Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 273 7/20/25

Episode Date: July 20, 2025

Coldplay deals a couple some cold cards, a worker falls into a meat grinder, Colbert is cancelled and a Florida Man drunk drives a lawn mower on the highway. Watch Greg’s latest special, ⁠⁠��You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!⁠⁠ Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest” Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Find Mike on Venmo here: ⁠⁠https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTime⁠⁠ Make sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram:  ⁠⁠Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmons⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Mike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get your papers here. I'm very enthusiastic, I'm sorry. Read all about it. There it is. Read all about it. Sunday Papers, week in and week out. Coffee and an Adderall. Let's see. I'm waiting for either to kick in. Week in and week out. Coffee and an Adderall. Let's see, I'm waiting for either to kick in.

Week in and week out. Maybe it'll be week in and week in. Who knows? Or just week. Good round of golf today. I threw my club. Yeah, I haven't seen you do that before. That was unusual.

Well, you know what, whatever. It's boring golf talk, but for the listeners, just think of something else you're trying to be good at and something you're telling yourself. Like, no, no, do this, this, this, and you just can't control it. Yep. Well, because it's almost like, it's like a lot of things.

Golf really is, for people that don't dig golf, that's fine, but just know, it really is a great metaphor for life, because you're in your head, but you also have to be in your body. You have to be in the moments. Like a golf swing is very fluid. There's a lot of moving parts, and you can't think your way through it at a certain point. You have to trust your rhythm.

And that's your best shot. I feel even better. I mean, like, you know, people are being just unidentified mass men are throwing people in cars probably within a half a mile of where I threw my club. So it's like, get some goddamn perspective. Holy crap. It's true. At least I have my Mexico hat on. There you go. I think all old white guys who feel the same way. And by the way, just just shut your politics off for a second.

I think we can all agree this is not our country right now in terms of what's going on. That's not America, that's some other place that usually we send tons of money to to change, right or wrong, but that's what we do as a nation anyway. So I think if a bunch of old white guys, especially in Los Angeles, all were like these Mexico hats, it would be a different vibe. I think maybe I think I'm gonna go one step further. I believe

there's a civil war, a new civil war. It's civil war 2.0. And I think we should go back to the old uniforms. It's going to be state for state the exact same Civil War. If you look at if you look at the electoral map, it's the same states. So let's just fight it out again. You got to wear the wool uniforms, you got to only have muskets. You got to have scabies and lice and all that stuff those guys had. And most of you need to die of diarrhea.

Here you write. And there's no toilet paper allowed on the battlefield. There's no way the Democrats will win this. I was at a rally for Bernie Sanders and I there were probably 100,000 men there. I am five foot eight, one fifty, and I felt that I could beat up every single man at that rally.

And then you picture the typical MAGA guy in a pickup truck with the four tires in the back and he's ripped with a tank top and he's got a fucking gun. This this war will end a lot faster than the first Civil War. I think you might be right. So yeah, whatever.

So both our kids are now officially New Yorkers. That's pretty amazing. And yeah, I know. We got to get them all together. And Pete Scott's daughter is there as well. Oh, that's right. I know we got to get them all to go out together. And Owen is playing soccer with Eva on Sunday. She's got a soccer league she's been in for 10 years. Oh my god, I didn't know Owen was a lesbian. Hey now. Hey now. Where do they play? Prospect Park in Brooklyn. Oh, very cool. I was just there.

Were you? Yeah. Weinstein's place is over there. So I stayed when I went, I stayed in a hotel the first night because I landed and had to help Sophie move. But then crashed. He has a nice, you know, really big apartment. That's great.

He's been there a long time in Brooklyn. It was great. I had no, my brother lived on Prospect Park. I had no idea how extensive it was. It's huge. Oh yeah, bigger than Central Park. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. And then we walked, as we walked to the park, he's like, that's Turturro's Brownstone, John Turturro, I'm like, no way. I went, I went to do my podcast on Monday. My and I decided just to do a solo podcast because I just forgot to book a guest and sometimes I like like every seven or eight podcasts, I just do it myself. So I had all these things I was going to talk about. And then I started talking about Owen moving to New York. And I look up and 52 minutes later, I did nothing but talk about Owen on the podcast.

Oh my god, that's so sweet. Yes. So I just put it out and I texted him today, you might want to check out my podcast this week. It was all positive. I didn't, I didn't embarrass him. I did see one comment on the YouTube that said, we don't get to the news. Like last week, it was over a half hour. So anyway, I was going to update and just talk generally up here, but we'll keep it brief. I just, Tom O'Neill owes me two hours. We were all out having fun.

You were part of it. You went home. And then we're all here. And he's like, yeah. And we're like, let's watch something. Now, we all have lists of what to watch. Tom somehow convinces us to watch this old Lee Marvin movie called Point Blank, saying it's avant-garde

and stuff like that. It was so bad, and I know everyone has been involved in some of this, it's so bad, but then you're like, how much time is that, 40 minutes? Well, we gotta see what happens, I guess. Gubbins, no, Gubbins out, left, in the middle. That was the strongest move of the night, other than you two avoiding it all together.

Well, was it too artistic or was it too slow? It also wasn't making sense. And meanwhile, it's rated very high on Rotten Tomatoes, which is what probably suckered us in. Here's one thing on Rotten Tomatoes, which is what probably suckered us in. Here's one thing on Rotten Tomatoes it said, an almost experimental discourse on crime. Yeah, failed experiment. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. It's terrible. Lee Marvin, I mean, he was like, well I'm trying to think, was he in the Dirty Dozen? Yeah. Oh, super famous guy. Right, right.

Yeah, he was a man. He was a man's man. Those guys, you know, back in the 50s and 60s and 70s, those guys, they drank hard, they fought, the press wasn't exposing all the affairs they were having. It was like pretty wild times. Here's a perfect review of it on Rotten Tomatoes. I went to the negative ones. This movie sucks but the ending was really disappointing. That's perfect. Perfect. I should have written that. I just realized I don't have my wedding ring on. That's not good. Oh did you lose it? Like I lost three of that. I just realized I don't have my wedding ring on. That's that's not good. Oh, did you lose it?

Like I lost three of mine. I usually put it really I lost it four times if you count the divorce. I put it in a pouch in my golf bag because I don't like to have it on when I'm playing golf because it hurts my hand. And I forgot to take it back, put it back on again. Also, in your backswing, you don't want to remember your merit. Exactly. You're fucking with the boys. You know, the cart girl comes by, you know, just it's not like

I can do anything, but I just want the exchange to be a little more pure. Cart girls must see the worst of this country. Oh, there's a girl who does she's a cart girl and she does tik tok videos about it about the creepy guys hitting on her. Yeah. Fucking rich old rich old golfers and I know I'm rubbing elbows a lot of them. They're the worst. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I don't like that we're in that category. But I like to think that we are the

most evolved old white guys. Oh no, I just heard my plan tonight to go to this Talking Heads cover band that's playing a few blocks away. Sold out. Start making sense, yeah. It's a small club, so it sells out very fast. Ay, I might show up.

