Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 33 10/18/20

Episode Date: October 18, 2020

From Jackson Hole, Mike joins Greg for a roundup of town halls, ancient Italian porn and, of course, the Sunday funnies.

Sunday, Sunday papers Taking the news of the day They don't let facts get in their way Sunday, Sunday papers No, they don't fact check the things they say But we all listen anyway Quick food shillings is on the mic With all the night Mike Gibbons is always

in the zone, they've got the quickest wits, and Craig's obsessed with Blondie's tits Dear Amy, can you hear them reading from afar Fitz, Don Spears, the bicycle, and Mike rides on the handlebars

Sunday, Sunday papers Taking the news on the handlebars. Sunday, Sunday papers. Taking them to the day. They don't let facts get in their way. Sunday. Read all about it. Read all.

You don't have to read all about it. You can listen all about it. That's what we should be saying, Mike Gibbons. It's the Sunday papers. I can't find our screen. I've always been wondering what you're saying. Yeah, it's weird how few people are reading the paper anymore, but I'll tell you what, it's not easy getting the ones I like online. Washington Post gives me two stories a month. Yeah, they've cut down on that stuff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I feel good support. I like the New York Times. I have a subscription. I feel good about, you know, look, they've got fucking reporters in 100 countries around the world. It's like, yeah, I can cough up five bucks a month to help support that. Even the people that are critical of like, oh, left-leaning New York Times. It's like the best, even the crossword puzzle critical of like oh left-leaning new york times it's like the best even the crossword puzzle whatever it is the best science section they just have the best

journalists the top in every field yeah uh i wouldn't say i wouldn't buy it for the sports but everybody knows that but even like cooking they make five easy meals a week which is what i need i need that just please and you print it out like uh it is liberal though when you go to the arts and leisure section and you want to read about like you know eddie van halen dying it's like first you got to get through the article about the transsexual ballet dancer who's playing bongos with a cuban guy to raise money for. It's like, it's so fucking woke. Every single story is about somebody who's breaking through a hardship because they're oppressed. No, and every wedding, all the wedding announcements, which are famous in the New

York Times, everyone reads, it's like, he's a triple trans, man to woman, woman to man, man to woman again. That's when he found his love. Right, right, right. Here comes the groom. Yeah. And, you know, it is like, it is the paper of record, though. It's the one that if they make a mistake, they admit it. And you don't see that in enough news outlets.

Oh, my God. They take that shit so seriously. Can we mention what's over your left shoulder right now? Yeah. So I'm going to be awkwardly adjusting because I'm backlit, but I thought it'd be nice for the few YouTubers to see. This is out the window in Jackson Hole. I can't tell if you can see the snow up there. Oh yeah, I thought it was a cloud. We arrived two days after summer abruptly ended. So when we came over the pass, so we were in Zion last week. You and your daughters.

Back of a car. Yeah, out here with my daughters doing Zoom schooling and all that stuff. We then drive up Utah into Idaho and then come over the pass, which is the Teton Pass from Idaho down into Wilson, Wyoming, but really into Jackson Hole area. And when we get to the top of the pass, lots of snow everywhere. Wow. Yeah, it had just snowed the day before we got here. And then last night it was 25. And then days, today it reached 50. When fly fishing yesterday basically froze for four hours on the river. And I'm the biggest city pussy out here. Like, they're all like fine. I'm like, do you have gloves and uh but like you know you get cold to the bone especially when you're on water like the kind of cold that doesn't leave for hours even when you're back inside yeah that sounds miserable that's miserable we caught fish though so utah idaho wyoming will you keep

in touch with the black people that you met on this trip all of them them. Well, Kanye, Kanye is nearby. Is he near Jackson? I heard a funny story. So I'm talking to all the locals about Kanye. So Kanye, yeah. So Kanye fell in love with Jackson Hole and he used to stay at this great hotel here and then was going to buy his compound here. But he rented a home too, I think, because he had, I know he had a listening party for his CD before it came out or his album, whatever you want to call it. And then,

uh, anyway, but then he decided he bought in Cody, Wyoming. So Cody, Wyoming is not near here, but one of the fishing guides, cause the fishing guides have such great stories. Like one of the fishing guides here, um, a buddy of Jack's who I'm visiting my roommate from high school way back. Um, a buddy of Jack's who I'm visiting my roommate from high school way back. He, he took out Nikki six, Nikki six bought a place here. The base player for a Motley crew. They're thick as thieves now. Cause they're both, I don't know if Nikki six is totally clean, but this other friend is far.

No, I mean, he doesn't do drugs, loves to drink and was always at university of Vermont, like a big partier anyway. So they tell these funny stories cause they get all the celebrities in their boats and then they party with them in town. So, uh, I guess, uh, Kanye's manager or whatever has a place here. Everybody, uh, all of LA like has a place here now. So anyway, Kanye calls him and goes, uh, Hey, let's go out to dinner. And the manager's like, all right. So when do you want to go? He's like, I don't know. Let's get together tonight.

He's like, tonight? He's like, yeah, make a reservation. He's like, where are you? He's like, I'm in Wyoming. And he's like, yeah, but are you at your place? He's like, yeah. He's like, Kanye, Cody is four hours from here. Kanye has no idea.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. He got endorsed this week by Kourtney Kardashian. Yeah. And a lot. All right. So we're recording this on a Friday. And I guess it happened maybe yesterday.

But she just got such hate. Because it's interpreted as, you realize that's a vote for Trump, right? You know, when it all comes out in the wash. Uh, but the best part is Chris, uh, it's Chris credit. No, no. Uh, Kim, sorry. Kim, his wife has not even endorsed him yet. No, she may not have gotten over when he said that he wanted her to abort their child and then cried on stage in South Carolina. I think she may be going like, I'm going to hold off my endorsement for now. Somehow that was not the craziest, that was not the craziest campaign stop in this political season. It wasn't, you know, the rally. It wasn't the, it wasn't the most insane rally.

I know that, I know that their son North is not endorsing him, considering he wanted him killed. Was North their first one? How many do they have? Three? I don't know. I'm not that up on the Kardashians. It's disturbing that they have 200 million followers

and that her endorsing Kanye will actually get him a million votes, two million votes. I wonder. That's a great over-under. How many votes? By the way, he's only on the ballot in not many states. In seven states, I think. Yeah. What's that?

Yeah, I think like seven states. In seven states, I think. What's that? Yeah, I think like seven states. How many votes, we should try to, some listener who has the inclination to do this, find out a good over-under number on votes for Kanye. Yeah. I would say, I think a million is a good over-under. If I were a Republican who couldn't stand Trump,

but hates Biden, I'd vote for Kanye. Well, and also if I'm a Republican, I am pouring money into the coffers of Kanye West to get him votes. If you're... If I want Trump to win, I'm going to donate to Kanye. Yeah. And I'm sure that's happening. Well,

that's the old, you know, I remember hearing that when Jesse Jackson was running, uh, on the democratic ticket, all of his funding came from Republicans. Yeah. Right, right,

right. Speaking of which, um, NFL football, college ball, major league playoffs, still going on. The NBA is over, of course. Is this speaking of a black guy or is this speaking of pouring your money into something? I'm talking about making money, Mike.

Making money the old-fashioned way. Sorry. Gambling with my bookie. If you, you know, bet on anything. I think you can vote on the election, which would, and maybe I can suggest my bookie do an under over on Kanye. That would be a good bet. You could bet the favorites. You could do parlays, which makes boring games interesting all of a sudden. Don't forget the underdogs. That's a good bet.

of a sudden. Don't forget the underdogs. That's a good bet. You can do me and Mike's standing bet, which is I've got Tampa Bay to win with points, giving away points every week. And so far we are- Not this week. You get a point. Really? Yep. It's Green Bay, Rogers. So you get a point. Good. I'm going to need it against Rogers. Sunday. So we've got our $50. I think we're even right now, but it's 50 bucks a bet with us. You can make the same bet.

And when you do it, you can get $1,000 from them for the $1,000 that you put into your account. Up to $1,000. You can put in a couple hundred. You can put in whatever. And they'll match it. It's insane. So you want to do it right now. UFC cards.

Again, I think you can vote for president. I think you can bet for president. Sign up today exclusively at mybookie.com. Check them out. We want to thank John Allen who did this week's song. Catchy little riff. Nice. Yeah.

It was fun. And the logo is from our friend James Wudersick. Very weird spelling. Wudersick. Wudersick. Wudersick, yeah.

