Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 312 5/17/26

Episode Date: May 17, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz Sunday Papers: Roast Drama, Cat Williams Chaos & Greg's Most Awkward Hollywood Party Mike takes us inside the biggest show on Netflix with behind-the-scenes stories from the roast, Kat Williams entrance planning, writing room chaos and all the controversy that followed. Greg also relives one of the most awkward moments of his life at a Netflix party surrounded by comedy royalty. The guys also talk hiking disasters, Florida insanity, Cash Patel, weird history facts and the weekly funnies. Support the sponsors: Miracle Made Sheets:https://trymiracle.com/papersPromo code: PAPERS Hims Weight Loss:https://hims.com/papers This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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No going back now. Oh, smell that ink. Smell that fresh ink coming off the Sunday papers. It's Greg Fitzsimmons and Mike Gibbons. You know who has... Still alive. Noah's worst Mike technique than I is the William sisters, who you saw that on the roast.

We couldn't even hear them in the room. There we go. Well, our lead story, according to Mike, the most important thing in the country, you wanted to move it down an hour and 15. minutes. I thought that was weird. The comedy night. It wasn't the comedy show. It was the Netflix roast.

How did Comedy Central just give up? They had they had nobody watches the daily show anymore. They had new programming constantly. They had Sarah Silverman doing a fucking sketch show. And they and they lost the roast on time. They lost all the one. hour specials. They were the network for one hour specials.

And they just, what happened exactly? I don't know. I mean, they were always accused the tag was they'd never like hold on a talent or anything like that. And, uh, yeah. I mean, HBO was kind of accused of that, believe it or not. I mean, they would do the young comedian special all the time. So they're finding Jerry Seinfeld.

They're finding all these people. Andrew Dice Clay and Bill Hicks. Yeah. And that was part of the reason they, you know, they found in a way, found as it quotes, but, you know, Ray Romano. And they held on on that one. Yeah. And so HBO was a one-third producer, I think, of Everybody Loves Raymond. Right.

What was it called downtown? Broadway productions. Yeah, HBO. Anyway, so here we are. Netflix does the roast. You're the head writer. congratulations. You did an amazing job. You did a great job coming and banging out a ton of jokes.

Oh, cut it out. And they got on. I got to tell you, it was very impressive watching you because I've never seen you as a head writer before. I mean, you and I have worked on some projects together. You didn't even see me. I was I was in prison down the hall. Yeah, you were in and out. You're in and out.

You run a good room. It really, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, make everybody feel heard, you keep it loose, you're funny. And then we had some issues. Can we talk about the issues with the writers after the roast? Is that something that we're talking about? That's why we're not able to talk about a lot of jokes right now. There was a writer who came in for a day and then ran with publicity and granted interviews

and talked about all these jokes that they claimed were cut, which is not true because They never made it in anyway. I have to even watch what I say now because it became a thing. Yeah. So basically, you're not allowed to run around and say, here is a joke I wrote for the roast that they did not use. You know, that's happened. And, you know, last roast, I think I came on here and read really funny jokes that didn't make it.

And Nikki Glazer goes on Howard Stern and reads the funniest jokes that didn't make the Golden Globes. It's just this time around someone made a massive misstep. One of the writers, writers is kind of in quotes. It was one day and no jokes got on. And it's messed it up. It's messed that up because now people are involved and watching this. Because technically, even in the examples I just gave, the jokes are property of the companies that hired you. Well, also, so that was a big blowup.

First of all, I should mention it's the number one show on Netflix, and it has been for the past week. So congrats on that. Yeah, I think Michael Chase is helping keep that alive and all the people. Well, that's the other thing is black writers are coming out and saying that Kevin Hart, the Rose didn't have enough black writers. It was mostly white writers. How do you defend that?

The right, I'd have to say it's one of the most diverse writing staffs. I've ever been a part of or ever seen. We had, who's counting, but we had nine black writers. So point to show out to me that had that. That's an entire baseball team. That's not what I'd call them, by the way. I don't think you should call them that. So you have all these black writers and then Jay lashes out anyway.

He finds one picture with four white writers on it and he posts it. And meanwhile, okay, I would. would like to see the writing staff that Kevin Hart puts together when he does his movies. Are they all black? How about who writes jokes that Michael Chey reads for the first time on Saturday? Yes, exactly. So that heated it up. That kept things in the news. That kept the show in the news as well. And then what was the other controversies that came out of the show? Obviously, there was a lot of drama between Chelsea Handler and then Tony Hinchcliff and Shane Gillis. Did you get a sense before the roast that there was going to be some tension there?

Yes. I mean, again, I don't know if I can talk about that stuff. But what we did see, I can talk about what aired, you know, Chelsea's set seemed very defensive. I think she did well. I think she did very well. There are a lot of jokes. And then, you know, sometimes Chelsea, you know, doesn't like, doesn't let, like, facts or logic get in the way of her jokes, in my opinion. And so, like, you know, hitting, she was really hitting Tony and Shane a lot and then saying things like that there were pussies who wouldn't go to a middies in a draft. They only go over there for the comedy festival as well.

Shane and Tony did not go to the Riyadh comedy festival. Mike, you're getting caught up in details. Yeah, I shouldn't do that. You just have to suspend a lot of facts when laughing at that joke. Right. Do you have a cold? You know, I guess I do, but I feel great. Okay.

Yeah. You kicked my ass in paddle tennis two days ago. How about it, buddy? We got to get out there. You know what I realized, though, bicycling home is you beat me six to and the first set, but then you beat me 6-5 and the second set. We didn't play a 12th set. Oh, no, I think it was 7-5.

Are you sure? Yeah, it was 7-5. Okay. It was a 40-love game. It was fast, fast last game. It was very fast. But that was fun being out there. So what else?

I went to, well, what else about the roast? Anything else? Yeah, I know. It's weird. I feel a little hand. cuff than what I could talk about. But this is what I will say, man. My takeaways, first of all, Brady was awesome. And, you know, he loves Dickie, uh, Dickie, uh, who's one of his writer. And Dickie was on the roast. And, and, and he kind of loves me. And then we were in touch

with him that day. I mean, that's what he texted me. But we were in touch with him, uh, that week. And then when we saw the Knicks were going to sweep, uh, Dickie came up with the idea of like, oh my God, should Brady walk out with a Knicks jersey? Because, Tom, Because Kevin Hart's from Philly. The Roots are from Philly. Big J. O'Gerson's from Philly. More than that. Nene Jewel.

