Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers W Greg And Mike Ep 292 12725

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

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fresh ink and paper like the old days. That's what we are. It's December. It's December. I'm trying to hold on. You know what I did last night? What? I put it in my calendar.

I looked it up and I, maybe I mentioned this last week. I watched The Grinch on NBC. Oh, you told me you were going to, hey, tilt your computer down a little bit. So you're cutting off from our headroom. Oh, there we go. Maybe a little closer. Yeah. This is the tech in my studio here.

It feels right. It feels right sitting on the couch watching those shows. Well, you know, it used to be so communal. I mean, the grammar school would buzz about it all day. Yeah. Whether it was Rudolph that night or the Grinch. And yes, I went to predominantly like Italian. So it was a Christmas kind of school.

And so anyway, it. it was gigantic. And it just, one of the highlights of my December and just got me in the mood. And I wish they would play like nostalgic ads. Obviously they can't do that. And then I thought, you know, I remember my kids, if I paid them, they couldn't find NBC if they tried.

No. I remember I told you, Olivia calling me, like, how do I watch the Super Bowl? I'm like, how do you avoid the Super Bowl? Yeah, yeah. I know. I don't think my kids. watch a single, they don't. They don't watch a single show. The only thing I watch

on streaming is sports and if my mom's here, I'll put on news. She likes to watch the news. I will say there were so many commercial breaks. They made it feel like an hour. In other words, that

there were that many story points to interrupt, felt like it was, you know, like act breaks. Like it was criminal. And it's like, no, Like, God bless my kids that they can't find NBC. That's fantastic. Our traditional thing is we always watch Elf the night before Christmas.

Christmas Eve, we watch Elf. Nice. Did you see the recent interview, and it was about Jimmy Stewart? It was, what's his name from Blue Velvet? David Lynch. David Lynch. They end the first. film and it's a wonderful Christmas,

a wonderful light, what the hell is it? Wonderful life. It's a wonderful life. And he's teared up. And he's like, unbelievable. And he gives a little history. He's like, you know, I think Jimmy Stewart was just back from the war. And was going through sort of an existential crisis of his own and wondering if he was

going to have a career. Anyway, and he talks about it, and he really chokes up, he talks about there's one moment in the film where he just says Mary and you hear all the angle you hear. I know exactly the moment he's talking about. Yeah. So much and it's and there's Lynch choked up about

it. So I'll watch that differently this year. Yeah. Mary. Yeah. Yeah. So my mom was just here for 11 or 12 days, I guess, which is longer than she normally stays. Yeah. Which was very nice. I don't

get to see her enough. And we just... It was great hanging out with her. Yeah. That was so great. You got to hang out with her two different nights, which was nice. But it's amazing when you have somebody here, how much stuff you do that you enjoy so much. You go, why do I wait for somebody to come to town to go to the Gettys Center?

Are you kidding me? Or even more trips to the beach, whatever it is, or just even just getting out of the house. Oh, no. We went to the Gettie Villa yesterday, which is amazing. That's the one that's up in Malibu. The original Gettie. The original Gettys. It's like a Tuscan Villa. It's based actually on the ruins in Italy, Pompeii.

Pompeii, yeah. And incredible art and incredible architecture. And then we drive up the beach. We go to Santa Monica Seafood, which is this like crab shack that's really famous right on the PCH, looking over the ocean, and sit next to these six guys that were all coming from an AA meeting. They were old, they were old tatted up AA guys. Wait, you weren't at Gelson's?

Where did you go? No, this was at the, not Gelsons. No, Santa Monica Sea Market is a restaurant up in Malibu. Got it. I don't even know about it. Did I say San Ami? I meant Malibu. Malibu Sea Market.

Yeah. And they're flirting with my mom, which was very sweet. and this guy's talking about Florida with my mom. Anyway, and then we'd go to the beach. We'd drive up to Zuma Beach, walk down to the water. But we did so many different things. I took her to Lackma the day before.

Went to the Palms to have lunch, try to see famous people, didn't. Walk through the canals, the boardwalk, a couple meals out, poker night. It was great. That's great. Yeah. Oh, good for her.

She must have had an amazing trip. Yeah, she did. And then, yeah, now she's got to land and figure out how to use Uber because her friend can't pick her up. Oh, wow. I don't think that's going to work. Yeah, I told her. Take a taxi. Taxis and Uber costs exactly the same now.

Right. Yeah. She doesn't need Uber. She can get sexually assaulted in either. I know. The possibilities are endless in a taxi cab because there's no cameras. Yeah, exactly. It's not like there's not a map following where you're going and all that stuff.

Right. And then we watched that documentary because JoJo was with us. And I don't even know how everybody ended up at my house, but we had like eight people at the house. It started as we were going to do. a movie night with one of the screeners that we get. And then you're like, all right, but if I'm coming, it's going to be with Aaron and my mom. So now, you know, my place is small.

I'm figuring, you know, Tom and a bunch of people are coming. So I'm like, well, what about doing it at your place? And also maybe that's easier for your mom. And you agreed immediately. And so that's how it happened. Yeah. So I got some Thai food. And we started talking about the fry fire festival.

Because that guy is lose. Well, all right, it's Sunday. I think it happened either last night, Saturday night, or Friday night. He's thrown another one. The guy's out of jail. But anyway, we went back and watched the fire festival. There were two documentaries on it. And I made sure you guys watched the one with the New York City guy who tried to save the water situation.

Because that was the meme that popped out of that. That's what everyone was talking about. out was that gray-haired, older professional guy. Yeah. Who offered to fillate the head of, I guess, customs on the island, I think it was. Yeah, I mean, it just the short story. I think everybody's seen it. But if you haven't, it's just, it's a, it's an event where we've all been involved in leading up to an event.

Whether you're throwing a birthday party for somebody or you work for a company and there's a company gathering. whatever it is and things start to go wrong and you feel like it's not going to happen and we should quit and this guy will not quit you can't script more things going wrong and this guy hangs in so uh i'm looking in line now i don't see the new festival happening yet all right well here is here's the guy billy mcfarland i don't know how long you went to jail for but anyway he's very people are accusing him of being very bipolar. So his handle is P-Y-R-T-Billy right there. And let's see what his...

So anyway, he just keeps updating all these things. And he's like, this is where the featured act is going to land, the helicopter right here, going to go over there. We're going to get signage. And so anyone who wants to be a sponsor, hit me up in the DMs. He's like staffing this thing through his DMs. But it's amazing,

the amazing thing to me is that there are people in the world who have great ideas and are very competent and do not sell themselves well. And then you got a guy who's got an awful idea and he can sell it to anybody. And we all know these people in life. The short guy that used to get laid a lot in college, you know, everybody knew that guy.

