Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 271 7/6/25

Episode Date: July 6, 2025

Transportation Secretary Duffy demands the removal of rainbow-colored crosswalks; Diddy will be held captive for less time than the women at his parties and Tesla’s driverless cars are running amok. Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube! Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest” Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Find Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTime Make sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram:  Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmons Mike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sit back, relax, kick off your shoes. Greg and Mark will tell you about the last week's news. It's been a while, but they're back at last. Sunday Papers, Monica. Read all about it. Read all about it. Sunday Papers, slapping down on the front stoop hey everybody coffee gurgling in the machine cat sitting on your lap wife is still

asleep you've got you've got an hour don't touch yourself read the paper what a way to spend that free hour right here with us. I really blew yesterday with that. I mean, whatever. What do you mean? I just, I had a lot to do and I masturbated and I lost all my energy. You don't think you will. You're like, I'll just get this out of the way. And then you're just depleted.

Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, listen, man, it's like, it's like being a drug addict. It's like I can self soothe, I'm feeling anxiety about something, maybe it's the things you have to do, whatever. And you promise yourself I'm not gonna do that, I'm not gonna do that again. Then you do it and you know the second it's over, you're like why the fuck did I do that?

How did I do this? You have a needle sticking out of your arm. Yep, you're nodding, you're nodding up and down. My rule is, and I'm religious about this, never jerk off on Mondays. What? Because I'm coming out of the weekend, I got a lot of shit to do,

so I just never jerk off on Mondays. That's interesting, and you follow that rule. I follow it like scripture. Wow, that I don't follow a lot of rules. But that's one of them. I should try that not. Not this week. I'm in Florida Monday. I'm gonna button maybe the week after when you're in Florida. Oh my god. Yeah, the smell of the ocean breeze. What do you think Pee Wee Herman was up to? He went to visit his parents in Florida. Right, right. Yeah, it's a weird one doing it in your parents' house though.

Not for me. I get over that hump. I muscle right through it. I was thinking about this show about ADHD and how I think that this is a podcast that's as good as anybody's, but we don't make enough clips. We don't go on other people's podcasts. All the things you do to build up a podcast, we don't make enough clips. We don't go on other people's podcasts. All the things you do to build up a podcast, we don't do. We're just good at like, we write the stories down and then the ADHD kicks in when we're actually doing

the show and we think of funny stuff. But we don't have the perseverance to do all the stuff that would make us get better numbers. I think that often when I hear podcasts I'm like wow you really wrote I mean basically you are reading us your newspaper article you know a very long more like a magazine article. And no jokes. Oh yeah no I know but but it's like I yeah we would try to do it unwritten

and just be like, have an outline, you know, bullet points. Yeah. But, yeah. What a, I had such a fucking great week with my other podcast. First I had Phil Rosenthal on, you know, the guy that created Everybody Loves Raymond. Of course, of course.

And he's got the show called Somebody Feed Phil. Right. And he's just the show called Somebody Feed Phil. And he's just a guy that consistently, people don't just say he's a good guy, they go, he's one of the best people I've ever met. So he comes in, he's been on the show like three or four times, we've gone out to dinner. I used to go to this brunch that he would have

at Cantor's Deli on the East Side. Anyway, he comes in, he does the podcast, charms the shit out of everybody, and he goes, hey, you know, cause he's the master of restaurants. He goes, who wants to go out to lunch? So my two producers, we just fucking walk right out the door with him.

He takes us to this place called Dr. Sandwich, which is just this little Middle Eastern place on it's on Olympic. And we just went in and the food was unbelievable. And to do it with him and he's telling you what to order and which sauces to get. And he was just so magnanimous with the producers. And it was just like one of those days, you're like, this is this is why I do this fucking podcast nice so that's Monday and then Wednesday ready for this Larry Charles comes on the show right so out of the blue Larry if you

don't know Larry Charles is he's probably he's one of the biggest comedy writer producers directors in the Seinf years. Seinfeld, Borat, yeah. He was the original Seinfeld writer for the first five seasons. He directed the Borat movies, all the Sacha Baron Cohen movies. He directs Curb Your Enthusiasm. He directed and, you know, he ran the show for Entourage. On and on. Mad About You. So he follows me like four or five months ago out of the blue.

I'm like, why the fuck would Larry Charles follow me? And then I see on his post that he's got a new book out. So just, you know, I throw it out there. I DM him. And he DMs me back five minutes later. Love to come on the show. So he comes on. Amazing. Yeah, you had me that. That's incredible. And we just like completely he's a deal. He you know, he he he directed a movie for Bob Dylan. They wrote it together. Now I told you to bring up a meeting he was with Bob Dylan.

Well, it was more than a meeting. It was it was like six months of being in a room with him for like 12 hours a day. Right. And then I watched the movie. It's the most trippy, highly recommended. It's called Masks and Anonymous. So anyway, we talk about Dylan, we did an hour, I think 35 minutes of it was talking about Dylan. It was so fucking great. You got to listen to it because he's so much great so many great stories and then he's like Text me after he's like hey, man. I'd really like to keep in touch outside of the Outside of the interview he goes. Let's get together and talk without the microphones. It's like really So it's kind of a fucking great week. That's amazing. Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah Where does he live in the valley his house burned down in Malibu oh man so now he's yeah now he's in Encino

but yeah he fucking lost lost everything brutal he's you imagine how many irreplaceable videos he had from over the years and scripts? Oh, I know. Oh, yeah. Cast sign. He probably had the first Seinfeld script signed by everybody, all that type of stuff. And the photos. Yeah.

But how was your week? Good. So I finished up, I was on a gig and it doesn't really matter what it was. But anyway, and in the room was this young black female writer who was just the life of the party and really funny. And what I love sometimes about jobs is there's just a young person who isn't jaded or cynical yet. And they're just a joy and you're just like, you poor thing. No, but it really is inspiring.

Anyway, she got little gifts based on like a room joke for everybody. But she's like, oh, you know, and there's a card in there too. Anyway, she writes me a thank you card and it's the nicest card and it's like, you know, the honor of where, you know, like so flattering. Yeah, read it, read the whole thing. No, no,, the honor of where, you know, like so flattering.

