Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 302 2/22/26

Episode Date: February 22, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz Greg and Mike dive into Olympic controversy, debating whether silver medals feel like wins or losses while unpacking media reactions and athlete mindset. The conversation veers into Warren Buffett, AI scandals, royal family drama, Taliban laws, and the absurdity of modern headlines. They tackle ethical hypotheticals involving DUI checkpoints and lying for your child, plus revisit classic films while paying tribute to Robert Duvall and Jesse Jackson. As always, it wraps with listener corrections, the comedy caption contest, and a perfectly timed Onion headline. Sponsor Callouts Quo – The smarter way to run your business communications. Try it free and get 20% off your first six months at: https://quo.com/papers Fabric by Gerber Life – Fast, affordable term life insurance made for busy parents. Apply in minutes at: https://meetfabric.com/papers This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Sunday Papers with Greg Fitzsimmons and Mike Gibbons covers current events, comedy news, sports headlines, celebrity culture, politics, and real-world absurdity with sharp satire and dark humor. In this episode, the hosts discuss Olympic medal debates, AI ethics controversies, Warren Buffett investing strategy, royal family headlines, Florida crime stories, Philadelphia news, and film legends like Robert Duvall.If you like stand-up comics breaking down the news, political satire podcasts, smart comedy conversations, and uncensored takes on trending topics, subscribe and turn on notifications for new weekly episodes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Monday, Tuesday, time to grab my... Sunday paper is coming y'all from Lexington, Kentucky. Bourbon Street. How? What, Bourbon Street? No, it's a bourbon town, I meant to say. Oh, I got to do a little mic repair. Oh, look at you with your high-tech painters tape.

We are low-fi. It's not even... Yeah. It's not even electric tape. No, no, no. I didn't get a big enough holder. This is an abnormally large mic. You know.

Yeah, you mean that we got a year and a half ago? And you haven't waiting. All right. Here we go. We're set. How are you? You know, we're recording this. I'm very good.

I'm very caught up in the Olympics. I didn't right away. The first week, I don't think I watched 10 seconds of the Olympics. And then I got very into. it. Okay. Really last night. A couple of things.

First of all, we're recording this during the men's semis. The hockey team is playing right now. I don't know anything about it. But yesterday, the whole world was watching women's hockey, and it was at the end of the game and you were on a text chain. And then you pulled your usual, no spoilers. Is that too much to ask? I travel.

You do it a lot. You save, like, football games. 12 hours on a Sunday? Yeah, because sometimes I'm traveling on a connecting flight and I don't get home. And then all that gets me through that flight is knowing I'm going to sit on my couch with my bong in my hand. No, I don't smoke a bong.

But I'm going to sit on the couch and watch football. And then you guys are like blasting out all the spoilers. Well, the whole world's watching. I mean, does the New York Times, do you get their alerts? Do they spoil you? I'm not on sports feeds. No, the New York Times. It's a world headline.

Okay. Okay. And international Olympics. Yeah, but it's women's sports. Nobody's reporting on women's sports. You've always been sensitive about the no-spoiler thing. Remember in 2001 we're like, oh my God, the second tower, you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no spoilers. No spoilers.

Like, Jesus. Greg, you're going to see it. I know. I remember when my wife had our first child, and you guys were like, congrats. I was like, no. She's pregnant. She's pregnant.

Oh, man. No. But last night, I'll tell you this. I watched women's figure skating. And, you know, there's a woman in there name Alyssa Lou. And big story, 60 minutes covered the story about, I don't know, a while ago because she basically won the world championships when she was 16 years old and then retired. Right.

Just left the sport and nobody could fucking believe it. And she said she wanted balance in her life and blah, blah, blah. So she leaves a sport and then comes back a year and a half ago and competes. I was like, you're never going to, she wins the gold last night. And it was so emotional because she was basically in second place. And then the woman in first place, the Japanese woman who's won like the last three world championships, Japanese chick. She was incredible. And she just beat her out in the end.

But it was just like, it was just good to see somebody with some balance in her life. She's probably the only girl in the women's Olympics that gets a period on a regular basis. Oh, boy. Well, also with her attitude, like coming back on her own terms and also, here's the onion headline that she's used the gold medal to gauge ear. That's good. Yeah, Asians are doing quite well in this winter games. Are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You mean like Asians from Asia or American Asians?

Well, very good question. Because she might win a third gold medal. Saturday, but I'm forgetting her name. She's born in San Francisco. You know about her. Born in San Francisco. Huh? That's Alyssa Lou, born in San Francisco.

No, no, no. This is the skier. Oh. The freestyle skier, who's the most decorated freestyle, women's freestyle skier, maybe even men's too. I would say Greg Luganis is the most decorated, but I just mean what he wears when he goes out on a Saturday night to a gay bar. Oh, okay, but a different kind of difference for it.

Yeah, okay. So anyway, I'm getting her name now. She was kind of new to me. But she, born in San Francisco High School, she's a Brainiac also got like a 1580 on her SATs, went to Stanford. Her mom was a ski instructor in like Squaw Valley or whatever it was called. Eileen Gou.

And she, her mom's an immigrant from China. You don't know this story? I just know that any girl named Goo in high school got tortured a little bit. She then decided she's going to ski for China. Oh. China paid her. Well, Naomi Osaka plays tennis for Japan. Yeah, so China paid her and I think another athlete, too, to compete for them.

So that's controversial, I guess, with some people. Anyway. I think I'm going to do comedy for Ireland. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I would do that. But it is weird.

I watch the women's figure skating. And I'm just like, they're just so incredibly athletic. And they're beautiful, you know? And you watch them, and it's just like, you know, they're doing splints. and, you know, grabbing their foot and put it behind their head. And you're just like, oh, my God. And then the announcer comes on and he's like, and Svidlana's from Poland.

And, oh, today's her 15th birthday. And I'm like, shit. God damn it. They said women skating. Yeah. I wonder if we had more. So like in Colorado, right, it's the Winter Olympics. That's the home, I think.

where they train, the training facilities and everything, in Colorado Springs maybe. And so if we were more like other countries where the government invests a lot in the training, conditioning, the doctors, the facilities, then it would be a bit of a shame if you're like, hey, thanks for all that. Now I'm just going to represent another country that's paying me. Yeah, but we don't give them shit. We don't support our athletes at all. Yeah.

No, it's a shame. And that's why I have a hard time watching the Olympics because you see these people that train and they give up all their cousins' weddings on the weekends and a social life and a period. That sounds like they've already won. And then they've won little slip up and they're out. And it's like, I can't fucking, I hate that.

