Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 287 11/2/25

Episode Date: November 2, 2025

Kim thinks the moon landing is a hoax, Diddy is going to a real prison, and a Florida Woman proves she’s every bit as crazy as a Florida Man. ⁠WWW.UNCOMMONGOODS.com/PAPERS⁠⁠⁠ for 15% off! Watch Greg’s latest special, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠“You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest” Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Find Mike on Venmo here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTime⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Make sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmons⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Mike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Oh, read all about it This is a big week Isn't every week a big week these days? Is there a week that just just you ever look at the end of the wing and go, eh, nothing really happened. What are we going to talk about?

Although we were just talking about the obituary and we're on a little lucky streak. I mean, no, you know what, it ebbs and flows because the Diane Keaton and then there was another one, right, with her that was very heavy. Ace freely? Oh, well, yeah, and Robert Redford. Yeah, nobody died.

And again, if you have loved ones and they passed this week. Our hearts are heavy for you. However, they were not important. They should have done more with what they had. They should have. They wasted it. They watched a lot of TV.

What do they just like love their family and kind of live a dignified private life? The obiturates is not about balance. It's not about life balance. No, extreme. people who also like very misguidedly like to pursue a pipe dream and it paid off yes these are about narcissists who have taken a toll on those around them to to create a sense of self-worth it was unjustified they wanted to be more respected and known outside of their home instead of inside of their home and their family and they were

athletes who were, let's be honest, bullies, probably throughout elementary school and high school. Yeah, we celebrate them. I do look at football players sometimes and I'm like, man, these guys they must have been fucking a lot of them. I think the linemen

were kind of douchey. But then you talk to hockey players, they're the nicest. I've met, I've been lucky enough to meet a lot of NHL players with that exception, the most gentle, kind, best-mannered people you've ever met. I think it's not a stretch to say most people agree that the coolest athletes on the whole are hockey players. Yeah. I mean, especially compared to the NBA, the NFL. I mean...

WNBA, Jesus. Yeah, those dicks. They really are. I guess baseball would be second me. Maybe. Yeah, baseball players are, baseball players are good, but they are womenizers. They can be decks, though. I think they cheat more than any other athlete. No, NBA. NBA and then baseball. Did you watch all 18 innings? Oh, no, this is the best. I got a colonoscopy on Monday, and so I had my cleanse the night before, which was the night of the game. So I sat down

from the first pitch and I had the game going on my phone so that when I would run to the bathroom I didn't miss anything and so to me it flew I honestly I could have watched another hour I was so into the game and I couldn't believe

that they were going to have regular players start to pitch they literally were one pitcher away from having to bring in the left fielder well I mean no one could produce any anything and no one could produce any runs except you that night. There we go. Yeah. Yeah, they definitely, uh, the Blue Jays weren't the only ones that

shit the bed. I shit the couch. I actually did shit my pants on the couch at one point. Oh, no. Yeah, completely shit my pants on the couch. Oh, so did Dodger fans at the end. But I went, I went, uh, I got this colonoscopy. So I go in and, uh, you know, they say, take off your clothes. put on this cloak, make sure the opening is in the back. And now you've got to walk down a long hallway filled with other people. And so I got my hands behind my back trying to keep my asshole from protruding. And I get to the bed. I lay down.

I'm feeling very vulnerable. And the anesthesiologist comes in. He picks up the chart. He looks at it. And without even looking up, he goes, Fitzdaugh. No. Yes. And I was like, no.

I go, no. no no he goes i love your podcast i love sunday papers um oh good lord you know i listen to me on corolla and all this shit and then and then he and then he looks at my chart and he's like uh man you take a lot of prescription drugs what are these for and i was like i have depression and he's like you do you have to like yes not in every not in every week listener not in every week listener yeah right so yeah so I got my colonoscopy and then I hadn't eaten

for 24 hours people we stopped complaining about the colonoscopy so what so you don't eat for 24 hours it was a piece of cake it was not a piece of cake it was not anything but it was not difficult and then you drink three bottles of this calcium stuff

you shit I like shitting shitting feels good you just said you crept on your sofa I know I enjoyed it my wife was laughing Some people would think that's a challenge. Some people. Well, I just think anything in life that's different is fun.

Shitting on your couch does not happen every day. Sure. Well, yeah. In Florida, it does. Hopefully not. But, and then you get the operation and then we went out for breakfast. He went to this place on, I think it was Wilshire down around 10th Street. It's a breakfast place, blue something or.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think they're famous for pancakes. Yes, I got the pancakes and the eggs and the bacon. And I'm telling you, man, you're still high off the Propofal. You're so fucking hungry. And so I swear to God it was the most enjoyable meal I've had in months. Nice. Yeah, it was good.

The Propheaval will do that. And then you have no hangover from it. Propheaval, no hangover. I went right to lunch after two. I did the rotissory. He also, because of my throat, he checked my throat also while. I was out. So they went in.

People are very concerned in the mail in the emails this week about your voice. Yeah. When did you get it back? Because you didn't have it last week. Oh, I know. Now it feels good. Like a day or two later. All good, guys.

Thank you. Oh, thank you. All right. Yeah, no, it was bad. I mean, I really shouldn't have done the podcast last week. But we muscled through it, man. It sounded terrible. And now I have another surgery.

on uh on monday i'm getting my knee surgery finally it's i've got a torn meniscus and so but my medical bills are piling i can't i can't i tell me 40 grand a year in health insurance and then i have to pay 25% of everything else so i had surgery my daughter's surgery she had appendectomy that was three grand out of pocket and then i had uh something else that was just three grand and now this knee is going to be two grand plus the colonoscopy i don't even know what that cost are you allowed to do those i forget the abbreviation but where you put money aside for health care costs what money what extra money no like for instance even the it has to be with your insurance no they really recommend people do it so that i think it's tax free money can be applied to

medical expenses. Well, right now we're working with a health insurance broker to try to fund a better deal because Blue Cross, no, Blue Shield of California can lick my hairy balls. They are so, they suck. That'll be, that'll be out of pocket also. Yep. Do you want to congratulate me? Congratulations on the best buddies, bro.

I was, I was a bus buddy buddies champion candidate, which means I was one of the top 10 fundraisers for the organization this year. How nice is that? It was really nice. I was very touched. We went to this, but they invited us to a gala. They gave me my own table at the gala. I invited a bunch of people.

I'm sorry to invite you. Where was the gala? It was at the scurrubal center. Oh, that's sweet. So, Annie Letterman came because she's very involved with best buddies now. And then Jojo flaked out at the last minute with her friend, because they are feuding. Oh.

And she's 22, and it's getting a little old for that. So the friend didn't come or both of them? Neither one of them came. Oh, boy. I could have been a last minute. And then Greg German's son, Asa, who you know very well. We love Asa. Aza's on a big show called Generation...

Oh, right. I remember that, yeah. Gen Z, and it's on... No, I don't think it's Gen Z. It's Gen Something. It's a spin-off of the boys, and it's a huge show. And so him and another star of the show, we're at our table. And then a guy who, you know, because he's got autism, but he performs stand-up comedy. I kind of mentor him, and he performs every year at the Best Buddies Benefit.

