Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers W Greg And Mike Ep 289 111625

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Greg’s at SKANKFEST and Mike is heading to the shrink. Some Epstein tea, a Burger King fight and a guy tortured for his Crypto password. ⁠WWW.UNCOMMONGOODS.com/PAPERS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for 15% off! Watch Greg’s latest special, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠“You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest” Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Find Mike on Venmo here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTime⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Make sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmons⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Mike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tell me about it. All right. So hold on. Skankfest. What do you is sucking peanuts out of your teeth at the beginning of a international podcast? You caught me. Yes, Canada. Oh, and Denmark, I think, was one of the guys on the YouTube comments.

You caught me. I didn't know you caught me eating, man. What do you got in a mug? Coffee. Wow, me too. I got my coffee right here, even though it's 4.15 here. We got to get, it's only 215 here. We got to get red.

By the way, who knows what's going to be left of L.A. when you get back. You know, there's some rain. I heard. And by rain, the rest of the country has to understand. I'm seeing rain forecast for four days in a row. That's like you look at that two or three times when you see that on your weather app on the phone when you live in Los Angeles because it's been years since you've seen that. Not only that, but it's freezing.

It's getting cold, man. I had a fire last night. Oh, I want to eat more of these nuts, but I'm not going to. Don't do it. Okay, so anyway, we're getting ready for rain, but you're in New Orleans for Skangfest. Now, is Tom joining you? Yes. Tom O'Neill, author of Chaos, will be joining me along with Dimple Liz. Okay. Who is an old dear friend from the Mulberry Street Days. She's part of Tom's harem of women that were all in love with him. And we're heartbroken. And he says are still heartbroken that he's gay. Oh. Yes. He thinks that they all,

he thinks none of them moved on with their lives romantically for all the years who was with them because he was in the closet. And none of them, none of them are more bummed, uh, that he's gay than gay men. Yes. Because they're the real losers. Yeah, because when we,

because when we say come out of the closet, Tom has, uh, he's cracked the door. I wouldn't say he's sprung out of the closet. Right. Oh, I mean, listen, my whole life, because of what a slob he is, he reminds me of me in college. And now worse, because there's like, I know Tom sometimes listens and then he gets very sensitive, which is gay.

That's the only gay part of him. But he's kind of often lets himself go. And so I call him a class. closeted heterosexual. Like, and no matter what, you can't get it out, he will not come out of that closet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's here. I got guest passes for him and Dimple, Liz.

Dimples Liz, actually, it is. All of his friends have nicknames. It's like a, it's like a Dylan song, you know, or like one of those Springsteen, like, you know? Oh, yeah. There's British Jane. There's Dimpled Liz. There's crazy Janie and the mission man. Yeah, everybody's got a name.

And so they're coming down. And so Skank Fest, if people don't know what, I think most of our listeners knows what Skank Fest is. It's basically Louis Gomez and Jay O'Kerson, Dan Soder. Who are the other guys that do it? Anyway, they put on this comedy festival. it's like the con for retard jokes.

It's like every deranged, depraved comic you've ever met. And I'm not kidding you, there's 50 comedians on this festival. Wow. Yes. And I think they've had it in Vegas in the past. This is the first year they're having it in New Orleans. And it's so crazy because I've just got here. And I walked from my car to the hotel and checked in and seven different people

asked for selfies. It's like all these fans have come in from all over the country and they're comedy nerds. And it's going to be five days of feeling like I'm actually famous for a change. Wow. Yeah, you're big in the R-word crew. Yes, I am. It's very funny because I'm not that guy.

I know. I was a stern guy forever when I was not a New York Post, lunch pale New York guy. I'm the most frequent guest on the history of the Adam Carolla show could not have different politics than him. Right. Rogan, totally different than Rogan. Could not have more different politics.

Right, right, right. So anyway. But do you still do your thing where you guess the Asian? I do. Just do the other night. That tracks. That tracks. But there's a sense of irony that I use when I do joke

like that they might be lacking at skank fest a little bit um maybe yeah but when you when you call one of them a little meaty in the chest area and then and then you go with your korean tag like i think Filipino that's oh sorry okay Filipino okay i mean Koreans are definitely second in the breast department but they can't hold a can't hold a candle to a Filipino actually holding a candle would be a tie. All right. Okay. Shooting a ping pong ball, that would be Thai.

So anyway, I'm down here in New Orleans. It's going to be a blast. The tell's coming down. I've just been texting with him. Oh, that's great. And yeah, a lot of, and I did last night I did Lafayette, Louisiana, which is a great little city. It had so much fun.

I know. I've never, I've been in New Orleans so many times. and I've driven through Louisiana, never been to Lafayette. I stopped in Baton Rouge for the first time. It's about halfway down here from Lafayette. So much fun. And so I was flying out.

And here's a quick thing that happened when I was flying to Lafayette. I had to connect through Houston. So in Houston, I got a chicken burrito. And I'm on the flight. And I'm in coach, which, you know, I always say, like, nobody can brag about their lives when you're in coach.

Like when you meet the person next to you and they're like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm a comedian. And they're like, oh. Oh. How you doing? Well, I'm here. I'm here. We're sitting on a bus stop together.

I was very far back in both of my planes to flow, to and from Florida. So anyway, I eat this chicken burrito and then I'm picking a feast of chicken out of my teeth. which by the way I almost always eat it because isn't it always like the best piece of chicken of the whole meal? Yeah, you've also tenderized it

with your mouth for about an hour. Yes. So I figured out, and for some reason it said eating it, I flicked it. Oh. And I look up and it landed in the middle of the laptop screen

of the guy across the aisle from me. That did not happen. Yes, and he whipped his head around and looked at, me and I just looked straight ahead, just did not blink. She had to have thought it's a booger. Had to. I know.

I know. You should have reached over, taken it and put it in your mouth. Yes. Yeah. And I was in, I was in an aisle because of my knee. I had the knee surgery last week. Oh, yeah. How did we?

How did all the special attention go? That's great. So great. I mean, it's just like, I'm thinking about keeping this cane just to bring out the humanity and people on the street. I might get, I might get one of those dogs. I got a rescue dog that has like the wheels on its back legs. Yeah. Right. Just to see how caring people really are. And so I'm in the aisle. And when you're in coach and United, the sea. The sea. are they're basically folding chairs that have been screwed down to the floor. They have no support. They're flimsy plastic.

