Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 274 7/27/25

Episode Date: July 27, 2025

Everyone died this week. We talk about it and then cheer up with news about Ellen in England and a 114-yr old Indian marathon runner who is hit by a car. Watch Greg’s latest special, ⁠⁠⁠“You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!⁠⁠⁠ Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest” Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Find Mike on Venmo here: ⁠⁠⁠https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTime⁠⁠⁠ Make sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram:  ⁠⁠⁠Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmons⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Mike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And I'm clapping in seven eight eight. Three, two, one. Read all about it. There you go. All about it. Sunday papers coming in from the west side of L.A., the most mocked area by MAGA in the whole world. West side. Yeah. Well, New York, too, I guess.

I don't know. But now there's so many billionaires. I gotta straighten my screen here. So many billionaires there now, they can't mock their own kind. I'm going to New York next week. Oh, our kids. So we're recording this on Thursday. Yeah, our kids today, I think are going out to dinner. Nice. In New York, yup.

I love it, I love it. Yeah I talked to Owen for about an hour today. You wanna hear a crazy story? I'm on stage at the comedy store last night and whatever, I never wanted to be the guy like oh, I had a good set, I had a very good set. It was the set of the night. It was a fucking crush, whatever. Nice. And then I'm talking to the front row at the end.

This is, I go, how old are you guys? You don't look old enough to be here. And the girl goes, I'm 24. I go, where are you from? She goes, Santa Monica. I said, where did you go to high school? And she goes, Sammo, Santa Monica High School. I said, wait, what year did you graduate?

She said 2018. I go, do you know? And she goes, Owen. And I was like, what the fuck? She's like, I've been in your house. Oh, he's like, my boyfriend is Owen's best friend. And then the girl sitting next to her goes, yeah, and my boyfriend is his other best friend. And so I Yeah, and my boyfriend is his other best friend. And so I remembered one of them for sure that I'd met her before. And it was just so funny. I was like, this is weird to see people and you go, oh, that's how old my son is.

My son is like an adult that goes to clubs. You know? Also last time she was in your house, she like, I you don't look old enough to be here. How old are you? Right. Where do you go to high school? Yeah, I got an island. You want to come visit my island? Yeah. You look just old enough. So that was weird. And so I'm going to New York, go to Chicago this weekend. And then next weekend, next week I'll be at my sister's.

Wait, wait, where does Chicago fit in? This Friday, Saturday, so it'll be too late for people listening to this to go to the shows. And then I'll go to my sister in Westchester County, and then I'm going to drive down, we're going to Yankees game Monday night and then drive down to the Jersey Shore. Stay with Dan Bickner, our college buddy, Dan Bickner. He just spent five days on the river with Jack Stout and in Idaho. Yeah. And Jack said, right. And listen, Jack does trips like these often, but he was like, I can't even describe it. So I guess it was like such, in a way, a detox from the world. So zero cell service

and five days kind of not seeing, you know, humanity, I guess. Was it just the two of them? No, no, no. I think it was, you know, God, you definitely have guides and stuff and an outfit doing the boats. I don't know how big, how many people. I think it was, you know, God, you definitely have guides and stuff and an outfit doing the boats. I don't know how big how many people I don't know anything about it. Amazing. But you sleep out on the you know, out on the river and all that stuff. Damn. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm gonna stay this house, which it's a little over air conditioned. It's one

of those houses, you know, where, I don't know, the East Coast, they get crazy with the air conditioning. I literally do not have an air conditioner in my house because, you know, with the wind coming off the ocean, there's literally, there's maybe three nights of the year where I'm like, damn, I wish we had an air conditioner. And you just put on some fans.

Poor Aaron. But yeah, well, it's gotten hotter here. You know, Santa Monica High School did not have air conditioner. And you just put on some fans. Poor Aaron. But yeah, well, it's gotten hotter here. You know, Santa Monica High School did not have air conditioning. And as you know, when Jojo and Sophie were there, Owen might have already been gone, but it was close to their last year. School was called for the first time ever on account of heat. Oh, yeah, I remember that. And they're all sent home. But now they're like retrofitting it and all that with air

conditioners. Yeah, it's a situation there. Yeah, so yeah, you know, when I we built our house, I mean, we had a contractor, but actually, he let me subcontract out some stuff like, so we were very hands on. Anyway, I lost that fight with the wife about air conditioner or not. She needed an air conditioner. Yes, yes she did. Whole house air conditioning.

But I also put in a whole house fan and that really cools it down, especially the upstairs. Sucks all the cool air in the evening right from the downstairs window. Yeah, the attic fan. It's genius. My house, the yard, has been... My house. My house is infested with rats.

Yeah, you know, we talked about this last week. Okay, so I've since caught about seven rats, like big fucking rats. And I do feel really bad about killing them. But, and I think they figured out the traps now, because I put out like six every night with peanut butter all over them. And so I got one last night, but it had been like three nights before that,

that I think, you know, one of them, as you predict, did we talk about this last week about one trap missing? I did. No, I told you they can run off with them. Well, they did. One of them ran off the trap. There was a trap missing one morning. Yeah. So the problem is then he goes back to the nest. And they all go like, Randy, you got a little, you know, something right, right here. Randy, you got a little something right here. No, no, the other side of your mouth, you have a death trap clamped on your skull, Randy. He's like, I didn't even notice.

This fucking peanut butter's amazing. Meanwhile, I'm literally flailing away and you're trying to kill this little bug. Looks like a baby mosquito. There's an old African proverb, if you think you're too small to make a difference, try to sleep in a room with a mosquito one night. And what is what does that say? That you that a mosquito,

oh, I thought being up all night trying to kill a bug, all of a sudden you're making a difference. I got you No, the perspective is the mosquito Great you're a bug. Well speaking of being a mosquito We're going to talk about south park later, which is one of the great great Fucking entertainment stories of all time. I know have you seen it yet? I just saw a clip. I didn't see the whole episode. I say I haven't and I saw the PSA that we'll talk about. I watched my daughter wanted me to watch

the bear. So she's been talking about that what I'll call good fellas inspired like level of tension and you know so I've heard so much about it but but I am just. Well, you're talking about season one or the most recent season? No, season two, because it's three, three and hour four. I think it was episode six and seven. That's what everyone talked about. One was the brother being sent to go wash forks in a high end restaurant. And, you know, they make him a lot more sympathetic. I am just not a bare person, man, I'll tell you.

Even like the arguing in the kitchen, I just felt it was so inauthentic and not honest. Wait, the Christmas episode? Yeah. Oh yeah, I could have lived without the Christmas episode. That was so heavy handed. It was trying so hard. It's like we get it.

If you cut camera shots every three seconds and everybody yells, oh, boy, that's big stakes. No, it's not. It's just fucking activity. It's just frenetic activity. And, you know, maybe it deserves

best comedy because I was just laughing at its effort to be, you know, tension filled because it fell so short of it. But yeah, and it's just very inauthentic. And, you know, the two fat guys, they're like, what do you mean? What do you mean? That's not green. Like, it's like, what? It literally could have been that. They could have been fighting over a shade of green. I don't even know what they, but it was so just forced. And it's almost like they're like, it's almost like you show AI legitimate scene at a Goodfellas and been like, okay, now do this with these characters.

Well, it's the first attempt and you don't even correct it. in listening and repeating. That's all they do. They listen and repeat with stakes that are inappropriate for the situation at all times. And so redundant. God, then there was another episode with the girl, the black girl who I really like. I guess she's a stand up and she won the Emmy, I think. And I think she did improv. I don't think she did stand-up. Please tell me she didn't do stand-up. So, anyway, it was the... Oh, I think it was the finale where we are now. Olivia was watching it the other night.

And, um... It's just, like, the longest, longest, longest conversation on a stoop outside, like, in who's quitting, who's staying. I don't want to spoil it for people who haven't gotten there yet. But the same thing was said. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Now, the show's very redundant.

And as I say, the same thing you just said. And the director, though, is this guy who I forget his name. It's like it's an Asian name. And he does. Atlanta, the same guy that does Atlanta, and you can feel the similarities. I feel like the bear is a less coherent, less well paced version of Atlanta set in Chicago. All right, let's see these Fitz Facts.

