Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 300 2/8/26

Episode Date: February 8, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz Super Bowl Expose! Greg’s visit to The Joe Rogan Experience, an Olive Garden waiter deep fries his head and Turning Point is bringing you... a half-time Extravaganza! TryMiracle.com/PAPERS BlueChew.com (CODE: PAPERS) Kalshi app (CODE PAPERS) Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:51 So much better. I don't think I just want that. We're using Riverside FM Studio, it's called. I don't know what that is. Lean on the lens, get the Barbara Walters filter. I have so much makeup on. I get up at 6 a.m. Oh, man, I got up late.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Yeah, what happened? What did you do last night? You're so fucking groggy right now. Well, you know, they aren't exactly slow news days. I've been staying up late and I got to change that. Yeah? Is that your New Year's resolution? Yep, it is.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Earlier to bed. All I got to do is read. All I have to do is break out a book and it'll be fine. You don't read. You're not a reader. Oh, no, I'm reading now. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:39 Well, if listening also counts. Nope, does not count. That's ridiculous. Yeah, because you know why? Because I know that with your ADHD, you're incapable of sitting down and concentrating out what you're listening to. So you're multitasking while listening. I do rewind quite a bit.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Yeah. I'm like, wait, what? Wait, wait, where are they? Well, how are you listening? What are you doing while you're listening? The best case, and I think a lot of people do this, is I am cleaning. I'm like, or laundry or something. But my most dedicated listen is when I'm in the car.
Starting point is 00:03:24 That's good. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, the car is good. I take a sleeping pill every night and then I put on 45 minutes of the driest, most boring biography I can find. Right now, I'm listening to Gerald Ford again. I have my list. I have my next book on deck also. I'm reading James, which is written in.
Starting point is 00:03:49 know it's about the Huck Finn written from Jim's point of view. And it's won all the awards and all that. That's going to be next. And then right now I'm doing the God of Small Things, which is this crazy story about this Indian family. And that won all, that won all the awards, but that one's older. Yeah, my wife's book group did James and they all loved it, but they're all a bunch of snowflake lesbians.
Starting point is 00:04:14 Oh, okay. No, I heard it's fantastic. Super Bowl today. We're burying the lead here, Mike. We got the Super Bowl. What's your plans? Where are you going to watch it? I'm in Florida with my dad.
Starting point is 00:04:29 Oh, that'll be fun. Well, not really. So Olivia's meeting me down there and we're like, and I go, oh, dad, FYI, I go, that's Sunday. It's a couple of weeks ago. That Sunday is the Super Bowl. He's like, oh, right. I go. And so I've been to fun things with him down there in this crazy, rich bubble.
Starting point is 00:04:47 that's down there. And I think I told you the one where we were taken to a yacht club, like where the old school, like all the old members fish are on the wall with their names next to them. And a real, it's a boating club also. It's not just sailing. It's a lot of motorboats. Anyway, it is the whitest crowd I've ever been around. And at the halftime show, it was the one at SoFi Stadium in L.A. with Eminem and then all of a sudden like 50, Sends hanging upside down, like, you know, in one of the pies. And then, you know, Drey and Snoop. And it was crazy.
Starting point is 00:05:24 And the woman, old woman next to me next to her husband goes with zero effort to be funny. She's like, she leans over. She's like, and she's just horrified at what she's seeing, this hip-hop thing. And she's like, and they want to defund the police. That was the highlight of that Super Bowl for me. So I wanted something like that. So I go to my dad. I'm like, hey, and Olivia's coming down from Boston.
Starting point is 00:05:54 You know, keep an eye on your clubs. I know all your clubs are going to throw, you know, Super Bowl parties on the host. So then the next thing that happens is Olivia and I get an email of my dad emailing. Who is still, he's emailing the list is who's still alive in his life. The list gets shorter and shorter and shorter saying, hey, I'm hosting a Super Bowl party on the roof of my building. And I'm like, wait a minute. So all of a sudden, I think I have to create, I have to get food. Like all of a sudden, it's the exact opposite of what I wanted.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Yeah. No, it's the worst. And then you're going to be clearing the tables and making sure the food is there, getting people drinks, missing the entire game. They'll only be liberal people there. It'll be so boring. No, big sporting events, me and Aaron walk around the corner and we sit on the couch with Matt and Cass. And that's it.
Starting point is 00:06:46 and we pay attention to every play, listen to every word. I'm kind of a football fanatic. And I mean, in the sense that I literally, every Sunday, we'll watch two to three games beginning to end. Except you don't watch them live. No, I don't watch them live.
Starting point is 00:07:07 Because I travel on Sundays. I'm always flying home from somewhere. So then you guys get on a group text and you start going, fucking bills. and then I can't watch that game because I can't know how it ends and still watch the game.
Starting point is 00:07:22 That's all you listeners. It's a fun friend to have in the group like, stop, stop, stop, no spoilers. The game's over like four hours ago. It's ridiculous. Yeah, but don't you want to watch, don't you want to record so you can zip through the commercials and the halftime and all that?
Starting point is 00:07:38 My sweet spot is starting the game with like a half hour to go or like catching up to it. Yes, exactly. I'll usually do, you know, it allows you to do the catch up with highlights. And I'll do that unless I can sense something crazy happen and then I'll go into the game and watch it. But yeah, no, the commercials are unbearable. Well, that guy, that guy, Jim Mattress Mac in Houston, you know, every year he makes a $2 million bet on the Super Bowl.
Starting point is 00:08:08 And then if you're a customer of his and he wins, everybody gets a refund. I think from the whole year. Wow. This year he picked the Patriots, which means... That's a cool gimmick. Two million will get him $4 million because it's double. It's plus $200 is the line. And it's also...
Starting point is 00:08:33 Pat's are Seattle's favorite four and a half points. Guess with the under-over is? No, no, wait, wait. He's not going to double us. He's not going to win $4 million. It's one to one probably, right? No. We're horrible at this, but especially you're plus.