Is she Philly? I think so, yeah. Anyway, a lot of Philly fans were in the crowd. So we thought that would be great because the Nick swept the 76ers that, like an hour before the roast. Yeah. And then to sweeten it, we got children's jerseys. and so that in a way was the first short joke fired or one of and that was great work with Brady

but I'd have to say the high point for me was our offices as you know were in West Hollywood so we send a script to Cat Williams and all of a sudden we get a call let's meet and go over the script and he goes I want to meet at the forum at 9 p.m.

And I'm like, am I getting shot? The arena, the L.A. Forum. The L.A. Forum, which we haven't even moved into yet. Yeah, yeah. And we just have to accommodate that. And it's in the worst neighborhood in L.A. We meet at the forum in Crunch. Yeah, right, Englewood, I guess, technically.

And we, uh, we go, we construct his set. And he is so goddamn funny. Like, he's just, you know, one of my comedy heroes. And at one point, we're like talking about like, listen, I go to him. I'm like, listen, we have fire. We have a crazy lasers, unbelievable light show. And then he talks about, well, I'll enter then. He's like, you know, we want to hear his voice first.

Like, oh, you invited the wrong MF or to this. And you hear that first, which worked and was great. It was a little wonky. And he goes, and maybe I'll like come out with a cape. And so we had a production person there who was like, all right, so you need us to get you a cape. and he just slowly turned, he's like, I have a cape. So that's great. And then I started telling him about all the fire and everything.

And he's just closing his eyes, like visualizing his entrance. And he's like, I'm about 20 seconds away from saying I'm entering on a Shetland pony. So, all right, anyway, cut to show day. I'm trying to get, and I'm running like basically right. on time. But I have to keep moving and I get to this street called Prairie, which is outside of the forum. And all of a sudden, the light's about to turn green and these are long lights on these big, it was Manchester and Prairie. And the light finally turns green. Two cop cars on motorcycles flying to the intersection tell everybody to hold back. Two more come, stop traffic from going the other way.

and then a police car leads these two black SUVs heading flying south on prairie and I'm like oh man is that jd vance or i didn't know the president was like you know i'm assuming they're going to lax so anyway i missed that light i'm livid i eventually pull in all that all the trucks all the cops it was cat williams no fucking way Yeah. Kat Williams gets a police escort? I mean, I think he's been shot at, right?

I mean, I should know all this. So anyway, I mean, I think he, I think it's his security. I think, you know, I don't think it's costing us anything. I think that's Kat Williams how he rolls. So anyway, I then, I'm told, oh, Kat wants to see you in his dressing room. So I go down in his dressing room and I'm like, I go, hey, I go, what's God? I'm like, sorry I'm late. I got fucked at the Prairie and Manchester

or intersection, the light was about to turn green and police pulled up and stopped everything because someone's escort, he's like, you could have car pulled with me, motherfucker. He's just so great, man. Oh, my God. Yeah, he's the best. He's so good. Oh, yeah. Like, when we went through the script with him, he's like, so expertly is like, I won't take

that, I won't take that. And of course he had his own stuff, but he said, I won't take that. And then we had a section that was about Diddy. And he just looks at it, it looks at it. And at one point he's like, y'all some mean motherfuckers. And he goes, I'll take all of these. Yeah. That's great.

He kind of softened a joke, but I understand his logic. Because one of the jokes I loved that was on the show was, but how do you, how can you not? love Kevin Hart. I guess you'd have to ask his dad. And what he did was he added himself to it because logically that's true. His whole premise was he doesn't love Kevin Hart as well. So he's like, well, that would be two people, me and his dad.

Uh-huh. But anyway, Kat Williams was a highlight for me. Tell me about his posse. Uh, no. Despite everything I just described, none. Really? security and assistant and just everything was unbelievably professional.

I mean, he was the first guy there because that's when I'm, that's when I was arriving at work. Like he was, yeah, he was just great. Can I tell you my Netflix is a joke comedy festival story? You got it, pal. I think I told you already.

And I did say it on my, on Fitzdog Radio, but I just want to, in case people only listen to this podcast, I'll do a very brief version of it. So there's this big party called at Ted Sarandos, who's the head of Netflix, probably top three most powerful guys in Hollywood. Oh my God. Yeah.

He's a kingpin out here now. Yeah. So he has this party and his house is a fucking castle. It's one of the biggest mansions I've ever seen. The backyard is like a football field. They've got an enormous white tent set up. and he basically invites like the top 100 comedians in the industry to the party. It was crazy.

I saw the pictures online. Oh, my God. So I show up and I'm not invited. I'm a plus one. Louis C.K. brought me as his plus one. So I'm immediately feeling less than. I am not one of the 100.

I don't know if I'm one of the 200 or even the 300. I think I'm in the top 300. 200. 200. Come on. 200. So I walk in and first of all, I got my Mustang and I just had it waxed the day before. So I'm pulling up feeling like, all right, we're badasses.

I got some Zizi top on. We pull up to the valet. And then as we're getting out, as we're getting out, earthquake pulls up behind us in a 12-ton Rolls Royce. White and shinier than mine. And we walk in and, I mean, first person I see is Eddie Murphy. Then I see David Letterman. Then I see...

It's crazy. You know, Chelsea Handler's there. Chappelle. Chappelle, Adam Sandler. Anyway, it's crazy. And so me, I walk him with Louie and immediately Chris Rock comes over and he just starts riffing on the party

and he's fucking hilarious. And so there's a small crowd of people kind of standing around listening to him and then I, you know, and I see a bunch of people that I know really well. Like Wanda Sykes I hadn't seen in years. So she and I are like, you know, locked off. And then I see Tom Seguera. So me and Tom Seguer are standing on this open area and this bar in front of us.

And then all of a sudden Ted Sarando starts his speech. And like I said, the place is fucking huge. I have no idea where he is. There's no stage. I figured maybe he's on the other side of the tent. Yeah. And then I look to my right. and he is standing maybe 12 feet from me.

And I am now looking at him and he's giving his speech. But every 20 seconds, he looks in my eyes. He just keeps looking in my eyes. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? So I look to my right. Tom Segura is gone. I look around me and I am on a dance floor by myself. There's nobody within 20 feet of me

And I look like the special needs kid at his cousin's wedding And I realized why What? You should have just started dancing Yeah And I'm like, I don't know how to stand I'm crossing my arms Then I'm putting one hand in the pocket

I'm shifting And then I finally just like slink away And Sigura's at the bar And he's crying He's laughing so fucking hard at me Unbelievable You stood out, pal. Then I saw you posing in a picture with Ted Sarandos.

