Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 36 11/8/20

Episode Date: November 8, 2020

New president- same Sunday Papers! Magic mushrooms and Exorcism in Portland and, as always, Florida Man comes through big.  

What the what? Read about it. Listen about it. Talk about it. We got a new president, Mike Gibbons. We got a guy named Joe Biden, apparently. Is he a new president? President-elect. I guess. What makes that official? It's almost like if you're engaged, calling yourself a husband-elect.

Yeah. Or a divorcee-elect, depending how long range your plans are. Wait a minute, though. I'm wondering, is like there's going to be recap. Like, obviously, he's been whatever it is. He's been projected, projected. He's just the projected president elect. No. Well, legally, I mean, usually I think I don't want to rain on your liberal Venice parade, Greg. Do I have glitter in my hair still? I walked around my neighborhood this morning.

I walked the dogs. And, of course, we found out at, what did you say, 8.38 a.m.? I think it was like 11, in the 11.20s East Coast time. Because this is what's amazing. Just briefly, I want to get back to your dog walk. Yeah, it's a really good story. Right now it's 130, right? Yeah. And I think it came in five hours ago.

Horns have not stopped where I am right now. I could walk out with this. It's constant horns. Keep going. All right. Back to the dogs. I got texts from with this. It's constant horns. Keep going. All right. I got texts from a few different friends in New York, one in Brooklyn, one uptown and one downtown. All like you think horns there. You can hear screaming and horns and people panhandling. And I Trump supporters don't turn this podcast off now because I actually have a lot of problems with it.

So just we're not going to gloat because that's the problem I have. And this isn't going to be painful to listen to except a couple of painful truths. But we do that every week. I walked around this morning with my dog and I walked past. And again, we're the west side of L.A. It's pretty, pretty solidly happy about Biden being elected. There were two different porches of people with champagne out drinking and screaming as I walked by. And I felt so many different emotions about this. Interesting. But the main one being relief. And while walking my dog, I started crying like for half the walk. And I was like, because I just felt like. Because you can't drink anymore. I felt like I can't drink anymore. I

can't fuck that girl who was probably half drunk on the porch. That would have been that would have been the weak calf in the herd. I would have singled out in my younger days. Wait, how did you how do you have such a keen instinct picking out the girl drinking at 8 in the morning on her porch? You really can scan the herd and get them when other people can't see it. Spilling champagne on her beer belly. I don't know. That was kind of a tell. Free Lays today.

T-shirt that says free lays today that's the one you zeroed in on a pin that says i'm into old guys so so i start crying and all i can think is all these liberals are gonna look at me and go like you fucking trump supporter but what it was is that I have felt like I just ran a four year race and I'm fucking exhausted and I'm stumbling across the finish line. And if Trump had won, it would have been like they would say to me, OK, one more time, do it again. And I just I don't know that I had it in me. I don't you know, I don't want to overstate it, but I really I was so relieved by it. And I think I also was so sad that half of the country feels so different about it.

It just made me sad. Yeah, I I think both sides are exhausted, actually, like not especially exhausted from watching these results. Everyone is. It doesn't matter who you are. But also and I imagine the right is even more exhausted from watching the results, because I remember watching them when all I would play out were scenarios of of how in the losing position we the math could could make it win. You know what I mean? Like it could come out on my side. And then also thinking about recounts and the history of recounts and being disappointed that they never really moved the needle that much.

So they must be exhausted too. Yeah, I don't know. Did you – one thing. Well, what were your emotions? What did you feel when you found out? Was it immediate? Did it kind of not sink in? Were you like, how did you feel? I do a weird thing and I'm not trying to be funny, but it is funny, I guess. But like, I have a weird relationship with joy. So I think part of it is I hate to do this stuff like stereotypes, but part of it is that Irish thing like, okay, this, this is just a temporary insanity where I'm feeling good about things. I'll, I'll be back to devastation shortly. And, uh, so I started to poke holes in it. Yeah. Uh, you know, um, you know, I don't, I don't I don't know what this these. Here's a good

question. Why can't Trump load the court now? Well, he has. He's no, no, no. Why can't he put five more in there right now in the Supreme Court? Yeah. Why would he want to? They've got a two person majority right now. Would Trump win one seven over two? Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. I mean, the next 10 weeks are going to be he just fired three major players. Yes. I think one of them was a cabinet member. And, you know, who knows what he's going to do? Some of it's over environmental policy. One of them is over the health care, the stockpile of nuclear weapons. Oh, yeah, I saw that. I saw that.

So anyway, listen, that's probably not a good example of poking holes, talking about loading the Supreme Court, because there's probably a reason he can't do that. But I just kind of went to also I saw the footage outside the White House and there were a lot of people like dancing and dancing for the cameras and putting their signs. And I hated them. Yeah. That was a genuine feeling I had. I'm like, I hate that person dancing there. And I guess what I immediately did was I looked at it through the right's eyes

and this would infuriate me. Yeah. And, you know, did you see, I was comforted by Stan Hope. Do you see Stan Hope's tweet? No. It kind of captured it for me. Where was it? Hold on.

I just took a picture of it, I think. So Stan Hope's tweet was, remember, if you voted for Biden, and by the way, he wrote this last night. Remember, if you voted for Biden because he promised to bring people together, try not to talk shit on Twitter to those voted against, who voted against. I know sportsmanship doesn't sell tickets, but give decency a shot. And I'm not even high, just tired. No, that's how I feel about it. I really feel like I'm not going to watch the news for a couple of months because it's going to be ugly. And I feel like, you know, mission accomplished. We got we got in the guy that I wanted. And I feel like it's porn. Politics has become pornography. People are addicted to it. porn. Politics has become pornography.

People are addicted to it. They're getting off on it. You know, they get to get angry. They get to get enraged. They get to get excited. Everything's salacious. And you get off on it. And people sit down.

Instead of watching a movie at 8 o'clock at night, you put on either Fox News or MSNBC. And you sit there and you jerk off to them, you know, saying horrible shit about the other side. And that's just got to stop. It's not, you know, this this whole focus on politics as entertainment has to stop. It's politics. It should be taken very seriously and it should be taken in moderation and it should be taken in from multiple angles.

So, you know, that you're not just fucking echoing in your little in your little echo chamber right i don't know it'll be very interesting there's no predicting like like the virus there's no predicting the winners and losers by the way of course the almost everybody loses but what i'm saying is it's just weird. Even like economists can't predict things like shitty restaurants that happen to have a big parking lot or outdoor space are now killing it. You know what I mean? Like there's no, whenever there's a new technology,

it's even impossible to predict winners and losers when there's bit news, this big, it's so hard now, like for instance, might the side effect of this be more than ever conspiracy theories? Because Trump would just publish conspiracy theories and just flat out untruths all the time. Now you've taken that away. Now Democrats are going to control, for the most part, that narrative. So where does all that go? Because clearly they were selling conspiracy theories were selling. So what does that look like going forward? Like,

you know, I don't know when I was watching coverage, which I, which I don't watch a lot, right. I cannot watch Rachel Maddow. God bless her hard worker, all that. So smug. I just was like, you're like, I almost want to lean right watching you just because you're so obnoxious and so self-satisfied and like and stop trying to be so funny. It's like, just please to be Jon Stewart and Jon Stewart wanted to be her. And at some point they became each other. Yeah. It's you know, he became more political and more serious and she became more humorous. And they both have the same dry, condescending tone. And so I just want same thing. And so I just want I think my hope would be, God, are there other are there tons of people on the right who think the exact same thing? Give me a journalist who really is not going to engage in hyperbole, who is going to actually be truthful to be truthful. I don't have to finish that sentence. And so it's not really a matter of sides. It's just trying as best as they can. Because when I see someone on the left, give shout outs to the right, have a sympathetic sort of ear or a critical thinking regarding news from the left, it warms my heart. When I see someone on the right, and occasionally it's like, you know, Chris Wallace, or someone like that on the right. And occasionally it's like, you know, Chris Wallace or someone like that on the right who occasionally does the same thing with the left. That warms my heart. And it actually comforts me because I don't listen. Of course, there's probably like subtleties and unconscious,

but I just feel a little comforted that maybe the truth is being put first. You know what I mean? Well, I think that the vitriol of the Trump campaign towards the end opened the door for Biden to just go high and to just say, everybody's unhappy. Everybody's angry. I'm going to be the president for everybody. I'm going to bring people together. I'm going to unite. And so many people, I'm not saying that's what won in the election, but it helped. I think there was a lot of people, if they were at all undecided, I think they gravitated toward, I want some normalcy. There's a pandemic going on. There's racial strife. There's, as we know, all these things going on. And I think that they didn't want a leader on top of that, who was going to make even more drama.

