Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 286 10/26/25

Episode Date: October 26, 2025

Another one bites the dust at Disney, Hamburger Helper is back, and Tucker says the Jews are magic. ⁠WWW.UNCOMMONGOODS.com/PAPERS⁠⁠ for 15% off! Watch Greg’s latest special, ⁠⁠⁠⁠��⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠“You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest” Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Find Mike on Venmo here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTime⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Make sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmons⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Mike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get ready for corrections, read all about it, read all about it, read all about it. Sunday papers, coming alive. Not live. I've recorded three days before Sunday. The Chris Denman and the Midcoast Media have asked us to get them the podcast early. They've got some kind of big company event this weekend. So we did it. We got it in early.

But if anything crazy happened on Friday or Saturday, we apologize. It's not in this week's. We haven't done it yet. And you're doing some of the heavy lifting. I do not have a voice. you sound like you were at an oasis concert am i brenda vicaro acting class oh yeah yeah or plushet

suzanne plushet hers was sexy this is far from that yeah she was Suzanne plushet was one of those 80 sex bombs like Lonnie Anderson there was people like adrian barbeau who were just sexy bombshells and you go like from what like i don't even know why adrian barbeau was famous well she was on maud which is the least sexy thing literally ever oh right be arthur she was the daughter of two old jewish people on a sitcom and but there's no denying those boobs and so they made it to posters yeah in a bathing suit yeah people don't have posters we had posters that was a big thing for

for us. Oh, we'd come back from the mall. I couldn't wait to open it alone. There was a Chinese head shop in White Plains and we used to take the number 13 bus. It was about 15 minutes to White Plains. Same. And we'd go to that head shop and we'd get our posters. We'd get, they had, they had some vinyl. We'd buy pipes for our weed. I think a poster shop then opened in the mall in the Galleria. Oh, the Galleria, right? I ran into someone who said, they were from white planes saying it like oh i apologize no one knows it i'm like are you kidding me and the gallery is closed yeah they opened a new one it's uh the new one's very fancy i remember it had valley parking and uh the old gallery we used to go me and my friend sneaky pete went there

one time and we had just about sneaky pete yeah sneaky pete he came over and we had gotten some tie stick which was a type of weed that was available in the 80s and and and and and And we smoked some tie stick, and then we met these girls in the mall. You would just, you know, it was mall. You go up to people. You go up to chicks, and they're from other towns. And so we asked these two girls with big hair out. And so we went to the movie theater.

And the next movie that was playing was a movie called Cruising with Al Pacino. Yeah, you've told me this. So we go into the movie theater with these two girls. It's not cruising for. Chicks. And it's black leather BDSM gay cruising. And so me and Pete said we had to go to the bathroom and then we left the girls in the theater. We left the gallery. How are they going to get things started watching a gay film without any fellas around? All right. Well, sneaky Greg too. Sneaky Greg too. Sneaky Greg.

So, speaking of movies, last week when we recorded, I was in Las Vegas, but my wife came out that night. Did you get to the airport on time? Well, here's the thing. I drove to the airport. It was only 12 minutes. The MGM Grand is right next to the airport. So it takes 12 minutes. I get there, and then it tells me I missed it, and I have to take a loop that took nine minutes.

So I went back down a major road, made an illegal U-turn, came back, got to where the map was telling me to go. Not just Google Maps, Apple Maps. I was looking at the both. They told me to go back to this spot, then told me again I was nine minutes away. And then as I'm fucking screaming, she knocks on the window. I was in the right spot. Oh, my God. Like, I don't know what it is with GPS in Vegas.

You were flexibly punched her right in the face? Well, she understands. Who's knocking on my window? It's like heavy breathing. And so, so anyway, so we get back to the hotel and thank God she came out because I was at the end of my rope. Seven nights in Vegas is a prison sentence. Yeah, that's too much. And don't get me wrong, like Brad Garrett's club is amazing.

The people there are so great. The crowds were fun, but it's the other 23 hours I just can't handle. So anyway, so I buy tickets to go see. Everybody's raving about go see with the Wizard of Oz at the sphere. movie made in 1939 it was one of the first color movies ever made and so it was both it was both actually so i say i'm going to buy us tickets so i should say great yeah buy the tickets i go online for two tickets for a movie made in 1939 three hundred and sixty dollars that can't be i am dead serious uh 40 dollars on each ticket is a ticketing fee so i

I call the sphere and meanwhile these shows are half empty. It's an 18,000 seat theater. Half the seats are empty. I go, what if I just come to the box office and buy them there? Still got to pay the $40 ticketing fee. I said, for what? Is there anything else that I can help you with, sir? Unbelievable. So I do it. I buy the $300 ticket. And now they offer you online, the parking pass, is discounted if you buy in advance. So it's only $25 instead of $35 to park at the venue where there's nowhere else to park. So I buy the pass and then we drive, I don't know, we leave 45 minutes early. It's about a 15 minute drive and proceed to the...

But it's also a mile, isn't it, from as the crow flies? Yeah, it's a mile. Yeah. But F1 is going to be there in two weeks and not. Now there are barriers and closed roads everywhere, and the GPS doesn't work, and there are no signs for the parking garage we're supposed to go to. We drive around for 35 minutes, and then finally give up and park at the Venetian, which is what the sphere is connected to, but we're on the other side of the Venetian.

So now I twisted my knee. I've got a cane, and we are now running full speed through the casino. They tell us it's 15 minutes away. meanwhile if you get there one minute late they do not allow you in so we run for 20 minutes we come out the other side of the venetian we look up and we see the sphere and it's about a quarter mile away outside and we just we missed it no we missed it so back to the hotel I call them and I go hey what the fuck I go it is impossible I go we missed it and he goes yeah we get a lot of that lately he said so they were nice enough they gave me tickets for the next day but oh but on saturday the

first day we were going to go we took a handful of mushrooms at breakfast because it was a two o'clock show and my show wasn't until eight o'clock that night so we took a bunch of mushrooms and we were peaking as we're running through the fucking casino trying to get to the movie and so the second day we went we didn't take mushrooms and uh it definitely is 100% a mushroom experience. I imagine. So we sit down and we're dead center, which I highly recommend. If you're going to go to the sphere, you don't want to be at the top of the dead.

Dead center. And then the movie comes on and it's black and white. And then all of a sudden, she passes out from the tornado. She gets knocked out. She wakes up, opens a door and it's color. And it was like a mushroom trip kicking in. It was so intense. Wow.

And the movie, you forget, we, me and Aaron were talking about this. We watched this movie every single year in our childhoods. Do you remember that? Yeah, it was Thanksgiving, I think. It would come on and you sat and you fucking watched it. And you forget about the script is amazing. The imagination of it. The songs, somewhere over the rainbow might be the greatest singing performance.

in any movie I've ever seen. She's... My kids once asked me, what do you think the best song I ever written was? And my, without hesitating, I go, okay, well, first of all, there's somewhere over the rainbow. And we're over the rainbow.