Starting point is 00:08:49 It's plus 200, which means if you bet 100, you get 200. Oh, my God. I think people's heads are exploding. If you bet two million, he'll get four million. I think people's heads are exploding, listening to you say this. No, plus 200. You double your bet. All right, hold on.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Ready? I'm going to do this. I'm going to tell you right now. Here's bet MGM. Here's bet MGM. How much do you want me to bet on them? $2 million, just say $200. By the way, right now,
Starting point is 00:09:18 Patriots are plus $100. Oh, really? Yeah. That changed. I think is there an injury? $10. So look, this is exactly what I just said. $10 bet on the plus $100 pays $20.
Starting point is 00:09:38 That means I've doubled. I don't win 20. I win 10. Oh, because you've already given them the 10? Yes. Okay. So anyway, whatever. Get this. I'm at Penmar and then this old man who I don't know and he's walking with a cane. But like sporty, he has his running shoes and his sweats on.
Starting point is 00:10:03 I don't know. Maybe he's injured. So he has a cane. And then all of a sudden, Gubbins goes, you want to split a box? This guy sells boxes. I'm like, what are we talking about? So anyway, all of a sudden, the next thing I know, I'm good for 50 bucks. in a box that I don't think I'll ever see. But he's doing something interesting, which you should do on the boxes when you have a Super Bowl party.
Starting point is 00:10:30 You know how it's like quarter, quarter, half, quarter, or quarter, or quarter, half, third quarter game. His is every score a box pays. Oh. But they don't pay as much, but that's way more exciting. Yeah, but then you've got to divide the amount of payments from the pot based on how many scores there's going to be. But you're so good with numbers as we just learned. You would do that in seconds. This would be the youngest quarterback in history.
Starting point is 00:11:00 If Drake May wins, he will be the youngest quarterback to win a Super Bowl in history. Pat's just some facts. Pat's were four and 13 last season. I don't know if that's the biggest shift. from bad to good in history as well. It's the first Super Bowl in NFL history in which both starting quarterbacks, May and Darnold,
Starting point is 00:11:28 and both head coaches, are in either their first or second season with their teams. Wow. That's kind of interesting. They're also the two best, well, I think Seattle's ranked the number one defense in the league and the paths are like number four in the league? I mean, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:11:49 I think New England's going to win. You want to bet? Sure. Okay. Right now, whatever the line is at the time, but right now it's four and a half. Yeah, it's still four and a half. All right.
Starting point is 00:12:01 I'm going to take Seattle, you take the Pats. You owe me $10 from paddle tennis yesterday. I do owe you, 10. Oh, I meant to pay that. So why don't we take that 10 and let her ride. Bet that?
Starting point is 00:12:19 Okay. Yeah. Wait till I try to set up boxes for these 80 and 90-year-olds in Palm. I guess I'm going to start. That'll be interesting. Meanwhile, that's what I'm going to see. I'm going to see a bunch of millionaires who are like, how much is the box?
Starting point is 00:12:34 20? Like, you know, like, you know, that'll happen. Right. So I guess we should give a shout out to Bert. Kreiser who's been just showering us with love lately. Yeah. Unbelievable. I'm going to play a clip right now. This is
Starting point is 00:12:50 Burt last week on the Joe Rogan experience. Just you know, showing us love. Hopefully this will be, you can hear this but we'll... Greg, you know when people go like, what kind of music you listen to? And you talk to a real musician, like you talk to the black keys, right?
Starting point is 00:13:07 And then you go, like, what do you guys listen to? They're like, have you heard of the velvet thud or something? Right, right. They've got some obscure rap. And they're like, that's what you need to listen to. When people say, I listen to Sunday papers. That's Fitzsimmons and Gibbons podcast. I go, you're real comedy fans.
Starting point is 00:13:22 Those are the two funniest human beings alive. Ever, Greg Fitzsimmons, when I got ready for lucky, I brought him on the road with me. I was like, dude, I trust you. Just tell me where I'm sloppy. Tell me where I'm lazy. So, I mean, it could not get higher praise from Bert that we are, you know, the podcast to listen to. and then he I don't think Rogan has any clue who I am
Starting point is 00:13:48 The best one he was like Yeah yeah Greg's funny Now I talk to him about you all the time Because we do the podcast for three hours But then we go shoot pool For another three hours So it's a six hour day And he and I talk
Starting point is 00:14:07 We talk about everybody How is he not trying to kill himself in the gym during that time or plunging in a cold plunge. Now, he's already done that that morning. I don't know how he, and then shoots archery and then, you know, what's amazing. He hasn't been on the road in a year because his daughters are. Well, his daughters are at that age where he wants to be around and he basically, he does spots in his club Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
Starting point is 00:14:33 And then the whole weekend, he's just like family guy. Wow. Well, family guy, but then spending eight hours with whatever's, podcast guest is, but I guess that all fits in. Well, that's during the day. Yes, kids are in school. What do you want to fucking sit outside the schoolyard? So I was on there last week and it was great. I had a lot of, it's so funny, I get mail from people, DMs or whatever, like, hey man, how come you're not pushing back on Rogan? You know, because we have different politics, but we just don't talk politics. And it's like,
Starting point is 00:15:08 all right, should I, do I have a duty for the country to push back against someone whose politics might be different than mine? Do you do that at work? Do you go up to coworkers and dig in with them at a board meeting in front of everybody? Because that's what you're asking me to do. Well, also pushback implies you've been pushed. Right. And that didn't happen when you were on there. No, I spoke about ICE.
Starting point is 00:15:37 I was very vocal about how I feel about ICE and that they are stomping all over the First Amendment, that they're taking pictures of people and showing up at their houses and taking their TSA and security, stripping that away just because they were protests. So there was a couple of things that I, you know, I don't hold my tongue. It just didn't come up. And I wasn't going to bring it up. Yeah, I got you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:05 Well, apparently it went very well, man. love you in the comments, which is I was expecting the worst because the people that go in the Joe Rogan comments are very, very Joe Rogan. And I think they love shit talking about people that don't agree with their, you know, views. And there was none of that. Everyone just, it was, it was nice. You know what it was? And I'm not kidding. It was like a, it was a big picture thing that views you as one of the best guests he has. Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:39 There was a lot of that. I'm afraid to for that reason. I know. Nice to hear. I know. I wasn't afraid. I wanted to see you torn apart in there in hilarious ways that made that made no sense. To your credit, that would make no sense.