And Barry Katz, the manager. I'm not saying Barry is not selling a good product, but Barry has a gift of selling anything to anybody. Yeah. You know, there's just some people that have that charisma. Well, this guy, he actually had a good product. I mean, the festival in theory, they just started way, way, way too late in the documentary, you know, details, all that. But it's, if he had succeeded, he just needed his first. Like Trump didn't have to get his first because his dad bankrolled him.

And then he did get lucky out of the gate. But a guy like that is always going to, like, Rob from Peter to pay Paul, and it's always going to be basically like a pyramid scheme, like with Trump's university and Trump stakes and Trump water and Trump. And everybody, the wake of destruction behind him, he has a full legal team just handling lawsuits and wiggling out of like paying architects of his projects and everything.

And so this guy, is like that. It's like there's a PT Barnum quality to him where he's just 100 present in the current new endeavor. And the old endeavors might pay for that. His problem was he never got, well his first one was the credit card and then he used that. And that's exactly what he did. I guess his second project failed. Yeah. And it was always about

staying positive and it's only solutions. I only want to hear solutions. Yes. So. Like this is... I'm fine. Don't worry about it. We don't have bathrooms. Like, this can't work. It's like, that's a problem. We are solution-based.

And then, like, do I have to fire you? Because you're bringing negativity to this. Yes. And then I think of the Ellen DeGeneres show where there were no solutions. There was just problems. And nobody wanted to bring solutions after a while. Everybody just wanted to get out. what's this about oh quick thing here's a uh so i worked in phoenix last weekend and i left my computer

on the table on the desk shocker and so i'm at the airport and i'm trying to send a file and i realize i don't have it it's too late to go back and the and you know the hotel's like a half an hour from the from the airport and so i just get on it and i was like fuck it so i call the hotel and I was like and they were like well you have to use FedEx to come pick it up I said you won't drop it off there

they said no we'll pack it but they got to pick it up and you got to email us a label so I get on the phone with FedEx and well first I try to go online long story short FedEx is a cluster fuck right now it's impossible to use

you can't get anybody on the phone so then my friend Sarah was like wait where's your computer This is on Monday. I got back on Sunday night. I was like, it's in Phoenix. She goes, I'm driving my mother to Phoenix today.

And then I'm coming back the next day because her mother had broke her ribs so she couldn't fly. So I gave her the address of the hotel. It was 15 minutes from her mother's house to the hotel. And I had my computer the next day. Wow. Isn't that amazing? Nice. Shout out, Sarah Pinder.

You're also living with Sarah's. mom now. That's part of the deal. With a broken ribs, you can't even really fool around with her. What do I have in here? Oh, yeah, Pearl Harbor Day today. Do you know the famous quote about Pearl Harbor? The day that will live in infamy. Ah, that's why I brought it up. Everyone says that. It's the date. Oh, the date. Yeah. That was Roosevelt said that. Yeah. And we have nothing to fear but fear itself. I watched, I guess we'll talk about this next week. I started last night to watch after my Christmas mood with The Grinch. I started to watch the Diddy documentary on Netflix.

Really? Yeah, yeah. So try to watch that by next week. We'll talk about it next week. I think somebody already asked to be taken out of it. I imagine everybody. Yeah. might have been Jay-Z.

Was it Diddy? I don't think it was Diddy. No, Diddy does not want it. 50 Cent is the producer. So the big thing this time of the year is everybody looks at their Spotify and it tells you your rap, your Spotify wrapped. And it shows you what songs you listen to the most over the year. So my family, every year, we have a text thread.

And we always share with each other what our, what our raps were. Doesn't it like tell you how old you are, too, or something? It tells you what age you are based on what you're listening to. It told me I'm 78. But it also told my son that he was 75. All right. That's cool.

You're not so much. See if you can guess any of the top five songs that are on my top songs. Top five songs? Well, name the artists. These are not my top five artists, but these are, these are my top five songs. I don't know. You said you listen to a lot of Joni Mitchell.

That's not on there. Oh, it was a big Johnny Mitchell year, right? I don't know. Let's not drive people through this. My number one song was Miss You by the Rolling Stones, which I can listen to all. I check into a hotel, and then I put some girls on my portable speaker

as I'm unpacking every single time I travel. It's like my ritual. Huh. And then Peace Frog by the Doors was my number two song. Mariners Apartment by Lana Del Rey. Oh, 7,8-year-olds are digging her? I got into Lana Del Rey through my daughter, who's a huge fan this year. And the Doobie Brothers, long train running.

I don't know how that ended up there. Spotify didn't give me one. I don't use them. So I have it, though, so I'm surprised it's not popping up. Well, Matthew Chamberlain and a ton of other people told us that we were there. Our podcast was their number one Spotify rap. Oh, wow. So we're very touched by that.

Thanks for the commitment, everybody. Even better shows coming this year. We got some stuff brewing. We're going to announce soon. And it's going to be. the Pearl Harbor of podcasts All right.

All right. Our logo this week came from Lawrence Tarpey who's a regular contributor to the show. It's adorable. I like it.

I like the colors. Yeah, it's very nice. The song, Blake Levon, awesome. He sent in two songs. The other one's Acapella,

so I'm saving that. This one was great. And then so, Lawrence Tarpey, who did this week's logo, also said, I can almost guarantee that the song y'all are considering for a permanent spot is AI. I'm a musician with 40 years of pro recording and writing experience. How old is Lawrence Tarpe? I can smell it a mile away. Sounds like your Spotify age. I also think that the weekly changeup of logos and songs is one of the most enduring special

attributes of the podcast. I agree. Yes. We're going to continue. Well, you know, I have heard AI songs like this one guy played a soulful oasis cover and it was outstanding. Really? And very maybe artificially soulful. But it, you know, it was you forgave it because it was a cover of like Wonderwall or something like that. And or champagne, I think it was Champaign Supernova. Anyway, it was fun to hear an over the top take on it, you know, so you were forgiving

of the AI soul, so to speak. Yeah. A phrase that shouldn't even exist. But anyway. I listened to a lot of Joan Baez this week with my mother. That's her favorite, Joan Baez. You're going up to 86 years old on Spotify. Fast.

