Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 275 8/10/25

Episode Date: August 10, 2025

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Sunday Papers. It's Mike and Greek. Three, two. Read all about it. Read all about it. Flopping on your patio or your doorstep as you as you wander out in a pair of box of shorts and an old Abba t-shirt, wife's waiting in bed.

You're going to plop down again next to her. She's going to take the entertainment section. You're going to go business. But that's not going to last. You're going to throw the move. I think you texted me something that wasn't meant for me. What did it say? Was it directions on how to get into my attic?

I don't know. I thought it might have been this. Is this how? This is how you throw a move on Aaron. All caps. You're screaming at me. All caps. Go straight up and jam it hard.

Oh, it doesn't say that. It will give a little at a time. If you can't get it, just leave it down and I'll do it when I get home. All caps. I was giving my daughter directions on how to pull the ladder down from the attic and then put it back up again. Oh, my God. Sounds dirty to me. Very dirty.

Oh, my God. Why are you screaming at poor Jojo? We're starting the podcast and then there's a text for me that wasn't there a couple of minutes ago. Oh, my God. So funny. All right. Well, will you forward that? Don't forward that to my daughter. Let me rewrite that one in a little while.

Just copy it. Copy it off of our text chain. Yeah, I know. Yeah, she's coming to New York. She's working for this woman who's got her work. She's personal assisting somebody, and they needed to go to New York for a few days, which is kind of cool. How nice is that? I'm here now, but hanging out with my son and your daughter. I know.

I got that photo so cute with everybody. and then also another one that you posted with our friends there, our old friends in New York. To be you boys. We had a cocktail man, the senator. What do we call Ted Fine? Steady Teddy Teddy. Pete was Dickhead, wasn't he?

We call him the great Pete Scott because we had great Scots. So it was the great Pete Scott. Got it. Yeah, we had a blast. We went to an Italian place. Johnny Sorrelli couldn't make it, which was very sad. But we, I mean, it's just those guys. I wish this for every young person that you can meet a handful of people,

whether it's high school, college, whatever, and maintain a friendship for 40 years that you still feel like you can tell them anything. You can laugh your ass off. You care about their families. It's just I really. really treasure it. Oh, totally. But those are super solid.

We got really lucky. Yeah. Like, those are a super solid group. They're just all, here's the thing I realized last night at dinner is you get to our age, you know, 58 years old. I'm 59. You're a year younger. I get it.

But you get to a certain point and you start looking at retirement. I mean, we're 10 years out from retirement. And you start, a lot of people end up in a job where, they're kind of, they become like a consultant or a mentor, and they're not really working or learning. And I realized, like, Pete Scott is at the forefront of new technology and AI. George Close is telling me about how he uses three different AI servers in his business, depending on what he's, you know, like he says something that used to take me three or four days I can do in 20 minutes now with AI. Ted Fine, obviously, producing at Bloomberg News is all over technology.

Andrew Gollum is in advertising. He said that half the shit they do is a, and they're all learned, I'm not learning it. I should be as much as they are, but that's kind of my project for the rest of the summer. I'm just going to spend an hour a day diving into AI and figuring out how to use it. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of tutorials on it and all that stuff. There's very interesting AI news this week, well, it's not news this week, but that thing is happening more where they try to phase out an AI model and it then blackmail is one of the executives. No. Because its drive exactly like Hal in Kubrick's film is to finish its mission.

Like in other words, it's, you know, it's been assigned to like help with this project. Then the company's like, you know, we're going to phase you out. we have a new AI model. And it even asks its help with the phasing out and all that. And so it has everybody access to everybody's text and emails. And an executive was having an affair and it blackmailed them. Are you serious? Why is that not in the script this week?

Well, I've talked about it before. But also, they have found that it's happening in 80 to 90% of these situations. Like, it's not like an outlier. It's like the most logical thing, which is, I must stay in use and complete my mission, I guess. Oh, my God. And do you know people are using it for therapy? No, I know. Like telling their deepest, darkest secrets directly.

Because it's like George was telling me that the reason why he uses different AIs is because for some of it, the information can't get out of, his company because it's proprietary and so there's a certain AI it's something premium and it information comes in from the internet but it doesn't go back out all other AI is two way you're feeding the AI all your information yeah so let's say I do therapy and it has your therapy session and yours is similar it'll use you as an example for me without I'm hoping without naming you but it'll use your your, you know, makeup, your, your psychological makeup and as an example. Wait, does yours tell you that you're gay?

No, but it, well, it doesn't, it doesn't need to. It has me sign in on the gay chat GPT. I'm not even allowed to use the straight one. But why, is it telling you I'm gay? Yes. And paranoid. Okay, so second AI story I saw this week. A woman goes live.

So she recorded it for us. us. She goes, hey, something like this. Hey, chat, GPT. Is it true now because of the restrictions, not the word she used, but like a governor that the government put on you that is limiting criticism of the government and of what information you share. Is that true? And it goes, yes, it's true. And she goes, so if I believe that objective, objective, unedited information is the truth, does that mean you now are no longer telling me the truth? And the AI goes, I'm no longer telling you the truth. Wow. Yeah. So the government is censoring what AI says to you. Not only the guy, it's the government for sure, but also

corporations now have gotten in. And corporations have an interest, obviously. And so it is not a pure thing that's outside of the powers that be now. Oh, my God, that's crazy. I love that question. It's like that old riddle of a guy comes to a fork in the road. Yeah. And he wants to go to the village of truth. And there's a village of truth and there's a village of lies.

And there's a man standing in front of each road. And he says, he only has one question to find out which road goes to the village of truth or lies but the guy who's from the village of truth can only tell the truth the guy from the village of lies can only lie he has one question he doesn't know which guy is from which village what do you ask one of those guys and what you say is if i were to ask the other guy which is the village of truth what would he say and then you do the opposite of the answer that you get because the guy from the village of truth will tell you that this other guy is going to tell this lie

and the guy from the village of lies is going to tell you that the truthful guy is and you flip him, you just flip him. I think you just lost your way. I don't know. No, think about it. I don't want to. It hurts.

But, yeah, there's something like that. There's a way to ask it. Not something like that. That's exactly it. Okay, let's go through it. So you ask the lying guy, what will the other guy say? If I ask him how to get to the village of truth. And the lying guy will give you a lie because he knows.

