Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 281 9/21/25

Episode Date: September 21, 2025

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Volvo retailer or go to explore Volvo.com. papers flopping on your patio dogs grabbing it little slobber on the front page doesn't matter we got to watch what we say we got to watch what we say today be very careful they're coming for us first they come for the comedians is that with how that poem went you know uh south park didn't make their deadline i guess is that what it was two weeks in a row here's my weird thing right Of all times I wanted to see South Park, and also, like, almost in the moment because of the week's news, it's, it's, forget. They're like, oh, they didn't make their air time. There are no more air times.

Exactly. Go up any hour of any day. Just put it up. No, what are you, Comedy Central? No one, my daughters couldn't even begin a search to find Comedy Central. Right. And they watch a ton of funny stuff. Yes.

and it's about the clips it's not about the episode going up they could have literally just put out they could have put out three two minute clips and called it a week Sophie called me yeah Sophie called me Sunday right

because the Emmys were Sunday Dad hey I want to watch how do I find CBS yeah no idea my daughter called me and she said dad where's our television set not where's the remote where's the screen it's incredible

yeah so we're uh we're obviously at this time and this show again we've lost so many listeners because of what people call our libtard views even though we really don't I don't think we talk politics that much in terms of partisanship but the little bit incredibly incredibly sensitive the light is very we're yes we're very restrained and they're very sensitive but that's what it's come down to you know it's like how which people are just always trying to identify what side

i went out to dinner last night with my friend jena from college i met her the first day of school she was at the first stand-up comedy i show i did in my life my freshman year wow she was in the audience with dan bickner and uh it was the day that it was in january that it was in january Super Bowl Sunday, literally, I performed my first time on the night that the New England Patriots got beat so bad by the Bears. It might have been a record for the worst loss in Super Bowl history. The fridge ran in for a touchdown. The fridge. Yep. And so it was an angry, rowdy crowd, but I had a bunch of beaver. Anyway, we went out to dinner and, you know, you quickly figure out what side they're on because she grew up wealthy and they have a lot of

money and you know they're country club people and so I was aware of that but you know we got through a whole dinner with outbreak politics sort of brushed against us a couple times and we just kind of moved away from it but it made me realize like in the in the past you would have gotten into it a little bit and had a healthy discussion and maybe laughed and moved on and now it's like this barrier that you don't even go near anymore. Yeah. Yeah. It's so, it's nuts.

Someone brought up a good example of like, just to highlight, because you forget, you know, because we're in this Trump world now, you forget, you lose, you lose a little perspective, but someone brought up, and I'm going to forget the exact example, but if the Biden administration, like, you know, if, you know, three years ago. If someone on the left died, I don't know who that would be, maybe Jimmy Carter or whatever it is. I don't know. And if anyone made a joke about it, and Kimball didn't even really make a joke,

we'll get to that. And then Biden shut them down. Biden shut down the show. And literally spent all his time, While there's a war, multiple wars going on, Biden spent his time attacking ABC. Right, right. Well, the one thing I will say is, you know, during the pandemic, a lot of people were kicked off of social media. They were kicked off of Twitter.

And that, to me, did not sit well. I felt like this is a marketplace of ideas. There's somebody going to be untrue. but to call it misinformation and ban people for that that set the stage for this kind of thing and it puts Democrats on not great footing because we did the same thing, you know, five years ago. Why are you saying Democrats did that?

Well, at the time, I think that the social media companies were, stood very much with the left. I think that, you know, you got to remember, Elon Musk was a fucking liberal five years ago. He just jumped on board because, this is who's in power and I think that a lot of the a lot of Silicon Valley with their you know donating money to to the environment and you know you got to remember Tesla was originally about clean energy right well listen they're all whores so it's whoever's in power they're

kowtowing to right that's the problem but it was it hit me hard though man seeing somebody who does what we do that does comedy at being canceled for it and their their livelihood being taken away is fucking scary it saw it with Colbert you saw it with him not to mention all the news outlets that are being shut down um you know CBS news and PBS and NPR and you know I mean what's your take on PBS and NPR being shut down because obviously they do skew very left and the government is paying for that so there is a question about partisanship with government money there isn't there yeah i'd like to see a study of like what skews left means i'm not denying the skew left but there are certain things like it's hard like trump isn't typical right you know what i mean

but like a journalist wants to go after the truth so who is a journalist who's truly even if it was like a robotic, literally a robot journalist who just sought the truth, that robot would have way more problems with the right, the last 12 years. I mean, that's just a fact. Right. If you want to talk about facts, we're talking about NPR is committed to science. You know, the things that came up during the pandemic were science based. The things that came up about the 2020 election were science based. But, but, but, but, Generally, if you're saying, like, things like more pro-environment, I would say, obviously, NPR's more pro-environment. I don't know if NPR's more.

I'm guessing they're more pro-choice. Maybe they could defend themselves saying yes, because that's the, you know, that's what the law of the land was until it was just changed. Well, they're absolutely DEI. I think there's a, it's all diversity. I always laugh about the names of the fucking broad. broadcasters on NPR, it's like, and now Lachshmi Singh is going to turn it over to fucking, you know, but I don't know, isn't there a way of looking at it that maybe there are issues in the world and NPR just looks at those issues and so does the Republicans and so do the Democrats and they choose which side they're on? Like, do you think it's maybe that first rather than, hey, we're with the Democrats, so we look at these issues this way? I think that they've always given a voice to the right.

They will interview people on the right, I think, as much as people on the left. I think they've got very intelligent professional. I mean, look, journalism has certain criteria. You're supposed to not inflect your own view. use into a story, and I think that they do that. I mean, you listen to Michael Barbaro on The Daily. He just simply asks questions. He does not, he doesn't interject his opinion on things.

Right. But, I don't, yeah, I mean, I don't know. In terms of what you're saying, the original question, a state-run or state-funded journalist, you know, like stations and publications, I imagine. Yeah, it gets trickier now, now that the state is less part in a way, it's more partisan. So I don't, I don't know. I'm in over my head, clearly. I can't even answer it.

What else is going on? How was the Emmys? You were the head writer on the Emmys last week. And, you know, a lot of people are raving about the writing. They love that $100,000. I think I would personally I think they beat it a little hard by the end Yes I agree became a little bit of a distraction I think it was a great premise and I think that I would have liked to see Nate do more stand up instead of just relying on that one

device yeah you know so Nate was I mean he's awesome but he uh right before it he really reading prompter and reading jokes is not Nate's thing and any fan of Nate could tell you that and so we did it also he kept his Denver dates I think we talked about this last week it's where I am right now yeah they're still talking about him here he left rehearsal at 2 p.m. on Friday did a show in Denver Friday night did two shows in Denver Saturday. The M.E. or Sunday. Yeah. And then he flew back a late Saturday night.

So anyway, but after the rehearsal, dress rehearsal on Sunday, he then asked me to take a lot of words out of prompter. I'm like, yeah. I go, he goes, it's just, just leave in like ad lib about, you know, whatever topic where there was a joke written, right? And I go, what about just leaving the words in and ignoring the prompter? because you're not, there's no way to tell how it will really feel when you walk out there and then all these people you know are staring at you.