Starting point is 00:16:51 But there weren't. People were like always one of the best, you know, that, those type of comments. That's awesome. Also, we had a nice comment from, I, somebody wrote it. I thought it must have just happened. But you had to go back and find it. So I looked it up. You told me to look it up this morning.
Starting point is 00:17:06 talking about on Spade and Carvey? Yeah, their podcast. Fly on the Wall podcast, I found it. So what happened was he recorded that the day after we recorded his cooking podcast with him. Bird Kreischer. And Bert was very tickled by my take on Frankenstein. And he didn't convey it right. So it's not even worth it.
Starting point is 00:17:26 But he basically just said how funny we are. And it's amazing. He's so generous with that and telling those guys. And Spade knows who I, because he asked you know, and I was Spade's head writer. for a while and I know Dave and so do you obviously and so anyway he was tickled by the Frankenstein thing was like when he finally gets on the ship and the monsters chasing him and like tearing apart and killing all the men outside he then the doctor tells the longest story that
Starting point is 00:17:51 begins with his child and my whole take was the captain was like yeah yeah right so listen can you jump to the end where there is an unstoppable beast killing all my men outside can you just get to that part yes I got it you're my you were a precocious child So that, I guess, destroyed Bert. And we were on a roll with it so he conveyed that to them. But this is the problem. Neither Spade or Garvey has seen Frankenstein. Bert didn't set it up like even half as well as I did.
Starting point is 00:18:22 I just set it up, which wasn't that great. And they're just like, oh, okay, I guess it was funny. That's funny. Yeah. By the way, you missed a nice beach night last night. We went to watch the sunset. You were invited. It was,
Starting point is 00:18:36 I saw the sunset from here. It was great. Me and Aaron and Tom and then Tom's nephew. It was an amazing sunset. And it was beautiful. I was just so pissed off. I forgot to bring my bathing suit. The water was packed with people,
Starting point is 00:18:50 even though I'm sure it's freezing. Tons of surfers, tons of people on the sand, and played Frisbee. They all had a bunch of drinks. And then we went over to Mao's kitchen for dinner. So eat that the rest of America who's in sleep and ice and 15 degrees. Yeah, I put out a little video and I don't know if people are hearing about it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:20 Jim Norton on the podcast this week. I interviewed him yesterday. He was insane. He's so fucking funny. His special, Jim Norton special is as good as any special he's ever done. He just shoots it real simple at the comedy seller. The whole special starts with him mid-joke. It couldn't be more dressed down.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Oh, that's interesting. But, I mean, you really forget he is as good as anybody at stand-up comedy. He is so fucking boil down and tight. Every word counts. And he's got a point of view. Every comic talks about you have to have a point of view. Jim Norton was born with a point of view. He's so locked.
Starting point is 00:20:03 into his attitude. It's amazing. I remember when he started, and this is probably very unfair of me to say, but I was like kind of going to clubs because of you and everything and the cellar, I lived two blocks away. So I'd see comedy like four nights a week or something.
Starting point is 00:20:20 And I was at HBO and so I'd work with a lot of them too. But I remember Norton being like, it was the exact time where everyone was challenged by they would unconsciously do a tell's rhythm and voice. It was like, I imagine the height of the jazz scene when all of a sudden, whether it's mild or something, like there's no shaking it. Like, it's such a heavy influence. We all sounded like a tell. I sounded like a tell. It was such a heavy new way and you would fall in a way. And I found that Norton was really under that spell and not trying to be. And so I was
Starting point is 00:21:01 always like a little like oh you know he's a god this sounds awful because he's so great but i was like oh he's like a good version of a tell like that's how i viewed him early on he then found and latched into his own voice and reinforced his pov and became so strong and then i went to a thing that bert got roasted it was a whitney cummings thing i think it was on only fans and it was here at the comedy store i could not believe how funny jim norton was roasting Bert where, and that's one where it's like, that in a weird way is a challenge because Bert is so easy to roast and there's so much low-hanging fruit that I was planning on not being that impressed.
Starting point is 00:21:44 He found ways to make it smart and clever. And if you can go find that, I was blown away by Norton especially. Yeah, no, we talked about it on the podcast. I said, you know, you were one of those guys that took a minute, you know, like as Gaff again started blowing up and Geraldo was blowing. up and Sarah Silverman. Like he was the guy that took a little bit longer. I said, and then like,
Starting point is 00:22:08 I don't know if it was Opie and Anthony or a tough crowd with Colin Quinn, but his confidence shot up and he just didn't give a fuck anymore. And he said basically what he did was he started noticing what the comics were laughing at when he was on stage. And he realized that's
Starting point is 00:22:23 the stuff that he was saying that he was embarrassed about and vulnerable about and that he just started leaning into that and he never looked back. Oh, that's really interesting. Yeah. What's this about Macy's? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:22:37 All right. We have to cover this story. I'm going to do it next week. Because I don't have it here. I just have a reminder, jotted down. This thing came across my feed. And apparently this was more common than we think. The legendary Macy's on 34th Street, after closing, would bring down their Doberman
Starting point is 00:22:55 pinchers, which lived in the penthouse. And they slept all day and this. And they were incredibly trained. and they were watchdogs, guard dogs. And in Macy's, the Doberman Pinchers had free reign. And nothing was ever robbed from Macy's on 34th Street. And it went until like the 80s or something like that. What about Elf though?
Starting point is 00:23:18 Will Ferrer was running around. He built a whole Christmas village. I know. Post dogs, I'm telling you. And I don't know where they went to the bathroom. But all I know is, especially, especially the type of people I have in mind in New York who would go in to try to rob Macy's after dark.
Starting point is 00:23:36 They are not going in once they hear that Doberman Pinschers are roaming the place. That's amazing. I think that's incredible. And then the other thing I want to just mention is, have you and Aaron watched Secret Mall apartment yet on Netflix? No. Secret Mall apartment is a documentary.