Yeah. He's the executive producer and... Christopher Storer seems to direct a lot of them. No, you're talking about Hero. Yes. No, no. Well, I mean, yeah. His work on Atlanta is incredible. Right. I don't know if it's this hero.

All right, anyway. I think he's an EP on both shows. Gotcha. I don't know, man. Season one, not one done by him. Season. Maybe he's not the director. Maybe he's like the show runner. season one. Not one done by maybe Fitz fact checked. Anyway, The Bear, yeah, you know, God bless you. And by the way, the three episodes, so I watched three episodes, well, I watched two and a half,

one was in the background. I mean, I'm like, listen, I mean, I can't, my sides are hurting, I'm laughing from what gets the award for best comedy in the world. On television. This is what gets the best comedy award. Is it the brother suicide? Is that the funniest part?

It's hard to decide. Yeah, yeah. Is it the overacting screaming in the kitchen with a mentally impaired mom who's an alcoholic? Maybe that's the funniest part. Is it the episode where they send the dessert guy to Denmark where there's no words? Contemplative, like shots of cream. Yes. Hysterical. Yeah, yeah.

It's a laugh riot. Yeah. And then you can see now where they're trying to force comedy in so they can stay in that category. And also, I like, you know, this is like season deep in season two. And then I even saw I think it's the finale and literally the phrase from mom to son, like, like you're my baby bear. I'm like, that hasn't been exploited yet. That line. And so many bare word plays. It's disgusting. Okay. Let's get to today's logo. We want to thank Leif Nobilsi. I always say it wrong. Leif Nobilsi who did some artwork based on the Ultimate Sin, the Sabbath album.

Oh, God. From the 80s. Yeah. That was a great album. We're gonna talk a lot. We're gonna save time in the show so we can make up for it during the obituaries today. The obituaries.

So many people died. Have roared back. Damn. Yeah. We got some corrections. This comes from Jay, who on the Masters of None podcast. Hey guys, I hate that I'm even sending this.

I despise the people who send in corrections. It's my least favorite part of the show, but I had just written a trivia question about this so I couldn't stop myself. Mike said Prospect Park is bigger than Central Park, and that's not true. Prospect Park doesn't even crack the top 10 in New York City. It's not even the biggest park in Brooklyn. That record goes to my neighborhood Marine Park. Love the pod, going to drown myself in Jamaica Bay now. My last wish is that people stop sending in corrections. Who cares?

Jamaica Bay, by the way, there was this cop that Attila had this when he was still drinking, he hung out with some dark, dark figures in New York City. And one guy who used to come to the shows every night at the cellar was a cop who they put in a frog suit every night by this one bridge in Jamaica Bay, because it's where the mob used to dump bodies. And he would sit floating in the water and then he would radio in when a when something hit the water. That's insane. when something hit the water. Something got arrested and drove by.

That's insane. He said that we just rats swimming past his head all night. Prospect Park is 75% of Central Park, so I stand corrected. Okay, there you go. It's about maybe 70%, yeah. So it's saying, Eric from Duluth, Minnesota said Central Park is 76 larger than 76 percent

larger than Prospect Park. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I just did a quick math based on the acreage. OK. Jim Denison said not exactly a correction, but you include Stairway to Heaven as a song Led Zeppelin ripped off. Have you listened to the spirit song it's taken off of? It borrows from a chord progression and riff that's existed for at least 100 years.

The spirit song wouldn't have copyrighted protection as a result. And that's part of the reason the plaintiff lost. OK, then he goes on into the chord progressions and stuff like that. But wait, now I'm reading this thing. It's not 76 percent larger. Prospect Park is seven, about 70 percent of Central Park anyway. All right. Hmm. OK. It's always great how you're one story behind what I'm talking about. It makes for a really good flow in the show.

So the rat stole your trap. Is that what you're saying? Are you do tour dates? I'm going to get my phone so I can fact check you. Okay. Tour dates. Pottstown, Pennsylvania, Seoul, Joles. July 31st is my wedding anniversary. So come be there since my wife won't be. Point Pleasant, Uncle Vinny's on August 1st and 2nd.

La Jolla at the Comedy Store, August 29th through 31st. September, I'm coming to Denver, Connecticut. Fairbanks, Alaska. first and second La Jolla at the Comedy Store August 29 through 31st September. I'm coming to Denver, Connecticut, Fairbanks, Alaska. Just announced October 1st through 5th, Vegas, Chicago, New Orleans, San Francisco. Go to FitzDog.com, get some tickets, come out, see some live comedy. Mike, are you ready for the front page? Here we go with the green. I just I got a real. Oh, no, it's all OK. Here we go. Anyway, front page. Here we go with the green.

I got a re- oh no, it's all- okay, here we go anyway. Front page. We're doing it. We got, Donald Trump's White House is melting down over Wednesday night's South Park premiere, which just so happened to attack the president's teeny tiny, in quotes, manhood and depict

him as literally in bed with the devil effectively taking over the role held on the show for years by the late genocidal dictator Saddam Hussein. Trump's White House has called the show fourth rate and South Park specifically skewered the reported PSA on Wednesday, which is in the episode. The episode concluded with an AI generated PSA showing a fully new Trump wandering the desert with a teeny tiny penis.

Did you see the PSA? Well, it's live action. It's a real person, it's live action. It's it's it's a it's a real person. It's not animated. Well, it's an AI person. Right. It's right. But it's Trump. It looks it's not animated, which is ironic because Trump became very animated after he saw it. It's a very realistic looking Trump in a very realistic looking desert and stumbling around and it ends with his penis saying it approved this message.

Yeah. Um, this is so bad ass because what happened with Colbert is, I mean, look what happened with 60 minutes, what happened with the Washington Post, you're seeing how censorship works. It's not, the police don't march into a network and shut it down at gunpoint. They use, they leverage power,

they leverage money and contracts, approvals of mergers. There's ways that it comes into play and it's a very dangerous time right now. Incredible. I just think that what a distraction. I mean the leader of the free world can't have his focus taken off at this time especially off Rosie O'Donnell. What is he now? He's now he's digging in with a cartoon. I mean, he has so much work to do with the Redskins and the Cleveland Indians.

Yes. He's demanding they go back to their racist names. Yep, yep. He wants to have Black people go back to the word we used to call them. When I say we, I mean our parents. He also wants a Black person named Obama to go back to Africa, I mean our parents. You also want a black person named Obama to go back to Africa, I think.

Yes. It's all distractions. And this Epstein thing is just not going away. We'll talk about that next. Well, why don't we do that? We'll do that story right now. All right, let's do that story right now. The top justice department official

visits former Epstein associate, Jislaine Maxwell. Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanch traveled to meet Maxwell in Tallahassee, Florida. The visit cost the usual $2,000 and he received a massage from two female inmates who Jislaine now manages. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, it's weird because they they went over to the to the children's prison, the juvenile prison. Yeah, maybe the prison has a daycare. Yeah. Blanche

earlier this week announced his plans to meet Maxwell quote, for the first time, the Department of Justice is reaching out to Ghislaine Maxwell to ask, what do you know? He wrote that on X and then David Oscar, a Maxwell lawyer, confirmed her lawyers are in discussions with the government, the substance of the meeting and the terms governing the discussion couldn't immediately be learned. The department and Marcus declined to comment. Yeah. The substance of what they talked about

might have been, forget anything you know about Trump and maybe we forget everything you knew about Epstein. Like, this is going to be the most redacted interview since Cato Kaelin at the OJ trial. Well, let's hope Ghislaine's prison visit goes better than Epstein's prison visit. Oh my God, dude. What are the odds? Is there a money line in Vegas for Jizz Lane committing suicide in prison? And what odds would you give it? Well, wait a minute now. Isn't this visit

a deal? Like, why are they visiting her? Yeah, it's a deal. Isn't it? Isn't it like the president has an unsigned pardon? What do you have to say about that? Right. He's ready to sign it. Yep. So I don't know what to think. I mean, here's the thing. People have this. This has become this thing about Epstein and children rape. They weren't children. Just most of them were adult women who were poor. They were from Eastern Europe and they came to the island to meet billionaires. Were there children? I don't know. I don't know that there was ever proof of that. Were there girls that were 17? I think most likely. Well, yeah, I don't know. The children parts being talked about, I don't know. I just always am. I know there's minors involved. That's just a that's just it seems to be.