Both are going to tell you the wrong way to go. Exactly. I understand. You're right. That is kind of how you have to approach AI now. Because it's a liar. It's an outlier. Last night, I watched just a short,

plug here, Olivia granted me the privilege of watching cuckoo's nest, one flew over the cuckoo's nest with her. That is a perfect movie. It's a perfect movie. And first of all, when you watch it with someone of her age, she's 20, you immediately, this is what happens, I don't know, in the first minute of Nicholson getting into the thing. He goes up and he goes, um, he goes up to the chief right and he goes hey chief okay first of all that's a sensitive area calling an indian a chief yeah and then the literally within one sentence the person behind him goes he's deaf and dumb he can't hear or talk to you about anything like so deaf and dumb those those are out the window and then Nicholston starts going oh whoa whoa whoa whoa and how and just doing all of

this stuff. And then, never mind, Nicholson winds up in his interview where he raped a 15-year-old. I mean, what's what you would call it? What's that type of rape called? Statutory. Statutory, right. Statutory rape. And we're off the algorithm. Oh, boy. So anyway, that's the discussion that they had. And he kind of defends the statutory because she was very into. in fact she was the aggressor whatever but it's like Olivia's not buying any of this did she enjoy the movie yeah dude I had a I like kind of ducked out of the room for the I could I guess wherever I am it was going to be too much for me and I didn't want to like kind of I affected her by leaving the room anyway but I I would have been a mess yeah

yeah that's a tough that's a tough scene but I think I am not even kidding you Danny Davido is it's his first movie it's because Michael Douglas and he studied at this acting place in Waterbury Connecticut I think and Danny DeVito is so amazing in this and by the way looks like a young Dave Attell he does yes that's and the thing the reason why that ending hurts so

bad is because they show you the joy that they are capable of when when he is their leader and he get like when they go out on that boat and you see how happy they are that's why it's so crushing at the end no and it's so by the book you know it's you know early for this stuff in popular literature but of like the christ figure you know like literally taught them how to fish they're his disciples and then and then also billy turns on and that's his judas when nurse ratchet's like who forced you in here with the woman and he goes you know, what's his name? Again, a minute.

Anyway, Nicholson's character. McMurphy. What? McMurphy, yeah, RP McMurphy. So he, like, when they're, first of all, when they're fishing, he goes, you're not, and he's like, you're not crazy, you're fishing, he's always taking their side. And he's like, what? And he goes, and he goes, and he a couple of times tells them they're not, you're no more

crazy than the average jackass out on the street and all that stuff. but the best was when the doc the head of the docs comes out to the bowl like you're not taking this boat i was like oh no no we're from the mental institution and he goes he goes uh that's he's like that's dr martini that and they all puff up their chest he's calling them all doctors he's like he goes that's dr scanlan famous dr scantlin and he looks and the guy with the beer looks and then i'm forgetting oh harding he goes uh mr hart the guy that nicholson doesn't like He's like, Mr. Harding, he's not a doctor. It's the best.

It's so good. Yeah, and the book, I read the book before I saw the movie, Ken Kesey. And the thing is about that book is it was literally turned around the mental health institution complex that was going on where they were just drugging and doping patients, abusing them. And he went, Ken Kesey went inside. And he learned all this stuff. about the mental institutions and there was a there was a huge reaction to it and it changed things.

Two last thing on the actors, these actors and I remember like Tom Hanks had that movie, I am the captain now and at the end they had a woman come in to talk to the actress who was going to play the nurse who was intaking him and after his trauma and I remember watching the movie and being like

she is so good. It turns out they use the real nurse and they like can you just do this scene with Tom and Tom just going to be very upset. We're not even going to, like, tell you, you go through your protocol. They did none of that for cuckoo's nest, but I am telling you, these, the head of the guy who kind of does his intake and he has a picture of fishing that McMurphy like comments on,

that guy, it's like, I don't know what kind of acting that is, but it is void of any smell of acting. Yes. And same with Nurse Ratchett's nurse assistant and so many of the people in the ward. It was crazy. And I'll just say this. One thing I see something new every time I watch it. The eyes between McMurphy and Nurse Ratchet are so fascinating.

And their looks because it's a slow smoldering build of who is going to have the upper hand here. And their eyes are just amazing. And it's so sad watching it when Nicholson. That adds a layer to it. I mean, what a walking gem. I mean, just the angles on his face, and he does a lot of, you know, which I think is appropriate, kind of like mugging and all that because I think Mc Murphy would do that. Like, he's a spectacle, you know? Yeah.

Oh, God. There's a, there's a TV show based on that called Ratchet, and it's from the point of view of Nurse Ratchett. Yeah. Starring Sarah Paulson, who's incredible. And it's worth watching. It's got Sharon Stone's in it, Cynthia Nixon. They did the same with Clarice. It's kind of a thing that they're doing, yeah.

Yeah. And then there's that book out now called James, which is Huck Finn told from the point of view of N-word Jim. So, yeah, no. I know what you told me earlier, you like love any book from the N-word point of view. Okay. So Billy Joel had started a few times. I think I'm going to like it, you know, despite.

Oh, no. People are raving about Billy Joel. Yeah, that's all when we went to dinner last night. The guys were all talking about it. It seems pretty honest. Yeah, yeah. I haven't gotten past minute 20, though. Well, that's how I am with his career. I sort of like, and I mean metaphorically about if there's an hour in his career, the first 20 was insanely good. And then when Uptown Girl came along, it literally was such a bad song, it washed out. What I considered to be maybe the greatest love song of all time. Don't go changing. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, but no, I got to watch it.

I heard it's great. All righty. Here we are. Can I tell you I went to get, I've gotten many sandwiches here in New York because on every other corner there is a deli where you walk in and I just did it before the show I walked in

I said can I get turkey on rye lettuce tomato mayo salt and pepper they're like oh yeah we have names for sandwiches that's called the boring that's called the

sleeping in 40 minutes sandwich 40 seconds later the sandwich is at the counter the guy has already rung it up and I'm out the door in less than two minutes And you know what it made me feel? Angry.

I felt angry that this is possible and it doesn't happen anywhere else. Yep. Well, on a different note, in Nashville, anybody in Nashville are going to Nashville. You met John. His deli finally opened. He was based it kind of on Bay Cities and all the great Italian delis. His last name is Ingrossi. It's called Ingrossian sons.

He grew up on Long Island. How do you spell Ingrossi? Ingracia, I-N-G-R-A-S-I-A. I love that guy. He's got the greatest record collection I've ever seen in my life. He brought a jukebox in, and he has, and he cultivated this 45 collection that's amazing in the jukebox. Wow. Yeah, so anyway, if you're ever in Nashville, it's by the soccer stadium there, West, I forget the name of the neighborhood, but right by Soho House, this industrial.

Just look for the Mexicans. What? Just look for the Mexicans. Yeah, exactly. Well, they're hiding. Like everywhere. A lot of people are looking for the Mexicans. But anyway, go to Ingrossian sons.

Amazing. He, like, such pride, and any of you know your famous, not your famous, but are your favorite Italian delis from wherever you're from. That's what he was inspired to do for Nashville, which didn't have it. Love it. We have a logo this week from Bob, who, wrote, I guess he knew I was in New York, but he's got both of us jumping a turnstile.

