Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 42 12/20/20

Episode Date: December 20, 2020

Man sues parents for tossing out his porn collection, Florida Man dies of COVID ON a flight out of Orlando & the Bee Gees Doc is off the charts. 

It's Greg, it's Mike, and we're gonna have a really good time. They make us laugh, with some paper talking like our dads. Cause it's Sunday, and it's Sunday with a... Read all about it! Oh lordy. It's here, hot off the presses. Smell the ink, get a little buzz. Find out about what's going on in the world today with Mike and Greg.

Oh, that's my cue. Yes, yes. Come on. Where's the energy? Smell the ink. You remember when you used to get, I think they called them mimeographs in school? Yeah. And it's just, by the way, I mean, it really is like something so, it's like out of The Simpsons. It's like you just had a natural instinct, I think, to get high.

Yes. Kids were just like. I remember pulling up in gas stations and opening the window like when my parents were filling up on gas when I was a little kid and just loving the smell of gas. Dude, I used to be a gas station attendant. And that was before they had the collar on the nozzle so that shit just came straight out right there was no also there was no sensor to cut it off i remember working in the summer and it was so fucking hot and that gas you could just see the the waves coming off of the yep and then back then it was full service then i would i'd fucking jump

around with the squeegee i'd get the squeegee for you they throw you a buck and then i'd say do you want me to check your oil and they'd pop it and then uh i wouldn't even pull the dipstick out because they can't see you and i would just go yep you're low a court and then i would i would run inside and i would i would bring out a bottle i wouldn't pour it in and they'd give me like, it'd be like an extra six bucks in my pocket. Wait, what do you mean in your pocket? Doesn't the store need some of that six bucks? No, because it was an empty can. The oil can that I got was just empty.

I get it out of the garbage. That's a perfect recycling program. You don't use oil. Nevermind recycling. You don't even use oil. Dude, it was so racist. I came to this gas station. How did this happen? What? It was in Yonkers, New York. And I came in and I started and there were like three black guys that I worked with and they'd all been there for a while. And the guy that managed the station was like,

all right, everybody give Greg the money. When you get the money, you immediately give it to Greg. And I'm the new guy. And these guys are looking at me like, what the fuck? I was like, sorry, guys, those are the rules. You had a longer record by that point than any of you guys working there. I know. Oh, my God.

That's so ridiculous. Yeah. Ah, racism. I got my flu shot yesterday. Come on. Yeah. I got mine two weeks ago. I'll tell you.

Oh, did you? How long did it hurt for? Mine still hurts. Well, get this. So I'm in there and he goes, so what are we doing? I just went for my annual, right? So he's like, flu shot. He's like, you're definitely getting that.

I'm like, okay. And he goes, you should also, you've done part one of your shingles. Oh, yeah. I got to go back and do that. So like Corona, shingles vaccine, I think you get it once you're past 50. Thank you. And it's a two-part vaccination. So I didn't even remember getting the first part.

So anyway, the guy who's doing it goes, which shoulder do you want? And I go, well, I got the flu shot on my right one. Let's do it in my left. Cause I don't want my right one. Bad move. Both shoulders couldn't sleep on my side. And when I sleep on my back, the whole night's like, and then I wake up like that happens all night. Meanwhile, you can't sleep on your back. Cause he gave you the proctology exam on top of it. Well, no, I'm just, I have a nice donut I'm sleeping on. I tear off my toilet seat and I sleep with that under me. It's a dream. All right. So how's your flu shot? Still hurts? Yeah, it still hurts, but I just got to tell you something. I went in, I got my one year physical

like three months ago and then he scheduled and i guess he put me on a cholesterol drug so he told me to come back and give a blood test because i guess with with statins they have to make sure that like your your liver isn't being damaged by the pills so they do another blood test so i come back to do that and they're like oh no no it's a visit so i i sit there and the woman takes my blood and the doctor comes in and he's this guy and i love him i love my doctor he's great i've been with him sam and tim sewell hooked me up with him when i first moved to la 20 years ago i'm gonna go to this guy for 20 years and uh and he's expensive but he's worth it all right already go ahead so anyway he i make him laugh a lot

oh good and i got the sense that the only reason you like him the only reason i had a follow-up visit is that he loves seeing me and i gotta stop being so fucking entertaining in the room because it was a 300 visit to give blood there was no. I said at the end of it, I go, why did we need a visit? He's like, you know, just staying on top of things. Yeah, when you go to the chuckle hut, they pay you. That's right. That's right. It was two shot minimum.

You didn't have to be there, especially now. Nowadays. I know. Don't go to a medical facility in person. Yeah, right. Yeah, so holy Um, yeah. So holy crap though. So that night I get the, I get the vaccinations. I've never flu shot. Doesn't really hurt me that much. It's not that sore afterwards and I never get any side effects. And so that night, total temperature, the chills, people who, you know, it's just like the flu. I was under the blankets, my head underneath. Hopefully my hot breath could

somehow warm me. I literally pulled down the blankets at one point. This is how like I'm describing a typical flu night. I pull it down and I see a sweatshirt on a chair, I don't know, six feet away. And I'm literally like, I can't do it. Like I, I was so freezing and shivering. I couldn't, even though I knew it would help, I couldn't pull the blankets off. And also I felt so achy and I'm like, holy fuck, I have the coronavirus. And also I felt so achy. And I'm like, holy fuck, I have the coronavirus. And then the next day, I still felt like shit.

I Googled it. And the shingles vaccine has wicked side effects. Well, you're not, my doctor wouldn't give it to me the same day as the flu shot. He said, you got to come back for that one. Jesus, you see, I got to go make your guy laugh. You got to come. You got to come to the end. He's a great audience. He fucking laughs at any.

We do. We do a solid 10 minutes on him sticking his finger up my ass every time I'm in there. He has jokes about it. I have jokes about it. We have like running gags about it. Yeah. And I've told you my guy. It was it's very simple.

But my guy wants he starts to put the glove on. And I go, boy. And he just goes, the glove on. I'm like, oh boy. And he just goes, hey pal, it's no holiday for me either. It was so perfect because you only think about it in terms of being the victim. Meanwhile, there's more than one victim in this equation. He stuck his finger in my ass last time and I went, hey, why are both your hands on my shoulders right now? Yeah. Whose is that again?

I don't know. It's mine now. I think you said Kindler, didn't you? I think it's like an old, it's an old street joke. I thought I came up with a new one, but I don't think it's that funny, but which is the doctor's office. It's like, I always get bummed out when I see him putting on his rubber mitten. Yeah.

He wants a firm grasp on the prostate. I used to do a bit about it because, like, I remember the first time I was expecting the finger to go in. I was prepared for that. But what I didn't expect was, like, the little twitch with the fingertip at the end and the fact that it was not unpleasant like there was a there was a little buzz that went to my ball sack and i felt and and i was like whoa and then i was sad for like two days and i didn't know why um yeah boy uh yeah i didn't know why. Yeah, boy. Yeah, I didn't get that done this time. But I got, yeah.

So I got the shot. Your guy just wants to split up the shot so he sees you again. Yeah. Totally. We're going to, next week, we're going to do a brief show because it is Kwanzaa. What's it going to be. What day of the week it's going to be? Sunday will be the 27th.

I know Kwanzaa... First of all, Merry Christmas week to everybody. Have you done your shopping? I've done a lot of it. I normally don't, but... Who do you buy for? Mostly the four kids. My and then my my two nieces because we spend the holiday together and uh what about your mom huh what about your mom

this year we said i'm not going to get her something but we said we the adults would just do like give to charity and And what about Lizzie? You buy anything for your ex-wife? I don't. I mean, not indirectly. I think I do. That's all I'm going to say about that. You should just give her like half of one of those Nutcracker statues.

Just the bottom jaw. I get the top jaw. What about business? Do you give any to agents or anybody like that? I used to. And that's not happening. First of all, I only got my agent back a month ago. So I didn't have them all year and all that. So no, I didn't. I didn't. And yeah, I used to be I used to also send out a Christmas card every year, and that's fallen off. I get, over the years, it was like a running joke in our house because we would always get 60 cards, like within three. For years, I would count them. It was like 60 cards.

This year, I've gotten six. Wow. Six fucking cards. This year, I've gotten six. Wow. Six fucking cards. I've got about six also, but I'm part of that. I know there's digital ones. I used to do that the last few years. I just didn't get it.

Well, it's not one of those years you celebrate. I thought of one joke I could do, which was so busy this year and also really not in the spirit of like reviewing the year. So I'm just going to send out my card from last year where I talk, where I talk about our year and the year ahead. And then, you know, other people have done this premise, but then write something now about all my hopes and dreams for 2020. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like all the things we hope continue. And like didn't finish it now, but I'm sure I'll get to it this year. No, no, no.

I found that the other day. I was looking on my desktop and there was a file that was my goals for 2000. I wish I could find it right now. I'll read it to you. And it is a joke. It's a joke how many of them I didn't even get close to doing. That one girl went viral because she read hers. Yeah.

And one of them, the last one was, and she was laughing so hard she couldn't talk. Like she barely got it out, was spend more time with grandma. Oh, right. You talked about that. And grandma died this year. And then she just started laughing. Yeah, she couldn't even finish it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to buy for the same thing. Niece and nephew, my kids, and then my wife's birthday is December 23rd. So I always got to double down on that. Yeah, my brother-in-law, George, who you know very well, his birthday is right there also. So I'm getting him something. What are you getting him? Usually I get him, Costco usually puts together a fancy tequila thing. Like sometimes it looks like it's something from Mission Impossible, like this silver case, you know,

and all that. Yeah. So usually those are fun. It's normally alcohol based. No drugs? No, I guess. I mean, I could. I'd have to find a source

and all that. It's a little hard to give him the drugs in front of his family. True. True. Because they'll just steal them. Alcohol is a drug, though, but they're all users in that scenario. All right.

