Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 277 8/24/25

Episode Date: August 24, 2025

Diarrhea in Martha’s Vineyard, TX tries to put the Ten Commandments in schools and Rosie calls Leno an a—hole. https://rocketrx.comUse code: Papers30 Watch Greg’s latest special, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠“You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest” Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Find Mike on Venmo here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTime⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Make sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmons⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Mike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime ⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Read all about it. Read all about it. It's hot out here. Sunday Papers. Yeah. Every week, except for the weeks, we don't tell you. and then you get sad, which we really feel bad about. Could have almost happened this week if you weren't free today.

That's right. Or we could have gone back to recording on Saturdays. Oh, no, you'd be busy this Saturday. What are you doing? You're going away? Where are you going? I'm on the road, bro. So I'm working this gig, the Emmys, apparently I'm the award show guy now.

And Nate Burgazzi is hosting. Oh, yeah. That's good. He's never, like, he's super busy. I'm actually going to join him and a really good friend, Greg Garcia, on the road. So do you know Greg Garcia is playing an arena tonight? Oh, yeah. No, he opened for Nate all over Europe.

He did like, he did shows in like Denmark and Amsterdam and yeah. How was he at your show Saturday? He came out. I did a little pop-up show at the comedy store. I did an hour of new material. and had a few openers and Greg was one of them and he came out

and it's almost like watching you where you get angry like fuck this guy he doesn't do stand-up likeable sharp good material you just realize in stand-up how much good material means right you know

like not taking away from your delivery because it's funny but the jokes are so strong that the audience just responds immediately had good stuff and he also he his guest list was outstanding we had uh we had uh john uh what's his name from full house stamos john stamos was out there and martha plimpton was out there wow we love martha plumpton yes she was in one of his shows you know he's the creator of my name is earl

and yeah uh raising hope i think it was but she said to me i go you're she came up and she's like you you were amazing, you were so great. And I said, thank you. She goes, you know me. I said, yeah, you're Matt Malloy's friend. And she said, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm good friends with Matt, but we met before that in New York a long time ago. And I, like, totally blank. I could not remember. And then I, and then I was reading her bio later, and it said that she dated River Phoenix for a long time. And I realized that's when I met her. She was with Anthony Clark and River Phoenix in New York. And we ran around to the clubs together and kind of hit it off and then totally forgot about it until she said that to me. Yeah. So Greg Garcia texts me and he texts Nate in a bunch of us

and he's like, you better tell the police department, what do you say? He goes, oh, you better tell the police department that 14,000 people are going to be killed tomorrow night. You better warn them or something. And I go, yeah, or that there might be one death. That's great. So doing that and then they reserved, and you've done this, I've never done this. They reserved a bunk on the bus for me. Oh, nice.

And we go from ball. I don't know. I mean, I don't know which. I don't know if this trip gets better or worse. We're in a bus from Baltimore to Columbus. That's one night. I'm in the weeds. Right.

And then there's two nights in Columbus. And then so then I'm going to do something interesting on the way home. I'm going to go see Oasis in Toronto. Nice. I've never been a Toronto. That's most of the draw. Like that pushed me over, you know, in deciding. So I've never been a Toronto.

So I have a day and a half kind of, a little, you know, a lot of some time on both sides of the night to see Toronto. And the tickets are so cheap there compared to the Rose Bowl here. Well, you're going to have a lot of time to see Toronto because the brothers are going to fight and they're going to cancel the show. But have fun. Yeah, maybe. They got a shoe museum there. If you get a chance, go to the shoe museum in Toronto. So it's not the shoes from the Holocaust

It's no those are No that's the tooth museum Oh they've got They've got a whole row of museums And one of them is a three story building Devoted to shoes like going back to Chromagnon man like the fur boots That go up your thighs

Yeah to like glam rock Iggy Pop and fucking David Bowie's shoes And it's it's a goof You'll love it OJ's Bruno Magli or whatever those shoes he wore. Muglia, you've got Bruce Jenner's

size 16th, stilettos. Okay. Oh, I just dead named him. Well, yeah, and the way you used it, I guess you did. I can because he's from my town. He's from Tarrytown, New York. Well, that sounds fun, man.

Have a blast. Yeah, I'm psyched. Sighted C-O-A-Sis. And then when I'm with, oh well that we'll save it for next week but i'm really excited and i'll just at the end of the show you asked me for a plug i'm going to give it up top okay sierra feral man if you have not spent time she only has two albums one just came out this year she's extraordinary yeah she's amazing i got i got turned on to her about two years ago by you look at you well it was

by somebody who was very close to you yes well and billy string plays with her and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. And I've been listening to her, but I haven't had like the meditative, I'm going to listen to this album, first track to last, you know?

She's also a badass. She's very outspoken about things. Yep. She's not one of these little fucking waifs, not one of these little, uh, uh, SNL pop stars that are models that got coached into acting

by some fucking TikTok company. Um, Speaking of music, I'm almost finished with Billy Joel. Like, I have 10 more minutes, but like, man, five hours is a lot. Well, I'll tell you, I don't want to spoil the last 10 minutes, but he does not redeem himself for his last three albums. Really? Okay.

Well, I also know there's a lack of, it wasn't the most artful documentary. It was very just chronological. I actually disagree. What I disliked was the first 10 minutes are all the big moments in his career all smashed together so that when you do start, I felt it was anti-climactic. It was also a little all over the place, redundant. And really, I couldn't get over, I couldn't get over his first wife in that breakup. And all the songs that we most love are about her.

and she was, she's the star of this thing in my book. Yes, she's amazing. And she is, she's a story of a woman who goes into an industry that's dominated by men that's aggressive and fucking goes toe to toe with them, having had no experience at all. And literally creates his career with him. Oh, the best was the boardroom of everyone. I mean, I think it was capital or who's, it doesn't matter of the record label and they play they sit there they have the listening meeting and they play the stranger and it dies and they're like well there's no single on there

and she's like there's a lot of singles on there yeah and then they get in fights and they it became the best selling album ever at that label yeah like that's you want to you want to understand and how off executives can be. Yep. If it's not familiar, if they haven't already seen it, it's like Chinese to them. Well, the other thing is

it puts his career in context where he really came up at a time when rock bands were big and loud and it started to be very electronic. And he was kind of, I wouldn't call him a crooner, but he was a guy that almost was like

the standards type singer. And, you know, know, a lot of Broadway musical influence to his singing, and it was just a guy in a fucking piano, you know? And let me clarify, clearly, it's not avant-garde. The stranger is the furthest thing, which makes it more unbelievable. It just, that type of music wasn't in the zeitgeist, and it had a new sort of what I'll say is contextual appeal, maybe because it was nowhere at the time, and it was like you're saying,

It's sort of called back, you know, to other type of the great songbook or whatever. And so they couldn't see it. They couldn't see a way that this would be wanted and appreciated. Meanwhile, he had already put out Piano Man three years before, and it got in the top. I don't know how it went way up to charts. And also, the thing that struck me as I listened to his music again, because I don't listen to it. When Billy Joel comes on the radio, I sometimes will pull a muscle getting my finger up to the radio in my car to change channels.

