Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 279 9/7/25

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

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Every day the Moose gets a little bit stranger. But Greg and Mike laugh in the face of the danger of getting the facts right. It's just a matter of making you laugh. The Sunday Papers podcast. Read all about it. Read all about it. Sunday Papers coming to live. Coast to coast, New York, L.

A and all the fly states in between. I just turned off my AC. My audio should be better, although it is beautiful weather. I was in Boston, and now I'm in New York. Seeing the daughters. I love it. You know, at a certain point, I cannot remember my parents visiting me. They came to Boston twice, and that was it.

My mom was there once, and then going. graduation and my dad dropped me off when I was so hungover and I was really jaded because I had been in three years of boarding school so I had already done three years of dorm rooms so I showed up with like a giant duffel bag and that's it and I think I put a I might not even have put a sheet on the bed and passed out he left me kind of disgusted and and then I didn't unpack and I wanted to get it. And then my roommate arrived from Nashville and New Hampshire, the biggest square in the world, so excited, like, had his name on soap dishes and had like a toothbrush holder. I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. And I was like, yeah, I got to go. And then I went down because Dudley and Pete

were in Miles Standish Hall, which was in Kenmore Square, about two miles away. And I don't think I came back till the next day. Yeah. We, uh, my first. night my mom dropped me off I had my father's army duffel bag that was it one duffel bag checked in met our buddy dan brickner who I just stayed with down in Philly who's still one of our closest friends and met him the first night and went out and snorted crank until six o'clock in the morning and I have a picture of all the kids on my floor who were all nerds propping me up as I'm passed out at like seven o'clock in the morning and taking a picture Oh, no.

That's amazing. So at Northeast, it's all right. So here's the thing. Olivia, I had to rent a car. I rented a car. And she's like, yeah, we put all our stuff in storage. So I was there, okay. So now we're planning out the day of how we're going to do the moving.

It's Northeastern. It's crazy. By the way, met John Tobin. Oh, nice. From Northeastern. We had a quick meet. he goes northeastern is furious at the red so move in day it's all over just if you're on instagram or tic talk i think it's move in day boston like it's legendary and then the whole all

the streets become a giant free like uh like uh what you'm gonna call it all the desks are out there the chairs are out there and like uh flea market basically and so tobin said north Northeastern's furious because Red Sox held a day game on moving day. Oh, no, they didn't. Fenway Park is on Northeastern's campus between BU, literally sandwiched between BU and Northeastern. So all the parking spots, it was, it's a disaster predictably. So anyway, here's a little.

Yeah, ready for this? No, I remember, I remember hearing that 200,000 kids all show up on the same day, on move in day. it's oh it's it's it's insanity like it doesn't work and now you're going to do this uh day game this day game you know it's insane so all right here we go so she goes um we have some stuff to pick up she's like you'll be so proud dad i'm so she might be i might have had too much of an effect on her when i say she looted the hotel we were in she took she probably took 16 glasses she would pick them up outside of hotel outside of doors at walking down the hallway she's like

I got all our glasses like I heard her talking to our roommate I got all our glasses and then and then um the the hotel we were staying in had la labo but they had big like like you know like I guess half a quarter or something what's la la la la la lobo is this high end like shampoo condition and moisturizer, hand soap, body wash. So all of a sudden we're leaving and I pick up my bag. I'm like, how was my bag so? She's like, I got some lalobos. I'm like, how did you get lalabos?

Because they're so big, it's not like the individuals. These are not meant to take. Like they refill these or whatever. She's like, oh, no, I found the closet in the hallway. So I'm like, please tell me you didn't take the pillowcases in the sheets. So hold on. Then she goes, all right. So we have to.

go to the storage, and then I got a TV for $40 on Facebook Marketplace, and then I got a dresser. I'm like, great. So she doesn't know Boston too well. Probably has never really, you know, she's only going in a sophomore year. So I have a car. I'm like, great. Okay. I go, so where is self storage?

She's like, it begins with a B. I think it's right nearby. I'm like, oh, great. Like Brighton, because that's where we're going to just find furniture on the street, which she also did. She found her mattress. Not her mattress. She found her, what's what I'm going to call, Bedframe, all that stuff.

Let me guess. Bedford? Brockton. Brockton. Home of Marvelous Marvin Hagler. Oh, and what's his name, Rocky Marciano. Yeah. But Brockton is like, I don't know, put it this way.

It took an hour to get there. We get off the exit in Brockton and there's a self-storage. I'm like, oh, wow, I go, Olivia, this wasn't worth. that she's like no that's not it it's further like it wasn't even the first self storage in brockton yeah yeah and then i have the map up now because i have to remind myself i'm like okay we're in brockton and and i'm like okay where's the um tv she's like quincy i'm like no well it's on the way back it is on the way back you're right but i'm like did you get anything in boston okay so this is the best thing she finds a mattress i'm like did you get a use

She's like, no, no, this girl, she only had a one year. She's like a loss. Anyway, I'm like, she was a whore, though. Right, right, exactly. I'm like, where's the mattress? She's like, the North End. And I'm like, uh, okay, how North End? The North End's like pretty, like, charming as hell.

You want to know what's charming? Because the streets are tiny. So she goes, this is all true. Okay. She goes, I don't know. So we go to the North End. And I go, this for the listeners, this. is the street next to the one there is an italian festival all the feast of something the feast of

something catholic all the street is totally closed and mobbed with people eating like zeppelies and all that shit okay this is rivaling your last weekend where you were at the oasis concert in toronto oh by the way everyone went to town on rogers stadium like i'm not alone everyone is screaming about okay yeah this is the street that we had to pull up look you can't there's no you can't pull into the street the cars are all there hold on then we finally i get to it this was the this it was on the top floor of this you can see how tight that is oh wow a mattress damn how does anybody get a dresser upstairs i'm like is she paying you to pick up this mattress because the girl

was moving that day. Yeah. And then you're ready? This is it. This is the final outside. Here it is. Outside, we have the mattress. Hold on. And while we're trying to load the car, a parade comes into our car.