There seems to be evidence of I mean, there there is I guess involved and then I I'm trying is, I guess, involved. And I'm trying to tease out what's fact. I think minors involved is fact. I guess it's alleged that there were sexual relations with them. I guess that part maybe. Well, no, because you had that woman who just committed suicide. Talk about how she was raped on the island.

I don't believe she was. I think she was raped on the island. I don't believe she was I think she was 24 when it happened but I know I still think that falls under the alleged category maybe. Well, you're saying you shouldn't take a woman's word. Right, exactly. Especially there's she was so young. especially there's she was so young. She didn't really know what ended up at that point. Yeah, I don't know what to think about this. I don't I think the left got excited. There was going to help them. I think that is fading, though.

All right. So what is there that will ultimately be found that can hurt anybody right now? I mean, there there was at some point thousands of hours of video. We can only assume they were on one hard drive and it's been destroyed. Or do we think that copies were made that exist somewhere? I can only guess. I don't know. I can only guess. I don't know. Because apparently his brownstone in New York was heavily wired with hidden cameras. And so was the Palm Beach House.

I don't know why Trump keeps lying. Right? Like in other words, a dictator move would just be like, we have tapes. There's so much incriminating evidence and so many victims on there. And it's going to be handled privately is not going to be a public matter or something like that, which will be very unsatisfying. Don't get me wrong. But why all the lying? Why? Why has he changed? Is he on his third story now?

Like there are no files then. Oh, the files that I said there. I was no, you're missing. The first step was when he was running for office and saying there are files and we're going to get them because they're going to incriminate Bill Gates and Bill Clinton. He's on his fourth. He's on his fourth story. You're right. It's like there's files.

There's no files. files, there's no files, oh there's files that the Democrats created and then whatever story he's on now. Well, you know, originally he said that he barely knew him, he remembers meeting him once or twice and then all of a sudden a trove of photos and videos of them together, including at Trump's wedding, suddenly come out. So that's the most disappointing thing to me is that Trump's not a good friend. Like now, on top of everything, now I'm learning Trump's not a solid guy who's got your back. Yeah, he's a guy. Yeah, he stands by your side. But that's just so he can push you in front of the bus.

Yeah, and point to underage women at parties in New York. All right, let's get to a gay Vermont school superintendent says he was detained, separated from his husband and subjected to hours of abusive questioning by questioning in Texas by US Customs and Border Protection officers while returning from a trip to Nicaragua this week and an incident his local school board condemns as inhumane, unjust, and deeply disturbing. Man, that's a run-on sentence. Wilbur Chavarria, a US citizen and superintendent of the Winooski School District, says he was held for more than five hours at the Houston airport. Chavarria and his husband were returning from visiting family in Nicaragua.

Chavarria said officers seized his phone and laptop, denied him access to counsel, interrogated him in four separate rooms. CBP agents allegedly cast doubt on his citizenship, questioned the legitimacy of his 15 year relationship, and challenged his employment status. His husband was not detained. Oh. Well, when they learned he was a gay teacher,

I'm surprised Texas didn't stand their ground and just shoot him. Right, he was invading. He was invading. He was invaded. He was he was grooming the children of the TSA agents as he walked by. Look, as far as questioning his marriage, I think anybody is going to question a 15 year gay marriage. The under over is like six.

This is the fastest law enforcement in Texas has ever gotten close to a school. This is a really turned it around. Right. Right. Now they're really on top of it. When something doesn't seem right. Yeah. The education system there right there. They interrogated him in four different rooms. I think at that point you can just say they were flirting with the guy. Meanwhile, he's probably like, listen, OK, five hours. Fine. Can we do this at Guantanamo?

I just can't spend five hours in Houston. Yeah. Look, I don't mind all the interrogation, but can we get back to the patdown? That's how this thing started. That's how it should end. Oh, man. Oh man. All right. What else we got? We got... I want that bear plane.

What's this? A small plane that crashed in 2023 while carrying moose meat for hunters in a remote Western Alaska, killing the husband of former US representative, Mary Peltala, was overweight for takeoff and encountered drag from a set of antlers mounted outside. It was mounted on the wing, I think.

The National Transportation Safety Board said they crashed and killed him. He was the only one on board, but they listed several factors among its probable cause findings. They included decisions by Peltola to fly the plane above its maximum takeoff weight and to fix a set of moose antlers on the right wing strut that caused a drag along with turbulent flight conditions in the area.

Antlers on the wings? It's cool, man. Like a hood ornament? Was an Italian guy flying the plane? Were there giant dice on the other wing? If you think about it, it was basically a flying moose. The whole fuselage is packed with moose meat and it has antlers.

A giant flying moose went right into the ground. Yeah, when it crashed, they were probably trying to find the remains of the guys and going like moose, human, moose, human. What you would think the husband of a congresswoman would have access to better flight than moose shuttles Yeah, what what do you so was flying? What was the line flying moose meat to hunters for two hunters? Why would we why would they be sending it wouldn't be coming from the hunters? I guess that's what I was thinking Unless that's what they're eating. Who knows? Yeah. I would think the one thing that hunters in Alaska would not need flown in would be moose meat.

Yeah, exactly. Please no more salmon and no more moose. We're done. Bring us something else. All right. Give us a chicken. Send us a chicken. How about some fucking salmon? I just said salmon. They eat too much salmon. Okay, we're going to have to go question. Question. All right. All right. It's my turn to ask you a question. Yeah, we put it to you this way. Mike Gibbons, you're a writer, a producer, a showrunner.

You've crawled your way to the upper middle echelons of this business. Okay. And I'll ask you this. Okay. Let's say you're the head writer on a sitcom. You're not the executive producer. You don't have that title yet. But you start to have an affair with

the woman who is the showrunner. And you have sex with her. And then she offers you a promotion to be co-showrunner. Do you accept the job? Yes, I stop the sex and I take the job. Mission accomplished. So there's no more conflict. All right. What about this? It's laid out on the table.

And then she gets angry and punitive. And then I go to HR and now I have her job also. And you don't have to show up for it. Yeah. Let me put it to you this way and be honest about this. She lays the cards out on the table. She says, I think you're attractive. I never leave the office.

There's no way I'm gonna have sex unless I have sex with somebody at work and you're attractive. I never leave the office. There's no way I'm going to have sex unless I have sex with somebody at work and you're the one. If you do this, I will make you the show runner. And she's not bad. She's like a seven to a 7.5. Okay. Would you do it? That's a really weird question. I mean, all my thinking is going towards, is there any way to make this right?

Which means I view it as wrong. So I know it's wrong. All right, she's an eight. OK, done. Yeah. Is there... Could she become a nine once I start helping? Like, she'll be less stressed? She's gonna become a six once you start having sex with her

because she's gonna drive you crazy. Oh, no. Yeah. I mean, my gut instinct, do you ask me to be honest? My gut instinct was, hey, might this just be us having sex unrelated to this promotion? If I have to wait another year, like we could do that, I guess,

but am I on track? Well, I mean, Jimmy Kimmel promoted a writer to head writer on his show and he married her. Yeah, I'm still married. Still married very happily and she's extremely talented. I mean, she, so I guess my point is- Hush Mary, the female staffer. She deserved the job anyway and was having a romance with her

boss. So yeah, they kind of can conflate the two things. Yeah, all those examples turned out all right. So maybe the answer is just yes. Okay. There we go. Yeah, they all those examples turned out all right. So maybe the answer is just yes. OK, there we I mean, Tom Arnold wrote for Roseanne and then got a promotion after having an affair with him. Yeah. Right.