So listen, I want to remind people that we have a big contest coming up this month starting now. Or actually, I think it'll be loaded up on the website in the next week. We have decided to lock in. The podcast has been going on for almost a year, and you guys have been incredibly generous and creative and really beyond talented, some of the stuff that's come in for logos and songs. But we've decided to lock in,

and we're going to let you guys decide our logo and our song. We're going to have them all on the website, which is sundaypapers.net. And you're going to go on. You're going to listen to them, look at them, email us at fitzdogradio at gmail.com. And then on January 31st, we're going to close the polling. Wait, what date? January 31st, we're going to close the polling. Wait, what date? January 31st. At this point, I think it's only fair, since we're so honest.

All of this is just being made up and just flowing out of his voice right now, out of his mouth. You don't think it'll happen? Well, no. What's so impressive about you is you do have that fake it till you make it, but that's what leaders need also. You know what I mean? Like it's going to happen. You're kind of manifesting it.

But it sounds like we've probably had three or four meetings about this. Like how is this stuff getting posted to the website? It's all – look, there's Team Greg Fitzsimons. posted to the website. It's all... Look, there's Team Greg Fitzsimons. Midcoast Media, our people, Beth Hoops, Chris Denman, Key,

You know they're midcoast in St. Louis. St. Louis. We asked them to do things and they fucking do it. They're good. They are bummed out about this. They have to post 40 songs? Yeah, that's right. Okay.

No, we're going to pick, we're going to curate the top 10 and we're going to put them on there. We don't want people listening to 40 songs. We'll pick the top. Oh, you see, it's evolving. We'll pick the top 7 to 10. This is the meeting. We're having the meeting right now. Look, do you think

this is Operation Warp Speed of the logo and song. We're going to drain the swamp and get through this. We want to thank Matt Bowman who did this week's song and also the logo was done by Eric Chirilanzo.

That's his stage name. Chirilanzo. Yeah, I actually I'm sure I'm saying it wrong. Churlonzo. That's his stage name. Potentially. Churlonzo. Yeah, actually, I'm sure I'm saying it wrong. Yeah. So they may make the finals. What would you say? It's Italian.

I think it's Italian. Churlonzo. I think it's Portuguese. Churlonzo. I think it's Brazilian. Ooh. Yeah. A's Portuguese. I think it's Brazilian. Ooh. Yeah. A little Portuguese?

Which, by the way, is the place to live. If you want to leave the U.S., if you want to live in Portugal, which has the best weather in Europe, the best beaches in Europe, beautiful towns, cheap economy. And if you want to live there, the only thing you have to do is you got to put like, you got to have like 20 grand to put into their banks. And if you make a deposit of 20 grand into their banks, they will let you live there as a citizen for as long as you want.

Whoa. Spain is going to have a lot of issues with your description, but okay. Well, it's south of Spain, isn't it? Well, certainly west. Yeah, I think it's got better beaches. Believe me, I've looked into it. You're not interested in, I bring up geography things sometimes, surprising geography things. interested in, I bring up geography things sometimes, surprising geography things. You know Chicago

is further north than Colorado? Than most of Colorado? Yeah. Fuck you. No one knows that. You're acting like I haven't had access to a map for the last 54 years. But there's surprising

things on there. But Colorado is cold because it has a high elevation. Like, no, listen, I'm obsessed. I was obsessed. Every year for Christmas, my gift was the Rand McNally Road Atlas from my mom. And then, of course, I've driven

across country. By the time I was 25, I think I drove across country six times. And I'd be obsessed, and I'd go off the beaten path. In fact, I just saw an article about Alliance Nebraska because they had kind of like a Cadillac ranch of all these buried cars. And I just stumbled upon it in the, in the early nineties. It's like, what the hell is that? Anyway, meanwhile, I guess I forget this stuff. Like, I don't think of Nebraska as almost completely north of Colorado. I don't think people do. I really don't.

Colorado, you can drive to from Los Angeles in not that long. I do understand that. Portugal is actually the southernmost point of Portugal. It's not further south than the southernmost point of Spain. I think most people would consider it solidly east of Spain. West, I mean, west. West of Spain, yeah. Yes. But I think the currents are better, though. I mean, the southernmost point of Spain, that's the Rock of Gibraltar, right?

That's where it's the closest point to Africa. What is? Straight to Gibraltar. You got it, pal. There we go. All right. Southernmost American state. What would you say that is?

Florida. You're such a dumb piece of shit. So meanwhile, if I told you Hawaii is the southern most, you'd be like, of course. Of course. Are they a state? What's the western most state? Washington. Jesus.

Most people say, incorrectly, Hawaii. It's Alaska. Jesus. Most people say, incorrectly, Hawaii. It's Alaska. Oh. You're not even in the top two. All right. All right. I'm going to do something to you right now. I saw this online.

And if you're not watching this on YouTube, fuck you because that is... I'm not even watching you on YouTube right now. All right. What is this? I'm making a picture. Wait, wait. Hold on. I have to look at you.

I don't want to look at you during this. Do you want me to just not be creative and just tell you that's a circle? No, just tell me what it is. Yeah. Okay, circle. What's this? I mean, it's your version of a Hershey's kiss. I guess you're looking for the word triangle. That's correct. And what is parallelogram?

And what's this? You want me to say a heart? Okay. And now pick a number between one and 12. Okay. I got it. What is it? I'm not telling. No, just say it. Oh, of course. Everyone chooses seven. Yeah. Seven, right there. I wrote it down. But I was going to not say seven.

But you are a creative person in Hollywood who is responsible for thinking differently, for going outside the box, and you picked the same fucking number as somebody from Nebraska would. No, I was self-aware. I said, yeah, you want me to say seven? Yeah, but you started to say seven, and then you explained why,

because you have to deconstruct your own thoughts because you're so afraid of not being different. All right, to tell you, first of all, I'm terrified of not being different. All right. To tell you, first of all, I'm terrified of not being different. But the number I had when I didn't tell you what it was, was actually eight. I wonder what that means. Yeah. What is eight?

Eight is a snowman. It sounds like AIDS. It also is the past tense of eat. That's right. All right. You know so much about it. That's the thing. I'm not going to tell you geography anymore.

It sounds like aid. Indianapolis. Indianapolis, I think, is just as far north, same longitude as the ski resorts in Utah. Is this an attempt to make this the most boring podcast of all time by talking about geography? No. Well, you shattered that record earlier talking about your vaccines. I'm just now trying to top that. Have we started this podcast yet?

All right. Let's get into it. Here it is. Front pay. Oh, wait. Before I do that, I want to mention to people. Here's your most boring podcast. Go ahead.

Two thanks. Two thanks. One is that I've got a one-hour special that I'm releasing two minutes at a time on Instagram every Friday. If you haven't been watching have you been watching my clips every friday i love them i love them it's uh i taped it in portland oregon uh last january and i'm i was going to try to sell it as the one i were special and i realized the pandemic hit and nobody's going to be taking taping specials for two years so uh check it out my instagram is my name. And then also I got some tour dates coming up.

Love you to come out. We're doing limited seating so it's safe. Coming to Indianapolis, Phoenix, Kansas City, Portland, Sacramento, Raleigh, and San Francisco. Go to FitzDawg.com to get tickets and dates. What are you shaking your head at? Rush out to an indoor club. Oh, stop. Stop. it's not like it's the hot season for it maybe you should have the vaccines there two shot minimum yeah

all right let's do some corrections once again we've aired no gary morris said listen to sunday papers um the whale vomit is called ambergris ambergris ambergris it's from sperm whales and is formed from the partially digested giant squid beaks that sperm whales eat not Not a correction, just additional info. Huh. Love the pod. Shout out to Mike. What does that mean? It means just what it said.

The fucking guy's like loving my thing. Chuck Strawn, who also loves you, said in the corrections this week, you mentioned again the theory of declining crime being tied to Roe v. Wade. You did so to correct earlier remarks about this and noted it had been refuted by additional research. Well done, boys. Oh, I love that letter. But you mentioned that the original theory was articulated by Malcolm Gladwell,

which may not be correct. Instead, it seems that he was agreeing with Levitt and Dubner's work in Freakonomics. OK, so a correction to a correction. Oh, isn't that funny? I remember I didn't read it. I read parts of Freakonomics being a Gladwell book. That's interesting. Steve Blackwood said G.W. Bush did win the popular vote in 2004 by around 3 million votes. You said he lost it both times.

He's right. And I remember it because it was a very close electoral thing. It was also the first time a Republican or anyone, I think, won the election losing the entire Northeast. Wow. Every single state. No in the northeast yeah but um that don't even get me i got so angry last week but the amount do you remember what he was doing with the orange alerts every time every, uh, what's his name? Try to make headway in debate, you know, whatever it was, they would throw the alert level of another terrorist attack, which was completely artificial. Right.

They'd send it to orange alerts. So that became, that ran the news cycle every time. What's his name? Why am I spacing on his name? War hero. Who are they called? John Kerry. Yes. Well, the way Trump's behaving lately, I think we should have an orange alert going right now. But first, let's talk about how you look. We're going to get to the top story. Obviously, this week is this hack into our um basically every agency in the fucking government

and uh one of the ways that you can keep from getting hacked and i'm not kidding i'm not kidding about this this is not the time to not do everything you can do to protect your passwords email address phone numbers um there's a company that i use called ExpressVPN, and they make it so that you are encrypted beyond any other device, any other service. And also, you can go to places, and they won't know who you are. For instance, I just booked some plane tickets for my upcoming dates. for my upcoming dates. And when I did, if you put yourself outside of the US,

like I do Canada, you get substantially cheaper flights. Did you know that? If you revisit a site from your email address, they will show you higher rates. So yeah. So if you just encrypt yourself, they don't do that.

So right there, this is like less than three3 a month for this service. Also, do you know they also, I can't prove this, but supposedly they know the socioeconomic situation in your zip code, and they will quote higher prices if they know you're in a richer zip code. So you can hide that identity, save yourself the $3, less than $3 a month that this takes. So it connects with one click, lightning fast. I do it every time.