And by the way, Sheila, I'm always arguing that Joni Mitchell is way better than Joan Baez. It's true. So I listen to a lot of Joan Baez. John Baez basically was a cover band for Dylan. Almost all of her songs were Dylan songs. No, she has, she's very, well, both of them are in. incredibly unique. And sometimes it's not, for me, the funnest listen to how they're phrasing, you know, and, uh, but no, I, I mean, Joan Baez is not nearly the writer that, uh,

Joni Mitchell is, she's earnest. She's very earnest. She's very earnest. Yes. Uh, corrections. We got one from Blake who says, um, uh, he somebody sent a correction last week about how it was actually me who sent the video of re-recording my song from scratch. I can confirm. firm that it was not me, it was Thor. So he did share some more songs. He gave us a Beastie Boys inspired song. And then... So what were...

I mean, can you not figure out which song might be AI? Or which song proved it was an AI? Yeah, it was... It was Thor. Didn't Thor do the song that people... were accusing. Oh, no, wait. I'm sorry. Blake is the one that showed us the video of him re-recording the song. So I thought it was Thor, but it was actually Blake Levon. Got it. Okay. And he sentenced more time. So Thor might be AI. Got it. And I have some

corrections down below. I mistakenly put them in letters to the editor of people that commented on a couple of things on the YouTube. All right, here's a big correction. We got the YouTube. Many, many, many people said, Dax Shepard. Yes, that's down below. It's not the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, you stupid old fuck. Love the show, Pat Lathrop. Yeah, that was, I do that often in real life. As a matter of fact, I watched the Cowboys last night.

And at one point, I said, I was commenting to my wife. I said, I said, Dak Shepard is the highest paid professional football player right now. Or maybe it's the highest paid quarterback. And she said, Dak Shepard is a podcaster. And I was like, I just got called on that this week. Well, Silva 82 on the YouTube said, geez, his inbox is going to be flooded with Dax-Shepard corrections. It's not even Dax. It's Dax. I think your ESPN age is about 106 and you're losing it.

How is Dax Shepard, by the way, the highest-paid quarterback in the league? I've always thought he's a very good quarterback. I never thought he's... Now, you're back to saying Dax Shepard. Oh, my God. Did I just do it? Yeah, you did. Okay, never mind. Let's move on. People hate me talking about sports.

I think when you talk about football, your concussions come back to you. Yes. Yeah. Tour date, San Francisco, the punchline, December 11th to the 13th. This is a hot ticket. Get it now before it sells out. I will be right near the Meadowlands at Bananas in New Jersey, December 26 and 27th. Cleveland, Atlanta, Sacramento, Philly, Lexington, Houston, all coming up. go to fitsdog.com and get tickets.

But more importantly, I want you guys to go to Uncommon Goods. I mean, look, it's crunch time. It's December 5th. If you haven't bought gifts yet, do it now. It's time to do it because a lot of them are like custom. You can get some monograms. You can get people like fun gifts with their names on it still. Be a champion.

Don't just be another guy that's giving out a book. Nobody wants a book from you. And if you go to Uncommon. goods, you're going to get something that's unique. It's handmade in the U.S. Thousands of different one-of-a-kind gifts. So I got my daughter these, they're like booty slippers, which is amazing because she had said to me, I said, what do you want for Christmas? She said the booty slips. I went on uncommon goods. I found these ones. They're lavender scented and they're unbelievable. And I'm so

excited to give them to her because it's what she wants. Because you got 15% off? 15% off when you use uncommon goods.com slash papers. You're going to get 15% off. Who are you going to give it to? Who are you going to give it to? Foodies, mixologists, gardeners, all these people are going to have gifts that they know you thought about. They have it categorized to make it easy for you. Not only that, for every gift you buy, they donate a dollar.

they've done to a non-profit partner of your choice so they've donated more than a three million dollars now so don't wait make this holiday the year you give something truly unforgettable to get 15% off your next gift go to uncommon goods.com slash papers that's uncommon goods.com slash papers for 15% off don't miss out on this limited time offer uncommon goods we're all out of the ordinary look at you Going back to your tour days, Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, December 26th and 7th. I just reading that line depresses me. It's not Hasbrook Heights. It used to be Hazard Heights, bananas. Now it's now by the Meadowlands. Is that more or less depressing?

It's more, maybe more. I mean, I'm just, you said near Giant Stadium, so I, or Meadowlands. It's in Rutherford. It's in Rutherford, New Jersey. Oh, God. I'm just picturing that swan. bumpy area and that part of the Northeast and that part of New Jersey, the day after Christmas, I can't even imagine.

Well, my, you should have a stunt. You should cheer. No, it's up to you to cheer those people up. I don't even know how they can keep living. But like maybe I have like a, it's not too late for 2025 resolutions. Like we've got five days. Like it should be like some fun thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I love that week, actually. That's one of my favorite week. It's probably my favorite week of the year to do comedies between Christmas and New Year's. Wow. People come out and the energy is unbelievable because everybody wants to get away from their families or they're just in a good mood or whatever.

But, no, I love it. And that's actually, this is when you go see a tale at Carolines. He famously does this week leading up to New Year's Eve. Yeah. Got it. All right. All right, front page. Here we go.

All right, you got to do some reading because my chest. chest is fucked. Yeah, what's going on? You dying over there? I got a, I had a chest goal that went away, but I still got like a tickle going on. Oh, boy. Chislane, however you pronounce her name, Maxwell is seeking an early release from the federal prison, Maxwell's lawyer.

Oh, you cut this up in a way. I can't read it. Anyway, the move comes amid the Justice Department's efforts to unseal grand jury transcripts and other records from Maxwell's case. Her legal team argues that releasing these documents could prejudice. any potential retrial. Yeah, maybe they would see the truth. Maxwell, who was convicted on five counts related to sex trafficking,

is currently serving a 20-year sentence. Her transfer to a minimum security prison in Texas followed an interview with Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche. So they're going to unseal the document. I wonder what they used to seal the documents. Disgusting. I mean, that's evidence right there. That's DNA evidence.

Yeah. I mean, the best is that this rapist is in a minimum security prison. Right. Child rapist. Child rapist. Yeah, we're off the algorithm now. Oh, I said SA up above, way up and top of the show. I think we went off there. I slipped.

If she gets out, she's going to knock on her neighbor's doors and give them foot rubs. Does she have to tell everybody? Like, hello. Hell yeah. I'm a grievous. Yep, she does. All right. Wow. Just to say 100 yards away from a school, which if I'd known that,

I would have been a grapest in middle school if I knew it would keep me 100 yards from a school. See that? That's called wisdom. You've learned that over your year. You're 78 now and you've learned that. Right. 78. Yep.

Next story. Seven years ago, high schoolers, Zach. All right. So I was confused by this. So here, let's read this. seven years that Greg put this story in here. Seven years ago, high schoolers Zach and Isabel both experienced a traumatic brain injury, leaving them in a coma at region hospital in Minnesota.

