Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 31 10/4/20

Episode Date: October 4, 2020

New Sunday Papers.  Covid in Chief, South Park, Florida Men and oddly a bunch of talk about milk: almond, oat and breasteses.

🎵 Read all about it! Read all about it! Read all about it! Read all about it! In college, in a weird way, I preferred acid. Blondie's in the kitchen. Her breasts protrude that much more right over the pan.

The tits are hanging over the pan. And in the next room... Read all about it! Sunday papers! Standing on a street corner. It's late February. I'm poor. It's the Depression.

Buy it, or I go hungry. Hey, now. Wait, we're in little... We're doing scenes now? Yeah. With the scenes with the? I'm telling you what character I'm in when we start the show. Oh, I didn't know that.

You want to tell us about your high-heeled shoes and bright red lipstick? Has it been, that's my character? Wait, let me, here's the. Ah. I didn't know you did a character every week. Yeah, it's always a different newsy boy. Oh, I didn't. I did a character every week. Yeah, it's always a different newsy boy. Oh, I didn't. I should listen to the podcast.

I never put that together. Every Sunday comes out in the morning. And this week we're going to try to cover news in a way that's somehow not expired by the time people hear it 12 hours later. Yeah. Also, if you're a right winger, don't be a wimp and tune out. We're not going to trash things. Just listen. Just listen and know that, you know,

comedy is perspective. You don't have to share it to laugh at it. All right. Huh. We'll get to that in a minute. First of all, we want to thank, oh, my God, Mitch Robinson did a great theme song this week.

Thank you for that. And then the logo is from James Watersike. Waterchick. Woderchick. He did that Beavis and Budhead one. Who are you talking about? W? James W?

Yeah. Woody. I know he's got a nickname like Woody. And then the guy, David Chamberlain, who's done, I think, art and music for us. Wow. And he did the great Van Morrison mix last week with your voice. He did another one based on last week's show where you kind of sang Stairway to Heaven, and I kind of sang—

Oh, no, I very much said it. Yeah. As a challenge. And he turned it into music, so here it is. Check this out. I, I, I will always love you. I will always love you. And she's buying a stairway to my ass pussy.

That's pretty amazing. This guy can turn anything into music. Sorry, we were pretending to listen. Got it. I wish I could comment on it because I forget what it sounds like. He did a good job, though. Yeah. Speaking of good jobs, the NFL right now,

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Yeah. The whole season, I'm going to bet against Tampa Bay with the spread. I'm going to bet against, what's his face? And he. Tom Brady. They won it both weeks. They beat the spread. So I don't know what's going on in Vegas with the odds makers.

But come on. Well, Brady is a huge Trump supporter, so he may be upset and distracted this week and maybe throw a game. Why would he be upset? Trump's health is apparently great, according to his doctors this morning. Is that right? Did you watch the press conference? No. Oh, it's not good.

I mean, what's not good is you can't tell, and this is in my opinion, they were very evasive, the doctors. His doctor was very evasive. I think I screen grabbed some stuff. But this is the problem, and this is really unbiased. This will prove it. It was rosy, rosy. He's doing great. In fact, he was up, boy, right? No oxygen. Uh, and he's like, why can't I go back to work? You know, like, and he's just energetic and doing

great up there. No fever. Hasn't had a fever since Friday or maybe even no fever Friday also. Anyway. maybe even no fever Friday also. Anyway. Um, then the white house issued a statement, uh, that he's hurting that they do not have a clear like path, uh, that they can talk about that, uh, like, uh, for recovery and that, and basically it's like, okay, they're setting up the hero story, I guess that he's going to overcome. But the problem is you have to guess. Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't see the press conference. Right.

There's a lot of theories, you know, because they're giving information in, as always, conflicting information, when the American people, their leader, their fucking commander-in-chief, could be on his deathbed or he could be walking out of there tomorrow. And we can't get a straight answer, which once again puts the kind of, and it causes everybody to have these conspiracy theories. Oh. Yeah, that he's just faking it so that he can come out, so that at the end of it, he can, you know, walk out into the Rose Garden and he's been taking Phlox, Atana, Kana, whatever he's making up. And some Viagra and have an erection and fuck his fucking secretary. into the Rose Garden and he's been taking floxatonicana, whatever he's making up,

and some Viagra and have an erection and fuck his fucking secretary in front of everybody and be a hero. You're so sexist. You don't fuck your secretary, you fuck your assistant. They no longer, I think, it's like you don fly fuck stewardesses. You fuck flight attendants. That's right. That's right. Um, so, all right. So this oxygen, whether I don't know why this is a big deal, but the big, it's not a big deal, whether he's taking oxygen or not. The big deal is that they're conspiracy theories and there seem to be denials or at the very least, as I said, evasive behavior regarding the question of was the president on oxygen? Pictures have emerged online. I don't know if they're authentic or not, where they claim to see when he was going to the hospital and walking to the helicopter, they can see the oxygen tube coming over his

ear and under his mask. But this is fact. The president's doctor, Sean Conley, was asked three separate times in this morning's press conference just now whether Trump needed supplemental oxygen. Here are his answers. Reporter, has he ever been on supplemental oxygen? Right now, he is not on oxygen. Yesterday and today, he was not on oxygen. Reporter, has he ever been on supplemental oxygen? Right now he is not on oxygen. Yesterday and today he was not on oxygen. Reporter, so he has not been on it during this, blah, blah. He is not on oxygen right now. And then another reporter, I think, I know you said there's no oxygen. Yeah, he's not on oxygen today. But did he receive any on Thursday? The doctor, what's today?

Saturday? No, no. Thursday? The reporter goes, no, Thursday, no Friday, no Saturday. That's fine. We were confused. Thursday, no oxygen. It was like a Marx Brothers skit.

It was crazy. It's like two kids in third grade trying to say, you're it. No, I'm not it. You touched Tommy. It's so stupid. Yeah, it's crazy. And so, well, at least he's wearing a mask. I mean, it's going to be an oxygen mask, but that's finally, he needs a mask to hold the fucking ventilator to.

I think those are better than anything. Here's another question from the press conference this morning. Keep in mind, this press conference looked like this, like 10 doctors, all lab coats standing out front. What was the date of the president's last negative test? That's an easy question. I'm not going to get into all the testing going back, was the answer. Well, apparently he showed up for the debate late.

And one of the rules was that you were supposed to get tested before the debate. He showed up late. And so they said on an honor system, he said that he didn't have COVID. And who knows? He may very well have had it by then. It's been revealed, by the way, Associated Press.

No, I saw that. And Mike Wallace, Chris Wallace said, right, he violated the honor system there. It's such a shit. It's always a shit show. Why is it? And listen, I know there are secrets and I know when the issues are this important and affect the world that a lot of thought has to go in when you disseminate information, but like at least do your lying. Well, if you are lying and not create everything we're talking about now. So I guess Associated Press confirmed that he was on oxygen at some point before he got to the hospital, I guess.

So Trump's doctor, oh, so they said, here's a good control question to see if his doctor is lying. Ask him to confirm medically that Trump weighs, and go on record, that Trump weighs 246 pounds. Get the doctor to answer that, and then we'll see where he is. Okay, another issue, and then we'll let it go, the press conference. This was a big headline out of a very short press conference. a big headline out of a very short press conference. He said that they were 72 hours into Trump's diagnosis. The math works out that Trump told the public, however, 35 hours ago. Yeah. So anyway, and they won't say when his last negative test was. So there's a lot of speculation, which is really unnecessary and damaging to everything. So, uh, I don't know. Uh, where,

where were you when you heard he got the virus? Well, I mean, as far as him faking it, um, you know, Melania has got it too, and she's been faking it for like 25 years. So maybe he can pick up some tips from her while they're in the, uh, in recovery at the hospital. How do you do this? How have you kept smiling all this time? Did you see the photo that they dug up at?

She dug up part of the pun, but she's at some groundbreaking ceremony and she's standing there with a shovel. I don't even, don't even say it. Posing, looking at the camera. Why? No, it's someone online was very funny. Yeah. I with a shovel. No, don't even say it. Posing, looking at the camera. Why?

No, it's someone online was very funny. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Anyway, of course we have to say it now. Anyway, the funny made-up meme was like, I dig grave for a husband. Yeah. Why can't you say that?

What happened to you? What happened to you? You know, I just don't, I don't want to hear it from people. I don't want to hear it, you know? And Melania, let's move on to Melania, who apparently doesn't like Christmas. Did you, did you hear the tapes? Wait, one more, one more Trump thing I want to say.

I want to give credit to this guy, Frank McGovern on Twitter. I thought it was such a funny tweet. When the news was first announced by Trump that he has it, he tweets, Trump is in several high risk groups, elderly, obese, low income.

Yeah. Do you think, do you think he'll be able to write all this off on his taxes, his medical bills? I know, right? How's he going to pay? Yeah.

Right. I wonder if he does pay or is like, is this considered a work-related injury? So the White House pays. He doesn't even have the $10 copay. He's in the hole, $350 million. Oh my, $351 by the time this is done. I wonder what this is. Think about what this is costing the taxpayers, the number of people that have been infected by his inner circle because of them not wearing masks. What's the dollar value on what this has cost America in medical bills? Yeah. Well, I wonder if it's cheaper than his golf trips to Florida, constant golf trips. So Melania, I guess for Christmas.

I'm liking her more and more. I know there's a lot to not like. Yeah. I haven't followed the Christmas story. So go ahead. All right, here's what she said. I think I was fine with it. She was recording, you know, she had this assistant who was recording her.

For some reason, that's legal to put that out. was uh recording her for some reason that that's legal to put that out but she was talking about the policy of separating families who illegally crossed the border and at the same time needing to perform her traditional first lady duties preparing for christmas and she said they they say they say i'm complicit i'm I'm the same like him. I support him. I don't say enough. I don't do enough where I am. Yeah.