But because I just got, I got sick of them. But I kind of revisited the songs. And, but I realized, like, he's, he's an Irish singer. Even though he's Jewish, he sings, like, piano man is like an old saloon. Yeah. Yeah. Sing us a song, you're the piano. Mama, it's fucking, a lot of his music is that.

It's really about the voice coming through and the lyrics coming through. There is not a single song that you have to rewind and go, I didn't catch the lyric on that. He's like, no, here's the fucking words. Yeah. And, you know, I always really liked Vienna waits for you. And I never had a guess of what it meant. And then it turns out it's, you know, not surprisingly.

one of his most, if not his most heartfelt song because it's about his dad. Yeah. So anyway, see it. I don't think we've spoiled anything. See it. You'll love it. Except you don't have to pause and worry about.

Did I catch that? Because they'll say it again. Yeah. Right, right, right. I have been obsessed. I was, you know, looking on Spotify for some Dillon that I wasn't, that I haven't heard too many times. And I came across the basement tapes and I realized I don't think I've listened to the basement tapes.

Just because it's not something people talk about. And I've listened to it on a loop for the last two days. I'm obsessed. It's so pure and so simple and so fun. It's a funny album. There were no stakes, zero stakes. They were in a basement in Big Pink in Woodstock. Bob Dylan, and it's the members of the band

before they were the band. At this point, they had some other name. Were they still the Hawks? Yeah, the Nighthawks or something. Well, it used to be Ronnie and the Hawks, but yeah. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, and you got the sense that they would write a song, and then they'd walk

down to the creek and jump in the water, and then they'd pet the dog, and then they'd write a few more songs. And, you know, it was just this lazy country-feeling music that called back you know Hank Williams type sounds and lyrics and

what I don't like about it is some of the songs had been then released they recorded it in 1967 but it didn't come out until 75 after Blood on the tracks but in the meantime the band had released a bunch of

the songs that was just them in a album called it was called the Big Pink? Was that the song from Big Pink? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I would have rather just hear the Dylan songs without the band songs mixed throughout because it's

a two-album collection. Right. I think there's a bunch of it on before the flood. So, yeah, it's one of those, and I know people hate when we talk about music, but I think it's fair to say it's one of those

it's like a journal and I view especially triple albums like that but like we're big full double albums Exile on Main Street Sandinista for sure from the clash I view the white album is a little bit of like an artist notebook like here's an idea I don't think I finished it but here's an idea

and what about Russ never sleeps with the kind of before and after of Neil Young. It's crazy. So, you know, those you're going to find real gems in, you know. All right. Enough about music. Sure.

I had a star sighting last night where I got introduced to a celebrity last night. And I did my usual thing where so many people meet famous. You're pretty good at this. You're pretty good at meeting a famous person and connecting with them and they kind of remember you. I freeze up and don't do anything interesting and realize they'll never remember. me. So I met Bill Hayter last night. Except more than Plimpton. I know. Good point. I think I used to be good at it. I was great at it. And now I'm not. But so Bill Hater came to the comedy store with, I mean, it's open. I'm not

sharing any secrets, but, you know, he's dating Ali Wong. Yeah. And so she, she was very nice. She went out of her way to bring him over and introduce him to me. And we chit-chat a little bit, but I was really starstruck. I have to say, I'd never met him. before and he's one of my favorite SNL guys of all time and then that democracy that not what's what's that documentary now

documentary now is one of the most fucking overlooked series of all time it's so fucking brilliant and then Barry like there you go forget all the movies he's done where he's been amazing as like a second tier character

he's the best he's great he really is so talented and i love him as a guest wherever he goes you know he tells the best stories yeah he's a great he's got perfect recall when he tells a story there's so many details in it and then he'll do the voice of the person in the story to a tea oh my god yeah his stories well he did a lot of them on s andl but he talks about all the hosts of the murder doc series of MSNBC, whatever that's called. And God damn it.

Anyway, he does all of those, and he gets their little idiosyncrasies. Like, really? Like, you know, just whatever it is, he gets all their idiosyncrasies. It's perfect. Right. All right, let's get to it. The logo this week comes from Matt. At A, I don't know what A stands for.

Dateline. Go ahead. So it is Trump and Putin meeting in Alaska, except it's me and you. That's pretty good our work. It's almost too good. It almost looks exactly like that. It's way too good. Yeah.

I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed on many levels, yes. And then our song this week. It's hard to see who should be more ashamed in this scenario. We got a great song from Lily Grand Main. I love that song. Oh, my God. So good.

I mean, that goes, I've got a folder of if we ever pick a permanent theme song, and that is solidly in that folder. Thank you, Lily. Corrections. I got about 57 to 63 of this email from people. You were off by a Dakota when talking about Sturgis. It's in South Dakota, not North Dakota. The nearby Black Hills are very beautiful.

Sturgis, not so much. He also, this is Dean Mayer from Maraga, California. He also pointed out that during the rally, approximately 3 million gallons of beer are estimated to be consumed. I mean, think about just on the sanitation. How much plumbing that is to get rid of that 3 million gallons. Yeah. That's amazing.

Yeah. I'm wondering how many are going to be. You know what is breaking beer records or bringing back the normal levels of beer consumption at concerts? Oasis. Oh, I can see that. They talk about the amount of beer sold at like a Taylor Swift show. It's like nothing. And then there's all these other shows that have been.

touring in like hardly any beer sales. Yeah. And then Oasis comes and forget about it. Well, you know, Bert Kreischer gets a cut of beer sales at his shows. Brilliant. I think he makes as much from the beer as he does from the ticket sales. Good, good work. If you can get it.

And I heard that Kid Rock sells ice packs and bandages for the girlfriends. friends and makes a killing. He also shoots the bud light. He also shoots the gay bud light out of your hand. Yeah. Bob said 99.9% of people know the name is not Roosevelt. I guess I say Roosevelt. How do you say it?

I corrected you last week. Listen, I think technically you might have a defense, but almost as this person said, Roosevelt. Rose, not Ruse, Roosevelt. You might technically be right, I don't know. I think New Yorkers say Roosevelt, like Roosevelt Island. Nobody says Roosevelt Island. I do.