He did the Blues Brothers picture. Should we do corrections? I'm going with Wood-ar-sick. Wood-ar-sick? Yes. You have a little phonetic decoding there. That's exactly what it is. I emailed him to say, how do I say your name?

The Woodman. He said, rhymes with carsick. You know what? Spell W-O-D-A-R-C-Y-K. And, you know, there were some good people at Ellis Island that helped people like you simplify your fucking names. Should be James Wood. Woody.

James Woods. Woody. Was that taken? What was your nickname in high school? Gibbershit? No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. Gibby, I think, right?

I mean, Gibby was my nickname. Morty, of all people, from Letterman fame. Loved calling me Gibby. Yeah, because you were always Gibbs as long as I knew you, and then all of a sudden you got to Hollywood and it was Gibby. Yeah, which doesn't seem like an improvement at all. No, I don't like Gibby.

I think it's a stupid nickname. Gibby. Right. But then again, I'm the Fitz dog. Yeah. No, it's going to top that.

I think I see what you're saying there. Look at it. Fitz dog radio. These were, these are collector's items because you can't get them anymore. I've got a case of them. I should put them on sale for a month. I got a case of them in my fucking shed.

These are collector's items because no one has them. The factory's still full. Sales were a little light on the mugs. What a holiday gift, people. Come on. Let's do some corrections. Snoopy406 says, there was a custom photo stamp company. I talked about how I wish you could customize stamps, and you thought you could.

He says there was a custom photo stamp company for 16 years. The Postal Service recently and inexplicably revoked their authorization to make the photo stamps. So you can't do it anymore. I think if kids could do selfies and all that stuff and send, maybe old school snail mail would make a comeback. I mean, if you could make any stamp, what would I put on a stamp? Well, you could personalize it for the person you're sending any stamp, what would I put on a stamp? Well,

you could personalize it for the person you're sending it to, whatever. Right. If your friend is like really woke, you could send them a picture of a guy in blackface. No, but it could be you like giving the finger to the IRS when you mail your taxes in or whatever it is.

Right. Um, Matthew Troncholetti said, when Gibbons asked if you went to confession at church, you said only the first 13 years of my life. Grapefruit, are we to believe that you received the Holy Sacrament of baptism and confirmation when you were a baby?

Confession is usually started in preteen or teenage years, not when you're a damn baby. Okay. I fucked up. Easy, trunchalettity. Whatever your name is. I remember going to confession, first confession, which means you need something good.

You need to go in there and really, it's like Dianetics when you have to confess something that you did wrong and they videotape, or the vow, same thing with the vow. Yeah. What do they call the confessions on the vow? Collateral. Collateral. So it started with the Catholic Church.

All these cults use the same idea. You tell us something dirty about your past, we know it, and then every time we look at you, you feel ashamed because we know something about you and we might tell your parents and also you can't leave it's kind of the same ploy right because we have that we have the goods on you so my gay jimmy my first confession was when father ryan touched me i enjoyed it kind of double whammy on him. Father, here's my confession.

I'm wearing a wire, have been for three months, and you guys are going down hard. Here's my confession. I'm actually a 21-year-old FBI agent with a baby face. How many rosemary is that? How many? Let's get to it. It's time for the front page, Mike. Oh, boy.

Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! All right. Chris Christie. Oh, boy. Big news. Pardon the pun.

Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie on Thursday urged Americans to wear masks to fight the coronavirus, which put him in intensive care for seven days and warned that the virus is, quote, something to take very seriously. I believe that when I entered the White House grounds that I had entered a safe zone due to the testing that I and many others underwent every day. I was wrong. I was wrong. You don't hear that a lot in politics. I was wrong to not wear a mask at the Amy Coney Barrett announcement. And I was wrong not to wear a mask at my multiple debate prep sessions with the president and the rest of the team, he said in a statement. Maybe with the mask on, he could have eaten less. Now, why can you make fat jokes about Chris Christie and you can't about women? Why is that? First of all, I think he's got a lot of LBs on any woman we're talking about, but I don't know. Fat jokes used to be made about women all the time.

I mean, do you remember the Elizabeth Taylor jokes? Oh, what about Joan Rivers? That's what I mean. That's all she did. Yeah. Joan Rivers. Kids, listening. Joan Rivers, first of all, the real deal. I think basically Miss Maisel.

One of the greatest of all time. Is Miss Maisel essentially loosely based on her? Yeah. So she comes up in such a boys club and all this but she went for it she would be on johnny carson she would say i i don't know the setup but it basically the joke was literally this uh elizabeth taylor tried to go to mcdonald's but her thighs got caught in the arches they all had to come out and use the French fry grease to grease her up and get behind her and push her through the arches.

This is on Johnny Carson, which like 25 million people watched every night. Dude, what about John Belushi doing his impression of Elizabeth Taylor, eating a chicken and choking on a bone and then fucking giving herself the Heimlich maneuver, spitting the chicken out and then fucking giving herself the Heimlich maneuver, spitting the chicken out and then continuing to eat the chicken. You can't do that shit anymore. Who were the other ones? There were other targets.

Like, no, fat jokes happen all the time. Well, Mama Cass. There was a lot of Mama Cass jokes. Yeah, especially the legend. I don't even know if it's a legend. Maybe it's true. She died, you know, choking on a ham sandwich, but, uh, that's the legend anyway, which is the only thing that really matters. Um, yeah, anyway, but Chris Christie, uh, so this is some, you know, health issue that he's admitting he's wrong. Are you going to admit you're wrong eating like 16 hoagies a

day? Yeah. Right. Right. right well when are your next like you know what i was wrong i shouldn't be carrying around two other men in my pants right you know what i was wrong i shouldn't have closed the biggest thoroughfare into the city out of a little political slight from 10 years before yeah um yeah he's got a longer press conference he needs to hold yeah i think there's something about being an overweight politician a politician has to project that they're strong and they're in control and they're decisive and when you're overweight it makes and again i don't want to come into the crosshairs of the overweight fucking fat alliance, but it makes people think you're not in control. You think?

I think so. That's how I feel. When I see somebody who's fat, part of me goes like, this person doesn't have discipline. But there's a strong fat and then a pathetic fat. I'm just going to call it that. Right. Like, you see Game of Thrones or you see Henry, you know, any of the sort of legendary, you know, the kings of England in their portraits anyway. And it's kind of a strong fat.

Yeah. Orson Welles was kind of a strong, even though he wasn't, but he was kind of a, he really projected like a strong fat, which is authority and which is like, and you know, it's a sign of, it used to be a sign of wealth and that you're doing well. Um, yeah, but, but Chris Christie has the kind that's like, I have diabetes also. Yeah. That thick, it's the thick midsection that makes you look like you weren't born that way. You just fucking failed to stay in shape for the last 50 years. And he has a giant baby face. It could go a long way. If Chris Christie had a beard, he would look a little intimidating, I think. Yeah. Instead, he's putting his like six chins on display.

He looks like some animal you throw fish to in the aquarium. Yeah. It's like, yeah, what is that? Is that a walrus? It could be, oh no, it's the governor of New Jersey. Remember when he dressed in a baseball uniform and threw out like the first pitch? But he dressed in the uniform and the belt was so high. He looked like Humpty Dumpty.

It was insane. Yeah. Um, so should we talk about the, uh, debate last night? It wasn't a debate. It was two,

two town halls. I didn't see him, but I was shocked today to see some headlines have biden with higher ratings well biden was booked first so you would imagine he'd have higher ratings because trump trump's came up it feels like it was only a few days ago they announced they were going to do theirs i would have never watched biden given the choice who's not going to watch a train wreck? I know. I know. Well, apparently, conspiracy theories are abounding from the Trump camp these days. The moderator, Savannah Guthrie, I think she's from the Today Show. I don't know. Apparently, it was a very strong performance on her part last night.

Yeah. She dug in, and when she was talking about him spouting all these conspiracy theories, she said, you're the president of the United States. You're not just someone's crazy uncle. Oh, she literally said that. She literally said that because he had retweeted that day a conspiracy theory that Biden and Obama orchestrated a cover-up that included the Navy SEAL Team 6 faking the death of Osama bin Laden. Like, this is the president of the United States putting that out. Yeah. This is the president of the United States who will not, who will not call out QAnon. Yeah, QAnon, yeah.

And they may find that the other conspiracy theory he ran with this week was Giuliani you know in the lap in the laptop of Hunter Biden and all that so right that that rumor might have been spoon-fed from the Russians yes now they're saying that Giuliani has been compromised by the Russians and that came out from the FBI intelligence. This isn't like a Democrat. This is his FBI telling him specifically, your advisor, your lawyer has been compromised by the Russians. Yeah. It's too easy. And specifically with information you are putting out there about this laptop that doesn't exist. Yeah. It's coming off as really desperate right now.