Both of their families were given little hope of their recovery. At the time, Zach was 18 years old in a coma as a result of a traumatic brain injury, sustained playing football. Nine days later, Isabel, who was only 16, was injured in a car accident while on her way to her job at a grocery store. The mother kept in touch. I guess it was Zach's mother kept in touch. Yeah, both the mothers of the kids kept in touch.

Through Facebook. And when Isabella woke from her coma, they met up at the hospital and introduced the two TBI survivors. Zach said that he said a couple of kind words to Isabel, and that was it for six. six years. After that meeting in the hospital, the two teens went their separate ways, but their moms stayed in touch over the years. Then last year, the two families got together

for a reunion of sorts, and Zach asked for Isabelle's number, and they have been together ever since. The pair even started a podcast together. Mike! And Zach asked Isabel to marry him. All right, so what do you not understand about that? It's a very clear, linear, beautiful story. Well, you left out that Zach woke up from his coma. Well, that's kind of implied, isn't it? Well, I guess that he's talking to her, but it's like, I just thought Isabelle woke up nine days later, and they took off and they kept in touch. They always knew how to find Zach. Zach's in bed.

Zach's in the same room. Can I have a sleepover since he's already sleeping? It's always a sleepover with Zach. Every day it's a sleepover. Yeah. Did he wake up before or after nine days? Did he, one of them get to see the other? Well, it could be like a Romeo and Juliet.

Maybe he put himself back in a coma when he saw she was still out. Well, maybe it's like Kill Bill where he consummated before she woke up. All I know is these two kids are stealing our idea of a podcast delivered by two people in a coma. This is our, get on, get out of him. Yeah, I couldn't even finish that sentence. I didn't even know how to do it because I'm in a coma. Well, he's out of the coma, but he's about to get married, so he's going right back in. Yeah, exactly.

All right. All right. Nice story. You didn't list their podcast? No, I think it's called Bad Friends. U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is planning for the military to sever all ties with scouting America. It used to be called the Boy Scouts, saying the group once known as the Boy Scouts is no longer a meritocracy and has become an organization designed to, quote, attack boy friendly spaces, according to documents reviewed by NPR.

Hegsteth criticizes scouting for being genderless and for promoting diversity, equity, and inclusion. The organization once endorsed by President Theodore Roosevelt no longer supports the future of American boys. Wow. Well, in the Scouts, as we've all learned, a, quote, boy-friendly space is the Scoutmaster's crotch. Oh, right. Yeah. The boy-friendly space is behind a closed door or a zipped tent. So I'm with Heggzat. If this organization now is designed. to attack boy friendly spaces, I don't think they should be allowed to do it. By the way, the original Boy Scouts was genderless.

They wore mini shorts with a yellow kerchief around their necks. I think that, I think you're making a statement. It was quite gay-looking. Yes. Yeah. Here's another Pete Hegg-Seth story. Why don't you read this one? He once said that there should be consequences for war crimes

and that the military should refuse illegal orders in a resurfaced clip of Pete Hagsatz. Speaking at a conservative conference in 2016, the now Defense Secretary said there has to be repercussions if you're doing something that is just completely unlawful and ruthless. That's why the military said it won't follow unlawful orders from its commander-in-chief, he said. That's a standard. There's a belief that we are above what so many things that our enemies would do. That was a quote.

It comes as the Pentagon is being challenged by six Democratic lawmakers who have urged the U.S. service personnel not to follow illegal directives following numerous deadly strikes on alleged narcotic vessels in the Caribbean. And he's like, wait a minute. You can't quote me from way back then.

I was still in the Boy Scouts. Pete would do great in prison with all the pull-ups he loves to do in the Aryan Brotherhood. He's made for. for prison. Yeah. He would do a lot of pull-ups and he would do a lot of toe touches, I think.

Tremendous amount of toe touches. On a serious note, I read right before the podcast that the footage now released before it was like bomb him again and it killed him, the guys were on the boat waving. Oh, God. Like waving like surrender waves. Yeah. And not at all a threat. Yeah.

No, this is really, really bad. You know, this is so lawless and so irresponsible and so grotesque that... It's on brand. Exactly. What else would he be describing? And what he's saying right here, all these guys, the things they said about Trump before they got put in his cabinet, it's unbelievable. They're such fucking phonies. It's crazy.

All right, here we go. Strangers around the world have donated over $1.5 million to help in 80s. year old veteran retire from a job at a Michigan supermarket. Ed Bambus 88 caught the attention of Australian social media influencer Sam Weidenhoeffer after a stranger shared his story in the comment section of one of his blah, blah, blahs. This guy had a return to work nearly a decade after his wife died following a long illness and his former employer eliminated his pension.

Quote, once my wife died, I didn't have enough income to pay from my home or all the other bills I had accumulated because of my wife's illness. He said he took a cashier position at a grocery store where he currently works. In the TikTok video that has since gone viral, this guy, Bombas, can be seen working his shift when the podcaster approaches or TikTok guy introducing himself. He asked Bombas about his story and then he surprises him with a $400 tip. Not $400. I think the surprise was how little the tip was, considering that this is self-promotion and will go viral for the guy tipping him.

You're right. We got to do this, Mike. We got to do some stunt where we give somebody some money. I'm still looking at my stunt where I give out coosies. Oh, yeah. That's our stunt. That's our stunt. Sorry, go ahead.

Well, he said, and then the old guy was so excited, he threw down the shopping bag and he goes, the next time I'm in this market, it'll be buying baby oil and cucumbers, bitches. Okay. Yeah, he's going to party. He's 88. I like that he did get, I mean, thank goodness the fans, over $1.5 million. That's fantastic. Then it comes out, of course.

Then it comes out, of course, he killed his wife. Oh, right. That's going to be how that story is. Yeah, let's keep an eye on this guy. Something's going to happen. He's going to be Australia man next month. The U.S. ended penny production last week or two weeks ago, abandoning the one-cent coins that were embedded in American culture for more than 230 years.

But they've become worthless. It was introduced in 1793. Back then, a penny could buy a biscuit, a candle or a piece of candy. Now, that's where I always get caught up. Okay. So you can buy a biscuit for a penny. So how much was a piece of gum? You think a biscuit's worth more than gum?

Yeah. I guess because they're mass produced. It's easier to make a biscuit. Yeah. One biscuit versus one piece of gum. I don't know. Hey, do you know that thing if you find a penny on the first day of the month? And then you find two on the second day.

and on the third day you find four. And if you keep going like that, at the end of the month, you know how much you have? 60 cents. You have over $5 million. That's amazing. I got to go. I got to go, man. You have five million.

