Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 32 10/11/20

Episode Date: October 11, 2020

Greg is in Cleveland and Mike is in Zion National Park in Utah. But the paper still gets delivered! Little bit of Trump in the news.

7 day papers 7 day papers 7 day papers cut down a tree I don't want to read it won't you read it to me? 7 day papers 7 day papers

cut down a tree I don't want to read But you read it to me Sunday papers Thank you. Read all about it! Sunday Paper is coming to you from two different locations in the United States of America. One edition from Cleveland. We also have the Zion Mountain edition coming in from Mike Gibbons. Welcome.

How are you, man? This is a first. We haven't been face-to-face for months. How many did we do actually in the same room together? Have we ever done a Sunday Papers in the same room? Zero. Wow. We started this because of the pandemic. Damn. And now you're on vacation with your girls in Mount Zion, which is a national park. So I am sitting in the back of a rental car, uh, in a parking lot at the best Western plus, uh, right at the gate.

Only the best, Only the best. Okay, hold on. And there's Wi-Fi in the parking lot. All right, hold on. So we got here at the dark last night. I'm going to try to...

Hold on. Tell me I can't see your screen anymore. Can you see out the window? Oh, yeah. Look at that. Climb that shit. It's unbelievable.

So they have a place here called the Narrows, which is when this thing gets really, it's when the gorge or whatever it is gets incredibly narrow. All right, now hold on. I have to take the seatbelt and try to put my laptop. So this is my scene. This is where the laptop is going to be set. Ah, that's smart.

On top of this seat. Yeah. I'm in the back seat because you said the front seat didn't work. All right. So anyway, we left LA after school. Are you getting horny being in the back seat of a car? Are you going to need to jerk off just out of sensory memory? Yeah, a lot

of dry humping, my old joke, which includes intercourse, but it's just dry. Here we go. Let's put this up. God, I can remember having, my mom had a, dry. Here we go. Let's put this up. This will only take 45 minutes. God, I can remember having, my mom had a, she had a Caprice Classic and that back seat was like a fucking couch. With your mom? And you're right. It was mostly dry humping. I don't know how much penetration happened back

there, but there was a lot of titty grabbing, dry humping, a lot of promises made. Well, we all know now how much sex smells. Imagine your mom coming into that in the morning. Especially, like, never mind sex, just even the workout in the car with all the closed windows. Right. And the Budweiser spilling on the floor. A couple Marlboro reds putting my seat belt on it always occurs to me after i do something like look can you see that mountain that

almost everyone just listens to this podcast and no one sees it well this is impotence for you guys watch the show on youtube it's uh i don't know don't do that uh or whatever do YouTube I don't know, don't do that Or whatever, do that, I don't know Alright, I don't remember how I had this hooked up Well, I'll tell you Let me talk for a minute while you get your shit together I'm in Cleveland, Ohio And I'm working for the first time Doing stand-up since March 15th

And I did a couple Like 15 minute sets in LA At some outdoor spaces But I'm here Thursday to Saturday You won't, by the time you hear this I'll be gone But I did my first show Thursday night Last night And they said how much time do you want to do

And I said just, I'm going to do 40 Tops Because I usually do an hour But I was like I'm not going to remember my jokes And I'm going to do 40 tops because I usually do an hour, but I was like, I'm not going to remember my jokes, and I'm going to try new shit. So they lit me at 35, and I ended up doing an hour and five minutes. The crowd, it's 50% capacity, and they're spread out. At 50% capacity, let's not kid ourselves.

That is some shows for me anyway And so I'm used to it And they were fucking great They were so good They were so happy to be out And laughing And you know They just totally loved me Talking about COVID

I stayed away from politics I'm in a swing state I'm not fucking with any Trump jokes here Right You know Sorry there's my mic Got it I'm in a swing state. I'm not fucking with any Trump jokes here. Right. You know? Sorry, there's my mic. Got it.

All right, I missed it. Say it again. I'm kidding. But they must have, think about how much you like being back. I mean, these are comedy going folks. They must have just loved to be out again. You know what I mean?

There was three different people in the first and second rows that came alone. They were just sitting alone at a table. Like that's kind of your demo also. Yes. I think, I think podcast fans, they listen alone. They go out alone. They have sex alone.

The mistake on the lake. Did you talk, you know, we've covered a bunch of Cleveland stories. We should do Cleveland man. That's Cleveland man. A new bit. But did you talk about them at all? Yeah. I covered all the stories we did on the podcast about a 10 cent beer night, the balloons that they released and then there, and then the big Cleveland Browns brawl that happened earlier this season. Yeah. And I said, what the fuck is going on? What's going on with you people? And a guy in the front row goes, nothing else happens here.

I like it. Well, you know, you can't leave. You're allowed to leave. You can't leave Cleveland. Remember Tom Kelly, my roommate in college from Cleveland? His dad, a police officer in Cleveland. Oh, no shit. Really?

Yeah. We would just joke all the time because, you know, we, as some listeners know, you and I went to Boston University and my favorite, I don't like the Red Sox, don't get me wrong, but I loved, they had an insane and i'm using that word carefully pitcher named oil can boyd oil can boyd sure one year i made it my mission i went to every oil can boyd home game that he pitched and um anyway he had a little famous incident uh clear it's called a mistake on the lake. Boston was playing in Cleveland and the flies got,

it's probably on YouTube. Oh, I remember this. Yeah. Their bugs were so bad. It at least interrupted the game or the game might've had to been called because of bugs. Oil can was pitching.

And when they interviewed him, he was quite the colorful character, this guy. He, they asked him, like, what do you think of that? Like, you know, and he was like, this is terrible, this is ridiculous. Have you ever seen this before?

He's like, I've never seen this before. He's like, this is what you get when you build a stadium so close to the ocean. This is what you get when you build a stadium so close to the ocean. That's great. I saw him. I went to the World Series in 86 when they were playing against the Mets. And he pitched that night.

He was fantastic. Yeah. Not the World Sports Podcast, but one great story about him, but it's really a great story about Billy Martin. Billy Martin's the manager of the Yankees. Yankees, Red Sox. I think an important game. Oil can is pitching. He's just shutting them down.

He's amazing. Just on a roll, completely in the zone. Billy Martin asked for timeout, walks out while oil cans pitching, talks to the ref. Oil cans a little thrown by this. They're both talking, looking at him, pointing at him. Oil cans getting more and more like, what the fuck's going on? They call him over and the umpire goes, you have to tuck all your necklaces, all your jewelry around your neck inside your t-shirt because Billy Martin claims that they're distracting

and the shine off them is distracting the batters. He's like, get the fuck... Freaks out. Has never been told this. It was clearly a bullshit thing. Oil cat falls apart. Yankees win. Completely furious, cursing on every pitch.

Cursing on every pitch and completely rattled him and got in his head. Genius. I love it. Yankees won last night against Tampa. So they're still in it. I think it's 2-2 now and the game Five will decide who goes to the next level here. Nice. I'm not following God.

I'm not following anything except I have a, I have the most great new sports news story. When we get to sports later, it's my favorite story. It's just so uplifting, but we should mention by the way, in the, in the timeline of this,

because we're both away and you're going to be traveling we are recording this podcast uh friday for sunday so so a lot of a lot of the news and look the news cycle is fucking spinning out of control i mean stories that are big today will be forgotten by Sunday. So keep that in mind. It's not going to be as fresh as usual. Fresh. That's what we're known for is our fresh news. Yeah. When we do a story about a monkey riding a unicycle in Taiwan, it's already been covered by everybody else.

Yeah. He's already up to a tricycle at that point. It's just such old news. Florida, man. Something else might have happened in Florida. Speaking of which. I think. Florida, Tampa Bay. You and I have a running bet with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

I took them because of Tom Brady, who I love to hate and hate to love as the quarterback, but fascinated how he would do this year. I took him in every game this season against you for 50 bucks with points, which is actually killing me because they played twice since we last had a podcast. Yes, they have. They played on Sunday, and I believe they gave seven and a half points and lost and won by seven so you won on points and then last night they played against the bears and lost the game and the spread was three and a half three and a half points, and they won by one point. So I lost again on the spread by two and a half points.

So we're back to even. No, no, I think Chicago won by one, right? So I won by four and a half maybe? Oh, right. That's right. But it doesn't— It's a field goal at the end. And then you won the first two games with the spread,

and one of them came down to the last second they were on the three-yard line, the team against them. So it came down to one play. I know it's the oldest topic in the world, but it's uncanny how accurate the spread is. It is. Speaking of which, if you want to partake in the kind of fun me and Mike are having, my friends over at MyBookie are doing a thing now where if you give them $1,000 in betting money, they will match your $1,000, which sounds insane.

bet on NFL games, college ball, major league baseball, all of it. Uh, you go to my bookie.com and when you do it, make sure you put in promo code papers and, uh, and they will do this deal for you. It's, uh, it's pretty insane. I mean, betting on the games, even if you're not, I, like you said, the spreads are so exact that anybody can win. You know, you can just play for fun. I got into it. They gave me 150 bucks to play with. I'm up 300 on my bets on that. And I don't know shit. So again, you know, go in.

Something like this presidential prop bets, I think you can bet on the election. I know they're betting lines for sure. Yeah, You can bet on the election at them as well. So go to sign up at mybookie.com, promo code PAPERS. Make sure you put in our promo code so we get the credit for this and have some fun betting. Okay. By the way, we want to give a shout out. The song today was from Sean Noland, kind of fun, upbeat song. And you know, we play clips at the beginning,

but if you want to hear the whole song, that always plays at the end. Also, our logo. I haven't heard it, but I'll check it out. I'll listen to the beginning of the podcast. Also, our logo, which is from, hold on. I got to see who the logo is from. It's getting hot in this car.