So I'm on the aisle and the row behind me, they're playing fucking musical chairs. Like the woman on the window must have had diarrhea because they just kept getting up. And every time they get up, they use your headrest as a fucking banister. Every single person grabs your headrest

like you're not sitting there. And your headrests. It's like bouncing back and forth. It's like, what the fuck? Yeah. I had a kid behind me whose parents were doing the, let's try no discipline. And the kicking, the real intense kicking was crazy. Yeah.

And I somehow, I let it go. I was too bummed. I was watching the pit. And I was so not enjoying it that I just ignored the kid kicking me because I was focused all my negative energy on the pit. No, that whole thing in Chicago at the housing project where the ICE agents were zip-tying kids. Yeah. Sometimes I get it. On a flight, I get it. I think it's wrong. Right. But so gratifying.

Yes. So now, were you wheeled through the airport? Yes. We've arrived. Yes. Okay. How did that feel? Well, I got to LAX and I'm like, I get there like two hours early. And I, it was like 5 o'clock in the morning. And I, this was actually on my flight to Chicago last week. And I show up at the designated spot.

You go to Terminal 7. You go to gate, you go to door 101C and there's a phone. And so you sit down with all the other cripples and you got to dial 8-1 on the phone. And then somebody goes, okay, we'll send somebody over. I waited 25 minutes for this overweight old lady to show up with a chair and she puts me in and she just waddles. It's like she's walking. And meanwhile, like my leg's not that bad.

I'm just worried that the gate is far away. So we get to TSA, which is right there. There's no line. So the whole idea that I'm going to skip the line is moot. We go through TSA and my gate is the first one. You can see it from where you pick up your bags. I was like, I could have done this in three minutes. Oh my God.

And I mean that they're taking their time and then a slow walker when by definition, every single person is under a deadline at that airport. Yes. Everyone has a clock that's ticking. Yes. And so, but I gave the lady a 20 and she acted like she just hit the lottery. I mean, do people not tip these people? I don't know how it works.

It was my first time doing it with my dad. and and I tipped and they seem to be expecting it and everything. I don't know what the deal. I mean, listen, if people are tipping them, I'm sure it's a good gig. A lot of the airlines are union. Yeah. And they're probably getting, you know, I wouldn't say fair pay, but they're getting compensated. And then they have tips on top of it.

Yeah. Now it's a good gig. It's a good gig. Yeah. Someone told me this woman who went to school and, Boston said she knew the owner of the club. It was on board. It was on the lands down or whatever was right.

You know, where some of the clubs were down by family. And, whatever job she was doing, it was like waitress or somebody that. He goes, you know what? I'm going to move you to co-check.

And she's like, oh, man, have I, like, what did I do wrong? And he's like, no, no,

trust me. You want to get to co-check. But I'm just like leapfrogging you over some people. So, And she goes, coat check was the craziest gig. Everyone in Boston especially is checking their coats when they go into a club. And everyone tips. And I think she said it was like five bucks or three, whatever was.

And their pay was you get to keep $1 of every coat that's checked. Plus everyone's, anyway, she goes, I think I make less money now in my career than I did when I was a coat check person. Wait, so if they give her $10, how much does she keep? Well, no, no, when you when you give the coat, you pay like three bucks or something. Okay. Five bucks, whatever. And then they all keep one dollar. But then they're tipped on the way out.

Oh, I see on top of that. Yeah. I see. Wow. And the tips are way more than bartenders and they don't have to split it. No, when I was a parking attendant. Become a coat check, everybody. When I was a parking attendant at the country club, it took me, yeah, it took me 15 years

to make as much money as I was making when I was 16 years old. These guys would come in and I would show up to work. I had to be there at 6 o'clock in the morning because these golfers would come into play early. And many times, meaning I went from a party at my friend's house to the country club, drunk. Right. And then everybody came in from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. nonstop. And the parking lot was down a very steep, pretty long hill. So in the morning, you drove it down the hill.

and then you had to run up three flights of stairs to get to the top and it was actually a dirt trail. So as you went further down the lot, you started taking, there were two dirt trails. You'd take one of those up, three flights. And then you'd sweat it out.

Now you're sweating in people's cars. And there'd be two of us. And then one of us would just fucking crash out, just sleep for a couple hours. We had like an old mattress in the shack that we had. And then, and then you would chill all day. Like a couple cars would come and go and you would just sit. We had a guitar in there.

We had a boom box. We'd smoke weed. And then they'd all start to leave. And then we'd be out of there, you know, eight o'clock. So it was like a 14 hour day. But I mean, I was walking out of there with like 250 bucks as a 16 year old. Yeah. Valet shack.

That's the movie. All cash. Wow. Yeah, of course. Oh, my God. Plus whatever you could steal from their ashtrays. They all had coins in the ashtray, so we'd steal from them. All right.

What is this a honked at a Waymo? I'm on my street, and there's a Waymo, and he's trying to make a left in an alley, and he just had a brain freeze. The Waymo just sat there, didn't know what to do, because there was like a bin in front of him, and he didn't know to back at, and I'm honking at the Waymo, and I just thought I'm honking at a way. Like if there was ever a metaphor for my relationship to corporate America right now, it's the same thing as trying to get AT&T on the phone and having to hit buttons for a half an hour. It's you just rocks into the Grand Canyon.

We won't get to it probably, but down maybe next week, the New York Times conducted these interviews with people who are in relationships with AI. And they, like I wonder, are any of them ever getting in fighting? Like, might humans learn how to be a little more even tempered? Like you, like, you took a hard look at yourself honking at a robot. So like, let's say my AI girlfriend, like my AI girlfriend's not going to have like abandonment issues or not going to have rage or like whatever it is, you know? And, and they're not going to have whatever issues we have that drive them crazy. But if we do, they won't be driven.

driven crazy. They'll be very, they'll probably be very clear communicators. Yes. Now, it'll be like if you have a blow-up doll and you're having sex with it and then you get angry at it and you pop it, you don't have a blow up. Then the makeup, the makeup session is getting some electrical tape and pumping it up again. Yeah. I mean, I think that's what it is, is we should treat our human counterparts. This is, doesn't sound good on the first sentence. We should treat our, our human counterparts as soulless robots. Because what I would do is I'd be like, that's not what I say, you know,

or whatever the typical argument is. Like, well, that's not what I said. And I was, blah, blah, bye. And then I'd be like, ah, that's, all right. Robot, this is why I'm angry. And that's what I, that's what you should do with a human. All right. Yeah.

You have to be very clear and logical. Well, and I think you would be more logical because, you know the biggest part about fighting with somebody is you think they're crazy. Now you're fighting with somebody who's completely logical, who has been, you know, basically educated by the AI that draws from modern psychology and everything else. So you're wrong. Basically, you're wrong in every fight. And when you try to gaslight your robot companion, they're like, uh, no.

