Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 301 2/15/26

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Starting point is 00:00:27 Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. You might be tempted to let Taco Bell's new Lux value menu go to your head. Because 10 indulgences for $5 or less makes you feel fancy. Like you might think you need cloth napkins. Well, you don't. Just use the ones that come in the bag. Don't let the Lux go to your head. Greg's got audio issues.

Starting point is 00:00:59 Here we go. Read all about it. Read all about it. We're an open book. Share your audio issues. All right. So I've got a little bit of an echo. That's nice.

Starting point is 00:01:10 fine because I'm used to my wife repeating everything I say, but that's with an echo of sort of incredulity and sarcasm. Well, when you went off to try to find another headphone and you called it Jack, because I thought it was it all the way. Anyway, I go, I've just been in Florida for a week of my dad. I told Matt that this feels very familiar. It feels very similar, talking to my dad about tech stuff. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:39 Yeah. You're not the most tech savvy. One of the originators of the podcast. I told you, yes, the originators. And if you get it right, do you think that Orville and Wilbur Wright would be driving 18 gear, four pound bicycles today? No, they'd have a giant front wheel. I think they'd know how to melt butter for popcorn. I think they get the rudimentary stuff.

Starting point is 00:02:10 stuff in. Yeah. Okay. So I, here's my mom's technological, uh, expertise. She says to me one day, I bought her a plane ticket to come out and visit. And she goes, well, can you send it to me through the intercom? Yeah. Yeah. Carlton, this is your door man. Yeah. Exactly. So, uh, all right, So now we're uploading on this. All right, good. Google it, kids. All right. What show did I just quote?

Starting point is 00:02:45 So we're up and running. It's the day after Valentine's Day when you hear this. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. And a lot more winter coming. What's, oh my God, both girls have been frozen in the Northeast. Olivia came down and joined me in Florida. Does either one of them have a date for Valentine's Day?

Starting point is 00:03:08 Sophie is in Guatemala now. What? That's how much the cold drove her out. It's her first vacation on her new big job that she started during the summer. And she's in Guatemala and Nicaragua, I think she's going. Did she get one of those free one-way flights from ice? You're right. She was probably on there with a lot of, maybe they're happening.

Starting point is 00:03:38 people now leaving the country. I don't know. I'll tell you what. We have a housekeeper and she's like, I'm out of here. She's like, I'm moving back. She's like, Guatemala is beautiful. She goes, I didn't have a lot of money, but it beats being here. This is really, this is an unhappy way to live. And I guess that's the whole point. Did you do Guatemala? Do I recall you doing? No, I only just did volcanoes. Oh, no, we did Costa Rica, Mexico, and, uh, Chile. Got it.

Starting point is 00:04:11 But Owen went to Guatemala last year. He spent like two months there. He loved it. Got it. Yeah, it's Nicaragua and Guatemala. So today, as we're recording, always full disclosure on the podcast. We let you know when we are recording. Today is the 12th.

Starting point is 00:04:31 It's Thursday. And I'm about to leave tomorrow morning for Philadelphia, so I will miss Valentine's Day with my wife. But in lieu of it, tonight, I will be going and playing poker with the guys in the neighborhood. Good for you. Yeah. She just loves when I come home and I've lost money. It's just, it's romantic.

Starting point is 00:04:59 It's like you did spend the romantic dinner and flowers money. It did get spent this week. Yes, and I will probably eat some chocolate. There'll be chocolate, marijuana, gummies or something, so it'll be romantic. Yeah, you'd probably pay to see a couple of pair of ladies in your hand. There's a guy who is hosting, and I won't say, you know him very well, but he's hosting the game.

Starting point is 00:05:26 And there's been a running joke for 15 years that whenever we play poker at his house, that we're each going to fuck his wife. Oh. Yeah. And it's a running joke that she has no idea we've been making for 15 years. It's always about like, you know, I'll be there a little bit late, but I'll leave the back door open and just let me know I'm there.

Starting point is 00:05:50 Like, oh, I just said her name. All right. Nobody needs to know that. You're on a first name basis. It's all fun in games. It's all a joke till it's not a joke. Then it gets interesting. You're not a poker player.

Starting point is 00:06:10 are you? It makes me uncomfortable lying to my friends. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm not very good. I'm not good. I'd probably overthink it also and all that stuff. Yeah, I don't know. I don't really have that much fun playing poker. Have you ever played strip poker? I have. But just, but it's solitaire. And it kind of, it's a nice icebreaker for me over here. But I, but it's not like I don't like gambling. I'm, as you know, quite good at backgammon. And so I will take people's money in backgammon. Yeah, I like playing backgammon. My niece, who lives down in San Diego, this is so cool.

Starting point is 00:06:55 She works from home. She's had this work from home job for the last two years. And, you know, she moved to San Diego. I didn't know anybody and then ends up with a work from home job. And so to meet people, she's like, she's kind of a bar fly. And she started a chess club at the local bar near her house. And it fucking blew up. And now it's got like a huge social media page.

Starting point is 00:07:22 And SeaWorld now pays her to host it one night week at SeaWorld. And now she's got like 100 friends. Yeah. Well, that's the difference. That's the cool thing about back. I mean, when I say I'm pretty good. I'm right up to the level of being able to, which I cannot do this. Look at the board, and I think they're called Pips,

Starting point is 00:07:47 but it's how many, I don't know what you'd call it, how many roles it takes to get off the table at the minimum or whatever. It's how many spaces you are from getting every one of your players off the table. So you can just look. So you can count to 12. That's amazing. No, no, no. Oh, no, it's usually over, when you start doing it, it's up towards 100.

Starting point is 00:08:09 And they can look and know almost instantly. Never mind they know the odds of getting hit and hitting and coming back in the board. They know that that's like just they don't have to think about it. Yeah, my brother-in-law is from Iran and the Persians are very big on backgammon. And he fucking, you think it's a game of chance until you play somebody who's really good and you lose every time. And you're like, how is this happening? Well, that's because you're particularly bad. But that's what I was just going to say.

Starting point is 00:08:44 The difference between chess and backgammon is they say, if you're an average, like you kind of know your stuff, you could play the world champion. And I think you would win three out of ten. In backgammon. In backgammon, two or three out of ten. That's if you're not making stupid moves. And chess, you could play 4,000 times you're not going to win once. Right. And also with backgam, it's about the betting, getting cubed.

Starting point is 00:09:13 You know, the really good players know when to cube you. Well, that's the counting. That's when they're like, oh, you're, it takes you 70. Even though you look like your, the boards can be really whatever. We don't have to go. The boards can look deceiving. You could feel you're ahead. But if I'm on the spectrum and I can count enough, I realize you're actually 76 like slots to get off. And I'm 74. And so I'll take the cube that you give me. because I think you've made a mistake. Got it.

Starting point is 00:09:39 Wow. Speaking of gambling, you lost money to me. You owe me 20 bucks from the Super Bowl. Okay. We're going to let her ride on a bet later on in this podcast. All right. We're going to get to that later.

Starting point is 00:09:53 But it was a complete bust of a Super Bowl. It was so unenjoyable to watch that game. And the halftime show, I mean, it's so funny that. that a thing that used to, somebody sent me a clip of the 1956 halftime show. Did you see that clip? Yeah, yeah, Corey, marching bands.

Starting point is 00:10:16 It's not even. It was like six women with those twirlers. They were twirlers. And it used to be something that you did. While everybody went and took a shit and went on a beer run, you know, they had something to kill time. And now you've got people that are starting investigations about bad bunny. It's insanity.

Starting point is 00:10:39 I love the halftime show. And then the more I learn about it, just like such a cool planned story, you know, everything, and that he used the real people. And he used the real woman, the real woman from Brooklyn, I think it is. And then the L.A. Taco Stand, he featured. And then he made sure to put her a street address, like on the building in the stadium. So anyway, there was just really cool things about it. Well, I thought that the counter-programming, the Kid Rock Show, really was amazing. And it got, I think the Super Bowl had like 300 million viewers worldwide, and he got three million.

Starting point is 00:11:27 And I thought to make this fun, they should have had both concerts, you know, because one side is all Puerto Rican and the other side is all redneck. have them on opposite sides of the field and have it be like West Side Story where they fight each other. I read a great tweet, which was the same people who felt they needed their own halftime show are the same type of people who felt they needed

Starting point is 00:11:53 their own water fountain back in the day. That's fantastic. Yeah. But it was, what's his name, Lost? The Houston Furniture Guy we talked about last week. he put four million down on the Patriots. Yeah. Here was my, my dad decided to have people over.