And Sturgis is not in North Dakota. Okay, that's from Bob Pedersen. And then Bob also adds, thanks for using my hot dog logo artwork this past week. You were asking who did it. It was me. I need to meet this Jane S someday. She sounds like a great artist. Jane S is, I'd say Bob, Bob is up there with Jane as our probably two biggest contributors, contributors to our podcast.

There you go. Ron Vorak said, men's warehouse, your dog is going to like the way you look. Oh, that's a, that's a submission for that comic coming later. Spoiler. Spoiler. All right, hold on. I've got to go down the script. Put it in the right place. Confidently reading a correction. Yeah. It's not a correction.

All right. And now we're going to get to tour dates. Oh, boy, La Jolla Comedy Store, one of my favorite clubs of the country, August 29 through 31. That's Labor Day weekend. Denver Comedy Works, September 18 through 20. Connecticut at Comics on September 26 and 27th. Fairbanks, Alaska. Vegas, Chicago, New Orleans, San Francisco, Hasbrood Heights, New Jersey, Cleveland, Atlanta. Go to Fitzdog.com. Get some tickets. Come out and see this new hour. People are really gushing about it.

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Front page. Here we go. Oh, that's nice crisp paper right there. Okay. A Texas man is on the lamb after kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach and causing her to miscarry. We're not doing that. All right.

I'll just say this. You know, Texas is a, there's no abortions in Texas. So I say let this guy run free. This is a woman's only chance to choose. So it's like a service you'd call this guy? He has an app and he shows you his route and you just get on the route. And then he's running towards you and he yells from about 12 feet way, what trimester? And then she goes, I think it's, he's like, doesn't matter, boom, kicks

her right in the stomach. That's right. And it's free. He does it for the love of the sport. Yeah. All right. A bizarre life-threatening tick-borne illness has made hundreds of residents of Martha's vineyard allergic to red meat and dairy. That's crazy. Yeah, turning many of them into forced vegans. One slip-up can cause nasty, potentially life-threatening symptoms, including hives, stomach cramps, vomiting, and breathlessness, which often pop up several hours after the meal was eaten in severe cases, anaphylactic shock. To cater to the illness, grocery stores, and restaurants on the island are selling more plant-based substitutes for ice cream, cheese, and meat. Right. So you buy your vegetables and there's ticks hidden in them. You can't

I think people on Martha's Vineyard are also allergic to estate tax and the Irish. I just hope that they can sell some of this mean dairy. Don't throw it out. Give it a Dershowitz. Yes. Alan Dershowitz made a scene demanding to be sold food on Martha's Vineyard. You know what? We got just the food for them.

Yeah. Yeah, we got a side of beef. Side of steak of beef. He's a parasite. I wonder if it would even affect him. he's probably hanging out with the ticks he's got a lot in common with them by the way wouldn't you be i mean these are the symptoms they know of i mean that's pretty big that a tick can do that like i'd be so terrified of what else it's doing to me now i miss summers on the east coast but i mean if

you look at the eastern seaboard from vermont all the way down to pennsylvania it is deer tick and it's no joke my aunt got dear my aunt or my aunt's my aunt my aunt's my aunt my aunt I say aunt. I think that's interesting. I wonder what I guess most people say aunt. So she got it and she had it for years. Used to be on an ivy drip every week and had caused a lot of other health issues. It's no joke, man. Huh. But, you know, but the real vineyard residents haven't had meat or dairy since the 80s. So I think this is just their way of scaring meat eating tourists off the island. I like it. I like it. Police have charged a Manhattan luxury real estate agent who has sold a number of the city's most desirable homes, some for tens of millions of dollars, with biting a seven-year-old girl and a t-year-old and a t-shirt at a Hampton's concert. This is Sunday Papers for the wealthy this week.

Yeah. The suspect, 75-year-old, Gail Bomsey, says she didn't do it. It was a free family-friendly Tuesday on Maine Beach. concert in the Sheik East Hampton last week. The woman punched and kicked other concert goers and bit a seven-year-old while trying to snag a free t-shirt. The report says that an event staffer tossed a t-shirt from a balcony and then a woman was seen kicking and punching kids trying to get our hands on it.

One little girl told cops that the woman, quote, grabbed her right arm and bid it. Wow. The bite broke the skin, leaving the youngsters' arm, bloody and swollen. So I guess the realtor took 6% off the girl's arm. I'm not ruling out Dershowitz. I think the guy is lining up wherever things are being handed out. He'll take what he can get. Yeah, I think like a tick, he takes a little bite out of you and then hopefully dies.

I mean, I think the ticks dies. So I don't know what happens to Dershowitz. Now, do we really think a cutthroat, aggressive real estate agent would do? Do this? No, this is out of character. These are good people. Yeah. Although your ex-girlfriend who introduced me and my wife together, Sarah Fearon.

Sure. Is a Manhattan real estate agent. And she is one of the great people of all time. Sarah's amazing. And how's real estate going? It's good. Yeah, she's got to keep place. I guess it always goes down times or good times.

It's always going. Yeah. I got to talk. I got to put her in touch with Owen. Owen's looking for an apartment right now. She'll have something nice in the $6, $7 million range. Exactly. Well, she does rentals as well as sales.

Oh, nice. And I guess this woman has gotten a lot of calls from the adults at the party, but mostly just people that want to list their apartments with her. That was a real calling card. Yeah. Texas, here we go, back in Texas. Yeah. cannot require public schools to display the Ten Commandments in every classroom.

A judge said on Wednesday in a temporary ruling against the state's new requirement. So there is a law in Texas that you must put the Ten Commandments up in every classroom. And this was an appeal. This is an injunction against it, which is temporary. A group of families from the school districts say the requirement violates the first. Amendment's protection for the separation of church and state and the right to free religious exercise. The only people doing religious exercise is those Muslims when they get on that yoga mat and do the down dog and the updog. Well, Talarico, that guy I really like, who's very

religious. He really, he was on Rogan as well, but he very much values the separation. And if you can go on YouTube, you'll find him talking to the woman who's promoting. promoting the bill. And he just, you know, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. And he talks about, don't you think Jesus would be against this? And then he quotes Jesus where clearly he would be against this. Yeah. And then he goes, so I just want to be clear than you are for a lack of this separation. So we can, you would not be against in the same classroom some of the quoting of the, of the Quran, Quran. And she's like, what? And she was just, like what and like

of course her tiny little skull couldn't even handle a suggestion like that do you think if a Muslim woman is a bitch you call her a Quran a Quran a Karen a Quran um

all right meanwhile I think it's going to get settled lawyers are like fine fine how about five commandments where are they going to settle maybe they'll settle that four Well, I have a similar premise, which is, it's the Ten Commandments, but it's Texas, so there's some exception. So thou shalt have no gods before me except Joe Rogan.

