Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 280 9/14/25

Episode Date: September 14, 2025

Mike takes time away from his head writer job on The Emmys as Greg returns from a week-long vacation in Vermont. A FLA woman has a 13 lb baby, Seinfeld sees the KKK everywhere and John Daly has a tough round of golf. Visit RocketRX now and use code PAPERS30 for 30% off your first order - https://rebrand.ly/30a009 Watch Greg’s latest special, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠“You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest” Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Find Mike on Venmo here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTime⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Make sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmons⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Mike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting at 17 grams per medium latte, Tim's new protein lattes, protein without all the work, at participating restaurants in Canada. It's Sunday paper Read all about it. Read all about it. It's Emmy Night. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to get to it in a minute.

It's tomorrow. It's, uh, what are you talking about? Oh, it's Monday night? No, I mean, you just established it's Sunday. For us, that's tomorrow. Right. We're recording this on Saturday. Yeah.

But I thought we always. played it like we're like live yeah man we're live sunday here we are i'm right i'm doing this from the emmys mike gibbons uh is our inside track he's the head writer of the emies this year which is uh lots of good writers involved a lot of good writers greggia is in there and uh dicky egan is in there oh tons uh you'll see their names halsted Lauren Gina and then there's the other crew and by the way big hello's to you Gregory from Who did I say Jeff Stilson is over? Jeff Stilson.

They're in another office. He's the nicest guy. And then the great Carol Leifer. Carol Leifer was so great on my podcast. I was one of my favorite podcasts this year. People don't know. She's the writer for Seinfeld and Kerb, and she is who Elaine is based on in the TV show.

She's great. asked about the podcast, she's just a lovely human being. And so funny. And both of them. And they were so nice, they helped out like there. So some of these award shows for those at home, I think we're all going to be like on the same page and all that. And I have to say, man,

I don't envy what they spend most of their time doing, which is, hey, here's Jason Bateman and Jude Law. And you have to write the banter that they do before they introduce an award. And it's the most painful thing to write because it's so, so hard not to write something that is either bad or feels very familiar. Yes.

And I think as an actor, to walk up there, first of all, that walk out to the microphone is, you know, 15 seconds of awkwardness. Unless you're the most comfortable person in the world, they're all staring at your outfit, staring at your hair, staring at you, making judgments, and you got to get out there. And then all of a sudden, you've got to pretend you're just in a casual conversation with somebody. Yeah, I know. It's weird.

Sound design. You design sound, right? It's like, oh, my God. Yeah, right. But anyway, they wrote, but they also wrote stuff for us, and it was really funny. And they're, of course, hysterical. They're legends. Well, let's hire them for Sunday papers from now on.

I think we should, I think we need a writing staff. Yeah. Do they want something more painful to write? Maybe they'll, let's give them that. It's all about perspective. All right, well, we're going to get to the Emmys later. We're going to have a little quiz and see what you know. I can't believe, by the way, we were very close to not doing this because I thought I'd be down at the theater, but I'm not, but I do have to take text like the one that just came in.

But Nate is doing shows, which is, this is public information. Nate Bogotsie, the host of the Emmys. Nate Bragetzi, Bargetzi. and he was on Kimmel this week and even Kimmel was like, wait a minute, you're leaving the Emmy rehearsals on Friday and not coming back until Sunday. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I have shows in Denver.

So Nate left rehearsal yesterday at like 215. He had a show in Denver that night, last night, and he has two there today. It's crazy. Well, I guess it's, you know, I don't know what they pay for the Emmys. I just looked it up online, and it looks like they say the hosts make about $15,000 to $25,000. And Nate is going to play to 50 or 60,000 people in Denver who are paying 40, 50 bucks a ticket.

I don't know how to do math, but that's a lot more than $15,000. Well, he had some jokes, which, of course, we were just making the room laugh because it would come across too cocky. but you know shows that would basically tell this whole room of TV that um unlike a kind of like unlike all of you I'm still in showbiz I know you see all these actors now trying to get into stand-up it's insane it used to be just the actors that got canceled would go into stand-up oh yeah you're right and now it's just remember Piven he got canceled did Piven get canceled oh big time yeah oh wow all right yeah but now actors that are just out of work are going into it so yeah

we missed you a lot this week your name came up a lot we were in Vermont it was you know like our closest friends Mary Fitzgerald Tom O'Neill Matt Lloyd Cass Donovan the Dunskys Evan and Lisa and then their kids came up Theo and Eva came up from where

from New York and Boston Wow Theo's in Boston Theo's in Boston yeah he teaches school there. Oh, man. So we basically just let people know, like we were in this town town in the dead center of Vermont. It's just a little town. You wouldn't even know it if I said it. And they've got this big old house that they fixed up. And it is looking over 360 degrees of mountains. Just rolling green hills. They've got a big pond in their yard that that's got a deck.

and then they put this gigantic Swedish sauna with a plate glass window so you can see the pond and the mountains in the background. So you sit in the sauna for like 25 minutes and you get sweaty and then you come out and you dive into the cold pond and then you sit in Adirondack chair.

It was like 78 degrees all week and just sit in the fucking sun, take a hike in the woods. We made big meals. Amazing. Took some magic mushrooms and looked at the full moon. it was like the

and it was five full days usually I go away for like two or three days and never five full days and I swear to you we left we left the property once to go get ice cream otherwise we were there the entire time really yes any hikes lots of hikes me

Tom and Mary got completely lost oh I'm actually surprised you're alive it is surprising and I'll tell you why we're alive we got lost first of all Tom goes to leave for the hike and he's wearing um slippers that he bought it ross dress for less and we're like all right tom go put some shoes both of those things track so he put some shoes on and then we're hiking for about an hour and then we realized we're lost and for another hour we are going down wrong trails down steep hills

because we think that's where the road is comes to an end turn around practically climbing on all fours back up the hill again um poison ivy everywhere knee deep wherever we're walking, Poison Ivy. I'm in shorts. Tom's in shorts. And then we were completely lost. And we started to panic. We realized we, none of us brought any water.

And so Tom realizes that we have Wi-Fi. And he starts sending these S-OS texts back to the house. What do you mean you have WIF? You mean you have cells? Yeah, the cells are working. So, you know, you can get on GPS, but it doesn't show you any trails. Or really the roads, you can't tell if it's a road or a river. So we finally come up over this hill and like there's a big clearing and there's a big house with a barn.