No. No, that's not what happened. Speaking of which, you have therapy in an hour. Yeah, I know. I don't know what I'm going to say, but I think I'll bring up this. Maybe I don't need it anymore if I bring up this robot. No, in an hour, in an hour.

All right. I need to get back into therapy. It's been years since I've been in therapy. I need it. So crazy. Well, have you tried AI therapy? I've heard. heard about that and I think what better way to give the government all of your shortcomings

and things to blackmail you with than do AI therapy. Good point. But it's all about the prompts and I guess you can really make some progress. The logo this week comes from Jane, our old friend Jane, who I, this is an old one. I was going through the folder looking for some old ones. This is throwback Sunday this week. The logo on the song are throwbacks. Jane did this.

It's us, it's Abby Road, obviously. Nice. And Jane, I've called out to you recently to see if you still listen. I don't think she listens anymore. Oh. Yeah, but she gave us so many logos that I still use them sometimes. Well, maybe she'll see the logo on the podcast app or something. Okay.

We miss you. The song, the throwback song, because the last two weeks, I've never gotten reactions to our songs. I shouldn't say never, but I can't remember getting these kinds of reactions from the songs the last two weeks. We had that guy, Thor did a song that was incredible and then everybody started asking, where can I find his stuff? So I, so I DMed him and he said, go to YouTube and it's Thor hyphen the Catalan Viking, C-A-L-A-N Viking. And you can follow him there. And then last week, we had Chris Marr, who people also freaked out about. So I said, all right, how do we keep the level this high?

So I went back and a dear friend of the show, Rob Dukes, did one of our early songs. Yes. And if you don't know him, he's one of the greats. And so this song was from Rob. I don't know if he ever titled it, but I think he brought together some of his guys. People on YouTube are debate like getting into it of which was the better song from the last two weeks. They're very passionate about it.

Yeah, and some people want to know, wait, what did this guy write? I don't know. Somebody said something. Oh, Brett Lockman, you guys are killing it lately on the theme songs. You guys should start your own American idol of bands. The last two weeks had phenomenal theme songs. You guys are the Simon Cowles of the music.

the podcast world. Oh. Wow. Why don't we grab the names of the people who have been, gotten the most response from our, and then like assign them like a topic to write a song on. Oh, that's good. You know, something maybe we're each going through or something like that.

Or, yeah, or an area. I think we should also do like a playlist that we keep, keep the great ones in and maybe add in this week's that people can listen to. Yeah. But although there's a lot of people that are boycotting Spotify right now because they keep putting these ice ads in our fucking podcast. I don't even think we get paid from Spotify. Here's the thing about Spotify.

I get, we give them our content for free. We write it. We produce it. We perform it. We edit it. And then we deliver it to them. And then they put.

play it where they get listeners, they run ads and make money, we don't get a penny. How does that, how did this happen in podcasting? Yeah. And don't forget, when you join up for ICE, use code papers and you'll get a 10% bump your first year. And they get a bump too. Right on the head, you dirty foreigners. Corrections.

This is from Petterson. What's his, is it Bob Pedersen? I think it is. He is our biggest corrector. He says, and he's got a little bit of an attitude. Hello, dipshit. Fission is not fission. It's fission like vision.

Everybody in fifth grade knows this. So I guess it's fission, not fission. Okay. Mike pronounce M-A-Y-O-R, Mike. Yeah, it's one syllable, mayor. It's mayor. What's your problem? Thanks for pointing that out.

Mayor Dinkins. Mayor Koch. Mayor Koch is two syllables, including his name. And then he says, Eugene is not Gene E, not Eugene E. What? Eugene is Eugene E.

I don't understand that when he wrote. Eugenie. Oh. Whatever. I don't know what that is. I think he's out of his mind. All right, let's get to this one. next time because we've got

we've got tour dates Phoenix I'm coming to the Desert Ridge Improv November 28th to the 30th San Francisco Punch Line December 11 through 13 Hasbrook Heights bananas December 26 27 Cleveland Atlanta, Austin, Sacramento

Philly all coming up go to Fitzdog.com and get tickets Don't also, don't also forget Also don't forget Christmas is fast approaching. Things are about to get Crazy. Uncommon goods can make you look like a champ. Buy gifts for your loved ones that are made by independent artists,

and you know that it's not something that your friends are going to have. These are, I don't know if they're one of a kind, but they're not a lot of a kind. And when you buy, they're unique. And they're personalized. Like, say you've got somebody who's a gourmand. You can find stuff for the kitchen that's personal. You get monograms books of great sports teams histories that you can get for a big fan of a team. They've got so many different things to choose from.

They also donate a dollar to a cause that you choose whenever you buy something from them. It's all stuff that's handmade in the USA. Everything on there. Here's one customizable. It's a custom pet embroidered sweatshirt. You send a picture of your pet, you're going to get it embroidered on the sweatshirt. I like right there. That's nice.

That's nice. I got my daughter these ug kind of slippers that have lavender. They smell like lavender. So that's a nice thing to do for your daughter. Of course, hey, remember these? I used to love these. Remember when it was, I guess it was ice cream helmet night? I don't even know what it was called.

But remember you go to the ballpark and they'd hand those out? Oh, yeah. And you'd get ice cream. and your baseball team's helmet. Well, get the helmets. I love it. So don't wait. Make this holiday the year.

You give something truly unforgettable. To get 15% off your next gift, go to Uncommonogoods.com slash papers. That's uncommongoods.com slash papers for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer, Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. All out of the ordinary, kids. Let's get a crinkle.

Here's the paper right here. Front page. Oh, front page. Well, all right. Go ahead. We've got to kick off the algorithm. Because. Sex offender.

I don't think you can say that. Oh. Jeffrey Epstein referred to Donald Trump as, quote, the dog that hasn't barked and told his former companion, Jis Lane Maxwell, that an alleged victim had spent hours at my house with Trump, according to email correspondence released on Wednesday, doesn't bark.

Trump is literally all bark. That's all he does. He's losing it. So wait, we're taping this on what's today? Thursday? Thursday. So I'm interrupting.

I apologize. But right now, like right before you sent me the link to this, I was reading the, of course it's news, all these documents that have been released. And by the way, the however many tens of thousands of pages,

it's 1% of the Epstein content, they said. And I'm not saying the worst is it in this patch. I don't know. But this is what I was reading is all the news speculation is on how many Republicans are going to jump off a sinking ship now. You think it's sinking? You think it's that bad? No, that's what I'm just, listen, I'm trying to be factual here.