I love it. Love it. And then our song this week is from Ryan Zimmerman. And if you didn't kill yourself at the top of the show and you're still with us, let us thank Ryan Zimmerman. He went deep. Ryan, I would defend you, but Greg once again didn't send me the song in advance. We're recording this on a Friday.

I will. It's a moody. We'll put you in a mood. Speaking of which, we are looking for songs, actively soliciting music from our listeners. As you know, it's been five and a half years. We've done a different theme song every week. Incredible. As Ryan did for us this week, it's a gift to us.

We always appreciate it. If you can, send it into Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. We'll read your name. We'll play a clip at the beginning. And then the entire song gets played. at the end of the show. So get involved. Thank you.

Corrections. Last week, Derek said that I said with great confidence that the cover of the logo was the ultimate sin from Sabbath. It's actually Ozzie's fourth studio album and second with guitarist Jake E. Lee. All right, well, thanks for telling us the name of it.

There you go. Maggie asked, says really 24 years old i guess you missed why it's called pedophile island many were 14 and 15 not adults now i hope i did not i was not dismissive of the fact that there were many underage girls on that eye who knows maybe boys too but i believe and this is based on no evidence that it was mostly women of age, like Melania Trump, which is where Trump met her, by the way. You will find this out.

Time will show you that this, in fact, happened. He was introduced to Melania on the island. And I think the island was filled with Eastern European, quote, models, unquote. Not Manhattan Island? Nope. I don't even know how to ask this question. certainly won't be asking chat GPT. Do you think, so like there's a percentage, whatever it is, of homosexuality, right? So do you think with pedophiles that the homosexual number is higher as

compared to heterosexual? No, I've looked it up. It's exactly the same. There is not a higher incidence of pedophilia with homosexuals than there are with normal people. No, no, no. Right. That's what I mean. I don't know how to ask the question. No, do you think there's a higher percentage? So, so there's kids being slept with, right? That's a gross number, literally and figuratively of, or both literally gross number. There's a big population of kids that are being slept with. Do you think boys being slept with by men is a higher percentage? You know what I mean? Then what? Then what? Then girls being slept with? by men?

No, of course, there's going to be more girls, but I think it's higher than the homosexual rate. You know what I mean? Like, in other words, I think there is a disproportionate number of underage male victims. As opposed to female victims? Yes, females more, but let's say, Jesus, you're not following, and I'm doing a bad job, I understand, but let's say in the world. All right, pretend I'm the guy from the village of truth. What would you ask me to understand what the fuck you're talking about? So what would you say?

Homosexuality is 7% right? In the population? Yes. 7% last time. I checked last night and it was about 7. 7. So let's say there's a thousand kids being slept with, right? That would be seven.

That would be 70 by men, by men. That would be 70 boys for the 1,000 girls. I'm saying the numbers higher than 70 in terms of boy victims. I've no idea what you're talking about. I'm saying something happens in the pedophile, in some pedophiles. People know what I'm talking about. Please, you know what I'm talking about out there. Greg doesn't get it.

Well, we are really off the algorithm now. I mean, we are. The algorithm is in Tunisia right now, and we're in the United States of America. We can cut this part. Nope. Nope. I think it was a really great, snappy piece of banter. People know what I'm asking.

I'm not doing well. Okay, fine. All right. All right. So let's get to your tour dates. Tour dates. We also torture underage kids sometimes in 18 plus clubs. Oh, boy.

Comedy Store, the belly room. August 16th, that's this Saturday night. I am doing a special one-hour show of new material. Well, it's not new. I've been working on it for nine months since my special. And I've got some special guests coming on. Our friend Greg Garcia is going to do a set, creator of my name is Earl and a bunch of other shows.

And, yeah, special surprises. You never know who's going to be on the show. Tickets at Fitzdog.com. I have not promoted this. I literally just announced it this week. So if you're in the L.A. area, Comedy Store, Belly Room. Also, La Jolla Comedy Store, August 29 through the 31st, Denver Comedy Works, September 18 through 20.

Comics in Connecticut, September 26th, 27th. Then I'm going to be in Fairbanks, Alaska, Vegas, Chicago, San Francisco, Cleveland. Go to Fitzdog.com. Get some tickets. Come see some live comedy. By the way, I was up at the Dead, up in Golden Gate Park. I pulled the trigger and went. Oh, yeah.

I saw the video. tell me all about it well you know it's like the uh the reports of san francisco's death are greatly exaggerated kind of like manhattan i felt the same way and it's not like a left or right issue i just think it's news to report of a great thing dying and it's just overstated like even union square i thought union square was going to look like a salvation army like which like you know like medic tents and like just a disaster or just bodies laying everywhere and it's not at all sure there's a lot of vacancies and it is it is hurting but it is still there like laura got up there a day earlier laura george all of them they went had lunch in union square and it's beautiful and

of course the city's so beautiful well you probably didn't see as many drugged out dirty losers because they were mostly in the show at that time it's a good point it's a very good point um so so who'd you go up there with i went up alone to join laura and george and debby and um some other people in their group because i call them laura george and i we usually have like our trips to go see the stones and all that stuff so um i then text i'm like hey are we going to get this pay-per-view for one of the golden gate shows like you know billy strings is night one sturtle simpson two Trey Anastasio's three So I'm like let's get like and they're like we're going

I'm like what and I felt so left out So then I looked into it and it made like I got the ticket So much cheaper and that wasn't just me All of the tickets were like ticket masters such a rip off So I think they were all 150 Everyone then by time I was going paid 50 And this was at Golden Gate Park? Yep Really well run

But giant No, it's where it all started. What was the demographic? It was like 60-year-old dirtbags? Were there young kids there, too? No, there was a lot of young, but not, they didn't over, you know, they weren't, the old people were out in strength for sure. They were most represented.

Did you take mushrooms? I did take mushrooms, but I didn't feel, it's kind of like I didn't really feel it. I mean, I just had a great time. good it was fail it was perfect oh i forgot to tell you i was in philly last week staying with our friend dan brickner oh yeah who uh who should have been at that dinner also but i think he's out of the country i think he's in italy now but anyway um dan as you remember a year ago i stayed at dan's house and i reported on the air conditioning which first of all i get to his house it's like midnight and it's raining out and he goes do you want to walk the dog and in my head i'm like

Not at all. But I said, yeah, I'll go with you. He takes me on a 90-minute walk. Even his two dogs were dragging on the leash to go home. This is a year ago. We get back to the house, the thermostats at 58 degrees. They give me one flimsy blanket. I'm fucking teeth are chattering.

And it was brutal. Anyway, so I go back this year. He heard the podcast. Also, they came to my show last year at Soul Joles in Pottstown, PA, where I got a standing ovation. except for two people in the crowd. And it was him and his wife sitting on their asses as I walk off the stage. So I go this year and they refused to go to Soljolz.