Thou shalt not kill, except for Texas being the number one state in executions by about four times as much as the second place stand. And the standing your ground killings, of course. thou shalt not steal except for the Rio Grande from Mexico Or Rio Grande, yeah We're going to have to get audio corrections sent in

so we know what the hell you're saying Keep the Sabbath Day holy Except beating the shit out of the other team's fans at the Cowboys games Which is every fucking week Honor thy father and mother Except mom's right to make decisions

about her own body And then I have three other ones But I haven't thought of the jokes yet I thought maybe you could help me Oh Jesus, I'm on the spot Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods Isn't it wife That's two separate ones

One of them is covet the wife The other one is covet the goods Yeah, I don't got anything on that I mean Now shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife But we'll put up posters Of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders In every garage and locker room

Around the country, around the state Yeah. Thou shalt not lie, except when you tell the people in Texas that. Or when you're like, Dallas is good this year. Cowboys are good this year. And you don't need vaccinations for your kids. And we're number one. We're the Lone Star State.

We're number one. We don't need to change anything. Our electricity grid's perfect. And California is filled with. with libtards that are raping children. And our politicians represent the whole state of Texas. There we go. The rural Kentucky judge gunned down in his, is this yours?

No. No. The rural Kentucky judge gunned down in his own chambers last year ran a twisted sex ring. Oh, I saw that. In which young women were coaxed into performing sexual favors. I think when they call it a favor, that doesn't sound like assault. It's a favor. Yeah.

Hey. You do me a favor? Right. Suck my dick. It was a favor. I mean, you shouldn't have to ask for favors, but I guess you can. Right. I owe you a favor.

So, Cokes into performing sexual favors just to get out of troubles. One of the alleged victims said, Taya Adams alleges, she was among those caught up in Judge Kevin Mullen's apparent sex for favor scheme that saw him and others in the tiny town of Whitesburg demand sex in exchange for cash or to get offenders off the hook. Adam said Mullins, who was shot execution style in his Letcher County. Did you catch that? Letcher County Chambers. Nice.

Allegedly by his longtime sheriff pal, Sean Stein's last September. Yeah, I saw the photo, man. It's like a dressed sheriff with an arm extended, unless that was like an AI image, like shooting them. Is there footage of it? Really? Oh, I didn't know that. That was in the photo that I saw,

I think. In the dock, maybe you had a photo first of this? I don't know. I don't know, but I'd like to see the judge in court going, I'd like to see the defendant in my chambers, and then you're all invited to the after party. Lots of sidebar

side hustles. He also got into the Madam Juror's box. I don't know if you heard about that. Don't say it. You can do the last one. Now, that's best left out of the podcast. I smell something good. Odor in the court. There it is. But I'm fired from the Emmys before they even air. They're going to pull you off of Nate Bargotsie's tour bus. Well, it's Time to bring your guns to D.C., everybody. The U.S. Attorney for Washington, D.C., Janine Pira, what a gem. She's instructed prosecutors in her office not to seek felony charges for individuals who carry registered rifles and shotguns in Washington, D.C. Until now, D.C.'s law barring residents from carrying long guns with only limited exceptions had been used in several notable prosecutions, including the 2016 Pizza Gate incident.

when an armed man stormed a local restaurant and a 2019 case involving a shotgun attack in northeast Washington. So, yeah, I don't think we should count Pizza Gate because there were so many children in that basement that that's the place to storm with your guns. Other than the Capitol, that's the place to rush in with guns. Right. And if you're going to rush into a pizza place, it can't be a handgun. You need a long rifle to really fucking blow.

blast to everybody in the pizza place. Yep. Yeah, I guess they're allowing people with shotguns in, but the law is they have to be overweight and wearing a bright red baseball cap. It's a caveat. Easy to spot. All right, let's do an ethical question. You got it, paler.

Here we go. It's the ethicist. This week's edition of the ethicist. I'm going to let you choose. I mean, I'm reading you the questions anyway. Okay. My relative insulted my trans fiancé. Do I have to tolerate her intolerance?

My neighbor gave my injured cat morphine. Can I blame her for his death? How do I tell my religious friend to stop inviting us to church? Those are your three. I like the last one. the religious friend inviting you to church. Okay. Although I see these invites as well, meaning they make me deeply uncomfortable.

Let's see, especially because I don't understand the intention. I have mentioned to her casually that we don't attend religious services or church. Yet despite this, we still receive invites to their church events, given that I have a strong personal feeling against trying to convert others to any believe, should I say something to her? No, you got to look at yourself as like a double agent. You go in, you go, great, I'd love to come to your church, and then you get, you get to know everybody, you get accepted, you start eating that community wave, which is not bad, by the way.

You get a little bit of wine to get you through the service, and then at the Bible group, you start hitting them with the questions. Like, all right, I was reading the book, just a couple quick questions. for you, adult, cognizant human beings in America. So there were two of each animal, and they got on a boat that was in a storm that somehow survived, and then they bred. Can you just elaborate on that a little bit?

Also, this all-loving God, he threatened to kill everyone, then was sort of talked out of it, and he spared two of every kind to get to yourself. So you cover whichever part. The actual arc with the two of every kind or the pretty hateful God that wanted to kill all of us. So whichever you want to start on. And also, my daughter was raped.

And in Elijah Book 7, there's a rape. And the father is paid 40 shekels and he was, and that was okay. I just don't know the conversion rate for my daughter now. and then sometimes to please this all loving God you have to sacrifice and sometimes it's like your son is that next week do we do that you kill your child for him for his love ask me to your fucking church I'll go to a wedding

there I'll I'll go even don't invite me to the bot mitzvah because here's what it is the bar mitzvah bat mitzvah is a pyramid scheme you're it's your faith it's your community you take turns all going to one family's house and giving them fat checks of cash you get that money and then you give some of that money back to the next kid that has their bat mitzvah don't bring in outside funding because i ain't my kid ain't getting the bar mitzvah money right exactly um yeah i could have said some is real jokes we're not going to do that You know, there's a guy in my building here. So when I found this apartment in Santa Monica, a resident in this building acted as the agent for my owner, my landlord. Anyway, that guy was inviting me up to St. Monicas, you know, where the Schwarzenegger's and the Kennedys and the Shriver's went. It's a famous church up in Santa Monica. anyway, or well-known, I should say.