Right. Journalist. I am saying that's what a lot of the articles, coming in. It's not about like what games can what's his name the douchebag do to delay the vote Mike Johnson

Mike Johnson to delay the vote because there's weird things. It's like seven days but a day is not what we think of as a day and if he stops a day short and doesn't adjourn it it hasn't been a business day.

So he can play games for a while but everything stops. about that and was like, it may not matter no matter what because of how many Republicans they think now are like too far. All right. Well, Epstein wrote the victim, who I think is that woman who wrote the book that killed herself mysteriously, spent hours at my house with him. He has never once been mentioned. And Maxwell wrote back, I have been thinking about that. The email exchange was one of three released by the Democrats from a batch of more than 23,000 documents.

It was an exchange between Epstein and author Michael Wolfe, who's written four books about Trump. And he said, quote, I hear CNN planning to ask Trump tonight about his relationship with you, either on air or in scrum afterwards, Wolf wrote to Epstein. If we were to craft an answer for him,

what do you think it should be? Epstein replied. And then Wolf said, I think you should let him have. hang himself, which I thought, I think he got confused about the hanging. He just let Trump hang himself. If he says he hasn't been on the plane or to the house, then that gives you a valuable PR and political currency, and you can hang him in a way that potentially generates

a positive benefit for you. Again, with the hanging. Yeah. Of course, it is possible that when asked, he'll say Jeffrey is a great guy. and has gotten a raw deal and is a victim of political correctness, which is to be outlawed in a Trump regime. The third message appears to touch on the topic of whether Trump had banned Epstein from membership at Mar-a-Lago years earlier.

Quote, Trump said he asked me to resign. Never a member ever, Epstein wrote. Of course he knew about the girls. He asked Jis Lane to stop. Stop, Jis Lane. Stop making me come to Jeffrey's house and fondled teenagers. I mean it. Just stop with it already.

Wait, wait till the email where it's like from Trump to Epstein, I am going to kill you in prison. Yeah, you're right. Because that is the other speculation right now. Oh, that that's going to come out? No, that Trump, no, no, I've heard just that he was killed in prison by someone very powerful. I mean, a lot of people had motive. Oh, I bet you 70% of, I bet you 80% of Americans believe Epstein was murdered in prison. No, but by Trump?

Oh, well, we'll never know that. That's the chatter today. You never know. There's people out there, I mean, who have been paid off and lost, but when it is a sinking ship, you know, you're surprised how many cowards now flip. Can you imagine being kicked out of Mar-a-Lago for bad behavior? I mean, that's like getting kicked out of Skank Fest for going on stage on murder. and saying retard a lot. And maybe pointing out the meaty Filipinis.

They really are. They have delicate features. We don't need. We don't need. We don't need to hear Greg do his. Are you measuring their craniums? Mm-hmm. Okay.

All right. List of 100 deadliest highways in America. So I decided to ask you about some of them. I have the list here. Boy, it's really long, though. But can you guess some in the top 20? Without a doubt, the stretch from New York to D. Actually, New York to D.C. is insane.

95 north and south is you got to go through Baltimore. You got to go through Philly. You're in rush hour. Everything south of New York. You're in rush hour. And it's insane Italians driving fast. car. That's a really good guess. And I just now searched.

So there's four matches for 95. So number 34 is I-95, Prince George's, it's Maryland. Yeah, right, right. Okay, what's the next one? Philly and I-95, Palm Beach is number 70. I totally buy that. They drive, and of course the motorcycles

without helmets, it is like they're racing. There you go. Oh, 695 in Baltimore and 495 in Suffolk. Yeah, 695 is the beltway around Baltimore. So basically, 95 turns into 695 as it goes around Baltimore. Yep. Yeah, Florida, I think it was, he was Don Gavin had a joke about driving in Florida. He's like, if you stop for longer than 10 minutes, somebody died, drive around. I would guess also the road from L.A. to Vegas, I think that's 15, 15 eastern west. You did it. So get this. The headline was California dominates the list of America's 100 deadliest highways. Four out of the top five are on the West Coast. California is the top spot. I-15 in San Bernardino County. 80 fatal crashes over three years.

Yeah, that's L.A. Vegas. That's the deadliest highway. All right. The other one, and I got to think the one that goes through the overpass, the five in north of L.A. going up to San Francisco? No, not in the top 20. Now, I-5 is, but it's San Diego. Oh, okay.

There's one right near you that's here. Oh, no, that was down by... Oh, well, the 10 East. The 10 East and West has got to be bad. The 10 makes this list quite a few times, but at number... Wait, what is the ranking here? Oh, rank. Oh, it's a tie.

I-10, New Orleans, tied for sixth. Dude, I just drove down that. Yep. Yep. Wow. And the guy even said to me who was driving me, he's like, Like there's tons of accidents here because I guess they get like a lot of haze and you're going over a lot of two lane bridges like long ones. Oh yeah, below water.

It's like right at the water level. And then number 10, by the way, is US 61 in East Baton Rouge. Yep, drove through that. Wow. All right. Here's the 10 in case people are guessing at home. It's I-15 San Bernardino. I'm going from 1 to 10 in that order.

I'm counting up, not down. I-10 in Maricopa, that's Arizona, I-10 in Riverside, L.A. I-94 Cook in Illinois, I-40, Bernalillo in New Mexico, U.S. 60, Maricopa, and Arizona, New Orleans, I-10, I-5 San Diego, I-5 King, which is in Washington, and number 10, US 61 in Baton Rouge, which we just talked about. Sounds like some of those are old people roads, where people are just slumping on the steering wheel.

with it and the horn goes. Yeah, exactly. I bet Florida is probably second here, I imagine. God, they drive fast down there. All right, let's get down to the Pentagon. Horrible crap boxes too. Okay, this is you, man. Oh, no, it's me.

That's you. Trump's Pentagon name change. You know, it's fun. He wants to call it to Department of War, right? Yeah. You know, from defense. The name change could cost up to $2 billion. $1. Officially changing the Department of Events to the Department of War can only be done by Congress and will require, wow, I can't talk.

Would require updating thousands of signs, rewriting digital code, and creating new letterheads, placards, and badges. One of the biggest contributors to the cost of changing the name is the digital code and rewriting it all. And the websites, as well as other computer software, unclassified and unclassified. classified systems. So, yeah, it's cute. You know, Department of War. Yeah, so if it's the Department of War, are we, is the Department of War still going to be manufacturing the peacekeeping missiles?