I don't know. It looks like he's going to get trounced. I'm just worried about the Senate. Well, I'm not, I'm no longer worried about the election, believe it or not. And maybe I'm being very naive. I also didn't think America was this racist. So what the F do I know? Right. Well, I'll tell you what bubble I'm in my Jackson hole bubble people, by the way, I am sitting in what is very often not listed, but from what I hear, the wealthiest county in the United States. And I could turn the computer just through those trees over there is Dick Cheney's house. This is so Republican that they don't advertise it. They don't put the Trump signs outside. They just quietly fund misinformation campaigns. Yeah. Um, but it's very Republican strong. There's also no state tax. So a lot of, a lot. So, uh, I think I can say this. So my buddy, Jack is here and your buddy too works real estate. The virus hits and he's like, listen, there's chatter that we might, you know, there may

be no income this year. Like, you know, so we don't know what's going to happen. So we got to lock down spending and stuff like that. He sells homes out here. And Jack has already like two months ago, doubled his best year ever. People are moving there. Well, and also the 1% is just buying up. If they don't have enough second and third homes, they're buying up.

And this is obviously a gorgeous place. I think the Tetons are the most photographed mountain range in the world. Wait, are they buying it because real estate's going to go up with the pandemic? I don't think, I don't think they really care about that. They'll buy it and hold. This is the, this is the people that, you know, someone said once it was, it's, and it's so true after a certain point of wealth. And it's not that high by the way, but after a certain point, everything's free. It's true. It truly is. like if you're like oh i'm gonna fly private from la to new york it's like yeah that's like i don't even know what that cost

20 000 a ticket or whatever that they made more than that on amazon that day right i know it's literally like it's also what always occurs to me is like, when you read about Ellen DeGeneres buying a house for $15 million, three years later, she sells it for 25. And you go, she just made $10 million. Like houses in the $600,000 range don't jump by 50% in three years. But when you buy a piece of art

or even like our super high-end classic Maserati, like those things double, triple, quadruple in value all the time. But also celebrities have the built-in thing that this was Ellen's house. Right. So if you're in the market to find a house where you're not allowed to make eye contact with the owner, you're going to scoop that baby up.

And you can keep the same staff because they've been beaten down. They know how to behave. A little doggy door that only goes out, not in. All that is built into that house. Sue me. Sue me. That's all allegedly. You know, we've been talking about these guys for a while. There's an advertiser on this show

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Yeah, operator error. Nothing against the company. I'm sure the directions were very clear. Yeah. Why is this drawer dumping all my stuff out every time I open it? This is a shallow drawer. That's right. The bottom of it.

Quarter of an inch. You'd think they'd give you more. Let's do some international, Mike. All right. We don't want to talk about the Philly, the Philly birds. Tell me about it. Just briefly, weird story the other week. This one time, 1,500 birds flew into some of Philly's tallest skyscrapers one day last week.

The slaughter took bird watchers. So I guess there's an average amount of birds that you find dead on city streets in the morning after night. They found 1500. And then that was only in one area and it was in all these others. And they were trying to figure out what the hell had happened. And it was a very foggy night. It was a migration South. I just think these birds looked around and were in Philly and decided to kill themselves because it's such a shitty city. And again, I have nothing against the city of Philadelphia.

It's actually beautiful. It's just the people I don't like. So there, that's the birds. Birds are smart. They have a sense. Yeah. Yeah.

That accent is tough to take just a mass suicide i always say uh i always say it's like ireland fucked italy and philly came out it's like everybody's half irish half italian it's insane there's also it says they might have they might have effed boston along the way also it's a it's a little bit of that in there too. No, it's Boston. It's Philly. It's parts of the Bronx. Anywhere you had Irish and Italian immigrants showing up at the same time.

And the Irish, all of the Irish women saw the Italian guys. They saw, oh, these guys have tans. They dress well. They fucking loved it. And then the Italian women saw the Irish guys who could tell a story and make you laugh. And they were like, oh, we love this. They can put out fires. And they all got married and they all got divorced.

By the way, back to the birds. I don't even think they flew into the buildings. I actually think they were on the buildings and jumped. That's, you want me to solve this aviary mystery telling you uh should we save it to next week but i read disturbing news wait can i tell you one other thing about birds we have we have this sliding glass door in the guest house and birds fly into it for some reason all the time so last week this bird flew in, the cutest fucking bird. And it was laying on the ground.

Its head was 180 degrees behind it. And it was so fluffy and cute. And it was like, it had like a little tremble that it was going on. It was like, you know, convulsing. And I was like, I can't let this thing die like this. This is fucking terrible. convulsing and i was like i can't let this thing die like this this is fucking terrible so i have this 50 pound kettlebell and i picked it up and i said to erin i said i think i gotta put it out of its misery and she's like no no i was like erin this is fucking cruel this is nature you gotta

end this thing's life look at its fucking neck so i pick up the 50 pound kettlebell and I'm holding it over the bird. And all of a sudden the bird fucking jumps up and flies away. That's great. That's almost like that Tim Leary story where they were tripping and they almost cut open the dog to massage its heart and the dog was fine. It was just like napping. Oh my God. I thought a funny. I thought I was being noble. I really felt like a man for a change around the house. Like no woman, this is how a man handles nature.

nature. Meanwhile, I think she could have been like, man, you know, you can just step on it. You don't need a 50 pound kettlebell for a bird the size of your palm. I thought, I thought the twist in your story was like, so I picked up the kettlebell and I stepped on the bird's head. I wanted 50 more pounds on me just to get, just to make sure that step landed. Oh boy. What were you going to say? No, I was going to change subjects. I think we talk about another week. Let's talk about that. Let's push this subject to next week. The Northeast, really, really disturbing headline I read. Now that they've kind of figured out for better or worse, Zoom classes and virtual distance distance learning the school boards in the northeast have announced there will never be another snow day again oh right so maybe we move that to next

week because that's pretty yeah let's talk about that next week that's hitting home that's hitting my head around that shit j Jesus. All right, international. What do we got? Finnish Airlines is offering, ready for this? Yeah. Would-be travelers who missed the taste of airline food among the COVID-19 pandemic the chance to bring in-flight meals home. who missed the taste of airline food among the COVID-19 pandemic, the chance to bring in-flight meals home.

They announced the airline-inspired Taste of Finnair meals will be available Thursday at the K-City Mart stores. The meals are inspired by Nordic and Japanese flavors and seasonal ingredients. The menus include, for example, Finnish smoke and reindeer. Okay. So I did hear about, have you heard about flights to nowhere?

I think we covered that one week. People are, I think it was happening in Australia particularly, they would get on a plane, fly around, and then land in the same airport they took off from, and these were selling out. No shit. And the pilot would point out, there's the Great Barrier Reef, but people were so stir-crazy and stuff.

And I think it was pretty safe down under. I think maybe they had things under control. So, yeah, people were doing that. I don't think they were doing it for the food. I wonder if you get frequent flyer miles for that. I mean, if you're landing in the same place, have you gone a mile? Also you're like, how did you lose my luggage? Every time we didn't even, we didn't even have a layover. Yeah. Now, with this food that they're offering, the airline food,

they also, for an extra 50 bucks, they will bring a fat Mexican woman who sits an inch from you, holds rosary beads, and cries throughout the meal. Well, there's our fat woman. We got one in there. Also, while you're eating, they do announcements about a new credit card offer in your own house. I'm sure there's a gazillion puns that like the only reason people finish, finish food, finish food. What? Yeah. Why are people paying? So I guess this airline figured out airline food?

Maybe. I'm sure it's just the first class. I don't know. Maybe in coach they give you smoked reindeer. By the way, is it that we've lowered the bar so much and we live like pigs so much in school and you're on the road constantly? I always liked airline. Like I never related to the most, you know, common standup sort of, uh, trite material of airline food. Like I never bought into that. I'm always like, I think it's pretty good. I eat, I'm I we're Irish. That's the problem.

That's another thing. I thoroughly enjoy hospital meals, hospital trays, airplane food. I don't give a shit as long as it's fucking, you know, not hot. I don't even like spicy. Just give me simple food I can put in my belly. Who's the snob that's like the rolls a little cold and not that suffocating. What are you doing at home? You're right. Right. How are you timing your meal so perfectly that the bread's delicious and then the rest of your moods, the rest of your stuff's hot. Right. Have are you timing your meal so perfectly that the bread's delicious and then the rest of your stuff's hot? Right. Have you seen the kitchen on the plane? It's smaller than the bathroom.