Right. And no, we took it out. So, in my opinion, that hurt delivery a little and also some key words were missed now and then. But he just, he likes being Nate and you can't flam for that. No, it came across very organic. It came across like he was. I think he did capture his voice, you know, on stage. I would just like to see more of it.

I would like to see, you know, I mean, how long was that opening monologue? Oh, no, we were only given, when he came back, we were given two minutes, two and a half minutes. Yeah, yeah, because the sketch took up the time. Oh, I see, yeah. No, we had a ton of jokes. Cold open was great. The history of television was really smart, very well. executed all the jokes were strong i kept waiting for it to fade you know because it is like an

snl sketch and i kept waiting for it to be that redundant thing where you go like all right i get it i get it but i thought i thought each new beat kind of like elevated it was good yeah no and we had a lot more jokes i mean we had one like that we used as the example when we were talking about the bit which was there'll be there'll be uh and i had a joke about the watching TV on apps. But basically Paramount Plus. Plus what, sir? Nothing.

You know, like that was like, that's kind of how we sold a bit. I had a joke, my favorite personally of mine was that he's in the part where he's talking about streamers to these people. Like he's like, well, we have so many, you know, he's like, so there must be so many channels. He's like, there'll be none eventually. He's like, well, what do people watch? He's like, apps.

And he's like, what's an app? And he goes, it's an application. He's like, so people watch. out your applications he's like what no no one says it like that he sounds stupid but uh so anyway dude the highlight of the emmys without a doubt well first of all brad garrett fucking killed but my other favorite part was the woman who was presenting for best director in a limited series and she made um first of all she comes out and tells everybody her resume i can't remember who the woman was and she's like I was on this show I was on so if you don't recognize me you shouldn't

be here right now and then she goes so for best director and she names the names and she goes if you're not counting that's five women directors nominated crowd goes wild she goes it's finally happened crowd goes wild reads the winner it's the one guy me and mikey fitzgibbin stood up and started we were at gubbins's house watching it and Aaron was there and uh couple other people and we could i i almost fell down on the ground i was laughing so hard it was just so fucking poorly thought out he was the frontrunner by far that how do you not see that coming i mean it would have been a crime if he didn't win yeah come on in he uh that would have been a crime if he didn't win um and it was elizabeth banks by the way she's great she's great but

that was a weird way to set herself up like no jokes to it never they should have never they should have all told her like, whoa, here's what you need to know. Odds, tremendous odds are the guys going to win. So now how do you want to handle it? Right, right. Yeah, that was funny. Jesus Christ. That was great.

I didn't, by the way, I did not see that moment. We were like huddled backstage, either adding up the minutes. You know, we had to keep an eye on the minutes, how many people ran and all that stuff. Yeah. I didn't even see that when it happened. And that was amazing. Why don't we go through right now? I had you make predictions.

Oh, boy, I think I was wrong. There were a lot of upsets. Yeah, best series. You said it was going to be severance. And in fact, it was. Oh, yeah. The new ER with the same actor? Yeah, yeah, right, right.

The Pitt. The Pitt one. You said hacks. It was not hacks. it for best comedy it wasn't the bear oh it was the studio yeah the studio of course and why did i underestimate the room if there's a show about the voters they're going to vote for it you guessed adolescence correct you guess seth rogan for best actor correct you guessed stephen graham for best actor correct yeah so not bad yeah well what we do in the shadows is the funniest show of those

ones that's what really should oh i've never seen it is it good What we do in the shadows? Yeah. Dude, it is so funny. I just hate vampire shows. It's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's just, they might as well be mechanics. It's just set in that time. It doesn't matter.

It's about all these roommates. Yeah. Did you wait, did you, did you see the movie, uh, what we do in the shadows? No. Start there. Really? Because it's like he never does the dishes. Like, he's just given an interview.

he's like 1100 years old he talks about history he's been with like Napoleon like you know it's a vampire and all this but the fight is that the new vampire in the house doesn't do the dishes it's so funny all right it's on the list

oh yeah all right let's get to this week's logo is the it's the man who stole a hat from the child who got it from the player a couple weeks old but um we did get we did get a a charlie kirk one better than the charlie kirk um which was very good thank you for sending it yes thanks for sending it but we felt like it might i just don't believe he's

in heaven so i didn't buy into the premise the song this week is from joshua gershenson excellent he said that he thinks that we're about to narrow in on a permanent song so he wanted to get this in so it would be in the running so okay joshua i'm not saying we are doing that but if we were it would definitely be in the running yes um corrections bob patterson who is our he is he is our continuity nazi he is the guy that uh captures little mistake by the way my wife is a continuity nazi and watching tv with her is like she'll be like wait wait wait wait wait pause it pause pause it rewind that guy that guy had on a gold watch and now from the different angle it looks like it's silver wine and I just look at her like oh I forgot to tell you it's all pretend she better

you know where they get them in the old movies and stuff it was cigarettes was the big one oh yeah but any time there's a scene where they have to be they're drinking wine or water it's a nightmare yeah or the other thing I I love is like without a doubt when they give somebody a paper cup of coffee it's fucking empty they hand them a full cup and they're waving it around with no weight in it whatsoever. Yeah. So anyway, Bob said drowning is not a word. D-R-O-W-N-D-I-N-D-I-N-G.

I don't know if I said drowning. I think I do say drowning. How do you say it? I think that's you. I say drowning. Yeah, I say drowning. I like drowning. Yeah.

Mark Russell. It's occurring to me. It was a busy news week. I'm now flooded with thoughts. thoughts of uh of um robert redford it was a weird week for people of our age yes very disorienting all right go ahead sorry mark russell uh wrote in caesar was assassinated in 44 bc he adopted his grand nephew octavian uh a k augustus aka caesar augustus posthumously in his will who officially became emperor from 27 27 bc to 14 a.D. The way I always remember Augustus reign is that he

was emperor in year zero. So Caesar was assassinated before Jesus. All right. So I guess the Caesar, like when you think about like people that use different monikers, you know, like the, the roastmaster was way back when was Milton Burrell and then it became Lisa Lampinelli and then it became Jeff Ross so really the original Roastmaster as the

real Caesar was 44 BC all right down to tour dates I'm going to be in Connecticut this weekend at comics September 26th and 27th Fairbanks Alaska at a few different theaters October 1st through the 4th

Vegas at Brad Garrett's October 13th through 19. L.A. we just announced the Best Buddies Benefit at the Comedy Store, October 30th. It's going to be a lot of big name comics. Get your tickets now. Chicago at the Den Theater. Lafayette, Louisiana just announced this week. New Orleans at Skankfest in November. San Francisco Punchline December 11 through 13. Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey at Bananas, December 26 and 27th. Fitzdog.com to get tickets.

Front page. Can we get a cranko, Mike Gibbons? Here we go. Yeah. Oh, sure. Here's a Trader Joe. Yeah. Wow. That was strong. Oh, shameful to be a West Sider in L.A. and have a paper Trader Joe's bag. You didn't bring your cloth bag to Trader Joe's?