Well, you know, like I was looking up all those euphemisms for war. Like, it used to be called bombing and now it's called air support. It used to, yeah, go ahead. Used to be called launching explosives, and now it's called lethal aid. Lethal aid. Well, one of the propaganda tricks is you name it exactly the opposite. So like the Bush administration had the Clean Skies Initiative, which was deregulating pollution. Yeah.

That was a big part of it. Used to be called search and destroy. Now it's called the cleanup operation. interrogations are now enhanced. Dead civilians is now called collateral or shields. Pacification used to be called subjugation. And this is a phrase they actually still use mowing the lawn. Oh, it's despicable.

Talking about the Palestinians, mowing the lawn. Anything that dehumanizes the enemy. But I mean, just call it. at the Department of War. Because maybe it's over in two days or three days when if Trump gets like taken out of the White House. I also just think at a time when you are laying people off and taking their benefits away, I think you need to look at expenditures like this and what's the optics of this

right now? About the same as the ballroom. Yep. And the bathroom and the fucking Rose Garden. And don't have the defense like, oh, but they're getting private people to be. Yeah. They're paying. Look at the private people were paying and the favors that they're getting in return. A video of a customer berating and misgendering a Burger King worker recently went viral.

Oh, I guess he called her Burger Queen. The video shot from the customer's point of view opens with the customer demanding to know a worker's name. The worker has a trans flag pin on. What is your name, sir? The customer says pointedly, my name is, my name is Lily, the worker response. Or I guess it would be, my name is Lily. The customer complains that Lily has called her sir too.

So the woman is a customer, misgender's the woman, so then the trans woman calls her sir as well. I like it. So the customer goes, you don't get to correct me. I will address you as what I see. Lily tried to ignore her, but the customer kept on ranting. Then the owner came out to talk to the customer. And the customer says, I've been a patron of Burger King for many, many years,

which is a lot of leverage with that brag. That's a lot of buying power you've got. Right. Well, it's Burger Person now. I don't know if you got the memo. Right. And it's not a whopper. It's just a penis.

You don't get to correct me. I will address you as what I see. Okay. Then why don't you call me milkshake thrower? because that's what's coming, sir. Why don't you call me under the counter urinator into your burger? Yeah, that's, you kind of hoped all this stuff was going away, but I guess it's just not. It just makes people so upset when they see somebody who's trans, you know?

I know. I hope all these people go back into their holes. I was talking to someone. I was talking to someone the other day about how unbelievably in a bubble I was, especially like after Obama and even during the first Trump presidency. I'm just like, you know, just generally, I mean, listen, not that everything's fixed, but generally it's like, okay, we're growing up like the rest of the world on things. Like slavery is kind of on the way out globally.

At least it's declining. and I just thought racism was far more behind us, and man, was I wrong? Oh, no, it's coming back with a vengeance. Well, it's greenlit from the top. I mean, that's what it is. So anyway, hopefully that stuff stops. Okay, you send me this clip this week. Crypto kidnapping.

So I grabbed this article because this is the one that you send me about the dude in New York. But in looking at it, because I try to find other articles that were better written than this, it's a thing like everywhere. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the alleged 28-year-old victim, so wait, the headline is crypto-kidnapping how armed gags are hunting the Internet's high rollers. The alleged 28-year-old victim whose name has not been released. A total police, he arrived in New York from Italy on May 6th and went to this guy, Waltz's eight-bedroom Soho Townhouse.

Waltz and his accomplice DuPlessi allegedly lured. the man to New York from Italy by threatening to have his family killed. Once the guy arrived, he was stripped of his electronics and passport, bound by the wrists, and subjected to beatings and electric shock, according to the complaint. Jesus, sounds like the after party at Skankfest. Waltz allegedly carried the alleged victim to the top flight of the stairs and hung him over the edge and threatened to kill him if he did not provide his Bitcoin power. password. The victim told authorities...

That's going to help conjure it up. Like, if I, if I get mildly stressed, like, if I think I'm going to forget my password for a second, I can't get it. Now, this guy has to remember 19 characters while, you know, while being tort. Like, all I need is the guy behind me in line at the ATM to move his feet. And I might as well leave. I'm not going to think of it. Yeah. Now, no, Shug Knight's being pulled up.

on you, forget it. The victim told authorities the suspect, uh, suspects, uh, forced him to smoke crack cocaine by holding him down or forcing a pipe into his mouth. Uh, Sarah Khan showed the judge a photo that she said depicted the alleged victim on fire and said the defendants would pour tequila on him, light him on fire and then put the fire out sometimes by urinating on him. I, by the way, this is what happened. regardless in this five-bedroom Soho townhouse on any given weekend. And also, the guy's Italian, you don't need to put tequila on him to get him the light on fire. Right.

Yeah, eight-bedroom. Are you kidding me? I'm surprised. I bet the crack cocaine was great. Yeah. Dude, I sent you this clip. It was probably 11 o'clock at night. I sent it to the whole mass text chain that we're on. I don't know why. But the video, is of the guy. It's like a security camera catching a guy running up to cops and he's in his boxer shorts barefoot and he's running and he grabs the cops.

And then I read the story, I have no idea why, but I, maybe I'm stressed out. I doubled over in bed. I was, I thought I was going to break a rib. I could not. I'm crying and I'm showing it to Aaron and she's looking at me like I'm fucking crazy.

And she just goes back to reading and leaves me to laugh by myself. And that was the first person who said you need to go back to therapy. Did you laugh when you saw the video? I didn't until I saw what they were doing to the guy. And I also thought about you and I being like, I honestly can't remember. Like, please go listen to our podcast. We can't remember names of peev actors we love.

And this is like a 19 digit thing with ads and, Exclamation points. Oh, my God. All right. So the housekeeping Olympics showcases best of Las Vegas casino hotels. The Las Vegas housekeepers and custodial staff put their skills to the test Monday evening during the annual housekeeping Olympics inside the Mickelope Arena at Mandalay Bay. How about it? Teams from the strip resorts and local businesses can compete in events like bedmaking, mop relays,

vacuum races and buffer pad tosses. Now in its 35th year, the competition recognizes the city's guest room attendance, many of whom start in-housekeeping before moving into supervisory and management roles. All right. You could actually, it's Vegas, so you could go on Draft Kings and put 50 bucks on Consuela

and the vacuuming pubs off the pillow relay. It's a relay. It's a relay. You hand the vacuum off to the next person. Dickie had some jokes as well. He called it the Ice Olympics. Marks its first year of competition in Vegas. And the winner was allowed to stay in the country.