Oh, wow. So he was at the table with his parents who I fucking love. So Chris Tenney, shout out to him. Oh, good. We did a great job. We did the comedy show Sunday night. I know. I didn't make it.

You didn't make it too busy going out with Kilbourne, Craig Kilbourne. Yeah, yeah, he's hysterical. Right, I know. That got rescheduled. I thought I could make it, but then the dinner got pushed back a half hour. How was the stand-up that night? It was amazing. Annie did a great job.

Then we had Andrew Santino. First of all, he's the kind of guy that comes, he's not until the end of the show, comes at the beginning of the show. And he's just, he's the great. Great green room hang of all time. Right, yep. So we had a good hang with him. Chris, Craig Robinson came in, and he's also just such a sweet guy. He flew in early from Vegas to do the show.

And he sits in the green room when he smokes a blunt and then literally walks right on stage. And he did like an hour. Oh, my God. Whole crowd was singing along with him. Oh, that's fantastic. Ron Funches, whose son is autistic. He performed on the show. Oh, wow.

Dave Williamson, who you play golf with. And I love Funches. Yeah, so it was a great lineup. We raised a ton of money. And in the audience, we had a bunch of celebs. We had Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block was out there. Oh, yeah, yeah. Are you sure you got the right band this time?

Oh, Jesus Christ. All right. We had Chris Cheney, bass player for ACDC was out there. Sure thing. Sure thing. We had Tom O'Neill, off of Chaos. Yeah. We had Lisa Loeb from the 90s.

Oh, my God. Yeah. What was she doing there? She is good friends with Craig Robinson. And she's been involved with Best Buddies for many years. She's friends with Mark Wiley, who runs things out of Miami. And he's a fucking, he's the most loving human being I've ever met. Well, that's lovely.

So anyway, all right, enough about that. Let's get to it. The logo this week comes from a Lauren. Lawrence Tarpie, a nice little Halloween Sunday Papers. It's the twins. Name the movie. Oh, come on. It's a shining.

Yeah. But, yeah, Sunday Papers is inverted or flipped, so it's backwards. What is that telling us? What does that mean? Remember, he kept saying red rum, which is murder backwards? Man, it should be in red, but yeah, I didn't need that. That's on me. That's on me.

the song this week i gotta tell you something since i think that we stirred it up when we were talking about people doing ai and how we prefer people not doing ai and thor went to town man what a full song and effort my god the lyrics were insane it just i think there were like four verses and uh So you had AI write it, I guess. I implore you. At the end of this podcast, we play the full song. We only play a clip at the beginning. Listen to the song at the end.

It's amazing. Corrections this week, none. I nailed it. Got nothing wrong. Is that true now? Either that or our listeners got lazy last week, but nothing got reported. So get this. You mentioned I went out with Killboard.

So I then went to a place right near here, and it's French. It's right on Main Street. And he goes, I need to know what color ascot you wore and all this. Hopefully it was an ascot because you went to a French restaurant that's kind of fancy and all this. So what I did was I then took a selfie in the restaurant because that's when he texted me. And then I said, put an ascot on me. right so and i struck a pose and i spread my shirt a little which of course i didn't have to a i would have to but look what then a i fired back look at this distinguished gentleman

oh that's it made you look a little younger did you ask it to make you look younger no it changed well you want to see one where my face is different and i had to tell it not to but look at this those are on my eyes at all look at that one oh yeah i don't know what it did it didn't mention and change my face, though. I'm like, don't do that. Interesting. No. And now you can't trust anybody's like shirtless photos online because you got this app that gives you bigger muscles. But it did. It gave me more of a chin, I think. And then it also brightened up the background.

And it gave you a little bit of a facelift. I think it did. You know, and I'm surprised the, I wonder if it changed the artwork. Do you know, it does that. So I, whatever, this isn't boring, actually. So I had a bunch of photographs and pieces of art and stuff. And I was like, oh, I'm going to put them on the wall in my bedroom. And I'm like, well, what kind of design should I put them? Because there were like eight of them, right? So I just piled them on my bed, some on top of the pillows, some in front of the pillows. And I took a picture and I said, hey, show me some variations on the wall. You know, like, because it's some people, if you've seen on like Pinterest, wherever,

they'll literally put tape up and see, oh, maybe the big one should go up or left, blah, blah, blah. Every time it did it, it changed the art inside the frame. No. Because I think of copyright. Yeah. Wow. Like one was a picture of Dylan.

They just made it this black and white dude on a French-looking street instead of Dylan outside of French Hotel, yeah. What, like Lionel Richie, a black and black and? and white dude. That's what they should do. But it really does then, but it's always a little inaccurate. Everyone's always saying you really got to keep an eye

on that assistant of yours. Speaking of art, did you see? I hate to sound like a purve. Sidney Sweeney's outfit yesterday? That's in the art category. I mean, it is mind-blowing. Why didn't she just go topless? it was sheer and I mean here's the thing

she gets me there was a time it was a time when I was young who was the one that was married to Eddie Van Halen Valerie Bertnelly yeah she was my thing and then it became Angelina Jolie like women that literally stop me from breathing and just make make me get dumb right and and Sydney Sweeney is like that now and

the fact that I think she's like I forget who it was somebody told her oh is what's Jamie Lee Curtis was like good for you you know what use it use your beauty don't hide it don't feel like you got it because everybody's instinct is well shouldn't she be trying to focus on showing people she's a good actress and play down that and Jamie Lee is like no like look at look at women that have ridden big boobs all the way to the top but are still taking seriously Jamie Lee Curtis, you know, she... Trading places. Right.

She whipped them out. Oh, boy, did she? Yeah. No, she, Jamie Lee Curtis definitely used her. She was gifted upstairs. We don't know what happened downstairs. Speaking of gifted, we will be, I will be in Chicago at the Den Theater, November 8th. Get your tickets now.

That's going to sell out. Appleton, Wisconsin the next night, November 9th. Lafayette, Louisiana, Club 337 on November 12. Then I'll be at Skank Fest in New Orleans, Phoenix at the Desert Ridge Improv, November 28th through 30th. Then I'm coming to San Francisco, Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, Cleveland, Atlanta, Austin, Sacramento, Lexington, Houston, Fort Worth, L.A. and Janesville. Back to Sweeney. You know, I was wondering, like, you see her, and it's so, it's so transparent, the dress and everything. And I'm like, is she wearing, what is she wearing, is she wearing panties? And then I realized she can do it.

She doesn't need underwear. It's so stealing the show upstairs. No one's looking downstairs. Yeah, yeah. She could do whatever she wants down there. She can literally just have be naked. The dress could, the dress could be a cutoff. Yeah, she could have boxer shorts on.