Yes. How about that? Yeah, there was a picture. Maybe he likes you. I mean, all that eye contact. Well, Louis introduced me to him, and it was literally like he could not possibly have given less of a fuck about meeting me. And so that, but, you know, he wanted to talk to Louis.

Louis is suddenly in business with Netflix. And so it was kind of, Ted was all up, Louis. ass, which I think really great. So it was great. It was a great party. And then they take the picture. So they have these bleachers set up and they've got the hundred comedians all on the bleachers. And Lou is like, come on.

I go, I can't stand the picture. I'm not part of the 100. I go, what am I going to do if they see me? And he goes, well, if they do see you, I'm not fighting for you. So I go, fuck it. And I'm standing there next to Fred Armisen. and Theo Vaughan, and Sagar is in front of me. And they have this stupid idea of everybody gets a colored ball.

And as they're shooting the photo, everybody throws the ball at the camera. Great. So now there's balls blocking people's faces. And as they do it, Sagarra raises his fist in the air. So all you see of me is like my glasses and a hat and his fist covering my entire face. So he fucked me twice at one party. Well, it's better than if like all the balls blocked every face except yours. That would have been the photo.

Just you, just staring. Oh, my God. So there was a note from Liz, who's a big fan of the show. She's from Philly, so she's not a big fan of yours. Yeah. The roast was great, absolutely hilarious. I thought Shane Gillis sucked as the host. He kept pointing out that he didn't write the jokes.

and how many times did he have to tell us he talked to Cheryl Underwood to get her permission for some jokes, grow some balls. Curious what you thought of Michael Chez's response to it all. Great job, Mike. Also, I'm from Philly, so fuck Mike. Take it each. Oh, well, I mean, it's perfectly Philly. I think he got a lot of that wrong. I think Gillis actually did really well.

And I think he needed to point out this. I mean, it was funny when he was pointing out that he, contacted Cheryl Underwood. He didn't, none of it wasn't funny. She was so, I, he was recognizing what a crazy concept it was to go there

about her husband's suicide. But I will say, when the writer's room, you know, we get bios on these people and sometimes we don't need them, but boy, did we need the Cheryl Underwood bio?

And I mean, when you get that bio and like, it was like, we got it at the same time and you'd hear one writer like, Okay, we're good. And it was because it detailed her husband killing himself. And we just were just like dogs on a scent just all over that.

Yeah, yeah. I got to say, in my opinion, she had the set of the night. Oh, there's no doubt she was the breakout. Did you see yesterday? Yesterday was announced? She was a Netflix special. No way. Of course.

Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. Good for her. And also I was psyched that the guy from the plastic cup boys did so well. Oh, Naim, man, was great. He was great. I went in his trailer, his dressing room, basically, before he went out there just to check on him and be like, we love this set. And it's so great.

You need anything. And he was in a good space. Oh, good. Yeah, that was a sleeper. Nobody expected that. Man, you have to go on his Instagram, Naim Lynn's Instagram. First of all, the writers room loved that we see is it's N-A-A-apostrophe I am, name Lynn, and L-Y-N-N-N. And so we just for like two weeks would be like, nah, I'm lying.

Like that's his name. That's what it spells. Nah, I'm lying. We're like, he should have a whole bit, which is nah, I'm lying. And anyway, he was awesome. But go on his Instagram. He tore apart. He's like, what's going on here?

and he has a big picture of Michael Jordan behind him with the bloodshot eyes. And he just fucking roasts Michael Jordan about what an alcoholic he has. And he's like, and what's up with it? Look at these eyes. He's like, does he have iabedis? Dude, Chappelle's going to come hard for him. I can't believe that's not more in the, I mean, when the room read that joke, we're like, oh, man. and Chappelle was going to be there.

They were looking for dressing rooms. Like, you know, he came to the last roast. So anyway, I'm speaking not as an official of the roast. I just know there was a lot of chatter about the possibility of him being there. And it wasn't one joke. He did the thing about Chappelle's wife being trans. Oh, I know. And he said his last special had no jokes in it.

I know. And Shane was really funny about it. He's like, I'm sure he'll let go of that one. I'm sure. I'm sure Chappelle will let that. roll right off. Yeah, yeah. Um, quick story. I, uh, went on a hike on Monday and it was me. I got a poker group. It's like, it's like all the guys in my neighborhood. We've been tight for 25 years and we have a poker game. Anyway, one of the guys in our group 10 years ago went on a hike like you,

like the fucking idiot you are. He hikes solo up in the Sequoia Mountains. Yeah, it scared me this story. So he went on a hike 10 years ago by himself and he slipped on top of a waterfall and he fell and he died and it was really tragic. He had two young kids and anyway, so we kind of memorialize him by doing the hike every year. It's a better story than Cheryl Underwood's husband, but go ahead. Yeah, this was an accident. So we go up and so this year we haven't done it in a few years and you know, we're getting up there. You know, I'm, I'm probably. the youngest of the group. Some of the guys are like early 70s. And the hike is about nine miles round trip and it's hilly as fuck. It's actually next to a river that is the steepest river in the

United States. And so we go up there and it was supposed to be 68 degrees. There was a spike and it was in the 90s. And so we start the hike. There's nine of us. And we start the hike. There's nine of us. and we start up and we go about a mile and then up ahead. We come over a hill and three of the guys are sitting down and I come up and one of them is convulsing. He's completely unconscious. He's thrown up all over himself. He's being held up by another guy. He's sitting down and being held up.

And he's unconscious for four or five minutes. And as soon as we see it, Matt Malloy being a fucking hero. Doesn't even hesitate. Turn around and sprints a mile down the hill. Is screaming to get rangers together to find a medic. He, uh, there's a, there's a gate that's blocking the trail. He almost got in his car and broke the gate down to get the medics through. And, uh, anyway, then he runs up the hill, a mile with armfuls of water.

Gets up there. Josh has kind of regained consciousness. but he can't sit up and we drag him into the shade. And then Matt dies. It's a curveball story. Well, that's what that was the joke. It's like, we're just going to, thank God this is exactly on the 10th anniversary so we can kill two birds at one stone next year.