And we're like, all right, there's got to be a road next to this, obviously. So we climb through, we walk through like a cornfield and we get to the house and we see a Trump sign. And then we see. And then Mary is shot and killed. Beware of dogs. sign and there is nobody around and we're like we're fucked and so we're like literally like heads down walking around the edge of the property we got to go to the other side of the house to find the road and then we start walking and we get and there's a driveway that's like long as

shit we're already like walked for like a half a mile and then this pickup truck comes down the driveway and it stops about 30 feet in front of us and we step off the road into the grass and then the person goes get the fuck off my property and we look up and it's uh it's Lisa it's Lisa Dunsky yelling at us from a pickup truck so they drove us about a mile and a half back to the house where we got relentlessly roasted get stranded you guys could have eaten Tom's toenail fungus oh that has a lot of nutrients in it oh god yeah but um great time And then the flight back is always so, so shit. You know, it was a two and a half hour drive to Boston, Logan.

And then I don't know, I don't mind flying somewhere. I hate flying home. And it's longer. Yes. Feels a lot longer. Mine from, mine was from New York, but it still said over six hours. We made it in less than six. But yeah, that's a little bit of a drag.

I watched that show, The Pit. Have you seen The Pit? No, but it's a big nom. nominee and it's like the second favorite favoriteed to win really yeah yeah it's very intense i watched uh i watched the first four episodes and like my hands were shaking it's very intense um what's his name produces it the guy from er no no wiley wiley yeah um yeah it's good but um watching that would be like going to oasis it's like oh my god it's the 90s again. Here's Noah Wiley in a, you know, an ER. Yeah, right. So, uh, all right. So,

oh, yeah, at Penmore, speaking of celebrities, Penmar, which is our local municipal golf course that we play at. Yeah. Every week, every Friday, Fitzsimmons, Fitzsimmons, Gibbons, Gibbons, and Gubbins. And, uh, I get, and then Friday nights, they have this music night that started out as like, there was a fucking flatbed back there that a band jumped up on and you know 50 people showed up we did stand-up comedy one week during COVID and now it has built up to the point where they have probably 50 high-quality outdoor speakers and about 2,000 people show up no it's a very professional venue at this point yeah and I mean it's they there's no built-in stands or anything like that but they know what they're doing there's all the speakers facing away

from the homes in there they have their line situation with wristbands all figured out no they had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars setting this up with the speakers and everything and then the neighborhood around the golf course took up a petition went to the city council and had them shut down so they're sitting there with all this equipment like what the fuck and so I guess they were able to negotiate where they do it one night a week and they got to be done by what like 10 o'clock nine nine o'clock yeah but but by the way the guy's still trying to stop it so there's a guy there's one guy in particular they all talk about and they're they keep meeting him in court and all that he just doesn't like it and they're like you know there are airplanes that are still taking off

that are way louder like then us and he literally goes um i like the sound of airplanes And he just wants to jump on it. And I'm just like, well, so this is your position. This event, which is making money for the city, by the way, in addition to the private interest, but it's a public golf course. The city is having a big take on this. And it is a community event that everybody loves. It's this outdoor thing.

It is two hours a week. it's not even near your house so you probably have to open your windows to hear it you idiot and it ends at 9 p.m. Really? You're going to dig in on that? Yeah. Well, you want to talk about who was there Friday night? So I haven't been in last

last night was Friday and I wasn't there last week either and so last week our friend Brian is there and he sends a picture he's like look who's at Penmore wearing a Penmar bucket hat and it's Brad Pitt No shit.

Yep. And his girlfriend is significantly younger or, yeah, it's no worthy, I guess, how young she is. And she fits the demo of this Friday night, great-looking, you know, influencer crowd. No, I would, you would be hard pressed to find a group of better-looking people in their 20s and early 30s than this music night. is crazy. It is pretty crazy. And so I wonder if he's able to enjoy the night. Are people, can you imagine, like being somebody that would actually walk up to him and ask for a selfie or something? What a douchebag you would have to be. Yeah. No, I know. Let me call up, by the way, have we, so the Penmore logo, our friend Brian had a hand in this. They redesigned it based on a

famous story. And it is that Harrison Ford crashed his plane on the 8th hole. And we all know that. They've put a crashed plane in the logo. And I say this because I am with Harrison Ford tomorrow. And I thought about wearing a Penmar hat. But it's like Brad Pitt is wearing Harrison Ford's crashed plane on his fucking, all right, Penmore by the sea. Let me put logo plane and see what we get. Harrison Ford has to know, I mean, this is one of them, but Harrison Ford has to know about this. I mean, I mean, he lives nearby. He's, oh, and here's the footage.

By the way, I never saw the footage of his crashed plane. I watched, oh my God, wow, oh shit. Yeah, I rewatched Snatch on my flight out to Boston. He is so good in that. He's so good in that. Oh, my God, that accent, it's impossible to understand. And he's just so, look, I'm not gay, but I feel a genuine attraction to Brad Pitt.

He is a beautiful human being. Here is the hat I should wear Fucking what am I doing here What just happened? All right It's an audio podcast Here's the hat I should wear In front of Harrison Ford

Yeah That's good Crash plane If you're not watching the podcast By the way It's on YouTube Just go to the Greg Fitzs Simmons YouTube channel

We're describing it so well Yeah Charlie Sheen Doc Did you see this? I started watching it Last night We actually because because Nate went to Denver

we kind of got our writing done and then I couldn't fall asleep so I'm like all right this won't you know I'll fall asleep to this it won't be that stimulating it listen it's you know I don't think it's a great documentary

the subject matter is so goddamn good and I know he has treated writers so incredibly well despite the absolute chaos in his life not I've never met a single writer you should hear Greg Garcia's story.

I've never met a single writer who hasn't been like he was so solid and cool. Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, no, no. Even in his craziness, he has this respect for, I think, kind of almost everybody but himself, really. Yeah. And his dad. But that's part of himself.

But anyway, it's great. You forget how many crazy challenges. chapters. We remember crazy incidents. I forgot how many, like, chunks of, like, then rehab, cleaned up his act, off again, clean up it, then really off the reservation, as they say. Yeah. Well, the other documentary, we promised people we'd talk about two weeks ago, and then we forgot to last week was Devo. Did you watch Devo yet? I watched it last night, and I'll just say, okay, this is last call. Watch it this week because we're going to talk. talk about it next week. I'm putting it in a like a do list. It is so much more than you think. It's just a 90-minute documentary. It's so much more than you would expect about this band.

Our very cursory understanding of what just seemed like another kind of, you know, late 80s. Late 80s or early 80s? No, Devo, I guess, was early 80s. Yeah, definitely. But they were so much more than their image. Anyway, let's get to it. Speaking of images, I just open my to-do list.

It turns out I have a lot to do. There's something in there from 2024. Let's thank our image maker this week, Aaron Beckstead, who is, yeah, she did a very nice. It's the Hyundai plant, which was shut down. Rated. Rated by ice. And basically the fucking plant.