Oh, is it really? Of course, I have just gotten into this mode and think this is natural that i am in the back seat of a car with a laptop and a microphone talking into it couple packing to go on a hike just staring at me and i'm like what's weird about it? Sorry, I journal. I'm doing stand-up comedy for a crowd in Cleveland. You see how beautiful it is here? What, I'm supposed to keep quiet about this?

Oh, shit, they didn't set up the speakers? This is supposed to be an outdoor show. This is the COVID entertainment? I have to be in an enclosed vehicle. It is from, I fucked up. The guy who did our logo, I'm supposed to give you his exact company name, but it's at Goat It Design,

G-O-D-E-T-T Design, I think. I'll get the right one next week Anyway It's a cute one though It's me and you as little newsboys Oh no I did see the logo The logo's very You know

It's intentionally fun It's fun Yeah it's fun I don't think you try to fool anybody With the reality of it Yeah Yeah We're not real newsboys

Also we want to mention our friends at TXMQ. These guys, I think they were our first sponsor, and they've been on almost every show. And it's all about software. This is a company. I like to talk about the fact that they've been doing it for over 40 years because how long has software even been around? They've been in on the ground floor.

They help you support. They have geniuses help you support your software integration, integrating your different systems, moving it all to the iCloud. They can even help you get technical staff. So they've built a lot of cool shit. They did a system for a pharmacy benefits management company. They do a lot of stuff with medical practices. But they're from small companies all the way to Fortune 500 companies.

So check them out. I think no matter what size company you are, TXMQ can help you out. Get in touch today. Go to txmq.com slash sundaypapers and let them know again that you're coming from us. Corrections. Oh, boy. We made some mistakes, Mike.

I doubt it. Hey, FitzDog. Melania Trump is from Slovenia, where the Christmas traditions are similar to most western countries they decorate trees wait for a visit from Saint Nicholas also referred to as Grandfather Frost

exchange gifts bake a loaf of sweet bread called podica and slaughter a pig that's from Don Gilroy yeah I had wondered what her country did if you're incredibly if you're blessed to be like supermodel hot

a huge tradition is while a teenager you uh marry a pig and uh and you wait for covid to kill him You don't have to kill him You went too far We only lost a few listeners on my joke And now we're alone Yeah Mike Mulroy said Hi guys, Mike called the Sudeikis movie

Meet the Millers It's We're the Millers Okay, good correction Thanks Mike Mulroy How's your O is your how's your a your ocd mike i want him to be a roommate with anthony remember mr captain specific lars pearson says anthony by the way hey grapefruit love the pods as you know but obama likes basketball but was not a real player we talked to our presidents

who play sports. There's a video you can watch of him missing eight of 21 shots unguarded as POTUS. The president I wrote for, I guess this guy wrote speeches for a GHWB 41. GW's dad was a first baseman and captain of the Yale baseball team before he was a decorated fighter pilot he was no he was a legit athlete reagan played football in college i didn't know that part yeah i didn't know that either uh often ran the wrong direction bush bush 43 was a damn cheerleader at yale yes and I said that too. I think he might have played some baseball. Maybe it was just high school.

Obviously, they're a baseball family. George Jr. there, whatever his name is. GW. Yeah, he then became an owner of the Texas Rangers, but they're very much a baseball family. He bought the Texas Rangers at a fire sale and then sold them, I don't know how much later, for like 10 times their value.

One of the things he did right. Should we get to... Oh, shit, I don't have a paper to hold on. Let me go get a newspaper. Wait, hold on. I have a paper to hold on. Let me go get a newspaper. Wait, hold on. I have a paper bag. Oh, there you go. Beautiful.

Let's get to the front page, Mike Gibbons. Let's do it. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! I didn't hear a crinkle. I crinkled the shit out of it. That's better.

We got a heavy-duty paper this week. Yeah. Old school. Yeah, it's from Slovenia. Front page. President Trump has berated his own cabinet officers for not prosecuting his political enemies. He called Senator Kamala Harris a monster and a communist,

and he said he's going to have a campaign rally in Florida two days earlier than the doctor said he was safe to go out in public. He dismissed the virus, saying, when you catch it, you get better, ignoring the more than 212,000 people that did not get better and died from it. So, wait. When you catch it, you get better. That's what he said.

This is, I don't know what the phrase is. There's probably, you know, Stockholm Syndrome is when, I'm going to get the definition wrong, I'm sure, but it's basically when your torturers show kindness and that is such a relief. And for whatever reason, Stockholm syndrome refers to a love you can actually feel for your captors and torturers. And I think part of the dynamic, in my opinion, is obviously it's in a way the bar has been so lowered kind of in a way. But this is not Stockholm syndrome,

but it's where we don't realize anymore that like this is the leader of the free world saying things like this. It's like just talking pure. It's worse than pure bullshit. It's really damaging. Like constantly and about everything and everything's great and everything's doing well and just nothing. Well, I think these steroids he's on are famous for making you kind of manic.

And that's a scary thing to be when you're already under a lot of pressure as the leader of the free world who's got a terminal illness, possibly terminal illness. And I mean, we have a manic friend. Last time my friend got manic, he bought us all kites

and then cried when we wouldn't take a road trip to Santa Fe, New Mexico to fly them. I mean, it's not a normal way to be. And so, you know- I was on his side on that one. What kind of monsters wouldn't go to Santa Fe to fly kites? And he, um, he also said on Fox news that he wants to bring all the troops home from Afghanistan. So we're ready to fight China and Russia. Yeah, okay. He said that, yeah, so there's a lot going on. I'm pulling for him.

I hope that he feels better. He says that Speaker Nancy Pelosi might be orchestrating a coup against him right now. I know. He said that on Twitter. Nancy Pelosi needs to shut the, oh, by the way, I feel like I cursed way too much in the last podcast. And so I'm going to make a concerted effort to at least abbreviate curses. But anyway, she should shut up is my opinion on Pelosi. Like people can see this. Don't give him, don't let him play the victim. He's already a victim of the disease, although he'll tell you he's not.

Don't let him play the victim card. And Democrats should just focus on them. In other words, this whole, it's another, it's almost another form of impeachment. You know what I mean? And, you know, the Republicans, you know, one of their talking points is that you've been questioning the results of the elections in a way we haven't let that go. You know what I mean? So I think especially her, she's pretty hateable person. I think, you know, with her designer mask and everything, she should just shut up. I'm with you. Shut up, Pelosi. And speaking of shutting up, vice presidential debate this week, which I truly believe this is a much more important debate. I don't know why there's only one of them, because the two candidates for president are fucking octogenarians. They, there's going to be, they're both going to die within six months. The VP is going to be the president. We should be taking this race way more seriously. Yeah. There's so much to get Pence on. She actually didn't go there. I mean, his record is just atrocious. I mean, you could have brought up his record on the pandemic. One of the pandemics before this AIDS was so heinous. And of course,

just ignorant, nevermind his religious views, but as a government official rejecting policies in his state, like just anyway, she could have really gone to town. But what about the fly on his head? That's really the story. God, did you see that?

I think it was the Daily Show did the audio from Psycho. Did you see it? I know. I didn't see that. They made it black and white, and they zoomed in on him with, they're going to see. Look at her. She can't even hurt a fly.

I'm not going to touch it. It was perfect. Yeah. And they timed up his weird, like far away stare. Like he looked like it was perfect. It was really great. Somebody, somebody timed it and he was on his head for two minutes and three seconds. And somebody said, well, at least he followed the time limit. That's clever. Yeah. Stephen King said, now the fly needs to be quarantined. Like the author, Stephen King was, yeah. And then I, of course the bet, the Democrats jumped in and they got a couple of websites. Uh, they got, um, uh, fly will vote.com. And, uh, and then there was a

lot of funny, man, I always said memes. Yeah, there are, there were a lot of funny memes. I always said memes, memes. There were a lot. I saw people put Jeff Goldblum's face on his head. Oh, that's funny. From the fly. Yeah. Obviously a gazillion jokes about flies to shit. Yeah, there's the whole Beelzebub thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, the pink eye didn't help. What was that? I don't know. I think it was maybe from winking at the Republican party about what he'd say during the debate. Like, don't worry, I'll keep it all under wraps. Two big causes of pink guy and my uneducated, I did not look it up, but from what I hear is fecal matter. Yep. And semen. So, uh, I'm sure the list is longer than that, but those are the two that I, that stand out to me. Has he been in Russia recently? Um, and now you want to read this story, this next one.

And now you want to read this story, this next one? So I love this headline. This is the real headline. White House, that one, the one about the vets. White House quietly told vets group it might have exposed them to COVID. Oh, my God. I like that quietly because I can picture that literally like, hey, listen, yeah, no, great event. It was really good seeing all you guys. No, no, of course we wouldn't have canceled it for the world. Um, listen, uh, I know, I know some of these vets have been through a lot are incredible

identify as survivors, uh, that might be up their, their last fight might not go as well. I just want you to know. And we know a lot of preexisting conditions that we gave them. Yeah. And it's, and it's a lot of, it was the pain. A lot of them were the parents of the sons and daughters that were like,

I was, you know, I was really moved by your stories about your loser kids. And, um, I'll remember your love for those suckers because. Yeah. Oh, your son was a POV. What? Oh, poor coward. Oh yeah. All right. You know, I, I actually like sons who weren't captured. That's me. That's just me. Yeah. Uh, so Friday

Trump gave an interview and said, uh, actually this is today, by the way, but Friday morning, he said, actually, the veterans and their families may have given the virus to me. They would come close to me telling me stories of their loved ones who died in the line of duty. Ick. Gross. Imagine him like, all right, all right, all right. Yeah, I got it. Your daughter died. Okay. Right. All right. Just fucking back up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At least with the mask on, he doesn't have to feign sympathy like normal. No, that's the thing. There was no mask. Oh, right. That's right. Yeah. The White House events, he just completely felt he was insulated, you know? And I understand some of that thinking, but obviously me and him are wrong.