Yeah, but they're like, well, at least I didn't go to Frank's wedding. Hey, what do you think about this issue? So she gets up there. Okay, goo, this is a good question. So goo, she wins two silver, right? She's the most decorated. She's the one also, she got in a little hot water this week. She said a little bit of a woe is me that sometimes she feels so much pressure because she feels the weight of both countries on her.

And I think a lot of Americans were like, you go straight to hell. So anyway, she's in her press conference after winning two silver. And a journalist goes, do you view this as winning two silver, more as winning two silver or losing two gold? And she laughed out loud. I saw that. Yeah. Also, by the way, keep in mind, she makes 30 plus million a year. she's a runway model, a brainiac, like she's killing it.

This girl is killing it. Never mind in the Olympics. So she's very, very confident. And she laughs and basically mocks the question and then literally calls that perspective from the journalist ridiculous and uses that word. Yeah. Do you think it was a fair? And then she took the very positive spin of. it's so hard to win any medal

this is great and she's like I'm a winner not a loser and she was very she seemed resentful of the question do you think it was a fair question well the Japanese skater that won the silver

I just told you about who Alyssa Lou beat she got off the ice and she started crying and she didn't stop crying and you really felt like yeah that's what it's like. If you don't win the gold and you're at that level, it's a failure,

which is why I was so moved by Alyssa Liu is that she went into it saying, I really don't care about the medals. I'm just so excited I came back. I'm joyous to skate. I'm glad that I'm, you know, giving other girls something to aspire to. So when she did win, it was that much better because it wasn't desperate. It's like when you see, I almost said it. It's like we see certain comedians on stage, and they're trying way too hard. And she's sweat.

And she's, it's not enjoyable to watch that to me. I want to see somebody that's enjoying themselves. What's going on in your head right now? You seem distracted by a thought. Are you trying not to name drop someone? Yeah, I was trying to say somebody's name. And then I said she.

Oh. Is this someone local in L.A.? Oh, now you're going to dig? Well, I know someone I literally have to walk out of the room and she gets so much stage time and I cannot watch it. It's the most, it's very Dane Cook in its approach of I am going to will this laughter

and with really not great material. Yeah, there's a feature act here. I'm at the Comedy Off-Broadway Club, which, by the way, has been here, like, I mean, Paul Reiser's headshot is on the wall that he signed while he was here. So this club has been around since, like, the early 80s. Yeah.

And the woman that's featuring for me is really funny, but she's low energy. and I go, I love it when people don't put out as much energy as they're getting back from the audience. I love that quotient. And I said, but it is rough when it's a bad crowd because, you know, like I have a guy that opens for me sometimes and he's like that. But when it's a bad crowd, he can't like punch his way out of it. And so I'm playing with that lately. I've been trying to pull my energy back because I don't know.

I feel like lately I've been like, pushing too hard. And, you know, I'd like to just be more chill on stage. So you're viewing your performances as a loss, not a win. Exactly. I got the silver last night. She got the fucking gold. The feature act got the gold.

Yeah. So I think I agree with you because my reaction to that was, why are you so defensive? I mean, you're calling the guy the question ridiculous. And you're laughing out loud. And I just, I try to picture, I think it's a very fair question. Now, I guess she has an antagonistic relationship with the press. So that might be the subtext of his question. Maybe he was trying to do a gotcha.

But then consider this. She was the defending gold winner champion from the last Olympics. So sorry, that is a loss. You failed to defend your gold. Yeah. And so, and a lot of, of champions would view that is a lot. Listen, no one is training for silver. Right? No, no. Are you going to go to the Canadian women's hockey team and be like, hey, congratulations on your win when they just lost the gold to the U.S.?

No, look, every single week that I go to the iTunes podcast charts and I see bad friends ahead of us, it's like a fucking knife to the gut. And it happens every week. You don't think I could do Asian jokes all day long? Oh, Bobby's mom. Bobby's mom. We have to quickly say how much we love them, which we do genuinely. Yeah, an Irish-looking Italian guy. What the fuck is going on?

I know. And an Asian guy who, you know, is actually funny on stage. Name another Asian guy who's funny on stage. What are you talking about? There's tons. Who? Ronnie Chang, right? Is he?

Oh, boy. And then, no, what's his name? I love the super low-key guy. God damn it. He's super low-key. Oh, I know who you mean. Yeah, he's funny. I like him.

One of his openers once, he's like, his opener, he was young. Maybe it was like a first Montreal or something. He's like, he's like, listen, I can't stay long. I have avocados ripening at home. And he started a bit about that. It was so funny. Yeah, yeah, he's good. All right, enough about that.

Sure. Speaking of comedians, the Epstein Files has the names of a number of comedians in there. And it's almost become like a humble brag to say, to complain that you're in the Epstein Files. And I think what it was is that, um, The Palm Beach Improv is pretty close to where Epstein's place is down there. Oh, yeah, it's right across the bridge. He used to bring friends and I think some of the girls to the shows there. And so basically if he emailed somebody, hey, we're going to see, actually Whitney Cummings is one of the names,

going to see Whitney Cummings or I think Big J. Okerson. And then all of a sudden their name is in the files. But there is one male comedian who's in there. and it's not good. I saw that. Yeah. Not good. Right.

Are we, we're not saying who it is? I guess we shouldn't. I don't want to be, I mean, I've already bad mouth three different comics on the show. I don't want to be that guy. We're not talking out of school,

where you could Google it. It's a headline. Actually, the girls were in school. That's why we're not talking about it. Well, a lot of the emails were about, hey,

let's go to the improv. It's an 18 and younger show. So it's, we can do it. guys. The logo this week and last week came from Jane. Jane kills it. Jane kills it.

I have so many old ones from her that I'm just waiting to get to. I like the only anchor man in this bobsled. What do they call the last guy in the bobsled? Homosexual. Oh, isn't he like the most important? I guess you're steering. I guess. But I really had a put.

It's kind of like. like you're what you know the car breaks down so you your wife's behind the wheel you're pushing it that's that's what that is yes unless you have an overweight wife why what do you mean that well in this the heavier you are the faster you go oh is that right yeah same with skiing yep huh um the song we need new songs by the way we got we got a few we got a few new songs this week which i appreciate need some more get on your guitar your harmonicas. I don't give a shit what you play.

Acapella. We love Acapella. Keep it simple. Or get crazy, but send it into Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com and we'll play your song and announce your name. Last week, I think I forgot to say Ray Manslanka did last week's, which was great. Oh my God, I didn't send you this week's. I really meant to.

This week's is very special. Sorry, Ryan and Yasmin. And I'm going to ask Matt, who is our engineer, producer, editor. That's great. From Gotham Productions that does our podcast to play the entire theme song, because usually we only play like 20 seconds of it. But you got to hear the whole thing. It's Ryan and Yasmin in pink.