Look, here she is. A parade walks right at us on the one-way street. It's it you couldn't write that like that's over the top were they playing an oasis song that's what they should have been playing exactly that's fucking hilarious meanwhile every street corner in boston has dressers and mattresses oh I know oh wait I'm caught she just texted I'm gonna call her and see if she picks up we'll ask her how she's doing all right I'm on the podcast you're on with Greg you want to say hi hi Greg can't hear you got on a speaker um turn it up oh hold on yeah wait can you say that again Olivia hi Greg hey how was the parade I heard you guys went to a fun parade how was the Greg's asking how was the parade when we were picking up your mattress oh my god that was terrifying now you so you picked up a mattress from an Italian girl how are you going to get all the

hair off of it all right here's Greg's joke because she can't hear you, Greg. Greg said you got the, he thinks you got the mattress from an Italian girl, and he said, how are you going to get all the hair off of it? Good for you. She did not laugh. I was going to be, I was going to say she might have been Jewish, because I don't think that changes anything. Okay, he just made it worse. Now there's two populations offended. Have you gotten any more free stuff? I was telling him all about also the self-storage in Brockton and the other cities we want to. Yeah, no, nothing more free else. I need, we're, yeah, I'm trying to, maybe I'll walk around tomorrow or something,

but yeah, we're needing more. And I also told him I looted the entire hotel. Oh, yeah, so much soap. Oh, and we've so many glasses. So many glasses. Oh, also jams, all the little jams that are literally, one inch high like a lot of them did you how much did you tip the uh the maid

we did leave a tip for the maid i felt bad okay she has no skin in the game though all right we're gonna let you go livia i'll call you after this all right love you all right love you bye um anyway what a character well you did i might have done too well a job yeah very nice um so uh yeah and i'm glad john tobin's gonna anything she needs for northeastern he will make it happen. Oh, I know. I was half expecting him being like,

wait, you don't have to, because when I sat with them, of course, my usual, same with Oasis. I didn't have the tickets to the Red Sox game yet and it was starting in like 20 minutes. I thought he would literally be like,

because he told me he took you to the top of the green monster. Yeah, we're sitting literally our hands on top of the green monster. As I'm sitting there, I'm like, so we get tickets like 20 bucks. By the way, I love how much

standing room there is in Fenway, like 10 buck tickets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Well, you know, the Yankees do that now, too. They've got, when we were in Yankee Stadium last month, they have a thing called Pinstripe something day, and you show up, and for $20, you get a hot dog, a drink, and standing room. It's just like to get New Yorkers in, you know?

So Owen went up there with his friend on the, and first of all, the train, he's on the upper west side. He's up on like 125th Street. he gets on the train there three stops and you are literally a hundred yards from the stadium and then 20 bucks to get in and watch a game i'm glad new york did that because fenway i mean it's on our campus we walk over and then oh the uh it's called the oh what's it called the uh i shouldn't know the name but it's it's the bar that's in the wall of the outfield right right right and is it called the dugout?

Anyway, I expected, you know, they're like, hey, make reservations, those walked right in a stool looking out onto the field and then the bar empties because of the game. I'm like, I would just come here. It's out in right field, right? You're looking in from right. That's exactly right. Yeah, yeah, me and John went there before.

Amazing. Anyway, my house is in disarray. We've got mice. We talked about it last week. I set up 10 mouse traps. cheese, peanut butter pieces of meat you put more out for them than when you have guests

when I went over your house it was barely a piece of bologna or something nothing not a fucking bite and two of them got licked clean and these are the most sensitive little traps these little fuckers are so smart and then the pipe bursts under the sink

and floods the hole underneath of the cabinets and then the garbage is disposal dies, and then two homeless guys set up outside of our door with shopping carts, stolen bicycles, garbage bags, crates, fucking mile high. So it took me two days to get them moved on. How did you get them moved on? Don't worry about it. You know people, things happen. But you come out in the morning, they're all covered in rat traps? That's right. same machine by the way i think i know who's eating your cheese and meat that you're putting on and picking it clean they are sharp these homeless are getting sharp yeah unhoused

that's right good save great time down in la hoya i was at the la hoya comedy store this past weekend we sold out four out of the five shows look at you thanks for coming out and uh amazing crowds had a good throw out two women in the front row that were shit-faced and were ruining everybody set. Oh, guess who opened for me? What? Nicole Buchanan.

Oh, I love Nicole. She was so fucking good. She was killing it every show. She's a voice in the room. She can, of course, write standard jokes. But she'll be like, she'll just come up with an angle and you're like, God, damn it,

how did I not like and it's very she lives closer to outside the box you know than anyone else in the room yeah and it's great that's such a great thing to have in a room yeah so uh and she was a great hang so anyway she got she got fucked over by these two women so i got up and uh i just melted them down i just started shitting on them and uh i had the crowd hating on them and then finally i just fucking gave a little nod to the bouncer and they They took them out, like took a fucking cancerous tumor out of a tit. It was beautiful. Oh, wow.

Okay. And they got out in the lobby and they were starting a fight with the bouncers. And apparently, like, the manager got an email at 2.30 in the morning, like, one run-on sentence with bad grammar. She's still drunk. But, dude, I got to tell you, La Jolla is one of the most beautiful places in the world. It's a northern part of San Diego. Oh, it's legendary. The caves, everything about it is unbelievable.

Yeah, the whole backdrop of the beach is a sheer kind of an orange rock wall. And the waves famously roll in really slow, great body surfing, beautiful sand. And we're at this one beach. Oh, my God. I'm not exaggerating when I say that 90% of the people on the beach were females between the ages of 20. 21 and 30. And it was all ass. It was every one of them had a thong.

And I'm sitting there with my wife and my niece. And I got on the sunglasses and I'm just looking straight ahead. But it doesn't matter. It's not like I have to turn my head to see anything because it was a panorama. It was crazy. And you have to keep the towel on your lap, The whole time. Tal on the lap and my eyes restrained.

I had to go to the optometrist the next day. My eyes restrained. Hands under the towel. It's disgusting. Jesus. But good time. Good time in La Jolla. That's great.

And now you're heading to Vermont. Head to Vermont on Saturday. We're going up there. It's going to be Mary Fitz, Tom O'Neill, the author of chaos. I know. I wish I could go. I know you can't go because of the Emmys. Is that it?

Yeah. It's the only. In-person week, I got to head back. Dude, I just got a, I just got six bars of, of, uh, uh, chocolate mushrooms. Oh, wow. The weather looks like it's going to be real nice. I don't know. Maybe.

Oh, yeah. Oh, also I was going to try to talk you into going to Oasis at the Rose Bowl. I had a thought about Oasis because a lot of people are like, you know, it's the Taylor Swift for old white guys and all that. And in part it is. So I think what it is. I mean, they're great, of course, but it's this starvation for a communal experience, right? Right.