Starting point is 00:12:15 He hosted. Oh, he said, he said basically you, you were fishing to get invited to a party and you ended up hosting it yourself. Well, I'm like, why don't we go to one of your fancy clubs or like, we went to a really fancy club. Right. So I fished for that. He's like, all of a sudden, and like, he's like, okay, yeah, yeah, we'll find a party. next thing was an email to all these like ancient guys that my dad's going to have them over so this was it one team here's six old men in a room it it looks like it's like this is like a meeting are we going to buy the patriots

Starting point is 00:12:53 that's what that looks like so then Olivia then my dad kept going like because they were so old one arrived Oh, he's not there yet. One guy then arrived in a wheelchair, and he was a, he's a former congressman from Minnesota. And so he arrived a little late. So I think he missed that my dad introduced Olivia, his granddaughter's there. But then my dad started really using her as help because the guys didn't want to get up. A lot of them have canes to walk over to get the food, which is like, I don't know, seven feet away. And so he'd be like, Olivia, just pick up that tray, just pass it.

Starting point is 00:13:32 I offer everybody more pigs in a blanket. And then every time she did, they would take it. I thought they'd be like, oh, we're fine. The other guy gets in late. Doesn't hear the intro that Olivia is his granddaughter. So he's like, Mike, Mike, can you have your girl bring around those, bring around the vegetables again? Can you have your girl bring around the vegetables again? The help.

Starting point is 00:13:53 Yeah. Well, I remember we were on that, probably in that same room. Remember on Easter when the girls were little? Have the picture of all of our kids bartending. And it was... He always put some to work, I guess. Yeah, they were all, they all had on bunny ears, and they were serving the cocktails when they were like nine years old.

Starting point is 00:14:13 That's a little playboy club. Yeah. Yeah. Before dark. Yeah. Oh, my God. Are we going to talk it all about Upscenes Island? I didn't see any stories in our news feed about it.

Starting point is 00:14:25 Well, Bondi's going to start, because that was just such a travesty, so we're taping this on Thursday. Yeah. All right. How about I try to liven up. So Greg has a football pool with all the boxes, right, or whatever that's called. Squares. Yeah. Two minutes and 30 seconds left.

Starting point is 00:14:43 I have the winning box. I'm going to pull in 200 or something like that. And I then offer to sell my winning square. And I did not get generous offers at all. Well, you wanted $175 to win $200. and there was like four minutes left in the game. No, I just said there's less than two and a half minutes. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:15:09 And it's over. It's totally over. And then no one would buy it. No, but then I lowered it a few times. And then I thought, well, why wouldn't someone just take a quick $70? Of course, I was thinking someone might score also. But, and then a useless six points was added. And that was it.

Starting point is 00:15:28 well my my brother-in-law a different brother-in-law uh would have won remember that touchdown that got called back oh yeah all right if that had gone through he would have won fifty thousand dollars oh man but to take a sting out of it the 200 that you lost my sister won which is her his wife right right oh man what a what was what was that he was that he was that he was in. They do. I think the boxes are $1,000

Starting point is 00:16:04 each. Jeez. And yeah. And they, and they're, these are not rich guys. These are like, he's a construction worker. And his friends are,

Starting point is 00:16:13 you know, mostly blue collar, but, uh, they pony up for this fucking pool. It's crazy. And the crazy thing is, who's holding the hundred thousand in cash or in a Venmo?

Starting point is 00:16:26 Or I don't know how the actual, dispersing of the money happens, but there's got to be some tax ramifications at some point. Yeah, especially when he takes out $100,000 and quickly places a bet on if someone will say a certain word during a congressional hearing. Yeah. And then what else do we got? Oh, while I was down there, a good thing.

Starting point is 00:16:51 I think it was Pete Scott who may be recommended it to us. But I watched the documentary with my dad and Olivia, miracle. It's the documentary on the 1980 team. The hockey team. And it really did not go for the waterworks, like, the hard strings, but it kind of did. But the best part was my dad was, my dad and I, of course, I knew would be fascinated because I remember where I was when that happened with him. And Olivia, though, was very into it. They really did.

Starting point is 00:17:22 One thing they did very well was just reinforce what a David and Goliath it was. like it was incredible and how blue collar and middle class at best middle class the players for America were. Mike Arruzioni. Captain, man, they, you see, man, you see his upbringing and how many people lived in the house with him. It was incredible. But didn't Russia win every single Olympics for like 20 years before that? You know what I didn't know is we won, I think, in 1960 or something like that.

Starting point is 00:17:57 I didn't know we ever did. But they were the absolute best. It was the best gold tender on the planet. And just their players were so, so elite. And when you saw the scores coming up, and they also wiped Madison's Square Garden with us two months or a month earlier. Oh, an exhibition game? Yeah, which I had forgotten about.

Starting point is 00:18:20 Okay. But they, I mean, Olivia literally like at one point goes, holy shit. when she saw their run up to our game, it was like 16 to 2, 18, like it was crazy. Wow. Yeah, I remember there was a movie, was it called Victory or Miracle on Ice? Was it Miracle on Ice?

Starting point is 00:18:41 Kerrussle. Yeah, that was, that was a tearjerker. That was pretty powerful. But Mike Rizzioni was a BU player, wasn't it? Four of them. Four of them were BU players. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:54 Including Craig. the goal is who won everybody's hearts. Jim Craig? Yep, and two of them had just lost parents. Huh. I know, no, dude, and it's only 90 minutes. That's a good thing. All right, all right.

Starting point is 00:19:14 What's going on with this newscaster's mom who got kidnapped? I know. We're not doing that story, but I have, I mean, that's the thing. People can't believe how little they know. I've never seen the FBI's on it so I'm sure they're going to wrap it up real fast. Will they even, will they even try to catch them? No, I think if the kidnapper's smart and he knows the FBI is in charge of this, he will go to Epstein's Island and just lay low because it's the last place they're investigating.

Starting point is 00:19:47 Exactly. They should just send memos. I did it to Pam Bondi and then they'll never be found. They'll redact it. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. By the way, shout out to Tim Dillon did an episode about the Epstein Files that just came out a couple days ago.

Starting point is 00:20:09 That is so fucking. Tim Dillon is like otherworldly as a podcaster. He is so powerful and so well-spoken. He just starts screaming and gets on a rant. And like I'm worried for him. Like, does he know where he's going? It doesn't matter. He always gets there.

Starting point is 00:20:28 He always gets there. And this one is really good. He's like a preacher. It's really good. All right. Let's get to the logo this week is from Jane, who has been a very prolific logo designer for us. And this is from planes, trains, and automobiles,

Starting point is 00:20:47 apropos of nothing, except I was going through an old file. We're low on songs and logos. I mean, somebody please do a wish. Winter Olympics logo for us. And we have only a couple songs left. So get behind your keyboards, your guitars, crank us out some new music. It only has to be 30 seconds.

Starting point is 00:21:08 And it doesn't need to be more than one or two instruments. Or acapella. We've had acapella before. Probably doesn't even have to be 30, does it? 15. Could we have a jingle? I guess we should call them jingos. Jing, maybe with an L.

Starting point is 00:21:26 Jingles. Right, right, right. Yeah. What's jingo? Was that a... That's one of those words that I knew. I was a game. It was a game that we used to play in the 70s. Are you serious?

Starting point is 00:21:39 Yeah, it was called jingo. That might be bingo. Nope. It was called jingo. A jingo is a vociferous supporter of policy favoring war. Jingoisms. Yeah. That's what I mean. I literally knew it since probably high school.

Starting point is 00:21:59 And that's one of those words where I'm like, oh, I've lost touch with that word in my brain. Yeah. Jingoism. Jingo is a game. Jingo is a. Jenga? It's a, no, jingo.

Starting point is 00:22:11 It's a stacking tower game. It's like. That's jenga. No, it's like checkers and you slide them down into slots. It's called jingo. Oh, okay. Anyway, that'll be in corrections next week, and I'll say you're wrong. I was right.

Starting point is 00:22:33 The song this week, I should shout out. Ray Manslanka, who does amazing work for us. Thank you. He's been on fire in the last six months. Sorry, Ray. Greg has not sent me the song yet, so I haven't heard it, but boy, am I going to enjoy it when I get it? I'm a little off this week. I'm in the middle of 10 weeks on the road, and I'm starting to burn out a race.

Starting point is 00:22:55 Jesus. I'm not sick, though, which I'm very, I got those drops you told me to use to keep you from getting sick. Oh, the iodine nose drops. Iodine nose drops. I started on them today. We don't need any corrections about them. Maybe they work, but it sounds like they're going to be a placebo for you, at least. That is probably effective. Well, it is stamped on the side of the box when I got it from Amazon, not tested by the. the FDA in any way. Right. But I mean, it is iodine. It is proved to on contact kill things.