We have completely given up on trying to be bipartisan on this podcast. Well, listen- We've been doing this thing for seven months, and we've been pretty good about it. But I think things have gotten to a boiling point and it's hard to do a news show where we don't address the elephant in the living room. All right. Listen, I just told Pelosi to shut the F up. I think we're calling it as it is. These stories aren't, I'm not going after Pence for being pro-life or anything like that. You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know. I think there's a difference. And if you're a right-wing listener listening right now, I think, especially if you're into comedy, what is there to disagree with about, if Obama said this to people, I'd be laughing at it as well. It's like, he's obviously a character, this guy, who says the wrong thing

so, so often. The right can admit to that. It's just the right hates the left. So one of the delicious things in the last four years is nothing has infuriated the left more than this guy. So in a weird way, if I'm the right, I would enjoy listening to us get, you know, worked up about this stuff because isn't that mission accomplished? in a weird way, if I'm the right, I would enjoy listening to us get, you know, you know, worked up about this stuff because isn't that mission accomplished? Yeah, I think so. I think they're, you know, they're agitating. We're agitating and, uh, it's making for good comedy. We're trying to be funny too. We're not just like angry. We're trying. We're trying. I texted you before we started. I'm not feeling funny today,

but I think it's jet lag, and then I had to wake up at the crack of dawn and do three radio interviews. You know what it's like to be in your underwear in a hotel room on the phone five minutes after you woke up talking to three shock jocks that have been drinking caffeine for four hours?

Hey, Greg Fitzsimmons on the phone. What's going on with Ellen DeGeneres, Greg? Didn't you write for Ellen? Is she a cunt or what? And I'm going, I signed a nondisclosure agreement. Yeah. There's a cunt clause. My lawyer can show you the document, so I can't really.

Well, thank you. You've normalized my backseat of a rental car in a parking lot at a Best Western Plus. We're having killer mornings here. Wait, so what's the plan with the girls, by the way? How long are you going to be up there? They're in the room right now. The reason I'm here is they're both in virtual school. We left after school

yesterday. By the way, there are definitely signs maybe the economy is getting stronger despite all the headlines because we left at three. The first hour, we went 21 miles because we got on the 405. I know it sounds like the Californians. We got on the 405 to go north. The 10 was out of the question, so it already rerouted us. And then the second hour, I think I went 40 miles. So the first two hours, I averaged right around 30 miles an hour,

which is, so we pulled in here at midnight last night. What was it, like a seven-hour drive? It should be around that. We were around eight. But we pulled off in Vegas, and we drove up the strip. I just wanted to see, like show the girls, but also see what that looked like. And you go on the 15 parallel to the strip by like 100 yards.

So we got off packed. Really? So we drove through Vegas at a little after 10 PM last night. When I, when we went by like a good, like indicator, we went by the Bellagio wall to wall people, no masks, all watching the fountains, the streets, everybody out, no masks. Unbelievable. everybody out, no masks. Unbelievable. Really? After 10 PM at night on a Thursday. Holy shit. So that was really weird. Yeah. And then, and so you're out in the mountains and how long are you going to be there for the weekend? Well, I, we loaded this, so I have to work around school. So they're in the, they're in the hotel room now, both doing school virtually. Shout out to Best Western Plus's

Wi-Fi, man. It's killing it. I thought I was like the dad who overpromised. Like, no, no, of course school. It'll be a flawless connection and like just ruined. They're doing great.

So we're here today going hiking. I booked a dune buggy type thing for a sunset thing where we go through the desert on one of those ATVs. Nice. That's going to be great. Tomorrow, we spend the night tonight. That's our second night here. Tomorrow, explore Zion and everything. We're going to Jackson Hole, seeing Jack, staying at a place up there that he got us. So to break up the drive though tomorrow,

I drive to Northern Utah and the mountains outside of Provo. And there's this lodge and they may have ATVs and also, but this lodge, which we should do something like this. It's one of these lodges that's known for you go there as a snowmobile hub. Like they have all the snowmobiles and it's up in the mountains, like shining type situation with snow. And it's just this lodge for snowmobiling. Nice. Yeah. So we're going to go do that tomorrow, do some fishing and stuff. You guys should do mushrooms there. With the girls. I think that we'd have some breakthroughs, I think. Totally. And then Sunday to Jackson Hole, school all week in Jackson Hole, then come down the east side of Utah, Arches

National Park, Canyonlands, and then hit the 10 and come back via, or before the 10, come back and stop in the Grand Canyon just to see it. Damn. Kind of like vacation. Holy shit. See the Grand Canyon on the way home, but I got to get them home by Sunday night because school Monday. Wow. Oh, so we're going to do another Sunday papers Canyon on the way home But I got to get them home by Sunday night Because school Monday Wow Oh so we're going to do

Another Sunday papers virtually On the road Yeah we have to figure that out Yeah We could do it Friday day again I'd be in Jackson That would be the cleanest Okay

Wow man I didn't know you were doing such a big trip You'll be stuck in Cleveland I thought you were just going away Yeah right No I'll be in quarantine Aaron told me when I come home I have to go in the I have to go in the guest house For two weeks I thought you were just going away. Yeah, right. No, I'll be in quarantine. Aaron told me when I come home, I have to go in the guest house for two weeks.

Well, you've been doing that for years after playing Cleveland. Yes. We never called it quarantine before. I feel honored. This is one of the few windows of time that I'm seeing you in a hotel room on the road that you're not just jacking it. Well, you notice I'm on the screen from the waist up. Not that I've seen that before, but I'm just saying, I know, I know what happens. I'll tell you something. I have loved being home every night, being with my family. I've never

felt closer to Aaron, but being on the road again, I got to tell you, getting to the airport, it was like heaven. I love the P I love travel. I love being in a hotel alone, doing whatever the fuck I want, walking out for meals, exploring, sleeping, jerking off. It's just, it's the greatest. It's the greatest. So wait a minute. Why, by the way, you should bring more, you know, they say whenever you're experienced that like divorce, people always like, why didn't I do more individual stuff in our marriage? Maybe our marriage would have lasted more. Like you should come home. Like, all right, listen, I'm just going to jerk off all day in this bed. I'm going to go out then for breakfast at like

3 p.m. and when I come back, I expect the bed to be made. I figure if I bring a little of that, all my tissues will be gone. Don't worry, I'll leave a tip. Yeah. I'm going to walk around the neighborhood, I hope you don't mind, and I'm going to creepily stare at

women as they walk by. And I'm going to creepily stare at women as they walk by. But it's so funny you say that because I've heard the other side of that coin, which is, oh, my God. I mean, could it be more depressing? There's nothing to do on the road. You're in your hotel room. After the radio, you sit there all goddamn day. I just want to be home. Like, you sit there all goddamn day. I just want to be home. Like you do realize that, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. Um, honey, you don't mind. I'm

going to sit on the couch and watch Nicaraguan, uh, water polo, uh, for about four hours at three in the morning. Is that cool? Water polo. Oh my God. It's on ESPN espn 12 um by the way i would never played water polo right no dude that sport is violent have you ever heard stuff about it yeah you uh there's a lot of like punching in the balls under the water andons of punching in the balls. Yeah. But almost all, in my experience, I've heard about all these sons who play, the guys who, I don't know if it's the center, but the key guy, like kind of the point guard of it, every one of them has a broken nose at least once.

Really? Yeah. It's barbaric, arms swinging, right? Your head's just right above the surface yeah my friend david williams plays it he's a comedian and uh he coaches it he's raising all his kids to play he played it in college and uh he's fucking buff man they say it is the best it is the toughest physical training of any sport i was gonna say he must be ripped because it's all core i mean you're you, you're trying to not only tread water, but tread water like up a little.

Yeah, right, right. All right, let's get to the shutdowns in New York. They did targeted lockdowns of certain neighborhoods because of surges in coronavirus. This is Bill de Blasio, who is maybe, we talked about being the least popular mayor in New York since Dinkins. So one of the hotspots is a number of Orthodox Jewish neighborhoods where they have funerals with no mass, where they congregate and they they hug and they have a lot of religious holidays.

And more and more of them, a lot, a lot of funerals. Yes, it is. Tons of people are dying and it feeds on itself. And so they were told to shut down. And instead of shutting down, they are demonstrating so they can pull together more they're lighting masks on fire and they attacked an orthodox reporter who documented local resistance to social distancing wow i mean to germs and jewish people like every jewish people i know and you can you can corroborate this with your wife,

they'll take penicillin when they get a runny nose. Yeah. Important to point out ex-wife at that juncture. Right. Especially the New York sort of stereotypical Jewish, you know, a lot of anxiety. It's the Woody Allen's thing in a way. Because, you know, there's also as Brody Stevens used to call it, the pioneering Jews of the Southwest, they were a hearty bunch. And then all these Jews I know from like Minnesota and stuff, they're the toughest bastards I know, but there's that New York thing, which you're talking about for sure. Yeah. My wife is like that. I mean, she's Jewish and like, or half Jewish. But every time our kids stub their toe, it's another fucking doctor's visit with a $200 copay.