And they live in Brazil. And he said, it's my daughter on the pipes. singing and me on the guitar. I am American, but English is her second language. She'll be nine in April. She loves the part where you guys say take it each. We say it to each other all the

time because of you guys. Huge hug. A nine-year-old is listening to this? Yeah. Oh, Ryan. Is Ryan? Who am I talking to? Ryan. Yeah, Ryan. Ryan. What is it?

Headphones, but headphones that aren't plugged in. That's what your daughter needs. Exactly. Right. Yeah, we've already talked about some stuff in nine-year-old shouldn't hear. But look, it's Brazil.

They grow up different in Brazil. They've still got Nazis down there. Well, now she's hearing that. Okay. She probably has a Brazilian wax, knowing how the girls are in Brazil. All right. I'm pass.

All right. Corrections. This is, we got hammered. this past week. First from Michael, it's not Jingo. You described Connect 4. I thought it was so much problems

with your jingo thing. And then another guy, Mike said the game is not Django, you jackass. Also, the game is not played by building a tower of wooden blocks. You played Jenga by removing blocks until the tower falls. Also, the Olympic event is biathlon.

There is no, there is only one A, Mike. So I guess you say Biafalan. I sure do. That's going to be a hard one to change. Luckily, I don't throw that word around that much. I just call everyone in it by. Yeah. That just keeps it simple.

It keeps Olympic Village more exciting, too. Oh, yeah. And this is all Bob Patterson, I think. Also, the medals are awarded to people on the podium, not the platform. Huh. Also, What about when it's a huge team? Anyway, go ahead.

He's right, though. It's poet. Teddy Roosevelt is pronounced Roosevelt. You do that. I never do that. Roosevelt. Even if it's correct with other roads, Roosevelt's, never. Never.

Nevada Smith said the Wright brothers were manufacturing bicycles with cutting-edge technology in their day. They did not make penny-farthing bikes with the giant front wheels. they even used bikes for their aviation experiments. Okay. You know, I think I was half listening to you last week. And I said the weirdest thing that made no sense. Because I think you said Orville and something like that. Like Orville doesn't know and I was half listening.

And I literally go, well, they know how to melt butter. Because I thought you were talking about the popcorn, dude. Orville Redenbocker. I think what we need to do on this podcast to keep you engaged with what's happening. Okay. We should have the screen face down because that's where your head is looking at your phone about 30% of the time. No, no, no. So maybe your computer screen should also be in your lap.

No, I have the script. Looking down, I'm looking at the script below your picture there. Oh. Yeah. I have another window. If you guys want to see me, Mike was talking about seeing me. If you want to see me, I'll be in Houston at the Punchline February, 26 through the 28th, then cutting over to Fort Worth, Texas at Hyenas, March 6th and 7th.

Then we will be in L.A. St. Paddy's Day, March 17th at the improv. Mike will be performing. Then I'll become in Janesville, Wisconsin. Actually, I'm not. I'm not. What? I'm in New York. No. Should I announce my dates? I will not be in L.A. on March 17th. Okay. Well, we're going to have to get somebody to fill in.

Is your sister available? She's very funny. She is very funny. Most people think she's funnier than I. Yep. Yep. Then I'll be in Bakersfield, Escondido, and then Boston. Coming to Laugh, Boston, May 29th and 30th.

And we want to thank. Olivia's going to miss you. She's already back. Oh. Too bad. Nothing is working out with me and the Gibbons family today. I know. We're avoiding you.

Hey, there was one last correction there. The sounding music took place in Austria. Hitler's birthplace, not Switzerland. That's Eric sent that in. But at the end, weren't they going over the mountain to Switzerland? Were they trying to escape the Nazis? Do you say when or were they? Were they?

Have you, am I spoiling the sound of music? Should I not spoil? What is happening here? All right, that is a very big spoiler, by the way. I won't do that. I haven't seen that movie since I was a kid. Oh, man. Is it worth seeing as an adult or is it a kid's movie?

Dude, it's great. It's really, really, really good. Name two songs from Sound of Music, besides Sound of Music. Right. Well, you're saying The Hills are alive? Yeah, that's the Sound of Music. Yeah, I'm 16 going on 17. Edel Vice.

Come on. You know, that's what someone uses. One more, and you'll be considered a homosexual. Woo! The, is a problem like Maria. Anyway, I... Chiminy? What about the sweep in the chimneys?

Dick Bandike should have made an appearance, a cameo in the sound of music. Maybe as a German soldier, let's hear his German accent because his British one is very memorable. But I, that's one of the movies used against me when I would claim I hated musical. and then someone very wise goes,

well, do you like sound of music? I'm like, yeah, like, did you like Wizard of Oz? I'm like, yeah, of course. Like, what about the Grinch? I'm like, duh. And then it just kept going like that. What about Willie Wonka? I'm like, of course.

How about Oklahoma? How about Chicago? Yeah. No, I hate both those. That's the problem. Really? Then I saw the sound of me, I mean, singing in the rain.

Oh, yeah. Singing in the rain left me speechless. It was so great. How about Greece? Yeah, I mean, I was okay. I thought Greece is a little queer, and I'm using that word accurately. How about West Side Story? Are you shitting me?

The worst. No. West Side Story is the worst. It's one of the reasons I thought I hated musicals. When you're a jet, you're a jet to the end from your first cigarette. A bunch of racist Upper West Side old Jewish guys are like, yeah, and the Puerto Ricans will have knives and we'll have knives songs. Oh, shut the fuck up. Let's make them gay and super violent.

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Maybe we should get quo for Sunday papers. Yeah. Because we seem to be missing a lot of calls. There'd be less corrections. I know that. Does Hollywood have our numbers? number? I don't think they, I think they lost it. Yeah, I think we got to get Quo. Oh. Also, let's talk about life insurance because you and I both had a very positive experience with it.

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Price is subject to underwriting and health questions. Mike, let's go to the front page. Here we go now. Let's do it. Okay. A group of House Democrats sent a group of, a letter to tech billionaire Elon Musk on Thursday, criticizing him for releasing a reprehensible tool

with his AI chatbot GROC, which has created sexualized deep fakes of real people without their permission or knowledge. Three Democrats asked about the undressing tool, quote, we are deeply concerned about ex-AI's refusal to put a stop to the creation of non-consensual, sexualized images, particularly of children.

See, now we're off the algorithm. Once again, we are reporting on the news and the company that we give free content to that hundreds of thousands of people watch and thereby are exposed to advertising. Almost all that advertising goes to this company and we get demonitized and lose money because we're simply saying what's in the news. What is wrong? And a nine-year-old Brazilian girl is traumatized. Oh, my God. Also, you put this story in. How about don't do that?