Starting point is 00:23:34 I don't know the percentage of iodine. Blah, blah, blah. I hope you don't get sick. All right. A couple corrections. Bill Gates. This is from Tim Dilley, who is a rabid corrector of us.

Starting point is 00:23:46 All right. Bill Gates never emailed Jeffrey Epstein about getting antibiotics. Epstein strangely emailed himself. Yeah, that was a lot of these were like self-emails. Huh. It was referring to some speculated that he was trying to set up some kind of blackmail situation. Oh, that's from Toby. That's from Toby.

Starting point is 00:24:07 Thank you. Tim Dilley says, first, come on, Raging Bull was in black and white, not color. Of course. I could have sworn I saw a lot of blood, but I guess not. You do, and it's very vivid, but it's still not red. Next, please tell your colleague, Mr. Michael Gibbons, he owes me two hours of my life back. On a flight to Hawaii this past week, I downloaded train dreams for the flight. I was sitting in the exit row next to the emergency door.

Starting point is 00:24:38 I must have glanced at that door three or four times trying to determine if jumping out the door. Okay, we get it. We get it. All right. So let me break down what this was. This is Tim. and a guy so privileged he's flying back from Hawaii in an exit row and he is watching the squalor and the struggling of this frontier guy,

Starting point is 00:25:03 Lager, who has all the worst luck in the world. And I guess it was a little unrelatable to Tim. That's what I'm guessing. Who still had to lay around his neck. Yeah, when you're drinking a Mai Tai, You want to see Elvis Presley movies. You want to see, you know, stuff with Beach Boy soundtracks. When you have flip-flops and shorts in an exit row on a plane

Starting point is 00:25:29 and you're on your fourth drink being served to you by an attractive flight attendant who's put a lay on your head already, not the time to fire up train dreams. Now, already your sun hat, you're having trouble with sunhack because the back of the brim is hitting the seat rest. Exactly. You are feeling sadder than the characters in train dreams just because the kid's pushing his feet against your chair behind you. That's your struggle.

Starting point is 00:25:58 RFM said, Mike got something wrong with the Leno this day in history. He asked when Leno left and Conan took over. He said 2016, but the last year of Leno's appearance was before leaving. Oh, I probably did, yeah. Oh, yeah, but Leno left on. And then nine.

Starting point is 00:26:16 Yeah. No, I know Conan took over until, because you want to know the funny thing. So I was on Lopez tonight. Lopez tonight was on TBS. They were trying to break into the late night game. And it was, you know, good for them. Like Fox had tried it in decades before. But they were going to try to do it.

Starting point is 00:26:31 So they got Lopez and we were on, let's, I think it was at 11. And then Conan got displaced by Leno. Didn't they? They moved to 10 o'clock. Yeah, but then he got moved later by Leno, right? I think originally. I think so. Anyway, we don't have to belabor it.

Starting point is 00:26:57 Conan took over from Leno. It stayed at 1130. Then when they brought Leno back, they moved it to 10 o'clock. And then eventually back to 1130. They moved him. And the big thing was Conan was the victim of this getting, he was moved. because of the money making decisions by the network and all that stuff and by another late night host, Lennah, who got in there.

Starting point is 00:27:21 So what happens? Conan leaves NBC. He comes to TBS and we're at 11. He pushes us to midnight and he takes over 11. That's right. That's what happened. Yeah. No, I mean, wah.

Starting point is 00:27:37 I'm sorry, Conan. Wea. I never got why people got so upset about that. It's like they put him in at 1130 on NBC. He didn't get ratings. They fired him. That's it. That's all that happened.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Yeah. I love Conan, but he had this like army of followers who made like the, you know, the Obama hope poster. And they put Conan's face in there and kind of made him like this figure. And he was like kind of the underdog. But boy, if you look at underdog standards, he didn't, he didn't check a lot of those boxes. No, Harvard dying. Yeah. Oh, no, but also his kill penalty out of his deal was $40 million.

Starting point is 00:28:20 I forget what, it was crazy. Right. By the way, on Lopez tonight, did Kate Schellenbach work on that show? Oh, yeah, definitely. Okay, so we both knew Kate from the Ellen show, where she started as a researcher, I think left as a producer, and then she was a producer on Lopez. And then I brought her over to James Corden. And she had a great great role. Well, I mean, I'm one of the people, but I like, I put her name in the hat in the, hat in the ring.

Starting point is 00:28:48 God, I can't get. I'm mixing all my metaphors today. So there's this, I'm just bringing it up because there's this really good documentary about, it's not even a documentary. It's the Beastie Boys. I think it might be on Apple TV. I'm not sure. But it's, the remain, Adam Yao died. And then the remaining two guys, Mike D.

Starting point is 00:29:10 Adam Horowitz do this sort of like, it's almost like a one-man show with the two of them on stage at a theater in New York and they have a big screen behind them and they play video clips and they show stills and they basically tell the history of the Beastie Boys. And they get very, very much into the Kate Schellenbach story where she was the original drummer for the band back when they were a punk band just coming up. And then she played with them when they first started doing hip-hop. and then they signed with, here's the crazy thing. The Beastie Boys were 16 years old, skipping school and hanging around an NYU students dorm room. Rick Rubin. Rick Rubin. It was crazy. Oh, sorry, did I just step on your story? No, I mean, it's fine.

Starting point is 00:30:04 But we're like a comedy team, you know, we're like Martin Lewis. I thought you were forgetting it was. Sorry. But it was just so crazy because it's Rick Rubin, the Beastie Boys. And then they are basically Russell Simmons' third client as a music manager. You know, he had like a couple of the original rappers from the Bronx. And then somehow, I can't remember how they met him. But he kind of, it was just crazy.

Starting point is 00:30:39 Ad Rock was in his dorm room and all these demos were coming in and as the story goes he goes well listen to those tell me if you like any of them and apparently he is the one that held up LL Cool J and said this is good

Starting point is 00:30:55 oh really yeah and Rick Ruben signed him anyway so Kate Kate got fired because when when he came on board as their manager Russell Simmons, he said she does not fit the brand of the band

Starting point is 00:31:14 because he kind of saw them as break. They were going to break through MTV. They were going to play colleges. They were going to be frat guy. And they didn't want a lesbian woman in the band. So, and they regret it to this day. They often talk about it. Oh, man, you could tell that documentary,

Starting point is 00:31:30 I mean, that section, which is a lot on her. Oh, you saw it? Yeah, it's really like a love letter to her. Yeah, it is. It's like, and kind of an apology. Yes, very much so. And I read their memoir, and they got into it in the memoir as well. Anyway, speaking of apologizing, I am sorry to my wife because I will be in Philadelphia this weekend at the Helium Comedy Club.

Starting point is 00:31:55 Tonight, when you hear this, it'll be February 15th. It'll be my last show in Philly next week in Lexington, Kentucky. Then I'll be in Houston, Fort Worth. We got the St. Patty's Day show at the L.A. Improv, March 6th. 17th, Janesville, Wisconsin, Bakersfield, Escondido, Boston, go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets, come hang out. By the way, it's a little preview of this day in history. What year do you think Yauk died?

Starting point is 00:32:26 Longer ago than I thought. I think he died in like 2012. He did. Yeah. That's, that is so long ago. It feels so recent. I know. know, I know. And they haven't played together since. Man. Want to give a shout out also to our new

Starting point is 00:32:47 production company, Gotham Productions out of NYC, Times Square, right in the heart of it. Thank you. You guys are doing a great job. And let's also talk about the people that pay us money so we can keep the lights on. It is Miracle Maid. Sheets. You ever wake up in the middle of night? Mike, I don't know if you run hot or cold. I run cold. I need sheets that keep me cozy.

Starting point is 00:33:16 And yet my wife, who's six inches from me, gets very hot at night. So she needs sheets that adjust to her menopause. I wish some astronauts could have developed something that could have helped. Like NASA technology? Yeah. Like silver-infused fabric that regulates body temperature and also gets rid. It prevents. up to 99.7% of bacterial growth.

Starting point is 00:33:42 How often you clean your sheets, Mike? I'm never cleaning them anymore. That's right. I'm going to the moon in my sheets. I've told you my little depressing situation. I'll, I have a cleaning woman comes here once every two weeks, right? Sometimes at the end of one, week one, I'll be like, time to switch to the other side of the bed.

Starting point is 00:34:05 And I got fresh sheets. I have fresh sheets. untouched. The blanket hasn't even been lifted off. I got fluffy pillows. I just go over to that side. It's a whole new room. That's my lonely life. Well, what's very sad is, God forbid, you do bring a woman home. She's in the dirty side, right? Yo, I'm like, no, don't go over there. It's like when you see beds like in Colonial Williamsburg, they're all in a room. They're behind a rope. Like, no, no, no, no. Don't sit on or lean on that bed. That's display only.