And it didn't stop. So it was a retreat where you would go there and sleep. I'm going to carefully word it, sleep with men for a weekend retreat. It was like maybe three days, two nights or three days, three nights. And I'm like, yeah, you know, and I had something. So what I did to answer this question in the ethicist thing here is I just had legitimate excuse so i didn't have to do anything else two more years of it wow finally he gave up i guess yeah and the third one might have been because we when when we're moving in it's like oh yeah

he's from the east coast blah blah blah blah i think he might have got to for them i'm like yeah i got hit i got hit in catholic school and it kind of knocked the god out of me i got to tell you definitely knocked organized catholicism out of me and he's like yeah no no i know we all i say and whatever. It just was an invite to him to keep trying to get me back. Yeah. Well, it's part of it. You know, it's about spreading the word, bringing people in. That's why...

Not according to Jesus. Well, I have heard... I don't know, heard, is that the way to describe it? My understanding is that a lot of the reason why the Christians are against abortion is because they want more fucking Christians. They don't want to shrink down. They want to build the army. That's what it's really about.

They should be more into fucking then. Jesus Christ. I mean, right? And they're not at all. Let's get to entertainment. Okay, God, I ruined that. Entertainment, kid. President Trump, I feel like this is a very partisan podcast,

and our apologies to the people that are bearing with us if they don't have our political views, but we plow ahead. President Trump had tapped Tom Cruise, as a recipient at this year's Kennedy Center honors but was rejected by Tom Cruise. The Mission Impossible Star told the commander-in-chief that he couldn't accept the invitation to attend the gala at the Kennedy Center Opera House due to scheduling conflicts. Cruz would have led a star-studded list of honorees.

You're going to laugh when you hear where they are. For this year's event, after he named Sylvester Stallone, rock band Kiss, Disco singer, Gloria Gaynor, British actor Michael Crawford, and country music star George Strait. Okay. So Gene Simmons accused of sexual assault. Sylvester Stallone, accused of raping a 16-year-old. And who the fuck is Michael Crawford? I had to research him online for like...

I used to look him up now. He's like some British guy who is like a theater actor that you've been. never seen in anything like think about who the last Kennedy Center award winners were you know oh phantom of the opera that's why I don't know him yeah okay more like Phantom of the award what is what if you're going to go British I mean Obama had led Zeppelin yeah right Oh man All right Where's Rosie O'Donnell

Has strong feelings About Netflix's biggest loser Docus series Have you seen this? No, I didn't know there was a docus series Yeah, I guess they're talking about How abuse of the show was And how it led to people

First of all, they all put the weight back on And some of them were I didn't see it But apparently it was very destructive To their lives and the producers really pushed it. After watching Fit for TV, the reality of the biggest loser, O'Donnell publicly called out Jay Leno for how he treated former contestant Tracy Ucich in the dock.

Quote, Jay Leno is a mean asshole, she wrote on Instagram. Uchich recalled the time she went on Leno's late night show and he read her death threats that she had received. But here's a thing. Yeah, I guess she received death threats, and then Trump thought it would be funny to read those on the air. But what they don't say is the death threats were from hostess and Burger King after the loss in sales from the show.

Meanwhile, biggest losers in the news everywhere that Jillian, what's her name is it, Jillian Michaels? Barbary? No, Jillian Michaels was like a host, and I think she's the one, I believe I have this right, that just unlike CNN, said that she's sick. of slavery being blamed on one race. Yeah, that's a big thing now.

That's a big argument. And then she literally, and then put forward on a journalism show that, uh, that one percent, only one percent of white people own slaves. And I'm like, do you know how fast that statistic falls apart?

It's unbelievable. So anyway. Biggest Loser. It's a pretty fitting name. Well, yeah. What's her name used to host Biggest Loser also? She's my good friend. I remember Sabrina the Teenage List. Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Why are we forgetting her name? Because I'm the worst of the name. So are you.

I'm the worst. I was talking about her last night and saw her last week. Anyway, yeah, Jay Leno is. Caroline Ray. Caroline Ray. So Leno is back doing sets at the comedy store where you make $50 for a set in a chance to develop new material and perhaps get seen by people that can help your struggling career. And this guy's taking time from the fucking show to trot out, dust off some material from the 60s. Well, does he just come on Mulholland and then roll down the hill and just fall in the play in the play. parking lot. Oh, that's right.

You know his injury. Yeah, yeah. Now, I shouldn't shit on him. He's a very nice guy, but I just feel like, you know, come on. Come on. Enough. I'm with you.

All right, time to make America, Florida. Here we go. Florida man arrested after drone carrying drugs crashes into house. Homeowners called the authorities after they said a man showed up at their front door after crashing the drone into their home. Deputies responded and found the drone and multiple bags containing meth

and fentanyl. The drone's owner, 49-year-old Jason Brooks, was taken into custody. Deputies encountering him outside the home as he was holding what appeared to be the drone's remote. The video shows a deputy inspecting the bag of drugs, including one that was marked, share this. And I just picture that walking up like, can we have that remote story? He's like, well, it's very important. Like him not relinquishing the remote to the drone. And by the way, it would be great. It's like, well, we can wait it out. Like, if the bags of drugs were still attached to the drone

and they're just going to wait it out, like I guess he would just fly it into Okachovia or something like that. But I love that he actually went up to the front door. You know, it wasn't like a home alone scenario where like Peschi's climbing up the fucking the fence to the roof. Yeah. You know, that's, this is a scene from a movie. This is fence. Because are you kidding me?

How, what easier way to get drugs across the border or to somebody's house than a drone? Are you, because I'm pretty sure drones at this point can, you can drop a pin in a map and send the fucking drone to a house, right? No, absolutely within feet. But is that, I wonder if that's what he was doing. It seems like an easier way to get caught. Sounds like the drone was getting high on his own supply. I mean, put it in a bag and just deliver it like your postmates. I don't know.

Yeah. What about the family calling their insurance like, are we insured against fentanyl hitting our house? Because we are in Florida. I bet there is insurance. There's no insurance if your condos collapse on the beach or anywhere near the ocean. or anywhere near the ocean, but there is insurance if your house gets hit with meth. Yeah, the meth, what if it hits the chimney and it goes down and the family's just sitting in the living room watching TV? All of a sudden, they're fucking cleaning the house for three days

straight. They're emaciated. They won't shut up. They're like, what the fuck happened to our family? Yeah. The fires here in L.A., they toxins were airborne there. It's just fentanyl and meth are airborne after a little mishap. Okay, here we go. We're going to make America, Texas again. This is a Texas heavy show. That's maybe why we're seeming so left-leaning or very left, I guess, here. Let's do a show.

I'm not kidding. Let's do a show next week from the point of view of the right. Let's do a gut-felled Sunday papers. We can try. I might not make it next week, but okay. What do you mean you might not make it next week? Sweet. Now that I hear this, it's not very inviting. Texas man shoots at teens in car after ding-dong ditch prank.