And they're like, what? And I'm like, I'm going to put that aside and now, like, try to answer, like, you're asking, like, me for my radio head or Bob Dylan or something. Or, you know, Queen and Bowie. But I go, there's no... It is such...

It is so undeniable. And then you add the, sorry again about my voice, but then you add the context. Yes. Of this tortured girl. Bored out of her mind, surrounded by adults on a farm with nothing to do. No, but also the actress.

Yeah. That context. Yeah. That context is extraordinary also. And then when you hear her sing it late in life, where she's drug riddled, has married. married at least two gay guys.

I think there might have been a third man in her life who was gay and just has had this crazy, crazy life and is probably thinking constantly, like, isn't there a place where I can get peace? Yeah, yeah. And so she sings it and it's beautiful. And then you're thinking about this is a 17-year-old girl who is such an inspired actress.

There's something so emotionally, available. When she's looking at the scarecrow because he has no brains or the tin man because he has no heart, there is such compassion and love in her eyes. It's incredible. So anyway, you get to the tornado scene and it's four dimensional. There is wind whipping through the theater. Leaves are falling from the sky landing on you. The seat is rumbling. It's flashing lights. It's so intense. It's amazing. So is there advertisement, Wizard of Oz now more gay? That's what it should be.

More fabulous. Yeah, you get it. You get it. Ask me if it was worth $360. You know what? I'm not going to ask you that. Don't ruin it. You just sold the hell out of it.

I would say it's worth it if you have $360 that you will not miss, then definitely go do it. I look at it this way. I didn't gamble one penny this past week because my level of depression was so tenuous that losing money might have put me in a place where something bad might have happened. I might have started drinking or whatever. This is another way to look at it is, and I did this once. I was out there, I think, Jack Stout, and anyway, we were at two blackjack tables. Some of us were standing and were drinking.

And I had just lost, like I had one of those. hands I don't even have to describe it a bad beat where like I split them and then what and I lost three hands in one hand anyway it was terrible and then I'm like eff this I am walking across the street and seeing the Beatles love which I had already seen I'm going alone but I'm like I don't tell me a price what do you think 200 I just lost more than 200 and I'm paying to try to see a jack yeah right now I'm going to see this unbelievable show That's going to keep me off the tables. I know. It is really funny how money doesn't have the same meaning when you step across the boundary of Las Vegas. I know. You see people spending money. You know, just a simple dinner, just at an average restaurant there is $150.

You know, every time you do anything, it's 10 times the price of drinks were $28 for just a cocktail. They're getting in trouble. They're really, people are really, because, you know, it's down and they're like, what do you guys do? You know, we talked about that a couple of weeks ago. I think it's like you, things were free because you got us at the table. So, come on now. But I also remember the same concept of money well spent out of a casino, but in Vegas,

is I remember then going, paying $60 for a stake. And, you know, of course I'm like, this better be good. I'm like, you know what? It can be average. You want to know why? Because I just handed someone $60 and they brought me something for me. Like, I won. Like, they just brought me, they cooked it, they killed an animal, they stored it, they cooked it, they served it to me.

They're going to clean up my plates. Are you kidding me? Do you know what I've spent $60 all week on? Just an Asian woman just taking it from me for turning over two cards. Right, right. Usually if an Asian woman takes money from me, I want them to turn over something besides the card. I want them to turn me over. The algorithm is scratching.

right now like is that what is what was that all right let's get to it how you went down to florida one short story so we went from my dad had some balance issues that concerned my sister and i everything's fine we took him to urgent care in montana and and he checked out all right i was waiting for like his blood pressure is so low or whatever and that didn't happen but they're like hey you know what palates time for a cane so i got him a cane he won't use it so anyway uh but i flew back to Florida with him, which was unplanned. My only, there's so much to tell there, Florida's insane.

But the only story I'll tell is he takes me out to this croquet center. I know it sounds weird, but the world championships are there. And if you're doubting, it's not backyard croquet, you could go on YouTube, it's crazy. The ball makes it through a wicket with

1.32nd of an inch room. And it's so tight, like on really hot days, people try to choose red and yellow instead of blue and black because the darker colors might swell a little if the ball's not true. That's literally how much.

So anyway, it's just watching. They're in from New Zealand. They're in from Saudi Arabia everywhere. And he sits me, so then at our two is like, I want you to sit over there. So I sit down next to his little old Jewish woman

and she's like very sweet and all that. And we start, I'm like, oh, what brings you down here? And she rented last season. and now she bought an apartment. And she's like, so I hear you're a comedy writer. And I go, yeah, you know, I have the same reaction to you do a little. Like I'm kind of play that down and all this.

She's like, oh, no, no, on. Anyway, a long story short, her name is Letty Aronson. She's Woody Allen's sister. No. Yep. And my dad knew that. And then we talked all about Woody Allen. She's a producer on almost all.

of his films no way yep and uh and i guessed she goes she's so much like Woody Allen she's like uh I'm like oh my god in so many movies and then somehow it came up organically her favorites and she's like well I like two of them I'm like wait a minute I go did you did you just because he has 50 I think yeah did you just say you like I go the he would laugh so hard if he heard that He goes, oh, no, no, no, no, she's like, oh, no, no, he knows. No, she's like, no, I like more than that, but I have my two favorites. And then she goes, one is zealig. So now my mind's doing math, and I go, okay, she's not going for the big laughs.

Right. And then, so I go, I have two guesses for your other favorite movie of your brothers. And then I go, I said, crimes and misdemeanors. And she's like, that's it. Oh, hilarious. And she goes, what was your other one? And I go, Purple Rose of Cairo. She's like, that's also in my top five.

Oh, I love that one. Yeah. Yeah. He got kicked out of NYU. I didn't know that. And then I thought he dropped out. And then he went to the new school, kicked out of that also. No shit.

Yeah, I know. She told me that. I didn't know that. Wow. You know, he grew up with Aaron's dad. They were buddies as kids. They grew up running the streets together in Brooklyn. I should have brought up Jill.

Jill Goldman, my mother-in-law, who's from that neighborhood. She's a little behind them, though. She's younger. Huh. I wonder if she knew my father-in-law. Yeah. And then, so how's your dad doing now? He's doing well back in things there.

But, like, you know, I say to him, so his legs, like, standing up is really tough. His legs have gotten very weak. And AFib has prevented him from being active. Anyway, it's a whole litany of things. But one day we're there, his aphib's feeling great. I'm like, Dad, this is what we should do. And I go, I need someone to do this. I need someone to come to my place and do this.

Let's go stand by the staircase there and hold on. And let's just bend our knees low, like squats. And you can bend yours very little if you want. But we're just going to let's just do that for 60 seconds. And he's like, what? And I'm like, yeah, well, just, I mean, it couldn't have been more positive, right? And he's like, what? No.