Yeah. Look at this. Uncommon goods again. Oh, my God. The uncommon goods, like, I got to tell you, it's, it's so hard at the holidays to not fall into the, like, go to Banana Republic and buy a standard hoodie or, you know, last minute buy flowers for 120 bucks that you don't know how they're going to be. If you just get a little bit of a jump on it, now's the time. Uncommon goods, they got something for everybody. And it's all like, you know, small artists.

and, well, they're not small artists. Some of them are tall artists. And they make people feel like you thought about them. Oh, go early too and personalize gifts. I'm telling you, as I think most people know, you can get away with a lot with a person. Like, for instance, imagine if I wrapped just a deck of cards for you. Like, that would be ridiculous.

But if I found a funny photo of you or whatever, like that's just an example of personalizing or like those cookies that I found last week on there the shortbread cookies and I just had Fitzdog written on them or something like like it's a whole different ballgame right and it's really um thoughtful and it doesn't matter if you're a teenager if you're a mom if you're a book lover sports fans mixologists they got just unforgettable gifts it's stuff that people are going to remember later and so they also do something great they let you pick a non-profit partner of your choice and they donate uh they've donated $3.1 million.

Wow. Yeah, to date. So don't wait. Make this holiday the year. You give something truly unforgettable. To get 15% off your next gift, go to Uncomondgues.com slash papers. That's uncommongoods.com slash papers for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer.

Uncommon goods. We're all out of the ordinary. There you go. Good fucking read we did just now. Are we doing, I got a crisp piece of paper. We're doing front page. Let's do it. Hey, wait, right by this paper.

What do you think about this? You ready? Let's bet on this. I have a bow tie that still has a tag on it. And I'm going to say I've had this 20 years. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, hold on. You haven't worn a bow tie in 20 years?

No, no, I have. This one didn't work for whatever reason. And I think it is from Nordstrom. It is from Nordstrom. I see the Lou. And then it's $45. Okay. That's another reason.

I want to do you think Nordstrom, it has a barcode, will take this back? Now, of course not. I go in with this and I say it's clearly never been worn. You don't think they have a famous. I know I think it was Neiman Marcus had the most famous return policy, but you don't think Nordstrom will take it back. Maybe it's Neiman Marcus. Well, I guess that's one question. The other question might be, what do you make an hour to write comedy?

Nothing means that. And prepare spec scripts that you might be able to sell. Like, what dollar amount would you put on that? This might be Neiman Marcus. I don't know what the Neiman Marcus logo is. There's an N. I remember you had some script that you were. laid on and you were in your garage selling your daughter's bed. Yeah, probably. It's a wonderful

distraction. I'm not afraid of selling the bed. I'm afraid of failure and success. I have this company called, I won't say them, but they sent me a bunch of bongs and I don't smoke bongs and they're extremely high end. They were worth hundreds of dollars each. I know what you're saying. I got it also. I sold mine. How did you sell yours? Facebook Marketplace. Oh, because I didn't think they allowed you to sell paraphernalia on Facebook.

I don't know if I used the word bong. I might have done water pipes. So I bought it to a head shop in town and they sold them all. So I'm going to go pick up like a grand. Oh, Jesus. Mine weren't worth that much. All right. Here we go.

Front page. Wait, hold on. I got to plug my computer and I just, the battery's dying for some reason. Oh. Well, that'll happen when it's not plugged in. At some point, I should explain to that kid how batteries work. Oh, all right, let me give you guys while he's away. We're going to do a story on Kim Kardashian, then Diddy, then a JD Vance.

Then I didn't read this story. It's about a 61-year-old man who was jailed a month after reposting a Facebook meme. So that'll be an adventure because I literally, that's the most. I've read of that story. Then there's another one he put in here of a Subramanium Vedum was set to walk free from a Pennsylvania prison. I haven't read that story either. Okay.

Here we are, Greg. I kept them entertained. You can't hear me yet, can you? All right. So I've kept them entertained. We're ready to go. Way to go, Mike. Did you read the story?

We're kind of done. So take it is. All right, here we go. You ready? Front page. Kim Kardashian. There's the paper crinkle. All right.

Kim Kardashian has a very controversial take. She will not let go of. She is a piece of work, man. On the Thursday episode of the Kardashians, the 45-year-old revealed that she doesn't believe the 1969 moon landing really happened. and she was trying to convince her All-All's Fair co-star Sarah Paulson. I'm sending you so far a million articles, she said, with both Buzz Aldrin and the other one, Kim told Paulson, referring to astronaut Neil Armstrong. And then she goes, quote, why does Buzz Aldrin say it didn't happen?

There's no gravity on the moon. So then she lists every debunked thing that children learn when they entertain a doubt about the moon landing. She then goes, why is the flag blowing? The shoes that they have in the museum that they wore on the moon have different footprint than the photos. Why are there no stars? It's so boring to see an idiot stumble upon this. Well, she's got kids with Kanye and maybe she's trying to do consistent parenting. Stay on the same page.

So the Jews faked the moon landing? That would be the story she should run with. Yes. Well, I'm with her. I mean, I'm not 100% serious, but I'm not 100% kidding. I hadn't smoked pot for about. 20 years and then my buddy Ross Broccoli who you know

I was in Lincoln, Nebraska and we were driving his pickup truck through cornfields smoking pot for the first time in 20 years. Went back to his house and he took me down a rabbit hole about the moon landing and I could not sleep

that night. I was so here's my main thing. All right it was 1969. I had a 1969 Chevelle and I used to drive it from Boston to New York, and it would break down two-thirds of the time. Right. The highest technology in 1969 that I had was one of those Mattel football games

where you use your two thumbs, and it goes deep-dee, and it's just eight dots. Yeah. That was where we were at in 1969. And now you're telling me a gas-powered engine that, and then they get there. It was a tin can. And then all of a sudden they pop out a car. Oh, and now here's the moon car that we brought in our little tiny capsule. Come on.

What's amazing to me is how much effort was to get them back alive. You would have thought, here's the mission, guys, we need volunteers. You will live in it like forever. Your names will live forever. You're going to land on the moon. You're going to walk on the moon. You're going to talk to us from the moon. You're going to send us stuff.

You're not coming home, though. You're going to stay on the moon. And I think people would have still signed up. Yeah. And oh my God, we would have needed so much less tech. But no, here, I feel the same way as you a little, not about the moon. Because I think what proved it for me, like definitively, was they talked about, you know, they involved Stanley Kubrick, who helped them. He said he made the movie.

Yeah, but they are, I think it was the slow-mo, the amount of footage they had. It's almost like they would have needed more tech to fake the moon landing the way they did than to land on the moon. Now, the only thing that makes me think that it really did happen is to keep that many people quiet. Also, why wouldn't Russia debunk it and say you didn't win the race to the moon? Like, in other words, look at this. You're a lying country. They'd be able to disprove that. They were very close.

Yeah. But this is how I feel now. I am telling you, man, the Charlie Kirk thing, and you know I'm not a conspiracy guy, I please stop my speculating. They have footage of these guys and the most bizarre reactions around him from his security. Like, and these are just facts. They were making hand signals right before he got shot. No, but now all the focus is on what happens the seconds after. Never mind the handoff of something, but then one guy just turns and just, like, kind of walks away.