Starting point is 00:23:55 I guess it was in theaters a year ago. Jesse Eisenberg or whatever his name is. I'm impressed. He's one of the producers. Anyway, especially if you are in creative fields or you love stories about artists and you can like relate. Because I really related because I had friends like these people. So I won't tell you what it's about. Just go watch Secret Mall apartment on Netflix.
Starting point is 00:24:24 It gets, and you should know, it gets more and more inspiring as it goes on. Right, so we are telling you the viewer to watch it and we'll talk about it next week. And you know we're always true to that. Well, you just have to watch it. I'll probably watch part of it again on the plane. I'm flying, yeah, flying in Florida tomorrow. But see, no, but you'll be, and it's a time where I'm like, I really have a high bar and feeling inspired these days.
Starting point is 00:24:52 And this kind of did it. And it's about the little guy. So it's inspiring across a couple of levels. There's kind of big messages in there that they do not even intend or beat you over the head with. But you take away, like, especially little guy against big corporations and just that feeling in America now. It's fantastic. All right. I got a bone to pick with you.
Starting point is 00:25:18 We got a message from Paul Laquacy who did not get the cozy. I know, but I got a new message from him. Oh. He did not receive the coozy. so he's not giving us the $500 for Rocky Laporte, who is in very bad shape. So you cost Rocky $500. Come on.
Starting point is 00:25:38 He heard our podcast. I mailed it to Port Jefferson. It doesn't matter. You didn't ask me for the right address. I would have given it to you. You have Pollock on Port Jeff and then the zip code, and then I had to Google it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:54 How about ask him, might, I'll send two cruisies to Porte's, to Port Jefferson, God damn it. There we go. Oh, you mean three. Yeah, I'll send them two now. I have to see how many I have left. I'll send them two. I also asked people who commented in YouTube and stuff, I go, I'll make it right.
Starting point is 00:26:14 I go, just hit me up on Venmo again. I don't want anyone losing $10, even though it is kind of a running joke. I did get a lot returned to me, which we showed on the podcast one time. The logo this week comes from Bowles McLean. Is that really his name, Bowles? I like, that's a good name.
Starting point is 00:26:33 A B.M. It's us in front of the Melania movie. His initials are BM and one of the words is bowl. And one of them is clean. Oh. So we're in front of the Melania documentary, which apparently, you know, you just see the spin both sides put on shit. All week, there was these screenshots. of empty theaters, no tickets sold,
Starting point is 00:26:58 and then it ends up making $7 or $8 million, which like set some records for good ticket sales. So, you know, just everybody relax. And now everybody who started watching the Michelle Obama documentary to blow hers out of the water on Netflix. Yeah, you know what? I don't want to watch the Michelle Obama documentary.
Starting point is 00:27:19 You wonder what I want to watch? I want to watch Michelle Obama and her husband do fucking something. Where are they? I don't know. Where are the Democratic leaders during this shit show? I know where his daughter is.
Starting point is 00:27:35 I can tell you that. Okay, tell us. Well, a friend of a friend knows a guy she's dating. Oh. And I got to check with him how much we can get into it. I'll check and then we'll get back on that.
Starting point is 00:27:49 Is this the one that transferred from Michigan to USC? All right, yeah. I mean, that's the thing. We can't start talking about it. No, wait a minute. I literally, I literally have no idea what you're talking about. All I know is I went to my niece's graduation at USC and Michelle and Barack are there.
Starting point is 00:28:05 Oh, okay. Corrections. Lee says, Mike, I want my money back in an hour and 40 minutes. Oh, boy. Train dreams. Saw it in the theater. Ungrounded, unreal, overact itself indulgent. California pats itself on the back for courageously stating that emotions are,
Starting point is 00:28:24 real immigrants are good the environment is worth preserving and women are strong real powerful stuff thanks again lee that's interest so i've only seen it once none of what you wrote i saw in the movie so maybe i have such a blind spot i literally this is if you ask me what is train dreams about the most beautifully framed pictures of rivers and trees I didn't get any of that, so I guess I owe it to you to see it again. I also haven't seen it, but I don't know that these are all negative things. Emotions are real. Why does California pat it?
Starting point is 00:29:08 Wait, I, man, I'm this stupid. He traveled a lot. Was this set in California? But emotions should be real. Immigrants are good? Yeah. Yes. illegal immigration
Starting point is 00:29:22 to the extent that it's happened in the last few years was negative. But you can't say immigrants are not good. No, no. He or she is saying this is all super obvious stuff everyone should agree with.
Starting point is 00:29:38 Why is it worth patting yourself on the back for having that? Got it. All right. Moses James says God, and women are strong. God, I saw it about a man with the worst luck ever and how you go through life with the worst tragedies happening to you. Greg, the word is pronounced golf with an O, not golf with an A.
Starting point is 00:30:04 I've heard that. I say golf instead of golf. Gandalf. I say forehead. I say forehead instead of forehead. Yeah. Edgar is. Wait, what about when you have a bad dream?
Starting point is 00:30:19 Nightmare? Yeah. You and Bert do that. Nightmare. Ray Jepson said Edgar Allen Poe is from Boston, but he died in Baltimore. Okay. I did not know he was from Boston. That's correcting me, I think.
Starting point is 00:30:36 That's news to me. Dates coming up, I'll be in Philadelphia. Helium Comedy Club, that's February 13th through 15. Come on down for the Valentine's weekend. Washington, Kentucky, February 19 through 21, Houston, February 26 through 28, Dallas, Fort Worth, March, March 6th, and 7th. And then we got our St. Patrick's Day show at the Hollywood Improv. That's March 17th. Gibbons will be performing on that. I don't think, but all right, let's just keep going. Then we got Janesville, Bakersfield, Escondito, Boston just announced coming up this spring.
Starting point is 00:31:15 Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. We also want to talk about It's kind of great This episode is sponsored by Kalshi The largest prediction market In the U.S. I'm going to do it I'm doing it for the Super Bowl
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Starting point is 00:31:44 It's more like buying stock. So if you think something will happen, you buy a yes contract. If you think it won't, you buy a no contract. And then I did it for the Australian Open when Alcarez was playing against some Russian guy, I forget his name. But Alcarus was up two sets. Then he got a leg cramp and was dragging his foot.