But I know when I found out, I woke up in the morning and it had just happened. And my first instinct was, oh, let me go put on CNN. And then I went, no, stop, stop. Just fucking take it in as an individual. And I let myself sit there and process all the feelings that I had and make my own opinions and have my own takeaway without having a bunch of pundits tell me how to feel. And then you were like, listen, T.O., I'm just going to grab my old lady dogs and go out for a good cry. That's how I'm going to process this. I am going to throw a move on my wife.

She's going to shut me down, and I'm going to walk two cute dogs until I see drunk girls on a porch. No wonder you were crying. I didn't know you had just been rejected so badly. You know me. I'm a crier. I cry. And I came home, and I sat down next to my wife and i started crying

again and she goes you feel so much and i just looked around i go you don't feel anything you got her you nailed her she probably feels it when you're crying on her back when your tears are hitting her back yeah when you're throwing a move on her. We've been texting with my son in Chicago. He said they shut down all the bridges and the trains in Chicago. Of course. My joke is that happens almost every Saturday in Chicago, or it should. Yeah.

Yeah, so how do you think this plays out?'s Saturday at a one 45. What, what, what do we think goes on this, just this coming week? I think that there's not going to be the groundswell of protests that people were afraid of. I think when you lose an election and it's very clear to anybody who's sane that not only did he win Pennsylvania, but he's got substantial leads in three other states. And this is a done deal. He could end he could end up with so many more electoral votes that it's going to look almost like a landslide by the end. Oh, no, I think. And, you know, I was saying this a couple of days ago, like I was just there's a couple of people who I trusted,

like with numbers. And I'm like, I think he's going to win by over a hundred electoral votes. Yeah. It looks like it. And, uh, and I think, like I never were you like this way. Oh, that's another reason I didn't cry like you today. So pathetically is two days ago, I completely accepted he was going to get Nevada and Arizona. Now in the end, I might be wrong, but my point is I was fully under that impression. He didn't need Georgia or Pennsylvania. So I've

been like just incredibly relaxed about it. I haven't. I mean, based on what happened four years ago and based on what happened in 2000, I did not sleep last night and I woke up in the middle of the night. I haven't slept in a week. And wow. Yeah. I mean, but it's all the crying. It's been all the crying. Oh, my God. When's the last time you cried? What's that? When's the last time you cried? You know what? Election Day. I drove. I was driving to the polls. So my oldest was working a like 14 hour shift. And then we were going to my sister's. Huh? As a poll worker. just thought it was a great American feeling. And I remember, by the way, so I worked in election in the 90s in New York City. Judges, I don't feel should be elected. But anyway, they do,

some judges in New York. So I ran a campaign. I worked with this kind of famous Upper West Side guy who just lives, breathes. He's a political animal. And he asked me to meet him for breakfast at 5 a.m at some deli and that was going to be the beginning of our huge day and uh and i get in there i'm gonna give him a shout out it was this guy jay rabinowitz and he was awesome i can't believe i don't forget everyone's name i don't remember this guy's name and he was just like uh i've never he was so like typical new yorker just racked with anxiety and all that. And I've never seen him look calmer and sort of happier. And we didn't even know if we were going to win. And he was just like,

this is my favorite morning ever. Like this is just, it happens a couple of times a year, usually once and then big ones every few years. But this is election day. He's like, do you know how many people die for this? Do you know how many people would be right now on planet earth willing to die? And it was just so romantic. And I carry that around with me. And now my oldest daughter's at a polling place. And now this story will lose a little steam, but I then was alone in the car driving. I see people out and NPR then, well, I want to say blast. Clearly, I'm the one that blasted it. But all of a sudden, Springsteen's Born to Run is on my radio on NPR or like KCRW, our NPR out here.

And I just cranked it. I'm like, you know, that's a rare one. Like, you don't hear like a Rolling Stone. Like, they don't usually, and especially KCRW doesn't play Born to Run. And usually it's some Cuban transsexual bongo player. Right. Or some crazy outtake from one of his albums. Yeah.

And I just thought, even though I can't explain it, that it was kind of special. And, you know, and I've seen a lot of what Springsteen said recently just about the process and democracy. And I got pretty choked up. That's a long answer. But that was Tuesday. And and, you know, music can do that to you also. So Tuesday, I realized because I thought, again, I was pretty confident. But and by the way, falsely so, I thought I thought it would be wouldn't be this close. But I realized how much I was walking around with.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, there's a lot. I mean, I think it's a really good time to work out. And, you know, it's a good time to get together with friends, socially distanced and share and talk. You know, we're all carrying around a lot on both sides. Everybody is. And to answer your question, I don't think this week is going to be that dramatic. I think there'll be a couple isolated incidents. There was those two lunatics in a Hummer that showed up in Philly with guns. Yes, I know. And they had QAnon. I mean, there's QAnon people out there. But you know what? There's one in Congress. In the scheme of things, I hope they don't over-report it and make it a big issue because it's not a big issue. There's a couple of wingnuts out of 300 million people shouldn't dominate the headlines because

it just causes more of it. I just wish, I would hope the left can lay low a little, be good winners. No need to rub it in their face. This is far from a big statement for the left. If anything, it's rather disturbing how close it was. So also lay low because you're just giving them something instead of looking at all the facts that are going to emerge this week and maybe especially a desperately needed attention placed back on the virus. You're giving the right all this fuel. Yeah. Don't fuel them.

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And then send Greg all your boner pics. Oh, by the way, shout out. Awesome song today from Lawrence Tarpey. I mean, the production value, the amount of I mean, this was a wall of sound. I love aggressive. It was aggressive. It was it woke me up. I mean, that's in the running at a certain point. We may lock in on one theme song. And this is definitely on the short list uh also the logo from george from germany gs artworks is uh really fucking cool that one's worth saving maybe that's maybe that's

our t-shirt i'm not sure but we appreciate you guys sending stuff in keep it coming again fitzdog radio at gmail.com for any for any artwork or music you want to send us. Corrections. As you know. What? No, go ahead. As you know, we once in a while stray from fact in our effort to entertain. You guys pick up on it.

You correct it. We got one here from, I'm not going to say who it's from because he's an employee. We said that we badmouth Costco and how they treat their workers. In fact, Costco is unionized and well-paying. I looked it up. Pay starts at $14 an hour with automatic raises. 401k with 50% company match. Medical, dental, vision, up to one week of vacation after first year of employment, one week added for every year of service, up to four weeks, and one week of sick and personal time. That's about as good as it gets for a job you don't need a fucking master's degree for. And a free bag of 80 avocados that are going bad.

You just take them home on a Friday. Yeah. You go to the loading dock, and this guy, Jimmy, he wears a mask. It's not for Corona. He's hiding his identity. Who? Are you the 18 gallons of maple syrup? Okay, here you go.

And you're the 40 pounds of pine nuts. Here you go. All right. So. Well, I don't think we badmouthed them. I think we said that the monkeys were. I think we said monkeys were working at Costco because of that monkey Thai water, Thai coconut water story. Coconut water.

Now, I did make some comment about how they treat the monkeys better. This one comes from Brian G., who says, I was listening to the podcast, and you guys were discussing the danger of releasing water from Fukushima plant into the ocean. I'm a PhD nuclear engineer with a background in radioactive waste recycling and waste disposal policy. Solid brag. Solid brag. Okay, go ahead.

When it comes to dump, I'm an English major. When it comes to dumping wastewater from the plant into the ocean, you shouldn't focus on how much water is being disposed, but rather how much radioactive contamination is contained in the water. He's a nerd alert. Yeah, he's a nerd alert. Anyway, he's saying it's the quantity of carbon-14, and they're not particularly high in this one,

considering how diluted it is. It happens all the time, and even with the consumption of fish in the region near the plant, there hasn't been any adverse effect on humans. So, that's good. He also says, anyway, thanks for the podcast. I always listen until the end because I'm not a quitter. Plus, Blondie is a babarama Lincoln.

P.S. Fuck the English. All right. Yeah. Ph.D. Good wordplay there. Yeah. A little bit of a let's get to the front page.

Are we doing are we doing the news today? 30 minutes in, we're finally hitting some news. Five people surrounding Donald Trump, including his chief of staff, Mark Meadows, have come down with a little thing called COVID. Yep. Just when he thought it was over. Is that it? You're not reading anymore? Trump campaign staffers told CNN they're furious because the leadership in the campaign never sent out an email

informing staff of the positive cases or cautioning them to stay home for the time being. Meadows was in the office multiple times this week without a mask. I believe he was also on Air Force One Monday and Tuesday with Melania, Tatiana, Janana, whatever his family's names are. Well, I heard Tuesday he was in the East Wing for their celebration party, and everyone was in there without masks.