And of course, you could say that about Taylor Swift maybe, right? All the singing alongs and they're losing their minds disproportionately. Same thing with Oasis. It's disproportionate. It's not, you know, it's the songs are just unbelievably catchy and great. But, um, so I, this is my theory. It's the nostalgia play I've further. articulated to be the two brothers are basically like cavemen who we just thawed they got frozen

in the 90s and we've thawed them and they're exactly what we want they're still in the 90s they're still with the swagger and the fuck dad and fuck this and fuck fuck you know cold play fuck blur we're the fucking best and they there's not one new song in the concert it's exactly what you want it's like yes give me those guys and you know what all 80,000 of us will barely pull out our phones and we're just going to be in it just like you guys want because last time you looked out there were no phones in the in the audience either did they tell the audience not to pull out their phones they didn't even say it but I'm telling you everyone I mean of course they're out because you're seeing footage but really not that much like you two when I saw

them in the Rose Bowl. Dickie took me to you too. They had a comment. He had to say, like, listen, we have cameras. Yeah. And please try to be in the moment. Like Bono, like pleaded with the crowd. Yeah, yeah. Well, Tedeschi trucks, I feel like there weren't a lot of cameras out. No, I don't think so either. But you can see Oasis. The crowd is bouncing. Yeah. And you too, it wasn't like, you know, like it was during even like, you know, we saw the Joshua Tree concert. And when he runs out, like that whole used to be a throng. The whole audience would be like, I got to run, you know, like, I want to run. And so anyway, that's my theory is these two cavemen have been thawed.

And it's exactly what we want. Well, that's why I just can't wait for the fight and the end of the tour. There's no way they're finishing this tour. They're hugging more. I mean, I saw the giant stadium footage. And he's getting, like, nicer. He's saying nicer things. Did you see when, I think it was Jay-Z, was at the Glastonbury Festival,

which is their home turf, and they were fucking booing him. And so he started singing Champagne Supernova. And the crowd all started singing along with him. And then the rest of the concert he killed. Yeah. But I think he was making fun of them a little bit. Oh, totally. He was doing it really well.

Oh, yeah. It was a legendary thing. Yeah, yeah. So when is, is that, that's, I thought that was this Sunday. It's Saturday and Sunday. This Saturday and Sunday. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we'll be away. All right. Let's get to it. Our logo this week comes from Jane S. who I think is ghosting us. She was like the biggest fan of the show. She'd mute. She literally sent us 75 logos for the show. used to email all the time used to come to my shows came to one of my shows with her friend dressed as Blondie and

Hagger the Horrible biggest fans they're gone they left us who left us Jane S and her friend well so she's back is that the news

now this is an old I dug up an old logo because I remember that we had one from Ellen, and I found it in one of my Jane S. files folders. I can't believe you did that. You can't find anything. You have no idea the organization that I have for this show. I think everyone listening has a very good idea of the organization. Every song that's ever been on the show. I have every logo. I have every comic that we've ever used, all in different folders. I have every script that we've ever used. Greg, when we were doing the

mugs or something i you asked like what which one i'm like i think we should use that one you're like all right let me find it maybe two weeks later you found the wrong one then you would send the you couldn't find it you had no idea it's all gotten better i hired an intern and we did it all by um with ai it's all better now are we are we sure jane's okay yeah jane give us a shout out let us know you're okay. Let us know if you if you still love us. We miss you. Jane, I'm less concerned. That seems like Greg's asking if you're okay with us. I'm asking if you're okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, that too. Our song this week is from Emmett Hall. Great one. Love it. And then corrections. Rob Solieri says, holy shit and typical.

fits fact fashion. You two correct the Ted Williams mistake and immediately create a new mistake saying he was in the Korean War when in fact it was World War II. We corrected that. Christ, Mike. Even read the years he was in. 44 is not WW2.

Is WW2 not the Korean War? Right. Okay. Okay. Rob, guess what? Ted Williams was such a badass. He flew in both wars. He did Michigan. in both wars. How insane is that?

It's probably why I blurt it, yeah. And I found this thing. Somebody sent me this old clip because we were talking about Ted Williams. I was a writer on the Man Show when it was Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope. And we did a sketch where I got rolled out on a dolly as Frozen Ted Williams

and cursed at them. It is on the end of just Google search Frozen Ted Williams Man Show, Greg Fitzs Fitzsimmons. It's really fucking funny. I forgot how funny it was. And then... Yeah, I want to see that.

This guy, Rick goes, Mike should be ashamed. He blew so many Ted Williams facts. I agree. I agree. He was a Marine and Navy Aviator. Okay. What did we say? He said he was amazing pilot.

God. He was so talented that he trained pilots in WW2 before he was in combat. He flew jets in combat in Korea. John Glenn flew with him and said he was the best wingman he ever flew with. He landed a disabled plane that he was told to ditch on its belly. He walked away and played that year. In addition to being a veteran, a great fighter pilot, one of the best baseball players ever.

He was a world-class fisherman. I said that. The world will never see someone like him. I maybe didn't say world-class, but I know he was incredibly inefficient. Steve Blackwood said in the August 31st logo, you and Mike are not ice agents, but National Guard. as opposed to ice.

I doubt too many guards are happy to be there. Yeah, it seems like the ice guys are happy to be there and the guards are not. Yeah. Well, a lot of these ice guys were, you know, working at Kroger's the week before. And they were, I don't believe ice agents are trained in any way.

I think as long as you look like a maniac, they give you a uniform. I'm in the East Village. I'm on 9th Street, and there's a bar downstairs called The Immigrant, and my little joke is that there's no ice in the drinks. There you go. Yeah, it's solid. They liked it.

They liked it. Tour dates coming up. Denver Comedy Works, September 18 through 20, one of the best clubs in the country, Connecticut at Comics. September 26th and 27th is another club in the country. Fairbanks. I'm going to be doing a few clubs October 1st through the 4th, Vegas at Brad Garretts, L.A. We're doing the Best Buddies Benefit, October 30th at the comedy store.

Mike Gibbons will be performing a five-minute set. Where? Wait, when? What is this? The Best Buddies Benefit. You do it all the time. October 30th. I love it. I'm in and Tobin's involved with them. Is he? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Chicago at the Den Theater November 8th, and I'll be at Skank Fest in New Orleans,

San Fran at the Punchline, a bunch of new dates. Go to Fitzdog.com. Four tickets. Now let's go to the front page. Wait, hold on. One John Tobin. He shared some stories with me. Some I can tell. Some I can't.

So this kind of sports stories and stuff. So one was, though, public. I told him, because he worked at Fenway in 85 and 86 as a vendor. No shit. And I'm like, what years? Because I remember, and here come the corrections. But I remember the year that Maddingley and Boggs were neck and neck going into the final season, final games of the season, a doubleheader, and for the batting title.

And Boggs sat out that fucking pussy. And Mattingly went and even some of the Red Sox fans rooting for Mattingly just because he did the stand-up thing. And like Ted, you don't do that in Ted Williams house. Ted Williams also was encouraged by everybody to sit out when he was going to hold on to his over 400 record. And I think that might have been a. doubleheader anyway, Ted Williams raised it to 406 on the last day of the season by not sitting

out. He went up and did so well. So anyway. Oh, I see what you're saying. I didn't understand what you were saying. Yeah, you can preserve it in case you blow it. You know, you'd lower your batting average. So you're betting against yourself by sitting out. Well, you're, you're just, you're just, you're betting that you wouldn't have hit above your average on that day. I guess you are betting that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, But I told him, I'm like, also during those years, when I was at BU, it's a weird thing, I admit, but I became, I loved Oil Can Boyd, who was the biggest character. So I went to every home game that Oil Can Boyd pitched. So anyway, he goes, do you remember that scandal? John goes, do you remember that scandal when he got in trouble?