I know. Well, look at me, though. I'm reusing it. There's stuff in. Oh, wait, there's paper in it. Hmm. I didn't have to look. I have paper. I'm reusing, reuse, reuse. Jimmy Kimmel, all right, so we kind of cover this. But during his Monday show, he criticized how President Trump and some Republicans were responding to the fatal shooting. FCC Brendan Carr suggested during his podcast appearance two days later that the FCC should take action again.

So here is what happened behind the scenes, which is public. I mean, I think this is in the New York Times. So advertisers and affiliates soon called the network expressing concern about Kimmel's show. executives at Sinclair and Nextar, who are owners of more than 60 local ABC stations, told the network leaders after cars remarks that they would indefinitely preempt the shows starting that night. So for people that don't understand that, ABC is the company that makes Jimmy Kimmel, but then it goes out and it goes, say, to Cleveland. And Cleveland, ABC there is an affiliate. So it's a local ABC. That's one way to look at it.

So Sinclair and Neckstar owns 60 of these local ABCs. So Kimmel had planned to address Carr's comments on his show Wednesday night, according to people familiar with the matter. Before his on-air appearance, Dana Walden, co-chairman of Disney, spoke to the host. So now it's back to corporate in Los Angeles, and Jimmy's boss, Dana Walden, sits down with him. After the conversation, she and other senior executives thought that the star's approach could make the situation worse, people familiar with their conversation, told the press. Executives also discussed staff safety, including threatening emails on Kimmel's show,

the Kimmel Show had received after Carr's remarks, and some had posted the personal information like home addresses of Kimmel's staff. Walden huddled with her team and Disney Chief Executive Bob Iger before the two executives decided to temporarily take Jimmy Kimmel Live off the air. Now, one thing I forgot to explain, even if they let him go on that night, he would not have appeared on at least 60 ABCs. So odds are probably in your city because I think they own those two companies own some of the bigger markets.

So here's what Jimmy said. Everyone, including Tim Dillon, I just saw him do a thing defending Kimmel. And in his defense of Kimmel, he's like, yeah, so he said the kid was Mag and comes from a real MAGA family, you know, and he was wrong about saying that about the kid. Kimmel didn't know such thing. In fact, I think this is a perfectly worded sentence that Kimmel said. He goes, we hit some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA gang desperately trying to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them.

them. That is flat out true. By the way, the same could be said about the left. Both were desperately trying to paint this kid as the left was trying to paint him as MAGA and the right was trying to paint him as something other than that. And they were all grabbing snippets online about, you know, fucking Photoshop t-shirts of him with a MAGA shirt on and, you know, both sides were rushing to get this information out. And, uh, And Patel even made a statement before we knew the facts. It's like nobody cares about truth. They just care about speeding it to press.

Right. So nothing he said. And then he criticized the president accurately. In between finger pointing, there was grieving, Kimmel said, of President Trump's grieving process for Kirk, which he said was akin to, quote, how a four-year-old warns a goldfish. Did you see his first comments? I think it was about Kirk or the first when he came out of a helicopter. Yeah.

And he immediately started talking about the new ballroom construction. How are you feeling about Charlie Kirk's death? He goes, I feel good. I feel good. You know, the patio's coming in. And then he was at the Yankees game. The night Charlie Kirk was died doing the YMCA dance. They played YMCA and he's got his fingers up in the air and he's dancing around.

That's disrespectful. well let's see i mean politicians were assassinated in their home and he was playing golf during their service yeah so anyway uh the first thing i thought of was that old uh that song from this from the 60s the revolution will not be televised yeah you know but but you know i think and i was thinking about that song and what that song was saying wasn't that they're going to take it off tv it's that we shouldn't be watching TV to support a revolution. You should be in the streets doing something about it. And so I think that the message might be coming out of this is stop sitting in your couches and being in chat rooms, get out in protest, use your voice. And I'm not talking

about right or left. I'm talking about the First Amendment. I'm talking about whether or not you agree with what Kimmel said, whether or not you supported Charlie Kirk. It is a time which is very dangerous where the government is dictating who can say what in the media. That is a slope that you will slip down and not come back from. No, and I mean, what happened to Kirk is insane and so un-American. And like all the focus should be like, you shut that down. You get whoever couldn't tolerate words and kill the person for it. you get that person and they go to jail forever.

Or maybe they're killed. That's what Utah is deciding. And we'll get into all the fishy circumstances about the guy in a minute. Because the right are the exact wrong people not to have a neatly tied bow on a story. If there's anything that kind of doesn't make sense, they love the conspiracy theories of it all. So we'll get to that a minute. But this was my thought this week. I really hoped people were going to stop saying Kimmel because it's, that's just one.

I mean, he's the example, but as you're pointing out, it's, it's the huge or issue of First Amendment. Also, it wasn't even the biggest news this week for me out of the White House. It was declaring Antifa a terrorist organization. And I don't know if people fully understand the ramifications. If he is allowed to do that, that means. he literally can lock up anyone he wants. He can call the ACLU a terrorist organization. He can call any Democrat Democratic leading group can be declared criminals and shut down and arrested and silenced.

And you don't even have to be Antifa. You could be viewed in the president's mind of aiding and abetting Antifa. So if you're a publication that. that he deems sympathetic, you're done. Right. And then you got, and how is it that Kimmel is picked out in the same week that the Fox News host, Brian Kilmaid, came under fire after he suggested on air that mentally ill homeless people should be given involuntary lethal ejections and just kill them. Because they're all Antifa. How is that, how is that not condemned?

How is that show not taken off the year? That is way more specifically threatening to human life than anything that Kimmel said. Oh, it's the double standard. Again, politicians assassinated in their home. Our whole country, it's kind of like police. When a cop is killed, everything stops. Yes. That doesn't happen.

And regardless of what you think about the police, like let's get into the D.E. of that. But that line is drawn and should be drawn. And then if there's problems with police, which there are, you got to really work on that. But there's no, and there's a better example probably than killing a cop, but that's the one that comes to mind. I'm sorry, you assassinate an American politician in their house. Done. Everything stops. That gets talked about. The presidents they're drawing attention to it. And of course, nothing because it happened to be a democratic politician. Right. Well, unless the cops killed or done during the January 6th riots, in which case their lives don't mean very much. Oh, man. So anyway. Don't write in and say no cops were killed

during, they died in the aftermath of January 6th. But look, the bottom line is Trump, Vance, Kirk, all they screamed about was freedom of speech in the media. This was the crux of their fucking getting elected. And now it's just so hypocritical. Anyway, there must be a lot, and you probably don't we don't have to speak to it. But there must be a lot of pressure on Joe Rogan right now.