Now, we are ostensibly trying to build up manufacturing jobs in the country, so we're shutting down plants. And that's us. I imagine we're trying to build plants with white people in them, if you ask. That's probably even in their game point. Yeah, but who's going to teach the white people how to build a fucking Hyundai? It's a Hyundai. And what are we?

We're in suits. By the way, hundas are fucking beautiful now. There are some really nice designs. There's an Instagram. They're not a sponsor this podcast, are they? Can I speak freely? There's a, have you, on your Instagram feed, has it come across? I think the son did it.

It's very smart. His dad is a garage, which a bunch of like just, you know, old-timer guys, but have been doing it forever. They're all working on cars. And he goes up to him and he's like, top five cars you'd avoid. And, like, he just asked these questions. By the way, it all comes down to own a Toyota or a Honda. That, even these guys are like, forget German cars.

They're out. And so, anyway, Hyundai is, he also does the list, you know, like top three you would never own. And Hyundai is up there, despite how good looking. Really? Okay. All right. The Korean cars are up there. They look good because they're always just sitting there. You can really get a good look at them.

No, it's like one of those things, I think it's like, this is my thought, not theirs. They've never articulated this. I think it's one of those like, yeah, it's an 80,000 or 60,000 mile car. then it's going to become a nightmare no i mean it is such a no brainer if if you're not a car guy or car girl car woman um you buy a toyota it's just simple Toyota highlander or a Prius they all love the forerunner it's amazing and they're not like these hicks or anything like that they're not it's not like they need it for hunting or anything i don't know i'm gonna see how I can see how well my my Ford Mustang holds up.

I know I'll get a couple. I drive it so fucking hard. It's ridiculous. And then I found a switch that turns it on to sport. You can turn it onto the sport setting. And now when I gun it into turns, the back slides. It always slid out when I would floor it into turns. But now it really comes wide.

And, yeah, it's fun. That's why they say, I remember someone once telling me, I'm like, Well, aren't like Ferraris and Lamborghinies, like the Italian performance cars and even Porsche's. Like, aren't they like incredibly unreliable and all that? He's like, well, what it is, the engines actually, it's not that they get an unfair rep because it's the way they're driven. Yes. They're driven like motorboats, which don't stand a chance either. It's like zero to 60.

Let's go. Like for it. You know, every time. Now, I go over 100 miles an hour every night that I'm driving back from the clubs. on the 10 freeway. I go 100 miles an hour. Yeah. You're one of those guys.

Yep. No, I don't. I don't zigzag. You should move to Glendale and get runner lights. No, I don't zigzag. I just, I stay in the left lane and when it opens up, I punch it and I get it up to 100. But it's got paddles on it. You know, you can change gears with the paddles on the steering wheel.

And, oh, my God, it just lets you handle. You go into a turn, you downshift, and it corners so beautifully. And I probably look like a doucheback. I don't really care. I think you should maybe put it back in its pussy setting. Corrections this week. Oh. Jacob said Osaka, Naomi Osaka,

was only ranked number one for 25 weeks total ever, Greg. Oh. You don't have to put my name in a correction. You could just say the information. I like you. I can get reprimanded. And then our friend, Aaron Beckstead, said, man no jane s and no jane s we said that jane s was one of the people that dressed up as blondie

and hagger at my show i believe it was in portland and uh instead it's it's our friends aaron and callie and i if you're watching this show on youtube we are posting a picture right now of the two of them dressed up and i got to tell you something uh both just you know beautiful women blondeie kind of obviously with my affection for blondeie it was a little hard for me it was a little hard for me to be that close to her oh wow yes that sounds concerning yes yeah but anyway they sent us this week's logo they've sent us a lot of logos in the past i think they did a couple songs they're working on another one and uh shout out to erin and callie also tour dates coming up Denver comedy works this weekend i will also be in denver it'll be a week after your boy but i'll be at the best club

second best club in the country the comedy works second best club september 18 through 20 then i'll be at comics in connecticut september 26th and 27th fairbanks alaska the week after that Vegas at brad garrets uh and then best buddies we're doing a big benefit for best bunnies at the la comedy store october 30th mike gibbons will be performing as well as myself and some big Max, Annie Laderman, I definitely would be there. No, Best Buddies. Oh, Best Buddies. He's going to be at the comedy store.

Brad Garrett. Also, Chicago coming up. Skank Fest in New Orleans. Tonight on the Emmys, Brad Garrett. Really? Oh, tell him I say hello. Okay, I will. We're fucking Blood Brothers.

You got it. San Francisco, Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, Cleveland, Atlanta. Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Come see some live comedy. Let's get to the front page. Wait, how long does it take to get to Fairb? How do you get to Fairbanks? You fly to Seattle, and that's about, what, four hours?

And then you get in another plane. No, Seattle's not four hours. Three hours? Denver's two and a half. All right, so three hours to Seattle. Two, go ahead. And then it's another four hours to Fairbanks. Let's bet.

What do you think the over-under? I'm about to ask this little phone machine, How long is the flight from Los Angeles to Seattle? Well, it's two time differences, two time zones. What is? No, I'm talking about to Seattle. I think it is two and a half hours. I'll say two and a half.

I'm going to say it's 213. Ready? Okay. And then I'm going to look up how far is Seattle? How long is the flight from Los Angeles to Seattle? I no longer say please to my robots, or thank you. Shit. $255.

All right. And I said it was four hours from Seattle to Fairbanks. I just looked it up. It's three hours and 50 minutes. So there you go. Hold on. The flight time from Los Angeles International Airport to Seattle is 215.

I think because I'm not counting like when you're sitting there and you're loading in in the padded time so they don't get a late flight. It's two hours and 15. I win. Okay. And it's a one hour time difference, not two hours to Fairbanks before you start correcting me. No problem. But the guy's taking me out.

There's like a special Northern Lights show. Hold on. Hold on. I want you to read this. I know we're a very visual. podcast today. I want you to read how much time this just said it takes. Two hours and 13 minutes. All right. Congratulations. Oh, my God. I'm good at this. It's less than a thousand miles. So when I'm in Fairbanks, they're going to take, I guess it's already snowed because they're taking

me dog sledding, ice fishing, and then one night we're going out to look at the northern lights. I guess they're like showing really well that week. Who does this? The guys that run it. They're great they just love having comics come up i got to tell you these crowds i somebody just shot their stand-up special up there this these clubs they show up to laugh and they are ready they are simple people in the best possible way they're uncomplicated they are go with you oh my god dude come on up when the hell else am i ever going to go to alat and i want and this is the time to go it's going to be October so like it'll be cold but not freezing October 1 through 4 you just told me about the northern lights yep and ice fishing which I actually love yep and then we're going to go apparently

Brad Williams they took him on the on the um the bob slit a mini I diderod whatever he fell off it of what dog sledding yeah he fell off the sledding oh All right. Anyway, let's get to the front page. Certainly there was enough room. Here we go. I got paper, man. There you go, man.