It automatically logs me on every time I get on my computer. You can do five devices simultaneously, and it's rated number one by CNET, Wired, and countless others. It's rated number one by CNET, Wired, and countless others. If you visit expressvpn.com slash papers right now, get yourself an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N dot com slash papers. Visit expressvpn.com slash papers to learn more. You will thank me. Believe me. Don't get hacked.

Don't be like the U.S. government. So let's get into it. Extra! Extra! We all about it! Extra! The hack was described as the most successful cyber infiltration in U.S. government and corporate institutions in history. Of course, Trump, our fearless leader, took it head on and said, quote, the cyber hack is far greater in the fake news media than in actuality. I have been fully briefed and everything is well under control. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

is well under control pay no attention to that man behind the curtain russia russia russia is the priority chant when anything happens because lamestream is for the for mostly financial reasons petrified of discussing the possibility that it may be china parentheses it may exclamation Exclamation point. This is after Mike Pompeo, his Secretary of State, came out and said— Secretaries of State don't throw accusations around lightly. They said, it's Russia. He came out and fucking said it. Right. And rather than deal with it and have repercussions for it and prevent it from happening again, once again, he's politicizing it. with it and have repercussions for it and prevent it from happening again.

Once again, he's politicizing it. And I'm telling you, when he says stuff like this, all I picture in my head is a Russian hooker taking a giant piss on his face in a hotel room. They've got something on him in Russia. You picture that with every story though. You say that.

Yes. We do science news. You're like, it's a whore peeing on his face in a Russia hotel room filmed really ornate, beautiful room. That's my Christmas card this year. Um, it's crazy, you know, but his goal is just cast out, cast out on everything because, and that's the, you know, that's the age old it's, you know, it's part of propaganda. That's the age old, it's part of propaganda.

You discredit it so no matter what story comes up, the reflex is always to question it, which is what the conspiracy theorists thrive on. He said it to Leslie Stahl on 60 Minutes. He said to her off camera, she said, why do you attack the media so much? And he goes, because if I do and I call everything fake, then people don't believe it. And I,

and I make it so you can't do your job. He said that to her, to her face. Oh, so anyway, uh, we can go on and on about what was compromised, but I mean,

we're talking like the state department, the defense department, Homeland security, everything. And they were in there since March. And they got in through Texas. Did they? The company that they went in through was in Texas, I think in Austin maybe, did it was it was a malware that was embedded in, I guess, updates from this company. And the government and tons of places used this company.

Yeah. That's my understanding. Yeah, I think they're called solar systems or something. So, yeah, it's bad. I mean, who knows how much damage is done? You know, I mean, who knows how many agents abroad have been compromised because of this that will be killed, maybe. Maybe Trump's a genius. I mean, in a way, it's kind of like if you want to screw the guy cheating off you in class, just write all the wrong answers. That's what we've done since March.

Right. Oh, you want to look behind this curtain? Take a look. I don't think you're going to want any of this. Yeah. Well, that's what they said when Julian Assange put out all that stuff through WikiLeaks was, you know, put out all that stuff through WikiLeaks was, you know, maybe it's better for our foreign policy to stop being about intrigue

and just lay our cards on the table and say, we have by tenfold the biggest standing army and an espionage system of any country in the world. Yeah, who knows what china has man china china could take over the world don't you think yeah absolutely well i mean financially they we owe them you know that fucking seven trillion dollar deficit or whatever we have we owe it to china it's their fucking It's their fucking money. They can call that shit in anytime they want. They even stopped, by the way.

Do you know that? And that's why the U.S. now, the U.S. government, that's why we're so into it, is buying up everything. China won't even buy our debt. But I remember seeing the opening. What Olympics was it, 2004, 2008, the Beijing Olympics. When I saw that opening in the Beijing Olympics, do you remember how well choreographed and insane? It was insane.

When I saw that, I'm just like, oh yeah, at any point they could decide to take over the world and they're going to do it. If you gave Americans 10 years to just replicate, not even imagine it, just replicate the Beijing opening ceremonies, couldn't do it. Yeah. Not to mention the work ethic of the people. Are you kidding me?

Hold on. They're also lowercase s. They're also lowercase s. They're also slaves. I mean, I don't think there's a work ethic when you have someone, it's mandatory. Yeah. Being forced to do this. Right. Well, maybe we need to bring that back. This time, let's make the white people slaves. back this time let's make the white people slaves imagine that if what if what if we ended up electing the most liberal progressive government of all time and they decided for reparations let's go all the way let's make black people plantation owners all the white people are slaves and let's

give them that for as long as blacks were slaves in this country, which was a couple hundred years. And that will be even. Half the country is convinced if the Democrats win both of these seats in Georgia, that's exactly what's going to happen. They're convinced of it. They're convinced President Kamala Harris in two two years, is going to do exactly that. Yeah. That would have been a great sketch on the Chappelle show. Neil Brennan would have had a lot of fun with that one.

Flipping it. So let's get to something a little more fun. Are we not doing newspaper do you need me to run to my living room and get a newspaper there you go it sounds like wet toilet paper at this point it's let me tell you the date on this newspaper what this one's from august 2nd also but i haven't used it every week read a headline out of the august 2nd paper alabama wine sheriff's officials say they've busted an illegal winery that was operating at a municipal sewage plant in a small north alabaman town uh they got a tip about it and uh they uncovered what's described as a large illegal winery inside the rainsville water treatment plant

photos showed glass containers buckets a fermenting rack and other equipment um i you know and it's easy to make fun of this and it sounds gross, but we got a bottle. And let me tell you something. Hints, hints of diarrhea, a bold, bloody urine texture and the finish, a little racist. A little, the finish is a little racist? Yeah, a little bit.

Sits on the tongue a little there. Yeah. Well, it was hard to find. It was tucked away. It's harder because it was surrounded by nine meth labs. Yeah. Maybe they need to prioritize. I think is this high on the list to bust in Alabama right now? If they start drinking wine, things may actually turn around. If they put down the crack pipe and picked up a little Pinot Grigio, of course, they'd spell it Greasio. It was just busted because they're like, what Yankee pussy fucking operation is this?

Wine. Jesus Christ. Well, there's probably a lot of cheese in the sewage also. Dick cheese! I think it's illegal to drink wine in Alabama. They just

don't get it. Wow. Okay. Next story is about your favorite mike porn as a divorced guy living alone in a condo a michigan man i wish it was my new circumstances that led to that but okay a michigan man who sued his parents for throwing out his prized pornography now this is a long article but i need to read the entire thing i love this story throwing out his prized pornography. Now, this is a long article, but I need to read the entire thing. I love this story. Throwing out his prized pornography collection.

Beth and Paul working, rhymes with, will have to pay their son David, 42 years old, $75,000 for destroying the porn. This was a collection of often irreplaceable items and property. Working moved into his parents' home in 2016 after he got divorced, Mike, after he moved to Muncie, Indiana, a few months later. Working discovered he was missing 12 boxes of pornographic films and magazines. By the way, that means his ex-wife has the other 12.

That's how it works. Paul Working apparently confessed to destroying the collection in an email. Quote, frankly, David, I did you a big favor by getting rid of all this stuff. You did not do me a favor getting rid of my Christie Canyon shrine. How could you view that as a favor getting rid of my Christy Canyon shrine. How could you view that as a favor? He told his son he was shocked by many of the scenes in the collection which depicted

incestuous sexual relationships. That's always weird when it's somebody who's related to you. But by the way, good luck finding non- incestual porn these days. Sex with minors and animals. Sexual assault and slavery.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't even read this paragraph. Wait. Sex with minors? No, no, no. The police then reviewed it and they actually said that they did not see any child pornography. Hold on.

So wait. Where did sex with minors? This was the father writing to the son and he said, I'm doing you a favor because. Oh, okay. So he didn't, the dad didn't tell anyone else that because the son's going to get a hell of

a lot more than 75,000. If the dad publicly accused him of that. That's right. That's right that's right he had all of a sudden i'm on that all of a sudden i'm on the guy's side he had 1605 individual titles of pornographic dvds and vhs tapes and at least 50 sex toys okay now I'm really on his side. Okay. 1605. I mean, I don't even know that I've seen that many clips, but like to own and rewire,

I mean, this guy must have jerked off a lot. Yeah, he was married. Right. He should say I don't need it now, now that I'm not married. They hired, his parents hired an expert. Oh, this is when they were trying to place a value on all of it. Yeah, to find a value, they hired an expert from the Erotic Heritage Museum in Nevada.

Honey, should we go to the Museum of Natural History? There's a Museum of Modern Art. Or should we go with the one of Natural History? There's a Museum of Modern Art. Or should we go with the one that has stuff you can jerk off to? Let me think about it, sweetheart. By the way, you didn't have to. You should have been like, guess what state? Who would not have guessed Nevada? Well, I guess Florida.

We could have guessed Florida. Well, Nevada, for some reason, is the only state that allows prostitution. It used to be the only state that allowed gambling. Right. No, no, they're great. When I'm looking for this headline, I'm not going to find it, but there was a great headline that The Onion did about this trend of every freaking clip ties in incest seemingly on all the porn sites. By the way, my mom, I collected Mad magazines from 1975 until about 1981. And I had every one of them in a box by date.

And I wouldn't say mint shape, but in good shape. And she fucking threw them all out. Do you have any idea what that would be worth today? Wow. That would be worth a lot. I said that on one of my podcasts years ago. And a comedy writer i won't mention his name he he came to a job i was working on and he dropped off a box of mad

magazines from the 70s for me they were in shitty shape but he dropped them off and i i read every one of them again they were so well written back then. They were so fucking funny and smart. I mean like laugh out loud funny shit in those magazines. And they're pretty much all written by the same two guys.

Okay, I found the Onion headline. Speaking of funny periodicals or whatever you would call it, the Onion started as that. It was Wisconsin, right? Their school newspaper? Yeah.