All right, finish here. Hats off. All right. Oh, we just got a sad text. Just came in. Our dear friend lost his father. We knew he was sick. Oh, no, really?

But, yeah, duds. Peace and love to your dad. That's too bad. Yeah. Maybe I should turn off the, well, there's our obituary for today. Maybe he's just rubbing in your face that his dad lives so much longer than yours. Say there's always a positive spin.

There you go. Right. Is that positive? Pompeii in Pompeii. Sorry, we're moving on very quickly. I don't even know why Greg just got distracted by a text. Does your text come up on your computer? Yeah. Oh, I don't even know why Greg just got distracted by a text. Does your text come up on your computer? Yeah.

Oh, I don't do that. Yeah, I shouldn't have that. I shouldn't have that. Anyway, we love you, Doug. We love you. We love your family. And call you later. A contrite Canadian woman who took pieces from the ancient Italian city of Pompeii 15 years ago, returned the fragments with a letter

explaining how they brought a curse to her life. The woman said she visited Pompeii when she was young and dumb. She sent a package containing two tiles. She said she experienced a string of bad luck since the theft that included two bouts of breast cancer. Were the tiles made out of asbestos? Why were they such bad luck? Did she watch that Brady Bunch, the Hawaii episode where they got cursed when they stole a little voodoo doll or whatever it was?

stole a little voodoo doll or whatever it was. So the best is this, this nice, I'm just reading this story now, but this nice gesture was still selfish. Yeah. She's only sending it back. It's like, Hey Pompeii, let's say they are bad luck. You have the bad luck because you've had a good run since the volcano. That's right.

Here you go. Yeah. Tourism is up. Yeah. We went there when we were in Italy a few years ago. Fucking so cool. You know what's crazy is you go into like some of the buildings and there's pornography on the walls. There's like paintings of sexual positions and it's like the karma sutra. There's like, you know, women, reverse cowgirling, three ways, huge cocks.

You know about when I took my girls to the Pompeii visit, the Pompeii exhibition in LA? No. Took them there, right? And a lot of people were like, like you know there's some tough stuff like there's the you know all the babies and dogs and trapped in lava so we go and i'm like no no i i know and i still think they can handle it so they're they're they're pretty young though so we go into the pompeii exhibit the first room is all artifacts that have been uh preserved so it's just you know pottery you know glass just all these all this stuff from that age which was frozen in time right so fine then we get to the end of that

room we have not seen any of the bodies yet we haven't seen like the mom hugging the baby as the lava like froze them or obviously didn't freeze them but capture them so we get there and there's a security guard and there's curtains down before you can walk into the next room. And he's like, uh, he sees my two girls. And he's like, sir, he's like, you know, that there's this, you know, gets this changes tone a little. I forget the words you use. And I'm like, no, no, no. I got it. I've actually talked to them a lot about it and all. And he's like, all right, I just want you to know, like, so the next room, there's some graphic stuff that you're going to, you know,

I just want to make sure you know that the kids are going to see that. I'm like, I got it. I got it. Pompeii. I got it. We go in and it's exactly that. Everyone is having sex on the walls in all these different positions.

I mean, blowing doggy style from by every, and I'm like, what? And what had happened was Pompeii also preserved this whorehouse perfectly preserved it. That's what it was. That's what it was. Right. And, and on the wall were menus and you, the, all the positions were numbered and so i'm with my kids i'm like they're like daddy i'm like no come on let's get to the dead kids let's get to the dead

kids and puppies let's go let's go like where's the room with the dead kids where's the mom holding the baby with her hand up like i'm melting let's get to that you kids want to go out for ice cream after this? Cheer up a little bit? Meanwhile, that guard, I was so dismissive of the guard, he tried to tell me three times. I'm like, they've seen it. Don't worry.

Right. Meanwhile, it's like a menu at a Chinese restaurant. You're like, I'll have the reverse cowgirl and then the chokehold with a side of foot fetish. Right. Are you running specials? Is this all a la carte or is there like a tasting menu?

All right, let's do our favorite new segment. You love it. Florida Man. Wasn't even trying. Wasn't even trying once again. Found a story. I saw a headline that I liked. Incensed over a pair of scathing reviews on Yelp, the owner of a Florida barbecue joint

last night allegedly physically attacked his suspected online critic. night allegedly physically attacked his suspected online critic. Reviewer Sean R. claimed that he wouldn't even feed it to my dog, adding that the eatery's owner, quote, should spend less time threatening customers and more time on learning to cook properly. The second review authored by Rick R. declared that it was, quote, not a great idea to threaten your customers due to you serving garbage barbecue. Investigators charged that Daniel A. Ahrens, 60 years old, jumped atop the male victim and struck him several times while outside his residence in Largo, which is in Tampa.

Ahrens was arrested in July. So every Florida man story, it's not just the crime, the latest crime you're reading about is they always kind of end like this. Aaron's who's the owner of the restaurant who attacked and beat this guy allegedly was arrested in July on multiple felony counts after allegedly punching his girlfriend in the face and placing a pillow over her face for two minutes, which in most cases, the pillow over her face first, because that's the detail because that he's kind of chivalrous if he did that. Yes. I don't think so. But also, by the way, putting a pillow over someone's face for two minutes is usually called murder. Yeah, right. He was also accused of threatening the woman with a wooden board that he used to strike her vehicle.

Wow. So you always get that Florida flavor in all these stories. No, they've got resumes down there. It's not one-offs. They really build a foundation of Florida-hood. Yeah. Imagine fucking, it's like whenever I see a pickup truck, you know, like you go to the beach in Florida

and there's always like some locals, they got a pickup truck with a keg on it and the chicks have on Daisy Duke shorts and the guys have the tight wrap around sunglasses and the mullets. And you just think, I would pay anything to be a fly on the wall and hear that conversation. Just them listing what they've done in their lives.

Yeah, and then I was in the joint and I got out and I robbed. It's just one-upping each other. Oh, totally. Comparing jet ski accidents. Meanwhile, me and you talk about our three crimes from 20 years ago. I know. Well, I doubt they listen to us.

I think it's mutual. Yeah. Um, okay. It's time for entertainment, Mike. Boom, boom.

We're going a little quick today. Cause Mike is on vacation. Yeah. Yeah. We always say we're going to keep all today because Mike is on vacation. Yeah, yeah. We always say we're going to keep. All right. Dinner down the road. I'm going to get on an e-bicycle. Have you ridden these?

I mean, I guess all the public bikes are e-bikes now. No. I've ridden an electric bike. Yeah, they're great. Well, Jack gave me one where it's even beyond. If you don't want to pedal at all, it has a throttle, you know, I have my motorcycle license, but as a throttle, just like, uh, basically a Vespa, an electric scooter. And this thing takes off. Nice. It's pretty cool.

Must be great having your two daughters with you on vacation, Mike. Sounds like you're really, uh, no, no, actually I was, I did, I did the ride with Olivia and then the two girls took off there. They're on them now. But, uh, also right around here, you have to watch it though. Right out, right outside this window, mama moose and her calf. Oh, you sent me the picture. Yeah.

And then the other day a fox and the cool little tidbit on the fox was, cause you normally don't see fox. They're sly. I don't know if you've heard. Yeah. But an interesting thing happened here. When they brought the wolf population back in Yellowstone, which is just up the road, and then the wolves and even the grizzlies, by the way, are down here now in Jackson.

When they brought the wolves back, wolves, I'm going to slaughter all the nature terminology that I shouldn't know, but wolves and coyotes have overlap. Uh, so when the wolves came back, coyotes kind of were a little bit out of luck. Wolves don't have any overlap with foxes, but coyotes have overlap with facts and foxes. So when the coyote, when the, when the coyotes started to lose out the Fox population, just because wolves came back, flourished. So Jack even said he hadn't seen a Fox here his first 10 years living here. And now he sees them all the time.

No shit. Yeah. I think it's getting like that with mountain lions in California. You used to never see them. And now I, maybe because of the fires, they're out in the open a lot more. I think that's happening, yeah. But did you see the Moundline video out of Utah this week? No.

Oh, the guy on a hike? Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Six minutes. 20 minutes. Yeah. Oh, I thought it was six.