And I'm like, no, I know, dad. He's like, I'm going back to the gym. little bit, meaning he's never going to go to the gym. Yeah. So anyway, the last thing I'll say is it's very, I found myself getting very frustrated

at times and you're probably like this with your mom and I bet a lot of people can relate to this. So it's very easy to get triggered, you know, lowercase tea, but it's very easy to get bothered because there's a lot there. A lot of it is probably sadness.

at what you're witnessing, right? And all that. Anyway, you get very frustrated as maybe, and so, and then when I'm alone, like when I would like close the door, like I'd get outside the car to like go in and get his coffee or something when we were driving around Montana,

I'd be like, you were going to feel so horrible that you couldn't just be more patient. Right, right. Down the road. Yeah. And, you know, I don't know how far down the road, but down the road,

you are going to look back at this this right now what you just your frustration at him and you're going to feel so bad so pep talk i get my coffee i come back in the car and within three minutes i want to punch him in the face like i i had a mantra yeah i had and and it's always something where you just he's not going to help himself right like i i wanted to do some Like, oh, maybe you should, no, no, no, give me the fucking stick of butter. That's what I want to eat. I'm like, I got you a different muffin that's a, no, no, give me the stick of butter. I want to jam that in my face.

Right, right. No, it's hard because there's a will to live that you see fade away. And your dad is a guy who was voracious about life. I mean, he lived, has done everything. Every moment he's been present for, you know, grinding, enjoying, experiencing. And my mom was like that in a lot of ways, too. And then you just start to see like, oh, you don't really care that much anymore about life. The scope of what keeps you interested is so narrow now.

My mom can just play solitaire on the computer for four hours, you know? And you just have to accept that, that they're just not. And that, you know. Oh, my dad's addicted to TikTok. At one point, like that was probably what it literally what it was when I got back in the car for coffee. And then I said, and I am trying everything not to say it. I'm like, you're on your phone more than teenagers, dad. What is happening? Right. Yeah. And you know, there's something very lovable about my mom right now. I mean, I've always loved her, but like there's something that

I see that she savors her relationships with the family even more than she ever did. Because you realize like in that narrow scope that I was talking about, family is such a huge part of it. Oh, my dad's never been softer and more lovable. And so much good comes from it. And I love being with them. And it was an honor, actually, to be like, have and a luxury, too, to like, I could do work from down there and be like, you know what? I'm flying you home. Like that's good.

And thank God. Oh, one quick thing. So he has a connection in Denver. So Laura and I immediately were like, he should not, he's not going to make it to Florida. Like, one of us has to go with him. So I'm going with them. We get to Denver and it's united. That's a hub.

So I go, oh, look, it's gate 35 and we're at like 40. I'm like, that's not that far. It was so far, but it's in the same terminal. Denver's crazy. I know. So we're walking. And then the, you know, the horizontal escalator thing, the, the, whatever is. the walkway is broken in the direction we're going.

So anyway, I eventually see a guy walking back with an empty, a United guy walking back with an empty wheelchair. And I don't know anything about this. I've never even thought about them, but I'm like, hey, can we grab you? We're going to gate 35. My father, so I thought, of course, he'd reject it. My dad actually gets in.

And then he's like being wheeled around like a king, like, there, get my papers. They're in there. And then put your back. And I'm like, Jesus, dad. We don't like, so. So we. all of a sudden we get there and I'm like I'm really glad you did that he's like yeah well that guy was so great

we get on the plane first they wheel them right up to the everything was great so now we take Denver to Fort Lauderdale when we get off in Fort Lauderdale he comes off and you know the wheelchairs are waiting for the people who order them there and he's like all right there you are and he just plops himself down in a wheelchair and then we get wheeled all the way outside to our Uber and long way like all the way through the terminal the whole thing and i didn't have the heart to tell him until we got in the car i go you know you just stole someone's wheelchair and he's and he's like what and he goes i go dad those like when you're filling out your stuff your boarding pass i go that you request that that's assistance you have to and he's like no way that's great he just came out he's

like there you are like they were all waiting for him how much did you tip the guy 10 is that is that enough I think 10 to 20 would probably be appropriate. It depends on how far he took you. But if you steal it, it should be 30. I know. Well, oh, no, we both, oh, maybe he got more. I gave him 10, but then my dad goes, oh, I tipped him too. Oh, okay, there you go.

But not the guy I stole. That guy only got one of us. Well, I'm glad he's doing okay. Pete Scott is going to be, I talked to Pete yesterday. He's going to be in Jupiter. So I told him that pop in and see your dad if he has any time, which he's planning on doing. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe they can meet over at one of the crazy clubs. Yeah. Pete us to tuck in his shirt. So last week we talked about Kevin Fedderline has a new book, and he's out promoting it. And he talks about how he tried to stop Britney Spears from breastfeeding because she was doing coke. And we did some jokes about it. And then I did the Adam Carolla show yesterday. and he's calling in to the show.

And so as they're about to bring him on, I do the jokes that we did last week. I go, I go, you know, that baby probably learned how to talk at one month and wouldn't shut the fuck up. And I said, and probably not the first coked up dude to be sucking on those titties. And then Adam's like, he can hear you. Like, he's on hold listening to the show.

Oh, my God. And then they brought him on it. I just took off. That's, Adam must have loved it. Yeah, yeah, of course. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And then, Jesus, I did that. Yeah, I'm trying to promote this Best Buddies benefit on Sunday, and I went on everything. I went on the, um, uh,

with the Woody show. You ever heard of the Woody show? Of course. It's huge. Of course. So I did that. I, they wanted to be there at seven o'clock this morning.

Uh, Oh, it's all the way in Burbank. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, in person, wow. But they are so great. And Gina Grad is on there. She used to be on Carolla show. Nice.

But yeah, people got to come out. We got, you are a maybe to perform, but we definitely have Andrew Santino. We definitely have Craig Robinson. We got Ron Funches, Annie Letterman, another surprise guest I can't announce because they're too big. Oh, shit. If you go to Fitzdog.com, you can get tickets. It's at the comedy store in L.A. 7.30, Sunday night. Come on out. I bet this drives our editor crazy. I just repositioned myself because I saw how high your head is. Anyway, not for the podcast, but for YouTube.

We got an email. One guy, one guy, we were talking about, who's the guy from Kiss who died? Yeah, man, Ace Freely. Was it Ace Freely? Yeah. So I was talking about how I did not like Kiss. I thought they were shitty band. You'll get blowback, man. Boy, did I get, there was like four or five emails. One guy left the show entirely. He ripped me a new asshole for like five minutes and then said, don't bother replying. I'm blocking you on everything.

Oh, man. I mean, I was like, wow, you really like kiss a lot. You must have been, you must have been the coolest kid. He might have been really sad and his paint was probably running all over his face. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I guess that's one of those bands. People have a very strong emotional attachment to. Yeah. It's rooted in like childhood. There's also, you know, it's a Kiss Army. So in a way, like some current armies, there's an identity attached to it. Yes. So you're criticizing their identity. Right. It's like a deadhead. Like when I, I'm not a deadhead, but when somebody tells me they hate the Grateful Dead, my opinion of them.

goes down a little bit. Yeah, I bet it's the same with Kiss. It's like if you're really into them and with both of them, there are merits. So what happens is the person is not seeing the merits. You know what I mean? Which is offensive. It's kind of like, well, you don't totally know

what you're talking about. Like to just write them off as they suck. Like, to write off the Grateful Dead as they suck is just like false. Like what they did on some of their work, you know, with bluegrass and melding folks. and, you know, like, there's no, like, band, you know, the band, Jerry Garcia.