There's satirical newspaper. But anyway, this is great. Because you know Pornhub has gotten in huge trouble. They're being sued because they would put up content that had sex slaves in it. Yeah. And I think minors too, I think, anyway. But this was the Onion headline. Pornhub to delete all content it can't verify is really between stepson and stepmother.

Oh, that's so funny. Wait a minute. You have to tell the story. Is this where you were going to tell the story about your squeaking bed? Yeah, so my mother. This is the best. I used to jerk off a lot. And luckily that's all behind me now.

Yeah. That's why you're so productive. And by the way, my mother listens to this podcast, but I don't give a shit. I'm telling the story anyway. So I thought I was being very quiet. And my bedroom was directly above the TV room where my parents would be watching TV and I'd be upstairs. And I remember the bed squeaked a little bit. So I would stay very still. I was like a ninja masturbator. I had my feet against the headboard and I arched my back and I gently. All right. All right. I've never heard these details. It's still a great story. Go ahead.

Anyway, so I was doing this for a long time and then I came home from school one day and there was three in one oil on my dresser and my bed had been oiled. My mother. Right. For grease. Yeah. Grease for rust. Yeah. She came up and she oiled my bed

this is back when there were literally springs under your bed and she oiled every fucking spring and then let me tell you what's that and then left the can there yeah so you knew she knew and let me tell you something that That night I went to town. I was bouncing up and down off of that thing, rolling my shoulders, kicking, using the three in one oil all over your body. That's crazy. But, you know, Gervais had that funny thing. It was a true story he told about a kid in school. A kid came in and was mortified. His mom caught him wanking. And they're like, what?

How did it happen? And he goes, well, I was in bed. And sometimes what I do is I'll just put on my Walkman, which back in the day, that's what he had. So he put on his Walkman headphones and he would just fantasize with his eyes closed. And they're like, all right. And he would just fantasize with his eyes closed and like, all right. And when I woke up, I saw my mom had left tea and like a snack on his bedside table. Not woke up when he opened his eyes.

She left tea and a snack on his bedside table. And then Gervais did the appropriate thing, which is, OK, hold on a minute. Let's let's do this from the mom's point of view. Okay, hold on a minute. Let's do this from the mom's point of view. You open your door. Your son has a Walkman on and is furiously jerking off in his bed. Do you close the door and take the tea and cookies back downstairs? No, you know what? I'm going to quietly walk over right next to him and leave it there,

and then I'll leave. Because he's going to be, after this exertion, he's going to be famished. I can see it in his eyes. So here I am. I always mention that as far as I know, I've never been caught. Really? Have you been caught masturbating? Actually, now that I think about it, almost.

You get a lot of stares on flights, and I think flight attendants know what you're up to. Almost at a job once, I was almost caught, but it turns out I wasn't. I thought I was, but then I found out that the person was not aware. At work? In the bathroom, in the men's room. Okay. Was it at Ellen where everyone's looking In the bathroom, in the men's room. Okay. Was it at Ellen where everyone's looking to jerk off guys in the men's bathroom? It was...

Allegedly? Allegedly. No, it was at another job. I was in the handicap stall working one out. And the executive producer of the show, I had locked the door. And he opened the door. You told me this. and he walked in and I was literally climaxing at that moment. And I just bent forward, by the way, hi mom. And, uh,

and he went, Oh God. And he walked out and I, and for three days I'm waiting for my pink slip. And then he says in a meeting one day, we were talking about shitting and he goes, he goes, God, the other day I walk in the bathroom and I open up the stall and Greg's in there. And I'm like, oh, God. And he goes, and he's taking a shit and he didn't lock the door. And I was like, yeah. I tell you, I was sort of caught by my ex. She went away like for the weekend, which was just like, forget about it. I mean,

I used to think I should figure out a geeky way to set up when she presses the garage door opener to leave that should just launch porn on my computer. And so anyway, she left for the weekend. So forget about it. And she came back and then she comes into the bedroom at one point and goes we're were you watching porn on our computer and I just thought shit this is kind of like a moment of truth I'm like it's weird for me to say no like I'm, watermelon. I'm like, what? And I had Zach and you guys over and Galifianakis, remember, used to date watermelon. Watermelon. Yeah. She used to sell brownies at a nude beach. She was the pot dealer in Vancouver. Yeah. And she has a crazy Web site where she's like even half naked.

And she was like the cover girl of like High Times magazine. Yeah. So that was just from us looking her up that it remained in one of the open like safari pages. So I completely admitted to something I didn't have to admit to. Yeah. Well, I realized the other day, if you go to Netflix, and sometimes you look for something erotic on Netflix. So you Google search sexy movies on Netflix,

and there's always a top 10. And then so when I look at those, though, on the Netflix account, it's always like, I don't know if you have this with your family, but it's like there's an emoji for each person that uses Netflix. And then there's one on the end that says guest. And I never want to do it under my name because then if we, you know, turn it onto my account and there's like, you know, Poison Ivy or one of those famous sex and basic instincts.

So I always go to guest to look it up. And I just think if anybody ever goes to guest on my Netflix account, they're going to be like, who broke into our house and jerked off for 12 days. Just throw your mom's name on there. Forget guest. You hear that Pat? All right. I told you, I told you I used to be, I guess so fearful of like my roommate or whatever okay

so you'd have VHS so the VHS after I was done I would rewind it to like part of the backstory of the plot like like they're they're getting ready for a picnic yeah like I wouldn't leave it at the part that like is in a weird way I was like well I don't want them to think that I'm, like, always girl on girl. Like, or whatever. I didn't want to be judged by the part the tape was parked at last. If you die, you mean. No, if they found it. If they came in, they're like, what's this tape?

And they put it in. Yeah. But what if you die and they're going through your belongings? And it pulls up on, you know? No, I have a lot. You know, everyone's like, yo, I got to get my financial affairs in order. I've got to get my bookmark. I've got to get.

Yeah, I've got to get my search history affairs in order. It would not be good if I went right now. All right. Shout out to Alex Wright, my neighbor, who said, hey, I love your podcast. Man, you jerk off a lot. International news. And he doesn't even listen. I know I got to get shades. The World Health Organization program to help get COVID-19 vaccines to all countries in need

is now talking about an initiative called COVAX, which has yet to receive firm pledges and a timeline from rich countries to share the vaccine they have already secured for themselves. Yeah, the rich are good at sharing. Of the 12 billion doses of COVID-19 vaccines they're supposed to produce over the next year, about 9 billion shots have already been reserved by rich countries. Canada leading the pack with about 10 doses reserved per canadian what the fuck is that all about maybe they'll start scalping them so the idea here is once again it's gonna be like uh hey guatemala um we'll send you what we don't use we'll send it in that same shipping container

that's gonna have the uh t-shirts of whoever loses the Super Bowl this year. Yeah. You know, I pitched that. I pitched that. I thought it was really funny. I pitched that at Corden. We were looking for Super Bowl ideas and all that stuff. And I thought at the end of the Super Bowl show they were doing when then there was a winner that we would show everybody kind of packing boxes like they would do, you know, for like, you know, big clothes drives for for poor countries.

And this would be the first time ever that they were getting T-shirts of the winner of the Super Bowl. Which would be a very new thing. Because, yeah, you go to Africa, there's tons of Buffalo Bills Super Bowl champions. T-shirts still in circulation. Yeah. Tampa Bay, who lost the NBA championships this year? Yeah. No, it was Florida, right?

No. Lakers won. This is how you could forget it so easily people are going to kill us who gives a shit really miami it was miami yeah right right it was yeah yeah was it yeah okay fine right no idea i know that that the Tampa Bay Lightning won the NHL championship. LA won the World Series and the NBA championship. Just got confirmation. It's Miami. Okay.

Yeah, and they were injured and stuff. Let's do some Florida, man, Mike. Speaking of Miami. Miami. Mike. Speaking of Miami. Well, we have two Florida stories.

The first Florida man is a dog named Truman. The headline is Florida's new Python sniffing dogs have first success. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission recently began training dogs to detect a python scent and alert handlers. The first success was last week when Truman found an eight-foot Burmese python. Trainers use python scent to towels and live pythons with surgically implanted trackers to teach the dogs to pick up a snake's scent. There's an estimated 100,000 to 300,000 pythons will become a threat to the fragile Florida Everglades. Yeah, we've talked about this before. Damn.

They devour native mammals and birds, disrupting the natural balance of predator and prey. They've been successful at reproducing in the swamp mammals and birds disrupting the natural balance of predator and prey. They've been successful at reproducing in the swamp because they have no predators and the females can lay up to 100 eggs. Damn. It's a huge problem. But once again, last week we talked about dogs being trained and enjoying some success smelling out the coronavirus in humans.

That's right. We're just giving. I mean, AI dogs can't come soon enough. We're giving the shittiest jobs to dogs. Yeah. Okay. You want me to run into the Everglades and look for eight foot snakes? Can I do the fire thing?

Can I do the bomb sniffing? You know, my brother Carl, he's at Miami airport sniffing assholes for drugs. Can I do that? Right. Can I do one of those breeding tests? You know, my cousin Jeremy, he fucks like 20 dogs a day i used to live with a cat that has his the top half of his head shaved off with electrodes now in it can i do that they still feed him and if you're a fucking python if you're a if you're a burmese

python 50 but you're you're like if you're a Burmese python, you're like, oh, they're sending dogs in to find me? Where do I leave my scent? Leave it here and over here? Hello, I'm over here. I'm sure one month of training will prevent Fido from getting too close to me. You don't have to get that close if I'm eight feet long. And by the way, eight feet is like half the length of so many of them.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're huge. They're taking out alligators. Yep. Amazing. It's really crazy. We got another Florida story? Yeah, we do. This one is crazy, man. A United Airlines passenger died after lying about covid symptoms. So I read that headline and I was like, oh, so he lied because United has an amazing policy probably. and they can realize when passengers die like a week or two later because they're tracking or whatever.