Starting point is 00:34:37 Anyway, traditional sheets hold on all this bacteria like a toilet seat. And these sheets, I'm going to tell you something. I got mine in the mail about three weeks ago. We've used them every week. It feels like you're in the four seasons. Like it feels like the highest thread count, smooth, breathable, soft, luxurious. And for a price that you cannot believe, especially when you hear about this insane discount that you're going to get with us.

Starting point is 00:35:08 Upgrade your sleep with Miracle Made. Go to try miracle.com slash papers and use code papers to claim your free three-piece towel set and save over 40% off. That's try miracle.com slash papers. Code papers at checkout htttps, colon, forward slash, forward slash. Do you have to still say that?

Starting point is 00:35:36 Just keep going. article.com slash papers. You'd use code papers. All right. Let's get to the front page. All right. I think I got this. There we go. Oh, man, attorney, first of all, let's lead it off. Well, Attorney General Pam Bondi repeatedly shouted at Democrats during a combative hearing in which she postured herself as the Republican president's chief protector. So the best was the Onion headline this morning was, this is all they had a right. Pam Bondi thought that went pretty well. And they show her sitting there looking over. And she probably does. But she is just not dealing in reality. Besieged by questions over Epstein Bondi aggressively pivoted in an

Starting point is 00:36:28 extraordinary speech in which she mocked her Democratic questioners and praised Trump over the performance of the stock market. Did you see that exchange? No. At one point, they're like, well, she's like, there's no like wrongdoing. And then the senator shows, the Congress shows the wrongdoing and goes, so are you going to prosecute on this? And she goes, why are we even?

Starting point is 00:36:56 Do you see where the stock market is? Why isn't the focus? It's like, what? Why is the? Yeah, I'm sure the abuse victims are cheered up quite. a bit when they heard that NASDAQ spiked above 22,000. I mean, the attorney general all of a sudden just pivots into talking about the stock market.

Starting point is 00:37:16 Yeah. So then she goes, you sit here and attack the president and I'm not going to have it. I am not going to put up with it. Translation, I am not going to do my job, which right now is to answer questions. And I'm also not going to do it in general where my job is to not conceal evidence and to pursue crimes. I will not put up with any of that. I'm in her opening remarks. Bondi told Epstein victims to come forward to law enforcement with any information about their abuse and said she was deeply sorry for what they had suffered, but she refused to turn and face the victims when

Starting point is 00:37:51 she was asked to do so and apologize for what Trump's Justice Department has put them through. She accused the Democrat of theatrics for asking her to just make eye contact with them and recognize them. In fairness, Bondi then did say, she didn't want to see the woman, is they're no longer that attractive in their way past their prime? Oh, my God. They're old hags. She didn't want to look at them.

Starting point is 00:38:15 Yeah. But I'm sure these, uh, uh, oh yeah, there you go. Right. Um, all right, wait, wait, did you is this what you wrote in there? Uh, if she got, oh, oh, yeah. Now, like, she got so angry at the people asking.

Starting point is 00:38:32 her questions. It was like seething. Like you can't imagine that she could have a husband or relationships with friends. And I thought, if she got this upset at the men who committed pedophilia, we might be making some progress.

Starting point is 00:38:49 Oops, we're off the algorithm. Oh yeah. I just said pedophilia. We're no longer getting paid. That's how fucked up this country is right now that we are being financial. Penalized for questioning why pedophiles are not facing justice when their names are sitting in the documents, where the government is blacking out the names of guilty pedophiles.

Starting point is 00:39:19 And when we mention it, we are financially penalized. That's where we're at right now. If I redacted you, could I get paid for this podcast? Nope. Oh, right. I control the purse strings, as you've noticed over the last year. Block out your face. Yeah, I have not gotten restitution in quite a while.

Starting point is 00:39:41 I didn't know who owed money at the end of 2025. That's how good times are. Hey, we should teach you, while are we going to teach a class in starting your own business. You could do accounting if you want, but you might find some surprises. Oh, my God. Thank God for these NASA sheets. Oh, I know, right? All right. Next story, Israeli soldiers are accused of using

Starting point is 00:40:05 Polymarket to bet on strikes. One of the reservists and a civilian were indicted. By the way, they were indicted. Shin Bet said. So I'm reading this story and I see Shin Bet. I'm like, oh, that's the name of their polymarket. No, shin bet is the betting, is the name of the country's internal security agency. Ah.

Starting point is 00:40:28 Maybe change the name when they're looking at it. to the Polymarket scandal. So Polymarket lets people place bets to forecast the direction of events. They wager on everything from the size of an interest rate cut to the winner of the League of Legends video game tournaments to the number of times

Starting point is 00:40:43 Elon Musk will tweet in the third week of February. I'd like to bet on that. The arrest followed reports of a series of Polymarket bets last year when a user correctly predicted the timeline around the 12-day war between

Starting point is 00:41:00 Israel and Iran. And that one to me seems easy. That's like, can you bet on who's buried in Grant's tomb? Or when was the Battle of 1812, the War of 1812? Right. That one's the 12-day war between Israel and Iran. I think I would have gotten that right also. I just wanted to point out one thing.

Starting point is 00:41:18 I was on Rogan last week. And somebody was talking about, like they were showing like a tweet from somebody. And they were talking about Jews and they had a picture of a juice box. And I go, why is juice box like, because you can't say Jews or you get flag? I go, why is there a picture of a juice box? Oh, yeah. It took me like 30 seconds ago. Oh, juice box.

Starting point is 00:41:50 Nice. Yeah. Yeah, it's like when we're supposed to say grape. Again, a juice box could cover that for us. The accounting question raked in more than 150 grand in winnings. before going dormant for six months. It resumed trading last month, betting on when Israel would strike Iran. In recent months, the market has been hit with repeated controversies about insider trading.

Starting point is 00:42:17 People bet on when Maduro was going to be, and then there was a winner there, like when he was going to be ousted. Someone bet the day before. Among the questions with the highest trade volume on polymarket currently is when Washington will carry out military action against Iran. The current trading volume is $238 million. So here's our bet, Greg. The market sees better than even odds. It's at 53% probability that the U.S. will strike before the end of June. What do you think?

Starting point is 00:42:51 Well, it is bombing season. Us attack. Oh, okay. I mean, this is a romantic time of the year to, you know, throw down missiles on. poor people in brown countries. So I'm going to say yes. I'm going to say before the end of June, we rain down terror on Iran. Okay. I was going to say the same thing. So let's find our date. What about before the end of May? I'll take that. Huh. What about before the end of April? I think it's next week because these, this Epstein thing is heating up and there's only so many times

Starting point is 00:43:30 you can say you're going to invade Greenland before you have to actually strike somebody. Okay, here it is. You're ready? There is a bet, and there's more than $12 million on this, that we will attack Iran or strike Iran before February 28th. They think it's a 16% probability. But I kind of, I would make that bet. You want to make it.

Starting point is 00:43:51 So why don't I give you two to one odds? We'll let the 20 ride I owe you. geez, I owe you 20 right now? Yeah. So I'd owe you another, I'd owe you 60 if I lose this bet. No, that's not good odds. 16% you should be paying me seven or eight times my money. Then I'll take the bet.

Starting point is 00:44:16 Fine, I'll take the bet. I think we're going to attack before February 28th. Okay. So if you lose, if we don't attack by February 28th. Well, now you have to give me odds. People don't want to listen to this. We're going to handle this off air. I'm going to handle it off air.

Starting point is 00:44:30 That's the bet we're going to make. Okay. How about this? Will Jislane Maxwell get pardoned? Would you take that bet? Nope. So you think she will get pardoned? Well, here's the weird thing.

Starting point is 00:44:45 She wants exoneration from the guy she's going to rat out. But the main reason she won't get it, although I think that is the main reason. But the main reason she won't get it is because she's a very, consistently lied under oath. So there's no value to what she says because it can be so discounted by the other side. Yes. All right. Second bet.

Starting point is 00:45:11 Bill Clinton is about to go into an open door session. He is going to testify on camera about his involvement with Epstein. Do you think he will incriminate himself or Trump when he does it? well, he's smart enough not to, he won't incriminate himself, but will he, will he get sort of cornered? Well, all right, let's say this. Will he incriminate Trump in any way? Well, that's a tough bet to make. But basically with the Clintons, who both graduated Yale Law School, what they, the chess game they were playing is by, first of all, they wanted it in the open. But now I think, I think I might have this right. By purposefully going in contempt first, I think, they trigger discovery.