She loves the doctor and loves antibiotics. It's crazy. Exactly, right. So, yeah, well, the Orthodox, you know, whatever. Did you ever see that show? It was nominated for Emmys and all that. It was based on the memoir of the of the woman who kind of right it has orthodox in the title yeah unorthodox yeah i forget what it is anyway uh they you know that show really you know can can point out a lot it's obviously like Like all religion it's very superstitious

And their customs Are incredibly bizarre But you know I'm a Catholic who am I to say I mean it's uh But theirs are very rigid So um Uh

Interesting though that they're getting kind of violent Yeah Um should we do international Um Interesting though that they're getting kind of violent Yeah Um should we do international? Um What do we got here? Or do you want to do this kidnapping story? I don't know What's the kidnapping? I didn't read it

Oh Jesus Well Yeah the governor of Michigan Was almost kidnapped by a bunch of state militia guys. They plotted and I guess 13 guys were arrested and they were these, you know, they had extensive plans. And they, I guess the governor. And weapons. They're against the governor telling people to wear a mask.

So they were going to kidnap her and have a trial. And they were buying explosives. They... There was trap doors and combat drills, and it was crazy. And they got busted for it. And I guess they're called, the group is called the, um, the Wolverine watch men.

Oh boy. No. And there was a lot of, uh, they intercepted all their communication and there were plans and there were plans for killings and everything like that. Um, you know, you have to keep in whatever you have to keep in mind. Our president on April 17th, when Michigan was imposing the lockdowns and armed militia, including 11 of these guys that are now something like that, were part of that where they showed up with their automatic weapons and all types of weapons, uh, to the Capitol and stormed it and entered it. They store, oh,

you see, they stormed in and entered it. Um, and Trump had a tweet on April 17th, all caps, two words, exclamation point, liberate Michigan.

Yeah. Which seems to be, maybe I'm a weirdo, the opposite of law and order. I think so. The literal opposite of law and order. Yeah. I guess they didn't get the other signal of stand down and stand by, um, the kidnapped down. Uh, they, uh, yeah. I mean, is this the beginning of like, is this what's going to happen if Trump is not reelected? Are, are these groups going to start, you know, launching missions? I don't know. There, this is what you do find out. And it was in this article too, that there were various degrees of organization, but it's really, really hard to be for generally for people to be professional, like, like in other

words, and organized and especially if it's secretive, Like the government can often, Democrats and Republicans often can't pull off shit that they're trying to organize and do, or if it's a hush campaign or secretive stuff, like, you know, even Tom O'Neill's book about Manson was like all the government programs that he documents, like all of them are, I mean, they were pretty good because they were so powerful back then, but still flawed. So now you're taking like very often uneducated in terms of no college education. Um, they're in a militia group and some of them are like embarrassingly unorganized. Yeah. And they're not in great shape, but they, uh, yeah, but they're the Wolverine Watchmen. They're not in great shape, but they're the Wolverine Watchmen. We need a name.

We need a cool name for our friends. Yeah. WW. That's a good one, Wolverine Watchmen. Well, maybe they are college educated. That's nice alliteration. Yep. Rolls off the tongue.

It's good. Yeah. All right, let's hit some international news. Okay. Give me some paper. Oh, yeah. There we go. Well, you've seen hair extensions on women, and you often wonder where they come from. $2.5 billion market in 2018.

Human hair is known as black gold due to the rise in its value, and most of it comes from China. Wow. So they scrutinized where exactly in China it's coming from, and apparently a lot of it... I imagine heads? What's that? I imagine people's heads? You hope, because they want the straight hair. They don't want the curly hair.

And so it turns out they did a study that most of it is coming from concentration camps filled with Uyghurs. Oh. So they are, there's two, you know, there's a million Uyghurs that are locked up in concentration camps, and they are cutting their hair off and selling it to women in the United States for extensions. Whoa. Yeah.

Um. Shanika, where'd you get those nice shiny extensions? I think they're all like at long tables in a sweatshop just with holes in them. And just the head is above the table and they have tubes feeding them all the nutrients for shiny hair. They're like, they're like, uh, what is it like veal? They're like What is it? Like veal They're in the little stables Maybe there's treadmills if that makes the hair healthier Like just to oxygenate the body Right and they have Little people pulling on the hair

That's their job Maybe they're hanging by hair in a factory Like those dolls That hang from your rear view mirror With the hair What's they're with the hair all right what's going on with the fact that there's a million people in concentration camps and nobody's doing anything about it is that fucking weird to you i mean you think about the holocaust and everybody like don't ever forget don't ever forget forget your memory

how about what's happening in front of you right now? Yeah, no, I think 60 minutes, a bunch of people, they've done stories and it's harrowing and there's very limited access, obviously the China allows. So we don't even know the full extent of it, but it is bad. I mean, rips their religion away, rips everything. And then, and then brainwashing, not using that term lately, systematic brainwashing. Yep. And there's a lot of murder. They're murdering many of them.

There's a lot of rape happening. So let's look into that. Maybe. But that was a funny image. Imagine if some race of people or some types of people had just completely straight pubic hair like that, like bangs, just like short, beautiful bangs like you'd see on a supermodel. That would be so weird. Yeah. That would be kind of sexy. It's like a shih tzu of a vagina. Okay. You want to pet it? You want to pet my shih tzu?

Hold on. I have to open my other door and get a cross draft It's now like 83 degrees outside Ah, that mountain weather, she does change on you Ah, there we go, whew, that's better I think a tractor just went by in the background It did, and now, by the way, of course, the lights are on So, I'm going to have to get a jumpstart. All right, then let's move it along. It's time for your favorite new segment, Florida

Man. All right, you want to read it? No, you do this one. All right, a Florida man faces DUI charges after a deputy caught him driving a lawnmower down a highway. According to deputies, Paul Burke was spotted driving the lawnmower down Highway 316 last Wednesday. Dash cam video shows the Florida man slurring his speech while talking to deputies, admitting he'd been drinking. I hope so. Initially, he told them he'd had a couple, but later admitted, I have had maybe a little too much to drink tonight. He declined to perform a sobriety test, saying he can't complete the exercises because he's been drinking too much. He finally told the deputy, just take me to jail. That's the best.

The best is if it was like a defensive move, like, no, sorry, I refuse to do your sobriety test. I've had too much to drink. It would be unfair of you guys to do that. Yeah. These are meant for sober people. But by the way, is this even unusual? I assumed that in Florida, this happened so much. I figured there was like a lawnmower lane on the highway. There she is. Golf carts. Yeah, right. Totally. That's what old people do in Florida. They just get fucking golf cart. They live in little communities and they tool around in golf

carts and at five o'clock they start drinking and then they go over to, uh, you know, William and Shannon's place and they have a couple of high balls over there and there's just drunken old people in golf carts. They should have a lane just for all the motorcyclists without helmets. Yeah, right. Because there's no helmet law and they are flying down that road without helmets everywhere. Make it a softer material. It's like a rubber. So when they fall off, they just bounce.

Maybe it should just have a little lane through all these spikes to put them out of their misery right away. Because you don't do well on the other side of a motorcycle crash. You don't do well even with a helmet. But at least your brain isn't half gone. All right. What was the thing? Something else happened in Miami. Oh, no.

So without even trying again, I don't have jokes on it, but another Florida man attacked by shark off Miami beach. So, Oh, really? Yep. Was he killed?

He lived. No, he wasn't killed. It was funny. I saw, I then saw the clip and they had video of the guy not getting attacked by the shark, but when he came out and

he had bites on his leg and he was bleeding and this woman there was helping him and almost all the comments are like, yeah, sure. The bites are gross, but did we have to see that disgusting fat side boob on the woman? Just leave it to the comments section. Yeah. Oh, my God. The, yeah, man. Poor woman was helping him. That's no joke, man.

Florida's got a lot of fucking sharks, and they're coming closer and closer to shore. If you had any idea, sometimes they do, like, a helicopter aerial camera along the beach, the east coast of Florida. It's filled with sharks. So I saw a headline this week, and I didn't have time to go look at it, but I've seen them before where a drone operator will have his drone out over the ocean and see sharks near, and this one was a great white near a surfer.

And he warned the surfer with the drone. Yeah. Oh, really? I don't know if he was diving at him, because I would think it was some punk kid. I don't know how he warned him, but he warned him, yeah, and then the guy got out of the water. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of which, we went to the beach last week.

It's been in the 80s in L.A. for the last, like, two weeks. Our summer, we didn't have a summer. There was no 80 degree weather all summer. And then all of a sudden, September and October has been fucking steamy. Yep. So we're at the beach last week and there was a rip current that was insane.

Like, you know where you literally can't stand waist deep in the water without being sucked out? And so there was this lifeguard. It was me and a bunch of guys. You weren't there, were you? No, you weren't there. No, no. And there was this fucking Baywatch lifeguard behind us.

She had strawberry. Rip, dude? Oh, girl. Bert. His name was Bert. Yeah. And talk about good side boob. But she was like, she had strawberry blonde hair, rack,

and they give the fucking lifeguards in Venice Beach red bathing suits with half the ass hanging out. They've got practically thongs on. It's crazy that that's what they give fucking lifeguards. And so she had to go out a dozen times in the three hours we were sitting there. 57 rescues in an hour. Because we kept taking dives.

