Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 269 6/22/25

Episode Date: June 22, 2025

Episode 269. Karen Read is free, ICE hits Dodgers Stadium and Waymo starts in NYC. Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Email caption submissions to ⁠[e-mail]⁠ subject line: “Comic Contest”Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): ⁠[e-mail]⁠Find Mike on Venmo here: ⁠https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTime⁠Make sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram:Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hardly Three, two, one Read all about it! Read all about it! I got on my Newsy Boy cap, I'm selling newspapers I got my sidekick, Michael Gibbons from East Chester, New York. Grease Chester. So I'm gonna do, I'm helping out on this show. And they're have celebrity guests like so many shows do. And Bobby Moynihan is one of the guests from Eastchester, New York.

Went to Eastchester High School. And my first question to him will be which grammar school? We had three grammar schools that fed seventh and eighth, that went to sixth. And that changed. I remember one of them was merged into both so then it was reduced from three to two and then I think it came back it was all based on you know population of kids in the town. I wonder where it is now.

I think Scarsdale borders on Eastchester and I think a lot of people in Eastchester which is a kind of a-down Italian town and then Scarsdale Yeah, Scarsdale, which is very Tony and I know people in Eastchester try to use the Scarsdale mailing address and they try to get Into the Scarsdale schools Scarsdale high school is like a fucking country club. Yeah, it's so nice Yeah, it might as well be a private school it's really impressive now there was this woman last night I did a show at this club called the crow last night which is the third time I've done the show and

it's this little tiny room you know bergamot station in Santa Monica course yeah it's like a collection of art galleries and little breweries it's very precious and then they've got this comedy club that's extremely, it's like a group of snowflakes who want a comedy show that is representative and sensitive. And I go up there, I've done it three times. I fucking bombed. I do so badly there that I literally,

10 minutes into the set I just went, all right, I'm gonna run this thing into the ground so hard that they never ask me to do this show again. And I was just doing jokes about the poppy and a pedophile and how Asian chicks give blowjobs. I was literally just making up premises as I went. But anyway, so there's a woman in the crowd. I said, anyone here from New York?

And she claps her hands and I'm looking at her like she, I go, what part of New York? And she goes, the village, which first of all, nobody from the village would say I grew up in the village. It's ridiculous. So I go, I go what high school did you go to? And then she fumbled and she, and then she goes Scarsdale high school. I was like, okay, there we go. There we go. That sums up the crow right there.

That interaction. That's perfect. Um, You know what I'm thinking is like, I'm really looking forward to this, not that I think it'll go well or Bobby seems like an incredibly nice guy, I've never met him. It's just that I know every detail of like you do of the town I grew up in and I'm wondering if it's still that way because Most of it is because I did not have a phone I had I don't know seven channels on the TV and It rarely played anything. I wanted to see there were no video games. I Became addicted to Atari which was in a candy store down in the downtown area of Eastchester. But like I knew every crack. And when I say that,

that's an expression, every crack in the sidewalk. I literally knew cracks in sidewalks. I knew interesting sidewalks where like, you know, the roots had pushed it up. There was one great tree where the tree kind of was swallowing a no parking sign and like people would take pictures of it when they saw it like I knew crazy details and also like the pizza shops in Westchester are unbelievable because you get all these Italians that come out of the Bronx they move up to Westchester and there's always like three great pizza shops in each town and you argue about which one was the best. Well, I told you I'll keep it brief, but one time on Kilbourne, he's getting ready to go

out there and it was Matt Dillon. And Matt Dillon's from Mamaronic. And I, because of my Liz, my wife, she was from there and they loved Sal's. Sal's on Mamaronic Avenue. Oh, I've been there. It's the best. Right, of course. It's legendary. So anyway, he's in the wings and he's like kind of, you know, too cool for school guy, you know, and he's doing Kilbourne. He's part of the deal because he did letter him and he has to do Kilbourne. And so whatever the story was. So anyway, he's in the wings ready to go on and I go up and no one's really talked to him and I'm like, hey, what's going on? I go I'm from Eastchester. I think pizza me is

better than sals. And he literally the first thing he says he goes, and you can go fuck yourself. Hilarious. Wait, isn't sals Larchmont though? Yeah, but some America have I think you're right, technically. Well, you know, her family was in rye, but it was it's I think it's I don't know it was, it's, I think it's, I don't know. I mean, I think it's from Marin. Yeah, I think it's Larch Mop.

I'm gonna look it up, go ahead. Well, how about you go fuck yourself? Yeah, exactly. So I had a long day. I woke up this morning at 5 a.m. I thought there was an intruder in the house. My daughter, who's 21, lives in the back house. She's got her own apartment in our back house. My daughter who's 21 lives in the back house. She's got her own apartment in our back house. And so I, I roll

over and I look at Erin, she goes, it's just Jojo. So she's up, her stomach is killing like she said, she said it's the worst pain she's ever felt in her entire life. She was doubled over and she was crying so Gave her some pipped o'bismol. She threw it up immediately gave her something else. She threw it up immediately So then urgent care opens up at 7 a.m We were at the door when the lady opened the door. We went inside they checked her out Immediately sent us to the emergency room. Whoa. Well, there was a appendix.

So, you know, when you poke the right side of the lower belly and it hurts, and he poked that part and she screamed. So, you know, they worry that it's gonna rupture. So we went straight to UCLA emergency room. And thank God, UCLA, you know, it's rated the number one hospital in Los Angeles. That sounds like a Fitz-Fack, but it's up there for sure.

I will post a picture of the banner when you walk in saying that. Oh, the banner at UCLA. I think Burger King claims they're number one. Yeah, they're calling themselves UCLA King now. And, and so we go in and we beat the rush. Holy shit. We go in, we beat the rush, holy shit. We go in, I park in the temporary 20 minute parking spot where I left the car the entire day.

And then I went in and we got checked in and I swear to God, like a line of disabled people, homeless, limping, coughing, all lined up behind us. But we got in first. And they, you know, an intern came over, they took her vitals, and then they brought her inside. They did a they did a CAT scan and said, you doubt you have appendicitis for sure. But this all was over the course of I was there for nine hours. I just literally came home to do Sunday papers and now I'm going right back to the hospital because she's getting surgery in one hour. Oh you see

yeah so earlier today you told me you were at the hospital I did not know and I don't think you guys maybe knew for sure. Anyway you're like yeah I'm gonna be here all day. I thought all of you got out to do this. Like that everyone's home now that's why you can do it. Oh no well Erin showed up. She relieved me. She got out of work at about 3 30 and came over and then she took over. But I think she's gonna spend the night. Is that a... they said that she can come home three hours after the surgery which would be at around 8 o'clock at night. And she's like, no, she's like, no, I think I want to spend the night. I'm

like, I think I don't want to spend an extra $6,000 for you to stay at the hospital. Do you think it? Do you think it will be a lot more? I don't know. But I mean, I don't want to be a dick. But if she can come home, if you can get her home, I would get her home. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Anyway, UCLA. Thank you guys. And get this the internist came by and she goes, you're in luck. You're getting

the chief of surgery doing the the operation. Who's shaky the 87 year old dude, shaky is gonna be there. He's he? The 87 year old dude? Shaky, he's gonna be there. He's, he got out of the home for the day. So when he's convinced he works there. When does she go under the knife? Actually right now. She just went under about nine minutes ago.