And each year we just lose another guy. And so nine paramedics show up and they're taking his vitals and they give him an IV and it was fucking crazy. And so we just, we called it a day. we didn't do the hike we came down and uh uh you know unbelievable i mean that's so dangerous yeah like i've thought when i've and whatever whether it's solo cammy or even when you're with like i remember going back country so we hiked 10 miles in and the only way to anything towards civilization is 10 miles away and and we saw a ranger there and we're like what happens it got you

roll your ankle. You know, you have 40 pounds on your back. Rolling an ankle could be a really easy thing to do. You're literally in rivers crossing them. Lots of them if you're going before August. And the guy's like, yeah,

he's like, it wouldn't be helicopter, it would probably be horse to get you out of here. No shit. And yeah, you'd have to wait for the horror. Like, it's bad. Yeah. Meanwhile, there's no, there was no cell

reception where we were. So we couldn't call for help. Right. And, and the guy who, I got to say, the guy who passed out, he was wearing heavy jeans. We told him to put a hat on three times. He was not wearing a hat. He had no fucking liquid for breakfast. So, you know, it was kind of his fault. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. No, that's crazy. And it's all about how many times can you hear hydrate? I mean, it's so annoying. But yeah, for a reason. Yeah, so who's basically hydrated? I told you very quickly, it was interesting. So Laura, George and I, we go, this is 25 years ago, we go to the Grand Canyon and we hike.

And oh, my God, all they could keep talking about was hydrate, hydrate. We're like, we get it. Like, we're, we got it. Thank you. And we were, we were going to hydrate when we brought our water. So anyway, we then were on the rim and you start to go down and you go down. And so what you do, I mean, without thinking. is you know when you're about

all right we should probably turn around because that's probably half the juice I got for a comfortable hike or whatever it is so we turn around and just really never put together this is a reverse hike from what we're normally used to which is hiking up

and then you hike down dude we ran out of water halfway back up and we're not happy it we were hurting it was it's just an interesting thing that we didn't put together like oh yeah we're doing the easy part and we over did it on the easy part down I've got to mention our friend who died Dave Hallanette his son was with us who's 26 Owen and so I was

worried it was going to be like traumatic for him because I'm sure it was very emotional for him to be doing this hike with us he I don't think he'd ever been up there to see where it happened and uh he was he was he was making jokes about it probably would have felt better if jodd died. I mean, it's kind of like, wow, my dad was a bad at. Like, the hike didn't get him. All right, right. All right. Logo this week, I don't know if we ever published this one before, but I was going through the old folder. And I found this one from George, who's GS artworks. Fucking amazing logo. I think if we ever pick a permanent logo, this might be it. And then we got a song from Kuku, King,

Cuckoo. Did you listen to that one? Oh my God. Yeah. It's a sounds like a cruise ship ad, but in a very bouncy, jaunty reggae way. It's fun. He did the melody and the lyrics. I think he might have had a little bit of assistance,

but he did the melody and lyrics, which were very fun. Corrections. We had Rick say Thoroughbreds and the United States have to be born from two horses fucking no insemination or jacking off horses. I did not know that.

And boy, man, if you look at some of the stats, you would not guess that either. Because after we got off the podcast before the Kentucky Derby, I then saw the headline. There were 20 horses in the race. 19 were related to Secretariat. Damn. It was like a family get-together. We talked about how many of the horses even are from the same stable, basically, and, you know, place in Kentucky.

But yeah, 19 are related, including the international horses that came in. He's like the Genghis Khan of horses. I guess. Is there a thing with Genghis Khan? It's what? Yeah, we all have like I have one per, I'm 99% Irish, one percent Asian. And I, I googled it. And they said, oh, yeah, like a third of the world has Genghis Khan's DNA in them.

What went on there? Was he a prolific? The Mongols. The Mongols. They invaded the Mongols were on something like four of the continents at one point. So it's kind of his group were related to his posse and then you're considered related to him or literally his DNA? I heard his DNA, but it may just be Mongol DNA. The Mongols were graping everywhere.

And then we got Eric in Bethesda said Champaign is not opened with a corkscrew ever. I don't know what that references, but we must have said that you opened champagne with a corkscrew? I don't remember that. Maybe I, maybe we slipped up and said that. I bet, I bet there's sparkling wine. Is there any sparkling wine where you would use a corkscrew? You know what's crazy is we were at the Malloy's the other night and they popped some champagne. Guess where it was from? And it's, you know, champagne has to be from the region. It has to be from the region of France specifically, or you can't use the word champagne. Halisco, Champagne.

Guess what brand it was. Costco. Kirkland. Kirkland champagne. Right. Right. Well, they're no, they're throwing their name on. And then the whole thing is guess which champagne, Kirkland, through their label on.

Right. That's what happens with tequila also. Because tequila, do you know, tequila is the same exact thing as champagne? It has to be from Halisco. Oh, no shit, really? Yep. Damn. Maybe it's to be called blue agave tequila.

Anyway, yeah. And this comes from turf. The places in the world where people live the longest, aka people who live to be 100, are called Blue Zones. We talked about this. You're right about the connection to community and all that, but more importantly,

they mostly consume plant-based diets and they don't eat dairy. Blue zones are Loma Linda, California is the only blue zone in the U.S. So he also says, There's a lot of people that wrote in and said that this is bullshit that the extreme longevity has more to do with poor record keeping than a good diet, specifically in Japan when apparently they were bombed at some point. and a lot of their records were lost. So that's where a lot of these blue zones are in Japan

because people don't really know how old they are. Yeah, it became quite a red and yellow zone for a brief moment there as the temperature soared. Still a yellow zone. Tour dates. Boston. I will be in Laugh, Boston on May 29th and 30th. Get your tickets right away.

It's selling fast. Rochester, New Hampshire at the Opera House, June 5th. Take your time on those tickets. It can be a little bit of elbow. room. Agunkwit, Jonathan's in Maine on June 6th, Huntington Beach, just being announced now, Mamba on July 12th. Then I'll be in St. Pete's, Cincinnati and Columbus in August, then La Jolla in the fall. Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets come on. Also, we want to give a shout out to Gotham Productions, who produces this podcast. They do an amazing job. Thank you. They were just

out in L.A. for the comedy festival. Yeah, I saw Sam, right? And Sam just a adores you man i pass that on to you just like said you treated him well uh back when he was a nobody and he's in a very sam way he's like he had no idea what it was he didn't have to be nice to me uh yeah so that was great and he's always so great to hang out i mean that guy holy moly where is he now with the nicks on this run he must oh my god we talked about we talked about them but they had yet to sweep uh i think no he said they're going to fuck it up he's a Oh, that's a true Knicks fan. That's where I'm in.

But I have not been loyal to the Knicks. I actually had a life the last 40 years and had no hope for them. Well, speaking of loyal, I am so loyal to try Miracle Sheets. Oh, my God. Miracle Made. Miracle Made sheets. They sponsor this podcast. And I'm glad they do because they sent us some of their sheets.