Maybe there'll be no shows or something? No, you won't get in. Oh, thank you. I know I've tried to do that twice and I couldn't get in. I know that's not true I went twice the second time the door guy recognized me and he let us in so I can meet you there and walk you in. Dennis is there with a lot of bros so maybe they'd be power in numbers like yeah let another bro in. Yeah that's what they want. Yeah who doesn't want more bros? All right we're going to thank our logo this week is from Bob. Oh Bob. Oh Bob boy really bringing up the abs look we're all with Epstein and you're Giselle. I'm just laying yeah laying I mean yeah. She's laying

she was kind of hot at a certain point. You know the funny thing is she was always a you know that huge family money out whatever anyway the whole Epstein thing today's Friday who knows where it'll be by Sunday it's it's spiraling out of control. I know new news happens every day and eventually they'll get to the part where we find out that Trump met Melania on the island which I have heard and I've heard it twice. On the island or in his apartment? No the island had a lot of Eastern

European quote-unquote models that would come there at a party with the billionaires and they'd have sex with them and then they would sometimes take them home and then pretend they met at a cocktail party in New York City. You heard it here first. Whoa, I had heard she was spoken for and Trump's like, not anymore. Correct. She was with the date, he was with the date, and then they did an exchange because the date, I'm not going to say who the other guy was, but he owned a major hip hop label. Oh, and his name is very similar to mine, except that there's no fits. Oh, and let's just say that he liked to

hustle. There you go. All right. But thanks for the logo. Thanks for the logo, Bob, and the song Blake LaVon. Oh my god, his second entry into the songs and it is so well orchestrated. It's beautiful. It's professional. There's some that I have a special file that I put certain songs in because there's going to be a day where we have to just decide on a permanent song and this one this one makes it into the folder. Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking something up that's German, go ahead. German? Gis Lane. Gis Lane.

Some corrections this week. As always, we have made mistakes. You have caught them. You send them in to fitzdogradio at gmail.com and we read them on the air because we stand behind our work. Ryan from Portland, Oregon says, What is the under over on how many corrections you got about dazed and confused being a Led Zeppelin quote original and as Mike emphasized, and

it's an original. I love the Sunday paper so much. 14 exclamation points. Right, I guess. I think it was passed off as an original. I guess that's what I'm, also, you know, I should just, I wonder how they would find it. Weinstein has put together, he knows the most

about music of anyone I know. He has a playlist on Spotify that is all of the Led Zeppelin ripoffs and I believe they've settled almost all of them, maybe all. Not Stairway to Heaven. They skated on that one. Was that ripped off too? Oh yeah, yeah. That sounds like a fits fact. Are you, because you're just so confident about it, but really?

Yeah, that was a big one and that one went on for years and then they ended up getting away with it recently. I'm gonna look it up. Anyway, I think they believe they passed it off like other songs too on the album. it off like other songs too on the album. And yeah, it's so whatever. I stand corrected, not an original, but very, if we're going to talk about the ones that they've ripped off, then oh boy, is it a long list. Stairway to Heaven, there was a copyright infringement case filed alleging the band's

song copied the opening guitar riff from the song Taurus by the band Spirit. The lawsuit was initiated in 2014, went through several appeals, and ultimately concluded with the U.S. Supreme Court declining to hear the case, leaving in place a previous ruling in favor of Led Zeppelin. How about this on the correction? Who wrote it in the correction? Ryan? Ryan. It was considered by Led Zeppelin to be an original song until 2010 when Holmes the, filed a lawsuit and it was settled out of court. He contacted them in 19 in the 80s and received no response. Huh. So anyway, he's well.

I mean, you know, I know in comedy, if you steal somebody's joke, it can end your career. You used to you used to run the Carlos Mencia show. When you were running that show, I did not run his show. You were the head writer. I I think I whatever Chris McGuire was there, I think he might have been the head writer. I was brought in to kind of save it in season five, which Mission unaccomplished. It was its last season. But Morty, famous Morty from- Robert Morton from Letterman.

Was running it. And in my opinion, he had kind of given up and the show had kind of created a monster. Anyway, I was warned that Mencia will do this. So in the writer's room, there'd be a juicy topic or a pitch, something that maybe we can expand on and do in the show. And then writers, of course, you immediately try to find an alternative way to do it. You wouldn't go the way that's maybe been done before or the first instinct. So that's our job, right? And so it would be surprising. So this is, I was warned that he would do this. So I think

I pitched something and he go, and then I'm like, and what we could do is, and then my surprising take on it, right? And he goes, and he would always be like philosophical. He would talk like he was just so patronizing. So he'd be like, almost. Right? And then I'd be like, oh, all right, I'm all ears. So he'd be like, almost. I right, I'm all ears. So I'd be like, almost.

I think we should do the fucking most basic thing that had already been done on this topic. I wish I had a real example, right? And I'd be like, yeah, I go, but I think that's kinda been done, so that's why I, and he goes, and he goes, well, that was your mistake to to overthink it and do it that like anyway, after that, he that was maybe the first show never made

eye contact with me again. No. Yeah. Because in the room, I think he felt I was clearly right. It didn't take me to be right. Like it was just and anyway, yeah. So it was like, oh boy, I joined Morty and I was pretty checked out for the rest of the season. I wrote on a show. It was called the one I think it was called the Wanda show or the Wanda psych show. And it was a it was her talk show. No, and Fox. Yeah, beyond Fox. And so I was hired as a writer and I came in and the showrunner was a guy named John Ridley. And he we had a meeting early on it was a it was a show we did sketches and it was talk. And so in the first meeting, he starts pitching this idea about why there's no, it's impossible to audition as a black person for Mad Men.

And I said, well, yeah, I mean, it is a period piece and it was Madison Avenue in the 60s, there really wasn't a lot of black people around. I think its point is it was so sexist and misguided and part of it is the whiteness. Right, so I say that and then he fucking shut me down for the run of that show. He never fucking, I would pitch an idea,

it would go on the board and then he would assign it to another writer. My idea would get written by somebody else. And to this day, my name is not in the credits for that show. He took me out. Which I'm sure if I called the WGA, they'd have to reinstate it. But you know, I don't even care. But John Ridley, who by the way, here's what a great comedy mind John Ridley is. he wrote 12 years of slave and won an Oscar for it. That's how funny he was. Right. He also broke with the WGA. Oh, no, he's he's during the

strike. He doesn't. Yeah. Oh, I don't know. I don't know him. I don't know anything about him. But that I do. I'm good at all. I do. Oh, boy. He was Machiavellian. Yeah, by the way, you can totally get that credit. Just go to IMDB and then whatever. No, when the movie won the Oscar, the producers went up on stage, they did not thank him during the Oscar acceptance speech. Thank everybody and not him. So I can imagine what that must have been like. Like a lashing.