Oh my God. And we're doing this. As we're taping this. But look, I would just tell you this. You have two daughters. It's just nice that they're taking an organ out of your daughter. You know what I mean? Oh, Gregory. Have you tried that one out in the hospital?

Nope. Although I did crack up. The doctor came over and he's interviewing her and he's like, are you on any medications? And before she could answer, I said just ozempic. And then she went, oh, ozempic, oic Ozempic and then the nurse came over Ozempic and they were like like they were gonna cancel the surgery like it's a big deal to be on Ozempic and she just says like she's like I'm not on fucking Ozempic. But yeah, I guess she might have had to wait or something and go off of it. I'm not sure what the thing is.

Oh, I don't know. Yeah. That's interesting. So, uh, wow. Well, I'm glad to hear it's all under control and everything. It's all thank you. She was on morphine. It's funny to think that, that pain, I don't know how you would word this, I guess like that pain is still there. You're just cut off from it, you know? Oh, did I tell you she got morphine? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because when I broke my shoulder, they put me on morphine. I could not believe not only how fast it relieved basically all pain, but that I was just euphoric

within minutes. Yeah, I went to the bathroom and I came back and I didn't realize they'd given her the shot, but I looked at her and her eyes were like Odie on Garfield. They were like, practice. She looked like Doug Benson. I was like, what the fuck? I go, did they give you?

And she goes, morphine. And she was asleep like five minutes later. Oh, that's nice. Poor thing, probably hardly slept last night. Yeah, yeah, she didn't sleep at all. But anyway, otherwise a good week. We had beautiful weather in LA. I drove my bike to the beach three days in a row,

rode some waves, sat on the sand, came home, jumped in the hot tub, took an outdoor shower. Felt like a million bucks every day. Look at you, I know, I gotta get some of that schedule. Last night I did one of those. So, you know, the girls were here. We went away, which was really fun. Oh, we went down to Mexico. Oh, nice. For three nights. Yeah. Got

Did you get one of those free ice flights? No, what's that? Oh, right, right, right. No, no, but it was a discount because we took Mexicans with us. So it was bring one, get one free. So, but it was a discount because we took Mexicans with us So it was bring one get one free. So But I had to pay a bribe to a cop within like mint like minutes on the highway in the rental car pulled over Had a bribe a cut and man if I man have I lost a step like pull out my wallet He sees the cash and then he makes up a lie. They take your driver's license Like well, you know, we'll have to go down. You'll have to see the judge I'm like the judge and I'm sure he defended with broken English because the real thing is you would go down to the police station

Which is what I should have asked to do But I literally walked around with that for like a half a day just like fucking and what am I gonna do? we have three more days here we're in a rented car and we want we plan to drive around and take I took them surfing and and then by the by like the end of my like mulling it I'm like oh I have it down because I I had some Costa Rican money I was just gonna have that I'm like yeah here you go you want this also why don't you put my peepee in your bokeh? Why don't you do that? My peepee in your bokeh or take me downtown.

Like, I would have been in jail. If I had been pulled over again, I would have been in jail. How much did you give him? A lot, like between 150 and 200 bucks. No, you know you only got to give him like 20 bucks. You're not supposed to do that. No, I tried to give him like 80.

He's like, no, no, no, no, no. And then when I did give you, it was like, whoa, lower, lower, like it was ridiculous. And what I should have done is, all right, I'm gonna take a picture. Well, there's a million shit is, I'm gonna take a picture because that'll be my receipt, right?

Yeah. And forget it if you take out a camera and take a picture and record it. Now, we got picked up in Mexico by, we were going surfing, and so we hired this guy, he was recommended by somebody, and he comes to the hotel in a pickup truck with surfboards in the back, and you just jump in,

and he drives you up about 45 minutes to the break. And so he pulls up to the hotel, we go to get in, and in and all sudden like all the cab drivers are yelling at us we're like what the fuck so we get in we take off and all sudden we got four taxis surrounding us and they literally kidnapped us. They pulled the car over they got out they were they took a surfboard out of the back. The guy tried to pull away somebody pulled in front of him we crashed

into that guy. We're like what the father and the cab drivers came over to the car. And now Jojo start screaming at them. I'm like Jojo, shut the fuck up. Let's just get out of this. So long story short, we ended up getting out and walking back to the hotel because the taxis in Mexico are a cartel. And you can't get picked up from a hotel by anybody except for a taxi. Yeah, it's crazy. No, it is. And I was bummed about that. But

and I even said to the girls and I meant it, I go, listen, this is the I go like, three minutes later, I was like, what prevent, first of all, what prevents him from pulling us over again? What prevents the next cop from pulling us over if you're, if it's just truly and literally highway robbery. And so I go, I will be thrilled if this is the only time that I've had to bribe someone. And it it was we didn't get pulled over it but boy the speed limits they lower it so low this is the thing the speed limit is so low like I think the highest so 60 I think was the highest right so that's like 40 miles an hour 30 high 30s and but the cars behind you are blasting their horns because they're not going to get pulled over. The flow of traffic is so much faster. So what

happens is you speed up and so now there's 20 cars going the same speed limit which is what I was doing and they pull up and they can tell which is the rental car. Yeah right. I'll tell you what though, to defend Mexico, my son traveled there this past year for six months. And he went from town to town in buses and stayed in fucking hostels and hotels and some some of these people invited them to stay at their house. He didn't get hassled. I think he I think he bribed one cop in six months. I think they blew off some fireworks at the beach and they had to give a cop like 40 bucks or something.

And I think, technically I was speeding to defend them. But no, no, no, please, of all things, and by the way, we're down there when all hell's breaking loose here. And we missed the protest, which would have been very cool to, I mean, there was a huge one right here in Santa Monica. I was up in Sacramento. I did a couple shows with Louis CK and we went out. They had a big protest and we went down there was huge in Sacramento.

Was it on the grounds of the former Japanese internment camp? Exactly, yeah it was over on the they call it the Tokyo side. You drift over? Yeah you just drift over to the Tokyo side. You're like you should get some awnings because everybody's squinting over here. I guess the sunlight is very bright. And yeah, we walked all over. It was crazy. I think we walked. We got 19,000 steps in. We just walked all. Sacramento's kind of charming. It's got an old city. This is you and Louie again? Yeah. Do you think he does this on the regular? Because your Vancouver

story was like a... Yeah. It was like that all over again. No, I think it's like we've known each other for so long and we lived the exact same life. Started in Boston at the same time, moved to New York at the same time, same manager, worked the same clubs, got married at the same time, had kids at the same time.