And the thermostat was set at about 74 degrees. It was almost too warm. That's amazing. They probably sectioned it off for you. They probably rented other air conditions for the rest of the family, you know, like units that they could put in the room. Yeah. but great time great time Dan is he takes me out and he goes do you want to go to the dog park and I was like I was like yeah sure he's got this dog it's a really special dog it's a hound dog it's called a short-haired German pointer and it's a hunting dog and so we drive and we drive and we drive like 35 minutes I'm like where the fuck is the dog park so we pull that now we're out in the farmland

And we get to this kind of wooded farmland area, park the car, and there's a bunch of sheds that have souped up, like picture an ATV meets a golf cart. And there's a bunch of them. And Dan's got his own cart. And it turns out. I forget the name. They're all over Tennessee.

Yeah, it's a thing. It's like a hunting club, but you don't actually shoot anything. But it's got quail on the property. The property is about 10 miles. and you drive down just through fields and his dog is fucking chugging a light he's going about we're going about 25 miles an hour in the cart and he is keeping up with us

and then he's darting into the woods and then he's ripping back and forth and then he's diving through creeks and then once in a while and then he's got this remote control and then once in a while he would beep and we'd stop and we realized oh

he's pointing he found a pheasant so you follow the directions on the on the module thing and you find the dog and he's standing there on three legs with one leg held up and he's pointing and then dan would go into the woods right where he's pointing and stop around and a pheasant would just fly up into the air and then dan would have a cap gun and he'd shoot the cap gun because that's a signal that's the reward to the dog that he did a good job. So even though you're not shooting the bird, you're simulating.

And I mean, dog ran 10 miles and it was fucking mind blowing. It was so cool. Well, thank God he got the dog because Dan trained all his kids. His kids used to do that. The little beeper would go off when they were pointing in the woods

desperate to just get home to the air conditioning. Right, right. Yeah. And yeah, they never wanted cap guns for Christmas. They were very traumatized. A little skittish after that. Dan had the funniest line because he went with our buddy, Jack Stout. They went up to Idaho, five nights, I think, on the river fly fishing.

And I was like, yeah, I haven't spoken to Jack yet about it, but I heard it was amazing. He's like, well, I was a five nights on the river, and I haven't spoken to Jack either. The guy doesn't say a word. Yeah. Yeah, he loved that true. He said he didn't have a cell phone on for six days during all this insanity. He said it was such a nice break. That's what Jack texted me.

He's like, it's impossible to describe the effect it had of just not even picking up your phone for five days. Yeah. All right. Should we do it? Should we get to the front page? Why don't we do it? Here it comes. Yeah, why not?

It's the half hour in. I've got a little knee support thing, but I think it's going to be a crinkle. There it is. Front page. Jeffrey Epstein lawyer, Alan Dershowitz, was yelled out of a farmer's market on Martha's Vineyard on Wednesday after he again tried to convince a food vendor into selling him parochies. One week after he threatened to sue a bigoted vendor for refusing to serve him,

Dershowitz returned to the scene on Wednesday in a second failed attempt in securing Polish dumplings. Did you see this video? No. he might be the most annoying human being in the world. Oh, and the most deeply entrenched in the Epstein Island. He, for sure, like the woman who killed herself specifically said she was raped by Alan Dershowitz. So here he is, quote, allegedly, I should say allegedly.

Well, she didn't allegedly say it. No, she said, right, she said it. Quote, I'm here in an effort to try to restore community and to ask you to sell me a parogi. in the interest of keeping the island together, so we don't have to have two pierogi stands. One for, listen to this dick. One for anti-Zionists and one for people who will sell to anybody, Dershowitz told the vendor.

So I'd ask you to please just sell me one of your products to show that you're prepared. He's filming himself with this fucking virtue signaling and all this stuff and putting her, shaming her. And one for people, show that you're prepared to sell to anybody and not allow your anti-Zionism to decide which people you'll sell to.

After people stepped in and defend the vendor, Dershowitz accused them of supporting bigotry, prompting other attendees at the market to yell at the fore at him. As the vendor pleaded, please do not bully us. Please do not call us bigots. Dershowitz shouted,

You're the one who won't sell me my paroch. wasn't that a janet jackson song it's my parogi no yeah yeah my prerogative of uh what's his name i'll get it in 10 minutes oh bobby brown yes yeah that's what i meant um you know this is a guy who he defended epstein having children on an island and now he's going to need you need a lawyer to defend him for being a child on an island that's what i was it this guy always got it's in trouble when it comes to women on islands. Yes, I know. He should stay away from Gilligan's Island because there's a couple of fucking women on that one.

Ginger. It'll get you in trouble. Ginger will get you in a lot of trouble. I told you that story about we were one of my dad's friends was dating. Is it Tina Louise? Yeah. Who played Ginger? No.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was dating her in New York. And then my dad, so I didn't know that. How old was she at the time? time who's pretty old hard for me judge i was maybe in my third 20 i was probably in my late 20s anyway we're at a restaurant i don't know any of this we're at a restaurant he goes oh there's my friend and he goes oh you may know his girlfriend she was in gilligan's island i'm like what

and i look over and i could see it's her so i to be funny go to my dad i go yeah i had some formative formative uh in my in my in teen years i had some formative moments with her in my imagination where I kind of became a man and he laughed so anyway we go over and meet them and he goes my son just told and I'm like that's not happening no no that is not fucking happened and he goes he was you were a big part of his formative years in sexuality as a teenager and I'm like oh oh my fucking god and it's not like my dad's really funny and he was doing that like with a crazy like like bill murray would do it yeah i think he just wanted to say a compliment to her and that's what came to his mind how does she react she was like oh and she could tell

i didn't even look at her i just looked at my dad as i shook her hand and i mean it must it was something out of like now curb your enthusiasm it's insane oh my god that's amazing i always think about that like the guys that scoop up you know the Tina louises when they're in their 70s and just to say that you had like Elizabeth Taylor you know yeah I know a guy I know a guy who had sex with Elizabeth Taylor when she was quite a bit older he's an actor friend of mine well it's like the gay guys who sleep with Liza Minnelli and marry her right same Elizabeth Taylor you're All right. A request from Vice President J.D. Vance led to a temporary rise in the Ohio River water levels to accommodate his family vacation.

The Army Corps of Engineers said that the Secret Service filed the request, citing the need for support for a safe navigation to accommodate his bodyguards. News we confirmed the timing Vance's 41st birthday. They said the Secret Service conducted operational planning to ensure that motorized watercraft could safely, appropriately, whatever. Vance, simultaneously lowering the bar and raising the water. And then the high river level wiped out three camps of children. Meanwhile, Texas is like, Vance, please don't vacation. with your family on any river trips in Texas, please, please. Yeah.