Like, there's zero surprise. Oh, he picks up the phone. He picks up the phone. Yeah. Just making a call. What is happening? Yeah, it's weird. And no bullet and a million convenient things.

Like, please. No autopsy, no death report. Oh, I can't, man. You're making me feel crazy. All right. So what is the scenario you imagine if the one we're being presented with this fall? I hate to sound like Kanye, but I am looking at Israel on that, on this one, uh, because I'm looking for motive. And they're the only, I mean, everyone hated this guy, but who could really

turn his security against him? Uh, I, yeah, I know. I sound like an idiot. I don't know. What's the juice? Yeah. Well, by the way, what's the question? The answer. is it's the Jews. What's the question? I mean, I know. I sound like a fun, unhinged idiot. Yeah. I sound like Kim Kardashian. But yeah, but honestly, put, just stop everyone from speculating. Yeah. What was the, what was the JFK thing? A.I came up with a new suspect. Did you, I never really see, I'm not even into these things. I read that headline. I didn't even read the article. Should I call Tom O'Neill right now? Yes, call Tom O'Neill and say, did AI solve the JFK murder? Just say he'll love that question.

Well, you know, the amazing thing about Tom is he really does sound like it's fact. Well, he's very careful to avoid sounding like a conspiracy there because that is the arena he is in. But he wants to be taken seriously. All right, Tom, you're on Sunday papers right now. I thought you guys do it on Saturday. No, our producers said it was more convenient for them if we do it earlier in the week. We're the Thursday paper.

We're the Friday. After the fact, if I say something to embarrass you. Yes, all right, quick question. Now, there's new talk about the Kennedy assassination, and AI has solved who it really was. Oh, I don't know if I knew that. Oh. All right.

Thanks. I'll talk to later. Okay, hold on. Ask him about Charlie Kirk. wait what about charlie kirk who is there if it's not true if all that stuff was staged who in fact did kill charlie kirk what's the what's the alternate scenario i've left that to gibbs i can't get on that rabbit hole i have to have something of a normal life so i don't know i know the kansas owens has gone from uh the jews to his own people and i think the latest is trump or

Laura Loomer, she's accusing. I don't know. But wait, who does AI say killed Kennedy? Mike doesn't know. That's why I were calling you. I read the headline. Yeah, I wouldn't trust it. I'll tell you who killed Kennedy in Chaos Part 2.

All right, we're looking forward to it. We're going to see you tonight? It's Halloween as we tape this. Are you going to be at Penmore watching baseball? I haven't decided yet. I thought you invited me to a party over there on show. Yeah, come by that. It'll be fun.

All right, and then maybe we'll go to the end of the game. Okay, good. All right, see ya. See you. All right, nothing there. Here we go. Sean Diddy Combs, Greg, Sean Diddy Combs has been, he's going to serve time for the prostitution-related charges. And this week, he was transferred.

Sean Diddy Combs transferred to Fort Dix. Why don't you go first? No. No, no, no, no, you go first. I had no jokes on this. I couldn't figure out how to crack the code on this. So you go, you go. No, I insist.

I just feel like sometimes we get something and it's an important story, but I don't see an angle on it. I know. It's like it's just a transfer. So he's in Fort Dix and I don't know. So, I mean, if he had been sent to like Adica, Adica, Adica, I would say maybe there's a joke there. I was thinking maybe he got excited because he misheard them and he thought it was four dicks because that's usually the number that he's around

when he's in a room of guys. Yeah, they definitely were not going to send him to sing sing since he sucks. Yeah, he cannot sing sing at all. No. Right. All right. All right. We better just move on in the next.

Let's move on. Let's move on. America in chaos as the perfect storm grounds flights and J.D. Vance admits he fears disaster. I bet when he fears disaster, he blames it on the radical left. So there's Orlando. There's Washington Reagan. There's Dallas, Fort Worth, have all implemented ground delay programs limiting the number of arriving flights per hour. At Orlando, the program is expected to last from Thursday evening through Friday morning. morning with maximum delays reaching up to six and a half hours. Well, that's good news. Go ahead. Well, listen, this is my first thought, as a lot of listeners could predict. I think that Dallas's ground delays have nothing to do with the whole chaos, but they finally

realize their terminals make no effing sense, which I've gone through this. A is not next to B. It's not. this is going to be the first time people actually make their connections at at dallas fort worth yeah i think c is between b no no d and whatever it is it's crazy you know by the way my dad just went through dallas and did not listen to my rant on the podcast thankfully but he goes it is so screwed up and he goes c was not next to a or whatever it was or b and like and he was like It's crazy. And I'm like, oh, my God, you have no idea who you're talking to.

Is it based on guitar strings? It should be, right, chords? D-A-D-G. It's just as hard as learning guitar. Well, think about that. How many people are going to use this as an excuse to go? Sorry, Mom, can't come home for the holidays this year. It's the ground.

It's the air traffic controllers. Right. Yeah. I know. I would have loved that. I think they should farm out this work. If they can't get enough air traffic controllers, just find the teenagers who have the highest scores on Grand Theft Auto.

They could run this in their sleep. Just hook up their Nintendos to the air traffic control, pay them with weed and gift cards to only fans. Just so you don't think we're talking gibberish. Here's the map again. when you're on the tram there's five terminals the stops go in this order if you're traveling counterclockwise terminal e next terminal c next terminal a go fuck yourself dallas and if you're going the other way it's of course terminal a next terminal c followed by e what are you insane

oh my god um the saga saga saga or saga saga saga oh saga oh saga i thought it's sag after saga saga saga of a 61 year old man jailed for more than a month after reposting a facebook meme has ended free speech advocates are very upset on wednesday larry bouchart was released from jail where he'd spent weeks unable to make bail which the judge said at two million dollars Wait, okay. Prosecutors have not explained why the charges against them were dropped. Officials faced mounting pressure following media coverage and a social media campaign, Free Larry Bouchardt.

Who sharded? Censorship of a U.S. citizen over his political views. Bouchard's arrest came after he decided to troll a message thread about a Charlie Kirk vigil in a Facebook group called What's Happening, Perry County, Tennessee. Okay. He posted a meme showing a picture of Donald Trump saying we should get over it. I like that.

The meme included a caption that said Donald Trump on the Perry High School mass shooting one day after. And Bouchard included a comment with his post that said, this seems relevant today. For this, he got a $2 million bail and spent a month in jail. What? But police justified the arrest, claiming that Bouchard's meme represented a true threat since, quote, investigators believe Bouchard was fully aware of the fear his post would cause and intentionally sought to create hysteria within the community. I'm sorry. But then the Tennessee, Tennessean reported there was no evidence of any hysteria.

I hope Bouchard can sue the pants off this, of whoever it is, I guess, to put him, I guess that local law. enforcement. Well, the thing is, the local law enforcement didn't initiate this arrest. It sounds like it was done at a higher level, and they executed the warrants. So I don't know where this comes from, but I don't even have jokes about this. I just think this is, this was buried on page 38. You know, this should be a front page story. The fact that somebody who says something, We just read it. It is completely innocuous. Yeah.