Starting point is 00:32:11 Did you see this match? I can't talk about it because I also used Kalshi and, and, you know, Didn't, my predictions didn't come true. Well, mine almost didn't. And it was very excited. And it was fun as hell, though. You can do it across the country, including California and Texas, which you can't do with a lot of different sites. Download the CalShe app and use code papers to get $10 when you trade $10.
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Starting point is 00:34:21 And I, too, use a sponsor. I go on Kalshi and I predict against your erections. So it all ties in. There you go. Let's get the paper crinkling. It's time for the front page. Here we go. Front page.
Starting point is 00:34:34 The Washington Post is laying off a third of its workers across all departments, scaling back foreign news, covering and shutting down some sections of the paper. The executive producer announced layoffs on a Zoom call. They will restructure local news, fire editors, close the books department, shrink the number of journalists overseas. In a letter to the newsroom shared with CBS News, Murray wrote that the restructuring plans are intended to, quote, place the Washington Post on a stronger footing
Starting point is 00:35:08 and better position the paper in a rapidly changing era of new technologies and evolving user habits and to protect his friend. It's fucking Mark Bezos, bought the company. Jeff Bezos. I was confusing with Mark Zuckerberg. And basically is taking a liberal media outlet
Starting point is 00:35:33 and getting rid of it. Well, listen, I can understand the cutbacks. These are very slow news days. What are they going to write about? Right, right. Yeah. How about the Amazon owns this newspaper and they're closing the books department. Like, you would think you would at least corrupt the books department to just push books, but we all know it's not really a bookstore anymore.
Starting point is 00:36:04 What, Amazon? Yeah. Yeah. No, it started. It did. It did. It started as a bookstore. I forgot about that.
Starting point is 00:36:10 Amazon, that's all they did. Oh, Bezos is actually. wife, listen, there's probably a lot of problems that I'm unaware of. I don't know a lot about her. What I do know about her is she earned whatever she walked away with. Like she was a award-winning author, and then she was in that garage or wherever they cooked up Amazon.com, and she was really there for the creating of it and everything. And also, I think she gives away a lot of her money.
Starting point is 00:36:41 People always say that And then you look at that they gave a billion dollars away And then you see, oh, they're worth $63 billion. Well, compare it to what Jeff gives away. I think she's slaughtering him. I know. An Olive Garden employee died. She should buy the Washington Post and beef it up.
Starting point is 00:37:00 That would be a great move. That would be a cool move. And Olive Garden employee died from burn injuries. He suffered after thrusting his head. Oh, this is your story. Oh, yeah, man. Olive Guard employee died from Burdage. This is an interesting injury.
Starting point is 00:37:15 He suffered after thrusting his head into a deep friar in what police have categorized as a suicide attempt. Yeah, I think it's a safe categorization. The harrowing incident occurred Friday afternoon at the Williamsport, Pennsylvania restaurant where the decedent, oh no, worked as a cook. Police and emergency workers arrived at the restaurant around 4 p.m. in response to the 911 calls about an employee removing his clothes and attempting to harm himself.
Starting point is 00:37:44 In audio from the... I guess he didn't want to get oil stains on his clothes. In audio from the fire department dispatcher has heard saying, I don't have a lot of details. A lot of people screaming, some kind of burn victim. In a subsequent dispatch,
Starting point is 00:37:59 the operator added that a male victim went head first into the friars. Oh I mean, is it bobbing for chicken parm? What is happening in that kitchen? Well, it doesn't say it, but I'm guessing this guy was Italian, like from Italy Italian, and he walked in thinking he was working in an Italian restaurant. And the day he was in the walk-in freezer and realized the shrimp from the shrimp scampi
Starting point is 00:38:28 was the same meat as the lobster and the lobster ravioli and the chicken parmesan. I think he just went, can't a tank. Where's the fucking deepa friar? I'll have the five cheese Zidi ala suicidio, please. It says here, you forgot to read this last part. He was laid to rest in an open casket with a side of marinera. He just packed in there with breadsticks. Unlimited, by the way. Unlimited breadsticks. Just packed in there tightly. He, by the way, everyone who is in the Olive Garden kitchen is like, wait a minute, I did not know that was an option.
Starting point is 00:39:11 I did. You should put that in the manual, the employee manual. Well, I think they made a higher counter between the kitchen and the dining room to keep the diners from running in and ducking their heads in a deep friar after the meal. It's a tell you. Yeah, it's also family style. Do they have big friars so whole families can dunk their heads in them? Melinda Gates, speaking of wives of billionaires, who are now billionaires themselves,
Starting point is 00:39:43 spoke out for the first time since the release of Epstein files that contain mentions of her husband Bill Gates. Oh, yeah. In an interview, she said she felt unbelievable sadness about her ex-husband's name mentioned in the new batch. Whatever questions remain there for those people, and for even my ex-husband, they need to answer those things, not me. And I am so happy to be away from all the muck that was in there.
Starting point is 00:40:09 Epstein wrote of his relationship with Gates, quote, in my role as his right hand, I had been asked on multiple occasions. I think Gates' right hand was pretty busy doing something else. I had been asked on multiple occasions, and in hindsight wrongly acquiesced into participating in things that have ranged from the morally inappropriate to the ethically unsound and have been repeatedly asked
Starting point is 00:40:33 to do other things that get near and potentially over the line into the illegal. Epstein described those activities as, quote, helping bill to get drugs in order to deal with consequences of sex with Russian girls
Starting point is 00:40:48 to facilitating his illicitress with married women to being asked to provide Adderall. Well, yeah, you would need a little Adderall to keep up with all of this. Okay. Who knew the smart? One of the smartest guys on our planet is so unresourceful. It's like, hey, Bill, change the world by creating a Windows-like user experience with this new thing called a personal computer.