That's why Cosby always kept it separate. Cosby never was never with the staff for as far as I know. Yeah, yeah, he was, you know, and a lot of those people were sleeping on the job. So they should have gotten a promotion. All right. Speaking of entertainment, here we go. All right, Ellen DeGeneres, our both of our former boss and poor skin to Ross, I'm sorry, Portia de Rossi are packing their picture perfect life in the English countryside and putting their Cotswolds dream home on the market less than a year after moving in.

It never ends. It never ends. They bought the property. They're listing the property for 30 million dollars. They bought it for 20 million about a year ago. What they bought was a historic spread with beautiful bones and a tired finish. What they created in record time is a glossy yet character-filled compound that blends 18th century charm with modern polish. In other words, they took a historic castle and made it tacky. Now they're moving a few miles away into an even

sleeker home that better suits Porsche's four legged family members. Quote, when we decided to live here full time, we knew Portia couldn't live without her horses, Ellen told the outlet. We needed a home that had a horse facility and pastures for them. Yeah. Meanwhile, me and the wife are all excited because we got new rat traps out back. That's our big home improvement. Yeah. I hope Portia keeps horses more than Ellen keeps dogs. Yeah, I hope Porsche keeps horses more than Ellen keeps dogs. Do you think it's as much of an impulse? You know, I position is all of Ellen's dogs.

Yeah, that horse better be careful not to shit outside of the stall. You know, Ellen is such a dog fan. You know what it occurs to me? I never thought about it this way. And, you know, I've been in the house with a puppy that was then gone the next week gives it away because how dare the puppy didn't sleep through the night, but I Don't know if she's ever had a pet like a dog Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't know of her having like, you know a dog becomes a family member Yeah, you know and I don't think,

despite all the dogs she's gotten, and it's over 20, maybe well over 20. I don't think she's ever had one. She's never had to put one down. Because it's never lasted past the age of two. Right. She might have put a puppy down. Speaking. She's strong. Speaking of dogs, Mikey Fitzgibbon, who adopted Tom O'Neill's dog that he found on the street, he had to get a procedure done the other day. So I took the dog for the night. Oh, yeah, I was confused by this tweet. Is this chain on our text chain? Go ahead. Well, you know this dog is just the best goddamn dog.

She's like a shepherd, very well behaved, doesn't bark, you know, excitable. She's probably a year old if that. And so he says, Can you take the dog? So I said, Sure. So I get the dog and take it for I went out, I walked 16,000 steps down to the beach with the dog. Fatter wouldn't eat, gave her water wouldn't drink, did not pee once on the entire walk. And then took her for another long walk before bed

and then put a bed in our room, put a treat on the bed, and she chose to go in the other room. Okay, whatever. Wake up at 5 a.m., I hear noise in the other room, and I go in, she has literally ripped the entire ott Ottoman apart. There's fluff all over the room. No, no.

Has taken a shit and a piss on our brand new expensive rug. And chewed up a log that was sitting next to the fireplace. And she knew soon as she saw me, she just like put her ears down, tail down, ran in the other room. And now it's five a.m. and I'm fucking up. I'm on all fours for 45 minutes trying to get piss out of this rug. And yeah, yeah. Mikey, Mikey said, oh, she's totally house trained.

Never once had an issue. Okay. It's worse than having Tom O'Neill sleep over. That's unbelievable. I'm actually very surprised. I know. So I put her down. Yeah, that one come in. She'll strangle it. Yeah. I guess you got to force it. I'm not saying it's your fault at all.

I guess you got to force it to sleep in the room with you. That's what I... No, that was my mistake. I should you got to force it to sleep in the room with that's what I know. That was my mistake. I should have probably closed the door. You don't know that though left in there. I didn't know. I mean, there was another dog bed in the living room. So I figured she has a choice whatever makes her comfortable.

I was going to say it sounded like a dream dog. I mean walking a dog that doesn't constantly stop to pee is a dream. I know she keeps walking and you can walk past other dogs and she doesn't lunge or bark. Anyway, no, we went to Taco the new Tacos Porfavor on Lincoln and they have a kind of an outdoor area but it has a roof on it and she was there at dinner. Dickie, Adrienne, Mike and I forgot the dog was there. It was so quiet just sleeping also fully not paying attention to like food on the table like annoying dogs do. It seemed like it just seemed ideal. No she we were eating dinner on the couch and she was sitting at our feet.

Not once did she even sniff or look at the food. No. Anyway. She had a big duker on deck. She was just waiting. She was already full. Let's go to Florida. There's also other Ellen news

and I didn't put it in the document. Okay. But like one of the headlines today is Ellen signs with William Morris Endeavor about the her next artistic direction. It's like, what are you talking about? I wrote for two days or whatever on her last special. And the big part of the special was this is it. I'm done.

Goodbye. Well, if you're trying to end your career, I would say signing with WME is probably the best move. You'll never be heard from again. I would like to leave the business. Can you guys make that happen for me? Because CAA says they can do it. So does UTA. So which one of you can make me never heard from again the easiest, I guess. Can you imagine meeting with her and being like, Ellen, we'd like to represent you for six months until you fire us?

We, listen, here's our vision for you, Ellen. We think you have set the table and we wanna build on your last special, which took no accountability and blamed everybody else you even attributed some of it to that you were a woman and If men were as mean and had such a toxic workplace atmosphere They wouldn't have been called out. So you should not have been called out. So we have lots of ideas We can definitely build on that. Your likeability score is the lowest

we've ever seen. So that can only go up. Is that good news? Room to grow. Me while in the meantime, I know of two other men besides you that she hired to help her writer special. Oh, well, all of them let go. Yeah. Yeah. All of them let go. Yeah. But that's I mean, you know, it's kind of like a dog. You got to know that when you sign up. Yeah. When she takes you in, it's going to be a couple of nights. Right. That's it. Right. All right. Let's make America, Florida. Let's do it. Naked Florida man. It always starts like that.

Why don't they just rename it naked Florida man. Naked Florida man hides in tanning bed after trying to set gym on fire at closing time. A Florida man was arrested after deputies said he ran through a gym at closing time wearing nothing but confidence. The police actually said that closing time wearing nothing but confidence that the police actually said that wearing nothing but confidence and tried to start a fire in the bathroom.

Deputies found Henry 25 hiding in a tanning bed and he was charged with indecent exposure, arson, criminal mischief and providing false information to law enforcement. However, his mugshot is one of the better looking mugshots of this month in Florida, freshly out of the tanning bed. And although he may get in more trouble because it looks like he's in blackface. That's how long he stayed in there. I almost feel like we did this story before, or there was a very similar one. Maybe. Oh, no, no, there was a story about a guy dead.

Florida who died in a tanning bed. Yeah, he stayed in there. He fell asleep after hours with it on and he died. Yeah, similar, but not quite. It is so funny that Florida would even have tanning beds. That's like, you know, that's like having

bringing sand to the beach. Yeah. No, I mean, it's so I keep in mind, though, it's Florida. The I mean, those that is the market for tanning beds, even though they have all that sunshine. Those people are artificial tan people. Look at one of the Florida residents named Trump. Yeah. He puts his arm with cream, though, I think. Well, yeah, I think in something about Mary, the

mother with the fried face, that was down in Florida. Yeah, the neighbor. Yeah. All right. Let's make America Kentucky again. You know what I do is I just put in Kentucky man, Georgia man, Texas man, some of them, you know what I've been putting in? Philly man. They're all way too disturbing. Really? Oh, it's all so much. Well, let's see, Georgia and Alabama. It's a lot of crimes involving children, especially sex crimes. And then Philly man, it's really violent, like a lot of death.

Yeah. It's not like fun stuff, you know, like, like a lot of death. Yeah, it's not like fun stuff, you know, like tanning bed shenanigans. OK, Louisville, there's a federal investigation into a Louisville based not for profit network. It's called Network for Hope after claims that the organization tried to harvest organs from some people who woke up after being declared brain dead.

So one incident that caught the attention of lawmakers was when Anthony Thomas, an organ donor who was admitted to Baptist Health Richmond's emergency room, he was in cardiac arrest. He later declared he was later declared brain dead. And his family was honoring his final wishes. At some point, when they began to harvest his organs, he opened his eyes and began thrashing around and pushing everybody's hands away. Oh my God.