And the government jailing you. Trump is just trolling the hell out of people now with fake art created, you know, by AI or whatever. He's putting Mexican hats on people. He's like putting all this stuff. He's shitting all over the No Kings movement from a plane. You saw the official White House website and the reconstruction of the East Wing. see that? Yeah, it's like a third of the White House is being knocked down. No, no, no. Oh, no. Wait. So you didn't see the racist stuff. No. Oh, wait a minute. Wait, okay. No, this is worth it. Everyone

hang on. I'm going to the whitehouse.gov. Here we go. This is true. This is not the onion. Here's the White House website, Greg, right? Anyone could go to it now. And then the East Wing expansion, it says the stages, okay? But you go down and then there's a meeting. And then there's a major events timeline. This is true. So here's the design plans. It's an old old school picture, right? You go here. Here's the fire after the war of 1812. You go here. Addition of the North Portico in 1829. It gives you history. Andrew Jackson. All of this is normal. Addition of the Oval Office in 1909 with Howard Taft. Great Rose Garden. All right. I'm not going to belabor it. It's just like that.

It's just like that. Then following the addition of the briefing room, I'm going to let you see my finger do this. There's, oops, there's the Bill Clinton scandal. No. President Bill Clinton's affair with intern Monica Linsky was exposed leading to White House perjury. The Oval Office Trist's fueled impeachment. So they have a picture of them. wait hold on next photo on the white house website is a muslim brotherhood visit and it's a picture of

barak obama host members of the muslim brotherhood a group that promotes islamist extremism and has ties to hamas you didn't see this no the muslim brotherhood is a debt is a designated terrorist organization by nearly a dozen nations. That's the picture of Obama. Next one, the tennis pavilion, which was added by Melania Trump, right? Ready for the next one after the tennis pavilion? Melania Trump, the first lady, added that in 2020. It is Biden's son in a tub, unconscious, and with a cigarette.

During Biden's administration, a U.S. Secret Service agent discovered a small zippered plastic bag containing cocaine in the West Wing entrance lobby. Speculation has pointed to Hunter Biden, an admitted drug user. This is in the remodel. What does this have to do with the White House? It's insanity. And, okay, hold on. After Biden, after the Hunter Biden is in a tub looking like a complete drug addict, The next page, the next page. Trans Day of Visibility.

And there's Biden with a trans woman who's covering her nipples. This is in the renovation of the East Wing. Yeah, yeah. The Biden-Harris administration hosts transsexuals at the White House in 2023. Are 13-year-old boys in charge of the White House website right now? Where is the decorum? Where is the decency? it's you have to understand how many times dicky sent it to me how many times i tried to like

press on the address i'm like this is a redirect like this is really well done yeah like this is like blaming trump for for like you know being so stupid and no this is trump being this stupid all right let's not dwell okay uh what do we got let's move down to ethical question Let's do an ethical question. All right, we got one. I got a, I think it's a pretty good one. Here we go. My spouse's politics are bewildering.

Do I have to warn our house guest? So I want my guest to be comfortable and I want to avoid discomfort too. So here we go. I'm struggling through a politically mixed marriage. I didn't sign on for this. Long ago we had similar beliefs. Now my partner is going through some spiritual and political searching that is bewilder that is bewildering and painful.

We are divided over what is right, blah, blah, blah. I write because we are expecting a house guest who is a colleague and a dear friend. My friend is of Middle Eastern descent and has strong views about the war in Gaza. For background's sake, I love this. For background's sake, my spouse and I are American and identify loosely as Christian Catholic. I want my guests to be comfortable and I want to avoid discomfort too. I would be mortified to have to warn my friend in advance. about what we're going through in our marriage.

My partner has responded poorly to my past request to limit certain behaviors around my friends. I need to find a balance when it comes to enjoying free speech in my home, showing common courtesy to guest Bubba. I see Ben Stiller as the husband, Kathleen O'Hara as the wife, and Aziz Ansari's coming to visit. Is that what it is?

This is a feature film. Yeah. No. And then the question is, should I ask my friend to stay at a hotel? I'm struggling to be a supportive partner as my spouse explores complex issues while walking through what I think is a minefield of online radical views. Well, this would be like, Greg, if we were roommates, and I would not stop blaming the Jews

for Charlie Kirk's assassination. And then Tom O'Neill comes on the podcast and doubles down on it. Yeah. Well, look, nobody goes down this rabbit hole and comes out. She's gone. Say goodbye to the wife and just move in, become roommates with the Muslim guy, because she's spinning out. I've never met anybody that turns around out of that.

Yeah. Because then you get in an echo chamber and you become suspicious of anybody that tries to correct you immediately becomes the end of. me. All right. So wait, this is fascinating. I might have this wrong. Did it indicate anywhere that it's the wife? Yeah. He's talking about his wife. Wait, hold on. How do you know it's the he? And where did it say wife? This is like the doctor thing. This is like I can't operate on this chock. Wait, double check. You didn't have any indication of gender. All right. So it's not in the headline anywhere. right my spouse's politics i want my guests to be comfortable okay and then i'm struggling through a politically mixed marriage i didn't sign on for the did it you assumed to his husband because it was

very clearly written and logical now my partner is going through some spiritual and political searching so which is bewildering so it's a chick we are divided over what is right what is wrong i write because we were expecting a house guest and a dear dear friend oh and a colleague oh because the person writing has a job? Is that why you assumed to his mail? Colleague. For background sake, my spouse and I are American and identify loosely as Christian

Catholic. I want my guess. I would be mortified to have to warn my friend in advance what we're going through in our marriage. My partner has responded poorly to pass requests to limit. Oh, so it was reasonable request. So you assumed it was a man. Yeah, there's nothing indicating. Wow, that's funny.

Okay. All right. I wonder, yeah, I have to admit, I thought the same thing. Yeah, well, whether it's a man or a woman, get out. I love that your answer is, she's gone. That was it. Wait, were you thinking it was female as well? I was. I was.

In fact, I went through, I went back very carefully. I'm like, no, it has to be in here, I think. Yeah, that's wild. All right, let's move on to entertainment. Entertainment, here we go. All right. All right, so I think we both watched a film that was highly recommended by Tom O'Neill and a number of other people called House of Dynamite, directed by Kathleen Bigelow. And we couldn't spoil it if we tried, is my view.