I haven't seen if he said anything yet. I saw Segoor came out. What did he say? Segoorah had a picture with Jimmy Kimmel and just said how wrong it is and all that. But I didn't really, it wasn't much. So I don't know. Like I haven't heard, I haven't heard

any of the real champions of free speech in the podcast world. I haven't heard, heard much yet. So I'm just wondering, but there's pressure on them. I saw Andrew Schultz put something up that was one of these like things where you split it. And he goes, it's wrong when somebody is killed for speaking their mind. And it's also wrong when people are thrown off the air. Like, save your fucking keystrokes.

What are you saying? What are you even saying? All these people want to split the difference on this shit. Save your keystrokes. All right, wait. Let's get a new story. Here we go. I was with Tom O'Neill last night.

He proudly showed me how chaos is back on the bestseller list because conspiracy theories are just on fire right now. I love it. Chaos is back. Candice Owens, who is the biggest, I would say the biggest publicist for Tom's book, unwitting publicist for his book. And Tom has not, he's been asked, I don't know how much we could say. He has not gone on Candace Owens' podcast or whatever she does.

And then her conspiracy theory, I think what she's fanning for, flames of is that Charlie Kirk might have been taken out because he started to go anti-Israel. Do I have that right? Oh, no kidding. Oh, no, that's the big one. Yeah, I just can't believe you're quoting her. I mean, Jesus Christ. No, no, no, no.

She's talking about what thousands are talking about. Okay. That, and what happens is there's, you have Cash Patel, who is a dumb child, he literally has the, the effectiveness of a dumb child and he comes across that way um he is the wrong guy so what happens is it's like boy just please make this like an open and shut case against the uh the killer the guy who allegedly shot kirk it's like make that clean so no one spins wheels on it please it is the most untidy situation ever have you seen the footage of the guy getting off the roof no oh dude he did i mean i think i can say with certainty he did not leave the roof with the gun

and then and then on my feed my feed eventually uh caught on to i'm entertaining these and i bet it's the duration that i watch a clip and i'm telling you all these right wing guys one after the next old military guys were like i'm going to get a lot of trouble with you guys for saying this, but that boy did not come off the roof with the gun. One guy then even had a wooden cutout because he can't show a gun or his clip will be taken down. He had a wooden cutout of his gun, the exact length of the rifle he used, and he tried to show you that there's no way the guy jumped off the roof with it. And then another guy goes, so this is what you want us to believe that he got up there. Now he goes, you need a tool to collapse that gun, like to take it and to fit it in a

backpack it wasn't in the backpack but this is what you want us to believe he shoots charlie kirk right in theory this is the theory and then in his mad rush he takes out a tool he undoes it the guy talked about how many threads there are like how fucking much you have to twit whatever it is then you put it in your backpack and now you're going to run and you run off the roof and then you run and then you go now you are fleeing for your life and what comes to your mind i've got to change outfits that's fairly believable if you have a really thought out plan but how about this one you know what i'm also going to do in my mad fucking rush i'm going to reassemble it rifle let me get that tool again let me reassemble it reassemble it put it whole now leave it in the woods like what what are you

talking about oh yeah and then i saw i guess there was a picture of his face and it the guy that was running away has a different lip than then uh then this guy tiler robinson yeah i heard that they might have taken what photo they had of them and told AI to complete it. So, by the way, I'm not saying there might be explanations for everything. Hey, look, man, I, after smoking a joint with Ross Broccoli in the cornfields of Nebraska, we went back to his apartment, and he convinced me through video clips that we did not walk on the moon. And I'm not lying when I say there's still a part of me of the police we did not walk on

the moon. So you can always extrapolate some details. and some alterations and sell people on anything. But I don't think we should dwell. Honestly, I think it's irresponsible to even dwell on this stuff right now. No, no, I know. But my point is, it's not, all right, let's say it's not, it's, what happened is what they're saying happened, right?

They should recognize how unclean it is. They should be ahead of it saying, like kind of like the Zapruder film. Like, there are so many Charlie Kirk Sapruta films out right now about the angle of the bullet. And it went this way. And by the way, if they had used that rifle, there would have been blood all over the tent. Like, and so it's like, you know everyone's going to say that. If you, if this is really what happened, get out in front of it. Like say, here's, I know many of you were saying this.

That's patently false. This is why. Boom. That guy. We've already interviewed him. And that guy with the hand signals, he was signaling this. Like, put it to rest, but I don't think they want to. It's like what happened after 9-11.

The government was not forthcoming with details, especially about the Pentagon. And so, you know, it left a giant gaping void for people to fill it in with conspiracy theories. Oh, building seven, Tower 7, or whatever the fight? Yeah. I saw one come out this week and I'm like, all right, now I have a ton of questions. I know, I know. So there's not a lot of alternative explanations, but there's a lot of sort of like, you know, tearing down what has been told. If I had full access, I could debunk so many.

Yeah. I'd be like, here literally is the guy who did the hand signals. I'm going to interview him now for you. What were those about? Walk us through it. All right. Let's get down to Starbucks. Starbucks workers in three states took legal action against the coffee giant Wednesday, saying it violates.

it violated the law when it changed its dress code, but refused to reimburse employees who had to buy new clothes. All right, so at this point in the story, I'm on the side of the workers. Continue. Starbucks new dress code requires all workers to wear a solid black shirt with long or short sleeves under their green aprons. Shirts may or may not have collars. They must cover the midriff and armpits.

Now, that I get because I was, here's a true story. I was in Alaska, Juno, Alaska. And there was a woman making me a coffee. It was not a Starbucks, but it was a coffee shop. And she hit the steam, you know, the steamer to steam the coffee. And it exploded and it went all over her shirt. And it was burning her. And she ripped her shirt off, but she had no bra on.

And then she covered her tits and she ran in the back. And the guy at the register who was ringing me up looks me in the eye and he goes, that'll be an extra three bucks. I mean, that's perfect Perfect And I thought The funniest part of that joke Is that he immediately quantified it

Like her tits were $3 And then he heard a scream from the back Which is not about it She's like, three Well, for Alaska They were pretty impressive You know? So the

Employees must wear Kaki black or blue denim bottoms, they can't be more than, the skirts can't be more than four inches above the knee. Sox and a hosiery must be subdued. It prohibits employees from having face tattoos or more than one face piercing. Tongue piercings and theatrical makeup are also permitted. I thought that was the uniform. I don't trust somebody making my coffee that's not pierced up and tatted.

I mean, I was on the side of the employees until I heard. just wear clothes almost any clothes you could grab at your house yeah this is what they've really said a shirt and pants yeah that's basically it that's it yeah and uh i mean here's what i'm wondering is okay that's what they have to wear should they should they put their master's degrees up on the wall the baristas yeah because that's the whole work for us now people that can't get jobs And the neck tattoo doesn't help that. The neck tattoo is like a, it's like a resume for a job that only starts after 10 o'clock at night. The neck tattoo is, I mean, I guess they can have that.

Yeah, listen, the Yankees didn't let facial hair. Neck tattoo, I don't know. That seems like it could be a lawsuit. But maybe, I don't know, private company. I don't know the rules. Yeah. Maybe we should have a dress code on Sunday papers. Well, where am I going to get clothes?