Of course. Of course. Yeah. So don't worry. With all these, I just got, as I'm sitting here, I just got some alert. Massive gatherings across the U.S. became like. So don't worry. The left the left is going to be riddled with this disease by Wednesday. Now, it's true. The left is a little hypocritical about not gathering when there's.

But I think they're a little more vigilant about wearing masks at these. Yes. But thanks. the distancing is not happening. I mean, it's just not. Right. Speaking of which, you want to talk about Sturgis? Sturgis update. Doctors fear more death as Dakotas experience virus sorrow. North and South Dakota have the nation's worst rate of deaths per capita over the last 30

days. The Republican governors of both states have derided government orders to help halt the outbreaks, leaning on ideals of limited government. South Dakota reported, it's a small number, South Dakota reported a 98% increase in the last 30 days. The region started experiencing a steep climb in cases after the Sturgis motorcycle rally in South Dakota that drew nearly 500,000 people. And as infection numbers increase, the doctors said it becomes harder and harder to control the spread. On a tour of Bismarck, North Dakota on October 26th last week, Deborah Bricks, actually a week and a half ago,

Deborah Bricks, the White House Coronavirus Response Coordinator, shook her head at what she found, saying she saw less use of masks than anywhere else she's been in the country except the White House. That was my joke at the very end. But she really did say that. And this is the week of Halloween. You would think there'd be some mask wearing. Exactly. No helmets still, no masks.

But yeah, it turns out that it might have been a mistake to gather at Sturgis. And they keep talking about, well, there's more reporting because there's more testing. No, this is deaths. This is the deaths have gone up by 98%. Yes. So, you know, Sturgis is ground zero for the biggest outbreak of COVID. And we saw it coming. And they said, I don't know.

I want to, you know what I should have done? I'm very remiss. I should have also checked the motorcycle accident report. Oh, right. I want to see, I want to see if people, because if you're on a hog, you'll probably stop in Sturgis, even if the festival's not going on, if you're kind of going across the country or something. Although it's winter now. A lot of the accidents might be from people that are just fever, they're fever phased and they're coughing.

So they fall off the bikes. Yeah. So I'm going to check that. I'm going to check the accident log anyway. All right. Here's a fun story with a happy ending. Happy ending story. A medical helicopter transporting a heart from Grossman Hospital for a transplant crashed on the helipad of a Los Angeles area hospital on Friday. The helicopter flipped onto its side after experiencing a hard landing on the roof of Keck Hospital of USC. Three people on board, the pilot and two medical personnel, escaped without major injuries. escaped without major injuries. The helicopter was carrying a heart from Sharp Grossman Hospital, according to helicopter service provider,

and they went ahead and the heart transfer worked. What do you call it? Transplant worked. They put the heart in the guy. The guy wakes up like, holy shit. What the? Did we? It's constantly at that high rate. Yeah, right.

And it's also, there may be some infection with the oil splatters and the metal shavings that got into the cooler, the heart cooler. Oh, man. It would be funny if the pilot had died and they're like, well, the heart got contaminated, but we got a fresh one. We got a fresh one for you. Yeah. You have your choice of three. Actually, it's a little like a little igloo cooler that you can even hear the heart beating outside of going crazy, bouncing off the ice. You want a small, medium or large?

Bouncing off the ice. You want a small, medium, or a large? Well, that is a happy ending story in a way. Yes, it is. Of course it is. You know what's happy, too? International news. Ooh. Oranges.

Oh, no, we're not doing that one. Rooster. Let's talk about this rooster. Okay. A police officer in the Philippines was killed this week after a fighting rooster slashed him during a raid on an illegal cockfighting den. Are there legal cockfighting dens? That's interesting, yeah.

I don't know. Stopped the spread of the coronavirus. There was a commotion. The spectators scampered away. And when the dust cleared, Officer Bollock tried to pick up one of the birds, but he didn't notice that it still had bladed spurs on. They typically have a razor-sharp steel blade called a gaff attached to their legs. And he grabbed one and it slashed him. And he died. Whoa.

Yeah. What, did he bleed out? Yeah, he bled out. He hit that major artery on the inside of your thigh. I wonder if the roosters know. Like, roosters get in fights, right? And I know these are bred to fight or like conditioned. So it knows when it claws someone like a bear or whatever. But like, has it put together? Oh my God. When they, when they put these uncomfortable things on, I really tear up my opponent.

Like. I don't know. really tear up my opponent like i don't know i think i think they jack these cocks up with meth and uh you know i'm sure they give them drugs to make them just go fucking berserk and i think they claw at whatever comes near them they're in a heightened state but um look, I've had a cock on my leg for 54 years. Worst I ever got was a heat rash. So I can't really relate. You ever get one of those? A heat rash from your cock? No. I'm proud to say I have not. What about that time I was crying and you held me for like 20 minutes? I thought that was from all the tears because they were all over me. But maybe it was your cock, I guess.

Mom, I was happy to see there was no blade attached to it. It does get in a highly aroused state when I do meth. This could be the new event, though. They have cockfights, but really it's just a setup for a cop to show up, and then they bet on the cop versus the cock. I thought you were going to say, and you always have an erection when you're in a Philippine den. Den, by the way, is that the right word?

A den is such a relaxing vibe here. I know. But a cockfighting den? I don't know. Can't you just have a big screen TV and like, you know, good music? Yeah. Shag carpeting and an L-shaped sofa. But in other places, you know, you go to China, a den is an opium den. In the Philippines, it's a cockfighting den. A den of thieves. Den of thieves from the Old Testament. Good poll, Mike. Yeah. I cockfighting den. A den of thieves. Den of thieves from the Old Testament. Good poll, Mike. Yeah. I'm wondering like den. Yeah. I like we should. I wonder what the etymology, the full etymology of den is because we've probably typically of Americans

were like, uh, no, we're going to use den in a totally different way. Yeah. We got it. It's kind of like the metric system. Oh, you do it by tens. Nah, we're going to do 12. Right. Right. Oh, everyone's doing Celsius. No, thanks. We're going to do Fahrenheit, which is an impossible equation, not an easy one like to convert. It's like a lot of math from your stupid Celsius. We're Americans. We do things our own way. Yeah. We're going to, you know, the one smart thing America really did, though, is. I'm dying to know what.

Well, we colonized, obviously, North America. And we fought some wars against the Spanish and the French and the Canadians. And we carved out a little piece. But then we didn't go overboard colonizing around the world. You know, we grabbed Hawaii. We're like, we love, we love this place. We'll take it. And other than that, we kind of took Puerto Rico, but we weren't like the British where we went,

now we got to go fucking everywhere, spread yourself thin, and bring down the whole empire. We didn't do that. Is it Guam? What was the, there's another one there's one in the south pacific yeah guam guam we have a deal with we use their uh we use them as a military base and we test all our weapons there and i think in return i think what it was there's this book called uh rule by secrecy about the cia called Rule by Secrecy about the CIA. And they basically went to all these third world countries and they said, you need a highway. You need a dam. And so we would give them massive loans with horrible rates. And then we knew that they would falter on the loan. And then we step in and we go, we'll let you slide, but we're going to throw some missiles on your peninsula.

Is that cool? Oh, it isn't? Okay, then we need the fucking money. All right, good. That's what China has done with almost all of South America. Did you know? And Africa. Huh?

And Africa. Yes. So this is an amazing thing. So China, unlike us, is very is much more into long term planning. And one of their long term plans was vetted out that we're going to run out of food. China is like they're not going to be able to feed because their population is so massive. So where can we get food? And then the direct shipping lane is from South America, the west side of South America.

So they went in and they started again. They did it through dams. They did it through all these projects that they desperately need money. They'd loan the money. And of course, they default. They'd even loan them again to help bail them out. Kind of like a casino will lend, you know, a gambler, a diseased gambler more money. And the hole gets deeper. and now China owns them. Yeah. So I guess we've colonized and we've morphed what colonization is. And it's more like occupation and economic just strangling.