They were all hovering around this new kind of art form or a hybrid art form. And anyway, whatever. So, yeah, all of a sudden, you're like, wow, all right. But I wonder, when I say Taylor Swift sucks, like, I wonder, I'm clearly missing some things. She's prolific as hell. Who? But, like, Taylor Swift. Oh.

But you can't, yeah, you can't. tell me there's no musicianship and there's no writing and her voice isn't celebrated I don't think she's a mediocre dancer yeah she'll tell you that so I wonder what it is I'm missing about

anyway well my wife says it's because she talks about each stage of growing up as a girl in a very honest raw way you don't see a lot of dudes at the concert no and she stayed there I like will she ever talk about being a woman right right she's a dear diary girl we got another piece of mail a bunch of them of people talking about how they're doing advertisements for ice

recruitment and uh i called our agent guy and i said look you got to get these off of there it was on spotify but then it was also on apple podcast so if anybody hears these ads running on the show please write me fitzdog radio at gmail.com let me know if you heard it and what platform you're listening on so i can try to stop this and we'll tell you how to sign up yeah well that's the thing is i want to get in there before it gets filled up yeah um all right let's get to uh the logo this week from bob the pumpkins for Halloween look at that very nicely done I love it we're in LA here man we got to be reminded that it's fall I know It's full-blown summer out there.

Yep. Ray Maslanka did the song this week? What did you think of the Ray Maslanka song? You know, I'm going to very, I'm going to insult him, sadly, with a compliment. But it's very replacements like, I didn't, you know, when I heard it, but it clearly not AI. No, he told me. And by the way, I mean that as a compliment, but he'll probably be like, no, I mean, it's not really replacements. No, it feels real.

It feels real. And Ray's done a lot of good music for us. Thank you, Ray. Yeah, Ray, I loved it. Corrections. Last week, I said that the Steelers won. I tried to tell you. Yeah, so the Bengals actually won 3331.

So don't worry, Roger's lost. Sean sent that in. Also, did you see the Giants game? Yeah. Well, I didn't see it. The Giants were ahead by 17 points in the fourth quarter, and they lost by one point. It might have even been more. But, yeah.

You know what I didn't? realized, did you see the Giants scored where the minute left? I didn't know that part about it. They retook the lead and then they basically lost twice. Wow. Yeah. Tour dates coming up. I'll be in Chicago at the Den Theater, November 8th, Appleton, Wisconsin at Skyline, November 9th, Lafayette, Louisiana, November 12th, New Orleans. I'll be at Skank Fest. Phoenix, Desert Ridge Improv, November 28th through the 13th. then I'm coming to San Francisco, Hasbrook Heights, Cleveland, Atlanta, go to Fitzdog.com, get tickets, come out and see some live comedy. Also, as we're approaching winter and the holidays, have fun. You know, buying gifts can kind of be a beautiful, loving experience where you show how much you know them and how much you want to give them something personal. Uncommon goods is, it's,

It's handcrafted, made in the USA, super high quality, and, like, just the most unique gifts that you can match to the people that you love. Mike, what do you like on there? You're just staring at me. But was that your handoff? Well, I just thought, you know, we talked before the show about earnestly how we both really like this company. And I ordered for my daughter, I got these. they're kind of like ugs but their house slippers but that are fluffy and they're lavender and i just got them in the mail first of all the ordering process on their website is so easy

it took me once i decided what i wanted it took me minutes and you go by you can shop by different categories and subcategories to really hone in on what you want um it's stuff that uh you know they're made in small batches so this stuff sells fast so get get on there and look for it oh dude One of the categories I love, and especially if you're creative, is personalized gifts. Yeah. So I went on, but like some are very quirky. So this is one I saw this past week. You custom message shortbread cookies.

You can write. So like, I don't want to ruin the algorithm, but like you're a C word. You could just write out. Like just a really, like we're all hard pressed for gifts. But that gift, even though it's a joke gift, you're like, Wow, you put thought into this, end effort. Like, this is customized for me. They'll remember that.

I mean, gardeners, mixologists, foodies, a lot of cool sports stuff. You can get, like, these albums that are made on the history of the team that they love and they get their name inscribed on it. There's a throw blanket with the find a word or whatever, word search, with a word search thing. Like, that's mess. But that's fantastic for someone who's into games. Every purchase you make it on common goods, they give back a dollar to a nonprofit. partner of your choice.

They've donated more than $3 million to date. So shop early, have fun, and cross some names off your list today. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com slash papers. That's uncommon goods.com slash papers for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon goods, we're all out of the ordinary. They are. It's an individual, man.

You got a crinkle? I have a fresh piece of papyrus right here. Let's do it. Here we go, front page. Last week, we talked about a guest at the Walt Disney World that unfortunately ended their life by their own hand. Yeah. This week, a second guest has died.

Less than a mile from where the superfan took their own life last week. Did she maybe, maybe they found the guy a week later. or maybe it was a murder or suicide. Oh, God. Did I just take us off the algorithm with that word? Yeah, we're way off. We're way off. Disney's Fort Wilderness Resort and Campgrounds

reported a person down just after 7.30 a.m. on Tuesday. Okay. 7.30 a.m. Yeah. Did he spend all night in the park? Is that the new thing? Don't put it past Disney. They will start selling all night passes

to continue making money, 24 hours a day. Anyone who's in the park at 7.30 wants it to be over. So no matter, like, he probably just found a way. 7.30 a.m. A man in his 60s experienced a medical episode and was transported to a local hospital where unfortunately he died.

If I'm at Disney at 7.30 in the morning, it would be fortunately he died. There are no signs of foul play. a person down call could fall under unattended or natural causes. I wonder if Disney is freezing all these corpses like they did with Waltz. That's right. They probably have a whole castle full of. Yeah, right.

And then they should make it a ride. That would be cool. A ride through all the frozen famous people. There's Ted Williams, everybody. Yeah. By the way, persons down at the park, there is a perk. You get to cut all the lines. all the down people

all the down people can be carried to the front of the line you drag them in a teacup and they have the time of their life the last time of their life or a person with downs then you go I think to the front of the line with that both of them will be at the front of the line by the way have you seen this show

English teacher I had never even heard of it it is under the radar it is one of the funniest shows that's been made in the last 10 years it's kind of like I don't know that you know any of the actors in it

but it's about this English teacher in a public school but it's mocking how woke the students are like it like at one point the girl goes she she's triggered because she has

undiagnosed what do you call it when you yell out curses? Oh turrets yeah I have asymptomatic undiagnosed taras So I'm triggered. Wow.

But and then the teacher wants them to put on Angels in America as a school play. And one kid is like, he goes, what is, what is that? Like AIDS from the 80s? He's like 80s, Aides. He said they should call it the Aedesies. Remember the Aidesies. All right. All right. I'll definitely check that out.

