I think a lot of our listeners have little homes. First one, this is the comic is a line of five guys standing behind a urinal. There's one guy who's peeing and he's looking over his shoulder.

The four guys behind him are all doubled over. They got their legs crossed. They're grimacing. They're all dying to pee. And then this guy is just standing there hogging up the urinal. Jason Cobb said the takeaway from the industry conference in Vegas seems to be gonorrhea. All right. I had a gonorrhea piss once.

Oh, does it take a while or it just stings? More than stings. It's acid coming out of you. That's what it feels like. And it's pussy and it's brutal. But you get a penicillin shot and it goes away right away. All right, okay. Can't have sex for a day.

Mike Fritch said once again Phil's stage fright was causing backups all the way to the 405 while at the Dodgers game that's a long way from the stadium Jeff and PA says pressure pushing down on me there goes the algorithm David Harriman says the guy pissing says sorry fellas I was born with an extra small urethra okay that's the female p-tube this is Colin who says can someone just thumb my? I'll be out of here quick. Interesting. Okay. He goes on to say, I don't want the koozie. Just the glory.

Well. Alright. You'll get neither. Kelly said, I told you guys to get your prostate checked. Another prostate joke. But prostate, don't you have to pee a lot? Thank God I don't know. No, I think sometimes you have to pee and then it's hard to get it to come out and then it dribbles and drabs.

This is what I hear. Well, you're pretty detailed on the gonorrhea. Rob Steinle says, Bob, for fuck's sake, we're back in the office. It's a three shake limit. We're back in the office it's a three shake limit we're back in the office okay Sean Johnson said brothel innovation gonorrhea and charge for the head what I don't know how did that make a script okay Ron said cocaine making men fake pee since 1973.

Except I don't think it looks like he's doing cocaine. Rich Kennedy said a line forms after a costume mishap at a Taylor Swift concert inspires chaperone dads to take care of some personal business. Rich, very wordy. Kind of a fun idea, but Jesus. Yeah, it is kind of a fun idea yeah Sean says listen gemologist pee before me listen period gemologist peed before me don't get what no I don't

know what that means my weeding was not good this week I don't know yeah Brian Walker finally said, "'When the moment finally arrived, "'Frank's only regret was that he couldn't say, "'told you so, to everyone that told him, "'all this piss play will never pay off.'" Jesus Christ. What in the, what?

What is going on? That's it? That's it. I did not give you guys a good comment. Sometimes I don't know that they're bad. Sometimes they don't inspire nice, easy punchlines. Yeah, but this is what you have to do, coming from a comedy writer.

And I know everyone can easily say, well then do it. But some things are really hard, like any captions, even for the New Yorker and all that stuff. So what you do when they are hard and everyone agrees which ones, you'll be like, all right. Because in this one, anyone, it could be anyone's thought. It doesn't really look like anyone's talking. And so it could be the first guy,

the last guy's kind of cute with the eye roll. It could just be about the situation, which is what a lot of people did here. But you can find a way. Yeah, I think. Why is there only one urinal? I mean, that could be an area. Yep. Yep. All right. No winner. No winner. All right, I Know winner no winner. All right. No winner this week. Sorry everybody. Thank you for saying you for the submissions, though Yep, we appreciate the effort and I blame myself. I fall on my own sword on this one. Oh Next week Well, I forgot to pull one for next week. Hold on. Let me grab one. I have

one right here. Next week's looks like this. Wait, I have an idea. You could just we could just take one of the captions off of an existing comic here. Now I got I got I got one. There's a guy walking into the he's standing at the bathroom door in boxers and slippers. He's got a receding hairline. There's a woman in a towel who's inside the bathroom facing him and she's got her hairdryer up as if it's a gun. And she's saying something to him. She looks looks angry he looks surprised and maybe scared I don't even see it and I'd be like don't move or I'll take another two hours there you go are they getting ready to go out I don't know what it is okay that's next week's all right now let's get to the pros