Anyway. I wish China would buy Florida. Has anything happened there lately? There's a couple of news stories. It's time for Florida, man. Well, one quick one, a Florida man in Palm beach at the residence mar-a-lago caught his wife scaling the fence on the inside trying to get out that was just today so i wonder what florida man that could be um no here's's another Florida, a real Florida man story. A Florida man thinks, this is the headline, Florida man thinks he hears intruder comma fatally shoots pregnant wife. The shooting happened around 1 30 a.m. Wednesday when the unidentified man said he heard a noise

outside the bedroom door in Stewart, Florida, according to Martin County Sheriff. The man told detectives he wasn't aware that his wife was not in the room, and he went to investigate, of course, in Florida with a handgun. He saw a shape in the hallway and fired one round, and unfortunately, it turned out to be his wife. His wife, who was six months pregnant, was brought to the hospital. She was pronounced dead, but doctors, hold for it, were able to save the baby. That's like the opposite of an abortion. Yes. So even without that detail, because then it gets very fishy for me or suspect, even without that detail. So I've been saying for years, you know, you watch these murder documentaries and all that

stuff. And I think I might even said it when I was a guest on your podcast one time. I think the foolproof way to kill your spouse, especially if you're a woman, is you have to have a gun in the house. You have to be like legal gun owners. I guess you could be illegal gun owners. It doesn't matter. But you have to say there's a noise, there's something in the house. What I imagine this plays out to be is the grumpy husband's like, there's no one. It's the wind. It's like, no, no, no, no. You have to go check. And she's really scared. The key, though, is she calls 911. It would even be good to hear part of this conversation on the 911 tapes.

And then goes downstairs, and she starts saying how absolutely frantically she's afraid. She saw someone suspicious outside that day. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Luckily, he went downstairs. He didn't bring our gun, though. And then she has the gun. And then she goes to the top of the stairs. And when the husband's coming back, she says everything right, which is, who are you? What are you doing? Where's my husband? And then she shoots him right in the head. Yeah. Impossible to prosecute her. You, Mike, sound like a guy who's divorced, who's had all kinds of crazy fantasies.

I got out just in time, Greg. Well, what about the guy in, wasn't there a South African guy with one leg who was a runner who shot his girlfriend while she was in the bathroom. Oh, Pistorius. There's a documentary on him. Yeah. And what was that? He heard a noise in the bathroom, so he shot through the door and she was inside? I forget all the details, but yeah, it didn't add up.

It did not add up at all. No, but yeah. I mean, this is going to be tough for this guy, this Florida man. Once his daughter grows up and she gets pregnant, he's going to be like, all right, honey. Now, your mom, she used to kind of wander around when she got pregnant. Keep an eye on that. Let your husband know if you're going to go get a glass of milk in the middle of the night. Do you mind if I tie a bell to your ankle? Just so I'm going to be shooting in the house a lot.

And I just. Here, I got you another beautiful orange nightgown. It's Dayglo. You'll love it. It turns out I love babies. I do not like moms. So if you could wear some sort of reflective material anywhere, that's not around the baby. So I know where to aim. Yeah.

Yeah. He's that was a clean headshot for sure. I don't know. I want to follow that case. I really want to follow that case. Yeah, yeah. That is amazing they saved the baby, though. Six months old, that thing must have been fucking tiny. Yeah, no doubt. And also, I don't know how it works.

They must not have had much time. Who knows how long she lived, the mom. Right. Yeah, boy. Are we partying tonight, by the way? Is there a party? What's going on? Jesus Christ. I just said we have to lay low. Well, I should gather. Should be a gathering. Social distance gathering. Those are so much fun. All right. What are we doing? Entertainment. Let's do some entertainment oh wait no one thing i want to do is somebody sent me and i apologize i didn't write who sent this but uh it's kind of uh a little graph it's called build a florida man headline and so it gives you a couple words a

blank which you fill in and then another, and then a word and a blank. Anyway, I'm not describing it well. But you build a Florida Man by going, it says Florida Man, and then you take the second digit of your birthday. What's the second digit of your birthday, Mike? It's a one. All right, so slaps. Florida Man slaps. What's your birthday month?

I don't want to say, but I think it's a Wendy's employee. All right. So Florida man slaps Wendy's employee with last number of like, what is the last number of my, of my, my mom's maiden name. And then the last four of my social, is that what this is all about? And what's your dog's name? Is that what this is all about? And what's your dog's name? What's the street address? What's the last one?

Last number what? I don't know what the last number of like. I don't know what that means. I don't know. Just say ketchup bottle. Ketchup bottle. All right. Florida man slaps.

What did we say? Wendy's employee with a ketchup bottle. yeah there you go it writes itself all right entertainment people do it i gotta plug shamelessly fitz dog radio coming up in a couple of weeks. I just had, well, I got a bunch of good guests coming on. Tig Notaro is coming on. Nice. And, um, I've got TJ Miller.

And then I just had David Zucker, the guy that wrote and directed the airplane movies, naked gun movies. I think he was scary. Was he scary movie also? I think he might've been. Really? That's impressive. I did not. Maybe. Legend. Total legend. Was he a scary movie also? I think he might have been. Really? That's impressive. I did not, maybe.

No, maybe not. He did another bunch. Anyway. I don't know. You're the one who just interviewed him. One of my heroes who truly affected my sense of humor as much as anybody, I would say Mel Brooks, Mel Brooks, Bob Newhart, and the Jerky Boys, and maybe David Zucker affected my high school sense of humor the most.

Nice. I mean, this guy, I mean, Airplane, I rewatched it the night before I interviewed him. It is power packed with fucking home runs. So many amazing jokes and some that I'm that I've I've probably seen that movie 15 times. And there was a joke in there that I don't remember having seen before that made me and I had had some edible marijuana, but I had to pause the movie. I was laughing so hard. Oh no, it's rapid fire. It's rapid fire, but they're not jabs. They're not jabs.

They're fucking overhand rights, one after the other. And there's a woman that comes out, there's a stewardess talking to the woman who played Julie Haggerty's character. And she's saying to her, you know, they think they're going to die. The plane's going to go down and the stewardess is crying. and she's saying to her you know they think they're going to die the plane's

going to go down and the stewardess is crying and she's saying I just feel like you know my life is going to end and I never really lived it and I'm alone and I'm not married and she's and Julie Haggerty's calming her down and then a passenger comes up and she says she says uh uh my husband's really sick I'm worried about him. Is there anything we can do? And the flight attendant said, we're doing our best. You know, we're hopefully we have a new pilot now and we'll send something over for your husband. And she goes, this is just this is just so this is just so terrible. You know, I feel like, you know, I'm going to die now. And, you know, I have children.

She goes, well, at least I had a husband. By the way, so our producer, Chris, just sent scary movies, all of them. Naked Gun, Kentucky Fried Movie. He's involved in all these. Dude, Kentucky Fried Movie. Do you remember? I remember seeing that years ago. There is a scene.

Hold on. Wait. Chris wrote more. Votes not counted yet. Illegal votes. Why does he go on with all the fraudulent election? Whatever. All right.

Thanks, Chris. At Chris Denman on Twitter. He is, or I think it's at Chris Denman QAnon. I think it's just at Chris Denman on Twitter. He is, or I think it's at Chris Denman QAnon. No, I think it's just at Chris Denman. So anyway. Kentucky Fried Movie. Kentucky Fried Movie. There was a scene.

It's a bunch of sketches. And this one guy, he's at, and now, you know, the amazing Melendez. He has no fear. He takes on any adventure he looks at it he conquers it he walks through it and he's putting on a helmet and he's got on like an evil knievel suit and he walks into the ghetto and there's uh like five black guys throwing dice and he walks into the middle of them and he screams the n-word and then he starts running can you imagine and he screams the N-word and then he starts running. Can you imagine? That's hysterical.

It's crazy. And I mean, there's bits like that throughout the Kentucky Fried Movie. It is fucking out there. It's super funny. Oh, yeah. But it could never get made today. Airplane couldn't get made today. No, the basketball tropes and stuff. Forget it now. Yeah, I don't think so. All right. So

more entertainment. Chappelle's hosting SNL tonight. Oh, awesome. You know, he hosted it the week after Trump was elected the first time. And remember what he famously said? What'd he say? Let's give him a chance. Right. Right. Which he has nothing to apologize for. I guess a bunch of people did. But it'll be interesting if he does a follow up to that. Yeah. They've had back to back. They had Bill Burr, Chris Rock, who was last week, John Mulaney. Yeah. And now Chappelle. That's a fucking power November.

October. Was Chris Rock? Maybe I missed that one. Yeah. Chris Rock. Oh, no, no, no. I saw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember. Yeah, yeah. I watched it. Awesome monologue. Really strong. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A little bit of like a history lesson. Yeah. On voting and stuff. Yeah. So you watched all of the Queen's Gambit. I started it this week. I watched it all. I might watch it again. It makes me want to play chess. It makes you want to play chess. And it's so refreshing because I've been watching so many dark dramas and so many documentaries about killing. And to watch a show that is has solid drama. But, you know, there's a scene at the beginning. I'm not a spoiler alert, but like she goes in, she's she's being taught how to play chess by the janitor at the orphanage that she grew up in. And she's about maybe 11.