Oh, boy. Around 10.50 p.m., police were dispatched to the location in response to a report from a person who said he fired shots at someone who attempted to kick down his door. During their investigation, police learned that suspect Damon Wolfe, 58, left his home after hearing a loud bang on his door. He fired multiple rounds. So this guy runs outside, fired multiple rounds at a passing car because he thought the occupants were involved. It's a hunch. It's a hunch. But you have to hear how the authorities viewed this.

So, quote, what started out as a prank, ding-dong ditching a house, turned into something that could have potentially a deadly consequence. once, as police chief David Shilson said. We found the vehicle later in the evening shortly after the incident. The kids did not want to report it because certainly they were out doing these pranks. And I don't think they realized the gravity of everything that had occurred. So he continues. These teens involved in this case are very fortunate. They were not shot and killed or seriously injured.

For homeowners, it is important to understand that there are legal and criminal consequences for running outside and shooting at a vehicle fleeing the scene. And this is why. Quote, the bullets fired in this offense could have easily struck neighbor's houses and had deadly consequences. Yeah, yeah. Not the kids who are ditching, you know, the doorknobs. I mean, come on. Thou shalt not shoot your neighbor's wife.

Right, exactly. Well, I can remember when I was a kid, we did a lot of this shit. We spent, we fucked up so many houses and cars, and we used to do a thing where you take a shit in a brown bag and then you put it on somebody's doorstep, you light it on fire, and then you knock on their door. And then they come out and they stomp out the fire and they get your shit all over their foot. Right. That's kind of fun stuff that we did on a Thursday night. That should have a, yeah, shitting in bags. It was great in tarry town.

I, it should have a name. It probably does. I don't know what it is. Um, uh, Tarry Town steamer. Yeah. It's, um, it's funny because the kid I used to do it with is now the fire chief in Tarrytown. And I'm not making that up. Look at how much practice he got.

Two of my best friends. Maybe my two best friends growing up in Tarrytown. who were maniacs like I was. We, I mean, really fucking, we did crazy shit. One is the fire chief and the other one is now a New York State Supreme Court judge. Well, it's like the worst kids, remember, were the altar boys. Yeah. Having nothing to do with abuse or anything like that.

It was just they had a family that forced that on them. Yeah, they were always drinking the wine. I mean, that was the best part about being an altar boy. Yeah. Because it wasn't blessed yet. It wasn't blood yet. It was still wine. Now, when you drink it in church after it's been blessed, if you're Catholic, you literally, it's not metaphor.

You literally believe you are drinking Jesus Christ, the human being from 2,000 years ago. You think you're drinking his blood and eating his body. Also, those poor kids that would break the ice with the priest, you know? Right. Social lubricant, maybe more than social. All right, let's do this day in history. Here we go. I feel hot this week.

All right, slim pickings. There's a lot of movie premieres, but I want a couple of days ahead here. Let's find our first one. So Michael Jackson was born on this day, give or take four years. When do you think Michael Jackson was born? Well, the Jackson 5 were very big in, I'm going to say, 1970. No, even earlier. I'm going to say 68.

You're really showing all work here, okay. He was only about 12. So I'm going to say he was born in 1955. You did it, kid, 1958. Thank you. Thank you very much. Katrina A man

The photo I'm looking at The whole Neighborhood The water is up To the roofs of every house Katrina struck on this day In what year Give or take three years

Was that the New Orleans one? Yes 2012 Oh no sir 2005 Come on now George Bush Junior

Oh right Okay now Netflix was founded by American entrepreneurs, Reed Hastings, and Mark Randolph, originally a video rental company. It later expanded into video streaming and production. What year was Netflix founded, give or take, three years? Oh, three years.

Come on. Give or take five years. You have a 10-year, 11-year window. Okay, so Blockbuster was around first, and they launched around, I'm going to say, 1885 Netflix put them out of business I would say computers were around

at that point CD players CD players DVD players came out in 96 1997 Thank you

I guess it's not a 10 year window really yeah Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. No, I was trying to think, like, you can't go six years away from the date, so it's a little tricky. I'm playing around with the language there a little. Okay, so Brigham Young, American religious leader and second president of the Mormon church.

Well, he died in Salt Lake City. Must have been a hot summer there, especially with all those wives. He died in Salt Lake City in Utah in what year, give her to? take 30 years well it was Joe Smith was Joe Smith the first guy yeah then Brigham Young was the second guy I know they got kicked out of the east coast and they made their way west and it was still the wild west so I'm going to say 1877 you did it thank you now let me go up here and try to find some of these oh well do you know on this day in 1963 there was the civil rights March on Washington.

And what happened today with all the, you know, the militia in the street? It is 1963. Thank you. And Bob Dylan performed at it. Oh, wow. Sure did. I think only a pawn in their game maybe. And I don't know if he did chimes every other.

Okay, so let me find. And Julian Roberts' parents were there. We know that? He used to stay at their house in Georgia. back during the struggles. Not Dylan. You're talking about MLK. Oh, that's what I meant. Yeah. All right, Mary Poppins, I have to find it. I did find it earlier. Mary Poppins came out on this date in what year, give or take five years, and I got to find this fucking, oh, I'll do a search. All right, so it's Julie Andrews, who I believe is still alive. I think she is too.

So if she's alive, she's got to be ladies. So is Dick Van Dyke. So I'm going to say 1942, 52, 62, 662. 1967. You did it, kid. 1964. Thank you. Wow.

And Dick Van Dyke from that movie. Dick Van Dyke's British accent is that old now. All right, let's find a fun one to end on. You claim to know about Joan of Arc, but you never do. Let's see. There was another movie premiere. Or, nope, we're going to end on sports. Former baseball player and manager, Pete Rose, was banned from the sport during the summer of what year, give or take, four years?

1878 89 kid oh geez he played till 89 no he was a manager remember and he was betting oh oh I thought

you meant when he was all right yeah I didn't listen hard enough to that one I was probably a perfect score going into that did you all right didn't even put that together all right let's go to the obituary

here we go let's do it all right you put in I love this guy Terrence Stamp Terence Stamp He was in Superman Probably best known as the archivillan general Zod

In Superman 1 and 2 And then he came back As Jor L on TV Smallville Oscar nominated for Billy Budd Is that Herman Melville Billy Bud? Yeah, I think it is Priscilla Queen of the Desert

Yeah, he was one of those quality actors that drank a lot as well. He was one of those guys that was the last guy at the bar after, you know, at the rap party. Yeah, he just told a funny story that came across my feed, which was in Superman, and he does a very good, a Marlon Brando impression. And he goes, you know, Marlon Brando was at the stage in his career where he couldn't remember anything. And so there were like, we would wear, you know, kind of cue cards. then he had him off in the distance. So that's why he's always looking like,

yeah, and he's like deep in thought, you know, about something. And he's watching it. So they're about to do a scene, and he sees Brando just work like mumbling, mumbling, mumbling, mumbling, and like really trying to working very a concerted effort at something. And he goes up, he's like, Marlon, what are you doing? He's like, well, and I'll spare you the Marlon Brando impression. But he's like, well, I have my back to my chief.