By the way, Kathleen or Catherine Bigelow? I think it's Catherine. I think it's Catherine. I didn't realize how long she's been making movies. break, point break she made. Wow. Yeah. In the 70s. Right. She's like 73 years old and

still, I mean, tons of respect. She did Hurt Locker. She did there was another war. She's done a bunch of war movies. Well, this was the tricky thing with this. I feel what a waste because it was

so well made. Yes. It was so well done i was on the edge of my seat and the interiors of the white house and the planes and uh you know the the the different weaponry like it was they spent some money on this movie the editing and the way it was shot really puts you on edge the cast was insane so listen this i mean i guess don't listen for a minute if you really want to go in it but here here's the criticism is it does the age old trick and people are saying oh what an inventive of storytelling it's the age old trick of the kurosawa like you know uh so you're watching the movie and at about uh i don't know 35 40 minutes

it's clearly like a chapter is ending i think it even fades to black it goes to a title card yeah and then uh another scene starts but you hear very conspicuous language that you've already heard at the beginning of what you just watched and you realize oh we're seeing the same time frame again from a different perspective. They do that, that second time, then they do it a third time. Here's the problem. In a very well-done movie, you learn more each time. Yes.

The third time was, I can't even believe I didn't shut it off. You learned nothing. The other thing, my big problem with it is, and look, I'm not one of these guys going like fucking D-I-D-E-I, you know, I got a black pilot, you know, I'm not an anti-D-E-I guy, but she takes it to a level that is so absurd. The president is black. All the heads of the military are black females, and every hero is a black female. And it's just like, oh, geez, have you seen the fucking military?

lately. There's two old white guys who I was like, both of them are from winning time. The Laker thing on HBO. Yeah, I love that. I'm like, wow, they put both of them together again. Wait, who is the other guy? There was the white guy who is the? There was the, and then the angry guy, he's played, I think he's a Brit, right? He played. Oh, in Mad Men. He was from Mad Men. Oh, you see, I didn't see the end of Mad Men. I got to go do that. No, but he played, oh, man, Jerry West, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, I do recommend it, but just go into it knowing that you're watching the production value and the acting. And it is a very tense movie. I'm not going to lie to it. It's well executed. Don't get me wrong. Just get a better script. Poor Catherine. Yeah.

The other shout out I want to give is the diplomat is in season three. Carrie Russell is just so easy to watch. I mean, she started out on what I never watched that original show that made her famous. But she's done a couple things since then, like the Americans, where she was insanely good. And now in the diplomat, she plays the ambassador to England. And season three goes, they get a little heady. They're trying too many plot lines at once. and there's too many layers to it.

And the thing is, in an action drama, there has to be heart. Otherwise, they're just throwing story at you, and it's completely in your head. And the thing is, this one really has heart. I mean, it's ultimately about her relationship with her husband, and they lose that because you're sitting on the couch going like, wait a minute, does a Russian sub and wait, who can only know and who's lying? like it's it's it's too much and you start to lose the the arc of the emotional relationship got it um but i still think it's really good we might get a correction on hetty because i misused

hetty once and we got a correction on this podcast oh what is hetty mean it has nothing to do with thinking isn't that isn't that interesting huh it's willful rash or violent or impetuous it can also be like giddy like elated like and then there's like a heady wine which is um and then anyway rich or impressive but it's not about like thinking isn't that interesting um don't ever correct me on the show oh good lord i saw season one of the diplomats and i liked it and i really like is it rufus or something i like her husband a lot on what the actor who plays kerry russell's husband's Yeah, he's good. I like him a lot.

He is a fucking pro actor. My God. Yeah. And then what's her name as who plays the president from Mom and the West Wing, a tall blonde woman? Oh, what? Oh, who's hysterical? She's funny. Wait, Mom, the sitcom?

Yeah. what yeah from the west wing yeah she's a legend man what do you mean she's amazing why am i forgetting her name hold on uh yeah we got to look it up but oh my god is killing people of course alice and janey yeah man she's great and everything phenomenal all right so what did i see i saw so there's a guy there's a couple guys on instagram i follow about new releases and here's the eight best movies you miss this fall and on and on this guy went on and on about a show called lazarus on Amazon and it's like, oh, it's great for Halloween because it's a psychological thriller and there's murder and blah, blah, blah. And it had, oh, we're terrible names today, but it had this great actor

I like who was killed before it even started. I think credits were rolling and he was already dead. And anyway, Lazarus is horrible. It's really slow. Maybe. maybe it'll get better. I will never know, though. But, and here's the cast and the guy, Bill Nye, Bill Nyee. The science guy? No, Bill Nijie. He's great.

I love him. Dead within 20 seconds. Oh, Jesus. In fact, I'm not even spoiling anything. It's like a car, it's like a phone call. You never see him. It's a phone call. It's like dad's dead.

And then you learn that Bill Nyee is the dad. Yeah. Whatever. Of course, he's a ghost. No problem. All right. It is time to make... Wait, one more quick shout out.

I don't know if I mentioned it. There's a sitcom called the English teacher that is on... Oh, you told me that. All right. It is so fucking original and simple and good. It's got that woman, Stephanie Koenig, who I love. She's been doing comedy forever. And Sean Patton, the comedian Sean Patton is in it.

Really? I like Sean. I texted him how much I was enjoying him in it. And he said, thanks, man. I haven't really done this before. Hard to believe the guy has not done it before. I love that guy. You know, he talks about OCD and he's very, very funny about it.

Yeah. He also has that famous bit about snoring, which is really funny. He opens for David Cross on the road. Oh, he does? Yeah. Did you see the chair company? yet? No, that's what's his name, right?

Yeah, Tim Robb. That's our friend Tim Robbins. So we should check that out by next week. All right, let's make that. I've heard amazing things. I've heard amazing things. I got to say the movie he did. Horrible.

Horrible. It was the, it got me angry. Friends or whatever was called? Yes, with Paul Rudd. Oh, my God. I can't believe he was in something that horrible. Yeah. So he's got to.

redeem himself now. Let's get to Make America, Florida. There we go. Okay. I love this story. I mean, it's sad. We're putting that aside, of course.

Florida man blames pregnant girlfriend for deliberate car crash before dying from injuries. A Florida man who awoke from a coma following a serious car crash accused his girlfriend of intentionally causing the wreck during an argument. Daniel Waterman, 22, said his girlfriend deliberately drove into a tree on the night of the Super Bowl.

Waterman, a Syracuse native, reportedly told authorities that his wife said, I don't care what happens. You'll get what you deserve before the crash occurred. The couple began arguing after Mumbly, the wife, discovered she was pregnant and after Waterman received a text from a woman in New York. By the way, this is the only way to abort a few. in Florida. People are going to crazy lengths. Yes. Waterman's

mother told Syracuse that the text was from a friend and fellow. Now here's the problem. Here, now, so much of this makes sense. The mom, his mom, said

the text was from his friend and fellow Philadelphia Eagles fan. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And they have been discussing the Super Bowl matchup. No, you missed the best part. Waterman, a Kansas City chief supporter. Oh, so the two worst teams in the league, the two horrible fan bases.

I love the Chiefs. He later regained limited. So this is the thing. You ready? She's like, I'll show you. She fucking flies right into a tree. He goes into a coma. When he wakes up from the coma, barely alive, he regained limited communication abilities.