Starting point is 00:41:16 And he's like, no problem. Also, it's going to take a bit. Can you round up some Adderall? Wait. How would I possibly get Adderall like every high school kid in America does? How does that happen? Yeah, I need to, better to ask a guy who's running an international pedophile ring to get me a almost over-the-counter drug. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:42 And so, and now, like, apparently he spread STDs with his wife. So Melinda apparently needed antivirus for her laptop and her lap. Yeah. And when you get the Adderall, You're like, Jeff, like, are these a dead kids out or all? He's like, I will, you know, need to know basis, Bill. He's like, okay, all right, I got it. I won't ask anymore, thanks.
Starting point is 00:42:08 Yeah, and the, by the way, you'd think paying a woman 50 billion and alimony buys her shutting the fuck up? You think you can manage that? The best was that, yeah, that detail where he then, from what I've heard, Bill was seeking advice on how to slip, surreptitiously slip Melinda antibiotics, so she wouldn't know she was infected. Meanwhile, I can't believe Bill Gates is having that much sex with his wife. Yeah. I wouldn't guess that. Not only based on his island stuff, but, you know, he goes away on his little reading
Starting point is 00:42:52 retreats all the time. He's super nerd. They're old. They've been married forever. Yeah, it's interesting, but I don't know when this happened, though. Yeah, well, she's also really, really old for him. She's over 14, so. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:43:10 Time for the ethical question. Here we go. All right, it's my week to do it. I'm going to ask you this. Mike, you have a cheating friend. You are friends with him and his wife. Do you have a responsibility? to let the wife know that he is cheating on her.
Starting point is 00:43:31 Right. We've touched on this. And last week had a similar, or maybe two weeks. Anyway, yeah, that's a really tough one. You know, the virtuous answer is yes. Thank God. I mean, if you said, no, I was going to go, thank God. I'm asking for a friend.
Starting point is 00:43:51 Right. But I think you talk to your buddy, right? I guess and be like, what's the plan? Yeah, yeah. Do you give him an ultimatum like you tell her I will? Also, you know, I shouldn't say this, but I would, I hate admitting it, but I would factor in what, like, is this a one-time thing when he was on vacation or whatever with a meaningless, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. No, because ultimately you're protecting her from something.
Starting point is 00:44:29 I mean, again, the right answer is that you intervene no matter what it is. But good question, yeah. And it's also hard for me because it applies to every one of my friends. You know what's funny? I've got a lot of communicating to do with these wives. I don't know any friends that cheat on their wives. I mean, there's a kind, no, there's a couple comedians I know that stuff. step out on the road a little bit.
Starting point is 00:44:57 But my non-comedian friends, I can't think of one that cheats on his wife. Oh, no. We don't know a single, like, first of all, the whole thing is so baffling. When you're, if you're juggling, if you have a relationship on the side, like, I can't even imagine. I don't have the bandwidth. Yeah. Like, and the people with two families, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Then you need two phones.
Starting point is 00:45:25 Charles Carralt on the road. Yeah, he was on the road quite a lot. Yeah. All right. The other thing I want to talk about is, and, you know, thank you guys because our numbers are up. We have started getting advertising again, and we're happy to share some of these great companies with you. Let's talk about sleep because, I mean, how your temperature is while you're sleeping. They say you want to stay cool.
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Starting point is 00:46:33 I don't get a lot of odors on my sheets. I don't either, but I like fewer wash cycles. But I want to know a little thing. I'm going to get these because one thing I do, I, after, like, I guess it's like a week, I have a king-sized bed. The other side, not used at all. Yep, not to boast.
Starting point is 00:46:53 But, and then I'll go start. start sleeping on that side for the next week. It's like you're cheating on yourself. Yeah. And I slip into fresh crisp sheets, but these have silver in them. I am, I'm getting them. I got them. They sent, you didn't get your free sample?
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Starting point is 00:48:00 slash papers, code papers, and you save so much, I think they owe you money at the end. Thanks to Miracle made for sponsoring this episode. All right, let's get to some entertainment. There you go, buddy. What a story. Turning Point USA is staging a rival counter-programming event
Starting point is 00:48:21 titled All-American Half-Time Show. It was launched in response to the NFL selection of Puerto Rican artist Bad Bunny as the official headliner, which drew criticism from conservative figures, I guess, because Bad Bunny's not American, even though Puerto Rico is American. And we have in the past had the Stones from England, McCartney from England, YouTube from Ireland, Coldplay from the U. UK, Shanaya Twain from Canada, Phil Collins, I don't know what year that, that was a slow year for the Super Bowl. But here's their artists. Phil Collins was in the Super Bowl, I guess.
Starting point is 00:49:06 Don't remember it. But here's who they got. Here's the, here is the fucking treasure trove of big name act. Kid Rock, okay, is, they're got to be tired of Kid Rock. He's at everything. I know. then they got country artists.
Starting point is 00:49:22 Have you heard of any of these people, Brantley, Gilbert, Lee Bryce, or Gabby Barrett? I've heard the name Lee Bryce. But you can't miss it because it's going to stream on Rumble channels. It'll be on Real America's Voice, One America News Network, and Daily Wire Plus. So, I mean, you're not going to be able to turn around without seeing Brantley Gilbert and Lee Bryce.
Starting point is 00:49:48 What's the plus in Daily Wire? it's plus misinformation. Yeah. So, yeah, they're very upset about this. They're very upset about the halftime show. This? Did you see the bad bunny reaction at the, you know, the Grammys, apparently an infuriated Trump,
Starting point is 00:50:04 if you can believe all the reports of that? But I would like to know, I would like to translate what he's saying as he's saying it and stuff. Although, I doubt he'll say anything at the Super Bowl. He's just going to sing his hits. And those songs are gigantic. Well, they're also bringing up Green Day, and they have been very outspoken against, I think. Wait, you see, I haven't read anything about it. Are they really bringing up Green Day?
Starting point is 00:50:28 Yeah, they're going to open. And then there's a bunch of really cool cameos that are coming up. Brandy Carlisle. With Bad Bunny. With Bad Bunny. Wow. Who else? There's like two or three other acts that are coming up who are pretty big name, pretty interesting musicians. Let's make America, Florida.