He literally lived in my house when he first moved to LA for the first few weeks, and then he ended up moving a block away from me. He hired me on three different TV shows to work with. So we just have this shorthand. Like, he's very, Louis is in a really vulnerable, I mean that in a good way place. He's very sensitive, he's very

emotive, he tells you he loves you a lot and and we just have these really hard we just walk and talk deep like philosophical and emotional the whole time and it's kind of it's kind of wonderful. Oh no that is wonderful are you kidding me? Yeah, that's great. So anyway, so Sacramento shows were good. The best is like I'm only doing 15 minutes so I can I just go up like a wrecking ball. It's so much fun. 3000 people in the crowd. Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah, it was fun. That's great great man. And Annie Letterman came up with us. She's fun. Oh yeah absolutely. Oh yeah no I mean yes we like hi and hug when we see each other but I can't say

like we know each other well but yeah but she's great. Yep. All right let's get to our logo this week. It's from Lyndon Pike and it's based on Brian Wilson passing away and last week we talked about Pet Sounds being I think my favorite album of all time so he recreated it in the obituary I was gonna mention and we could just do it here boy you know normally you put on music like for instance sly in the fan Sly right? He died same time as Brian Wilson, I think a day earlier. And you know, you put on Sly and the Family Stone, you listen to them and it's amazing. And you get nostalgic.

But Pet Sounds is so, there's a built, how do you like a built in nostalgia the day it came out. Yeah. Like there's, and this is gonna sound very critical, but there's something so, I don't know another word for it other than like kind of childish. Yes. And I went and like I read their lyrics,

and it's like, it really is incredibly like idealistic, naive, you know what I mean? It really is incredibly like idealistic, naive. You know what I mean? Like almost naive. There's a beauty to how naive it is. I think childlike is a better word than childish. Did I say childish? Yeah. Some of the lyrics are childish,

but childlike, you're right. It might be, because I don't know if they're intentionally that way. I think he is clearly a fascinating guy, but even in like, maybe, you know, if we think in wish and hope and pray, it might come true. Like, that's how a child would write and say something. Yeah, and.

And I know it is a young boyfriend and girlfriend in the song. Well, the whole album is about this young love and about this coming of age and falling in love for the first time. But the follow-up album called The Smile Sessions, which a lot of people haven't listened to, it really got, the rest of the Beach Boys fucking hated it.

They wouldn't play it live. You couldn't play it live. It was a very much a studio album. It was all effects and but that one the lyrics are very childlike. I used to play them for my kids when they were little. It was all about eating your vegetables and it was really silly. Yeah a lot of this is I want to go home, like even Sloop John B, it's like his grandfather and me, you know, I want to go home. And then some of the lyrics, and this is the difference, like I obviously slam Bernie Taupin on lyrics stuff, but it's like, and you know, equally as genius or almost equally as genius music, you know, on Elton John's side of things. But some of these lyrics, you just don't, they're not trying to be like great. You know what I mean? Like even like

God only knows the first quatrain is he rhymes you with you and it with it. In the second quatrain, ready, he rhymes me with me and me with me. But the difference is if like Brian Wilson wrote Rocketman, it would just be the most beautiful melody in the world. And he would just be like, it's so high up here. I can see. He wouldn't try to get like, you know, all like the band or anything like that. Right. Taupin did. It would just be really

innocent. Well, for Father's Day, my family gave me a turntable because I have this huge collection of comedy albums that I've been collecting since I was like 13 years old. You still collect Cosby. I know. I still I got his sweaters now too. I got a lot of semen in them. And so they gave me the turntable and then they gave me two records. One was Duke Ellington and the other one was Pet Sounds. So Pet Sounds was the first album I played on the new turntable because I didn't have one. We kind of, I lost it in the last move or something.

So yeah, I listened to the whole... and the thing about when you listen to a record, because you have to be nearby to flip it, like you kind of pay way more attention to it than you would if it was just on your, you know, on your phone and your earphones or whatever. And vinyl, it's just... I'm not gonna be one of those guys that's like a vinyl convert now, oh you gotta layer it on vinyl. It really does soften it and make it richer. It's a whole different sound on vinyl because it's not broken apart into digital particles

and sent through the air. It's like you're hearing the grooves of the record. Yeah, I remember, I forget which CD, may have, might have been Tom Petty. Some CD did the at the end of Side One on the CD. Like the first time they knew they were making a CD rather than just an album. No, that's funny. Speaking of songs, John Cabrera, who's done many songs for us in the past, I met him in Florida once, I believe.

Yeah, the song is very cool. It sounds like a good run during like credits for a movie. That was the feel I got. Really highly. Well, John is a producer. He produces music. And so this is a gift when some of you listeners that are so talented, spend your time making something like this. We really do appreciate it. Thank you. Oh, that's great. And then some corrections. Jack says, not really your fault for once because you were reading from an obit, but you said that Brian Wilson was deaf in one ear due to being hit by a neighborhood kid.

In reality, that's not the cause. He previously blamed his father. Ooh, which I remember hearing that. And I think in his, I read his autobiography. And I think in his order, where they talk about the father do father beat the shit out all of them. That's terrible. He wanted well, listen, he wanted beach men.

They just wouldn't grow up. Right. Yeah. Daniela says, just listening to your podcast, you mentioned Adam Curry being one of the earliest podcasters. Adam is known as the pod father because he, together with Dave Weiner,

invented podcasting. His podcast The Daily Source Code was the first podcast he he lives near Austin and has been on the Rogan podcast several times still does his own podcast. I listened to the No Agenda show. Should you ever want to him as a guest you can email him at and she gives me his email address. Oh man, look at that. But I think the first podcast, maybe she's talking about the sort of postmodern stand up comedy monologue type podcast, but before about five or six years before that, there were a lot of like crafts people doing podcasts about gardening and things

Do you remember that that was like the real first wave of podcasts? Yeah, yeah. Well, i'm sure we would find Uh, there's there's gonna be something where you're like that's really like whether it's some book on tape or just an audio excerpt from a newspaper or something like someone's gonna say that's the real predecessor. Well there was this guy who patented podcasting and he went down to Texas there's this one district of Texas that famously has a very patent friendly judge. And he went down there, he got the patent,

and then he went after everybody, Mark Marin, Corolla, and he sued them all for a percentage of their podcast earnings. And some people paid it, a bunch of people started paying them. And then we all got together, there was this big get together at, I can't remember whose house it was. It's one of these guys has

a mansion and we met there and kind of like organized and and Corolla put a lot of money into it. We hired lawyers and fought it. I remember that. That's great. Yeah. Tour dates coming up. Fight to get your tickets at Torrance, California at the end on June 29th. And then I will be in Austin at the Mothership July 4th through 6th. Pottstown, PA at Soul Joles July 31st. Point Pleasant at Uncle Vinny's August 1st and 2nd. August I'll be in La Jolla. September