Nope. A passenger on a United jet with nearly 200 others on board was pronounced dead shortly after the pilot made an emergency landing. It's almost certain the man had COVID. The man was on a plane shaking and sweating as the jet was making its way from, wait for it, Orlando. Oh yeah. To LA. So one of the passengers tweeted and she tweeted at United, why did you never check our temperatures before boarding? The family of the man,

why didn't you go to the hospital or not to the family of the man? Why didn't you go to the hospital or not to the family of the man? Why did you not go to the hospital or not let your husband get on the flight feeling like that? An entire plane had to watch him seize or have a heart attack. None of us know which and then die. Before I sat in my seat. New tweet. Before I sat in my seat. Sounds like a real Karen, by my seat. She sounds like a real Karen, by the way. Yeah, except. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. She has every right to say that.

Sometimes Karen's right. Before I sat in my seat walking through the aisle, you could see that he was having a hard time breathing. This is, they're still boarding. I made eye contact with his wife and looked at him and she just looked down. I believe he passed around the time we took off. Just guessing because that makes the most sense. And then her last tweet was, but the medical personnel who helped him on the flight tried to revive him for an hour. The family was crying. People were freaking out. He was shocked twice, given an EpiPen, two shots of adrenaline and mouth to mouth after chest compressions.

Look, so if you got a guy in a confined area who's clearly dying of COVID, don't bring him back. That's more breathing he's going to do in the plane. Let him fucking go. Let him stop breathing. Who gave a mouth to mouth? Right. Who assessed this situation and goes, here's a stranger having a hard time? Like, that's crazy. Yeah, right. Some with a death wish. I wonder. Maybe it was a very smart person who came mouth to mouth and somehow they ruled out covid and maybe we will find out this guy did not die of covid. Oh, it's not confirmed. It is not confirmed. OK, not not in my reading of either way. If you're experiencing COVID-like symptoms,

don't get on the fucking plane. That is confirmed that he absolutely lied about COVID-like symptoms. That's a fact. That's disgraceful. His family should be shunned by their community. They should be thrown out of their church. Here's the thing. If this was, this is a flight from Orlando to LA. If this was a flight from Orlando to Miami, you know what? I don't really care. They deserve it. And by the way, I don't even think anyone would have tweeted about it. They'd have been like, yeah. Yeah. The bus was worse. You should have seen the bus. Yeah. You know what's worse? Everyone on the flight was wearing flip-flops. Yeah. Everybody had Jimmy Buffett playing in their Sony Walkmans.

Oh, man. All right. I want to get to this. Let's do some entertainment. Let's do it. Holy shit. I saw the Bee Gees documentary last night on HBO, and it is one of the best documentaries I've ever seen in my life.

I sometimes judge documentaries this way. Like sometimes it's a great documentary, and then sometimes it's a great subject, but the documentary is just OK. Yeah. Like sometimes the subject is better than the documentary. The perfect marriage is when both of them are extraordinary. Yeah, I thought this. So I made my kids watch it, which changes my viewing experience because now I'm self-conscious. They did not want to watch it, but I have a new new thing in my house. Do they like their music? Were they familiar with their music?

They were familiar. They don't like their music. Oh, well, there you go. Well, no, no. But I have a new thing in my house, which is every week or so I get to pull a I have you for two hours. Like, for instance, I'm going to have them watch Ken Burns, The Civil War, and one episode at a time, probably, or at least the first episode to expose them to it. So it's a new thing where I'm exposing them before Sophie leaves the house, you know,

in six months or whatever. So I said, and listen, if you feel this is like forced labor, then you do have an alt, but the whole time I'm watching it or with your sister or whatever, you have to be reading a book because I know that's poison to them. So anyway, that's how I got them to watch this. And I felt it was a little slow in the middle.

I mean, look, it is the template of, you know, watching a band blow up, get famous and then split up and then reunify and then die. But it is so fucking. I mean, it's amazing. It's a very good documentary. How I mean, I didn't know that much about the Bee Gees prior to Saturday Night Fever. I had no idea that they had a bunch of big hits. I mean, obviously, it was Massachusetts. We all know that song. I started a joke. Yeah. They didn't even play words. It's only words. I can't sing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like they didn't even cover that one.

Like, no, no. They had, I'd say, seven songs. I know every word to one of them. And they're ballads. Right. So they get huge. And then they split up. And then when they come back together again, they lost their traction. And they were playing.

They showed some of these shitty little theaters that they were playing in like manchester for no money that one guy's living next to a fucking laundromat in a one-bedroom apartment meanwhile they had the guy had three rolls royces he lost it how first of all how fucking stupid are some people with their money and so well they put that in there because that was very good because that was then his warning to Andy Gibb. Right. When he saw the Porsche outside the Malibu home. Yeah. But then all of a sudden they moved to Florida based on Eric Clapton's advice because they had the same management.

That was unbelievable to me. Yeah. They moved to Florida and Miami and all of a to they've got this new producer who says, OK, guys, time to rework things. You need to reinvent yourselves. You need a new you need to do something more R&B, something more funky. And so Barry Gibb, they're driving to the studio and they go over this bridge that has a click clack sound to it. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click.

And he hears this sound and it sticks in his head and he starts riffing a song off of it. And it was, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick hit they go to france and they get word from their manager that saturday night fever they didn't even have a title for it yet all they knew was there was a disco explosion starting in brooklyn and that they needed a soundtrack for it and so and these and the bgs didn't sit down and say let's write disco there was was no disco. It didn't exist. They just were trying to come up with some funky R&B that you could dance to. So they, on a cassette tape, send the producers, and gave them a name for the film, by the way, of Saturday Night Fever, send them a cassette tape with a rough cut of Night Fever, of More Than a Woman.

What's the opening song that he's walking down the street to? Stayin' Alive. Stayin' Alive. No, no. How Deep Is Your Love? No, it's crazy. It literally, you get tingles when you see, they thought of and recorded this in a month in France. And by the way, what I did love, this is this part of the documentary was extraordinary.

They went there because Elton John had gone there to France to a Chateau and had the great success. It turns out they didn't get, they got a Chateau. Our whole podcast is going to be up about porn, but where porn was shot and it was really run down and shitty. But, uh, but a part of that, again, so much of this is serendipity, like the bridge, like that bridge rhythm was there was nothing like to do. They were in kind of this depressing, abandoned, kind of run down former mansion, I guess, in France. And so they're there. And then talk about serendipity. Dude, the story about the drummer? Yeah.

Drummer has to return to England because his mom is sick. They're cutting this track. They need drums. They're like, well, what the fuck are we going to do? So none of the Gibbs are there. The engineer is there, kind of a producer and the engineer. And they're like, hey,

what about his drum, his drum riff in whatever it was? Maybe it was jive talking. And it's like, what if we took that somehow? And by the way, the somehow is we get a razor blade. We cut out that section of the song, that drum thing and loop it. A fucking word that basically doesn't exist at the time.

They invented looping. They invented the drum machine, basically. They made a drum machine. Right. There were really primitive drum machines at the time. But from what I've heard, this was the first commercial drum loop ever. They hung a reel-to-reel reel off of like a mic stand

and had the machine on the right playing it, feeding it through this, so it was truly a loop. Yeah. And it's crazy, dude. It's crazy. And then it just becomes a circus. They get so fucking big.

They are playing 50,000 000 seat stadiums around the world it's it's like beyond i mean they were the beatles they first of all they were like almost as big as the beatles back in like 1970 1969 and then they lost everything and then they came back and were playing as big as any band has ever played and their album saturday night fever goes to number it was the number one selling album of all time at that time and it was a fucking soundtrack and by the way all the way until thriller like it it was really untouchable yeah but then then everything and i again i don't think we're giving anything away because this is obviously a story people know. But then there was an event at, once again, in Chicago at a baseball stadium.

There was a DJ there that was very anti-disco, which there wasn't a bigger hater of disco. Same. And the Bee Gees when I was in high school i fucking hated disco i had a disco sucks t-shirt and uh i mean it was a visceral anger and i can't remember where it first of all i just thought it appealed to dumb people i thought it was dumb music because i was lumping in the bgs with disco duck and all that garbage. They cover that too, yeah. And so I hated it. And there was such a hatred that they exploded Bee Gees albums on the field

in between a doubleheader. The crowd stormed the field, lit bonfires, ripped the seats out, and had to cancel the second game of the doubleheader. They had to forfeit the game of the doubleheader. They had to forfeit the White Sox because of that. And so they basically had to. That was it. That was the end of the Bee Gees. They for the rest of their careers, they basically wrote songs for other people. I loved also, first of all, Barry Gibb is wildly impressive after watching the documentary. You're like, he's so clearly focused. You know, he was really driving that thing.

And but I love those stories. Did you ever see the U2 documentary? It was very similar. It's like you guys were huge. But you're kind of you're done. Like you can't keep going with boy, you know, Sunday, bloody Sunday. And you're very simple, bump, bump, bump, you know, like ballad things and you're done. And you, you guys are either done or you have to reinvent yourselves. And that's what the Bee Gees

thing was. I think that's what they were pointing out a little, maybe with Elton John. I'm not sure. But anyway, so the U2 noticed this exact trend also, and they were very impressed with Bowie's time in Berlin, where Bowie went and tried, was lost artistically and tried to find his new voice and all that. So they went in his path. I thought it was very similar to this. BG's like going to France. You know, the Rolling Stones set up shop in France also for whatchamacallit. God, I have no brain today. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. The amazing album. Sticky Fingers? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, that was Muscle Shoals. I'll get in a minute. So anyway. Exile on Main Street? Exactly. Exile on Main Street.

Exactly. Exile on Main Street. So U2 goes there. They're fucking fighting like cats and dogs. Another parallel to the Bee Gees was they started to experiment with drum machines and drum beats. And their drummer was fucking furious in U2. Was that Rattle and Hum? Was that the album? Yeah, I don't think it was Rattle and Hum with Octung Baby, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK.