I had the winner gets a crumpled up single, drenched in stripper perfume on a dresser. Nice. That is. That's how they should win their prize. Exactly. All right. Let's skip the Kennedy one and go down to local news.

Local news. It's a new little thing. I saw this and I put it on here because of you. Santa Monica on a downtown lot where Santa Monica has spent nearly a decade trying to build affordable housing. temporary pickleball courts were approved and opened in less than half a year. Yay! The property valued at roughly 600,000 for the new courts is the same site slated for construction of a year. the $123 million affordable housing project. One now expected to break ground in 2027 at a cost of more than $1 million per unit. The Santa Monica Pickleball and Paddle Center opened the spring, but its use of the lot will be short-lived. A large banner outside the property makes that clear. The site remains designated as an affordable housing complex.

So do you know this is the one by the West Side Comedy Club? Oh, I know it very well because it's like really hurt their business. This was a, all right, here's the thing. It was a seven-story parking garage where there was a line of cars at three different booths lined up paying $12, $12, $12. Every 20 seconds, $12, $12. And they tore that down. Now that's the pickleball court.

Me and Mary Fitzgerald went to play there one day. it was $30 for 60 minutes of pickleball, and there's about eight courts. They are empty. I drive past all the time, empty, empty, empty. So they're making about $200 a day from these courts. I'm sure there's liability. By the way, everyone gets injured playing pickleball.

I'm sure they put Santa Monica as one of the people they sue. Yeah. And, you know, and also like, Like, the homeless know it's supposed to be housing. Like, they're showing up. There was a, I saw a guy who had set up a tent on one of the courts and then these two douchebags and preppy shirts dragging him off the court. What? No, that's not true.

But I can see a scenario where that happens, Mike. Okay. It would be ironic. But your office building is still standing. Yes. I was in an office for about 10, 12 years. and it was all, it was like this city-owned little property

and had about maybe 30, 40 offices in it. And it was like indie filmmakers, scriptwriters, a fucking seamstress, architects, like little indie businesses. Yeah. And it was rent-controlled and it was great. And it was real community of people. And they kicked us all out about a year and a half ago so that they could tear it down and build pickleball courts.

And guess what? The building still sitting there. Just sitting there empty this entire time. But this pickleball constituency is powerful. Yes. They get this city to do stuff that the city and the city's horrible at doing things. Well, maybe what we need to do is get the homeless to start playing pickleball so they can advocate for themselves. I think what they do is they march outside of City Hall making the sound that pickle balls make.

They bounce the balls. and that literally drives everyone crazy. Yeah, yeah. Somebody was telling me they bought an expensive home and then the house next door put up a pickleball court and that's all they can hear all day is that click, click, click, click. I bet there's a way you can measure the sound, maybe hopefully it's above a certain decibel. Yeah, well, anybody who lives in a house that's big enough that the house

next door has a pickleball court. Their life's fine. Yeah, I think you're right. Ethical question. Now, how about we do, because I liked a lot of these, how about we do rapid fire? Rapid fire, you got it. Here we go.

It's the way I answer ethical things anyway, quickly and with very little thought. My kids are becoming adults. Can I stop hiding what I think about their father? No, you keep that up. I think a family is built on lies, and those are lifetime lies. Okay.

Next one. My kids are becoming adults. Can I stop hiding what I think about their mother? I'm kidding. That would be a different answer for you, I think. Okay. Next question. After 35 years, do I still have to cook for my husband?

No. Ours transitioned about once the kids grew up, my wife was done. I cook most of the meals now. I think that's cool. I think that's like having a bird feeder, which keeps the birds from flying south, and now they've stayed, and now when it's freezing and too late to fly south, that's when you cut off their food. Yeah. You've already made them useless in the real world.

Yeah. The husbands, I mean. Yeah, they can't even fly anymore. Okay, next one. Should I warn homebuyers about the whaling neighbor? who apparently is willing like ah pickleball i fucking hate it no that's why you have i mean my uh we're selling my daughter's car right now and um you know it has some things that are not right like the air conditioning the panel that shows the temperature it doesn't show up so you have to just

guess the temperature and turn it i didn't have to tell them that they would never notice that but we're telling people that we're telling them that the catalytic converter may need to be replaced Like I could never sell somebody something that was misleading. This is interesting. So the sub sentence on this is I don't want to prevent a current neighbor from selling, but it feels as if disclosure should take place. Now I'm thinking the person writing this is the whaling neighbor. Oh, I see.

It's not. No, it clearly isn't. But I guess there's a third neighbor, a third person in this equation. But, you know, when we moved, when I bought my first house I ever bought in Laurel Canyon, there was a guy, it was old L.A. where, keep in mind, the house I bought in the late 90s was $315,000. That beautiful Spanish. Oh, my God.

I know you bought that house. Yep. So you could still buy. Wait, the one in Laurel Canyon? Yeah. So there was still. Yeah. So there were still a lot of characters in L.A.

who could afford to live like in the Hollywood Hills in Laurel County. There was no doubt about it, a drug dealer right on the road next to us to the point where I emailed, because I wanted in writing, I emailed the seller, hey, what's up with the house? And we got along. He was my neighbor. I lived across the street from him before I bought the house. What's up with that neighbor and all the cars coming in and then screaming sometimes? and he's like, he did the right thing.

He's like, I don't know what you're talking about. He clearly knew what I was talking about. I'm remembering that house now, and I think I know why you only pay $315,000. You needed to have the quadriceps of an Olympic sprinter to get to your front door. It was so steep, and it was two stories, right? There was like, you went up one story,

and then you were on, like, the patio, and then there's another story to get up to the living area, right? Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're kind of three stories, yeah. It was kind of like when you used to park cars at the club. All right, let's do entertainment. Here we go. I don't have any jokes for this. I just love the details.

The headline is South Park ups the ante with graphic Trump-Vance sex scenes. South Park mocked the Trump administration harder than ever this week, with one of the most shocking, not safe for work scenes of the season. Sara Not Sorry features Bayesian. face J.D. Vance confessing his love toward President Trump, which Trump reciprocates by having sex with him in the Lincoln bedroom. Oh, boss, it's so big, Vance says at one point, staring down at Trump's canonically teeny tiny penis. The sex scene came after weeks of Vance's character seemingly scheming against Trump, working behind his back to guarantee the abortion

of Trump's upcoming baby with Satan. That is called Fuck You Money Right there Totally Oh my God I know I mean they are just

I mean meanwhile Like they took the Charlie Kirk episode down What is it about Charlie Kirk That even these guys Won't fuck with But what do you mean they won't fuck with? There was an episode

Mocking Charlie Kirk and they took it down. I think they, but they made it. They made it prior to him dying, but then they took it off their website or their channel after he died. Oh,

oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know what you were saying. Yeah. No, because I think if he's brutally killed like that, no matter how he was brutally killed, If he was brutally killed like that, I didn't see the episode, but there might have been some stuff that they probably felt like, all right, enough, enough. Like he was brutally killed. And now we're talking about punching down.