The Fox report states that the guy, that the Dr. Martin, a surgical preservation coordinator, he said two doctors refused to continue with the procedure, but the coordinator that was on site that day actually called the administration for some guidance. And he was told, you will find another surgeon or you'll lose your job. We're going to complete this case.

Wow. That's what Anthony Thomas is probably like. You know, I overheard that a little. Is that, did I hear it correctly? Wait a minute. So does it say what organ they were extracting when he came to life? Just organ donor.

I don't know which ones. So, all right. They thought he was brain dead. They thought he was brain dead and they didn't have permission from him or the family to do this. No, the family the family was like, all right, he's brain dead. Let's honor his wishes. Oh, so they came in, and they're about to cut. And he's still woke up. Wow. Yeah. Damn. That's like, did you did you see the mortician?

Or the underage? The mortician? It reminded me of that. Oh my God. Everybody should see the mortician. I mean, I don't wanna spoil it, but we'll give you guys notice to watch it this week and we're gonna talk about it next week.

But no, this is like, these people that go to different countries, they go to Cambodia and they wake up, you know, in an alley with bad stitches on their belly and somebody took their fucking kidney. Would that be your belly? It's weird. Yeah, it's on the side, right? Yeah, side of your torso. A lower torso. I'm surprised they even stitch them up. Like, you're essentially, I guess if you're caught, you haven't murdered them?

I don't know. Right. Wow. Yeah. All right, Kentucky. Nice. Get those organs. Usually the stories coming out of Kentucky

are about guys putting organs into things, into people. Yes, against their will. Well, if I ever need an organ, I'm going to go to Kentucky because they take it from living people who still have their wits about them. I'm going to go to Oregon. Because the organ? Yeah.

Got it. All right. What are we going to? Let's do sports boards. Here we go. Oh, God, this story Fowler Singh, an Indian born runner nicknamed the Turban Torpedo.

Now, you always wonder, was that a guy from Texas that nicknamed him that or was that a fellow Indian that named him that? He's believed to be the world's oldest marathon runner. He died after being... It's such a such a dark story, man. He died after being hit by a car. He was 114 years old. I mean, what? He couldn't outrun the car? He used the turbine torpedo. Yeah he tried catching a cab and he caught it. Local media in India reported that Singh sustained severe head injuries in a hit and run accident Monday

while crossing the road in his native village near Punjab. He was taken to the hospital and died. He was the oldest man to run a full marathon in 2011 at the age of 100. He took up running at the age of 89 as a way to deal with depression. So wait, just pause for a moment. This is very similar to the mortician. You think it's really dark, and then it gets darker. Keep going.

To deal with depression after his wife and son died in quick succession in India. First of all, you got to keep in mind, if he's 114, or no, he was 89. His little boy? His little boy was 70, you know, so the death of his son in 1994 took a particularly hard toll on him because of its grisly nature. Singh and his son, Coldip, both farmers were checking on their fields in the middle of a storm when a piece of corrugated metal blown by the wind

decapitated Coldip in front of his father's eyes. Okay, I might start at least jogging at that point. I think I think it's either speed walking or hang yourself at that point. Yeah, you could run but he couldn't hide especially from that oncoming car. Well, it was tough. It was tough to stop the car because there was nine people in it and 14 on the roof. So once those things get momentum, you know that guy, he was famous. He would run marathons, pushing his son in a wheelchair. Oh yeah. That was it. Meanwhile,

this guy runs by like lucky, lucky, just staring right at the kid and the father. Look at the two of you, so lucky. Oh my God, I am never going to India. I mean, I will go, I'm trying to think of where else will I absolutely not go in the world? India, I have seen too many videos of them making street food. Have you seen those videos?

I have no, you know, listen, I know I'd be wrong, but a lot of people have also, listen, you can do India in a way that is more Western, but I just can't get over all the footage I see and so many stories I've heard of people who go there and just, it's really challenging. It's challenging on a lot of levels. And what about the street food? Well, they show pots of stew that are layered in about flies like three deep on top of it.

And the guy takes a big spoon and he pulls it from the bottom, throws it on a plate, gives it to you. You got another guy who's making those little bread balls with his feet, with his bare feet. Okay. Yeah. Right. And then you got just the idea of looking at that much poverty. I mean, there's India has 2 billion people in it. And they're all poor except for four guys. I wonder how much. So, you know, one story we didn't do this week is the birth rate in America is at an all time low. And I think a lot of that is economic. Yeah. A lot of it is isolation because of technology.

Like I'm wondering, like, for instance, between us, we have four children. I don't see any of them having a kid soon. I don't see any of them talking or daydreaming. None of them that I know are daydreaming about it. And for generations, people their age, that's what they were daydreaming about. Yeah. Yeah. Now, I wonder in India, there's certainly the economic condition,

but I wonder if and I know everyone in the world is getting isolated. But I wonder if what their birthrate is doing, because it is an astronomical amount of people. And people are dirt poor. They live on this in corrugated little shacks. And then they have 11 children. Yeah. Which leads us to our next story.

Let's go to international. International. Here we go. That sounded international to me, but go ahead. The Trump administration. Oh, yeah. All right. Well, this is both. No, it was sports. The Trump. Such a great sports story. Flying corrugated metal.

The Trump administration plans to incinerate nine point seven million dollars worth of contraceptives intended for poor nations after declining offers from the United Nations and reproductive organizations to buy or ship the supplies instead. The move continues the administration's shift away from providing foreign assistance through the United States Agency for International Development and its stated stated opposition to abortion related family planning methods. So it doesn't say specifically are these condoms? Can you burn nine million dollars worth of condoms?

I it also want to talk about inefficiencies, put them with the food for the poor people and burn them both at the same time. That's right. Yeah, because rubber burned all those biscuits or whatever they were. Rubber, you need the biscuits with the rubber to keep it lit because the rubber, you know, it's petroleum based. It's like icing when it gets really hot, you can kind of put it on the biscuit. Yeah, I love that. I mean, all we're worried about in this country is, you know, being overtaken by other nations or immigrants having to come here because they can't survive in their own country. How about we lower their fucking birth rate? So they're declining offers to buy them. And instead,

they're going to pay to destroy them. Yes, because these Christians don't believe in any type of reproductive contraceptives. Oh my god, okay. All right, Let's cheer up and go to this day in history. Yeah, here it goes. Now this was a tough one. So I have a couple. I don't know what day I landed on. But I had to go. You said meow.

Meow. By the way, you're not going to know this, but in 76, and I think I probably was stunned at this a year ago when I read it. In 76, there was an earthquake in China. It killed more than 240,000 people. Whoa. Damn. That's in, I don't even know how that happens.

How well, I mean, I guess flooding. There had to have been where most of the flooding for most of them driving at the time. OK, the classic film on the waterfront was released in the United States. I might have done this a year ago also. In what year give or take four years? On the waterfront. Yulia Kazan. Yeah.

Well. I'm going to guess 19. 59. I love it. You missed by a year,. Oh my god. I love it. Let's see if you get this. I'll take either. But this day in history was when Bach died. One of the greatest composers of all time. He died. I'll give you some clues here. He died at the age of 65. What year, give or take 50 years, did Johann Sebastian Bach die? This is a real swing. This is a fucking jazz throw.

Bach died in. 1685. 1750. You're getting kind of close to the the window I'm giving you. OK, I mean, was it called the wedding of the century? Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer, of course, married in St. Paul's Cathedral in London. It took I mean, the Western world was all about it, at least the Northwest,

the northern hemisphere. What year did Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer get married, give or take five years, 1984? Oh, man, I gave you the window. Nineteen eighty one. years 1984 oh man I gave you the window 1981 yeah I do the reason I guess that is because I watched the movie about it and she was very into 80s music she was listening to all that corny fucking new wave do you know how Van Gogh died? Killed himself. Yes. Do you know how? Was it paparazzi chased him into a bridge in Paris? He was farming with an old Indian guy

and his son and the wind picked up one day. That's why there were crows in the field. He shot himself. Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh died two days after shooting himself on this day in one year, give or take. I actually would have guessed this right. Maybe not the exact year because Sophie was in Amsterdam and they have one of the best they they have the Van Gogh Museum there, it's amazing. Okay, so he, Van Gogh died in what year, give or take 20 years? 1890. On the nipple. No. Yes.