I'm going to start wearing pants. There you go. I'm going to start wearing pants. Yeah, that would be good. All right, we're moving on to what? Zuckerberg. Let's do Zuckerberg. I did not see this press conference, but now I want to.

Okay. Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg unveiled a slew of new augmented reality glasses, including what he claimed to be the first AI glasses with high resolution. For $800, the meta-ray-band smart glasses feature a tiny screen that's viewable to the wearer. Okay, it's here. That and rocket backpacks that everybody's been waiting for. These are the two things we've been waiting for since like the 1950s. But it didn't take long for the company's MetaConnect 2, 2025 keynote to descend into chaos.

Social media's giants demos repeatedly failed leading to awkward stares, deafening silences, and muted laughter. According to Zuckerberg's vision of the near future, wearers of meta's glasses can converse with an AI chatbot to tell them what they're looking at or how to do things like coaching on how to cook a dish. Quote, let's try it. It's not something I've made before. Food content creator Jack Mancuso told Zuckerberg enthusiastically, after the seat. CEO challenged him to make a steak sauce with the help of a new feature called Live AI. Quote, can you help me create a Korean-inspired steak sauce, Mancuso asked his glasses. What do I do first? Mankusco interjected after the robotic voice started making suggestions.

What do I do first, the influencer repeated after several seconds of total silence? Quote, you already combine the base ingredients, the AI, told Mancuse. who was standing in front of an empty glass bowl that hadn't been touched yet. A separate attempt by Zuckerberg to make a video call with his glasses ended with him awkwardly trying to explain why it wasn't working. Quote, this is, uh, it happens. Let's try it again. I keep messing this up, he added.

So funny. This is what I want to see. I want to see Gordon Ramsey cook with these glasses on and absolutely scream at AI. absolutely I didn't make the sauce yet yeah right so now so now anytime I see a geek

wearing ray bands I know he's checking my credit score and hacking my phone for nude photos of my wife well oh who did it someone just did it at a concert someone

almost like the cold play thing but they were trying to make a point they had footage they literally put the camera out and the crowd the footage appeared behind the band on the big screen and it identified the faces no put up their names what because that's where we are no no and you don't need good footage this was a dimly lit concert so what i'm saying is

it would you the the so right now they're saying hey look you can cook with it but what's going to happen is down walking down the street you can see someone and just let your imagination run wild with once your glasses identify their face, which can be from 40 feet away as you're approaching them, it could tell you if this, let's say it's a woman, if she's single, what she's worth, where she lives, any information you want. Man, that is scary. I mean, I've thought about getting into stalking, but I just didn't want to do the legwork. So this is great.

This is, I mean, exactly. You could probably look at her closed-toed shoes, and it will. show you an option where she has sandals on. A.I. Make it purple nail polish. Right. Yes. The other thing is I think they already

have versions of this, but it's amazing for a doctor to wear. You know what I mean? Like a doctor performing surgery. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's the chef thing that they're trying to get at here is professions where it could help. A amateur mechanic, I want to go in and I have to replace

something or even something simple. Like the air filter. I would put the glasses on. It would tell me exactly. It would read what car. Yeah. Right. But how about this? One of them is you wear them while you're putting. And it tells you exact, it reads the exact, I mean the intricacies of the green. Yeah. The slope both ways or whatever, all 360 ways. And then it'll tell you where to hit it. The wind. Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. speaking of ethical questions let's do this week's ethical question here we go i gotta admit there weren't good ones but i chose one um okay i mean this is the old fable of the grasshopper and the ant here we go our island of some three thousand residents is vulnerable to winter storms

major earthquakes and ferry outages that could leave us on her own for two to three months That's some very outage. A few of us have formed a disaster preparedness group. If the big quake hits, relief will focus on mainland population centers, and our county's emergency management department urges us to be prepared for over a month without help. We've been stockpiling food, water filters, and medical supplies. Recently, some members raised the issue of sharing. If neighbors came asking for food, the pressure to say yes would be immense in our closing

knit community. We can't be the emergency food bank for everyone. Once word spread, our stores could be quickly drained, leaving us no better off than those who hadn't prepared. Yet ethically, could we let others suffer while hanging on to our supplies? They even did that in, what was the movie? It was hysterical. It was about the end of the world.

Michael Sarah gets killed early on. Huh? Oh, yeah. That was hilarious. And the end of the world starts in L.A. and then they have food and they're not letting people in the house. Anyway, it is the old grasshopper and Aunt Fable. So what do you think? Because I know, didn't you and Aaron get a food preparedness bag? We did. We did. And we got it 15 years ago. And now the flashlight's dead. The kids have eaten all the granola bars. And all this left. So you survived. Yeah. Even the flare gun. We shot it off on the 4th of July. So there's really nothing left in our best. back. I would say if you want to live on an island, you want to live on an island that's subjected to storms with 3,000 people on it, and you don't stock up on food, you're on your own asshole. I mean, it's like, did you not see the writing on the wall? Did you not follow the guidance? If I stock, people that stockpile their own shit also stockpile guns. That's the mindset of those people. So be one or perish on an eye?

That's what someone, I forget who said. It was a comedian, I think, but he's like, yeah, especially in L.A. He's like, I don't have to save water or food. I have a gun. Exactly. That'll get me all of that. Yeah, yeah, right, right, right. But in L.A.

So now take it to L.A. Let's take it to you. You have a family. And then I, I've saved nothing. I mean, I could live for a while because my pantry is so filled with, like, canned stuff. But it only lasts so long. Water, yeah, I guess I have a valuable tool. I guess I could drink the pool water through the camping filter I have.

I think there's a quotient. I mean, to be more honest, I would probably say, of the 100% of rations that I have, I'm going to keep 50% of them and expect 50% to be given away. And I would do it in a restrained fashion. I wouldn't give it the 50% of the way right away. I would allocate small amounts to people over time. Because you're being their fucking parent.

They're looking at you like a parent, like a provider. So I get to dictate the rules. Right. I mean, it's very real in L.A. We're basically like that island. Yeah, we are. Because an earthquake will, no new foods getting to the supermarkets for a while. do you have any kind of besides your cans do you have bottled water anything or you just got the pool

I mean I'm not I just thought of that uh but meanwhile there's like a hundred units here so the pool would not be a highly original idea yeah we got a hot tub but that's filled with you know jiz peon no I have enough water I I bet I could stretch out water I don't know how much water you need but I bet I bet I have a week because at any given time I even have have like those you know lime carbonated you know whole foods uh drinks but basically like club soda i could even fall back on those we're also we are on the western most tip of los angeles so we are at the end of every highway we're at the fucking starting line of every highway in terms of getting into traffic and so oh no i know well you've said you'd go the other way

you'd go out on the water go out on the water get a go down to the marina steal a boat and just go out, go out to Catalina Island. I've got the motorcycle, so I have no issues. Well, you know, when I lived in New York, my plan was always, you know, there's, when I was a kid, we used to ride motorcycles underneath the power lines. Yeah. Because the power lines always have a service road so that they can get to the fucking power lines. And they were perfect motorcycle pass.