Nine. Nine. And she goes down to the basement where the janitor is all alone in a dark basement. Maybe she's 11. And you're just like, no, no. And then he teaches her chess. And you're like, oh, my God, thank you. Exact same thought.

Yeah. So that's a good spoiler. my God, thank you. Exact same thought. Yeah. So that's a good spoiler. You don't have to look through your eyes. It's a great series. Check it out. What is it on? Amazon? It's on Netflix.

I think it's a Netflix original. Okay. Now, also, there's an interesting scene again. This is first episode. I'm not giving anything. And this is a minor detail. But, like, the janitor then brings in a high school like, you know, chess coach guy. And basically it's like, hey, I'd like to take her to the high school. But we have a chess club. And the head of the orphanage is like, well, like who else would be accompanying like a woman? Like you think they were thinking that way in the 50s? Because this was in the 50s. woman like you think they were thinking that way in the 50s because this was in the 50s no i don't think they were i think that especially with orphans they felt like

if this kid has any shot of getting out of here we want to give it to them you know you want to take not only that it's like yes a grown adult man and here's an 11 year old girl absolutely please please don't you know do the shallow grave thing it's just done so often it's like cliche at this point can you just do what you're going to say with her which is not you know do the shallow grave thing it's just done so often it's like cliche at this point can you just do what you're going to say with her which is not you know brutally murder and rape her yeah right but uh but no it was all about like i don't know and then he's like i'll get one of my girl students she's a star like she'll look like you know like i'm like i don't think that happened yeah yeah anyway it's great. Check it out.

Anything else? Did you see anything else this week? Yes. I saw it was recommended to me. A horror movie. I watched it last night because I wanted to relax after watching too much cable news. So it's a horror movie called The Dark and the Wicked. I think I paid for it on Amazon Prime.

And I guess it's by this guy, Brian Bertino, who knows what he's doing because the little New York Times blurb was, as he showed us in his masterly 2008 debut, The Strangers, Brian Bertino understands the power in simplicity and the horror in a hush. So this movie, The Dark and the Wicked, I kind of liked it. Yeah? Yeah, I did. Is it so scary you can't sleep? That's another thing I'm worried about.

I used to be such a wimp with scary movies. Like, I always avoided paranormal activity and I just watched those. And I even was thinking of watching one like, like alone, like the other night. And like, I don't know, like my imagination, I think my imagination is getting duller because I'm tolerating these more. Right. I also think the more you're in Hollywood, like writing stuff and being in writers rooms, you you're I'm always paying attention to the script as I'm watching something. So I don't get as lost in it as I would. Oh, I totally am. I remember when I was younger,

like people can ruin it for you pretty like I'm about to. But it's like, no, I'm not going to ruin that movie. But I remember once I forget even what I was, what I was watching. Keep in mind, my mom couldn't be further outside the business, but she's a, she's a pretty smart cookie, but she's, you know, she's a speech therapist. I mean like literally the furthest thing away. But I remember watching something with her and one of the characters like, she's like he's a goner and I'm like what what and sure enough the guy died by the end because he coughed in the first third of the movie yeah yeah yeah and she's like and and she goes well you wouldn't show him cough that that's a conscious decision and I'm like yeah I guess you're right no it's the old thing of like if you put a gun in a scene,

then the gun has to get shot at some point in the movie. Yeah, so when you start doing that, and yeah, you do look at like what's going to be set up and how the twists and the turns and how you're being manipulated. You're right. That does take you out of it big time. You know what I just did now is I plugged my headphones into the computer. I hope there isn't like a bad echo for everything that we just recorded. You do. You do sound a little different. Better now? No worse, but probably not to the people at home. Right.

You think they're home? You think people listen at home to the people at the dog park? Um, I don't know. I was thinking of our home listeners. That's what I call them. at home to the people at the dog park? I don't know. I was thinking of our home listeners. That's what I call them. Yeah. A lot of them have like those old fashioned like chests with the speakers on the doors and they sit around on the floor. And they're in a home, like the home.

Yeah. Right. They're 85. Yeah. That's our audience. The COVID people. Yeah. That's our audience, the COVID people. Yeah. Sports time.

There he goes. Oh, boy. Good week for Mike Gibbons and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I watched the highlights of that game. So I guess that I don't follow football because I'm a Jets fan. I guess the takeaway is even though the Giants have only one, are they like one in six maybe or maybe even one in seven now? I don't know.

Yeah, they're one in seven now. People love that coach, though, is what I gathered. And I guess they've had a series of heartbreaking losses I don't know. Yeah, they're 1-7 now. People love that coach, though, is what I gathered. Yeah. And I guess they've had a series of heartbreaking losses where they played really well. Yes, they've gotten close a bunch of times, and I don't think they deserve their ranking as the second-worst team in the league behind the Jets.

No, but by the way, that can't be after this. That game, they should have won. No, no, they came out this week. But previous to this week, they were the 31st ranked team in the league. But they basically, if you didn't watch the game, it was they played Tampa against the Giants in New York. And my two rules, because I play in a suicide pool every year where you pick one team a week to win. No points. No point spread.

And if that team loses, you're out. And if they win, you go on, but you can never pick that same team twice. So my two rules are never bet with or against the Giants or the Jets because you never know what's going to happen. It's so fucking schizoid. They can be the worst team in the league and beat a good team. They can lose against a shit team. And I never bet, not never, but I really try to avoid

betting on a team when they're on the road. So I knew it would be tight, but it was a 12.5 point spread. And Tampa ended up winning by two points. The only reason they won by two points is with one second on the clock,

the Giants went for the two-point conversion, which they had to, and it got knocked away. It was a great defense. They didn't score. But it was that close to going over the line. A lot of people didn't think it was great defense, right? Oh, was it interference? Well, a flag was thrown. Oh, that's right. And then

picked up. No, I think it ended up being really good defense. It looked like interference. And then the Giants coach was pretty angry. Anyway, so you are now only down $50 after seven weeks. And the bet has been I get Tampa Bay every week with points. Now, at the beginning of the season, I should have said no point spread because at that point, Tampa Bay was ranked at the bottom of the pool. You did say that, by the way, and I said go F yourself. Oh, you wanted the points. Because the spirit of my bet, the whole idea behind my bet was,

my theory is, which has been proven wrong, was that people are afraid to bet against Brady. Right. So what happens is, let's say the real math says Brady's going to lose by two points. The real math says that. But all the betting action is coming in for Brady. Yeah. So what Vegas has to do to try to get equal amount of money on the other side of the bet is they have to keep making the spread bigger against Brady. Yeah. So it's like Brady has to give up four. Brady has. So Brady has to give up five. But the real spread is two or whatever, like, you know. whatever. But clearly I'm wrong.

Yeah, that would work against you. No, that would work for me because I'm getting more points. Brady's giving more points than the math is saying he should because so many people are betting for Brady to win. But when I found out Gronkowski was joining the team with Brady, I was like, this team's going far. And this could be the first year in history that an NFL team is playing in their home city for the Super Bowl

because they pick the city the Super Bowl will be in in advance. And it's never happened that a team ended up playing a home game for the Super Bowl. Could happen with Tampa Bay this year. That's my prediction. Do you want to bet right now? I don't think the Super Bowl happens this year. Yeah, 50 bucks on that. No, no.

I don't think the Super Bowl happens. When is it scheduled? Early February? Early February. Okay. Whatever date it's scheduled for right now, this week, that it's scheduled for in February or whenever, late January, I do not think it's going to happen on that date. All right. 50 bucks.

Oh, Jesus. We're big spenders. Okay. Chris, you got the date on that? Will you give us the date when you get a chance? When you put down that fucking MAGA hat? Stop downloading your recounter app? What's that? Oh, he's saying Biden is not the president-elect. What else? I don't know. I can't even make it up on the fly. Is that a signal? Did you just send a signal out to the QAnon on our podcast?

It's weird. Oh, interesting. All right, so the Saints are coming up this week. Tampa Bay favored by four and a half points. Saints are a good team. We'll see what happens. Hey, I looked it up because you're always so bad, not only with audio, but with research. Like two weeks in a row, you said it was a bye week, and it wasn't at all.

I never said it was a bye week. You did. Two weeks, you're like, I don't think they're playing this week. I'm like, they're playing Green Bay. You're out of your mind. I never once said that. It can be so proven by someone who has the time and the desire to do that. Right.

So anyway, the good news is, I think the line has already changed to four. Oh, interesting. And a half point is a big deal. Yeah. Well, according to your theory, it'll go back up again. Yes, exactly.