And that's on a month with 30 days. Just one more day. And you have $11 million, not pennies, dollars. I got to do that. You got to do that. I mean, it's the first three days, it goes kind of well. The fourth day, you start to get a little, you start to get a little awareness that this is not as easy as it felt on day two. Plus, you're probably going to die from whatever diseases you get from picking up all these pennies off the street.

I think you go on Facebook marketplace and be like, listen, people, they're useless now. Can I have your pennies? you'd probably get to date 12 or 13 pretty fast. That's true. That's true. Yeah. Well, so much for give a penny, take a penny. They're just taking the penny.

They're not giving any more pennies. Yeah, exactly. Boy, you think Jewish people were upset about October 7th. Wait did they hear about this? I was waiting for the Jewish joke on that. Okay. There you have it. Here we go.

Ethical question. All right, it's my turn. And let's find out what your ethics. Because Mike Gibbons has very interesting ethics. Like I feel like, oh, my God. I think you're right. No, like when you play golf, you are the most honest golfer out of all of us. You never improve your lie.

You count every stroke. I mean, we all count every stroke, but I feel like you don't ever argue for a gimmie pot that Gubbins would or something like that. Well, I think I'm so self-hating out there that anything that makes my experience worse feels natural. But on the other hand, I feel like you're conniving. And when it comes to like making deals for TV shows, you're always trying to work an angle. Sometimes not as... Even just stick to golf, you're like, I'm one of the most honest golfers who plays with a fake ID. That's true.

That's how you sum this thing up. You have an ID that says you're 65 so you get half off your green space. 63. It says I'm 63. I didn't push it. Unbelievable. The thing that bums me out. Same with my fake ID when I was younger, although I liked it then, is they absolutely believe I'm older.

Okay, here's the first question. You are at your friend's wake funeral. All right. His wife is there. She's beautiful. You've always been kind of attracted to her. Oh, it's kind of like Erica. What's her name?

Yeah. Yes. Is it okay to begin flirting at the funeral? Laying down the groundwork. I think it would happen naturally because it's like it's comfort and it's, you want to be there for them. So yes. I think it would be. First day.

I think it would be inappropriate though at that point to be like, listen, I just want this to be physical. You'd have to hold that one back. Just be like, look, your husband just left the physical realm. I'd like to step into the physical realm. Not the spiritual. Also, I could probably do a good job rationalizing that that's the right thing to do. In other words, let's not get our deeply felt emotions involved. And that would be wrong.

Yes. And very disrespectful. Right. And, you know. But if we're just rubbing each other, some, most of which on the inside of your body, then that's just, you know, that's almost just like a massage. Yes, you take the framed photo of him on the end table

and you face it, you face it down, you show respect. Yeah. I don't want to undo. I mean, I've successfully killed him and gotten away with it. Why would I want to undo all of that by acting rash at this point? Right. And jumping in her bed. And if you act too rash, you're not going to get that much.

that she's inheriting from him that you were really thinking about the whole time. And he was a good friend is what I'd say when they're like, why did you take a life insurance policy out on your friend? Yeah, right. Yeah. All right. Second one. Oh, too.

Okay. Is it okay during a breakup to use AI to help craft some of your texts? I have a fun way to do this. I think next week I'm going to have like three ethical questions for you. and then I'm going to set up, like, for instance, that one began with, is it all right? Like, is it okay or not? So I'll stop there and you have to be like, it's okay, not knowing what the issue is. And then I read it and then you have to commit to your answer and somehow make it work.

Got it. I like that. Okay. And then, of course, you can give you a real answer. Okay. Is it okay to use AI for what? To break up with somebody. Oh.

Well, here's the deal, man. And my kids have asked this, but also I don't know, I don't know what the rules are. And neither do you, of course. But like, I don't know how people break up now. I don't know, like, is a, it used to be a phone call was no. You had to do it in person. You had to do it in person. Yes.

Now the relationship wasn't in person. So why would the breakup be in person? Yeah, and also the goalposts have moved. So, in other words, now a phone call is way better than a text. Yep. Or better than a ghost. Oh, I know. No, the ghosting thing is crazy.

So, yeah, I think anyway, anything that helps you express, and maybe it's, you could say it's sad, that's another type of question, is it's sad that AI is like conveying your emotions better than you. you are, but putting that aside, anything that gets what you've written to be the thing you're most happy with and expresses everything. Like, you might forget to say something. I remember, by the way, this is a little different. I wish I had AI. So I was the best man at Ted Fein's wedding. Ted Fein was our friend.

He was the first guy to get married out of our group. How soon after BU did he get married? Not long. Few years. And I gave a speech and of course all I focused on was like being funny and all that stuff. And we were so young, I don't think I thanked like the families for throwing the wedding and paying for the good time we had and all that stuff. Where if there was like AI, that would have been boilerplate. You know what I mean?

That's standard. And I would have been reminded of that. I got late at that wedding. Did you? Yep. When I gave the best man speech at your wedding, I think I had my bassist cover, which was mostly just shitting on you. Yeah, it was.

That's what AI would have told me to do. It was a roast. And then I think you didn't trust me. So you had me read lyrics, a Bob Dylan lyric instead of actually speaking at your wedding. And you blew that. I did blow that. I left the speech at the hotel. And I had cut out.

So what didn't sound like a song? It sounded like a poem. and then that was all lost. And I'm sitting there, I'm like, oh, my God, he doesn't have the piece of paper. I'm in the wedding. And I look over you. I'm like, that's not the piece of paper. I gave him.

I was in the office. This is when the, well, what, you got married in 2000, 2000. So 2000, the internet was just kind of humming along on phone lines. It was very slow. And I was very proud of myself that I was in the office of the country club. And I got on the manager's computer and fan. found forever young lyrics and printed them. But yeah, I didn't realize you'd taken some of the words out.

We're not too dissimilar. I was printing, not on the Internet, but in the 90s. I actually officiated my sister's wedding to George, and I had a printout. I had made some changes. And I thought it was very easy, and I had a drive, I guess. And the library in Santa Barbara could not handle what I wanted to do. That was back then where Mac and Windows were defiantly like sabotaging each other. Right.

And nothing was compatible. All right. I have two more, but I'll just do one. This one's for the holidays. Is it okay to re-wrap a gift and give it to somebody else? Wait, so am I using the wrapping paper or am I using the gift? No, you can use different wrapping paper, but the same gift. Yes, it is.