I'm working my ass off on Christmas stuff. But you know, who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right? Okay. And then I do it. And, and I say that I'm working on Christmas and planning for Christmas. And they say, Oh, what about the children that have been separated? Give me a fucking break. This is different than your newsy character. That was at the top of the podcast? What accent was that close to? Was it near her part of the world? I mean, generally, it wasn't South America.

It was a little Pakistani. Yeah. Mixed with Eastern European. And a nice dose of jerky boys. What? So, I went to dentist? And in a hurry, I don't feel so good, God damn it. That's a different one, yeah.

Yeah. So, I mean, I knew something was up with the kids in cages because she said, because apparently like the Christmas angel that she was putting on top of the tree was dressed in a quinceanera outfit, but in a cage. Oh, it's a caged angel on the top of the tree? Wow. Wait, are you not with her? Here's the translation, I think.

It's like, I can't win, which I agree with. She's in a no-win position. She's talking like she's being forced to do the decorations. And it's like, especially during this time, and this is, you know, before they were sick, but still, you know, with 200,000 deaths, like, it's bullshit. Like, and it's all the image that I'm actually going to do, which is also such a backwards view, like, you know, the first lady keeping the home. Why does that have to be have clearly the white house has a staff fucking set it up.

You know what I mean? Well, because once again, the, you know, the leader of the free world and his wife are trying to, they want to represent this Christian value thing, this all American wholesome, you know, Judeoristian value and then you got to play the role it's a fucking figurehead role first lady is there to represent something and uh if they want to play the game that they're christians then you gotta fucking i mean i know it's it's also cultural because in again in her defense and her, whatever it's called, they have a centuries old, they have a different tradition. They dress the town homosexual as a Jew and then they stone him. So it's just different.

I mean, it's an adjustment for her. Right. And they only decorate the Jew. They put the decorations on the Jew. So it's not like a giant tree or something. Right. They screw in the horns. Yeah. And, uh...

Yeah. The, um... But, uh... I don't know. The Judea... Whatever. It's... Don't defend anybody here. This this is i don't know what oh i i don't like what you said apparently and you know we'll get fact checked on this from what i understand when obama did separate children which did happen it was because of the i think because of abuse because they found there was abuse going on. There was abuse. Exactly. That's right. That's what I think was going on. And there was, it was, uh, to protect the child. By the way. Um, I think you told me Biden pulled all the negative campaign ads critical of

Trump. Yeah. So that was, uh, that was a new story, uh, yesterday that he pulled all the negative campaign ads. And then that was confirmed on Facebook as well. I can't find the story here. And then Trump heard about the gesture and said, that's because he's a pussy. So you're saying he's not going to follow suit?

I don't think Trump, no, in fact, wait. Oh, shit. I think, yeah, he's taking the high road. And I think, you know, right now Biden made a pretty nice statement about supporting Trump and promising to bring the country together and to heal. And I guess Trump is sticking to insulting Biden's children to make him stutter. So slightly different versions of. Yeah, completely. There was some line about, there was a funny reporter, I'm not going to remember it, but there were like, and it was something at the same time, some ugly ad came out, you know, from the Trump campaign. Clearly it wasn't, you know, Donald pressing send on it. Uh, but, but I was wondering that if, um, like a true politician, if Biden

is going to create a new ad, trying to get credit for this saying he's pulling all the negative ads, something to the effect of like, hi, I'm Joe Biden. First and foremost, my prayers go out to the president and his family. This is bigger than politics, and that is why I have removed my campaign ads criticizing the president. You will not see the 30-second spot on how he alone is responsible for at least half of the 200,000 COVID deaths. That's gone. So too is the 60-second about him paying, not paying taxes for years, years, pays less than a school teacher for Christ's sake, despicable. So that ad, that ad won't run for now. And most recent tally is 25,000 documented lies from his administration. That wasn't an ad, but it's Biden and I approve this message. This message, not the message that calls Trump out for rushing the Supreme Court nominee or the one about how he couldn't easily condemn white supremacist hate groups. Those I do not endorse and they won't be running this week. And if all goes well, they'll never air because I hear the president is on oxygen,

especially because of his stroke a few months ago. Okay, that's it. I could see him doing that. I think I know what our Instagram video clip is this week. If only I could read it without stammering through it. Well, I guess Biden does that. By the way, watch those. Go to our Instagram account.

Or it's actually all on my Instagram account, I think. Do you post it as well, Mike? I do, I do. Sometimes I miss them. Oh. But, yeah. We put up a couple videos every week. And then if you don't know, this show is on YouTube. If you want to watch us, we look fucking good.

We don't. I have to wear makeup I got a little Hendrix back there I got a little nobody knows that this is Bruce Springsteen cause it's some bad artwork my brother bought for me but I gotta put it up cause it's my brother I'm doing it from a Nordstrom's dressing room

so oh and by the way happy birthday happy birthday to my son Owen turned 20 years old today. Whoa. He's fucking, he's not a teenager anymore. I remember the day he was, obviously I remember the day he was born. In a weird way, I remember being psyched before I knew he was coming that day

because I assumed he'd be late. Was he late? He was late. But I remember, I think it was, um, kid a, a big radio head album came out.

Like very anticipated the day he was born. Oh, no shit. Really? He was born. He was born on a Tuesday, right? Uh,

I believe it was a Tuesday, and it was planned. It was a C-section, so we knew in advance. Oh. I'm going to look that up. Or actually, why don't you look that up, Chris Denman? I'm going to look it up. You know, we never give enough love to Chris Denman, who's our producer, who does a fantastic job.

Thank you, Chris. You want to say hello? Hey, what's up, guys? Hey, there you go, man. Appreciate it. Love it. So, Chris is in St. Louis, Missouri with the Midcoast Media Company.

And you enjoying doing the show? You enjoying producing the show, Chris? I do. I have a blast. I feel bad because I'm on a phone, so I don't know how great this sounds. Sounds good. Super fun.

You always crack me up. I love it. Nice to hear. And what? Chris, you're late. You're late, Chris late chris i got it you're too busy not doing your job and talking to this fucking clown uh

try to insert myself sorry guys i apologize it was two thousand i think i might have mistakenly said two thousand three two thousand obviously he's twenty yeah kid a october third no shit oh i'll have to tell him to listen to it today i sent him cupcakes a chin up bar Yeah, Kid A, October 3rd. No shit. Oh, I'll have to tell him to listen to it today. I sent him cupcakes, a chin-up bar, and we're buying a sushi dinner for him.

He's going to take his friends out tonight for a sushi dinner on us. So good. I mean, you can't get more inland sushi than Chicago. Yeah, right, right. Strong Mo, you didn't send him to Michael Jordan's Steakhouse? You know, it probably would cost about the same, you know know because you know they're going to over order yeah but but at least they'll under tip because they're college kids wait so in chicago's uh i know we're going to talk about new york restaurants eventually but you know this is very, obviously it's spreading through that sort of super spreader event from the White House lawn, but it is, the numbers are going up.

Fall has arrived, so it'll be very interesting. So New York restaurants are planning to open, but I was wondering about Chicago. Chicago's doing pretty good. Yeah, you can go to bars and restaurants in Chicago, but him and his friends have not. He lives with four or five other guys, and they've been super responsible. They just, you know, they get a few beers, and they kick back, and they play games, and they walk around outside. He skateboards outside, but no exposure. They're not your typical college kids.

One kid's an artist. The other one's a musician. They cook. You know, they're not your typical college kids. One kid's an artist. The other one's a musician. They cook. They're pretty cool. Nice. Has it gotten cold there yet? Yeah, it got cold yesterday, but the cold like in the 50s, not real cold yet. By the way, speaking of amazing things.

Oh, yeah? There is a company, things. Oh yeah. There is a, yeah, there is a, there is a company, uh, uh, Croval furniture that is a big sponsor of the show. And they sent me as a gift, they said, pick anything off our catalog. So for Owen's room, I picked out this, uh, it's called floating furniture. You know, you attach it to the wall, but it is the most like high quality it's the kind of shit you'll have for the rest of your life and leave to your kids it's not like some crappy you know i'm not going to mention stores that that that we all buy from for the same price you can get something that has no visible mounting hardware it is may handmade in portland maine simple line kind of a mid-century look it is easy i installed

it in about 12 minutes so this is different than the floating furniture in louisiana and texas when the hurricane hit oh no that's it's all repurposed wood yeah oh all right yeah and you can see there's actually there's there's fingernail marks scraping down the sides of the wood. Solid hardware, no particle board, no cheap stained pine. And they donate a tree for every piece of furniture sold. Customized sizes to fit your space. Nightstands, floating desks, entry tables, media consoles. Most tables built while listening. They say they build their

tables while listening to this podcast. So check them out. Go to Krovelmade.com and order something personalized that you're going to treasure and feel good every time you walk into your house. That's why we try to keep the laughs down. The guys work in the buzzsaw. We don't want them to sort of chortle and lose a finger. That's right. We try to put people in the framework of really staying focused and not being pulled off into the entertainment of a podcast that's relevant. I like the floating furniture carpenter. He's probably like, fuck legs. Legs are such a pain in the fucking ass.

Yeah, right. Is any place hiring? I'm great at cabinetry. I don't do legs. Yeah, right. That's how it probably started. They got a shipment of legs that got lost, and they were like, eh, fuck it. Where are the legs?

You fucking deal with it. Put it on the wall. We can save like 20% in wood costs Our overhead just went way down I like it Did I mention there's no bottoms To any of the cabinets? They're floating They're floating

Not like the stupid furniture in Louisiana That has legs and is also floating So useless Yeah Not like the stupid furniture in Louisiana that has legs and is also floating. Yeah, right. So useless. Yeah. By the way, if you want to advertise with us, we've had great luck. All our advertisers are very happy. They're all coming back.