Unbelievable. Yeah. And he did everything right. And do you know, when it did those crazy charges, just Google it, anyone, it was a hugely viral video. And do you know when it did those crazy charges, just Google it, anyone, it was a hugely viral video. When that thing did crazy, the crazy charges, he said that was when he took his, he broke eye contact for a second trying to look for a rock to throw at it. Yeah.

So it's do not turn your back on those things if you see them out on the trail. Oh, so every time he took his eyes off, that's when the thing charged. That's when it charged. Oh, okay. No shit. Usually you can keep them at bay, but he was lucky because almost anyone that gets attacked by a mountain lion, you don't see it. They're coming at you from behind and they've stalked you. Right.

And it's all about the neck. Right for the neck. All animals, the whole animal kingdom knows to go right for the throat or the neck. Sometimes the lions go for the asshole. All animals, the whole animal kingdom knows to go right for the throat or the neck. Sometimes the lions go for the asshole. I've seen that. They chase the animal and they bite its asshole. Really? And they knock it down.

Well, that's where you start eating. I think that's the best meat. I think you're watching the mating videos. And monkeys know to go for the balls because they're advanced. Do you know the first two things monkeys apparently go for are the balls because they're advanced do you know the first two things monkeys apparently go for are the balls and the eyes wow yeah it is weird out here so there's moose everywhere like every sign is slow it down moose crossing constantly but like there's also tons of land with horses but the the horses must look at the moose like so what what how how

are you guys out there because i'm in here and i'm branded the horses are like branded by their by their ranch and i can i've run out of hay the hay i'm coming to the gate desperately trying to lean my like neck over to eat the hay that's outside because all that's in here is a shitty field, field full of shit, and no more hay. And the moose, you guys get to do whatever you want. Right, right. How did we lose out? Yeah, that's got to be like birds that are in the zoo. You ever see that? You'll see these giant African parrots, but the the bronx fucking sparrows

show up and they're like hey what are you doing what are you doing in there where are you from what are you looking at you're in a cage no you're in a cage no i'm protected good luck out there all right we're in entertainment entertainment i was supposed to watch social dilemma this week, but I was quarantined because I played. By the way, thank you, Cleveland. Had some great shows there last weekend at Hilarities. But because I was exposed to hundreds of people,

my wife insisted I live in the guest house for the last five nights, where I furiously masturbated. Spreading the virus everywhere so anyway so I come to the window and press her boobs up against it sad like like midnight run yeah Express Midnight Express yeah so I didn't get a chance to see it cuz I want to watch you with the family I didn't get a chance to see it because I want to watch it with the family. I didn't get a chance to see it. I was alone in my guest house all week. No, I want to watch it with

my daughter because it's an important lesson for her. This movie is apparently very mind-expanding. It is. You should definitely watch it with your kids. They break it down very easy. It's even a little beneath her. You can have younger kids watch it with your kids. Yeah. And they break it down very easy. It's even a little beneath her. You can have younger kids watch it for sure.

All right. Should we talk about SNL? Well, yeah, but did you see Comedy Store? Our buddy Adam Egan got tons of love in episode two. Oh, yeah? On Showtime. Oh, that's nice. No, like real, like, I'm'm not just because he's a friend, I'm not signaling, you know, sort of,

I'm not biased in this in any way. You'll see. He gets a lot of great love. Well, look, the comedy store was, it was fucking on its last legs. The place was empty. The comedians were fucking tired. And then this guy, Adam Egan, who I knew from,

he used to work at the Tempe Improv. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. And he came in and took over, and he started bringing in different acts that were a little fresher, that were doing new material, that had a point of view.

And then Joe Rogan's followers showed up, and then Segura's followers, and they just started to build up. They became the club. Louis C.K. filmed a special there. What's his name? Why am I forgetting his name? Chappelle.

Well, Chappelle did a special there. Anyway, Eget turned the place around and he made it the hottest club in L.A. And the lineups are sick on any given night. You look at the lineup and it's like Bill Burr, Bert Kreischer, Joey Diaz, uh, Anthony Jesselnik, totally, uh, Ali Wong. And, uh, so anyway, yeah, he is, he is responsible for the Renaissance of the club. It's great. And Adam's the coolest guy.

And anyone a fan of Norm MacDonald will know he's depicted hilariously in Norm's memoir. Adam is basically the sidekick in that. And that's how I met him, doing Norm MacDonald's show. Norm needs to be driven everywhere. And when Laurie Jo wasn't driving him, Adam would be driving him and picking him up. where when Laurie Jo wasn't driving him, Adam would be driving him and picking him up. And Norm would just shit on him constantly because Adam's the greatest roll with it guy of all time.

And then they started a podcast together. So a lot of people also know Adam from that. Yeah. So anyway, have you watched any of this Showtime documentary on the store? No, because they didn't ask me to be in it, so fuck them. Oh, interesting. All right. What other entertainment news?

Jack White destroyed it on SNL. Did you see it? Of course. Bill Burr hosted. I thought Bill did a great job. Yeah. The monologue was ballsy as hell and smart. Really ballsy.

My daughters did not like it. No. My daughter and wife watched it. They had no problem with it. But, you know, the woke people did not enjoy him bringing up certain topics. White women don't want to be told that, once again, they're co-opting a movement. And they did it. They did it in the 60s.

The whole women's right movement in the 60s was co-opted by white women. Black women were marginalized. And it's happening again. And Bill talked about it. And he got a lot of shit. Good for him. Yeah. No, it was good.

And then Jack White, Bill Burgess, you know, announced him. And then he comes on and just, I mean. And Ball and a Biscuit was like one my favorite songs, easily, off of Elephant. And it just has three incredible guitar solos in it. And then the second song, he came out with a guitar that Eddie Van Halen designed for him. Right. And then Jack White tweeted out, I thought it could be a nice gesture for me to use this blue Eddie Van Halen model guitar for one of the songs tonight on SNL. The guitar was designed by Eddie with a few customizations I had added.

Eddie was very kind to me and saw to it that this guitar was made for me to my specs. I won't even insult the man's talent by trying to play one of his songs tonight. Thanks again, Eddie, for this guitar and rest in peace, sir. But he did do a little like a fret tap thing. He did. Eddie's signature move. He did that for a second, but it was just great to see someone just wailing. And that drummer was incredible too.

Insane. Yeah, it was great. So that was fun seeing that. Uh, that was cool. Uh, David Burns, Broadway show, speaking of great music in New York, David Burns, Broadway show, American utopia. I was trying to get to New York to see it before it closed. It was closing in late February, coincidentally. And that is when I decided I was going to go and then the virus hit. So, uh, I don't, he was on SNL like a month ago doing the, uh, he did a performance from it. Yeah. And it was great. Yeah. So they filmed this and, uh, Spike Lee's the director. And so

it aired last night. If you're listening to this on Sunday, it premiered last night on HBO. Oh, no shit. And apparently it's very uplifting and kind of a little jolt of positive energy. Good. I love David Byrne. Jesus Christ. Really? I mean, so great.

Let's do some sports. Oh, boy. As we said this week, Tampa Bay versus Green Bay. Green Bay gives me a point. We'll see if I win another 50 bucks. What's going on in college sports, Mike? Yeah, here's my favorite, the SEC, which I don't even know much about.

I just know I hate them. And we've talked about how racist they are in the past, forcing even northern teams to bench their black players. So anyway, absolutely F the SEC. This is so great. So Florida coach, the Gator coach, Gators, the Gator coach, I guess it was around Sunday or something, said he wants this upcoming week to pack. Of course, it's called the swamp. He wants to pack the swamp with 90,000 fans despite the pandemic. On Monday, they gave him several more chances to clarify confusion regarding his comments about wanting to pack 90,000 college football fans in Ben Hill Griffin Stadium during the

coronavirus pandemic. What do you do? He goes, no, no, thanks. Nope. Not taking him back because you know what? I think we just got to live. We got to get out there. That was Monday.

Tuesday, University of Florida announced it was pausing all football activities due to an outbreak of positive tests among the team. The first report that the game between the Gators and Tigers has been postponed and the SEC confirmed the decision shortly thereafter. It was originally supposed to be played in the Swamp, 4 p.m. Saturday. Plans have been scrapped. Additionally, Ole Miss is also—this is the phrase. I grabbed this headline.