And I always thought that's the key. You just got to get on one of those and get out of, they got to have a car that can handle that, like a good four-wheel drive car. We got the Subaru Legacy Outback. I used to have to worry about putting two daughters on the motorcycle, but that worry's gone now. You could have been like a Vietnamese family. Yeah.

Or a motorcycle in the circus with a lot of clowns hanging off of it. Right. All right. Let's get to entertainment. Here we go. We've kind of covered a lot of this. I have not watched part two of the Sheen Dock yet, but I am into it. Did you watch Devo?

No. Jesus Christ, we've been teasing this for a month now. All you have to do, it's a 90-minute documentary. 90? All right, I'll watch it. I have to drive to the Valley after this. I'll watch it then. In the car?

I always do that. But it's mostly- No, you don't. Do you really? You know I watched most of Game of Thrones on my commute to Burbank for the job I had. No, and when a crazy scene would happen, and I would then re-watch it. I know, obviously I didn't watch all of them like that.

But most of it, you don't understand. Most of it is like a radio play. Like, in other words, I just have to look down. I'm like, oh, this conversation is happening in the Queens quarters. Now I just listen to it. It's one of the most visual shows in history. Also, I'm in traffic. You know how easy it is to watch TV while driving in L.A.?

I had an Uber driver once with his phone on the dashboard. he was watching a Bollywood movie and while driving. And I was going to call and complain, but the movie was fucking great. Now I demand it of my drivers. You have to complain after you get out. Yeah, right. I give the driver two stars, the movie five. Oh, but wait, hold on.

I went on to watch the Devo doc and they really pushed heavy on me. this catfish doc have you seen or heard about it has catfish in the title this catfish doc that's out about a girl being bullied she's a high school girl now she's being bullied cyber bullied bullied online despicable okay just see it it's crazy okay so you watch that instead of the homework assignment which was devo and i fell asleep during it so I woke up to quite a reveal in the dock, the catfish dock. Also, you woke up to realize you'd crass your car on the 405. You see, that's why I only watch stuff during the day when I drive.

All right. Let's make America, Florida. All right, here we go, here we go, here we go now. Okay, a Florida man is accused of shooting at what he called a parasite roommate with an arrow. This is what I love. So deputies say a 69-year-old man led them to George Balboni, who was 61, who was lying in the front yard with a bloody face. Several arrows were found on or near Balbony.

The victim stated that Balboni lowered him to a vehicle on the property and tried to kill him by shooting him with an arrow, but missed. The victim suffered a minor cut to his ear from the arrow, like the president. and according to investigators, a fight ensued and the victim took the crossbow from Balboni, hit him with it, knocking him to the ground. Balboni told investigators that he tried to kill the victim, whom he described as a parasite,

and that he has no remorse. Deppertie said the men told them they have been living together for several years and have a history of arguing. Balboni told reporters that he was angry with the victim because he went through his trash on Monday, and found vodka, so he decided to kill him. That's a zero-tolerous policy right there. But this is, listen, this is your gun issue in a nutshell.

Would less people be killed if there were no guns and you had to resort to crossbows or bow and arrows? Yes, less people would be killed. And also, when you're looking for a roommate on Facebook, always check that he is not an alcohol. That's one of the categories you can look at. Yeah. You don't be roommates with Hager the Horrible. This was a, this is a heartwarming Florida story.

I like it. Well, let's make America, Kentucky. Here we go. We're going to make America. Make an America, Kentucky.

All right, man, this is a positive one. When people here, I'm a professional, well, here's the headline. Kentucky man becomes the first American to win world stone

skimming championship. We did not know about it either. When people hear I'm a professional stone skipper, there's like one of two responses I always get John Jennings, the champion stone skipper said. Either people are like, whoa, that's so cool.

I never knew that was a thing or they're like, I bet I could skip further than you. You spend most of his days playing in the creek throwing rocks in the water and I can't remember ever not being able to skip a stone. My uncle said, John, you got a gift in stone skipping.

He was like, there's competitions out there. You need to find those competitions because you were going to win. Once Jennings found those competitions, the trophies were literally just a stone's throw away. I currently am the reigning great southern stone skipping champion and also the world stone skipping champion as well. You would think the second one would take care of the first one. Sure. The world championship is the most recent. addition and he got it in Scotland. I'm on the first American, I'm the first American ever to win

the World Championship, Jennings set of the event, which has happened. Okay, not only did I end up winning it, but my official cumulative score ended up being, and I left it blank, which is the record for that contest as well now. What do you think? How, so there's two ways to do it. Distance that your stone goes as it's skipping. And then there's how many skips. Okay. What do you think? The number of skips, I would say, let me see. I'm going to say 27 skips. Okay.

And I'm going to say the distance would be 125 yards, which would probably be about 110 meters. All right, I have to go back and find the yards. But I went in, so they didn't do skips to this guy. But I did find the stone skipping world record is. 88 skips. What did I say? 27. Okay.

Wow. That's impressive. Jesus. Now, no, no. Now I found his, though. His winning, his winning distance was, where is 177 meters. Damn. Yeah.

That's like a three wood for me. What do we think that is? It's 185 yards. How many meters did you say? 177. No, it's like 200, at least, 205. Two yards. Looking it up on my Google machine.

I'd say 205. 193 and a half yards. I knew it. I was so close. Come on, I was so close. All right. Well, listen, an American beating Scots in their own country, I'm surprised the guy wasn't stoned to death when he won.

they don't like Americans right now imagine how hard it's going to be like now that this is like a big sport imagine how hard it's going to be to find flat round stones next to ponds anywhere in the world they're all going to be in the middle of the lake you're going to be in the middle of the lake they're going to be 200 yards out into the lake

people are going to archaeologists way in the future after we've already gone we've had an extinction event they're going to be like we think these are tombs or they're like pyramids and they're in lakes you can see all the flat stones they chose flat stones because they can pile on top of each other really well right we think they might have been in

unintelligent life back then yeah and you know people talk about sea levels rising what about pond levels rising as we pile all the rocks into the middle of them Kentucky has no very few rivers left because of this guy uh all right let's skip sports and come right down to international. International, here we go. Australia has approved the first vaccine to protect its shrinking koala population against chlamydia,

a disease that accounts for as many as half of deaths in the wild among the country's iconic marsupials. The researchers spent 10 years developing the single-dose vaccine. R.F. Kennedy Jr. is already speaking out against it. there are 220,000 koalas left in Australia. It's been cut in half in 20 years. They're an endangered species there,

and they say the vulnerability is from chlamydia, a sexually transmission infection found in humans that can cause infertility and blindness. For me, it's the opposite. Chlamydia didn't make me go blind. I was blind drunk so I couldn't see what kind of skanky girls I was having sex with. Oh, boy.

Yeah. Caused it. Well, this is the thing. One thing that could be said is this is the slowest spread of chlamydia ever. Have you ever seen how fast the koala moves? Imagine if they were faster. They'd all be gone. I know. Well, it's also, I think it's the furry phenomenon, you know, of these people that go to conventions and they fuck people that are dressed as koalas.