Danielle Hines got more than just a surprise in the delivery room. She got a big one, a baby boy tipping the scales at 13 pounds, 15 ounces. That's 14 pounds. Twice the size of an average newborn. Quote, he was the talk of the maternity. Award Hines 40 said of her son Anna Annan, born in Riverview, Florida, just south of Tampa. He's believed to be the largest baby ever delivered there, which, you know, look, a baby like this is going to cost a lot more to feed. But she has a shot at winning the $3,000 in Tampa's hugest vagina contest in October.

Get the kid vaccinated right away to stunt his growth. Good call. That's the RFK Jr. diet right there. Yeah, get him sick maybe to slow it down. I'm not saying I don't want to do any harm to the kid. I just want to slow the growth down. Give them every vacs. Give them shingles, flu.

You've, this had to be, I don't want to spoil your joke, but this had to be C-section. I don't know, at least eventually. She's six feet tall. So, I mean, I don't know. know what the ratio of height to. So it's a long vagina. It's a long, it's, it's, it, put it this way. When the baby came out and cried, they thought it was still crying when it had stopped

because of the echo. And so, yeah. Yeah. Baby came out and the baby, the baby slapped the doctor. That's what happened there. Jerry Seinfeld Likened the Free Palestine movement To the Ku Klux Klan

Sure I used to say Klu Klux Klan But it's Ku Klux Klan I think I might have thrown a couple of clues in there Yeah Over the years, yeah Saying the phrase Free Palestine

Are those who say the phrase Free Palestine are worse than the white supremacist group He said this at an event at Duke University meant to honor hostages who were being held in Gaza. Giza. He reportedly started by saying, in reference to the Free Palestine Activist Movement,

quote, just say you don't like Jews. Representatives for Seinfeld did not immediately respond to a request for comment. No, they're probably trying to get in touch with Jerry. Like, what are you doing? They're going like, you know what, we're going to drop him

and pick up Kramer. More, easier to represent him. represent as a publicist. Yeah, exactly. Wait, just to review, before you get to your thought, let's just look at the logic there. So the free Palestine people, which it is important to point out, he is not talking about Palestinians.

He is not talking about, you know, terrorists or anything like that over there. He is talking about probably a white kid at Duke who is, out there protesting or one of the many protesters there and they are like the KKK who lynch completely innocent people historically who have done zero to them you know I used to listen to Seinfeld and be like you are with any really good comedian you're like

that's so true he just said something that I for it's so true I don't know the last time I've said that after listening to Seinfeld. What's the deal with hating the Jews? I mean, I'm a Jew and people like me. Einstein, Dylan. And Frank, I get that, but she was always in that attic,

writing in that diary. Palestinians are like the lint in the screen in your dryer. You try to scrape it out with your nails, but you ever notice it just keeps coming back and you can't rip it out of the homeland? What's the deal? You're on your phone. No, I loved, I love the impression.

It was solid, right? No, it was really good. I don't do a lot of impressions, but my Seinfeld is really spot on. Just let me get back to this. Oh, okay, yeah, I'll fill the time. My writer's assistant, no, let's go. Ethical question, I'm ready. Ethical question, it's my turn.

Do you get a crinkle for this? Yeah, here we go, ready? All right. Ethical question. You are at, and this is a real thing that happened. Well, not real, but the setting is real. You go to a record store. It's like, you know, fucking Mel's vinyl on Robertson. And you walk in, and it's a dusty old album shop. You're happy that a place like this exists, even though you don't go in it very often. I would be very happy. You'd be so sad if it went out of business, even though you've never spent any money there. But you go in and you're going through the albums and you get to odds and ends

and you see a copy of the white album. And you open it up and you look at the vinyl and there's a pressing. I learned this when I was at this record meet that I went to a few weeks ago. There is a serial number of the pressing of each of the white albums, each of the first 1,000 white albums that were pressed.

Did I tell you this? owns the highest one or something? Yeah, he owns the highest. All right, so you find, I'll just tell you this, the number 70th was worth $70,000. I might be getting the math wrong on that, but it's a lot. You find number 34.

You know it's worth probably $100,000. Do you point this out to Mel, the record store owner, or do you it says $50 on the cover do you pay him the $50 go home and sell it or keep it or whatever you choose to do I buy the album you don't tell him what it's worth well wait a minute I mean I this is a pretty easy one no like there's no I'm not really a bad guy if I don't tell him right I don't know I mean I would think you've got a number of options one of them might be to say hey listen mel you buy the album and then you call mel the next week and you say hey mel i picked up the white album from you turns out i checked it's worth a lot of money i want to give you 25%

of the hundred thousand that i purchased that i sold it for yeah maybe i'm still bitter because i it's sort of similar i had a uh blonde on blonde bob dillon album and that was double and when you opened it there was a picture in the first pressing of his girlfriend at the time and then like the day they were like printing them they broke up so dylan called cbs and goes hey lose that picture of Melanie or whatever as a real dylan fan i should know what her name is i don't like lose that get that photo out of there man and they're like well we already want to press but we can do the best we can and stop going forward so there was a lot I don't think they were crazy rare, but there were a lot with her picture, but they were worth a lot more.

At a B.U party, someone stole that album out of like my milk crate of albums. Oh. Yeah. Wow. They knew. I remember there, I had a copy of their, their satanic majesty's request. Yeah. The Stones album.

And it had this 3D thing on the front that made it. worth more than it would be otherwise and yeah I don't know what happened it just disappeared from my house just gone wow people know the nerds out there you know collectors no all right yeah all right let's get to I don't think I'm wrong just buying the album that's for sale and you and you'd sell it for $100,000 in pocket 100% of the money who said I sell it you wouldn't sell it for $100,000 you would keep it? I would try to see if it was a good investment or not, I guess. That means to flip it, I was looking at it this way. Like when I get a gig on New Year's Eve, and I say to my wife, should I take this gig, or should we go to that party at the Dunski's house? And I say to her,

would you pay X amount of dollars to go to that party? That's the way I look at it. So would you spend $100,000 on the White album in the first place? If not, not, you should be selling it for $100,000. And in my mind, giving a portion of that to Mel. No, because it's a durable good. It's not like a party. I would say it's a, if someone goes, these are tracking up now. And God forbid, but when Paul McCartney passes, this, and Ringo, which could happen Tuesday, this is going to really skyrocket and, value or conversely you know what when they die like maybe it will hurt you know i'm making up i would listen to that and then make my decision i don't like you oh i to to be to be excited that john died

or wringo died that's what you're looking for i'm excited but it was like well wouldn't you be happy if the price of the album suddenly shot up wouldn't that make you happy do i sit on and listen to their great work and cherish it a while longer and and and if you're you're If the idea is selling it to make money, which is your premise, then I would do that later. And not give Mel any of the money. Mel's fucking, he should know his business. Yeah. Also, a lot of people buy albums in those stores.