According to my theory, it'll go back up again. But it's not a science, but I'll tell you what is. Uh-oh. to my theory it'll go back up again. But it's not a science. But I'll tell you what is. Uh-oh. The science section of the Sunday Papers. Okay.

Is this me? Yeah, it's your story. Oh, okay. Slow down. Let me make it a little bigger to read. Exorcisms, man. So exorcism, they're increasingly frequent, including after the U.S. protests. This month, two Roman Catholic archbishops showed a different face of exorcism, performing the rite at well-attended outdoor ceremonies to drive out any evil spirits lingering after acrimonious protests. So this story we're going to do last. It's crazy. We were going to do this story last

week. So it's aged a little because of all the news this week. But in Portland, Oregon and San Francisco, the archbishops conducted Latin exorcism rites intended to purge the community of evil. One of the archbishops said the exorcism prayers in Latin, remarking that, quote, Latin tends to be more effective against the devil because he doesn't like the language of the church. Oh, my God. Which, of course, made me think like, oh, so Latin gets under the skin of the Lord of darkness. Like, like if you did it in English,

he'd be like, man, right. Not really the same weight. Yeah. Yeah. It's, uh,

you know, you really got to stop and look. I was raised Catholic. The, the president elect of the United States is Catholic. The new Supreme court justice is Catholic. The president elect of the United States is Catholic. The new Supreme Court justice is Catholic. Their fucking institution is sending guys in robes to speak a dead language to get the devil out of a place. Are you fucking kidding me? Here's the weird thing. I was oddly really

comforted that like Trump held a Bible like it was the first time picking it up. Like he didn't even know how to hold it because I'm like, maybe he doesn't believe in literal angels that have wings. That's who I want in the Oval Office. I want a guy who doesn't hear voices and who doesn't talk to imaginary people. and who doesn't talk to imaginary people. Yeah. I was comforted that Trump looked incredibly uncomfortable in front of a church holding a book that is fully made up. That is fully made up, that everybody gets sworn into when they take office.

You put your hand on this book of fiction. If you want me to tell the truth in court, don't give me the Bible to swear on. Give me my Passat owner's manual. And let me put my hand on that. That is filled with facts. The 1040WD oil I should use in the winter, what my tire pressure should be. And you know what?

If something in that book is wrong, the next year, they correct it. They update it. So it's true i think you just will swear on any german book mein kampf which you've done before so volkswagen the people's wagon you're right on it right right um no it's true like i think listen a few hundred years from now you think they'll look back and they'll be like what what? What was up with that? Like, so remember when they were burning witches, you know, up in Salem and like famous play was written about it, like, you know, 200, 300 years later. And like then like they made, you know, it was kind of derided like that's crazy.

Yet they still did the swearing on a but like it's like what how slow is it to let go of fantasy? Yeah, I just saw this. And if these are your beliefs, if these are your beliefs, I'm not insulting you. But our whole country's founded on a separation of that. And I think you can't rely on prayer to fix problems like that's not that's not your paid and elected position in government. It's to use all your humanly resources. Anyway, go ahead. There was a congressman from Florida and there's this great clip of him talking about why we can't have a Muslim as in an elected office in this country because they're not able to get sworn in. How can you get sworn in on a Bible you don't believe in? And I think it was Cuomo who looked at him and he goes, you know you don't have to use the Bible. You can use the Koran.

You can use the Torah. Whatever you believe in, you can choose to get sworn in on. And the guy got fucking blank. And Cuomo was brilliant because he didn't say shit. He let it just stay on this guy who was frozen. And he goes, well, the president got sworn in on it. Like, just tried to change the subject. Yeah. This is a congressman. sworn in on it. Like, just try to change the subject. Yeah.

This is a congressman. It's, please. Anyway, if you're trying to clean out Portland, I don't know about Latin, how about a bar of soap? How about one of those portable showers that you can drive in? How about some scissors to get all the mites out of beards?

Yeah, how about some mini combs and some alcohol? That fucking lice out. You dirtbag hippies. That's, by the way, my favorite. In Once Upon a Time in Hollywood or whatever. Like, fucking hippies. Like, just how angry they were at hippies.

I loved it. Yeah, yeah. There was another. This was in the science section also. Mushrooms were legalized in Oregon. They're known for their hallucinogenic effects, but they may also play a role in the treatment of some mental health issues. So Oregon became the first U.S. state to make psilocybin,

the hallucinogenic compound in magic mushrooms, legal for mental health treatment in supervised settings. That's the foot in the door. What is it? Does a shaman count? What is a supervised setting? Potention in school? I think it has to be a medical doctor. All right.

But they did a study with 24 adults with major depression. They found that two doses of psilocybin led to a large reduction in depressive symptoms. So I don't know. Maybe it's the chemicals and psilocybin. It could be the Grateful Dead albums that they're listening to once they take it. St. Stephen with a rose in and out of the garden. He goes. So, so Oregon has,

Oregon has mushrooms. Everyone's going to be on mushrooms and exorcisms. So I'm sure it'll all go well. I'm sure it'll all go. That seems like the perfect match of a drug and an activity. Can you imagine taking mushrooms and going to an exorcism? They're going to need a lot more exorcisms if mushrooms are legal. That's for sure. This is so typical.

I was in Portland when pot was first legalized, and it was like this tourist destination. They had pot tours where they would take you to different places. You'd go to a coffee shop and they had a back room where you could drink fucking pot-laced tea. And then they'd take you to the place where they, you sell it. Anyway, there was tourists.

And then all of a sudden, so many states legalized it that like the tourism went down. And so now they're like, want to take mushrooms? Welcome back. And then eventually every state will legalize mushrooms and then they're going to be like,

you want to murder somebody? Oregon. We've renovated the back room. It's now a cockfighting den. Remember it used to be a coffee den and reading den? Now it's a cockfighting den. I think, actually, I think Oregon was the only state that legalized euthanasia at one point, right? It might have been.

I mean, it's a progressive state for sure. Progressive except for the fact that they don't have many black people because it was illegal to be black in Oregon for decades. Did you know that? Well, it's funny. You're saying it like it's something someone would elect. Like, hey, what did you do? It looks like you're black. It's illegal to be black here.

So either change it or you're going to jail. Right, right. Don't be black. Stop being black. It's Oregon. Last quick science story, because I know we're running out of time. Nasal spray prevents COVID infection in ferrets, study finds. Scientists at Columbia University developed a treatment that blocks the virus

in the nose and lungs, is inexpensive, and needs no refrigeration. So listen, good news for ferrets. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. And if you know any, especially immunocompromised ferrets or old ferrets, you want to prioritize them and make sure they have this nose spray. On a related note in the business section, less fur hats on the market this year. More, maybe more. If this really works. No, they're not dying. Oh, I see. Right, right, right.

Yeah. I guess I was thinking the farms will be full of thriving ferrets. My roommate in freshman year had a ferret in the dorm and he fucking hid it from the RA for an entire year and he used to give it beer in its dish and it would get drunk and it would do circles. It would just keep doing circles.

Yeah, I don't think wild animals like to be drunk. No. I think they do. I don't think any animals except humans. Horses eat apples that have fermented in the sun, and they get drunk all the time. Cows get drunk on apples. Yeah, and there was a couple of racehorses, right? There's one that would chug a Guinness after his workout or something.

Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Guinness is pretty—it's kind of a little different than beer, regular beer, but I think so. I think I have that image in my head of like literally this horse throwing back a Guinness. And even the horse was like, this shit is too room temperature, dudes. What are you doing? Can someone scrape the foam off this?

This is a little fucking foamy up top um let's get to oh this day in history it's an interesting very interesting coincidence is uh john f kennedy at 43 became the youngest man ever to be elected president of the United States, narrowly beating Republican Vice President Richard Nixon. He was the first Catholic to become president. So on this day, the exact same day that Joe Biden becomes the oldest president in history, Kennedy became the youngest president in history. And beating someone who dabbled in impeachment.

Ah, correct. Nixon not technically impeached, and of course not at that point yet, but he quit right before. I could have sworn Nixon was impeached. It was as a lot of places write about it historically. In the face, this is the line that's always used, in the face of almost certain impeachment, he resigned. Huh. Yeah. And you're not going to have him to kick around anymore.

That's right. So, yeah, and it also came down to the debates, which I think the debates won it for Kennedy because he looked young, charismatic. Nixon showed up and I think he was sweating during the debates, which which looked really people that listen to the debates on the radio thought that Nixon won. People that watch them on TV overwhelmingly thought that Kennedy won. It was incredible. That's like an amazing stat that like all the sort of college professors would pick. But imagine like showing that debate, especially political science class and you're showing debates, and then you show that second to last debate this year with all the screaming. Oh, my God.