I'll be in Denver. Also then in Connecticut, Vegas, Chicago, New Orleans, San Francisco. Go to FitzDog.com, get some tickets and don't forget to listen to FitzDog radio as well. Yeah. Oh no, did I lose our... Oh no, here it is. Oh, I got to get a new one. Here we go. You ready for the front page? Yeah, let's do it. Front page. Oh boy, this is scary. The US Doomsday plane that can withstand a nuclear blast lands in Washington

is Trump Moles' Iran strike. A Doomsday plane is a highly specialized aircraft operated by the US Air Force and serves as a national airborne operations center. The US has four E-4Bs that serve as an airborne command center for the president, secretary of defense, and the chairs of the joint chiefs of staff to ensure continued critical command, control, and communication in case of emergencies. Alright, so each of these can contain a crew of up to 112 people and has a range of more than

7,000 miles. They're capable of withstanding nuclear blasts, cyber attacks, and electromagnetic effects, and they're equipped to fire retaliatory missiles. Moreover, the plane has thermal and nuclear shielding and can communicate with anyone anywhere in the world thanks to the 67 satellite dishes and antennas contained in its ray dome. The aircraft can also remain airborne and operate in flight for an entire week, which is very much like USAir used to do when I would try to fly to Philly, without needing to land.

It can refuel in midair as well. Wow. You know, I always called Spirit Airlines the doomsday airline, but this. Hey, yeah, they're out doing spirit airlines I wonder if you have to pay for your fucking distilled water on this plane like you do on spirit airlines the doomsday it has to nickel and dime you I mean there's only so much there's rations there's only so many peanuts

right and they charge you for overhead which is crazy because that's got the nuclear suitcase in it this is my scariest thought about this is if they let's say there's a doomsday and Trump goes up there and he can choose who gets on these planes and Let's say they stay up there for seven days and they come down and everyone's dead. Well now the future human race will all be born out of and everyone's dead. Well, now the future human race will all be born out of and begin and their ancestors will all be douchebags. They'll all be rich, do selfish douchebags. Like that's what's gonna that's our Adam and Eve.

Yep. The 112 people you got to think there's gonna be one Karen, there's gonna be one person that loses their shit, gets in a slap fight with fucking Ted Cruz. And I was thinking about that, like there was a clip today of a woman losing it on a plane. She was a black woman. And she was screaming at this white guy

that she was gonna fight him. And I thought, oh my God, this looks really bad for black people. And then I realized when I see a white woman do it, I think, oh, this is embarrassing for white people. And then I realized, never seen an Asian person lose it on a plane. I think you have to recalibrate.

I think it's an embarrassment to women, both of your stories. You're right. Let's be real. It's true. Whoever you see doing it, you just think you, I mean, they look so, there is just no excuse for, look, we've all gotten angry. I got on a plane one time and I was trying to put my overhead bin in and this guy was

telling me to hurry up and I had just lost a job in New York. And I turned around and I go, I put my finger in his face and I said, I'm not in the fucking mood. And then he goes, I'm not in the mood either. And then I went, all right, this is gonna get, because the problem with planes is, you're inches from each other.

On the street, you're feet away from each other and it diffuses the tension. And I just thought, all right, I literally had the spot on his chin, I was gonna hit him, you know, and then I just fucking took a breath and I sat down. But you realize, like, everybody feels that but the people that don't let it go and actually act on that anger anger and then double down and triple down, fuck those people. Yeah.

Well, you know, you have your little thing that you do on planes, it's probably to relax. Do you think you'd feel safe enough on the doomsday plane not to go and masturbate as soon as takeoff happens? Oh, if they've got 167 satellite dishes, one of them's definitely aimed in the men's room. No, the only time I'm touching my dick in the men's room is for the shake at the end. Oh, I thought you were going to say one's definitely pointed to Pornhub.

Just insane streaming. Look at this quality. They got 67 satellite dishes. I hope they're not using Verizon to get the actual signal. I fucking hate Verizon. Oh, literally every single because our cell phones are with them, our home internet. I was trying to cancel they gave Aaron is one of these people that signs up for shit. So she said Verizon and they convinced her to get this modem box that doesn't get plugged in it actually gets the signal through the air and she brings it home and it's a hundred bucks a month and she goes let's try it out and so we plug it in and it fucking sucks and so I call the company I say well I want to return it well you got to go to the store so I walk into the store with it huge fucking

line I wait an hour, the guy goes, no, you don't return it here. They send you a package when you call. Now I get back on the phone, push one, four, eight fucking choices. And then they go, we can't help you right now. You didn't pick the right choice. And they hang up on you. And then you call back again. And then you get passed through to fucking India and you can barely hear them it's like you're a phone company why is your phone line built in 1968 and then they tell me they're gonna send me a package to send it back never around dude four months this has been going on getting charged a hundred bucks a month and I fuck I kept losing it and then they

would hang up on me and so then I called and I stayed a month and I fuck it. I kept losing it and then they would hang up on me. And so then I called and I stayed really calm and I was super polite. But Verizon can suck my ass. You picked the point out on Verizon's jaw where you're gonna punch it. Exactly. I think I'm getting rid of,

I have YouTube TV which I love. I just don't watch, as you know, I only watch certain sports things if it's a big enough story. There's no real reason for me, I don't think, to be paying that. And I, you know, I pay for all the streamers, whatever. All right. Speaking of streamers and big stories and something I have seen, Karen Reed, the Massachusetts woman accused of killing her police officer

boyfriend in 2022, has been found not guilty of murder. Spoiler alert, ending one of the most watched trials in recent history. Ms. Reed's first trial collapsed in 24 after the jury could not reach a verdict. Her boyfriend, Boston police officer John O'Keefe was found Unresponsive in the snow outside a colleague's suburban home and later pronounced dead Miss Reed faced multiple charges was accused of that the only thing you ever pronounced is man and wife and dead What's that the only things that they ever pronounce you are man and wife and dead. Yeah, I guess you're right.

Sorry, do something with that. She faced well, listen, we all know this story, I guess. What have you seen on it? I think I watched most of the documentary. I have not seen I guess there's a series on HBO. I read an article in the New Yorker about it years ago. So I know that I know the brush the broad strokes of it, but it's a very Boston story because I'm trying to remember the details about him.