Okay. I feel as. Now, I was reminded that, I mean, Jeff, who's the foot, my stepbrother, Jeff, who's the vice, he would barely, like, he'd show up at Christmas and then sometimes he wouldn't even have gifts. But even if he did, he would then just casually pick up, completely ripped wrapping paper that someone had just thrown on the floor and kind of like just cover the thing. And like, like he was making a snowball and then he would hand it to you. Like that was your present with a completely torn wrapping paper from the floor. And then other times he would take a gift he had just gotten and literally then grab the wrapping paper and then re-gifted. So both the paper and the gift were not his. Nice. All right. Last one?

No, that's it. Let's go to, let's go to entertainment. Your entertainment. Martha Stewart just revealed her end of life wishes and they don't include burial. or cremation. Quote, oh, I'm going to be

composted, she said. When one of my horses dies, we dig a giant hole really deep in one of my fields. We have a pet cemetery.

And the horse is wrapped in a clean white linen sheet and very carefully dropped down into this giant lovely grave. I want to go there, she said.

And then she said, when I fuck one of my horses to death, we move him from the jacklift to the garden and dump him in the ground. Martha.

Jesus, I had no idea. It sounds like what she wants is quite simple. This is what she has to do. Just dye raking leaves and fall in the pile. That's good. Right? Yep. That's compost.

And that's the final issue of Martha Magazine is just an aerial shot of her from behind face down in a pile of leaves. Yeah. Dot, dot, dot. I've heard about this horse thing. Like it's big around like now. Nashville and also in Kentucky, Lexington. It's people are burying them. But like, you kind of have to remember where they are because also your backyard might

already have a lot of horses in it. Well, you know, Aaron's dad was a big environmentalist. And when he died, we put him into the ground. No cremation, no coffin. We put him in a wicker basket with flowers on it. We carried him into the woods, dug a hole and put him in. Wow. Yep.

He didn't want the chemicals. You know, the chemicals are really bad for the earth that they put in you. I've never thought of that. Yeah. They're really, really toxic. Huh. Yeah. All right.

Are we making America, Florida? Yeah, let's make America, Florida. A Florida man with a comeback with a warrant doormat. was arrested in a large-scale mortgage fraud scheme. So the picture that they had in the story, it's a literal dormant that says, come back with a warrant. Christopher Musick would create fake documents

to pose as a real estate investor and owner of multiple business properties. He would get mortgages against the properties, use the money to buy more that were then rent. It sounds like Trump that were then rented out as he pocketed the money and never paid off his loans. After interview, reviewing Musak.

Detectives with the sheriff's office financial crimes unit established probable cause to execute a search warrant at his residence, thereby satisfying the doormat's request. Right. Right. I mean, that's a perfect doormat for Florida. Yep. That's the most Florida dormant I've ever heard of. Yeah, I mean, what's the one they always say about gun? there's a gun one.

Something about Smith and Wesson. Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of play on that. Like, that's what you'll be dealing with. Yeah. But it's amazing. It's, again, he's one of these guys where, like, how do you not learn? You had 10 prior felony convicted. Not one, not two, not three.

Ten convictions. And he's still going. Well, that's why he knows that his lawyer probably made him that. doormat. Right. Yeah, and imagine trick-or-treaters. You see that? Like, I think I'm going to skip that house probably. Yes.

Come back with a warrant? Okay. Yeah, that's the home equivalent of if this camper's rocking, don't come knocking. Yeah, the unwelcome mat. All right, make America, Texas again. A Texas man resorted to bringing his own mousetrap

on movie night. as his local theater struggles to contain an ongoing rodent infestation. Cinemark Theater in Waco has had multiple customers report mice in the theater, prompting a local health authority to do an investigation. On Thursday, this guy, Cole, brought a mousetrap into the theater and surrounded mouse traps and surrounded himself with them to avoid worrying about mice getting too close. quote, I was like, man, I'll just take mouse traps and build a wall of protection around me just so we don't have to deal with it.

They were like, you won't do that, you're ridiculous. No one would do that. I said, watch me. By the end of the movie, one of his traps successfully caught a mouse. I love it. Dude, how small is Waco that you just don't go to a different theater, you know? I wonder if you used a piece of popcorn as bait on the table. That's the real one battle after another.

Do you imagine feeling a mouse on your leg in a theater? That would be very unnerving. Well, I left this out when I was talking about my mom being here. But do you remember we had rats running across my lawn? Yes, yes. Trapes. I ended up catching like six or seven rats. And then they stopped coming.

But mostly because one day I put out four traps and I came out and there were three. All right. So one of them got snapped on a leg. and got the fuck out and made it back to the nest. And I think the other rats saw that and they were like, fuck this. Right. So anyway, so I tell my daughter,

she's sleeping back in my daughter's room in the back house. Yeah. It's got a sliding glass door. And I said, JoJo, during the rat infestation, keep the door closed all the time. I don't like where this is going. Leaves the door open. My mom is back in the bedroom and she sees a giant rat,

walk across the floor. Okay. She freaks out. And so I had traps left from before. So I laid down four traps with peanut butter. I saw the rat, by the way.

I was walking back there, and I looked in the sliding glass door, and I saw him walking around. He was fucking huge. Wow. So I laid down four mats with peanut butter, and then we watched a movie, and I went back there,

and there was a rat whose head was exploded. Oh, go. And there was a pool. of blood under the trap. It was awful. I'm surprised because the rats in Venice, I think, like almond butter. Erawan almond butter. Well, actually, I think it wasn't the trap.

His head exploded because he had a peanut allergy. They're bad with rats. Yeah. That's what it was. So I had to get a garbage bag and some gloves. And, I mean, the worst is whenever I throw them into the bag, the tail is always hanging out of the bag. Oh, that's the least of your problems.

And so then I had to walk her back there. I felt so bad because I know that, you know, even though she knows I caught it, you're still going to be creeped out. Absolutely. Yeah. All right, we're going to this day in history. Here we go. This day in history.

All right. Walt Disney was, he died on this day. Wait a minute. Why is this in here? Well, he died on December 15th. if we're going to be very technical in Burbank, California. Wow. And what year do you think Disney died?

I'm going to give you a clue. No, I'm not. I'm not going to give you a clue. I'm giving you 10 years, give or take. Oh, that's tough. Well, look, I remember that Disney was an anti-Semite during World War II, and he went from black and white to color. So I'm going to say his peak was in the 40s.

So he died in his 70s. So he died in 1971. You did it, 1966. He was born in 1901, so he was only 65. Okay. But his head's still frozen, isn't that? That's correct. Him and Ted Williams.