Nice. Well, I was thinking he was an influence on the Impressionists and they came later. So I was guessing just ahead of that. Okay, he did a lot of his work in France. We'll end on this one. The Arc de Triomphe, I slaughtered it. I don't know how to speak French, even with a French accent, is one of the largest triumphal

arches in the world. It was officially inaugurated in Paris on this day in what year, give or take 40 years? All right, well the Nazis. Was there pictures of the Nazis under the Arc de Triomphe? Is that what I'm thinking? So we know they were around then. I'm going to go back to 1865. What did I say? 40 years. Oh my god. You got it. 1836. Nice. Yeah. All right. We did it. We did it. Wasn't a lot to choose from, but we did it. All right. Now we're going on to-

Letters to the editor. Here we go. All right. OK, Matt from Peoria said, I kept seeing Russell Henry in the open golfer. Is it a golfer or a tennis? Was it the tennis open? OK.

It was the USO. Let me look this. This is why I have? OK, let me look this is why I'm not fondly this guy up. And it finally clicked. He's Mike's twin. Oh, wow. All right. A twin with an athlete. I like that. Russell. I'm sure it's from the neck up.

You think? It's golf, buddy. I'm seeing his picture. Oh, yeah, he does look like you. And it's definitely not the body at all. This guy's thin and fit. Dude, I'm losing weight. I'm I'm I'm recommitted to taking care of myself. Have you exercised in the last? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's what

I mean. And also, Olivia is inspiring me. I might sign up. There's like yoga within walking distance two places I might. Yoga is the we know it. Yoga is the answer to the answer. Try like staying halfway mobile as we become decrepit. Dude, every time I stand up, I moan lower back legs. Even my ankles hurt in the morning. It's fucking crazy. You'll go. That guy. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I wonder if he throws his clubs.

I bet he does. British Open was last week. Man, was that fun to watch. I think it's my favorite tournament to watch. Who has played in Northern Ireland. Beautiful. Also my good buddies who I've known for 30 years started the band Start Making Sense. They're from Bethlehem, PA.

They toured the country. They never made a dime. Anyway, they started at Talking Heads Tribute Band for fun and now tour the world making a living. When I told them the guy who wrote Chaos was at their LA show, their minds were blown. I didn't know Tom O'Neill went to that show. He didn't make it. It's no, no, because it sold out.

Yeah. But wait a minute. He said, I'll get you guys on the list next time they're in the area. Oh, I love how guys say that. Are you that tight with the band? Are you you think that stop making start making sense is getting a text from you and giving away four covers? And I'll tell you what, it ain't cheap. I mean, they are a big band. Yeah, they are many members to drum kits, the keyboards like it's it's

It's like it's it's now there's no there's no guest list. I I have a policy now 99 percent of the time I do not put people on the guest list people want to come to my shows Pay you want to go to a show at a club and I'm not there that night pay Now if you see me on the road if I'm in fucking Des Moines, Iowa, and you live there, I'm going to put you on the list. New York and LA never, never asked me to be on the guest list. It's always they show up late. I get a text five minutes before I'm going on stage. Hey, we're not on the list. Or they show up and they they're loud or they don't pay their tip. They don't pay a good tip. What, I don't need it.

I don't need you at my shows. Hold on one sec, we're done soon. I just looked at a picture of the band, seven members. Wow. You got to travel seven, seven hotel rooms, the whole thing. And that's not a big venue. And then you got to split the, you know,

the door seven ways. No, I mean, Venice West maybe holds 300 people. Yeah, I wonder what the Venice West, okay, give or take 20 people, you're saying 300? I'm saying, well, 250. Have you seen, you know, gambling is becoming basically an epidemic in this country. Yeah.

Bankruptcies among people in their twenties and all like it's through the roof. So gambling is such a problem. Have you seen the two guys who they post clips? So it's really short. It's two guys, they're standing around their iPhone, which is on the table, and they've bet $100 if the voice that answers the phone at Gambler's Anonymous is male or female.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking great. I just looked it up, $275 for standing events. Good guess. I guess 302 50. So I kind of nailed it. All right. Let's get to the obituaries.

This is a big one. Here we go. OK. We were first hit this week with Malcolm Jamal Warner. And and you know that was like very I read nothing but good things about that guy. Except that he must have known about Cosby and never said anything. That's a good point. Yeah, I wonder how he navigated that within his soul. Yeah.

Well, what could he have said after it? Like he was never, obviously, witnessing any of it. I wonder if he ever said anything about Cosby later. If he says nothing and he doesn't defend him, and maybe he did, by the way. I don't know what he did, but I what could he I wonder what he could say anyway. I just heard he was like a very nice guy and all that and then he was I guess a rip current or something a riptide took him out in Costa Rica. I can't defend him or his actions at all, but I also can't throw him under the bus completely.

There is a piece of my financial hit that we all took, but it also hasn't really affected my career. Okay, well, that's a horrible thing to say. Well, it's all about you. It has nothing to do with the victims. Well, you know, that's one of the things, like for instance, as an example, the South Park just got, was it 1.5 billion?

Yeah, 1.5 billion, Paramount Plus. So what all that is betting on is, and same with when you buy a catalog of someone's music, you're betting on a hundred years and more, the word is perpetuity, of that returning on your investment. What the, one of the only things that could get in the way of that is if you pull a Cosby, like if one of the South Park guys,

all of a sudden turns out to be a rapist or whatever, it is tremendously concerning for the people that just bought their show because it will no longer repeat just like Cosby Well, I mean is it he's talking about the financial hit. Well, there's also the very real possibility that the show gets digitally Reproduced in another venue. I mean, there's so many dark websites where you can watch shows now without paying the Paramount Plus subscription fee. You know, I mean, if you think about how easy it is now, picture it in five, 10 years, never

mind a hundred years. Right. So that's a crazy big bet. But these guys have made so much money. And we're friends with Matt. He lives in my neighborhood. Yeah, no, Matt's amazing. And we're friends with Matt. He lives in my neighborhood. Yeah, no, Matt's amazing.

They've got so much money, they couldn't possibly ever spend. Hold on, you, wait, wait, wait. I can't hear you all of a sudden. You can't hear me. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Okay, you're, maybe it's me.

Can you hear me now? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. So at the same time, this thing they did, this first episode, there's almost no doubt that there is a full court press on Paramount right now to drop that show and to kill that. They were willing to do one episode and lose $1.5 billion. That's crazy.

I know. And lawyers can figure out ways to cancel you and then it'll just be hung up in the courts forever. I wonder how Colbert, do you think Colbert will make it to 10 months? Interesting. I know. It's gonna be a? Interesting. I know. It's gonna be a rough ride.

I watched that first episode on Monday. Man, he's going hard. Why wouldn't you at this point? Yeah, right. Because he'll work again. There's no down time. Just also, he doesn't have to. But he was making like 12 million a year,

13 million, maybe even more. 14 million a year, yeah. But it's like, and then that's not the only thing he was making like 12 million a year, 13, maybe 14 million a year. Yeah. But it's like, and that's not the only thing he was making money on. He was also EP of that midnight. So was his wife. Right. Anyway, uh, hopefully it's inspiring. I mean, Columbia just paid Trump 200 million. Like everyone is just capitulating and it's like, get a backbone. You're, you're being bullied. Yeah. everyone is just capitulating and it's like, get a backbone. You're being bullied. Yeah.

Even if there's merit to what, you don't just pay them off. Like you just don't, it's, and also you want to know why probably the South Park thing was so valuable is because they need a library to brag about. They need a library that hopefully will be sold one day. And that's one of the hugest things. Also, it is rare. Jon Stewart brought this up on air.