I think it's Tom Segora has a very funny story about being new at a school and being at the like all school meeting and the kid with Tourette's and he's he yells out the most outrageous shit and no one is reacting and he's sitting there like this is the funny like he can't because everyone knew him and he just let him do his thing you know but yeah look that up I bet Segora Tourette's which would be fun to Google anyway but look for it. is planning to replace more than half a million jobs in the U.S. with robots, according to a new report. Warehouse automation will enable the e-commerce giant to avoid hiring over 600,000

people. Executives told Amazon's board, that's even though the company reportedly expects to sell twice as many products by 233, saving 30 cents on each item that it ships, hundreds of thousands of additional roles will be automated. Ultimately, the firm's robotics team is looking to automate 75% of operations. All right, so let's crunch the numbers. Nobody in the country has a job anymore. Who's buying the Amazon stuff? Like, is Bezos, like Bezos and these other billionaires,

they're going to have to start paying taxes because the government is going to have to start paying living wages to people, you know, like a welfare to everybody, which they'll then use to buy more Amazon. stuff. It's just like a money laundering scheme. Has Amazon even made a cent yet? I, I mean, good question. I mean, in terms of true profit, I know Amazon computing services or wherever it's called, Amazon Web Services, whatever, the thing that went out this past week that messed up so much of the world, the New York Times sent me my like, you know, New York Times, they email it in the morning. They apologize for it being late because Amazon's computers went down. Oh, no shit. And all the

flights were, so many flights were delayed. Oh, no, it's... Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, their web services is very profitable, but a lot of people know far more about this than we do. But get this, same story in a way this week. Amazon just introduced new smart glasses

for its delivery fleet that project navigation instructions package info directly into a driver's vision. So, while they're waiting for the full robots, they're making their drivers half robots. Oh, my God, that's crazy.

Like Robocop. The glasses display turn by turn directions, package scanning, data and delivery confirmations. And it's constantly obviously in touch and the drivers are monitored. They wear a controller clipped to their vest containing swappable batteries for all-day operation, plus an emergency button for immediate assistance. Yeah. I want one of those. Right before they take their own life, exactly.

Yeah. They also prompt this driver to say, I'll be back. And it shows them where on the front porch to throw your TV. Yeah. Do the glasses indicate the worst place on the street to double park? I mean, my street, I swear to God, there's days you have to wait for them to come back. And then there's like two open spots right at the curb. Unbelievable.

I think they're also, I heard they're also giving them catheters to pee. an adderall patch so they can work overtime and a shock collar if they go too slow well the glasses they just have to look around their van and the glasses highlight their pea jug which is right in the van next to them is that a thing well you you know that right no oh no so jeff my stepbrother drove for amazon and he's like everybody because you have to keep up a certain rate of deliveries and all, and there's no built-in breaks, it's so, I just Google it. It's so widespread that it's talked about it like shareholder meetings, like the bad press they're getting, because they don't let their drivers have a bathroom break.

Well, I thought you're supposed to get 15 minutes every four hours on a job as a break. I don't know. Well, first of all, they're independent contractors. Oh, right. Also, now it's not just the trucks. They're doing like Uber, where you can. can use your own car to do Amazon deliveries. Oh, yeah.

It's fucking crazy. Well, Jeff did it out in Montauk, my stepbrother, and he used a van. Bad move. He should have used his own car because he was fired, by the way, almost immediately. Of course. When they came in, they just, they shocked

and they're like, you didn't stop at a single stop sign today. And he's like, what are you talking about? And they meant because he would like, roll like you would slow down. Kind of normal. Well, you have to come to a complete stop when you're on the van and they track all of that.

Wow. I know. That's crazy. I was going to make a joke about while the glasses could be like handy like for the fucking killer dog at certain addresses. That's in the story. They have wrong drop, they have a dress drop-offs

and then it IDs hazards like pets. It's crazy. This country's over. Corporations are just, as groceries get more expensive and Americans remain unsure about their economic future, shoppers are gravitating toward a tried and true budget meal. Eagle Foods, the company behind a hamburger helper says it's year over year sales rose 14.5% in August. The savory cheese forward hamburger helper meal kit has attracted consumers for decades as people's budgets get tighter. So they, they've been, the brand's been offering bold flavor and affordability amid high inflation, rising beef prices, unemployment concerns, and increasing demands on multi-earner households since 1971.

Oh, yeah. Hamburger helper. The company also sells vodka. It's branded as orange juice helper. That's a really good joke. you know this is like a famous economic indicator like it oh no kidding oh yeah yeah it's a big thing there then there's a couple of them that are very like cool in a way that you wouldn't think of but that make all the sense in the world yeah and i just remember uh national lampoon's vacation cousin eddie goes i don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper does just fine by itself I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?

And Clark's like, you're the gourmet around here, Eddie. That's the best. Just eating. No ground beef, just the hamburger helper. That's what's going to do. Chevy Chase in his prime was as good as anybody. I just remember the delivery on that line with the little half smile. Yeah.

There's a gourmet around here, Eddie. Oh, my God, we're back to another robot. I like this story, though. I told you it's coming. Okay, so a robotic fire dog developed on Long Island will be able to terminate flames with a water cannon and withstand temperatures of 572 degrees. The three-foot-tall, 150 pounds, that's me.

B-2 dog trots at 12 miles per hour and uses... I know it can go faster. And blast pressurized water at flames from a... a hundred feet away. Quote, this thing's really resilient. Going into a burning building is cake for this thing. The whole point is to put it somewhere you don't want a body to be. It's going to hit the market next year.

After an earlier version launched in Asia, kinks still need to be worked out with the B2 as bursts of high water pressure can cause the dog to roll over. So they launched it in Asia first to work out the kinks. like they did to us with COVID-19. Well, the dogs here developed a Long Island. They keep running away from people. Like, we're not going to eat you.

We don't do that here. Is that safe to say still? They do. Do they eat dog in Korea? I think they do, right? I think so. It's a fact, right? Right, right.

Here's the problem with these dogs is all fire trucks park near a hydrant. This thing runs out and just unloads all its water on the hydrant. It's a reverse. That's how life like it is. Yes, it's the reverse of what's supposed to happen. Water is not supposed to go into the hydrant. Yeah, don't tell that stag that. Commentators are slamming Tucker Carlson for peddling the conspiracy that COVID-19 was made in a way that rendered Jewish people immune to the deadly virus.

The host brought up Health and Human Services Director, Secretary Robert F. Kennedy's baseless claim that COVID could be, quote, tailored to have more adverse effects on specific groups of people. Wow. Taylor peddled a conspiracy theory that COVID-19 was made in a way that rendered Jewish people immune to the virus. It's like those, it's like those, I think it was those stars that they wear. They're like garlic to a vampire. Maybe that's it.