That's what he would say. I bet he would exploit the moment. Yes. We also added a correction that was from Mike. In talking about the chest size of Malaysian women, you said before I actually researched it on chat GPT, my objective view was they were very flat chested. And then chat GPT back me up. And he said, I venture to say the word you were looking for was subjective. Okay, instead of objective. Okay. So, yeah, got you know, but I think you were

trying to say empirical data, from what you've seen of everything, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, we're trying to say, I think you can safely say objectively that comparatively, well, and also, I was I was objectifying a woman. So it's that Mike said Liberia was established by ex slaves from the USA after the Civil War. That correction on Oh, you mean this Mike said that?

Yes. You mentioned mistakenly that in 50s and 60s when they wanted to send blacks from USA back to Africa look into history. Oh. Oh, so they actually established, so basically like Israel, they took a piece of land and they carved out a nation for the reason of. Killing babies. Is that what you were about to say? I don't know what happens over there.

I don't read the news. I hear it's bad. And then we got. Man, did you see the clip of Mandy Patankin. We won't go into it. Boy, did he have a lot to say about the Middle East issue. Oh, really? A lot. And what side is he on? I don't want to say what I read because we're going to get political. It was a surprising take. I will say that. But also he compared it to and it was actually a really touching moment. And he choked up and he was in some podcast with multiple people.

He might have even been sitting next to his wife. And he goes. The last line of The Princess Bride, he goes, and here I was, I was 36 years old and I read and then he does it in the Montoya voice, which is, you know, so great. And he does it and he goes, and the line was something to the effect of I have been a rebel or something. Because it was like, what do you want? Will you wear become the new master man or something? He goes, he goes, I have been a rebel, I think he said, or in revolt for so long, I don't know another way to live.

I just slaughtered that line, so I apologize, but that was an essay he goes, and I until later in life, like around now, never knew the meaning of those brilliant words written by Goldman that I delivered. And he goes, and I do now. And he tied it in beautifully to his view on Israel right now. The final lines of Prince's Bride are, but I also have to say for the umpty umptime that life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death. That's all. Yeah, it would be...

Might have been the ones just before that. Montoya's last lines. Yeah. So anyway, alright. Okay, so let's get into some tour dates. Batavia, Illinois. This was recently announced, so we got to get some people out there because I haven't had much time to promote it. The Comedy Vault July 25th and 26th. Pottstown PA at Soul Joles July 31st. Point Pleasant New Jersey Uncle Vinny's August 1st through 2nd. According to my agents there are indeed tickets left for that show. A lot. La Jolla, the comedy

store, August 29 through 31st. Then I'm coming to Denver, Comics in Connecticut, Vegas, Chicago, San Fran, Cleveland. Go to FitzDogg.com get some tickets. Oh and I'm coming to Alaska and Fairbanks in October. So look for that going up. That was just booked about an hour ago. Oh, nice. Yeah. So you want to come? You want to come to Alaska? I've never been. It's pretty amazing. I can't find the last lines. But anyway, check out Manny Patankin. He has an interesting take on Israel. Very passionate about it.

And it will surprise most people, because whatever. All right, you got something to crinkle there? Crinkly? Crinkle toast? Oh man, do I have this whole thing. This is the story of the week. All right, am I reading it? Yeah.

All right, let me get off of Mandy Patankin. Here we go. Oh yes. It's Friday, this news is still pretty new. Coldplay concert kiss cam turned into viral chaos after frontman Chris Martin joked that a couple on screen were, quote, either having an affair or just very shy.

Maybe both. The pair who online sleuths claimed are astronomer and CEO Andy Byron. No, astronomer CEO, that's the name of the company. Oh, right. He is a scientist, though. Although I think he does want to get launched into space right now. Maybe he's not. Anyway, astronomer CEO Andy Byron and his chief people officer, also known as HR, Kristin Cabot sparked a firestorm of speculation and mockery across social media. Within hours, an apology statement, allegedly issued by astronomer CEO Byron, went viral.

However, it turned out to be a fake. You know, I always said I wouldn't be caught dead at a Coldplay concert. This might be a worse kind of getting caught actually. Hey, you know, it's easy to say that I've seen Coldplay at the Hollywood Bowl. It was fucking great. It was really good.

Well, you guys are buddies. Yes, I am friends with Chris Martin, full disclosure. and I believe you have a connection to him as well through your through your daughter. Yep yep she was a she was part of the Fantanet you know unofficially part of the family while in high school like I would drop her off for dinner there and all that type of stuff. I also drove Moses home to an hour and a half in the middle of the night to avoid him taking an Uber. Never received a thank you from the family. Interesting.

I didn't want the kid in an Uber out on Long Island. You'd think you'd get a big box of goop. Something or an invite to kiss some woman who's not my significant other at his concert, something. Although I heard about this CEO and the HR woman that they're both going to unconsciously uncouple with their significant others, or is it consciously? They're gonna consciously uncouple with their significant others. Or is it consciously? They're gonna consciously uncouple.

That was one of the great phrases in pop culture history. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she was the wrong human to resource for this guy. I think we're gonna find out that something wholesome, that he begged his wife actually to go to the concert with him. That was his original intention. But it turned out she had two she had good taste. Yeah. Yeah. So she passed and boy, look what happened. He had pretty good taste. That woman was a hottie. You think so? Oh, yeah. I thought she was cute. All right, watch out.

This is a joke I read online. Coldplay just released two singles. Nice. It's a little ruined. She's divorced, but... Oh, she's not in a couple? No. Well, I don't know that.

I don't know that, but I know she's divorced. Oh, that's so disappointing. Wait, hold on. Here were some jokes that were out. A lot of memes were out there immediately. As Dickie said, someone reversed it. And it looks like Oh, look how comforting he is like they reversed the footage. Yeah. Anyway, there's time just trying to think if there's one with a hard joke here. Well, there was the Trump it was

obviously somebody jumped on Trump and Epstein right away. She's the gonna divorce him because he was at a Coldplay concert, all that. And then diggy said he came across a really he was talking talking to us about this morning, that it was a real someone wrote an apology from the guy. And he goes, it's just an embarrassment that now you know, to my family and everything that everyone knows I like Coldplay. Here's the latest update from the New York Post. They've been suspended as a formal

investigation has been launched into their relationship. They've reached out and not heard back from both of them. So I guess the guy is married to Megan Kerrigan Byron and she removed her spouse's last name and deactivated her social media accounts. Cabot for her part is divorced. She separated from her ex-husband in 2018. So that's it. All right. Can you imagine how hard it's going to be to get another job for these two, especially

her? Yeah. No, I know. HR, I mean, you know, doing that, it's crazy. Yeah. Anyway, Texas lawmakers will convene next week for a special session to consider legislation addressing the deadly floods that devastated parts of the state earlier this month and a bill regarding which restrooms transgender Texans can use. It's one of those things where like, you know, there's a bill about one thing and they try to fucking shoehorn stuff in the back door. Yeah, exactly. So, Governor Greg Abbott called

for a special session to tackle a bunch of bills. And then the flash floods overwhelmed parts of Central Texas on July 4th. 120 people died. I think there's like 100 missing. I think we could say 220 you're dead However When did you check the tops of the trees? Yeah, nothing up there. All right, then we got 220 down Uh, however, when the governor's 18-point agenda was released last week it included far more than flood related measures Uh in addition to considering bills that would restrict hemp products Abbott has also he's a big anti-weed guy, Abbott has also asked lawmakers to consider legislation, quote, further protecting unborn children