They're local-ish. They're like listeners. Yeah. One of them owes us a little money, but you know, they're mostly all paying on time. Not these guys. I think you should say that for the record. Not them. Not them.

They've floated us some bills from what I hear. I have to trust you. Very nice. Very nice. All right. Let's get down to, wait, we did talk about Melania for a second. No, we did that. Let's get to International.

Yeah, I took her side and you hated it. A British library said someone returned a pair of books, including an early Thomas the Tank Engine book, 48 years after their original two date. It happened in Hampshire, England. They were mailed in with an apology note, and it said, please accept my apologies for the late return of these items,

signed Andy. But I couldn't put it down. Couldn't put it down. Well, that's the thing about Thomas the Tank Engine. It's not, that's not a quick read. I mean, he gets into like, you know, the allegories that deconstruct perceptions of industrial revolution, our collective malaise in the face of existential mortality. There's a lot in there.

You want to really piece through it. And you know the saying, when you reread a classic, you don't learn more about the book. You learn more about yourself. So that you just keep returning to it. Right, right. So apparently the fees would have been $10,800. Right, right. So apparently the fees would have been $10,800,

but the facility put a moratorium on late fees in April due to COVID-19. So they literally were waiting it out. Yeah. It's very British. It's very British. They waited it out. They were proper. And then they – it's like the way, you know, it's like the way they still let the natives in India stop down for tea for 20 minutes before going back to slave labor where they were worked to death.

It's like they had the book in hand. They went up to the door during SARS. No? It's 7,000? Okay. No, no. Then I'm going to keep it. Don't worry. Then they're up there during bird flu, whatever it is, swine flu. And Okay. No, no. Then I'm going to keep it. Don't worry.

Then they're up there during bird flu, whatever it is, swine flu. And they're coming. No. Oh, it's still 9,000. Okay. We'll come back. We'll come back.

Yeah. You know, I got, I got another baton on my hands. I got this, I got this book to read. Yeah. By the way, you know,

and I bring up the British a lot because people talk about the germans and how many uh jewish people were killed the fucking british in the 1870s when they uh ruled india there was a there were famines that happened that led to deaths of over five million people while the deaths were happening, the British Empire increased to record levels their exports of grain to the rest of the world. It's the same thing that's Ireland, where a million, at least a million people were killed then during famines. They way go beyond what the Nazis did in this world. Whoa. Way beyond what the Nazis did?

Way beyond it. If you look at what they did in africa how many people were worked to death in africa they had a far further reach than the nazis obviously especially with the sustained with the duration of the british empire and the you know the awful colonization everywhere but they did it in such a genteel way. Yes. So where the Germans were just really blunt, I thought. Yeah. The Germans didn't try to convert your religion,

whereas the British gave you a chance to kind of recalibrate how you see the world. Yeah. Yeah, the Germans didn't try to convince you that, no, no, trust us, we will improve your life by imposing all of our values this ugly old lady on your money. We'll start there. We'll start there. No big deal. If you can handle that, then we'll get into the part where we starve you to death. New section in the paper, Mike. It's been suggested by multiple listeners that we do a section handling Florida man. Handling Florida Man.

Okay. Florida Man. I coincidentally, I saw that you came up with this segment, and it was a total coincidence. One of my favorite stories I read this week involves a Florida Man. So you go with yours first. So we got two Florida man stories. If you want more of these and you can't get enough,

go to floridaman.com or follow them on Twitter. This one I actually got out of the newspaper, but it reminded me of it. So wait, Florida man's a website? Oh yeah, yeah. Ah, all right. They probably have books out at this point. Yeah, I think it should be Florida comma man,

like Florida man. Like, Florida, man. Man. Florida man faces multiple charges after authorities say he stole mail from a woman while only wearing his underwear. According to the police,

the woman discovered the man wearing only a pair of underwear taking mail out of her mailbox. When she questioned him, the Florida man, 64-year-old David D dunaway began yelling and swung

at her through her car window and hit her with the stolen mail um at this point the woman pulled out a knife and threatened to shoot if he came any closer at which point the florida man fled so that's not a true florida man true florida man keeps going until he's shot dead in the street. That's how these stories generally end. Should we have a new segment called Florida woman? She's driving around with a knife. No, she had a gun. I love that even women in Florida have guns.

And I can argue that I'm against gun control. I'm for gun control unless you're in Florida. If you're in Florida, I get it. Right. Well, that's the problem with all the gun thing. It's like, it has to be every, all or nothing. You know what I mean? Or mostly all or nothing. Cause you don't want to unwittingly show up to a gunfight now don't bring a don't bring an alligator to a gunfight so he but they said they he was stealing her mail and he was in his underwear but um maybe he was going for that absentee ballot they don't they don't mention if he had a MAGA hat on. Yeah. Maybe he thought she was a Democrat and was stealing her mail or whatever the other way around.

Right. Right. All right. Here's my first. An argument over whether almond milk or whole milk was the superior milk turned violent when a Florida man allegedly slashed his, he did, I don't know why they put allegedly. Oh, I guess because he might deny it. Allegedly slashed his cousin with a pocket knife, according to an arrest report. According to the victim, he and Justin Garcia engaged in a verbal argument about what milk is better,

almond or whole milk. The dispute became physical when Garcia became enraged at the victim for disagreeing with him. Police and court records, I'm just, this is literally in the article, police and court records do not indicate which man was advocating in favor of which milk. But later in the article, it said, after being read his rights, Garcia said, he thinks he's better than the whole family, which to me means Garcia is championing whole milk. Yeah. And it's also the whole milk Has all kinds of Fucking steroids From the cows in it

It's getting them All jacked up Yeah So Garcia Whose rap sheet includes And this is A typical Florida civilian His rap sheet includes

Convictions for drunk driving Carrying a concealed weapon And probation violation Is scheduled for arraignment On October 26th A judge has ordered him to have no contact with the victim and the judge told everyone not to mention alternative milks around Garcia. Talk about being lactose intolerant. If one of you brings up oat milk, who knows what he'll do.

And whatever you do, do not breastfeed in front of them. Right. Which is by the way, the best of all, if you're going to have an argument about which is the best milk, breast milk. Did I tell you that I breastfed Erin one time? I breastfed off of Erin while she was breastfeeding. Okay. My mind's doing less cartwheels now. Now I can follow. It's still, ugh, but I can follow it. I'm sure. I mean, yeah. I probably sampled. Don't most people? Not off Aaron. I didn't sample off Aaron. I mean, don't most couples who have

there's lactating going on? I think if you didn't taste your wife's breast milk, you've also never sniffed your own cum. These are a lot. I'm not great at math, so I don't know if that works out. It's on the SATs. It is? Yeah. It's if A equals B.

Yeah. Yeah. It's transitive. It's transitive math, I believe. Yes. All right. What did you think of it? Of the breast milk?

Well, what happened was Aaron's mom came out, and Owen was probably three months old. And as you know, Aaron breastfed for two years for each kid. Yes. I was at a dinner once where Owen, I think, verbally asked for the tit. Of course he did. I mean, you can speak at one. Why wouldn't you? You can speak at one.

I mean, it was a year into speech. He conjugated a verb when asking for it. He used the future perfect of asking to breastfeed. I think the waiter was like, do you want something to start? He's like, no, no, I got my mom's tit. It's right here. And then I went language. And that's my tit tonight. You go on the right one. tit tonight you go on the right one the best was like we'd be at christmas and my family is super irish catholic a little bit squeamish and we'd be sitting in the living room at christmas and she'd pop one out i would walk over and the room would fucking clear like everybody gotta accept my brother-in-law rob who would stand there and like just fucking ogle.

You're going to breastfeed him, aren't you? You seem capable. Raising Arizona. So anyway, her mom comes out. And I think I've told this story on my podcast. Her mom comes out and says, why don't you guys just take one night and we got a hotel in the hotel that your dad stays at Marina Del Rey so we got a room there just for the night it's on the beach and it's the first night and Owen was a difficult kid so this was like such a like shoulders just dropped and we

were feeling romantic and we walk on the beach we had went to bed, had sex probably for the first time since he was born. And then we passed out thinking like, oh, we're going to wake up. We're going to have morning sex and then brunch and go home. 3 a.m. I wake up to her crying and I'm like, what's going on? Are you missing Owen? And she's like, no, I'm engorged. I forgot to bring the pump and my breasts are engorged and it hurts and I need to release the milk. We gotta go home. And I was like, we're not going home. I said, this is our only night in three months.

We get morning sex, we get brunch. And she's like, no, I gotta go home. And I was like, there's no other way. You can't like squeeze it. She's like, no gotta go home and i was like there's no other way you can't like squeeze it she's like no it has to be sucked out so i said pop them out yeah and she's like that's ridiculous i go give me a shot so i grabbed one you're like i'm not that much older than Owen at this point. We both talk. He's got, his teeth are bigger than mine. What are you worried about? So I get my hand under the tit and, uh, I cradle it and I get, I get my mouth on it and I'm sucking and she's like slapping my head. She's like, no, you got to get the tongue

underneath. You got to, she's like coaching me through it. And then after like a minute, there was like a, there was like a, a thick, sweet spurt that went into the back of my throat. It was like, it tasted like a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. And I, and I, so I, I pulled off and I spit it out and then I went to suck and I had to start all over again. She's like, no, you can't spit it out because you lose the suction. So then I start swallowing it. You had trouble latching. I had trouble latching. So you start swallowing it?