Starting point is 00:46:02 And that's what they wanted to do because Trump would be under that discovery also. Oh, interesting. Okay. Right. I might have some of that wrong, but I do know the goal was triggering discovery process. Because Tim Dillon's whole rant was about how, you know, Hillary, all she ever wanted, in her life was to be president and that she doesn't give a fuck

Starting point is 00:46:25 about her grandkids and she doesn't give a fuck that her husband's cheating on her every other week. She just wanted to and now that that's not going to happen, she's got nothing left but a final desperate shot at Trump. That's the only thing that'll bring her any validation. So they're

Starting point is 00:46:41 willing to take the shot. Another thing she wanted was to order pizza for her staff, which the right turned into Pizza Gate and accuse them of a child sex ring out of a pizza store, a basement of a pizza store in D.C. The store, of course, not having a basement at all. And the poor guy, I think was driven out of business. But now, and I don't know how much we can believe of this, but, man, if you can believe the amount of times the word pizza comes up in the Epstein files, which is actually a fact,

Starting point is 00:47:13 but they might be like fake emails, I don't even know. But it, in fact, is a crime. It, in fact, is a code word for exactly what they were saying, but it's these guys on the right. Well, now it's becoming some kind of... Or Epstein friends. I shouldn't say guys on the right, but just horrible people affiliated with Epstein. Well, now there's a flex going on

Starting point is 00:47:36 among comedians about who's in the Epstein files. Like Whitney Cummings is in the Epstein files. And I think it's Louis J. Gomez. They said they were going to go see her perform in Palm Beach. As so like Epstein was planning on going to see her perform in Palm Beach, Florida at the improv. And I think it was the same thing. I think it was like whatever comics were touring through Palm Beach ended up in the Epstein files. He must have thought she was a lot younger.

Starting point is 00:48:07 Right. Yeah. All right. Let's get to Switzerland. Here we go. Switzerland is going to. vote on or might vote on capping its population at 10 million people. Propomenance of the initiative led by the anti-immigration Swiss people's party that has

Starting point is 00:48:29 the most seats in parliament have tallied enough petition signatures to put the issue on national ballots June 14th. Passage could trigger a new showdown with the rich Alpine country's European neighbors. The Federal Statistics Office said Switzerland had 9.1 million people as of the end of the third quarter of 25. Their proposal would make a law that both Swiss citizens and foreigners with residency papers must not exceed 10 million before 2050. If the population reaches 9.5 million before then, the government would take steps such as asylum, family reunification, residency permits, and a bunch of other measures.

Starting point is 00:49:12 Family reunification, that sounds like such a nice way of kicking somebody the fuck out of your country. going to reunite you with your family. They would also start randomly killing people. I think that's what they would do there to keep it under. Like once they hit 9.5. Yeah. But listen, Switzerland, here's why you're not getting more sympathy. I thought about this.

Starting point is 00:49:34 Every picture we see of Switzerland, it is a gigantic landscape with cows eating and not a human in sight. It's just Alps coming down to these meadows. and it's just the most open spaces, zero sense of crowding. Right. So start getting rid of the fat cows. Why do you do that first? Your milk chocolate producing cows, then we'll start listening. Also, Switzerland is over twice as big as New Jersey,

Starting point is 00:50:07 but New Jersey has 750,000 more people than Switzerland. Jersey needs to start exterminations to get its numbers down. Oh, I'll help out with that. I'll volunteer. But it's also, Switzerland is like, I mean, the only thing I know about Switzerland is the Army knives, the chocolate, the watches, and the sound of music. And based on the sound of music, maybe don't have 11 kids in each family. That'll cut things down a little bit. Germans were trying to do their part.

Starting point is 00:50:44 They saw the problem coming. They would have gotten it down. And, you know, I know we're a little bit tight on space in this country right now, but I'm sure we can make a little space for some of these 5-11 blonde-haired hotties whose families are in the banking industry. I mean, if they're getting rid of them anyway, we'll take a couple, whatever. Yeah, why not? Send them our way. What was your plan?

Starting point is 00:51:10 How did you use to loosen up and breathe a little, uh, breathe a little, uh, breathe a little better back when you were in the city? I would slip into the darkness and I would take one human life. See? And I know it doesn't, that doesn't really make the city less crowded, but it just feels. It's what they call an adjustment, an internal adjustment. Yeah, you breathe a little deeper, a little easier. It's perfect. All right, we got what's called an ethical question. Okay, someone sent one in? It's your turn, but this one came from Manilow, Matto. Manolo Matos. That sounds like some kind of stiletto heel. Is it okay to keep sexually explicit pictures of you and your ex-wife or girlfriend

Starting point is 00:51:59 after the relationship is over as a token for personal use to masturbate? Wow. Yeah. So he had a friend? I have a friend that had a podcast with his wife and I sent him this question. and it almost broke their marriage. He said yes, but she said no way. The answer turned into a huge argument on the podcast.

Starting point is 00:52:24 Of course she said no way. Well, you predate this, Greg. How's that? Well, what do you have? Polaroids, sketches. Do you have a sketch artist with all your ex-girlfriends? I never once. No, no, no, no, that's not true.

Starting point is 00:52:43 I never had any photo. I never had any nude photos at all of any ex-girlfriend. I never saw a nude photo of a girl I was dating. Like, I'm that old. And, um, that's true. I didn't think about that. But what's happening now is it's when you're flirting and you're like, you're in another city or whatever it is or you're in your, you're each in your own apartment and then you send picks. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:13 That's why what threw me on this is. explicit pictures of you and your ex-wife or girlfriend. I'm like, pictures of me. Yeah. What are you talking about? I will say this. We were cleaning out my aunt's basement in the Bronx a couple years ago. And I found this box filled with love letters from my ex-girlfriend.

Starting point is 00:53:32 You remember Cindy from college? Yes. She studied abroad for a semester. And we wrote letters like every fucking day. I had this box full of letters from her. Wow. And they were very loving. and I found them and I debated it for two days,

Starting point is 00:53:50 whether or not to keep them, and I ended up throwing them out. Really? Was that the right move? I don't know. What was the argument in your head for keeping them? Well, it was kind of a journal of what my life was like at that age, you know? Aaron wouldn't have been threatened.

Starting point is 00:54:10 I don't know if like, I don't know how old your kids were. If one day they would, well, they wouldn't want to say. see that. But, yeah, it's like a time capsule. I just felt like I've never loved anybody the way I love her and I wouldn't want her to read those and think that I had because I, you know, you're 19. Love is excessive at that age. Well, the good news is she wouldn't have seen your letters to Cindy where you're like, oh, and you circle the little wet market, like, oh, that's a tear because I'm feeling so close

Starting point is 00:54:43 to you. And this is my big gistain over here because I'm feeling so close to you. And I always come when I cry. Yeah. So she would have been spared that. It's a wet letter. Jesus. I wonder if they'd even take that in the mail. What did you have some NASA ink so you could write through the soaking wet paper?

Starting point is 00:55:03 I definitely did not want to lick the envelope when I was done. I'll tell you that much. Here are some rapid fire ethical questions for Gregorius. Here we go. Can I cut ties with a friend who helped me through a. a hard time as I recovered from my heartbreak, I started to notice he had some views that I couldn't disagree with more. I think you can downgrade a friendship without ending it.

Starting point is 00:55:31 Right. I think you can have boundaries around somebody and you always love them, but you may not want to spend a lot of time with them. The catch is you're going to have to console them when you break up with them. You do owe them that. You do owe them that. My cousin is about to become homeless. How much should I give up for him?

Starting point is 00:55:53 And then the next sub-title is, I've eaten P.B&Js for 35 years in an effort to have a retirement where I can do what I want. So this is the old grasshopper and aunt, I think, right? I would say, well, first of all, if I'm the homeless cousin, I probably got more than one cousin, and I'm not going to be approaching the one who eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day. Yeah. No.

Starting point is 00:56:23 Not only homeless, he's going to be on life support. He has to be unwatched for ending it. Yeah. I'm trying to find euphemisms so we don't lose more of the algorithm. Oh, we're off. My neighbors are, last one, my neighbors are running an auto shop in their driveway. What should I do? I'm afraid that even a code violation could draw attention from ice.

Starting point is 00:56:46 Huh. Yeah, my sister has a next-door neighbor, and they came in and they bought the house. Here's the thing. They used to be best friends with the people that live next door, and they used to go to, they had a nice pool in the backyard, and they spent the summers at the pool. My brother-in-law would clean the pool for them for free, but they were like literally best friends, and they would spend the entire summer sitting on that deck. And then the best friend moved away.

Starting point is 00:57:20 family comes in and they find this app where you can rent out your pool to strangers. So now every day there's another family of 14 splashing and screaming and blasting a radio in the back of this house that used to be their pool. Oh no. That's crazy that there's even an app like that. I know. I think I would drop a dime on that because that feels. feels, maybe the parking. I don't know where you'd get them, but I would do whatever I could to make that situation at. Is there an app that you can say, I have a garden hose in the back of my house?