Same with when they find a legendary painting in a, like, you know, a garage sale or something. It's like, oh, my God, this person doesn't know what this is worth. Like, this is a Scotty Cameron Putter at a garage. sale or, you know, that, and she doesn't know that her dead husband's clubs are worth a lot or whatever. Everyone tells those stories all the time. But you wouldn't give that dead woman some money for the painting? She just got a bundle of cash from her fat husband who's a golfer who just kicked it. A guy who could afford this guy, Cameron Butter. Oh, God. I got a car. My father had a friend. I was just out of college and I was looking to buy a car so I could go on the road and do

stand-up. And he had a friend who, um, the mother died in Jersey and I drove down there. I got a ride down to the garage. And it was literally take the tarp off the car in the garage. And it was a 69 Chevy. And, uh, I bought it for $3,000. And it was. And it was a $69 Chevy. And, uh, I bought it was. And it was definitely worth a lot more than that. And I wish to God I'd kept that car to this day. I love that car. Wow. That's cool. All right. Let's get to entertainment. Here we go. Okay. All right. So you are working on the Emmys. I thought what might be fun is to quiz you on how the Emmys are going to play out this year. You know what I saw? Is this illegal if you do this? No, because I'm not going to disclose.

And also, no, it's like a game show. No, oh, you want to hear how legit it is? So we've predicted winners because when Nate comes up, he can do a joke looking back at what just won. And, again, of course, you know, he's introducing some presenters. So we try to predict, like, okay, in act one, Seth Rogen's going to win. Well, we get a call. So what we do is we put in Seth Rogen, like Seth Rogen's speech, you know, went short. that's and when we come up with some joke so um in the script they had to add language to our

scripts which just said Seth Rogen if like if Seth if Seth wins in case like the script somehow got leaked like you know from wherever they're doing all the copies and everything like it's it's like a game show in that way it's really very very official yeah all right so you're going to make some predictions on the top categories. Number one, drama series. It is either going to be severance, the pit, the white lotus. I know. Last of us. The pit is the number two. You know, listen, I think I have to say it's severance. I don't know what I'm talking about, but I think it is. I think it's going to be severance as well. Although I would like very much if it was

I don't know I like the pit but I guess severance was better and I feel like it topped season one which you got to give it a lot of credit for that Okay let me ask you I know you're asking me questions I want you to tell me

the four highest the four shows with the most nominations the four shows with the most nominations I'm going to say and these are the nomination These are the nomination counts.

The number one show is 27 nominations. The second one has 24. Third has 23 and the fourth has 23. So it's a tie for third. I'm going to say the studio probably got a lot. Okay. Severance got a lot. Adolescence got a lot.

Yeah. All right. So back to my question. Are can you tell me the in order? What's the most nominated show? I'm going to say severance. You're right, with 27. Okay.

Here's, this is why I even did this. This is surprising. It's even surprising to everybody who writes on the Emmys. What do you think the number two most nominated show is? I'm going to help so we don't drag this out. Number three, or tied for third, is the studio and White Lotus. Severance number one, you're guessing number two, studio and white lotus are number three. I'm going to say it's either adolescence or, you know what show is a sleeper is the penguin.

That's what it is. It is. Okay. And I don't know where adolescence is. I don't know, but I know by, all right, let's get to comedy series, which is such a crazy category because I think that the bear won last year. Oh, I mean, we have to resist doing all the bear jokes. Like, you know, one line I had was, and the bear, which apparently thinks suicide's hysterical. All right, so for comedy, is it going to be the studio, which I couldn't get through even the second episode?

I think I made it to the second. Hacks, which I like. I got to do hacks. The bear, which I can't even do for that. Abbott Elementary, which just feels like a network show. I don't find anything that interesting about it. Shrinking, only murders in the building. You know, I hear, I've watched two of a lot of those, two episodes, including shrinking.

I mean, is shrinking the funniest one of those? I think it is, right? Probably. So, shouldn't I say the funniest one? Am I predicting what wins or what my opinion? Yeah, what wins. Oh, what wins is hacks. Okay.

Hacks. All right. And then we're going to go to limited anthology series. I think adolescence is a lock on this. Okay. By the way, Hax and Bear might split the vote and that's the only chance that shrinking has. And Harrison Ford would see me with my airplane crash hat on. Oh, lead actor in a drama.

Noah Wiley in the Pit, Adam Scott in Severance, Pedro Pascal and The Last of Us, Sterling K. Brown in Paradise, or Gary Oldman in Slow Horses. I didn't listen. What category are we? Best actor.

Oh. Okay, go on to the next one. I'm going to look this up so you don't have to repeat it. Noah Wiley, Adam Scott, Pedro Pascal, Sterling Brown. If it's who, I don't give a shit, I haven't seen it, but Noah Wiley. Noah Wiley, okay. And then lead actor and a comedy.

Seth Rogen for the studio, Martin Short for Only Murders in the Building. Adam Brody, nobody wants this. Yeah. Jeremy Allen White for the bear. He's so funny in that. He's hilarious in that. Or Jason Siegel in Shrinking. Yeah.

Um, I guess Seth Rogen. Okay. Seth Rogen. All right. And then finally, we're going to ask you lead actor in a limited TV movie. All right. Colin Farrell for the penguin, Stephen Graham for adolescence. Stephen Graham.

All right, Stephen Graham. But that's me. Who are the other ones? Cooper Koch for Monsters, Delisle and Eric Menendez. Jake Gillenhol. and presumed innocent. Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm going with Graham.

All right, that'll wrap up your predictions. We'll see how you do next week. Let's get down. Oh, this is a funnier quiz. This is a funnier quiz. There were a bunch of people, and they researched which of them had done Ozampic or is on Ozempic, and how many are not.

I'm going to name 10 people, and you're going to say whether or not they admitted to being on Ozampic. I'm going to say yes 10 times. Oh, admitted. Okay, go ahead. All right. Kelly Osborne.

She, uh, I think the Osbournes are pretty candid. Yes, she admitted it. That's correct. Chloe Kardashian. Chloe Kardashian probably had to admit it. Did not admit it. Oh. Amy Schumer.