But she came in, so we started talking to her. And she's like a total, yeah, she's like, two of those saves were totally gnarly. They weren't having having trouble they were like drowning dude it was awesome lifesaver yeah alright let's do some

entertainment alright I'm sorry to say I did not do the homework assignment for this week. We were supposed to watch The Social Dilemma. But the thing is, is Aaron wants to watch it with the kids. And you should. Yeah.

And so we haven't had it. Owen's away, and JoJo's been busy, so we'll have to do it this week. But we did start watching Schitt's Creek because it won all the Emmys. And a little hard to get into at first because it's such a broad premise. You know, this rich family that ends up in a poor town. But the longer you watch it, the more you fall in love with it. It's so fucking good. It's truly like one of those comedies that has so much heart, but yet manages

to also be like hysterically funny. Yeah. It's very easy to dismiss if you're, especially if you're in comedy, like at first, because first of all, the name. So already you're like, okay. And then, you know, the big pun and then how much are they going to rely on that? And then the sun is, you know, very flamboyant and arguably like over the top. I feel safe saying all this now because none of that mattered. It's, you have some, I don't throw this word around too loosely, comedy geniuses at work also. And O'Hara.

Catherine O'Hara. It is this, it's like a master class in comedy. Yeah. It really is. One of her lines, she comes in and she's so miserable because she dresses like she's going to the Met Gala in this small town, everybody else is wearing jeans and flannel shirts. And they go to a party that's so bad, she comes home and they were about to, they own the town, which is the premise. And all they want to do is get

out, but they're broke. And so they managed to sell the town to this fat guy and they go to dinner to sign the papers. And they, right before he signs, he goes, he has a seizure and goes into a coma and they go back to the motel and she throws herself on the bed and goes, I would kill for a good coma right now. And what about when she chooses to pronounce words, like she puts the accent, just, it's like, she's just bored with the line. And like, you know, it's almost like when Will Ferrell would do hot tub. Like, but anyway, she's, oh, and the looks. Yeah. It's, it was, I was, I was, I was resisted a little, but I still got in when only the first season was airing here. Resisted a little, but I still got in when only the first season was airing here.

Yeah. I didn't finish it, but that's typical of me. And I'm so glad for its success also because it came from Canada. It was publicly, partly publicly sponsored. It was from this small station that I imagine didn't give any notes. That's my, that's what I imagine. Yeah. You can't give those people notes. I don't. And also I think it was so small. They were doing it. They were legends and especially Canadian legends, but they're, they're just comedy legends pure out. And I think it was, you know, like a, you know, it's obviously was considered arts

and part of the arts funding. And I don't know if you give notes on that. And so, and so it's a win, you know, and it's everyone here noting shit to death, noting S to death, you know, everyone here in Hollywood talks about, oh my God, yeah, yeah, HBO, like doesn't, we're going to try to be like HBO, who has a reputation for giving suggestions,

but not really heavy on the notes. No, I've written on two HBO shows, no notes on either one of them. And the networks can't do it. It's non-stop notes. Well, it's sort of like I think Always Sunny in Philadelphia was like that. They started out as like this grassroots show. I think they might have funded the first episode themselves or something. And, you know, Danny DeVito wasn't in the first season,

and they didn't want any stars. But then the ratings were low, and then they said, you need a star or we're going to cancel the show. So they brought in Danny DeVito. Oh, wow. What was the other thing you watched on Showtime? Oh, so I bought Showtime. I subscribed this week.

I lost it when I, whatever, got rid of cable. And I got it because I wanted to see the documentary on the Comedy Store, and I did, and I liked it a lot. Did you see it? No, Mike Binder produced it. And I take walks sometimes, and I run into him every time, and I always resent him because he didn't putinder produced it. And I take walks sometimes and I run into him every time. And I always resent him because he didn't put me in it. So it's a series.

This was part one. And, you know, we know Adam Eget there very well. And, you know, we're fans of the comedy story. You play there constantly. And it was good. You know what was really great. It was to see how generous Letterman was to Leno in, in praising him because Leno was the gold standard of standup back then. Right. Just the unending amount of new material. So good. Um, and, and he,

and then when Letterman got his show, uh, he was, Leno was his most, his favorite guest by far before they really hit bad times as competitors. So anyway, I got it for that, but that's not what I want to talk about. So then I'm looking around Showtime and I go to documentaries and I went and I see a documentary. Oh, I'm in documentary series because that's where the comedy store is. And I see couples therapy. You and Aaron have to watch this show. It is this female therapist and they are couples who are in trouble

coming to her and they're filmed. Oh, it's real. It's a reality show. Oh, it is very real. There's a couple of things that bothered me. Like in the waiting room, you could tell they're kind of doing bits. There's a camera there by doing bits. I just mean, it's not very organic. They're not like, I don't think sketches have been written for them, but there are little efforts to be funny. I think while they're waiting, but it is,

It is, first of all, I, I think at least 80% of the husbands are gay, my opinion. Uh-huh. And they're with women, by the way. Right. There is a, there is a same-sex couple. The reason I say that slowly while thinking and looking at the top of my brain is because one of them is a transgender woman. So it's a little more, there's an extra ingredient in there. Is that the right way to say it? Um, but, but the,

the gay husbands I'm talking about are all married to women. So, but you've heard the expression. Is that why you're saying I need to watch this with Aaron? No, I think cause you know, therapy so well, and I do as well. And, um, you know, I think it was Bettelheim who said psychotherapy and therapy is the art of the obvious, which it was for me. I went in and they're like, tell me about yourself. And I just quickly glossed over my parents divorced when I was four, when asked to go back to him, like, no, that's like the best thing that happened to me. Like, okay. And you're in here because of like non-commitment to relationships and people in your life. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't know that, that had nothing

to do with it. And I just overthink things. So you, I'll spoil one or two. So you see, I didn't write any of this down, but off the top of my head, this woman is in there with her husband and she, one of the, one of the issues is she gets furious at him. And he's explaining when he goes out and he maybe ties one on with his buddies. And there's like, well, how often do you do this? He's like, hardly ever. He's like once every two months or like, you know, something like that. And he's like, and it gets her, he's like, well, I'm trying to save his life. And it's like, well, that's, that's a little, that's a little extreme. He's like, yes, but it's like, well, she used to be fun and we would go out. By the way, I don't want to go. I want her to go out. And it's like, you don't go. I was like, no, I don't go out with them anymore. Because when you're around people who drink, it changes them.

And now you're no longer with them. And it's like, and the therapist was trying to get the lay of the land here and was like, and then smelled out like there's a lot of weight here. I think she could use the word shadow. She's like, you have a lot of shadow, like to what you're saying, like, what might that shadow be? You're saying something on this level, but what might be underneath it? And she's like, no, it's just drink. You don't want people drinking on it. And, and, and, you know, and I, and I, and I'm trying to save his life. It's like, no, it's just, you know, when people drink it and, you know, and I'm trying to save his life. It's like, okay, well, tell me about you. And she goes, well, it's like, I like control also.

You know, I really like control. She's like, okay, well, let's talk about that. So what does not being in control look like? She's like, well, I'm in control. So a lot of it reminded me once you very wisely told me, because I remember being in therapy once and couples therapy. And the guy goes, how does that make you feel, Mike? And I'm like, angry. And I thought I nailed it.

And he's like, right. And so angry. And I'm like, no, no, like angry. And it's like, OK, but like what might be. And he was trying to tell me. And I remember that time you told me that anger is not an emotion, at least at the very least, it's not a primary emotion. And it's usually a reaction and almost always a reaction to fear, sadness, or hurt. And, um, and so I was like these patients

that I was watching, like in that session, I was like, I'm angry. I go, oh, I get what you're saying. I think it's unfair. Yeah. Yeah. And he couldn't get at that either. I'm afraid this, this will end my marriage or that it's really sad that I'm being misunderstood

or, you know, whatever they were at the time. And so anyway, this woman's like, it's like, it's like, what is not being controlled? Like, well, no, I'm in control. Like she couldn't even answer the question. And she's like, well, this alcohol thing, it seems like there's more there. And she really dug in. I know I've been going on for a while, but it's worth it. Now we should just play the episode. I think it would be shorter than you describe. It's definitely shorter. So anyway, it eventually gets to, well, tell me that like,

what is that? I just said, well, I guess growing up and maybe I felt a little out of control. Okay. Tell me about that. Well, both my parents were alcoholics and drug addicts and then couldn't even raise me and it was abusive and crazy. And then raised by, raised by my grandmother. And then at 15, I hooked up with a guy and all, and then lived with him and had his baby. And I had an outer body experience once where I was on the floor and my baby was crawling away. She's like, tell me more about that. She's like, well, I was on the floor because he beat me.

He's like, what? I said, well, he was an alcoholic and he'd come home every night. And then in the morning, I would wake up to a punch in the face. I'm not laughing at her, but it's like, it's like,

Hey, what might that shadow be to you? Not liking his drinking. I don't know. I just like control. What? It wasn't that you were living with a guy who you had his baby and he would wake you up every morning after being drunk

by punching you in the face. Is there a tie? That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. People don't see it. They don't find, I mean, I went to, I went to couples counseling. Me and Aaron have been married for 21 years. We went to couples counseling for like three weeks when I turned 40. And it was pretty apparent after two weeks that it had nothing to do with Aaron. I was having a nervous breakdown. I was trying to write my memoir. I was a staff writer on a TV show. I had a script deal with Fox for a sitcom that I was trying to write. And I was going on the road every weekend while we had two children under the age of six.