One of the big reasons you're so valued, Paramount, is because of shows that don't take shit, because of shows that don't listen to their bosses blindly and don't do what they're told. That is value. That's creative. That's value. And so it's probably more valuable. I wonder if they're thinking it's more valuable, South Park, because they're not taking chances anymore.

So the odds of another South Park popping up are so small. Well, you just realized that the fucking pressure of corporate America, like you look at Paramount, why do they have to grow? Why do they have to merge? At a certain point, don't they do exactly what you just said to say our identity is we're independent and now we're going to sell for what?

You're going to get a big quarterly payoff on your dividends. Like you're going to get well, you're already, you know, seven generations of wealth into it and now you're going to sell your company and its identity and be shit on and disgraced for some big profit. I just I don't fucking get how people think. I know. All right. All right, let's get on to the next.

Save Ozzy for last. Okay, so, all right, then Hulk Hogan. Well, in order Malcolm Jamal Warner, and there was a lot of like, you know, especially people of our age, big part of the eighties and all that, but boy, he got his time in terms of being remembered was cut short because then Ozzie died. And then after Ozzie, which we'll get

back to now, Hulk Hogan, today's Thursday, Hulk Hogan was announced this morning died. So people are talking about there's your law of threes. And then a guy I don't mean to laugh, but Chuck Mangione, whose trumpet was part of our childhood. It was crazy. It was on a hit radio. Chuck Mangione has now died. So those four, which basically are a big 80s chunk of people, have died.

Let me tell you something. Chuck Mangione was the 70s, I think. I mean, his big hit, the trumpet. Yeah. But I'll look it up. But I'll say this. Hulk Hogan was a guy. He he had sex with Bubba the Love Sponges wife on video. And then and then what was the website that put it up? Gawker Gawker put it up. And so Hulk sued and he didn't have the finances to

sue them. So that's when Peter teals stepped in because he wanted to bury Gawker. And so he came in and he financed the lawsuit and he drove Gawker out of business. So Hulk Hogan was basically used as a pawn. His sex tape was used as a pawn. Like at a certain point, Hulk was probably like, you know what, let's just let this slide. And then Peter Teal is like, no, no, no, we're going to put this in the headlines front and center for the next three years. Unbelievable. You're right.

Mangione is big hit was dropped in 78. Yeah. But it was all throughout the eighties. It was constant rotation. It seemed. Yeah. Early eighties, I guess. I was never a WWE guy, but Hulk Hogan sort of crossed it. He was a Venice guy. I used to see him all the time in Venice. He worked out at Gold's Gym. Really? Walk along the boardwalk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Ozzy hits hard though. I posted, you know, it's funny, I talked about this within the last

year. Do yourself a favor, man. Go to YouTube, just put in Black Sabbath, Paris. That's all you have to put in. And their 1970 show comes up and it's unbelievable. Yeah. And it really does. I was talking about this with someone. It really does put punk in perspective. First of all, punk famous for not having great musicianship, right? And Sabbath's musicianship was incredible. I mean, the rhythm section alone was just unbelievable. And, you know, Paranoid is more punk, I think, than any Sex Pistols or Clash, definitely more punk than any Ramones song.

And, and, you know, that one was written over lunch when they were told they needed one more song for the album. Really? Yep. And they're like, oh, also, it can't be longer than three minutes. And they're like, none of our songs are less than five minutes. It's like, we'll figure it out. Wow. Oh, shit. Yep. Yeah. When I grew up, Sabbath was huge. And there was a group of kids that I always saw they were into crazy

heavy metal. And I didn't like any of it except Sabbath. That was the that was the metal band that crossed over to the kids that also like classic rock, that might've been into punk. It kind of crossed over into a few, I don't know if they were different genres, but it had different groups of people that liked it and respected it.

But just you see this 1970s show, it's Paris, and Paris was often way ahead on music, their appreciation of jazz, for instance. And even when Dylan won electric, I think that after England, I think, I'm pretty sure about that, that Paris, he has a famous thing in Paris where he tuned his guitar forever, Dylan, and annoyed them.

And it got vocal. But I just think that they were seeing this new art form. Yeah. And also you see this maniac headbanging. Like headbanging was like new, like in that way. And just go watch it. It's unbelievable. And also all the devil stuff.

You know, obviously there was a lot of devil imagery in rock, but he took it to another level. And is it true that he bit a bat's head off? Or is that folklore? No, it is, you know, but the story changes a lot. I should know the definitive answer by now, but I had heard he brought one into a boardroom at the label, the record label.

But wait, somewhere out there is the best Ozzy story told by the drummer of Motley Crue. What's his name? You know, Tommy Lee. Tommy Lee tells a story and he goes, we were on tour with him. And so it was the famous story goes everyone knows the famous story. We were down by the pool and we were snorting ants. So we were at the pool of this hotel on tour and snorting ants and then someone maybe peed and then Ozzy snorted that and they were doing and then and then they were all sorts of fucked up.

And he goes, and listen, we were trying to hang. But this guy was such and he goes, we were crazy. But we did not know what crazy was. Anyway, he tells this story where then he's like he then everyone starts passing out and he and Ozzy go back up to the room. He's like, come on, come on, let's just do some blow. Let's just do a little blow. And so he goes up, he's like, yeah. And they go in the room, Ozzy's room is fucking trash. He's like, come on, let's just do some more blow. And he like, he hadn't

slept in like days. And Tommy Lee goes, I had just hit my limit. I just, I couldn't like I had nothing not I was on empty. And I just remember saying, Ozzy, you know, I got like I had nothing. Not I was on empty. And I just remember saying Ozzy, you know, I got to go pass out. And I didn't hear it. And I said it as I was walking out of his room, I didn't hear anything. And I turn around. And he had shit in his hands and was spewing it all over the hotel walls. On his own. Not even showing off ready. On his own, like one of those painters who has a giant canvas and is just frantically

painting it. That's the image that he left Ozzy that day. Oh my God, that's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's great that they had that concert for him less than two weeks ago. And what a great send off. No, he called it, by the way. two weeks ago. And what a great send off.

By the way, he called it and I had no details about his death. I do not know if like he elected to die. I should know this stuff. I don't. I just know the outpouring of appreciation because what happens is people just it changed it. It was Black Sabbath changed the direction of a lot of music. It's definitely you know it's definitely a temple and it really rock I believe punk wouldn't have looked the way it did without Black

Sabbath. It really is incredible and you want wanna know, I heard, I wish this was my thought, one of the great things about it is, all of a sudden, overnight, we didn't hear any more fucking Coldplay. His death, his death did that. We stopped. Thank you Ozzy. No more Coldplay on our streams. It was great that that happened.

Maybe that's why he ended his life. I was ready to. All right, let's cheer up, Mike. Here we go. Bunnies. Okay. Andy Teilke. T-Y-L-K-E. I am traveling with my buddy who is also a weekly listener. I was going to have us compete to see if we can make the pod and listen together on our

trip to Ohio to North Carolina Sunday. Do you have a comic for captioning? Andy, my apologies. We got a ton of emails from people very upset. I spaced on putting in a comic. I have one for next week. We're back. So we don't have it.

We don't have the Comic Captions contest to read from this week, but we'll be back. Here's next week's. As you know, we give you one frame of a comic strip. You gotta go to the YouTube channel if you wanna see it, or just take our description. In this one frame, you will write a joke and you will send it to fitzdogradio at gmail.com.

We'll read the finalists. The winner gets a free koozie mailed to you by none other than Mike Gibbons. Haven't mailed him out in a while, I gotta be honest. Poor Andy and his imaginary friend are in West Virginia right about now, I'm guessing. By the way, our thanks always to Jason Love, who does a lot of these captions, not captions,

cartoons, including today's. In this one, the door, the front door is open and Mrs. Potato Head is standing there and she's looking at Mr. Potato Head, who's in the living room. He's got a purse, high-heeled shoes, a woman's wig, and he's got women's lips in his hand and a mustache. And there is a purse and some other shoes on the floor. And she's looking at him with

her hands on her hips. What does she say to her cross-dressing potato head husband? You know, it seems to be indicating to me that he's talking, but I think it could be either. I think it could be either. Yeah, her mouth is sort of open too. All right. One potato, two potato. Oh, all right. All right, we've got Hager the Horrible Lucky

is talking to a woman in a bar. And she says, thank you for listening to a woman in a bar and she says, thank you for listening to a stranger complain about her problems. Lucky goes, don't thank me yet. By the way, she's pretty hot. She's got blonde hair, earrings, sleeveless green sweater. He goes, I'm going to make it my business to solve all your problems. And then she has a thought bubble.