Well, she had to burp me a little bit. And then I start swallowing it and I keep swallowing it. And I empty the breast, go to the second breast. And while I'm on the second breast, I begin to kind of rub up against her and I start kind of grinding and we begin to make love while I'm breastfeeding my wife. Look at that. And by the end of it,

like we're both orgasming, there's milk running down my chin it was the most carnal disgusting thing ever by the way i i like your line that you probably dropped it like oh my god i'm engorged and in pain now too you have to suck get it out that's the only way no no no you got to get your chin up more. Less teeth. Less teeth. Relatch. Relatch.

You got to swallow it. If you spit it out, it's not going to work. I don't know. This creepy story, which is fascinating. I think it might be your sort of coded repressed memory of blowing a guy in a hotel room. Oh, here goes Silence of the lambs guy all over again. That's what I think it is. Yeah. Um, you also told a funny breastfeeding story. It's not even funny as much as interesting. You saw two women at the, at a park at the beach. You took your young,

young kids there and a woman was breastfeeding. Go ahead. You can tell it. Woman was breastfeeding, and then— Oh, no, one woman. Sorry, one woman was there. One woman is breastfeeding. There's two kids, and I'm sitting there, and I'm trying to watch because there's— You know, Brad, let's be honest. There's no better breast than an engorged breast. It's full.

We already know you're partial to them. We already got that loud and clear. Now I have a fetish. So I'm in the park. Miss, are you hurting? Can I help? Let me show you my reel. And so she starts breastfeeding this kid, finishes, and these kids are fucking old.

They're like doing full swings on the chin-up bar, and they're playing chess. They're chugging it like a yoo-hoo and then running back to the slide. They're eating Doritos. They're going to suck eating a Dorito. She has big orange rings around her nipples. Oh, shit, is that jalapeno? These are spicy. You know, they say the best thing for spice is milk.

Holy crap. So the kid finishes, and he goes off to do what he's doing. And then the other kid comes over. And I go, so I'm talking to her, you know, as you do when someone's breastfeeding. Yeah, of course. When you're a single guy at the park. And I go, oh, you got two sons. Are they twins?

They don't even look like twins. And she's like, no, this is my friend's son. We both work part-time, and we do a share on babysitting. And I go, so you breastfeed your friend's son as well? She's like, yeah, we each breastfeed each other's kids. Which, you know, this is probably in the early 2000s. I don't think I had kids yet, and that sounded so bizarre to me. Turns out it's a rather new thing

that women don't breastfeed other kids, like, you know, in the last hundred years or whatever it is. Exactly. But like, that that was, it takes a village. Well, that village was a bunch of boobs. Yeah. And one woman would continue,

because you can continue breastfeeding as long as somebody is feeding off you, you will continue to produce milk. Right. I say milk, by the way. But, you know, people used to hire wet nurses. You would have a wet nurse, and when she was done with you, she would go to somebody else. And those titties, they got to work out over the years. Oh, my God, yeah.

No, it's impossible. Well, they have a great store in la i like the name too it's called the pump station yes and it's all but they're you know they're referred to as nipple nazis because it's the whole you know your kid will be dumber if you give them formula and all that stuff well you remember the final scene of, which Steinbeck book is it? Grapes of Wrath, I think. Grapes of Wrath, where- Yeah. Yeah, they're dying of starvation and there's an old black man

who's about to die of starvation and the young white woman whose child has died is engorged with milk and breastfeeds the old black man. That's the final scene of the book. I saw that play in New York, and it was amazing. And it got to that scene, I just stood up and screamed, finally! I stood up and screamed, I'm next! You got a security

how to tackle you as you're jumping up on stage like it's your favorite band? He's doing it wrong! Clearly he's never latched. Meanwhile, this was set in the 1930s. You couldn't even have lunch at the same counter with a black guy. This was really breaking some taboos. Yeah. Listen, either both boobs, they were either black or white. There wasn't a white guy and a black guy, like, sitting at the counter next to each other.

I wonder, did she spray them like a fire hose at a race riot just because the time yeah it was ahead of its time actually yeah well let's get to the entertainment, Mike. What do you got? Why don't you tell your South Park story? Have you seen it? Why don't you tell your little South Park story? No, it's not a story. It's just basically, you should see it.

It made me laugh pretty hard. What happened? I didn't see it. Oh, so South Park has a pandemic special that they make fun of during it also. But it's worth seeing. I liked it a lot. There's just so many funny lines. Like, it covers everything.

It covers the schools, schooling. It covers how awful Zooms are. It covers Black Lives Matter. Really? All in one episode? Oh, no. It's a giant. It's an hour.

I think it's an hour. Maybe even more than an hour. Mickey Mouse and this pot farmer, Randy Marsh, who's from South Park. He goes over to China to sell his potter. And he and Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse fucks a rat in an alley in China. So Disney's at the car. And then he

fucked like a, whatever, a pangolin. And he brings it back. But it covers the mass controversy. It covers they're like, the parents like, so you're bringing all the students back to school in person and Cartman is freaking out because he doesn't want to go back to school and anyway

there's no way to spoil this thing because it's rapid fire but but some funny things that were early on in it where the parents are like so the students are going back but like are all the parents are the teachers going back they're like well no they fear for their safety but we've found but we've found an unemployed a recently unemployed group that's desperate for work they're all police officers so the police officers become the teachers and they wind up killing the only black kid in school oh my god or. Really? Oh no, no. Holy shit. One joke early on was so funny. They're making the people in the, who are making fun of masks. They're like, it looks like you're wearing a diaper for your chin. Chin diapers don't help. And then Anthony Fauci comes to South Park

and he tells people they have to wear their mask correctly. And they go, you expect us to wear a chin diaper over our mouth and nose. That's disgusting. Fuck you, Fauci. It's oh my God. I always forget about South Park. You forget how it's still, it's as good as it ever was. And you, I think I've shown you clips of, no, it's, it's, it's, it's so funny. I've shown you clips of how absolutely foul mouth they make Trump. Like it's unbelievable. Like it's everything's fuck you, fuck you. And Trump's in this and he's, he's, he's, he's excellent.

I remember the first time I saw South Park, I was on a bus. My friend, remember Jerry Red Wilson, who passed away, who was from Queens. And so every Christmas, he was a fucking character. He would rent this giant bus that had TV screens on it.

And he would take us out to Bensonhurst in Brooklyn to look at the, it's famous for having like the most gaudy Christmas decorations. People take off their garage doors and they put a plexiglass and they have train sets. Oh, there's tours. Yeah, there's tour. Well, there wasn't back then. This was the tour.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we went and he played South Park, which the pilot was just really something that they made for the internet, which barely existed then. They made an animated Christmas card. Right. And so we watched that and I immediately was like, that needs to be a fucking TV show. Anybody who saw it was like, this needs to be a TV show that runs for 30 years. And by the way, it was pre-internet. It was VHS tapes. Yeah, that's right. And I think Clooney, I believe Clooney ordered it or paid for it like he wanted it.

And it was Jesus versus Santa, I believe. I remember. That's right. I haven't seen it in forever. Yep. Yeah. But that's what viral videos used to be. You would get kind of like the Jerky Boys audio tape.

You would get a physical tape and then make a copy of it. And by the time you got it, it had been copied 30 times. So it was like snowing in the background. We had our every week we review a TV show or a movie. This week it was Mike's suggestion for a TV show called Ted Lasso. So you saw a few. I saw a few. Here's my review.

Loved the show, got hooked, and after three episodes, they told me I got to sign up for some fucking subscription for Apple TV or something. Oh, you don't have that? So I stopped watching. Who has Apple TV or something. Oh, you don't have that? So I stopped watching. Who has Apple TV?

Oh, no. Apple TV's, you know, they made big noise when they came out with the morning show. Do you pay for it? Yeah. I think it was cheap, though. It's one of those cheap ones. But also, I'm actually going to call back because you know what's happening is everyone's so psyched to cut the cord and leave cable and now we're like hey can someone package all these

streamers it's kind of like a cable packaged all the tv channels exactly so but i think apple has first of all if you buy an apple product i get my apple tv for free which i didn't even know but i bought a phone for my daughter last year and i think that qualified me for a free year oh okay so if you bought any apple product don't quote me on that but look into it there's also now i think there's more packaging going on like i forget who's in bed with whom, but you can get, Oh, if you have Apple music,

I don't know if you do that or you just do Spotify, but if you have Apple music, I think it's almost free to add Apple TV. And again, I don't want to seem cheap. It's just every time I add another channel, I forget about it. And then I look at my monthly credit card bill.

I'm like, why don't we have nine different $12 fucking charges? My Hulu bill is $28 a month or something. I don't even know what I have on Hulu. Yeah, Netflix is about to raise their price. Anyway, those shows, oddly, normally they launch stuff, new episodes on Sunday, HBO does. Oh, it's Apple. Sorry, it's Apple.

So that makes sense then. The season finale came out Friday night, this past Friday. And I'm all caught up. I've watched nine of them, and this is the 10th one. I don't know. It feels like a film in a way. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It feels like a film. It's a big, broad premise. Which I was afraid of but he totally grounds it because his character is so simple and so it it lets you sort of watch all this craziness happen through the eyes of a guy who's you know very in in control and you know jason jason sudeikis who like i always felt like yeah he's talented i like him he he fills the role on saturday night live i don't think i've seen him in a movie or a tv show since have i Sudeikis who like I always felt like yeah he's talented I like him he fills the role on Saturday Night Live I don't think I've seen him in a movie or a TV show since have I no he's been a lot of

movies and stuff yeah meet the Millers and no he's done yeah yeah yeah Bad Bosses I think he's in that too he's he's no he's he's active for sure yeah I haven't seen him in anything else but I thought he was great I thought it was was great. Good show. Good pick, Mike. I like it a lot. And wait, it's, you said you have written down here, the social dilemma. Yeah. Next week we talked about watching social dilemma, right? Oh, I had watched it and already went to town on it. You didn't talk, you didn't talk about it on this podcast.