And I was having a nervous breakdown. I threw a coffee cup across the house and smashed it against the wall. And that's when she said, we should go to couples counseling, which was really her saying, you need fucking help. And that's basically what the therapist said. Like, you guys are fine.

She's actually being extremely supportive and you have nothing but love and respect for her. And so I started just going alone. That is hysterical. Yeah. Anyway, I talked too long on it. There's other ones also where it's like, anyway, it's like a guy, same thing. Like, no, no, I don't think so. I don't think so.

It's like, well, tell me about yours. Like, well, the only detail. Oh, well, there was when I was 15, I did run away from home and live with a woman who seduced me and slept with me for about a half a year. I'm like, oh, you mean the rape? Oh, I need to see this series. What's it called again?

Couples Therapy. Oh, I love it. It's. What's it called again? Couples Therapy. Oh, I love it. It's worth it. I just fucking canceled Showtime because I had it to watch Homeland and Billions, and I saw all of them, and I canceled it. All right, so by the way, and maybe viewers will like hearing this, there's a lot of deals, kind of like cable. They're starting to package a lot of them.

So, like, I forget who it is. Maybe Apple TV has a deal with showtime you know whatever there's packages now right also free trial for a month at least i think with showtime um all right we're going sports i have a great sports story it's one line sports greatest sports update i just saw it minutes before i got in the back seat of this car jets send all coaches and players home after positive covet 19 test services surfaces at facility per reports that's it it. It's the best. They gave it to themselves to get the fuck out of the 2020 season. I can't believe they haven't said, hey, we got a secret.

We've been playing with COVID this whole time. That's why we suck so bad. Dude, they are by far the worst team in the league. For any listeners who are confused by my glee. Oh, my God. I hope there's no other teams because we got our ad. Our ad for my bookie will go away if this fucking season ends. Maybe my bookie can have a bet on if their sponsorship will go away.

But it's like Jets are what? The third or fourth team? Of course it's happening. Yeah. I'm shocked it's not happening more because, you know, they're fucking sweating on each other. They're rolling around together. They literally line up grunting face-to-face on the scrimmage line.

And then that's not when they're hugging each other all the time. Right. Tackling. Piling on. Let's do some science uh utah ranchers where you want to do the minks or the bird i i haven't read either story what do you think uh let's do the bird. There is a rose-breasted grosbeak is a bird that they've just discovered sometimes is half male and half female. One of the breasts is pink and the other one is black and uh it the left side it is female on the right side

is male let me guess where this is going the bird already has a commitment for three seasons on yes it identifies as us we we're we and uh i just can't imagine that bird just alone by himself you know you'll recognize it you'll you'll you may be to recognize the bird in the wild because it'll be the one fighting with itself you were checking out that crow yeah well you're suffocating me. I need some time apart. We can't get apart. Maybe it was because you were punched in the face every morning and you just don't tie that to any of your problems. That's right. You were pecked by your parents.

By the way, related to animals, quick overheard. This was so funny. So I was getting food at some place, and this kind of flamboyant maitre d' guy, I sat down, and there was like this, like, pillows, and it was weird to sit on this pillow thing. And he sees me, like, struggling with his back. I wanted to take the pillow out so I could sit normally. And anyway, out of nowhere, he comes up and he goes, my obese uncle got a bunny for Easter,

which I thought I'm like, first of all, and I had a mask on, but I guess I put my hand up. I was like, I have to write that down. I just have to write. I don't even care if you say anything else. I have to write that down. I just have to write. I don't even care if you say anything else. And he like died laughing and just walked away. So that's all he said. But,

and I had no idea why he said it. Nothing. Right. Anyway, when my food came, he came back and brought it back to me. Like two or three minutes had gone by and he just finished it and goes, let's just say that lumbar support story did not have a good ending. That guy should be getting paid for that.

That's like one of the funniest human beings I've run into in a long time. Find his Twitter account. He's got a solid Twitter account. He's struggling with a lumbar pillow. And he goes, I'm going to tell him about my fat uncle who's crushed a bunny to death. It's like Sopranos. While I'm getting his food. Sopranos. Remember Christopher sits on the puppy and kills it? By the way, I think that story is way more common than you think. I also think it happens a lot

with people who sleep with like puppies. Oh, yeah. And don't even get me started. Let's keep it to animals. But it's a way more common story than you think. Although studies have shown that when you sleep with babies, unless you have like a sleep disorder or you drink a lot, there's not a higher incidence of suffocating a baby in the bed

than the baby suffocating on baby in the bed than the baby suffocating on its own in a crib. Oh, phew. I thought you meant when you have sex with babies, like why would they suffocate? You need couples therapy, Mike. Oh man. It has nothing to do with the fact that I slept in my mom's bed till I was 41. Why are you, she always brings that up. How else am I going to breastfeed when I wake up in the middle of the night? always brings that up. How else am I going to breastfeed when I wake up in the middle of the night? All right. Speaking of therapy, let's ask Amy. Oh, good Lord. I have no jokes on this, but it seemed pretty charged and to the point, which is unusual. Dear Amy, and to the point, which is unusual.

Dear Amy, here's the, I didn't even realize the tie-in. Dear Amy, years ago, my uncle sexually assaulted his three girls. He got away with it by leaving the country while on bail. Several years ago, he returned and now thinks we should all, quote, get over it. He's insisting on a visit with me. He is insisting on a visit with me. He is insisting on a visit with me to quote, catch up. He's always been a clever bully and won't take clever bully.

That's one way of saying it. And won't take no for an answer. That's loud and clear. Despite me putting him off for years, I'm worried he will just show up here. What should I do? Worried. I don't know. Kill him.

It's like, it was, it was such a strong start. And then you back off of a sexual predator who assaulted his three girls and fled the country to, I don't really want to catch up with him. He's such a clever bully. And also he annoys me because he won't take no for an answer.

He annoys me because he molests children. It's just annoying. Here's my question. Should I be allowed to say what guests I have in my house and what guests I don't have? Shouldn't serial pedophiles be more sensitive to people's needs to keep them out of their home? This is like the couple's therapy.

No, no. I mean, he is right. It is ancient history. But he still doesn't take no for an answer. I told him, no, brunch doesn't work for me, and he just will keep on it. He's just relentless. I mean, brunch just doesn't, because, you know,

I get too hungry in the morning, and I want to eat, and by the time brunch rolls around, I'm full. Oh, my God. All right, we got a bunch of letters to the editor, Mike. Oh, boy. This one comes in from, you pronounce it Joanne. Joanne, I seem to have a crush on you two. On both of us. Hey now. Both of us, it says. Wow. All right. I guess I'm half flattered. Okay. Um, then we get one

from Bill Eggert who says, uh, following up on your discussion of what douchebags the British were, between 12 and 29 million Indians died of starvation while it was under the control of the British Empire, as millions of tons of wheat were exported to Britain as famine raged in India. Then, in 1943, up to 4 million Bengalis starved to death when Winston Churchill diverted food to British soldiers and countries such as Greece while a deadly famine swept through Bengal. Bengal? Yeah, sure. Talking about the Bengal famine in 1943, Churchill said, quote,

I hate Indians. They are a beastly people with a beastly religion. The famine was their own fault for breeding like rabbits. Well, thanks for the reminder of, and again, this is two of many incidents where millions of people died at the hands of the British. You know, it seems to me the name Indians is super unlucky. It is their fault. Right. Especially the Native Americans.

They should have been like, please, please. Yeah, yeah. Can we be, call us Bengalis. Only a million of them died. I know. Only four million of them died. I know. Only four million of them died. I know it's an anachronism and we're predating the atrocity and India hasn't happened yet, but still we could see it coming. No, that, what year was that?

I guess, no, India was still under British control until I think like the 30s. We should know more about that. Yeah, and also because of Gandhi. But yeah, absolutely. It was one of their biggest colonies for sure. Here's a question. That's interesting.

I wonder what Britain's biggest colony of all time was. Maybe India. Oh, I'm sure it colony of all time was. Maybe India. Oh, I'm sure it was India. India was fucking... Population-wise, especially. Were they in China, or they just did a lot of business with China? Well, obviously Hong Kong, which they owned until 20 years ago. But I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. I should. Didn't they get China hooked on opium?

I think we should just run with it. Yeah, sure. I think they did. I think they got China hooked on opium. Anthony Troncholetti says, was Mike... NT. No, it was the other way around.

Was Mike working on Killborn in 2001? Were you? Sure was. I attended a taping when the actress Shannon Elizabeth was a guest and they were doing a five questions bit. She was confused by the questions so they stopped taping

and her agent huddled with Killborn and possibly Gibbons to revise the questions so she didn't seem dumb. Does Mike recall this? Um, I don't recall that specific incident, but I can see that Gilborn, very much to his credit, was one of the late-night hosts.

The first one of the first. Absolutely bored with late-night television. All he wanted to do was play games. He brought five questions from The Daily Show, and he did five questions. He even tried to jam in a game with the second guest who was only on screen for six minutes and had no time. They had to plug their stuff, but Kilbourne didn't, didn't want to hear about their projects. And so five questions was legendary. And we never, ever share the questions, which drove publicists

and insecure talent crazy. Um, the only person who ever refused to do it, I think might've been Donnie Wahlberg. There was a big ego thing and he would not, he needed to see them first. And Kilbourne goes, then you're going to be the first guest never to do five questions. And that's what happened, I believe.