Starting point is 00:50:52 Here we go. I'm trying to keep this thing moving because I know you got a heart out. Yeah, you might cross the finish line without me. Make America, Florida. This was emailed to us by Greg. Thank you, Greg. Florida Republican gubernatorial candidate James Fishback said Monday. He joined the dating app Tinder to meet young female voters in the state.
Starting point is 00:51:18 Fishback, who's 31, wrote on the social platform X that he joined. Tinder, quote, to meet young female voters where they are, which is in their parents' house, and share my plan to make it easier for them to get married by a home and raise a family. He also shared a screenshot of his Tinder profile in which he said his hottest take is that Florida should offer paid maternity leave to all moms. Oh man, he's trying to get in the daughter's pants and the mom's pants with this line of BS. Half an hour later, fish, Fishback wrote on X that he, quote, ran out of likes and asked for donations so he could subscribe to Tinder Plus, which gives users unlimited likes and ability to see who has liked their profile. Fishback is an investor and a hedge fund manager who's running in the GOP primary to succeed Desantis.
Starting point is 00:52:17 And then Broward County School District, it turns out, has. cut ties with fishback in 2022 following allegations. He had an inappropriate relationship with a 17-year-old student when he was 27. Again, he just met her where she was, which was at her parents' house. He met her where she was at a Girl Scout jamboree. Yeah. Wow. So this guy is a hedge fund manager that can't afford the money to subscribe to Tinder Plus?
Starting point is 00:52:48 This is the resourcefulness that I'd be voting for. This guy who can't figure out on his own how to get up to the X level of the dating app. And how do you also get, how do you run out of likes? Is that like I ran out of fucks? I imagine, yeah. I know I imagine it's like, yeah, you probably get five a month or something like that. Oh, my God. Good for you.
Starting point is 00:53:16 And he smoked right through them. Let's make Florida. This is also sent it. Let's make America Philly again. Okay. Matt sent this into us, which is very sweet. And he said, my hometown made the news just outside of Philly. So here we go, Matt.
Starting point is 00:53:34 Here's your story. Officers from the Norristown Police Department were called to the intersection of Stainbridge and West Derry streets in the morning of February 4th after receiving reports of a naked man. standing in the way of traffic. According to police, a man not wearing any clothing was seen vandalizing a parked car and hitting cars that were passing, which was creating a dangerous environment for the community. So officers were already there, and while they were on the scene, checking it out. Another marked police car was then captured on camera, entering the scene and smashing into the naked man. The video has since gone viral.
Starting point is 00:54:16 video captured the moments when the naked man was hit by the police car while standing in that intersection. The man was seen in the video flying several feet before falling to the ground. Once on the ground officers surrounded him were able to restrain him before giving him medical attention. The officer driving the car was immediately given three medals for how great he handled the scene. Now the officer was placed on administrative leave, but he probably won't receive an award, I imagine. Wait, did he hit the guy on purpose? I don't think so, but I don't know. I'll say this, and this might sound racist. If this happened at night, there's no way this would have happened to your typical Philly Irish guy because you would have seen his pasty white body. This might have
Starting point is 00:55:05 been a black man. Oh, all right. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's saved by whiteness again with the police. but oh my god what a scene imagine that cop on administrative leave now too like just the vision of the black guy naked oh you put in my head it's a black guy a naked guy flying through the air like head over heels that you just smashed into and the video is going viral
Starting point is 00:55:33 the best are the people who post that like yeah this has to be shared yeah All right, let's cut down to, I think we're going to get to this day in history. All right, here we go, this day in history. Let's do it. Let's keep it tight. All right, I have to find it. We're on, we are a Chrome podcast now.
Starting point is 00:55:58 All right, here we go. Got to admit, didn't really have a lot of time to look through it. You ready? Hank Aaron was born on this day in one year, give or take five years. 1927 1934 Did I miss? I just missed
Starting point is 00:56:18 Okay Why wouldn't you have done I like hearing you I thought you're going to think out loud on this one Well we don't have time You have some kind of hard out today I do I have a Zoom All right how about this
Starting point is 00:56:30 When was the famous Famous Super Bowl Where the Patriots Down 25 points Came back and beat the Atlanta Falcons give or take two years, what year did Tom Brady and the Patriots beat the Falcons with the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history? 2018. Man, 2017.
Starting point is 00:56:57 Nice. Very cool. Let's see. Would you know when? Jake Lamata, the Bronx Bull, handed Sugar Ray Robinson, his first. defeat, give or take. I'm going to give you 10 years on that one. 1949.
Starting point is 00:57:18 43. All right. I mean, I was just thinking about Raging Bull, and it was shot, wasn't it in black and white? No, no, because it had that red blood showing. But it looked, yeah, it looked like
Starting point is 00:57:34 the 50s, so I figured it had to be in the 40s. All right, you're a literary fan. Let me see if there's a more fun one. Oh, how about this one? Before we get to that, what year did Jay Leno host his last episode of the Tonight Show before handing it over to Conan O'Brien, give or take two years. What year was that? No, that's a tough one.
Starting point is 00:58:00 2016? I guess you got it. 2014. Nice. Okay, you like, I know you like Bob Marley? Bob Marley. was born on this day in what year, give or take, four years? 1937.
Starting point is 00:58:17 Oh, dude, 45. Oof. Did you give me 10 years? Huh? How many years did you give me? I think he gave you four years. Yeah, I didn't get it. Julius Caesar's forces deliver the final blow against supporters of Pompeii
Starting point is 00:58:35 in the great battle of Thapsis. Give or take 400 years. When was this final blow? The year 200 AD. You did it, buddy. 46 BC. Nice. You were off by 250 years, but you still got it with the window I gave you.
Starting point is 00:59:00 All right, we're moving on. All right, let's get down to no letters to the editor. Apparently, we didn't get any comments. on our YouTube channel, Mike, I guess. Oh. That might be where you, you know, jump in and grab a couple. No obituary. Nobody big died this year that we know of, right?