Did you? I might've man. It's powerful. All right. I want to watch it with my kids and I want to watch it with my nephew because he fucking, he is into a lot of conspiracy theories and a lot of weird media. And this, this kind of breaks it down for you, right? Yeah. So I thought I talked about it, but anyway, at the risk of repeating myself, Yeah. So I thought I talked about it, but anyway, at the risk of repeating myself, I went into it very arrogant because I basically to buy time, I went to NYU graduate school, not studied media and I actually got like one of the all stars of all time in media, Neil Postman, who's a real descendant of Marshall McLuhan. So that guy

wrote Technopoly and amusing ourselves to death about television and technology. So I thought I'd be like, okay, I'll watch this. Too many people have told me I have to see it, but I don't think I'm going to learn much. It's going to be about how technologies are changing us in ways we can't even imagine. But I can imagine them because I studied it. No, I couldn't even imagine the ways they break down. Halfway through it, I was like, this is picking up steam because they really have to hold your hand it's it's ideally for you to watch with your kids as you said your kids have to watch it so they put in reenactments that might be a little pedestrian and you know pedantic for adults but um halfway through i was like this is picking up steam and um and I'm a bit concerned by the end.

I don't think I'm overstating it saying I'm, I was genuinely afraid. Wow. Like genuine, like, and, but, but the one thing it does do is the question that's tormenting all of us, which is, and many of the viewers, the listeners on our podcast is, how can you think that when we're looking at the same thing? Yeah. The answer is we're not looking at the same thing. Well, and the real question is, can we ever right the ship? Can we merge these two completely contradictory takes on the same sets of facts?

It's already too late in many parts of the world. I don't want to. But hasn't it always been like that? What? Hasn't there always been disinformation? Not as prevalent, widespread, and easily put out there. And keep in mind that one of the great things of this is like, we always thought it's AI, you know, and every big mind,

almost every big mind on the planet has kind of agreed that AI will be the end of humanity. So like if humanity is going to end, that's how it's going to end, AI. And we've always pictured AI being like, looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger coming into our house with a gun or whatever. Meanwhile, our doom is going to be this eager, very eager to please algorithm who just wants to give us what we want to see. And we want it and we invite it into our lives.

If it knows you like watching clips of police going too far during Black Lives Matter, it knows the exact duration. It watches you watching. It knows what clips you watch half of. And so it's like, oh, he likes watching police overstep their role. Let's feed him lots of that. But if I like watching the times where police have been unfairly accused and where Black Lives Matter protests have really provoked police too far, it's going to feed me those and it's going to line up all my news stories.

Why do you get to be that guy and I'm the other guy? It's going to suggest friends and all that stuff to me. No, I mean, you're preaching to the converted. I watch TikTok for two hours a day. My daughter watches it all fucking day. It is a complete algorithm of the inside of your brain being fed. And like you said, for the duration that it is, it's like I always loved every Sunday night we watched America's Funniest Home Videos.

Our whole family. We fucking loved it. Even as an adult, I loved it. And this is that on crack. Right. But it'll know the kind you want to watch. And, you know, and of course the big joke is, hey, China might be watching you. Really what's going on is, listen, we need to keep watching you.

Let's cut China out of this. Yeah, right. But there are some countries where Facebook was essentially 90% of their internet. It might have been Indonesia. I'm forgetting. But sure enough, you just watch the democracies are getting tumbled and the hatred being stoked. just watch the democracies are getting tumbled and the hatred being stoked. You,

you know, Netflix has, you can like, for instance, Owen is in Chicago. You know, I think it's called Netflix party. You can watch it with Owen on your computer and message each other during it.

If you want. My kids do that all the time. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Maybe we'll do that. We'll watch it together. Worst party ever. So depressing. You're using social media to watch something condemning social media.

Let's go on to some sports. Holy moly. You're in the hole, Mike. You're in the fucking hole, boy. Holy moly. You're in the hole, Mike. You're in the fucking hole, baby. I owe you 100 bucks. I don't even know who the Tampa Bay plays this week, but they better win. I'm down 150.

Soon I'm going to be double or nothing it. And it's not like I'm squeaking by. I'm fucking annihilating you every week. Well, the first one came down to last second, you douchebag. But it's hard to know that looking at the score because all they needed was to get three more yards and I would have won that bet and they ran out of time. Right, right.

This next one wasn't as interesting. Well, this week, Tampa Bay is playing the Chargers at home, and they are favored by seven points, which I don't like. I think the Chargers are way undervalued. I think the Chargers are actually a really good team. This young quarterback that went in because the other guy accidentally got his lung punctured, this is how we talk about sports. There won't be a single name. Um, this young kid is exciting. Yeah. Yeah. He's good. I love exciting quarterbacks. I remember when Montana left and what's his name came up on, on San Francisco. Legendary hall of famer. And his

young. Yes. Oh my God. Was he excited? I hated San Francisco, but Oh, he could, he was a double threat. Yeah. Steve Young. Yeah. He could run like crazy. It was so exciting. Calling his own plays, the whole thing. Love it. Yeah. He was, he was almost like, um, he, he was almost like a new, new style of, style of of quarterback in terms of scrambling and he held so many NFL records that have since been broken but at the time he he was he had a ton of right the guy's name is Justin Herbert yes yeah yeah from from I know because of guubbins, he's from Oregon. Yeah, number six overall pick from Oregon.

He is exciting. So, all right, I'm really excited to win $50 off the $100 I owe you. Now, if you're betting on, and by the way, through mybookie.com, if you're betting on, and by the way, through mybookie.com, if you're betting on the Patriots or Tennessee, you're going to have to wait because COVID has popped, has reared its ugly head over there. Well, wait, I think it's KC. Well, Kansas City is playing against Tennessee.

No, I think it's New England. It's Cam Newton versus his old team. No, maybe I have it all confused. I bet Chris knows. It doesn't matter. There's two teams. Yeah, Chris, who's not playing this week? So you were supposed to have Kansas City and New England play.

That just got moved to Monday or Tuesday. And then Tennessee is the other team that they're pushing also. Green Bay, right? Let me double check on that. I just noticed. No, Buffalo Bills. Buffalo Bills. Actually, I have the story in that. Why don't I read the story? Why don't you read the story, since we wrote it down? Well, the real headline, which just came in on Saturday, was that Cam Newton has tested positive for the virus. He's with the Patriots. So now that- And by the way, Robert Kraft tested positive for the virus. He's with the Patriots. So now that... And by the way, Robert Kraft tested positive

for dick warts. Did he? Also a very relaxed torso and I imagine penis after the massage. Head hanging down, though. He's got a neck thing. His head seems to be hanging down.

Before the Cam Newton news, the NFL had just made its first postponement of the 2020 season as a result of the Tennessee Titans COVID-19 outbreak. But more games could be in jeopardy as more positive tests surface. So when I jotted this story

down, it hadn't officially been pushed. But this was the story as it was. Two additional Titan players have tested positive for COVID, bringing the total number of current positive cases on the team to 13 members of the organization, seven of which are players. Tennessee's week four matchup with the Steelers had already been pushed to later in the season. Now the Titans week five game against the Buffalo Bills is being rescheduled. But that's the funny thing is I'm glad it was rescheduled because when I wrote it down,

it was like it could be rescheduled if these positive tests persist. It's now been eight consecutive days that the Titans have returned positive COVID tests with 15 total people contracting the virus. How were they under the impression that this game might happen? In other words, is the NFL not following? What don't I understand here? In other words, if seven or eight people or however many players, what did they say, seven players have it,

don't all those players, aren't they not allowed to grunt face-to-face with another lineman on the field? In other words, if the guy at the next locker has it, aren't I supposed to be quarantining? Right, right. I know. What rules are the – is the NFL up? There's no bubble. What are they operating under? Yeah, no bubble. So what about the three ways?

You know, there's a lot of devil's three ways happening. What? Devil's three ways is two football players and one fan. That's what a devil's three way is? You didn't know that? Two men and one, or they call it the Cavanaugh three way. Wow. You're dropping a lot of new terms on me.

Yeah, yeah. All right. By the way new terms on me. Yeah. Yeah. All right. By the way- I've heard of rotisserie. Speaking of Bob Craft, what's a rotisserie? Never mind. Keep going. Speaking of Robert Craft, we forgot to do our corrections.

And one of them was, I said the wrong name of the spa last week. He went to Orchards of Asia Day Spa and Massage. We don't want to take business away from them. Definitely get it right. I love that they call it Day Spa. Most guys show up around 1130 after a few pops at the bar around the corner. The after last call spa? And he was hand-pleasured while accepting some fingers in the backside from a 50 year old as his chauffeur waited allegedly allegedly as his as his chauffeur waited in a bentley outside um yeah what yeah well we covered that last week with now the NFL, because there's, by definition, there's no tape. It is illegal to even see the tape.

Right. So there's no evidence. to get on that would see all of the tapes that have been sequestered and not released, where you could see Chris Brown peeing on somebody. That actually was released, wasn't it? Sadly, that was not only released, it was sold in flea markets all over Chicago. Yeah, but there's a lot of- You could get that on the street in Chicago everywhere.

All right. That's a good topic for next week. If you want to write us, Fitz dog radio at gmail.com. What videos would you like to see on the $10,000 site for your eyes only.com. All right. I have, I have something to get us started.

Yeah. First of all, the Zapruder tape, Zapruder tape is a good example of one that could have been on lockdown. Right. I'm actually surprised in the early 60s that saw the light of day because it is graphic. Yeah. It also is very telling and has had conspiracy theorists and more than conspiracy theorists spinning out of control

the magic bullet 60 years yeah yeah so here i already know two that are going to be the top of the list you ready grizzly man his death which was on tape oh right at least the audio because the audio for sure and verner herzog has said he would never play it, and he didn't play it, even though the documentary got right up to the point where he was killed. And then the other one is there is video of the stingray killing Erwin, the crocodile. No, really? Yes. Wow.