So Rattle and Hum was before it. So anyway, they so he took it very personally. But there is a moment in this U2 documentary, if you can find it, where they're playing back things. They're really going nowhere. And they're in the studio like the Bee Gees did. They were writing in the studio, which, of course, is so much pressure because you're hemorrhaging money. Like you're supposed to kind of have sketches of songs before you go into the studio, if not the whole song in a demo form. And all of a sudden they were playing something back and you see it, a camera was rolling. You see like, wait, what, what was that? And it was just a part in

some noise that the edge made. And by the way, I'm watching and I'm like, what? Like I didn't hear it and in it. And then I think Landau maybe was the, I'm trying to remember who the producer was. I think it was. He heard it too. And they heard something. And it was the beginnings, a hint of the song one. Yeah. And that moment turned, just charted, that moment literally charted the next chorus for U2.

Wow. So anyway, I think it's kind of like that road riff, you know, hearing the bridge or all of a sudden being like, we need these songs. Yeah. Like nothing would have inspired it. And then they're in there and they lay this stuff down,

not knowing if it's anything. And they set a cassette. Yeah. And at one point when, and then, and then it's amazing because their little brother and he was much younger than them andy gibb comes up and they were at this time like one of the biggest bands in the world and they said to andy he wanted to

get into music and they said stay in australia find your legs perform live figure out your voice and then at one point barry said, OK, you're ready. Come to Miami. And Barry Gibb was like, I mean, Andy Gibb was like, I'm not ready. And so he said, I'm going to work with you. And he produced him and he wrote songs for him. And he suddenly had a number one hit. Oh, yeah. Three or something. No, he also was bigger than the Bee Gees. And at one point, Barry Gibb had five top ten songs that he had written because two of them were for his brother and three of them were Bee Gees songs. Yeah.

Yeah. I know we're going on about the Bee Gees for a while, but it's really about the artistic process. That's really what that was for me. And the U2 story and exile on main street story. Like all of that is about, you know, what it's like with a script when you're like, what a fucking piece of shit.

And I can't figure it out. Yeah. Or what, I don't even fucking believe in what I'm saying anymore in this thing. What, what, what, like, it's doing nothing for me creatively. And these are minor league examples of these big leaguers who go through a very similar thing. Now, Richard Pryor went through it. George Carlin went through it where they completely reinvented themselves. Speaking of music, you want to talk about Otis went i went on two deep dives in addition this week it was really weird one was pavarotti i get pavarotti as the americans call him um

there's a documentary on him which i really enjoyed um and watching you know his whole life story and i think um ron howard directed it I forget where I found that. I think it's on Showtime. But so that was really interesting. And it's one of those things, you know, what opera is as kids and even through maybe even through your 20s or 30s, you dismiss it and you're like, yeah, you know, the guy, you know, sure, you can you can repeat it back to someone like, yeah, he has a big voice. It's amazing and all that stuff. But the older you get, you realize, no, that's a one in however many billion people are on the planet. Yeah. Right. Yes. Sure. There's people that are close. Some might like Placido Domingo's voice better even. Osorio Domingo's voice better even.

But like that fucking guy, and there's footage then, and I went down, of him hitting like nine high Cs in this one opera that's still talked about by everybody. Yeah, yeah. And what an iconic thing. You know, the whole icon of him like holding the handkerchief while singing, that was because he got this new promoter who took him momentarily. Hey, let's book some gigs. He's like, sure, we're going to do they have an opera house? He's like,

no, it's not an opera house. And you're also not going to be in an opera. He's like, what are you talking about? I'm booking you a singing gig and you are going to be with a pianist or an orchestra and you're going to kind of do isolated songs from operas. And so he's like, no makeup, no, no, like wardrobe, no costume. I'm going to be me. And they're like, yeah. And then literally he wrote me like, what the fuck do I do with my hands? And literally his promoter manager was like, take the handkerchief out of your just hold your handkerchief. That's how that came about. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. All right. We should move on. All right.

Anyway, we'll talk, I'll talk about Otis Redding. Went on an amazing deep dive on Otis Redding. What else? Oh, Meryl Streep. Did you see Let Them All Talk? No. It was really interesting. I didn't know anything about it i pressed play i'm like hey there was a real artist this thing with uh coordinate it no that's the prom yeah haven't haven't gotten up the energy to do that yet but the woman meryl streep watch we'll talk about it while i was watching i'm like like, all right, there was a real artist involved here. I don't know what, and then it turns out it was Soderbergh. Um, so last night I bought, I rented, no, I, yeah, I rented Tenet. Do you know that's finally available this

weekend? Okay. Do you know about Tenet? No. You know, it's, it was the most anticipated film of this year. And it's, um, you know, what's his name? Fucking a, I'm so stupid. Uh, you know, from the, you know, Batman, uh, the Batman movies and it, you know, uh, Jesus Christ, we should almost cut this part out cause I'm so tired. But anyway, it's confusing. It didn't get good reviews, so it's lost a lot of steam. I'm going to look up Tenet now. But I think you should rent it and check it out. Well, it sounds like a great endorsement.

You can't think of the guy who's in it. It's Christopher Nolan, who's done a lot of movies. That Inception was one, which also got very confusing and all that stuff. He did Memento. You know Christopher Nolan. Well, The Dark Knight, which is the one he did. But I haven't finished it. I fell asleep.

But you are trying to keep up with it as it's going. All right. Speaking of keeping up, let's get to sports. Vanessa Bryant slams lawsuit from her mom seeking support. Now she's Kobe's ex-wife. Kobe's ex-wife, Vanessa. So when I read this, I'm like, oh man. I was just kidding when I said ex-wife because he's dead. Yeah. His very, very patient wife. Yes. Widow. Yeah, widowow. So at first I'm like, oh, quote, promised to take care of her for life. Yeah, maybe it was his life, not hers. Vanessa Bryant responded that her husband allowed her mother to live for free in one of their properties on the very fancy Newport Beach coast,

but never promised her anything or discouraged her from providing for herself. Quote, she was a grandmother who was supported by me and her son-in-law at my request, Vanessa Bryant said. She now wants to back charge me $96 an hour for supposedly working 12 hours a day for 18 years for watching her grandchildren. In reality, she only occasionally babysat my older girls when they were toddlers. Vanessa Bryant said that earlier this year, she began looking for a new home for her mom and that her mother gave her a TV interview in which she claimed she was being forced out of her home and to return her luxury car. So anyway, Vanessa said, even after that betrayal, I was willing to provide for my mother with monthly support for the rest of her life, but that wasn't good enough. She instead contacted me through intermediaries. Contrary to what she claims, my phone number hasn't changed,

and my mom demanded $5 million, a house, and a Mercedes SUV. Well, let me tell you something. Oh. five million you know what kobe's worth 600 million dollars you think you can peel off five and give it to the fucking mom why why is this happening i think it is the betrayal yeah but you pay her off so you say okay you betrayed me here's five million here's 10 million and here the extra five is lose my fucking number maybe she's trying to send a signal to all these latino families like you can actually say no to your mom moving back in and you can charge more for babysitting yeah and by the way babysit because she's Latina.

I believe she's Latina, right? It's like, let me look that up. Is Vanessa Bryant Latina? Am I making a giant assumption here? Sofia Urbieta Lane. Sounds like it. But God, when I worked for Lopez, he had the funniest jokes ever. Slamming Latinos like Like your kids six,

get them out of the stroller. He can walk. He can run faster than all of us. So funny. Yeah. He's 12. Don't let him swim in the ocean in jeans and a jean jacket. Yeah.

Oh, look at this. She's Mexican and Irish. Both have real problems with boundaries with family. Yes. Um, look at this. She's Mexican and Irish. Both have real problems with boundaries with family. Yes. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah. Isn't that amazing? Money is so, so, I mean, you saw it in the Bee Gees documentary as well. When it comes to money, how it makes people so nuts. It's like, just live a simple life, be generous, and live way below your means. That's the key to everything. Yeah. I mean, look at you. You're sitting in a closet

surrounded by shirts that are about a decade old. Your clothes are so old. Dude, these shirts are packed with cash. That's the whole point. All of them. You know that 20 you find? I find 50s all the time in shitty shirts. Don't invest in Bitcoin. Invest in your closet. Yeah. I invest in mattresses. I invest in shirt pockets, shoe boxes. That's where I put all my money. All right. Speaking of sports, you're not going to be happy about this. Tampa Bay beat the spread again last week. They beat Minnesota. It was 26-14.

I gave you seven points and so now you're down $100. The Vikings kicker missed four kicks. Hasn't been done since the 60s. Well, the week before, he was just as bad. He missed like two out of three the week before.

He's the worst place kicker in the league. He's a pro baller, right? He's like great, apparently. Oh, really? Yeah. No, no. They even said it. They're like there's a pro baller. That's his third missed field goal. I guess once it's in your head it's a mental game.

I mean, is there a more mental position on a football field than the kicker? Well, I remember the Jets used to have that kicker, Leahy, and he had such a bad game that he tried to take his own life by shooting himself, but he missed wide right. Too easy a joke, but yeah, they have a lot of pressure. So you're down $100, and there's only a few weeks left in the season. Assuming they don't make Tampa Bay will actually make it to the postseason, I would guess. Then you can lose even more money this way. So I get six and a half points with Atlanta.

Yes. And it's in Atlanta. So that'll help you. And my pool, by the way, I got in a suicide pool at the beginning of the season. Suicide pool. I think we talked about this. You bet one team a week. And so there were 200 people that started. I'm in the final 10. Are you really? Yeah, final 10.

I'm always in the final 10. I always make it really far. I don't know why. I do a lot of reasons. I kind of map out the whole season. So usually in the last weeks, I haven't picked why. I do a lot of reasons. I kind of map out the whole season. So usually in the last weeks I haven't picked a couple of the bigger teams. What a nerd.