No, read it. Read the whole thing. No, no, no, no, no. It's too flattering. I'm uncomfortable. But like everything. I feel like I became a better writer, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then, um, and you can't wait. Hopefully our paths cross again. All this stuff. And then she's like, um... Oh. I'm leaving this experience

with one more white guy I can trust in this industry. So that makes a total of two. Okay. By the way, it's a really short card. And she goes, I pray we collaborate again, ba ba ba, your daughters are, this is how she ends the note, your daughters are so lucky to have a dad

who's funny and comes back from the store. Love you. Dude, that destroyed me. That destroyed me. That destroyed me. It's like, all right, do you want to attach the one woman show that goes along with that final line of the card? It's incredible. I read it to Olivia. Olivia literally gasped and put her hand over her face.

Can I just tell you, I've written on a lot of black shows in my life. That's my niche for some reason. And look at you. It's the maroon man. And it's an ongoing conversation about not just single moms, but and I hope this doesn't come up as like, dude, is it my place to even talk about talk about? But I'm just regurgitating what was said in these rooms. And the biggest thing on one show was how many, there were like three or four writers in the room whose dads had a second family that they did not know about. Oh man. It's like a phenomenon. That's crazy.

Meanwhile, most white guys have one family that they don't know about. Except Charles Carrault, remember that guy, Sunday morning guy? No. Total secret family. Oh really? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was, and his show was on the road with Charles Carrault.

Yeah, on the road, all right. There was a really good documentary, I think it was called My Father the Architect, and it was about this woman growing up, and her dad was in the same town, like a medium-sized town. Oh, wow. He had a whole other family, and he managed to make it work the entire, their entire. well he's good at structure you know he's good at building

building something that works. Hello? Hi I'm on the podcast sweetie. Who's that? Sophie. Tell her I say hello. Well I'm taking in New York or meeting in New York. I go to Florida tomorrow July 4th. Greg says hi. Oh, your airtags are there by the door. She came over and she hung out with JoJo. I always worry when my daughter takes your daughter out because I think she takes her into a world she's not used to. Whatever it is, she loves it. Yeah, I think she does love it. I just. Oh, yeah. You know. Absolutely. JoJo has to visit now that Owen and Sophia are in New York.

Yes. Well, JoJo also needs, she got a new job. She's a personal assistant for a woman who has a famous shoe label. Oh, wow. And what about bartending on the side? Still has her four other jobs. She bartends two nights a week.

She babysits one night a week and she teaches kids how to swim. Little kids have to swim on the weekends. Oh, my God. Doing this show. But she knows she has to cut down on some jobs. Wow. Well, I don't know how much you'll be able to get away this summer, but I will see her because I'm going to be there the last week of July and I'll make sure I take her and Owen out to dinner. Nice.

Yeah. I'll send you a bill. Thank you. Yeah. Heading to Florida was I'm going there. So this is Thursday before July 4th. Heading to Florida. Want to go congratulate Trump myself on his big, beautiful bill.

It's so beautiful. It's so big. And so big. So heading there for a few days, my dad's birthday, and then up to New York. Is this 85 for your dad? Exactly, on the nose. Fuck. What are you getting him?

He is going, he's going on this cruise in July down like probably the Danube. It's a river cruise. I hope it's one of those cruises where like 5,000 black people are on the deck dancing. I think that would be the same him. He's going to be tortured no matter what. This is like a high-end European river cruise. So he's going to Europe. Anyway, I was telling Olivia about that,

or no, Sophie, I was telling Sophie about it. And I go, she's like, I can just see him kind of going crazy being trapped on a boat. I'm like, oh yeah, and I go, and you don't even know the guy. He's so much mellower. You know, you have to explain our parents to the grandkids

that they're getting a much different version than what we grew up with. Yeah, this is Mike 2.0, yeah. But I told a quick story, and I probably told this years ago, maybe on your podcast, but, so we had a family vacation when I was like 20 or 21 or whatever, and we went to Club Med, and we get there, and I- Where? or 21 or whatever. And we went to Club Med and we get there and.

Where? Turks and Caicos. And we go there as a family and I believe it was Turks and Caicos anyway and maybe a Luthor. So anyway, we go, we get there and when we arrive, my dad goes, so where do I get the papers in the morning to a woman and she's like, oh, sir. And she's so happy.

She's like Polynesian or something. And she's just like, sir, that's the thing. There are no papers here. He's like, come again. And and we're like, oh, oh. And she's like, no, look, that's our slogan. And she points behind her at the wall. We're the antidote to civilization. He

turns to us and goes, if I knew that was our slogan, we wouldn't be here. And he goes, why? That's the worst slogan I've ever heard. Why would anyone reject civilization? Right? This is who this is who we're mellowing out with. So what he did, story He then was troubled not present at all and then at dinner He went up and he goes listen when does the next group of people we came in on a big bus that picked us up At the airport. When does that next bus arrive? She's like, oh, you know, there's a Chicago one coming in at like 8 a.m Or whatever 7 a.m And then and then there's another one coming in from like wherever. And she gives him the layout.

He's like, all right, let me write those down, fine. He meets the bus and he sees dudes with newspapers and he goes, listen, when you're done with that newspaper, may I have it because this place, and anyway, cut to, to make the story a little shorter, cut to by day three, he is the most popular guy at brunch. and type A dads are getting their newspapers. That's how he never went in the water. That's how he spent his Club Med, yeah. Yeah.

We never went on vacation. I don't know why. My dad had a house in Florida for a few years and we used to go down there, but. Yeah, it was like there was an alligator in the water. Yeah, there was a big alligator named Carmichael who was like 12 feet long, who lived out front, so that was fun.

And so we had that for a few years, and then we went to California once. And that's literally, we never went to Europe, we never went to camping, we never did anything. It was fucking crazy. Well, he was so busy, are you kidding me? No, he was unemployed for he would be unemployed for a year at a time sometimes

because, you know, he was in radio. He loses jobs. He constantly doing video and stuff. Yeah, yeah, he was. But he had the sweetest gig. He did the coming up next on Showtime Voices. You know, they like.

Oh, I did. I literally did those at HBO. Oh, you did? Oh, yeah, that's part of, sometimes we'd rotate. That's all part of on-air promos. I bet you didn't make what my father made. Oh, I'm sure he did very well. Guess how much you made. No, no, no, I didn't.

Guess how much you made in the 19. I'm saying I produced them. I didn't do them, I produced them. Oh, yeah, okay, guess how much he made in the 1980s to say he'd go in for an hour or two a week, record all of them and be done. Guess how much he got a year. I can't imagine.