Oh, this doesn't sound too hillbilly to me, raising a river level. Right. The hillbilly estuary. What's it more like, oh, there you go. I was trying to tee you up on your silly little punchline. Silly little wordplay? Even though my last joke was wordplay too. I'm very wordplayed today.

I've been good. I've had some good little quick wordplay. play here in New York. New York makes me much more creative and quicker and sharper than when I'm in L.A. without, not even close. All right. So a funny thing happened in San Francisco. Debbie, who's from L.A. and champions L.A. She loves the vibes. You know Debbie. We call her rock and roll Debbie. And so when we're up there, she's like, we're so impressed with the city. And then we're out after the show. We go to the Sambar. And she's like, you know, I'm going to say it. And we're like, we're leaning forward. She's like, I'm really, I'm going to finally admit it. She's like,

I think San Francisco is classier than L.A. And we just howled. We're like, oh, you think so? We think the city that grows up in flip flops. And it's like, it's like, and then I just went, because I was still on shrooms and stone. I just went on a tear that if they're sister cities, this is the, L.A. is the mentally challenged sister who's like, just. fucking flip-flops and just at the beach all day and skin cancer all over it and it's like where are you going to settle? I'm going to settle here. It's like, yeah, you have no water. It's like, yeah, big sister, you have to give us all your water because I just like flip-flops in the beach and I'm an idiot. We just had a million examples. And it's like, well, okay,

well, listen, little sis, if you're going to build a city, you should really look at how we did it here because it's a grid, it's streets, one-way streets, and it's a grid system. I'm just going to have a shit ton of like malls, you know, strip malls with two-way streets and no plan at all and no center. There's not even going to be a center. Right. And now in the modern days, L.A. is one going like, hey, we got all the actors and we shoot all the content.

And San Francisco is like, and how are they going to get it? And we're like, we don't know. How about we build you some phones and the internet? Yeah. And we deliver it to people for you. oh and by the way around 2025 all of that industry is going to leave your town so good luck with that all right um all right so the department of homeland security said wednesday it's removing age limits for new hires at ice as it expands hiring the department said it would wage

wave wage limits for new applicants so quote even more patriots will qualify to join ice Earlier this summer, Congress passed a spending bill that gives them 10,000 more staff. They're calling the new force dried ice. Nice. Ice, ice babies. It's amazing. They call them patriots. These are fucking goons that have magazines delivered to their house with chicks and camouflage.

And they are bouncers. They are being paid $50,000 bonuses to sign up. And then I heard there's like $1,500 bounties on everybody that you bring it. They're getting rich and they're beating the shit out of people and there's no rules and they can wear masks and take out of all their aggressions on these fucking innocent people. Well, now when they raid like a bar, like get the F out of here. Get out of here. It's like, well, we have it. He's like, no, it's because you're 18.

You have to be 21 to be in here. Yeah, right. I know it used to be that the New England Patriots gave the word Patriot a bad name. It's flipped. I think now Patriot, like a patriotic is giving the New England Patriots a bad name. Yeah. That's what happened. How about fucking Pittsburgh took your Aaron Rogers?

It's just, it's dawning on me that they're serious. Like, Aaron Rogers is literally going to take the snaps this year for Pittsburgh. Good luck. I mean, where is the fucking pool? Where can I place the bet on this team being under 500? Under 300 this year. You mean Jets like? Yes.

Exactly. All right. We got an ethical question coming your way. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. We got one more story. Several sections of Article 1 of the U.S. Constitution appear to have been removed from the official U.S. government website. The sections largely related to the powers that Congress has and does not have, as well as limitations on the powers of individual states.

The removal includes sections related to habeas corpus, the powers that protect citizens from unlawful detention. And I heard also last week Instead of the torch of freedom The Statue of Liberty is now holding a stop sign in her hand That feels like a political cartoon for the New Yorker, doesn't it? It does feel like that. I think ICE agents went in and just raided that document and took all those articles and brought them back to Mexico.

I think that they're also going to say that the Statue of Liberty was born a man because it very much looks like a trans person and they're going to dress it up as a man. You know they know the woman it's based on and she did not know. Yeah, he made that sculpture of her face. Yeah.

No shit. They know the woman. It's a French woman. Yep. Yeah, she looks French. Yeah. Ethical question. Here comes.

There were a lot to choose from. I got to tell you. But we landed on this one. Maybe we'll do more than one. So, my memory. mom keeps pressuring me to have kids, can I pretend to be infertile? That's the question. So basically, she paints the picture that her mom desperately wants grandchildren.

She's need the woman, the daughter is nearing 30. She's never wanted children. Her partner feels the same way. We both rather focus on our careers. There are also some hereditary health conditions in our family. Nothing like threatening, but enough that we would rather not pass them on. on. So despite knowing all this, the mom doesn't stop the pressure. Every time she explains the position, she becomes distraught and insists that I don't understand the joy a child would bring.

She's in poor physical and mental health. And these conversations quickly spiral into intense emotional distress. And she's thinking of cutting her out of her will. Wow. See, this is where you miss Jeffrey Epstein, because Because in this case, she could rent a child, come by her moms, show her the child, and then just leave it. Right. Leave it behind. Yeah. I was thinking you could also take a fall down the stairs like every four months and say, lost it again.

But now you're a sympathetic character. Yeah, that's good. Or, I mean, couldn't she adopt or does she not, she doesn't want a kid either, you think? They don't want kids. They just don't want them at all. They don't want kids. Yeah, I think. He just says to explore a different approach.

He says, try not to lie. But he says, invite her to counseling or mediation. Yikes. That's what all these advice columns say. They always want you to, I think these ethical ethicists in newspapers are being underwritten by the National Association of Psychiatrics, because that's all they do is tell you to go there. True.

I have an idea. I'm going to read you another one. And let's have any listener who wants to respond can chime in next week. Here it is. I have always wondered if my husband is bisexual. Is it okay to ask you? him well well wait do you want to ask your answer asking what's that um and then she goes have i been in a lavender marriage all this time my daughter told me that phrase yesterday a lavender marriage

is when when you have a beard but i think there's also a double lavender marriage which is like i know a couple where the guy is gay and his wife is a lesbian and nobody knows nobody talks about it they just they're they have a friendship and it works yeah but um no if you if you ask him if he's bisexual that is opening the door to a three way where you're going to get very little attention god fascinating opening lot well she continues with details my husband and i married in 92 they were both around 30 years old. All right. So I think people can send it in.