But I've never won. I'll see if I win this one. But lots of sports to watch. Basketball's back. Hockey's back. Football's going on. Tons of meaningless competitions. Yeah, not for me. I am so addicted to watching

football this year. I've never watched this much football in my life. Thank God I didn't watch that game. If I had seen him miss four kicks, I would have lost it. Yeah, it was unbelievable. All right, so should we go to Lonely Brains? Yeah, you want to do the radio waves in space? Real quick. Let's do it real quick. Okay. Okay. So they monitored the cosmos with the radio telescope Ray,

and an international team of scientists has detected radio bursts emanating from the constellation buddhas that could be the first radio transmission collected from a planet beyond our solar system and i think they're they're saying it seems uh a little antiquated because the only radio waves coming out is morning shock jocks. And they're doing a honk. If you see my tit spaceship Wednesday. Welcome to the Neptune, the Neptune zoo. Oh my God.

Hey, nice antennas out there. Imagine the, I know it's not radio, radio, but imagine if it was radio, radio, and that's the signal they heard. And they're like, hey, you know that, that blue planet just can't stop talking about wet ass pussy. What is that? Yeah. And why do they keep playing a siren in the middle of it?

And they're all breakup songs by these chicks who hate their exes. What's up with that planet? I know. Well, if we can hear their radio waves, they can hear ours. And they're probably wondering why on a certain liberal radio station, every sentence starts with the word so and has the phrase sort of in the middle of every sentence. That's what it is. All right. Let's get to Lonely Brains. Another science story. All right. Do it. You found this

one. All right. A new study shows a sort of signature in the brain of lonely people that makes them distinct in fundamental ways. Of course, this made us both think of our friend Dennis Gubbins. Based on variations in the volume of different brain regions as well as based on how those regions communicate with one another. So they're founding that 40,000 middle-aged and older adults volunteered, most of them just to get out of the house. And they found that— What's the study? Never mind.

Are there people there? Okay, I'm in. The manifestations were centered on what is called the default network, and they found that inner thoughts such as reminiscing, future planning, imagining, and thinking were more prevalent. And they say that those are people that were wired to think. They're thinking more, basically. They're remembering the past and envisioning the future because they're alone. Yeah, they say because they are they're using their imagination more and memories of the past and hopes for a future to overcome their social isolation.

Yeah. And it's like, yeah, of course, you're going to develop stronger parts of your brain when you continue to dress your dead mom in the attic. Dennis's mother is not in the attic. He doesn't have an attic. That's the catch there. And he didn't have a basement until he dug one for his family. All right. Yeah.

But no, when you're hosting tea time at four with all these dead relatives. Yeah. In your guest house, yeah, you're working a muscle in there that most of us aren't working. Right, and you're trying to take the pain off your hemorrhoids from sitting on a couch watching reality TV 16 hours a day. That sounds close to home. All right, let's do some This Day in History. Yep. What a day it was, December 20th, 1957,

while spending the Christmas holidays at Graceland, Elvis Presley receives his draft notice for the U.S. Army. Elvis Presley receives his draft notice for the U.S. Army. So Elvis DePelvis suddenly joined. It's amazing. He could have easily gotten out of doing this. Totally. He could have done an entertainment tour.

At the peak of his career, he signed up for a two-year, well, didn't sign up. He did a two-year stint in the Army uh fans sent tens of thousands of letters to the army asking for him to be spared elvis would have none of it he received one deferment during which he finished working on his movie king creole i think that was one of the good ones before being sworn in as an army private in memphis on march 24th 1958 so after basic training uh which included an emergency leave to see his beloved mother gladys before she died that was a big deal he was a mama's boy went to europe for 18 months, served in a tank battalion, got the rank of sergeant, and then he lived in an off-base residence with his father, grandmother, and some Memphis friends. After working during the day, Presley returned home at night to host frequent parties and jam sessions.

At one of these, an army buddy of Presley's introduced him to a 14 year old girl, Priscilla Beaulieu, who he would marry some years later. Can we I think we talked about the underage thing in music, but 14 years old. This guy was in his 20s. That's insane. That's insane. Yeah. I guess you don't look back on it because when she was of age, they married. They swore that she was a virgin. Did they divorce? On their wedding night.

I believe they did. I'll look it up now. Yeah. But I mean, I think about a 14 a 14 i mean our daughters are 17 and i well one of your daughters is how old is olivia 14 i'd give her to elvis can you imagine can you imagine her with a guy in his 20s who's in the army that's insane. Yeah, he filed for divorce in 73. Yeah. He was pretty fat by then.

Wait, we're getting a note from Chris Denman, our fearless producer, who says that. Where is it? Where is it? He said, despite divorcing, when Elvis passed away, Priscilla wanted to die. In 72, she told Elvis she was leaving him. When he found out about her affair, he wanted to hire a hitman to kill her partner, but was convinced not to. They had an amicable divorce a year later. Wow, listen to this. I guess she gave an interview

in the last fight in 2016 not once during six years of marriage did Elvis see his wife without makeup quote he never wanted to see me getting dressed he wanted to see the result of getting dressed

and every morning he would say, honey, go play makeup. Yeah. Also, honey. Yeah, every morning. Also, honey, can you shoot this hot water up my butt to get my painkiller shits out of my body? Please? Thank you, darling. Thank you, darling.

I'll rub your feet later. I'll get you back. Yeah. And then when she wasn't there to do it, dead on the bathroom floor. That's right. Little fucking... Speaking of which,

we talk about shit. We've asked you guys, and I think I did it for this show. Mike seems to think maybe I did it for Fitz Dog Radio. You definitely didn't do it for this show. Occasionally I listen. This one comes from, we asked you guys what your craziest shit was. Thomas Brunhart said,

When I was six walking home from kindergarten, I had to go so bad that me and my friend had the brilliant idea of going next to the next tree I saw, which was in the front yard of a neighbor's yard. Mind you, I was only about 10 houses away from my own house. Used leaves to wipe, but when I got home, found out the leaves did not

do a good job. No, they do not do a good job. Leaves, in fact, repel moisture. So it's more of a spread than a wipe. It's a bad than a wipe. It's a bad spackle.

Yeah. This one comes from Matt Hess. The weirdest place I ever took a shit was while bodyboarding in Long Beach Island. In 93, I was 17. The poop came over me and I had to get off the bodyboard and float there while pooping. It was nearly sunset, so no one was in the water.

And I was praying to God no one could see me. To avoid the poop touching, I let my ass float up at the very last second before releasing it. Swam away and caught waves nearby to get the hell out of there. It was a solid 10-inch log, nothing messy. Totally disgusting either way. My apologies to the people of Long Beach Island. Yeah, they call that a brown iceberg here in Venice Beach. What?

When you shit in the water. I think in New Jersey they just call it the ocean. That's where he did it. Have you ever shit in the ocean? Oh, absolutely. You have? Yeah. A lot.

Really? Yeah, and by a lot, I don't mean one time a lot. I mean, you know, many times. Wow. When I was growing up, I would boogie board. I mean, I think we were sometimes in the water for five hours. Yeah. And it was just like, I'm not getting out and walking all the way to find a bath, whatever it was. Yeah. So yeah, we would do it in there. That's amazing. Did you tell each other

when you were doing it? Well, it would be, yeah, it would be weird because you're like holding, well, the way I would do it is you would get off your boogie where you would hold your boogie board and kind of like, you know, be upright next to it with your pants. You know, you're the key, though. You were terrified of losing your bathing suit. So you'd pull your bathing suit down to your ankles while standing. I know I wouldn't even risk that. I take. No, no. It was no. You couldn't even risk that. I'd take, no, no, it was, no,

you couldn't be standing because then you're in the waves. So you'd be out beyond the waves and you're floating. That's why you're holding your boogie board. And then I'd be holding my bathing suit in my hand. Wow. Yeah. That's really disgusting. Isn't that less disgusting than like tangled up in your bathing suit where you're definitely getting shit in your bathing suit? What kind of podcast? All we're talking about is jerking off and shit. I know. This is a really gross one. Let's get to letters from the editor where we hear from you guys.

Okay. Somebody named Maria has offered to put us up. She said if you end up coming up to Sacramento. Not anymore. Not after this podcast. No. Oh, wait. Is she putting us up?

No, she's... I might have overstated. She said she'd come to the podcast. And she would give us a tour of the UC Davis uh uc davis campus which is supposed to show us all the places we're not staying uc davis is apparently this amazing campus that was like really designed for a college campus it's all bike paths and all that she'll give us a tour of that that's what i heard and then um matthew troncholetti said, my pronunciation of Farhead is an echo from your two years in Philadelphia. Florida and Orange are also pronounced the same way you pronounce Farhead.

Florida and Orange. So, yes, he said, do you remember where you lived in Philly? We lived for two years in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, which is a suburb of Philly. And I guess that's where I picked it up. That's on the main line, isn't it? I have no idea. No, I think Cherry Hill, New Jersey, which is a suburb of Philly. And that's on the main line, isn't it? I have no idea. No, I think Cherry Hill is very nice. It's very nice. I don't remember any of it. And but apparently somebody put it out on Twitter and Bert Kreischer got back to us. I also say nightmare. And he says nightmare. And apparently he has famously gotten shit about it as well. But I don't think he ever lived in Philly. He's a Florida guy. Yes. But he says nightmare and apparently he's famously gotten shit about it as well but i don't think he

ever lived in philly he's a florida guy yes but he says nightmare i worked with him he says nightmare for sure i say nightmare you are you correcting it now on the fly no it's nightmare mirror okay good i thought for a second you for some inexplicit reason, said mayor correctly. Now, all right, obituaries. Which one do you want to do? We got two. We got Charlie Pryde or the actor who played Boba Fett. Well, I think Charlie Pride deserves it way over a guy who put on a mask and had four lines, which included like on it, sir. And some geeks will know every one of his. He had four lines wait for in the first two star wars movies right so he he averaged two lines a movie but to his credit another voice actor actually delivered those lines

jesus and last week of course the guy that played darth vader died so who also famously, of course, did not voice. So they just, it's almost like they're a stand-in. Yeah. They're in costume and they move around rather rigidly. And that's what they did. So let's give it to Charlie Pride. All right. Charlie Pride was really the first big black star in country music. He had 30 number one songs on the country charts.