Okay. Let's see. There's a lot. I don't want to do deaths and birthdays. It was very slim pickings today. Very slim pickens. Yeah. Slim Pickens was born.

born in 1905? I mean, would you know when George Armstrong Custer? General Custer died? General Custer died in... No, sorry, when was he born? General Custard? Custer, not Custer. Born in 1810.

That's good. I'm giving that to you, 1839. Okay. Yeah, he was one of the guys after the Civil War. Then they ran around the West after the Civil War. All right. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Oof.

He died. Do you know how old he was when he died? 43. 35. What year did he die, give or take 30 years? I'm going to get this wrong. I'll guess 1810. You did it actually.

1791. Nice. Yeah. 1791, 31, 35 years old. Yeah, it's a lot of births and deaths. Let's see if we can find a different one here. Ultimant Rock Festival. The Rolling Stones appearance

where a concert goer was fatally stabbed by a member of the Hells Angels gang, which had been hired as security. Give or take three years. When was the infamous Ultimant Rock Festival? festival. Well, Woodstock was 69 and that was the one that went well, supposedly, and

Altamont was the one that sort of wrapped up the heyday. So I'm going to say it was probably closer to 71. It was 69. Really? Isn't that something? And I know it was two days after they left, I just read this, after they left

Muscle Shoals, where they recorded, there's footage of it in the documentary, which is great. Three songs, Among them wild horses. They were on the lamb at that point from something about I don't know it was drugs or taxes, but there

was a reason why they were recording in the U.S. Well, I know they went there because it was, I think, it was either honky talk women or brown sugar, but it was also wild horses and they wanted that muscle shoals magic.

Yeah. If you have not, I know I say it constantly, but see that documentary. Oh, it's amazing. Not seen muscle sholes. Oh, my God. One of the best I've ever seen. All right. We got Pearl Harbor.

Okay, here's the last one. God, it's a death again, though. A lot of World War IIs. Oh, yeah, do you... Well, this week, John Lennon was fatally shot. Do you remember the year? What's my range? One year.

I'm going to give or take one year. 1983. Oh, you missed it. 1980. Oh, no, I knew that. I think I was thinking of Bob Marley was probably 83. Was it? All right, last one.

God, no, these are horrible. They're all birth or death. Mia Hamm, I don't care about. The American classic film The Deer Hunter, starring Robert De Niro, Christopher Walken, among others. I'd say among others. I mean, come on. Merrill Streep's in that.

An emotionally shattering look at the effects of the Vietnam War on young American men sent to fighting it. The movie later won an Oscar for Best Picture. It was released on this day in what year, give or take four years, Greg? That's huge. Well, it was about Vietnam. It was in Pittsburgh. John Voight was in it. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to say if it was soon after Vietnam, it would have been 75. I'm going to say, Go ahead. I'm going to say 1979. 78. Thank you very much. But I got to take credit away from you. John Void, I don't think was in it.

No? No, no. It's a guy who looks very much like him. But you're thinking coming home. Oh, right. Which he won a Oscar for. But John, because Christopher Walker, it's John Savage.

Okay, got it. I don't lose credit. I got the goddamn year. I was off by a year. No, but everybody listening just had a fucking massive coronary at what you said. All right, let's move this along. All right, let's do it. I get going, man.

What are we doing now? Let's do an obituary. Let's bring it down. You ready? Yeah. Play it, Steve. Steve Kropper, the guitarist and songwriter and Shaper of the Memphis Soul Sound Dies at 84.

as a member of Booker T and the MGs and as a producer, he played a pivotal role in the rise of Stacks Records. Another great documentary. I think it's on Amazon maybe. Stacks Records or the story of Stacks or something like that. St.A.X. Storyed force in R&B in the 60s and 70s. He's also a prolific songwriter.

His credits typically as a co-writer include Doc of the Ben. Wilson Pickett's in the midnight hour. Eddie Floyd's knock on wood. All three were number one R&B singles. Mr. Redding's record top the pop chart as well and won Grammy Awards for best R&B song and best male R&B vocal performance in 69. Wow. And that's, you'll see in the Stacks record thing, like it was just this store in it was this like storefront in Memphis. They might even in the back of a theater.

and they had to operate kind of under the radar because the racial issue was so charged in Memphis and here was this place where everyone was treated equal, like in that recording studio, and even valued and coveted. And there was Otis Redding waiting in the waiting room to come in and record. Like no one had heard of him, and that's how he got his start. Wow. Yeah, and then he blew up at the Monterey Jazz Pop Festival that year. That was the first time people ever saw Otis Redding.

I had the pleasure. Well, I did it. Not the pleasure. I went to do a benefit for the St. Jude Children's Hospital, and it was out in the dead Palm Springs, and I go out. And there was a couple of comics that went on ahead of me. And then before I went on, a woman got to, on stage and talked about her child's surviving cancer. And then there's two women there whose children

did not survive cancer. And people were crying. And then they showed a film of sick children in hospitals. And then they introduced me. Whereupon I went up there and choked on my own vomit. I died. I was literally walking around the stage pointing at the pictures of the dying kids saying, how about a hand for this guy? And it was awful. And I walked off stage and now I'm... Oh, no. And I was like, this is going to stay with me for days.

And then they introduced the band. And the band was Ray Manzarek from the doors and Steve Cropper playing guitar. And I forget, it was an all-star. There was a couple... Oh, Alice Cooper. And Alice Cooper. And they all came out and jammed for like an hour and a half

and everybody danced. And it was such a fucking... rushed it. I felt okay. Oh, my God. And of course, the Blues Brothers. Yeah. He got a lot of crap from the music community for joining them, but he always, like, defended them. He's like, Belushi was a drummer

and a band before he started in Second City. And Akroyd is the guy who plays all the harmonica. He thinks those were both very, they were good, better than you think musicians. And no, I remember Bob Odenkirk going out at Largo and calling it the white guy blues or something.

Shitting on the Blues Brothers. I love the Blues Brothers. Yeah. No, they were fun. Let's cheer up. Let's cheer up and do some funnies. Here we go. Every single week, we do the con,

not every week, sometimes I forget, the comedy caption contest, and I give you one frame of a comic. You guys then write your punchlines. You send them into Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. You put your name right underneath your punchline. We select some of the good ones, some of the great ones. Oh, and then cruisies are coming out next week.

We pick a winner, and that person gets a Sunday Papers coozy delivered right to their door. They don't live in Canada. Before you do this one, I forgot to do letters to the editor. I'll just read one that's germane. This Scott Harold writes, I'm so glad I didn't win this week, as it would have been so awkward for this coozy to come before the other three coosies I've won this year. Ouch. Oh, man.