Musk said he was unaware that Grock was grock, was unaware that Grock was generating any images of nude miners. Bad Grock, bad. A UK watchdog said dark web users were sharing criminal imagery that you, whatever, you get the point. It's terrible. And, you know, now that Epstein is gone, I guess Musk needs AI to get little girls to take their clothes off.

Before, he used to just take a jet. Wouldn't that have been lovely if it was just an AI island, not an Epstein island? I mean, that does bring up a question. Should this not be allowed? Because then, well, no, but all AI, not starting with a child, but generating an AI. And hear me out on this. Would that satiate? Except the nine-year-old girl.

Don't hear him out on this. would it satiate the need of these perves? Well, this is a famous Louis C.K. Saturn Night Live monologue, which is, and it was a giant, hear me out. And the audience turned on him. He brought up, he floated the idea of how uncontrollable it is, right? If you have this disease. And he then said funny stuff about that, but very edgy.

and then he brought up, should there be, it's hard for me to even say it, should there be child sex dolls? And of course the audience like booed, he goes, oh, okay, yeah, don't do that. Just keep using real children. Yeah, yeah. Like I'm the bad guy. It was really pretty extraordinary thought. And that's the one where he's like, it must be really good. Yes, yeah, I wasn't going to go there.

Yeah. But that's how he started it. I mean, we are so far. The algorithm is the 405 north. And we're down on the 110 east right now. Yeah. Well, we're not even the neighborhood. Most Democrats were upset at this because it's hurting the stock price.

And they bought it early, just like all the other Congress people. I can't believe I didn't follow Nancy Pelosi's stock purchases. Up 50%, 56% this quarter. I thought she would, the reason I didn't is I thought once this awareness, once this spotlight was on her, that she would curb her activity and maybe even go incredibly like environment, like go against her normal inclination and wouldn't mind tanking it for a while just so for appearances. And so that's why I stayed away. Nope, she made over 50%. Well, look, all of us should have gotten it to Berkshire Hathaway. you know, 30 years ago because that thing has gone legitimately through the roof in a,

in an intelligent, like, regimented way. Yeah, conservative. Is it conservative? I guess so, right? No, no, no, conservative investing. He's no, he doesn't like, he's risk averse, famously risk averse, very fundamentals. Fundamentals have to be sound. He believes in brands.

He also believes in buying and holding forever. in most cases if you believe in a brand. Right. All right. I'm going to look at returns for birth or Hatchew. Berkshire Hathaway. Well, while you do that, I'll tell that story. Rabi, Reby's wife, Stephanie, who's lovely, is from Oma, where he is from and Buffett.

And Reby, then, he's back there for Christmas. He's always back there at Christmas. They dragged the three kids there. And then he sends me a picture, and it's in a movie theater. And it's literally just like velvet ropes. this long line to get popcorn. And I'm like, yeah, what that great? You're seeing a movie over Christmas break.

He's like, dude, look at the guy in the red sweater. On that line is Warren Buffett. On the line. Didn't even buy the tickets in advance. On the line. Like, you don't think he could have the best IMAX theater in his home out there? Yeah. It's so great.

All right. It drives an inexpensive car, gets breakfast at McDonald's. every day on his drive. He goes to the drive-thru. Every day. That's where he leaves me. He also, I think he flies coach. I don't even think the guy takes jets.

I don't know about that. That sounds like a fits fact to me. All right, but here's not a fit-fifth. King Charles, confronted by the press. Oh, Berkshire Hathaway has delivered an exceptional growth rate of 19.9% from 1964 to 2004, nearly doubling the S&P 500's 10.4%. I'm honestly surprised it's not higher. It's up 104% over the last five years.

Yeah. I mean, what are we, Dylan? How do we miss that boat? I mean, it was written on the wall. Like, you know, this is the guy. Hey, someone who knows financial stuff, as we're watching this country, if one believed the dollar is going to take a further clobbering, the value of the dollar.

Is there, how do you hedge against that? Do you just buy euros? If so, how do you do that? It's not the same as investing in European markets, right? Because you're still, if you're doing that through Vanguard, it's still dollars. Anyway, you know what I'm asking right in and tell us. Well, you can buy precious metals, but that's been sort of baked in already. Like gold has gone up so much in the last year and a half that it seems like it's not a great bet.

but yeah, you can buy euros. Yeah, I don't know how you escape and sidestep and separate yourself from the American dollar when you're here, even if you're buying foreign or European stocks. I think the Venezuelan peso is probably a good way to go. Speaking of Europe, King Charles confronted by the press regarding brother Andrew's arrest. In a statement earlier today,

the king said the law must take its course and said he learned of the news with deepest concern. Quote, what now follows is the full, fair, and proper process by which this issue is investigated in the appropriate manner and by the appropriate authorities. He said, in this, as I have said before, they have our full and wholehearted support and cooperation. Let me state clearly, the law must take its course.

hold on a second. How weird is England where the justice department there is not controlled by the leader? What? And nobody's above the law? This is why I don't like monarchies. Yeah, right. But that's crazy. And this is the modern monarchy, the old monarchy.

I think they would just dunk him in the royal pond, see if he floats. I think there'd be zero consequences. Kind of like here. Well, you got to remember this. I think we're the new royal family. Yes. But this is the royal family that for thousands of years

arranged marriages with like 11 and 12 year old girls. So this is literally in the last, should we say, 125 years that they stopped arranged marriages with 12 year old. I think they're still pretty inbred. Yes.

I wonder if you saw that, like how many degrees of separation were recent? People still alive who've, like, you know, in the royal tree. Yeah. It's a, it's a sapling. It's not a tree. I wonder like Diana and Charles. I wonder how, I wonder if they did the, you know, the DNA. ancestry.

I bet they don't allow it. Yeah. Probably not. All right. What about the Taliban? Taliban. You want me to read it? Isn't it your story?

No, but I'll read it. No, it's your story. Nope, not. But here we go. Taliban allows men to beat wives. This is you, Greg. You're written all over it. long as they don't bruise or break the bones of said wives. The barbaric code signed into law by Supreme Leader Hibatula, I wouldn't have put this in there. This is your story.

Hibatula Akundaza, Akunzara, would still prosecute those who cause visible fractures or injuries, but the abuser would only be convicted if the woman can prove abuse in court, showing her wounds to the judge while remaining fully covered. That's interesting. Interesting. If the man is convicted, he would only face a maximum of a 15-day sentence in prison. The law also mentions that if a woman goes to her father's or another family member's house without her husband's permission and doesn't return home, they will be thrown in prison for three months. Okay. So some of these laws make sense. I wouldn't say I agree with all of them. That last one's pretty cool. Well, it is. You mean they make sense to you that a woman should be beaten?