and their mothers from the harm of abortion, the harm of abortion. I think harm is maybe understating it, and legislating protecting women's privacy in sex segregated spaces. So at least I guess there's an overall theme of the bill, which is killing children. They're not dealing with the flooding at all. And it's right in the bill. The bill says that pregnant women are not allowed to camp

within a mile of any river in Texas. Like they're just expecting more disasters. Well, they can, but they can't until after three weeks into the pregnancy. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's tough. That's the thing about, I was just in Texas and I asked them and they were like, no, y'all could get a abortion here,

you just gotta get it within six weeks. It's like, well, the period is a month. So basically you have to find out and then dash to an abortion clinic, which has crowds of people protesting at a waiting list. Yeah, you've got to get the abortion on your walk of shame home. Exactly. Having sex. You got to you got to walk in there with the walk of shame home. Exactly. Having sex. You got to walk in there with the jizz still running down the inside of your thigh and

be like, can you guys take a look at this? You know who's at most risk of getting burned by that? Like Short Window is married couples probably who rarely have sex. They think they're too old. it's not on their radar. And then they, you know, it's a million stories of like, honey, I have news, and it's like, no, we can't afford another kid. It's like, well, here's the test I just peed on.

And now there's gonna be a 51-year-old mother out there. Yeah, I thought I was in menopause, but and not getting my period anymore, but we did it. Yeah. And I'm eight months pregnant. I thought I was just fat and done. I use condoms still. But that's just because, you know, Aaron travels. You think she might give you something? Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get that. All right, here we go. We got California worker dies falling into meat grinder at a frozen burrito factory. Did this happen? Did they, when this happened, did they immediately think about the Sunday Papers podcast? I don't know. I feel badly that he died, but let's put that aside. Authorities said the fatal accident happened around 9.30 PM and is being treated as an industrial mishap as

the victim was cleaning the food processor when the machine unexpectedly activated. Well, I hope he's organic because that's what it says on the burrito labels from the factory. What was it? It was Tina's burritos. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I heard his funeral was open casket and they put in his remains and then they put in tortilla chips and nacho cheese and guac, which I thought was... It's nice. Sorry. It's nice. Yeah, you just... I thought you got cut off there. This is the choice that in California, ICE is giving a lot of people. Either go back to Mexico or jump in a carne grinder. Right, and Dickie's joke was, I hope the guy's name was Charles, so they can call it what?

The chuck, the meat. Yeah, but they would know there was another part of it. Ground chuck. Ground chuck, ground chuck, yeah. And also you wonder, maybe the guy wasn't Latino. Maybe, maybe, let's just say that it was dark meat. Oh, all right. Or he could have been skinny, low fat. Could have been white meat. Greg, you left that one out. That's right, but probably not. Okay, in a related story, a man wearing a neck chain is pulled into an MRI machine.

The man 61 was wearing a large metallic chain around his neck when he entered the room at the Nassau Open MRI. The man who the police did not name did not have authorization to enter the room, authorities said. Meanwhile, the meat grinder guy is like, oh no, you got pulled into an MRI machine? You poor thing. Was it loud? Was it making gong, gong, gong sounds?

Did you get x-rayed? Aw, I got gutted. Did you get pulled into another soft human body that was just lying there with their eyes closed trying to get through it. Were they playing Coldplay to relax you while it happened? So tough.

Well, I guess the necklace must have been, I mean, they didn't say the last name, but based on how big that chain must have been, I think we can guess the last name ended with a vowel. Rizzo, Moretti, DiStefano, Angelilli. Angelilli? I used to catty for a guy named Angelilli. Oh boy, alright. So much for a crucifix bringing you good luck.

No, it brings you to your maker. I think that's what happened. I wonder if the crucifix went into the MRI and then they looked at the Photograph and they go well. He's got some broken ribs That's a tough chain man if it drags a guy in there Maybe he's a little maybe he's a little guy. I don't know alright. Let's get to the ethical question Short ribs ethical question They weren't good this week. I'll give you your choice. Here's the first one. My in-laws are hoarders. Should I secretly call the authorities? Wow. Okay. Right. I mean, I don't think that's that who's gonna, you know.

It's not against the law. Right. I well, I think there was some danger. I mean, I could read it to you. I mean, I guess, OK, we're going to do that one. Here we go. And my elderly in-laws are living in a home that is unsafe. The outside of the home is extremely unkempt and the inside is horrible. The hoarding has gone on for many years.

They refuse to get help to clean it out or discuss it. And I fear for their safety. If a fire started, they would never get out alive. My daughter's spouse and his family have given up trying to persuade them to accept help. Is it unethical for me to call authorities secretly for a well-being check? It might force my son-in-law's parents to deal with their mess or it could cause them to lose their home. I feel awful that they live this way name withheld of course. Well, I have a friend a very dear friend. And she has a sister who was in a home like this, and her husband was MIA from work for a while, and then they did a wellness check on the house and found that he was dead in the apartment with this woman for days.

And then they took her and they put her into a mental health facility where she didn't eat and then she came out and the house was had animal a lot of animals and feces and she will not clean out the feces because she's something's wrong with her and they put her back in the house and And it's another state far away. So my friend can't really help her. She goes and visits, but she's got a job and she's trying to help out but she won't go back in and she won't take her meds. Right. Yeah, this guy, the ethicists talks about usually the hoarding is tied to depression. It could be depression or anxiety

or a broader health issue. But then he quickly adds, research suggests that cognitive behavioral therapy, the supposed gold standard, falls short for older adults. And the best therapeutic interventions have a modest track record with people like this. And even dramatic measures such as complete home cleaning almost always fail. The behavior simply resumes. Yeah, my, my mother-in-law is the opposite of a hoarder. She lives in a one-bedroom apartment in New York City

and couch, TV, a couple side tables, small kitchen table, her closet. She has two closets. Each one is half empty. Yeah. Like mini umbrella, mini everything. Everything is small. And she loves it. She's totally happy. She's like living this Zen like life and not to be morbid, but you know, she's 85 and she's going to pass at a certain point and it's going to be just an afternoon to go through the stuff.

Okay. Here's another one. Oh, I don't wanna give anything away. Okay, so ready? The headline. The guy I'm dating wants us to be exclusive. Do I have to agree? Right? So I thought, oh, that's interesting.

You know, let me see what she has to say. First sentence, I'm a 20 year old male, call it out. I'm out, now I get it. No, you don't have to agree. You're gay. You guys are getting more tail than anything. Oh, oh, got it. Yeah, yeah.

I think that from my understanding of gay couples is it's kind of implicit that it's open to some degree. Right. This is all right. I recently let him know I'm not interested in monogamy right now. Having been in a long distance monogamous relationship before the pressure and trust issues made me skeptical of that norm. Trust is like to be trustworthy. Anyway, hold on. He goes. Oh, wait, he said something interesting. Wait, I'll just interject this while you scan that. Yeah, go ahead.