$400,000. No, no, no, no. In 1980s money. That's what voiceover got. My father was one of the biggest voiceover guys in New York. So he could command that he had, Don Buchwald was his agent. That's Howard Stern's agent. And yeah, he got he got paid way more for commercials than he did for the

the radio show was just like his audition for commercials. So his voice was out there. Yeah, it was like a like that's how some people view their Comedy Central shows. It's like a promo for their stand up like when they go on the road now they can do theaters and stuff. I don't know my special I laid out all the money on my special myself I'll never make that money back but I've definitely been more of a draw this year than I was the year before. Good for you man. I want to give a shout out our friend Rob Dukes and Melody, you know Rob Dukes, the singer of Exodus. Of course. Yeah.

So Rob Dukes proposed at Disneyland to his amazing girlfriend, now fiance, Melody Myers. She does my videos, but I know him. I was thinking about it last night cause I hung out with them last night. They came to my show. I don't even remember how I met him, but I hang out with him in Phoenix,

and we hang out here in LA, and he's in the middle of a world tour. They played to 50,000 people on this European tour. I always feel bad. We were trying to put it together, and it's all my fault of doing this podcast. He has a podcast, I believe. He does.

So I owe him big time. He's so sweet and we got that framed artwork of all of our sort of logos at one point, right? Yeah, he's a fucking madman. He rides, he does car races in the desert. He flipped his car a couple weeks ago during a race. Oh man. He rebuilds old Porsches and he yeah, he's a mad man. Anyway, logo this week comes from Bob. Nice Bob. Pretty fucking cool. I got blondie on the front of the bike. That's where you want her and then you reach around and you hold on. I look like a like a little I

look like a cucked person like as if you're riding with my wife. Yeah, even your bike is smaller. Yeah, I know, it's completely emasculating. Look at that thing. The song was from Blake Levin, or Levon. I sent it to you. Did you listen to it? No, you didn't send it to me when.

Yes, I did. Check your text right now. Oh, hold on. Oh my, oh. it's a beautiful you're right. You sent it to me yesterday. Well, listen to it right now. Amazing production value. instrumentation. I mean, we can't look when we get something like this. It's kind, what do you call it from the gods? Manon from the,

Yeah, man. It's a gift. We don't expect this level. That was pretty nice. We just like you guys to be involved. We've been doing this show five years. We have different theme song every show for five years. And Blake, this goes up there with one of the best. Oh yeah are

you kidding me like and it sound a little Yacht Rock-y. A little Yacht Rock-y. And I'm looking up a Yacht Rock song so Sophie wanted didn't want to hear my shit the other day so she's like let's just play Yacht Rock and you know the song I wanna kiss you all over. Remember that one? Yeah. It was such like a, honestly I don't think I've heard that since it was genuinely like in the rotation. Well, dude, I listen to the 70s channel on SiriusXM and I hear songs that I know every Exile, 1978, yeah. I know songs from the 70s that I know every word to and literally have not thought

about since 1979. Like my baby takes the moment that was every morning. I was every morning. That's juice. No, nine to five. And yeah, every day. Down in Nashville, uh, I don't know if it was, no, it was, I'm blurring it with Eddie Rabbit, same bus ride, Eddie Rabbit, I love a rainy night or something like that.

But there's the morning train, a nine to five, but then there's another one by a woman. Anyway, it's- Down in Jamaica they got lots of pretty women. Steal your money then they break your heart. Maybe it was Ricky Lee Jones. Anyway, that has been mailbox money. Like that person could live a good life because of the amount of airplay that that thing got.

And I'm sure Juice Newton's the same thing with that. Oh, Juice Newton, yeah, yeah. Or 10cc had a few. Oh yeah, no, 10cc. And you know what 10cc stands for, right? What? That's the average amount of ejaculate. I'm not kidding. That's what they named

themselves after. That's the volume, the volume of the average volume of ejaculate. We had a few corrections. Manny said, did Mike actually think that General Custard led the cavalry and not the cavalry? Calvary refers to the hill outside Jerusalem where Jesus was crucified. Well first of all, are you gonna do a correction and refer to Jesus Christ, details of Jesus's life as fact? Right, good point. Cavalry refers to troops trained to fight when mounted on horseback. All right. Little big hill.

You know, it's so close. I probably did invert those. Yeah. I invert. How can you hear that difference? But I didn't think I articulated that well. Timothy, I always say Timothy Chalamet or Shamale. Yeah.

All right. And then somebody wrote in, they just want to give us some context. Emmanuel Huna said that regarding Tesla robot taxis, here's more context. Tesla robo taxis and Waymo's are involved in one tenth of the traffic accidents compared to manually driven cars. 16,000 accidents and over 120 people die every day in traffic accidents alone. That's 40,000 people a year. Anyway, it goes on and on so yeah it's that kind of takes away from a joke I wrote because we have ours later yes it's in the news yeah that's my joke this is in addition to improving the lives of those who are blind or

handicapped or simply women that will prefer a robotaxi instead of an uber driven by a guy for safety reasons Yeah Programmed by elon musk. How long is it gonna take best with gals? How long right? How long will it take by the way, you know, his father Is fucking his the the stepdaughter that he raised from the age of four and they have a child, if not more children together. Yes, I do.

Oh, maybe, maybe because Elon's so on the spectrum. I forgot to mention this up top when we're just generally catching up. Right after this, I'm gonna go meet the creator of love on the spectrum for a coffee. No. Where Olivia works on Abikini. Yesterday, all of a sudden, I get this text like,

Mike, are you on Abikini? Did I just see you walking down? And it's him because during the pandemic, I wrote essentially a love letter in an email to him, which I, the subject line, which Sophie laughed at because she was with me when he contacted me, was inappropriate direct contact. And then I explained that basically I'm a fan

and that all the comedians here in LA just worship that show because we're so guarded and overthink and try to manipulate people's opinions of us and it was so pure and refreshing to see his show. So anyway, we stayed in touch. How did you get it to him? I went on IMDB, I went on all these things and somehow found his email.

And that's why I apologized of how, if I could have, I would have maybe found his rep and done that. What time are you meeting him? One. All right, you meeting him? One. All right, so he's there now. Right. And he won't need to order lunch because he's got it in a lunch box.

No, no, he's not on the spectrum. He's very sensitive and non-exploitive, which is the key to that show. Tour dates coming up. I will be at the mothership this weekend, July 4th through 6th. Well, yeah, 6th is the only night you'll be able to see me when this airs.