I don't understand. No, I think she should go to prison if she, like, goes over to her dad's house without your permission. Yes, yes. Like, let's come on. Rules are rules. Well, look, in California, I mean, you can, if you cause a, these are physical injuries. In California, if you cause codependency in your wife, you lose half your belongings. You know that.

I know that. Yeah, exactly. Well, it's no wonder these men are making the women wear so many clothes because they're trying to hide the evidence. Well, that's the thing that got me is she can prove her abuse in court by showing her wounds to the judge while remaining fully covered. It sounds like it's a little rigged against her. Yeah.

Don't you think? Right, right. Like, listen, you can get in the injury tent so we don't see you. Zip it up so we cannot see you. Now show us your injuries. You can't. Well, then you've wasted the courts time. I just think it's so fucked up that these women in so many of these countries are not allowed to vote.

And yet they're forced to dress as voting booths. That was in my act. You know how many women are not going to be allowed to vote in America this coming election. Oh, anybody who's married and changed their name. Who don't have proof of their Yeah. And you need to, in order to get it

right, you have to go get a passport now, but they've started to shut down passport offices. Yeah. It's funny who controls that. And I wonder if there'll be delays. Oh, you're going to get it in seven weeks. Yeah, but the election's in six.

Is it? Huh. Yeah. All right. What? What's this one? All right, what do we got? According to a... Yeah, we could skip that. Okay.

Let's go to the whale. Yeah, let's lighten it up, a little less political. Get this, man. Humans talked with a whale. How about that? On December 12th, it's called the Whale SETI. They've been studying humpback whale communication systems in an effort to develop intelligence filters

for the search for extraterrestrial intelligence. In response to a recorded humpback contact call played in the sea via an underwater speaker, a humpback whale named Twain approached and circled the team's boat while responding in a conversational style to the whale greeting signal. Twain responded to each playback call and matched the interval variations between each signal. A description analysis of the encounter appears in the recent issue of this bioacoustic playback is a tool. It's some study and it's with the Alaskan humpback whale. And we believe this is the first such communicative exchange between humans and humpback whales in the humpback language.

Now, unfortunately, the whale named Twain kept using the N-word. No, he didn't. Yeah. Because he's named Twain? So the studies are a tough read. It's a tough read. Yeah. And he kept saying, all he kept saying is, stop staring at my hump.

My hump, my hump, my big whale humps. Yeah. So we'll see how far that gets a dirty whale. All right. Now, workers on Thursday began restoring an exhibit on the lives of the nine people once enslaved at the former president's house in Philadelphia amid, I didn't miss the, amid, amid, a contentious legal fight between the city and the Trump administration. I think we're talking about George Washington. Oh, you left that out. It doesn't matter. Well, there were nine people enslaved by George Washington.

A federal judge set a Friday deadline for the Interior Department to restore the exhibit on the people enslaved by George Washington. Ironically, the site of the house is on Independence Mall. You know, Independence Mall, where slaves live. Yeah, right next to the reflecting pool where you think about what you've done. The administration argues that it alone can decide what stories are told at National Park Service's properties. Park Service workers last month abruptly removed exhibits from the Philadelphia site.

prompting the city and other supporters of the exhibit to sue. They also filled in the crack on the Liberty Bell and painted it gold. Oh, boy. Put a big tea on it. Yeah. That's what it is. Wait until, wait until this, hopefully his commission will check all the Philly basements that currently contain slaves. Oh, yeah.

You know, by the way, do not go to Philly, Mike. I was there this past weekend. Thank you, everybody for showing up. We sold out almost all the shows. and they don't like you. They really don't like you. Wait a minute. They're like hateful people in Philly?

It wasn't one or two people. There was a number, there was a large number that really are upset with you. Oh, no. Yeah. They just don't roll with it and take it, you know, take it each in Philly, you know? You're kidding me. It's like you beat them in a hockey game. That's the energy I was feeling off of them.

All right, all right. All right, we're going to get to the ethical question. And it is your turn. All right, it is my turn. Mike, I will ask you two questions. Okay. First one is you're driving. You're driving down the street and you're with a friend who has an outstanding

Am I sober? We'll get to that. You're driving down the street. You're with a friend. He has an outstanding felony warrant. You have both had about three drinks. Oh, I didn't. Sorry, I stepped on it.

Okay. You pull up to a DUI checkpoint, but you're far enough back in the line that your friend says he's driving. He asked you to switch seats with him and have you get behind the wheel. Do you do it? No. I want to help. going to go to jail. He's a felon. If I hadn't been drinking.

Three drinks. Huh? Three drinks. Yeah, you know that funny. So in California, when they send you your driver's license, they send a little insert. And in the insert, they have a chart. And it's an X, Y axes. And on one axis is your weight. And the other is the amount of drinks you've had. And then they've colored, they shade it to show you where you're sober. it gives me three drinks.

Well, it used to when I was heavier. Well, it also depends on how quickly you drink them. I think, no, no, no. It's by the hour. It was over two drinks. It was between like it could maybe be three. Yeah. That's crazy, right?

I'm telling you, young people don't deal with this as much because they're all smoking pot. They're not drinking drinks. Yeah. We used to drink drinks. You can be pulled over for driving stone. So listen, man, three drinks, but then what? Now, I have a record. But he goes to jail for probably 10 years.

You would have to hire a lawyer or something. As I'm about to hop over, I'm like, you're going to pay for everything I have to pay if I get a D.EI. Yes. Then I guess I would. Okay. I hate having that on my record. Yeah. Also, I don't know if I lie to the cop.

You know, you're not supposed to, but. that you can refuse to answer have you been drinking. You don't have to answer anything, he says, other than giving him your license and all that. But you're supposed to just be like, am I free to go or am I being detained? Blah, blah, blah. I don't know how I'd handle it. Okay.

Your daughter steals a car. And the car gets, the car gets, she lights it on fire on a side street in a bad part of town. and then walks home. The police track her down. There's a very fuzzy, grainy footage of her driving. They can't prove it, but she's charged. And you go to the hearing, and you are her alibi that night. Would you lie under oath and say that your daughter was home with you

while she was actually out stealing and burning a car? This isn't a good answer, but I'd want to make sure it was bulletproof lie and then I would. I think for this to be a real hypothetical, you have to kind of like the stop sign in the middle of nowhere. There's no chance you're not going to get pulled over a ticket. Do you stop? Yeah.

So if you're like there's, you will get away with this lie, I would. Speaking of a stop sign in the middle of nowhere, my office at my house, you know, was up on airport Avenue where the airport is, the local airport, the San Amiens. Monoac Airport. Anyway, there were probably five stop signs between my office and the bottom of the hill, but that street has no intersections. There's no other intersecting. So I would never stopped at one of those. Oh, I was just going to say that. I literally for years, I never stopped at one of those stop signs. Sometimes there's a cop in there, watching. But I said to myself, one day I'm going to get a ticket, but if I divide that ticket by the number of times I just flowed down that street, gladly pay it.