I think it is more difficult for gay men to stay monogamous because, you know. No, I should say for gay women, because gay women, women are their lovers and women are their friends. You don't see a ton of lesbians hanging out with straight dudes, as opposed to gay dudes hang out. Wait, am I getting this right? I'm so glad I've been reading this whole time.

I'm just thinking about how you're just not exposed. Gay women are only around other women, so they're more likely to cheat because their friends are women as well as their lovers, whereas gay men, their best friends are just overweight women. Fascinating. Here was some interesting lines. I explained that because of my past, I struggle to feel deeply sexually attracted to someone I care about. And then he goes, we have okay sex, but it lacks the fire of casual hookups. I also explained that my interest in non-monogamy

was less about actively seeking others and more about lessening the pressure around potential lapses during travel or because of distance. Well, it's not a lapse if you have an open relationship. Right, right. But I think this guy, how about this? I don't think you're ready for this partner.

That's what I would say to you. I mean, what's their definition of a partner then? I mean, that's a hookup. That's not a coupling. It's either a friendship or it's a hookup. But he's trying to split the difference. Yeah, this guy feels safe for risking monkey pox constantly. That's that's my take. That's my takeaway. Yeah. The one that was predominantly spread by the gay community. All right, let's get that changed. What are we doing? Entertainment? Let's get to entertainment. Here we go.

Suki Waterhouse has been keeping a secret. The stunning British multi hyphenate model singer actress shared a selfie from a hospital bed on Monday, July 14 on Twitter. The photo, the photo, the photo was accompanied by the caption, quote, I wore pants so tight six months ago, it caused a hernia and I've been too scared to tell you. What? She also posted an image of herself in the offending tight dark pants. The photo appears to have been taken during the singer's Sparkle Muffin tour in 2024. Sparkle Muffin, more like suffocated muffin. I think it's not sparkling. Wait, you ever know you didn't finish the story?

I don't think she'll be open. Oh, you're right. She landed the coveted opportunity to open for Taylor Swift on on one of her eras tour dates in London. But I don't think she's going to be opening for a while yet. Now, is the hernia caused? I've never heard of this. Is the hernia caused by wearing tight pants? Or do you get the hernia trying to pull them over your foot? What's a foot? The fat upper pussy area. Is that a thing? Yeah, sometimes pussy is called pubic, but it's fat upper pussy area to everyone,

you know, in the know. Now, is that different than a gunt? Gunt works also. It's all these beautiful four letter abbreviations. With U's, yeah. Yeah, the acronyms. So, do tight, I guess tight pants cause a hernia? Do we just have to accept that?

I would think it would keep it in. Yeah, interesting. I'm Googling it now, tight pants. I wear 32 waist, I normally wear a 31 inch waist on my pants, but my underwear, I go 32 because I don't like tight underwear. I wear boxer briefs with a little bit of room.

And the best are, there's a Hanes brand that has a pocket on the penis area. Oh. What do you wear, tighty whities? You're old school. No, how did you just jump? Those are Fitzfax. I wear boxer briefs.

Okay. I used to be just boxers. Boxers don't give you any support. Boxers were also, it's like, you pull your pants up, the whole, now all of a sudden it's like you have a, like a fanny pack around, you have to tuck the boxers. Yep. And then no support and... And then your cock falls through the hole.

I don't mind boxers if I'm like just putting them on, like, you know, go, you know, go to bed or hang out kind of like, you know, after a shower or something, but like at night, basically like a pajama in a way. Boxers are great for that. I like, you don't feel like you're walking around in underwear. I feel like Julia Roberts has done six to seven films where she's wearing boxer shorts and an Oxford shirt, a man's Oxford shirt. And the sleeves are rolled up

and she has an oversized cup of tea and there's a cat nearby and it's probably raining. And her cocks hanging out. And her cocks hanging out. Okay, Donald Trump celebrates the CBS cancellation of Stephen Colbert's The Late Show. Trump posted on Truth Social, quote, I absolutely. Doesn't he have enough going on? Yeah, I know. Does he not have enough going on? Oh, the comedian. Oh, my God, the black comedian, so funny.

He does spots on The Daily Show. He was like, he's like, so the leader of the free world with all that's going on is in a beef now with Rosie O'Donnell and then he like mentioned like the star of this movie. Like, it's so true, like what is happening? Anyway, Trump posted on truth social quote I absolutely love that Colbert got fired his talent was even less than his ratings I hear Jimmy Kimmel is next has even less talent than Colbert exclamation point

Greg Gutfeld is better than all of them combined including the moron and NBC who ruined the once great Tonight Show. Oh my God. Huh. Well, I mean, look, all praise to Gutfeld. He's one of the great comic minds of our generation. And of course, that's the sound. I looked up some of his bits. That's a sign. I looked up some of his bits. Quote, Hillary Clinton is more socialist than AOC on Black Friday. Okay. All right. She spends more money than Richie Rich on Jeff Bezos birthday. Richie Rich. Twitter is more like Nazi Germany than Hitler's TikToks with Hunter Biden. These are, yeah, that he's I guess he's going to be getting the Mark Twain award next year. And now I'm going to play and we're going to play this on the podcast.

We're going to play a short clip of Greg Gutfeld during his monologue. It's funny the Taliban on Twitter, that's like Fred Flintstone operating an iPhone. It's like a Neanderthal playing Call of Duty 2. It's like Joe Biden wearing pants. A regime that champions a return to the dark ages tweets about pressers from their smartphones. I wonder who their service provider is,

and does the goat porn cost extra? Does for me. I'd imagine the Taliban is a little myth that you can retweet but you can't behead. And where's the emoji for death to America anyway? No, let's just say it speaks for itself. It literally, the joke structure is literally blank, blank, blank. That's like blank, blank, blank.

Like 90% of his jokes have that joke structure. It's like AI is writing material for him. What is his background even? Was he ever even comedy adjacent? No, he had the show called Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld or something. No, I know, but before that. Oh, I don't know.

I don't know. But I know for a fact there's this one writer and he's a standup comic in New York and he's actually a really good, interesting, creative, funny comedian. And he's a staff writer on this show. I don't know if maybe they got it in for him and they're not using any of his material. It's gotta be better than this yet.

Man. And also he's calling Jimmy Fallon a moron. Jimmy helped get Trump elected the first time. Remember the like, look at your hair. Can I touch your hair? He tussled his hair. Yeah. He made him see humanized them. Yeah. Well, speaking of TV, as expected, Emmy voters heaped love on the so called Big Four of comedy hacks. The bear, of course, my favorite comedy, the bear, where I literally double over laughing. Abbott Elementary, which is pretty good. And only in the only murders in the building. How about only mugging

in the building? Oh, I like it. Also, boy, all these shows skew so old. I know right. Matt Lockstar, Kathy Bates became the oldest performer ever nominated in a lead drama actress category. Shrinking got seven nominations. Adolescents got 13 nominations. I didn't realize this Owen Cooper who plays the young attacker became the youngest nominee in history of this category and the series I didn't know this the series was co-created and co-written by Stephen Graham who also stars as the accused attackers father. Oh, no, of course I didn't know that. Oh no he it says it says baby.