Oh, man. Yeah, and I really think that. Everybody's interrupting, I should say. How did Biden get it? Oh, it was it was African-American women got him elected. It was. But I do think the debates had something to do with it, because it's not that Biden scored any points, but he fucking he he rope adoped him. He fucking he he rope a doped him and Trump looked out of control and and Biden was able to project unity and a positivity. And and I think it I think it definitely helped him. He I wouldn't exactly call it rope a dope. I mean, he told him to shut up and he told him, come on, man, a lot of that. And look at this guy. And I, you know, I wish he'd been better, but he's not better. Team Trump knew that. And that was their objective. They they wanted to tickle his his angry side. Yeah. And boy, you're talking about his sons. That's going to do it. You know what I mean? And so they try. But like, you know, my my hope was I think it would have been

the biggest score, if I may say so myself, if Biden at that point where he goes, will you shut up, man? If he instead said, hey, why are you such a bully? Yeah. Holy. Every my every mom would be like, well, what did you just say? Like, I think it would have really scored a lot of points. He also might have mentioned when when Trump went after his son for being an addict. Like, I would think somebody with a brother who died of alcoholism would have empathy for people that have addiction issues. Because didn't his brother drink himself to death? Yes. Well, I don't know. I mean, he was an alcoholic, kind of well known to be one, I guess. I don't know exactly if you could

say that. Yeah. Maybe. Anyway. Hey, you want to ask Amy something, Mike? Do we have time? We don't have to. We can go right. Let's go to the letters because we have a lot of letters I want to get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll do it. It's not a great ask Amy. So yeah, let don't have to. Let's go to the letters because we have a lot of letters I want to get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a great Ask Amy, so yeah. Let's not Ask Amy. Speaking of great, here's a really nice comment. I seem to have a crush on you two from Joan. I think it's Joan. Yeah, two on Joan.

There you go. You know, that's crazy because last like a Joanne did not write in. And I'm like, did we run out of Joanne's? That's right. Usually it's like there's like almost I think there's a Reddit page of Joanne's that think we're sexy. Yeah. So glad it's back again. We also got something from daniel uh willette we talked about the mormons and he said the mormon story made the news a couple years ago about how they i think you mentioned it's called soaking when the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina but yeah i might get by the way that would i'm good use for blue chew there. I think I need some for soaking. If there's no movement and it's just stillness.

I think that's sexier. I like that moment. No, it's sexy, but it wouldn't be nice to have a little help on that, I think. Well, he's saying there was a little help because he says when soaking is happening, they will invite friends to jump up and down on the bed while they're doing it. Yeah. Oh, I like that. And, uh. Well, that's what I've always done.

Whenever there's an earthquake out here, bang, right in. And I soak until the tremor passes. You got to be super quick, though. Yeah, I do it. I used to date an epileptic. And when she had a seizure, man, I was inside that shit fast. I get a pencil in her mouth and a dick in her pussy. That's how I did it. Oh, hold on. Oh, my headphones just went out. What did you say? It seemed like,

it seemed like you enjoyed it from what I saw. Anyway, let's move on. Let's go to Tim Macy said, I absolutely love how you and Mike pretended to not know that no one else could hear Chris when you'd cut away to him. The choice to create this unheard character in the vein of Maris from Frasier, Carlton the doorman from Rhoda,

and of course the president on Veep is brilliant. I didn't realize we were doing anything brilliant. I just didn't know. I don't think fucking hear him. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Far from it. No, no. He's talking about when we did the bits about it. Oh, right. Like pretending like right now we don't have to pretend he's in our ears right now talking about we get it. Trump will resign. He'll get pardoned. Pre-pardoning, we get it, it's a thing, we got it, totally legal. Wait, Pence? Oh, he's saying Pence will take office and pardon him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it. Well, we get you're allowed to have that opinion. I don't know if you have to scream it in our ears. Well, we get you're allowed to have that opinion.

I don't know if you have to scream it in our ears. Yeah. Some feedback, very mixed feedback on the Andy Kindler op-ed piece. This one says, I'm writing in reference to the 1025 Sunday papers. The Andy Kindler segment really sucked. Aside from the awkward pauses because of sound delays, his energy is way off from you guys, and it was just kind of jarring. Otherwise, you currently have the best podcast on the market.

Seriously awesome, Darren from Santa Rosa. And we had other people that said, love the show even more this week with Kindler coming on and ripping you guys apart. He clearly cracks you guys up, and the segment should continue with him calling in frequently. So there was a ton of emails going both ways. Mostly loved him. But some people felt that our podcast has its own kind of flow and that we shouldn't bring something in that throws that off. I don't know, man. You know, Kindler. I love him to death. The reason he's so funny to me is because there is a meta level to him. And I think he really, really appeals to people like who are in this business because there is that level of how could you think that everyone would think this is funny?

You know what I mean? Yeah. Which Andy's well aware of. And so I can see how divisive is too strong a word, but it's not some people's cup of tea. No, it's not. Andy is not even really on the tea shelf. I think he's more of a yerba malca.

What is it called? Yerba Malka. What is it called? Yerba Mate? Yerba Mate, yeah. Maybe it's the one you said, which doesn't even exist. This one comes from Yuri Shatil. If you'll recall, Mike shit on Becker on last week's Sunday paper, saying he never knew anyone who watched it, and that its syndication was inexplicable. Tell Mike that I love Becker. It was a very original show. Before Becker,

any sitcom that made it to TV had to have a likable main character. Becker changed that because he was an asshole all the time. They had a blind character who went deeper than just blind guy gags. So maybe you need to revisit it, Mike. Where can you find old Becker episodes? Well, I don't know. I mean, like Archie Bunker, The Honeymooners. Were they totally likable? They would show them these redeeming qualities.

I'm sure they did that on Becker. But generally, it was a curmudgeon. Ted Baxter, Jefferson. Yeah. And the Jeffersons. Right, right,

right. Well, they loved doing, I mean, that was a spinoff of all in the family. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to think who else,

but yeah, it's interesting. Listen, no, whatever. I know I'm not buying it. Becker, it's inexplicable.

How about this? There's so few of you. Sure, okay, you watched it. It gets syndicated? Yeah. It goes 90 plus episodes and then gets syndicated? No. Sorry, no.

It's time for obituaries. And that's all, folks. Last week we mentioned, because it was breaking news, but we're going to include it this week because we want to cover him fully, the great Sean Connery from Scotland. He's from Scotland, right? He is, of course, Edinburgh. Edinburgh? Edinburgh?

It's spelled Edinburgh, but you say Edinburgh. There's even like locals say it's a little bit whatever. Keep going. Connery was Bond in the first five film adaptations of author Ian Fleming's enduring character. The first one was Dr. No. He I don't believe he did the first James Bond movie. I think somebody else did the first one. No. I don't think he did. Yeah, and it's famous, and we should know it, but I don't. But anyway, he started with Dr. No in 1962 from Russia with Love, which some people say is the best Bond film. Other people say Goldfinger was the best Bond film. Then he did Thunderball, You Only Live Twice, and then then he left then he came back to do diamonds

are forever and never say never again some people questioned his judgment on coming back but those two amazingly didn't start acting until he was in his 20s he tried other things first he was a milk man a sailor a light what was he the village people uh a lifeguard an an artist model, even a coffin polisher. That sounds like a euphemism. That sounds like a necrophiliac. He was a bodybuilder who competed in a Mr. Universe competition, and he was a talented footballer who was offered a contract with Manchester United. Did not know that.

Connery, as he told it, never loved Bond. In fact, he told Playboy he was fed up to here with the whole Bond bit and always hated Bond. Huh. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. I mean, it's like you get, I guess you get known for one thing

and you get pigeonholed, but that's a pretty good dynasty to fucking, you know, lose other opportunities to. Did I ever tell you that Sean Connery story? I can't tell you who told me and I can't tell you who told them, but it was a first. It was firsthand. So this guy who's famous in England told told a friend of mine he goes i know it doesn't sound believe i don't even care if it sounds believable so he goes he was at this big gala this big event like maybe it was even like the the the bafta awards or whatever anyway he's

at this big thing and then he was online at the bar or whatever. And Sean Connery's there and Sean Connery's right in front of him. And he's like, and I'm drunk and I should have never done this. And it's ridiculous that I did, but I'm just sitting there, sitting there. And then finally out of nowhere, I can't believe I did this. I tap him on his shoulder and he's like, flatter Sean Connery. And then goes of all the women though, I've always wondered like of all the women you ever had, what was the best? And Sean Connery just then turned back and didn't answer him. And the guy beat himself up,

beat himself up badly. And, um, and like kept drinking and was like, what? I just made a fool of myself and this guy was becoming kind of a a well-known figure in england and he was like what an idiot like if you're gonna beat himself all the time he's at the bar later that night he gets a tap on his shoulder and all

of a sudden he hears that voice and the voice goes 1964 petula clark in the ash it sounds like somebody trying to win the game clue but even those those words but especially the ASS with his accent. That's amazing. But by the way, first of all, it's a great story, even if it's not true. I think it really did happen. Now, also, maybe he, Sean Connery, maybe it's not true, but he made that. I have a feeling it's true.