Listen, we've both married Jews and we can safely say there is no illness that Jewish people get less of than other people. It just doesn't happen. Yeah, yeah, they get even sickle cell anemia. Isn't that their thing? No, they're trying to steal it from the blacks. Oh, that's the blacks. Yeah, they'll take it from them like they took everything. First of all, you'd think they'd catch it more because of their noses. Right. Because you can't fit a mask over those. No. God, no. All right, let's get a crinkle. It's time for the ethical question. Okay, here's your ethical question, Mike Gibbons. Okay, I'm ready.

All right, you're living in an apartment in New York City. I like it already. Across the street, there is a window. Okay, I'm looking. One of the shades is not closed, and every night a woman comes home from work, she's very beautiful, and she showers. Do I meet her at her door? She showers, she undresses, dries off and,

front of the window naked you watch right is it okay that you are watching should you notify her ringing her buzzer and telling her that her shade is down or should you just abstain from looking or should you not tell all your friends and videotape um ethical questions are interesting because like so I guess the goal is to take myself out of it and answer like what is the ethical ethically correct answer i'm watching her and i'm not telling her shit but i'm trying to think what you what the ethical question is seeking uh i think it's you know to to treat this seriously for a second remember when uh tobin tubin yeah two jeffrey tube from the new yorker the lawyer he but he was on like msnbc or something and

And he famously got caught during COVID masturbating on a populated Zoom, a work Zoom, because he thought his screen was not, you know, showing him anymore. So people who were tearing, like kind of dissecting that and like, how much trouble should he be in? Because it's like it's literally a window. It's a Zoom window. Yeah. And if he has an expectation of privacy, then you are. violating that like but but he forgot to close his shade so i think she knows her shades open and uh i i guess it would help if my shade was open so she could see me furiously masturbating

and then then i want an ethical question for that bitch does she have the right with her beautiful tits hanging out to watch me masturbate through my open shit. Right. Or in fact, is she doing it to cause that? And that's her thing. I'm a victim here. I, full disclosure on this ethical question, this happened to me. When I lived on 16th Street, it was a woman. It happens to you a lot. It happened to you in a hotel? Yep. It does happen. Well, you got to look. You got to keep your eyes open. This woman came home every day from work and like from 530 to 630 she was naked she loved being naked in her apartment she had no i mean it wasn't like i was looking through a tree i mean it was a building facing a

building both with a lot of windows and i never saw her look at me but one time i saw a guy come over and uh she would pull the shade down for sex and then she and then she and then she and then She pulled the shade back up again, and she left the building with the guy. I was leaving at the same time, coincidentally. Yeah, very coincidentally. And as I came out the front door, she looked at me and she held her look on me for a while. Wow. Yes.

Interesting. Well, Seinfeld did this also. They had a naked and then also did friends. It's a very New York thing. Yeah. There's, you know, there's 80. windows across from your window yeah uh in some cases so uh yeah i mean listen it's on you you're leaving you know your windows open yeah you know your shade and people can see and you know it right

so all right let's get to this uh entertainment give me a crinkle so as people know our dear friend tom O'Neill who wrote Chaos. It was focused very much on MK Ultra, psychedelic program, which did mind control. Anyway, Errol Morris did a documentary about it that, in my opinion, was a disservice to Tom's book. It was too short. It portrayed Tom in a way that nobody really felt as true. Anyway, Oh, it also stepped back and questioned things that Tom had already answered, and so it wasted people's time, in my opinion. So now in Deadline Hollywood, the Sopranos creator, David Chase, is developing a new-H-B-O. He's developing a new limited series Project MK Ultra for HBO, and it's all about that stuff. And it would have been Tom.

if it wasn't, if Errol Morris had not taken this project and Tom battled literally for years, Errol Morris wanted to do this project for years and Tom never trusted him. And he kept saying no and he kept saying no. And then he finally gave in. And then it was all his worst fears came true. And in the meantime, David Chase, there's no doubt would have involved Tom in this project if this hadn't happened. Well, hopefully I'm not talking out of school. But, you know, when their relationship first fell apart, then it got back.

together and they did it but it fell apart at first and then errol's like tom you're screwing me i got like four hours netflix gave me for this what the hell am i supposed to do now and there are so many stories in tom's book that he goes errol jesus just take just take the one of the son who's a friend of mine who spent his life trying to disprove that his dad committed suicide and jumped out a window he was the i hope i have this right fbi agent on mk ultra and And then Errol took that and did Wormwood. And you could watch Wormwood right now on Netflix, and it's very well done. Oh, I thought it was extremely slow.

It was. That's what I was just about to say. It's incredibly well done in that he hired A-list actors to be the reenactors. And I thought it was very interesting. It would have been great two-parter and phenomenal, if he could have done it, like regular documentary, at like 100 minutes or something like that. But instead, I think it was four parts were stretched way too thin.

Yeah, it was way thin. And he's lost it. Like he doesn't have the, you know, this is an Oscar-winning document considered maybe the best documentary filmmaker in history, one of the top ones. And he's done. Errol Morris is done.

I, in Florida, my dad asked about Tom. And so I started telling him. And then we were at dinner with someone else. And it was like, I started talking. about exactly what I just did, the MK Ultra and then Wormwood, and you start sounding great. Whenever you talk about Thomas book, too, you start sounding like a conspiracy theory. Yeah, yeah.

And I, and same with like the Charlie Kirk. I'm like, don't make me this guy just fine the goddamn bullet for Christ's sake. So I, so my head can shut up asking, wow, this really doesn't smell right. So anyway, it was so great that this news broke yesterday because my dad worshiped. the Sopranos, so I could be like, oh, my God, when I sounded like a lunatic at dinner, look who's getting involved. And he was like, that's amazing. Well, the problem is the government flushed all the MK Ultra, decades of work. They just erased it. There's no trace. And all the money was just briefcases full of cash flying around. All right, let's go to

science. I think we should skip the international, the Lube being, Robbed. We don't want to do Make America Florida. Oh, Jesus. My apologies, Mike. I think you're sparing my voice. I'm going to try to read it nice and slow and low. Okay.

Let's make America Florida. A Florida man allegedly threatened to eat his diverse dog and stab the woman for calling the cops on him during a hostile property dispute. Minor coutage. What? That's the name? Yeah. Anyway, allegedly confronted his neighbor and she walked.

walked her dog along a public path near his property. Catledge bizarrely proclaimed he would eat her dog if she trespassed on the property he believed was his. After he was cuffed, this is great when they really show remorse. After he was cuffed, Catledge made several statements to a deputy that he was going to, quote, beat the victim when he got out of jail. Okay. Sounds like a minor altercation.