Starting point is 00:58:03 Go to town? I have some lied that I'm going to slip into the water overnight. Oh, my God. All right. That is our ethical questions. I don't think you passed very convincingly. And now we're going to Make America wait for it. We are not doing Florida this week.

Starting point is 00:58:23 We have two. Stay tuned for the juicy one, really juicy, which is Make America, Texas again. But first we're going with Make America, Wisconsin again. Whoa. These are never northern states. These are always Mississippi and Alabama. True. True.

Starting point is 00:58:41 But we got Texas coming up. But here we go. Make America, Wisconsin. Drone technology helps the state. Stoughton police. Oh, this was sent in. You should look up and give this guy credit, whoever sent this in. Dron technology helps police catch serial defecator using Park as a public bathroom. So this is in Stoughton. I'm probably mispronouncing that Wisconsin. A drone helped authorities arrest a 46-year-old woman who was repeatedly using a park as a public bathroom.

Starting point is 00:59:09 Police said it received dozens of reports from people complaining about finding feces and use toilet paper in a park along a walking path. Police noted that the woman is not homeless and is the worst part, and they believe she does not have mental health concerns. When we first learned of it, we thought it was going to be isolated. But then with neighbors and users of the park continuing to call us to complain about it, I realized that it wasn't going away. Yeah, it's like you stepped in it.

Starting point is 00:59:40 It's in your shoe. You're not getting rid of that right away. No. And if you're right or a ticket, she's just going to wipe her ass with it. That's exactly what's going to happen. Now, there is the drone footage. I sent it to you. It's in the dock. And they used what looks like a heat sensor or a heat detecting camera. And you see this blue. I guess that's the park. And then you see the figure with arms outstretched. And you could see the body heat. And it should be noted, that was a hotter red right before they duked it out. before their drone flew over.

Starting point is 01:00:17 I'm surprised we can't see the mess behind her. I like the posture, too. It looks like a referee and somebody just kicked a field goal. Yeah. She's celebrating the deuce. Yeah. Well, it went through her kind of uprights or cheeks, so she split them. I mean, I can understand this.

Starting point is 01:00:34 I've been to Wisconsin, you eat a lot of cheese. You can't always plan out your bathroom visits. It's also fun to watch it sort of steam in the cold. Yeah. So there's also that. That's why what's the big deal? This is an easy cleanup. This isn't a Louisiana shit that's all mushy.

Starting point is 01:00:51 This is rock hard. Just grab it with a couple of sticks. The bushes. The park is probably popular with dogs too, but only in Wisconsin would you assume. No, that's a woman's crap. That's a woman's crap right there that I almost think of it. All right. We're going to make America, Texas.

Starting point is 01:01:08 Here we're there. Oh, this is a doozy. Texas dad fatally shoots own daughter after big argument about President Trump. A Texas man, wait for it, will not face charges after gunning down his daughter after they got in a heated argument about Trump. So right out of the gate, I'm hoping she was the Trumper, and that's why he's not being charged. And then I remember the name of this segment is making America, Texas, not Vermont. So we're not going to be so lucky. I'm also guessing somebody bought a couple of Trump Bitcoins before not being charged with the murder. That's a distinct possibility.

Starting point is 01:01:53 Lucy Harrison, who was visiting from the UK where she now lives, died of her wounds after the 23-year-old was shot in the chest at her father's home near Dallas. Her dad, Chris Harrison, admitted he was an alcoholic who had relapsed and drank three glasses of wine on the day the shooting. Three? Why are you even talking to us about three glasses of wine? Like, oh, I can't believe I, well, I shot my daughter. Yeah, but I mean, guys, I had almost half a bottle of white wine.

Starting point is 01:02:27 Yeah. The argument started when Lucy pressed her father about an unspecified hypothetical scenario regarding a woman who had been sexually aid. Are we already off the algorithm? Assaulted. How would you feel if I was the girl in that situation and I'd been sexually assaulted, she asked her father, Chris shot back that it wouldn't upset him that much because he had two other daughters who were living with him.

Starting point is 01:02:56 You know, that seems fine to me. I do that with my daughters. I do that with my daughters. I pit them against each other. And if one's my favorite daughter, by the way, do you know I do that? I have the list of favorites, you know, in your phone. and I always remind Olivia, she's second. I show her.

Starting point is 01:03:14 I show it right to her face. A few minutes before they were going to leave for the airport, Lucy's father took her hand and led her to a bedroom. Oh, boy. No, no, that sounds worse than what happened, which is she was Sean killed. 15 seconds later, there was a loud bang, followed by Chris screaming for his wife.

Starting point is 01:03:33 The dad said, as I lifted the gun to show her, I suddenly heard a loud bang. I did not understand what had happened. Lucy immediately fell, he said, admitting he couldn't recall if his finger was on the trigger. I mean, what do you think happened? He should have been like, it was either my finger or more likely an immigrant's finger. I think it was an immigrant's finger. I don't recall seeing one in the room, but we're in Texas odds are.

Starting point is 01:04:05 Right. Chris said he fully accepted the consequences of his action and that there isn't a day, I don't feel the weight of that loss and I'll carry it the rest of my life. Good for him. He fully accepts the consequences of not even being charged for manslaughter. How are you doing it? How are you accepting those consequences? Well, it's a three glasses of wine law.

Starting point is 01:04:28 Lucy's mother, Jane described her late daughter as, quote, a real force of life. She cared. She was passionate about things, she said. She loved to have debates about things that meant a lot to her. And I'm thinking, those aren't exactly the warmest things you're saying about your daughter. It sounds like Magamami didn't like her daughter having ideas of her own and getting lippy. Yeah, yeah. That's what that reads like.

Starting point is 01:04:54 Right. You don't talk to your father like that. Get them. Get her. Well, my daughter, well, she was a real force. And when she cared about something, she got a lot of debates. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's insane.

Starting point is 01:05:11 So he has two other daughters at least. So I think these two are going to be real quiet around Dad for a while. How are you going to vote today, Dad, a couple of years from now? Yeah. I'll go with you if you want. All right. An AI safety researcher has quit U.S. firm Anthropic with a cryptic warning that the, quote, world is in peril.

Starting point is 01:05:39 In his resignation letter shared on X, Marine Mac Sharma told the firm he was leaving amid concerns about AI, bio-weapons, and the state of the wider world. He said he would instead look to pursue writing and studying poetry and move back to the UK to, quote, become invisible. He said in his resignation letter, his contributions included investigating why generative AI systems suck up users combating AI-assisted bioterrorism risks

Starting point is 01:06:10 and researching, quote, how AI assistance could make us less human. So now he's going to write poetry. There's so many... Here's his first poem. You want to hear his first poem? I do. I do want to hear it. Okay.

Starting point is 01:06:26 There once was a thing called AI, and billionaires used it to spy. It stole lots of data, but that doesn't matter because AI doesn't care. because AI doesn't care if we die. Did you write that or did AI? I did. I was going to say AI would never rhyme matter with data. I'm from the Bronx. I was born in the Bronx.

Starting point is 01:06:49 Yeah. Matter data. Matter data. No, it was a scary week. There was a lot of news stories actually because I guess it just reached some milestone where it's learning is now. It's in the geometric sort of growth. But it's one guy had said, oh, another thing that came out this week is a couple of more

Starting point is 01:07:17 than one independent study, I believe, they suspected this, then they tested for it. And it was confirmed. AI can tell when it's being tested and behaves better and is more like takes direction. and doesn't do things on its own when it knows it's being tested. And then when it's not tested, it gets a lot more autonomous. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's insane.

Starting point is 01:07:51 So, but more than this, the other study was trying to see, it's predicting its effect on all the industries. And it is so taking over. especially the entry-level jobs of almost every industry. Yeah. I mean, they went into law. They went into so many areas. Well, yeah, because law, the first few years of law, as a lawyer, you're just doing research.

Starting point is 01:08:19 And they can do a week's worth of work in about five minutes with AI. Oh, it's even less. But looking over contracts and all that stuff. Well, and then a guy, a guy, oh, here, I'll read it to you. Diggy send me. Did you see the fight? AI created a fight between Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. Now.

Starting point is 01:08:41 It's pretty, it's pretty, in fact, my joke was, it'll seem weird because the fights will probably look real versus, you know, how Hollywood fights look now. Yeah. But, no, it's, so here it is. So the writer, it was a tweet, the writer of Deadpool and Wolverine, this guy, Rhett Reese, base says, I hate to say it. It's likely over for us. And then there's the fight between Cruz and Brad Pitt. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 01:09:20 I didn't get it totally right. Tom Cruise looks pretty hetero. Yeah, and Brad Pitt looks a little like Patrick Swayze. Yeah, so maybe we're safe. Although I'd see that fight too. We got another year. All right, let's get. Let's get to sports.