It was like, I don't know how they got it, but it was all these VHS tapes. Maybe he left them at the hotel, whatever it was. oil can boy got in trouble for all these VHS tapes or he kept them and was being fined for them and they were all porn and no way and the Herald printed all the titles because that would be a typical thing the Herald would do

and piling on oil can boy and they were all like you know I don't think saving private Ryan was that yet but like saving Ryan's privates you know all the puns on on on uh on on on on porn titles and he goes that who is the famous not mike barnacle oh shawnessy was the writer and shawnessy i guess goes gave a name for the scandal and he called it was the it was the can film festival for oil can boy that's so great dude he used to smoke crack like in 86 he was supposed to pitch in the World Series in 86

and they they wouldn't put him in he was too drunk and then the fog in Cleveland delayed a game and I think he famous and of course they'd reprint all this he famously said that's what you get for building a stadium so close to the ocean

so yeah he was a legend okay let's get into it do you have paper let me see I can I can do a piece of paper here we go Oh, you got one. You're going to do it?

Yeah, I can get one. Oh, that'd be good. Look at this. Look how high tech we are. We don't even have a piece of paper. There you go. From the notebook, the Sunday paper notebook. You know, I never got a hat.

I got to get one. Hurry up getting dark here. It's a good start. I don't have lights. Oh, it's going to be dark by the end. Oh, let's move it along. Last month in Florida, Department of Transportation began removing rainbow crosswalks, black history road murals and other street art after it updated its guidelines to prohibit

non-uniform traffic control devices such as pavement markings. A rainbow crosswalk created in Orlando as part of a memorial for the 49 people fatally shot at the Pulse LGBTQ-19. Jesus, I forgot it was 49. No, no. Damn. By the way, you know, I worked that day. what I will very loosely call the gay Super Bowl, which is the Tony Awards.

So many people thought the Tony Awards would be canceled, first of all, because it was such a huge tragedy. And then anyway, James Corden was the host. We opened the show. We had to address it. Like it was really, we handled it very beautifully. Oh, but an amazing thing, and I might have said this before, but it's actually very poignant is that was the, year Hamilton won everything. Hamilton runs out to whatever street it is, 73rd or whatever, right by the Beacon Theater and re-rehearses. They had to do it on the street because they couldn't get the stage, re-rehearsed their big

number because they removed all the guns, all the muskets. And they're like, how do we do it? So we just have to gesture and like all this stuff. One of James's music cues, which was the 1717. or it was 1786, whatever, the French Revolution. I know I'm slaughtering everything right now. But one of the music cues was triggered by a gunshot. They had to remove that gunshot.

Like it was a whole quick turnaround, but it was very cool. Wait a minute. Did the backup dancers on Broadway also act gay as a tribute to the shooting? They might have turned it up a notch, a scosh. So they painted over it. And then the next day, protesters gathered at the crosswalk to repaint it with multicolored sidewalk chalk, and they continued to turn up to rechalk the crosswalk after rain washed it away almost every day.

That's God. That's God talking. Transportation officials. Just show me a sign. Okay. Just show me another. Okay. Show me another, I guess. All right. Transportation officials repainted it again, and Orlando police are now patrolling at 24-7. I would think the redneck would like the crosswalks painted up so they know where to speed up. This is my theory. I think they should, not my idea, I guess. They should pour oil all over that street.

So when it rains, you know how that all of a sudden it looks like a rainbow? You know when oil is floating on top of the water? Yeah. And the light hits it. You see a rainbow. That'll get them. I like it. That's good.

And all the rednecks will wipe. out as soon as they hit it. There's a gay bar in Venice called the rooster fish and they painted this the speed bump rainbow across the street from that. And I swear to God, I ride my bike over that bump every time my ass hurts. Like it just, the seat goes right up my ass every time I hit that bump. All right. Here's my brilliant idea. If you want to drive the homophobes crazy, gays should change their flag to black with two yellow lines down the center so then every street would be the gay flag see what I mean yep okay hold on I'm texting you're putting that in your act the bike seat up your ass Greg's taking a note everybody he's jotting something down all right so let's get to uh did I have

All right, let's get to another Florida story. Is this Florida man? This is a very Florida episode. I have to say. I have two Florida men stories. We can save one for next week. No, let's just do it. Let's call this the Florida episode.

No, because you put it in a Texas man story. Oh, right. Florida plans to become the first day to eliminate vaccine mandates. Yes. Yes. Joseph Lodopo who announced the decision caused, cast current requirements in schools and elsewhere as immoral intrusions on people's rights

to hamper parents' ability to make health decisions for their children. People have a right to make their own decisions, informed decisions. Is that an informed decision? People don't have the right to tell you what to put in your body. Take it away from... Yeah, really? You don't have the right to tell somebody what to put into their body? but like a baby don't you have the right to force them to keep a baby in their body

there you go florida's move a significant departure from decades of public policy and research that has shown vaccines to be safe and the most effective way to stop the spread of communicable diseases especially among school children is a notable embrace of the trump administration's agenda led by Robert F. Kennedy. Also, kids in the playground no longer allowed to do the circle, circle, dot, dot. Now I got my kudy shot. You can't do that.

That's a suspension. I think this will fix Florida. This will be perfect. I think they had a meeting, a big meeting down there, and they're like, listen, guys, how do we make Florida more Florida? And this was the number one suggestion.

They did it. No more autism. them there goes our Florida man segment this is going to really put a dent in it I want them to undo like they don't have a helmet law but how about this no more seat belts Florida how dare someone tell you what to do how dear what I want them to outlaw children's car seats right just yeah yeah how dare someone tell you how to strap your child into a car you're right just look at all the motorcyclists up in Sturgis who don't wear helmets. I think it's it's all about freedom. And I think stores should be able to sell

rancid meat. I don't think I don't inspect any how dare you and fringe on the right of a restaurant owner and say his freezer's not cold enough for the fish. Right. Get rid of all the regulation. So now I guess the only thing kids are allowed to do now to protect themselves from disease is not kiss their skanky parents on the lips. that'll help now do you know that's the number one cause of type one herpes or whatever it's called herpes one what so when i got a test like whatever it was ages ago um for STDs and all that stuff they're like they're like blah blah boy and i'm like wait why don't you test it was like a huge exhaustive list and i'm like why don't you test for herpes one he's the woman just flat out goes because everyone has it

and i was like what yeah she's like yeah everybody has it I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, you don't know about it? And I'm like, no. And anyway, I go home and I Google more about it. One of the one of, I guess, and maybe the number one, but one of the ways you get it is every adult who kisses a baby gives them herpes one, which is the one that like rarely rears its ugly head, but you have it.