Okay, Howard. Well, he's really piling on you. Howie, geez, that hit me where it hurts. Okay. I'm over it. Last week's comic was, uh, it's a cocktail lounge and there are four skeletons sitting at a table. One has glasses on.

They're talking. Yeah. And the background is a bartender and a regular guy with bodies sitting at the bar. So they're just skeletons. Kelly says, hey Greg, oh, I'm sorry, this is a letter. Kelly said, hey, Greg, do you know that these cartoons are on your website? Every week I hear you describe them, and then I look at it on your website. You should mention that because it's so easy to keep that tab open on my phone and check the cartoon once a week.

All right, I didn't realize that, did you? No, of course not. I didn't even realize you had a website. Fitzdog.com. Apparently, Sundaypapers.net is also a thing. Oh, maybe it's on there as well. Colin from Baltimore says, I can't drink beer anymore.

I just don't have the stomach for it. That's not bad. Yeah, another one that was, you give me a few more of these. I might skull fuck you tonight. Oh, okay. Mike Nestor says, I can tolerate slow service or small portions,

but not both. All right, yeah, they've been waiting a while. Nigel Simmons says, OZempec night at the bistro was always well attended. Seems a bit extreme for OZempic, but okay. Team Fitzsimmons, Fitzsgibbon, Gibbons. That's us? Yeah.

We're dead inside, not on the outside. It's Kevin Robinson. Darren Williams says, The remaining members of the Who and the Beatles meet to discuss their forever final tour together. They're old, right? Those guys are old. I hate when people make jokes about, Stones or the who. They're fucking amazing. So they're old and they're still doing it.

All right. Easy. Seventy-year-old. Easy. Jeff Briggs says, guys, I'm sure our coozes will be here any minute now. Ah, you got me? Yes, that stings a little bit. I'm over it. Sandra says, hurry up, Frank. We're not getting any younger. Okay. Tim and Brooklyn said, I told you they'd see right through us. Uh, yeah, yeah, it's pretty transparent transaction. Ron says the best to best serve their maturing guests. Mara Lago now offers both VIP and RIP tables. Oh, okay. Okay. RIP VIP.

Yep. You established the VIP, which then facilitated the RIP wordplay. Yep. Yeah. I like, don't have the stomach for it. It's cute. It's not hard hitting, but it's cute and it works. Yeah.

Yeah, I like that. I think that's the one. Okay, the winner is Colin from Baltimore. You can send something to Baltimore, right, Mike? Oh, my God. Yeah, I mean, I'm going to do it shipping. I don't know how that port is doing since that shipping accident. So it might be delayed.

Yes, and also I watch the wire. Shit gets stolen all the time there. Yeah. Next week's caption, sharpen your pencils. We have Santa Claus. There's two reindeer's in the background. One of them is saying something to the other one out of the side of his mouth. He looks a little upset.

Santa is putting the red nose on Rudolph. Is he putting it on? It looks like he's patting him. Or he's padding it. Yeah, he's touching reindeer, Rudolph's red nose, and Rudolph is smiling broadly. Yeah. Okay. Have fun with the brown nose jokes.

I don't know what's going on there. Yeah. Oh, okay. It looks like an egg, doesn't it? But it's just glowing red nose, and he's being padded, and Santa likes him. Yeah. All right. Okay.

Now, Hager and Helga are talking to a man who says, thank you for coming to my wife, Olga's gender reveal party. Second frame. They're pushing through two doors that says delivery room. He goes, sorry about the last minute change of location. No grape joke. I just thought that was kind of cute. Wait, I don't go, wait. Thank you for right.

Okay, sorry by the... In other words, They were going to have a gender reveal party where they popped the balloon and it's blue or pink. But she went into labor early. And so the gender reveal happens as they see the baby come out. Got it. Jesus Christ. Is it that hard to figure out?

No, because I thought there was a joke and that was my bad. Totally my bad. This is going to make up for it. Leroy and Loretta are on fire this week. Loretta party and Loretta says to another couple, whenever Leroy goes down memory lane, I'm his GPS. Oh, she looks happy.

I know. Isn't that cute? Yeah, but maybe she means she's correcting them a lot. And then we're at the train station and Leroy is saying to... Talking to Mom Donnie. Talking to Mom Donnie, I know. He looks very Muslim. He goes, I'm upset because my wife stopped speaking to me until today.

He did it. He did it right there at the end. Twisting the tail. All right, I have an onion. I thought it was very funny. and there's a picture, which became famous this week. It was Trump during one of his appearances, and it goes, Trump appears to doze during stroke.

It's very good. Loretta comes in the door, and she's got some shopping bags. Oh, I thought we were done with the lock horns. She says to Leroy, I need a break. I just said thank you to a self-checkout machine. Yes, that's one of my resolutions every year to stop saying, please and thank you to S-I-R-I. And I recently honked at a Waymo.

Yeah. Well, they need it. I think that is feedback. Yep. Finally, we get to Blondie, and I picked this one. Even though Blondie's not in this one, her daughter is. And look, I don't want to seem skeevy. I don't want to seem like a pervert.

But the daughter is a very well-put-together woman. She has 34 Ds, real thin arms. She bends her knee. so her buttocks kind of protrudes a little bit. She's presenting. Oh, that's the word. If she were an animal in nature, she'd be considered presenting. Yes.

So she's outside the front door and she says, and then she's with a boy who goes, I can't wait to see you again at Gino's Pizzeria tomorrow night. And then he kisses her and she goes, I just hope my daddy won't mind me going out again. And then Bumstead pops his head out of the door with his fucking donut pajamas. And he goes,

I won't if you bring me back a large double pepperoni with cheese. Okay, so you've got a guy molesting your daughter outside the door. Rubbing it, who knows how old she is? I mean, the comics just been going for 75 years.

So the daughter seems young, considering. But all it takes is a pizza to get you to allow the sexual harassment that's going on inches, right on your, Right on your welcome at. That's all he needs.

It's like a guard dog. It's just as smart. You just got to throw it a sandwich. It's less smart. And he has to specify cheese on a pizza. Yeah. Double pepperoni with cheese. I want to hear him call a New York place and make that order.

Yeah. Like extra mozzarella? What are you talking about? That's like saying I want a piece of pizza. No. It's a slice. Yeah. All right.

Mike, you need to get out in golf. I wish I could join you, but my knee is still in pain. Yeah, how's that coming along? It's getting there. It's been four weeks, four and a half weeks. I didn't really need an answer. I just had to get credit for asking. I think another week I'll be out there.

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