And he used a whiteboard to basically write, cut. He used a whiteboard to inform investigators of the alleged intentional act that this crazy woman did. And he was eventually transferred to another hospital. died of pneumonia on October 8th and his mom goes he never gave up this whole entire time he literally never gave up yeah he went in a coma he held a grudge in a coma most people forget what happened before the coma that's right that's right it was one of those it was one of those irish comas where you forget everything but the grudge exactly well they say he never gave up he died he He gave up.

He did. Giving up Godham in the end, for sure. Oh, my God. That is great. That is definitely going to send a message to a lot of guys down in Florida. Do not let your girlfriend drive. Don't be friends with an Eagles fan either. Yep.

Break off communication. I'm on her side. I might have driven into a tree if I realized my spouse's really good friend was an Eagles fan. I would probably drive into a tree. She's fine, by the way. She's fine. Yeah, she's fine. She's in jail. Let's make America for Vermont again. I just like this story. Not much funny stuff here, but Juan de la Cruz came to the United States from Mexico 20 years ago.

And he applied for asylum in 2017. About a week ago, he received an email from federal authorities ordering him to check with ICE on Tuesday. He and his wife, Kirsten, said they consulted a lawyer who told them there was a high-like, heard that federal immigration authorities plan to detain and deport the father of six. According to the National Immigration Justice Center, thousands of people have been arrested and detained in recent months at

regularly scheduled immigration court hearings and ICE check-ins. So, when he went to show up, this story got a little traction, 200 friends and supporters went with him. Wow. Yeah.

Well, it's, you know, it's a big deal in Vermont. This is, this will leave them with only 14 non-white residents. I know. Yeah. And Kirsten, Kirsten is skewing white for me. The wife's name? Kirsten. I think. I think so. Unless it was Kirsten, K-I-R-S-H-T-E-N. Right. Then it would be black. This is the story next week. 200 friends and family members of Juan Dela-Cruz deported. that's that's that's the headline I'm waiting for yeah you don't want to be in a state that's that close to another country all this said in Montreal has got a people a bunch of people making ice cream and fucking churning butter yeah um are we going to this day in history what are we

doing let's go to this day yeah let's just go straight down to this day in history let's do it here we go all right sir we're starting off super strong you're ready yeah cool hand luke opened in american theaters on this day in what year give or take three years cool hand luke it was 1971 oh you're so you missed it by year 67 Here's an easier one for you, but I'm only going to give you a two-year window. Titanic had its first public screening at the Tokyo International Film Festival. What year did Titanic premiere?

Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet was still young and beautiful. What did I say? A two-year window. Oh, come on. That's fucking tight. What do you mean? I mean, you don't, all right. Okay, go ahead.

What do you think? I'm going to say 1999 you did it, sir, 97. There we go. Hey now. On this day,

on an atoll of the Marshall Islands, it was the first thermonuclear bomb in its self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was tested. It's the first thermonuclear bomb tested by the United States. on the Marshall Islands, give or take five years. What year did this nuclear explosion happen? 1939. 52.

What? Yeah. 52. But we bombed Japan in 1945, didn't we? So I don't know what this is. First thermonuclear bomb. It's power It's power

I did say nuclear It's power resulting from an uncontrolled Self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction Yeah that, you know, we're not going to count that one All right, all right We're not going to count that one What year do you think Nevada became the 36th state of the United States

Give or take I'm going to give or take 50 years 50 years I'm going to give or take you 1825 You did it, 1875 64. I mean, you were not close. Not close. Harry Houdini, the magician escape artist, he died.

You know how he died? He suffocated underwater. I don't believe so. It was a stomach injury. I think he asked a kid to punch him in the stomach. Oh, that's right. And it might have been a college kid. Give her take 10 years. When did Houdini die?

1940 1926 This is not your finest showing What are you talking about? I nailed Titanic, I got it After nearly 15 years of work Mount Rushmore Which is a national memorial

And the Black Hills of South Dakota Was completed What year was it completed Give or take 10 years? well let's go through who's on it it's george washington it's lincoln j d vans teddy roosevelt's so teddy roosevelt will be the most recent guy on it so i'm going to say nineteen thirty one i think i gave you ten years didn't i yeah it's 41 all right who did you say who are the faces george washington abraham lincoln teddy roosevelt's

Thomas Jefferson I'd stop there before you get you want to get fact checked you got it those four let's see if we have one more yeah

yeah oh that's a weird one they put Halloween in here and they're like it's today okay whatever all right I think that that's good we got to go out of good ones I bet I got a couple

I got two or three. All right, we're moving on. Let's get to letters to the editor. Letter, here we go. Nathan Wheat. Don't you hate people who put the H before the W? Yeah. Tell Mike to stop apologizing for his voice.

It sounded like you had surprise guest Liam Neeson taking over for him. Unrelated, but have you thought about having the comedy caption contest two weeks out? It would give people a chance to get their answers in. before you record the new podcast. I think Nathan Wheat is overestimating my organizational skills. Right. It kind of all happens in the same week. And I wish I could extend it,

but then we'd have two different weeks' captions coming in at the same time, and I just don't know that I can handle it. Right. So thank you, Nathan. Yeah, it's too much organization that you're requiring of Mr. Fitzsimmons. Tricia says, Dear Mike, I feel seen. My parents are 92 and 96 and live independently. Does that mean they live without help or they live apart for each other?

They don't speak. So that's a very kind way of saying your parents are not on speaking terms. My dad is still a decent driver. I love them both and will be so sad when they're gone. but after about 10 minutes with them, I want to scream and never say screaming. I can't stop laughing at how Mike described it so perfectly. Thank you both for sharing your lives with us. Take care, Trisha.

Okay, wait, here's a photo. I want her to feel even more seen. You ready? Here's a photo I took, I send to Laura like, and I literally said, I mean, I shouldn't even say these things on the podcast, but that's an ethical question. You want to know an ethical question? I'm starting to see, especially in night, my dad is not. a good driver and yet I'm like my only thought is we have to make sure he has an umbrella policy

for insurance um like that's not the right reaction right why because that protects his home if he gets sued for yeah so I I leaned over and I don't know if you could see this this is where I he didn't even realize he was so focused on his driving he didn't realize I literally was was looking, I'm like, do you see where you are in the street? I held up my phone and took a photo. Look at the white line. I mean, the car is straddling it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's straight down the middle. He is driving straight down the middle, which I think he thought was the safest option, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, that's happening. Well, the good news is he's in Florida. So the car coming at him is on the shoulder and the guy behind him is crashing his crashing her boyfriend into a tree.

Right. Exactly. All right. All right. Let's get down. We're skipping the obituary. Nobody good died. Why did we already talk about obituaries?

I don't know, but good week for everybody. Here we go. But that's weird. We already talked about obituaries. I think we were saying what we were looking up right before we started maybe. Here we go to the funny. All right. The comedy caption contest happens every week, and we get your submissions that week, and we read them the next week.

That's it. That's all it is. I give you one frame of a comic provided almost exclusively by a gentleman named Jason Love, who's a friend of the show and does great artwork. So you write us a little punchline. You send it into Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. We put the finalists in, read them, pick them, and the winner again. gets a coozy sent directly to his or her home in America. Yes.