Well, that's what I say when I would put the mannequin in my passenger seat to get to Burbank. Yeah, but what was weird is then you would bring it into your apartment when you got home. I'd also sit in the car with it sometimes because I felt it would get lonely for me. But yeah, I counted that as therapy sessions. No, but first of all, it's not a moving violation. It's just a fine or whatever they call it. And so that's big, so no points or anything like that. And then I did the same thing as you.

I put it over how many times I got away with it. Like for the year, would I pay $350 to take that carpool lane? Probably when I worked in Burbank. Like, it was killing me. Sure. Meanwhile, all you need is tinted windows, really. that's true too but yeah

all right let's get to some entertainment entertainment here hold on let me crinkle buddy there we go so my daughter this should be an ethical question also is that I have been having a Woody Allen film festival for like six months with my

daughter because I think they're like the greatest movies ever made is it wrong to show your daughter Woody Allen movies no I know how you feel about Woody Allen. You're a, you're a, you're a Woody apologist. I'd let him babysit. Come on. Yeah. That's one of the great lines that, uh, when they found Woody Allen's name, when they found Woody Allen's name. And I, I want to credit the stand up who I saw do this.

It came across my feed. When they found Woody Allen's name in the Epstein files, um, the guy goes, uh, man, I, I just don't think that Woody would cheat on his daughter. So good So anyway We watched crimes and misdemeanors this past week And it really is Like I'd put it in his top three movies Crimes and Misdemeanors is

Fantastic And it's only got a half a dozen laughs In the whole movie It's really just like It's just an exploration It's an exploration of God And Kind of exactly

Do you stop at a stop sign on a deserted road. That is essentially the heart of the movie. Well, to take a little away from him, which I'm sure a lot of people are rooting for that, a crime and punishment is what I think based on, the great Russian novel. Dostoevsky.

If I recall it right, yeah, in that novel, there's a very mean, I think it was a landlady or landlord, and incredibly cruel and mean. You know, anyway, he sets it up where, boy, you would like to kill that person. But then is it right? It's exactly what Woody Allen did here. He made her so killable that you were like, yeah, the world would be better if she weren't in it. Well, yes and no.

He also was in love with her. He did humanize her, though. He loved her. Yeah. You know, not. And he loved her more than his wife. And he chose between his wife who would. You know, he was very into his family.

He was very committed to the friendship he had. It was his wife. But he had passion and romance with this other woman, but she was stalking him. Oh, that's what it was. I forgot. So it was a threat. It wasn't that the world would be a better place. Right.

It was a threat. Yes. That was a threat to his life. Yes. Right. Which makes it probably less forgivable. Definitely less forgivable. On a much lighter note, I, I didn't know where decided to watch

the movie Moonstruck, it is close to flawless. It's great. Danny Iiello? Oh, yeah, but he very little. He's in Italy the whole time. I mean, you really have to overlook some of the horrible special effects, like with the moon and all that. Your Twin Towers, so the spoiler is still in effect.

Twin Towers are up and thriving in the movie. And another one I started was. lonesome dove because of the great Robert Duval, who will talk about in obituaries. And boy, you have to excuse some very primitive special effects in that one also. But I've never read it. It won the Pulitzer. I really want to. But I also heard this series with Duval is extraordinary.

So I'm in. All right. Also, shout out to Tehran, which is such a great series. Check it out. All right. Let's go to Florida. Let's do it, man. Let's make America, Florida. A newly released police report shows police believe a father and son were arguing over dog walking.

Who was going to take the dog on a walk before the son fatally shot the father? They really don't want to go outside. Port St. Lucy Police said Sheldon Morrison killed his father, Glenn Morrison, shortly before 8 a.m., Wednesday morning, inside the family garage. So is it just me? Was everybody assuming this was a late night walk? Yeah. Maybe it was after a long night.

Yeah. 8 a.m. usually you're sort of like you got your bearings a little bit. You're not worn down yet. Life hasn't kicked your ass yet. Also, those walks are less annoying. Presumably the dog made it through the whole night. It's like, yeah, he's got to get out.

It's not like you want to go out again, you know, late at night. It's also Florida. It's not like it's Chicago in January and you're forced to go outside with the dog. I wonder if, you know, usually when somebody dies, they shit their pants. Do you think the sun cleaned up after the dad? With doggy bags? Do you think you just kept picking up the dad? Yeah.

Right. Also, if you have the energy to kill your dad, you can stand by a dog as it poops. Right? Yes. Yes. I mean, I don't think he thought it through. You can convince me. I'm with you.

Oh, man, look what we're about to do. We are about to make America Philly again. Here it comes, y'all. A Philadelphia creep, redundant, was caught on camera, heartlessly mugging a woman. Heartlessly is also redundant. Mugging a woman as she used a cane to hobble to a bus stop and dragging the victim in order. Did, did Hemingway write this? Use the cane to hobble

Like, who wrote this? I don't know, but I love artful writing About how horrible Philly is. Yeah. And then the guy dragged the victim In order to snatch her purse. The victim was dragged for a short distance Before the thief made his getaway

Because the bell told for he. I'm kidding. And he made off with the woman's cash, Her Galaxy 9 phone, keys and ID. A similar robbery in Northeast Philly occurred just a few weeks ago when a 67-year-old

woman was robbed and attacked with a stun gun while waiting for a bus their animals. They're animals. But at least if you use a stun gun on an old lady, she's got the defibrillator built into her chest already.

Okay. She can handle the shock. Were the Eagles even playing when these crimes took place, I don't understand it. Unmotivated. It is really a different kind of a thief that steal. Like that was a thing in the 70s in New York City. It's back when everybody used to carry cash more.

But old ladies got mugged with alarming frequency. Do you remember it was in Soho? So I lived in a building and it was, who was the gangster who walked around in his bathrobe. He owned my building at one point. Genovese? No, no, no, no. He had a nickname. Google it while I talk. Google New York gangster bathrobe. Let's see if that gets it. So his, a guy decided to mug a woman in near me and Soho, but it was like poor Soho, right? So she's an old Italian woman and she's walking on. He grabs her purse. She decides not to let go. She has it in the crook of her elbow and he drags her and it hurts her.

He then finds out in the police station it was the gangster's mom. Oh. What's his name? Did you get it? Vincent Chigante. The chin. Vinny the chin. That's who that is.

So in the police station, all the police start laughing and the guy goes, the guy is like claiming, oh, you know, I didn't agree. You don't have. And anyway, they're like, hey, you know whose mom that? is and they all start dying laughing. That's Vinnie the Chin's mom. He literally begged to go to jail. Begged.