Amy Schumer. She probably blamed it on a disease and not Ozempic. So no. Nope. admitted it oh lizzo Lizzo yes nope denied it it's it's all fiddle playing

yeah uh Elon Musk Elon Musk no you're wrong I think five for five he admitted no I got the first one you bitch Kylie Jenner Kylie Jenner I guess did not admit it because the family is taking a strong line

that's correct you're finding the patterns here yeah Oprah Winfrey. Oprah Winfrey, I've seen that lady drag a fucking little like wagging out with her fat on it, on Oprah. Look it up. That happened. She dragged all of us through her weight loss and gain cycles. What an ego. What a wounded narcissist. She, and she claims to be truthful. I'm going to say yes, but boy I bet she didn't go ahead she did admit it good see I said it both ways uh Jessica Simpson is she's still around what is she's selling shoes oh here's a better one she denied it uh James Corden James Corden probably he I like James a lot he's also very honest

but he he he does lose he's lost he's like Oprah he's gone through cycles I'm going to say he did not he did oh awful at this what does he look like and finally ice spice yeah ice spice ice spice uh gave it up to a zembit she denied it hey good lord you were fucking one for 10 on that one now too but all right uh all right let's go to florida here we go florida okay your story yes kid hold on We have Florida. Florida man allegedly runs. So we put this in last week, and we both, you see, we both read it. And then we skipped it on the fly, I think, because we had a lot of Florida stories.

Or we did not. You guys let us know if we already did this topic. Let us know, but here it goes again. Florida man allegedly runs over foot model with Carr on their first date after she refused to let him smell her feet. So this guy, Circe, allegedly arranged a meet. meeting on the dating app seeking with the woman in a room at the Serena Hotel, and he asked her if he could smell her feet and buy her used sneakers. The model told Searcy that he would have to fork over $1,000 for the shoes. Circe did not agree to the hefty rate, and the model

went to use the bathroom. While in the bathroom, the model heard Searcy run out of the room and thought he had stolen something from her. She ran to the parking lot where she allegedly saw Circe driving in a red Mercedes SUV. Fancy. He passed her. Then he did a three-point turn and ran her over. The foot model required immediate medical attention. The foot lover was arrested on Thursday after he attempted to book another room in the same hotel. Now, I would have thought he'd try to get away on foot. I think he wanted to see if the feet worked before he paid, you know? Oh, you got to test him out. Take him for a lap. Yeah. Yeah. Turns out they don't work so hot.

Jesus. Why doesn't he just get a job at a bowling alley or a foot locker like a normal foot fetishist? He could be a PA on a Quentin Tarantino movie. Do you think there's some podiatrists? I mean, they got in that game, right? You could specialize in any part of the body if you're a doctor or no part. And the podiatrist chose feet. Let me tell you something.

My wife used to work for a podiatrist, and they make, a lot of money and they can turn over that room. They come in, it's quick. You know where they make their money? What do you call the things you put inside the shoe? Insoles. Not in souls. No, they are insoles, but it's like, you know. Scorpions. Yeah. Scorpion. That's how he makes money. People get stung and he has an emergency kit. I got good news. Your bunions are the least of your problems on your left foot, man. Yeah. But, No, he made it, he made a lot of money, and you don't have to look in anybody's asshole.

You do have to look at feet. Yeah. Here's, you know, I mentioned Tom O'Neill earlier, but here, his feet, first of all, he's like half Wolverine. I bet he had no problem climbing up that hill on all fours. But here's my problem with the toenail fungus, okay? I don't have it, so why have I seen so much of it? that's a really valid question well what why why am i seeing it why is your fucking why is your

disgusting foot not covered up exactly if my toes were yellow i would never first of all i'm rarely barefoot i just don't like being barefoot i don't i don't like my feet and we all thank you for that um but there are ointments i've talked to my wife about this there are little you know fucking nail polish things that get rid of the fungus and they eat even have, like, a laser that you can laser it off. And then you take a medication. If it's an internal, you know, infection or whatever, take a medication. Right.

They also have ways you could, like, put something on top of it, I guess. Whatever, man, we shouldn't see them. I don't go into... I've seen them in Southwest, on a Southwest flight. That's a problem. Yeah, yeah. And she said one of the hardest things was, like, old people would come in. because they get to where they can't bend over

and clip their toenails, and the toenails get thicker and harder over time. Yeah. And he would have to clip old people's nails. Go to a vet. Go to a vet, your animal. It's so much cheaper. You don't need a human doctor.

Yeah. Or a doctor who focuses on humans. All right, we're running late, so we're going to skip Texas. And we're going to go right to sports. All right, sports. Here we go, buddy. Here, hold on, crinkle, crinkle.

Okay, John Daly suffers epic meltdown for worst hole of his career with embarrassing score. So we can skip through basically he was at this tournament. He took 19 strokes to finish the par 5 12th hole on the champions tour after already being four over par for the round on Friday. After sending his tee shot into the rough, the former PGA and British Open champion hit his ball out of bounds. and astonishing seven times in a row. That included shots into the water and surrounding woods. Well, look, I think this gives hope to millions of young golfers who want to, you know, play barefoot and drunk.

It's about radical acceptance. Yes. You can become obese, covered in skin cancer, get divorced four times, missed child support payments because you lost, ready for this? $51 million in gambling. That's how much he's lost in his life.

I wonder how much he's won, because I know he's won a lot. I don't know if I doubt it's more than that, but I know he's won a lot. He's won, well, his lifetime earnings, I just went down the rabbit hole on John Daly because I've always loved him. He has won over $10 million in tour earnings, but that doesn't include all the sponsorships. He also has a dispensary line. He designs golf courses. He had a wine for a while. Um, you know, these, these golfers make money eight different ways.

Super rich. He's on podcast. He talks about this all time. Super rich guys fly him in to play with their buddies. Yeah. And it's like he gets a million. Right. Or another one is they set up a bet with a super rich guy.

And it's kind of like a handicap against Jordan in a one on one or horse or whatever the fuck. So anyway, he makes a lot of, a lot of side hustles that way. But yeah, he's been divorced for him. time. So that alone has got to cost so much money. It would be great. You're just assuming the women were poorer than he was?

Yes. He's in country clubs, man. Maybe he roped one. No, he got at a certain point, he couldn't pay child support. He sold his house. He sold his Mercedes. He was flat, broke. He used to play, he used to play

$50,000 hands of blackjack. I don't know how he did it, man. I heard that story. If you don't know the story of how he won his first title, it's, if it was a, there's a lot of movies like it, like, you know, the walk on, you know, who becomes an NFL star that Mark Wahlberg was in.