Ole Miss is also, quote, running low on players, according to coach Lane Kiffin. running low on players, according to coach Lane Kiffin. So anyway, it's this domino effect that's going to happen in the SEC. Now, did those two teams play each other? Is that how they both got it, or is this unrelated? I think it's unrelated, but it's in the same conference. I mean, the game that's being pushed this week was Florida versus LSU. Yeah. And this was the game that he wanted 90 000 fans in there now they now they can't even get one player in there so yeah it

almost came true fucking moron excuse me effing morons it's unbelievable there is this feeling in the south and you look at the spike look at the fucking map of the United States and who's got the pandemic right now. And it reads like the electoral college. Have you seen, they have an active chart, right? Which is video and it shows the rankings. And then it's like, you know, it's like a time-lapse and they show each date. Like the, like basically it was October 10th, October 11th, October 12th. And you just see, and there's a couple of blue states hanging in there, like California is like 15th. By the end, when it gets to now, it is solid red up top. Solid red.

It's unbelievable. And my beloved Utah, which, you know, no masks, that's rising through the ranks. But you just see it everywhere. I would guess where else is rising. Where was that motorcycle rally? South Dakota? Oh, South Dakota.

Yeah, you see Florida, Georgia, Texas, all of them rising. Right. Well, look, we don't wish bad on anybody. We just wish they'd fucking wake up and just say, hey, want to get rid of this thing? Let's all wear masks. Let's just suck it up and just say, hey, want to get rid of this thing? Let's all wear masks. Let's just suck it up, be uncomfortable, and follow what the scientists are saying. That's all.

Also, they call the blue side complainers and whiners. Just wear a mask. All you're doing is complaining about a mask and whining about it. Right, right. It's kind of, whatever, whatever. They say it's, uh, it's, it's easier to fool someone than to tell them they they've been fooled. So that's what's going on. I like that. I like that. Should we not mention the fact that the Lakers won the NBA championship and we live in LA or do we not care? Apparently that night there was a higher rated like baseball game or something. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's funny. So, uh, but yeah, I guess it's a giant, I mean, it has to be an asterisk. No, I mean, I don't think they are doing an asterisk. I mean, they, they, they played pretty

close. The thing is the season lasted 12 months because they started the season. I don't know, 12, but pretty close. But it's so insane that LeBron James has won championships with three different teams. That's nuts. He's incredible, man. Is he the greatest player of all time, or is it Michael Jordan? I don't know.

I mean, I think there's a very good argument for LeBron, who's still going. And not only is he still going, I watched in the motel room down in Utah, I watched the second-to-last game, which they almost won, and they would have won the championship that night. And LeBron just decides, I mean, so beat so beat so tired just decides to turn it on because he doesn't want

to play another game after that right and it was he's he was like fairly unstoppable and just to see a guy that age and keep in mind he's been playing nba ball since basically since high school age. Yeah. I mean, I think he played in the NBA when he was 18, right? Yeah. Starting. Yeah. I think he skipped college and went straight in. How his body is even moving.

And, you know, the next day from that game I saw, they showed the press conference of the, you know, the great guy, Baker, I forget his name on Miami. I stopped following sports. And he got up. It looks like you and I getting up after like getting out of the car after six hours, like, okay. And this is a guy in his twenties, you know, and, but they had just pushed it so hard in that fourth quarter and it's the end of the season, man, their bodies are beat up. So LeBron still has a lot more to go. That greatest of all time, even if you're still thinking it's Jordan, Kobe's not even, I think, in the top three.

But greatest of all time, I think, if you're still thinking it's Jordan, I don't know if it's been written yet, LeBron's career. So there's more there. There you go. Let's move on to science, Mike. Thank God. San Diego Zoo. You want to read this story? I did read this story.

No, you go for it. No, it's yours. Didn't you write this down? I'm reading again. Yeah, I did a lot of work this week. No, you go for it. No, it's yours. Didn't you write this down? I'm reading again. Yeah, I did a lot of work this week. San Diego Zoo scientists revive cells from a 40-year deep freeze to clone an endangered horse. The San Diego Zoo global researchers have high hopes that Kurt can help turn things around for his species. He was cloned from skin cells taken from a stallion in 1980 and safeguarded at the Frozen Zoo,

San Diego Zoo Global's vast repository of 10,000 cell lines from more than 1,100 species and subspecies. I'll tell you who this is bad news for. Okay. That guy that jerks off the horses, tries to get them to fuck the mares. He's out of business. What else is he going to do? He can still do it. You're just saying you won't get paid as much for it? Yeah. It's going to, it's now it's a hobby. Even the horses then looking, I'm like, dude, we both know this isn't your job anymore. I don't know why you've increased the amount of times you're doing it.

That'd be funny if you see on one end of the corral, guy shows up with hay and corn, and then that guy walks to the other side and all the horses go towards that guy. They have to like him. No horses are running away from that. But this is my first time. That's all caps. That's a formal name, the frozen zoo. Yeah. Imagine just going like, hey, we're going to, oh, you know what? Because of the virus, they closed down the regular zoo, but want to go to the frozen zoo. What's that? Well, it's hard to get the virus cause it's really cold in there. And basically we look at animal sperm and animal cells. Um, but yeah, so they have that. But I also read another story that there was a,

Oh, I didn't, we didn't write it down, but semi-related. They had some video of a robotic dolphin, and they're like, this could be the answer. This horse is the answer to endangered species, that there might be zoos with these cloned animals. And when rhinoceroses disappear, which I think happens next Thursday, they'll be able to create rhinos and have them in captivity. Well, they have a robotic dolphin and the dumb headline said, this might be the solution for the waning attendance on all the, you know, the, um,

you know, the dolphin parks, the sea worlds out there and all that. It's like, you think so? You think the people who aren't going now will be, oh, let's go see. Are you going to be like, oh my God, that robot jumped through the hoop. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. How did they get it to do that? I know that's like watching porn of a guy fucking a fleshlight. Okay. I feel weird when I do it, but at least no women are being harmed during the taping of it. I think it would be like a robotic guy having sex with a fleshlight.

I think you're even going that, because I'll watch a guy have sex with a fleshlight, but a robot, meh. I bet you that's going to be a new fetish in porn, is going to be people fucking robots. Well, have you ever seen on porn sites if you ever like click one of those tabs when you're because of course we're there procrastinating so i'll do some reading also but i'll click on the tab that's like most viewed or that stuff do you know how many of like the top

20 are anime oh yeah no it's crazy i'm like what's going on and like the women have like giant bulbous asses huge lips and they they it's kind of sexy i would i could never use it and i don't think it would work as fuel for me right all right so that's your science story that's uh good i guess good for kurt the stallion clone doesn't know he's your science story. That's good, I guess, good for Kurt the Stallion. Cloned, doesn't know he's cloned. All right, let's do some business. Okay. Oh, wait, no, we forgot pig jaws.

I didn't. I'm looking right at it. I'm waiting for you to read it. You found this weird story. There's a new use for pig fat. Researchers have used it to create replacement jaw bones. The human jaw bone and the connecting joints are difficult to replace. Unlike most bones in the human body, the jaw bone is curved and both the bone and joints need to

withstand pressure as we chew. Building off a previous study that grew a small piece of jaw bone from human fat, researchers decided to grow the entire jawbone and joint in pigs which has a similar jaw anatomy to humans the scientists derived stem cells from pig fat using cow bones as scaffolding to shape the jaw the newly formed bones and cartilage were then transplanted into pigs who had their jawbones removed. Six months after implantation, the researchers found the replacement jawbone had fully healed and was nearly identical to the original. So they're basically farming jawbones in the mouth of pigs.

And then I guess they transfer them to the humans? of pigs. And then I guess they transfer them to the humans? Well, you know, a lot of guys, you know, have heart, uh, the, uh, bypasses. They use, uh, pig valves. Oh, that's right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's gotta be, it's, it's gotta be exciting when like, you know, your romantic partner, you think they're going to die, lose their jaw. They go through this therapy. And now you're out in a prairie. You're having a nice picnic. You got some wine.

And all of a sudden he goes crawling around on all fours, finding truffles. He's like, what are you doing? I found some truffles. That was a long way to go. I thought you were going to go the much shorter route, which is for the reveal of, I can't wait to see my husband's new jaw. And it's like, why do you have an apple in your mouth? Oh, I had you. This comes with the pig jaw. It's always going to be an apple in there. That night it's like, stop snoring.

Yeah. All right. My girls just walked in the room. They've never seen me do a podcast. So let's wrap this up. Tell them I say hello and I love them very much. Yeah. They can't hear you. They can't hear you. They can't hear you. Greg says hi. That's not all I said. What else did I say? Well, I didn't hear, I don't listen to you either What did you say?