Batavia, Illinois, just announced. That's about 40 minutes west of Chicago at the Comedy Vault. Wow. July 25th and 26th. Pottstown, PA at Soul Joles, July 31st. Point Pleasant, New Jersey, Uncle Vinny's August 1st and 2nd. Also coming to you in La Jolla, Denver, Connecticut, Vegas, Chicago, New Orleans, San Francisco,

Cleveland, Sacramento, Philly, Lexington, Fort Worth. Just announced a bunch of new dates. Go to FitzDog.com, get some tickets, come out and support live comedy. I got a new hour. There go all right oh boy are we cranklin you should come back to say Sacramento with me oh yeah wait what date or you could come to Vegas October 13 through I saw that dude come out to Vegas that week I got a room with an extra, it's a suite with a fold out bed. Oh, great. A fold out couch in Vegas. Say no more. Hold

on a minute. Sacramento. Oh, you're talking about in 2026? Yeah. Maybe that, what I loved about going to Sacramento last time is I stopped in Yosemite on the way back. That's not happening in February. I mean it could. No, but Vegas will be fun. Brad Garrett will be there. We'll hang out with Brad.

We'll gamble. We'll play some golf. Topgolf is right there at the MGM. Oh, fantastic. So pull out couch and Topgolf. It's like almost a bed and almost golf. Is it a Brad Garrett look alike? All right, let's get a crinkle. Here we go. Front page. Oh, yeah.

Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy is asking governors in all 50 states to remove rainbow crosswalks that were installed to celebrate Pride, arguing without evidence that drivers get so distracted when they see the rainbow that they crash their cars. And as you would guess, it's almost always guys getting rear-ended. Yeah. Well, this is why they're distracted. They're seeing me walk across with a full erection. It's a turn-on, dude.

I agree, get it out of there. Get it away. I don't want to see it. And instead of walking, you have to sashay. That's the thing about these. Yeah, of course. I thought it was a skip walk, or a cross dress walk. I didn't know it was still called a cross walk. Yeah, they have a little clothing rack there.

You grab a dress, you throw it on, and you leave it at the other side. Yeah, God bless them. Yes, Sean, get that at Sean. Time well spent. Well spent, yes. I mean, we've got everything buttoned down, and. Get that out, Sean. Time well spent. Well spent. I mean, we've got everything buttoned down and now it's like, you know, a lot of people would just look for busy work to seem, you know, like they're working, but not you.

You, in a time when it's completely dead and there's not a lot to fight for and representing people, you have found a legit issue. God bless. And you are gay, Sean. We know that. You know found a legit issue. God bless you are gay, Sean. We know that. You know, it's weird. There is one of those in on Abbot Kenny that you just mentioned there's a gay bar or it was a gay bar until every straight person thought, Hey, you know what would be fun? Let's go to the gay bar. And the

gays all left and now it's a straight bar with a rainbow crosswalk in front of it that's all that's left that's gay but I mean you almost don't it's a bit Kenny of why I'm surprised they're not all gay okay all the rainbows I feel gay when I walk across it I really do I walk around it because I don't want to walk right into Roosterfish after walking across that crosswalk. I got news for you.

Every time you're walking on Abbot Kinney, you're gay. You're gay. Yeah. That's where I'm meeting this guy at once, so we'll see. All right, what do we got here? Oh, a lawsuit filed in California. The Lululemon company accused Costco of selling knockoff, you know, their sweatshirts

and jackets and their pants. And Lululemon also accused Costco of its ABC pants. Those are the ones I think, remember, how did they make news? They were see-through, weren't they? Oh, yeah. So anyway, they retail the Lululemon for 130 bucks. But under Costco's own brand Kirkland, they are $20. And this is the best part, which is in order for this to be a legitimate lawsuit, Lululemon has to prove that they're basically a replica of their pants, which they charge 134 versus 20.

Yeah. And that's the thing is like, apparently since the tariffs, there's these Chinese companies that are putting out the products that are, you know, Chanel, or I don't know if Chanel, but whatever we put out in high-end stores, and you can buy them direct for exactly, for like a 10th of the price.

Yeah. By the way, I haven't seen many Costco shoppers that can struggle their way into a pair of yoga pants. Hey, hot tip. When you're walking over to those yoga pants, skip the free samples. Skip all the free samples that are handing out. Yeah. You're not going to want those.

Yeah. Let me buy a palette of Captain Crunch and some lycra tights. Those those two things go together. Luckily, Costco has that great return policy after these Costco shoppers try to wedge themselves into them and rip them apart. But it's all right if you rip them apart because you had to buy 75 pairs. Perfect. Oh here we go Diddy sentenced. Sean Diddy Combs was acquitted of racketeering and sex trafficking charges and found guilty on two lesser charges of transportation of former girlfriends for prostitution. Transportation? It seems like forcing them to have sex might be more of an issue than a limo

with an open bar. Why is the transportation the issue? How about beating the crap out of one of the women, his girlfriend? The verdict is seen as a victory for Combs, who was cleared of the women his girlfriend the verdict is seen as a victory for Combs who was clear of the most serious charges His defense team opted not to call a witness before it rested the judge This is the biggest story out of this the judge denied bail and so he has to stay Incarcerated till his sentencing which is in October Damn, I know but I mean he is a flight risk for sure. And then they think he's gonna get jail time, but boy, it turns out Diddy is still very, very slippery.

That's what we've learned. Yeah, that's why that black girl says you made her a better writer, Mike. Yeah, exactly. He got off off easy as opposed to during the crimes where he took where it took props, a mask, baby oil and male prostitutes to get this guy to have an orgasm. Yeah. Did he gets off again? That should have been the New York Post headline.