minor catilage that's weird i just copy and paste it i didn't even pay attention to the name in that part of florida nobody has sex with a minor but they definitely sell alcohol to minors you're going to eat the dog like that like i mean i wonder if he's going to cook it too well catlidge doesn't sound asian no you're right we already talked about eating the eating the dogs they're eating the dogs how about that trump they're eating the dogs and cats right in your home state. That's right. All right, now we're going to make America, Texas again. Here we go. All right. A Texas woman accused of fatally striking a man on a first date while driving drunk is reportedly blaming her designer shoes for the crash. I can see that if you, if it stopped

right there, I would go, okay. Yeah, absolutely. That was exactly my thought. I'm like, you know, I could see that. Like, you know, you've had a glass of wine and then you have these crazy impractical shoes. Can you imagine giant high heels down by the pedals of a car? I can't. Yeah, yeah. Okay, but let's listen to some details. Christina Chambers 34 was charged with the manslaughter

stemming from the death of Joseph McMullen 33. Prosecutors alleged that Chambers had spent the night bar hopping so she can hop on the shoes very well. She was bar hopping with friends and was four times over the legal alcohol limit when she slammed into McMullen as he was leaving a Houston voodoo donut shop with his date

authorities said they also found small backies of cocaine in her car and purse and she's blaming the shoes the shoes made me do it I love that these are fuck me pumps yelling I need

alcohol and cocaine and first of all this guy's on a first date with a woman that made him go to voodoo donuts. Are we sure he didn't step in front of the vehicle? Yeah, what a, what a detail. Yeah. That's not a good date. Um, this, yeah, I mean, forget it. You can't, you know, the shoes can only do so much. Oh my God. Yeah, when I was in Vegas, I was talking about this. Like, when you see the women at the end of the night carrying their shoes in their hand. I know. It's, a good sign. It's like, it's like, you know, that animal thing, like where you, you pick out the

week, you know, it's like a lion with a zebra. And it's like, well, just narrow it down to the women carrying their shoes. That's a start. I think it's the opposite because they'll protect. They're out in a gaggle. And if one of them has their shoes off, they surround her. And, and she's out of the game. It's like paintball. If you see somebody splattered with paint, you can't shoot them. They're out. They're still on the field, but they're out of the game. game. That is true. And they also had self-awareness. Maybe you want the one still struggling, not realizing her feet are bleeding. Right. Right. I can't understand it that women wear those fucking shoes. It's crazy. It's sexualizing their legs and form. And height. All right. Let's get

down to science. There we go. Science. She planted me with science. Japanese. Japanese and U.S. researchers have developed a groundbreaking treatment for people who can't breathe through their lungs by delivering oxygen where the sun doesn't shine. Whoa. So results from the first human clinical test testing the so-called butt breathing technique suggests it's safe and well-tolerated, pushing it's becoming a real thing. Loches, a type of bottom-dwelling fish breathe through their gills. oxygen runs low, they're known to swim to the surface, gulp air and swallow it. That air moves

through their digestive track where oxygen is absorbed into the bloodstream, whatever. People are... How do you do this? Well, they're saying that it absorbs the oxygen in the same way that the lungs do. Well, here's the weird thing, and I said this to you and you thought it was a joke. I've heard about drinking through your butt. like when you're um i'm sure like gillah gills or whatever his name is those those survival shows when you have muddy or potentially disease ridden water but you're you're dying and you're

dying of dehydration you can put a rag in it and then jam that up your but what you would do anyway at that point and you would jam the rag up your butt and then your body absorbs the nutrients with no risk because it never goes to your stomach And you look like a human Molotov cocktail. Yeah. And it's fun. You do it mostly because it's fun. But breathing, I've also heard a talking out of your ass.

So maybe that's what it is. It's like there's a little mini-ass diaphragm down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess. I sound like I'm talking about it. I'll tell you what, though. I'm not giving anybody mouth to ass resuscitation. That's going too far.

It's a little weird. and you read still still pressing compressing their chest but then you have to reach way down and suck their butt let's get to this day in history here we go oh man do we have this day in history where is it here we go this day in history uh the terminator released on this day what year give or take four years terminator 86 you got it 84 Nice Pretty good man

Well I mean look That was that was our Prime movie years Let's see What else do I have here I had a lot Wait I have to make the screen bigger Um

Marie Antoinette No let's not do that Mussolini you'll know Okay The Manchurian candidate Speaking of Tom O'Neal Was released in theaters on this date

in what year, give or take, six years? Well, it's MK. Ultra, which took place in the 50s and 60s. So I'm going to go early 60, 62. It is exactly 1962. Thank you very much. You're killing it this week. Yep.

Supersonic passenger service. The Concord flew its last flight. We might have done this a year ago. It flew its last. flight on this day in what year the Concord 1985 I didn't even give you a range but

you would not have gotten it it's 2003 no yeah maybe it started in 85 um okay the Disney classic Dumbo had its world premiere give or take

10 years when did Dumbo premiere in theaters 1939 holy crap yeah you like that year, 1941. Nice. By the way, have you re-watched it

with your kids, with the crows? No, it's a super sad movie, though, right? No, but there's the most racist scene. I mean, Disney has a lot of racist scenes, but the black crows saying, I ain't never seen no elephant fly. Yeah, it's great.

It's great. All right, we covered her earlier. Before the cocaine, American singer Brittany Spears, released this single, Baby One More Time, which accompanied a Lolita-like music video that became a huge hit. What year did Spears arrive on the scene kind of with Baby One More Time,

give or take four years? 1986. Dude, 98. Really? I know. Damn. Okay. Related is the last one.

Let's see how you do. The iPod was introduced by Apple and changed everything. What year did the first iPod hit the market, give or take three years? 99. You did it, man. 2001. Nice. Never forget. All right.

All right. Think of the playlist that were put together that year. Yeah. Free falling. Oh, stop. the house. Tower of power. On the playlist.

She's got legs. What do we got? All right. Let's go to. There's no obituary. There's no obituary. Nobody significant died. And if you have a loved one that died, our apologies, they were significant to you, but

they don't rank on Sunday papers. We got, let's go down to the funnies. Let's cheer up from the fact that we have no obituaries. All right, I have one from the onion. I have a couple from the onion, maybe. Underfunded schools are forced to cut the past tense from language programs. They're always so good. That's brilliant.

That works on a lot of levels. It's great. Yeah. Because there's no history anymore. There's no looking back. There's no trying to learn from any mistakes that we've made in the past. And then this is an interesting way to make a headline about someone being born. Eight pound man removed from woman's vagina.

That's good. It's really good. Yeah. I like that. All right. The comedy caption contest this past week was a, as you know, I give you one frame of a cartoon. You write a comedy caption, you send it into Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. You put your name directly underneath your joke.

We put the finalists in. We pick a winner, and that person wins a coozy, right from the Mike Gibbons delivery marketplace. Last week's cartoon was a doctor. He seems to have no mouth. He's bald. He's got glasses on his nose. He's got his handout with a glove on it. And he looks at, well,

I thought it was a farm animal. I thought it was a farm animal, but some people said that's just somebody in a gown. But either way, he's being presented with an ass, and he's got his hand out. It's a big difference, but okay. It was a tough one. Yeah. You said it was easiest thing ever. Kelly said, I am speechless.

Jazz hand. I don't know where the joke. What's the jazz hand part? Stephen Mangram said, I am a doctor, but I wish I'd. just played one on TV. Okay. Sean said, so this is where the Epstein files are hiding.