I will tell you that I woke up I knew the nominations were whatever day it was and I woke up and I hate to confess this I was expecting a lot of text like from the writers on the Globes and from Nikki Glaser and all that stuff because I thought easily we it was so well received, I thought we would receive a nomination. And then even like during the then I remember Conan hosted the Oscars and I thought, oh man, he's going gonna get nominated as well. And that might be like our competition in a big way. Neither nominated.

Who got nominated? The Oscars so, who got nominated was Cowboy Carter Beyonce. No. For the Beyonce Bowl. So the category is live variety special. So not like a variety series or anything like that. So outstanding variety special live. It's so last year,

I lost in this category, because it was the Tom Brady roast, and Jimmy Kimmel, and his bazillion friends and the Oscars won it. So that was the show I was head writer on, which was three hours and six minutes of every word written and every word or written joke. And Kimmel did eight minutes of jokes up top of the Oscars. So anyway, this year it's the Beyonce Bowl, the SNL 50th anniversary special, the homecoming concert. It's weird that

Oh, that was the night before the show. They did the concert. Yeah. And then, right. And then the Apple Music halftime show with Kendrick Lamar. And once again, that was a bust. That was a bust. Everybody hated it. Well, then it came around a little bit because it turns out this country is titillated with pedophile jokes and just wants to laugh about them and convince they're true with Drake. So if they're true, shouldn't we do more than laugh? I don't know. And then the Oscars is also nominated. So whatever, not nominated. But I think I'll be, it looks like I'm working on the Emmy, so I'll be there. Oh, nice. Yeah. There you go. Sure. And the Emmys cannot get nominated. I don't think any award

shows really should be. But you've won, you've won an Emmy before, right? Two, my friend. Two Emmys. Plus you got how many daytime Emmys? Is this a build up to how many Emmys you have? No. How many daytime Emmys do you have? Oh, yeah, I really you're right. I only have one at me because daytimes don't don't count. So you have one daytime and one nighttime. Yes. You have one and a half. You have one and a half Emmys. I have one. Really the daytime Emmy we used to joke should just be a giant gold asterisk. That's instead of the woman holding the globe, it should just be an asterisk. It should include who your

competition was on the plaque. Yeah. Oh, a judge show. OK. Yeah. All right. Let's get down to. Oh, I want to give a shout out. Two of my friends are nominated. Robbie Hoffman, who is a great comic. She was just on my podcast about three weeks ago. She was nominated as a guest star on Hacks. She's very interesting.

She was raised Hasidic Jew by a single mom with 10 kids. They moved from fucking New York City to Toronto to, or Montreal maybe. And she's amazing. She's very interesting. And then Tom Segura was nominated for his show, Bad, what is it called? Bad Thoughts? I forget, but I have to watch it. You know the prank show with his mom in it and stuff?

It's not a prank show, it's a sketch show, but yeah, it's very good. Oh, they pranked his mom. That was the clip I saw. Yeah. All right, let's get to Florida. All right, here we go. Make America Florida. Florida man arrested for DUI. Well, that doesn't seem too Florida. But according to the Florida Highway Patrol, dispatchers received calls from multiple witnesses around 830 a.m. reporting a man operating a lawnmower. Okay, just became Florida and he was driving erratically on the southbound side of the parkway. Troopers say traffic cameras showed the lawnmower going south.

And this guy, Christopher Spain, 38, showed several signs of impairment, including small pupils, flushed skin, dry mouth, and visible irritation to the inside of his nose. I have a picture there for you, Greg. I love it. Look at that weirdo. Yeah. Spain also had a small blue straw in his back pocket, according to the troopers, and he repeatedly cleared his throat, sniffeded and spit during the traffic stop.

Yes, he's got allergies, he's out there cutting grass. Troopers say Spade refused to perform field sobriety exercises and he was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence. Do you know why we pulled you over, sir? No, I don't, why? Well, you missed a few spots. I don't know. I'm the freeway here while you're trying to cut the cement.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you know why we pulled you over? I think the sobriety test is, can you drive a straight line? He probably couldn't even do that. Right. Well, I guess this is what we had. This is the future. These are the guys that are going to replace all the Latino landscapers. Yeah, exactly. This is what you're getting. His wife, his wife Maria was riding a vacuum cleaner down 95 South. I mean, this is going to be I think Coke and a lawn mower, that's the real origin of crop circles. It's always been a great mystery.

I think this guy brings us one step closer. I'm looking up now, George Jones. I think George Jones. Oh, that's right. Oh shit, I hate when a fucking, who is still on Facebook? I just clicked on a clip, whatever. Yeah, I know for a fact they pulled him over on a lawn mower, drunk.

Yeah, because he would not take no, basically for an answer in getting to the bar. Okay, now we are going to do, well, we're gonna stay in this category, Cory. Let's stay in Florida. Because now we got a Florida woman. A Florida woman was scammed out of $15,000 by A.I. cloning her daughter's voice.

Sharon Breitswil said she got a call last one. Sharon, not so bright. Well, that sounded exactly like her adult daughter sobbing and panicking on the other end of the line and telling her that she had hit a heavily pregnant woman while texting and driving. As opposed to a lightly pregnant woman. Right. Well, it's far and I bet the baby was already pretty fat. The phone number didn't match Monroe's and the voice claimed that the police had taken her personal cell phone after the accident. But the AI generated sound was so similar to her daughter's voice, even her sobs, that Brightwell

was completely convinced the call was real. Quote, there is nobody that could convince me that it wasn't her. I know my daughter's cry. Even though she's an adult, I know her cry. Breitwald only realized she had been scanned when she got a call from her grandson, revealing to her that his mom was not in any trouble. He even put Monroe on the phone. I screamed when I heard her voice. I broke down. She was fine, Breitwald said. Well, psych, that wasn't her either. That's what I want this story to be. I want this story Brightwell said. Well, psych, that wasn't her either. That's what I want this story to be. I want the story to be fake grandson voice. It's fake good news also. It's a roller coaster.

Yeah, this is, you know, first of all, I've been to Florida and this story doesn't ring true because parents do not respond to their crying children in the state of Florida. I've been to Disney World. They are ignored. Well also AI now can they can replicate the phone number so it does look like they're calling from their phone. That's the other twist that happens. I mean when I think about my mother, my 80, how old is my mom? She'll be 84 this summer. When I think about how easily fooled she's gonna be by all these things, you know?

Like, oh, like you think about, even sharp people are tricked these days and duped and fished and scammed. So, you know, cause I stand to inherit, like, whatever, I'm not bragging, but like, six to $7000. And I have a feeling that's going to be gone. Yeah, I know. And also, you're supposed to come up with some like, you know, secret question. And they will not remember the secret question. They're not going to remember to ask that.