Oh, yeah. There you go. Did we shoot a pilot for that and whatever happened to that? It's still in development. I don't think it's a long process. On Saturday, Tesla announced that it made the world's first fully driverless delivery of a car. This is ahead of the rocky launch of his Robo taxi service. So in the promotional video, the Model Y rolls out of the Tesla Gigafactory

in Austin. Nobody's inside. It drives through the city where it pulls up and parks on a red-colored curb where it conspicuously says, no fire lane. So I wonder like are parking fines included in the exorbitant price of the car? Is that why it's so expensive? Well it's also like who's the head engine? Who oversaw and approved the programming of the car? The guy who truly lives like no rules apply to him. So this this tracks completely. Yeah, I think it feels like it was designed by a guy who was on ketamine and MDMA. Yeah. So yeah, maybe this is Musk's way of getting rid of homeless people in Austin. And then my joke, buddy, you set it up top because it's not a joke. It's like, it's still safer than the most human drivers. Are you kidding me? I think Tesla's next project

Musk should start making robotic immigrant laborers Just if he wants a successful company, I'm not saying I agree with it and then maybe he can make robotic ice agents and then make robotic ice agents. And then we can play a video game where you can either be an immigrant or an ice agent and you control the bot and he charges you for that. And then we realize we've been in a game a simulation the whole time. Right being controlled. All right, it's time for an ethical question. Here it comes.

Let me find some New York Times. A lot tamer than last week. Yeah, last week was pretty hardcore. A woman in my book club never reads the books. Can I expose her? So she reads reviews online and passes off the opinions as her own. She I'll summarize here. She basically I think confides in this person that she hasn't read them or anything. She didn't have time. And she then though comes with very virtue signaling like views and these big insights. And so the question, Greg, is do you expose this fraud?

She probably then goes from the book group to an AA meeting where she just reads excerpts of Hunter S. Thompson novels. Let me see here. She goes, in the days before a meeting, she will casually share with me that she couldn't get into it, but she never says so to the other members. I sit there steaming and let's see, she relies on reading online reviews for a perspective. She then speaks with great authority at the meetings as though those are her personal opinions. So is she admitting that she didn't read the book?

Not to the group. Well, I think the woman's probably saying more intelligent things than the other women are saying. As somebody that held a book group on my were you part of that? I tried. I'm not a strong reader. It was Charlie Kaufman's Ant-Man and we Oh, I've done that on my own, though. I wish I had been a part of it. Oh my god, was that funny.

We had like eight or 10 book groups. That's what it was. That book was daunting, man. How many? 700 something pages? Yeah, it's 714 pages But people loved it and I didn't I didn't care What I loved was that different people had such different takes like we had like a couple of real working class people and their takes were just so bare and honest about some of it that was pretentious. And then you had people that were very literate, that were kind of finding themes and stuff that made it interesting.

So no, good for her. She's bringing in some intelligent opinions. I'm all for it. So this guy said what I had an idea that I had, the ethicist who's giving, chiming in like we are, but I disagree. I think he then soft peddled his suggestion. So he goes, yes, if she insists on dominating the discussion with borrowed insights, you could offer a gentle redirect asking about a moment the reviewers may not have touched

on like what did you make of Patrice's experience as a water jack? But the goal isn't to humiliate her. I think it is. Right. Like, you are consciously looking for something to trip her up, and it will humiliate her of course you I mean you're you're calling her out you're asking her something you're basically saying are you going to lie to us right now.

And I love that the question about Patrice being a water Jack you ask that no matter what the book is that's a really fucker up. But don't you think when Patrice wore blackface that what did you I had a lot of trouble picking it back up again? What about you? Yeah, how did you feel about her thoughts on the trans population and how they shouldn't reproduce?

Yeah. Also, when she molested that little boy, and the book connoisse the argument the algorithm we're off the algorithm. We're off the algorithm. As opposed to the first 40 seconds of the podcast where we both talked about jerking off. Oh boy. It was New York Times RAPE. That should be different. Yeah. All right. Let's get to entertainment. Here we go. Charlie's Theron. Is it Theron or Theron? Theron. Theron? I think. Well she's South

African so I'm sure it sounds different. She's on board for one-night stands. I've probably had three one-night stands in my life, the 49 year old said on her call her daddy podcast. But I did just recently fuck a 26 year old and it was really fucking amazing. How much do we love Charlize Theron? And I've never done that. I was like, okay, this is great. Okay. When it comes to her dating life, Theron has no issue telling it like it is. She confirmed earlier this month that she's on Raya. Oh, yeah, has a lot of thoughts about the men she comes across on the app quote, no Burning Man photos, no photos of you with other women. I don't care. She said, I don't want to know that you have you

have girlfriends. And I don't want you shooting a fucking selfie in your closet of your hand into your jean pocket. It just makes my vagina close. Well that's not a bad thing the vagina closing. Keeping it tight. Keep it tight to your kegels. Listen as you know I was on Raya.

Like Raya is a joke and she is saying everything accurately. So why be on it? We're only going to meet these Hollywood egomaniacs. Well, I know that Raya picked up about 126,000 new members after this podcast came out. Mostly guys from Burning Man. And by the way, can I just point out, Mike, wait, can I just point out, Mike, you may be guilty of this. I was trying to set you up with Sarah Silverman. She was single. And she came into the writers room on a show that I was writing on. And I said, and she said she was single. And she was looking at date guys. And I go, What about Mike Gibbons? Because she knows you because she's been on the podcast. And she started

laughing so hard. And I was was like what is it that ridiculous of an idea she's like no no no no I love Mike she goes it's just that I he had a picture on his dating profile of me and him arm-in-arm oh yeah so you know I emailed her about this wait let me see if I have it she's, I could never date him because I laughed so hard when he did that. So I go over the weekend, saw both Fitz and Big John. They told me, you saw me on a dating app with a pic of us.

And then I wrote mortified. I go, I didn't think it was weird till you saw it. It's a funny pick. You're hysterical in it. Anyways I guess it worked. Dating someone thanks for the assist. Bah bah bah. She goes ah no I hope they conveyed to you. I was beyond tickled and totally thrilled. I was like I'd be so honored if I was somehow his wingman and all that. So the picture was she was at court and I know Sarah and all of a sudden her agent, Amy, who's Jeff's agent, manager, I should say. So anyway, it's a big love fest in there. We're all saying hi, hi. And it's like, hey, let's get some pictures. So then Sarah puts her arm around me and puts shaving cream on her mustache area. Because in there in the

dressing room, they had shaving cream and razors for last minute touch ups. And then she held the razor as if she was about to shave her mustache. I still stand by that. I thought it was really funny. Yep. What about your I think that was and that was actually your thing is don't You couldn't date a woman who took a picture in front of Machu Picchu Well, I was like do you all have a backdrop of Machu Picchu? I'm unaware of

Every I mean what a cry for her every single and that's all dating apps. It's crazy Getting back to Charlize. so she was on Call Her Daddy. Very appropriately, they must have talked about when Charlize was 15, her mother fatally shot Charlize's alcoholic father in self-defense. So that's a lot to unpack. Yeah, that sounds like it would be the headline and definitely first episode of Call Me Daddy. Yeah, absolutely. All right, let's make America, Florida. Let's go to Florida. Here we go. A nurse finds drugs on a man who was arrested. So Michael O'Neill 43 was suffering from a stab wound when he arrived

at St. Petersburg Hospital last month. The injuries required surgery. The nurse ended up finding out that he had been using his rectum to store his drugs and drug paraphernalia. While in surgery, several items were taken out of his butt. The nurse found tin foil with a substance police say tested positive for cocaine. The nurse also found a glass, crack pipe, and a lighter. His prior convictions include DUI, possession of cocaine, meth, fent fentanyl and narcotics paraphernalia. His get this his other butt related storage incident took place during a jail strip search, which discovered two baggies of fentanyl and crack rocks.