Oh, great. A new problem. Yeah, you got a new problem. And it started by sitting alone in a Viking bar dressed up. Yeah. You got a new problem. She could help herself a little more than to go alone. You're right. To a Viking bar. A new problem. A new problem and and 14 other new problems lined up behind him behind the bar how about anal problem oral anal all the problems and we're off the algorithm there we go uh let's get to the Lockhorns where they're in the kitchen and Leroy is eating. Loretta is looking at her apron and she goes, Hey, who put the surgeon general's warning on my apron? Good stuff.

That's pretty good. I wonder how they write them. Like they're like, okay, let's put them both in the kitchen and write 10 of them. Right. I guess. We should start our own comics trip. Here's what we should do. It's tough. It's tough.

We should come up with a panel, have everybody write jokes, and then start a syndicated comic somewhere and we'll split the profits with whoever writes it in. Just two AI machines talking to each other. There you go. That's what'll happen. And then we have AI write it. Yep. I love it.

Ah, who's up? Me? Yep. Okay, we got a BC here, buddy. And I should know their names. I never do though. This is BC. The guy in the hole is BC. Okay, we got a BC here, buddy. And I should know their names. I never do though. This is BC, the guy in the hole is BC. Okay, great.

And then is one of them Peter or something? Don't know. All right. And he's digging. Next frame, still digging. He's really deep. Third frame, same thing. But you see that in addition to the dirt,

a human skull comes out of the hole. So now Oh, it's Peter. So now he goes up and goes, Peter, look, we got ancestors. Peter's sitting on a rock reading a book. Peter takes the skull and looks at and goes, finally proof of evolution. And then he goes in the last frame, heck, this was before we even had bodies. So Peter's not that sharp. You get the sense that the evolutionary discussion is not going to go a lot further.

I don't think they have evolution completely down yet. You know these two cavemen? They're in flux. Yeah, I think they probably found cave paintings. Pete, I'm guessing it wasn't just heads that were in the cave paintings. How were they painted? Yes. Yeah, good point.

Well, also they are not they may not be. Homo sapiens. They could be what came before Homo sapiens. The could be... What came before homo sapien? The Kardashians, I think. No, they came into homo sapiens. Blondie brings it up. Here he is. Dad would lay it out on the chair. Not looking that bad today. He's got on like a blue golf shirt, feed her up, giving him the benefit of the doubt today. From the TV, it says actor Lance Hodiman

whisked his wife, Mona McDeva, to Monaco on his private jet. And then Dagwood goes, wow, old Lance knows how to live. And then she goes, I'll say. And then the TV says they dined on luscious caviar and drank champagne poured from a diamond encrusted goblet. And then Dagwood goes show off. And then he goes, would you settle for burgers in the backyard?

And she looks at him like, how much more can you disappoint me? This isn't even a comedy. This is literally the life she should be leading. She should be the one in the back row of a private jet with caviar dripping off her chin as a beautiful Persian prince. Is eating her asshole. Whoa, is this because we're already off the algorithm? Yeah.

Well, that's what I was going to say. The Dagwood, you said you gave him the benefit of the doubt. Sharp dressed Dagwood in the last frame should have been, would you settle for my sausage in your backyard? Yeah. That's what should have been the line. Right, right. Yeah, because she's getting a little uppity with the I'll say.

So a real man, if a wife, if my wife said I'll say after I said the princess had a lift, I would take that as an affront to my manhood and my success. And I would take her in the backyard and cane her. Meanwhile, meanwhile, just this week, Aaron was like, get out there and clean up that dog pest. You're like, OK. Yeah.

And also go pick up those rats that you laid traps for. Go chase a rat running away with a piece of wood. Did you don't know how much I hate rats living in New York all those years and seeing big rats in the subway never didn't freak me out. And now to actually have to pick up their dead body with the long gross rat tail hanging out of the bag

when I would put it in and I'd have to stick the tail in, oh, it's like a nightmare for me. Wow, Wow. Let me ask you this, because I wasn't sure. I bought a bunch of rat traps. They're not that expensive on Amazon. They sent like 10

and I've now gone through like seven or eight. I they're really hard to unspring. Well, what do you mean you've gone through seven or eight? I've caught like seven or eight rats. But you don't throw out the trap when that's what I'm asking you.

Oh, I do, because I don't want to grasp and pull apart a contraption that's got a big dead rat with a smashed head. Like, I'm not into it. Yeah, you have a point. I think out on the farms, they don't throw them away. Well, my other thought was that another rat is gonna smell rat brains on that trap and say, this is a trap.

They are smart. I don't know if they're putting it together. Yeah. I don't know if you're putting I think I think rat guts on the trap is probably not helping my cause. Yeah, there's also other ways like. Yeah, I don't know. All right. I gotta buy some more traps anyway. Build a better trap. That's the lesson for today. Yes. If you guys are around, I will be down near you at Soul Joles and Pottstown P.A. than on the Jersey Shore at Uncle Vinny's August 1st and 2nd.

La Jolla coming up. Go get some tickets. I'd love to see you guys out there. I love that. I might see I might go to a movie. You saw Mission Impossible in theaters. I did. I did not. So I don't, oh, the last movie I saw in a theater

was Led Zeppelin. I might go, we're just trying to find an excuse to go with my stepdad and family to get together. We might go see Jurassic Park. That's, so here's the tricky part. I will have to, and you know me, I'm not a stoner. I will have to try to get stoned in some way, but just enough where my family doesn't know,

but where I can sit through two hours of Jurassic Park. Aren't there other options? I mean, first of all, Mission Impossible is in the theater is a great experience. You can't lose. Yeah, I don't know. I think he already saw it. Is Helen Hunt in Jurassic Park?

Are you serious? I mean, I've never seen one of them. Oh, no, no, she wasn't in them. What's her name was in them, you know, Gina Davis. No, of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of her mom, Diane Lane. No, no. Oh, man. This is horrible. Jurassic Park cast. Let's see. It was written by Steven Spielberg. My God. I didn't I don't know anything about these movies. You know them. Cast is Laura Dern. Oh yeah, Laura Dern.

Bruce Dern was her father. No, I know, but her mom and they acted together in that New Orleans movie. Hold on a minute. Laura Dern's mom is who? This is terrible. We were going so well. Her mom is is who this is terrible we were going so well her mom is Diane lad See I said Diane Lane, and I knew I was wrong um But yeah Anyway, my I'm having Prior stroke right now. I can't remember anything Alright that'll do it.

I'm flying out tomorrow. I'll see you in two weeks. What was the Laura Dern? Hold on Laura Dern. Did you ever see Citizen Ruth? I don't think so. It was one of her early movies. It was a it was an abortion movie.

It was so edgy and smart and funny. Wild at heart. Oh, yeah. Why? That's what I was trying to think of. Wild at heart. Oh, man. Especially Diane Ladd really took chances. It was fantastic. Yeah. All right.

I think that'll do it. I'll talk to you soon. Take it each. Take it. Hey, hey, hey. Yo yo check out old school flow for the Sunday papers. Crack the mic. It's the Sunday vibe. Greg fits a Mike G keeping truth alive They drop that news with a fucking twist Papers in hand can't believe what I missed Fitzsimmons the king sharp wit like a blade Tells a story so raw no fucks ever pay Gibbons got the facts with the snark on deck Dropping punchlines hard snap your motherfucking neck Sunday papers motherfuckers get lit Two foul-mouthed legends who don't give a shit

Greg and Mike dropping noobs like bars While the whole world burns, they just laugh as they come