I said I love them Oh he said he loves you guys How is thrifting in Jackson Hole? You buy a pair of chaps? No I got a flannel and a $4 bag A flannel and a $4 bag I can barely say it I'm so excited

Alright let's cut straight to the Sunday funnies. It's that time. All right. Let's start off with our old friend, Andy Kapp. We know Andy. I mean, let's remember. You read the Sunday. We're not doing letters to the editor.

I have time. You sure? Yeah, yeah. One of them decided they're going to shower before we go. Okay. Letters to the editor first one is uh don't wash it yep i can't read this i seem to have oh a crush on you two from joanne oh how about that i think we should have a show just for joanne's because they fucking love us. I think that's what I was under the impression. That's what we're doing.

No, no, no. Other people, we got letters from other people. No, that's why she likes us. Cause well,

at least she could probably sense from me, Joanne, I am just doing this show for you. I am just now learning that we have other listeners. I thought you were buying all the floating furniture and doing all the gambling and protecting your software and hardware. Those ads are for you, Joanne. Joanne's pounding on a floating table as Green Bay doesn't make the spread. Exactly. So Greg and Mike, how you doing? Just wanted to say my boyfriend and I

Love your show He first showed me you two When y'all were doing your New Year's guesses I instantly fell in love With Mike's commentary Greg, you're great But Mike's sensitivity And comedic voice makes my heart swoon

Is this a same-sex couple? Is this where this is leading? Anyway, I wanted to weigh in on the robot cheating debate. My boyfriend and I had a lengthy convo about this. I don't remember his position since I was too stoned, but here's my 2C. I work in the tech world with experience bringing AI to consumers, so I'm familiar with the capabilities of AI.

My answer is a sex doll with simple programming is not cheating. It's like a fleshlight on steroids, a magic wand that's really magical, or just an oven ready to toast a bun. Since artificial intelligence can learn, there's an emotional connection that could form. I'm thinking of a relationship like Joaquin and Scar Jo in Her. Whoa, my favorite movie that year. I would never want my boyfriend to sleep with AI. That bitch could fuck some shit up, drain all my accounts, and put me on a Megan's list if she wanted to. We're not there with tech yet, but machine learning is getting stronger every day. So she doesn't trust her boyfriend with AI, but she's saying you should.

I see. Wait, oh, wait, what's that last line? Anyway, I love you guys. We listen every week. And Greg, I too have always been in love with Blondie from a young age. She is beautiful and at waste. Oomph.

As a thank you for all that you do, here's a pic from when I was in my prime as a nude art model. Oh, I forgot about that. Love you guys, Miranda. Did I not send you that photo? I think I am now, yes, I think I did see that. She was like, she's Latina and she's like, she's in like a, a completely

see-through bathrobe curled up on a couch. Oh wait, I remember this body. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Oh my God. Then I looked up Miranda on Instagram and her boyfriend's gorgeous too. So there's that. Yeah. There's that that foiled all the fantasies. But she said, here I was in my prime. And she had a link to her Instagram. So I did look.

Prime? How old is Miranda? She still looks great. I don't know what prime means. She still looks great. Yeah. Miranda, stop beating yourself up. I know. Leave that to your boyfriend

Yeah I hope god I hope he's violent Christian Corner said Christian Corner Thanks for the letter though Is that a real name Christian Corner I don't know It sounds like a Sunday morning talk show Like this one

Welcome back to Christian Corner Coffee Clutch Christian Corner The Sunday papers There was remember Kiner's Corner welcome back to christian corner coffee clutch christian corner the sunday papers are there was the member kiner's corner ralph kiner who was a famous new york met he used to do a sports wrap-up show i bet we didn't get a nude photo from christian corner nope just a cross cross and a picture of a fish okay this sunday papers are the The Sunday papers are one of the few things that make me laugh this year. Thanks so much. There's a biker bar in Palmetto, Florida

at a large intersection where several highways and local roads come together. There are no less than seven roadside memorial markers within a quarter mile around the bar. Every several months, another one pops up. I don't mean to laugh, but you know, no, no helmets, dad. They don't wear helmets in Florida. I don't think. Yeah, no, they don't. There's no helmet law there and they don't wear them.

Yeah. Listen, I have a motorcycle license. I grew up on them. I now have a very effeminate scooter, but just put a brain bucket on, will you? Because by the way, the reason it's law in many places, this is very much like the mass controversy actually. People feel like it infringes their rights and that the state and the government has no right to tell us to wear a mask. But what happens is,

and I'm sure there's a better argument and I'll get this wrong, but I believe a lot of it was they would rack up people without health insurance and stuff would rack up these giant medical and doctor bills that other people were paying for. Right. In other words. So, so, so there is a limit to your rights, just like with the mask when it affects other people, but just put on a brain bucket. Anyway, look at all the roadside memorials, even the Christian corner can't get over it you're in a bar okay there's you're you're coming out of a bar into florida where the average driver is 86 years old and can't see over the

steering wheel anymore and you've been drinking yeah uh this comes from elliot paul let's get back to miranda go ahead if i remember correctly the's name of your chosen theme song for a recent Sunday Papers was John Barron. Did you know that that moron, whiny bitch criminal president of ours, used to call up New York newspapers using the alias John Barron? He would say he was Mr. Trump's publicist and do what he does best, lie. Do you remember that? I don't remember that. Yeah, Trump used to call up, page six in the Post, the Daily News, he used to call up Variety, and he would give gossip about himself saying he was his own publicist. I didn't know that. We got duped. We got duped. Wow.

I wonder how, I wonder, yeah, how John Barron handled the virus. I wonder if John Barron could tell us what's really going on. Yeah. We need John Barron again. Quick obituary. Besides obviously Dudley's dad,

rest in peace. Yeah. Colonel John Russell was a U.S. Army veteran of World War II and the oldest living Olympic medalist, an equestrian who took bronze in the team jumping event at the 1952 Olympics. Russell served in the, I guess he was 100 years old when he died. He served in the mounted 104th Cavalry of the National Guard

during World War II fighting in Africa Italy and Germany he was honored with a Purple Heart a Bronze Star and the Soldier's Medal it was as a soldier in the US Army that he competed in his first Olympics in 1948

I mean look at our fucking lives look at our lives you've got I'm in Wyoming and I mean, look at our fucking lives. Look at our lives. You've got, oh, I'm in Wyoming and I saw a fox. Oh, really? That's pretty good. I played golf this morning. This motherfucker is on a horse in Africa. He's on a horse fighting for his country. Think about how warfare has changed. He literally had a bunch of other guys. They were like charge with fuck. What do they have? Muskets. Yeah. Uh, that's a life. You know, I never thought about the 48 summer Olympics in London. What a celebration that must've been. what a celebration that must have been.

Right. I know. Because Berlin was what? 44 to 40? No, 38? I'm so illiterate. Yeah, I think it was 38. No, it would have been... Jesse Owens in Berlin.

Yeah, that was probably 38. Hitler watching. Had to be 38, right? Yep, yep. 42 was probably canceled. 44 was probably canceled. But London must have... London was decimated. So how did they, how did they erect enough arenas to have an Olympics?

Maybe they weren't as big back then. You jump over the rubble. That's what this guy did. And then the decathlon was just picking up rocks and throwing them. Yeah. And then, yeah, you did what you could. Yeah. Right. I don't know. Yeah. It was like the Olymp was the, like the marathon in the streets and then ending. Was there still a stadium? Yeah. I have a lot of questions. Yeah.

But, uh, what a guy. Also were they scheduled to be in London or were they like, okay, look who won the war. So the good guys are going to get a, you know, it's not going to be in Russia. Actually, Russia won also. What am I saying? It could have been in Russia, but we're going to give it, yeah, London.

I wonder if it was planned or if it was, we've decided after the war was won, we're announcing it's London. I'm going to look that stuff up. Were any of the Axis powers allowed to compete? Was Germany allowed in? Was Austria? Was Austria an ally power? Italy? Japan? Yeah. I mean, the evil Axis was Italy, Japan, and Germany. But yeah, of course. Austria, of course, was already by 48. Like, no, no, we weren't with him, really. He came in.

Yes, we looked the other way a little. Yeah, you've never had a house guest that turned out to be a bad guy? Come on. You try to be hospitable. Yeah. Let's do the funnies. Okay. So, Andy Katz.