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What's happening? Yeah. And it's all, it's all, you know, garbage. Yeah. It's just when I eat garbage. Well, my weight, my weight, I mean, it hasn't really fluctuated a lot lately. But man, in college, I was like 225, something like that. I'm in the 190s now.

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For the love of God, what do you have? I got some plastic here. Here we go. Oh, listen to that. Like a shirt came in this. I don't know why I still have it. A Michigan man linked to the Christian anti-porn internet accountability software covenant eyes has been charged with what, Mike? What's he been charged with?

I'm going to take a wild guess. Doing the thing he's claiming to try to stop. Yes. Multiple sexual offenses against children. And we are off the algorithm. Officers with the Kent County Sheriff's Office arrested Thomas Wydeeman, and more like Wildman, after he allegedly communicated online with a detective posing as a 14-year-old girl. The detective began communicating with Wideman 38 on July 23rd through the app hush. Wyden responded to her post that read, hey.

During the initial exchange, the detective asked Widman his age. he replied 37 and added, how about you? She said she was 14. Wydenman allegedly described how he wanted to touch the girl sexually and asked for photos. A meeting was set and officers arrested him. He's now facing eight felony charges, including using a computer to commit a crime. Anyway, on and on and on. He could get life in prison for this, which is great.

But Covenant Eyes is widely used by churches, schools, and families to filter and monitor access to online adult com. Here's what I always wonder. About the 21-year-old officer who has to pose as a 14-year-old. Like, it's ironic because when I was 14, I had a fake ID and I was posing as a 21-year-old. So I was thinking, what if I met the 21-year-old at that time, the officer, and she's posing as a 14-year-old, and she said I'm too old for her. but then I convinced her to have sex with me.

And then they charged me with soliciting a minor because she's pretending to be 14. I flip it. I get her arrested. I love it. What a plan. Because I'm a child. What a plan. It's a plan.

It reminded me the story of that great jesselnick joke. It goes something like he's like, I've got a friend who works for the FBI, spends all day pretending to be a 12-year-old girl chatting with pedophiles. I don't know what he does for the FBI. So good. You know what's so funny is like, I talk to comics, including Louis C.K. Who say they never sit down and write. They don't write anything down that you have to do it on stage.

And then you look at Jesselnik. And you go, no, no, get a pad, sit down, do the math, do a mathematical joke that just works. That's, you know, clever. When he's not reading a thousand books, I guess he's writing a thousand jokes. Um, but covenant eyes. I mean, that's what your nickname should be if you're in prison for, uh, for offenses against minors say covet because it wasn't the, um, the, the, the phrase short eyes.

There was a film that just absolutely spooked me that I somehow saw. Maybe it was on HBO and like the primitive cable box in my friend's basement or something. And it was called short eyes. And I, I know the, I think I know the actor was in it. and do the right thing wearing the Celtics jersey. I don't know his name. Oh, yeah, yeah. He looks like John Voigt.

He looks like a cauliflower head. Yeah, he looked like a John Voight. Anyway, he was in it, and it was called Short Eyes, and that was the nickname he got, and it did not go well for him in prison. Let's just put it that way. Yeah, yeah. But also, there's Covenant Eyes,

and then what the hell? I am not Googling this. I'm even bummed that it's on my computer screen. What the hell is the absolute? hush. This all sounds like the creepiest stuff ever. Yeah. I'm looking that guy up and I'm not finding his face. Yeah, I'd recognize it. I think it's Danny something. Well, look up the movie Short Eyes and look at the cast.

And what year did Short Eyes come out? Let me say Short Eyes cast. But this whole, oh my God, you know, I put in another story. I'll start it after this one because this is a little bit about snaring and stinging, as they say, a sting operation. So I had heard about this, this honeypot sting that went down. So 20 women in Minnesota used dating apps, mostly Tinder, to match with ICE agents. They managed to pull off three major things.

They grabbed photos of the agent's real faces. They picked up info on secret raid locations. That was the biggest thing they did because apparently ICE was like, how are all these people knowing where our raids are? And then if their cover got blown, they sent, they went straight, these women went straight to the agent's wives

and show them the text chains with them and them wanting to cheat. Right? Love it. Love it. I loved it also. But Mia, it's one of the reasons I found this story hard to believe is, I think a lot of them would have been on Grindr,

not Tinder. Oh. Yes. I mean, a lot of these guys were- Like the Republican Convention. Yeah, these guys were all thrown off JV wrestling for getting erections. I guarantee it. And she had to figure out which guys were ice agents. And so I think there was like a, there was criteria to look for. Wrap around sunglasses, tight goatees, wearing their high school football jacket, an off-road vehicle in the background, any camo, a Nick name. If you had a nickname, not Fitzdog, but another one, or if your name is Wayne, Bruce, or Ron, that's a red flag. Uh, the mullet. And they list that they loved the movie heated rivalry.

Uh, nice. Uh, wait, I'm looking up a joke. And it's so funny what I'm still, the keyword I'm searching for, which I'll tell you in a minute. But it's about, it's kind of like what you just, what you just said reminded me of it. And I can't find it. But at one point we had The Rock saying Tony Hinchcliffe wrestled in high school and was undefeated if you consider jizzing in a Unitarid winning. So I'm literally, I'm searching my computer for the word jizzing

and I'm getting a lot of results. We wanted to hear him say that so badly. loved it and I don't know when it fell out but it just didn't fit all right let's let's skip this next one and go down to um what the cruise ship the hentavirus yeah well just briefly I mean it's kind of crazy this my sister brought up Laura how did we not get the hentavirus in carmel New York a little above you in tarry town but anyway it was kind of like a I'm now going to make excuses kind of like this country house

it would be empty all week and you know our parents weren't great at like sealing up food in the kitchen anyway we constantly saw mice crap oh is that how it spread hantavirus

I think one way is if you eat mice dung if that gets in food I mean please write us with your letters I think that's one way but maybe not all mice have it. I have no idea. I've definitely ingested my shit.

I mean, based on my memories and my sister's memories of that kitchen where, like, there's cereal boxes that weren't sealed. And then sometimes we would see a hole eating in a cereal box so you knew to throw that one out. But then you just grab the next box. Well, don't mice know the phrase

don't shit where you eat? Yeah, but they love shit. where we eat. Yeah. Is there a, is, does hantavirus have an antivirus? I don't know. Is that, is that a funny question or? No, I heard that, um, the same people that brought us the COVID antivirus are working

on an antivirus for hantivirus, but I don't know if it's available yet. But I think it's like, you know, what is it? Merck. Who, who made the, uh, COVID virus, uh, antivax? I don't know. But maybe you have to inject the antivirus in rats, and then you have to mix their shit with the mice shit. That's how you have to ingest it. It's very complicated.