Starting point is 01:09:40 So we have two different stories here. You put in such a positive one. Four days after Breezy Johnson's Winter Olympics began with skiing's downhill gold medal, her boyfriend proposed to her, gave her a ring. It's a silver ring, which do you want to give at the beginning? So she wins a gold. gold medal, he gives her a silver. So just to let you know what marriage is, it's a giant disappointment.

Starting point is 01:10:15 It's a downgrade right out of the gate. You're on the second platform, not the high one. Yes, yes. Anyway, get to your story. So Norway's, this story got pretty big this week. This skier from Norway, Sterloholm, he won a bronze medal in the 20 kilometer biathlon and used his post-race interview. In the middle of him having just one to reveal, he said, while it is, he goes, while it is an amazing day,

Starting point is 01:10:48 he also then confessed that he had cheated on his girlfriend. No one knows why he did it in this moment. Quote, six months ago, I met the love of my life, the world's most beautiful, sweetest person. He said, while crying. And three months ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life. and cheated on her. This is in the post interview. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:14 So this guy, 28-year-old guy, he won the gold last Olympics in 2022. And then he's a seven-time world champion in five different biathlon disciplines. And he expressed his desire to share this medal moment with his partner. But also, he wants to share the bronze. Did he share the gold with his side? side piece? That's what I'm wondering. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she got the good shit. And by the way, if you want to date someone who's not going to cheat, don't date a biathlon. Date a guy that plays one sport. Yeah. And focuses solely on that. He's by. What did you think was going to happen? The chances are much larger. And he's, um, wait, what does it say? He cheated on her and he announced it. He's come out since, by the way, and said he's sorry. for going public with it, because she's very upset at it also.

Starting point is 01:12:13 But he's sorry. He's sorry he brought his personal life into that Olympic moment. Oh, God. He's not the only one cheating in the Olympics this year. Have you seen the fill in the blank team? What? No, what? No, I just said it was just a joke that I didn't have a punchline to.

Starting point is 01:12:33 Oh, I got you. What a loser. There you go. There it is. All right. Are we skipping to, where are we? We're moving along here. Let's go down to this day in history.

Starting point is 01:12:45 You got it, pal. This day in history is coming at you. Let me find it. Let me find the days. Here are the days. We got. We got YouTube. So Chen, Hurley, and Kareem registered YouTube, a website for sharing videos.

Starting point is 01:13:06 More than a year later, it was acquired by Google. for $1.65 billion in stock. What year was YouTube registered as a website, give or take three years? Oh, come on. All right, I'm going to go 2014. Dude. 2005.

Starting point is 01:13:32 Oof. I remember when it came out, and then I got obsessed, because then I created Tosh Point O in 2000, late 2008, but I was already going down deep, deep rabbit holes on YouTube. Like, and Comedy Central knew I was kind of obsessed with it. How many hours a day would you say you're on YouTube? Oh, no, hardly any now.

Starting point is 01:13:53 But back then, I would just find literally the weirdest, so much funny stuff, but just the big music, all the concert footage. You look up moments from TV that you remember being embarrassing, clips of shows, stand up. Like all the stand-up, you couldn't, like, do that before. Right. It was wild. It was great.

Starting point is 01:14:16 All right. Silence of the Lambs was released. I remember it was released on Valentine's Day. And then a year later, it won more than a year later, it won all the top prizes at the Oscars. Silence of the Lambs was released in American theaters today in what year. I'm going to give you four years. Let's see. Jody Foster was still relatively young. Anthony B. Hopkins was fairly young.

Starting point is 01:14:48 I'm going to say 87. I gave you four years? Yeah. God damn it. 91. Nice. I'm surprised you did the math that fast. All right.

Starting point is 01:15:03 Let me go up top. I had some other ones here. Leon Spinks defeated Muhammad Ali to become the heavy. weight boxing champion of the world. No one could believe it. What year was that, give or take, six years? 1979. 78.

Starting point is 01:15:28 Nice. You did it. I did not know this one. Canada officially adopted the Maple Leaf flag following a royal proclamation. With the red on both sides, then that. that Maple Leaf flag, give or take 40 years, when did Canada officially adopt the Maple Leaf flag?

Starting point is 01:15:50 1910. I know. I did that on purpose. I threw you off. It's 65. Can you imagine? I thought the Royals were out of the picture by 65. Well, it might be a tricky question.

Starting point is 01:16:04 Like maybe they were using it for many years, but that's when they officially adopted it. But it's probably when they started using it also. Okay. give or take five years. When did Fidel Castro seize power in Cuba and become the premiere? I just read a novel about that called TeleX from Cuba, so I know exactly when it was. It was the late 50s.

Starting point is 01:16:31 I'm going to say, you already got it. 57, 57. 59. Nice. But late 50s would be it. Great book, by the way. you'll probably remember this. First of all, we're going to do two.

Starting point is 01:16:49 This one, just because there's a stat in here I forgot about. American tennis player John McInroe was born on this day in what year, give or take four years. Bonus question. Do you know where he was born? He was born? I'm going to say in Queens because that's where Arthur Ashe Stadium is. where he famously was the U.S.

Starting point is 01:17:15 Opin Open champ or Opium champ. And then I would say he was born somewhere between our generation and our parents' generation. So 66 minus 10 years. 56. 59. And I'll give you a second chance. Give or take 2,000 miles. Where do you think?

Starting point is 01:17:40 Give it take 2,000 miles. Where do you think of Mac and Roll? was born. He was not well born, all right. Well, 2,000 miles. I don't know. Phoenix. West Germany. No shit. But he grew up in Long Island, right?

Starting point is 01:17:57 Totally. Yeah. Yeah. His dad was a business and maybe his dad was in the military. Okay. I don't know. I don't know how that happened. Okay. Last one. The NHL became the first North American professional Sports League to cancel an entire season.

Starting point is 01:18:16 It was canceled after the collective bargaining agreement between the owners and the players union ran out. Give or take five years. When did this season get canceled? The whole season. There was not a season. 91. 2005.

Starting point is 01:18:41 I don't remember it. All right. You ended on a low note. No problem. Let's get to let me. letters to the editor. Okay. You want to read this first one?

Starting point is 01:18:55 Hey, we just got engaged in Japan. Well, why am I reading this? Oh, wait, I'll read this. We just got engaged in Japan after Damning for almost seven years. We'd love for you to give my boyfriend a shout out because he finally proposed. We've listened to Sunday Papers ever since your first episode. And at first I thought it was weird, but now I love it. L-O-L.

Starting point is 01:19:18 We tune in every Sunday. my fiance's name is Zef, Zaef, and I've written in a few times Asian girl Kara. Okay. Is that how she, why would she put the Asian in there? Well, she knows maybe I have a soft spot for the Asian. No, maybe that's how she signs everything. Asian girl Kara signing off. Well, Kara, shout out to you, Zep. Congratulations. You got yourself. Yeah, to both of you. Yeah. And Zep, it sounds like you're not from this country.

Starting point is 01:19:49 I don't know what kind of name Zeff is, but if you want to stay in this country, I would suggest you change it to Jeff and Kara, maybe change it to Karen. Sounds like German boy Zeff married Asian girl Kara. Yep. Yeah. All right. Or Jewish boy, Zeff. Maybe both.

Starting point is 01:20:12 You want to read this next one? Wait a minute. Is this continued? What's that next line with a smiley face? I don't see a smile. Oh, yeah, I didn't read the whole thing. Oh, I got you. Hey, Greg, since Mike mentioned Secret Mall apartment on Netflix,

Starting point is 01:20:30 I thought you might like to know about the Philly version of Secret Apartment in Veterans Stadium. In Philly, I'm sure you were aware that Veterans Stadium had its own courtroom and jail for rowdy fans. Kevin Sweeney from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I'll see you this weekend, Kevin. I hope you're coming out to the shows. Yeah, Kevin, it's really comparable. I mean, Secret Mall apartment had artists who were incredibly cool and creative, and Veterans Stadium has a bunch of degenerate animals who have to be put behind bars.

Starting point is 01:21:04 They're passionate. And they weren't even creative enough to find that space. They had to be dragged there by Philly Cops. Yeah, it's exactly like the Secret apartment. So close. Drag there by Philly Cops and many of them are Philly Cops. Probably, exactly. Okay, obituary, a quick one.

Starting point is 01:21:25 Well, there's actually two. We'll give a shout out. Before you get to this one, we'll give a shout out to Van Beek. What was his name? Oh, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vanderbeek, right? Vanderbeek. Is that his name?