But like for him to circle back and then the only explanation was that he had gotten drunk, and he obviously thought that would be incredibly funny to say. Or maybe he just needed some time. He had a lot of fucking women to go through in his mind until he could pick the best. Imagine what that journey was like at that party. He was sitting alone in a corner with an erection, just, you know, eyes back thinking hard. Maybe it was awkward.

Petula Clark might've been in line and he didn't want to say anything at the time. Dude, you know, he slept with every fucking co-star of those movies. Well, that's why the guy asked, which is a little background. Like I guess it was kind of like, uh, you're the Wilt Chamberlain of this situation. Well, that's why the guy asked, which is a little background. Like, I guess it was kind of like you're the Wilt Chamberlain of this situation. Tell me what was you know, what was the best you ever had? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. What was the best you ever had? You know, it was Petula Clark, but it was she was so old by time I was with her.

Yeah. And it was you didn't even have was with her. Yeah. And it wasn't. You didn't even have to warm up the ass. You could just walk right in the door. You couldn't miss the ass. That was, I was trying to avoid it. It was like this black hole, so to speak.

The gravitational pull, you just couldn't fight it. You know what we do after the obituaries to cheer up is we do the Sunday funnies. Oh, boy. Let's start with our old friend, Andy Kapp. Andy, oh, he's in trouble with the wife, Flo. And in the first frame, he is being bounced out of his house. The drawing indicates that he does a flip.

There's stars around his head, and he lands on his house. The drawing indicates that he does a flip. There's stars around his head, and he lands on his back. And the next frame is Flo is now dragging him by the collar inside the house. And he first says, sorry, pet, I don't know what came over me. And then he says, it's against their nature to throw anything away.

Someone might pick it up and find a use for it, meaning him. But he clearly punched her in the face. Sorry, pet, I don't know what came over me. Whiskey? I can't even follow this one, but there's so much violence. Yeah. Yeah.

Here's one that should have more violence if I had my way. Kathy. Jesus Christ, I'd like to crawl into that strip and take a few swings. All right. So in the first frame, she's at work. I believe she works in a department store or something. She's standing there and her boss says, Darius hasn't called, Kathy. We blew the account. And she says, maybe he lost our phone number. And then she goes, maybe he misinterpreted something you said and is sitting by the phone waiting for you to make the first move.

And she says, reach out to him, Mr. Pinkley. And then she walks away looking queasy and says, who says that love and work can't mix? What a fucking needy, pathetic woman. I stopped listening halfway through. I think your coffee ran out right before we started the funnies. But it's also where it got to the funnies and my assignment is family circus. Yeah. Holy shit. So here's family circus this week. So I guess I'm just, my soul is dead by the time we get here also.

Yeah. It's this little bastard kid standing there. Billy. His name is Billy. And he's alone, and he is pointing down at a shoe that's untied, his sneaker. And his stupid mouth is agape and he's obviously yelling. And it's, quote, I think this shoelace is defective. Wait, then what's the second frame say?

Oh, the second frame says, please accept this as my suicide note. Signed, one of the fucking Keens who creates these pieces of shit. I mean, first of all, you're going to, okay. He doesn't know the words tie or it's untied or it keeps coming untied or it doesn't work. No, but you are going to give him the word defective. Yeah. Oh, my God. I don't even, I guess I do know where to start.

I don't know where to end. It could go on forever. It's crazy making. It's crazy making. I think Jeff Keen is defective. I think any newspaper that syndicates this strip is defective. Let's just keep moving forward. It's a big week.

It's a big week. We have bigger fish to fry. Let me tell you a little bit about a woman named Blondie who this week is wearing a black tight, what do they call those skirts? Slip skirts. She's sitting down. I have to say, it's rather modest wear this week. A little bit, but it's fancy.

I like her blue shoes. Yeah, the blue shoes match the dog, which is kind of nice. Oh, yeah. So she's sitting at the table reading a paper. Dagwood is sitting at the table reading a paper. This is before people had cell phones. And so Blondie says, Dear, why don't we start a vegetable garden in the backyard?

And he says, A vegetable garden? She goes, Sure. Eating vegetables is very good for you. He goes, I know, but growing vegetables takes time and lots of attention. And then he goes,

Plus they sell those things at supermarkets then he puts the paper back up to his face here's what you should really do dagwood put the fucking paper down give her a back rub and ask where the fucking rake is and the dirt she wants a garden give her a fucking you know why she wants a garden? So she can grow a big, ripe cucumber and use it as a fucking dildo since you never give it to her. Yeah. I know. This is kind of a metaphor. Yes.

Dear, why don't we start sleeping together? Sleeping together? Sure. Sleeping together. It's intimate. It's fun. It'll help our relationship. Yeah,

I know, but I don't really like paying attention to you. And yeah, it takes a lot. It takes a lot of work. I mean, I don't have a penis. I'm intimidated by your awesome beauty and the way your calves slope into your fucking perfect ankles.

I can't handle it. If I was him, those, those blue shoes would be off and I'd be licking those toes while she read the paper. Just keep reading the paper, baby. Let me go to town on these little piglets for you. Oh my God. I don't know if you noticed the dog.

The dog, it's interesting, understands English. Yeah, he goes wide-eyed on that last one like Dagwood. Like you. Give this woman whatever she wants, you zero. Okay. All right, we've done it. Mike Gibbons' Sunday papers have been read.

We want to remind people. I will be on November 19th through 21. I'm going to be in Tampa Bay, Florida at SideSplitters. Get your tickets at FitzDawg.com. I think we're only seating half the room, so hurry up and get tickets before it sells out. Also, don't forget FitzDawg Radio on Tuesdays, Childish on Wednesdays. Mike, what do you want to plug? I don't know.

Nothing, I guess. Maybe Blue Chew. Why don't you plug Blue Chew? If you want to get your first order free, just go to bluechew.com, promo code PAPERS. You pay $5 for shipping and they give you adventures, folks.

Things you'll dream about later when you're old. Huh. Anyway. What do you think? We're doing this in a week. Do you think Trump has conceded? I think he is conceded. I don't think he will concede.

Wordplay. I don't think he will concede in a week. I think he said he's going to start lawsuits on Monday, and hopefully we get a couple more states reporting so that it's just not a question anymore. He's going to look like a sore loser, and it's going to hurt. Whatever legacy he has is going to be damaged by going out this way. There were some amazing video clips on TikTok of George Bush Sr. conceding. There was one of Jimmy Carter conceding. And it made you see what real class was

and what honor was and what it looked like when somebody ran for office because they loved the country. That's what Gore said. Gore could have kept going. Yeah. And probably Kerry too. And then you know what I didn't know? I did not know that Obama called Hillary and told her to concede. I didn't know that.

Oh, no kidding. Yeah. Four years ago. Wow. And she. All right. Yeah. But you know what? The new focus in a huge way is going to be these Senate runoffs in Georgia. Oh, man. Yeah. Are you kidding me? Huge. It's going to be the story of December. Do you know how much money is going to pour into Georgia?

This is literally for the control of the Senate. It's going to be it's going to be they better get their voting thing down. They don't rules. Everybody accepts beforehand. And maybe they're the rules that are in place now. Whatever it is, everybody better know about them very well. And oh, my. Oh, man, is it going to be it's going to be gigantic. Yeah, it's going to be huge. It's going to break all records on campaign funds. And the people of Georgia are going to be so sick of getting called and polled and had their doors knocked on and watching commercials. They are going to be so worn out. I think it's in January. Right. Maybe even Republicans would agree to campaign finance reform, like really good reform now because they're getting outspent.

Yeah. You know what I like? Like, so now it's in their self-interest. Maybe that can happen in the next four years. That's right. All right, Mike. All right. Take it, put it over a broken window and tape it shut.

Take it, frame it because it has an amazing headline today, tomorrow, no, today, Sunday. Winter's here, stuffing into some cracks in your wall to keep the breeze from coming through because it's been the Sunday papers. Thanks to Chris Denman, our producer, Beth Hoops, and all the people over at Midcoast Media. And we'll see you guys next week.

Take it easy. Take it easy. We'll see you next time.