Crack rocks. No, no pun intended. That's what I call my hemorrhoids crack rocks. This is what a party favor. This guy like, hey, did you get it? I got a bartender for the party. I also got a drug guy. There he is in the corner. Trust me, he has everything.

Yeah, he's a drug guy and a magician. He just pulls stuff right out of his ass. I think this guy's got to get some pants with pockets so he has somewhere to put all this shit Yeah, he has cargo ass. He doesn't need cargo shorts. You kidding me? He's smoking with another guy and he's like man your crack tastes like shit smell funny Do you have a this joint looks used do you have another? Another one. Hey this lighter won't. It's full of butane, but

somehow it seems clogged. Here we go with Let's Make America Texas again. All right, Texas man allegedly steals Ford Mustang. I thought of you, Greg. A Texas man has been arrested after allegedly stealing a brand new Ford Mustang GT in the middle of a test drive. According to a report by 12 News, the suspect made the case easy for the police because he left his license behind to get the test drive from the dealership. He was test driving the new 2025 Mustang GT. He pulled a gun on the car salesman and made off with the new car.

However, it seems he didn't make it very far. And there's the picture, Greg. That is your demo. You are in that demo. It is a guy with the most disturbing haircut and beard and, of course, an automatic weapon. And also one single key hanging off a necklace around his neck, which, that's the question. What does that key fit?

It has to be the key to some underground vault where he hides women. Yeah. It has to be. Yeah. Allegedly. And you know, then he had to go to the DMV so he could get a new license. And so he had to take the driver's test and he pulled a gun on that guy.

He stole the driving test car? Yes. Yes. You could hold up everybody. Yeah, everyone is in DMV with a pair of car keys in their hands. And they're all right there in the parking lot. That's a good heist. All right, here we go. You want to, where do we want to go? Sports baby. Here we go, sports.

Talking about your boy, Tom Brady, seven time Super Bowl champion. He was apparently dancing till 2 a.m. with actress Sydney Sweeney at Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez's wedding. Can I just say, and I don't want to generalize, but if you went to that wedding you're a fucking douchebag. Period. He's his neighbor, Greg. He went to his neighbor's wedding. Okay, he could have seen him when he got home, right next door. Good point. Sweeney, 27, I didn't realize she was only 27, confirmed her split from ex-fiance Jonathan DeVino, who I'm

guessing has since committed suicide earlier this year. Brady, 47, was reported to be chatting up Sweeney at the hotel bar during the multi-day wedding in Italy. He's previously been linked to several models since he and his wife supermodel Giselle Bunchen divorced in October 2022. Here's the worst part, and this is why guys are pissed off about this. He got up her shirt and now her breasts are all deflated. Oh no. Yep yep. Oh man. Height and firm like a football. Deflate gate all over again and you know what he's just gonna miss one game that's it. He'll be right back in it. Yep, yep. No jokes, Mike, your jokes are conspicuously absent

on this one. No, you know, I actually didn't see that you put that story in there. Yeah, right. But he is my guy, he's my guy. Who could blame him? Who could blame him for this? He's a young 47, let's face it.

He is a very young 47 and she is an old 27, so I guess they meet at 37. Oh, that's a nice way of putting it. Yeah. Yeah, I guess maybe, I thought she might even been a little younger than that. She just sort of burst on the scene, so to speak. I burst on the scene too when I saw her.

Yeah, well, she's not shy about it for sure. Let's do a quick international story. All right, here we go, international section. Okay. A 2019 young runner from a small town in the Philippines stunned the world. Her name is Rhea Boulos. At 11 years old, she competed in the Aloha

Schools meet without any shoes. She wrapped her feet in white adhesive bandages and drew Nike swishes on the sides to look like sneakers. Boulos won gold in the 400 meter, 800 meter, and 1500 meter races, beating competitors who wore real running shoes. Oh, fucking snobs. Nike stepped in to ensure she wouldn't have to run barefoot. Photos of her feet with a Nike logo sketched on went viral on Facebook. Nike gifted her a new pair of sneakers, socks and a sports bag. She was seen at a shoe store in a local mall trying on the brand new kicks along with some

socks and a sports bag. That is so generous of Nike. Will she get to keep them when she goes back to work at their factory next week? She might be too old for their factory. Oh, right. She's aged out. What's the retirement package like? They gave her a sports bag and a pair of sneakers.

Yeah. Right. I mean, why are you locking this person up? Yeah. Meanwhile, someone else should step in. Meanwhile, Bert Kreischer gets a new pair mailed to him once a week. Once a week? Like three times a day? Yeah.

He had to get a PO box because he gets so much stuff. I know. He has a separate house just for all the shit that gets sent to him. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Oh my God. But that is so sort of rock and roll. She should also, that's a pretty cool gimmick too, as long as she's winning, she should just keep doing that. Yeah, well now she should put like, she put tape around her wrist and write Gucci on it. Right, yeah exactly, whatever she wants. Yeah, a big Chanel necklace, big

tape around her neck. What she should do is tape up all her shoes and just be like fair wages in sneaker companies instead of a Nike logo. All right what are we going down? Let's do this day in history.. Oh, Gregory, it's loaded. It is loaded. All right, let's see how sharp I am today. All right, you ready? I just want to bring this up. I mean, you're going to get this date because it's I'll give you give or take three years.