Through the heart or through the chest or whatever, the stingray. Celebrity faces of death. Right. Essentially, that's what it is. Now, faces of death, I bet most of our listeners have no idea what that is. Do you know I never watched it? I never watched it either. No interest.

You didn't? No. Everybody did, but I couldn't stomach it. I felt like a part of my soul would die if I watched. If people don't know, it's literally a collection of people dying from accidents, animal attacks. Once again, a viral tape. Terrorist attacks, beheadings. had at least one kid who got a copy of the VHS tape, shitty quality that had like guy in Yellowstone who thought it was a good idea to feed a carrot out of his mouth to a bear. And

the unbelievable people getting hit by trains because they're looking the other way when they're crossing, whatever it is. And I guess I just had, and I was young, but I somehow had the wisdom to know there is no unseeing that. Right. Exactly. No. And, uh, now you can just, well, I know, I know people that watch beheadings regularly online. I can't imagine watching a beheading. Well, no, but if it's a famous person, there there are there are some of people that are famous that were never released maybe i'd watch those because they're famous i told you i was i was at kilbourne and someone in the writer's room had talked about this crazy dark website i forget what it was and so i went in and I wanted to procrastinate. We, we, after our morning

meeting, y'all go write jokes and write the show alone for about an hour and a half. So I was procrastinating and I'm like, let me check out that site. And I also assumed CBS would block me. So I call up the site and the, the guy who runs the site has a message that this fucking, and all he's like, I think it almost was verbatim. This fucking Congressman is trying to shut this site down and says, and it's violating my free speech and all this, that fucker.

And it's like, um, meanwhile, he's like, uh, meanwhile, all we're doing is trying to get the truth out there. Like about this Afghan, like about this Afghan,

Afghani soldier. And, uh, there was a hyperlink. I could see it was a hyperlink. I'm like about this Afghan, Afghani soldier. And, uh, there was a hyperlink. I could see it was a hyperlink. I'm like, all right, I'd like to see the truth about an Afghani soldier. And so I press click, I'm sitting in my CBS office and you see a guy's face and he's very, very scared. And it's on the ground that I'm trying to make out what's going on. And he has a boot on his face and he starts screaming, no, no, no. And all of a sudden, and it's shaky and I'm trying to figure it out. And you see a hand come in the picture with a

knife and the knife goes towards his throat and I freak out and I'm like, oh my God. And I'm trying to escape. I'm hitting it. And I, and I swear to God it was because it was happening. I see the knife go into his throat. I'm like hitting, I'm doing all this. I'm like, fuck it. And I literally grab the cord and yank it, yank the electricity.

And I sit back holding the cord and the, and the monitor goes dark and I sit back and I'm like, holy shit. And I hear, because I only unplugged the monitor. It's even worse. It's even worse. Worst death gurgle. Clearly, this was almost 20 years ago. Yeah. And I can't even, there's no shaking it. I can't unhear it. I can't unhear it. Yeah. Wow.

It's like our podcast from two weeks ago. You can't unhear that? Death gurgle? You can unsubscribe, but you can't unhear it. You fucking heard it. That's what I've been, my voice has been described as a death gurgle. All right, let's do science real quick, and then we'll get to the fun part. You want to read it?

In 2020, we're going to hit this story every week. It's, again, about AI. A study was done in 2020. More men and women are likely to consider sex with a robot. According to the survey data, more than one in five Americans, 22%, say they would consider having sex with a robot this is an increase from a survey conducted in 2017 this is like and the other four out of five are going so what was it like well i mean there's things like there's obviously divide like in a way it's a pun not intended and i should

avoid it but it's a slippery slope between a vibrator you know which is in a way a form of a robot and whatever guys use a flashlight or whatever there's a million things probably act like you're not sure or or no no but i'm saying in your closet behind you that's true but i'm saying like you know and also of course the sex dolls is this this big of a leap from all of that and then an interesting question i had regarding this ethically that i put out there to you. If you had a partner, if Aaron had sex with a robot, would you consider it cheating?

Yes. Really? And that's not intellectual. That's just my gut. My gut is that would, I think it's because you sort of feel like when you have two kids, like now we have one kid in the house, but under quarantine, so around a lot.

So you don't have the freedom to make love as often as you'd like. And I would feel like, oh, you found time to fuck a fucking Casio robot and you don't have time to fuck me? a Casio robot and, and you don't have time to fuck me. I doubt she'd fuck a Japanese robot, but, but, uh,

okay. What about this? Forget sex. What if Aaron was getting other needs met? What if she actually found an emotionally intelligent robot that listened to her and she was spending more time robot that listened to her. And she was spending more time with that other than her husband, who's completely shut off.

I would pay for that. I'd underwrite the monthly payments on that. Does it have to be the gay best friend robot? He didn't even say sorry? Right, right, right. It's C-3PO's voice? Yeah. What?

Every response starts with girlfriend. Just arrives at the door, like clockwork with Rose. Fucking brunch. Brunch all day. He'll watch that new series that's created by the same creator of Sex and the City. Have you seen them trying to shove that down your throat on Netflix yet? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And he's AI, so he has every single line of Sex and the City memorized. Grey's Anatomy. Wherever she wants to go, he has all of it cataloged. Orange is the New Black. Every chick show, he knows every word. And his shoulder is a pillow. So she just leans against him the whole time. Totally.

Remembers, remembers her birthday, remembers every anniversary. Let's do some business. All right. I thought that was kind of business. What do you got? Oh, we kind of hit on this earlier, but this is your story about the New York City restaurants. They're open. You can go back.

Bill de Blasio, probably the least popular mayor of New York City since who? Dinkins. Dinkins, yeah. Although I want to put out a defense of Dinkins. I was there. He was my mayor when I was there. He sadly happened to be the mayor during the kingdom of crack. That's right.

That's right. When we would all put in our windows, we would negotiate with thieves. You would leave all your car doors open. If you had a car in New York city, which I did, I had this little shit box Subaru. You'd leave all your doors unlocked. You'd leave your glove compartment open. You'd leave your ashtray open showing there was no change in it. And you'd put signs in it saying nothing inside. And you would have the club on your steering wheel. And you would walk. If it was late, you walked home on the yellow line of whatever street you

were walking down. And what was going on there was crack really hit its stride. And there are many, many theories that, including the feds, that that stream of that source, that source coming in was intentionally not interrupted as much as it could have been because it really was just affecting the ghettos, if you can still use that word. But that was the word then, and the slums and the very bad neighborhoods, and let's face it, minorities. And so whites weren't immune to it, and, you know, of course, at the same time— Mike, it's the M word. It's the M word.

M as in— Minorities. Gotcha, yes. I didn't know what letter you said. So anyway, they're open. And right now, which is, you know, I think they were opened on the street for a long time. And I talked to people that were eating in New York City cafes on the street. And it was like fucking rats and homeless. David Tell was like, a homeless guy would just come over and take fries. It was, yeah, it was very interactive.

Because de Blasio said he's going to make that year round. Yes. That was part of the news. Right. But now they're letting people inside. That was part of the news Right, but now they're letting people inside And you told me Because I've heard a lot of reports

That New York is Very eerie right now And very different And Attell told you? Yeah, he said it's like the outsiders He is afraid to walk down the street at night There's random violence People getting punched

Homicide rates are up And it's not all isolated in the ghetto it's like in manhattan itself downtown there's a lot more crime there's a lot less cops i think the cops are uh for a while they were busy with the black lives matter protest so you had a lot more police presence there and not in other parts of the city and then you've got cops that are kind of mailing it in because parts of the city. And then you've got cops that are kind of mailing it in because they resent the, you know, backlash against them these days. They're standing back and standing by. That's right.

So I took that seriously because Attell, listen, Attell has, you know, complete access to his dark side and his dark, you know, know imagination his dark take on the world and i can't imagine he is a night crawler in new york city always has been so that i took seriously and then this week did you see the news that rick moranis yes did you see the footage no this footage footage? No, there's footage. There's footage. He's, by the way, on Central Park West, I believe, like in a super high rent, like in the 70s, maybe? Yeah, like Seinfeld's building. He's walking down the sidewalk, a very fit looking guy, black guy i believe walking the other way i mean who i think knows how to punch just as they're walking by each other i mean a big step in smash morass goes down you can't tell it's moranis he had his back and the footage is blurry but i mean down and the guy sees down and then just keeps walking yeah and the the best part

is the guy who punched him not kidding is wearing an i love new york sweatshirt no shit swear to god it's like so that's like a nice dystopian touch to the whole thing now when i heard he had like blood in his fucking skull or something. Like it was really bad. He was, well, you listen, Rick Moranis, I think is in his 70s.

If you don't know Rick Moranis, by the way, he was in Ghostbusters. He was part of Second City. He was the original, you know, when, when SCTV was on the air.

Oh, you've seen in my blue heaven with Steve Moran. Oh, he's sadly, he's most famous for Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Oh, you've seen in my blue heaven with Steve Morin. Oh, he's sadly, he's most famous for honey. I shrunk the kids. He's the dad, but I mean, he was so unbelievable in ghostbusters. Yeah. Um, and so unbelievable in there's a YouTube video, by the way, of him singing, I'm turning Japanese, which we talked about a few weeks ago, which is a song about masturbation. I forgot how creepy it is. It's also like he wants her to go to the doctor

so he could see pictures of her insides as well. Those are lyrics. Anyway, Rick Moranis sings it as like a lounge singer. And it's really funny. So go support Rick Moranis by watching that YouTube clip. But he is 67 years old. You can kill a guy punching him in the face that hard if he's 67. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, there's a big effort out because you can kind of make out the looks of the perpetrator. There's a reward out now. And I do hope they get this guy yeah what the what the fuck hopefully it's not uh you know out of control in new york because jesus christ it's uh it's a

crowded city and um you know there's just not there it's very easy to commit crime in new york just yeah anyway uh let's get to some mail do it jennifer kraut wrote in she was talking about uh we did a story about 10 cent beer night getting out of control in cleveland and the fights and the brawls and the arrests and um she wanted to let us know about another crazy Cleveland event Balloon Fest 86 The blood and the guts and the beer I think it's a boy named Sue They released 1.5 million balloons to break a world record You did this story

No, I didn't Yes, you did Well, I read more about it since last week All right, go for it. Apparently, there was two boaters, and they were stranded, and they called for help. But they sent in aerial help, but they couldn't see them because the entire river was covered in balloons. Didn't hear that part. That's great.