All right. Speaking of punching down, let's go to Florida. Here we go. Where I just was in crazy Florida, Florida driver clocked at 107 miles an hour and says she was just. she just wanted to get to Little Caesars before it closed. Yasmin Arazzo, only 21 years old, allegedly hit the triple digits in her Kia. Kia likes this. Just minutes to midnight.

Her local eateries closing time. And while flying northbound on U.S. Highway 19 in Palm Harbor, north of St. Petersburg, where the posted speed limit is 55. I mean, what an ad for Little Caesars also. I know. I'm not buying this at all. Akea went 107 and someone raced to eat at Little Caesars. Yeah. Both unbelievable.

You don't rush to Little Caesars. You're usually kind of resigned to eating there. It's like you're usually shuffling in because you have no other options. I'd believe it after Taco Bell, where you're then going to run for the bathroom, not the border. You're going to, maybe the border, if that's the nearest bathroom. All right. Let's make, yes. Can you imagine what it felt like inside of a Kia going 107 miles per hour?

It must have been like the space shuttle breaking through the atmosphere. Yeah, is there an ejection? I'd be looking for the ejection button like the seat. Okay, we're going to make America, Kentucky again. Kentucky, this is a positive story, people. Kentucky man wins 58 grand in second lottery jackpot in five months. comes about five months after his first win where he scored 30 grand on a Kentucky lottery instant play. He told lottery officials he had eased off playing, you know, because he won

and he eased off the playing. But that changed when he found out his mom won 3,000 playing online. He said he was packing for a family vacation when he decided to wager five bucks on bluegrass bucks hot hit jackpots instant play game. That's a long. long title. Yeah. And the five bucks scored him 58,000. Well. Yeah.

Wait, is that, oh, oh, I was about to get off. I don't know what they means by that. I think he means he was online betting. I guess you can, like, go online and do the bets off the website, which is very frightening. And it was the next one, and I know the government's doing this. And it was the next one that I got the jackpot, he said. Skaggs won the 57-947-27-26 cents progressive jackpot taking home a check for 41, almost $42,000 after taxes.

It says here he kissed his wife for about two minutes and then she said, this is the second time he has won. My brother is one lucky son of a bitch. All right, Kentucky. He just got Fitzdogged. You just got Fitzdogged. All right, let's do, let's cut it. down. We're running out of time. Let's cut it down to this day. Yes. It's going to be a short one, man.

I'm going to tell you right now. Jesus, it was dry. This day in history. Okay. It's even hard out of here already. Martin Scorsese, known for his harsh, often violent depictions of American culture, was born on this day in what year. I started the documentary, by the way. Dude. I was supposed to go to, Mark Marin had a rap party for his podcast

after however many years, which, by the way, when we stop our podcast, here's how you guys are going to know. It won't be on the next week. There won't be an announcement. There won't be a party. So anyway, I was supposed to go to his party, and I started watching that with my

family, with my my wife and my daughter, I could not get off the couch. It is one of the, it's so riveting. He's such a fascinating guy. He really is. I'm going to say he's around my mom's age. Oh, so wait, give her, take two years. All right, he's around my mom's age.

So I'm going to go, she was born in 1942. So what's your guess? I'm going to say 1942. I try to get you off of that. He was born in 1942. Hey now. All right. We're off.

After 10 years of construction, the Suez Canal opened in Egypt, give or take 25 years. When was that? Suez Canal connects the Red Sea to the Mediterranean. I listened to an audio book about it. I believe it was in the late 19th century, so I'm going to say 1880. Look at you, 1869. There we go. The U.S. Congress held its first session in Washington, D.C. on this date, in what year, give or take 40 years?

1810. 1800. Nice. Well, you give me 40 years on that one? I don't know. Well, I thought it might be trick. Like, it put in that in Washington, D.C. Oh, right.

You know, but what really isn't a trick? Man, okay, here we are. Jones Town Massacre, Jim Jones, leader of the people's temple. They all drank the Kool-Aid in what year, give or take four years? 1982. Oh, man, did I? 1978. Yeah, baby.

I'm four for four. The American dramatic. Okay. The American dramatic film, Ben Hur, arguably the best of Hollywood's biblical epics, had its world premiere. I've never seen it. It later won an unprecedented 11 Academy Awards. Whoa. What year did Ben Hur come out, give her take?

I'm going to be generous because I'm rooting for you six years. 1959. It came out in 1959. No, it did it. It did. Dude, I'm on fire today. All right, let's stop it. I don't like this anymore.

Let's stop it. All right. God, you're generous with the years this week, too. I didn't even need to take advantage of the generosity. I thought you were going to say like 65, and I wanted to be a nail biter. All right, here we go. Letters to the other. Alanda Martin said, hi, Greg and Mike, especially Mike.

I'm 47, Colorado 7. but at my peak of Colorado 9. Whoa. I have been divorced for one year after a 23-year-old relationship. I've been online dating for about two weeks. I feel like it's quite burdensome. Should I keep going or quit altogether? Love you both, especially Mike.

Thanks for Sunday papers. Love it. So 23-year-old, yeah, 23-year-old relationships. The person's 23? Get on it. Yeah, stick with it. I think you can weed people out based on their profile. And then I think guys are trickier.

But I think you can smell out a douchebag from pretty far away. There's also, you could have a phone call before you meet. But women are you going to get a free drink out of it and put in a hard out? That's what I recommend. A hard out. The hard out can be made up. I have therapy at 330. I have therapy at 3.30.

That's a good one because that'll keep them like guessing. But you have a hard out and then if there's chemistry and all that, then you blow off the made up hard out. If you look at your phone, you're like, oh, you know what? It was pushed back a little. First of all, I think there's less duchbaggy guys in Colorado. Somehow I see them all as like flannel shirt wearing they chopped their own wood. They, you know, they're not religious, but they're, they were raised by religious people. They're good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She said she's a Colorado 7 at my peak of Colorado 9. Maybe go to New Mexico where you're an 11. Yeah. And keep the title, Colorado 7. That should be your name on the dating profile. Right. Get a T-shirt that says Colorado 7 on it.