And now they're going for the real thing. Yeah. I like your other one, the bottom one. Might the solution be not letting Australian men go alone in the woods? That is our question for the day. All right, so how did they get, how did they get this? I don't know. Naturally forming chlamydia with koalas?

I don't know. I know I had it twice when I was a teenager. Oh, really? And the girl who gave it to me, I told her that we had it, and she blamed me I didn't fucking have it she gave it to me oh wow

and then I got it in college and I had to go to the health services and this guy this doctor who wore suspenders with piano keys on them he was about 82 years old I think that's the last stop for doctors is you know college

where you're really only dealing with VD at colleges and he took a cue tip and he stuck it down my shaft and I'm telling you I have not ever felt pain like that in my life and I was like couldn't we have just given me the cycle of of penicillin instead of sticking that in my dick yeah just remove all doubt yeah all right

let's get down to this day in history here we go all right I think I have some more entertainment this time also let's see here okay uh the first episode of Friends aired on NBC on this day in the fall schedule. In what year, Greg, give or take two years? 1992. You did it, sir. 1994. Thank you.

The dramatic series, the West Wing, debuted on this day in what year, give or take three years. 1988. You know, I would have guessed it's 90s. I would have guessed earlier than 99 also. Wow. Yeah. Okay.

Let's say, let's find some more here. Do you know how old? How old is Bill Murray, Greg? He was born on this day in what year? Well, he was on SNL in 1975. Give or take three years. He was on SNL in 1975. I believe he was probably 30 years old at that point.

point. So I would say he was born in 1945. You missed it, sir. 1950. He was only 25 when he went on SNL? I bet that's right. Damn. Green Day's American idiot. We don't have to do that one.

What else do we have? I hate Green Day. In the much publicized Battle of the Sexes, Billy Jean King defeated Bobby Riggs. This was a huge story when we were young. What year, give or take Two years.

1976. I love it. You missed it. 73. Damn it. All right. We're going to pull up. A lot of these are very similar.

How about the first episode of Mary Tyler Moore, what year, give her take three years? Mary Tyler Moore, liberated woman. It was a big show. It was color multicam. I'm going to say 19. 174. Oh my God. I think I said give or take three years.

1970. You had it for a while. You were like 1970. You had it. Okay. ER. We're just going to do a lot of these. It's false TV season.

What year did ER debut on NBC, give or take three years again? 182 So close 94 Oh Jesus Yeah I like that new show

The Pitt by the way You have to go out I know but it's the Right I mean it's the ER creator It's the star of ER in a In a room Yeah

Yeah I never watched ER So you know And people criticize Nate's You know Shorting speeches Like

And now one reviewer like the Hollywood Reporter Variety's like and now the the the stars are thinking oh my god am I going to go over or under yeah they should be thinking that you have you not only have 45 seconds to give your speech you were able to put everyone you wanted to thank you know lower third in a kairon right so so put your lawyer your manager your agent and all that and then maybe say something moving and then it's like and this guy gets up there's like also we're watching a person who plays A doctor get an award and give a speech? What about a doctor?

Oh, my. So stupid. All right. So here we go. Let me find you're doing so horrible. I think they should dictate how much time you get based on your personality. I think they should gauge it as you're walking up to the stage. Like if it's like, you know, for best director and the guy is from the Ukraine, 25 seconds.

If it's Meryl Streep, three and a half minutes. Um, right. No clock. No clock for her. No. All right. I'm trying to find one for you because you've done horribly. All right.

Give me an easy one. You're not going to get Nathan Hale. Uh, okay. I'm going to give you a 30 year window on this or 30, plus or minus 30. I'm giving you a 61 year window. Yep. In what was to be the last executions during the Salem witch trials, eight people were. hanged. On this date, in what year, give or take 30 years?

1640. God. 1692. Got it! You did not get it. Bob Marley. Now listen carefully. He gave his last concert a sold-out show in Pittsburgh, and then he died of cancer the

following year. So we are asking for the date of his last concert a year before he died, give or take three years. 1983. I know it. Perfect. 1980. We did it. Damn it. I got scunt. And here's one leading us to the obituary. The American film Butch Cassie and the Sundance Kid had its world premiere and instantly became a Western classic. What year did Butch Cassie and the Sundance kid come out give or take four years 1970 very good stay there don't say another let don't say another numeral

1969 nice you got one right no you got two right at the end all right what are we doing we're doing letters to the editor no no let's do an obituary Um, there, well, there's a bunch.

All right, Robert Redford, we should start with. He said, look, butch casting in the Sundance Kid is one of those movies. I waited until my kids were a certain age. And then we made popcorn, turned out the lights, sat down, and I blew their fucking minds. They loved it. And, you know, the problem with kids, they say kids today don't have the attention span for a slow moving movie. And it's a slow movie. they got completely enthralled.

So did Sophie. The soundtrack. Who's the guy who did the soundtrack? Not Backerat, right? Well, no, Backerach did one of the songs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I'll look it up. Rain drops keep falling on my head.

Now, what's the guy's name? We did it. Anyway, he created the Sundat's Film Festival, which really elevated a lot of indie films in the 90s. He was the guy who was responsible. for the soundtrack album is backerat oh it is okay yeah backerac he got the presidential medal of freedom he was born in sanomonica california baby he know he had a big part he almost single-handedly saved the santa monica pier is that right there's so many stories

about he and paul newman and what solid human beings they were like incredible he was all he He won two Academy Awards. He, uh, oh, 1981, he started the Sundance. We were in Sundance. Do you remember this? I'm pretty sure you were there. We were at, we were skiing up in, um, sun, uh, what, what city is Sunday? Park City.

We were in Park City with Dudley and I think Jack and Pete. And I remember us watching South Park for the first time on TV. It had just come out. And we were walking through town after skiing that night, and people were hawking us on the street, asking us to come into movie theaters because there was this new festival going on. Oh, wow. And we walked down and we saw movies every night for like three nights. I saw a documentary about the astronauts, the effect of every astronaut that had walked on the moon and had looked at the earth. I don't think I was there.

I mean, unless I had. mentally reshaped their worldview. Some of them had nervous breakdown. Some of them started looking for Noah's Ark. All this crazy. Anyway, yeah, we were there for the beginning of it. It was crazy. Now you can't get a ticket.

But, I mean, I want my daughters to see the way we were. Yeah. It's one of those movies that it's like, by time you get to the end, and she does that little thing where she moves the hair across his forehead. And you're like, you remember when she did that when they first met. And it's one of those perfect movies where you're like, this was like it just took you on a journey like it felt years later when they saw each other in front of the plaza and new york you know like and and writing that is very hard to do

incredibly hard to do like you're seeing them and like a movie that at the end almost takes you down memory lane from within the two hours and it feels old like that's that's an achievement if you can do that yeah and um and they're amazing The sting was unbelievable, but he also directed, like, some of the great ordinary people. I wouldn't even show that to my kids. That went so fucking depressing, but it was so, I think it got the Oscar. He also, it was very close to his heart. He directed a river runs through it.