There was something wrong with him. Like he was, I don't even want to talk about it because I don't remember the details. In their closing arguments, prosecutors zeroed in on one of Miss Reed's own statements to a documentary series in which she said, quote, I didn't think I hit him. Maybe. And she goes, but that she may have clipped him. Yeah. How if you say that, how are you going Scott free here? Yeah, yeah. You can't clip. So I wonder what the take is. Like, you know, we would probably have the same take if we knew this story well. I wonder what it is. Like, is did she get away with murder? It's like I shot him, but not hard.

Right. I think I grazed him. Yeah. I didn't shoot him. But look, this is progress for Boston. At least they didn't try to pin it on a black guy. They still can. Maybe that's what got her off. Oh, that's what got her off, right? The old white. The lawyer just walked up and he was, your honor, she's white. Case closed. Your honor, a black family lives three quarters of a mile

away from the scene. Oh, whoa, whoa. Did you sit on this evidence? All right, let's get to the next story. We have to move fast today because I got to, I want to get to the hospital before she's out of surgery. She's going to be in for an hour and a half. I hate to say this, but your daughter has an old man inside her right now.

One in three Americans wake up already exhausted and their work productivity may be paying a serious price. By 11.54 a.m., the average person starts to fade completely. I can relate to that. Yeah. So they rate the biggest energy vampires being this is a weird one being interrupted or talked over tops the list of social energy drains affecting 15% of respondents. awkward small talk. I like that one follows that 11% blah blah blah.

customer service interactions 9% that's what I had with Verizon yesterday. Yeah, you did. Yep. Talking to strangers. Isn't that small talk? No, small talk is people you know, but you're talking about the weather. Oh boy, all right.

Strangers is where are you from. Unsolicited advice, office gossip, video calls. I think those save time if it kills a meeting, right? Lack of quality sleep dominates the physical energy drain at 42%. Never-ending cycle of housework and chores comes in at 28%. Financial worries, 26%. Bad weather, we don't have that.

We don't have it. Other than fire. Yep. we don't have that. We don't have it. Other than fire. Yep. Well, it sounds like an argument for working from home until you realize that masturbation drains 96% of your energy. It is no time. So anything to keep you on your feet is probably good. No. Here's what's not in this list. Although sometimes I masturbate during awkward small talk just to get through it. Well, it wasn't awkward. It was beautiful small talk till you start doing that. It's awkward for them.

They're getting drained before you drain yourself. But this is what's not here. Yet all these people, all these people with their 11% draining me and then I get interrupted. Oh, and office gossip is 6% and video calls. How about the, I don't know, 13 hours you're spending on social media? Right. Which you are volunteering. You are doing that.

Yeah. When I look at my, you know, they track how many hours you spent on your phone in a week, it's shocking to me. It's alarming. When I realize, four hours a day I'm on my phone. I'm like, I don't even remember being on my phone. It just has become so like folded into my daily life. A lot of people, including me,

are getting more disciplined about it. Like I realize I will fall asleep scrolling, wake up, and keep scrolling. And I just fell asleep. I'm in bed. And it's like 1.30 a.m. It's ridiculous. Also, have you done this? Well, you have a family that you still live with.

But when I'm here alone, I will make dinner, I will make myself a drink, like I will do really nice things for myself. I'm going to now go watch the end of the rehearsal, right, which I really want to see. I will sit down with dinner, I'll go on my phone. I will an hour later not have started the thing I sat down to watch. Yep. It's unbelievable. Or I'll get into bed, I rarely scroll when I get into bed because when I do, I'll do it for two hours.

Like what the fuck? And then I'm like exhausted the next day. So when I get up in the morning, I get up, I make my coffee and then I read the New Yorker or I read a book and I don't look at my social anything for like an hour after I wake up. Oh, and it's like a slot machine. It knows how to pull you, like you're like,

ah, this is yeah, whatever, stretching. Oh, you got a bit, this. And it's like, oh, golf swing. All right, I'll watch that. And then you're like, oh, this is lame, this is lame. Oh my God, an impossible ass. Wait, what, are those pajamas? Yeah, right. It knows like, oh, whoa, whoa, not so fast.

Stay, stay, stay awhile. All right, Los Angeles Dodgers say they denied ICE and their attempt to enter Dodger Stadium grounds. So this morning ICE agents came to Dodger Stadium and requested permission to access its parking lots. They were denied entry to the grounds by the organization. They said tonight's game will be played as scheduled. The exact nature of the reason why agents were at Dodger Stadium was not clear. The ice presence at Dodger Stadium comes as the Trump administration, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So the team, the Dodgers, are set to host the San Diego

Padres in Los Angeles Thursday. Listen, I'm obviously very, very against all of this, but I will say if my goal was to round up Latinos, you can bet the first place I'd go would be a Dodger Padre game. Look at San Diego's name. It's Padre. San Diego? Yeah even the city versus Los Angeles. Yeah I mean look if as long as they're not deporting Japanese guys I think the Dodgers are gonna be okay in this game. Yeah exactly. No everybody wants to go to this game like I swear to God I've had like three different wants to go to this game. Like I swear to God, I've had like three different people invite me to this game tonight.

And it's like, first of all, I do not go to weekday games at Dodger Stadium because when you live in Venice and you want to go at five o'clock to the east part of Los Angeles is literally two hours. Oh no. Of the ugliest drive. There is not a minute where it's not an unattractive drive. You've missed your chance to go if you're leaving after 2.30. Yeah, right. I saw it today.

I was coming, I went to, oh man, did I make a mistake? You know when the best time to go to Costco, I don't know if this is every city, is after work. But oh my God, dude, have you ever had this? I think we have the busiest Costco in the world. I'm pretty sure that I heard that. Yeah. I went there and this has never happened to me before. Not one Greg, not one parking spot in the entire. I literally go, you know, I'm like, forget this, I'll go to the furthest corner, which is a hike to Costco. And I go, I don't care.

It's like, it saves me time. Not, I had a, then everyone just would park and wait for people to walk out. Yeah, it's crazy. Anyway, Lincoln Boulevard heading south. It was like 2.45 or something when I was on my way back here. And already just wall to of the of the commute. That's when the

commute starts. Well speaking of Costco, we're gonna buy a TV there on the 4th of July sale and the reason why is because our TV died and then my daughter who hangs around, how do we describe her friends? They are not high functioning. Well, they may be high, which is why they're not functioning. And so she goes, Oh, my friend, Randy has a TV for us. I go, Oh, fucking great. So she brings it over. It's got no TV stand and it's got no remote control. And I'm like, well, but it over, it's got no TV stand, and it's got no remote control. And I'm like, well, but it's, but it's the right size. And I go, all right, fuck it, we'll invest a little money. So I order a TV stand online for it to Shiba.

I order the remote control online. I get the stand, put the TV up, put in the HDMI jack, put the TV up, put in the HDMI jack, I turn it on with the remote that came, and it's got bright dots on it, and then the screen goes black after about 30 seconds. Now I've bought, it took me 90 minutes to set up the fucking stand. It was so complicated, and now I gotta take the stand apart and mail it back.