And again, the Sunday funnies, it's just a nice way to round out the week. You know, say maybe you're a woman that's worked hard all week, cooking, cleaning, and whatever women do, and now you read the papers, you get to the end, and you want some positive messaging. Here's Andy Cap walking out of his living room. positive messaging. Here's Andy Kapp walking out of his living room. His wife is sitting on the floor and she has circles over her head indicating that she's been beaten. No, Greg, we don't know

that yet. She could have again, like hit her head on the doorknob or something like that. Well, now we know because here's what it says underneath. Quote, where's your manners? When we was carting, you used to take your cap off before you hit me. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. Good one, Flo. He's also killing her with his secondhand smoke. Let's not forget that. He's smoking in the house right in front of her. Yeah. And his fist is still clenched. His fist,

I just noticed that, is still clenched. Wow. She has a big rack. You don't talk about that like you talk about Blondie. I know. And she could use a new man in her life too. Blondie doesn't seem to be leaving Dagwood, but this chick is primed to leave Andy Kapp. I know, and she could use a new man in her life, too. Blondie doesn't seem to be leaving Dagwood, but this chick is primed to leave Andy Capp. I mean, how hard would it be to sweep her off her feet? Hi, nice to meet you. I won't punch you in the face. My car is out front.

Alrighty. All right, this one comes from Hager the Horrible, our favorite Viking rapist. one comes from uh hager the horrible our favorite viking rapist and uh and again so nice for the ladies to have a cup of tea sit on the couch in the living room and have uh there's a king and a queen laying in bed and uh they both are pie-eyed and he says i can't seem to fall asleep and she says me either and then you've got the marauders at their window on a ladder saying, we couldn't sleep either. As they enter the room to rape her.

And him, probably. And him. Yeah, he's kind of, he looks weak. I wonder, Livvy, do you have headphones in? It's like old school. I'm wondering about, all right. So whatever. I'm wondering about man rape back then. Like there, I guess, am I right in saying there was just as many homosexuals back then? I would imagine. Sure.

But clearly you were probably killed, right? I mean, that was probably a very threatening thing. Yeah. Gay bashing was more intense. I doubt gay Vikings flourished, but they were gay and they probably were filled with even more rage than your usual Viking. Yeah. And I'm wondering if they, uh, if they took it out, you know, with the, with the people they conquered. Yeah. I imagine it was like, it was bedlam, you know, they stormed the castle, they ran inside,

everybody grabbed a Turkey leg and some gold and you start raping a girl. And if, and in the, in the confusion, I fucked fucked a guy i didn't i didn't know we were moving so fast it's dark it was a night raid yeah and but also maybe they maybe they looked away away the other way a little bit like there's the turkey leg and all the usual rape and the pillaging and then they're like they get to the boat and like, Eric, Eric's a little late. You know, he's always a little late to the boat. We don't know where he goes, but, uh, he could be with the husband. Right. Or Eric shows up late on purpose. Cause then all the women are being raped and there's nobody left. So he has to use a guy just, you know, cause I want to, I want to send a message. Oh guys, I told you to wait. You always do this.

I'll take the dude. They're like, Eric, the sloppy eights is right. Right, right. My daughter's in the room. Oh, boy. I see family circus. Yeah, not again. I don't even know why.

All right. So, again, this is today's. I don't even know why. All right. So again, this is today's I don't, I'm not cherry picking these. Uh, okay. It's little boy, uh, doing connect the dots. He's at a desk. The girl is curiously like, it looks like she's humping him from behind. It is weird. It's a little weird. This drawing the way it's angled because it's almost like at a at a what are those like architect table yeah an architect table that's big and angled there's a word for those tables i forget but anyway drawing table something like that so she is talking to him and giving him advice because he has the pencil. And she goes, after 10 comes 19 because the dots are numbered as they all are and connect the dots.

Next is 11. Very good. Now to 16, then 25, 20, 17, dot, dot, dot. So I don't get this and he's drawing he's drawing the figure but it doesn't look like anything because he's clearly going out of order he's not doing it correctly so both children are idiots even her but counting i guess his age I can't even believe I'm expending this much energy on this. The youngest kid knows how to count, and usually they know what numbers look like, but that's maybe his excuse. Her?

Yeah, it doesn't make sense. There's no character development. If you're going to do comedy, you have two different people, and they're different from each other. And in that conflict, you have two different people and they're different from each other. And in that conflict, you find comedy. You don't have two of the same dumb kids doing something wrong. You know who hasn't connected the dots is Bill and Jeff Keen. And these are the dots, like a setup and then a punchline. Some comedic, something of comedic value, some little surprise maybe. That's your job.

It's your job. You're getting paid for it. And I love that his writing was, after 10 comes 19. Then he thought, next is 11. Is 11 funny? Good, now 16. Like, he, there was this,

anytime you end your punchline with dot, dot, dot, you've given up. Also, couldn't you, maybe she's doing it. Cause she,

she's trying to mess them up, but there's no indication. Like maybe she's seeing a drawing. Like it could be something like it spells I'm dumb, or it's just a big penis or something. But like, and I was, she could be playing a joke on him because he's he just has to trust her nothing like that is in here nothing like that let's just not even give it more time oh my god they're criminal it's criminal behavior yeah putting a family circus every week day you

know it's not a crime blondie it is a crime in a way because the things I do to myself, when I first seen, as always, shitbag Dagwood is laying out on the couch, not even facing, facing the back of the couch, sleeping. Like, first of all, have you seen the strips where he's at work? He snoozes at his desk. What does he got, nar narcolepsy does he have low blood pressure what the fuck is with dagwood so this this piece of shit's taking a nap and then

blondie comes in she's got on a black velvet skirt cut off at the knees and again i don't need to talk about the bowling pin calves that she's got. Arms on her hips. And she says, I thought you were going to unclog the bathroom sink. Dagwood, without the decency to turn his head and look at his fucking wife, says, I've already started. I'm busy visualizing myself unclogging it, which is basically like turning around and giving your wife the finger. Yeah.

Then out of frame, she says, can you visualize this deer? And now he swoops off the couch. She's grabbed him by the neck, apparently. Yes. And yanked him off the couch. He's flying off the couch. And then the final frame is him under the sink with a screwdriver saying i sure didn't see that coming i did i saw it coming for the last fucking 30 years that i've been reading this strip this chick has been putting

up with you she's codependent she's a fucking doormat She found a loser and she finally snapped. God bless her. Yeah. I hope that this is a real change. I thought it was maybe an analogy for their love life that she needed a little unclogging in her plumbing. Yeah, that's right. There's a lot of hair in there. Too much hair in this fucking brain. I'm glad they can't hear you. There's a lot of hair in there. Too much hair in those fucking

brains. I'm glad they can't hear you. That's one thing listeners should know, that they can't, because of headphones, they can't hear Gregory. By the way, I don't know how many people are still listening. I looked on Libsyn, which is our host. You can look and you can see how many people listen to the podcast. And minute by minute, how many people are still listening from the beginning through the end? Really? Guess how many people are listening. And this isn't just us. I've talked to other podcasters.

Guess what percentage of listeners are still listening by the end? Seven. 20. We lose 80. 80% of the people never hear the Sunday funnies. That's all right. We should maybe quit earlier. Maybe we should.

Do you think it's an accurate thing? I don't know. I'm going to talk to the guy from Lipson and find out because if it is, we need to flip this fucking show around. Well, they're going to miss this view. They're going to miss this. Oh, look at that. I can't see it, but in there, but I'm pointing it that way. That's beautiful.

There's some really nice stuff going on out there. Yeah. All right, Michael, enjoy the rest of your vacation. Thank you, man. What are you going to hit on the way back? I'm jealous. Thank you, man. What are you going to hit on the way back? Well, we decided to stay this extra night. We were supposed to have left today, but the girls wanted to stay, which is not bad because we would have had to drive after school, which means I'm doing a lot of driving at night, which I don't mind. I sounded like an 80-year-old. The problem with driving at night here is you just see tons of dead animals on the side of the road. Right.

Deer that you hit. And if you hit those going 75 miles an hour, it is no bueno. So anyway, we're leaving tomorrow morning, stopping in Utah, halfway point, somewhere around St. George-ish, probably a little north near Zion, and then doing the ride home to L.A. the next day. Sunday we get home, Sunday evening. Okay.

I love it. All right. Safe trip. Thank you, man. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you to Midcoast Media, Chris Denman, Beth Hoops, who do all of our producing, editing, publishing. You do a great job. And we'll catch you guys next week.

Take this paper, stick it into your boots because you're cold. Insulate your boots with it. I'm just showing some scenery before we go out here. And say goodbye to Wyoming. All right. There it is. God bless. All righty, man.

Take it easy. See ya. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. We are listening anyway. Mike rides on the handlebars. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday papers. Taking the news of the day. They don't let facts get in their way.