Okay. Carnival cruises, though, is running a special that they guarantee that they are sticking just with massive diarrhea. You will not get the antivirus. It's a guarantee when you go on their cruises. Diary and gonorrhea, our promise to you. That's all you'll bring home. Also, I've accepted I will never in my life know for sure how to spell diarrhea. I can't spell gonorrhea.

It has to correct me. I wait for it to correct me and throw the extra R in there, which is oddly before the H. It's weird. Well, I always remember there's an H because that's sort of like the sound of diarrhea. Like when you actually have it, there's a little bit of a, there's a little air built in. That's how I remember it. I have to remember the two hours because when I have it, I'm like, er.

And I remember the end of it because I always go, when it's over, I go, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! And then we got, uh, all right, let's skip this one. You got it, pal. And go down to, all right. So, uh, Cash Patel visited Hawaii last summer and he took a bunch of,

of video of him visiting like the Honolulu office of the bureau and meeting with local law enforcement. What they did include was an excursion that he took where he went on a VIP snorkel around the USS Arizona that the military set up for him. That's the sunken battleship that entombs more than 900 sailors and Marines at Pearl Harbor. So, you know, this is a, this is a after he's been criticized for using an FBI plane and his global travel that has blended professional responsibilities with leisure activities.

So the FBI hadn't revealed that he did this. But this guy is it's off limits, by the way. Nobody is allowed to snorkel around the Arizona. It's completely restricted. And so I don't know.

Maybe there's Epstein. files under there? Is that why? Is that why he's down there? That's what he was looking for. Oh, got it. It's easy to make fun of cash, but he almost died because the Mai Tai and his snorkel, he choked on it. Right. He can't breathe. I mean, I think he wanted to see dead soldiers because he wants to prepare himself for what he's setting us up for with attacking Iran and Cuba and Venezuela. The old timers, the guards there were like, honestly, this is more surprising than what Japan did.

and maybe more inappropriate. Well, Renan Hirshberg had this joke. I can't remember what it was exactly. I'm going to butcher it. But it was like he's trying to finally solve who attacked us. Yeah. What a clown, man. The Supreme Court ensured Thursday that the abortion pill Mithipristone can continue to be available by mail without an in-person appointment with a clinician, a ruling by the New York.

Court of Appeals has imperiled widespread access to the pill. Now the Supreme Court has granted emergency requests brought by lawmakers seeking to block that ruling. The decision, a loss for the state of Louisiana ensures there will not be any disruption to the availability of the drug as litigation continues. Great news. Less rednecks. Yeah.

I'm especially pro-abortion in the deep south. I think the Supreme Court. court, then they're going to follow up. They're like, oh, but only black people can use it. Right. Right. In the south. Just like our, just like our voting policies that we, uh, we worked on this week. So, well, I think the law before was that you could only get the abortion case of incest. So basically nothing changes. All right. We got ethical question, Path. Ethical question. Can't wait. Here we go.

go. All right, I'm going to read you one that was sent in by a listener, Matthew David, who said while cleaning out my junk drawer, I came across a Mother's Day card that I gave to my mom last year, which included a gift card to a nail salon she likes. Unbeknownst to me, she had left it at my house but has never brought it up. At 74 years old, there is no chance that she remembers receiving this gift and there is no indication of the year it was bought. Is it okay for me to slap this into a new envelope and give it to her again this year for Mother's Day? I don't know. It feels awkward.

I don't know about ethical. Of course it's not ethical. You're re-gifting to the same person. I, uh, but I don't know. I mean, can't you make light of it and do something funny about it? I would double it for sure. That's what I would do. I'd throw in another card.

Well, definitely give it to her because after a year, she definitely needs to get her nails done. Yeah, exactly. But I don't think 74 is that old, Matthew. I don't think 74-year-olds are that forgetful. Isn't the president 10 years older than that? And look how sharp he is. I forget.

I have sent my mom chocolate-covered strawberries five times and all five times been told that she's allergic to strawberries and I forget and I keep sending them. Why? Because

berries.com was a sponsor of the show and I used to get it for half price. Anyway. Also, you saw that her will was signed and executed. Yes. Every year you tried to kill your mom. Let's get down to Make America, Florida.

Here we go. All right. Man, this was the hardest week. In fact, I have two Florida's because all the stories were so bleak and not funny. Anyway, Christopher Jones, 29 was pulled over Saturday in Brevard County during a traffic enforcement effort dubbed Super Speeder Saturday. All right, Florida. They've moved on to the SSS apparently. Deputy Caleb Sanchez was conducting the speed enforcement when he spotted Jones.

and this is why I grabbed the article, Greg, because they're using one of your phrases. The Speed Enforcement, when he spotted Jones, coming in hot. Coming in hot, baby. Which is in quotes. That is what Greg will text you or scream at you through the phone

when he's about 10 to an hour late, 10 minutes to an hour late, that he's coming in hot. That's right. Anyway, this guy probably like you. As opposed to you, who comes in late for golf, coming in cold,

which means you're late and then you stop at Starbucks to get a large coffee while we wait on the tea for you. That's coming in cold. Oh my God. It's a little inside. But did I tell you I got there early yesterday and very quickly went to the starter. The starter is a friend of ours. And he goes, you're good. He's like, but dude, can you guys talk to Mikey?

He's like, he just keeps calling me. This is the starter at a public golf course because among, in our group, we have. what I'll call a caller. And it's so annoying. Now, God bless him. He calls when he's driving instead of texting, which is what I do when I'm driving. And anyway, but he calls there because he forgets to get the Friday morning tea time. You have to wake up like nine days early at 6 a.m.

And anyway, the golf course is annoyed by Mikey in the same way we are, which I thought is. Well, so are the waitresses. Mikey, well, if people don't know, Mikey has OCD, and when he stands up to the ball, it's like the honeymoon skit with Ralph and Norton. Hello, ball. Yes. Yeah, where he twitches and, you know,

raises each half and shakes his ass and nine practice swings. And you're like, all right, this guy's nuts. Then we go to the restaurant for lunch afterwards, and he spends at least that much time going through the menu with the waitress and asking, meanwhile, we eat at the same place three days a week. The menu's been the same for the last five years.