Starting point is 00:59:24 Hold on. I think I didn't lose me. I didn't disappear. Did I from the screen? No. Oh, good. Wow, that was, I thought I did. Sorry, what happened?
Starting point is 00:59:33 YouTube comments? No. Yeah, you didn't pull any YouTube comments. No, but I went and I answered everybody. Oh, well, that's good. Yeah. I don't see any celebrity deaths. I'm checking right now.
Starting point is 00:59:47 I don't think. Nobody be... Oh, Catherine O'Hara, what are we saying? Oh, man. You know, we didn't cover that last week. Maybe we did. Well, listen, I don't think we did. But, no, that's a big one.
Starting point is 01:00:02 You know, we should talk about it next week. All right. Let's talk about it next week. Because she was extraordinary. Yes. Okay. Let's get down. to the funnies.
Starting point is 01:00:11 Let's do it. Here we go. Prankle time. All right. Comedy caption contest last week. The frame was a bald gentleman in the bathroom looking in the mirror. He looks very unhappy. He's got a brush in his hand.
Starting point is 01:00:29 Tim McCain said, I like my chances. That's a good one. That's my tagline when I did a Rogaine commercial back in the 90s. That's a great callback. Rich Butchko said Fabio's reincarnation after a sinful life. A lot to think about there. Reincarnation, okay. What about he just let it go?
Starting point is 01:00:49 Is Fabio dead? No. Saw him at a restaurant about six years ago. Okay, that means he's alive now. Will Hansen said, well, he was eating healthy. He had a salad. Will Hansen said, yes, I may be losing my hair, but I've managed to retain my youthful acne,
Starting point is 01:01:06 which is an old joke. These guys know your sets really well. This is very cute. Bruce Wise, who does a lot of our artwork, said, old Josh was feeling the suck. His hairstyle, a sad friar tuck. He looked in the mirror, and it couldn't be clear. Without cash, he would never get fucked.
Starting point is 01:01:26 That's impressive. That's pretty impressive. It sounds like chat GPT, just saying. Oh. I'm not kidding. I'm not. I'm kidding. Uh, Kurt said, I'm not balding.
Starting point is 01:01:38 I'm just becoming more aerodynamic. I think it says Kurt, because I think that's a famous line from Kurt Vonnegut. Oh, really? Yeah, I think. Okay. Sean from Ontario said, oh boy,
Starting point is 01:01:51 I look like George Costanza, fuck Danny DeVito then had an abortion. Fuck you, Rougain. Wow, went to, the first part was nice. It came hard. Right up the middle, right down the gut,
Starting point is 01:02:02 as Joe Buck likes to say. I mean, it's short and sweet. I like, I like my chances. Okay, Tim McCain, congratulations. You win a coozy. What's left of them?
Starting point is 01:02:14 This is going to be the final weeks of the coosies, according to Mike, does not a lot left. Honorable mention to Bruce Wise, by the way, for the limerick. Next week's comic caption is, there's a gentleman who looks like me in a doorway, and there's a dog on the carpet shitting. and there's a Sunday papers frame picture on the wall.
Starting point is 01:02:42 I like this. This is homemade. Yes. So there's pee and poop on the carpet in a really ransack type place. Your little poster is askew. The sofa's been beat up. And let's say that's me.
Starting point is 01:02:56 That's me in the doorway. 100% you. That's my dog. Yeah. Okay. Let's get to the pros. Hager is in his living room. His daughter is sitting on a chair.
Starting point is 01:03:06 There's a gentleman playing music. He's one of those, like, Carnival guys, who's got the bass drum on his foot, a guitar, a harmonica, and he's clanging a drum with his elbow. Then what's his name, walks in, who just plays a lute? And he goes, what does he have that I don't? And Hager goes, isn't it obvious? So Hager allows men to court his daughter.
Starting point is 01:03:36 Does that seem Viking-like? It almost seems like a king with a jester, and he's letting the jester do his best, I guess? Yeah. That's what I see. It just seems to me that Hager would have an axe and a sword and would be decapitating anybody trying to, let's be honest, grape his daughter,
Starting point is 01:03:57 because there's no lovemaking back then. All right, I've hit my heart out. I'll end on the onion, the onions, the onion's a picture of Trump. And it says Trump scolds female reporter for being adult. So I like that one. All right, I guess I got to keep this window open somehow. Yeah, keep it open. Don't fuck up.
Starting point is 01:04:21 I'll try not to fuck up. All right. I'm promoting secret mall apartment and take it ish. Take it each to you. And then I'll finish it out. I'll do one lock horns. Leroy and Loretta are at the table. She's ladling out some stew, and then she goes, what do you mean?
Starting point is 01:04:42 When? I haven't even started serving yet. So he said when, like, stop. That's funny. Blondie is sitting down reading a newspaper with her back to Dagwood Bumstead, which is how she should always be positioned. He's sitting there. I love it.
Starting point is 01:05:00 Feet up on the Hasick, hands in the pocket. Just the ultimate beta posturing. And he goes, so what's for dinner, sweetheart? She goes, you can have your choice, honey, macaroni or cheese. And he goes, somebody must have had a long day. She goes, somebody sure did. Really? Well, if she did, Dagwood, get your fucking hands out of your pocket and go make some goddamn macaroni and cheese for the family.
Starting point is 01:05:26 You're a mid-level manager who's constantly in threat of being fired. You haven't hit a bonus in 26 years. Make the fucking macaroni and cheese. And then maybe you can get a little piece of her. All right. I don't know why Mike couldn't have stayed the extra 30 seconds, but that's the end of the show. We're going to remind our listeners to support our sponsors.
Starting point is 01:05:50 That would mean a lot to us. Go to Cashy and you're going to get $10. Use code papers. Kalshi, I'm sorry. Use code papers and get $10 when you trade $10. Blue Choo. You're going to go to bluechew. and use code papers and get 10% off.
Starting point is 01:06:09 And then finally, we have Miracle Made. And the site is try miracle.com slash papers. Get 40% off plus another 20% off. All right. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you, Gotham podcast for producing. And we'll catch you guys next time. God bless America.
Starting point is 01:06:39 This week

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