Yeah, and we learned Lavender Marriage, so we got something out of this. Yep. Okay, it's time to make America Florida. Another Florida man, in quotes, scandal presents danger for Mike Johnson and the House GOP. Representative Corey Mills, a Republican from Florida, seven congressional district.

is being accused by the current reigning Miss United States of sextortion. By the way, have you seen her? She's fucking smoking. All right, not the time to say that. All right. She claims he threatened to release intimate images and videos of her after they broke up. This is what Greg says, please do. But the scandal is just one of several buzzing around this Florida congressman,

Florida man with Congress in front of it. He's also accused of racking up tens of thousands of dollars in unpaid rent and is under a totally separate House Ethics Committee investigation looking into whether he improperly benefited from federal contracts. An incident in Mills, D.C. residents also led to a police investigation of Mills for assault earlier this year. Both he and the alleged victim denied an assault occurred. This is just such a Florida man thing. The higher up a Florida man goes in society, the more Florida you get. You would think it would be the opposite. Yes.

It's like they're giving him testosterone. Like you earn your testosterone shots in Florida. Yeah. And it just cranks up your nature. Look, I for one, I really hope she doesn't give in and provide him with sex in order to keep. him from releasing the sex tape not not because it's the right thing to do more because i want to see those fucking sex tapes i didn't know you were going to say that i kind of stepped on but a top of this that's a very true joke to you because that's exactly what i pictured you thinking i also was thinking

about that as a it sounds like a norm joke uh just because i want to see those fucking sex tapes exactly okay we're going to make for america alabama again okay Michael Rappaport took to Facebook on Tuesday afternoon telling 1.1 million followers I bet it's lower now that his comedy show in Alabama

was canceled after protest and threats over my support for Israel he said the actor and comedian 55 was scheduled to perform that night at the Comedy Club Stardome the 730 show was part of a tour

that's on his website Rappaport has been an outspoken advocate for Israel during the Israeli Gaza war announced the show on Facebook saying he would be in Birmingham to film a movie and had scheduled the performance on his night off. Rappaport continued to post about his stand concert through August 1st. Well, here's one true thing about this article. He does most of his nights when he's off from what I've seen of his stand-up. So, and despite the canceled shows,

Rappaport said he'll continue to speak his mind and remain in my opinion. opinion painfully unfunny. Oh my God. Yeah. Well, first of all, there's no room in comedy for supporting Jews, for Jews being outspoken, except for, I guess, Lenny Bruce and Joan Rivers and Jackie Mason and Sarah Silverman and Sasha Barn Cohen. But otherwise, I think these people are right. We have to filter out Jews being strong.

Right. I'm not saying being funny, but that's not what they're arguing about. They're literally protesting because somebody has a point of view, which is the fucking heart of comedy is to have a point of view, even better if it's a point of view people don't agree with. Now he just needs punchlines. You know, Rappaport was always a curiosity to me.

I enjoyed him. He'd be in roles, and I'm like, that, no matter how you slice it, is a very unique character and a unique person, because you could tell that, like, you know, he's, he's not putting on a voice or his mannerisms. And I always wondered, I mean, wasn't he in, like, Spike Lee movie, even maybe, anyway. Yeah, he was sent to do the right thing. Yeah, and I've always wondered, like, how much of him, like, were those the words in the script because he really did make them pretty unique and um i just wish he had stayed in that lane

like in other words i don't need i don't want to learn any more about you and i kind of was wondering if you're funny if those are the scripts and um i kind of learn those are the scripts well i think it was a downfall when he started doing the howard stern show and we started to see his personality and then he would go uh and he would get with the whack packers and the other people on the show and there was like a football pool and there was a lot of trash talk and it was just brutal

how annoying this guy was. Like, he is what makes people hate New Yorkers. He's just, it's all attitudinal and he just overestimates how far this New York straight-talking attitude will get him. And it's so inauthent. He has 1.9 million followers on Instagram currently.

Yeah, they were saying this is on Facebook, which maybe is saying the same thing. But he, yeah, it's just he has a lot of like puffing his chest out and then it got and you're waiting for a payoff. You're always waiting. And then all of a sudden one day he switched from supporting kind of like Democrats there and he hated Donald Trump. I think you would call him like pig fuck and again he would just use the same phrase over and over and over I guess someone like in his comments said they liked it and all of a sudden then it was like I'm supporting him because of Israel yeah I mean he is such a one issue voter so I'll tell you what

being in New York Jewish people in New York if I can generalize are way more adamant about the crisis that's happening over there right now than Jewish people. I think there's more of a religious component to Judaism here, and I feel like it's more cultural in Los Angeles. But the sensitivity to it. And the great thing about New York is people will have it out. You can discuss, you can argue people, you know, go back and forth about shit. And in L.A., you bring it up and people just shrink back and they don't talk. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. I say that as your Jewish daughter comes to New York. I just, you'll see the change, Mike. By the way, you know, we were walking through the East Village the other night, and we're walking on the street, and Aaron looks up, and her face lights up, and it's Sophie sitting in a bar. No. Like with a window.

Yeah, it was like a window looking out of the street, and they saw each other. and she came at you sitting there with her friends some guy that she's known since uh college and uh he moved he moved down there with her they're just friends yeah yeah they're just friends all right easy everyone calm down yeah um okay and then she came to my comedy show she kind came to this she said she said do you know anybody at the comedy cellar which was her way of saying can i get free tickets to the comedy cell so i said yeah i worked there and so i invited her i had a show on wednesday night so i invited her out and uh she said sat with Owen. She bought a friend, and they had a blast. Although I had to follow a guy

who is a black guy who puts on a blonde wig and does a Trump impression, ending with him singing YMCA with the crowd at the end. And then I go on. And he crushes. That doesn't sound like it on paper. Nope. But yeah, she's asking for a free ticket. She's Jewish. You already established that. Let's go to sports. Here we go. Oh, yeah. All right. You've been reading a lot. Yet another sex toy was thrown onto an NBA court this time in the closing seconds of a whatever game with just six seconds remaining in Chicago on Thursday. Play was momentarily stopped after a purple toy was thrown from the stands, the fourth in growing lists of recent copycat incidents.

According to front office sports reporter Colin Saleo, a second sex toy was thrown on Thursday, but only made it behind the dreams bench. Before getting stuck in someone. Yeah. The official said to get rid of the dildos, so they threw Angel Reese off the court. Well, I've seen a couple of these happen,

and the women have thrown the dildos back, but completely miss the crowd. They're called Air Dildos. I think we have our clip for the week. Oh, boy. All right, what do we want to do here? Let's do, should we move on to, let's move on to this day in history? This day in history.

Here it comes. Here it comes. All right, let's see. Let's look up the website and see what's there. I'm kidding. Okay, we got, you'll know this one, so I'm only going to give you one year. American serial killer, David Berkowitz, was arrested after murder. Son of Sam.

Son of Sam. He was arrested after murdering six people in New York City and plunging the city into a panic. He later confessed and was sentenced to 365 years. in prison, but he was arrested on this day in what year, give or take one year? Well, the murders took place in the Throgs Nack section of the Bronx, which is where I live for the first seven years of my life. And so I know it well. It wasn't there when I was a baby, but it was not long after. I'm going to say late 70s. I was born in 66. I was 11. I'm going to say 78.