Dude, I want to see the fucking five questions guy. I know. I believe it was him. I think I have that right. I remember once Molly Shannon, who I love, was so insecure. I think about appearing stupid, which of course everybody, who wouldn't? I would also. National television and a big deal. I mean, it was CBS then. We got a lot of viewers just from the people who forgot to turn the channel after Letterman. So anyway, she's like, called me down publicist. It was a big thing. She's like, I can't. And she

was freaking. She said, can you just give me clues? And so I'm in Molly Shannon's dressing. All right. Listen, the first question is geography. It's almost always a play on names. She's like, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm like, oh my God. I go, I don't know. Like your name sounds like it could be a city. So like, you know, so I'm just trying to, and I go, the second question is usually, you know, blah, blah, blah. Anyway. And I try to tell her, I'm like, I'm kind of doing, I'm like, but listen, I might literally be fired if it ever gets out that I talk to you about this. Like, this is sacred for him.

It's his baby. She's like, I won't say a word. So anyway, Molly Shannon goes out there, nails five questions. I think maybe even gets five out of five, which we were trying to make rare. And then in the commercial break, you know, I'm there like right in the wings on headset. So after five questions, she, it goes to commercial. She sees me and she runs across stage. She goes, we did it and jumps in my arms.

No. That's great. And Kilmore's like, what does we did it mean? Oh my God. I remember you saying you could hear his microphone because you had a you were you had a line in your your headphones his his lob mic and i'm not gonna say who the actor was who was on with him but they had a conversation and they said uh so what's going on with so and so and he's like that guy is getting so much tail.

He's fucking everything from $20 million a year stars to girls getting off the Greyhound. Yeah. Oh, no. I heard so much. So commercial break happens. They're still mic'd. The booth gives me a headset that, even when the audio is cut in the studio and everything,

I still get both. I get there. Both are production channels. During commercial breaks. Yeah. And during the commercial break, you know, one was,

and again, I cannot mention the actor at all. I can't even mention the actress, but it's like, let's, I'm going to make up a name and this is a made up name. Let's say the name is Susan. The actor's like,

dude, have you had Susan yet? And that was the guest to Kilborn. And the actor's like, dude, have you had Susan yet? And that was the guest to Kilborn. And Kilborn's like, no, what are you talking about? And this actress had such a distinct name. You didn't need a last name. It was not Susan. And he's like, you haven't been with Susan yet. It's like, oh dude, you should get on that. And I'm just listening to this. Like what is happening? I'm living in my shitty apartment in Venice. Right, right. I'm like, what is going on?

And also just, you know, Hollywood talking about their products like they're not humans. Yeah, I heard a lot of stuff on that for sure. This comes from Mele, or Mele Konea. Love listening to Sunday Papers while I ride my bike. Each time you get to the international section and the plane sound is heard, I look up in the sky. Even though I know it's coming, it's so realistic I have to look in the sky. Why don't we put a blaring semi-truck horn right now?

Put it in there. How about a barking dog? Actually, don't put it in right now. Put it in there. How about a barking dog? Actually, don't put it in right now. Before we get to the end at some point, just put a blaring semi thing. We won't know it was there, but do that for this bicyclist. That's funny.

It's time for obituaries, Mike. And that's all, folks. Yikes. Tough week. As everybody knows, Eddie Van Halen died. A lot of people considered him one of the greatest guitarists of all time. I would definitely put him in my top four rock guitarists. He's just so unique.

Anyway, that hit me kind of hard. How were you when you got the news? I just started listening and watching videos and you know for me as a teenager it was timed exactly with the peak of my like teenage partying with my boys fucking uh take it driving in a car with a with a 12pack with a buddy and cranking up Panama or, you know, Hot for Teacher. And I remember when they first came out, the first time I heard, what was the one with the guitar lead that went straight into the Kinks cover song of You Really Got Me? Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

I'm just spacing out, of course. Not Hurricane, something like that. The first time I heard that, I was like, this guitarist just changed rock. Like, the speed of that and the style of that. Eruption. The speed and style of that, and the way he transitioned into the sound of his guitar during

that straight into these fuzzy power chords of you really got me. I was like, this is fucking crazy. He gave a talk at, uh, was it the, was it the Y in New York? No, no NPR studio, whatever. There's an interview online and he talks about basically the immigrant experience. It's so moving. He was, he didn't, they came from, uh, where Amsterdam or something. Yeah. Some, yeah. Some Norwegians. Was it Dutch?

They were Dutch. They were Dutch. Didn't speak English. And so, you know, and he talks about the bullies, you know, we're the white kids and he had a lot of, his best friends were black. And anyway, find that interview. It's a great interview. And then the other things on him were like, you know, he has, he still holds two patents for the guitar technology because, and also they were poor. So he'd buy this crappy guitar and it was called, he named it Frankenstein and he named his guitar frankenstein because it was put together from all these parts that he could afford because he couldn't afford

to buy a great guitar right and he stuck with that guitar i think most of his career yeah it's it but it's one of those all right so hall of fame speech, Kid Rock was inducting Aerosmith and goes, Aerosmith is the greatest American band of all time. And I'm like, slow your roll, what? And then you realize America really has way more than England individuals. It's Hendrix, Dylan, you know, all the biggies, right? So, and you're like, all right, wait, who are the bands? Obviously, there's Beach Boys and, you know, and you can, and the list can get fairly big,

but it wasn't that as outrageous as I thought. I am officially going on record. Van Halen is a better band than Aerosmith. They just are. I'm with you. They had a lot more hits, that's for sure. I mean, if you think about Aerosmith, most people can't name more than four Aerosmith songs.

Right. And two of them are fucking terrible. Love in the Elevator. Love in the Elevator erases one of their good hits. Yeah, they had those exactly. And what happened is when you listen, when you started listening back to all these things, which were side by side with Aerosmith, when it's like, Janie's got a gun or whatever it is that Aerosmith had on, you know, or Loving an Elevator. Those big videos, you know, Van Halen also had their just fun balls out videos, but there was an hard, hard rock undercurrent. And I think even Joe Perry was frustrated with that Aerosmith had

lost some of that. Yeah. No, it's true. the greatest rock bands of all time are british you know or or australian put acdc up there wait acdc was australian or uh yeah australian i think technically they might have been born in scotland moved at a very early age right right um but yeah i mean we had i mean there's nirvana there's a lot of the grunge bands were amazing, but it's mostly individuals. It's Bruce Springsteen and, uh, you know what? Neil Young is Canadian. Yeah. Um, here, I'll try this right now. I strung together and this is not edited, so it'll be crude and maybe it won't work, but just three second, like lick samples. No, no, no. You can't play it. Don't play it. Don't play it. Because we can't play it on YouTube. They'll flag the episode

and take it down. Even with de minimis use, which means we haven't taken the heart of the work and it's two seconds each? We did that once before and they pulled it down on us. Okay, how about this? I'm going to fucking do it with my mouth. I'm kidding. But how about this?

Just do it yourself. Honestly do it yourself. When you hear in a row, ain't talking about love easily. One of my favorites. It's crazy. And then you go into hot for teacher, insane eruption, running with the devil, ice cream, man, Michael Jackson's Beat It, Dance the Night Away, Jump, Cathedral, which he makes his guitar sound like an organ. It's incredible. You Really Got Me, of course, Mean Street, Beautiful Girls, Panama, Right Now. Everybody Wants Some is maybe my second favorite Van Halen song. It's incredible. Why Can't This Be Loved, Pretty Woman, and The Cradle Will Rock, Where Have All The Good Times Gone,

Unchained, Jamie's Crying. Crazy. Finish What You Started, Atomic Punk, You're No Good, Somebody Get Me a Doctor, and then Eruption. Yeah. It's just, to finish it, I closed it off. It's just crazy. It's crazy, yeah. And I mean, and you know,

there was all those glam rock bands, and a lot of them were style over substance. Van Halen had both. And it's just licks. It's how I think of Angus Young where it's like, or Jimmy Page. It's like, you're just this, so to speak, this like lick machine. You're just like, Hey, I got something. And it's like, Oh, well that'll kind of change music for a while. Right, right. Okay, we got to write a song around that. Yeah, yeah. Like, here's a hook. He's just a hook monster. Yeah.

All right, we need to get to another. We usually only do one, but this is breaking news. This just happened a little while ago. Whitey Ford, Hall of Fame pitcher who won more World Series games than any other pitcher in history. Just died at 91. He was born in 1928, and he made his major league debut for the Yankees in 1950. Spent his entire career with the Bronx Bombers. He won six World Series titles, 11 American League pennants in his 16 seasons.

He had a career record of 236 wins, 106 losses, setting the Yankees club record for victories. His career winning percentage of 690 is the best for any pitcher with at least 300 career decisions. Cy Young Award winner in 1961. 10-time All-Star. He was, you know, 10 World Series victories is more than any other pitcher in history. I'm not sure if I did the math right, but it sounds like maybe the Yankees lost five of the World Series

if he'd won like six and he was in 11 or whatever it is. But like, I'm surprised they even lost that many, but that's, you know, he's a legend for good reason. It's amazing. Yeah. And he also- And there was a famous story about those guys were pretty wild back then. It was Mickey Mantle and Billy Martin and him, and they all went out. Those three, yes. What's that? Those three. And, you know, and I think I know what story you're going to tell. Oh, and Yogi Berra. Right.

They would drink so much, but they were all so envious of Whitey Ford because he only worked one out of every four days. Right. Because he was a pitcher. And these guys had a place so hungover. And they went to, one night they went to the Copacabana, which was the club. If you watch, you know, any of the old mob movies, it was always going to the Copa Cabana. And so they showed up, it was 1957, and there was some bowlers at the next table.