Yeah. And there were traffic accidents all over the highway there was um play the airport was shut down and uh yeah it was insane it's the mistake on the lake man they're you know they're maybe most famous for their their river once uh erupted on fire. That's right. Yeah. Also, this comes in from Joanne. I think I have a crush on these guys. I hate to say this.

Never mind. I was going to say, I think you read that too, but I don't think you have. That's so flowery. No, I think it was a genie or somebody who said something slightly different. But no, this nice yeah um this isn't great this isn't quite a correction more like how saying the average price of a house in the u.s is indicative of housing prices in america what the fuck does that mean Anyway, we talked about the average prices for houses,

and he just wanted to update us. We got a good deal on our house in Massachusetts for $275,000. That's cheap. I think Massachusetts is higher than that. You can get a house in West Virginia for $50,000. But that doesn't factor in how many flights you have to take out of West Virginia on a regular basis.

To the dentist. Detroit, you can get a house for $50,000, no, $5,000 if you're willing to put up with settling with the government regarding taxes or whatever from the previous owners. I've heard that there's a huge like artist community popping up in Detroit

because it's so cheap to get real estate there. I know. I forgot who told me, but I remember this comedian telling me he was in like the comedy condo in Detroit or thereabout, wherever it was. the comedy condo in Detroit or thereabout, wherever it was. And they were like looking in the paper and they're like, this mansion is going for like $6,000. Yeah, right. And it's like, it would be cheaper, or maybe they were in a hotel that they were in. Like it would be cheaper if we bought a house here

for every time we come and play this club. Right. But I always thought of that. That's probably a great investment. I mean, Jesus, Detroit's got a great history, hopefully a great future. I mean, it can't get any lower. No, no, I think it already caught on.

I think it, because I remember I was trying to work on an idea of like a sitcom idea where a bunch of bros read these Detroit headlines and then move in there and they get housing like all their employees, they get housing for all their employees. That was the incentive, you know, and they,

they started some company, but of course the company couldn't do well because Detroit still hadn't recovered, but they were living there in big houses. Sold. I'll buy that idea. Is there a fat guy and his wife is kind of hot? Of course. guy and his wife is kind of hot? Of course. This is a really nice email we got. You guys actually changed and maybe saved my life about 11 years ago. Oh, Joanne. While discussing your ADHD and how you researched Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons, you talked about the notes on your elementary school report cards. Mike said, and this is a quote I use all the time, the notes at the bottom of your report card

are a blueprint for the rest of your life. Oh my God, my life in a nutshell. You have no idea how hard that hit me. I'm now 66 and realized that when I had ADD my whole life, and then I got diagnosed, changed my life. As Greg had said, it explains me, but it doesn't excuse me. I wrote to Mike and he wrote me back.

Wait, Mike Gibbons? Did? Mike Gibbons wrote you back? Wow. A sweet supportive note that I still have. What? Love you guys and Sunday and Thursday paper, but I do not have a crush on you.

Thanks, Dan Bellow. Dan. Yeah. First of all, wow. Thank you for taking the time to write that letter. I'm surprised it's so well written with all your attention. He's probably still not listening. Yeah, that's true too.

Wow. I'm really glad. It was obviously an incredibly heartfelt letter that I couldn't, you know, ignore. I mean, I'm so glad I wrote him back. Anyway, and look at those quotes by us. Yeah. Boy, that makes me feel good. Yeah. Thank you. I do remember when I dug up, my mom gave me or something, my old report cards, and it really

spelled out. It was the teachers, like they were handwritten. They took the time. I know. It's like, it wasn't a template like reads well, should, should, you know, speak out more in class, a dozen raises, you know, it wasn't a template. Like they really knew you and that's what was on that page. Well, because it was 20 kids in the class, not 35. They had time. They got to know you. All right, let's get to it. The sad part every week is our obituaries,

which we don't even really make funny. We usually just read obituaries for some reason right towards the end of the podcast. But this one, I think when somebody lives to be 84, it's a celebration. Bob Gibson, baseball Hall of Fame pitcher, known for his inspiring competitiveness and forceful determination. Quote, one of the most feared competitors to ever play the game of baseball. Still has some, like, big major league records.

Oh, yeah. Standing after all these years. Um, he played all 17 seasons of his career with the Cardinals, St. Louis, baby. That's where our show is produced out of, uh, all, uh, nine time all-star golden glove winner, two time world series champion. Um, as a child, he overcame bouts of asthma, rickets. Rickets? What's that? Yeah, old school disease. I'll look it up while you keep going. Heart murmur, but still went on to become Creighton University's first African-American baseball player and basketball player. He scored two contracts after college with both the Cardinals and the Harlem Globetrotters

before eventually deciding to stick with the former. In 1968, he won his first Cy Young and MVP awards after finishing the season with 22 wins, a major league record, 1.12 ERA, and 268 strikeouts. His dominant season at 68 led MLB to lower the pitching mound the following year. That is huge. Holds the record for the most strikeouts in a World Series game, 17, and in a World Series, 35. Wow. I looked up Ricketts. It is a World Series 35. Wow. I looked up Ricketts.

It is a famous insult comic. Oh, wait, that's Rickles. Hold on. Ricketts, a softening and weakening of bones in children, usually due to inadequate vitamin D. I do know that it was very much in rural areas. That's my memory of it. And Ricketts was like, if you were making a West Virginia joke, Ricketts was not far behind.

Let's bring it back. It's very rare now, under 1,000 U.S. cases per year. Let's bring back Ricketts jokes on the podcast. Ricketts and rheumatism. rickets and rheumatism. It is amazing when you think about, you know, to have accomplished what he accomplished, and on top of it, you know,

he was the youngest of seven kids, black, goes through all of these childhood illnesses, and then becomes not just a professional baseball player, but one of the greatest to ever play. You just think about what every, what some people have inside of them. You know, there was like a thing like, like Nolan Ryan and you know, a lot, lots even today, but there was a real like heaviness that came with him when he was on the mound. Like it was business and he was really fierce, you know, like it was, and that's, it was, it was incredibly intimidating that that's what he did. Chris Denman is in St. Louis. Chris, what are your, what are your thoughts on the passing of the great Bob Gibson?

Like you said, you know, you make it to 84, you celebrate. But, I mean, he meant a lot, and there's a lot of historical Cardinals players, and that's a big deal. If he's not the best, he's right there as Stan Musial. So the intimidation's huge, and just the respect that went with him for being such a fierce competitor.

You have people from probably six generations now claiming him as one of their favorite Cardinals players. So very. Wow. Wow. Ozzie Smith is my favorite. That's right.

Onto the funnies. We bring you down and then we take you right back up again. That's how we do it on Sunday papers, people When we hit the funnies We know we're staring down the barrel Almost at the finish line I have Chris Christie's obituary written But we'll wait until next week, probably

Oh, shit, he doesn't stand a chance I'm in a football pool Where teams keep dropping out And games keep getting canceled And I texted the woman who runs it Should we switch this in a football pool where teams keep dropping out and games keep getting canceled. And I texted the woman who runs it, should we switch this to a death pool? Wait, what? I'm in a football pool. Oh, yeah.

And I said to the woman, should we switch it to a death pool? Because, you know, but for politicians, I guess. I saw Bob Newhart's name trending yesterday. Oh, really? And I got terrified because I saw him recently. He was on something. He's looking very, he is old. He is very old and he's looking his age.

But no, he was trending because someone put out a poll or something about putting your vote for the best television show endings of all time. How did that end? I don't remember. Don't tell me I'll watch it on Hulu. Wait, it's like so legendary and it's been copied like crazy. Wait, what happened? St. Elsewhere had a very interesting ending, very much inspired. I didn't watch St. Elsewhere had a very interesting ending, very much inspired. I didn't watch St. Elsewhere, but when I study how shows end, or like, I take an interest in it, they took a big chapter.

Oh, it was groundbreaking. You want me to just tell you? No, no, I want to watch it, and we'll talk about it next week. Okay. So, we got a new comic this week. We've never taken it on. As you know, the Sunday Funnies, it's a cute place for little kids to get started with the newspaper.

You know, it's cartoons, it's fun. And so we'd like to bring you some of the ones that might've affected us the most as kids growing up. This is Lil Abner, which is- I forgot this. Yeah, remember Lil Abner? It's kind of like set down south, and they're kind of like,

it's like the Dukes of Hazzard, if it was a comic strip. With Ricketts. This guy's got Ricketts, this big guy, and he's kind of beautiful. He's got the swooped hair, 1950s hunk kind of guy. And then a woman who is, she looks like Blondie's sluttyty cousin and they're on a couch and they're making out with each other and uh the and then this guy

in a suit starts screaming are you interested in getting a divorce or aren't you and he says oh yes uh we show is they're white and then the the guy screams, there is only one ground for ground for a divorce in L ignoranto cruelty. And then in the final frame, he says to the two of them who are now not making out, you'll have to hit Daisy may mom is the French toast ready. What is going on? I mean, I'm reading it as you're reading it. I'm looking at it.