I posted that this week. And those, I mean, and he preserved the eloquence and the poetry of that by he himself reading the VO. And he, in a way, Redford is playing the older brother, but truly he really saw Brad Pitt as a younger version. I mean, Brad Pitt looks like Robert Redford in that movie. Yes. And I mean, Jesus Christ, I say it over and over again, but Brad Pitt is so beautiful. That movie especially. If you have not seen a river runs through it, it's extraordinary.

That's another one I showed to my kids. And my kids love. There's also the horse whisper, which had the same vibe as a river runs through it. He did bagger vance. I mean, he just was, he was incredible. And an environmentalist, an activist. And, you know, meanwhile, anytime they talked about him, like, you know, he saved Utah was going to put in this giant, I don't know if it was nuclear. But whatever it was, he led an environmental cause to prevent this development in Utah.

And I should know what it is. Anyway, he had to be interviewed on 60 Minutes, and he's like, well, an environmentalist was like a bad name at times. He's like, give it to me. I'll take that name. Right. And anyway, when he's been asked about like, he's like all the good he does, and he's like, well, like, slow down. He's like, have you ever thought about what Paul Newman's doing? He's like, if you ever think about Paul, all you want to do is kill yourself.

Yeah, that's hilarious. All right, let's cheer up. Let's go to the funnies. Here we go, funnies. we got last week's comic caption contest the frame that we gave you was it's Adam and Eve Adam's sitting on a rock eating an apple they're both wearing leaves covering their private parts

she's raking the leaves there's a snake and an apple tree hanging over Adam's head Eve is speaking what we ask you to do is right in the punchline You send it to Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. You put your punchline with your name directly underneath it. The winner gets a coozy mailed to them by only Mike Gibbons is sending these out. Man, I have a bunch in envelopes right now, ready to go out the door. Good to hear.

John W. said for this caption, he said, Enjoy the original sin because it's the last time the woman does the yard work. Brian Rochelle. Brian Rochelle says, you know, I could really hear you. you some help with the laundry, which I heard that, and I said, that's a really funny joke. And then there was six others that were the same idea. Jason, DJ Robin said, there won't be any mention of the punishment of doing all the laundry. Mike Nestor said, Eve becomes the first woman to Niagara husband for having to pick up his dirty laundry. Kenny Engel said, Jesus

fucking Christ, I'm tired of picking up your underwear. Kelly Hatfield said, glad I don't have to deal with crusty socks okay and then we got Shad and Fargo said you can stick with the tree of knowledge because you're not

eating this bush oh okay flesh tree said oh we're going oh we're going out for ribs tonight bitch Bjorn Leaf said if you throw that

apple core in the yard I'll break your other ribs I swear to God Stephanie Loftus said are you waiting for one of your other ribs to get up and take out the trash

All right So there was some familiar themes They were good themes I mean sometimes we tell you guys Don't go with your first instinct But in this one I thought that A lot of people had the same idea Which is why you try to not take that first instinct

I like Stephanie Loftus Is are you waiting for one of your other ribs To get up and take out the trash I had that down as well I think that's the one Stephanie Loftus, congratulations. Honorable mentions to Brian Rochelle. You know I could really use some help with the laundry

because it was the tightest, kind of funniest of that idea. It's a great drawing. It like lent itself to good comments. Which, by the way, Jason Love does the cartoons for us. Shout out to Jason Love. Yeah, thank you, Jason. Next week's comic for you to write your captions for is A man and a woman, she is on her knees in front of a coffee table.

Surrounding her are cleaning products, Ajax and sponges, and there's an ironing board with folded clothes on it. She's on her knees, and she's snorting a line of coke and staring at him in surprise as he catches her. He's walking in the door. It looks like a modern day Adam and Eve in a little bit. laundry? That's right. The continuation of last week. So send in your picks. Let's see what happens. Now let's go to the pros.

Hager the horrible. We've got the queen yelling at the king. And she says, Hager stole my jewelry. You promised the guard dog would prevent that. King says Bruno is not a guard dog. And then you see the, you see the dog pulling Hager into the house. Hager's carrying the jewelry. And he goes, he's a retriever. okay that's a good idea you get away scot-free with losing some jewelry and then you drag the rapist back into the castle while your queen stands there smiling yeah all right lock horns they're at a cocktail party uh leroy is talking to a guy loretta's talking to a woman and then he says to the man whenever a loretta speaks i have the urge to scroll down that's great he doesn't like her uh and now we've got uh leroy's in the apple store and he's talking to an apple genius wait i can watch a youtube video to learn how to download apps great how do i download youtube yeah yeah the old catch 22 and now we've got um loretta is sitting in a chair Leroy walks in, he's carrying an axe.

He goes, do you remember where that tree was I carved our initials in? I like that. Okay, so I have, before we end on Blondie, I have the onion. So this week, it was fancy. It's like an onion magazine cover. It looks like the New York Times magazine with the same font. And it says the onion magazine. And then it says, there's a big picture.

Charlie Kirk, exactly how the New York Times would do it. And it says, Charlie Kirk, not in his own words. And the subtitle says, we honor the right-wing activist by making up quotes that sound much better given the moment. Wait, I don't get it. What do you mean? Who's making up quotes? No, in other words, like they ran a thing on Charlie Kirk, but all they can find is divisive speech.

to honor him in this moment, they're going to tweak the quotes to make them sound better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of the quotes are not good, not good. Some? All right, let's cheer up. Let's get to Blondie.

Let's cheer up. Dagwood is walking away from Blondie. She's sitting in a chair. He goes, there's nothing to watch on TV tonight, but I have a backup plan. And she turns around over her shoulder and goes, oh. I wanted to say, did you say,

Back up. I'll back up. That's right. I'll present like I'm a fucking koala in the wild. With chlamydia. And now we see this asshole looking in the fridge and coming out with plates of food. Sometimes this is better than watching TV anyway. A girl?

All right. So instead of bending over in front of the fridge, you could be bent over in front of that fucking yellow-haired vixen pounding like a, like a furry koala, pounding your chlamydia into blondie. She'd take it at this one. She'd take the venereal disease just to get laid once in a while. Oh, boy. We did it. Let's give a shout out to Robert Redford, who we will miss. What a man.

And also shout out to comics in Connecticut, September 26th and 27th. There you see you there. Anything you want to promote, Mike? No, I'm rushing off to a stress test. I'm getting on a treadmill. Don't get stressed. And you're running late, so you'll be. all stressed out. No, no, by the way, the next appointment in Santa Monica was January. So I go,

come on, I have a doctor's appointment next week. I'm supposed to have this done. And they're like, well, there's Santa Clarita. I'm like, fine. So I have it in Santa Clarita. Right now I just checked ways. Santa Clarita is an hour and two minutes right now. What time is supposed to be there? 1.30. I forgot it's a, but I have to shower. It's in every minute because it's a Friday. All right. Let's go then. All right. Good luck, Mike. Take it ayesha. God bless. Bye-bye.