And they showed up because Sammy Davis Jr. invited them. And I mean, there was all the biggest fucking names in show business were at the Copa that night. And so these bowlers start saying racist shit about Sammy Davis, yelling stuff out. And so the Yankees got into a fight with them and they fucking destroyed them. They like broke some guy's jaw, knocked a guy out. And when they asked him about it, Yogi Berra said,

nobody did nothing to nobody, but it was in the tabloids for weeks. It was like, it was a big deal at the time. Those guys were also months. I mean, even Yogi Berra, like you're a catcher behind there. You know strong that guy is yeah and nicky mantel's forearms were just ludicrous yeah just like big farm boy from oklahoma i think yeah i thought you were going to tell the story which i can't you know it sounds like a sort of a tall tale but it is a story that exists about them very quickly they They're like driving from Baltimore to another game or whatever, and they missed the bus. So they get in this car and they pull over for some reason at this farmhouse and they have to either ask directions or, uh, whatever read the story

doesn't add up the more I think about it, but it is a story anyway to use his bathroom. So I think it was Billy Martin went in, Billy Martin goes in and goes to the guy, Hey, can we use his bathroom. So I think it was Billy Martin went in, Billy Martin goes in and goes to the guy, Hey, can we use your bathroom or whatever it is? He's like, if you do me a favor, you will. He's like, I have a lame horse outside. I have to put down. If you shoot that horse, you can do it or whatever. So Billy Martin comes back out to those guys who are hung over. He's like, this fucking guy's an asshole. He's like, hold on. I'm going to go shoot his horse and goes in there watching Billy Martin. Billy Martin goes right up to the horse and shoots it in the head. He's like, let's get out of here.

Someone verify. Cause as I tell it, so many things don't add up in that story. Like the gun, why would he be asked to do that? But anyway, it is, it is a legend. All right. Well, speaking of being funny, Mike, let's go to the funnies. Oh, boy. Can I get a crinkle from you?

There we go. That doesn't look weird. That doesn't look weird to the car. And now both my doors are open. I'm crinkling a garbage bag to a microphone. And laughing by yourself in a parked car. And then talking about it. While your daughter's sitting alone in a hotel room. What is going on? You guys should all experience Zion like this. Should I start Zion tours that just do this?

The funnies, as you know know are always empowering for women it is about the strength and the respect that women get in this culture kathy a real feminist in the first frame uh she says she has thought bubbles and she says kathy he's hurt you too many times next time he calls just bite your tongue and give him your answer second frame the phone's ringing she's shuddering she's got a grimace on her face third frame she answers and says yes get some get some therapy you need self-esteem well it was yes it wasn't a question mark yes exclamation point there you go oh my god she is the most like i would i hate that so many fucking young girls have read this comic strip. She is the worst. Let's go to Andy Cab, where at least it's in England,

so it's not our problem. Mom, listen. Most guys would punch me in the face at night when they're drunk. Not this guy. For some reason, it never happened at night. It would be first thing in the morning. That's how he would wake me up. Then I have the whole day to get over it.

He's sensitive that way. He's not this drunk wife beater or woman beater. Yeah, I mean, it's the end of the day. I'm tired. I just want to go to sleep. I don't want to get punched in the face then. How many times with these doors open have I talked about a woman getting punched in the face by a man? In Utah.

All right, let's get to Andy Kapp. He walks in his home. Wife's in the kitchen, of course, cooking. He announces, Chalky and Norris has come back to watch the match, pet. Second frame, she's calling out from the kitchen, that's fine, I've made enough supper for all of us final frame is the tube guy saying er i just remembered i've got something on andy other guy goes yeah me too gotta go like thanks for offering us nourishment and a nice dinner but go fuck yourself yeah and the last frame shows her and they make it clear she's

burning things in the kitchen yeah because she's a useless woman she's gonna get so beaten in the morning by andy yeah yeah actually he doesn't wait till morning we know that all right uh yeah wow yeah it's so empowering for women the funniesnies. That's why they're funny. Yep. A little family circus. Yeah, a little. So I don't even know. We don't have to spend any time on it. It's a mother holding, she's disciplining her child.

She's holding his arm rather tightly, I'd say. And you can see the little shit baby in the background, but she's talking to the older son, grabbing his arm saying, Oh no. And the boy is saying to her, why do I always have to be the good example? That's it. That's it. That's all there is there. I mean, wait, is there a thought bubble On the kid behind him with a punchline? It should be Can you keep me out of this? You fucking hack I don't have to be in this

Why are you dragging me into this piece of shit? Yeah, maybe the little brother has a thought bubble That said, why don't you be a good example Of a guy who says something funny once in a while? Yeah. This isn't a good example of a comic. For example, why don't you fucking spit in that woman's face for grabbing your arm that hard?

Finally, we get to my girl. Oh, here she is. It's a single frame of blondie. Not enough. I've never seen a single frame no it hurts me but what doesn't hurt me is she's of course at the stove stirring something in a pot she has on a lime green sweater and i she's inhaling because the bosom is fucking heaving and it's a profile shot. So you can really see that although she's had kids, it's still full and she's got lime green shoes

that match the sweater. It's almost like it's engorged. This is the way she treats her husband. She's cooking for him while dressed to the nines. And this motherfucker comes up behind her and he puts his hands around her eyes And goes guess who And she goes

Brad Pitt Yes Blondie It's a cry for help That is She's saying I am standing here fantasizing about another man Dagwood Cause you are such a disappointment to me as a husband. She's all steamy.

They show the steam coming off that pot. Oh, yeah. She's going to use that wooden spoon for something else in a little while. She can get that apron out of the way and go to town. I think it's a metaphor. I think this is coded. I think she's literally and figuratively making soup. Thinking about Brad Pitt.

She's making circular motions inside the pot. Yes. Yep. She's stirring. As steam comes out. Yeah. All right. On that note, I'm alone in a hotel room and I think I'm going to use that image for about 17 minutes. Mike Gibbons, good luck with the rest of your vacation. That's when you put your please disturb sign on the doorknob? If you're a female maid, please disturb. I went off sugar and bread about a week ago, and now that I'm in Cleveland, I've had nothing but muffins and fucking just shit, just garbage. So I'm going to have to go off this diet for a few days until I get home again.

I'm in Utah. I might drink 40 beers tonight and get a slight buzz. Oh, is it less alcohol? I think they still do that here. I was telling the girls about it. It was all stuff I knew a lot about. Like when I was, I would come out out here, ski trips with guys when I was little in my 20s, and it was a big deal. I remember you had to bring your own alcohol to bars here because the Mormon thing, and then you would buy a $4 cranberry juice. you know, uh, cranberry juice. And then also technically there weren't bars. They couldn't have those. Those were illegal. So there were clubs and then you had to buy a membership. You had to become a member legally become a member of the club, which was a formality. So they'd be like, um, how long do you want your memory? Is it just a membership for tonight? Okay. Three bucks. You know, some, it was like a cover charge, but they had to do all these loopholes to get around it

because all of a sudden Utah, which they were not planning on had this growing huge tourist industry because they have the greatest snow on earth. Right. So will you, uh, will you offer the girls a beer on this trip this week? I'm sure I will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know your daughter came over last weekend to hang out with my daughter, and I went out and I bought a six-pack of, what are those shitty beers that kids drink now? Oh, you mean White Claw? White Claws.

They technically are. Yeah, no, they are malt liquor, yeah. I said you can each have two White Claws, and I was going to actually call you and ask if it was okay, but I remember you allowing your girls to have a beer at some point. So what would that call have been like? Would it have been like, hey, Mike, before your daughter drives home, my daughter's not driving.

No, took an Uber. Took an Uber. I asked her. She didn't drive. She's not taking an Uber. She's terrified of catching the disease. Well, then she got picked up because she didn't have a car. I asked her She's terrified of catching the disease Well then she got picked up Because she didn't have a car

I asked her that first Oh the story gets better Some guy This guy dropped her off And I remember he said through his mustache I'll be back later So but just so you know I offered her two white claws

She had half of one That was it Really? Yeah real lightweight. She probably knows. She enjoys that, though. She's 17. She probably knows she was driving.

She has such a great, in my opinion, fear of like, like it's, it's, meanwhile, yeah, whatever. I should watch what I say. But I am not against open container. I am dead set against drunk driving, but she was not driving that night. I promise you that. But what I'm saying is like, she has such a feel like it's almost like a, I can't drink this afternoon. I'm going to be driving tonight. Like it's one of those. She's great about it. Right. All right. Listen, Mike,

we'll see you next week, wherever you'll be. You're going to be in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I will be in Venice Beach, California, quarantining, where we'll bring them another episode of Sunday Papers. Perfect. Take a dish. Take the paper.

Wrap it up. Put some mementos of rocks from Zion Mountain, put it in the newspaper, wrap it up for later on. I'm going to read some Clevelandmentos of rocks from Zion Mountain, put it in the newspaper, wrap it up for later on. I'm going to read some Cleveland news out of mine, and we'll call it a day. The light is still on in here. I'm going to see if my car starts. Thank you, Nish.

All right, man. Enjoy Cleveland. All right, thanks. Talk to you later. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Sunday papers, Sunday papers, cut down a tree. I don't want to read it, won't you read it to me?

Sunday papers, Sunday papers, cut down a tree I don't want to read But you read it to me Sunday papers Thank you.