Wow, so to speak, you've really forced that one in there. Corey said, the cow says this was supposed to be a cattle prod, not a cattle probe. You had said you thought it was a cow. Certifying anus beef, Mike Nester said.

Oh, sturdy summers New York. Sean Johnson said, I'll check your tonsils as soon as I'm done down there. Well, I hope you change gloves on that one. Jim Coran said, Born without a mouth, Dr. Wilson, let his hands do the talking. I kind of like that one. Ron said,

I was a pediatrician but found that animals are better at keeping secrets. Ooh, that's dark. How about every day Dr. Ferguson does something unspeakable? Yeah. All right Rich Butchko says Okay now you do me Okay now you do

Okay yeah that's just a general doctor joke Yeah Harold said it was at that moment The doctor realized he had left his lips In yet another patient It's kind of good Yeah it's not bad So I think it's between that

And you liked The hands do the talking Jim Yeah I don't know Tough choice I'm gonna let you decide I'm gonna go with Harold at the end

It was at that moment Just because I like that phrase The doctor realized he had left his lips in the end Congratulations Harold You're gonna win a coozy Yeah send us your address We'll get it right out Right out man

Next week's cartoon for the caption It's two goldfish In a goldfish bowl The top of the bowl Has barbed wire around the rim of it. I like this image. This is good.

And one's talking to the other. They're both looking up at the barbed wire. Go. Go. Done. All right. Let's get to the pros. Hager the Horrible, which, remember, is...

Show a tank redemption. Go ahead. There you go. Which is presented by a newspaper that puts this really right in the colorful fun section the kids look at. Hager is with Lucky. looking up at a tower with a window in it and Hager goes, let your hair down. And then the princess or whoever's in the tower throws a bucket of something on top of them. Suddenly there's a bunch of cats on

the tower and Hager sneezes Achu and Lucky goes, that's not Rapunzel. It's the cat lady. Yeah. Which I don't really understand at all. I just thought it would be interesting that a one woman presented with a couple of Vikings while safely tucked away in the top of a tower would allow them to climb up by her hair. When did that ever make sense? I know. But so you see the colors of the cats? She's dumping out all the cat hair from her apartment.

And that's why he sneezes. Oh, I thought it was cat litter. No. That would be better. That would be better. It is not his best work this week. I don't know. Lockhorns, we got

Leroy comes into the kitchen and his pajamas, unshaven, looks miserable. Loretta goes, there's my Disney husband, sleepy, grumpy, and dopey. I also just love the color scheme. Look how drab.

It's like the muted yellows and greens. And look at his pajamas. Yeah, it's very early 70s. Yeah. And then we got Leroy. He is ripping up a ticket while watching a horse race on TV. He looks angry. And Loretta goes, your ship didn't come in either, Leroy.

I don't know how they do it, how they stay together. And now we got, speaking of people staying together, we got fucking Bumstead, Dagwood Bumstead, sitting on the chair. And he's just my favorite. slouched with his hands in his pockets. Like, okay, either sit on a big overstuffed chair or slouch or have your hands in your pockets, not all three. Right. And then we got this little kid going, I vote to make October Halloween months so we can have candy every day. And then Dagwood says, you'd have to dress up in a costume every day.

And then the kid goes, it would be worth it. Serve the greater good. And now he's in bed. He's a child. Blondie has on like a kind of a navy blue, a strap. She's got negligee. Strap. Like a strap on the shoulder.

Well, like, you know, the sleeveless. Sleeveless, yeah. And she goes, Halloween all month. And he goes, honey, it's for the greater good. All right, here's the thing, Dagwood. If you want to dress up to get something out of life, don't put on donut pajamas and then get into bed with the the Pam Anderson of the 1950s. Put, you know what you should put on?

Put on a fucking pair of shorts and a tank top and go to the gym and work out. And then when you come home, dress up as Thor and get into the bed with that. Impress her. Take some chances. Yeah. All right. I have a theory. Yeah.

And this might explain everything. Yeah. I think only Dagwood can see that child. And he gets all his walking orders. He gets everything from the child. So the child hasn't hit puberty yet. Right. The child has no sex drive.

The child wouldn't know what to do, as you've said a million times, wouldn't know what to do with a specimen like that. Right, right. Just thinks about food. Where's childish pajamas to bed? It is just a rested development. Yeah. All right, folks.

We'll see you tonight at the Best Buddies Benefit at the Comedy Store. Come on, get tickets, fits dog.com. And then also, go Rams. What's that? I guess we should say go Dodgers. The Dodgers will be starting the World Series. F the Dodgers. Is it tonight?

F them. It might be. But Don Mattingly is one of the hitting coaches, I guess, on Toronto. He's my favorite baseball player of all time. I wanted Seattle. But now that it's Toronto Dodgers, Mattingly is set up for yet another big disappointment. But that's who I'm rooting for. I mean, you got to be a little excited about Otani, though.

I mean, the guy literally turned in one of the greatest performances in baseball history. I mean, how do you not get a little bit excited about that? 10 strikeouts, three home runs. It's Babe Ruth's stuff and some are arguing better. It's so, it's off the charts. It's off the charts, and here's the crazy thing. While he's doing it, he'll hit a foul ball and then take a step towards the crowd in the direction it went

and put his hands up to apologize. He was filling cups from the water cooler and stacking them on top for the other players to drink in between hitting home runs and striking people out on the mountains. Yeah. Come on, man. I'm on board just for that. yeah he's unbelievable all right anything you want to promote mike um oh yeah uh i've heard too many good

things about it i've only watched oh yes i was going to promote task yeah i watched task did you finish it uh i don't think the last episode has aired yet i think it just did oh then yeah then we did finish it oh yeah we definitely finished it yeah slow down don't nothing don't say anything but I listened we listened to a podcast because my sister like all women loves murder podcasts so we listened to one called um I want to say bone yard it's about this murder in Florida and a guy who's caught him put in jail for it and it is something else man it is called bone valley okay you can get it on Apple podcast Bone Valley, and there's one part. The guy who wrote it and is narrating it has won a Pulitzer Prize.

So he's really a writer. So it might be a little slower-paced because he's really telling a great story. But in episode six, there is a part of it where it's about forgiveness and it is so beautiful. I think that's my takeaway. And I'm not even at the very end yet. My takeaway I know is about this forgiveness that happened in episode six. Okay. We, on the way back from Vegas, we listened to a true crime podcast.

I think it was called Bear Creek. And it's about a murder up in New Hampshire. And very good, very good. But yeah, I would say task, listen to it. Watch Task, I think, what's his name? Who's the guy who's the star of it? Ruffalo. Ruffalo, really, gained some weight.

and let himself look. I mean, it's one of those things where you go, it's very brave. It's very brave. Because, I mean, he looks 10 years older and awful in it. So brave of him to get a dad bod that many women are into. Yeah, right. All right.

Well, thank you guys for listening. We'll see you soon. I'll have my voice next week. Tag itish. Tag itish. Get ready for corrections. I'm week old news. And a bunch of things.

Fast and fast. You'll hear about Florida and Texas too if the questions and plug these moves It's Sunday papers time