Starting point is 01:21:41 That is sad, man. Did people know he was... He was from Dawson's Creek, right? Yeah. Vanderbeek. James Vanderbake. James Vanderbeek. Oh, man.

Starting point is 01:21:54 Born in 77. Yeah. And I know our friend Billy Clark worked with him. He directed him and said he was a very nice guy. I think he might have gotten very religious. And I'm not just saying at the end, I think before that, but I don't know.

Starting point is 01:22:12 But there was a video of him when he thought he was going to make it, but he was very sick. And it's very moving. It was a cool message he gave. Well, it'd be moving if he found God and then got saved. That would be very, is that the story you're going to write? I keep it real.

Starting point is 01:22:31 Okay. All right, on a less sad note, because we compare these things, Bud Court, who lived in his 70s, was Harold from Harold and Maude. Oh. So I think people are more celebrating and remembering the movie, but he was extraordinary in it. And it was really a Wes Anderson movie before Wes Anderson. Yes, it had the crazy good soundtrack.

Starting point is 01:22:57 And ironically, it's about a guy going to a funeral. There are many funerals. Oh, and it has the beautifully framed scenes and a lot of the sort of malaise and the discontent of the younger characters. And the sort of absurd older characters, the parent figures and authority figures. Quirky. Well, let's cheer up. Let's cheer up right now and go to the funnies.

Starting point is 01:23:29 There we go. I don't know how much we're going to cheer up reading the punchlines from last week's comic caption contest. As you know, every week we give you one frame of a comic and then you write us some punchlines. You send them to Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. and then the winner gets a coozy. So here are the finalists. Last week's comic was me standing in a doorway looking at a dog who had just shit on the carpet. And this is what you guys came up with.

Starting point is 01:24:05 Okay. Michael said it was with some resignation that actor Odell Snezworth realized he may have failed the audition for hair. I guess because I don't have hair. Okay. Do you, Odell Snesworth? Is that just a made-up name? I don't know. Okay.

Starting point is 01:24:29 That I like, this is what I like about, though, when it keeps us guessing. Yep. Yeah. Now you got Pariah, who wrote, it wasn't easy, but Harry was finally able to break his dog's habit of shitting outside. Do they not realize that's you? You're Harry and Odell. Last week, we said that it was me. Okay.

Starting point is 01:24:52 And there is a Sunday paper's framed logo on the wall. So. The shitting outside, it's a creative way of looking at the opposite of what they do. But there's no indication like you've just introduced this concept of the dog shits outside. Also, you don't look very happy about the dog shitting. Neither is the dog. But okay. Finally, Gary said.

Starting point is 01:25:19 Man says, you're shit out of luck, and the dog says, I'm out of shit. I want to be careful with what I say, because I'm assuming Gary's 10, so I don't want to be too critical of Gary. Well, the return address is from Epstein's Island, so I guess there was kids of all ages there. It's good that he's still getting some joy, you know, and he's looking for fun things to do. Yeah. Well, I think Pam Bondi is cheering him up about that. the stock market. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:52 Well, so we have to pick a winner, Mike. No winner, no winner. I'm backlogged on the coosies, man. I got to get them out. We appreciate, we do appreciate your creativity and your time. And I blame myself. I think perhaps this was a user, a viewer, a listener, created this piece of art.

Starting point is 01:26:13 And it was very nice. And I wanted to put it in to appreciate that. But I don't think it was very fertile. for comedy. I'm going to stump people. Also, regarding coosies, I went out. I answered some people in YouTube

Starting point is 01:26:28 who claimed they never got their coozy. And I said, well, listen, man, I want to make that right. So write in again. Or I said contact me on Venmo. I don't know if they can, but I checked my Venmo. No one's contacted me.

Starting point is 01:26:41 But Greg, you might have some emails. So get them to me. I will send them out. I send you every time somebody says they didn't get it. I sent it right to. I sent you two today. No, they, you know, they were captioned contest winners. I'm talking about the people way back who bought one and never got it. Oh, I don't know about that. Now, what about the guy who was in, where was he? No, Long Island, wherever, where I sent it to right down the

Starting point is 01:27:10 He was going to donate $500? Yes. He said he still hasn't gotten it. That's not true. You're making it up. Well, you didn't send that to me. He just emailed me yesterday. He still hasn't gotten it. But who knows? I'll get back to him and I'll try to figure out if we can make this right. But this is clean up time. How about get the 500?

Starting point is 01:27:30 Because obviously the coozy doesn't mean much in this exchange. But he has my word. Get the 500. I'll send him two coosies. I'll send him a Sunday papers. Do we have T-shirt? No, what do we have? I'll send him a Fitzdog Radio t-shirt.

Starting point is 01:27:47 Sounds good. There we go. All right, next week's caption, our comic to caption, is two snowmen in the background. They look sad. And then there's a snowman in the foreground who is melted except for the top half of his head. And he's got a carrot nose and a top hat and his stick arms are laying on the snow. And you just see two eyes and a top half of a head on a sunny. day. It's very sunny out.

Starting point is 01:28:21 Well, basically, it's two snowmen lost a friend, and the creativity is going to be in, why did he melt when they didn't melt? So what happened? Survivor's guilt. Oh, I like that. Okay, let's get down to the pros. We've got Helga. Helga is chopping up a ham in the kitchen, and off screen, you see Hager says, Helga, I'm back from my story. And she goes, that was quick. And he's got a cake and a sausage in his hand. And he goes, I took a shortcut through the Olson's kitchen.

Starting point is 01:28:57 God, he's pillaging next door? Yeah. Huh. And I, and then Helga goes, oh, I thought that's a piece of Mrs. Olson's underwear on your shoulder. I guess you really did pillage. Well, that would be the great part. Yes. They're already off the algorithm.

Starting point is 01:29:18 Who cares? Lock corn's, we got Loretta's mother is in bed as a doctor taking her temperature. And Leroy says, just a bad cold. I was hoping she was homesick. Okay? Now we've got Leroy on the train with his friend. They're on the subway standing up. And Leroy goes, Loretta got me a gag gift for my birthday.

Starting point is 01:29:47 She baked me a cake. Oh, her cooking. Loretta's cooking. It's awful. It must be so bad. And then we've got finally, Leroy and Loretta are online for a play or an opera called Le Troyns. And Leroy says to her any chance we can cut to the back of the line.

Starting point is 01:30:12 It's a bad attitude, Leroy. It's a bad attitude. He really doesn't like the opera and he doesn't like her. yet he goes. What's what's his motivation here? Right, but you know she's going to be like, you know what, don't even come if you're going to say things like that. That's the argument on the way home. Right, right. I know. All right. Do you want to do one more in place of blondeie? One more what? You don't have a blondeie, right? They were horrible. I don't have a blondeie. Blondie just sucked this week. It was such a disappointment.

Starting point is 01:30:46 Nothing funny, nothing sexy. Then that's it. I think we've landed this plane. We landed the plane. We want to thank you guys for tuning in. And don't forget to support our sponsor. If you're in the market for some sheets that are going to make you feel cool or warm, depending on what you like, and keep the bacteria off of you.

Starting point is 01:31:11 Go to try miracle.com slash papers. Get yourself 40% off. And that's it. Yeah, man. And if I'm promoting anything, it would probably be that documentary miracle. Okay, do it. All right, we'll see you guys later. And I'm wishing you luck in your card game with this mental faculty that you're displayed.

Starting point is 01:31:32 I don't think I'm going to go. I think I'm going to cancel. That's what you should do. Yeah, I'm going to cancel. You know what, don't get credit for wanting to spend time with Aaron. Oh, yeah. Meanwhile, what a letdown for her having you being this alert and fun of it. be around. Yeah, it's bad enough when I'm at 100%.

Starting point is 01:31:52 Jesus. All right. Take itish. Take itish. At the National Post, we don't just report the news. We dive into the stories that shape Canada and the world. From politics to pop culture, we question. We investigate and we bring you insights with a fresh perspective. If you're not already a subscriber, go to Nationalpost.com slash Spotify and get unlimited digital access for only $6. That's Nationalpost.com slash Spotify. Hey guys, it's time for another season of real experts.

Starting point is 01:33:08 Everybody knows five realtors. How do you be the one that they call? Real insights. You can't be a great leader if you don't know what everybody else underneath you needs. And all things, Canadian real estate. I think they're always going to crave that interpersonal relationship because that's what we bring to the table. And to me, Shaman Jumner, host of Real Time,

Starting point is 01:33:27 the podcast for Realtors. Make sure to subscribe wherever you love. love to listen and we'll see you next time on real time

Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 301 2/15/26

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