Yeah. Send us if you have someone like this. The only reason we're doing this is because what's personal is universal, especially in this case. So in your friend group, there is probably that person, the overthinker, the obsessor.

And my favorite line, though, I mean, we cannot emphasize enough how long he takes to hit the ball, which of course is not moving. And so like, let's say it's a putt. So every time he takes forever and then doesn't hit a good shot, I'm just like, you rushed it, man. Yeah.

And now what I do is he'll have a short putt and I'll go, Mikey, I'll bet you a dollar you missed that. You undid him yesterday. Yeah. You were undefeated with that. Yep. All right. We're making America, Florida.

So he was pulled over. and he was going 101 miles an hour in a 70 mile an hour zone. Jones, who was dressed in a black suit and white dress shirt, allegedly told deputies he was speeding because he was late to a wedding. So there's the picture of him. And I'll describe it for the listeners. He's in what looks like, yeah, black suit, no tie. Then you look, you go down and he has white socks in slides, in sandals.

the comments were, well, the sandals don't scream dressed to impress for a wedding. And then the other guy clocked, everybody's focused on the slides. I want to know how you're late for a wedding at 9 a.m. Was it in Key West? Where was the wedding? Well, he's got the slides. And it was 9 a.m. I took that detail out of the setup.

So it was a surprise. It was. He was pulled over at 9 a.m. Well, he had his sloth. lies on. Maybe he thought it was a wedding shower. I mean, I think the wedding was the night before. That's my opinion. I think he was bringing the groom, the diamond ring and an eight ball of Coke and a 22. He had to get there on time. He might have been wearing heels, which explains now he's in

more comfortable shoes and the cocaine is still at work. And he allegedly, all right, here's another one. A Florida woman thought an intruder was trying to break into her home. She investigated the ruckus on her porch and found two alligators fighting. She said, I thought somebody was breaking in. She looked outside and discovered the cause of the sound was not a human intruder, but two alligators brawling on her porch. The gators had shredded their way through the mesh, and she captured the video. But here's the thing I thought about when reading this article.

I think it's only in Florida when you think. think you hear an intruder and instead two primitive reptiles are going at it in the most dangerous way you're relieved you're relieved that these two crazy monsters are are banging on your door and that it's not a Florida person or an ice agent yeah actually there's no ice agents in Florida because it's a red state did you know that the ice agents are only going to States? I don't think it's right. I think for the most part you are right. Well, look, all she saw was a lot of alligator skin fighting. It could have been two Cuban pimps. Nice. Fighting over a humidor. By the way, apparently we have absolutely crippled Cuba.

There's something. We should, we should look into that for next week. I know. They have no fuel left. I think Cuba is really hurting. Yeah, I don't know what the story is behind that. All right, let's go to this day in history. Here we go. All right, this was all so tough here. When do you think Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis died? It was this week.

You want me to give you a clue? Give me a clue. What did she die of? Because, oh, man, she was 64. That's your clue. give her take four years. She was 64? Yeah, give her take.

I thought she was older. Give her take four years. When did she die? Well, she became the first lady in 1962. She was probably 20, she was probably 30 years old at that point. No, even younger. Now, let's say 30. So she was born in 1932.

She was 64 years old. So 32 years after 62 is, I'm going to say 96. 1994. Thank you. I think he took an unnecessary step backwards. You could have just added the year. Anyway, good job. All right.

You did it. Ringling Brothers, open a small circus. Get this. In Baraboo, Wisconsin. And by a little while later had transformed it into the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey circus. But when did the Ringling Brothers open a small circus, which was the beginning of what we know to be the most successful and largest circus ever?

What year did they start, give or take, 15 years? Well, they had animals from Africa. So there has to have been a time when they were transporting animals from Africa. to the U.S. So, or I guess it could have been Asia, but I'm going to guess 1870.

Oh my God, you did it by one year. 1884. Nice. Look at you. Yep. Yep. The 30 years war. It seems to have the answer right in it.

Let's go to, yeah, slim pickings, bear with me, bear with me. A lot of World War II, which you're going to get. 1943. Following an earthquake with a magnitude 5.1 on the Richter scale, Mount St. Helens erupted in one of the greatest volcanic explosions ever recorded in North America. When was Mount St. Helens, give or take four years?

I like four years. I remember being in high school when this happened. I was in high school from 80 to 84. That's a 10-year period, so of course. I'll say 82. 1980. There we go, baby. Three for three.

When did Shrek come out? The original Shrek, give or take four years again. Original Shrek, my kids were young. So let's say. Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz. I think they, I think, came out before they were born. Academy Award for Best Animated Feature. I'll say 97. I gave you four years. You bastard, 2001. Yeah, baby. Four for four. Unbelievable. Oh man. I wish I had a tough one here. Let's see.

Let's see. Well, I don't think you'll get that. But that's good to know. Wizard of Oz. I'm talking about, oh no, okay, give or take one year, Greg, the Beach Boys released Pet Sounds. 1968. Oh my God. 66. Oh, fuck. I cannot.

Come on, Sergeant Peppers. I know, but I felt like that was the later years for the, I thought that there was more technology. And this is your favorite album. of all time, I believe. I know. I know. I'd say pet sounds blue by Joni Mitchell,

Astro Weeks by Van Morrison. All right. We don't have to take a detour down here. And Axis Bald as Love by Jimmy Hendricks. There you go, Pallie. All right. Last one. Top Gun was released in American theaters.

Oh, man. What a summer blockbuster. It was released this week. What year, give or take three years? Tom Cruise was young and svelte. I would say 1989. Oh, we're going out on that.

On the nose, you just made it. No fucking way. No, no, no, no, no. No, no. No's 86. On the nose with the give or take. I think I was just, I was just five for six. Yeah.

And you missed the most embarrassing one, really undone. By one year. By one year. Well, right. You were two years off of your favorite album. I really was going to say 67 and I went 68. All right. Good. All right, buddy. I don't think we have a big obituary this week. We don't. Nobody died. A big. Really, it's been two weeks because we didn't do a show last week. That's true. But we didn't know it's the last time. God is on spring break. He's not out killing anybody. To the funnies, buddy. There you go.

Every week we do the comedy caption contest. We give you one frame of a comic. You write down a joke. You mail it in to Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. Please put your joke with your name directly underneath it. I select some finalists. Mike and I discuss and then pick one winner who receives a coozy just in time for summer. Let's start with last week.

We had a gentleman who's bald. He does not have a good body. And he is wearing chains, lace sleeves, cowboy boots, and a G-string. And he's on the phone. He's on a landline. And he's talking. David said, hey, Mike, it's me, Greg. There it is.