Haggar the horrible is sitting with a woman who is a gypsy or a mystic or a soothsayer or a crystal ball woman whatever you call this person and she says I see you in the shield and bore tavern you're loving the food you order many courses you tell your friends it's the most delicious meal you've ever had and then he says huh that sounds like a paid advertisement And then you cut to they're in a tent and you hear her saying my tent rent doubled So I guess she's pretty doing pretty that's pretty contemporary. Yeah, I guess I Guess if I if she were a good fortune teller if she really saw into the future I think

that she would picture her alone in a tent with a Viking ending in sexual assault I think she would have a surprise hiders even paying I'm surprised he's even paying yeah yeah all right now we get down to Lockhorns and Leroy is sitting on the sofa with Loretta he's got a book in his hand or a computer and he goes I'm not ignoring you Loretta I'm just not paying attention or I'm not paying attention because the price is too high Loretta. Then we got Leroy is in Arthur's bar he's talking to the bartender he goes marriage may be a two-way street but wives are the stoplights. So all right here we go with BC I try to find there's

a lot of contemporary BCs now. That's the problem. And they have like today's issues and stuff like that, like jokes about the internet. I was thinking the old ones. So I think this is kind of an old one, but I like this one. So three frames.

First frame, you see the two guys. I think one of the guys names is Pete, I've learned. So I don't know which, I'm gonna narrow that down but there are the two guys standing at a rock that says barber and they have a little barber what do you call that thing barber with the chairs that look that up while I do this. I'm interested in what that is. But you know, it's basically the spiral of stripes. So anyway, there's the one guy

and he has scissors and a comb. He's like, ready? And the other guy goes, can't wait to see this. And a really hairy guy sits in the chair, incredibly hairy, with just legs coming out of his beard and hair. Then the second frame is clip, clip, clip, clip, clip, clip, clip. And then the third frame, you see the guy and just the hairs cut off his head, but half his hair is still on below his nose with the mustache and beard.

And the guy goes, guess he's never been drawn without hair before. And I think is a nice fourth wall breaker. Yeah, like so I liked it. By the way, this just ended called a barber's pole. Ah man, I would have said that. I thought it was a little more than that. I almost said it but then I went no that can't be it. There's got to be more than. Okay now America's favorite louse who must have erectile dysfunction and some kind of arresting development

is somehow laying with his back to a buxom, 10 of a woman in bed, and she's reading a magazine. She goes, honey, are you awake? Which he clearly is and does not answer her she goes I just found a new magazine survey on relate on relationships that I'd like you to take now the third frame he's snoring and she goes wow that was even faster than the last time I asked him well maybe you know maybe this guy is not the husband for you.

Maybe after 50 years of this comic strip and you guys not aging, you should realize that your husband's a homosexual. He is the guy at Mike Gibbons' high school reunion who is sitting on a lot of homoerotic tendencies. Okay. a lot of homo erotic tendencies. Okay. I think that I think the the relationship survey might have been on erectile dysfunction. Oh, right. He saw it coming. Yep. And she's pretending coming. She never sees it coming. She never sees it coming. No, no. Listen, we did it everybody. We we we set out to do a one hour podcast. It's it's been an hour

and 28 minutes with the break we took that you don't notice we took. But we had to cut out something in the middle. Yeah, because Mike's daughter needed help. Who signing for her father's tiniest apartment in the world. We're father's first. Don't forget, folks, come on out. I'm gonna be playing in Torrance, California, June 29th. Also, watch the rehearsal with us. We're gonna talk more about it next week.

We started talking about it this week. It's a pretty amazing show. It's on... I'm finishing it. Is it on Max? It's on Max, HBO Max. Yes. All right. And Led Zeppelin becoming Led Zeppelin is now on

Netflix. Right. We've got it. You have not seen it. It's very good. Okay, the best sound out of your TV that you can hook it up to your Sonos. It only takes about 55 minutes. We did it with customer support in Woodstock. All right. Well, that's it. Don't worry. We're okay in California. Don't let the press blow it up bigger than it is. By the way, this is Wednesday, who knows what's going on by Sunday, my guess is the small amount will still be happening and the story will have gotten bigger and bigger and bigger. Did you talk at the top about your prediction last week?

Oh, I forgot about that. Last week we recorded on a Wednesday and I said there was the first hand, there was one tweet that Elon had sent out that he didn't like the budget. He thought it was a shitty budget. And I said, watch this unravel in the next three days. I said he is going to cancel the the electric, the economic incentives for electric cars. And I didn't predict that the Epstein files will be brought up that went Defcon whatever. Defcon one or five, which is more intense.

Yeah, I think that 1 is the most intense. Well that went Defcon 1. It's the opposite of Twisters. Yeah so anyway I predicted it all as I will again and again. Alrighty. Alright thanks for hanging out. Take it ish. All right. Hi.