Also, you don't, you know, like my Apple is the worst remote in the business. And so the remotes are so great on your phone, by the way, for whatever TV you have. Oh, right, right, right. But here's one thing I have, as you know, I have a very tricky living room because I have the fireplace thing. It has to be really high. So I had to get like a man. I now, and I've had friends do this, they just buy a really big smart TV

and they keep it like in their closet or behind like, you know, someplace, you know, where they don't see it. And they just bring it out when they wanna watch TV. I don't know how often you guys are watching. Who wants to do that? You gonna carry a big fucking TV every time we want to watch it

It's the light the thing weighs like 10 pounds. It's like a big monitor if that's your problem get it those projectors now are unbelievable Yeah Anyway, rather than me putting a weird mount that has to pivot down and all that stuff. Yeah Waymo announced plans Wednesday to bring its autonomous cars to New York City streets starting next month. By the way, is it me? Or are there waymo's everywhere? Literally, I see the west side each other. They they said there's 150 Waymo cars in Los Angeles. There are 150 in Venice that I say. Yep. Anyway, but in a change from its robotaxi service in other states, the company says it plans to have a person behind the steering wheel

to meet local regulations. Well, I think this is until they can program Waymo to honk at hot chicks and give the finger to people from New Jersey. One more useless cab driver in New York. Great. Perfect. Right. I mean, what a job little. I don't even know if he's allowed to talk. He's probably not allowed to touch the wheel. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That in Tosh point. Oh, it was like green screen. They're like, yeah, it's DJ. I'm like, that's cool. And then they're like, all right, so your cameraman and camera's DJ I'm like that's cool and then they're like alright so your cameraman and camera assist I'm like alright I go we just need a locked off it's a green screen so so anyway long story short the cameraman's job on Tosh point out was to make sure nobody, including him, touched the camera.

Hilarious. He was basically like a guard at a museum. Yeah. You know, like no one, that's an art installation. That thing, that Sony on a tripod, that's a piece of art. Nobody touch it. But what killed me, and I'm a Union guy, but what killed me was not only was he there

and how to do that. So, and I mean, he must've just read books constantly, but then the guy behind them, because usually then there's a guy behind him who has to keep track of all the cables and make sure they don't cross or get caught and jerk the camera when the camera is moving everywhere. Anyway, that's like the Waymo driver. All right, let's get ethical question. All right, here we go. All right, this is a heavy one. Are you ready?

Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, okay, wait, that's the wrong New York Times article. Here we go. So, should I, yeah, it's heavy. So trigger warning, should I tell my sister it's heavy. So trigger warning. Should I tell my sister what our brother did to me? Oh my God. It's worse than that.

My brother and sister, both more than nine years older than me, were sexually abused by our father before his death. That haunting fact destroyed almost all the light from my childhood. It destroyed my mother. I was spared our father's abuse, but some of my earliest memories are of being sexually abused by my brother for about two years until he ran away from home. I rarely saw him again. He died a few years ago. When our mother died, my sister took me in.

I was still a teenager. Oh, I felt indebted to her, but she made it clear that she thought I quote got off easy. But maybe the brother told her that and was and she and she resented me for it. Our relationship has left little room for my own pain. I've never felt permitted to discuss our mother's death, let alone my own trauma. I know her attitude toward me as a result of an unhealed wound, so I tried not to take it personally. I kept my brother's abuse a secret

until years into my marriage when the burden became unbearable. For 25 years, I protected my mother, my sister, my brother, and others by hiding this shame, which had never been mine to carry." So anyway, he's on his healing journey. He longs to share his story with someone I love who might understand what this abuse has cost me.

Blah, blah. Oh, this is a man that this happened to. Yeah. Oh, I was thinking it was a woman. Okay. But our complicated relationship makes me fear her reaction. What if she doesn't believe me? What if she pushes me further away or hates me for tarnishing her last good memories of our brother?

What if she blames herself? Part of me still wants to shield her from this painful truth. Does my sister have a right to know? Do I have a right to be fully seen by my family? What truths must we face? And when is the price of truth too high? I think it's an amazing question. Well, I'll put this to you. How would Jonathan Demme handle this? If he was going to tell his sister, Jonathan, he'd silence of the lambs. Yeah, yeah, of course. Wait. Yeah. Okay. I'm missing the cue. Well, I think that he would tell the sister that there were lambs in the house and

that the brother came in and that the brother did something to the lambs. Well no the brother tried to run away with the lamb. Right. And then the older brother got him. I think if she just told him that story, told the sister that story then she she'll just go, hey should we watch Silence of the Lambs tonight? And then let the sister put it together. She won't get it. She won't get it. No one believes me when I tell them sometimes. Yeah. What do you think honestly? I think you know it depends on what culture you're from. You know I think for some people like being Catholic it's so baked in that you don't talk about that stuff that because I've been in that situation to some degree and it's not talked about and it's not appreciated when it's talked about. If you're Jewish I think

that's a culture that heals, forgives, makes peace with, discusses. So I think it really depends on where you come from. So you think it's relative? Yes. Oh wow. Yeah, I don't know if the cost is too high. I mean, it's a shame that she resents. Maybe there's a way he could have her ask.

Like he could be like, listen, I have to tell you, it really very deeply bothers me when you say you resent me because I got off easy and I didn't get off easy. and I don't know if that's something you ever want to discuss. You know? Oh I see put it to her and she can say I'd rather not know. Yeah like I too was a victim in that house and I know you don't know and I and I don't know if you want to know but I just need you to

know that. Jesus what a situation my god you know, that's what they say. It's like most people that do that to kids had it done to them when they were a kid, you know? Yeah, that's a pretty fast turnaround. And in the house, I bet his wife feels strongly about him telling the sister. Yeah. I can see that. I can see that for sure. Anyway, more interesting than funny for sure, but I thought it was very interesting. All right, well, let's lighten it up with some entertainment news. Oh, why don't we do that? Here we go. I finished the rehearsal. You finished? Yeah, I finished it as well. Despite my Instagram feed and the algo grabbing me. What did you think? He's insane.

I mean I've always loved this guy and it's so funny because we turned it on and we watched the last season, me and the wife. And so we turned this one on and she was like, oh no. I go what do you wanna watch? Another fucking procedural cop drama or another thing about a female hit man in England? Like, can we fucking watch somebody who's taking a chance and exploring what TV can do?