He's like, I did it. Don't release me. I'm not making bail. Keep me here. Keep me here. Keep me here. The New York Post used to call that guy the odd father. So the reason he's in, just to explain everyone, the reason he's in a bathrobe is to get

out of serving time for something he was found guilty on, he pretended he was out of it. and mentally unfit. And he would wear a bathrobe to trial. And I kind of have the image of the old guy ringing the bell on Breaking Bad, you know, like that. And like, and he would wear it. And literally he'd walk around the neighborhood in his bathrobe. But then he would get picked up at night and he'd be wearing like a shark skin suit. And he would go out to, you know, the private guinea clubs that they'd all hang out at.

If he had still on my building, you know, because I pulled a little fast one on my landlord when he sold the building to a guy and whatever. I stayed there and then he tried to sue me and kick me out. I won in court. There would not have been a court where the guy was trying to kick me out of the apartment. Vinny would have knocked on my door and I would have said, yes, sir. Yes. I'll be gone in the morning. All right.

Let's get down to a little this day in history. Here it comes. All right. This day in history. Here we go. It's a lot of guns in this. Okay. Congress bans dueling in Washington, D.C. So on this day, Congress made dueling a felony punishable by up to 10 years of hard labor. The tipping point of the bill came in, I can't say the year, when the Kentucky rep William Graves and main rep Jonathan Siley had dueled, which had led to Siles' death by Graves' hand.

What year, Greg, do you think Washington, D.C., banned dueling, give or take, 40 years? It would be funny if the punishment was to be shot. Yeah. I would say, well, let's see, Aaron Van Burr. What was his name, Burr? Yeah. Burr and Hamilton, they dueled. That must have been in like...

but Aaron Burr. That must have been like pushing 1790. So I would say shortly after that, I'm going to say 1810. Good for you, man. 1839. There we go. Just made it. Let's see now.

I'm going to keep the gun theme going. Very sadly. Black revolutionary leader Malcolm X was assassinated while giving a speech in Manhattan. give or take two years. What year do you think we lost Malcolm X? 67. Very good. 65.

I didn't know it was that early. Are you still with us, Greg? Yeah, I was just thinking about, so Martin Luther King must have been like 64. No. Oh, that was later. Right, right, right, right. Okay. Robert Kennedy.

Kennedy was 64, right? And I'm okay. We're both 68. Very close, obviously, to each other. Okay, the American Weekly magazine, The New Yorker, began publication under Harold W. Ross, this week, in what year, give or take 15 years? Well, I just saw the documentary about the 100 anniversary of it, so I'm going to go with 1925. It is 1925. Thank you.

Look at you. you. I'm on fire. I'm three for three. Normally documentaries don't help you that much. You've seen a lot, especially, I'm forgetting like on Joan of Arc and stuff, and you're horrible. Great documentary, by the way, Beth, in York.

I wanted to keep the gun theme going. Hunter S. Thompson, creator of Gonzo journalism, he died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound on this day in what year, give or take five years. 1976. So close. 2005. No way.

Yeah, it was more recent than I thought also. Wow. I know. I wonder if you're still drinking and doing drugs all those years. I know. Let's find one more that hopefully you get wrong. Let's see. Okay.

The Washington monument was dedicated on the grounds of the mall in Washington, D.C. It is the world's still, the world's tallest, masonry structure, give or take, 15 years, when was the Washington monument dedicated? That's not a trick question. That's when it opened also. 1890. Look at you. 1885.

Nice. There we go. What made you put it there? Well, I knew it was after Washington died, but I also knew that it was new enough that it had to rival tall buildings. And so I was thinking about the turn of the century. All right. You did it, sir. You did it. How about the Communist Manifesto? I'm going to do this one because this one shot. Communist Manifesto written by Karl Marx and Frederick Engels was first published. It was a pamphlet, which is very inviting. I would have read a pamphlet, especially back then. Give or take 20 years. When do you think the Communist Manifesto was first published? 1900. 100.

Same. I was leaning late. It's 1848. No shit. I mean, they're talking about the relationship, labor's relationship to products and how impersonal it can be

and it can be isolating and you lose your sense of purpose. And capitalism and manufacturing. Wow. Amazing. No, that's what I was very surprised. All right. See, like I'm doing really well

and then you feel like you've got to keep going until I get a few wrongs. Does that make you feel good? It does. In fact, I told you I was rooting for it. Yeah. Okay, here we go. We're going to obituaries, right?

Yeah, we'll do them quick. Get to it, Pally. All right. I'm going to talk about Jesse Jackson, who was a guy who, you know, growing up in New York, I guess, I mean, look, nationally he was big, but I just remember he was in the paper all the time,

and it was like he was such a, I mean, first of all, My best memory of him is on Saturday Night Live when he does green eggs and ham, the Dr. Seuss thing. So great. So great. But basically this guy started out down south. And, you know, he experienced segregation like, you know, any black person who grew up in, I think he was from South Carolina. And, you know, he was, he actually got a, he got, he had a contract to play minor league baseball.

And he turned it down so that he could finish college. I think he might have gotten a master's or he almost got a master's, and then he started doing stuff with Martin Luther King. He did the march on Selma and Montgomery. He was, you know, the SCLC. He was the Southern Christian Leadership Conference founder, I think. Maybe not the founder, but I think he was early on. He was one of the leaders of it.

Anyway, on and on. He led protests. and eventually ran for president twice in 97, no, in 84 and 88 he ran for president and did pretty well actually. And he was the first black man to get to run for president since the reconstruction era. And I remember Eddie Murphy had a funny routine about showing Jesse Jackson on stage, giving his acceptance speech for president. And he was, at his head down,

and he was, like, darting back and forth around the stage. I showed that to my girls, uh, and like during Obama's second term, they could not believe how dark that was. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, extraordinary man, one of the most important people in the history of this country

and, uh, kept, kept, uh, just kept pushing. Just kept fighting. This might be a Gibbons fact. But I have a memory when you talk about dirty politics, I have a memory that Republicans gave money. Like, I don't know if it was anonymously or however they did it. But they donated to Jesse Jackson's campaign because they wanted him to mess up. They thought he was unelectable. But they wanted him to gain.

steam and primary strong and disrupt the Democratic Party. Yes, that sounds right to me. That sounds very familiar to me. But then again, you know, you're talking to right now. That's true. So a given fact just collided with a fits fact. Yes. And that makes sense.

Anyway, and I also alluded to like reading about him a lot in New York in the papers, but he actually lived in Chicago. But I don't know why. He was, maybe he was in New York a lot, but I was a social. him with living in New York at one point. Anyway, who else died? We also lost Robert Duval. And I'm just looking up, I mean, there's a lot of go-to movies.