And it's type one or whatever. Herpes one, I guess or something. 64% right in your corrections. I'm sure I got it wrong. 64% of people globally have herpes type one. Yeah. Oh, my God. I think, by the way, it might be much higher than that, like in America or something.

I think a lot of babies get it coming out of their mother's vagina. I don't think that's the right one. No, no, it's true. I think it's because politicians kiss babies when they are making the rounds. Oh, right. Dirty, dirty Republican politicians. Well, now all the kids. have to worry about his school shootings, meth addiction, and Chuckie Cheese.

All right, Taco Bell reconsiders AI. Dickie sent us this story. They're reconsidering AI to use a drive-thrus after a customer ordered 18,000 cups of water. That's 1-8 with 3-0s after it. Taco Bell is mulling over its use of AI after 500 drive-thru locations across the U.S. Oh, that's where they had it. After customers complained about glitches, the flaws came to notice after a video of a customer ordered 18,000 cups of water. I actually think AI considered this and was like, yes, diarrhea is dehydrating. This tracks.

Napkins and water. You can have as many napkins as you want and as much water as you want. Yeah. They should be given out, instead of napkins in your bag, you should get toilet paper. Here's a thing I never really get is Taco Bell slogan And I'm not making this up If you are very young, you won't know this

Their slogan was literally Taco Bell run for the border Yep It's more like run for the bathroom But is it What does that even mean? Did they mean is it Mexicans running Towards our border from Mexico

or are they running away from us towards the border? Is it us running for the Mexican border? What did they mean by that? I know. I have no idea. I think my guess is it was run to Mexico. Yeah, I guess so. Run to Mexican food.

Well, maybe ICE can start using this slogan themselves. Yeah. Run away from us. that's what we should be telling them. Run away from ice. My housekeeper just got here and I said, how are you? And she said, I'm still here.

And then she cried a little bit. Nice. And that's when you called ice? That is when I just said, do we have ice in their refrigerator? Let's get to the ethical question. Paper crinkle. What are you doing here?

There you go. All right, ethical question. Here we go. You ready? Let's do it. I This is, I picked this for you because it doesn't have to be alcohol.

But anyway, here it is. My brother's an unpleasant drunk. Can I cut him off? And he goes, life feels too short to keep walking on eggshells around him. I could read some of the description. Some of it's interesting. Wait, so this guy's saying his brother's an alcoholic

and he's cutting, wants to cut him out of his life? Yes. Well, I mean, if you talk to, I went to Allen on me. My father was an alcoholic, and I used to go to Al-Anon meetings back in Boston. And, you know, one of the first things you learn is that you have the right to have boundaries in your life. And if somebody has a disease that's affecting you, kind of the best thing you can do for them is to cut them off and to cut them out of your life. So I think this guy absolutely does. I love it. Get this. In the article, one of the details, we are in our 60s and 70s. No, then you can't cut him out. Now, at that point, you got to, he's not quitting in the 60s, 70s, no. And he goes, why keep putting up with this? Since that night, I've largely severed contact. So it was a night where the guy wanted to drive his brother's electric guitar, car. He, the drunk wanted to drive the electric car of the of the brother writing this and he did but then he couldn't drive it on the way home because

he was too drunk so his so his wife drove it while he sat in the back and he quickly became abusive leaning forward shouting foul language and physically interfering with her if she hadn't been there i would have put him out to walk home now i was kidding when i said if he's 60 you got to stick him around no you got to you got to have boundaries you can't you can't have I have that. I have friends that I've cut out of my life because of their drinking. I have one friend who is lost everything. He had businesses in all over New England. He was very successful. Lost his wife, lost his kids, lost his home, was living in his car. And he'll call me sometimes five times a day. And I don't take his call for the most part because it's really hard for me. Like coming from an alcoholic family, like it's very hard. me to listen to somebody drunk on the phone who can be abusive towards me

he can say nasty shit to me and so I try to take this call once and a while just to make sure that you know I'm there for him in some level but no it's your right to protect your own sanity

all right nice answer all right let's get to entertainment there you go The Los Angeles woman, known as the ketamine queen, pleaded guilty Wednesday to five federal counts in connection with the fatal overdose of Friends actor Matthew Perry in 2003. Jasveen Sanga, 42, pleaded guilty to one count of maintaining a drug-involved premise, three counts of distributing of ketamine and one count of distribution of ketamine resulting in death. Sanga faces a maximum prison sentence of 65 years. years. Perry was found face down in the heated end of his pool at his Los Angeles home in

2003. He was 54 years old. I thought he was in the hot tub. And they said here that he will, that she is going to be locked in a cell strapped down and forced to watch friends in a loop for 65 years. Um, that's too. That's harsh. That's hard. That's like Guantanamo. And then when you die, you go to hell where I think they play friends nonstop in hell on the stand she downplayed her relationship with Perry and they crossed examined her it's like but he was a friend she's like well I don't think that's are you denying he was a friend well I mean I can't she has to watch that she doesn't libel herself yes right right yep let's make America Florida here we go All right. Which one should we do today? Let's do the first one. Okay. It's already been referenced. Police body camp footage released this week show the arrest of a Chucky Cheese mascot in July in Tallahassee, Florida. Get him a police officer can be heard saying upon spotting Chuckie cheese inside the arcade, according to the body camp footage that went viral. The mascot was then placed in handcuffs, at which point he was told to,

not cause a scene. That's easy. I mean, that's what he's paid to do. And to stop resisting. Officers were referring to Jernel Jones, who has a, who has felony charges for using a stolen credit card among other charges. Spectators appeared stunned as they watched the mascot being placed in handcuffs with one officer explaining to a bystander. He's a criminal. Would you all put Mickey Mouse in handcuffs? One seemingly upset woman demanded. An officer said, we got to do our job, ma'am. And then Chucky Cheese mascot was taken outside to a police car. Wow.

Yeah. I would say he was resisting a lot more than arrest in his life. He's resisting sobriety, a marriage, permanent housing. Yeah. It's a horrible alibi when you say, no, no, no, I play with kids all day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're keeping me from playing with the kids.

Why arrest him in public? Just set a giant trap with an American Express card on the trigger. He should show up to court in the Chuck Echese Mouse outfit and be like, Your Honor, I don't think it's much of a stretch. It was entrapment. I mean, I think, just look at me. Yeah. Well, he's not going to be in there long.

We got mice, and they get in and out of the house. that guy is going to be through those bars. Sounds like you might escape in your case. Yes. Yeah, I know. All right. So we're going to skip this next one? Yeah, we're going right to make America, Texas.