Like, there's a guy that takes the budget that would normally go to 13 writers, and like you said, a DGA guy to hold the cable of the guy who's holding the camera. This guy took millions. He, I mean, this show probably costs $15 million. I mean, usually an episode of TV is about, at this point, like two or $3 million an episode. he did what was this about six episodes yeah but he built the airport terminal that's what I'm saying he spent the oh yeah he did he did and there were no writers and I mean I don't want to spoil it for anybody so let's keep it broad but I will just say this if you want to look at the limits of what TV can do, this is a

great example. He is so early on, well I guess that would give it away. But I had explained, Sophie had never really seen him, and I'm like, his show came on when Ben Hoffman's came on and we were at a lot of the like press parties together and all that and he he is exactly like they're like is he really like that I'm like no this is there is zero acting here and he is incredibly socially awkward and the rehearsal deals with that even first season deals with that a lot.

Yeah, right. Yeah, and it gets to a point where you don't even remember, which is a sign of any good kind of docu-series, is it finds itself along the way, which he very much does. I mean, you go back to, like, capturing the Freedmans and documentaries that, you know, that was supposed to be about a guy who was a clown in Long Island. Right. And then as you watch it, it turns out it's all about child molestation. The filmmaker didn't

know that starting the film. And so many, so many are like that. And if I not patting myself on the shoulder, but like that's all we kept referencing on the Brody thing. The Brody thing was going to be about who does Zach think is the funniest guy, kind of like Gervais thinks, I'm spacing on his name, is the funniest guy and he did Idiot Abroad and all that. Steven, Steven Marchant? No, no, Carl Pilkington. And so, and all of a sudden, the pilot gets picked up, and Brody has a complete mental breakdown,

and the series becomes about that. And I don't know what the hell, it would have been a fluffy, dumb reality show otherwise, and it became something meaningful. Right, right. The other show that is, you know, another exploration of artistryry and people thinking outside the box is the Pee Wee Herman it's a two-part docu-series. It's amazing. I think both of

us only watch the first it's but they're an hour and 40 minutes each but I watched the first one and first of all I was a Pee Wee Herman fanatic when I was a kid. I mean, I just was like, how do you not get fit? He reminds me of Kevin Meaney. He's a guy who just wants to be silly, who locks into a character and delivers you pure comedy. And it's loving and it's positive. He's amazing. I remember the Cheech and Chong movie. I was like, who is that guy?

He was in two scenes and I was so psyched. They all of a sudden brought him back in a scene where they ran into him doing standup comedy. Probably at the store, I assume. Well, he was doing a, well, wasn't that part of his one man show when they saw him? Or was that before that? No, I mean, I think it was one of the earliest just from because from the

Cheech and Chong went to the groundlings like we want to put some people we need some, you know, improv people in our movie. That's how it happened. Oh, okay. Yeah. I mean, he was in the groundlings. He started with Phil Hartman. Oh, writing partners. Yeah he wrote the Pee Wee's Big Adventure with him and then also Lorraine Newman was in the Groundlings with him. You know what's interesting I noticed they put up the screen Phil Hartman is the first name in writing credits on Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Oh no shit and he was in the movie. He played the guy in the box. And then they had a falling out. Of course. Which is too bad. But yeah, I think he's very controlling.

But how charming and also how funny is he in these interviews? Oh my God. So self-possessed. Wait, it might be the second one. Did you see when he froze? Yes. So subtle. Like everything he was doing on camera was so subtle. I mean, and that's the thing is he said the way he got hired at the groundlings, because what they do is they have these auditions where everybody just interacts in a room. So the new people are talking to the current cast members and they're trying to showcase what their talents are. And they said Pee Wee got a tray and he put a napkin over his arm

and he pretended he was a waiter and everybody else was going big and doing characters and pratfalls and he didn't speak he just reacted to people with his face. And they were like, this guy just stole the show. And I remember his stand up also. HBO, I think it was On Location, then they did his one man show thing. It was amazing. I think it was at the Roxy. Camille, like all his, and just the awkwardness.

I mean, my favorite was when he would, it was an awkward beat but then he would stare back at the audience like yeah like what like and it was it made it worse and it was so hysterical. Yeah all right let's skip Florida and Texas and get down to yes uh let's do a very quick round of the dates. What's the dates? This day in history. Oh my God, the dates. Here we go. Oh man, you want a quick round?

That's not gonna happen. But on this day, because I haven't read, didn't find, didn't have a lot of time. Here we go. We got American actor James Gandolfini. He died of a heart attack in Rome on this weekend in what year, give or take, three years. I'm giving you a lot here.

I feel like he died at least 10 years ago. So I'm gonna say 2015. I gave you three years, 2013. Nice. Can you believe it's that long ago though? I know. It's crazy. He used to snort coke with a waitress in the West Village that you know. He's part of Tom's crew and they had on and off against sex for a long time. Wow. I'm glad he didn't have a heart issue back then. That's how some people learn about their heart issues, doing cocaine when they're younger. Okay, despite those four lovely gals who just went to space, or five, six, Soviet cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova was actually the first woman to travel in space and she returned to Earth in the spacecraft on this day in

what year? Give or take eight years. Maybe she can teach my wife to come back to Earth. Oh boy. I would say the Russians were in space before us. That in the 60s I'd say they sent a woman up in the 70s let's say 1978 perfect 63 shit okay let's see we already they were trying to get rid of their women early well haha you're probably gonna know this give or take a year Jaws was released in theaters on this weekend. In what year? Give or take a year. Oh, come on. It's in the headlines. I'll say 1975.

It's 1975. Nice. Yeah, it's the 50th anniversary. Oh, I said it, I wasn't, I was thinking when you said that. I wasn't calculating that. Okay. Even though I probably couldn't have done the math that fast anyway. Once you get to 2000, my years get fucked up. Do you ever notice that? If it's like 1987? Right. It's so hard to get to 2025. You know, I mean, for me, and I don't know if it's my age or if it's everybody, like 2015 and now is just a blur. Yes. Yeah, even COVID is getting blurry. I'm like, was it, was it still going strong in 2022?

I don't remember anything from that year and a half period of time. I literally, it's like it collapsed. It collapsed and then nothing happened for that year and a half period of time. I literally, it's like it collapsed. It collapsed and then nothing happened for that year and a half. I'm worse, I have one memory, Tiger King. Yes. Okay, here we go. Last one, give or take, I have to think about this, American automobile racing driver, Barney Oldfield,

accomplished the first mile a minute performance in a car at Indianapolis, Indiana. A mile a minute in his car, probably out on that famous racetrack, and it was, what year, give or take, 15 years. So, 60 miles an hour, basically. 60 miles an hour. First guy to drive 60, well, let let's see in the 1930s is that first cars were what early 30s they said they said accomplish the first mile a

minute performance I guess it's a full picked it I know. I wonder if it was a steam-powered car or if it was gas powered. It has a big front this car he's way in the back. Bet you it's steam. Maybe. God imagine being behind the steam engine. I know. Alright one more. The first Ferris wheel, it was invented by George Washington Gale Ferris Jr. That name keeps going round and round. He was a Pittsburgh-based engineer. It made its debut at the World's Columbian Exposition in Chicago. I don't know why, but anyway, it made its premiere

on this year in Chicago, the first Ferris wheel, give or take 20 years. What year was the first Ferris wheel? 1879. Ah, you bitch! 1893. Nice. All right, we're out. Here we go. What are we doing? Let's get to, well we got a couple letters. We'll do them next week because I got to get to the hospital.