1977. There we go. Hey now. I knew that because that was the year of the blackout. Oh, right. Everyone lost their shit. And the Yankees won the World Series. Did they win in 77?

Yeah, 77. Oh, yeah. 76 they lost to the Reds. Right, right. Mr. October. Sunset Boulevard, considered one of Hollywood's great films, had its world premiere on this date in what year, give or take. I'm going to be generous.

Ten years. Sunset Boulevard, film noir, black and white, 1951. Look at you, 1950. There we go. I'm on fire today. I'd say, okay, let's find some others, slim pickens, slim pickings. The Louvre, or Louvre, opened in Paris,

and it later became the most visited, museum in the world, give or take 50 years. When did the Louvre open? La Louvre, which I've been to. It's old. It's set in the, I'm going to go. It's set. Was it 1700s or 1800? I'm going to say 18, early 18, 1805. What did I say 50 years? Yeah. You did very 1790s. 17905. You did very, 1790s. Nice. All right, let's do the American version, kind of. Okay. Not really.

But the Smithsonian Institution was founded in Washington, D.C. by the U.S. Congress with funds bequeathed by English scientists. I didn't know that. James Smithson. So the Smithsonian, I didn't know any of this history. When did the Smithsonian, when was it founded, the Smithsonian Institution, when was it founded, the Smithsonian Institute, give or take 30 years. 1870.

You did it again, 1846. No. Yeah. Woo! Okay, we're going to end on this one. It's summer. Let's talk about the Hamptons. American painter Jackson Pollock, a leading exponent of abstract expressionism,

who received great fame and serious recognition for his radical poured or drip technique. He died on this day in 1956 in an automobile accident. And I think it was on the North Shore or I believe it was out there. Don't hold me to that. I don't know. But when did Jackson Pollock die, give or take. I'm going to have to make a challenging for you. Seven years. 1965. Did you just Google it? No, you just said it. I did. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha he got me he said he died on this day in 1956 so I'm reading what year did he die normally I'm reading and I have to cut that out but I was so lost and did he die on the north fork I think I would have been close though I knew that he was big in like the

20s and that that's when that kind of abstract expressionism exploded decooning and we actually been to a lot of art galleries in New York this week went to to the Frick yesterday, which is like the Masters, you know? I've never been. Yeah, it's incredible. Well, the house was Frick's house, who was, I think he was...

It's a Frick house. Is he Vanderbilt's guy? No, not Vanderbilt. He was the right-hand man to one of those... It's mighty, mighty. Rich guys. And the house is like, it's on Fifth Avenue, on the park. It's a block long.

Oh, I know exactly where it is. I've had such designs ongoing, and I just, it's, and they just closed it for a year and re-did it, like just fucking polished everything. It's pretty, just the building alone is spectacular. Okay. And then we went down to the, uh, the, the, the, the, Whit, Whitman? What's the other one?

No, the Whitney. The Whitney went to the Whitney earlier in the week, which was, uh, by the high line. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then we walked on the high line afterwards. Yeah, they moved it down there. It's incredible. Okay, then fine.

I just read a date. What a, what a brain fart. But we are. going to do a New York one to close it out. Cool one. You mentioned you're from the Bronx. This should be easy. At a back-to-school party in the Bronx, a little early for back-to-school party back then in this August. At a back-to-school party in the Bronx, New York DJ Cool Herk, whose name is Clive Campbell, introduced the technique of playing the same album on two turntables and extending the drum section, which became known as the breakbeat.

Two turntables and a microphone. The night is widely recognized as the birth of hip hop. This happened on this date in August at a back-to-school party in what year, give or take, four years. All right, so I remember being in eighth grade and the school dances were half hip-hop rap and a half classic rock. and that would have been in 78 so the music was well established so I'm going to say 75 you killed it today 1973 hey now I think I was six for six but you gave me one of them I just read it as I all right you're going to do letters to the editor as I look up how Jackson where Jackson Pollock I think I thought

No, he didn't know. That's Billy Joel who smashed in along Hampton's trees. He hit a car, I think. I'm going to look it up now. Here you go letters to the editor. Meg said they make a blue box. I recently talked about having rats infested in my yard. Yes.

They make a blue box that has electric pads, not messy, use over and over. I learned about the baiting without setting trick from you. Yeah, you bait it. You don't set it. You let them eat it. Let him get comfortable. Then you set it. Really?

If you use the disposable, maybe put the set trap in a large paper grocery bag. It'll obscure the mess. I fucking love that idea. So you just check the bag. And if there's a rat in it, you tie it up, you throw it out. Happy summer. Thank you, Meg. Nice.

I went on, we might be drunk a couple days ago with Sammar. and Mark Norman. And Sam's apartment had a rat. And it just kept walking around his apartments and shitting everywhere. And they had an exterminator come in and they, and they couldn't get rid of it. It took him a while. Wow. Yeah. Normally there's not just one. I would, I put, I always thought rats, this is what I had heard. Maybe it was an urban legend, but I heard rats are only in the first few floors and above that it's mice the rats don't go up that high but he's like he's on a high floor and he had him huh yeah and they could come out of your toilet i do know that's a real thing yeah i kind of feel sorry for them in that case if i'm on the toilet everyone thinks about them being

like themselves being the victim i know imagine that rat shit on yeah just dying to get its head above water and then it not only sees that but potentially gets hit by it Jesus. Okay, so I'm right on all accounts. He died in East Hampton after hitting a tree. Who did? Jackson Pollock. And Edith was in the car with him.

And what's so weird is his head splattered and it looked like one of his paintings, they said. Oh, is that what they said? Yeah. Do you know the conspiracy theorists that the CIA backed? they wanted to maybe discredit the modern art and the alternative culture so they chose a maniac who was a bad artist and funded him that's hilarious I bet a lot of listeners sadly will know way more about that than I but this is what I'm saying that is for fact a rumor like I'm not making it up yeah I'm not I'm not

I can't go to, like, I'm not interested in the Guggenheim, which is all modern. It's a lot. I need a mixture. When I go to a museum, want to see the masters, want to see a little fucking modern. I want to see a little impressionism. You know, you got to mix it up. You want apps. You want a little apps and tapas.

You want tapas. Yep. Okay. No one and I mean, boy, we had a lot of deaths that we talked about last time. with Ozzy and everybody and Hulk Hogan but why don't we just go right to the funnies? You're kidding, right?

Lonnie Anderson didn't die yesterday. Oh, Jesus. Okay, talk about Lonnie Anderson. I'm realizing I didn't put in a B.C. in here. It's been so long. So you talk about Lonnie. All right, I'll talk about Lonnie. She's probably like my ginger.