Why am I the guy? Why isn't Mike? Oh, because I'm bald. All right, fair enough. Why did I take your call? Kelly Holmes said, hello, Gnome residents. Yeah, that's good. That lands.

Jim Curran says he's losing interest. How soon can he get J.D.'s couch here? Everyone's gone political this week. Rich Kennedy said, yes, my refrigerator is running. Ah, he just ignored the whole premise. I like it. Tim Began said, what do you mean, kicked off the algorithm again? That's good.

These are pretty good. You said you hate our listeners and that these are horrible. I never said that. All right. Something about, yes, my refrigerator is running just makes me laugh because like you said, it was completely off topic, which I like a little misdirect. And when I look at the guy, it's funny him saying that. Yeah.

And also, yeah, he should know that's a prank call. I mean, this guy. But he doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. And it's funny because you know he's come up from the basement. So he's come all the way up the stairs to answer this phone. Please.

That would have been funny. Please don't call again. Yes, my refrigerator is running. Yeah. All right. Rich Kennedy, congratulations. You will be holding a warm insulin and cozy. No, no.

No, no. We're going to look into getting him a coozy. We're going to look into getting him a coozy. look into it, Rich. Yeah. Next week's comic is two squirrels sitting in a tree on a branch and one squirrel is eating an acorn. The other one is talking and he appears to have a cell phone in his hand.

He looks a little bit alarmed by when he's reading on the cell phone. Do not put, yes, my refrigerator is running for this one. It only worked this week, people. All right. Let's get to Hager the Horrible. They are attacking a castle. Hager and the boys. He says,

we're taking your sprawling castle estate with its manicured grounds and 100 rooms filled with invaluable treasures. The queen says, please don't. Then she goes, it's the only luxury we permit ourselves. And then Hager goes, oh, there she is. I forgot to mention the other thing we're doing.

Yeah. That's a luxury that they permit themselves. Oh yeah, very luxurious, hairy, stinky, because nobody bathes back then, and they don't care. Buy along, boys. Or royal hyneous. Then we got the lockorns. Leroy is sitting on the exam table. The doctor's got a clipboard.

Leroy said, so I'm allowed to eat as much as I want of whatever I don't want to eat. There it is. It's a little tricky that it works You got a onion? I sure do It applies very much to Irish They show this guy

A little sad on a couch And the onion headline is Heartfelt Apology Rob's man of cherished grudge It is such an Irish thing To be bummed That a grudge has come to the It come to its end.

I ended one recently at the festival. I ran into a manager that I used to work with. And that manager kind of wasn't doing a great job. And I was very resentful. There wasn't a lot of responses coming. So I fired her. And I saw her at the festival and I gave her a big hug. And we talked and everything was fine.

And I felt better about it. Oh, that's great. I didn't have a big grudge against her, but it's just, you know, obviously a relationship like that ending is awkward. But she's a nice person. I like her. Here was the runner up.

It was going to be, it's an angry guy. And it's like, dad demands that youth coach play unathletic son less. I love that one. All right, Blondie is in a, looks like she's in a clothing store.

They're in, the dressing room and he's sitting on a couch on a chair? That's an unusual setup. They don't usually let a man and a woman alone in a dressing room at a store because God knows, especially you walk in there with a woman like blondie. I mean, any other man, you know what's going to happen. But instead, don't be sitting on the chair. She's got this sort of lavender dress.

It crosses over the breasts in a way that, lifts them up. They just lift up. There's not the dress. It's just her pectoral muscles. They carry those fucking water bat, water balloons, just high. Water bath. The bowling pin calves are sticking out.

And she goes, I love this dress. He says, it looks expensive. And she goes, actually, it's on clearance. It's 90% off. And he goes, really? Well, then I love it too. How about this, Dagwood? Why don't you pull a couple extra shifts so you're fucking 10

of a wife can dress the way she deserves to be dressed. Yeah. I got excited. I thought in some wild arrangement, this chair in Dagward was inside the dressing room. No, it is. I think she just came out to show him. Oh, oh, all right. Oh, so your mind went there against all logic.

Well, you know, I do know a comedian. who made love to a woman in a dressing room. But I think wasn't there also? Tons of people have. And like an influencer's gotten busted. Wasn't there a grape allegation against a celebrity in a dressing room with a woman? I don't know.

Anyway. All right. Listen, folks. You have been a lovely audience. I feel like this was a good Sunday papers. If you want to thank us, you're going to go to try miracle. com slash papers and you're going to get huge discounts also don't forget go to hymns.com

slash papers and get an affordable plan that gets you. Again, we want to thank Matt Peters and all the great folks over there at Gotham. And Mike, anything you want to promote? Huh. Oh, yeah, man. We put it on the text thread, but we've talked about it before, man. go to YouTube and put in Chicago Tanglewood, and you will see the guitarist that Jimmy Hendrix called the greatest guitarist in the universe. And that guitar solo is insane.

Now, Chicago, I know there was like a documentary about Yacht Rock. Is Chicago considered yacht rock? Yeah, but this guy was their guitarist and died early, and they then became more yacht rock after he died. Sadly, his last words are just how you would write the joke. The gun is not loaded. He was cleaning his gun in the valley. Yeah. Anyway.

Guess how many albums Chicago released? I don't know. Guess. 19. 26 studio albums, seven live albums, and 11 compilation albums. and I'll tell you what, they're fucking all good. They are phenomenal. I saw this documentary about them.

They used to go to Denver every summer or outside of, somewhere in Colorado out in the mountains, and they had this like, they had this like group of cabins and a studio. And that's where they would write their, I don't know if they recorded there, but that's where they would write, they'd go out there for like a month or two every summer and come up with another album. Well, Terry Caff died in 78. How many albums did they have by 78? Do you know? Let's see.

And I'm not, by the way, I am underselling this guitar solo. It's, in my opinion, it is up there with Prince's guitar solo on while my guitar gently weeps. It's 70. You cannot even believe this thing. By 78, they had 12 albums out. Seriously? Yeah. I had no idea they started that.

early. So they started in the 60s? Yeah, the first album came out in 69. Wow. Well, after 78, and I don't know much about them, so you don't need to write me in, but I think Peter Satera moved more front and center for the band and everything. But yeah, but anyway, Terry Cath, what a monster. All right. Well, listen, thanks for listening, and I guess we'll talk to you guys soon. Take itish. Take itish. Every Sunday The podcast It's always sunny Best news