They're like, what was it? Yeah. And then AI is going to know every question that they could think up on the fly. Yeah. The secret question is where did I leave the remote? You would know that in the fridge, mom, like last time. Oh, you're right. This is you.

All right, let's go to international. Here we go. Let's do international. Thai police have arrested a woman who allegedly had sexual relations with monks and then used photos and videos of the acts to extort money from them. The woman who police are calling Mrs. Golf had sex with

at least nine monks. She received around $11.9 million in the last three years. They searched her house and found 80,000 photos and videos used to blackmail them. It's the latest scandal to rock Thailand's much revered Buddhist institution, which in recent years has been plagued with allegations of monks engaging in sexual offenses and drug trafficking. Cardinal Bernard Law was asked to comment and he said that's disgraceful. Does she have any sons? Is she called Miss Golf because she played a round of nine? Nine monks or is it because she's a hole in one hand clapping?

That was my attempt at an AI joke. They just are taking the two categories of things and just wedging them together. Yeah, I didn't know these monks, but you got to figure with these religious people, like, it's a perfect target, because they're never going to tell anybody that they're having sex. And you can extort them. Yeah, I think even more so than a married person, you can extort a monk.

Of course, what's he gonna say? He's on a vow of silence. He can't say anything for a long time. All right, why don't we get down to this day? Let's do this day in history. Here we go. Okay, I got to tell you, man, it was slim pickings. Really? Yes, it was. But here we go. British singer songwriter Amy Winehouse. She died from alcohol poisoning at the age of 27. Sadly on this weekend, in what year give or take two years? Oh, God. Well, I mean, come on, she's a recent hit. She's a recent star. She won five Grammy Awards not long ago. I'll say 2015. You missed it buddy. I knew it. I love it. 2011. Oh really? Did you see the movie by the way? It was great. A lot of people didn't see it. The movie is

Fantastic. Yeah kidding me. Yeah All right now I gotta go up here a little bit let's see we got You know, you'll know Bob Dole we got We got... It's just amazing the research that goes into this and the high level of production value. Of course. People are on the edge of their seat. First of all, they're still talking about Amy Winehouse.

So that's perfect. So people listen in groups to the podcast? Yeah, everyone's talking about it. It's like an old timey radio in the living room and they sit around it on the floor. We bring people together staring at the radio. Yeah. Yeah. Chicago Soldier Field, the first Special Olympics began some 1000 athletes all of whom had intellectual disabilities

participated. What year was the first Special Olympics, give or take 10 years? I would say the first year, then they started, the Olympics started in 1953. Nope, 1968. By Sergeant Shriver, I think, right? I think you're right. The Viking 1 lander touched down on Mars. Now that's all this thing says.

I'm thinking this is the first, the reason it's celebrated. It's the first time anything Human has landed on Mars the Viking one lander touched down on Mars On this weekend in what year give or take? 15 years Well, let's see we landed on the moon in Early 60s I'm moon in early 60s. I'm gonna say early 80s, I'll go 82. I kind of gave it away, but I'm surprised, yes, 76.

Okay. That's way earlier than I thought. Yeah. Okay, let's find one more for you here. You don't know about Lizzie Borden, right? No, I know she lit Chicago on fire, right? No, wrong. Totally wrong thing.

This is Dickie's hometown, Fall River, Massachusetts. Is that some Fall River? Is there an axe murder involved? Let's do. Yeah, well, we already teased Lizzie Borden. She was suspected of murdering her stepmother and father, but was acquitted in a trial that became a national sensation. She was born in Fall River on this year.

The year was 1860. Okay, so one more, and here we go. And away we go. There's nothing here. Mad Men, first episode, premiered on this date in what year? Give or take three years. Jesus. Well, I can remember exactly where we were when my wife saw it for the first time.

I was performing at the punch line, and I came back to the room, and she was sitting on the edge of the bed half naked Because she was getting undressed and she happened to turn on the TV and she couldn't look away. She was mesmerized It was such a different look at also she was in love with John Hamm I mean, she also didn't want to get up and slip all over the place with all the water gushing out on the floor. That's my wife. Sorry, go ahead. All right. So I would say that probably water I was trying

to be nice. That would have been about 17 years ago. So let's say 2000 and what does that add up to? I'm not gonna give you the math. 2008? I'm gonna say 2008. 2007, good for you. Nice. Let's see if you know this. Jane Austen died on this weekend in what year,

give or take 30 years 1860 1817 Wow really yep damn she was ahead of her time just strong woman okay we'll end on a strong note a book that you have multiple copies of its on your shelf mine, was published the first volume was published technically a manifesto, became the Bible of Nazism and the Third Reich it was published on this day in what year so I'm gonna give you four years 1931

1925 So I'm going to give you four years. 1931. 1925. No way. Right? Earlier than I thought also. Damn. All right, we're moving on. Here we go.

Letters to the editor. I'm kind of proud that I got the Hitler trivia wrong. I don't think you want to be that sharp on the Hitler trivia. No, and also because if you know history, you won't repeat it and you want to repeat that. Again and again. It's mine history to repeat.

All right, I already Craig-gold, letters to the editor. All right, dear, hey, Greg, hope you and the family are doing well. I ran across an article saying that Musk is adding his AI chatbot grok to his Tesla's if you haven't heard grok went, ate Chan on the Jews the other day. I would like to hear your riff on the swat sick swat swat his cars, latest car Mecca Hitler software update any who take care and thanks for all the laughs So yeah, I heard something about this that Did you remember this it was like saying stuff about the Jews oh

Of course no Grok went crazy Oh, of course. No, Grok went crazy. Yeah. And didn't it, didn't it drive like on the sidewalks in Austin, Texas? And yet it was saying it was almost like the car was programmed by a guy on ketamine. Yeah. And Ritalin. I hadn't seen this letter, so I have nothing prepared. But yeah, what could be, what are some jokes you could make about Grok in the Tesla? Well.

See, this is where ChatGPT does a lot of the work for you. Yeah. I'm running down the list of all German things I know that could be applied. German things. It goes zero to nine. There you go. That's horrible. Yeah it well it forces you to use very uncomfortable hand signals while turning. Yes right right. It's very hard to change gears with your hand, with your arms straight ahead of you.

Yeah, and it only makes right, it only makes turns to the right. And we'll have 50 more by next week. Yeah. All right, oh, you know, here we go. And it's got the, and the heat is at 285 degrees. Yes, before we go any further, because we could go to obituary,

I did see someone who died and I did not flag it though. But we've been on a good run of not losing anyone, I think. Yeah. Do I have that right? We had Yeah, nobody Connie Francis, but nobody care oh yeah, you know what I think I did see it was Connie Francis All right, we're moving on to the funny. Okay Poor Connie Welcome back, Greg.