But if you haven't looked up some of the stats of the Gettysburg battle. Please do. Anyway, the Battle of Gettysburg ended on this day in what year? It was only three days of fighting going into July 4th and what year was it? 1849. Oh man, I'm sorry I really overestimated you. No, 1863. It was during the Civil War. You might. That might have been a clue. I always think the Civil War was during the 1840s, but it was the 1860s, wasn't it? Here's a little spoiler, but please look it up. In In three days in Pennsylvania, the equivalent casualty total of the Vietnam War. Wow. More than 50,000 died. How do you bury 50,000 people?

Also, can you imagine the amount wounded and maimed and permanently affected by it? Oh my God. And you know, at that battle, there were spectators. People were sitting on the hill watching the battle. All of the politicians and the rich people from D.C. were sitting on a hill watching it. It sounds like a Fitz fact.

I don't know. Look it up right now. Oh what a summer it was going into July 4th weekend. Back to the Future premiered. What year did Back to the Future premiere give or take four years? four years. Back to the Future was 1983. Good for you 85. American singer and songwriter Jim Morrison died at age 27 in Paris. The official cause of death was heart failure. What year did Jim Morrison die? Give or take three years? 1972. Nice, 71. All right, let's see. Whoa, he did a lot quickly. I think you know when the Declaration of Independence was signed. Here we go. On appreciation day in his honor, American baseball player Lou Gehrig, who was forced to retire months earlier due to ALS,

gave a memorable speech, that's an understatement, in which he claimed to be the luckiest man on the face of the earth. What year did Gehrig deliver that famous speech, give or take? You're not doing well today. Give or take eight years. Not doing well. I just got the last two. Yeah, I mean, they were so easy. 1958.

Exactly 1939. Last one. Lady Liberty, the Statue of Liberty was presented to the United States by the French in Paris on this weekend in what year, give or take 10 years? 1825. Yep. 1884. Jesus. I got 1884. Jesus. I got hot in the middle.

Got hot in the middle. Do you want two more literary ones? Yeah, well that's, I was an English major. I'm going to nail these. Here you go. Author Walt Whitman first published Leaves of Grass, which is a landmark in the history of American

literature. And it was on this weekend in what year, by the way? Editor at one point of the Riverdale Press. That's right. Right up the street from us, right down the street. So, or up the street, we were born in the Bronx. So, I'm going to say 20 years. I'm going to give you on this to help things out.

Walt Whitman. OK, so I remember he was kind of. Are you Googling? No, I'm going to say 1823. Oh, no, I gave you 20 years. 1855. Nice. No, you didn't get it. Oh, I can't even get that right. No.

Okay. Henry David Thoreau moved into his retreat, a cabin, if you will, on Walden Pond, where he eventually wrote a series of reflective essays titled Walden or Life in the Woods. Henry David Thoreau was on Walden Pond, on Golden Pond, in what year give or take 40 years? 1760. 1845. Okay, one more, because you're a literature major. Nathaniel Hawthorne.

I literally just reread half that book about three months ago. Nathaniel Hawthorne. Oh God, Scarlet Letter. Whose greatest literary works include The Scarlet Letter, was born in Salem, Massachusetts. On what, in what year, this weekend, in what year,

give or take 100 years? 1680. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 200 year window. Okay, we're done. I think we're done. We gotta move on. Dr. Murrow is fucking turning around in his grave right now. All right, let's get to the obituary quickly. I just put his name in here. There's a lot to look up,

but Bill Moyers was really a gift to journalism. So great. And then, you know, he would take deep dives on things that were fascinating along the way, like the hero's journey. Remember when he got into all that and you realize Joseph Campbell. Yeah, you realize that George Lucas sort of I don't want to say painted by numbers, but it was very much a guide for his hero's journeys in Star Wars. So, and of course, all writing. But he was just so respected and respectable

and dignified and was in, trying to remember whose White House he was in. He was like- Johnson, he was the press secretary. Yes, and that's where he got his start and he remained a. He was like. Johnson. He was the press secretary. Yes. And that's where he got his start. And he remained a journalist his whole life. And you know, one of the great things is you could see how truly curious he was whenever he was like, you know, doing a story. And also, he really looked like a Republican. I know he was in LBJ, but LBJ, remember, was definitely center, I guess you could say.

Yeah. Wasn't he from Texas? Yeah, and a Texan. And so LBJ was never elected, right? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. JFK is vice president. So anyway, I have to read that book. Was it

Master of the Senate? It's something like that. I have to read apparently the Johnson books. No lion of the Senate. Oh, interesting. Okay. Well, there was he did actually he did three it was Joseph Carrey did three books about Johnson. I think he's working on a fourth. Anyway, look up some Bill Moyers. He was really phenomenal. And here we go now, cheering up to the funnies. Here we go. All right. As you know, week in and week out, we give you guys an opportunity to shine and you always don't always do most of the time you shine. It's the comedy caption contest and in it we give you one frame of a comic and then you write the caption for it.

We read the best ones and then we select the number one caption that lucky devil wins a koozie that Mike sends right out for the summer and we asked that when you submit them just put your name right underneath your joke and then I cut and paste it into the doc and we go from there. Last week's cartoon Minnie Mouse is standing there with a smoking gun in her hand. She's got her arms spread out wide, her eyes are closed. There's a cop standing there taking it in. Mickey is face down on the floor with Xs over his eyes.

He's a goner. Yeah. Rich Butchko said he was about to green light another Tim Allen sitcom. Interesting, knowing it's ABC, which is Disney. Nice, nice work, Rich. Matt said he kept calling me goofy. I couldn't take it anymore.

Not bad from Matt. Mike said I had to, officer. He told me he was straight, but he was fucking goofy. Okay, yeah. Sounds like a good, tight, tight wording. Yeah. Sean Johnson said I told him for the last time that I didn't want to see his steamboat Willie sure David Harriman said Minnie tells

the officer I told that son of a bitch if he bought back another government cheese wheel I'd shoot him plus he beats me do you need the tagline that's what made it for me okay I told him that you didn't need the tagline? That's what made it for me. Okay. I told him that you didn't need the tagline. So there you go. We disagree How about when she walked in on the mini suddenly realized why Donald Duck never wore pants and knew what had to be done That's wow. Yeah, I like it Ron says turns out Fantasia is also the name of a prostitute. I like that one. That's very good. Brandon W says, you don't understand. He was going to move us to Philly.