sheets at the opening of the scene and I just want to see more natural as I'm talking as I turn around and he goes and I couldn't take it anymore and so I said Marlon I go how are you going to remember like you know Othello and

Tennessee Williams and all these and he just goes I've already memorized those oh shit that's hilarious yeah yeah yeah So, all right, added to the obituary, sadly, is this judge that I've never seen his show, but I got to know him because he'd be, I guess the algorithm figured out,

I really liked watching some of his cases and it's Rhode Island judge Frank Caprio. And he had a TV show called Caught in Providence. He was this old Italian judge. And he always took a interest. in what really seemed like open and shut cases of people not paying parking tickets and all these like kind of civil things in Providence. And so he's been called America's nicest judge. But he told a story and it's sad because he himself posted the day he died asking for prayers

because he goes, you know, I believe in prayers. And he goes, and I think your prayers helped me. he got pancreatic cancer and he lived a year and a half longer than he was supposed to and I guess a lot of people found him during that anyway he told this interesting story of it was his first day being a judge and he invited his dad whose he said was the most decent man he's ever ever known and this woman came in and she I forget what the case was but she she couldn't pay something and he's like well um listen why don't we help you out and there's um you know there's support um through city programs and this she's like yeah but then i'm just going to get that and i can't

pay all of it and then i can't pay the next one and he's like right but and he tried one more time and he tried one more time and she's like no and she was kind of indignant and she's like no it doesn't matter blah blah blah blah and anyway he then like kind of then just defaulted to the law and she had to pay and was fined. And when I think it was about you're going to get extra fines, it's like, well, I can't pay those either. So anyway, at the end of the day, he goes to his dad, you know, how do you think I did?

And like, especially with that woman, like, I was really pretty thorough in trying everything. And he's like, but you like find her. And he's like, couldn't you see? You know, oh, because he goes, yeah, but she was defiant. And she was being kind of rude. And he goes, and the dad goes to him, but couldn't you see how scared she was and that's that's why she was being that way she was terrified and he never again reacted to

a plaintiff like that or a defendant I should say right he never again acted that way to a defendant well Providence is probably the most corrupt city in America so he was a beacon of beacon of hope I mean it was really bad did you ever listen to that podcast call yeah what was it called. They did it on a few different cities, but the first one was about Providence, about that very famous mayor who was elected and then went to jail, then got out of jail. It wasn't Rizzo, was it? Yeah, it was Rizzo. No, Rizzo was the Philadelphia guy. Yeah. Now, this was, I can't remember his name, but great fucking podcast. I wish I could think of it because everybody should listen to it if you're looking for a good podcast.

Something town, crime town or something. I think it's called Crime Town. Okay, I'm looking it up right now. Anyway, I had a funny story about a word of... Crime Town, buddy. What is it? Crime Town. There we go.

There's a... I got arrested for fighting in Providence one night and... Buddy Ciancy? Yes, that's who it is. I got arrested for fighting at a bar, and so I had to go to court like a month later. and I was back in school and I told my friend that I had to go

to this trial and his father was a DA in Providence Was it small claims court because both of you were so small? You're saying both of you like there was only one guy that I was fighting. Oh, sorry. She was a clown car? And I go down there

and my friend had called his father, the DA, and I walked up to the bench and he just fucking not. nodded. He didn't wink, but he nodded. And they just, uh, they let me go. It's just like you with TSA and global entry. Yep. Oh my God. He actually, the judge looked at me and he goes, Fitzdog. Oh, boy. This guy. I was at Gold's Gym yesterday. And nobody talks to me at Gold's Gym. And I've been there for seven years. And literally nobody, because I'm small and they're all giant, like Schwartz

works out there Robert Kennedy Jr. in fucking with no shirt works out there and uh so nobody says hi to me and so I'm up on the mat stretching and then this guy looks up and he goes he goes Fitzdog and I go and I have my earphones in I go yeah and he goes a big fan man I just moved to L.A. and you're my first star sighting and I went nice to see you and I put my ear plug back in and then I just started stretching again and I realized how rude I was because normally I'm like where are you from welcome to town you know like that but i'm in such a space there of rejection that i couldn't even accept that somebody who's going to have a conversation with me and then he interrupts you guys that yeah that's my mat that's my mat that you're doing your stretchers

your stretches what you don't stretch well it's i don't know if i'd stretch at gold's gym like it's probably why people aren't talking to you no there's an area upstairs where nobody can see you it's like the it's like the lady yeah the lady's shame yeah it's actually where you do see the hottest women in impossible stretches i spent a lot of time up there oh okay all right let's get to let's cheer up funnies here we go all right as you know week in and week out we do the comedy caption contest i give you one frame of a comic you then write a funny punchline you email it in to fitzdog radio at gmail dot com we collect we uh pick the best we read them on air mike and i then pick a winner who received you pick them you pick them free sunday papers coozy mail directly to your house

within one calendar year and uh last week's comic was it's very simple a man is walking in the door in a suit with a briefcase his dog begins humping his leg the guy is kind of looking down like not happy about it. Dog's got a smile on his face. Here are the country. I'm going to say a little disappointed this week, people. Huh. Not your best work.

For a comic that I think lends itself to a lot of comedic possibilities. Sean Johnson said at least wait for me to put the peanut butter on. Okay. Yeah, sure. Matt and Peoria said, I get dogged at work and at

home. Rough life. Are you F.F. Life. That's horrible, Matt. Ron Dvorak said, men's warehouse, your dog is going to like the way you look a lot. Okay. That was, that was a correction earlier, but okay. Kurt said, I've got to switch back to the ocean breeze detergent. This dog pussy scent isn't working out. It's a female dog that's humping his leg. How do you know? In the joke, Oh no Oh it smells like dog pussy Yeah I got you

Unless it's a lesbian dog Not right You're right I thought it was I thought it was what he smelled Like after the hunting Yeah I got it Kurt Sean said

Another day Another dollar And another cum shot on my ankle Yeah He backed into the law The rule of threes I guess And just found

Something that had a one And a two Yep Okay. You win some, you lose some, and you get a cum shot on your ankle some. Yeah. Mike Fritch said, is it hump day already? Okay.

Ed Farrell said the rarely seen dog hump slash pocket pool combo. Guys got his hand in his pocket. He does, yeah. That is rarely seen. Harold VanuC said, that reminds me. I need to fuck the babysitter. Okay. I mean, he just threw out the rules, but that's the one that made me laugh. What do you mean I threw out the rules?