Let's make America, Texas. I love it. He can read it. Oh, you want me? A man is facing murder charge over his friend's death after Texas authorities alleged the two men took turns shooting at each other. Yeah. Sean O'Donnell.

46 was arrested last week after his friend was shot in the head at O'Donnell's residence. Deputies first responded to the home and found an adult male with a gunshot wound to the head. The man, Aaron Prout, was taken to the hospital where he died from his injuries. According to Gonzalez, the incident was first believed to be a suicide, but things weren't adding up. Prout and O'Donnell allegedly put on a Kevlar helmet and took turns. shooting at each other with a rifle inside O'Donnell's home. O'Donnell was charged on Thursday with a count of murder and Prout's death. Nice.

Dude, you're my friend. If I ever end up living in Texas, will you come and shoot me in the head? I mean, you know, there's, let's say it even worked. The impact alone, even if it prevents the bullet from Penn, penetrating. That's insane. I mean, they were in Dallas, so maybe it was one of those magic bullets. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Right. So, yeah, go ahead. We had my nephew Rowan, who was almost a Navy SEAL. He trained with them for like a year, and then he got caught it. He got tossed in the 11th hour. Anyway, so I had a BB gun, and we were in the backyard, and we were taking turns shooting each other in the ass with it to see who would say chicken first.

Okay. And then we were throwing a Coke can in the air and shooting it. And then I got a text from my next door neighbor saying, do you have a BB gun along with a photo of their child's window with smashed glass and a BB hole? He's fucking 30 years old. I'm 59. Oh, my God. I think before they started this game,

they asked the question like, hey, what could go right? My quick story, which I told years ago, maybe when I was a guest on your podcast before Sunday papers. So Jeff Brown, my roommate who you know very well from BU, he had crazy cousins, right, in Jersey. And they were known throughout the family. Those are the crazy boys, right?

So one time The parent of the dad of the crazy boys Had Jeff's dad watch them So Jeff's dad's watching the crazy boys And they were like animals Like wild animals with all this energy And they were young So he goes

He just put them in the garage And he looked around And he's like there's no way They can hurt themselves in here So he put them in the garage for a while So when he went out It got a little too quiet He went out and checked on him

When he found them he walked in and he immediately saw blood on the floor and then he saw both of them laying down and he's like what is going on and he walked up and they had darts coming out of their legs and torsos and arm and he's like what the hell is and so they had one of those cheap dart boards with tons of plastic darts yeah and so the boys when they got bored they're like hey let's play a game and he's like why are the darts still in you and he goes and the kid goes to him, he's like, that's how you can tell who wins. So what they did was they split up the darts and then they just ran around the garage

trying to hide behind things, whizzing darts at each other. And when all the darts were in them, they would count who had more darts in them. So it's like paintball, except you keep throwing them at the person after they've been hit. But no headwear, no. Protected goggles, nothing. That was my first thought is how easily they could have lost an eye. Holy shit. Immediately off to the emergency room to get them tetanus shots, yeah.

Oh, my God. All right, let's get to some sports. Sports, you got it. Okay, it is 6 p.m. on Thursday. Don't give me any scores. In New York. No scores. Osaka is playing at 7, so it hasn't started.

Okay. Anyway, this is old news. So we might seem like buffoons because now it's Sunday when you're listening to this. But I placed bet. So I've watched, I didn't really know Osaka. I never really watched her play tennis till this week. And I know her whole story, mental illness break. And then she took a break to have a kid.

She is going through opponents and with a smile and destroying them. So if you bet 10 bucks on her, you win 37. So I put a hundred bucks on her to win the tournament. Nice. And then, yeah. And then Jokovic, I think if you bet a hundred, you win like seven or eight hundred, something like that. But Rabe did, I then told Rabe about it. So Rabe has done a, I have it here, Rabi has done a parlay.

He took Osaka and, what's this, Jokovic, and $100. wins you hold on let me find the number what were you going to say about osaka well first of she you know she was ranked number one for a while for like a year or two and she's already won two u.s. opens she is um hitting the ball deep she's keeping her opponents way back at the baseline she's probably got the strongest serve in tennis the only thing that's been holding her bad well besides she had a fucking kid which I don't know why women do that in professional tennis will rarely come back from it.

Yeah, Billy Jean King didn't have one. Martina and Evertolova didn't have one. They're not wrecking their little money. They're not wrecking their moneymaker. Chrissy Everett had kids and she came back. Serena had kids and came back, which is really amazing when you think about what you're asking. You know, the typical male player,

if he you know twist his ankle it's a big fucking deal and it's all they can talk about it he had this injury how about carrying a human life gaining 40 fucking pounds and then having to breastfeed like and then come back to the sport after that it's fucking phenomenal so so she's back and she had a she look she was doing too much she was the highest i think she still has the highest endorsements of any player in female player of any sport in the world and the problem is

it's her handlers her father she's got another one of these fucking father managers who's also her coach and he's got her doing fucking eight hours of training a day yeah still even after the mental health break no now she does now she's got a different coach but

but he was the one that pushed her into all right let's take on 12 sponsors where you got to shoot commercials meet a bunch of fucking corporate douchebags when you should be sleeping or you know relaxing and it just drove her over the edge and so she's back she's talking about not thinking about winning

but just thinking about process and she's not slamming her rackets like she used to she used to really beat herself up when she'd lose a point so I see her I can see her going all the way there's another story and I should know the name and I know we drive our listeners crazy

but she's the one that has she has a fascinating story that led up to wimbledon and then she made it to the wimbledon finals she took a break i think the same thing she took a break oh because of all this pressure because she was this phenom when she was young and then she was disappointing i guess not my words but this article i read and then she came back made it to the finals but lost her name is Anna Samova Anna Samova yeah she lost 6060 in Wimbledon yeah and it was the most

disappointing thing ever like it was a she just beat the woman who beat her 60606 oh she just beat her in the U.S. Open yeah no she's uh she took some mental health time she went off and she fucking surfed and uh she got it together she she looked so we got got a really good chance of a, American women's tennis is so strong right now.

Here's the problem. You know, Coco, I think, is ranked number two in the world, but she got knocked out in the, and the 16. No, by Osaka. Oh, right, right. Obliterated her. Yeah. We were watching it, and I go to Olivia, I go, I think Coco might be, like, hurt.

Like, she can't do anything. Yeah. Anyway, here's the problem, Greg. Osaka in one hour is playing Anasamova in the semifinals. So, all right, listen, here's the only thing that's exciting for you, Sunday listeners, is if Jokovic is still alive and is playing the finals in a few hours and Osaka has already won, then your $100 bet wins you $2,400. If that's if if Jokovic wins?