Ah, he wants my vote. Nice, Brandon. There's somebody from Escondido who gave themselves three different pseudonyms and gave us three different jokes. All right. It was self-defense. He returned from his Florida gig with AIDS. Oh. That's from Maya Balzic. Yes. He said Bernie Toppin is a genius. Oh, they're trying to get my vote. Yeah. That's from Maya Dickhurtz. Right, shoot him. And then that's the last time he'll try putting his finger in my ass. That's from Hugh Janis. Right. I think without the Hugh Janis signature that that joke really doesn't work. Okay. Taylor Nelson said, officer, I can explain. He kept leaving the toilet seat up for 90 years.

Oh, Taylor's a very traditional person. John Moffat said, I'm sorry, officer. He tried to slip me a Mickey. OK. I like that one a lot. Oh. Brian Walker said he said it was the only way he could get off, but he never said it was loaded.

Do you think any of our children have ever heard the word Mickey. Like, in that sense. No. Slip on the Mickey. No, of course not. John Malloy said, I swear to you, officer, the props guy said this scene we would use blanks. Blanks! Nothing about real bullets.

Pretty good. Kenny said, and you'll find Pluto's body bent over the kitchen counter. Oh. Tim Macy said, and we call it, the aristocrats. All right. Sean from Ontario said, sorry Mickey, the Jews won't allow another season of The Mandalorian. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, collateral damage.

All right, so you're taking out the Mickey joke because you think that that vernacular doesn't stand the test of time. This is the thing. I like the Fantasia because a lot of these jokes, if you, so I just had this experience. It was like last second and I took a shortcut and I used chat GPT and I said, give me a punny joke.

So I was working on this premise. I needed a joke for this fact, which was Patti LaBelle's Tupperware was stolen by a English music icon. Right? So I go to chat GPT because basically what you're gonna do then then part of joke writing, one way to get some jokes is to obviously find something in common between the two things.

So I literally said to chat GPT, can you please give me some wordplay jokes that combine Tupperware and the English music icon. And man, within a millisecond, it popped up Seal, which was so impressive and would have taken me a while. I don't know if I ever would have gotten to it. And so a lot of these could do that, but I don't think it would have gotten the Fantasia one. So I give it credit. All right, Ron, congratulations. Send us your address and you will get it.

Next week's comic is it's an operating room. There's a man laying down the patient. His stomach is open and there are four people standing around him. What's strange is they seem to be wearing street clothes. You don't need that. That doesn't matter. They have masks on. One of them doesn't have a mask on, and there's a guy saying something as they all look into his open cavity of his belly. He's pointing and saying something about the guy's open belly on the operating room table.

All right. Got a note from a guy named Scott who said, Blondie is a butter face. What? Yeah. Please. I'd make her face look like it was covered in butter. I'll tell you that. Oh. I don't even think. That's a sneaky one. The algorithm's not even going to catch that. It's the most disgusting thing said so far. Hager the Horrible. As you know, this is the

Sunday papers. The comics are colorful. They're drawn. Little kids are attracted to them. So let's give them one about a marauder from the medieval times who commits assault on women Yeah, he's driving his horse down the street and then there's a king standing there hitchhiking King says my royal carriage broke down the next frame you see Hager has all of his men in the back of the wagon they've got spears and such and then Hager goes hop in we're headed to your castle so they're mocking him that they're about to go molest his wife and they're saying do you want to watch do you want to be a cock king and watch us hop on the bandwagon you can be last right it wouldn't be first

Lock horns we got a cocktail party Leroy's talking to another guy and Loretta is talking to a woman in the background and Leroy goes, Loretta's shy about telling her age by about 10 years. Solid double use of shy. I like it. And then we had our friend George from Germany, his company's called GS Art, he's amazing, he's given us some of our best art over the years, and he knows we've been covering the BC cartoon. So Mike, you wanna read it? Yeah, look at this. It's like so beautifully drawn.

It's two frames. The two guys are sitting on rocks. Well, they look like us, we should say. It's us. Oh boy, you really do look like, I wasn't thinking that looked like me, but yeah, okay. There's no chin so that

does that does track neither of us have chins you have a great chin in real life but not here thank you so two frames they're sitting on rocks and there's a rock table between them and guess what there's two microphones it's the two of us doing a podcast and you Greg say we can call it and you Greg say we can call it podcast and then last frame is close up on you dot dot dot and brag that we had the first one see he knows he knows it's a Fitz fact yeah that's what that's what this either there were Fitzfacts even before Christ. That's right. Well, wasn't Christ kind of a Fitzfact? Christ might be a Fitzfact. All right. Blondie is in bed with Dagwood,

who naturally has his back to her with his donut pajamas on, and she's sitting up in sort of a violet shaded frilly strap on her shoulder. She says, honey, are you awake? I just found a new magazine survey on relationships that I think that I'd like you to take. And now suddenly Dagwood's eyes are closed and it says snoring. And she goes, wow, that was even faster than the last time I asked him. Okay, here's a survey that maybe you should give yourself, Blondie. How well could I do on the open market?

How much money would a guy make that I would be able to wrangle in less than five minutes at a high-end hotel cocktail bar? Right, I like that. I still think he'd fall asleep. I Would say yeah, I'll take the survey If you bend over lay it out on the bed and read it while I fucking bend over, lay it out on the bed and read it while I fucking annihilate you from behind till sweat is pouring over that yellow hair and those bowling pin calves are just convulsed as you pour vag sauce down the inside of your thighs. Okay. Jesus. And then the butter face finale. Yep. All right.

Look at us. We did it. I got to get to that rainbow crosswalk on Abbot Kenny. Don't forget folks, Batavia, Illinois, Batavia, Illinois, the Comedy Vault, July 25th and 26th. Just announced. get your tickets Fittsdog.com also don't forget got some great shows coming up on Fittsdog radio over the next couple weeks Larry Charles and Phil Rosenthal and What do you want to promote? I got a listen to that Larry Charles for sure and Phil

Boy, I don't know if I talked about it last week. I saw the on Max, the documentary, The Mortician. Oh, that's great. Heavy, right? Yeah, The Mortician and also the Ohio State documentary. Both of them on Max, highly recommend. Okay, good. I'll check them out. And happy July 4th, everybody. Happy 4th of July, good. I'll check them out. Happy July 4th,

everybody. Happy Fourth of July, everybody. Happy birthday, America. Yes, you're aging so well. You're getting old America. All right, everybody. Take it each take it each. Bye-bye.