Before that. That's crazy. country music he had 30 number one songs on the country charts before that crazy i mean you hear some of these life stories and you really think god i'm 54 and there's so little i've done so little i will do this was after he was a star pitcher two-time all-star in the Negro baseball leagues. He got injured, and he left to go into country music, went to Nashville, and had a first-hit record in 1966 with Just Between Me and You. And then there was a song, the only one I know is Kiss an Angel Good Morning, which, listen to it once, and it will be stuck in your head all fucking day. And you know I hate country music.

I really, I just don't get it. And people go people go well you haven't listened to sturgill simpson no listen same as all the other guys they're all the fucking same no it's not true jason isbell come on listen to that too don't get it i don't get it they all sound the same dude listen to the fucking rolling stones they. They were my favorite country band of all time. Alright. Those country songs from 69 to 71 on those three albums are

Let It Bleed, Beggar's Banquet, and Sticky Fingers are incredible. With a girl with far away eyes. Oh, my God. Yeah, let it bleed. Jesus.

It's amazing. And when you're downright disgusted and life ain't worth a dime. Dude, dead flowers. They're just incredible. All right. If the Stones do country music, I'm into it. That's about it. Dude, listen to Dead Flowers after this podcast.

It's just perfect. Listen to it. I can play it on guitar. It's the first song I ever learned on guitar. Wow. Well, yeah, country is not complicated. All right. Let's get to...

It cheers us up after the obituaries. Some Sunday funnies. cheers us up after the obituaries, some Sunday funnies. By the way, I thought of a joke, but there's no way to. I was going to say, slow down on giving him, you know, he was an all-star in the Negro Leagues, but that's an asterisk because whites were not allowed to play in the Negro Leagues at that time. But that joke is still too dangerous for me.

So I'm going to rescind that joke and work it out a little and soften some of the edges where it could be really misinterpreted. You may also soften it by not saying Negro Leagues. You have to now say People of Color Leagues. I know. The NCAA, you know, like, yeah. Anyway, we know you can't find the word Negro anywhere on their website, even though you're trying to find out what the N stands for.

Is that true? Oh, yeah. I think I remember telling you that. No, I don't remember that. I would remember that. The NAACP. Is that what it is? Yeah.

Yeah. When I tried this a few years ago, you could not find any. Yes, you could not find. Well, there it is now, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. There was a point where you could not they did not tell you what it stood for and you could not find the word colored anywhere on the Web site. All right. Stop saying it. You're making me uncomfortable. Oh, boy. Let's get to some Hag of the Horrible, who always makes me uncomfortable oh boy let's get to some hager the horrible who always makes me uncomfortable this one is really dark yeah you know you forget sometimes that he's a brutal murderer and that the

vikings raped and pillaged until you thumb through your sunday comics with your seven-year-old daughter and read a little hager so he's standing outside of a castle and there's a couple uh couple guys at the top of the castle peering over the edge and hagger says good news you will never contract or suffer from the black plague and they looked down and they went you brought medicine and he goes nope brought some sharpshooters and they start fucking shooting arrows at these guys heads it's not bad enough that you're killing them you have to taunt them first some sharpshooters and they start fucking shooting arrows at these guys' heads. It's not bad enough that you're killing them. You have to taunt them first. And Greg, in many ways, those arrows are just as effective as most vaccines. Oh, you're going to start those, start the disinformation here on Sunday Papers?

Are you going to get, you're going to get the shot, by the way? This is the no-spin zone, people. Huh? Are you going to hesitate to take the vaccine for COVID? Well, this is my plan. I'm going to try to get a job with a rich family, like taking care of their kids, because that's how you get to the front of the line. Ah, right. You saddle up with rich people where they could be exposed by you, and you get the vaccine that way.

Well, because they'll get it for you. They'll pay for it. They'll do everything. I got to go on the road a lot. I could definitely use a little vaccine going through me. Yeah. This is the Lockhorns. And I picked three this week because I just can't get enough.

It's just such a fucking funny. Leroy comes in the door and he's standing there with his briefcase. Loretta's got a piece of mail in her hand and she goes, strange. I don't recall our wedding vows, including a vow of poverty. So do you, what do you think she's looking at? Like an eviction note? No, it's a bill. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Or maybe it's a bank statement. Yeah.

The next one is they're sitting at the breakfast table, and Leroy's got a cup of coffee. Loretta's got a scowl on her face, and he says, I'm not hard of hearing. I'm tired of hearing. I like that. And then the last one, Loretta is bringing a pot to the table with dinner in it. He's sitting at the table and he goes,

are the oven mitts so you don't get your fingerprints on anything? That's a really solid joke. Speaking of solid jokes, it's time for the family circus, Mike. I don't know if it's the Christmas spirit, but I'm going to say I'm okay with this one, believe it or not. What? No. The bar is so low, keep in mind. So you have this mom on the phone, and then she's covering the phone because the little shit boy ran an interrupter. His name is Billy. It's Billy. He's jumped up and he's like pointing to her and he needs to

say something. And so what he says is, tell grandma I've got all the clothes I need. And, you know, there's a Christmas wreath in the background and they're obviously doing the holiday ones you know it's not disgusting I'm not revolted by it it's it's not great

but you know what I'm going to be positive this week I think it's fucking terrible you can see the mother's face has a look of, it's just a hint of suicide in her eyes. She can't believe that this fucking kid is so boring. I guess so, but grandmas do go. There was always unwanted clothes. Yeah. Well, we may have to put an end to Sunday Papers

because Mike Gibbons is not angry about Family Circus. I'm also, maybe I'm a little tired by this point. I don't know. You're right. I mean, you know what? Maybe I'll do this one again next week and be livid. Yeah, I'd like to see a livid about this one. I'm not happy with it at all.

All right. Although the mother's left tit is sticking out in a very nice angle, I have to say. Yeah, she's got some nice clothes. She's got a super tight waist and a nice bosom. Anyway, speaking of nice bosoms, let's get to Blondie. Here it is. Now, it starts off so great. Dagwood comes in the front door.

He's got on a pretty nice blue overcoat. Blondie's wearing a black silk skirt that accentuates her left thigh. She's got a rose-colored sweater. Her hands are clasped. You really can see the thigh under that thing. Dagwood's got a pink box with a green bow on it he's smiling and he goes and she says an early christmas present and he goes can a husband surprise the love of his life sometimes and she says and then he holds a piece of mistletoe up over her head and she says

oh mistletoe how romantic and he goes he he We'd better try it out to make sure it works. Even the dog is smiling. Now Dagwood leans her over in one of those like back from World War II parade kind of kisses. And then she has a thought bubble. I wonder what he's afraid to tell me about. And then he has a thought bubble. Well, I guess it's safe to tell her about and then he has a thought bubble well i guess it's safe to tell her about the card game now the fucking card game she is it is like why why is divorce not allowed in cartoon

strips this fucking guy has this high he finally does it right. Gives her a gift, warms her up, he's kissing her, and he's going to leave that to go play cards with Herb and those other fucking dolts? You're just disappointed that there wasn't one more frame where the dog is licking cum off his belly? You know what we call that in the business? Rewarding the listener. If you've stuck around, I'm going to give you a callback from an hour and a half ago.

No, Mike, that was a conversation before we started the podcast. Was it? Yes. Oh, my God, that's hysterical. Yeah. Holy crap. Yeah, that's how long this podcast lasted. Holy shit.

Mike, what can we do except for thank the people at Midcoast Media that produce our show? Of course, Chris, our producer. Beth, our social media engineer. And Key, our editor. What a job they do. Every week I should come up with a callback to something that's not in the podcast. That's my new thing. Yeah, it's a callback to something that's not in the podcast. Yeah. That's my new thing.

Yeah, it's a good way to go out. Maybe we should do a premium membership where we broadcast the first 10 minutes before we actually get on the air, where we say the most fucked up things that you guys have ever heard or haven't heard. That's really funny. Yeah. All right. So, wait, what are we doing? We're thanking Midcoast?

Thanking Midcoast. And what's the plan? We're doing a short one? We're going to do a short one next week because it's Kwanzaa. And also, you guys, don't forget with your holiday shopping, last chance to get advantage

of the Grapefruit Simmons T-shirt on sale. 10% off for Christmas. Go to FitzDawg.com, get yourself a T-shirt. Mike, I may send you one. I've already given you one. I've already played volleyball with you with the shirt on me. Chris Denman, maybe I'll send you a T-shirt. Do you want one this year?

Does it come in MAGA red? I don't even know what size Chris is. Chris, what size Chris is. Chris, what size are you? Now he's suddenly missing from our text. Just when we need him. Yeah. A double XL. I don't have double XL.

Do you want an XL? All right. He's going to cut off the sleeves and trim it right above his belly anyway. Can an XL work? That's right. He's going to cut off the sleeves and trim it right above his belly anyway. Can an XL work? That's right. And he's going to, yeah. All right, I'm done. Jesus, I'm done.

How long? We've exhausted ourselves. Jeez, look at us. Two hours again, three weeks in a row. Man, well, Christmas week, most people, you know, it's a lot of, you know, all kids, it's a vacation week and everything. It's going to be, this is a tough week, man. I think it's going to be a tough week for people. Yeah, it is.

It's going to be hard. And stay sane. Get outside. Take some walks. I know it's cold in some parts of the country. But get out there and buy gifts. But remember, you're on a budget. Don't get crazy.

A nice card goes a long way, honey and mom. All right. We'll catch you guys next week. Take it, Aish. Take it, Aish. And we're going to have a really good time. They make us laugh with some paper talking like our dads. Cause it's Sunday and it's Sunday with a Thursday.

Cause it's Sunday and Sunday with a Thursday.