Yes, that's the parlay. that Rubik and I took. There's zero chance Jokovic is winning. Well, according to $2,400, there is a chance. Yeah, 24 to 1. No, he's 7 to 1.

If 100 pays 7, he's 7 to 1 odds. So, no, Sinner is going to be in the finals with... Jokevich is looking very good, I have to say. Fritz? He dismantled Fritz. Fritz really took care of himself by not getting a first serve and yeah all right let's move it on what are we doing this day in history

this day in history here it goes okay Greg on this day I don't know how they know the exact day but well I guess it was signed document on this day Spanish settlers laid claim to what became Los Angeles what day do you think Spanish settlers I guess claimed The word was claimed, Los Angeles, give or take 50 years. Oh, come on. I don't even know what century this is. Well, I'm giving you 50 years plus or minus. All right.

I'm going to say 1520. Yep, 1781. Jesus. It was a tough one. That was a tough one. Australian wildlife conservationist and television personality

Steve Irwin the crocodile hunter died on this day killed by a venomous bull stingray what year did the crock hunter die give or take five years 2005

oh man you nailed it 2006 I just saw a clip I was thinking about it because it was Norm McDonald on the Daily show Oh my God doing a bit to John Stewart

I just watched it the other day, so I was back dating Norm on that. Live to a ripe old age for a crock hunter. Yeah. American singer Kelly Clarkson became the first winner of the reality television series American Idol on this day. In what year, give or take five years? 2011. Oh, I'm so glad I picked five. of 2002.

All right, all of them are going to be five years right now. You ready? Here's the next one. The American search engine company Google, Inc., was formally established by Sergei, is it Sergei and Larry? They filed their incorporation papers, which created Google. Give or take five years. What year did this happen?

2005 again, same year. 1998. Shit. I know. Okay, let's end on a good one. The Price is Right. I did not know it was a revival when Bob Barker first became host. The revival of the Price's Right began airing with Bob Barker as host.

It was a huge hit becoming one of the longest running game shows on American television. So I've kind of given you a hint. So give or take 10 years. When did this revival of the Price's Revenue? right with Bob Barker's host start. 1987. Man, you're horrible. 1972.

Shit. God damn it. Last week I was on fire. Here's another one. The Ford Motor Company introduced the Edsel, which was perhaps its most notable failure. When did the Edsel get introduced by Ford, give or take 10 years?

1937 Whoa kid 1957 Do we have to find one that you get right Give me one more I'm going to get the next one I got to look for one now Mother

I see Oh You want to take a shot at when Mother Teresa died Yeah Okay Give her take eight years When did Mother Teresa die at 87 years old.

Mother Teresa died in 2003. You got it, 1997. Nice. All right, let's go out on that. Dead saints. I've always known dead saints. All right, let's move it on. It's time to do the obituary.

It's recent. Cold off the press, Georgio Armani died today. Oh. Born in PSS. in 1934. He was just a young boy when World War II broke out. When he was nine and on a walk in town with his sister, he happened to, listen to how like life was during wartime. We was out on a walk with his sister. He happened upon some friends who had discovered an unexploded shell. When it caught

fire, Armani was engulfed in flames. He spent a month in the hospital and was blinded for a time. He said he closed his eyes and didn't open them again for 20 days. He could smell the linden trees in the hospital because they were in bloom, but he couldn't see them. And it was hard because he wasn't sure he would ever be able to see again. He made a miraculous recovery. He decided to become a doctor. In 49, he moved to Milan to study medicine while Armani was called, he called that his home since. And he also died in Milan.

Anyway, he was frightened in Milan. It seemed so big and chaotic, blah, blah, blah. After three years of studying, he had to pause his medicine. ambitions for compulsory military service. When he finished, he made a decision to leave medicine, and that's when he became a clerk at a department store, and he became a window dresser there, and that's what started it.

But listen to this. His major breakthrough, once he started designing clothes, was in the 1980 film American Gigolo with Richard Gear, Armani dressed Gears character in those luxurious, more relaxed suits, and introduced a softer form of power dressing to a whole generation. And then get this, he did the opposite to women. He put them, instead of in the looser,

that clothes that draped on the men, woman wore more traditional, masculine looks. And it was Armani who designed the suit that Diane Keaton famously wore when accepting the Oscar for performance in Annie Hall in 78. Oh, interesting. Dude, Armani, when,

we were in college and coming out, I guess just getting out of college, I feel like that's when it really kind of like became part of something that I knew. And it really was. This was before there was a lot of different brands. Like Armani was it. And when I got my first Letterman appearance, when I booked it, I went out to Macy's and I bought an $1,800 Armani Blazer. And I wore it on Letterman the first time. 1,800 back then? 1800 back then, yep. That's easily a used car that would work for a long time.

I know. Well, I was just starting to make some money. I had just gotten a deal with Fox and I had a bunch of money, so I bought it. I had it for 20 years. Yeah. Where is it now? I bet you still have it. It's at the, what's the place you go on Main Street in Santa Monica?

Oh, the, the thrift place. St. Matthews or something? St. Matthews, yeah. Yeah. All right, let's get a funnies. Let's cheer up. Hold on. I'm going first, remember?

Wait, sprinkle. There we go. I'm going first because here is the onion headline that I chose for this week. It's a picture of a casket going in the ground. And the onion headline is mourners, unaware that they're burying knockoff Georgio Ormond. money that's good perfect uh last week's comic caption contest uh had a lot of entries a lot of really good ones as you know this contest involves you guys writing a punchline for the one frame comic send it into fitzdog radio at gmail dot com we're going to pick our favorites read them off

and then vote on who wins a coozy by the way we got everybody we asked anybody who was missing a coozy over the last year to send in their addresses we got a bunch of them Mike you got them all sent to you the coosies are not on the east coast with me but I vow I'm sending them out when I get back okay so we got a bunch those will be cleaned up which doesn't mean they'll get to these people because I sent a lot of these people and a lot got returned remember they were all in my mailbox oh right okay well this is a life lesson sure is okay this week's was uh it looks like a prosecuting attorney, he's standing in front of the jury box, he's pointing at what looks like a bee who's in the witness box. The judge is behind him, looking on, and Dave Harriman said,

if the judge says to himself, if this bee says one more time, none of your beeswax, I'm going to lose my shit. Bill Hanson said, hold on, I really like that one. I think he struggled with how to get none of your beeswax in here. the judge says to himself so the judge isn't the one talking in this yeah but uh so i i would have done something like um but you're like something like but you're wrong it was the defendant's beeswax or something right right right something but you have to you have to get it out better but i like that he found none of your beeswax bill hanson said the dna evidence shows the defendant was buzzing off at the crime scene

All right. Okay. Ron said, If you really think this was guilty of grape, then why does he still have his stinger? Thank you, Ron, knowing the grape situation. Yes. Darren said, no, fuck you, Cardi B.