Yeah. All right. Let's cheer up from the obituary we did. We didn't have this week. And again, when we don't do an obituary, it doesn't mean that your sister who died of leukemia was not important. It just means she meant nothing to us at all. Nothing. We didn't care about her. All this, this is, you know what? We're like the robot podcasters. We are just stating facts right now. Your sister who died a gruesome, horrible death meant nothing to us. We slept like babies the night she died. So did she. So did she. We never thought about your sister. Never.

And couldn't give a shit. Couldn't give less of a shit about your sister until now. Now we know. We're not bad mouthing or we're just saying that she was meaningless to us. Yeah. She could walk right up with her cancer and slap us in the face with the tumor. We wouldn't know it. Dude, by the way, I came into the hotel last night in Lafayette and I threw on the TV and they had HBO, whatever.

on. And it was that movie with, um, with, uh, oh, Jesus. Who's the really beautiful blonde Jennifer or something? Not Garner. Lawrence? No. Okay. Anyway. Anyway. It's this movie about this unbelievably beautiful actress. You know what if I said her name. Black hair, perfect teeth. Oh, no. Of course. Of course. The black hair. Yeah.

And she's choosing a lot of heavy roles. Yeah. Connolly. Is it Connolly? Yeah. Yeah. So it's Jennifer Connolly and it's Ryan Gosling, I believe. So they're two impossibly beautiful people.

And they get into a relationship and she has Parkinson's disease. Like, who pitched this fucking script? So she's got Parkinson's and our hands are starting to tremble and she's sick. and they've just met and so they agreed to date but not take it seriously and then of course he falls in love with her

because they're having sex and so and then she makes it difficult to stay with her because she doesn't want to drag him through it and so they break up and then at the very end

there's this happy ending where they get back together again it's like all right can we see part two is there a sequel to this please did you do any unpacking Or did you just sit at the bottom of the bed and watch this thing? I did.

No, I had it on in the background, and then I did end up sitting down and watching it. She's not a bad actress, to be perfectly honest. Oh, I think she's been nominated. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful mind. Oh, my God. All right, here's an onion headline to get us started.

Study finds that most Americans can't find where they are being deported to on a map. That's the problem That's good The onion's back Oh man The onion's so strong All right All right

So the comic I did not give one out last week I heard all about it In the YouTube comments Oh boy I was remiss By the way Feel free to put some of those comments

Into the script If you want Oh You told me You told me about that I should Yeah All right

This week You do have an assignment. There is a mime and he's being pushed up against a wall by a cop who is cuffing him. And that's it. That's all you need to know. This is our second mime one. The first one had a kid like with the mom and the mime. So it's unrelated, unrelated, unrelated, but it's another mime one. Well, this is from Jason Love did this one. So the guy's got his cup out. There's some change around the cup. He's clearly like a street mime and he's being arrested. Okay. Hagger the Horrible, Lucky is sitting down with a fortune teller who's got her crystal ball,

and she says, before we peek into your future, let's look at your past. And then the ball lights up, and he goes, wow. And she goes, oops, sorry, that was my past. And he's shaking and trembling and sweating. Yeah, imagine getting a glimpse into an attractive young woman's past in medieval. Scandinavia. So traumatized. She believes in the supernatural.

Yes. Yeah, she's a fortune teller. Leroy Lockhorn is sitting on the couch and he's exasperated talking to his friend. And he goes, I wish Loretta would give me peace of mind instead of a piece of hers. That sounds like a kindler joke. Yeah, that is good. And now we have Leroy. comes in, he's extremely hung over.

It's first thing in the morning. He goes, do we have any coffee faster than instant? And then we have him staring at his laptop while they're eating. And she goes, an apple a dig keeps the husband away. All right. They're always their little efforts. They're good. Yeah.

Now we got not good. Dagwood sitting slumped on the white chair with his feet up on the Hasick looking like a like a petulant boy. Yes. And he goes and he's watching TV. She's got her back to him. Thank God. And she goes, he goes, I've been sitting here watching TV so long. My legs have fallen asleep.

Blondie helpfully turns around in her hot fuchsia silk sweater and her yellow hair tumble that. She's done her hair for dinner. and he's looking at the back of it because he's a homosexual. He's a lazy homosexual. And she goes I'll bet taking out the trash would wake them up, honey. And he goes, actually, it would seem wrong to wake him up from such a

nice nap. I think his cock is asleep too. I think his brain's asleep. You can't win with this guy. No. No. You know, she's basically saying why don't you do one productive thing around the house

and I will be fourth coming with the you've seen her tits you can't see him in this shot which is a waste that's the crime that's the crime all right listen mike's got to talk about his childhood so if you guys want to come out don't forget this past hour and 11 minutes after thanksgiving come on out to the to the desert ridge improv in phoenix november 28th through 30th then san francisco and hasbroid Heights, New Jersey, and otherwise I will highly recommend the Scorsese

documentary. I think it's on I don't know what it's on, but find it and watch it. And then we have to do the sofa company or whatever it is. Oh, right. I said we talk about, so we have to do that. Anything you want to recommend?

Hmm. I I guess I'm alone. I don't really like the pit. I don't really like any of the characters. They're all miserable. It's the same way I would watch Gray's Anatomy. It's like doctors, you know,

just these doctors complaining the whole time. And I know it's not bad. It's well done. But I liked the little blonde who kind of looks like the kid from a Christmas story, but it's a

woman with the glasses. Yes, yes. She also this is what I hear it is. And I'll just say this quickly. All of these shows, and it's not because I'm a comedy snob. Anyone listens to this knows I'm not a comedy snob, like by very unfunny things that I often like.

It is when they hire actors who literally don't have a funny bone in their body and then they make them do subpar comedy. Yeah. It's like just don't. Don't have the old woman wheeling around doing her bullshit. Stay on the point then. Stay on the drama you've created. That's what you do well. You don't do comedy well at fucking all.

It's so off-putting and you don't need it. You don't need the fucking witty punny banter. Yeah. It's horrible. It's horrible in every hospital show. I think it's a watchable show. I agree with you. It's not great.

I do like the worst. woman who's in charge of the interns. She's like sort of the office manager type woman. She's great. She's great. Who the blonde? I can't remember. She talks like with a sassy and she always, I hate her.

I love her. I hate her the most. I hate her the most. She's like, what's going on there with that? So you're talking. It's like, shut the fuck up and get back to your station. All right. Listen, Mike, say how to your therapist.

Let me know if you need notes. Now I know what I'm talking about. I'm going to spend 45 minutes in therapy talking about the pet. He won't know what hit him. I'm going to send you bullet points for your session if you need some. All right. We'll talk to you later. Take itish.