So I've never seen The Apostle. That's not one of the go. The Apostle was great. He produced that as well. And I know he and Billy Bob, because he was in Slingblade, I believe, or he's affiliated. Maybe he's a producer, but I think he might be in Slingblade. Billy Bob told a funny story. Oh, this is interesting.

I saw Craig Kilbourne this week too. So Billy Bob told the story and he goes, he goes, yeah, so he didn't really like talking about craft that much. And he goes, and he had a very like kind of simple approach. But what he loved to talk about was meat any chance he could. And Billy Bob goes, so meanwhile, I'm hanging out with him. He talks about meat so much. And I have to think about things to feign my interest because I've been vegan for 18 years.

He goes, if he knew I was, if he knew I ordered quinoa as my main dish, he would stop talking to me. Yeah, that's hilarious. And he talked about sometimes it would be for something. Anyway, the Kilbourne part was he was a guest of ours and we were so incredibly flattered that he did our show. And I remember Craig called me up during the commercial break and they were talking about steaks and Robert Duval and I might still have it out of his wallet gave me. a stake place in Kansas City, and he goes, F all the rest. This is where you want to get your meat shipped from. Really?

Yep. So it was funny to hear Billy Bob say, all he wanted to do was talk about meat. My only interaction with the man ever, he gave me a card on where to get my stakes. Hilarious. Yeah. But amazing actor. So incredible. Amazing actor.

And also the way he led his career. First of all, he had an awful name. Like, he's one of those names that you always go, what's that? guy's that actor. I love that actor. What's his name? And like Kevin Spacey has a name like that. You just can't conjure it up when you want it. But he really didn't go after celebrity or fame. He really was about the work. God, I mean, oh, I didn't know he was in the original true grit in 69. He started in 62 and to kill a mockingbird. Dude, he was in bullet. He was in MASH. I did not know that. He was in THX 1138.

That was the, that was, what's his face from Star Wars? I believe that was his first film before Star Wars. George. Yeah, George's first film. The Godfather, obviously, trilogy and everything. The outfit, the conversation, which is a great movie. All the Godfather is the breakout. Network, which never leaves my top five movies.

He's amazing in that. The eagle has landed. Apocalypse now. The Great Santini. True Confessions. I think he got an Oscar for Great Santini, didn't he? I don't know. Look up what he got it because I'll keep reading.

Now, he often played bag eyes, the natural. Colors. Let's get Harry. Handmaid's Tale. Wow. Tender mercies. Lonesome dove. falling down.

I remember he was the cop. He was a badass cop and falling down. The paper, Geronimo. It just goes on and on. It's really crazy. Slingblade, the Apostle, the Ginger Red Man, a civil action. He was nominated for seven Oscars and won for Tender Mercies. Right.

I remember him on stage because I remember Johnny Cash was in the crowd. And he thanked those guys. He thanked Willie, Whalen, Johnny and he said that their approval was equal to the critical acclaim. And it would not exist. Yeah.

All right. Well, let's cheer up. Let's cheer up. Let's go to the funny section. Give me a crinkle. Let's go, baby. Here we go. Okay. As you know, the comedy caption contest happens every week. I give you guys one frame of a cartoon. You write in some punchlines. You send them to Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com.

Put your name right underneath your little punchline. We select some of our favorites, and the number one pick gets a coozy sent to you in some time in the next 18 months by Mr. Mike Gibbons, Jr. And this week, we had a cartoon of two snowmen. They look sad. It's a sunny day out. And there is a friend of theirs is another snowman who is completely melted except for the top side of his head. You just see the carrot, these stick arms, and a hat on his head, and he's, and there's a puddle all around him. And Sean's joke was, fuck you, Jack.

Okay. Is that Jack Frost? I guess so. All right. Matt says, where is ice when you need them? Nope. You know, there's a little thing that you do is when you're trying to create a joke is you try to ignore the first impulse. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Lane said, I'm going to kill that ground hog. He said we had time. Yeah, very literal. Okay, Lane. Daniel said, oh, no, Frosty has gone into liquidation. Okay. I mean, you're okay. Rob Mitchell said it's hard to see Dad like this, but cheer up. The Dow is over 50,000 right now. That's kind of funny. Jane said,

Snowmen caption. Hell of a meltdown, but not as bad as Pam Bondies. I think the 50,000 did it. That did it much better. Danford said, God damn TikTok challenge. Yeah, it's almost like the ice plunge

or wherever the hell it was. I think it's a couple steps better than that. Ron Dvorak said, he said he had a hot girlfriend. I didn't believe him. Yeah. No. Sam said, they said,

his wife was a squirder. Okay. And that melted him, I guess, because it's pee. Chili B said, Patty! And then in parentheses, it's because Patty melts. Very good explanation. That one made me laugh out loud. Yeah.

Neil Cross says Ralph just needs to chill out, man. Okay. That's it. I like the 50,000. Rob Mitchell, congratulations. Congratulations to you, the punchline was it's hard to see dad like this. But cheer up. The Dow is over 50,000 right now.

I mean, that meme was used a lot for other things, but I liked it here. All right. Next week's caption is, or cartoon is, it's a woman. She's in a cocktail dress. She looks like she's lived hard. She's got a cigarette dangling out of her mouth and high-heeled shoes. She's sitting on a bar stool in front of. of a slot machine.

She has an intravenous feed going into her arm. And the bag that normally holds the saline solution says gin and tonic on it. Mm-hmm. So this is a dark. She might be battling a few addictions here. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

This is dark. This is dark. Oh, I just realized I forgot to pull my comics for this week. No worries. We don't need them this week. I have a very funny onion we can go out on. Okay, good. Let's do that.

Here's the onion. You see the Supreme Court of justices. And then the headline is Trump suffers setback unrelated to child rape. And I'm going to go with that word because I guess we're so far off the algorithm. So far off the algorithm. But thank you guys for joining us anyway. We appreciate you. Thank you to Gotham Productions for doing a great job.

And really, we're seeing the numbers go up. They're no small part of that. We also want to thank our sponsors this week. Quo QUO. Go to Quo.com slash papers and get yourself 20% off your first six months. Also, Fabric by Gerber Life. Go to meetfabric.com slash papers. And you're going to get yourself, I don't know if you get anything,

but it gives us credit for having heard this. on this podcast. So make sure you check it out and put in that code. All right. That's it. Mike, for the pleasure. Listen, I'm going to go watch Canada's hockey game and now the U.S.'s hockey game is probably just completed.

No spoilers. No spoilers, everybody. No spoilers. All right. Take it,ish. Dang itish. Monday, Tuesday. Time to grab a mic.