But like, if you heard this, his story is way more unbelievable than that. It's incredible. No, he was about to play in the PGA. The PGA, which is one of the majors, and he was the ninth alternate. And then somebody had to cancel at the last minute because his wife was going to give birth. He drove all night long to get to the tournament overnight, had not played a practice round, did not know the course layout, had never, usually they get in there for a couple days, and they play the course to death, they've played it year after year,

never set foot on this course and he won by three strokes and he was only like I was in his 20s at this point early 20s you might have said this I'm sorry he's coming he slept in his car yeah oh I didn't say that part

I don't think he slept much though yeah yeah no I think if anything yeah maybe he didn't even sleep it's insane all right what do we got now we're moving on to this day in history let's talk about this day in history

here we go okay in honor of the Emmys Greg I got a lot a lot of TV ones. Oh, okay. Okay, you're ready? So, the Lone Ranger, originally a radio series,

debuted on television on this day, in what year, give or take six years? Well, TV started in 19, say 50. So I would say 51. You nailed it, buddy, 49. Nice. Yeah, a couple of fits facts on the way to getting that within the range.

But yes, the sitcom Frasier, a spinoff of Cheers starring Kelsey Grammer, debuted on NBC and became one of the most popular American television shows of the late, clue of the late 20th century, give or take three years, because you lived in Boston. When did Frazier premiere? All right, so Cheers was going on. obviously we were in college and the bull and finch was already called cheers basically it was a tourist attraction so cheers must have been on the year by the way that's not true but

uh final episode i worked there for two years as you know still called a bull and finch but cheers was also added to the sign but i believe the final episode was around the time we graduated so fraser would have been a spin off so that would have launched around 93 I already moved on what was it here it was 93 thank you very much okay

mash mash yeah we're into the fall season that's why they're all popping up and we're celebrating a bunch of these I'll tell you which ones in a minute tonight on the Emmys mash based on the Robert

Altman film debuted on Caucasian broadcasting system CBS in what year give or take three years that's tight that's a tight winner well look it was based on vietnam obviously but they pretended it was korea because it was so close to the vietnam war i believe it came out in 1975 oh man 72 thank you the robert aldman film was 1970 let's see if we can get another one here what we're going to do is we're going to go up here and we're going to get to

another TV story. I'm looking for a TV story. The American sitcom The Golden Girls, which we will celebrate tonight on the Emmys, debuted on American television. What year did the Golden Girls debut, give or take three years? 1978. 88, kid. Shit. You want to try to go out a winner? Yes. Well, I am a winner. I got the first three right. Well, I mean, going out on Law and Order, which we're also celebrating tonight on the Law and Order debuted on NBC in what year, give or take five years? 1984.

Oh, my God, I love how this ended. 1990, you missed it by a year. Damn it! All right. We did it, and now it's time to move on to you wondered if we'd do it. You scratch your head when it didn't come up in the front page. And now it's time. for the obituaries and we say will we do it new section all right a gentleman named charlie kirk

who i'm not going to lie to you i don't i didn't know charlie kirk you didn't know him well i mean he's one of those names that you always heard like you'd see clips of people and he was one of those people that was clipped a lot and shown a lot and i know that he did a lot of the um the the podcasts and stuff but I wasn't familiar with his work. Did you know about him? Of course. Oh, I mean, I would see him. He'd go around, sadly, that's what he was doing when he died. But he would go around and do these debates.

And I loved seeing the one especially in England where he got his ass kicked a lot. Because he wasn't, he wasn't very, facts didn't get in the way of a lot of his broad, sweeping, generalizations about like especially African American crime and stuff like that. So the he got called out on a lot and also on a lot of policy and numbers about even like the budget cuts that were going on and stuff like that. So listen, we should lead with this is the this is the worst. I can't believe you know I was with a bunch of people when this happened And it's funny, like, we, Greg, you and I grew up in a time where people got shot on stage or in front of a microphone a lot. Yeah.

And then that died down. Sadly, there's a ton of other shootings. But the assassination, especially of political figures, I mean, it was seemingly every president when we grew up. It was Ford. It was Reagan. Like, you know. And then, of course, Jesus in the late 60s, you know, especially 68. So.

I thought you said Jesus. Oh. That was the first assassination. No, Caesar was the first assassination. Wait. Now, Jesus was before Caesar. Yeah. Right?

Who was first? Caesar or Jesus? I think Caesar was AD, right? I think so. It's only a 36-year window or something. So anyway, it's crazy. Well, there was multiple Cesar's. So which one?

Caesar Augustus? I've moved on. It's crazy that this happened. It's so wrong. And that the rights reaction to it was just unhinged. And of course there's going to be lunatics celebrating. There's going to be lunatics celebrating every single. There's probably lunatics celebrating school shootings.

So let's not pay attention to the lunatics. Let's pay attention to like politics. reactions and people like that and some of them were so unhinged yeah well it was a lot of jumping to people people rush to first of all announced that he was caught there was a moment where they said he was caught and he wasn't oh they had so many things wrong yeah and then they you know uh father's a cop wrong he's a democrat he's a republican he's trans wrong people used to wait a little bit. There's no responsibility any longer. So,

but yeah, we'll say this. It is awful that this happened. It is something that, unfortunately, is not, I think there's a perception or a narrative built that there is, that one side, whether or not

it's a Democrat that shot or Republican that shot, that somehow there's a narrative that the other side had a meeting, and there was a lot of planning, and they elected somebody to go do the shooting. It's like, no, it's usually somebody who has severe mental illness, and they go out and they do something that is murder. It's murder. It's not politically motivated often.

It's a whim, almost, who they hate. And so, but I think what it leads to is this further schism, and I think we're going to have a civil war. I think there's going to be more of these shootings on both sides. I think there's going to be protests that are stoked. Trump certainly stoked the first. fires of, you know, them versus us. Instead of bringing people together, he, he escalated the problem. You mean like after this, when he listed every Republican shoot, every, like, Republican who's been shot? Yeah. And left out every single left-leaning person who's been shot.

Yeah. It's really unhealthy. It's really scary. And I do think in the next, we should have a poll on this. I think in the next 18 months, there is going to be. What would be considered the beginnings of a civil war in this country? So this is though as if I don't feel sorry enough for poor Charlie Kirk and his family. The worst is going to be when the president is playing golf during his funeral because that's what he does. That's what he did when an American politician was assassinated with their spouse. Well, Charlie Kirk was shot in the afternoon and Trump was at a Yankees game doing. the YMCA dance that night on camera.

So we'll see if he's playing golf. But, yeah, so it's, it'll be sad when he's playing golf during this funeral. All right, let's cheer up, Mike. Okay, here we go. What are we doing the funnies? We're doing the funnies. Okay, related to that, I'm going to begin with the onion as I do every week. All right.