Okay, this past week's captioned, past week's comic was a goldfish bowl, two goldfish. They're swimming, one's talking to the other. The rim of the bowl has barbed wire on it. It's that simple. Okay. All right. Flesh tree said, do you still talk to your cousin L. Blub, blah, blah, blah. I don't know why that made me laugh.

Oh, yeah, either do I. Laura from Ontario said free willy. Mike and Pittsburgh said they just deported the Chilean sea bass. Okay, right. That's a detention center, I guess. Brian Richel said, said you first. Okay. Nick said, hey, Gil, little does that idiot cat, no.

I just retired from the fence and guardrail. Super's Union, local 252. Very detailed. Chili Bowles said, first they came for the beta fish. I did not speak out because I was not a beta fish. Then they came for the angel fish. And I did not speak out because I was not an angel fish. All right, Chili.

Jake from Canada, who will not win, says it's too bad. If we were blackfish, we could clear this barbed wire, no problem. All right. The racial joke. me and he puts a disclaimer this may come across as a lighthearted race joke but that's on you the reader because it could easily be about the movie free willie i'm like conier i like all fish black white and gay alike oh boy clint hurl said uh calm down and look at the bright side gill the cat ain't getting in either right right zach from yuma has his written

as a two-parter. First it says Greg Fish Simmons says, do you think it'll work? And then Pike Gibbons says, buddy, I dare that cat to fuck with us again. All right. Again, yeah, nice. Can't get in it either. Lane from Denver said, make sure to get enough speed or you might snag your fish stick. Not bad. Natalie Wilson said, what do you do, Barb? What did you do, Barb? What did you do, Barb? Right. Kenny Engel said, I told you we shouldn't hang out at the Home Depot. And finally, Ron said, a fish called Rwanda. I guess. I mean, weren't they all dead in Rwanda? I don't care. That's my vote.

I like a fish called Rwanda. I did like, what else? The black? I like the racial one. You know what? No, it hurt the racial one that he denied it. was a racist joke yes stick your landing people you gotta own it um all right ron congratulations you're the winner this week i decided just now i like shot tank redemption okay and also um ice jokes if you're gonna make a joke about ice do us a favor don't make it any kind of wordplay off ice like icy cold cube right it's it's it's It's tired. It's done.

Got it. And this goes out to all stand-up comics. Stop. All right, next week's comic is. It's a surgeon. He's got on the smock. He's got on the mask. And he is standing at the feet of a woman who is in the OR in stirrups.

She's cloaked. But there are bats emerging from under the blanket where her vagina is. and the doctor is looking at the bats very surprised. All right. Onion cartoon or whatever this week. It was an entertainment report. And it has a picture of Thriller, right, from Michael Jackson. Guy who sings Thriller at Halloween has a bunch of non-Hlloween music too.

I like that one. I'm sure it's selling it. I'm sure it is selling out. Let's go to Hager the Horrible. He's holding a lamp. There's a genie standing there. He's got two bags that say $200 worth of silver. And the genie says to Hager, I have granted you 200 pounds of gold and 200 pounds of silver.

You have one more wish. And then we have in the second frame, the genie is carrying the 200 pound bags on his shoulders. And he goes, me and my big mouth. I got to think Hager's third wish might have more to do with unconsensual lovemaking. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, just a guy carrying his gold and silver? Or the next frame is just Helga with like 34 triple Ds. Oh, yeah.

Well, that's if he's monogamous, Greg. right she's more of a cook and a cleaner yeah then I love making part of all right here's a Halloween one from the Lockhorns the two of them are leaving a haunted house and it's a dilapidated three-story kind of Victorian haunted house and he goes what's really scary is that it's worth more than our place right and now we have he's at the train station with his and he goes, I could work from home, but I'm afraid it would be a hostile work environment. I like that. And then we've got, they're watching, they're in a movie theater.

It says the end on the screen. And Leroy goes, when they said it didn't have any violence, profanity, drinking, or smoking, they forgot to add plot. I'm looking at Blondie at the bottom of the page. This looks very unusual. Yes, what we have is the two children. We have Blondie and Dagwood's son and daughter. Oh. They're on the couch.

Boy, he looks, that looks like Dagwood. It is. It looks a lot like Dagwood and she looks a lot like Blondie, but she doesn't look anything like Dagwood, which leads me to believe. She is in fact fathered by Herb or the male man. or one of the other gentleman in the house. And so they're watching TV. He's got his phone in his hand.

He goes, it really bugs me that the algorithm in all my social media knows me so well. She goes, tell me about it. He goes, it feels like it knows me better than I know myself. And then she goes, I didn't even know I wanted these shoes until the ad for them showed up in my feed at least 57 times. All right.

So a humorless. No, they're stating literal. That's written in an art. Like, what? There's no attempt. This is like a family circus. This is family circusy. And all I'm thinking is, all right, why don't we put in the real captions, which are, hey, you know you're only my step sister, right?

And have you been on the internet lately? Wait, hold on. I've got to take this call. Oh. Hello? Yes. Katie. How are you?

I'm actually in the middle of something. Is there a number I can call you? Can you call me back in like 10, 15 minutes? Five minutes. I got to get out of here. Okay. Why don't you take it? We'll say goodbye to everybody.

All right. We'll say goodbye. All right. Goodbye, everybody. Bye, everybody. Take it, each. I'm with you, Katie. Take it, eish.

It's a Sunday paper. It's a Sunday paper. It's a Sunday paper. Yeah. It's a Sunday. paper it's the Sunday papers yeah it's a Sunday papers yeah Sunday morning coffee strong Greg's got stories mic tags alone headlines twisted jokes in bloom they're sweeping up the weekly doom

I read the news so you don't have to I just riff till the truth peaks through They're breaking bad and bathrobes fine. Two mics, one punchline at a time. It's the Sunday papers. Crack a laugh before it burns. The world's on fire. But Greg and Mike take turns. From scandals to squirrels, from poachs to parade capers.

Yeah, the world's insane. But that's Sunday paper. Mike's got stats that no one needs. Greg's got jokes that plant weird seeds. They talk about life, fame, and fear. And Florida man makes a cameo here. Did you hear about the goat in Spain? Yeah, he's running for mayor again.

They laugh through chaos, joke through strife. Deadpan news therapy, that's life. It's the Sunday papers, your weekly brain massage to clowns with wisdom and a dash of sabotage. They dig through the mess, so you don't have to taper insanity wrapped in sacks. That Sunday paper. You call that journalism? I call it optimism with a hang. I call it another lawsuit perfect we'll cover it next week sunday papers laugh till the coffee spills

so dumb it gives you chills turn the page the world's a caper we're all headline maker on Sunday papers So grab your brew, the show's begun, two mics, one son, and a lot of fun, Greg and Mike forever the shaper of our. laughs and Sunday papers yeah it's a Sunday paper it's a Sunday paper it's a Sunday paper It's a Sunday paper. It's a Sunday paper. It's a Sunday paper, yeah, yeah.

It's a Sunday paper, yeah.