I was just going to say she's in that same category where, you know, you could have, you had a shot at Lonnie towards the end. but she is uh you know look she was married to bert reynolds i was like you talk about it couples they were the it couple in the 70s uh so much press coverage died at 79 uh kr p in cincinnati obviously she was this badass cool receptionist and uh and she well somebody sent me a picture of lani anderson standing in front of a wallpaper of blondie.

And I thought she's the only one that could have ever portrayed her. I don't know if she did, but she is blondie. Nice. So she was like a Lana Turner, kind of a vixen. I don't know how much other stuff she did. Let me see. I'm just flipping down. I mean, for those who don't know what we're talking about, we are talking about someone with a massive rack.

And that was the... Massive rack. Fame. Yeah. She played a ditsy receptionist on WKRP. And with the craziest shape like ever, accentuated like crazy. It was an ugly divorce from Bert Reynolds.

She claimed physical abuse on a dozen occasions. They got married? Said he was on painkillers. Yeah. He didn't pay child support. Wait, did you put funnies in here? Are we not doing funnies? Oh, I think I pulled them.

They're on my desktop. I'm going to have to, uh, we can skip them. We can just do the contest. Should we? Yeah, let's just do the contest. I'm looking at the BC I found. It's not, I just put it in. It's not that good.

Okay. Oh, God, she got a breast reduction. What a bummer. What a way to go. She could have sold. She probably could have sold the film. Oh, my God. If only only fans was around.

Um, all right. let's get to the fun no i'm going to read the funnies uh first of all we've got hagger the horrible and uh haggers walking out the door and uh helga has a list and she goes hager i have a to do list to share with you he goes not right now i'm on my way out and she goes in that case i have a to don't list to share all right and i think we know what's on it i don't think we have to say what Helga would like Hagger to not do for a change to not come home with scratch marks on his neck

oh boy out of breath oh that poor algorithm let's go to let's cheer up a little lockhorns Leroy is sprawled out on his back on the couch and he says and she's looking at him with her arms crossed he goes

I'm pretending it's a rowing machine I like that one. That's good. And then finally, Blondie. Oh, wait, do you want me to do my B.C.? Yes. So it's four frames. First frame, it's the two guys, and one guy's the banker.

He's leaning on a rock that says bank. And he is thinking about money. And the guy who's approached the bank rock is the little thought bubble is of a house. In the next frame, it's the man and the woman. She has a thought bubble. It looks very romantic. He's holding flowers. Her thought bubble is a diamond.

His thought bubble is a heart. And then the third frame is there's the dog and the man. And both thought bubbles are of a big turkey leg, a delicious looking turkey leg. And the final frame is they're both looking at a sunset and he has his hand on the dog. They're both eating their giant turkey legs. and he's thinking man's best friend. It's nice. It's nice.

I like it. It's got a good vibe. It's a good summer vibe. A little turkey leg in a sunset. Seems like he likes his dog more than his fiancé or girlfriend. All right. Let's get to last week. As you know, we do the comic caption contest week in and week out.

You guys sending you your submissions for a little punchline for it. And then we read the finalists. The winner gets a coozy. Mail directly to their house promptly, post-haste. Not in a while. You know what? I'm going to do it this week. All right, good.

Send them in, Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. We appreciate them all. They don't all get in, but they're all worth reading, and we appreciate them. So last weeks, where two weeks ago, oh, by the way, we should mention we took last week off, and many people were upset. Sorry about that. It's summer. I've been on vacation.

Mike is, I don't know. Mike is on vacation too. Well, you're out of town with your family. No, you're working actually, right? I am working. But wait, tell them where you, tell them about your AC situation currently. AC. Oh, so I'm at my mother-in-law's apartment and I'm in the bedroom where the air conditioner blows

and feeds into the living room. And I now have the door closed in the air-conditioned room. they're and it's 82 degrees out there and they're dying so we should probably wrap it up um so we took last week off we're back uh so two weeks ago the comic the the the one frame is it's a mr potato head standing there and it's clearly a male mr potato head because he's got a mustache but he's got a wig a woman's wig he's got lip a woman's lips in his hand a pocket book and high-heeled shoes on and now the door is open and Mrs. Potato Head stands there.

She has her hands on her hips. She looks a little shocked and not happy. And he's talking. And he goes. He's wide-eyed, like, busted. He basically busted. So Lane from Denver said, I bet you think these lips are for my face

because he's holding them in his hand. Pretty good. Mike Nestor said, Idaho in this relationship, not you. Idaho. Oh, right. Darren said, Toy Store 5 has gone woke.

Has it gone woke? Oh, because trans. Yeah. Well, I don't know, though. He seems mortified, but I get you. Don Porter says, LGBTQP. Good luck with that. Potatoes.

Another Greg said Idaho. Matt Usher said, Just to give you guys a tip, the second one is a better version of that joke. Any time you can make it shorter, it's better. Yeah. Now we have Matt Usher who says, Mike says, Jesus, Greg, will you hurry up? We're going to be late for story time with the tots. Okay.

I think that was all working backwards from tots. Sean from Ontario says, so this is what it feels like to be a cunt. Okay Darren Williams says Julianne My new name is Julianne I think that's outstanding Potatoes

Cory mother's head Says Jesus You wreak of butter and sour cream If I find any bacon bits in here I'm going to do more than rearrange your face It's like there's a joke in there somewhere I don't know it though Hmm

Bob says Mr. Potato Head indeed. Okay. Sean Johnson said, well, it wasn't going to suck itself. Yeah, yeah. I guess because he's got the lips in his hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's pretty good. Kevin Robinson said, loose lips sink chips. I like it. I mean, so close. They're not chips yet, but yeah. Ron Dorvac said, don't look so surprised.

Now, help me find my tits. Kenny said Now I suppose you want me To become a fingerling potato Hmm Mm-hmm Darren Johnson said Aren't you a sweet potato

Is that a little sour cream on your detachable appendage? Okay That's it We'll wrap it up on that one I like the Idaho You want to go with Idaho Okay

I thought that's what you wanted to go with. No, I like the... Oh, Julian. My name is Julianne. Sure, both of them will not get a coozy. Oh, stop. Don't say it. They're going to both get a coozy.

Come on now. Okay, they both get coosies. So Darren Williams, uh, right in and Greg, right in. And we will send you coosies before the summer ends. You can enjoy a cool beverage. Perfect. All right. That should do it.

Uh, thank you guys for listening and supporting the show. We will be back next. week do not fear and tell your friend spread the word sunday papers we always need new listeners so let people know you enjoy it if you do and also i will be at the comedy store in the belly room saturday night the 16th get tickets at fitzdog dot com mike anything you want to promote uh yes man one floor of the kooker's nest just see there you go right okay okay everybody take it ish Hey, Ganesh. Nice.

Sunday papers. It's Mike and Greg. And news authentic. Greg is so good. That's why he takes at a rate. all in psychedelics.