All right, we're going to the comics. As you know, every week we do the comedy caption contest where we give you one frame of a comic and then you guys write a punchline for it. You write the caption, you mail it into FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. We pick some finalists, we pick a winner. That person gets a Sunday Papers Coozie sent directly to their home for the summer, and we ask that you send them in and put your name directly underneath your submission. This week we have a giant rat and he's walking down a city street. He's stepping on a car which is

crushed. He's about the size of a building, a large building. He's got another car in his teeth that he's chewing on. He looks angry. There are buildings falling down in the background. And then Ari from Tulsa said, you gave a mouse a cookie and now we're fucked. Thanks. All right, Tulsa. David Harriman said the rat from Joe DeRosa's sub shop. Is that a thing? Did Joe DeRosa have rats in his sub shop?

I'm imagining there's just attributing a rat to his sub shop. Do you know Joe DeRosa? No, only no, I've never met him. Oh, he's hilarious. I hung out with him in Austin all last week. He's the best. Bob says AI rat. Can Tom Cruise save Metropolis from a koozie seeking AI rats, huge cock and savage bite coming to a theater near you. Very wordy, Bob. Huh? Willam says, Ah, it's got AIDS. OK, that's someone screaming in the street, I guess. Yeah. Ryan Timberlake says the creators of Godzilla made the movie more relatable to Indian audiences.

OK, because they have a lot of relatable to Indian audiences. Okay. Because they have a lot of rats there. Yes. Okay. Jason said, scabby the GMO rat for local 109 mad scientist union got a little testy with some Teslas. The wording people, like I get the idea,

but say it out loud before you write it down. Does it read like a sentence? Dan Oh said of mice and menstruation Not bad Meredith Tullifson said you're gonna need a bigger flute. I Kind of like that. That's good you're going to need a bigger flute. I kind of like that. That's good. Brian Daniels said, new pharmaceuticals often

require subtle tweaks before they can move to clinical trials. I like that one. Tim Bagan said, following an unprecedented series of failures and rejections, Elon unleashes his next brilliant invention onto the world, the musk rats. Again, conservation of words maybe a little sure muskrat is the lead there I mean that's get to that quicker

Frank Kehoe says the Union immediately regretted not ordering the usual inflatable protest package that's one submission and his other one is Wu Han Mickey. Wu Han. Wu Han Mickey. Yeah. John. No.

John Moffat said cut. I asked for Rodan not Rodent. OK. What's Rodan? Rodan is from the Godzilla movies and everything. Oh, all right. So that's pretty. That's not bad. That's not bad at all. Yeah. Finally, Dave Dravinak said, just days before State Farm canceled everybody's giant rat insurance.

That's good thinking. Yeah. I like that. All right. So there's two going back that I feel like we liked. everybody's giant rat insurance. That's good thinking. Yeah. I like that. All right, so there's two going back that I feel like we liked. There was the side effects of the pharmaceuticals, and we liked the we're gonna need a bigger flute. And of mice and menstruation.

I feel like those are the three finalists. What do you think? I usually pick them. I kind of like the we're gonna need a bigger flute just because it reads really well it flows it's got you know it sounds good. And it's the 50th anniversary of Jaws. There we go. Alright congratulations to Meredith Tollefson send us your address and we'll get that koozie right out to you! All right let's get straight down to we'll read this viewer mail next week right now let's get to Hager the horror book the comics let's do the comics let's go well we're already in the comics the funny section okay so Hager is he's standing outside of a castle and then he says, I'm here to defeat your

army and claim your royal castle. And then the king standing out front with the door open and he goes, I know, I invited you. And then Haggar goes, I suspect a trick, but I can't resist. He's got his whole army with him. And then Haggar says, I suspect a trick, but I can't resist. He's got his whole army with him. And then Hager says, let the great battle begin. And then the king goes, perfect. My biographer says, if you want a bestseller,

your last chapter needs an epic battle. And his soldiers come out of the castle and he's got this guy behind him who's writing his biography apparently. Yeah, and if you want a bestseller you also need a sex scene, like especially one with 120 sweaty Vikings piled on top of your wife, because that's what's about to happen. Your Highness. That's what's going to sell, exactly.

The Lockhorns. Leroy, it's the best. He's out on the dance floor. He's got a cocktail in his hand. He's got a lampshade on his head. He's dancing with a young, beautiful woman. And Loretta is talking to another woman and she goes, the more adult beverages Leroy consumes, the more childish she becomes. I just like that Bunny is not afraid to put put a fucking lamp shade on her head for the joke. Yeah, I like it. Now they're at a palm reader and the palm reader holds Leroy's hand and she goes, First of all, I can tell you never help your wife with the dishes. That's a good joke.

That's good. Let's do some BC, our newest comic. Yeah, it's kind of a weird one. Three frames, first frame, the two dudes are walking over, they see a bottle is washed up on the shore, and then the second frame the guy picks up the bottle and he shakes out a lot of stuff. And the guy goes... Looks like, like, nail, rusty nails and pieces of crap.

And the other guy is like, what's all that? And then the third and final frame, he turns to the guy and goes junk mail. It's funny. It's kind of creative, kind of creative. Like, you know, it's really simple, a lot of negative space in terms of no words. And you know what?

I'm not like, I want that time back. Like with Point Blank, the awful movie with James Coburn. Yep. Let's get down to, so we got a blanks Dagwood walks in the door. And blondie is wearing a white summer skirt. And she's got a rust colored sleeveless sweater with a semi plunging neckline, but it really accentuates the underside of her breasts. And he says, Hi beautiful, what's new? She goes, actually, there's something new and creative. And he goes, is this something that requires a garage? And she goes, not this time, honey.

And they walk in the living room and she goes, surprise sweetheart, what do you think? And he goes, I think that someone broke in and moved the sofa to the other side of the room. And she goes, I thought a fresh look for the living room would be a nice change of pace. And he goes, there was nothing wrong with the old place against the other wall. And she goes, honey, I'm positive your body

will adjust to this location in nothing flat. She goes, come on give it a quick quick test for a few minutes and he goes I'll give it a shot but I'll give it a shot but my back will be in for a shock and then he lays down and he's sleeping and she goes no shock there all right Dagwood you come in the door blondie gives you a big smooch, she's got her arm around you, she walks you in and has you lay on the couch to give it a quick test. You just failed the test.

Here's the test. You lay her down, get her face in that fucking cushion, roll that white skirt onto her lower back and just attack. Get your face in that ass and make Summer mean something. Make this to Summer she remembers you coming alive, hitting puberty, becoming a fucking man. Exactly. Move that couch.

Move it. The two of you on it, move it around the room. Right. All right. Anyway, what can we say? We want to see you guys coming out to the clubs this summer. Batavia, Illinois this coming week. Pottstown, PA, Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Go to FitzDog.com. Pick up some tickets. And what was this? Something else I wanted to promote? Yeah, your friends and neighbors I really liked with John Hamm. Oh yeah. Yeah. I would say watch Point Blank the movie. I think you guys will love it.

Yeah, he's setting you up. Setting you up. I know. I've thought about it during the podcast. You know what? I think I'm wrong. All right well thank you to Midcoast Media for producing and editing and uploading and all that such and I guess we'll catch you guys soon. All righty. Take it ace take it ace So is the podcast, that long lines with black, with Greg and Mike You know each time that you read all about it, you shout it, your day is going right There's no other podcast greater, Sunday Papers