Let's go to, and we'll get to, we already talked about the Beach Boys. Let's get to the funnies. Here we go. All right. All right, last week's comic caption contest. You guys know the drill. We put up the picture, we describe it, you write in your punch lines at FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. It's the comic caption contest. The winner gets a koozie. KKK gets a K. And they're all great. We appreciate it. We try to pick the best ten or so, but there, you know, I pick them. I don't know what my taste is sometimes, so don't be offended if we

didn't pick yours. Last week, yeah, it was questionable at best. Tough one last week. So this week there's a man in boxer shorts and slippers with his hands up outside of a bathroom door, a home bathroom. The woman's inside with a towel around her and slippers and she's got a hairdryer aimed at the guy as if it's a gun and she's the one speaking. He looks very bug-eyed and scared. Brian Reed said, Georgine Zimmerman stands her ground

in the now infamous Revlon Martin case. Doesn't really hold up. The guy's white. Jason Cobb said, you said there wasn't any cum in my hair. Okay. All right. So she just dried it out. She didn't even wash it.

Yeah. She just... Then, who said this one? Darren Johnson said, You're not Terry Crews. Don't touch my Old Spice menopausal rainforest. Get that one at all. All right. That's a lot. Now that may get him. Ron Dvorak said, For $5,000 reality star Stephanie Matto will use a blow dryer to shoot hot farts

at your face. Okay. Oh, she's maybe the one that farts in a jar. Okay. All right. Stovetop said you wanted two hot blowjobs, right? All right. I got to let people know we got many blowjob jokes, so not too many made

it in. Yuri Chateel said tell me who this is you bald-faced liar. Tell me who's this is you bald-faced liar. Meaning the hairdryer? I guess so. Okay. I shouldn't have questions. David Bentley said, "'Born without eyelids, "'Carl was deathly afraid of hair dryers.'" In the picture, it looks like he has no eyebrows or lids. Eyelashes, is that what he said?

Eyelids. Oh, all right, yeah, that's true too. Rich Butchko said, Yeah, I took your slippers. What are you going to do about it? It doesn't make sense because he's currently wearing slippers in the picture. Yeah, that doesn't hold up. David Harriman said, So the lady yells, Hey, Ron Jeremy, let me show how it feels to blow you open wide okay all right I don't think there's any winners this week it might be one more oh Jane S said find another toilet I'm not gonna work find another toilet I'm not going to

work smelling like your ass that's not bad Let's give it a Jane. Yeah. She saved the day. She saved the day. Thank you Jane. Last minute. Alright we're going to send you a koozie. I don't know if she's won one in the past. Jane is one of our artists who has not only done many many graphic designs for us she's also done some music so we're happy to send her a little cooze action. Yes we'll get it in about three years. Next week's comic caption is there's a man laying on a couch there's a therapist sitting in the armchair he's got a notepad the man laying down has a pillow on his chest and he's talking and the therapist his eyes are a scant he's

sort of peering off to the side as he writes in the notebook and the man talks on the couch so it sort of has a oh boy look yeah all right here's a professional comic for you the Lockhorns Leroy is at a cocktail party talking to a guy and Loretta's over there talking to a woman and Leroy says Loretta's shy about telling her age by about 10 years. But a boom-ba. Bam! Hard joke. Alright here's an old BC I think it's old anyway you got the guy maybe his name is BC, and you see a rock with a little slot in it and it says resolutions. And on another rock tablet, he is writing or chiseling, I guess, I resolved to be less competitive and plop, he drops it in. And in the third frame,

he's walking away and there's a guy behind him online and he turns to him and goes, beat that one. There you go, all right. It's a little joke. Simple. Joke. I like that there's not much words. There's something about it being set in prehistoric times like Hager the Horrible that just gives it a little edge. It gives it some context. It just makes everything they say just a little bit more.

I don't know. More funny. It's weird. I mean, they had to do resolutions all year long, there was no new year. That's right. Right? Finally, we're gonna round it out with a blondie that I'm not gonna lie to you. Look at her.

There's no point in putting this in joke-wise, but if you go on YouTube, watch the show, and take a look at this goddamn woman. She has on a white silk mini skirt with a tight velvet black top where her bosom, I mean 34 double D, 34 F, yet full and firm and high with a thin arm coming out, and her fingers are extended in kind of a sultry way.

Oh, and she goes, dear, I have some bad news. Are you sitting down? And then he says, I'm sitting down, what is it? And now we cut to him and he's sitting at his desk and she goes, are you sure you're sitting down? He goes, I'm sure. And then she goes, are you super sure? And then he thinks, thought bubble,

I have a feeling I should be lying down. Yeah, you should be lying down underneath that fucking goddess. You should be sitting down while she goes reverse cowgirl and you reach around and you grab those fun bags and you chew that yellow golden hair as you thrust that semi soft piece of meat. I can't even think about his part in this. I can only think about her part in it.

Think about her alone. Just help everybody out including yourself. Jesus. Oh, Mike, I hate to leave you. I know it's an hour and 13 minute podcast, which is not is not bad no but I know we're all praying for my daughter right now I'm gonna be there before she wakes up my wife is there now I think my son is on his way over my mom said she's praying for her which oh help that'll help it's kind of like what Republicans do hopefully it's more more effective than what they do after school shootings. Yeah, right. Lots of prayers. Well listen, don't look at your watch too much as soon as she wakes up. Like give her time. I think the idea almost should be the family's idea. Like do we want to go home?

Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, I know I know I'm gonna check with the hospital and say what what does this run exactly a night at the because the Hilton is about 205 up the up the street. By the way that's not a bad thing go listen Jojo how about this you have a choice we can you could spend a night here alone in the hospital, or you want to go to Casa Del Mar, and we'll get a fucking kick-ass room, and we'll order room service. And you know what the room service at Casa Del Mar costs versus UCLA Hospital? It's like 30 to one less than UCLA.

All right. All right, well, thanks for listening, you guys. Don't forget to come on out. I will be in Torrance on June 29th at the end. Get tickets at FitzDogg.com. All right, everybody. What do I have to promote? No, I don't think I do. I mean, I guess the rehearsal. Okay, the rehearsal rehearsal we'll talk about part two of Pee Wee Herman next week. Take it ish! Take it ish! If you'd like to get the news from two new Alec dudes, oh yeah It's the Sunday babies, baby While they're gathering the facts, trying to make you laugh, oh oh It's the Sunday baby, yeah

It's the Sunday baby, it's baby It's the Sunday people's baby. It's the Sunday people's baby.