And the onion is, is, is. this was like the next day after the shoot and it's a picture in the onion of j d vance and the onion headline is visit from j d vance last thing utah needs right now it's so good um all right last week as always we did the comedy caption not always sometimes i forget to do it but last week's comedy caption is uh submitted to me at fitzdog radio at gmail dot com you simply send in your punchline for the comic that we described to you and the winner will get a coozy mailed directly to their homes uh this week or last week i gave you the comic that there's four socks they're standing outside of a dryer in a laundromat one sock is talking to the other socks matt from peoria said

one of us isn't coming back out all right so i have to say there was like three themes that almost everybody hit here's the thing about joke writing take the first three ideas that present themselves and slap those to the ground and start working on the fourth fifth and sixth concepts to come to you like this guy ben you added race stripes to reduce your wash time nice touch i like it different That's different. John W. Is Ben living the UK? You ain't getting a goosey.

John W., you know, he lives in the UK, yeah. John W. You said, where's Krusty? Damn it, another one just disappeared. So masturbating on the sock and the sock disappearing. We're very popular. Oh, I didn't even get it with Krusty. Yeah, I should have.

Sorry, I've lost a step. You know, I've never, ever done that with a sock. Lost one? No. Made it Krusty. Oh. Jesus Christ Mine could walk

to the fucking washing machine on their own. Jeff's near Montreal. I mean, I should say I never did it in my I did it in other people's socks, not mine.

Yes. Well, you would probably use the pads. That's all you would really need. Yeah, it was a light load. Jeff said, listen, I swear I swear her only fan said, meet me at the laundromat.

I want, I want four thick socks. I want thick socks. white so I want fourth thick white sock. Jeff, you had it. The idea was good and just take a pass on your wording everybody. How does it roll off the tongue is very important. Parker said, I like my women like I like my socks, two at a time. Not bad. Tight. Okay. Ryan Timberlake says, get in, dude. You smell like jizz. Now, am I the only one seeing it looks like they're concerned? They look concerned, yes. The guy's

Like, hey, guys. Right. All right, go ahead. Harold von Anis, the third, said, Oh. Okay, guys, I know that one of us usually doesn't make it back out, but I think we're coated with enough of little Timmy's jizz. Oh.

And we stick together and it won't be a problem. Harold. Harold. Get a fucking marker and take out every third word. Also, that name, Harold von Anis, the third. You had two generations to clock. I know. Not the best name.

I mean, don't people call you, Harry? It's... Just call your trip. You'd be trip, right? The third? Jason H said, this is just like the documentary I said. They were told that they were just showers. Those weren't showers, man.

All right. Michael Osborne said, I was looking forward to ladies underwear, not you losers. That's not bad. Yeah. I like that. You avoided, you know, you... separated pairs or lost entirely. Yep.

I'll go with that one. I like Mr. Osbournes. Okay. Congratulations. Michael Osborne, you will be sent a coosie. Send me your address and we'll get it right out to you. I've got to see how many coosies we have left. Oh, Jesus.

Here we go. Next week's comic for you to write caption. Please, when you send in your jokes, write the joke with your name directly underneath it. It helps me out a lot. Thank you. There is a woman, this is obviously an Adam and Eve scenario. She's raking leaves. She's wearing only leaves to cover her vagina and breasts is. Adam is, and she's very hot, Adam is sitting on a rock eating an apple, and there is a snake above Adam's head. She is speaking. What is Adam saying to Eve? And what is Eve saying to Adam as he chomps on an apple with the snake over his head? let us know there you go let's get to the pros this is hagger haggers in a hospital bed his leg is up in a cast

his arm is broken and he's got his son sitting there and he goes i'm sorry i'm in the hospital and not in your class on career day and the son says it's okay dad next frame there's like a bunch of kids and a teacher in the room with the son and he and he goes my teacher said the class will learn more about Viking life by seeing you here. And then Hager tells some stories about the road, some road stories, about the chicks. I mean, well, the school ought to have all these grape and pillage drills. That's right. Because a graper and a pillager was coming on campus.

Right? And they said, don't let the Vikings touch your bathing suit parts. Okay. The lockhorns. We got, Leroy has a really small, I would call it a minnow on his fish line. He's got a fishing pole on his other hand. They're on a dock. There's a boat behind them.

Loretta's taking a picture. And she goes, let's hope the camera adds a few pounds. You know, the best variation of that joke I've ever heard was, it was someone goes, maybe it was a character in a show where it goes, the can, you know, well, listen, to be fair, the camera adds 10 pounds. And someone goes, how many cameras were there? That's good. All right. And then Leroy and Loretta are looking at a computer.

And Leroy goes, How do I know if this is artificial intelligence or authentic stupidity? Pretty good. That's pretty good. That is pretty good. Current. Pretty recent. Yeah.

And then finally. Look at her. Blondie is at the snow. I got to tell you something. It's very autumnal. It's very autumnal. It's automo. She has a rust-colored sweater. Her bosom is heaving, made almost oxymoronic by the thinness of her waist. The bowling pin calves are holding her up. As she does what with an apron on? Stirs a fucking saucepan in the kitchen. Her daughter, who also has an ample bust and yellow hair, is reading her phone and goes, Zach Mugly kept asking me out, so I finally had to put him in the friend zone. And Blondie goes, which is, means. And the daughter goes, we basically chat and hang out, but no kissing or hugging. And then

dummy pops his head in and goes, works for me. It's like you wrote it. Right. Right. Because in the comic, I believe whoever writes this stupid comic is saying he's glad his daughter is only doing that. But you and I both know that Dagwood, as a homosexual, is happy that he does not have to hug or kiss his wife. Uh, yeah. He puts Blondie in the friend zone. He's a perma friend zone dude. Yes. He puts himself in friend zones his whole life.

Yep. What a waste. All right, listen, Mike, you got to get back to the Emmys. I think the audience really appreciates you taking time out to an insane schedule the night before the Emmys to do this. So, uh, wait, I wanted to ask you something tying it back into the time. tied to, it reminded me, her autumnal sweater reminded me of this. Could you feel there was no feeling of fall or autumn in Boston yet when I was there? But this is a day-to-day thing and Vermont's further north.

Well, it was crazy because it really, at night it would go down to the 40s. Really? During the day, it was in the 70s. And when we got there, I mean, literally, you're looking over just, panoramic view of trees as far as the eye can see and it was dark green and then by the time we left there was splotches of red and yellow mixed into the leaves I saw it happen surprised well it was a very dry summer so they say when it's dry the leaves change really quickly once it gets cold all right yeah but and uh were the mosquitoes already gone or no pretty much all gone i think

i saw one mosquito that's great yeah oh and we saw a giant pile of bear shit and bare paws on the on the path that we were on that was on both of those were o'neal all right mike good luck with the emmys thank you sir well so we'll check in on your picks next week and see how you did and in the meantime we're going to just remind people to come to the denver comedy works this weekend tell your friends and also check out the devo documentary i believe it's on netflix and we'll talk about it next week perfecto take Take it ish, everybody. Take itish.

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