Yeah. It's, you know, it's about how you have to encourage domestic violence so that you can split up a marriage. And I guess this is before the time where it would be taken seriously if she hit him. Right. Right. No. No, he has to hit Daisy Mae. No, but the cruelty could also be defined as Daisy Mae hitting him. Right, right.

See, Greg, you're so, you're mansplaining and you're so entrenched in it, you can't even see it. I'm part of the problem. You could never guess. You still don't like that story where the doctor was the mother. You still are trying to poke holes in that. The doctor. Oh, right. How did that one go again? Oh my God. My girls were mortified. My girls, of course, were stumped also. Yeah. The very quick, well, we just ruined it. The very quick story is a kid gets hit by a car,

like, you know, on his bike, he's hurt. They rush him to the hospital. His dad rushes him to the hospital and his dad gets in there. They take the kid in the emergency room. The doctor comes out and looks down and goes, I can't operate on this child. He's my son. What's going on? Right. And everybody gets stumped that it's the mother. They're like, I've even, my kids, this will show you how you can actually have amazing progressive thoughts at a very young age and still have a blind spot to this. They're like, are they two dads? Yeah, right.

I'm like, nope, that's not the answer, but really good guess. Boy, are you skipping over an easy answer. But they don't mention in the joke that she has a same-sex lover on the side. What about this riddle? I just read this one. But it's also, I can't operate on this child because I'm a female doctor and odds are I'll lose the patient.

That's how I explain it to my girls. And can a man would be able to operate on their child, but a woman can't because they would cry. Yeah. And one week out of the month, they're going to be incredibly moody about the whole thing. That's right. Even without the sadness. And the father would be like, no, you do it.

It'll cost us 30% less. So the next one is Beetle Bailey, and we all know uh sarge the guy no i think he's a general yeah he's a general and he's got this secretary who's she's supposed to be smoking hot but uh you know greg greg mort walker who does who does beetle bailey doesn't have the imagination of our blondie artists uh so his buddy who's bald and has a mustache is also a general he's elbowing him it's it actually says nudge where his elbow hits him in the shoulder he goes you can look but you can't touch right amos and the general goes that used to be the rule as he rolls his eyes and in the next frame he says now i can't stare glance squint squint, peek, peruse, size up, give a once over, or even look.

It's like, now you can look. You just can't do all that other rapey stuff. Give her a once over is a threatening phrase. Yeah, right. Once over doesn't sound like a look. That sounds like some hands. We don't have to spend much time on Family Circus. It's a picture.

It's one circle. Remember last week there were two? Yeah, that's right. There was actually like a setup. So it's a circle of the mom holding one kid holding the other kid's hand and two other pests are screaming and throwing tantrums around her legs and they're all yelling this the father very much like uh dagwood is just fucking useless sitting on a chair reading his he's reading the fucking paper while she's dealing with four screaming kids and, and looks up. I mean, that's what I mean. Like if I saw this drawing,

I'd be like, Oh, they probably wrote something clever because he's looking up and she then, uh, answers him. And I'll read that answer in a second. But, so he must've asked like, what's going on? Like, like you just fed me dinner. I'm trying to relax here. Right. Right. And, uh, no, instead the quote joke says, and she's the one talking to the father. It's just the storm before the lull. Like that, that's not even the saying no no isn't it calm it's the it's the calm before the storm it's not the lull before the storm we'll probably be fact-checked like it was one of those sayings that originally it was lull but i doubt it but could have been like

they've built a great setup here here's a fucking lazy ass 1950s douchebag reading the paper while these kids are driving her over the edge. And she should say, I hope you're looking for an apartment in that newspaper because you ain't staying here anymore. What? Yeah. Should I roll this up and beat them? I don't know. But, like, it's just the storm before the lull. Yeah. Should I roll this up and beat them? I don't know, but like, it's just the storm before the lull.

Yeah. And then that expresses also no frustration on her part. Anyway, what here's, here's the best part signed by, this was done by not Jeff Keene, by Bill and Jeff Keene. It took two of them to come up with this but isn't that because jeff or bill whoever passed away the dad it's his drawing maybe

nope i think they worked on it together i think they sat down they have like one of those architect desks you know that's big and it's at an angle and they stand down. They have like one of those architect desks, you know, that's big and it's at an angle and they stand there. They each have a mug of coffee. One says, you can't, how can you soar with eagles when you work with turkeys? And they're, uh, they're shooting the shit. And, uh, and they're like, we got to hurry. We got a tea time at 1015. We got to wrap this up. What do you got? That's the family circus, the goddamn Keens. Step right in. Step right in. You want to see shit? You want to see? It's a giant three-ring tent with nothing. Nothing. Step right in. That's our circus. Oh, my God. How do we pull out of that mess? Little blondie. Oh, baby. These are my favorite. They're in bed again favorite they're in bed and these are the ones that really

you you jump out at because you know once again dagwood's got on fucking pajamas with donuts on them it's like you got this you got this hottie she's wearing she's wearing like a lilac uh lingerie it's hanging off one shoulder the hair hair is quaffed. She quaffs it for bed, brushes her teeth, probably throws a hot sponge on the undercarriage, and he's sitting up and he goes, honey, let's kiss and declare our disagreement a

compromise. She keeps her back to him, but says, I'd like that, dear. She rolls over, sits up in bed, presenting her full bosom. Dagwood leans over, and they have a kiss. The strap is coming down. The strap is coming down her shoulder.

That's right. And she's got a little kiss sign, and then he rolls away from her and says, that didn't feel like a total compromise kiss to me. And she says, I think you were holding back a little yourself, dear. Well, here's, here's the thing, Dagwood. When you lean over for that kiss,

you don't hold back on Blondie. You fucking get a hand on that exposed shoulder. You, you get into the nape of her neck. You make her understand that whatever the disagreement was, it was your fucking fault. You're on borrowed time and you should be eating the fucking corn nibblets out

of her shit. Thanks for listening to Sunday papers. Mike, anything to plug this week? Oh, in a weird way. I never, I never think of these things. But boy, I was in the car and the Black Crows' Twice as Hard came on. Man, play that.

I mean, I could be wrong, but I think that was recorded live in the studio. It's just balls out. And I'm kind of wondering, and I'm sure it's out there. I'm just out of touch. Who's doing that now? Who's like, it's just balls out,

just going for it. Raucous. Yeah. Warts and all. And that, that song crushes it. I remember seeing them opening up for the stones when they were starting out. And I was like,

this is the first real rock band in 15 years. They're fucking insane. Our buddy, John Sorelli, was in Jersey and he got me. He's like, bring your camera. I had a camera. He's like, I'll hire you. He worked at like Trenton newspaper. He'll correct us.

Some newspaper in New Jersey. the Trenton newspaper, he'll correct us, some newspaper in New Jersey. And he goes, photographers are allowed in front of the front row in the pit for the first two songs. And then they have to leave. And I was sitting there. I couldn't believe I got in there. I'm in the, I mean, like I'm leaning on the stage and it was almost like that famous photograph of, uh, Muhammad Ali knocking out Liston. The best photographer in the world was reloading his camera. And in the famous picture of Muhammad Ali standing over Sonny Liston, you can see the photographer in the background looking, holding his camera and looking at the knockout.

And another photographer got it. So I'm standing in the front row they came out with um oh what oh god they opened the show with like i forget the jeopardy or some i'm spacing out right now and it it honestly took my breath away. And I didn't get photos of like him running up to the mic to open the concert. It was incredible. Yeah, they're like Aerosmith if they had more than two good songs. Don't forget also support our sponsors. Of course, you've got mybookie.com. They will match your bet up to $1,000 with promo code PAPERS.

And then, of course, we have our good friends over at Croval Furniture. CrovalMade.com. Get yourself some handmade cheap. I mean, when I say cheap, you're not going to believe the prices when you go online and see this stuff. CrovalMade.com. Also, don't forget FitzDog Radio comes out on Tuesdays. Childish on Wednesdays. And I got a big tour date coming up. I should have mentioned this earlier.

I will be in Cleveland October 8th through the 10th. That's this weekend at the Hilarities Comedy Club. Check me out. Get tickets at FitzDawg.com. So when do you fly there? That day on the 8th. Flying on the 8th, fly home early on the 11thdogg.com. So when do you fly there? That day on the 8th, flying on the 8th, fly home early on the 11th. Wow. Yep. And then my wife makes me quarantine for two weeks in the guest house.

I think I'm going to, what a great opportunity for her. I think I'm going to go take the kids since we're just at home doing the distance learning and I have nothing going on except this thing. Driving around Utah and then making my way up to see Jack in Jackson Hole. What are you going to drive in? You know, I was going to take my car. No, no, no. I got I have to get. Well, I had to get.

If we leave Thursday night, I have to get a hotel Friday. So the kids have Wi-Fi for school. But then I thought about maybe renting a car. They got better mileage and everything because it would be a wash. Anyway, so we have to figure out how to do these podcasts. Yeah. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. We won't let you down, people, like we did with Thursday papers.

The song is Remedy. I can't believe I spaced on that by the Black Crows. Also, Crank That One. Yep, Crank It All. And they have tons of good songs, by the way. All right, we'll catch you next week. Take a fish, put it in the middle, wrap it up, and then throw that shit in the garbage.

Mike, you got to give me one. Put it down. Put it down on the floor. Put your model airplanes together on top of it. Drip all the glue you want on it. Who gives a shit? And then huff right out of it. All right.

We'll see you next week. Take it easy, Mike. Everybody stay healthy. God bless. Read all about it. Read all about it. Read all about it. Read all about it. In college, in a weird way, I prefer acid.

Blondie's in the kitchen. Her breasts protrude that much more right over the pan. The tits are hanging over the pan. And in the next room...