Fuck you. All right. Jim said the facts show this murder was carefully choreographed. He is no bumblebee, ladies and gentlemen. You are looking at a killer bee. It's pretty good. Yep. Again, the wording could be tightened up a little bit.

Kelly Holmes says, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I meant to call my client, Honey, not the judge. If anybody knows that reference, there's a famous video clip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some lawyer calling the judge, honey. It's the best. I didn't understand why that was that bad. Like, people were like, oh, my God,

and you immediately have to get a new lawyer, all that stuff. But like, it's, everyone kind of knows. It's like once you get into that, it's a mode and then you're naturally say something when you're in that mode. And I understand the arguments that like he's literally like calling the what, like, you know, he said honey to a judge first of all. Anyway, go on.

This one comes from Ben L. He says, yet another case involving Sting. Can you not settle with the police outside of court? That's cute. all right he's in the uk though so he will not be winning stephen ink mangram says the police just harassed my client because he's an african bee pretty strong

all right now we had a couple of the same idea so i'll read them back to back tim dilly said ask yourself what would you what would you do if that creature was in your bonnet all right maybe said the queen lied about the defendant's alibi CCTV clearly shows him unlawfully entering the victim's bonnet. A little wordy yet. And then Dave Kenescondido said the evidence will show he was wings deep in her bonnet. Okay. So I think if you look at those three, Dave from Escondido, it was tight.

It had a little, it had a little phrase. It has some good phrasing to it with wings deep, which I liked. So I would pick those of the three. All right. Rich Butchko said, if the stinger is still where he sit, then you must acquit. All right, Rich. Solid. Michael Nestor said the courtroom was a buzz until the witness began to bumble and drone on. A lot of key words in there, yeah.

Nicolese says, if the bee doesn't fit, you must have quit. What's Nico thinking there? If the bee doesn't fit? Yeah. No, the other guy had it better. Yeah, okay. Sean from Ontario said, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the murder weapon is still attached to his ass. Ah, not bad. Yeah, very logical, very logical. So it sounds like we liked beeswax, even though the wording could have been better. I don't know. I always like a race joke. I like the African bee.

I'll give them that. I'll go with you on that. That's a strong one. All right. So the winner this week is... Stephen. Stephen Mangram, who wants clearly to defund the police. Yes. So now we'll get to next week's caption is four socks, and they are standing outside of a dryer in what looks like a laundromat, and one sock is talking while the other ones are kind of looking around.

Do with that what you will. I love it. Let's get to some pros. Hager the Horrible, where children read about a marauding grapest from the 14th century. Good. Oh, I just erased it. There we go. So now Lucky and Hager are sitting at the bar, and there's a woman.

She looks like a solid B cup, a little perky. Oh, yeah, they do detail them, yeah. Her bangs are going over one eye, and she's sitting there kind of smiling. And Lucky goes, I'm a Viking. What do you do? And she goes, I'm an artist. And the next frame, Lucky is looking around. He goes, where did she go?

And Hager goes, she must be an escape artist. Yeah, it's called living in the 14th century in Scandinavia. Yeah, if all the thousands of women on the shores of other countries were escape artists. I mean, it would change the genealogy of the whole planet, really. You're a grape artist and she's an escape artist. Yeah, right. And now we got the lock horns Leroy and Loretta are sitting

in front of a marriage counselor And she says Since Leroy is always wrong Shouldn't you only charge us half It's a joke It's a joke I like it And then we have a smaller one

I'm going to have to make it larger So I can read the words Let's go to Blondie. Save it for next week No I liked it It was a funny one It's kind of breaking a rule then For this section So they're looking, Leroy and Loretta are in an appliance store, and she's checking out an oven.

And Leroy says to the sales guy, my wife can hardly wait to get at home and void the warranty. Good stuff. Oh, let's go to Blondie. She walks through the kitchen and there's one of those, what do you call those speakers? Let's call it an Alexa. It's an Alexa. And the Alexa says, hey there, girl. look great today. And she goes, huh? And it goes, but are you sure about those shoes? Maybe you should

buy new ones today. And she goes, I don't know if I should be upset that Siri knows too much or happy. That was such a good idea. Maybe you should be incredibly sad that it's not a human being in donut pajamas telling you that you look good today. Instead, you have to fucking rely on AI to get any positive reinforcement. She's wearing, by the way, Sort of a Boisenberry top, not low cut, but the breast is very full-looking. She loves that black velvet skirt just above the knees. Yeah. She let her go, let her go do some shopping.

Jesus, she's earned it. Even with the flats, look at the calf is still defined. The definition, like two bowling, like the one in the ten pin. Yeah, that's a split. I'd like to throw my ball in between. Okay. Grape fits them. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to remind you, Denver Comedy Works coming up, September 18th through 20. Also, I would recommend there is a show that we just watched called The Night Agent, which is outstanding.

Yeah. Two versions. There's a Persian version and there's a British version. I'm going to obviously go with the British version because I don't have to read subtitles. I don't think I have anything except New York City to promote. I also really enjoyed Boston. Oh, Brockton. I'm just going to promote Brockton. Brockton, let me just look this up. They have a self-storage. Let me tell you.

They have a self-storage there. Brockton, famous boxers. This is a third that we're forgetting. And Marvelous Marvin. We'll end on a marvelous market. Oh, I thought there was more. I guess there's only those guys. So Marvin, here's a quick story.

Brickner and I are driving day. to the vineyard. And Jack asked us to bring a keg of beer. Keep in mind, we have to bring it on a ferry and then bring it to his house. So it's in the back of my car, which has one of those, we could pull the seat down, not intended, but the seat was broken. And you could get to the trunk. So of course, we tap the keg on the drive down. And so we then sneak out the tube with the tap on it. So we were doing that and then there's a joint and brickner hands me this like roach which was hard to pass to me and it then oh no no no we had a joint and it was on the um spodometer on the dashboard and it rolled and there was a space i guess between the like shelf thing it was on and the

glass of the speedometer and it rolled and i think it was lit whatever we're panicking trying to get it out and he's reaching and we're trying to get this joint out and as where we might have been swerving a little because of that chaos and i look i'm driving and i look over dan's shoulder and in the next lane is a giant black mercedes and haggler laughing at us yeah that's great right in the next car yeah i love that we we started the podcast with me about Dan Brickner, snorting crank with me freshman year, and we ended with Dan Brickner smoking a joint with you in the vineyard. Such a great influence. Good man. Such a great influence. Yep. All right. Thank you guys for listening. I guess we'll see you next week.

Take itish. Tag itish. All right. Every day the moves gets a little bit stranger, but Greg and Mike laugh in the face of the danger of getting the facts right. It's just a matter of making you laugh. The Sunday Bitters podcast