No, that guy, like, it's kind of not commenting on the picture, really. Like, it's not trying to be clever with the picture. Yeah, I like it. I like it. But he brought in this with nothing. pointing to it, this guy is a cheater and possible rapist. Yeah. Whoops. Did I just get us off the algorithm?

No, I already said worse earlier. So what a podcast do? They say the word grape? Oh, right. I think they do. Next week, we're going to do an all-clean Republican podcast. It's going to be our lowest rated podcast ever. The winner is Harold.

I can't tell how he spells it. V-A-N-U-S, and it looks like I-I-I-I-I. So I don't know. You better be in this country, Harold. I'm not shipping international. There's no Middle Eastern winners on this show. Next week's. Middle Eastern, that looks like Eastern European. Everything east of New Jersey is eastern Middle East to me. Next week, all right, let's see what we can do. Take a little time. Go deep, people.

There's a man in his boxer shorts, and that's it. He is spread eagled on a bed. He is tied. spread eagles to the four poster the four poster bread he's got kind of a look on his face like hopefully expectant I would say his head's on the pillow he's on his back he's looking up

sort of towards the door his eyes are wide but there's a little hint of a smile it's a little Mona Lisa smile and his clothes are all on the floor next to the bed so go to town with that send it in to fitzdog radio at gmail.com please put your name directly underneath your joke submission and we'll see what happens and harold's just going to say uh waiting for the babysitter yep yep hagger the horrible oh the grapest the grapest horrible he really is horrible

he is uh sitting down on a log and lucky has on an apron and a spoon in his hand And he's clearly cooking over the fire. And he goes, I accidentally served psychedelic mushrooms last night. And Hager goes, I know when I ate them, the trees spoke to me. And Lucky says, what wisdom did you hear? Hager goes, chew with your mouth closed. Okay. Now, there's no rape.

There's nothing horrible. I just thought it was, I thought it was kind of interesting, though, that he's doing a magic mushrooms joke in the Sunday paper. He's like, Mom, what are magic mushrooms? Yeah. What's psilocybin? All right, don't quit on me, Mike. I know you've got to go to a birthday party, but don't check out. The psilocybin.

I got, no, no, you're right. It's a bit of a, well, put it this way. That's better than the usual fare with this grapest. Yes, it's true. Although you don't want to see marauding Vikings also on drugs. That's really bad for the maidens. Yeah. The handmaidens.

Now we get to the lock horns. It's graping, graping and pillaging and dancing. Yep. The Grateful Dead. Now we got the lockhorns. Loretta is coming in to serve. Leroy's got a friend over. And so, okay, they're sitting there.

Leroy's got his fork and knife up. The guy's putting his napkin on. So clearly, and she's serving. So clearly, there's not even a fucking chair for her, if you notice. It's just her serving the two men. And then he's got the balls to fucking insult her. He goes, ah, here comes Loretta with the soup de jir. There you go.

Nice word play. A little word play. Next one is Leroy's in a hospital bed. There's a doctor standing there. Loretta's sitting down. A nurse walks away who's got an ass like a fucking bombshell. Okay, I didn't even see that. She's smoking hot.

And Leroy goes, ah, it's nice to finally get a decent meal. What? Did he eat her butt? What does that mean? Decent meal. All right. I think he's just like, because it's hospital. Well, that's quite an insult of hospital food is better.

Yeah. Maybe he's just really into how it was served. Yeah, he was. Okay. Here's BC. Okay. B.C. walks up to Iraq, and it's Peter's health insurance. It's kind of like a desk. And so BC's like, so how does this work? And Peter goes, you pay me a monthly fee that increases yearly. And the middle one's like, then if you get sick, I'll cover the cost of your care. And you see him laughing. And he goes, sorry, I can never get through that last part without laughing. that's good yeah very contemporary in a way yep uh speaking of contemporary here's a man who's

really right out of the 1950s mindset of a husband him and a herb are sitting on the couch facing the tv their two wives stand behind them and i got to say a herb for a guy who makes dagwood look like fucking timothy chamollay uh has a wife who is not as hot as blondie obviously but i mean look at the second frame look at the rack of She's cut. She's cut. And so Blondie says, Tootsie, and her name is Tootsie, so she knows she takes it in the dumper. Tootsie and I are going shopping. Is there anything you boys want while we're out?

Dagwood, nah, nah, we're fine. Not, thank you, that's really nice of you. Nah, we're fine. And she goes, okay, suit yourself. And now the third frame is the two fucking losers on the couch. shoot I didn't eat I didn't even know I wanted a cheeseburger until they left herb goes you'd better text them suddenly I'm starving yeah also herb should take it in the dumper with a name like that oh what hellscape of these two women gotten themselves into what fucking suburban just it's It's like some kind of a hell.

They must have been teachers that slept with 15-year-old boys in their previous life. And now they're forced to be married to these two zeros for the rest of their lives in hell. I guess. I mean, hopefully they never come back. I would put those women in heaven, given a couple 15-year-olds some handies in your car in the back parking lot. wait what's that have to do with heaven that those women that do that for a 15 year old boy they should get sent straight to heaven oh i got you yeah all right mike i'm gonna let you go we did it no what do you mean we're uh we're we're pulling across the finish line running on

eat all right listen give your daughter my love and tell her i said happy birthday you got it pal on her third party of the week and i'll come back with reports of baltimore home of the wire, and then Columbus, home of the something else, and then Toronto, which is going to be home of the Oasis concert, and the Museum of Shoes. The Museum of Shoes for every healthy American foot fetishist. All right, don't forget, folks, the show is on every week, tell your friends spread the word Sunday papers.

It's free with an ad once in a while. Don't forget, I will be at the La Jolla Comedy Store. August 29 through 31. Mike, you already did your plug earlier. So we'll just tell people check out the basement tapes from Bob Dylan in the meantime. All right, we'll talk to you guys soon. Take itish.

Dang itish. Take itish. radical Libby, like Fitz and Gibby, they make life tray magnifique. Greg and Mike leave me weak in the knees. I'm thrilled when they rant and tease. Gibby hates Philly, fits facts are silly, Sunday papers will always please. Sunday Papers is fantastic.

I live for this time of week, a podcast so fun and sublime, it's Sunday papers time. and mike leave me weak in the knees i'm thrilled when they rant and tease gibbie hates philly fits facts are silly sunday papers will always please sunday papers is fantastic i live for this time of week a podcast so fun and sublime it's Sunday papers time. Gotta have my Sunday papers each week, the world is mered and trawl youke, a podcast, a podcast Fun and sublime It's Sunday Papers Time